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Speaker 1: Am I the a whole for stealing my sister in

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Speaker 1: law's wallet.

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Speaker 2: I'm just borrowing it, just borrow it, borrowing it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know, maybe like borrowing it like a

5
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Speaker 1: couple of Louis Baton bag.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, like it's just what I just borrow credit.

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Speaker 1: Money doesn't exist. Bro.

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Speaker 2: Have you have you heard of the economy?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's called lending, and I'm actually helping the economy

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Speaker 1: increasing spending.

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Speaker 2: Wow, I you know that.

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Speaker 3: It's what a what a beautiful individual when a contribution

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Speaker 3: to the soety Saint Saint capitalism Saint uh uh uh

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Speaker 3: money bags?

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah. My female twenty eight sister in law, Amy,

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Speaker 1: female twenty six, always comes to visit from out of town.

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Speaker 1: She stays with us instead of a hotel, and always

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Speaker 1: wants to go to expensive restaurants. Amy likes the best

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Speaker 1: of life. I feel she always conveniently forgets her while

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Speaker 1: it or it comes up with some excuse as to

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Speaker 1: why she can't pay her share. Oh you know, I

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Speaker 1: have a stomach ache. I couldn't possibly pay.

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Speaker 4: I worked out so hard at the gym that I

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Speaker 4: cannot be to lift my I couldn't.

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Speaker 1: Goodness looks at me I would love to help you,

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Speaker 1: but I'm financially challenged at the moment.

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Speaker 4: Imagine she's just like, She's like, I can't lift my

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Speaker 4: arms today.

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Speaker 2: It's like he goes to eat and she's like, hey,

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Speaker 2: I told you commitment me not today, just.

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Speaker 1: Slaying around like a wacky way inflatable.

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Speaker 2: Too bad.

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Speaker 1: She has implied that since I make so much more

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Speaker 1: money than her, I should be the one to pay. No,

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Speaker 1: not my husband should pay, but me specifically.

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Speaker 2: I mean, why your husband?

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Speaker 5: Huh?

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Speaker 2: I mean why the husband? Why? Why is the king

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Speaker 2: catching austraight like that you're King bro.

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Speaker 1: I feel like King's got some leeches on his head.

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Speaker 1: Like I feel like Opie's sister law is like, oh,

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Speaker 1: he should pay, and then op is like, no, my.

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Speaker 3: Husband, he's just surrounded by snakes, just trying to get.

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Speaker 1: Him think in the grass. I do make a fair

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Speaker 1: amount of money, but not so much that I can

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Speaker 1: treat someone every time they come into town. Fuck hospitality,

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Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. Nonetheless, in the past, I have just paid

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Speaker 1: the bill and asked her to pay me back. She

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Speaker 1: never has nice classic Oh yeah, I'll venmo you. Oh yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: don't worry, I'll Venmo. You what am I gonna get that? Vemo?

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Speaker 2: I just I just.

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Speaker 4: Reached out to customer support and they said that I

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Speaker 4: am eternally banned from Venmo.

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Speaker 1: I really wish I could pay, but oh goodness, he's

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Speaker 1: banned me.

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Speaker 5: Goodness, only Venmo gods would bequeath there the swift justice

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Speaker 5: upon thee and allow me to give.

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Speaker 1: You what is do?

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Speaker 4: Would you look at that Zell has conspired with Venmo to.

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Speaker 2: Tend me.

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Speaker 5: From all payment lands fted to run across the streets

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Speaker 5: and the lands, empty hands, but a beggar begging for

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Speaker 5: your mercy. Oh Lord, I must live off the land

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Speaker 5: like ancestors.

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Speaker 2: And your expensive dinner shoutings.

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Speaker 5: Qualms, alms for the ball, please alms. If I don't

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Speaker 5: get this for I will die. You know that I

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Speaker 5: have an allergy to shit food. It's just like mak y'all.

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Speaker 1: A hundred dollars Kobe beef is the only thing that

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Speaker 1: will do it for me.

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Speaker 3: It's like squidterd in that episode where SpongeBob becomes is

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Speaker 3: made and he just progressively gets more and more entitled.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, all right.

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Speaker 2: Back to it, back to it.

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Speaker 1: She made a reservation at an extremely expensive restaurant last night,

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Speaker 1: and before we left, I made it very very clear

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Speaker 1: I would not be paying her bill. Yeah, this, though,

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Speaker 1: is where I might have been an asshole, and I'll

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Speaker 1: admit I got this move straight from the episode of

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Speaker 1: Two and a half Men. As we were leaving, her

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Speaker 1: and my husband went to the car, I pretended to

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Speaker 1: forget something and went back inside. I found her wallet

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Speaker 1: sitting right on top of her suitcase.

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Speaker 2: Well would y'all look at that?

