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Speaker 1: Hi everyone, Sophia Bush here. Welcome to Work in Progress,

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Speaker 1: where I talk to people who inspire me about how

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Speaker 1: they got to where they are and where they think

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Speaker 1: they're still going. Guys, I cannot wait for you to

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Speaker 1: hear who's on the podcast today. My friend Jay Shetty.

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Speaker 1: He is amazing. He's a host, storyteller, he makes incredibly

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Speaker 1: inspirational videos, and did you know he's also a former

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Speaker 1: monk casual. We talked about his path to success, mental health,

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Speaker 1: how to live a balanced life, our relationships with each

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Speaker 1: other and with our devices, and so much more. Enjoy

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Speaker 1: I'm just thrilled that you're on the show today. I

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Speaker 1: I have been such a fan of yours and to

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Speaker 1: finally get to meet you as so great. I I

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Speaker 1: think that the positivity that you put out in the

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Speaker 1: world is such a gift to people. Um, and it's

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Speaker 1: just fun, you know, I was saying too earlier. To

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Speaker 1: to really appreciate a person sort of out in the

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Speaker 1: ether and then to sit down with them in person

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Speaker 1: is so great. So yeah, absolutely, well, the feeling is

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Speaker 1: very mutual. I grew up watching you as as a

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Speaker 1: lot of us did. And I also just love the

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Speaker 1: fact that there are so many incredible people like yourself

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Speaker 1: using your platform to also have meaningful conversations. And I

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Speaker 1: think that's what's so needed today, that we're all blessed

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Speaker 1: to have access to these amazing platforms and to be

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Speaker 1: able to use it for a higher purpose, a higher cause,

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Speaker 1: higher messages. I think is I don't think it's right.

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Speaker 1: I just think it's it's beautiful, and so it's it's

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Speaker 1: an honor to be sitting with you, and I'm really

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Speaker 1: excited about this. Thanks that makes me have a sort

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Speaker 1: of first question and come to mind, which isn't my

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Speaker 1: first question on my sheet. But I am curious because,

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Speaker 1: at least for me, I know that in all the

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Speaker 1: years of working in these activist spaces, in philanthropic spaces

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Speaker 1: and generally just being so curious about the world, UM,

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Speaker 1: I do a lot of speaking. And for a couple

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Speaker 1: of years before we started this, people would say, well,

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Speaker 1: why don't you have a podcast, and why don't you,

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Speaker 1: you know, do a do a show or do videos

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Speaker 1: or whatever, and and my response was always no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: no no. I sort of backed away from it. Um.

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Speaker 1: It made me kind of recoil and I would think,

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Speaker 1: who cares and why would that matter? And and I

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Speaker 1: was always very comfortable writing and sharing, and social media

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Speaker 1: gives us this opportunity to do that. But it took

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Speaker 1: me a long time to own that there is value

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Speaker 1: here in the conversation and that it is okay if

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Speaker 1: I want to have those conversations. And to your point,

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Speaker 1: that can be a really beautiful thing to lean into.

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Speaker 1: And I'm curious because I think a little bit of

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Speaker 1: it is is the way that women are often stereotypically

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Speaker 1: gendered to shrink themselves. But there's also a real reality

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Speaker 1: that everybody out there is struggling to feel like they're enough.

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Speaker 1: And you've leaned into the space for so long. How

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Speaker 1: did that click for you? Where did you find the

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Speaker 1: confidence or the permission to just do it? Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: such a great question. Actually, no one's ever asked me that,

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Speaker 1: So thank you. Yeah, thank you, thank you for asking

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Speaker 1: me that. Yeah, I love it. The truth is that

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Speaker 1: when I came across incredible thought wisdom philosophies when I

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Speaker 1: was eighteen years old. So there's a beautiful statement by

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Speaker 1: Martin Luther King where he said, if you want a

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Speaker 1: new idea, read an old book. And I was really

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Speaker 1: fortunate that it's sixteen years old and eighteen years old.

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Speaker 1: More deeply, I started reading texts that were two thousand

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Speaker 1: years old and stoicism or five thousand years old and

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Speaker 1: Vedic thought, And for me, I just got exposed to

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Speaker 1: this wealth of knowledge very young, and I was like

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Speaker 1: a kid who've just seen the best movie of all

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Speaker 1: time and wanted to tell everyone about it. And I

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Speaker 1: think that's what my confidence comes from. My confidence doesn't

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Speaker 1: come from me. My confidence doesn't even come from what

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Speaker 1: I know. My confidence comes from where I'm learning from.

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Speaker 1: And that's the most beautiful, liberating permission, because now it's

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Speaker 1: not about me, and it's not about my growth, and

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Speaker 1: it's not about my brand, and it's not about my voice.

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Speaker 1: It's about the voice of thousands of years of a

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Speaker 1: wealth of knowledge that works and has transformed people's lives.

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Speaker 1: And that's something that you can be confident about forever.

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Speaker 1: And so for me, I started sharing this when I

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Speaker 1: was eighteen and and the best example I can give

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Speaker 1: is if you've just heard a song that you love,

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Speaker 1: or you've just watched a movie that you love, no

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Speaker 1: one needs to give you permission to tell everyone about it.

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Speaker 1: You go on social media, you tell everyone. You start

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Speaker 1: calling up your friend, or you message your friend, or

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Speaker 1: when you see your friends you're like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: you have to see this movie. And so my confidence

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Speaker 1: really comes from the fact that I feel I've unearthed

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Speaker 1: truths that are going to rapidly transform people's lives, and

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Speaker 1: I just want to be someone who genuinely tries to

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Speaker 1: understand them and share them. So there was a beautiful

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Speaker 1: thought from Einstein where he said that if you can't

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Speaker 1: explain something simply, you don't understand it well enough. So

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Speaker 1: where I get my confidence from is trying to take

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Speaker 1: something very complicated and trying to simplify it. And if

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Speaker 1: I can do that, then I've proved to myself that

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Speaker 1: I get it, and then other people will be able

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Speaker 1: to digest it as well. So for me, that's where

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Speaker 1: I get my personal confidence from is years of trying

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Speaker 1: to tackle really profound thought and trying to break it

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Speaker 1: down and distill it and understand it so that I

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Speaker 1: understand it and can apply it and explain it to others. Yeah, Oh,

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Speaker 1: I love that, something that I find so cool when

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Speaker 1: when you do analyze spaces like that, And I think

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Speaker 1: love for me as a kid. It was sort of

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Speaker 1: my my love of literal sure, and then my love

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Speaker 1: of learning about other cultures that made me feel alive

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Speaker 1: and made me feel capable. And you know, being a

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Speaker 1: teenage girl is really hard, as I imagine being a

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Speaker 1: teenage boy is. And it was something that gave me

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Speaker 1: a purpose outside myself. And what I started to geek

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Speaker 1: out on was what's the through line? Because I grew

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Speaker 1: up in a family that is super mixed, that is

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Speaker 1: Catholic and Agnostic and Jewish, and I was like, but

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Speaker 1: there's these universal truths in in the world of faith.

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Speaker 1: And then I started leaning in and studying things like

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Speaker 1: the Vedas, and I remember when I read the Upanishads

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Speaker 1: and was just my entire senior year in high school.

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Speaker 1: I spent a year taking Islamic studies and reading the

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Speaker 1: Koran and learning about that faith and and all of these,

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Speaker 1: all of these different versions of believing there's something magical,

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Speaker 1: mystical at work in the world virtually say the same thing,

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Speaker 1: which is be a good person, love other people, take

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Speaker 1: care of those who are suffering. And I was like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: us are weird little human brains, the parts of us

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Speaker 1: that have stuck through evolution. To be really tribalistic and

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Speaker 1: lizard like and think small, get scared, and they and

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Speaker 1: they sort of override the part of us that knows

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Speaker 1: that everything is bigger and that every person is our

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Speaker 1: brother or our sister or our friend, and we just

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Speaker 1: have to keep doing this, like every every generation who's

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Speaker 1: born has to forget and then learn how to learn

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Speaker 1: again because we knew. And then look at all of

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Speaker 1: us walking around being terrified all the time. It's like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, what a joke. Like clearly the universe

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Speaker 1: has a great sense of humor, but through line makes

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Speaker 1: me feel less scared. Yes, yes, absolutely, I couldn't agree

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Speaker 1: with you more. I think you said that so beautifully

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Speaker 1: as well of that, it's that binding force, and it's

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Speaker 1: the through line, or it's the essence of all of

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Speaker 1: them that is so aligned. And the same messages keep

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Speaker 1: coming out in different languages and different cultures, with different

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Speaker 1: backgrounds and different texts, and I love that. And I

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Speaker 1: think that's where I've really started to focus, is I

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Speaker 1: want to share wisdom that's timeless and that's universal, and

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Speaker 1: that's what I believe that the two defining factors of

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Speaker 1: truth is that it's timeless and that it's universal, everyone

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Speaker 1: understands it, and it will last forever. It's not a trend,

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Speaker 1: it's not a fat it's not something that's going to

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Speaker 1: go out of fashion next week. It's something that people

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Speaker 1: are going to agree and not their heads too, for

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Speaker 1: the next ten, fifty a million years. And that's what's

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Speaker 1: so beautiful about it. And then it's the thing you

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Speaker 1: can always come back to, yes, because if something isn't timeless,

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Speaker 1: you can't use it, seek it, plug into it for

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Speaker 1: a recharge, and then you're constantly looking for the thing

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Speaker 1: that fills you. So if you find that which you're

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Speaker 1: speaking of, you can always come back to it. It's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, not to be too modern or technological, because

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Speaker 1: I know we're trying to learn how to live without

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Speaker 1: that ship. But it's like your iPhone charger, like you

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Speaker 1: can always plug into the same thing. And that I

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Speaker 1: think there's such a value in so clearly you've reached

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Speaker 1: this incredible point of connection and perspective and brilliance. And

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Speaker 1: I imagine you still have all your human things that

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Speaker 1: are yeah, we all do. We have like quirks and

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Speaker 1: fears and whatever. But I want to know how this

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Speaker 1: all started, Like I would imagine you were a special

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Speaker 1: little kid. I would imagine that people were like he

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Speaker 1: who is that? You know, even when you were little,

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Speaker 1: you were probably very inquisitive, right kind of let me

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Speaker 1: let me paint it. Where do you start? Because I

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Speaker 1: know it starts in London and I don't know it's

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Speaker 1: going to know. It's a good question, and I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of people think that way, and it's actually

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Speaker 1: the opposite. So I was a teacher's pet and the

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Speaker 1: ideal son probably up until the age of fourteen. So

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Speaker 1: I followed every rule in the book. I never disobeyed

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Speaker 1: my parents. I did everything according to the line, and

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Speaker 1: at fourteen I went completely the opposite way. So up

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Speaker 1: until fourteen, I wouldn't say I was quote unquote special

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Speaker 1: or intrigued or even curious. I would just say I

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Speaker 1: followed the rules and yes, and that didn't really serve me.

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Speaker 1: I felt on a personal level when I was fourteen

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Speaker 1: because I still felt I was bullied at school for

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Speaker 1: being overweight. I was bullied at school, I experienced racism.

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Speaker 1: There were so many different things that I was still

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Speaker 1: going through despite following all the rules and doing everything right.

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Speaker 1: And so at fourteen I went the opposite way, where

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Speaker 1: I was like, well, I'm going to test being wrong

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Speaker 1: because being right hasn't worked. And I literally went to

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Speaker 1: the other end where I started experimenting with drugs and

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Speaker 1: had multiple relationships and then small crimes and all this

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Speaker 1: like totally the opposite, which was very unnatural to me.

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Speaker 1: Like now when I look back, I realized it was

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Speaker 1: all a expression of my ego, Like it was just

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Speaker 1: me trying to become something that I'm truly not, like

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Speaker 1: it does not suit me to uh where where gangster

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Speaker 1: clothes and then try and you know, try and make

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Speaker 1: myself appear to be stronger than I am, like that's

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Speaker 1: not who I am. But I was just experimenting. And

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Speaker 1: then I got intrigued through that process. So it was

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Speaker 1: having gone from one extreme to the other extreme and

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Speaker 1: then trying to almost come back to the middle and go, Okay,

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Speaker 1: what have I learned from both of those? And the

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Speaker 1: truth is I learned not much from being good and

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Speaker 1: from being bad. I just learned that wasn't the right

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Speaker 1: answer either, and that's what made me start answering asking questions.

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Speaker 1: So what really made me inquisitive was, first of all,

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Speaker 1: I listened to a lot of rap and hip hop music,

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Speaker 1: and that made me super inquisitive because a lot of

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Speaker 1: the lyricists I listened to, we're using music to at

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Speaker 1: least express how they felt inside. And so when I

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Speaker 1: would listen to that vulnerability, I would think, oh wow,

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Speaker 1: that's powerful, and I would write a lot too. So

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Speaker 1: I started thinking when I was very young and playing

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Speaker 1: with words, and I used to enjoy word play and

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Speaker 1: trying to communicate messages through words from a very early age.

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Speaker 1: And then what happened is I lost two friends, one

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Speaker 1: in a car accident and won two gang violence. And

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Speaker 1: when I lost those two friends, that's what really hit

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Speaker 1: me in the face, and I couldn't avoid reflecting anymore

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Speaker 1: because I've lost two people that were very close to me,

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Speaker 1: that I loved really deeply, that I believed were good people,

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Speaker 1: and I've lost both of them. And that made me

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Speaker 1: start to ask a lot of questions like who am I?

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Speaker 1: Why am I here? What's the purpose of life? Like

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Speaker 1: how valuable is time? Because I think when you're young,

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Speaker 1: you don't realize you think you have a lot of

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Speaker 1: time when you're young, and then you lose two people

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Speaker 1: when you're young, and they're young and then you think, well,

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Speaker 1: what what is young mean? Right? What is young mean?

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Speaker 1: Does young mean age? Or does young mean how far

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Speaker 1: away I am from potentially losing my life? And so

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Speaker 1: when I was staring both of their losses in the face,

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Speaker 1: that made me really want to reflect on how I

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Speaker 1: used my time, because for the first time I wreck

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Speaker 1: ignized that time was not guaranteed and that I wasn't

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Speaker 1: just going to be blessed with as much. I was

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Speaker 1: just like, Okay, now how do I start to use it? So,

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Speaker 1: actually I've I've been on both ends of what you

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Speaker 1: were saying. I was very fortunate to become curious because

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Speaker 1: of who I met. I think I was curious to

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Speaker 1: some degree. I, like you, studied a lot of the

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Speaker 1: religious and spiritual text when I was sixteen out of fascination.

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Speaker 1: But still I would say it was always prompted by

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Speaker 1: other people. And that's the beauty I think we have

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Speaker 1: today that we're sitting down together, we've connected on Instagram,

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Speaker 1: with connect on social media, We're sitting together having this

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Speaker 1: conversation and hopefully someone's going to hear it and think, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'd love to dive into that too. And I think

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Speaker 1: it's all about us being prompted. I think very few

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Speaker 1: people and I know for a fact, me included. I

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Speaker 1: don't think I would have become spiritual or positive or

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Speaker 1: conscious without that energy in my life, because it's a

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Speaker 1: gift that someone has to give you. It's not something

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Speaker 1: you just are born with. And I definitely wasn't born

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Speaker 1: with it. And I think there's a real beauty in

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Speaker 1: the reality that you can see or experience discrimination and

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Speaker 1: that that can really prompt you to look deeper. Because

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Speaker 1: as a kid who grew up in a multi faithed family,

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Speaker 1: I would see people discriminate against other people for what

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Speaker 1: they believed. But I would go to, you know, different

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Speaker 1: houses of worship and I was like, basically, everybody's saying

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Speaker 1: the same thing. I'm confused, why are we Why are

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Speaker 1: we being so mean to people about about what they believe?

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Speaker 1: And then I wanted to know more about what other

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Speaker 1: people believed so that I could understand and see and

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Speaker 1: and I think the real gift is that learning and

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Speaker 1: experience is the antithesis to mother ing. That's beautiful that

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Speaker 1: you know, and and what could be more dangerous, Like

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Speaker 1: it's crushing to imagine you as a kid experiencing racism

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Speaker 1: at school, and yet we know that it happens to

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Speaker 1: people everywhere. It crushes me to know what young women

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Speaker 1: are going through and what women in the workplace are

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Speaker 1: going through, and we know it happens everywhere, and so

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Speaker 1: we have to start to get over that idea that

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Speaker 1: we're separate. Yes, And and when you say you know,

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Speaker 1: there's the prompt of what is around you that makes

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Speaker 1: you curious? And then you say, until you met someone?

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Speaker 1: Are you referring to your meeting when you were eighteen

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Speaker 1: meeting the monk? How did that happen? That was a

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Speaker 1: big part of it. That was definitely a big part

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Speaker 1: of it, because I just think when I so when

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Speaker 1: I met a monk when I was eighteen, he was

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Speaker 1: invited to speak at my university and so college, and

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Speaker 1: every week I would go to hear from celebrities, entrepreneurs, CEOs,

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Speaker 1: and I love rags to richest stories like I still do.

