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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Dakota and this is Carly, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime host, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors to keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend snapped over a sticker and sent me home.

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Speaker 4: At midnight a sticker. What are you five?

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Speaker 3: First of all, my boyfriend Greg twenty one male, and

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Speaker 3: I twenty one female have pretty immature senses of humor

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Speaker 3: and always have.

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Speaker 4: We like to tease each other a lot.

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Speaker 3: And commonly put take in body humor, like we'll joke

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Speaker 3: around if one of us farted, or after night out

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Speaker 3: at dinner, we'll drive home and pretend to be in

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Speaker 3: labor and call DIBs on the bathroom to deliver our food. Babies.

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Speaker 3: Akape ooop you. By the way, this comes from poop Ella.

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Speaker 4: This show's who OPI is yeah whatever.

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Speaker 5: Ohpi's a comedian.

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Speaker 3: And if you want to smit your own stories, go

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Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay Storytime Separated.

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Speaker 4: I'm Sophia and I'm Savannah.

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Speaker 1: I'm Keon, and we're here to.

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Speaker 3: Give good advice. Gooflipa. We don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 3: We only know what we'd do, so let us know

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Speaker 3: what you would do in the comments, and OHP says

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Speaker 3: it sounds so childish typing it out, but we have

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Speaker 3: a lot of fun and are very comfortable with each other. Also,

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Speaker 3: we have never had a fight before and communicate openly

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Speaker 3: about things, but have never had a real problem communicating

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Speaker 3: about it. Tonight I was at his place to marathon Netflix.

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Speaker 3: Greg got up to go to the bathroom and I

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Speaker 3: asked him if I should pause it AKA Would you

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Speaker 3: be taking a long time? He answered no, so I

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Speaker 3: figured he was just gonna pete. However, fifteen minutes later,

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Speaker 3: he still wasn't back from the bathroom. No problem. I

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Speaker 3: got up to make myself a snack. On the way

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Speaker 3: to the kitchen, I walked past the bathroom and heard

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Speaker 3: the sound of an app that Greg and I commonly

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Speaker 3: play on our phones. I thought this was pretty funny.

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Speaker 3: On Facebook, there are sticker sets to use in the

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Speaker 3: chat feature, which are basically like unique emojis. One of

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Speaker 3: the sets features an anime looking poop character and his

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Speaker 3: toilet paper friend.

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Speaker 4: No idea. I know why someone made this, but I

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Speaker 4: think it's quite funny and kind of cute.

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Speaker 3: One of the stickers is of the poop character sitting

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Speaker 3: on a toilet looking intently at his phone. So I

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Speaker 3: playfully sent this to Greg, poopsticker of playing on a

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Speaker 3: phone you right now? Wow, I laughed to myself, put

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Speaker 3: my phone away and made my snack and went back

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Speaker 3: to the living room. Greg came out and we continued

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Speaker 3: to watch Netflix. However, I noticed he was being physically distant,

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Speaker 3: not putting his arm around me, not sitting close to

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Speaker 3: me on the couch. However, I gave him his space.

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Speaker 3: He was quiet for about twenty minutes. Then he said,

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Speaker 3: do you have a friend that you could get to

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Speaker 3: take you home?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 4: I would be so angry, be like, are you actually joking?

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Speaker 5: Wow?

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Speaker 3: No, no, I have my boyfriend.

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Speaker 4: I would that.

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Speaker 3: I literally did not know what he was talking about.

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Speaker 3: I said what, and he repeated what he'd said. I

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Speaker 3: asked him what was wrong, but he wouldn't answer for

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Speaker 3: a while. I asked him if he was upset with me,

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Speaker 3: and he said, I just can't believe you did that.

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Speaker 3: That was really upsetting. I said, what are you talking about?

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Speaker 3: You mean the sticker him? Obviously, I was stunned. I

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Speaker 3: had no idea why he was so offended or what

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Speaker 3: exactly I had done wrong? But I immediately apologized. I said,

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Speaker 3: I'm so sorry that I offended you. I had no idea.

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Speaker 3: That was not my intent at all. I was just joking.

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Speaker 3: Could you tell me what about that upset you? So

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Speaker 3: I don't do it again in the future.

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Speaker 4: Perfect.

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Speaker 3: That was a really great response. It was an apology,

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Speaker 3: but also like I genuinely didn't I don't know what

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Speaker 3: I did.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and how will I do better in the future?

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Speaker 3: Perfect?

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Speaker 4: Great? Ten to ten?

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Speaker 3: Opee.

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Speaker 4: Wow, I wish that was everyone in the world. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: what piece we would have on this earth.

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Speaker 3: Greg flipped out and said I was insert an insult

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Speaker 3: here blue blue.

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Speaker 4: Blah blah blah blah blah.

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Speaker 3: That's exactly what he said. If I couldn't see what

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Speaker 3: I did wrong, he said there was something wrong with

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Speaker 3: me and that I had the mentality of an effing child.

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Speaker 3: I was really hurt by this and asked if he

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Speaker 3: seriously wanted me to leave. He said yes, and I

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Speaker 3: asked if he was going to drive me home. I

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Speaker 3: had ridden with him and didn't have my car. He

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Speaker 3: said no, because why would he after what I just did.

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Speaker 3: I was so pissed off that I stormed out of

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Speaker 3: the house. Keep in mind that this was eleven PM

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Speaker 3: and a crappy part of town. None of the buses

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Speaker 3: were running, and I felt too ashamed to call my friends,

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Speaker 3: so I walked all the way home. Nothing happened, but

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Speaker 3: I'm so mad he would force me to walk home

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Speaker 3: by myself at a shady area just because of this,

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Speaker 3: and he showed no concern for me whatsoever. So now

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Speaker 3: I'm sitting here fuming. I'm actually considering ending things over

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Speaker 3: his huge overreaction because he refuses to talk to me

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Speaker 3: and explain what's going on. He keeps saying you should know.

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Speaker 3: Then he said whatever, I'm going to bed and cut

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Speaker 3: me off.

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Speaker 4: See the thing is, he doesn't even know. He's trying

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Speaker 4: to think of a reason to break up with you. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: there's not a reason. So this has probably been like

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Speaker 4: a long time coming, and he's just now like, oh,

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Speaker 4: this is the perfect time for me.

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Speaker 3: Just oh she sent me the poop and oh I'm

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Speaker 3: just too angry.

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Speaker 4: Ah, I got this is the perfect thing to break

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Speaker 4: up over. Yeah, this guy just seems like he's going

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Speaker 4: through something and trying to blame it on every other

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Speaker 4: thing but himself.

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Speaker 3: Yep, really mature. I love man. I'm embarrassed by how

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Speaker 3: childish and petty the sounds, especially compared to the other

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Speaker 3: stuff on this subreddit. However, this is my first relationship,

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Speaker 3: and I honestly don't know what to think about what

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Speaker 3: just happened? Reddit? What is going on? Can anyone shed

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Speaker 3: light on this? Is this even worth trying to salvage?

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Speaker 3: I find his rage at this and refusal to communicate

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Speaker 3: very immature, to the point where I almost don't want

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Speaker 3: to be in a relationship with him anymore. Like, if

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Speaker 3: he'll send me out in the cold for this, is

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Speaker 3: he going to leave me on the side of the

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Speaker 3: road next time we disagree on something. I'm so confused.

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Speaker 3: He has never reacted like this or gotten mad at

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Speaker 3: anything before. I just don't think I did anything really bad. However,

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Speaker 3: this is my first relationship, so if I'm in the wrong,

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Speaker 3: let me know.

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Speaker 4: Even if you were in the wrong, op, he's not

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Speaker 4: handling it. He's not handling it. Well, he's like, you

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Speaker 4: know what you did, but like he's not trying to

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Speaker 4: solve it. He's just trying to like get rid of you,

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Speaker 4: which is really annoying.

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Speaker 3: No, there's totally a chance that you did something that

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Speaker 3: was not okay or genuinely hurt him, But everything after

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Speaker 3: that it doesn't matter because you have attempted to apologize,

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Speaker 3: you have attempted to rectify this stupid situation that he caused,

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Speaker 3: and he is not willing to meet you where you're at,

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Speaker 3: So yeah, you gotta go. Audios. Comment one. My best

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Speaker 3: friend and I make fark jokes all the time. I

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Speaker 3: sent her poop haikus while she's in the toilet and

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Speaker 3: she calls my farts the black to play. I'll say

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Speaker 3: if she got upset of her fart joke, I would

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Speaker 3: be shocked because it would have come out of nowhere.

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Speaker 3: Your boyfriend is immature and kind of a crappy person.

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Speaker 3: This is what I would send him. What do you

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Speaker 3: in a toilet have? In comment you both just experienced

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Speaker 3: at dump? We're done? That would be so slick. You've

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Speaker 3: boked his experience, Uh dump, that would be really good.

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Speaker 3: I recommend that I agree with this comment. Comment who says,

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Speaker 3: do you think there were maybe some other issues? And

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Speaker 3: he immediately just pinned it on the first thing he

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Speaker 3: could blame it on the poopsticker sounds like an ale

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Speaker 3: for making you walk home so late by Felicia Ope.

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Speaker 3: He says, I've been wondering this myself, if this is

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Speaker 3: really because of some underlying issue. But for the life

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Speaker 3: of me, I one hundred percent can't think of anything

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Speaker 3: that would be bothering him. He's acted totally normal and

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Speaker 3: we've had a great last couple of weeks, lots of

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Speaker 3: fun dates, went partying with his friends, et cetera. This

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Speaker 3: is totally out of the blue for me, and I

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Speaker 3: just want to know if he's really upset about something else,

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Speaker 3: but he just won't talk to me.

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Speaker 4: And there is an update, let's get into it.

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Speaker 3: Just to clarify from the last post, I literally only

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Speaker 3: sent Greg the poopsticker and the you right now, so

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Speaker 3: I'm sure I didn't accidentally write or send anything else.

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Speaker 3: And I sent that through a private chat with only

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Speaker 3: me and him. I did not post it to his

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Speaker 3: wall or through a group chat, though even if I did,

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't really see a reason for extreme offense. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: I hope that answers some posters' questions. After taking today

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Speaker 3: to think about it and talking it over with my

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Speaker 3: best friend, I decided to follow my instinct and the

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Speaker 3: advice of everybody here and break up with Greg. He

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Speaker 3: didn't contact me at all since he abruptly cut me

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Speaker 3: off last night, and after he posted a picture of

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Speaker 3: having a grand old brunch with his buddies on Facebook,

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Speaker 3: I decided enough was enough. He didn't seem to have

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Speaker 3: any remorse, and it really stung to see how few

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Speaker 3: craps he gave about me pun intended. I messaged Jim,

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Speaker 3: you or crabby person, we're over, don't contact me again

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Speaker 3: and blocked him on Facebook. Sorry. I wasn't brave enough

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Speaker 3: to use the brilliant responses. Some people suggested the dump

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Speaker 3: and turred puns were great, but I couldn't bring myself

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Speaker 3: to do it. I was too mad. After I changed

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Speaker 3: my relationship status and deleted our couple picks, I got

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Speaker 3: several calls from Greg. I debated just blocking his number

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Speaker 3: as well, but my curiosity got the best of me,

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Speaker 3: so I picked up. I was met with silence. He

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Speaker 3: was really pissed at me. I said hello in an

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Speaker 3: impatient way, and he said, this is really how you're

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Speaker 3: gonna do this. We had an argument where we were

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Speaker 3: basically just shouting and blaming each other, with me mostly

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Speaker 3: defending my decision to break up, and him saying I

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Speaker 3: was a witch for throwing away a good relationship on

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Speaker 3: a whim. Besty, buddy, you didn't text her, you didn't

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Speaker 3: talk to her, you.

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Speaker 4: Don't even want to talk, Like, how are we supposed

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Speaker 4: to like mend things if you don't want to talk

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Speaker 4: to me? Yeah, like this seems like what you want,

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Speaker 4: and yeah, like I'm just doing it for you. You're welcome.

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Speaker 4: You don't have to be the bad guy, even though

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Speaker 4: you're still horrible.

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Speaker 3: I pointed out that I'd been willing to work it

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Speaker 3: out with him and try to fix whatever it was

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Speaker 3: that I had done wrong, but it was his unwillingness

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Speaker 3: that made me think it wasn't worth it. After about

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Speaker 3: forty minutes of arguing, Greg started to realize that I

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Speaker 3: was really serious and this wasn't just a tactic to

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Speaker 3: get his attention, and he started getting genuinely at he's.

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Speaker 6: A please don't break up, please, we are so good together,

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Speaker 6: which was actually hard for me to hear because up

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Speaker 6: until this point we have had a really great relationship.

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Speaker 3: So I started to feel really bad. Oh No, However,

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Speaker 3: I kept thinking about how I'd never trust him again

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Speaker 3: with my safety, and how galling it was that he

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00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,800
Speaker 3: hadn't been concerned about me or my well being until

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Speaker 3: he'd noticed we were now broken up. Also how surprised

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Speaker 3: I'd been by his anger and name calling. I'd never

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Speaker 3: seen that side of him before, and no longer trusted

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Speaker 3: who I thought he was, so I tried to stand firm.

