WEBVTT - Love Yourself 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:01.200 My League Books. 0:00:01.320 --> 0:00:04.200 Has all the knowledge you want, My League but has 0:00:04.240 --> 0:00:05.400 all the knowledge you need. 0:00:06.720 --> 0:00:09.000 Yet they have all the books that the whole wild 0:00:09.080 --> 0:00:10.600 world one up read. 0:00:10.880 --> 0:00:11.880 My League Books. 0:00:13.080 --> 0:00:17.640 Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to Malik's Bookshelf, bringing the world together 0:00:18.040 --> 0:00:23.000 with books, culture and community. Hi, my name is Malik, 0:00:23.239 --> 0:00:29.680 your host of Malik's Bookshelf. Welcome everybody to this ninety 0:00:29.680 --> 0:00:37.720 fifth episode. This is amazing, ninety five episodes, incredible milestone 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:44.239 for my podcast. I didn't see myself doing this a 0:00:44.280 --> 0:00:47.360 few years ago, but I'm grateful and thankful that i 0:00:47.400 --> 0:00:51.159 have a voice, i have an audience, and I'm on 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:55.120 my ninety fifth episode. Now when I hit that Huntred 0:00:55.680 --> 0:00:58.160 and my conversation is gonna be a little different in 0:00:58.240 --> 0:01:04.720 terms of the and me being elated about. But I 0:01:04.760 --> 0:01:09.600 think that ninety five is a milestone, and this episode, 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:14.399 I think it's special because it's called Love your Self. 0:01:14.880 --> 0:01:17.480 And the reason why I named it that is because 0:01:17.680 --> 0:01:20.800 I was able to host an event at Milik Books. 0:01:20.840 --> 0:01:24.760 It was last minute. But Lydia c. Rivera, she's an 0:01:24.800 --> 0:01:29.680 author and she's an NACP Immateur Ward nominee for her 0:01:29.760 --> 0:01:35.600 book called I absolutely positively loved my spots, and so 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:38.839 she was one of five this up for and Image 0:01:38.920 --> 0:01:42.680 Awards this weekend and we hosted her at Malik Books. 0:01:43.160 --> 0:01:47.120 It was last minute, but it was powerful, it was electric, 0:01:47.720 --> 0:01:53.960 and we had a few children come by who suffered 0:01:54.360 --> 0:01:58.000 from what it's called vandelago. That's why the book is 0:01:58.040 --> 0:02:06.200 called absolutely positively Loved My Spots. It's about valdelago and 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:09.959 how Lydia growing up as a kid, growing up as 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:14.040 a teen, as an adult in dealing with valelago, a 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:18.399 skin disorder, not a disease. I'm well, it's not contagious 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:22.639 or anything like that, but it's a disorder, and how 0:02:22.639 --> 0:02:26.840 it affected her a confidence, her self esteem, and how 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:30.600 she internalized it and dealt with it and how it 0:02:30.680 --> 0:02:35.920 traumatized her. So the book is beautiful, it's colorful. Image 0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:41.239 illustrations are just outstanding. But it's a book about representation, 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:45.960 loving yourself and accepting yourself. You know, part of loving 0:02:46.000 --> 0:02:50.120 yourself is that you got to accept yourself. So we 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:56.560 were blessed in grace with author Lydia c Riverea to 0:02:56.600 --> 0:02:59.280 meet and greet book signing at Malik Books in the Westfield, 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:02.960 Colovid City, More and so we had an engaging conversation. 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:05.440 I was able to do a podcast with her right 0:03:05.480 --> 0:03:08.760 there on the spot with the audience. I was also she. 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:09.400 Did a reading. 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:13.360 She read a book very touching, and it just brought 0:03:13.440 --> 0:03:16.079 up a lot of things, as you're going to hear 0:03:16.120 --> 0:03:20.560 in the conversation with her that about my mother and 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:23.480 my experience or how I grew up. And so in 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:27.480 terms of how although I don't have volago, I internalized 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:33.000 those spots as being those billy miishes and those things 0:03:33.040 --> 0:03:37.480 that are uncomfortable, those things that we internalized that has 0:03:37.600 --> 0:03:42.520 trauma tied us, these spots that that handicap us that 0:03:42.600 --> 0:03:45.320 we have to deal with that you know, whether it's 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:49.520 