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Speaker 1: I love hearing not because of the money or the wealth,

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Speaker 1: but because of the pain to struggle, the resistance to

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Speaker 1: resilience that someone has to go through. Like that gets

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Speaker 1: me excited. I love hearing about it because I think

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Speaker 1: since I was young, that's what really connected with me

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Speaker 1: stories of people finding their truth and their power and

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Speaker 1: breaking down boundaries to get their goals, because I think

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Speaker 1: that's the story of all of us. And so I

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Speaker 1: used to take a lot of energy from those And

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Speaker 1: once a month was invited to speak and I wasn't interested,

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Speaker 1: or I was trying to be uninterested at the time,

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Speaker 1: and I thought. I said to my friends, I said,

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Speaker 1: we'll only go to hear him if we go to

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Speaker 1: a bar afterwards, right like that was my prescription. And

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Speaker 1: they said, yes, fine, we'll go to a bar afterwards.

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Speaker 1: Because my friends were getting interested in in hearing from

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Speaker 1: spiritual people. And so I went along to this with

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Speaker 1: zero expectations, not caring about it, almost thinking about what

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Speaker 1: we were going to do afterwards, and I left a

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Speaker 1: completely changed person. It was one of those moments in

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Speaker 1: life where you get humbled by your own stupidity, because

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Speaker 1: I went in there having no expectations and thinking it

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Speaker 1: was going to be the biggest waste of time, and

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Speaker 1: ked out thinking that was the best use of time

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Speaker 1: I ever could have had. And it was because and

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Speaker 1: I can only say this in hindsight, you know, it's

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Speaker 1: it's easier to say now because I've always thought back

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Speaker 1: that moment and think, why was I so blown away?

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Speaker 1: Because it wasn't just I wasn't just impressed by him

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Speaker 1: because he was dressed in robes. I wasn't impressed by

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Speaker 1: him because he didn't have any money, so he doesn't

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Speaker 1: have a net worth. You know, I didn't. I wasn't

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Speaker 1: impressed by him because he was attractive or good looking,

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Speaker 1: because you know he was he was a monk is

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Speaker 1: shaved head, wearing robes. So there was nothing externally that

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Speaker 1: I was attracted to about him. So when I've looked back,

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Speaker 1: I thought about it this way, that at the age

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Speaker 1: of eighteen, I'd met people who are beautiful, I'd met

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Speaker 1: people who have rich, I'd met people who are famous,

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Speaker 1: but I don't think I've met anyone who was happy.

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Speaker 1: And when I think about it like that, that's what

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Speaker 1: he had. It's like And if you do an audit

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Speaker 1: of your life and ask yourself, whenever you actually met

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Speaker 1: someone who you truly believed was happy and content, I'm

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Speaker 1: sure it's hard to think of lots of people. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure you think of a few people, and I think

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Speaker 1: that those people have something special. And so when I

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Speaker 1: went up to him, and I said, Hey, I want

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Speaker 1: what you've got, you know, And it was like saying

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Speaker 1: that to a CEO or a celebrity or whatever it is.

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Speaker 1: But I was like, I want what you have and

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Speaker 1: he was like, well, come and spend time in India

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Speaker 1: with me. And it was as simple as that that

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Speaker 1: I literally started shadowing him, just like you would shadow

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Speaker 1: or be an understudy of an actor or a CEO

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Speaker 1: or anyone that you admire. It's just so happens that

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Speaker 1: my role models became monks when I was eighteen, as

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Speaker 1: opposed to X y Z. And so for me that

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Speaker 1: I I do believe that a lot of us. I

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Speaker 1: do believe that everyone inside of them has an awakened state.

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Speaker 1: I believe that everyone inside of themselves has high consciousness

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Speaker 1: and the challenges that most of what we consume in

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Speaker 1: the world is only appealing to our lower natures. Most

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Speaker 1: of the TV and media that we consume, most of

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Speaker 1: social media consume, most of the food that we consume,

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Speaker 1: all the thought that we consume. Most of it is

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Speaker 1: just pulling on our tendencies of fear, ego, lust, anger,

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Speaker 1: and greed, like most of this stuff. And so until

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Speaker 1: we meet someone who's really operating at a higher consciousness.

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Speaker 1: Who can drag that part of us out? It's very

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Speaker 1: hard for us to do ourselves. It's the same as

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Speaker 1: being asleep, right, It's like you're asleep in the morning.

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Speaker 1: You need more alarms, you need more people to throw

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Speaker 1: water on your you need more things to happen for

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Speaker 1: you to wake up out of that. And I think

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Speaker 1: consciousness wise, it's the same thing. Does that answer your question, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's amazing. So so for me that was a big

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Speaker 1: turning point because it gave me a new alternative and

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Speaker 1: a path. And I think that was important for me

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Speaker 1: because I've never thought about becoming a monk and so

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Speaker 1: until and I say, you can't be what you can't see.

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Speaker 1: So if you've never seen someone, and that's the same

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Speaker 1: as if you've never seen an entrepreneur, you never want

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Speaker 1: to be one. If you've ever seen a musician, you

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Speaker 1: won't want to think about one. What we see becomes

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Speaker 1: what we want to be. And so I was very

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Speaker 1: fortunate that one of the most powerful role models in

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Speaker 1: my life or monks. So this new path illuminates when

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Speaker 1: you meet this man and then what you picked up

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Speaker 1: and went to India. No, no, no, definitely not. That

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Speaker 1: was eighteen. So for the next four years I carried

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Speaker 1: on my education. I was at university in England London,

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Speaker 1: and I spent all of my summer vacations in India,

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Speaker 1: and half of them I spent living as a monk

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Speaker 1: and half of them I spent living working in the

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Speaker 1: finance world. So I would literally go from steakhouses, bars,

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Speaker 1: fast cars and the finance world of London to living

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Speaker 1: as a monk in India every summer, and like waking

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Speaker 1: up at four am every day, sleeping on the floor

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Speaker 1: wearing robes. So I was literally going from the fast

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Speaker 1: life to the to the slow life literally every summer

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Speaker 1: and just experimenting and just testing what fascinated me. And

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Speaker 1: for those four years in my normal life, I was

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Speaker 1: still doing absolutely everything else that you'd expect an eighteen

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Speaker 1: year old to do eight two year old. And then

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Speaker 1: at twenty two when I graduated, I looked at both

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Speaker 1: the options I had, which was my graduate job in

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Speaker 1: the world of finance in London, and I looked at

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Speaker 1: the option of being a monk, and I chose to

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Speaker 1: become a monk for full time for three years. So

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Speaker 1: I that was the decision point in which I felt

401
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:13,320
Speaker 1: I'd experimented enough with both lifestyles and then I can

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Speaker 1: make a decision. And I think when people ask me,

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Speaker 1: they're like, well, was that decision hard? Like how hard

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00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:20,000
Speaker 1: was it? And I'm like, that was one of the

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Speaker 1: easiest decisions I've ever made in my life, because I'd

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Speaker 1: already experimented with it. And I think what we try

407
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,840
Speaker 1: and do is we try to make decisions first and

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00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:32,120
Speaker 1: then experiment, and it's actually meant to be the other

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00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:34,239
Speaker 1: way around, Like You're meant to experiment first and then

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00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,960
Speaker 1: make a decision. So we put the pressure like, decide, now,

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00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:39,359
Speaker 1: what do you want to do with your life? And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I don't know. I need to experiment,

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00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:45,520
Speaker 1: And so we make a decision out of fear and

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00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,560
Speaker 1: out of confusion, and then we get upset with our

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00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:52,520
Speaker 1: decision because the experiment doesn't work. Whereas I very clearly

416
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,760
Speaker 1: experimented with two parts that I could have had in life.

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00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 1: I saw the fast life, I saw the amazing tunities

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Speaker 1: it was giving me. I saw the money that it brought,

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00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,920
Speaker 1: I saw the type of company was able to attract.

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Speaker 1: And then I looked at being a monk and what

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00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 1: that was doing for me, and I found that more meaningful.

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Speaker 1: And so I'm not saying it's better than finance life.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying for me that experiment should be This

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00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:20,800
Speaker 1: was more meaningful. And what an amazing thing that you

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Speaker 1: had the wherewithal as a teenager to understand that both

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Speaker 1: were okay, Because I think there's all this pressure out

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00:22:30,119 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 1: in the world to your point and decide what you're

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00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 1: going to be, be that be committed do It's like

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00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,199
Speaker 1: everybody wants to put you in a box. Absolutely, And

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Speaker 1: what an amazing thing that you were like, I'm a

431
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 1: university student, I'm working in finance, and also I'm apprenticing

432
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,440
Speaker 1: a monk. People were probably like, what are you talking about? Literally,

433
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,000
Speaker 1: but it's such a great reminder that we're allowed to

434
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:54,480
Speaker 1: do many things and that life happens in seasons. You

435
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,879
Speaker 1: didn't have to make that decision and then just do

436
00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:00,400
Speaker 1: it forever. You made the decision, you studied, you lived

437
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:05,200
Speaker 1: in that way, obviously made a decision to eventually come home.

438
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:10,320
Speaker 1: So what changed three years in? Did you feel like

439
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,159
Speaker 1: you had a handle on the person you wanted to

440
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,000
Speaker 1: be and you kind of wanted to come back to

441
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 1: your world. What was the impetus for that. Yeah, great questions.

442
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 1: Now I'm just I'm really enjoying this conversation. I feel

443
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 1: like the way you're asking me these questions is making

444
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,119
Speaker 1: them me answer them deeper than I have before. So

445
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 1: I really appreciate that I was just for me. The

446
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,800
Speaker 1: reason why I chose to become a monk is very important.

447
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,119
Speaker 1: It's because I wanted to live a life where I

448
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:45,320
Speaker 1: had the time to purify myself and serve others. And

449
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 1: when I looked at the life of finance, what I

450
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 1: saw was a life that gave me very little time

451
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,639
Speaker 1: to really work on myself. And I could still have

452
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 1: an impact on other people, but I don't know how

453
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 1: much i'd actually get to purify myself. And when I

454
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 1: took about purification, I'm talking about cleansing, he ing, growing.

455
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:04,439
Speaker 1: And it's not like I had the biggest demons in

456
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,199
Speaker 1: the world to heal or anything like that. But I

457
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:08,159
Speaker 1: think we all have work we need to do and

458
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 1: things to process and things to grow through, and I

459
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,040
Speaker 1: really wanted to. I was like, yeah, I want to

460
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 1: overcome my ego, Like that's my goal. Right at twenty two,

461
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, I really want to overcome my ego. I

462
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 1: want to overcome the desire for things and wealth and pride,

463
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,919
Speaker 1: and I want to overcome anger, and I want to

464
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 1: overcome all of these things that are inside of us.

465
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 1: Even if they're not the most heightened things inside of me,

466
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,680
Speaker 1: I know they're they're subtly and I want to work

467
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:34,800
Speaker 1: on them. And at the same time, I want to

468
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 1: use my time to serve. So we were half our

469
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 1: day was silence and half our day was service. And

470
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 1: I think this is such a beautiful method of planning

471
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 1: our own days today where we talk about self care

472
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,400
Speaker 1: and then selflessness, it's like we need to fuel up

473
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 1: and then we need to give. And that's what monk

474
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:52,359
Speaker 1: life really gave me a discipline of that half our

475
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 1: day was really fueling up and the other half was

476
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,959
Speaker 1: giving it away. And so we were doing their silence

477
00:24:57,960 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 1: and meditation things you'd expect from monks, and then we

478
00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:04,440
Speaker 1: were building philanthropic ventures like sustainable villages and food distribution programs.

479
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,720
Speaker 1: So we built a food distribution program that now feeds

480
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,960
Speaker 1: one point to million meals per day to the children

481
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,679
Speaker 1: of India. And for me, that was so fulfilling to

482
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 1: be able to do that at a young age. To

483
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:15,400
Speaker 1: see people's lives changing, and to sit with these children

484
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,199
Speaker 1: and and give them food and be a part of

485
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 1: that process and see how grateful they were for like

486
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 1: just one hot cooked meal a day like that totally

487
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:27,960
Speaker 1: changes the compass of your life and what you really value.

488
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,119
Speaker 1: The reason why I came back from all of that,

489
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,360
Speaker 1: which was one of the best decisions I ever made

490
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 1: in my life, was because that silence and self awareness

491
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 1: taught me that I didn't believe I was a monk

492
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 1: for life. And the reason for that was because I

493
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,359
Speaker 1: really loved being independent. I'm a bit of a rebel.

494
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:51,000
Speaker 1: I really enjoy sharing wisdom in a way that suits me,

495
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 1: and I didn't feel we'd be able to reach the

496
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:57,639
Speaker 1: most people by me being there. I didn't feel and

497
00:25:57,920 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 1: not that I ever believed it would even scale this far,

498
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 1: but I just knew that I had to go out there,

499
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,200
Speaker 1: and my teacher confirmed that after three years. He actually

500
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:06,960
Speaker 1: said to me, he said that, j I think it's

501
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 1: time for you to leave so you can share what

502
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:11,080
Speaker 1: you've learned and and for me, at that time, it

503
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 1: was actually hard, like even though it's easier talking about

504
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:14,159
Speaker 1: it now, at that time I felt like I was

505
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 1: having a breakup. I felt like I was getting divorced.

506
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 1: You know. It was the whole conversation with like, it's

507
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:19,639
Speaker 1: not you, it's me. It was one of those like

508
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:24,879
Speaker 1: awkward breakup conversations with my teacher because I didn't really

509
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 1: see the path ahead. But I knew that with my

510
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 1: self awareness and his blessings that that was a good

511
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:34,119
Speaker 1: combination of something could happen. So I moved back to

512
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 1: my parents home that was six years ago, and moved

513
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 1: back to London, and I had my dollars worth of

514
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:44,639
Speaker 1: debt at that time to pay off from student loans

515
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:46,439
Speaker 1: and all the rest of it. And you know, no

516
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:48,399
Speaker 1: one wanted to hire me because I had Monk on

517
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 1: my resume for the last three years, and no one

518
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,359
Speaker 1: wants to hire a monk because they're like, what are

519
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,600
Speaker 1: your transferable skills? So it was a really tough time

520
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: in my life actually coming back because I look at

521
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 1: Monk of like my school, and the last six years

522
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 1: have been the exam right, The last six years have

523
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:06,959
Speaker 1: been the test of everything I learned at Monks School,

524
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:09,200
Speaker 1: And all I can say is that these last six

525
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:12,400
Speaker 1: years have given me so much more confidence about Monk

526
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 1: School than anything else because I've practiced everything I learned

527
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,919
Speaker 1: and it all works. And I'm just like, this is amazing. Right.

528
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:21,760
Speaker 1: I can be in the world but not of this world.

529
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:25,399
Speaker 1: I can function in the world but still remain detached.

530
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 1: I can be here and make an impact, but still

531
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 1: you take care of myself. So many beautiful lessons have

532
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 1: come from that process. That's amazing. I feel so high

533
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:42,440
Speaker 1: right now. I'm just like, yeah, so excited. UM. So

534
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 1: practical application is something I'm very curious because it seems

535
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:54,359
Speaker 1: that straddling the line is very hard for people. And

536
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:58,439
Speaker 1: and I'm interested in what you're talking about, which in

537
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:02,120
Speaker 1: my brain looks like where the ven diagram crosses over,

538
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,640
Speaker 1: like the red and the blue make purple, and it's

539
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 1: the purple zone that we want to be in. And

540
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:13,800
Speaker 1: I I personally I remember years ago, UM, going on

541
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 1: to digital Detox, which was amazing. You know, it's four

542
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:19,359
Speaker 1: day retreat. You turn over the watch, the phone, in

543
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:22,760
Speaker 1: the computer, all the things. There's no screens, there's no alarms,

544
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:26,120
Speaker 1: there's no nothing, and it was such a holistic experience

545
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,359
Speaker 1: and it impacted how I related to technology when I

546
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 1: came home. But that stuff devetails, you know, and I

547
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 1: have friends who have gone and done you know, atten days,

548
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 1: silent meditation retreat and they come home glowing, and then

549
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 1: eventually life gets really hard. So I'm curious about some

550
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 1: of the practical application because you obviously have tools, and

551
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,200
Speaker 1: obviously not everyone who's listening is going to move to

552
00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 1: India for three years, but I'm super tempted. So what

553
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 1: where would you tell people to start? And second half

554
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:12,880
Speaker 1: of that question is what what's the way you check

555
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 1: in every day? How do you when you're in the

556
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,960
Speaker 1: middle of it all, kind of pull back and have

557
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 1: a moment on this end of your journey? Yeah? Absolutely,

558
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 1: I love that. I think the first thing for most

559
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 1: people will just be trying to get some space, trying

560
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 1: to get some stillness, trying to get some silence from

561
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:37,040
Speaker 1: the noise. And that's just my perception. But if you're

562
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:41,960
Speaker 1: listening right now, I'm guessing that you feel life's very busy.