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Speaker 3: Long story short, we talked and argued for a while longer,

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Speaker 3: and Greg thought that talking about the problem would be

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Speaker 3: enough to get me to stay with him, so he confessed,

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Speaker 3: and it was really stupid in my opinion. Basically, about

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Speaker 3: a week ago, I hung out with Greg and his buddies.

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Speaker 3: We are both gamers, and they were having a game

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Speaker 3: night and asked me to come along. The attitude of

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Speaker 3: that whole group is to trashdock each other and play

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Speaker 3: fully rib each other, especially while gaming, So that night,

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Speaker 3: when we were playing games, I joined in on the

240
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Speaker 3: trash doc None of it was mean spirited to me.

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Speaker 3: It was just take some of that eat it type stuff.

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Speaker 3: But apparently Greg felt embarrassed because I beat him a

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Speaker 3: few times in front of his friends and gloated about it.

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Speaker 3: That's that's how you play games with your partner. You

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00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,720
Speaker 3: try and beat them. You try and crush them into dust.

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Speaker 4: The girl be the guy and now his dude. That

247
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:33,800
Speaker 4: actually happened to me too. No, No, it's okay, it's okay.

248
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Speaker 3: The whole point of playing games with your partner and

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Speaker 3: other people. I mean, you can be in a group setting,

250
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Speaker 3: but if your partner's in the room, you have to

251
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Speaker 3: beat them. This was my bad. But everybody was making

252
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Speaker 3: a huge show of gloating and peacocking after every victory,

253
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Speaker 3: so I thought this wasn't out of the ordinary. If

254
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Speaker 3: I also did it, that's not your bad, girl, that's

255
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,360
Speaker 3: just how you play games. You won, you just you

256
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:58,959
Speaker 3: get a gloat. I thought it was just part of

257
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Speaker 3: the fun. But in high in sight, it was probably

258
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:04,360
Speaker 3: weird and I probably should have acted differently. No, no,

259
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,439
Speaker 3: don't let anyone make you feel like you're not allowed

260
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Speaker 3: to cloak after winning.

261
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:09,679
Speaker 4: Don't go back.

262
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Speaker 3: You had him with the loser. You lost, You lost, I.

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Speaker 4: Won, Oh so I should, like you know, so I

264
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Speaker 4: should just never win. Yeah, if I win, it's the

265
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Speaker 4: end for both of us, right, that's fun.

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Speaker 3: Also, they kept making comments like, Wow, you're basically dating

267
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Speaker 3: a dude, and you know your girlfriend is basically just

268
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:30,440
Speaker 3: like a girl version of name of a dude in

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Speaker 3: their group to Greg because they were surprised that I

270
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Speaker 3: was willing to have frank discussions about certain topics like poop,

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Speaker 3: spicy sleep, et cetera. I got the vibe they didn't

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Speaker 3: spend that much time around girls because they were acting

273
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Speaker 3: so surprised every time something like that.

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Speaker 1: Came up crazy, They're like, girls can do that.

275
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Speaker 5: Clueoop wait, hold on, girls, girls can have fun with us?

276
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Speaker 5: What against the rule against the busy?

277
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:04,040
Speaker 3: It was like that mentality of whoa girls don't fart

278
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:08,400
Speaker 3: or acknowledge farting. This is weird. I brushed it off,

279
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:11,920
Speaker 3: but I guess afterwards Greg's friends kept teasing him about

280
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Speaker 3: that night and made some assertions that I was too

281
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:18,240
Speaker 3: manly and that I didn't or wouldn't respect him because

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00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:21,880
Speaker 3: I was manlier than him, and also because I had

283
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:25,440
Speaker 3: been beating him and peacocking about it. I'm not entirely sure,

284
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,280
Speaker 3: but he made it clear that a lot of mocking

285
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:30,080
Speaker 3: was going on, So I guess this has been festering

286
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,640
Speaker 3: inside Greg ever since then and making him insecure. The

287
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:36,400
Speaker 3: poopsicker thing sent him overboard because he thought I was

288
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,600
Speaker 3: making fun of him because I didn't respect him.

289
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,679
Speaker 4: He interpreted it as ME.

290
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Speaker 3: Calling him a fat pile of crap and thinking I

291
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,560
Speaker 3: could get away with that. His words, it's still not

292
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,000
Speaker 3: entirely clear to me. He didn't do a great job

293
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:52,360
Speaker 3: of explaining it and was very frustrated that he had

294
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:56,680
Speaker 3: to articulate his feelings. I wasn't impressed. I will probably

295
00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,680
Speaker 3: get flack for this, but I don't feel very much

296
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,600
Speaker 3: empathy about this, and thought it was kind of ridiculous

297
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:05,360
Speaker 3: and stupid. It is it is. It's definitely something he

298
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:09,320
Speaker 3: needs to figure out on his own. If Greg had

299
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,280
Speaker 3: brought this up to me at any point, we could

300
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,200
Speaker 3: have had a discussion about it and I would have

301
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,200
Speaker 3: toned it down. Though I disagreed that my behavior being

302
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:20,960
Speaker 3: manly was somehow something for him to get insecure about. Unattractive. Okay,

303
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,200
Speaker 3: I could see it, but it seemed like it was

304
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,840
Speaker 3: being turned into an emasculation thing by his friends, and

305
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,640
Speaker 3: it's hard for me to wrap my head around that.

306
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,560
Speaker 3: It feels almost red pilliad, but I don't know enough

307
00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,520
Speaker 3: about it to really say that, yeah, that is what

308
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,880
Speaker 3: it is. I don't really know how I feel anyway.

309
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,000
Speaker 3: I personally didn't think it was something for him to

310
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,400
Speaker 3: have such a strong reaction about, and it was a

311
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:44,160
Speaker 3: problem that could have easily been talked over if it

312
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:47,680
Speaker 3: had bothered him so much. I still didn't think it

313
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,480
Speaker 3: was anything worth kicking me out and ignoring me for

314
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:54,320
Speaker 3: or name calling. Nothing is worth that in my opinion.

315
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,560
Speaker 3: But again, this is my first relationship. I'm probably just

316
00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:00,480
Speaker 3: being selfish and pissed off. Move on.

317
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:04,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, that's crazy. He's extremely insecure from his friends

318
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,600
Speaker 5: for himself. I mean, you're twenty one.

319
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Speaker 3: Yeah, you will find someone better exactly, and maybe, you know,

320
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,880
Speaker 3: maybe he'll figure himself out and realize, oh, maybe I

321
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:16,720
Speaker 3: shouldn't hang around these people that make me feel so terrible.

322
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Speaker 5: Or like stand up to his friends and stand up

323
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Speaker 5: for you. I don't know, that's crazy.

324
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:25,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, I hate any of the if like you can't

325
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,400
Speaker 4: stand up for like your partner, especially to your friends.

326
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:28,720
Speaker 1: Yeah.

327
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:33,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, unintended crappy, corrupt, corrupt crap.

328
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:34,440
Speaker 3: We donut in my hand?

329
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:35,120
Speaker 2: Are you kidding me?

330
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,800
Speaker 3: Right now? Regardless, it's over now. I told Greg he

331
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,240
Speaker 3: needed to grow up, but it wasn't going to be

332
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:46,560
Speaker 3: with me. His reaction was extremely immature and irrational. Shaka yeah. Wow.

333
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:50,280
Speaker 3: He acknowledged that, but was still angry at me for one,

334
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,400
Speaker 3: insulting him with the sticker and not showing him respect,

335
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,640
Speaker 3: even though we've always teased each other. I guess this

336
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:59,800
Speaker 3: goes back to the trash talking, and two for wanting

337
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:02,280
Speaker 3: to break up. He said give it a few days

338
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,400
Speaker 3: to think about it, but I firmly said I didn't

339
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,760
Speaker 3: want to date him anymore. He said his friends were

340
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:11,520
Speaker 3: right and it was actually a sea word. Wow. So

341
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,920
Speaker 3: now he's shown all of the cards and they all

342
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:19,120
Speaker 3: look bad. Yeah, who didn't care about him or respect him?

343
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,200
Speaker 3: I hung up. He's been calling me some more, but

344
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,600
Speaker 3: I'm going to go see inside Out with my friends

345
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,560
Speaker 3: and feel some feels and not worry about him again.

346
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,360
Speaker 3: I guess we both did some things wrong and we

347
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,960
Speaker 3: both need to do some maturing, But for now I

348
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,240
Speaker 3: don't feel too bad. I'm still pretty pissed off, but

349
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:40,040
Speaker 3: surprisingly not that sad for my first breakup. Maybe it

350
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:43,600
Speaker 3: will hit tomorrow, or maybe I'll find a debonair professional

351
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,680
Speaker 3: type at the movies who will teach me how to

352
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:51,000
Speaker 3: have an adult relationship and let me send him poopstickers. Anyway,

353
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:55,120
Speaker 3: thanks for the supports. Rett I feel better, and comments

354
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,840
Speaker 3: come and one, she's I mature, but in a silly way.

355
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,680
Speaker 3: He's immature in an emotionally done to day. Common two

356
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,760
Speaker 3: says Opie doubts herself a lot in these boats. I

357
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:07,240
Speaker 3: hope that she's outgirling now because all of her actions

358
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:11,240
Speaker 3: were totally reasonable. Comment three says, if my girlfriend thrashed

359
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,760
Speaker 3: me at video games in front of the boys.

360
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:17,320
Speaker 4: I'd be so proud, right, And that is the right reaction, that.

361
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,080
Speaker 3: Right end of that story. But yeah, that's like, aw,

362
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:26,800
Speaker 3: my girlfriend freaking poned you guys, leisures.

363
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:28,320
Speaker 5: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

364
00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:29,120
Speaker 5: on to the next one.

365
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,840
Speaker 4: My girlfriend kept pulling me back for years, and I

366
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,480
Speaker 4: finally broke the cycle.

367
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:35,440
Speaker 3: Let me out.

368
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,840
Speaker 4: I met my girlfriend when I was eighteen and she

369
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:43,000
Speaker 4: was twenty one in twenty eleven, both working at Walmart.

370
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,520
Speaker 4: After becoming equals at work, we became friends and I

371
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:50,120
Speaker 4: started having feelings for her. In late twenty thirteen, Oh

372
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:54,000
Speaker 4: la la, we were flirty, so I decided to make

373
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,000
Speaker 4: the first move and told her how I felt.

374
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Speaker 7: Heck yeah, by the way, this comes from the thickest

375
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:05,600
Speaker 7: papoosa the Dirks Popoosa, and if you want to submit

376
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,800
Speaker 7: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story

377
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:08,560
Speaker 7: typed subrette.

378
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,399
Speaker 4: I am Savannah, I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and this is

379
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,000
Speaker 4: Donut and we are here to give you some good

380
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,480
Speaker 4: advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We

381
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,359
Speaker 4: would only tell you what we would do in this situation,

382
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,959
Speaker 4: but we would love, love, love, love to know what

383
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:24,520
Speaker 4: you would do in the situation in the commons. As

384
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,919
Speaker 4: Opie says, we became very close, but didn't make our

385
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:32,320
Speaker 4: relationship official until April twenty fourteen, when she was twenty

386
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,320
Speaker 4: three and I was twenty. She had warned me that

387
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,679
Speaker 4: she didn't feel like she had much to offer, but

388
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:41,959
Speaker 4: I was young and not nuanced in relationships, so just

389
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:45,320
Speaker 4: being with her felt good enough. We met each other's

390
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:48,520
Speaker 4: families and started talking about the future, marriage, kids, all

391
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,919
Speaker 4: of it. She said, I love you first, and I

392
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:55,720
Speaker 4: set it back a few weeks later. During my early twenties,

393
00:18:55,960 --> 00:19:00,399
Speaker 4: I began experiencing depressive episodes and what I know, oh No,

394
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:04,359
Speaker 4: were hypomanic episodes. Though I wasn't diagnosed until I was

395
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,200
Speaker 4: twenty five. The depression led to a lot of anger

396
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,960
Speaker 4: inside me, and she was dealing with her own struggles

397
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,480
Speaker 4: after having to leave work and go on full disability

398
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,719
Speaker 4: due to a physical disability she'd been born with. We

399
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,320
Speaker 4: were living together and she began to isolate from others.

400
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,160
Speaker 4: We started relying too heavily on each other for support

401
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:26,160
Speaker 4: and began fighting daily. Oh eventually she left. Her dad

402
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,600
Speaker 4: came and moved her out. She broke the lease and

403
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,840
Speaker 4: completely ghosted, so I had to resolve the lease and

404
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:36,159
Speaker 4: clean the apartment by myself. She also left me with

405
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:40,000
Speaker 4: nine cats. Whoa why do you have that many?

406
00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:44,600
Speaker 3: Nine cats? That's insane?

407
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:48,560
Speaker 4: Seven we had gotten together? We got seven together? Why

408
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:52,560
Speaker 4: and two kittens from a local strait. Her dad said

409
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:55,679
Speaker 4: she couldn't bring any cats to his house. This was

410
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:59,280
Speaker 4: November twenty sixteen. I was twenty three and she was

411
00:19:59,280 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 4: twenty six.

412
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:04,760
Speaker 3: That's nine cats. Yeah, that's crazy. Well how did you

413
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,160
Speaker 3: have time for all those cats?