our skin color, our hair color, our impediments and what 0:03:49.640 --> 0:03:52.720 have you, you know, a growing up when you're young. Anyway, 0:03:52.760 --> 0:03:55.760 I internalized that as she read the book, the spots 0:03:55.800 --> 0:03:59.680 that I had within me growing up as a as 0:03:59.800 --> 0:04:04.680 you know, in fighting you know, whatever racism or discrimination 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:09.160 or what I lacked or what I doubted in myself, 0:04:09.880 --> 0:04:13.200 my handicaps about myself. And so here's the thing is 0:04:13.280 --> 0:04:15.920 just you know, everyone has these spots, and that's what 0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:18.919 we kind of moved towards in terms of after she 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:21.240 read the book as you can see. So it's just 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:27.120 a great conversation, heartfelt book. Must pick it up. Got 0:04:27.240 --> 0:04:31.000 that elite books courses all everywhere, but believe books dot 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:32.880 com that's where you can ordinate. We got a few 0:04:32.920 --> 0:04:38.880 steal sign copies. So but lydal Seve Riviera was amazing. 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:43.719 I hope she wins the fifty fourth. I believe immateur ward. 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:49.040 I hope she wins. It'll be huge and major, uh, 0:04:49.279 --> 0:04:54.359 not only for her career, but for this book that 0:04:54.720 --> 0:04:59.960 really is powerful and inspiring and relatable. So stay tuned 0:05:01.000 --> 0:05:06.040 for this episode ninety fifth. Now I'm brushing the shoulders 0:05:06.080 --> 0:05:14.520 off love your self. Well, come, welcome, Welcome to Malik's 0:05:14.520 --> 0:05:20.120 books'll bringing a world together with books, culture and community. Well, 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:23.560 we got a wonderful, beautiful guest here who wrote a wonderful, 0:05:23.600 --> 0:05:30.560 beautiful book and it's called absolutely positive Positively Love My Spots. 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:32.720 Her name is Lydia c. 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:37.120 Riverian. She's in town and she's doing a pop up 0:05:37.160 --> 0:05:38.040 at Malik Books. 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:40.000 And you know what I love. 0:05:39.839 --> 0:05:42.000 To do is I love people when they off the 0:05:42.040 --> 0:05:44.000 show up at Milik to talk about this book. 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:46.719 And she's gonna read it to us. 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:47.839 On this podcast. 0:05:48.200 --> 0:05:50.200 Her book so I'm excited for this. 0:05:50.680 --> 0:05:54.559 She's here for a naacp immateeur ward. 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:56.080 We believe she's gonna win. 0:05:56.520 --> 0:06:03.239 The book is timely and it's old time, so she's 0:06:03.320 --> 0:06:04.400 gonna take it from here. 0:06:06.800 --> 0:06:08.240 There's nothing else I need to say. 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:11.400 She's gonna read us a little bit about the book, 0:06:11.680 --> 0:06:14.119 and then we're gonna have a little conversation about the book. 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:19.120 Welcome to my podcast, Lydia. Thank you for having me. Wonderful, wonderful. 0:06:19.240 --> 0:06:20.040 Thank you for having me. 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:23.280 First of all, that was like the best introduction I 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:25.680 have ever received. 0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:30.000 Thank you. Thank you Malik first and foremost, it is 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:33.000 an honor to be here. I love what you're doing here, 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:33.840 believe books. 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:39.600 This is amazing, So thank you so so much. Yes, 0:06:39.839 --> 0:06:43.400 I am in town always from Georgia, here in La 0:06:43.600 --> 0:06:44.680 here in California. 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:48.240 It's the weather's nice, and I'm excited to just be here. 0:06:48.520 --> 0:06:52.200 More importantly, I'm excited to share this beautiful, beautiful masterpiece 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:56.360 written by myself and illustrated so brilliantly. 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:58.279 By Nina Mata. 0:06:59.120 --> 0:07:02.039 I'm excited about and just a little bit about why 0:07:02.080 --> 0:07:03.000 I wrote the book. 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:04.320 I have vidligo. 