563
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 1: You feel like you've got a lot of stuff going on,

564
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:48,040
Speaker 1: You've got a lot of competing priorities, you've got a

565
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 1: lot of challenges with wanting to do something meaningful for yourself,

566
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 1: but then having all these other pressures that are there.

567
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:56,800
Speaker 1: And so I feel that life for all of us,

568
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,240
Speaker 1: whether we're happy or not, whatever it is, there's pressure,

569
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,960
Speaker 1: there's stressed as challenges, and there's competing priorities. And I

570
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 1: think that's something all of us can agree with, me included.

571
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 1: And so when I look at the need for silence,

572
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:13,360
Speaker 1: space or stillness, I do believe that getting away to

573
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 1: a four day retreat or a ten day retreat is

574
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,680
Speaker 1: a great start. I think it's a beautiful idea because

575
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:20,959
Speaker 1: what it does is that it at least gives you

576
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 1: the belief that there is an alternative. It gives you

577
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 1: the possibility correct it's proven possibility exactly. You get the

578
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 1: experience yourself that, wow, I felt better. The world did

579
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 1: not end when I didn't look at Instagram for ten days, right,

580
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 1: I did not miss out on like all the big

581
00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:40,960
Speaker 1: fashion events or whatever it is. And my life's not crumbling.

582
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:45,280
Speaker 1: It's it's doable. It's embedding it back into our lives.

583
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:48,720
Speaker 1: And I do think stillness, space and silence comes from

584
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,640
Speaker 1: having good technology habits, because I do think most of

585
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 1: the noise, most of the pressure, most of the mental

586
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 1: struggles we have are coming from what we consume. So

587
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 1: one of the biggest things for me is and I

588
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 1: know this sounds hard, but it took me a while

589
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 1: to get around to this is please don't wake up

590
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 1: to your phone. Just please do not wake up to

591
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 1: your phone. This will change your life. And the way

592
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 1: I used to do it is I used to actually

593
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:18,080
Speaker 1: lock my devices in my car outside because that was

594
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 1: the only way I would not look at my devices

595
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 1: first thing in the morning. So I would pack my

596
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 1: laptop and my phone into a bag. I bought myself

597
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 1: a time x alarm clock from Amazon, like one of

598
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:28,840
Speaker 1: the traditional ones I had that if I needed that

599
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:31,480
Speaker 1: to wake me up, and I would lock my devices away.

600
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 1: And if that's what you need to do to make

601
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 1: sure you don't look at your phone in the morning,

602
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,960
Speaker 1: go to that extent because you'll feel so fresh. And

603
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 1: the reason why I say this is you would never

604
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 1: let a hundred people walk into your bedroom in the morning.

605
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 1: I'm sure no one would do that, right. You wouldn't

606
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:50,760
Speaker 1: let a hundred people walk through your bedroom door and

607
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 1: start asking you questions, Oh, how's your day going, what

608
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:56,600
Speaker 1: are you doing today? Or did you see what so

609
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 1: and so did last night? Oh my god, you want

610
00:31:58,200 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 1: to go to this party yesterday? I wish you came

611
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 1: to this thing this weekend. Would you let a hundred

612
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 1: people come into that? No, But that's what you're doing

613
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:06,480
Speaker 1: to your mind when you open up a hundred notifications,

614
00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 1: that's the same thing that's happening. You're literally letting a

615
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 1: hundred people walk into your mind, walk all over it

616
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 1: with their dirty feet and whatever they're thinking about, and

617
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:21,160
Speaker 1: bring all of their energy into that space. Often before

618
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 1: you've even sat up, before you've sat up, brush your teeth, showered,

619
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 1: thought about anything. So now you're already on a reactive mode.

620
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 1: Your life is already in reaction mode because now all

621
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:34,920
Speaker 1: your energy is about how do I respond and react?

622
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 1: You're now not getting to set your intentions for the day.

623
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 1: You're now not getting to set your focus for the day,

624
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,280
Speaker 1: which means, guess what, nothing that you care about is

625
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 1: going to be accomplished. So, for me, the simple act

626
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,720
Speaker 1: of not looking at your phone in the morning give

627
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:52,480
Speaker 1: so much space to your day because you're giving yourself

628
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 1: mental space. And then in that mental space, you get

629
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 1: to set what is my intention for today? What do

630
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 1: I want to focus on today? What am grateful for today?

631
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 1: And for me, those are the three things setting an intention.

632
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 1: So before I came here, I said an intention. I

633
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 1: was like, I'm really grateful and excited to meet Sophia,

634
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 1: and I'm hoping that I can serve her and her

635
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 1: audience through this podcast we're about to record. And that

636
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 1: was my intention for this. Whereas if I had woken

637
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 1: up and the first thing I looked at my phone,

638
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 1: I would have had my team reaching out to me

639
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 1: and saying, Jerry, what are we doing? I'm flying to

640
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:25,479
Speaker 1: San Francisco tonight. So there's travel stuff going on, and

641
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 1: there's just so many other things, so you don't get

642
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: a set and that means when you turn up somewhere,

643
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:33,960
Speaker 1: you're not there anymore. So setting your intention is something

644
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 1: that I love doing. Setting your focus, like, what is

645
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 1: it that you are going to be feeling satisfied when

646
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 1: you go to sleep that day that you've accomplished. What

647
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 1: is that one thing? What are those two things that

648
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 1: you're going to feel accomplished if you do by the

649
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 1: end of that day. Remember I said one or two,

650
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 1: not twelve, because our to do list are just twelve things,

651
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 1: and they're usually twelve hard things. And you've done four

652
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 1: and you haven't done eight, and then you start comparing

653
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 1: yourself against the eight you haven't done, whereas I just

654
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 1: set one or two things that I need to have

655
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 1: accomplished by the end of that day, which I believe

656
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,080
Speaker 1: is realistic and it's doable. And the third thing is

657
00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 1: I asked myself, what am I grateful for today? What

658
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,239
Speaker 1: am I happy about today? What if? What are the

659
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:13,040
Speaker 1: blessings of my life today? And those are just such

660
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:18,319
Speaker 1: better thoughts to start your day with than oh my god,

661
00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 1: you just missed out on what's so and so war

662
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:24,160
Speaker 1: on Sunday night. So for me, that's step one. The

663
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:27,600
Speaker 1: second one is I really believe in having barriers in

664
00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:29,879
Speaker 1: your home. So I like to call it no technology

665
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 1: zones and times in your home. So there are some

666
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,000
Speaker 1: places I talked about, like don't use technology in the

667
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 1: bedroom or the dining area because it's more fun to

668
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:39,799
Speaker 1: eat and sleep with people, right, Like why are you

669
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:43,240
Speaker 1: going to keep phones in spaces where you can engage

670
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:45,799
Speaker 1: with the human being? And so what we have to

671
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:47,759
Speaker 1: do is we have to set barriers around our own

672
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 1: lives and disciplines that we can stick to. Now, you

673
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,320
Speaker 1: have to be realistic. You can't just go around and

674
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 1: say I'm never going to use technology when I'm with

675
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:58,399
Speaker 1: my partner, because whenever we make permanent decisions like that,

676
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 1: no decision is permanent. So don't try and make some

677
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:04,960
Speaker 1: extreme that's like a yo yo diet for people are

678
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:07,640
Speaker 1: like I'm quitting eating this thing forever. I'm like, good

679
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 1: luck with that, exactly right. No one's gonna do it.

680
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 1: Three days later, they're like pouring a bag of gummy

681
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 1: bears in their face. Totally. I gave up chocolate for

682
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:15,319
Speaker 1: three years when I lived as a monk. The day

683
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,719
Speaker 1: I left being among the first thing I eat was

684
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 1: chocolate and a lot of it. And I love that

685
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 1: as a good day. But yeah, so don't don't make

686
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:25,359
Speaker 1: these extreme decisions. Just step by step micro steps, break

687
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:27,400
Speaker 1: them down, Like just get closer and closer and closer,

688
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 1: just a tiny bit every single day. He so, l

689
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:43,880
Speaker 1: A is my home, and we talked about this. You know,

690
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:45,759
Speaker 1: I grew up here and I love it here and

691
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:47,440
Speaker 1: I think it's the best, and I love that you

692
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:50,239
Speaker 1: love it. I actually love it. This is my favorite

693
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:52,720
Speaker 1: place in the world to live. I'm so happy. And

694
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:56,480
Speaker 1: so when I'm I've worked on two shows for long

695
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,680
Speaker 1: periods of time in other states, so I've had another

696
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:02,280
Speaker 1: place ace, an apartment or a house that I've rented, whatever,

697
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:07,080
Speaker 1: And I had this realization. I was working on a

698
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:10,360
Speaker 1: job in Chicago, and I've never had a TV in

699
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:13,839
Speaker 1: my bedroom in l A ever, but I had a

700
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:17,680
Speaker 1: TV in my bedroom in Chicago. And I had this

701
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:23,600
Speaker 1: very weird aha moment. I was super sick um and

702
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,399
Speaker 1: i'd you know, be laying in bed and watching TV

703
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 1: at night and just feeling gross. And I came home

704
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:33,320
Speaker 1: for the weekend and was just down for the count.

705
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 1: So I laid on my couch you know, all day.

706
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 1: It's that thing where you're like, I'll save that show

707
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:40,479
Speaker 1: untill I have the flu, and I binged a show

708
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 1: I'd been wanting to watch. And at the end of

709
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:44,759
Speaker 1: the day it was so nice. I was like, God,

710
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 1: I gave myself a rest. I didn't try to do anything.

711
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:50,799
Speaker 1: I didn't try to be, you know, better than I'm

712
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 1: feeling whatever. And at the end of the day I

713
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 1: had to get up and go to bed, and it

714
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 1: was like getting hit by a truck. And I thought,

715
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm allowed to lay on the couch

716
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 1: all day if I'm sick and watch TV. But what

717
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:09,040
Speaker 1: I've been doing back in Chicago is laying in my

718
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,600
Speaker 1: bed and watching TV every night. I've been behaving like

719
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:15,880
Speaker 1: a sick person every night. I've been doing in my

720
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,399
Speaker 1: in my room, in my bed, in my space, which

721
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:22,840
Speaker 1: should be for nothing but sleeping, reading, recharging. I have

722
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:25,799
Speaker 1: been up late at night, staying up an extra hour

723
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,480
Speaker 1: because the show is good, not going to bed on time,

724
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:33,280
Speaker 1: flooding my brain with blue light that ruins my sleep

725
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 1: even when I do go to sleep. And it was like,

726
00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 1: oh my god. And I went back to Chicago and

727
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 1: ripped the TV off the law. I was like, I

728
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:43,480
Speaker 1: can't do this, and it is it's it's It sounds

729
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,759
Speaker 1: silly because it's a small change, but it makes such

730
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 1: an impact. No, it's huge. And what you've just said

731
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 1: there is I mean, you put it so well, and

732
00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 1: I'm just listening, nodding away. If you can't see this

733
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,800
Speaker 1: right now, everyone is, everyone is listening. I'm like nodding

734
00:37:56,840 --> 00:38:00,239
Speaker 1: away and everything you're saying, because there's some going to

735
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 1: talk a lot about and which we learned as Monk,

736
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 1: which was location has energy. So what you do in

737
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:11,399
Speaker 1: a space gives that space its identity. So when we're

738
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 1: in this space right now and you record a podcast

739
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 1: in here. It means it's a space of thought. It's

740
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 1: a space of enlightenment, it's a space of excitement, it's

741
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:21,920
Speaker 1: a space of exchanging ideas. But imagine that when we

742
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 1: finished in this room and we left, someone came in

743
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 1: and started playing death metal in here, right, and and

744
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 1: then we come back in here. We may think, oh,

745
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter, but guess what, We're going to come

746
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:34,880
Speaker 1: back into an environment that has that energy and no

747
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,040
Speaker 1: offense to death metal. I'm just trying to give two

748
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:41,960
Speaker 1: polar polar examples. So when you're watching television in your bedroom,

749
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:49,000
Speaker 1: guess what. That's active energy. That's stimulated energy, that's interactive energy.

750
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:53,440
Speaker 1: Guess what. You can't sleep when you're activated, stimulated, or interactive.

751
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,280
Speaker 1: Hence why we struggle to sleep, because we try and do.

752
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 1: Some people eat in their beds, sleep in their beds,

753
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:01,359
Speaker 1: watch TV in their beds, do everything in their beds,

754
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 1: which means your bed is confused about what you want

755
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:05,920
Speaker 1: to do there. And what I mean by that is

756
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:08,319
Speaker 1: the energy of that room is confused about what you

757
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 1: want to do there. And so having spaces, even if

758
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 1: you live in the time I used to live in

759
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:14,800
Speaker 1: the tiniest apartment in New York. And even in that tiny,

760
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 1: tiny apartment, I had a meditation corner right now, even

761
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:21,160
Speaker 1: a meditation room or a space. I had a meditation corner,

762
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 1: had a writing corner, I had a space in this tiny,

763
00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 1: tiny sat apartment of where I would do certain activities.

764
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,880
Speaker 1: Because then that energy of that space gets embedded for that.

765
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,480
Speaker 1: So when you said that example, it triggered that thought

766
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 1: straight away from me is that you stopped your bedroom

767
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:41,879
Speaker 1: being a place where you are stimulated, because how can

768
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:45,720
Speaker 1: you sleep deeply if you're highly stimulated? And this applies

769
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:49,120
Speaker 1: to everything. If you're struggling to eat, think about your

770
00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:51,959
Speaker 1: eating environment. Are you eating in a place that makes

771
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 1: you want to eat? Or are you again eating in

772
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 1: front of the tv? Are you then eating again, uh,

773
00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,719
Speaker 1: in a place that's messy and cluttered? Are you trying

774
00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:01,880
Speaker 1: to think can be creative in a space that's messy

775
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 1: and cluttered? Because guess what that external clutter is going

776
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 1: to impact your internal clutter. So it's so important that

777
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:12,840
Speaker 1: we just create corners, spaces, rooms, whatever you have, whatever

778
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 1: your personal life looks like, to create energy in a

779
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 1: location that helps you get to whatever that goal is

780
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:27,000
Speaker 1: of that space. Yeah, Yeah, it's powerful, and I'm simple

781
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:31,000
Speaker 1: and powerful. It is simple, But it what strikes me

782
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 1: is that these aren't conversations we've grown up having. You know,

783
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 1: I think about it with mental health. I think about

784
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:41,920
Speaker 1: it with physical health. Unless you grow up as an athlete,

785
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:43,960
Speaker 1: you have no idea how to really take care of

786
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:49,840
Speaker 1: your body and and the the sort of mental athleticism

787
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 1: required to live a present life. We're missing the instruction manual.

788
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 1: So I guess it's a very roundabout way of saying,

789
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: I'm really glad that that you're monk kicked you out

790
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:02,960
Speaker 1: of the nest and you have to go share this

791
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 1: because people do need it. Yeah, and that's why I

792
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 1: talked about this with For me, if I wanted to

793
00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:11,640
Speaker 1: learn how to play basketball, I'd want to learn from

794
00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:15,080
Speaker 1: Michael Jordan or Lebron James or Kobe Bryant, whoever it is.

795
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:17,560
Speaker 1: If I wanted to learn how to act, then i'd

796
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 1: go to sell the people. I want to learn to sing,

797
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:21,319
Speaker 1: I'd go to certain people, certain people. And so if

798
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,320
Speaker 1: I want to learn about how to master the mind,

799
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:26,920
Speaker 1: you got the monks because that's what they spend their

800
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:31,480
Speaker 1: whole life doing, like they have no other focus. In

801
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:35,239
Speaker 1: life apart from healing their mind and cleansing and purifying

802
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:37,920
Speaker 1: their mind, that's what they're trying to do. So for me,

803
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 1: that was the best training in mind school, which, like

804
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,400
Speaker 1: you rightly said, we don't get anywhere. And actually I'm

805
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:45,840
Speaker 1: really glad you brought up the physical body point because

806
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 1: for me as well, that was something I came to

807
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:51,360
Speaker 1: later in life. I never had anyone around me who

808
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:54,760
Speaker 1: had trained their physical body to be fit and healthy,

809
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:57,439
Speaker 1: and my parents did. And when my parents would say

810
00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,000
Speaker 1: things like that to me, you know your parents, you

811
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,839
Speaker 1: disregard anyway, don't listen to them, and and then you're

812
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 1: trying to figure out yourself. But I came to that

813
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 1: later in life where I realized how important physical health was,

814
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:08,960
Speaker 1: because again, when I was young, I just assumed that

815
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 1: I would always be healthy and and I had the

816
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:14,800
Speaker 1: wrong thoughts about health too, because I grew up overweight.