414
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,639
Speaker 4: No wonder you were like financially like, yeah, well you

415
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:12,639
Speaker 4: had nine cats. I moved back in with my parents

416
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:14,879
Speaker 4: and over the next four months, I grew as a

417
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:18,720
Speaker 4: person and focused on myself. I built my confidence by

418
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:22,040
Speaker 4: getting contacts instead of glasses. Lost about fifty pounds, fixed

419
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,199
Speaker 4: my relationships, and got highlights in my hair for the

420
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,680
Speaker 4: first time ever. Wow. I was thriving at work, in school,

421
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:31,040
Speaker 4: and in my personal life. I identified what went wrong

422
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,480
Speaker 4: in our relationship, how I played a role in how

423
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:35,880
Speaker 4: it ended, and came to terms with no longer being

424
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,800
Speaker 4: in touch with her. I determined it was best for

425
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:41,640
Speaker 4: both of us since we had become toxic to each other.

426
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,440
Speaker 4: In March twenty seventeen, she texted me around three am

427
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,320
Speaker 4: while I was up studying for a test, so I

428
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,960
Speaker 4: responded and we reconnected. She had been kicked out of

429
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,240
Speaker 4: her dad's house and moved in with a friend about

430
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:57,760
Speaker 4: a half hour's south. She was doing very badly financially, emotionally, physically. Wow.

431
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,480
Speaker 4: She had stopped smoking when we were together, but had

432
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 4: picked it up again. She didn't want to live with

433
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,159
Speaker 4: her friend anymore because she felt sad and isolated. That

434
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 4: same day, we made plans to see each other. I

435
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:10,880
Speaker 4: later found out that she had been to the Walmart

436
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,240
Speaker 4: I worked at while visiting friends in my town and

437
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:14,760
Speaker 4: saw how happy I looked.

438
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,679
Speaker 3: She like, saw you from across the Walmart, and she

439
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:18,040
Speaker 3: was like.

440
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,840
Speaker 4: Wow, I remember that smile.

441
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:24,840
Speaker 3: I remember the nine cats we had together. M how

442
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:25,840
Speaker 3: I miss it?

443
00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 4: She said she had missed me the moment she left.

444
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 4: I picked her up and we spent the whole night

445
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,800
Speaker 4: together reminiscing and reigniting our relationship.

446
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 3: Ah stop stop.

447
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,720
Speaker 4: She made it known how sorry she was and explained

448
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,760
Speaker 4: that she wasn't happy with herself and had taken it

449
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,520
Speaker 4: out on me and the relationship. I talked about how

450
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 4: I played a large part in that too. We kissed

451
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:52,159
Speaker 4: for the first time again. Oh, you can't kiss for

452
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:53,119
Speaker 4: the first time again?

453
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,840
Speaker 2: Yes, Sy, it's not how it works, Yeah, I fits.

454
00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,400
Speaker 3: It's just like the probably like the two hundredth time. Yeah,

455
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:00,880
Speaker 3: you can't.

456
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 4: If it's the first, you can't do the first again.

457
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:07,440
Speaker 4: Sabrio p. It was so romantic. Sidel rocks near the

458
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 4: river in my hometown where we had lived together. We

459
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,160
Speaker 4: hung out a lot after that, but I didn't tell

460
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,359
Speaker 4: the people closest to me yet. Well, of course, of

461
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,280
Speaker 4: course you wouldn't, because you know that it's a bad thing, right,

462
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:20,800
Speaker 4: you know how bad.

463
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 3: It is, So you don't tell anyone.

464
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 4: I know, Ophie, I know. She had reconnected with her sister,

465
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,840
Speaker 4: who lived about forty five minutes north from my hometown,

466
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,000
Speaker 4: and her sister wanted her to move in so she

467
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,800
Speaker 4: could work on getting her life straightened out. I helped

468
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:38,919
Speaker 4: her move all her belongings to my sister's house. I

469
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 4: went to school near where she now lived, and we

470
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 4: saw each other a lot. We decided to take the

471
00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:48,679
Speaker 4: plunge and move in together. Around July twenty seven. I

472
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,960
Speaker 4: was now twenty five and she was twenty seven. Things

473
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 4: seemed really good. I was doing school full time, got

474
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:58,399
Speaker 4: a new job full time and near our apartment, and

475
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 4: a part time job down in my home town. She

476
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,120
Speaker 4: got a part time job to supplement her disability income.

477
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,399
Speaker 4: I pushed her to reconnect with her dad and the

478
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 4: family that had stopped talking to her, because I knew

479
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,920
Speaker 4: how much she cherished her family. She did, and they

480
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 4: were able to reconnect on good terms. Not long after,

481
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,720
Speaker 4: her dad was diagnosed with Stage three long ago wow

482
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,479
Speaker 4: all right, which understandably made things harder for her. I

483
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:25,960
Speaker 4: was still dealing with undiagnosed bipolar symptoms and going through

484
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:29,480
Speaker 4: a really rough depressive stretch. We started slipping back into

485
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,800
Speaker 4: old patterns and arguing again, but we were at least

486
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:36,080
Speaker 4: trying to talk things through. YEP. That's how it always starts.

487
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 4: It's like, this time's gonna be different, and it's not.

488
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,440
Speaker 3: It never is. You just have nine more cats now.

489
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,639
Speaker 4: So her dad passed in August twenty eighteen, and I

490
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,120
Speaker 4: was still struggling with my mental health. I was there

491
00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 4: for her as much as I could be, but it

492
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:55,440
Speaker 4: wasn't enough. I had also been drinking problematically but functionally

493
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:59,200
Speaker 4: for a couple months, so nightly and getting.

494
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 3: Wasted healthy for each other. Yeah, and you just like

495
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 3: went back into this unhealthy relationship because it was comfortable

496
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 3: and you, you know, you both knew and felt familiarly

497
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:11,160
Speaker 3: get felt familiar?

498
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, Oh no, completely have been there, opee. I like,

499
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 4: you're eighteen cats, and people will always go back to

500
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 4: what they're familiar with because it's just human nature. I

501
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:25,120
Speaker 4: don't know, it just is. She broke up with me later.

502
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 3: WHOA okay, okay, she said, I don't want the familiar anymore.

503
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,719
Speaker 4: I was twenty five, she was twenty eight, but we

504
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 4: had just re signed our lease and agreed not to

505
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 4: break guy, I said, why I slept in the bed.

506
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,479
Speaker 4: She slept on the couch. But she stopped sleeping at

507
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 4: the apartment and started spending time with friends. We had

508
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,440
Speaker 4: met through her job. She told me she was moving

509
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 4: to another state twelve hours ago. When the lease was up,

510
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,280
Speaker 4: I was a heartbroken. Also, just to be clear, there

511
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:54,879
Speaker 4: are only nine cats still.

512
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 3: I was just making a joke.

513
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 4: I started going to therapy and medication counseling, where I

514
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,919
Speaker 4: was diagnosed with bipolar two in borderline personality disorder. I

515
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 4: started focusing on myself again, lost forty pounds and excelled

516
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 4: at my new job that I had found postgraduation. I

517
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 4: still felt in love with her and decided to try

518
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 4: a grand romantic gesture.

519
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 3: Oh why stop, She's gonna buy more cats.

520
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:20,880
Speaker 4: She's gonna show up a little basket full cat.

521
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:24,560
Speaker 3: Oh P, choose yourself, choose yourself. You're doing so well,

522
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 3: you've lost like eighty pounds.

523
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,879
Speaker 4: I know, it's like, well back to what I know,

524
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,200
Speaker 4: But it seems like OHP does have like a problem

525
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 4: with like susises and yeah, so it would make sense

526
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 4: to Yeah, it's like the cycle. We had become friendly,

527
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,119
Speaker 4: so I asked her to set aside a Saturday to

528
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:44,880
Speaker 4: hang out day before I set up an elaborate scavenger

529
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:48,240
Speaker 4: hunt that started at our apartment and went to the

530
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 4: first place we went on a date, the first place

531
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,639
Speaker 4: we had lived, the first place we met, the first

532
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 4: apartment we moved into together, and the place where we

533
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 4: reconnected after our first breakup.

534
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:06,240
Speaker 3: Say anything, No, no, Opie, you're living in the past. Opie,

535
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 3: you're doing a scavenger hunt to get back together with

536
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:10,399
Speaker 3: your ex.

537
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:15,840
Speaker 4: Oh no, there's more. At each location, I left a gift,

538
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,359
Speaker 4: a poem and a fake white rose.

539
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 3: I made a.

540
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 4: Playlist, which somehow landed on our song. As we arrived

541
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:27,120
Speaker 4: at the last location. The last note led to her

542
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,879
Speaker 4: opening my trunk, where there was a final poem indicating

543
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,440
Speaker 4: I wanted to get back together, along with a pair

544
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:38,200
Speaker 4: of driving moccasins and a road at liss to express

545
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 4: that I would go with her anywhere. We hugged and cried,

546
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 4: and she asked for time to digest it. We didn't

547
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,760
Speaker 4: get back together at that time. She started staying at

548
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,719
Speaker 4: the apartment a lot again and we became very good friends.

549
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,440
Speaker 4: My feelings were still there, and she started to get

550
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 4: very flirty. We got back together no in March twenty ninety. Oh.

551
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 4: I was twenty six, she was about to be twenty nine.

552
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 4: Stop things were healthy. Come friends again, Strobert I know,

553
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:11,159
Speaker 4: I feel bad, but I totally get it. It's just

554
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:15,399
Speaker 4: something that like, ah, like neither of you have the

555
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:16,440
Speaker 4: ability to say no.

556
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and it's thanks. And the problem is that

557
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 3: like every time you realize, hey, this is not working out,

558
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 3: you got out of the relationship, but then you're still

559
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,480
Speaker 3: living together, and then you get back together because you're

560
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 3: in close proximity, and then you're probably gonna get to

561
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:31,439
Speaker 3: another time when you have to renew the lease, renew it,

562
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 3: then realize, oh, we're not good together.

563
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 4: Leave, it's too much, it's too much. Things were healthy

564
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 4: and we had become friends again, so it felt like

565
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 4: a good starting point. We talked about our issues in

566
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,320
Speaker 4: the future. She was still going to move to be

567
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:49,320
Speaker 4: close to her family so she could focus on becoming independent.

568
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,280
Speaker 4: We agreed to stay in a long distance relationship and

569
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,359
Speaker 4: I would move there in a year or two. She

570
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,040
Speaker 4: moved in August twenty nineteen, and I stayed in the apartment.

571
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,480
Speaker 4: One night, I went out to the ball with a

572
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 4: friend and ran into our mutual friends. They told me

573
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,360
Speaker 4: I needed to let her live her life and experience

574
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,119
Speaker 4: other people. It bothered me, so I brought it up

575
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:12,159
Speaker 4: to my girlfriend. She basically said I don't know what

576
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:14,960
Speaker 4: I want. I told her that meant she didn't know

577
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 4: if she wanted to be in a relationship, and she

578
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 4: just said she didn't know. I told her it wasn't

579
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:22,359
Speaker 4: fair to me to wait for her to be ready,

580
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 4: and I ended things. She accepted it. I was twenty

581
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 4: six and she was twenty nine.

582
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:30,359
Speaker 3: I need you guys to both accept it though. I

583
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,919
Speaker 3: need you both to accept that you should not be together.

584
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:36,239
Speaker 4: I tried to focus on myself again. I reignited some

585
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 4: past friendships and started going out to bars to meet

586
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 4: new people. I stopped taking my bipolar medications. Oh no,

587
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:48,440
Speaker 4: and became very hypomatic. Oh pee, you're just I don't

588
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 4: know what's going on, You're just. I spiraled really, of course.

589
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 4: On Halloween twenty nineteen, I went out to the bar

590
00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:00,239
Speaker 4: with my friend and it was downpouring. MY phone got

591
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 4: drenched and stopped working. I fell face first on the

592
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 4: ground and busted my lip open. I lost my entire wallet.

593
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 4: I drove down to my family's house and my brother

594
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 4: helped me buy a new phone. I continued drinking heavily,

595
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,600
Speaker 4: and then my wallet got taken from my car one night.

596
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,640
Speaker 4: I then determined my head wasn't clear due to my drinking,

597
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 4: so I stopped cold Turkey In mid December twenty nineteen.

598
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:24,960
Speaker 4: Right after I stopped drinking, I got a Christmas card

599
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 4: in the mail for my ex girlfriend I broke down.

600
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 4: I sent her a cordial Christmas card. Back on New

601
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 4: Year's Eve, I got an email from her saying how

602
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:35,719
Speaker 4: sorry she was and that she had been working on

603
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 4: herself and learning about my mental health disorders.

604
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 3: She said she missed me and loved me and regretted.

605
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 3: Oh break up, no stop.

606
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 4: I emailed back that she could call me, no no.

607
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 4: Later that evening she called and we reconnected. Within two

608
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 4: weeks we had gotten back together genuinely, Like after excives

609
00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 4: me headache.

610
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:06,080
Speaker 3: I don't know after like maybe maybe one breakup, maybe

611
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 3: two if you're really lucky, then after that it's like

612
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 3: you can you can get together and stay together. But

613
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 3: if you're progressing beyond two breakups, you're not staying together. Yeah,

614
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 3: that is not a for life thing.