0:07:04.960 --> 0:07:10.000 I was born with the skin condition. So about thirty 0:07:10.040 --> 0:07:13.000 seven years I have lived with vid aligo. I don't 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:15.760 know life without vid aligo. Why did I write our 0:07:15.800 --> 0:07:18.120 children's book because that's where a lot of my story 0:07:18.160 --> 0:07:23.280 and testimonies started. As a child, I went through the challenges, 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:25.680 I went through the obstacles, I went through. 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:28.960 The bullying, I went through the. 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:33.640 All kinds of abuse, verbal, just mental abuse because I 0:07:33.960 --> 0:07:38.000 was born different, and it's important for me, especially now 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:42.680 being a mother, that I highlight the differences that each 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:45.200 and every one of us have and to let everyone 0:07:45.280 --> 0:07:47.600 know that it doesn't matter how you look, how you walk, 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:50.280 how you talk, it was on purpose. You were created 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:53.120 as such on purpose, and you have got to walk 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:56.680 like you know, like you know, you are beautiful just 0:07:56.840 --> 0:08:00.320 the way you are. And I didn't see that kind 0:08:00.360 --> 0:08:03.040 of representation when I was a child, and it was 0:08:03.120 --> 0:08:08.040 important because we all understand that representation matters, especially to 0:08:08.200 --> 0:08:13.760 our brown and black children. Representation, it is important. So 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:16.720 I am excited that I was chosen to be able 0:08:16.760 --> 0:08:23.240 to provide some sort of representation that positively, absolutely positively 0:08:23.840 --> 0:08:26.320 encourages every child to love who they are, just the 0:08:26.320 --> 0:08:26.880 way they are. 0:08:27.360 --> 0:08:28.840 So I'm just gonna jump. 0:08:28.720 --> 0:08:33.800 Right in and yes, yeah, you read this to my 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:42.559 audience and. 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:43.440 Not scripted, no questions written out. 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:47.240 We're doing is live in person right here at books 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:47.920 in the Westfield. 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:56.840 All right, all right though, I absolutely positively love my 0:08:57.240 --> 0:09:03.080 spots written by me and ill by Mina Mata. I 0:09:03.200 --> 0:09:07.640 stand up and I stand out. I am the light 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:14.400 and the spark. I was created special with my many 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:19.080 beauty marks. Some people call them patches and ask me 0:09:19.720 --> 0:09:23.280 why do I have dots? And some people call them blotches, 0:09:23.559 --> 0:09:26.160 and they ask me why do I have spots. 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:31.319 But my mama says, with. 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:39.720 Love, vitiligo makes you, and my Papa says, smiling, your 0:09:39.920 --> 0:09:47.200 royalty through and through my skin is fly, I say 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:55.480 proudly as I rock what I got because I absolutely positively. 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:57.559 Love my spots. 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:04.079 My spots can feel like home or brave adventures far away. 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:09.319 My spots can bring the sunshine on the most rainiest 0:10:09.360 --> 0:10:14.800 of days. My spots come in all shapes and sizes 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:21.319 and in every shade. Every spot is perfectly painted, and 0:10:21.640 --> 0:10:27.280 every spot is specially made from sun up to sundown. 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:30.280 I'm gonna rock what I got. 0:10:30.760 --> 0:10:39.920 Because I absolutely positively love my spots. So even when 0:10:39.960 --> 0:10:42.839 I get shy or when I start to feel doubt 0:10:44.000 --> 0:10:46.400 when I need a reminder of what I. 0:10:46.320 --> 0:10:48.080 Am all about. 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:53.600 My spots make me feel strong enough to face my 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:57.920 biggest feats. They show the world I am one of 0:10:57.960 --> 0:11:00.360 a kind and I am here. 0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:03.200 My spots are a part of me. 