817
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:17,359
Speaker 1: I always grew up believing afterwards, oh, as long as

818
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 1: I'm not overweight and unhealthy, which is completely, really, completely

819
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 1: the wrong definition of what health is. And so until

820
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 1: I met my wife, who's an incredible dietitian, nutritionist and

821
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:32,839
Speaker 1: vegan recipe developer, which is what her world is when

822
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,600
Speaker 1: she started speaking to me about health, that really transformed

823
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:38,240
Speaker 1: my perspective of health and how physical. So I always

824
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:39,799
Speaker 1: say in my mind, my wife turns me on my

825
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 1: physical and I do the mental, and then that's our exchange. Yeah.

826
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:47,760
Speaker 1: It's interesting because I I've really been coming to terms

827
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,480
Speaker 1: with so much of this stuff, and I feel like,

828
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:54,399
Speaker 1: as we mentioned earlier, the lessons repeat and then you're

829
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:57,719
Speaker 1: learning new things all the time. And again, just thank

830
00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 1: you for sharing because I'm having all these aha moments.

831
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, I feel like Oprah over here. I'm like,

832
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:05,799
Speaker 1: oh my god, I love when she talks about those.

833
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 1: But something that I realized recently in being in this

834
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:17,520
Speaker 1: sort of new stage in my life, my health is

835
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:21,279
Speaker 1: always the first thing I do prioritize. When you look

836
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:23,400
Speaker 1: at the list of things to your point, you have

837
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,719
Speaker 1: to try to do less things per day. I realized

838
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:29,400
Speaker 1: that since the since I was twenty one and I

839
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 1: got a job, I had never stopped before, and that

840
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:38,840
Speaker 1: even when I stopped, you know air quotes, I was

841
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 1: so used to having these sixteen hour days that my

842
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:46,320
Speaker 1: days while I've been off, meaning off of a set,

843
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:50,879
Speaker 1: but still working like a maniac, I was cramming that aggressively,

844
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:54,320
Speaker 1: but I was doing it to myself. And I realized

845
00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 1: that the first thing I always let go off another

846
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:58,759
Speaker 1: meeting or a call needed to be said, or something

847
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 1: needed to happen, and I would have to fly somewhere

848
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,040
Speaker 1: and do a speaking arrangement or whatever. I just wasn't exercising.

849
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:07,640
Speaker 1: I just stopped. It was always the first thing that

850
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:11,520
Speaker 1: I would let go. And as I've really been thinking

851
00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 1: about the mental physical connection, I've become a person who

852
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:20,399
Speaker 1: demands it, not of anyone else but of myself, even

853
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:23,200
Speaker 1: if it's ten minutes, even if it's go on a

854
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 1: mile walk around the neighborhood. Even it doesn't have to

855
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:30,280
Speaker 1: be like the class, the spinning, the trainer, that whatever

856
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 1: that we get obsessed with because we see it on

857
00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:35,520
Speaker 1: Instagram and we think we're supposed to do that. I

858
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:40,920
Speaker 1: have to make that commitment to myself and it changes

859
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 1: how I feel mentally. It changes how often I meditate,

860
00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:47,759
Speaker 1: It changes what time I go to bed. Starting to

861
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 1: be active again has reprioritized sleeping to me, and I've

862
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:55,120
Speaker 1: become the person who leaves hang and says, gotta go,

863
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:57,359
Speaker 1: I gotta be in bed. And thirty minutes and I'm like,

864
00:44:57,400 --> 00:45:01,319
Speaker 1: who am I? Uh? And it's fun because I realized

865
00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 1: that I'm always going to have to relearn. I'm always

866
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:08,440
Speaker 1: going to have to make sure I'm checking in that

867
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 1: that the evolving there is never done. We don't learn

868
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 1: something and then it's like poof, I wake up happy

869
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:18,800
Speaker 1: every day. Now it's it's a it's an active job, yes,

870
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:22,280
Speaker 1: And I think what you've just hit there is exactly

871
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:26,160
Speaker 1: it that the biggest challenge is our judgment of ourselves.

872
00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:31,719
Speaker 1: So give an example. We eat every single day, and

873
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:34,480
Speaker 1: we don't ask ourselves, why am I hungry today? Oh

874
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:36,440
Speaker 1: my god? Why am I so hungry today? You just

875
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 1: know you're gonna get angry, and you eat. When you

876
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,799
Speaker 1: wake up in the morning, you brush your teeth and

877
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:42,799
Speaker 1: you shower. You don't say to yourself, oh my god,

878
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:45,320
Speaker 1: why do I smell today? Why am I not clean today?

879
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:48,759
Speaker 1: You just brush and shower. In the same way, you

880
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:52,920
Speaker 1: are going to get tired. You are going to feel

881
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,480
Speaker 1: like you're not focused every day. You are going to

882
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:58,680
Speaker 1: feel unmotivated some days, just like you feel hungry. It's

883
00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 1: like feeling unmotivated just like you feel tired. My point

884
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:05,960
Speaker 1: being is that stop judging yourself for feeling normal things,

885
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:08,000
Speaker 1: figure out what you're gonna do about it. So we know,

886
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:12,440
Speaker 1: when I'm hungry, I eat. So when you're tired or unmotivated,

887
00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:16,319
Speaker 1: find your inspiration, find your motivation. If you're feeling unaligned

888
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:19,400
Speaker 1: and unbalanced, what are the activities that make you balanced

889
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,839
Speaker 1: and centered. So for cleanliness and for energy, we feel

890
00:46:23,040 --> 00:46:25,840
Speaker 1: we found food and having a shower every day, and

891
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,960
Speaker 1: so we've understood that. But when it comes to feelings

892
00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:33,560
Speaker 1: like I'm tired, I'm unmotivated, I'm unfocused, I'm unaligned, we

893
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 1: haven't yet found the simple antidotes to those. Do you

894
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 1: think that that's because those are feelings that are so

895
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:47,600
Speaker 1: discouraged because we have this obsession with perfection and and

896
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:50,719
Speaker 1: you know these highlight reels of social media and and

897
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:53,839
Speaker 1: being strong, and there's this weird I'm so fascinated now

898
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:55,960
Speaker 1: by this thing where people are like, oh, yeah, who

899
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:59,560
Speaker 1: needs to sleep? I'm like, hello, hello, we need we

900
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:02,279
Speaker 1: need to sleep. Your brain needs to sleep. If you

901
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 1: become one of those people who overworks and you don't sleep,

902
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:07,800
Speaker 1: your performance suffers and then you become a crazy person.

903
00:47:08,520 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 1: I've been there, done that, Like we need it and

904
00:47:12,239 --> 00:47:16,839
Speaker 1: yet whatever is sort of tender or perceived as a weakness,

905
00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 1: we judge rather than to your point, incorporating the reality

906
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:25,399
Speaker 1: of all of our feelings, all of our experiences, all

907
00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:30,200
Speaker 1: of our strength, and all of our very human exhaustion totally.

908
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:33,759
Speaker 1: And it's the most amazing thing about is is that

909
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 1: those emotions are all signals. All they are is signals.

910
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:40,320
Speaker 1: They're just trying to tell you something. Like when you

911
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 1: feel hungry, it's just a signal. When you feel tired,

912
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 1: it's a signal. A feeling is a signal. An emotions signals.

913
00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:50,320
Speaker 1: They're just trying to tell you something. And if you

914
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:52,000
Speaker 1: go no, I don't want to listen to you right now,

915
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:54,799
Speaker 1: go away. I'm like, you know you're you're feeling or

916
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:57,799
Speaker 1: signal is saying you're tired, take a break. It's like

917
00:47:57,840 --> 00:47:59,960
Speaker 1: saying you see the red on your phone come up

918
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:02,359
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, just ignore that. What's gonna happen

919
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:04,560
Speaker 1: you batary is going to die. Your phone's gonna die.

920
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:07,840
Speaker 1: So if you keep ignoring your emotions, it's natural that

921
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:11,240
Speaker 1: you're going to go into depression or anxiety or feel

922
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 1: that high level of pressure because all you're doing is

923
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:17,000
Speaker 1: you're seeing yourself go to red. You're seeing yourself go

924
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:20,239
Speaker 1: down to those last last bar of charge, and you're

925
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:23,359
Speaker 1: ignoring that and saying, no, I shouldn't feel that way.

926
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:25,080
Speaker 1: You don't say that to your phone. When your phone does,

927
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:27,239
Speaker 1: you go, okay, why am I? You may say, God,

928
00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 1: these iPhones they die so quickly these days, right, you

929
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:31,640
Speaker 1: may say that, But the point is you still put

930
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:33,600
Speaker 1: it on charge, like you said earlier. So for me,

931
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:38,240
Speaker 1: every emotion, every feeling, is a signal trying to teach

932
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:42,799
Speaker 1: you something. And whatever we don't repair will repeat. And

933
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:44,960
Speaker 1: so if you don't repair it, if you don't acknowledge it,

934
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:46,360
Speaker 1: if you don't get to know it, and if you

935
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:48,839
Speaker 1: don't go, oh, I see you. I see what you're

936
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:51,239
Speaker 1: trying to teach me. And so now I know when

937
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:54,399
Speaker 1: I feel that way, I'm going to do this, then

938
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:58,040
Speaker 1: you'll solve it. And we've done that for food and cleanliness, right,

939
00:48:58,080 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 1: We've done that for I'm hungry at eat, I'm unclean,

940
00:49:01,719 --> 00:49:04,439
Speaker 1: I'm going to clean myself, I'm you know, we've done

941
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:06,120
Speaker 1: it for those, and now we have to do it

942
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:08,399
Speaker 1: for our emotions and feelings. And you're so right that

943
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:14,319
Speaker 1: we think that we are we think we're faulty when

944
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:16,759
Speaker 1: we see one of these challenges, like we think we

945
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 1: feel like we've got some defect or there were faulty

946
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:22,480
Speaker 1: that I'm tired and I'm unmotivated. No, that's just normal,

947
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:27,200
Speaker 1: And there's ways of getting that energy back. There's ways

948
00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:31,160
Speaker 1: of inspiring yourself. Again, we just don't know enough of those.

949
00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:34,400
Speaker 1: I feel like that's what we're heading towards together in

950
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:37,440
Speaker 1: this conversation, Like, I feel like that's what what's missing

951
00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:40,279
Speaker 1: that we see as a defect. We see it as

952
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:42,360
Speaker 1: a fault. We don't see it as a signal or

953
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:45,400
Speaker 1: a feature of how we function and just a piece

954
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:48,600
Speaker 1: of us totally, because because we are a sum total

955
00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:52,080
Speaker 1: of our existence, and if we're denying half of it,

956
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:57,719
Speaker 1: we're inherently putting an energy into ourselves that we're somehow deficient. Yes,

957
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:01,080
Speaker 1: and how sad totally a Now, every time you feel

958
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:03,560
Speaker 1: that emotion or that signal, you now see that signal

959
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:07,759
Speaker 1: as a deficiency. So you're constantly meditating or focusing on

960
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:11,400
Speaker 1: your deficiencies. Yeah, you keep repeating a story, and the

961
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,920
Speaker 1: joke is that it's a story you made up totally

962
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:21,040
Speaker 1: exactly exactly, Yes, So the thing that my I'm curious about.

963
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:25,040
Speaker 1: Next I suppose is when you talk about patterns especially

964
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,560
Speaker 1: and that idea that you know, a lesson will repeat

965
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:31,719
Speaker 1: until we learn it. I think so many people see

966
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:35,720
Speaker 1: that in relationships. I know, certainly hindsight is the gift.

967
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 1: Right as you said, I can look back at my

968
00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:40,320
Speaker 1: relationship history and be like, oh, I see what patterns

969
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 1: I was trying to work out. Yep, yep, that's me.

970
00:50:43,239 --> 00:50:46,439
Speaker 1: That's on me, got it. And you know, you talk

971
00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:50,240
Speaker 1: about your your relationship history from fourteen to twenty two,

972
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:55,520
Speaker 1: and obviously now you're married, and you talk about how

973
00:50:55,520 --> 00:51:00,200
Speaker 1: healthy and balanced that that marriages, and that's I think

974
00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:03,160
Speaker 1: a gift and also a sign that you do the work.

975
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:07,040
Speaker 1: And so I'm curious about how all of these lessons

976
00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:11,000
Speaker 1: uh that you incorporate from both of those sides of

977
00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:15,759
Speaker 1: your life now go into both sides of your partnership.

978
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:20,120
Speaker 1: You know, because two of my best friends got married

979
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 1: last summer, and the thing that I thought was so

980
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:25,000
Speaker 1: amazing they talk about how there are three people in

981
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:28,760
Speaker 1: their relationship. There's each of them and then the relationship itself.

982
00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:31,520
Speaker 1: So they say you, me, we and they did their

983
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:35,319
Speaker 1: vows to each other and then to the relationship and

984
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:38,400
Speaker 1: not a dry eye in the house. It was the best.

985
00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:45,680
Speaker 1: But I'm curious how this perspective applies when you have

986
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 1: to do it with someone and in the context of

987
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:54,560
Speaker 1: a relationship too. No, and I love that idea, and

988
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 1: I couldn't agree with it more because what that's saying

989
00:51:57,320 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 1: is we're both complete individual and then we're bring creating

990
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:06,239
Speaker 1: something together, as opposed to we're all halves of each other.

991
00:52:06,680 --> 00:52:09,680
Speaker 1: And then we say things like better half, other half,

992
00:52:09,719 --> 00:52:12,600
Speaker 1: which means we're just a half when they're gone, which

993
00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:15,239
Speaker 1: means we're always only going to be a half, which

994
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:18,960
Speaker 1: makes no sense. Whereas you are one, you are whole,

995
00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:21,120
Speaker 1: you are one, you are whole, and then you create

996
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:24,279
Speaker 1: something new whole together too, which is a much more

997
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:27,600
Speaker 1: healthy belief around relationships. And so it's interesting how our

998
00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:30,719
Speaker 1: language around relationships needs to evolve. Yeah, that idea of

999
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:35,399
Speaker 1: half inherently means you're lacking totally. It's a real mess

1000
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:37,560
Speaker 1: because it literally means that when that person is not

1001
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:41,239
Speaker 1: physically there or mentally there, you're only half, and so

1002
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:45,000
Speaker 1: you're destined to feel half and sad and then God forbid.

1003
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,280
Speaker 1: But when something happens to that person and that person

1004
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:50,879
Speaker 1: dies and is not around anymore, then what does that mean?

1005
00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:53,040
Speaker 1: You're only left with half? And it's like that language

1006
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:58,480
Speaker 1: is is really poor for communicating our you know, our

1007
00:52:58,520 --> 00:53:00,919
Speaker 1: greatness and our potential who we are before and after

1008
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:03,319
Speaker 1: a relationship. So first of all, I think it's really

1009
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,759
Speaker 1: important that we change the language around relationships and how

1010
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,759
Speaker 1: we talk about them and how we think about them,

1011
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:12,359
Speaker 1: because that's going to create a perception for ourselves. So

1012
00:53:12,400 --> 00:53:16,600
Speaker 1: I love that of you, me and we or you yeah,

1013
00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:19,880
Speaker 1: you me and Yeah they're very smartly Yeah you me

1014
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:22,120
Speaker 1: and we are take credit, but it's a good one. Yeah.

1015
00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:24,880
Speaker 1: I absolutely love that and and completely completely agree with that.

1016
00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:29,720
Speaker 1: So the thing, all of my lessons have come from

1017
00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:33,479
Speaker 1: my past relationships as well, multiple relationships figuring things out,

1018
00:53:33,600 --> 00:53:37,280
Speaker 1: making massive mistakes. And I think for us, the hardest

1019
00:53:37,360 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 1: lesson to learn is that your relationships with your parents

1020
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:44,200
Speaker 1: are being reflected in your relationships. So what you did

1021
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:47,560
Speaker 1: or didn't get from your mom or your dad is

1022
00:53:47,640 --> 00:53:51,280
Speaker 1: what you're now projecting onto your relationships and your partners.

1023
00:53:51,719 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 1: And that's like the hardest truth, but it is true.

1024
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:57,279
Speaker 1: And if you literally went back through most of your relationships,

1025
00:53:57,280 --> 00:53:59,160
Speaker 1: you'll be like oh, I was either acting like my

1026
00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:01,920
Speaker 1: mom or dad, or I was trying to get something

1027
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:04,600
Speaker 1: that my mom or dad didn't give me, right, And

1028
00:54:04,600 --> 00:54:07,360
Speaker 1: that's usually what we find. We're either becoming our parents

1029
00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:11,120
Speaker 1: or expecting something that our parents didn't give us. And

1030
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:15,120
Speaker 1: I think working through that and asking ourselves, Okay, well

1031
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:17,120
Speaker 1: that's what I expected from my parents. Now is this

1032
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:19,800
Speaker 1: the person that I want the same thing from? Or actually,

1033
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:22,520
Speaker 1: am I looking for something very different from a partner?