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Speaker 1: Italy forgotten my goodness? Dost thou have no memory of

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Speaker 1: financial matters.

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Speaker 4: My lack of my lack of nutrients has forced amnesia

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Speaker 4: upon my brain cells.

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Speaker 5: I need, flaming despy everyone to remember where the walletin is.

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Speaker 5: Just get one more bites and I think I'm almost

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Speaker 5: it all.

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Speaker 1: I put it in my purse and we went to

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Speaker 1: the restaurant. When we were done eating, I asked for

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Speaker 1: separate bills. She said, we need one bill because, honey,

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Speaker 1: I can't believe it, but I seem to have forgotten

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Speaker 1: my wallet.

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Speaker 5: Oh no, oh, no, the humanity.

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Speaker 2: Again.

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Speaker 1: Oh I reached into my purse.

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Speaker 2: Do you mean.

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Speaker 1: This wallet? Mike freaking drop on that one mabeal. She

102
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Speaker 1: was extremely furious. She said I should not have touched

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Speaker 1: and grabbed her wallet. How dare you you have done?

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Speaker 1: I'd be like, fie, I mean honestly, oh, he is

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Speaker 1: doing a good thing by just helping her, Like remember

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Speaker 1: a thing that she exactly.

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Speaker 3: You know, Imagine oh you know I left, Uh, I

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Speaker 3: left my textbook at the house or whatever.

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Speaker 2: Imagine someone's like, here you go, Oh I have it.

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Speaker 1: Wow, it's so lovely to have the thing that is

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Speaker 1: so needed in this situation that I now have it.

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Speaker 1: But I don't think that's how sister in law is thinking, Oh,

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Speaker 1: how dare you forget?

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Speaker 2: I am allergic to my wallet?

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Speaker 1: Wait, so what would you do in this situation?

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Speaker 3: Like, honestly that same thing, Like if I see the wallet,

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Speaker 3: like obviously I'm not taking I'm not gonna do anything.

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Speaker 3: I'm literally like, take the wallet, put it in my pocket,

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Speaker 3: and I just here it is.

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Speaker 1: You have stolen my possession, I tell you.

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Speaker 2: Imagine the sister sues for like emotional.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe you would bring the thing that is

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Speaker 1: used to pay for the meal. Who were the place

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Speaker 1: where you pay for the meal?

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Speaker 3: You temporarily stole my life savings? You will you will

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Speaker 3: be finished.

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Speaker 1: In course you will, you will do the day you

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Speaker 1: crossed me. So am I the a hole for stealing

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Speaker 1: her wallet? I want to know what all of you think,

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Speaker 1: like would you steal this? What too? But like, what

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Speaker 1: would you do? What would you do in this situation?

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Speaker 3: Bro Forget Like I'm I'm taking the wallet and I'm

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Speaker 3: just like I would bring like a boom box and

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Speaker 3: I'd be like, oh you mean this boom it's your wallets.

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Speaker 5: It's wallets in this corner, a wallet with nothing it

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Speaker 5: is in this corner, my fat freaking wracks.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I would literally just throw down the

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Speaker 2: wallet and no, I'd be you know, this is what

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Speaker 2: I would do.

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Speaker 3: I would I would be like, I'd be like, oh,

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Speaker 3: don't worry, I got it, pull out the wallet like

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Speaker 3: super obvious, and like, you know, pull out the card.

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Speaker 1: She's got it, She's goetta pay honestly only affair if

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Speaker 1: like op he's been paying like the last ten times.

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Speaker 3: I mean probably with fancy dinners. It could it could

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Speaker 3: totally be thousands of dollars.

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Speaker 1: Especially there's over years. But let us know what you

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Speaker 1: would do in the comments? You know what kind of

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Speaker 1: WWE wallet SmackDown.

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Speaker 2: Would you do?

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Speaker 1: Uh, World Wallet entertainment, smack down. My roommate left out

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Speaker 1: rotting food all summer, trying to destroy his family heirloom

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Speaker 1: or ruin his beautiful garden. Okay o, p this is okay, op,

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Speaker 1: I'm saying with honor, and we tell thees the is

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Speaker 1: on the internet. John, Yes, uh, you got a green

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Speaker 1: thumb up your bum.

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Speaker 2: Uh. I wish everything I touch kind of dies, to be.

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Speaker 1: Honest, don't touch me, man, I'll get those get those

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Speaker 1: grubby paws out of my filthy drought.

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Speaker 2: Trying to plant that scene.

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Speaker 1: The only John's plant that's right is in his lady.

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Speaker 1: Just get it. Just gidding you pull us out.

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Speaker 2: So keeping a g rate this morning, gentleman.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, not much of a not much of a.

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Speaker 2: Mountain to summarize.

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Speaker 1: Well, I got a story about someone who is anti planting.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, let's see.