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:09.640 And just in case you forgot, I have patches, blotches 0:11:10.280 --> 0:11:18.920 and dots, and yes I have a lot. I'm standing 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:22.600 boats and be beautiful as our rock. 0:11:23.120 --> 0:11:26.640 What I got now, I need some help in the 0:11:26.679 --> 0:11:27.360 audience with this. 0:11:27.400 --> 0:11:34.079 Last part here, because I absolutely positive. 0:11:36.000 --> 0:11:45.800 Spots. I love it. 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:51.840 That story is relatable, whether it's external or internal. We 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:57.560 got blotches, we got spots, we got limases, we got freckle, 0:11:58.000 --> 0:11:58.719 you name it. 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:02.880 We all have something, you know that was relatable. And 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:07.720 I certainly thought about you know when I became conscious, 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:10.520 and I wanted to open up a store so that 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:12.920 we could have representative learn about ourselves because I had 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:15.720 a degree from usc but I didn't have a knowledge itself, 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:16.959 so I was empty. 0:12:17.240 --> 0:12:21.040 I was void. I didn't know anything about my past. 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:23.600 I didn't think we did anything as a people, so 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:26.120 I was white wives. So here's the thing. 0:12:26.559 --> 0:12:29.120 When I discovered all this and started to read about 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:32.280 these things, I went home and talked to my mama, 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:35.360 and she revealed to me that my mama was very 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:36.160 dark skinned. 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:39.920 And she revealed to me as she when she was 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:40.520 growing up. 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:44.840 The spot that was put on her was in the 0:12:44.960 --> 0:12:49.240 mind because my grandmother, you would always say, don't bring 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:54.480 no jiggaboos homes, don't bring no dark babies home. My 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:56.480 grandmother and my mama. 0:12:56.200 --> 0:13:01.200 Would ultimately end up becoming best friends, but there was 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:04.600 trauma there in the early stages because my mom being 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:09.920 so dark and my grandmother saying all those hateful things 0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:10.560 to my mother. 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:12.960 My mother hated to be dark skinned. 0:13:13.720 --> 0:13:16.000 So if she hated to be dark skin, what you 0:13:16.040 --> 0:13:17.800 think she was gonna do to me and my sister 0:13:17.840 --> 0:13:22.600 and my brother. She was gonna spill that spots over 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:26.040 to us. Wow, So no, wonder, this is how and 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:28.400 this goes on all the costs this country where we 0:13:28.440 --> 0:13:32.080 hate our skin or we hate our hair or she 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:34.720 told me for the first time, I'm a grown man 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:35.480 now that. 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:39.640 She hated being dark skinned black. So I got to 0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:40.960 dig myself out of that. 0:13:42.559 --> 0:13:44.920 I'm brief and thankful God put me on the journey 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:48.320 to open up Malik books so that I can share 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:52.240 what I've discovered and it's expanded, But I know that 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:55.920 the real journey is for us is the children. 0:13:56.840 --> 0:13:59.120 That's what we do this for. That's what this book 0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:03.040 is for, because children are one of our future. Sin 0:14:04.280 --> 0:14:07.400 I do it for the truth, truthful, because without them, 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:09.240 we have no future. 0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:12.400 So what everything that I do is to make a 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:13.880 difference for the next generation. 