1034
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:24,800
Speaker 1: You know? Am I looking for something very different? And

1035
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:27,600
Speaker 1: should I really put that pressure on them? And then

1036
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:29,640
Speaker 1: it's looking at like, well, who am I becoming? Am

1037
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:31,480
Speaker 1: I also acting like my mom or dad because I

1038
00:54:31,480 --> 00:54:33,279
Speaker 1: saw them behave this way? Or am I acting like

1039
00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:35,480
Speaker 1: the person I want to be in a relationship? So

1040
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:39,799
Speaker 1: it's creating this disconnect between who you are right now

1041
00:54:39,800 --> 00:54:42,399
Speaker 1: and who you really want to be, and who that

1042
00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:44,759
Speaker 1: person is and who you want them to be, and

1043
00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:51,040
Speaker 1: getting really clear around your perspective and your focus for

1044
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:53,719
Speaker 1: them and your dreams for this relationship rather than what's

1045
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:56,279
Speaker 1: happened because of your past and your upbringing. And I

1046
00:54:56,280 --> 00:54:58,480
Speaker 1: think that takes out so much of the stress. So

1047
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 1: so many times I saw myself acting like my parents

1048
00:55:01,120 --> 00:55:04,440
Speaker 1: and my relationships early on, or trying to fill a

1049
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 1: gap or a void that I didn't have. And when

1050
00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:09,719
Speaker 1: I realized that that was from that gap and that void,

1051
00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I don't need that in this relationship.

1052
00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:14,440
Speaker 1: So that's one big thing to think about. You know.

1053
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:16,560
Speaker 1: That's something that everyone has to do a self reflection

1054
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:21,400
Speaker 1: on in their own time. But for me, this this

1055
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 1: deep belief that just get really okay with the fact

1056
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:32,399
Speaker 1: that there is no one person who solves everything for you, Like,

1057
00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:35,680
Speaker 1: no one's going to fix you, No one person is

1058
00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:40,040
Speaker 1: going to solve all your problems, No one person is

1059
00:55:40,040 --> 00:55:43,720
Speaker 1: going to transform your life. That's you. That one person

1060
00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:46,840
Speaker 1: is you, it's not another person. And I think this

1061
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:49,520
Speaker 1: all comes from music, media and messages like this is

1062
00:55:49,520 --> 00:55:52,799
Speaker 1: coming from movies. It's what we've seen in movies like

1063
00:55:52,840 --> 00:55:54,960
Speaker 1: the Guys Down and Out and this woman changes life,

1064
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 1: or the girls down and Out and the guy changes

1065
00:55:57,840 --> 00:56:00,719
Speaker 1: you complete me and you try to for me, and

1066
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:03,759
Speaker 1: it's like all of these messages have really messed us up,

1067
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:06,600
Speaker 1: you know. And and that's the challenge with messages not

1068
00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:09,399
Speaker 1: being thought through. And so I would really look at

1069
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:12,600
Speaker 1: what you're expecting from a partner. If you're single, really

1070
00:56:12,600 --> 00:56:14,200
Speaker 1: think about it breaking up. What are you expecting? And

1071
00:56:14,239 --> 00:56:16,000
Speaker 1: ask yourself, do I want that? Or do I want

1072
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:18,400
Speaker 1: that because of movies, messages, media, music, and my friends?

1073
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:21,200
Speaker 1: Or do I really want those things? Right? Do I

1074
00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 1: feel more pain when a guy or a girl doesn't

1075
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:25,880
Speaker 1: do something for me because my friends judge that? Or

1076
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 1: am I judging that? Is that my belief? And start

1077
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:31,600
Speaker 1: creating that distance between the beliefs you currently have in

1078
00:56:31,640 --> 00:56:35,480
Speaker 1: the beliefs you you truly have. That's that step one,

1079
00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:36,920
Speaker 1: and then and then for me the second one. If

1080
00:56:36,920 --> 00:56:39,799
Speaker 1: you're already in a relationship, you still need to have

1081
00:56:39,840 --> 00:56:42,520
Speaker 1: these same conversations. It's not too late. It's not like,

1082
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:43,920
Speaker 1: oh no, you're now going to have to start a

1083
00:56:43,920 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 1: new relationship. In that relationship, you need to start having

1084
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:51,840
Speaker 1: these awareness conversations around expectations and around judgment, because otherwise

1085
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:56,200
Speaker 1: we keep, we keep mirroring our past beliefs in our future,

1086
00:56:57,040 --> 00:57:00,520
Speaker 1: and that creates so many more cracks. Right, Like we keep,

1087
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:04,399
Speaker 1: we keep, we keep. Everything that we don't heal from

1088
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:07,200
Speaker 1: our past bleeds on our future. And so anything that

1089
00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:09,839
Speaker 1: we haven't gone through, anything that we haven't worked through,

1090
00:57:10,120 --> 00:57:13,040
Speaker 1: that's just going to impact that next person. So don't

1091
00:57:13,040 --> 00:57:14,960
Speaker 1: look for someone to fix you. Fix yourself and find

1092
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:18,320
Speaker 1: someone who's having to wait for you while you fix yourself. Yeah. Right,

1093
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:21,000
Speaker 1: that's that's what really a relationship is. Don't expect anyone

1094
00:57:21,040 --> 00:57:33,920
Speaker 1: to fix you or do the work. Yeah it was

1095
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 1: interesting too. I saw it was such a good episode

1096
00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:39,120
Speaker 1: by the way I saw you and your wife on

1097
00:57:39,440 --> 00:57:43,200
Speaker 1: Red Table Talk. Yeah, it was so good. Thank you.

1098
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:47,800
Speaker 1: And and you said something that I thought it was

1099
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:51,840
Speaker 1: another kind of aha moment when you talked about, you know,

1100
00:57:51,880 --> 00:57:55,240
Speaker 1: when a couple gets into a disagreement, there's this historical

1101
00:57:55,240 --> 00:57:58,320
Speaker 1: idea that someone has to win, but that one person

1102
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:02,840
Speaker 1: winning is your marriage losing. That you have to win together.

1103
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:08,400
Speaker 1: And I was like shouted from you know. And I

1104
00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:12,280
Speaker 1: think that's applicable to families, to friendships, like any any

1105
00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:15,919
Speaker 1: unit in your life, whether romantic or not. If if

1106
00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:19,440
Speaker 1: the unit is important to you, you want the unit

1107
00:58:19,560 --> 00:58:25,400
Speaker 1: to win. And I wonder how you look at kind

1108
00:58:25,440 --> 00:58:29,520
Speaker 1: of divesting from the very natural human response and the

1109
00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:33,120
Speaker 1: response of the ego that wants to be right, because really,

1110
00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:35,000
Speaker 1: I think wanting to be right is just wanting to

1111
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:38,160
Speaker 1: be validated. It's wanting to be told that you're you

1112
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:45,720
Speaker 1: have value. So when you think about approaching something, what

1113
00:58:45,800 --> 00:58:48,520
Speaker 1: do you look at to make sure that the relationship,

1114
00:58:48,600 --> 00:58:52,400
Speaker 1: the friendship, the parental relationship, the marriage, the whatever it

1115
00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:56,240
Speaker 1: might be, is the thing that's winning. Yeah, what a

1116
00:58:56,280 --> 00:58:58,600
Speaker 1: great question. I think. One of the first things is,

1117
00:58:59,720 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 1: you know, we talk a lot about the love languages,

1118
00:59:01,800 --> 00:59:03,680
Speaker 1: but I have this strong belief now after doing a

1119
00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:06,400
Speaker 1: lot of reflection, that there are also fight languages. And

1120
00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:08,360
Speaker 1: what I mean by that is we all have different

1121
00:59:08,400 --> 00:59:12,600
Speaker 1: ways we fight and deal with disagreements. So one is

1122
00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:15,000
Speaker 1: the silent treatment. So like some people just need to

1123
00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:18,360
Speaker 1: go into themselves, hide in a corner, run away, and

1124
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:21,520
Speaker 1: think about it themselves. My wife's like that. She likes

1125
00:59:21,560 --> 00:59:25,440
Speaker 1: to process when we're arguing in space and silence. I'm

1126
00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:26,919
Speaker 1: the kind of person that wants to talk it out.

1127
00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:28,800
Speaker 1: I'm like, look, I want to get to the answer.

1128
00:59:28,880 --> 00:59:31,600
Speaker 1: Let's talk it out. Let's such a verbal process. Do

1129
00:59:32,080 --> 00:59:34,320
Speaker 1: it alone? No, neither could. I can't talk about it.

1130
00:59:34,320 --> 00:59:36,840
Speaker 1: I can't figure out how I feel totally, totally, and

1131
00:59:36,840 --> 00:59:38,680
Speaker 1: so I so that's some of us. We just want

1132
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 1: to talk about it. And I'm like that too. And

1133
00:59:40,840 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 1: then there are other people who want to fight it out.

1134
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,520
Speaker 1: So these are people who are just fighting from their ego,

1135
00:59:46,240 --> 00:59:47,919
Speaker 1: like I just want to go ego. Then some people

1136
00:59:48,080 --> 00:59:50,400
Speaker 1: want to blame others, right, like, So the point being

1137
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:54,000
Speaker 1: that there are so many different fighting styles that we've

1138
00:59:54,040 --> 00:59:56,680
Speaker 1: all been again conditioned to an accustomed to. And I

1139
00:59:56,720 --> 01:00:01,000
Speaker 1: think the first thing is just recognizing how your partner

1140
01:00:01,160 --> 01:00:05,320
Speaker 1: changes in a fight situation or a conflict situation, and

1141
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:09,200
Speaker 1: just recognizing that may not be them hating you or

1142
01:00:09,240 --> 01:00:11,760
Speaker 1: not loving you, but that may just be because that's

1143
01:00:11,760 --> 01:00:14,080
Speaker 1: what they have conditioned to do in that sort of response,

1144
01:00:14,640 --> 01:00:18,640
Speaker 1: and just giving that person that opportunity for them to

1145
01:00:18,640 --> 01:00:20,720
Speaker 1: see it too, because they probably don't realize why they

1146
01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:23,000
Speaker 1: respond like that in a fighting situation. So first, get

1147
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:25,480
Speaker 1: really aware of how that person likes to argue and

1148
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:27,960
Speaker 1: how you'd like to argue. And just because it's different

1149
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:30,439
Speaker 1: doesn't mean you don't care. Because my wife will say

1150
01:00:30,480 --> 01:00:34,600
Speaker 1: that her silence, sorry going no, I was just gonna say,

1151
01:00:34,760 --> 01:00:37,480
Speaker 1: it strikes me that what you're saying is, rather than

1152
01:00:38,560 --> 01:00:44,960
Speaker 1: feeling attacked by someone's style, offering them the grace that

1153
01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:47,680
Speaker 1: you would want them to offer you. Because each of

1154
01:00:47,760 --> 01:00:50,280
Speaker 1: us is aware on some level of the of the

1155
01:00:50,320 --> 01:00:53,600
Speaker 1: stuff we carry to an earlier point about our childhoods

1156
01:00:53,600 --> 01:00:56,480
Speaker 1: are conditioning, are patterning how we learned to fight or

1157
01:00:56,600 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 1: disagree or make up or whatever from our parents. And

1158
01:01:00,320 --> 01:01:02,920
Speaker 1: so you can carry that stuff into a fight with

1159
01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:05,440
Speaker 1: you and go, hello, you know I love you, but

1160
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:07,520
Speaker 1: you know that this is my ship. And for some reason,

1161
01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:09,680
Speaker 1: it's so hard for us to offer that to other people.

1162
01:01:11,280 --> 01:01:12,840
Speaker 1: Are you going to react from judgment or are you

1163
01:01:12,840 --> 01:01:14,600
Speaker 1: going to offer just a little bit of grace to

1164
01:01:14,640 --> 01:01:19,200
Speaker 1: know that it's not about you? Absolutely hard. It is hard,

1165
01:01:19,240 --> 01:01:21,480
Speaker 1: and so the only way to do it is to

1166
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:24,320
Speaker 1: prepare when you're not arguing. Right, And this is the

1167
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:28,320
Speaker 1: mistake that we all. It's like, imagine the only time

1168
01:01:28,320 --> 01:01:31,439
Speaker 1: an athlete prepared was on game day, Right, it makes

1169
01:01:31,440 --> 01:01:34,480
Speaker 1: no sense. Like if if it's the World championship, times

1170
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:36,959
Speaker 1: would be horrible. Yeah, and then that's the only day

1171
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:39,520
Speaker 1: you go out. And that's what we do. We argue

1172
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:42,600
Speaker 1: or talk about arguing or think about arguing only when

1173
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:46,080
Speaker 1: we argue, rather than actually when we're having downtime and

1174
01:01:46,120 --> 01:01:48,040
Speaker 1: we're cool and actually saying hey, you know what I know.

1175
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:51,080
Speaker 1: We argue a lot about X, y Z. Can we

1176
01:01:51,120 --> 01:01:53,320
Speaker 1: address arguments like this, and I know that sounds like

1177
01:01:53,600 --> 01:01:55,560
Speaker 1: a boring conversation to have and be like, oh, that's

1178
01:01:55,560 --> 01:01:57,480
Speaker 1: not sexy at all, it's not very attractive. Well, my

1179
01:01:57,560 --> 01:02:00,919
Speaker 1: point is just that's the work, right, or you're gonna

1180
01:02:00,960 --> 01:02:03,240
Speaker 1: keep having a really bad argument about the same thing.

1181
01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:05,320
Speaker 1: So for me, I've sat down with my wife and

1182
01:02:05,320 --> 01:02:08,560
Speaker 1: we've discussed, like, how do we want to deal with arguments? Right?

1183
01:02:08,640 --> 01:02:10,320
Speaker 1: How are we going to make sure that we're still

1184
01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:12,800
Speaker 1: in love? And you know that in an argument, what

1185
01:02:12,840 --> 01:02:14,640
Speaker 1: are we going to stop saying? Because I used to

1186
01:02:14,680 --> 01:02:16,760
Speaker 1: have this. I used to be really bad at just

1187
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:19,760
Speaker 1: saying mean things I didn't mean right. I would just

1188
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:23,160
Speaker 1: say these really like elaborate statements because I grew up

1189
01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:25,680
Speaker 1: in a house where lots of elaborate statesments were thrown around.

1190
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,520
Speaker 1: You just say something really elaborate that is that you

1191
01:02:28,640 --> 01:02:31,320
Speaker 1: definitely don't mean, and you get away with it in

1192
01:02:31,360 --> 01:02:32,560
Speaker 1: the heat at the moment, But then it's just like,

1193
01:02:32,600 --> 01:02:36,040
Speaker 1: this is damaging my relationship because no matter even if

1194
01:02:36,080 --> 01:02:37,439
Speaker 1: you said in the heat at the moment, you still

1195
01:02:37,440 --> 01:02:40,240
Speaker 1: have to think that even if it's not true, and

1196
01:02:40,280 --> 01:02:43,240
Speaker 1: the other person then has to carry it correct exactly

1197
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:46,840
Speaker 1: and you can't. I'm here and you can't unsee and

1198
01:02:46,840 --> 01:02:50,520
Speaker 1: you can't unsay yeah, And that is the biggest thing

1199
01:02:50,560 --> 01:02:52,720
Speaker 1: for me that I started to realize that, hey, I'm

1200
01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:54,200
Speaker 1: going to live with this person with the rest of

1201
01:02:54,240 --> 01:02:57,960
Speaker 1: my life. Do I really want them to lose every day? Like?

1202
01:02:58,040 --> 01:03:01,240
Speaker 1: How's that going to feel? Like? That is that loss together?

1203
01:03:01,320 --> 01:03:03,720
Speaker 1: So for me, it's still about being right, but it's

1204
01:03:03,760 --> 01:03:06,080
Speaker 1: about being what's right for us. That's where that we

1205
01:03:06,240 --> 01:03:10,520
Speaker 1: are so important. And there's a difference between being right

1206
01:03:11,440 --> 01:03:15,320
Speaker 1: and being true correct because to your point, some people

1207
01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:16,880
Speaker 1: will say things in the heat of the moment in

1208
01:03:16,920 --> 01:03:19,600
Speaker 1: an argument because it makes them feel better, and then

1209
01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:21,440
Speaker 1: people who do that are like, oh, I feel so

1210
01:03:21,520 --> 01:03:24,600
Speaker 1: much better, and the person who processes differently is still

1211
01:03:24,640 --> 01:03:29,320
Speaker 1: so wounded from what was said and you haven't gotten anywhere.

1212
01:03:30,040 --> 01:03:32,400
Speaker 1: And that's what we have to think about us as

1213
01:03:32,440 --> 01:03:34,280
Speaker 1: a unit. For me was that, Yeah, the statement that

1214
01:03:34,280 --> 01:03:36,920
Speaker 1: I made was, you know, when you're in an argument,

1215
01:03:36,920 --> 01:03:39,360
Speaker 1: it's not you against each other, it's both of you

1216
01:03:39,440 --> 01:03:42,960
Speaker 1: against the problem. And so for me, I've I constantly

1217
01:03:43,040 --> 01:03:46,400
Speaker 1: and literally in your mind visualize when you're having an argument.