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Speaker 1: Okay, my roommate left out rotting food all summer, trying

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Speaker 1: to destroy his family heirloom or ruin his beautiful garden.

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Speaker 2: Why not both.

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Speaker 1: Destroy all of his possessions, destroy himself and his self esteem.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know that's another thing we could take out

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Speaker 2: in college.

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Speaker 1: Least was up on our apartment I shared with another student.

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Speaker 1: I had a vacation the second week before move out,

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Speaker 1: and he was going on vacation and moving out before

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Speaker 1: I got back from vacation. A lot of vacations, is.

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Speaker 2: A lot of vacations.

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Speaker 1: Everyone's taking vacations, no one's there. Goodness, So we have

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Speaker 1: planned and agreed to what each of us was responsible

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Speaker 1: for cleaning before I left on my vaca. Okay, vaka okay,

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Speaker 1: okay okay. However, when I got home and he was

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Speaker 1: already gone, I saw he had used my dishes to

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Speaker 1: cook and to eat. Excuse me, but he did not

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Speaker 1: even wash them. He cleaned his part of the apartment

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Speaker 1: and took his own dishes, but he left my gross

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Speaker 1: mess of rotting food on my dishes, disgusting. No notes,

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Speaker 1: no apology, no nothing, just a little fu on his

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Speaker 1: way out the door. The incredible thing was he didn't

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Speaker 1: even finish moving his own stuff, but we had to

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Speaker 1: be out before he would return from his vacation. It

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00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,079
Speaker 1: was pretty incredible because he left the two things most

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Speaker 1: valuable to him. One was an heirloom painting from his grandma,

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Speaker 1: and the other was a collection of herbs he'd been

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Speaker 1: growing for years. Herbs, herbs, herbs. We'd talk in plaze

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Speaker 1: four twenty herbs, or we'd talk in oregano baby. Looking

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Speaker 1: at all the containers that COMPRISEE his garden, I realized

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Speaker 1: I had a few choices. Here are those choices, in

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Speaker 1: order of least work to the most work.

200
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Speaker 2: I feel like we need like a game show theme song.

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Speaker 1: On this on this season of I Am a dick roommates.

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00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:09,360
Speaker 1: What should I destroy of my roommate's possessions?

203
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Speaker 6: Hey, kill them, it is Hey, I will murders, all right.

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Speaker 6: Number one, Take them to the next door neighbor who

205
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Speaker 6: we were friends with, for that friend to keep for

206
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Speaker 6: a week, Make multiple trips down the hall, down the stairs,

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Speaker 6: past the parking area, past the next building, and then

208
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Speaker 6: toss them one by one in a commercial garbage bin.

209
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Speaker 6: Make a special moving trip or two just for those herbs,

210
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Speaker 6: to carefully transport them to my new place, and then

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Speaker 6: load them and care for them for another week until

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Speaker 6: he got back. I'm an asshole, So number three was

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Speaker 6: out of the question.

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Speaker 2: We're just we're just getting straight to the point.

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Speaker 1: Number two with a lot more work over number one.

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Speaker 1: But this is petty revenge. So I'm gonna do number two.

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Speaker 1: When he returned and heard from mutual friends that I

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Speaker 1: dumped his prize garden, apparently got quite upset.

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00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,040
Speaker 2: Oopsie, oop, oops did I do that?

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00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:09,319
Speaker 1: I didn't give a flying frick. I wasn't afraid of

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Speaker 1: him to begin with, and I still had his grandma's painting.

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Speaker 1: So if he did anything, that painting is being burned

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Speaker 1: to the ground.

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Speaker 2: Or use it as a shield.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, if you want to hit me, you gotta get

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Speaker 3: your grandma.

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Speaker 1: Anyways, he comes over and starts yelling at me about

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Speaker 1: how much his our garden is where blah blah blah.

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Speaker 1: I said, that's his problem now, ooh, he should have

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Speaker 1: cleaned up his shit. He should have cleaned up my

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Speaker 1: dishes after using them, and should have not left food

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Speaker 1: out in the summer when he knew I wouldn't return

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Speaker 1: for a few days. He was a little embarrassed when

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Speaker 1: our friends looked at him, like, bro, what a dick

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Speaker 1: move leaving your dishes out. You deserve your whole herb

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Speaker 1: garden being destroyed, your grandma's family heirloom being mutilated.

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Speaker 2: Which is a bit extreme.

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Speaker 1: WI be a little extreme anyway. He's still mad, but

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Speaker 1: more whining than yelling, told him to wait a moment.

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Speaker 1: I went back to the room and brought out his

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Speaker 1: grandma's painting. Everyone knew about the painting, so they were

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Speaker 1: shocked that one he pulled a dick move, and two

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Speaker 1: left his whole garden, and three left that painting giving

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Speaker 1: him the painting. I told him he's lucky I saved

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Speaker 1: the painting and and the loss of her and the

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Speaker 1: loss of herbs was a good lesson for him. He

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Speaker 1: was ticked off again, triple loopsie. We went to the

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Speaker 1: same college in the small towns. So although I never

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Speaker 1: hung out with him again, I heard about him from

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Speaker 1: friends every now and then for the next two years.