615
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 4: It was January twenty twenty. I was twenty six and

616
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 4: she was twenty nine. She came up to visit a

617
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 4: month later for Valentine's Day. She was still living with

618
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,800
Speaker 4: her sister's family and having a hard time. She felt

619
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:32,000
Speaker 4: mistreated and said it was very tense. We talked about

620
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 4: future plans. She wanted to find an apartment and become independent.

621
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 4: We said maybe I'd move down in twenty twenty one.

622
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 4: Oh pee, you like you keep getting stuck with the lease.

623
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 3: Though, yeah the Gats, the Gats, by way, we haven't

624
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 3: mentioned the Gats, yeah at all? Yeah, so who knows

625
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 3: what happened to your pets? But also like like she

626
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 3: just keeps leaving your lease anyway, So it's like, not

627
00:30:57,080 --> 00:31:00,040
Speaker 3: worry about breaking the lease, don't it? City least? I

628
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,960
Speaker 3: was startless looking at people and crying. Is sony.

629
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:06,640
Speaker 4: In March twenty twenty, I was told I had galstones

630
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:09,160
Speaker 4: and needed surgery to remove my gallbladder.

631
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 1: WHOA.

632
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 4: She took an overnight bus and came to the hospital.

633
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 4: This was a week before the VID restrictions really started.

634
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 4: I was discharged and we went back to my apartment.

635
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:21,280
Speaker 4: She wanted to stay for a few days to make

636
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:24,960
Speaker 4: sure I was okay. Her sister had concerns about her

637
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 4: coming back during the pandemi since there were vulnerable immune

638
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 4: systems in their household. Her sister helped her find an

639
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 4: apartment and she went back down in May twenty twenty.

640
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,840
Speaker 4: I was twenty six and she was thirty. Up to

641
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 4: the day she left, there was tension because she had

642
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 4: told me she wanted to move back in with me

643
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 4: and we would work together to find a house and move.

644
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 4: I felt heartbroken and our last day was very tense.

645
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 4: She moved into her new apartment and was happy started volunteering.

646
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,320
Speaker 4: We started to repair our relationship. Due to the damage

647
00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:59,520
Speaker 4: caused by her telling me she wanted to move back

648
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 4: with me then leaving anyway, I forgave her. I returned

649
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 4: to therapy and medication counseling there you go ope. She

650
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 4: then had a leak in her apartment that took days

651
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 4: to fix, and her belongings were ruined. Her sister helped

652
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 4: her get out of her lease into an apartment at

653
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 4: the complex where her sister worked. We were still connecting

654
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 4: pretty well, and I had expressed my concerns and anxiety

655
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 4: that I still feared this relationship would end and that

656
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 4: she wouldn't be able to commit the way she was

657
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 4: saying she wanted to. She reassured me that we wanted

658
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 4: the same things in our futures. I started to drink casually. No, Yai.

659
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,560
Speaker 4: I had been sober for about a year, but decided

660
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:46,000
Speaker 4: to test the waters and see if I could casually

661
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 4: drink without becoming problematic. No, you have an addictive personality,

662
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 4: O pie. I see every single thing that you're doing,

663
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 4: and it's going to continue to do it until you

664
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,920
Speaker 4: choose to stop. So far, I had been able to

665
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 4: control it. She was okay with this. We got along

666
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 4: pretty well, and then she was constantly talking about her

667
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 4: family and spending every weekend at her sister's house, and

668
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 4: I got very jealous.

669
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 3: Of her sister.

670
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 4: Oh no, what this story was going everywhere? I don't

671
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 4: even know who to feel bad for. I brought it

672
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:20,280
Speaker 4: up in therapy and worked on resolving these feelings. I

673
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:23,240
Speaker 4: let her know that when she would end or call

674
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 4: because her sister was calling, it bothered me because she

675
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 4: wouldn't do the same for me. If she was on

676
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 4: the phone with her sister and I called, she would

677
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:34,520
Speaker 4: text saying she was busy. She acknowledged this and said

678
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 4: she didn't realize it. I got very good at communicating

679
00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:40,880
Speaker 4: my issues in a healthy way that didn't lead to arguments.

680
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 4: I thought things were going well, but this last Friday,

681
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 4: February nineteenth, twenty twenty one. Oh, I'm twenty seven and

682
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 4: she's about to be thirty one. I asked if we

683
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:55,480
Speaker 4: could talk for at nine years. Yeah, I feel like

684
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:58,280
Speaker 4: I've been reading this for ninety years years. I was

685
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 4: feeling anxiety because she hadn't talked about me moving or

686
00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:04,720
Speaker 4: made plans yet, and I have less than six months

687
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 4: until my lease is up. I brought this to her attention,

688
00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 4: and she used this as an opportunity to tell me

689
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 4: we no longer want the same.

690
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 3: You never wanted the same things.

691
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 4: She said, she's having such a good time with the

692
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,440
Speaker 4: kids in her life that she doesn't think she wants

693
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 4: kids anymore. You deserve someone who can give you what

694
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:26,960
Speaker 4: you want. I called her out on this and said,

695
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,080
Speaker 4: this is a conversation we can have and she can

696
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 4: let me digest and determine what I want to do.

697
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:35,279
Speaker 4: She said, yeah, but we have so many differences. She said,

698
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 4: I don't like her family that I don't want to

699
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 4: go to church on Christmas Eve. I told her, I

700
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 4: do like her family, but I haven't had a proper

701
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,399
Speaker 4: chance to get to know them after ten years. Ten

702
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:50,919
Speaker 4: years and you don't know her family. That's crazy, and

703
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 4: I told her I'm not religious, but we had talked

704
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 4: about the future and what holidays would look like, and

705
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:57,359
Speaker 4: I would be willing to go to church with her

706
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:00,600
Speaker 4: and test it out for myself. She then told she

707
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:02,759
Speaker 4: had been wishing that I would meet someone at the

708
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 4: bar and break up with her, and I wouldn't have

709
00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 4: been mad. She did not come out and say she

710
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,840
Speaker 4: was breaking up with me. I had to ask is

711
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,800
Speaker 4: this the end? Is this over? And she was silent.

712
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,480
Speaker 4: I asked her what else can be done to save

713
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,720
Speaker 4: the relationship, if there was anything. She said, She's happy

714
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 4: where she's at. She likes doing whatever she wants to

715
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:25,880
Speaker 4: do whenever she wants. She likes her apartment and doesn't

716
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 4: want to move. She never outright told me she was

717
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 4: breaking up with me, and continued to list every excuse

718
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 4: except that she either doesn't love me anymore or doesn't

719
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,719
Speaker 4: want to be with me anymore. She asked if we

720
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:41,400
Speaker 4: could be friends, and I said, no, yeah, thank you.

721
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:43,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the best thing you've said.

722
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:43,319
Speaker 1: Thank you.

723
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 3: Oh, you cannot be friends because every time you've been friends,

724
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:48,800
Speaker 3: you've been like, well, we should be together.

725
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,480
Speaker 4: I went silent, and she apologized over and over. I

726
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 4: asked her to stop apologizing me because I do not

727
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 4: accept her apologies. I am now in a space where

728
00:35:57,239 --> 00:35:59,440
Speaker 4: I know I need to move on. I texted her

729
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 4: Saturday morning at two am because I couldn't sleep and

730
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 4: told her how hurt I was. I told her she

731
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 4: used to be the person I would call at two

732
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 4: am when I'm in my feelings, and that I am

733
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 4: in pain because I know I cannot do this anymore.

734
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 4: I did not expect a response and did not get

735
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 4: a response. I hate myself for it, but there is

736
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 4: a small part of me hoping that we will go

737
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:23,759
Speaker 4: through the same cycle where she starts to miss me

738
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 4: and will reach out in a few months. I know

739
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 4: this is not healthy. I know I cannot bring her

740
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 4: back into my life, but the love is heavy and

741
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,799
Speaker 4: it is there. There's even an update to wrap things up.

742
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:37,800
Speaker 4: She was breaking up with me via phone in twenty

743
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 4: twenty one, and she said she didn't know if she

744
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,759
Speaker 4: wanted kids, marriage, et cetera anymore. I told her I'd

745
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:47,520
Speaker 4: reconsider everything if that's what she wants. I'm just gonna

746
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 4: get right to this update. Thankfully, I accepted the breakup.

747
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:52,960
Speaker 4: I learned about myself and my hobbies and spent two

748
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:56,360
Speaker 4: years single good thank god, came to terms with and

749
00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 4: happy with possibly spending the rest of my life by myself,

750
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 4: and did a lot of work to become emotionally and

751
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:05,120
Speaker 4: financially independent. The latter was questionable, but the effort was there.

752
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,360
Speaker 4: And now I am with my fiance who wants a

753
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:10,480
Speaker 4: family and to get married and to live a future

754
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:12,400
Speaker 4: that reflects what I want as well.

755
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:17,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah it did. It only took ten twelve years,

756
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 3: but you did it.

757
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,799
Speaker 4: This would have never happened if my ex accepted my

758
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:24,719
Speaker 4: willingness to change anything.

759
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 3: And ladies and gentlemen, that's the end. That's the end.

760
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 4: That's the fricking end.

761
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:36,360
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Carly, your favorite axe Lottel host.

762
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 4: Here.

763
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:38,920
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to the stories, but here's

764
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 1: three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My friend cast

765
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:46,280
Speaker 1: it an ex as my leading man after I agreed

766
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:46,880
Speaker 1: to help.

767
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:48,720
Speaker 2: With this film sabotage.

768
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:52,400
Speaker 1: Basically, my friend Tom is making a student film for

769
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:56,320
Speaker 1: his thesis project. This is an extremely important project for

770
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,720
Speaker 1: him and will determine if he graduates, so he's already

771
00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:02,520
Speaker 1: strung about it. By the way, this comes from student

772
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: actress friend, and if you want to smit your own stories,

773
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:07,240
Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay storytime separadit.

774
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 2: I'm Carly, I'm Angie, and.

775
00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:11,359
Speaker 1: We're here to give good advice. Goofily, but we don't

776
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:13,880
Speaker 1: have all the answers. We only know what we would do,

777
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 1: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

778
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 1: I helped him write the script writing major and then

779
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:20,799
Speaker 1: he asked me if I would act in it. He

780
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 1: said it would mean a lot to him, and I've

781
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:25,720
Speaker 1: acted in a few different plays and another student film

782
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,759
Speaker 1: that won some awards before, so I agreed. He was

783
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 1: seriously so thankful and thrilled and admitted he'd written the

784
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 1: role of the female lead with me in mind.

785
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 4: Great.

786
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,919
Speaker 1: I asked him early on who he had in mind

787
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:41,360
Speaker 1: for the other actors that he listed off names that

788
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 1: I didn't personally know. Now we're ready to start filming.

789
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 1: Tom's got in all of the equipment and scouted out

790
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:50,800
Speaker 1: locations we needed. I just found out that he secured

791
00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:54,480
Speaker 1: this guy, Brad as the male lead of the film.

792
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 1: Brad and I have a slight history. I went on

793
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 1: one date with him from a day about ten months ago.

794
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 1: I didn't know he had any connection to Tom. To

795
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:05,879
Speaker 1: put it bluntly, Brad was.

796
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:10,240
Speaker 3: Really, really, really weird.

797
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:14,439
Speaker 1: I immediately felt like there was something off about him.

798
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:17,920
Speaker 1: He was pushy, aggressive, and did not respect the boundaries

799
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,600
Speaker 1: of going on a date with a stranger at all.

800
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 1: He kept staring at me with this empty, almost angry

801
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,480
Speaker 1: look in his eyes. He talked about the weirdest crap,

802
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 1: asking me if I'm into giving certain spicy acts, and

803
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:36,879
Speaker 1: talking about how he'd recently unalived a deer and as

804
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: a joke, left its heart on his vegetarian friend's doorstep.

805
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 1: I actually legitimately thought it was a prank or a

806
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 1: what would you do?

807
00:39:46,239 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 2: TV?

808
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:51,319
Speaker 1: Situation, but the cameras never showed up. After lunch was over,

809
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:53,319
Speaker 1: I stood up, said I had to go, and he

810
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 1: kept trying to negate my excuse.

811
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 4: I said I had a doctor's.

812
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:59,359
Speaker 1: Appointment, and he kept saying that I could reschedule it,

813
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:01,919
Speaker 1: and it's easy you to just skip appointments because there's

814
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:03,000
Speaker 1: no consequences.

815
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:05,719
Speaker 2: It is not that easy to schedule a doctor's appointment, So.

816
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 1: Dad, he followed me out into the parking lot and

817
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 1: tried to steer me towards his car so we could.

818
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:13,880
Speaker 4: Go on a drive.

819
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 1: I finally hit my breaking point and turned to him

820
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:18,719
Speaker 1: and said, Dude, I don't know if you know this,

821
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 1: but you come off as really disrespectful and rude. Don't

822
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:24,399
Speaker 1: touch a chick if you don't know her. People are

823
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,120
Speaker 1: going to think you're pestering me, and I'm going to

824
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:27,800
Speaker 1: my appointment.