1218
01:03:46,440 --> 01:03:49,120
Speaker 1: I literally put yourself on a tag team and put

1219
01:03:49,120 --> 01:03:50,760
Speaker 1: the problem on the other side, and I do that.

1220
01:03:50,800 --> 01:03:54,840
Speaker 1: I go through that visual process many times when we're

1221
01:03:54,880 --> 01:03:56,800
Speaker 1: doing something, trying to put ourselves on the side and

1222
01:03:56,800 --> 01:04:00,520
Speaker 1: putting the problem on the other side. And I want

1223
01:04:00,520 --> 01:04:02,280
Speaker 1: my wife to do the same. And so that's come

1224
01:04:02,360 --> 01:04:06,400
Speaker 1: through having conversations about arguments when we're not arguing. You

1225
01:04:06,440 --> 01:04:10,320
Speaker 1: can't have a rational conversation when you're being irrational, and

1226
01:04:10,360 --> 01:04:13,120
Speaker 1: that's hard. So don't expect yourself to become rational then

1227
01:04:13,200 --> 01:04:15,919
Speaker 1: if you haven't had it in the calm time. And

1228
01:04:16,520 --> 01:04:19,720
Speaker 1: I've heard you say that love is a verb, it

1229
01:04:19,920 --> 01:04:22,280
Speaker 1: is an action verb, and I think that that's such

1230
01:04:22,320 --> 01:04:26,360
Speaker 1: an amazing phrase. Anywhere I hear it, my response is

1231
01:04:26,400 --> 01:04:32,520
Speaker 1: always yes. And so the this ridiculous idea that loving

1232
01:04:32,600 --> 01:04:34,560
Speaker 1: someone enough that you would come to them and say,

1233
01:04:34,640 --> 01:04:36,800
Speaker 1: I want us to talk about something so we can

1234
01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:39,520
Speaker 1: be the best team ever, totally, that's not I'm sexy,

1235
01:04:39,640 --> 01:04:43,200
Speaker 1: that's super sexy. It is I hope. So I'm just yeah,

1236
01:04:43,480 --> 01:04:45,959
Speaker 1: good for you guys. I'm like they're doing that, they're

1237
01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:48,120
Speaker 1: doing the thing right. If you can't, if you can't

1238
01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:50,640
Speaker 1: talk about that with your partner, then there's something really

1239
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:54,280
Speaker 1: wrong there. If you can't have that conversation. And I

1240
01:04:54,280 --> 01:04:57,560
Speaker 1: think it's so important because you just can't you can't expect.

1241
01:04:57,560 --> 01:04:59,000
Speaker 1: And this is why people are like, oh, but we're

1242
01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:01,000
Speaker 1: not arguing. I can't can trolling my ego. And I'm like,

1243
01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:03,600
Speaker 1: I know that. You don't learn how to sail a

1244
01:05:03,680 --> 01:05:06,360
Speaker 1: ship in the storm. You learned to sail the ship

1245
01:05:06,400 --> 01:05:08,360
Speaker 1: when the sea is really calm. Like that's how when

1246
01:05:08,400 --> 01:05:11,120
Speaker 1: you learn, you practice your train. So when your relationship

1247
01:05:11,200 --> 01:05:13,040
Speaker 1: is going good, that's when you put in the work

1248
01:05:13,040 --> 01:05:15,600
Speaker 1: for when it's going to get hard. Yeah, it's amazing,

1249
01:05:15,880 --> 01:05:20,360
Speaker 1: you know. Esther Perel that incredible. Oh my god, she's everything. Uh,

1250
01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:22,560
Speaker 1: if you haven't seen her Ted talks, guys, please to

1251
01:05:22,640 --> 01:05:24,760
Speaker 1: yourself a favor. She's, you know, the pre eminent and

1252
01:05:24,880 --> 01:05:28,040
Speaker 1: marriage and family therapist expert, and she just has all

1253
01:05:28,080 --> 01:05:31,240
Speaker 1: the right ideas. And and I heard her say something

1254
01:05:31,320 --> 01:05:34,040
Speaker 1: years ago that I've never forgotten. She said, on average,

1255
01:05:34,480 --> 01:05:39,200
Speaker 1: couples start going to therapy together seven years too late.

1256
01:05:40,320 --> 01:05:44,080
Speaker 1: That makes sense, And it's what you're saying is blowing

1257
01:05:44,120 --> 01:05:46,840
Speaker 1: my mind. Because of course, if you want to learn

1258
01:05:46,880 --> 01:05:48,840
Speaker 1: to ski, you have to start on a bunny slope.

1259
01:05:48,880 --> 01:05:51,720
Speaker 1: You have to work your way up like nobody's dropping

1260
01:05:51,760 --> 01:05:53,400
Speaker 1: you out of a helly your first time on a

1261
01:05:53,400 --> 01:05:55,160
Speaker 1: pair of skis and being like see you at the bottom.

1262
01:05:55,280 --> 01:06:00,280
Speaker 1: Ye die? And I wonder why we don't think about that.

1263
01:06:00,680 --> 01:06:03,600
Speaker 1: I think I think it's the I think it is

1264
01:06:03,680 --> 01:06:06,440
Speaker 1: the messages we've grown up with, the happily ever afters right,

1265
01:06:06,480 --> 01:06:09,480
Speaker 1: the movie always ends at the marriage, right, or the

1266
01:06:09,560 --> 01:06:11,720
Speaker 1: movie and and things have changed that media has changed.

1267
01:06:11,760 --> 01:06:13,360
Speaker 1: It's not fair for me to say that there aren't

1268
01:06:13,360 --> 01:06:16,080
Speaker 1: movies about divorce and marriage. Of course there are. But

1269
01:06:16,160 --> 01:06:17,960
Speaker 1: the point is that a lot of when we were younger,

1270
01:06:18,080 --> 01:06:20,880
Speaker 1: it's a lot of conditioning from when we were younger.

1271
01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:23,360
Speaker 1: And the big one for me is when I read

1272
01:06:23,400 --> 01:06:26,000
Speaker 1: this study from the Gottman Institute that said that the

1273
01:06:26,280 --> 01:06:30,600
Speaker 1: number one skill that keeps couples together is not date nights.

1274
01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:33,720
Speaker 1: It's not holidays, it's not romantic cruises or walks. It's

1275
01:06:33,760 --> 01:06:36,840
Speaker 1: knowing how to fight. Like couples that stand the test

1276
01:06:36,880 --> 01:06:40,040
Speaker 1: of time is that they know how to fight, they

1277
01:06:40,080 --> 01:06:42,160
Speaker 1: know how to deal with conflict. And guess what, since

1278
01:06:42,200 --> 01:06:45,040
Speaker 1: we've been young, we've been avoiding conflict. Like I know me,

1279
01:06:45,160 --> 01:06:47,120
Speaker 1: I don't like getting an argument with anyone. I don't

1280
01:06:47,120 --> 01:06:48,680
Speaker 1: want to have have a disagreement with anyone. I find it

1281
01:06:48,800 --> 01:06:51,640
Speaker 1: so awkward. But that's a skill that we all need

1282
01:06:51,680 --> 01:06:54,480
Speaker 1: to get right in our relationships, in the workplace, everywhere.

1283
01:06:54,720 --> 01:06:56,840
Speaker 1: And so that's something I've had to consciously work on

1284
01:06:57,320 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 1: and have become a lot more comfortable within all different

1285
01:06:59,720 --> 01:07:01,760
Speaker 1: arena is of my life. Is how do you have

1286
01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:04,680
Speaker 1: a tough conversation? Because what we keep doing is keep

1287
01:07:04,680 --> 01:07:07,480
Speaker 1: throwing it away, and and that's kind of how we

1288
01:07:07,520 --> 01:07:09,240
Speaker 1: deal with in society. Like when we have trash, we

1289
01:07:09,320 --> 01:07:10,960
Speaker 1: keep throwing it away and then we realize that the

1290
01:07:11,040 --> 01:07:13,680
Speaker 1: environment's crumbling. Right, it doesn't actually go anywhere, It doesn't

1291
01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:16,080
Speaker 1: go anywhere, It moves to a different place. And that's

1292
01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:18,720
Speaker 1: the same with us, right we're just chucking trash inside

1293
01:07:18,760 --> 01:07:20,520
Speaker 1: of us to another place, hoping that we're just gonna

1294
01:07:20,560 --> 01:07:23,080
Speaker 1: forget about it. Guess what, It builds a huge pile

1295
01:07:23,120 --> 01:07:25,720
Speaker 1: of trash inside of you, and then you have to

1296
01:07:25,760 --> 01:07:29,120
Speaker 1: deal with it because your internal environments just like the

1297
01:07:29,160 --> 01:07:32,080
Speaker 1: external environment that it needs to process it. It's not

1298
01:07:32,120 --> 01:07:35,120
Speaker 1: just gonna disintegrate all the plastics. Sorry for the analogies,

1299
01:07:35,160 --> 01:07:38,120
Speaker 1: but you know, it's just just just I love visualizing

1300
01:07:38,120 --> 01:07:40,280
Speaker 1: things like for me, it's just like if you're throwing

1301
01:07:40,320 --> 01:07:42,800
Speaker 1: stuff away or you're trying to put something under the rug,

1302
01:07:43,320 --> 01:07:45,800
Speaker 1: it's still under the rug, and then it's just piling

1303
01:07:45,920 --> 01:07:50,200
Speaker 1: up and then it's literally festering exactly, and it's and

1304
01:07:50,240 --> 01:07:53,320
Speaker 1: it's getting old, and it's decaying all of that, and

1305
01:07:53,360 --> 01:07:57,360
Speaker 1: that's why so many of our emotions are decayed signals, right,

1306
01:07:57,360 --> 01:08:00,280
Speaker 1: So many our emotions are decayed signal signals that been

1307
01:08:00,400 --> 01:08:02,240
Speaker 1: trying to be reminded again and again and again, and

1308
01:08:02,240 --> 01:08:04,680
Speaker 1: they're just getting older and moldier and you know all

1309
01:08:04,720 --> 01:08:06,160
Speaker 1: the rest of it. So you know, we got a

1310
01:08:06,200 --> 01:08:12,960
Speaker 1: clean house. Yes, it's so inspiring listening to the way

1311
01:08:13,000 --> 01:08:16,720
Speaker 1: that you talk about these things. And obviously, I think

1312
01:08:16,720 --> 01:08:18,760
Speaker 1: it's no surprise to anyone who's listening, whether they were

1313
01:08:18,800 --> 01:08:23,280
Speaker 1: aware or not, that you have this massive platform and

1314
01:08:23,320 --> 01:08:25,560
Speaker 1: the videos that you make, and the and the international

1315
01:08:25,640 --> 01:08:29,080
Speaker 1: speaking tours that you go on. Because everyone needs to

1316
01:08:29,160 --> 01:08:33,600
Speaker 1: hear this. I'm it's a little out of order, but

1317
01:08:33,600 --> 01:08:37,240
Speaker 1: I'm curious when you talk about, you know, six years ago,

1318
01:08:37,360 --> 01:08:41,120
Speaker 1: moving back in with your parents, what happened? How did

1319
01:08:41,120 --> 01:08:44,840
Speaker 1: you become you're you know, you're you're an international inspiration sensation.

1320
01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:47,280
Speaker 1: If you haven't trademarked that, I just came up with

1321
01:08:47,280 --> 01:08:51,640
Speaker 1: it on a fly, and it's for you where what happened?

1322
01:08:52,160 --> 01:08:56,640
Speaker 1: Because these these conversations that you're having everywhere are transformative.

1323
01:08:57,840 --> 01:09:01,760
Speaker 1: So how did you get here? Well, thank you first

1324
01:09:01,800 --> 01:09:04,080
Speaker 1: wife for very humbled and grateful hearing that. So thank you,

1325
01:09:04,439 --> 01:09:07,920
Speaker 1: thank you for sharing. I've been talking about these things

1326
01:09:07,960 --> 01:09:11,280
Speaker 1: since I was eighteen, So I talked about them offline

1327
01:09:11,479 --> 01:09:15,320
Speaker 1: when they weren't a brand, when they weren't a social

1328
01:09:15,360 --> 01:09:17,120
Speaker 1: media thing. Like I've been talking about this stuff for

1329
01:09:17,160 --> 01:09:18,960
Speaker 1: the last thirteen years of my life, and I've been

1330
01:09:18,960 --> 01:09:21,960
Speaker 1: studying about it, speaking about it and learning more and

1331
01:09:22,000 --> 01:09:25,559
Speaker 1: growing more for myself and making mistakes and experimenting as well.

1332
01:09:25,840 --> 01:09:27,280
Speaker 1: And so when I was at university, I used to

1333
01:09:27,320 --> 01:09:29,960
Speaker 1: have a society called Think Out Loud, and every night

1334
01:09:30,040 --> 01:09:32,160
Speaker 1: students would come like probably about it started with like

1335
01:09:32,320 --> 01:09:34,840
Speaker 1: ten to twenty and then by the time I finished university,

1336
01:09:34,880 --> 01:09:36,960
Speaker 1: but a hundred people would come every week to hear

1337
01:09:37,000 --> 01:09:41,800
Speaker 1: me speak about philosophy, science, spirituality and our minds. And

1338
01:09:41,840 --> 01:09:44,200
Speaker 1: all it was was me just learning and sharing what

1339
01:09:44,280 --> 01:09:46,720
Speaker 1: I was learning. So it wasn't me claiming and then

1340
01:09:46,760 --> 01:09:48,479
Speaker 1: putting patents together. So I was doing this for a

1341
01:09:48,479 --> 01:09:51,760
Speaker 1: long time, and then when I came back, I was

1342
01:09:51,840 --> 01:09:53,679
Speaker 1: really stuck because I like, what do I do now?

1343
01:09:53,720 --> 01:09:55,400
Speaker 1: But the beautiful thing that happened is a lot of

1344
01:09:55,400 --> 01:09:58,200
Speaker 1: my friends worked in busy, stressful jobs and they started

1345
01:09:58,200 --> 01:10:00,720
Speaker 1: asking for my help in their lives. So when I

1346
01:10:00,720 --> 01:10:05,280
Speaker 1: came back to London, I started the default coach executive CEOs, people,

1347
01:10:05,840 --> 01:10:09,320
Speaker 1: everyone at all different levels and backgrounds about their lives

1348
01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:12,400
Speaker 1: and so I was able to share my monk teachings

1349
01:10:12,400 --> 01:10:14,960
Speaker 1: in a very valuable way that helped them. And then

1350
01:10:15,000 --> 01:10:16,200
Speaker 1: I got to a point in life where I was

1351
01:10:16,240 --> 01:10:19,280
Speaker 1: just like, I believed that I had had enough experience

1352
01:10:19,360 --> 01:10:22,320
Speaker 1: with a small group of people. When I say small,

1353
01:10:22,400 --> 01:10:26,360
Speaker 1: I mean hundreds or maybe maybe a couple of thousand

1354
01:10:26,360 --> 01:10:29,320
Speaker 1: people where I had coached, worked, taking retreats, all of

1355
01:10:29,360 --> 01:10:31,439
Speaker 1: this stuff offline, and I was just like, I've had

1356
01:10:31,560 --> 01:10:34,880
Speaker 1: enough experience that there is a need for these conversations.