0:14:14.360 --> 0:14:17.120 I love to be able to reach the adults as well, 0:14:17.640 --> 0:14:20.400 and I have because I was an adult when I changed. 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:24.600 But books like this matter because it helps me on 0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:28.280 my mission. It helps me expose what I've been trying 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:31.120 to say, you know, the hatred of self, lack of 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:33.640 love for self, hating the color of your skin and 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:35.200 your hair and spots. 0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:38.360 And blimachers and freckles. All of that is a snowball effect. 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:40.160 You can only go so far. 0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:43.000 In the world if you don't have any love for yourself, 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:45.360 because that's where it starts. How can you treat somebody 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:47.840 with love when you don't even know how to treat 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:48.680 yourself with love? 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:51.320 So books like this helps me. 0:14:51.560 --> 0:14:58.920 Thank you, Thank you. I hope you win. That's much 0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:01.240 easier because we you got materials out here. 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:03.920 You can understand that this is the mission to day. 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:07.000 That's it. Yeah, so talk to us about your inspiration. 0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:09.160 I mean, I know you said things that you grew 0:15:09.240 --> 0:15:11.080 up with and so forth, but you came up with 0:15:11.160 --> 0:15:12.400 a nice flow. 0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:16.920 Your story was relatable. It touched all of us. 0:15:17.240 --> 0:15:19.200 What was the inspiration to come up with all those 0:15:19.240 --> 0:15:22.200 beautiful words other than the fact that we know that 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:25.280 you grew up and you hid a lot of things, 0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:27.080 and you had a lot of mental trauma, and you 0:15:27.400 --> 0:15:29.240 had a lot of things how you viewed yourself. 0:15:29.640 --> 0:15:33.520 Yeah, it's almost similar to what you were talking about 0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:37.000 when you come to that realization. I came to a 0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:41.520 realization after thirty something years that I was because that's 0:15:41.520 --> 0:15:44.400 to hide my did Lika, And I realized I wasn't 0:15:44.440 --> 0:15:47.520 hiding necessarily for myself, because I still had to see 0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:50.920 myself every day every night. I was hiding myself because 0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:52.840 I was afraid others wouldn't accept me. 0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:53.400 They did it. 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:55.560 People would not sit next to me. I didn't have 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:58.560 a lot of friends. Even as an adult. It was 0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:03.320 not the best interaction with people. I dealt with the bullying. 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:06.600 I dealt with all of that from childhood. 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:07.160 Up until adulthood. 0:16:07.800 --> 0:16:10.320 And I say adulthood and I really mean that like, 0:16:10.440 --> 0:16:12.680 there were people that did not want to sit next 0:16:12.720 --> 0:16:14.600 to me, whether I be on the bus, whether I 0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:18.120 be in a restaurant or whatever, because people there for 0:16:18.280 --> 0:16:22.280 one lack of knowledge. Okay, this having these type of 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:26.120 books and these representations is to educate people and to 0:16:26.200 --> 0:16:28.640 spread awareness because when people don't know something, they don't 0:16:28.680 --> 0:16:29.880 know how to react to it. 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:30.680 Right. 0:16:31.400 --> 0:16:33.720 So for me, I was inspired by the fact that 0:16:33.760 --> 0:16:34.160 I was. 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:36.920 Just sick and tired of pleasing everybody else and I 0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:40.880 was unhappy to get They're here and here for over 0:16:41.040 --> 0:16:44.160 thirty years, and then I have children my own looking 0:16:44.240 --> 0:16:46.080 up at me. They will draw pictures of me. This 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:48.800 was another part of why I did a children's book. 0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:49.880 They will draw. 