825
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:28,640
Speaker 2: Let me go.

826
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:31,279
Speaker 1: He let me go in silence, and I drove off,

827
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,880
Speaker 1: blocked him, and moved on with my life.

828
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 2: Report him to whatever dating site you meant him on these.

829
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:39,919
Speaker 1: Fully until I found out that Tom has gotten the

830
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:43,360
Speaker 1: same Brad to act in his film. Not only that

831
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:47,399
Speaker 1: he's the lead. If the script stays the way it is,

832
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:50,120
Speaker 1: I might have to act as his love interest. I

833
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 1: absolutely do not want this, and the very thought of

834
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:55,759
Speaker 1: even being in the same room as that guy makes

835
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:58,759
Speaker 1: me kind of nauseous. How do I tell Tom? I

836
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:01,440
Speaker 1: don't want to be that diva who gives ultimatums or

837
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:04,839
Speaker 1: refuses to work with others, and this film is extremely

838
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 1: important to Tom's future. He's my friend and I don't

839
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 1: want to let him down or leave him in the lurch.

840
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 1: Finding another actress could be really difficult for him at

841
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:17,240
Speaker 1: this point, but I'm pretty sure, I absolutely cannot work

842
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:20,800
Speaker 1: with that creep Brad. Is it really okay to force

843
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:23,040
Speaker 1: Tom to choose between the two of us? Or should

844
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 1: I just bow out? We have some top comments. I

845
00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:28,560
Speaker 1: fully think if you just tell Tom the situation and

846
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:30,960
Speaker 1: be like, I'm really not comfortable in it, I can

847
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:31,759
Speaker 1: help you find an.

848
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 3: Actress if you want.

849
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:35,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think he's still gonna be like not Brad's

850
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:38,239
Speaker 1: out hopefully, Yeah, And if he's not, then maybe you

851
00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:40,680
Speaker 1: shouldn't be friends with Tom or if he, like in

852
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:42,480
Speaker 1: any way tries to be like no, it's fine, Like

853
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 1: you guys are both gonna do it, I would seriously

854
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 1: reconsider my friendship with Tom.

855
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:50,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, and like it is absolutely okay to refuse to

856
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 2: work with certain.

857
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 1: People, Like if anything, this will like give Tom more

858
00:41:56,320 --> 00:42:00,120
Speaker 1: experience in how like yeah, film set would work, because

859
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,880
Speaker 1: things like this can go wrong, and like he needs

860
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:05,839
Speaker 1: to learn more about like working with actors that can't

861
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:06,920
Speaker 1: work together and stuff.

862
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 2: Totally yeah, because it could have been I mean, that's

863
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:11,480
Speaker 2: like a pretty crazy situation.

864
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:13,960
Speaker 1: And what does he want? Something like he doesn't want

865
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,800
Speaker 1: anything to be like that. I was saying, he wants

866
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:18,959
Speaker 1: to make a really nice environment that makes everybody want

867
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:20,960
Speaker 1: to work with him again and have somebody like this

868
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:25,160
Speaker 1: could be dangerous to not only you, but any other

869
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 1: females on this like that.

870
00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:27,920
Speaker 2: How bad does it have to be for you to

871
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 2: like get to that point to not be able to

872
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 2: work with each other. I mean he was he wasn't

873
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:35,240
Speaker 2: letting you leave your date, and he you mentioned something

874
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 2: about like him touching you. I don't know how bad

875
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,560
Speaker 2: it was, but like you know what I mean, like

876
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 2: that's I think well within the range of being okay,

877
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 2: it was not working with someone. And it's just a

878
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:46,520
Speaker 2: student film too.

879
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:49,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, it just really like I know, it's for a grade,

880
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:50,719
Speaker 1: it's high stake.

881
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:54,879
Speaker 2: It's it's really not sure it's important for his future whatever.

882
00:42:55,440 --> 00:43:00,840
Speaker 1: Went to film school. It's really not really not commento

883
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:04,719
Speaker 1: one says, it's not forcing Tom to do anything. You

884
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 1: simply say, hey, sorry, I recently found out that this

885
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:09,719
Speaker 1: creepy guy I went on a date with is the

886
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:12,200
Speaker 1: principal actor. I don't want to force you to choose

887
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 1: between the two of us or begin the arduous process

888
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:17,840
Speaker 1: of finding a replacement this late in the game. But

889
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:19,399
Speaker 1: I can't work with that guy.

890
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 3: What do we do?

891
00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:22,720
Speaker 1: It's not mean or rude to state your deal breakers.

892
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:25,440
Speaker 1: Working with a guy that makes you uncomfortable is a

893
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 1: deal breaker to you working on that project. Tell Tom

894
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:31,479
Speaker 1: it's then up to him to decide how to deal

895
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 1: with your decision. Comment or two says, if your friend

896
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,520
Speaker 1: wants to be a successful director, he needs to learn

897
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 1: about this thing called chemistry go especially between leads. He

898
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:44,239
Speaker 1: should have arranged a meeting for the principles early enough

899
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:47,280
Speaker 1: to recast. It's great you want to be a supportive friend,

900
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:50,960
Speaker 1: but this is his problem, not yours. Edit. Rewrite the

901
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:53,440
Speaker 1: script so that your character has to deal with the toad.

902
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 1: Your acting will be superb and you'll win another award.

903
00:43:57,040 --> 00:44:00,400
Speaker 1: Comment to three says, true, you're the writer. Write the

904
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:03,880
Speaker 1: story so that Brad's character passes away in the first scene.

905
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 4: Update.

906
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:07,319
Speaker 1: I know I seemed like a dormat for asking what

907
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 1: to do, but I really didn't want to screw my

908
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:11,759
Speaker 1: friend over and also didn't know if putting up with

909
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 1: unpleasant co actors was just part of being a professional.

910
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 1: I keep seeing stories about Catherine Heigel being horrible to

911
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:21,760
Speaker 1: work with on set and never getting along with any

912
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 1: other actors, and that's why everybody hates her.

913
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:24,600
Speaker 3: Haha.

914
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:27,280
Speaker 1: Thank you to everyone who told me to talk to Tom

915
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 1: and share my concerns. I agree that he should have

916
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:32,760
Speaker 1: tested the leads before casting them, but to be fair

917
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:36,319
Speaker 1: to him, everyone's schedules have been crazy this semester, and

918
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:38,600
Speaker 1: I was out of town last week, so I think

919
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:41,520
Speaker 1: that's why he just went ahead and hired Brad. Anyway,

920
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 1: after my post, I decided to meet Tom for dinner.

921
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:46,880
Speaker 1: He asked me how I've been, and I kind of

922
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:50,080
Speaker 1: clumsily launched into a story about this crappy date I

923
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 1: had with this guy Brad, without saying it was Brad.

924
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:57,759
Speaker 1: Tom was really sympathetic and was saying things like, holy crap, dude,

925
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,360
Speaker 1: that guy's a creep. I'm glad nothing happened to what

926
00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:02,920
Speaker 1: an a hole? I'm glad you're safe. I feel like

927
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:05,279
Speaker 1: i'd fight him or something if I could. I kind

928
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:08,280
Speaker 1: of felt sneaky about doing it this way, but people's

929
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,719
Speaker 1: suggestions to lead off with the story without saying the

930
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:13,920
Speaker 1: name seemed defective. At that point, I told Tom the

931
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:16,880
Speaker 1: person I was actually talking about was Brad.

932
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:17,759
Speaker 3: Now, when I.

933
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,680
Speaker 1: Found out, I felt really awkward. Wasn't sure how to

934
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:22,840
Speaker 1: tell Tom, but I hoped he could see why I

935
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:24,799
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to work with that guy, I said. I

936
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 1: really wanted to be a part of Tom's project, but

937
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:29,279
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to do and wanted him to

938
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:31,879
Speaker 1: have all the facts. I said I'd go along with

939
00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:34,920
Speaker 1: any decision he made. It kind of blew his mind

940
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,600
Speaker 1: that I was really talking about Brad, and he took

941
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:39,719
Speaker 1: a little while to process it. I asked him how

942
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:41,920
Speaker 1: he knew Brad, and he said that he was just

943
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:44,520
Speaker 1: a classmate that he'd worked on a project with earlier

944
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:47,800
Speaker 1: this year. They weren't amazing friends or anything. He seemed

945
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:50,160
Speaker 1: to brood over the info for a while, and I

946
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:52,400
Speaker 1: didn't really know what to say, so we just ate

947
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:56,480
Speaker 1: in silence for a bit. Finally, Tom said, matter of factly, okay,

948
00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:58,800
Speaker 1: thanks for telling me. Do you know of anybody we

949
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:01,840
Speaker 1: can replace him with? I was surprised, and he was surprised.

950
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:04,960
Speaker 1: I was surprised. He said that guy's a wiener. I'm

951
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 1: not gonna work with him if he treated you that way,

952
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 1: We'll find someone else. I was so happy and grateful

953
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,920
Speaker 1: that I started tearing up a bit. It's not that

954
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 1: important to me to work on Tom's film, but it

955
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,520
Speaker 1: was just so nice to hear that he had my

956
00:46:18,719 --> 00:46:22,319
Speaker 1: back with no reservations or hesitation. He was kind of

957
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,800
Speaker 1: been used that I thought he would want to keep.

958
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:25,480
Speaker 4: Brad over me.

959
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,840
Speaker 1: So as of this morning, Tom has informed Brad that

960
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:31,880
Speaker 1: he's no longer on the project and he's talking to

961
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 1: a few different people he knows as replacements. We are

962
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:37,480
Speaker 1: going to do auditions to see who has good chemistry.

963
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:38,920
Speaker 4: As others have suggested.

964
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:41,839
Speaker 1: He's stressed out about finding somebody, but he said it's

965
00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:44,200
Speaker 1: good that I told him now and not after we

966
00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:47,280
Speaker 1: started shooting. So thank you again to everyone for telling

967
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:49,640
Speaker 1: me to tell him a SAP. I'm not sure how

968
00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 1: I feel about how Tom did it the firing. I mean,

969
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:55,600
Speaker 1: he just texted Brad and said something like, sorry, this

970
00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:57,440
Speaker 1: isn't gonna work out. We don't need you for the

971
00:46:57,480 --> 00:47:00,200
Speaker 1: role anymore. I'm not sure if Brad should have been

972
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:02,640
Speaker 1: informed with the reason why he didn't want to work

973
00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 1: with him. I almost feel like he should know he's

974
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 1: a creep and that his behavior has consequences. But Tom

975
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 1: said he was worried that Brad would blame me and

976
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 1: that he didn't need an explanation for being let go.

977
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:15,959
Speaker 1: I see his point, and he's the director, and I

978
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:17,320
Speaker 1: agree with that, actually, yeah.

979
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 2: Because I don't know what Brad would do, and I

980
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:20,400
Speaker 2: really scared.

981
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:22,839
Speaker 3: Of re percussions from Brad. You got me cooked off.

982
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:25,319
Speaker 2: The film, yeah, and now he knows that you go

983
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:26,120
Speaker 2: to the same school.

984
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:29,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it doesn't really matter since Brad has now

985
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:33,600
Speaker 1: gone yay. I've blocked Brad's number and his Facebook because

986
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:35,799
Speaker 1: I feel like he would try to contact me after this.

987
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 1: I know he kind of went what the f bro

988
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:41,080
Speaker 1: and asked Tom something about me, but Tom didn't answer,

989
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:44,080
Speaker 1: and he didn't really specifically say how Brad reacted when

990
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 1: he got fired. He literally said, Eh, don't worry about

991
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 1: it to me when I asked. I did notice that

992
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:53,359
Speaker 1: Brad looked at my LinkedIn sometime today, but that's about it.

993
00:47:53,440 --> 00:47:56,840
Speaker 1: Thanks again for everyone for your advice. I'm over the

994
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:58,960
Speaker 1: moon and how this turned out, and I'm looking forward

995
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:01,240
Speaker 1: to filming this summer. That's the end of last story.

996
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:05,920
Speaker 2: That's great, lovely, My best friend ghosted me for five

997
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:08,760
Speaker 2: years now she's acting like nothing happened.

998
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:09,760
Speaker 1: Back from the grave.

999
00:48:10,239 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 2: My thirty seven female best friend, thirty eight female of

1000
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 2: fifteen years when no contact with me five years ago.

1001
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:19,279
Speaker 2: We're supposed to reconnect, but I'm feeling unsure by the way.

1002
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,759
Speaker 2: This comes from Legitimate Light one thirty one and if

1003
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:23,480
Speaker 2: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

1004
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:26,640
Speaker 2: r slash Okay Storytime Separated and I'm Angie, I'm Carly,

1005
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:28,600
Speaker 2: and we're here to give good advice goofy. But we

1006
00:48:28,600 --> 00:48:30,360
Speaker 2: don't have all the answers. We just know what we

1007
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 2: would do in these situations, So let us know what

1008
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:34,200
Speaker 2: you would do in the comments. She was the most

1009
00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:38,480
Speaker 2: emotionally intelligent, loyal, communicative person. I knew we'd been like

1010
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:40,759
Speaker 2: sisters and stayed in touch no matter the distance. But

1011
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:42,799
Speaker 2: when I moved far away to pursue my education and

1012
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:45,160
Speaker 2: she had babies back to back, she told me that

1013
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:47,520
Speaker 2: she didn't have time to maintain a long distance friendship.