1357
01:10:35,479 --> 01:10:37,559
Speaker 1: But I hadn't seen them yet in the mainstream media

1358
01:10:37,680 --> 01:10:40,560
Speaker 1: and media. I hadn't seen them yet on social media,

1359
01:10:40,760 --> 01:10:44,680
Speaker 1: and I was just like, I wonder whether people are

1360
01:10:44,720 --> 01:10:47,960
Speaker 1: going to care and be interested, And my hope was

1361
01:10:48,040 --> 01:10:50,720
Speaker 1: that I believe that there were people having these conversations

1362
01:10:50,800 --> 01:10:54,160
Speaker 1: in their homes and messaging, but they just weren't having

1363
01:10:54,160 --> 01:10:55,640
Speaker 1: them in mainstream media. And I was like, I'm going

1364
01:10:55,680 --> 01:10:57,640
Speaker 1: to try. So I had this desire. I was just like,

1365
01:10:57,680 --> 01:11:00,160
Speaker 1: how does this reach everyone who owns a phone? How

1366
01:11:00,160 --> 01:11:01,920
Speaker 1: do we get it out to people for free? How

1367
01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:05,120
Speaker 1: is it not held in boardrooms and meeting rooms but

1368
01:11:05,160 --> 01:11:08,240
Speaker 1: actually gets to every home in the world. And I

1369
01:11:08,320 --> 01:11:12,280
Speaker 1: started making videos. So in sixteen I made my first

1370
01:11:12,320 --> 01:11:14,559
Speaker 1: ever video. Three years ago, on the third of jan

1371
01:11:15,760 --> 01:11:18,519
Speaker 1: I launched my first video on YouTube and it was

1372
01:11:18,560 --> 01:11:20,479
Speaker 1: doing okay, and I realized that it only had views

1373
01:11:20,479 --> 01:11:23,000
Speaker 1: because I kept rewatching it, and then my mom while stay,

1374
01:11:23,080 --> 01:11:24,639
Speaker 1: and my friends while stay, and it was doing okay,

1375
01:11:24,880 --> 01:11:28,120
Speaker 1: like ten of those are mine? Yeah, exactly literally, and

1376
01:11:28,120 --> 01:11:31,320
Speaker 1: and then it grew based on My earliest tipping point

1377
01:11:31,360 --> 01:11:35,519
Speaker 1: was Arianna Huffington's. So Arianna's team someone showed them my

1378
01:11:35,640 --> 01:11:38,240
Speaker 1: videos and they showed it to Ariana, and then Arianna

1379
01:11:38,280 --> 01:11:40,200
Speaker 1: wanted to test these videos. So I made four videos

1380
01:11:40,240 --> 01:11:42,840
Speaker 1: for the Hulf Post. They were produced by me in London,

1381
01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:44,320
Speaker 1: and I sent them to their US team and those

1382
01:11:44,360 --> 01:11:47,000
Speaker 1: four videos did like a hundred million views, and it

1383
01:11:47,040 --> 01:11:49,040
Speaker 1: blew my mind because I didn't expect that. And that

1384
01:11:49,160 --> 01:11:52,840
Speaker 1: was mid and so I started by creating videos for

1385
01:11:52,880 --> 01:11:55,880
Speaker 1: them until seventeen March when I left to be totally

1386
01:11:55,880 --> 01:11:58,840
Speaker 1: independent and create content for myself and my platforms. That

1387
01:11:58,880 --> 01:12:01,920
Speaker 1: that's where my facebookcording it's an Instagram audience really grew.

1388
01:12:02,439 --> 01:12:08,080
Speaker 1: So for me, it was the dedication to telling stories,

1389
01:12:08,160 --> 01:12:10,800
Speaker 1: not feeling like a teacher, like I don't believe. I'm

1390
01:12:10,800 --> 01:12:12,960
Speaker 1: not trying to be anyone's teacher. I'm not trying to

1391
01:12:12,960 --> 01:12:14,960
Speaker 1: say I've got all the answers. I'm just saying I'm

1392
01:12:15,000 --> 01:12:16,479
Speaker 1: thinking about this stuff and I want you to think

1393
01:12:16,520 --> 01:12:18,439
Speaker 1: about it with me, because I want to figure this

1394
01:12:18,439 --> 01:12:22,200
Speaker 1: out together. And how nice that it's an invitation. Yes,

1395
01:12:22,600 --> 01:12:25,720
Speaker 1: it's It's always been an invitation. It's never been a

1396
01:12:25,760 --> 01:12:28,479
Speaker 1: one directional thing because I'm learning when I hear people

1397
01:12:28,720 --> 01:12:31,479
Speaker 1: people share their challenges with me, and I'm learning from

1398
01:12:31,479 --> 01:12:33,880
Speaker 1: advice people gives. So it is an exchange, it is

1399
01:12:33,920 --> 01:12:36,320
Speaker 1: a it's a community. And so now for me it's

1400
01:12:36,320 --> 01:12:39,360
Speaker 1: like this isn't followers of subscribers and putting air quotes

1401
01:12:39,400 --> 01:12:41,559
Speaker 1: up for anyone who's not watching it's like, it's not

1402
01:12:41,600 --> 01:12:43,760
Speaker 1: followers of subscribers to me, it's a community. It's a

1403
01:12:43,760 --> 01:12:47,080
Speaker 1: family because everyone's helping each other. And that's actually been

1404
01:12:47,120 --> 01:12:50,400
Speaker 1: what's been what's most powerful is that I've got groups

1405
01:12:50,400 --> 01:12:52,639
Speaker 1: and meetups in a hundred forty places around the world

1406
01:12:52,640 --> 01:12:55,000
Speaker 1: now where people who watch my videos and coaching come

1407
01:12:55,040 --> 01:12:57,559
Speaker 1: together and support each other. And so these are groups

1408
01:12:57,560 --> 01:13:02,639
Speaker 1: of people in cities across the world that are coming together.

1409
01:13:02,960 --> 01:13:04,760
Speaker 1: And that's what I realize people are missing the most.

1410
01:13:04,800 --> 01:13:08,799
Speaker 1: It's community and a conscious community that has similar values

1411
01:13:08,840 --> 01:13:11,120
Speaker 1: that brings them together. So for me, it's been a

1412
01:13:11,120 --> 01:13:14,639
Speaker 1: lot of hard work. I've I've really really worked hard

1413
01:13:14,640 --> 01:13:17,320
Speaker 1: on doing what I do now. It's taken everything I

1414
01:13:17,400 --> 01:13:21,120
Speaker 1: have and it's been a labor of love and purpose.

1415
01:13:21,200 --> 01:13:22,880
Speaker 1: And I believe it's my calling to be doing what

1416
01:13:22,920 --> 01:13:25,120
Speaker 1: I'm doing right now. It's not a job, it's not

1417
01:13:25,800 --> 01:13:28,200
Speaker 1: a social media trend like this is this is real.

1418
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:30,479
Speaker 1: This is what I believe my life was about and

1419
01:13:30,560 --> 01:13:36,040
Speaker 1: for and I have worked as sincerely and strategically as possible.

1420
01:13:36,040 --> 01:13:39,000
Speaker 1: And I love saying that with all honesty and transparency

1421
01:13:39,000 --> 01:13:42,920
Speaker 1: and importance for people, because I do believe that wanting

1422
01:13:42,960 --> 01:13:45,719
Speaker 1: to do good is not enough. You have to become

1423
01:13:45,760 --> 01:13:48,840
Speaker 1: really good at it, and you have to deepen your expertise.

1424
01:13:49,479 --> 01:13:51,559
Speaker 1: It's not good enough to want to change the world.

1425
01:13:51,720 --> 01:13:54,760
Speaker 1: And there's a beautiful thought from Martin Luther King where

1426
01:13:54,760 --> 01:13:58,599
Speaker 1: he said that those who love peace need to learn

1427
01:13:58,720 --> 01:14:01,519
Speaker 1: to organize themselves as well as those who love war,

1428
01:14:02,640 --> 01:14:06,200
Speaker 1: and and that's been like my go to motto. I'm like, Okay,

1429
01:14:06,240 --> 01:14:08,479
Speaker 1: I love peace, I love love, but I can't be

1430
01:14:08,520 --> 01:14:11,519
Speaker 1: all like fluffy about it. I've got to be really

1431
01:14:11,520 --> 01:14:13,559
Speaker 1: focused on how we make this the biggest thing in

1432
01:14:13,560 --> 01:14:15,720
Speaker 1: the world that everyone has to take notice of. And

1433
01:14:16,080 --> 01:14:18,000
Speaker 1: I didn't have any free handouts. I didn't know anyone

1434
01:14:18,000 --> 01:14:20,880
Speaker 1: in the media. I never grew up in the world

1435
01:14:20,880 --> 01:14:23,479
Speaker 1: of media. So for me, it's been a constant battle

1436
01:14:24,360 --> 01:14:27,000
Speaker 1: of sharing what I believe in and trying to get

1437
01:14:27,040 --> 01:14:28,960
Speaker 1: it hurt and trying for it to be seen. So

1438
01:14:29,400 --> 01:14:31,519
Speaker 1: the fact that it has grown now has just been

1439
01:14:31,560 --> 01:14:35,719
Speaker 1: three years of complete dedication and sacrifice to this mission

1440
01:14:35,760 --> 01:14:39,559
Speaker 1: and vision without because I really believe that until we

1441
01:14:39,640 --> 01:14:44,400
Speaker 1: see media shift, we can't really have a cultural shift. Yes,

1442
01:14:46,160 --> 01:14:50,559
Speaker 1: I'm so excited that you're here and something that really

1443
01:14:51,200 --> 01:14:52,840
Speaker 1: I just mean here in the world. I mean, I'm

1444
01:14:52,920 --> 01:14:54,519
Speaker 1: very excited you're on the podcast, but I'm just like,

1445
01:14:54,560 --> 01:14:57,280
Speaker 1: thank God he's here. You're very good. I was talking

1446
01:14:57,280 --> 01:15:01,600
Speaker 1: about the podcast, but something I think is so valuable,

1447
01:15:01,640 --> 01:15:05,840
Speaker 1: and there are some stats that I think are really important.

1448
01:15:07,080 --> 01:15:10,840
Speaker 1: You know, there's this correlation between electronic devices and mental health,

1449
01:15:11,439 --> 01:15:13,600
Speaker 1: and it says that teens who spend three hours a

1450
01:15:13,640 --> 01:15:16,280
Speaker 1: day or more on electronic devices are thirty five percent

1451
01:15:16,280 --> 01:15:19,000
Speaker 1: more likely to have a risk factor for suicide. The

1452
01:15:19,080 --> 01:15:21,479
Speaker 1: eighth graders who spend ten or more hours a week

1453
01:15:21,479 --> 01:15:23,559
Speaker 1: on social media are fifty six more likely to say

1454
01:15:23,600 --> 01:15:27,960
Speaker 1: that they are unhappy or depressed. Um their their risk

1455
01:15:28,080 --> 01:15:32,679
Speaker 1: of depression increases by or while those who play sports,

1456
01:15:32,760 --> 01:15:35,240
Speaker 1: or have faith service, or do homework more than the

1457
01:15:35,280 --> 01:15:39,360
Speaker 1: average team cut those risks. Um Forty percent of girls

1458
01:15:39,520 --> 01:15:43,400
Speaker 1: say they feel left out uh now, as compared to

1459
01:15:44,040 --> 01:15:47,920
Speaker 1: five to ten years ago, seven percent more boys. You know,

1460
01:15:48,960 --> 01:15:51,320
Speaker 1: the number of teens who get together with their friends

1461
01:15:51,360 --> 01:15:54,880
Speaker 1: in person every day has dropped by more than in

1462
01:15:54,880 --> 01:16:00,400
Speaker 1: the last fifteen years. So something about technology is isolating us.

1463
01:16:01,120 --> 01:16:03,599
Speaker 1: And a lot of people have asked me, and I'm

1464
01:16:03,640 --> 01:16:06,400
Speaker 1: sure they ask you, how we can be proponents of

1465
01:16:06,520 --> 01:16:13,280
Speaker 1: community creation and and growth um and also be using technology.

1466
01:16:13,479 --> 01:16:15,920
Speaker 1: And I'm curious as to your answer because my thought

1467
01:16:16,000 --> 01:16:18,960
Speaker 1: is always, well, technology is not going anywhere, So if

1468
01:16:18,960 --> 01:16:20,600
Speaker 1: we leave it to the wolves, if we leave it

1469
01:16:20,600 --> 01:16:22,280
Speaker 1: to those who love war, it's going to be a

1470
01:16:22,280 --> 01:16:24,519
Speaker 1: war room. So we have to figure out how to

1471
01:16:24,560 --> 01:16:28,080
Speaker 1: impact it. And I'm so excited that you're doing what

1472
01:16:28,120 --> 01:16:31,639
Speaker 1: you do because I believe and the numbers on your

1473
01:16:31,720 --> 01:16:35,800
Speaker 1: your videos and your pages, I think are proof that

1474
01:16:35,800 --> 01:16:39,479
Speaker 1: that's what technology should be used for and can be

1475
01:16:39,600 --> 01:16:44,120
Speaker 1: used for. And someone who does get depressed spending time

1476
01:16:44,160 --> 01:16:48,160
Speaker 1: online can find one of your videos and realize, oh

1477
01:16:48,200 --> 01:16:50,200
Speaker 1: my god, there's so much else out there. For me,

1478
01:16:50,240 --> 01:16:52,439
Speaker 1: I'm going to close my computer now and go out

1479
01:16:52,479 --> 01:16:56,080
Speaker 1: into the world. Yes, yeah, absolutely no, And I completely

1480
01:16:56,080 --> 01:16:58,240
Speaker 1: agree with you. I think we both feel the same

1481
01:16:58,280 --> 01:17:00,800
Speaker 1: way that technology is not going anywhere, so there's no

1482
01:17:00,840 --> 01:17:02,240
Speaker 1: point of living in this dream world that I we

1483
01:17:02,240 --> 01:17:04,800
Speaker 1: should just get off all our phones, and that's that's

1484
01:17:04,840 --> 01:17:07,760
Speaker 1: not gonna work. And so for me, the only thing

1485
01:17:07,800 --> 01:17:10,320
Speaker 1: that really resonates is I have and I have this

1486
01:17:10,400 --> 01:17:13,800
Speaker 1: personal habit, and I think this personal habit indicates how

1487
01:17:13,840 --> 01:17:16,559
Speaker 1: I feel if I connect with someone that I really

1488
01:17:16,560 --> 01:17:19,320
Speaker 1: get along with on Instagram, I try and push to

1489
01:17:19,320 --> 01:17:21,559
Speaker 1: meet that person immediately. You were one of those people.

1490
01:17:21,920 --> 01:17:23,840
Speaker 1: So if I see someone who's connecting with my content,

1491
01:17:23,880 --> 01:17:25,479
Speaker 1: if I see someone who's DMed me, if I see

1492
01:17:25,520 --> 01:17:28,320
Speaker 1: someone who's messaged me and we get into a meaningful connection,

1493
01:17:28,720 --> 01:17:31,520
Speaker 1: I try and personally turn that into a physical relationship

1494
01:17:31,760 --> 01:17:34,280
Speaker 1: as opposed to a digital one. So some of my

1495
01:17:34,360 --> 01:17:38,000
Speaker 1: best personal relationships that now exist in l A, in

1496
01:17:38,000 --> 01:17:40,800
Speaker 1: New York and the US have come from Instagram. And

1497
01:17:40,840 --> 01:17:44,000
Speaker 1: I've flown across the world sometimes to meet people that

1498
01:17:44,000 --> 01:17:46,240
Speaker 1: have connected with on Instagram because I feel so deeply

1499
01:17:46,320 --> 01:17:49,360
Speaker 1: connected to what we both believe in. So for me,

1500
01:17:49,439 --> 01:17:53,320
Speaker 1: I have a personal commitment to myself that don't let

1501
01:17:53,400 --> 01:17:57,000
Speaker 1: relationships stay digital, try and turn them into physical as

1502
01:17:57,040 --> 01:18:00,120
Speaker 1: soon as possible. If we are aligned in values, if

1503
01:18:00,120 --> 01:18:02,320
Speaker 1: we believe in the same thing, if we're deeply connected,

1504
01:18:02,560 --> 01:18:05,400
Speaker 1: let's get together and talk about it. Right. So, for me,

1505
01:18:05,439 --> 01:18:07,439
Speaker 1: I do that personally. And so because I do that personally,

1506
01:18:07,439 --> 01:18:10,280
Speaker 1: I'm encouraging that. And That's what I've been encouraging through

1507
01:18:10,320 --> 01:18:13,920
Speaker 1: my coaching circles and groups of community online is we

1508
01:18:14,040 --> 01:18:18,920
Speaker 1: built physical meetups for people so we created that because

1509
01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:20,960
Speaker 1: I wanted people to watch the videos, and now I

1510
01:18:21,000 --> 01:18:24,360
Speaker 1: wanted them to find people find a family that feels

1511
01:18:24,400 --> 01:18:26,439
Speaker 1: the same way. So if I know that there are

1512
01:18:26,439 --> 01:18:28,240
Speaker 1: two people in the same city that are watching my

1513
01:18:28,360 --> 01:18:30,920
Speaker 1: videos and gaining something from them, I'm trying to connect

1514
01:18:31,000 --> 01:18:33,720
Speaker 1: them because that's building family for them. So for me,

1515
01:18:33,800 --> 01:18:37,160
Speaker 1: the digital world is a beautiful entry point for a

1516
01:18:37,200 --> 01:18:41,200
Speaker 1: physical relationship, and that's what I'm constantly trying to encourage

1517
01:18:41,520 --> 01:18:43,120
Speaker 1: to people that I know, people that I meet, and

1518
01:18:43,160 --> 01:18:45,800
Speaker 1: doing in my own life. And the second thing I

1519
01:18:45,840 --> 01:18:48,880
Speaker 1: think is that a vessel is just a vessel, like

1520
01:18:48,920 --> 01:18:51,479
Speaker 1: technology is just like this empty bottle, and you can

1521
01:18:51,520 --> 01:18:53,840
Speaker 1: either fill this bottle up with poison or you can

1522
01:18:53,840 --> 01:18:56,719
Speaker 1: fill this bottle up with water that you're still filling

1523
01:18:56,760 --> 01:18:59,120
Speaker 1: up the same bottle. So technology is exactly the same thing.