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:53.880 Pictures of me before I would cover, before I stopped 0:16:53.880 --> 0:16:56.280 covering up the lego, and it will be pictures with 0:16:56.440 --> 0:16:59.200 hair or hats covering it up. So none of the 0:16:59.200 --> 0:17:02.000 pictures they do when they were children showed my bit 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:04.840 of liga and I had to say, what. 0:17:04.840 --> 0:17:06.000 Am I teaching them? 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:06.399 Right? 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:10.160 You see what I'm saying? What am I teaching my children? 0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:15.000 Like they are drawing pictures of me that's not even 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:17.400 me Because I have been. 0:17:17.320 --> 0:17:20.720 A light up and I had to realize I was. 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:23.800 I couldn't tell them, hey be confident, Hey hold your 0:17:23.800 --> 0:17:25.600 head up high, Hey love these things about you, And 0:17:25.600 --> 0:17:28.119 they clearly saw I hated all those things about me. 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:30.200 I hated things about me. I did not love who 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:32.879 I was. I went through a very very very dark 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:36.280 place in my life, held myself captive in my own 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:37.040 mental prison. 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:38.440 And that is the thing. 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:41.240 I was tired of arding myself captive in my own 0:17:41.240 --> 0:17:41.879 mental prison. 0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:43.920 I was tired of. I would look in the mirror 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:47.080 and I just cried. I'm a grown woman. I want 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:49.000 to be confident. I want to love who I am. 0:17:49.400 --> 0:17:54.560 But there is so much power in truly accepting who 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:56.240 you are just the way you are, and not caring 0:17:56.280 --> 0:17:58.000 about what anybody else think around you. 0:17:58.520 --> 0:17:59.680 Because the moment. 0:17:59.520 --> 0:18:04.040 I did there, the moment I did that, so many 0:18:04.040 --> 0:18:06.760 things open up for me, not just personally, but just 0:18:06.840 --> 0:18:07.280 even in. 0:18:07.240 --> 0:18:08.760 My endeavors in life. 0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:13.119 Right just I'm a confidence coach now today, like what 0:18:13.600 --> 0:18:16.399 like you see, like a woman who didn't have confidence 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:19.480 there at self esteem since childhood. Now here I am 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:22.399 helping others reach their breakthrough coming out of that place 0:18:22.440 --> 0:18:26.600 of mental captivity, disliking themselves, hating their skin not liking 0:18:26.640 --> 0:18:28.720 the way they look, not liking this about them, and 0:18:28.840 --> 0:18:32.400 that is so it's very disheartening because I've been there. 0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:36.400 But it is also personally. I know it's your draining. Yes, 0:18:37.320 --> 0:18:40.520 it is draining, it really is. 0:18:40.560 --> 0:18:41.800 And how you saddenly. 0:18:42.080 --> 0:18:44.919 We all have our own spots, blemishits and perfections that 0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:47.639 we we you know, these insecurities. 0:18:47.080 --> 0:18:47.800 That we all have. 0:18:48.359 --> 0:18:51.560 I'm gonna tell you one thing, how far are you 0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:53.600 gonna go holding on to what? I don't like this 0:18:53.680 --> 0:18:55.480 so I don't like that. You gotta learn how to 0:18:55.520 --> 0:18:56.879 love because what else can you do about this? 0:18:57.119 --> 0:18:58.280 Right? 0:18:58.400 --> 0:19:03.120 This is thirty seven yearlf be yourself to love yourself. 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:08.520 You know, how did this affect you and your relationships 0:19:08.560 --> 0:19:10.360 with boys, men or whatever? 