1014
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 2: I told her I understood that her kids and self

1015
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 2: care should obviously come first, and that we'd pick up

1016
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:55,200
Speaker 2: where we left off someday. I never dreamed that she'd

1017
00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 2: go no contact. To be honest, I'm not sure she

1018
00:48:57,680 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 2: knew at that point either. I stepped back, invested in

1019
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:03,440
Speaker 2: other friendships, and gave her space. I'd call every now

1020
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:06,400
Speaker 2: and then and text on birthdays and Christmas. She stopped

1021
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:09,120
Speaker 2: answering the phone and responded to text every six months

1022
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:11,319
Speaker 2: or so. I couldn't shake the feeling that this was

1023
00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:13,759
Speaker 2: about more than being busy, especially when I saw a

1024
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:17,160
Speaker 2: distant family and friends mentioned talking on the phone on

1025
00:49:17,239 --> 00:49:20,000
Speaker 2: her Facebook. A year and a half in, I sent

1026
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:21,960
Speaker 2: her a message asking if I had done anything to

1027
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:23,960
Speaker 2: hurt or upset hurt, and that I wanted to make

1028
00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 2: amends if that were the case.

1029
00:49:25,239 --> 00:49:26,439
Speaker 3: She left me on rett.

1030
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:29,080
Speaker 2: I took it as a sign to respect her obvious

1031
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:32,719
Speaker 2: if unspoken boundaries. Reaching out without hearing back also hurt.

1032
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:35,319
Speaker 2: Like heck, I couldn't do it anymore. I tried to

1033
00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:38,640
Speaker 2: move on, not to obsess over the reason. I talked

1034
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:41,160
Speaker 2: about it with friends and in therapy. I also fell

1035
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:44,279
Speaker 2: into a deep depression, withdrew from my other relationships, and

1036
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:47,880
Speaker 2: became increasingly self isolated. I'd clearly hurt and lost the

1037
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 2: person closest to me, but didn't know how or why.

1038
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:53,959
Speaker 2: Five years passed with no contact. A few months back,

1039
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:56,759
Speaker 2: I learned that her father passed away unexpectedly, and I

1040
00:49:56,840 --> 00:49:59,320
Speaker 2: reached out. He spoke for a while, and she apologized,

1041
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,680
Speaker 2: saying that she she'd never meant to let it go

1042
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:04,279
Speaker 2: on this long. I apologized for anything I had done

1043
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:06,600
Speaker 2: to her or upset her. She got quiet and said

1044
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 2: that we could talk about it later. We spoke a

1045
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:10,520
Speaker 2: little while longer, but once I got off the phone,

1046
00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:13,800
Speaker 2: I became flooded with anchor. I had let the feelings

1047
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 2: fade and gave her space, and then texted a few

1048
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:20,319
Speaker 2: weeks later to offer support and condolences and crickets. I

1049
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:22,799
Speaker 2: gave it another month before messaging and saying that I

1050
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:25,440
Speaker 2: was up first sorting it out or leaving a bee.

1051
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:27,839
Speaker 2: She said that she wanted to chat, but we've been

1052
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:30,239
Speaker 2: trying to hammer out a time for months now, which

1053
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:33,360
Speaker 2: is telling. Seems like we're both hesitant. Now she wants

1054
00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:36,000
Speaker 2: to talk next week, and I'm not so sure. Part

1055
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:39,799
Speaker 2: of me wants to cancel because f this pain, Hello avoidance.

1056
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:43,160
Speaker 2: A smaller part of me wants to fawn and make

1057
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:46,040
Speaker 2: it all better, Hello drama and anxiety. And every cell

1058
00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:48,160
Speaker 2: in my body wants to protect my broken heart.

1059
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:49,960
Speaker 4: I tend to be really hard.

1060
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:51,960
Speaker 2: On myself, and given the pedestal I placed her on,

1061
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 2: It's not just me. She's loved by literally everyone, while

1062
00:50:55,120 --> 00:50:59,279
Speaker 2: I'm a quirky endie who's loved, but more of an

1063
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:03,040
Speaker 2: acquired tape. I've blamed myself, especially in the absence of

1064
00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:05,160
Speaker 2: a reason, but in reality, I feel that this is

1065
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:06,920
Speaker 2: an fed up way to treat a best friend, and

1066
00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:09,319
Speaker 2: that it isn't all my fault, like my brain and

1067
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 2: lingering drama would like me to believe. I need advice

1068
00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:15,120
Speaker 2: on how to approach this. Part of me wants to

1069
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:18,120
Speaker 2: meet with her, even though by nervous system wants to flee.

1070
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 2: Part of me wants to heal this rift now in

1071
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:22,839
Speaker 2: case we never get a chance to. Logically, I know

1072
00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 2: that I should hear her out, but I'm just so dang,

1073
00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 2: hurt and angry. I don't even know whether to express

1074
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:30,160
Speaker 2: that to her before or after she says her piece.

1075
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:31,799
Speaker 2: I know I need to make space for both of

1076
00:51:31,800 --> 00:51:34,959
Speaker 2: our feelings and grievances, but how I missed her so much,

1077
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:36,839
Speaker 2: but I gave up on her a long time ago.

1078
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:39,400
Speaker 2: I don't know how to move past this. To be honest,

1079
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:41,440
Speaker 2: I'm not even sure I want to. Is talking to

1080
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:43,880
Speaker 2: or trying to make amends with someone who ghosted me

1081
00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:47,680
Speaker 2: five years even worth it, if only to find out why?

1082
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:48,880
Speaker 2: There are some comments?

1083
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 3: But what would you say?

1084
00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:53,800
Speaker 1: I always struggle with this question because I feel like

1085
00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:57,279
Speaker 1: this comes up a lot more so in like relationship

1086
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:59,719
Speaker 1: kind of things, Like a relationship ends and you want

1087
00:51:59,719 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 1: to know why? Sure, is it worth the pain of

1088
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 1: curing why?

1089
00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:04,479
Speaker 3: Kind of thing?

1090
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:05,080
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1091
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:09,320
Speaker 1: I don't think so. Closure is great, Closure is lovely.

1092
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:13,520
Speaker 1: Everybody loves closure. I don't often think this leads to that, though.

1093
00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:15,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would agree, But we do have some comments.

1094
00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:16,359
Speaker 3: Why were you?

1095
00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:18,759
Speaker 2: I'd want to know, but only under my terms, the

1096
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:21,240
Speaker 2: biggest term being she does all the work of putting

1097
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:23,800
Speaker 2: this together. You didn't walk away from her. She walked

1098
00:52:23,800 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 2: away from you. The approachment should come from her alone.

1099
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:29,279
Speaker 2: The other thing you need to brace yourself for is

1100
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 2: that you were never her best friend. She may have

1101
00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:34,239
Speaker 2: been your best friend, but it wasn't true on her part.

1102
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:36,959
Speaker 2: She probably doesn't need to re establish the relationship nearly

1103
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:39,279
Speaker 2: as much as you do. She more than likely just

1104
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:42,000
Speaker 2: feels guilty that she didn't mean to hurt when she

1105
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:44,279
Speaker 2: cut you out of her life, but she didn't care

1106
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:47,080
Speaker 2: enough that she wanted you in her life. I don't

1107
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:49,839
Speaker 2: say these things to be hurtful, rather to warn you

1108
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 2: not to expect some huge issue that you didn't know about.

1109
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:55,839
Speaker 2: Your lives had grown apart, literally and figuratively, and she

1110
00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:58,880
Speaker 2: just went with it because she didn't care enough not to. Oh,

1111
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:02,880
Speaker 2: PI replied, oh shit, but also, you're probably right. After

1112
00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:05,920
Speaker 2: she had her first kids, she fell in with her mom,

1113
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 2: friends more, and this slow fade began. As for not

1114
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:11,439
Speaker 2: meaning to hurt me, I'm not so short. You knew

1115
00:53:11,440 --> 00:53:14,000
Speaker 2: for certain that it would hurt me, and even mentioned

1116
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 2: not wanting to during the I can't be year long

1117
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:20,200
Speaker 2: distance friend convo. But something obviously changed. Either she didn't

1118
00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:22,960
Speaker 2: care or she wanted to. We do have an update here.

1119
00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:26,040
Speaker 2: Reading responses has been helpful, Thanks for the reality check.

1120
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:28,719
Speaker 2: Prior to sharing this, a small part of me hoped

1121
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:31,279
Speaker 2: that we could be besties again. Now I realize that

1122
00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:35,720
Speaker 2: that's not only impossible but unwise. Oh whatever her reasoning

1123
00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:37,880
Speaker 2: may have been, I know that I deserved better than

1124
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:41,320
Speaker 2: to be left on red for years. I'm kind, I'm receptive.

1125
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 2: When I've heard someone I listen apologize and make amends.

1126
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:47,960
Speaker 2: I assume she didn't have the capacity to talk things over,

1127
00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:50,640
Speaker 2: but it doesn't take a lot to say, Hey, I'm

1128
00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:52,600
Speaker 2: drowning right now and I love you, but I don't

1129
00:53:52,640 --> 00:53:55,080
Speaker 2: have time to talk or write, please don't blame yourself.

1130
00:53:55,160 --> 00:53:57,800
Speaker 2: I'll be in touch someday. But instead she said nothing

1131
00:53:58,040 --> 00:54:00,080
Speaker 2: for years. I'm not ready to free of that, and

1132
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:03,040
Speaker 2: I know that if we talked, I'd not only forgive her,

1133
00:54:03,080 --> 00:54:05,319
Speaker 2: but would probably end up asking her to forgive me.

1134
00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:08,719
Speaker 2: Like many women, I say sorry too often. Yes, I'm

1135
00:54:08,760 --> 00:54:11,320
Speaker 2: working on boundaries. More on that below. So the update

1136
00:54:11,400 --> 00:54:14,239
Speaker 2: is this. I messaged her, saying that not knowing why

1137
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:16,879
Speaker 2: she cut off contact has been very difficult, that she

1138
00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:19,440
Speaker 2: had hurt me deeply, and that while my first instinct

1139
00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:21,839
Speaker 2: after her father passed away had been to support her,

1140
00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:24,000
Speaker 2: I just wasn't ready to be in touch again. I'm

1141
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:26,120
Speaker 2: guessing some of you are groaning or cursing at me

1142
00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 2: right now. Most of you really wanted to know why,

1143
00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:31,440
Speaker 2: and at first I did too, But this situation is

1144
00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:33,839
Speaker 2: fresh for you. I've been sitting with it for years.

1145
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:35,959
Speaker 2: To me, her reasoning is less important than the pain

1146
00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:39,000
Speaker 2: that she caused and could easily cause again. Sharing this

1147
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:41,799
Speaker 2: helped me realize that I'd rather continue to enjoy the

1148
00:54:41,800 --> 00:54:45,080
Speaker 2: happiness I've found without her than risk it by chasing

1149
00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:47,440
Speaker 2: her down and forcing a conversation that neither of us

1150
00:54:47,719 --> 00:54:50,960
Speaker 2: seemed eager to have chasing unavailable people is a habit

1151
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:54,440
Speaker 2: that her disappearance helped me break. I caught myself regressing

1152
00:54:54,440 --> 00:54:56,680
Speaker 2: when she kept leaving me on red and I kept

1153
00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:59,600
Speaker 2: messaging anyway. That was a mistake on my part, one

1154
00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:02,080
Speaker 2: that left me me feeling really crappy. I won't do

1155
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:02,520
Speaker 2: that again.

1156
00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:03,680
Speaker 4: So now what Now?

1157
00:55:03,719 --> 00:55:06,719
Speaker 2: I keep doing the good work in therapy to process

1158
00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:09,320
Speaker 2: this hurt and anger and dig into whether I'm willing

1159
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 2: to risk more pain to give her the chance to

1160
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:13,959
Speaker 2: explain herself. If and when I do get back in touch,

1161
00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:16,920
Speaker 2: I'll consider whether a mutual support is being made. What

1162
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:19,640
Speaker 2: I won't do now or ever is chase down someone

1163
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:22,120
Speaker 2: who ghosted me just to find out why. It's making

1164
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:23,000
Speaker 2: a lot of sense to me.

1165
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:26,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, good head on your shoulders. Now, I feel like, yeah,

1166
00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:28,320
Speaker 1: sometimes you just need to hear from the outside perspective,

1167
00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:30,359
Speaker 1: like you already know that deep down.

1168
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:32,319
Speaker 2: But yeah, and I think that's a good point. Like

1169
00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:34,520
Speaker 2: you don't want to chase down someone that ghosted you'd

1170
00:55:34,560 --> 00:55:37,080
Speaker 2: ask them why. That's why they ghosted you, right, they

1171
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:37,640
Speaker 2: didn't want to.

1172
00:55:37,640 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 3: Tell you why.

1173
00:55:38,239 --> 00:55:41,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, if they were capable of expressing those feelings, they

1174
00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:42,440
Speaker 1: wouldn't have ghosted you.

1175
00:55:42,560 --> 00:55:43,960
Speaker 4: There's no point, like it's.