1524
01:18:59,160 --> 01:19:04,479
Speaker 1: We either fill it up with envy, fame, confusion, pressure,

1525
01:19:04,479 --> 01:19:09,599
Speaker 1: and anxiety, or we fill it up with positivity, love, kindness, brightness, service,

1526
01:19:10,400 --> 01:19:12,479
Speaker 1: and the challenges that because of the way our brains

1527
01:19:12,479 --> 01:19:15,759
Speaker 1: are wired, the negative emotions are always going to attract

1528
01:19:15,840 --> 01:19:20,320
Speaker 1: us more. See social media hasn't made us more envious

1529
01:19:20,400 --> 01:19:23,519
Speaker 1: or comparative, it's just amplified what was already there because

1530
01:19:23,520 --> 01:19:26,200
Speaker 1: we never dealt with it before. You just compared yourself

1531
01:19:26,200 --> 01:19:28,519
Speaker 1: to the kid in school or the shoes that someone

1532
01:19:28,680 --> 01:19:30,840
Speaker 1: is wearing down the street. Now you can see a

1533
01:19:30,880 --> 01:19:33,599
Speaker 1: million pairs of shoes in two seconds. So it's just

1534
01:19:33,720 --> 01:19:36,679
Speaker 1: amplified it. So we need to go back to teaching.

1535
01:19:36,800 --> 01:19:39,840
Speaker 1: And this is why for me, online education is so

1536
01:19:39,880 --> 01:19:42,599
Speaker 1: important because I'm not trying to change the education system,

1537
01:19:42,600 --> 01:19:46,240
Speaker 1: but I'm trying to give an alternative education system. Is

1538
01:19:46,320 --> 01:19:49,240
Speaker 1: we need to share these messages with young people online

1539
01:19:49,320 --> 01:19:52,799
Speaker 1: now about how do you actually let's go to the route.

1540
01:19:52,840 --> 01:19:55,120
Speaker 1: It's not just about tech. It's like, how do you

1541
01:19:55,280 --> 01:19:59,000
Speaker 1: root out comparison from our lives? That's the issue. Comparison

1542
01:19:59,080 --> 01:20:03,400
Speaker 1: to the issue correct exactly exactly, And that's and that's

1543
01:20:03,400 --> 01:20:04,880
Speaker 1: my point that I want to go to the root

1544
01:20:04,960 --> 01:20:06,320
Speaker 1: of it. I don't just want to say because you

1545
01:20:06,320 --> 01:20:08,400
Speaker 1: can stay off your phones and still compare yourself to

1546
01:20:08,439 --> 01:20:11,600
Speaker 1: your friend, to your roommate totally, Like just because you

1547
01:20:11,600 --> 01:20:14,680
Speaker 1: took out your phone doesn't remove comparison. You have to

1548
01:20:14,720 --> 01:20:17,559
Speaker 1: remove comparison from your heart and your mind. That's an

1549
01:20:17,560 --> 01:20:20,120
Speaker 1: internal battle, not an external. It's like it's a weed

1550
01:20:20,240 --> 01:20:22,519
Speaker 1: that's growing in here, correct, and so we have to

1551
01:20:22,640 --> 01:20:25,839
Speaker 1: uproot that weed, and then we won't feel it online

1552
01:20:25,960 --> 01:20:28,760
Speaker 1: or offline. And so for me, it's like, let's give

1553
01:20:28,800 --> 01:20:31,760
Speaker 1: people the education to uproot the weeds in their internal

1554
01:20:31,840 --> 01:20:34,880
Speaker 1: garden and their internal life. And if you pull those out,

1555
01:20:35,040 --> 01:20:37,160
Speaker 1: then they can use their phones and never feel it

1556
01:20:37,280 --> 01:20:40,200
Speaker 1: or feel it less. And that's that's where I want

1557
01:20:40,200 --> 01:20:41,600
Speaker 1: to get to, is how do we help people do that?

1558
01:20:41,640 --> 01:20:43,880
Speaker 1: And that's why I'm trying to engage all of my

1559
01:20:43,920 --> 01:20:49,040
Speaker 1: online content around that is really uprooting weeds. I love it.

1560
01:20:49,240 --> 01:20:51,160
Speaker 1: I love it too, thank you. And now we're doing

1561
01:20:51,160 --> 01:20:52,840
Speaker 1: it together, which is even more fun. And I think

1562
01:20:52,840 --> 01:20:55,479
Speaker 1: it's so powerful when lots of people who have the

1563
01:20:55,520 --> 01:20:57,679
Speaker 1: same beliefs and values come together to do it together.

1564
01:20:57,720 --> 01:21:00,400
Speaker 1: I think that's when we're all louder and and can

1565
01:21:00,400 --> 01:21:02,920
Speaker 1: make a bigger impact. It's so exciting. I have one

1566
01:21:03,000 --> 01:21:05,479
Speaker 1: last question for you, because I think that when you

1567
01:21:05,520 --> 01:21:09,000
Speaker 1: are an inspiration leader or a thought leader or a

1568
01:21:09,000 --> 01:21:12,680
Speaker 1: culture shifter, so many people look to you as a

1569
01:21:12,720 --> 01:21:18,120
Speaker 1: teacher or guru and probably forget that you're a guy

1570
01:21:18,320 --> 01:21:22,280
Speaker 1: in the world. So to go in the opposite direction

1571
01:21:22,320 --> 01:21:25,960
Speaker 1: of serious what what is the thing that makes you

1572
01:21:26,080 --> 01:21:29,360
Speaker 1: laugh the most? Oh, my wife. That's actually that's the

1573
01:21:29,400 --> 01:21:31,320
Speaker 1: truth understans about if I have to think it's something

1574
01:21:31,360 --> 01:21:34,200
Speaker 1: funny and wacky. My wife makes me laugh so much.

1575
01:21:34,400 --> 01:21:36,479
Speaker 1: If you don't follow her on Instagram, like if you

1576
01:21:36,560 --> 01:21:40,920
Speaker 1: just want to laugh, because she's unapologetically herself in a

1577
01:21:41,000 --> 01:21:42,880
Speaker 1: funny way. Every day she would she would do the

1578
01:21:43,080 --> 01:21:46,519
Speaker 1: silliest things that people would be scared of posting online

1579
01:21:46,520 --> 01:21:49,280
Speaker 1: and she'll post them on Instagram. So for me, that's

1580
01:21:49,720 --> 01:21:53,280
Speaker 1: that's fun because she's like, it's like being around a

1581
01:21:53,280 --> 01:21:56,400
Speaker 1: comedian the whole time. So I'm very fortunate she makes

1582
01:21:56,439 --> 01:21:59,559
Speaker 1: me laugh a lot. Uh yeah, and I think it's

1583
01:21:59,640 --> 01:22:02,639
Speaker 1: I'm glad you brought the human aspect. I get tired. Yeah,

1584
01:22:02,680 --> 01:22:04,599
Speaker 1: there there are days when I'm I have to push

1585
01:22:04,640 --> 01:22:07,799
Speaker 1: myself to get through stuff like that. I'm a human

1586
01:22:07,840 --> 01:22:10,040
Speaker 1: and everyone is. There is no one on this planet

1587
01:22:10,040 --> 01:22:12,479
Speaker 1: who does not get tired, does not feel like not

1588
01:22:12,520 --> 01:22:15,000
Speaker 1: getting up one day whatever it is, right, I've just

1589
01:22:15,080 --> 01:22:17,400
Speaker 1: come up with strategies to not feel that way for long,

1590
01:22:18,040 --> 01:22:20,840
Speaker 1: So I just feel that emotion for a lot less time.

1591
01:22:21,120 --> 01:22:24,320
Speaker 1: And that's my goal, is like, it's not about obliterating it.

1592
01:22:24,320 --> 01:22:26,120
Speaker 1: It's about feeling it for less time. So yes, I

1593
01:22:26,160 --> 01:22:29,360
Speaker 1: may feel tired, but I figured out health and health

1594
01:22:29,400 --> 01:22:31,559
Speaker 1: acts and personal hacks and mind hacks that just make

1595
01:22:31,600 --> 01:22:35,040
Speaker 1: me feel that for much less time. That's the only difference.

1596
01:22:35,360 --> 01:22:39,840
Speaker 1: What else makes me laugh? Good movies? I'm trying to think,

1597
01:22:39,840 --> 01:22:42,200
Speaker 1: what were you thinking about? What kind of region of laugh?

1598
01:22:42,880 --> 01:22:45,919
Speaker 1: I'm always just so curious my something I so appreciate

1599
01:22:45,920 --> 01:22:47,920
Speaker 1: because I can get a bit, you know, sort of

1600
01:22:48,040 --> 01:22:52,799
Speaker 1: heavy and curious, and and I fall into these not traps,

1601
01:22:52,800 --> 01:22:55,439
Speaker 1: but these spaces where I'm really focused on what's going

1602
01:22:55,439 --> 01:22:57,400
Speaker 1: on in the world and what needs help, and you know,

1603
01:22:57,400 --> 01:23:00,360
Speaker 1: where can I be of assistance. And and one of

1604
01:23:00,400 --> 01:23:03,920
Speaker 1: my best friends who we've lived together for nine years,

1605
01:23:04,080 --> 01:23:06,519
Speaker 1: my friend Jenny, she will sit me down and make

1606
01:23:06,560 --> 01:23:09,320
Speaker 1: me watch the videos of people who ride those slingshot

1607
01:23:09,439 --> 01:23:14,240
Speaker 1: rides and they faint because it's so intense, and almost

1608
01:23:14,320 --> 01:23:15,880
Speaker 1: every time they come to in the middle of the

1609
01:23:15,960 --> 01:23:18,880
Speaker 1: ride and neither start screaming or laughing, and they are

1610
01:23:19,520 --> 01:23:23,120
Speaker 1: so funny. And and people will make fun of us

1611
01:23:23,120 --> 01:23:25,679
Speaker 1: because like, my door is always open, and friends will

1612
01:23:25,680 --> 01:23:28,479
Speaker 1: come over and be like, you guys want doing videos again?

1613
01:23:28,720 --> 01:23:32,160
Speaker 1: And I'm just crying and laughing, and it's like it's

1614
01:23:32,200 --> 01:23:35,640
Speaker 1: the dumbest thing. But three minutes of it and I'm like,

1615
01:23:35,680 --> 01:23:38,320
Speaker 1: all right, I'm good, I'm ready to go back out. Yeah.

1616
01:23:38,400 --> 01:23:40,920
Speaker 1: So so then very easy, so good. Yeah. But so

1617
01:23:40,960 --> 01:23:44,479
Speaker 1: my wife's dance videos are hilarious. She she's not a dancer,

1618
01:23:44,720 --> 01:23:47,400
Speaker 1: and and she she puts up these funny dance videos

1619
01:23:47,439 --> 01:23:49,960
Speaker 1: all the time. So I actually love those. I love

1620
01:23:50,200 --> 01:23:53,599
Speaker 1: any videos that are like with just young people messing

1621
01:23:53,640 --> 01:23:55,719
Speaker 1: around that I just and this is the thing about Instagram,

1622
01:23:55,760 --> 01:23:57,280
Speaker 1: Like I see so much of this pup on my feet,

1623
01:23:57,280 --> 01:24:00,600
Speaker 1: animals doing funny things, kids doing funny things. Like I

1624
01:24:00,680 --> 01:24:03,840
Speaker 1: posted this video a week ago and it's this little

1625
01:24:03,880 --> 01:24:07,479
Speaker 1: girl who's like dancing to Beyonce and and you know,

1626
01:24:07,720 --> 01:24:09,519
Speaker 1: we put a funny meme caption on it, but it

1627
01:24:09,600 --> 01:24:11,479
Speaker 1: was just like, you know how I feel after giving

1628
01:24:11,479 --> 01:24:13,439
Speaker 1: myself lots of self love, and she's just having the

1629
01:24:13,479 --> 01:24:16,600
Speaker 1: best girl in the kitchen and it's one of my

1630
01:24:16,640 --> 01:24:19,479
Speaker 1: favorite same and I love it, and I'm just like,

1631
01:24:20,040 --> 01:24:22,479
Speaker 1: you know, I think I think it's a shame that

1632
01:24:22,560 --> 01:24:25,840
Speaker 1: social media has also you know, to some degree, it's

1633
01:24:25,880 --> 01:24:28,400
Speaker 1: not good for children. But I just think children are

1634
01:24:28,439 --> 01:24:30,040
Speaker 1: such a source of joy. When I'm with my nephew,

1635
01:24:30,080 --> 01:24:32,400
Speaker 1: like he's such a source of joy. Like I think

1636
01:24:32,960 --> 01:24:37,519
Speaker 1: connecting with our childlike selves it's such a yeah. And

1637
01:24:37,560 --> 01:24:40,160
Speaker 1: it's like, there's this beautiful thought. It's not mine. I

1638
01:24:40,200 --> 01:24:42,280
Speaker 1: don't know who it belongs to, but it's it's amazing.

1639
01:24:42,320 --> 01:24:45,519
Speaker 1: It's we don't stop playing because we get old. We

1640
01:24:45,560 --> 01:24:48,080
Speaker 1: get old because we stopped playing. And so for me,

1641
01:24:48,080 --> 01:24:50,200
Speaker 1: it's like how much play? So I love water sports.

1642
01:24:50,840 --> 01:24:55,559
Speaker 1: I I love anything that's slightly you know, anything that's

1643
01:24:55,560 --> 01:24:58,600
Speaker 1: slightly tarzan like or anything that's like zip lines. I

1644
01:24:58,640 --> 01:25:01,120
Speaker 1: love all the outdoor sports. And for me, like being

1645
01:25:01,200 --> 01:25:04,720
Speaker 1: playful is very important. Play is very important to me.

1646
01:25:05,120 --> 01:25:08,160
Speaker 1: And I think barefoot in the dirt totally there you go, Yeah,

1647
01:25:08,200 --> 01:25:09,439
Speaker 1: like that's what I mean. Like, how do how do

1648
01:25:09,479 --> 01:25:13,280
Speaker 1: you just let go more and and and have moments

1649
01:25:13,320 --> 01:25:17,240
Speaker 1: where you're a child again? Childlike not childish? Right, Childish

1650
01:25:17,280 --> 01:25:22,439
Speaker 1: is emotional. Childlike is playful. Childlike not childish? Yeah, childish

1651
01:25:22,520 --> 01:25:25,320
Speaker 1: is emotional. No one likes someone being childish. Right, Childish

1652
01:25:25,360 --> 01:25:28,000
Speaker 1: is emotional. Childlike is playful. And so for me it's

1653
01:25:28,040 --> 01:25:31,640
Speaker 1: like I love connecting reconnecting my childlike nature, and there

1654
01:25:31,680 --> 01:25:33,400
Speaker 1: are certain people that help me do that easily. My

1655
01:25:33,439 --> 01:25:37,799
Speaker 1: wife is probably the best one for that. So awesome, awesome,

1656
01:25:38,280 --> 01:25:41,760
Speaker 1: thank you so much, thank you. I know me too.

1657
01:25:41,880 --> 01:25:44,000
Speaker 1: Really excited to have you over, definitely, and I'm so

1658
01:25:44,080 --> 01:25:46,240
Speaker 1: glad we've got to connect like this. I always think

1659
01:25:46,240 --> 01:25:49,160
Speaker 1: podcasts are just and I would encourage everyone, like have

1660
01:25:49,800 --> 01:25:52,679
Speaker 1: record your conversations with your friends and you know, like

1661
01:25:52,840 --> 01:25:55,120
Speaker 1: this because I think other people are going to benefit

1662
01:25:55,120 --> 01:25:57,680
Speaker 1: from them. I think we learn more about each other

1663
01:25:57,720 --> 01:25:59,320
Speaker 1: through the process. I can't wait to interview on my

1664
01:25:59,360 --> 01:26:04,519
Speaker 1: podcast and learn more about your whole journey. And so yeah, anyway,

1665
01:26:04,680 --> 01:26:07,080
Speaker 1: very excited and so grateful to meet you likewise, yea,

1666
01:26:07,200 --> 01:26:10,679
Speaker 1: thank you for coming. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

1667
01:26:14,479 --> 01:26:17,640
Speaker 1: This show is executive produced by Me, Sophia Bush, and

1668
01:26:17,720 --> 01:26:22,480
Speaker 1: sim Sarna. Our supervising producer is Alison Bresnick. Our associate

1669
01:26:22,520 --> 01:26:26,519
Speaker 1: producer is Kate Linley, Our editor is Josh Wendish, and

1670
01:26:26,560 --> 01:26:29,040
Speaker 1: our music was written by Jack Garrett and produced by

1671
01:26:29,040 --> 01:26:32,000
Speaker 1: Mark Foster. This show is brought to you by Brilliant

1672
01:26:32,040 --> 01:26:32,479
Speaker 1: Anatomy