0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:13.840 Yeah, So every person I ever dated didn't see my 0:19:13.920 --> 0:19:17.800 vind of lego until months and months after I hid 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:18.560 my goddle lego. 0:19:19.359 --> 0:19:22.280 Even when I had gotten married, I hear my bit 0:19:22.359 --> 0:19:23.560 of lego. I had to. 0:19:23.680 --> 0:19:26.720 I remember the first time showing my ex husband my 0:19:26.760 --> 0:19:30.000 husband at the time, my vidal lego. I was picking 0:19:30.040 --> 0:19:32.160 my my hat up just to show them a little bit, 0:19:32.800 --> 0:19:35.160 because that's like I was that ashamed. 0:19:35.160 --> 0:19:37.000 And at this time I was in my mid twenties, 0:19:37.320 --> 0:19:38.440 early early mid twenties. 0:19:38.440 --> 0:19:39.919 So I'm just like picking my hat to show up 0:19:39.920 --> 0:19:42.359 a little bit. And did he know it was a 0:19:42.400 --> 0:19:44.720 whole lot more under that little piece that he saw. 0:19:45.359 --> 0:19:47.479 But it was it was not easy. 0:19:49.280 --> 0:19:49.720 I was. 0:19:49.960 --> 0:19:55.800 I wo man, dating was not fun. Uh, it wasn't. 0:19:56.480 --> 0:19:59.280 Yeah, you know, I always say when we get into 0:19:59.320 --> 0:20:03.360 these relationships, the number one thing why most of them 0:20:03.400 --> 0:20:04.080 don't work out. 0:20:04.359 --> 0:20:05.000 I believe it. 0:20:05.040 --> 0:20:08.960 Is because number one, you're not honest in truth about yourself. 0:20:12.560 --> 0:20:18.280 And number two, no this no discipline. 0:20:18.440 --> 0:20:20.720 And one day I saw this little probably was in 0:20:20.760 --> 0:20:23.200 their early twenty had a baby, and I just something 0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:25.119 just said to me, and let me just pray for 0:20:25.160 --> 0:20:29.879 these this couple heres sign on because I know that 0:20:30.720 --> 0:20:33.080 the challenge they're gonna have to deal. 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:37.760 With is that they don't know who they are and they're. 0:20:37.600 --> 0:20:39.760 Gonna be trying to find who they are wandy together, 0:20:39.800 --> 0:20:43.919 and that's gonna create the misunderstanding, this communication problem. 0:20:44.040 --> 0:20:49.399 And then they god baby and men you know, unfortunately 0:20:49.440 --> 0:20:53.240 win't the most, especially when you're that young. 0:20:55.440 --> 0:20:56.280 They go both way. 0:20:56.680 --> 0:20:59.440 So I said that, I said, you know, that's what's 0:20:59.480 --> 0:21:03.720 gonna get this honesty, the deception. See it's gonna create 0:21:03.760 --> 0:21:10.639 the misunder the communication to be disruptive, destructive, see, because 0:21:10.680 --> 0:21:15.480 both it's gonna be showing another alternative fact, not the truth, 0:21:16.800 --> 0:21:20.320 you know, to try to justify, because it's called deceptive 0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:28.879 intelligence where you rationalize doing something that you know. But 0:21:29.280 --> 0:21:32.240 so that's why I asked you that about you know, 0:21:32.359 --> 0:21:36.040 your relationships, because you know, we put a lot of 0:21:36.080 --> 0:21:37.199 time and energy and. 0:21:38.119 --> 0:21:42.240 Cultivating these relationships. And if we're not true ourselves, then 0:21:42.320 --> 0:21:44.199 how would that impact you? 0:21:44.240 --> 0:21:46.800 Know, as you begin to discover who you are and 0:21:46.840 --> 0:21:48.960 then you and he's really and you denying who you are? 0:21:49.600 --> 0:21:52.040 You know, how did that turn? You got the marriage? 0:21:53.040 --> 0:21:55.280 So at what point did you. 0:21:56.800 --> 0:22:01.240 Said to yourself to love myself, to stop hiding who 0:22:01.280 --> 0:22:01.560 I am? 0:22:02.240 --> 0:22:05.280 So i'll I'll be transparent if that's okay. 0:22:07.320 --> 0:22:11.600 When I got when I got married, I got married. 0:22:12.920 --> 0:22:15.359 Loving a man and not loving me. 0:22:16.040 --> 0:22:19.480 So really did I love him if I didn't know 0:22:19.760 --> 0:22:22.880 how to love in a sense because I didn't love 0:22:23.200 --> 0:22:25.000 the person that I was, I didn't love the woman 0:22:25.040 --> 0:22:26.640 that I was. And this is this is being I'm 0:22:26.640 --> 0:22:30.199 being very transparent and honest here. My marriage, more than 0:22:30.280 --> 0:22:33.800 lifely did not last because I. 0:22:33.480 --> 0:22:34.800 Wasn't all together in whole. 0:22:35.600 --> 0:22:39.479 Okay, I came into a marriage broken because I was. 0:22:39.640 --> 0:22:42.840 I was broken, I was shattered, I was I have 0:22:43.000 --> 0:22:44.800 very little self esteem, no confidence. 0:22:44.840 --> 0:22:46.640 I mean, I was really depressed. 0:22:46.200 --> 0:22:51.119 A lot, and it was very very hard trying to 0:22:51.160 --> 0:22:55.760 be in a relationship, in a marriage with children. 0:22:55.600 --> 0:22:57.080 Still trying to pick myself up. 0:22:57.440 --> 0:23:00.199 But I have other responsibilities to help, you know, my 0:23:00.280 --> 0:23:03.120 children help love and cultivate this relationship that I'm in. 0:23:03.320 --> 0:23:05.800 But it is very difficult whenever you are not whole 0:23:05.840 --> 0:23:08.720