1176
00:55:43,800 --> 00:55:45,640
Speaker 2: Just going to start some sort of argument, because then

1177
00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:48,240
Speaker 2: she's gonna say something wrong that you did or something,

1178
00:55:48,360 --> 00:55:50,560
Speaker 2: or I don't know, become the victim in a way

1179
00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:52,960
Speaker 2: that you're not ready to support or something. So the

1180
00:55:53,120 --> 00:55:56,720
Speaker 2: why is less important than the what, because what happened

1181
00:55:56,840 --> 00:55:59,279
Speaker 2: was incredibly painful and not an experience that I care

1182
00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:03,400
Speaker 2: to repeat. Impact over intent always. If we ever reconnect,

1183
00:56:03,560 --> 00:56:06,240
Speaker 2: I'll probably share it here. Until then, Thanks for listening,

1184
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:08,680
Speaker 2: and to anyone facing a similar dilemma if it's not

1185
00:56:08,719 --> 00:56:11,880
Speaker 2: an enthusiastic guess. It's a note that applies to consent,

1186
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:15,879
Speaker 2: to all parties in friendships and relationships, to how our

1187
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:17,680
Speaker 2: bodies respond in situations like.

1188
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:20,360
Speaker 4: Bees Mine had been saying hard pass for a while.

1189
00:56:20,480 --> 00:56:23,680
Speaker 2: Now I'm glad I finally listened. And that's the end

1190
00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:24,360
Speaker 2: of that story.

1191
00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:26,760
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, our bodies are crazy, dude.

1192
00:56:26,760 --> 00:56:28,960
Speaker 2: Our bodies like know so much more than be do

1193
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:32,960
Speaker 2: you Like, It's like so much more that's going on

1194
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:35,799
Speaker 2: than we don't even know about it. It's crazy. And

1195
00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:37,800
Speaker 2: that's the end of this story. We're going on to

1196
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:39,160
Speaker 2: the next one.

1197
00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:42,480
Speaker 3: Hey, it's Dakota your favorite good time boy host.

1198
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:44,919
Speaker 6: Here we're gonna get back to the stories, but here's

1199
00:56:44,960 --> 00:56:46,640
Speaker 6: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1200
00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:51,680
Speaker 1: My friend gossiped about my wedding, so I canceled her invitation.

1201
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:56,359
Speaker 1: I twenty five female. I am getting married in about six

1202
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:59,200
Speaker 1: months if the VID eases up. I know a lot

1203
00:56:59,239 --> 00:57:02,080
Speaker 1: of people hate big weddings, but I've always wanted one

1204
00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:04,840
Speaker 1: ever since I was a teenager, and since my fiance

1205
00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:07,040
Speaker 1: and I can afford it, I'm going ahead with it.

1206
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:09,080
Speaker 1: I also live in India, where it's kind of the

1207
00:57:09,120 --> 00:57:12,080
Speaker 1: norm to have big weddings, and it's important for our

1208
00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:12,799
Speaker 1: parents as well.

1209
00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:13,399
Speaker 3: By the way, this.

1210
00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:15,880
Speaker 1: Comes from Throwaway, Am I the a whole friend nine

1211
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:17,960
Speaker 1: And if you want us to make your own stories,

1212
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:20,520
Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay storytime sepreadit. I'm Carly,

1213
00:57:20,640 --> 00:57:22,680
Speaker 1: I'm Angie, and we're here to give good advice.

1214
00:57:22,720 --> 00:57:23,080
Speaker 3: Goofley.

1215
00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:25,120
Speaker 1: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

1216
00:57:25,160 --> 00:57:26,560
Speaker 1: what we would do. Let us know what you would

1217
00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:28,320
Speaker 1: do in the comments. It's kind of silly, but I

1218
00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:32,680
Speaker 1: am heck bet on getting a lehanga from a specific

1219
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:35,560
Speaker 1: designer who is incredibly popular in India.

1220
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:36,360
Speaker 4: Editors note.

1221
00:57:36,440 --> 00:57:39,520
Speaker 1: Lehanga is worn by many Indian brides for the wedding

1222
00:57:39,640 --> 00:57:43,000
Speaker 1: or reception. It includes a blouse, a full skirt, and

1223
00:57:43,080 --> 00:57:46,760
Speaker 1: a long scarf a dupatta. The skirt as well as

1224
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:50,320
Speaker 1: blause are heavily beaded and embroidered. Some shops offer it

1225
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:53,640
Speaker 1: semi stitched. The skirt only and the blouse will be

1226
00:57:53,680 --> 00:57:57,600
Speaker 1: stitched and altered to the bride's preference. Further customization, such

1227
00:57:57,640 --> 00:58:01,360
Speaker 1: as additional embroidery or getting a different dupata, can also

1228
00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:04,280
Speaker 1: be done. I just think his work is beautiful and

1229
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:07,040
Speaker 1: it's definitely worth the money. This is the only thing

1230
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:09,680
Speaker 1: I would not consider changing my mind on. So my

1231
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:12,520
Speaker 1: best friend got all the appointments ready so that I

1232
00:58:12,560 --> 00:58:15,200
Speaker 1: could try on some lahengas and they could help me

1233
00:58:15,280 --> 00:58:17,800
Speaker 1: choose one. The day before we were about to go shopping,

1234
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:20,840
Speaker 1: my fiance and I met up with Leah twenty six female,

1235
00:58:20,960 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 1: a friend since high school, and her boyfriend. She was

1236
00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 1: always pretty judgmental when it came to wedding stuff, so

1237
00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:29,680
Speaker 1: at the beginning when I started to plan this, I

1238
00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:32,160
Speaker 1: made sure that she knew she didn't have to get

1239
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:35,560
Speaker 1: involved if she's uncomfortable with wedding stuff. Her boyfriend and

1240
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:38,600
Speaker 1: her are pretty anti marriage, hence why I asked her

1241
00:58:38,640 --> 00:58:41,040
Speaker 1: all of this. Leah asked me if I was excited

1242
00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:43,600
Speaker 1: to go shopping. I told her I was super excited.

1243
00:58:44,040 --> 00:58:46,280
Speaker 1: Her boyfriend then made a comment about how he thought

1244
00:58:46,280 --> 00:58:48,480
Speaker 1: it was kind of selfish and stupid of girls to

1245
00:58:48,520 --> 00:58:51,040
Speaker 1: spend a lot of money on one or two outfits.

1246
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:54,200
Speaker 1: I was kind of taken aback, I guess, but I

1247
00:58:54,360 --> 00:58:57,880
Speaker 1: tried to change the topic, but my fiance replied saying

1248
00:58:58,080 --> 00:59:01,280
Speaker 1: something about preferences and mind your own business and whatnot.

1249
00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:05,440
Speaker 1: It was all lighthearted. Things did get awkward though. Later

1250
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:08,760
Speaker 1: that day, Leah called me and after a while of chatting,

1251
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:13,000
Speaker 1: she asked me to reconsider buying such an expensive outfit

1252
00:59:13,160 --> 00:59:16,000
Speaker 1: and that I was being snobby during a pandemic.

1253
00:59:16,320 --> 00:59:17,160
Speaker 3: I was hurt.

1254
00:59:17,360 --> 00:59:19,680
Speaker 1: She knew I wanted to have this since forever. I

1255
00:59:19,760 --> 00:59:22,280
Speaker 1: told her so, and she said sorry if this was mean,

1256
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:24,320
Speaker 1: but it needed to be said. No matter how much

1257
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:28,000
Speaker 1: she liked that silly girly dress, it's so wasteful. Like

1258
00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 1: her boyfriend's name said, it causes major damage to the environment.

1259
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:35,400
Speaker 1: But in Hindi I didn't respond, just hung up and

1260
00:59:35,480 --> 00:59:38,080
Speaker 1: texted her saying she was no longer invited. I was

1261
00:59:38,120 --> 00:59:40,680
Speaker 1: feeling angry, and I admit I wanted her to feel

1262
00:59:40,760 --> 00:59:42,880
Speaker 1: hurt too. I told her I didn't even know if

1263
00:59:42,920 --> 00:59:45,200
Speaker 1: she would still be welcome to the wedding. Since she

1264
00:59:45,280 --> 00:59:48,400
Speaker 1: thinks I'm a selfish person, she started spamming me, calling

1265
00:59:48,480 --> 00:59:51,240
Speaker 1: me a bad friend, that I'm punishing her for being right.

1266
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:53,760
Speaker 1: I had a lovely day with my other friends, but

1267
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:56,880
Speaker 1: yesterday Leah called me again to say that even our

1268
00:59:56,920 --> 00:59:59,440
Speaker 1: other friends are ignoring her. I kind of feel guilty

1269
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:01,960
Speaker 1: for that. She said, I was trying to exclude her

1270
01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:05,680
Speaker 1: just for having different opinions, So I may have to apologize.

1271
01:00:05,760 --> 01:00:08,720
Speaker 1: Am I the a hole? And comments? Commenter one says,

1272
01:00:08,760 --> 01:00:12,320
Speaker 1: info is it, sab Sayachi? I'd love to see what

1273
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:14,440
Speaker 1: you pick. OPI says, yes it is. I've yet to

1274
01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:18,000
Speaker 1: decide on one though. Communter two says, not the a hole, Yesh,

1275
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:21,720
Speaker 1: don't feel guilty and don't apologize. Sorry if this was mean,

1276
01:00:21,920 --> 01:00:24,880
Speaker 1: is not an excuse to be mean. Commentar three says,

1277
01:00:24,960 --> 01:00:28,080
Speaker 1: I mostly feel like your friend about expensive wedding clothes,

1278
01:00:28,120 --> 01:00:30,480
Speaker 1: But the moment I lay my eyes on a sab

1279
01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:34,600
Speaker 1: hey Sachi lehanga, all that logic and reasoning goes out

1280
01:00:34,640 --> 01:00:37,240
Speaker 1: of the window. You go, girl, and if anyone tries

1281
01:00:37,280 --> 01:00:39,800
Speaker 1: to shame you for having a big fat wedding, you

1282
01:00:39,920 --> 01:00:43,040
Speaker 1: tell them that you are supporting the local businesses. Your

1283
01:00:43,120 --> 01:00:46,600
Speaker 1: big fat Indian wedding pays so many people to provide services.

1284
01:00:46,640 --> 01:00:48,800
Speaker 1: What's the point of having money if you're not gonna

1285
01:00:48,840 --> 01:00:51,800
Speaker 1: spend it? Ever, Opie says, trust me, I would never

1286
01:00:51,840 --> 01:00:54,640
Speaker 1: buy expensive clothes if it was not for my wedding too.

1287
01:00:54,880 --> 01:00:57,840
Speaker 1: But like you, just looking at those lahengas makes me

1288
01:00:57,920 --> 01:01:01,000
Speaker 1: want to get married a thousand times just so I

1289
01:01:01,000 --> 01:01:03,120
Speaker 1: could wear them all. Thank you so much for your

1290
01:01:03,200 --> 01:01:06,120
Speaker 1: kind words. I appreciate it a lot. Comment to for says, listen,

1291
01:01:06,200 --> 01:01:08,600
Speaker 1: she's anti wedding. She thinks your vision for a wedding

1292
01:01:08,680 --> 01:01:11,400
Speaker 1: is wasteful. Sounds like by on inviting her you were

1293
01:01:11,440 --> 01:01:12,600
Speaker 1: being a good friend.

1294
01:01:12,720 --> 01:01:13,600
Speaker 3: We wouldn't want.

1295
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:16,800
Speaker 1: Her to have to sit through a long, boring, wasteful day.

1296
01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:18,040
Speaker 3: Coment five.

1297
01:01:18,240 --> 01:01:21,240
Speaker 1: I absolutely agree that friend is the a hole. But

1298
01:01:21,400 --> 01:01:23,600
Speaker 1: this is one of those things that I kind of understand.

1299
01:01:24,040 --> 01:01:29,520
Speaker 1: If Op's getting a sub Ysachi is around twelve thousand

1300
01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:33,120
Speaker 1: dollars USD on average and up to twenty five thousand

1301
01:01:33,120 --> 01:01:36,080
Speaker 1: dollars USD if you get one super heavy work. Even

1302
01:01:36,120 --> 01:01:38,760
Speaker 1: in the US, spending twelve to twenty five K on

1303
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:41,600
Speaker 1: a wedding dress is a lot. And I guarantee if

1304
01:01:41,600 --> 01:01:43,880
Speaker 1: an American bride was like, I'm getting a wedding gown

1305
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:46,360
Speaker 1: that's twenty K, plenty of people would think that was

1306
01:01:46,400 --> 01:01:49,040
Speaker 1: a total waste of money. But in India, where there's

1307
01:01:49,120 --> 01:01:53,440
Speaker 1: a ton of wealth disparity, that's well, many many times

1308
01:01:53,480 --> 01:01:56,280
Speaker 1: the average annual salary. You know, a lot of middle

1309
01:01:56,280 --> 01:01:59,000
Speaker 1: class people in India do find it, and many other

1310
01:01:59,040 --> 01:02:02,200
Speaker 1: aspects of the high and Indian wedding industry to be

1311
01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:05,840
Speaker 1: super super ubscene. The friend's opinion is not a terribly

1312
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:09,400
Speaker 1: uncommon one. I mean that said, obviously, people do buy

1313
01:02:09,560 --> 01:02:13,520
Speaker 1: sabyas and it's a thriving industry and they're gorgeous and

1314
01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:17,280
Speaker 1: employ a lot of artisans as well. But in my opinion,

1315
01:02:17,360 --> 01:02:20,080
Speaker 1: friend is absolutely the a hole for saying it and

1316
01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:23,120
Speaker 1: saying it in the way she did, but not necessarily

1317
01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:25,880
Speaker 1: for having that opinion. Commonder six not the a hole.

1318
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,560
Speaker 1: She was an a whole and now she's surprised that

1319
01:02:28,560 --> 01:02:32,240
Speaker 1: there were consequences buying an expensive wedding dress is not

1320
01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:35,840
Speaker 1: the reason our environment is bad or global warming exists.

1321
01:02:35,960 --> 01:02:38,120
Speaker 1: Even if you bought a cheap one, would you really

1322
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:41,479
Speaker 1: wear your wedding dress again casually at some other time.

1323
01:02:42,240 --> 01:02:44,840
Speaker 1: It's okay to cut toxic people out of your life,

1324
01:02:44,960 --> 01:02:47,760
Speaker 1: even take a temporary break, and doing so does not

1325
01:02:47,880 --> 01:02:50,520
Speaker 1: make you an a whole enjoy your dream wedding. Also,

1326
01:02:50,560 --> 01:02:52,640
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is a thing where she's from,

1327
01:02:52,680 --> 01:02:54,760
Speaker 1: but I've heard a lot of times about I think

1328
01:02:54,760 --> 01:02:57,680
Speaker 1: it's for weddings in India. Once you wear like your

1329
01:02:57,720 --> 01:03:00,400
Speaker 1: wedding dress, because they're not like all this always necessarily

1330
01:03:00,440 --> 01:03:02,880
Speaker 1: the same color, you often get to wear it again

1331
01:03:03,000 --> 01:03:04,360
Speaker 1: to other people's weddings.

1332
01:03:04,560 --> 01:03:07,040
Speaker 2: You know. I've kind of heard that too, actually.

1333
01:03:06,720 --> 01:03:09,040
Speaker 1: Right, because it's like you can never actually upstage the bride.

1334
01:03:09,280 --> 01:03:12,480
Speaker 1: They're in these gorgeous things like Kenna done. Sometimes like

1335
01:03:12,720 --> 01:03:14,680
Speaker 1: you always will know who the bride was. Yeah, so

1336
01:03:14,720 --> 01:03:17,200
Speaker 1: I've heard of sometimes weddings will have traditions where it's like,

1337
01:03:17,240 --> 01:03:19,240
Speaker 1: come in your wedding dress, Yeah, come in whatever one

1338
01:03:19,240 --> 01:03:21,640
Speaker 1: you got married in, so she might actually get to.

1339
01:03:21,560 --> 01:03:23,840
Speaker 2: Wear it again, right, come on, guys.

1340
01:03:23,880 --> 01:03:24,640
Speaker 3: Comment seven.

1341
01:03:24,960 --> 01:03:27,640
Speaker 1: Also, keep in mind that her logic is bad. How

1342
01:03:27,680 --> 01:03:30,640
Speaker 1: exactly does a wedding or a dress hurt the environment?

1343
01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:34,520
Speaker 1: Did she mean the economy? Because that's actually more incorrect.

1344
01:03:34,560 --> 01:03:37,120
Speaker 1: By buying things, you are spending money. That money is

1345
01:03:37,160 --> 01:03:40,000
Speaker 1: distributed to a variety of people who now also have

1346
01:03:40,080 --> 01:03:42,760
Speaker 1: more spending money that can be spread out. Having all

1347
01:03:42,840 --> 01:03:46,120
Speaker 1: that money and not spending it actually hurts the economy

1348
01:03:46,160 --> 01:03:49,000
Speaker 1: because it locks that money out of the proverbial cycle.

1349
01:03:49,120 --> 01:03:52,040
Speaker 1: Commentary eight. I just like to add that Indians actually

1350
01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:55,600
Speaker 1: do reuse their wedding dresses. You're right, and Opie, reusing

1351
01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:58,040
Speaker 1: things is already more environmental friendly.

1352
01:03:58,280 --> 01:04:01,320
Speaker 2: There you go. That's a good point if we're talking

1353
01:04:01,320 --> 01:04:02,200
Speaker 2: about the environment.

1354
01:04:02,400 --> 01:04:04,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, she was like, you're gonna buy that a dress

1355
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:05,840
Speaker 1: that you're never gonna wear again. She probably is good,

1356
01:04:05,960 --> 01:04:10,560
Speaker 1: right again? Comment nine Buy this, Savysaci, They're amazing. A

1357
01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:13,040
Speaker 1: friend of mine took an appointment for the Lulls and

1358
01:04:13,080 --> 01:04:15,800
Speaker 1: she was ready to marry a Rando on the street

1359
01:04:16,240 --> 01:04:19,320
Speaker 1: just to wear one after edit for the non Indians

1360
01:04:19,360 --> 01:04:22,240
Speaker 1: on this thread, think of it like if Alexander McQueen

1361
01:04:22,320 --> 01:04:25,880
Speaker 1: came back from the passing and designed your gown, or

1362
01:04:26,040 --> 01:04:30,640
Speaker 1: you bought a custom varowang designed by Varowang herself. If

1363
01:04:30,680 --> 01:04:33,160
Speaker 1: you can afford it and you want it, you do it,

1364
01:04:33,360 --> 01:04:35,720
Speaker 1: not the a hole. We have an update. Oh edit

1365
01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:38,760
Speaker 1: edit there will be no wedding until things get significantly

1366
01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:43,120
Speaker 1: better vid wise. Just FYI edit too. I'm meeting Lea

1367
01:04:43,200 --> 01:04:46,480
Speaker 1: today and will post an update on my profile.

1368
01:04:46,600 --> 01:04:49,080
Speaker 2: Oh boy, we have that update.

1369
01:04:49,320 --> 01:04:50,080
Speaker 3: Oh boy.

1370
01:04:50,520 --> 01:04:52,640
Speaker 1: I just want to say thank you to everyone who

1371
01:04:52,640 --> 01:04:54,880
Speaker 1: helped me out. It means a lot to me. This

1372
01:04:55,040 --> 01:04:58,480
Speaker 1: is not necessarily a happy update, but that's okay. Sometimes

1373
01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:01,160
Speaker 1: things don't work out, I guess so. Leah came over

1374
01:05:01,200 --> 01:05:03,240
Speaker 1: today and I had written down a few of the

1375
01:05:03,240 --> 01:05:05,640
Speaker 1: points from the comments section to discuss with her. I

1376
01:05:05,680 --> 01:05:08,280
Speaker 1: told her how I felt using these points and that

1377
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:10,800
Speaker 1: if she was to be so rude, I did not

1378
01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:13,960
Speaker 1: need her friendship. At first, things were going well. She

1379
01:05:14,120 --> 01:05:16,920
Speaker 1: kept apologizing, told me she was being a horrible person

1380
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:19,320
Speaker 1: for trying to force her opinions on me. I told

1381
01:05:19,360 --> 01:05:21,840
Speaker 1: her I appreciated that, and if that she was willing

1382
01:05:21,880 --> 01:05:24,959
Speaker 1: to recognize her mistakes, maybe we could try making it work.

1383
01:05:25,040 --> 01:05:28,080
Speaker 1: But then she just changed the entire argument. Leah then

1384
01:05:28,240 --> 01:05:31,720
Speaker 1: proceeded to tell me that it was not about the dress,

1385
01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:34,440
Speaker 1: but the whole wedding. She said that she thought I

1386
01:05:34,520 --> 01:05:37,240
Speaker 1: was making a huge mistake by getting married, that it's

1387
01:05:37,240 --> 01:05:40,480
Speaker 1: a trap created by society, et cetera, because that's what

1388
01:05:40,560 --> 01:05:42,640
Speaker 1: her boyfriend's name said. The thing that hurt me the

1389
01:05:42,680 --> 01:05:45,320
Speaker 1: most was that she told me, I know you're obsessed

1390
01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:47,440
Speaker 1: with kids, but be honest, do you think you'd be

1391
01:05:47,480 --> 01:05:49,960
Speaker 1: a good mom? Why do you want to bring kids

1392
01:05:49,960 --> 01:05:52,800
Speaker 1: to this messed up world? Isn't that selfish? It just

1393
01:05:52,840 --> 01:05:55,360
Speaker 1: broke me because kids were something that my fiance and

1394
01:05:55,360 --> 01:05:58,320
Speaker 1: I have wanted since forever, and she knew that I

1395
01:05:58,440 --> 01:06:01,440
Speaker 1: told her to get out if she truly believed this,

1396
01:06:01,840 --> 01:06:04,800
Speaker 1: she didn't move. She said, I was becoming really sexist

1397
01:06:04,920 --> 01:06:06,160
Speaker 1: now that I was getting married.

1398
01:06:06,320 --> 01:06:10,320
Speaker 2: You're being so sexist because you're just going along with

1399
01:06:10,360 --> 01:06:15,439
Speaker 2: this established just the system. So now I'm gonna tell

1400
01:06:15,480 --> 01:06:17,520
Speaker 2: you a woman that you can't choose.

1401
01:06:18,720 --> 01:06:23,360
Speaker 4: I'm a feminist. Literally, Like, are you joking, Leah?

1402
01:06:23,880 --> 01:06:26,840
Speaker 1: Half of your opinions are coming from the man you're dating.

1403
01:06:27,080 --> 01:06:27,280
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1404
01:06:27,480 --> 01:06:30,000
Speaker 2: It was like a huge detail that was just like

1405
01:06:30,160 --> 01:06:31,480
Speaker 2: passively mentioned in there.

1406
01:06:31,880 --> 01:06:35,200
Speaker 1: This was all because I was always asking my fiance's

1407
01:06:35,240 --> 01:06:38,160
Speaker 1: opinion on wedding related stuff. By the way, which just

1408
01:06:38,280 --> 01:06:41,280
Speaker 1: pissed me off. She also said She also said that

1409
01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:44,720
Speaker 1: it was a sign of mistreatment if I had to

1410
01:06:44,800 --> 01:06:47,880
Speaker 1: inform my fiance every time I went out, which is

1411
01:06:48,080 --> 01:06:51,200
Speaker 1: just so wrong because I don't have to do anything

1412
01:06:51,320 --> 01:06:54,480
Speaker 1: I choose to he does the same. She said she

1413
01:06:54,600 --> 01:06:56,200
Speaker 1: was trying to be a good friend and that my

1414
01:06:56,240 --> 01:07:00,760
Speaker 1: fiance is controlling and has toxic masculinity problems. My jaw

1415
01:07:00,880 --> 01:07:03,560
Speaker 1: literally dropped. I told her to get out again and

1416
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:05,840
Speaker 1: then texted her she was never to talk to me.

1417
01:07:06,040 --> 01:07:08,720
Speaker 1: My fiance is the best thing in my life, and

1418
01:07:08,800 --> 01:07:11,720
Speaker 1: I told her I would not listen to her insult him.

1419
01:07:11,840 --> 01:07:15,360
Speaker 1: Her boyfriend then texted me and basically tried to say

1420
01:07:15,400 --> 01:07:19,160
Speaker 1: the same things Leah said, which was so weird because

1421
01:07:19,160 --> 01:07:23,640
Speaker 1: we're not that close. I blocked them both, told my

1422
01:07:23,720 --> 01:07:27,280
Speaker 1: close family and friends that they were not invited anymore,

1423
01:07:27,680 --> 01:07:30,560
Speaker 1: and decided to just close this chapter of my life.

1424
01:07:30,640 --> 01:07:33,760
Speaker 1: I am just so tired of her. I'm sad and

1425
01:07:33,880 --> 01:07:36,880
Speaker 1: messy right now, but I'll be okay with some time. Meanwhile,

1426
01:07:36,920 --> 01:07:39,320
Speaker 1: my fiance is taking me out so that i'd feel

1427
01:07:39,320 --> 01:07:41,960
Speaker 1: a bit better, and my best friends and cousins have

1428
01:07:42,160 --> 01:07:46,960
Speaker 1: organized a girl's day out Unneah wedding themed lol for

1429
01:07:47,080 --> 01:07:49,840
Speaker 1: tomorrow as well. I'm lucky to have them. It's hard

1430
01:07:49,880 --> 01:07:52,600
Speaker 1: having to break friendship that lasted years and years, but

1431
01:07:52,720 --> 01:07:54,800
Speaker 1: a lot of comments have made me realize I don't

1432
01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:57,760
Speaker 1: need that negativity in my life, so I'm just moving on.

1433
01:07:57,920 --> 01:07:58,960
Speaker 1: Thank you for helping me.

1434
01:07:58,920 --> 01:07:59,880
Speaker 3: Out into the story.

1435
01:08:00,240 --> 01:08:03,800
Speaker 2: End of those friendships, end of those friendships, just that

1436
01:08:03,880 --> 01:08:05,480
Speaker 2: one with her. I guess end