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Speaker 1: I heard every once in a while that he was

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Speaker 1: still pissed off because it cost him one hundreds of

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Speaker 1: dollars and many months to replace that garden.

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Speaker 2: Well, you know, I think his whole friend group was

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Speaker 2: a little extreme.

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Speaker 1: Dude, like he was only there, Like he was only

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Speaker 1: gone a few more days.

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Speaker 2: What would what would you have done if you were

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Speaker 2: in that scenario.

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Speaker 1: I would have moved to herbs.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he could have. He could have at least like

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Speaker 2: just been like, hey, your stuff is he and like.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what do you want me to do with we? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: just I would move the herbs.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not that big of a deal.

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Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for demanding my husband pay

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Speaker 1: me back the one thousand dollars that he owes to me.

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Speaker 3: Bust out knows pockets, Baby, spent it behind my back?

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Speaker 2: Run it baby, run it.

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Speaker 1: Back, baby, give deposit that shit in my ass. Crack

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Speaker 1: uh fun place to get money, Yeah, it's the best place.

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Speaker 1: It's the stripper heidy hole, baby.

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Speaker 2: Green for your brown mixing collars. We are artists.

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Speaker 1: My goodness, all right. My husband thirty three and I

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Speaker 1: are thirty one, used to have a two income home.

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Speaker 1: But in twenty twenty we lost our home and whatever

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Speaker 1: incomes his Ooh that is the sucks, sorry, OPI. Twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty was rough for many of us.

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Speaker 2: True.

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Speaker 1: True. We moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell

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Speaker 1: many things and give up most of our costly habits.

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Speaker 1: Wonder what those habits are? Starbucks heroin.

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Speaker 3: The opposite ends of the spect Ladies and gentlemen, do

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Speaker 3: you know where me and Sam's been?

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Speaker 2: Out of respect?

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Speaker 1: Dollars?

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Speaker 2: This is where you're ok dollars.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's the fun Sam's heroin addictions. And then John's

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Speaker 1: just bailing me out of jail. All it's on the

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Speaker 1: way to start the star Bukes. And then I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: look at us, just our two quirky habits, so random,

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Speaker 1: this is little. My husband has an expensive habit of

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Speaker 1: going to the spa for a weekly massage session. A

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Speaker 1: weekly massage session, don't sounds nice? All right, all right,

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Speaker 1: treat yourself. I guess we live in an urban area,

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Speaker 1: so this stuff is ridiculously expensive. A single session is

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Speaker 1: the one hundred and fifty dollars. Wow, that's rude, that's red,

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Speaker 1: that's ran. You could live in the messuse's hands and

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Speaker 1: he has to have it every week. So that's me

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Speaker 1: A thousand dollars a month. Bro, a thousand dollars a

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Speaker 1: month on massages and you lost your job. No, I

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Speaker 1: don't know, man, I don't know. I don't know. If

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Speaker 1: that flies, I don't know. Unless you got like some

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Speaker 1: Robinhood investments.

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Speaker 2: You have to you have to have like a million

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Speaker 2: in the bank.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, a million the bank, no job, that's okay, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but not a million the bank and the job and

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Speaker 1: you're getting those massages. I don't know. Man, do you

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Speaker 1: know what we should do when we cross a million

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Speaker 1: on TikTok massages?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:26,359
Speaker 1: And John and I couples massage where we read read

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Speaker 1: it stories.

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Speaker 2: And we have we do it.

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Speaker 3: We do it like nude, but so you can't see

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Speaker 3: anything against the table. Yeah, so like am I pants

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Speaker 3: to the butt?

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Speaker 1: Yes? That would actually, that would be funny. That would

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Speaker 1: be funny. Serious Spotify, We could do it Spotify Spotify.

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Speaker 1: All right. I offered him to have his session at

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Speaker 1: a regular spa, but no, he has to get it

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Speaker 1: from the luxurious two hundred and fifty dollars a session

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Speaker 1: spa near the restaurant we used to go, saying the

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Speaker 1: lady who gives the massage is an expert, and he's used.

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Speaker 2: Her expert what exactly?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Is that? Is that a happy ending massage that you're getting?

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Speaker 2: Are we slobbing on some knobs over here?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: You are? You?

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Speaker 1: Are you leaving with some spiderwebs dangling from your ding

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Speaker 1: dung connecting to the ceiling six foot spread?

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Speaker 2: Tom Holland over here, that's his name, right.

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Speaker 1: Problem is, I'm the only income earner and I'm struggling

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Speaker 1: to make ends meet for my freaking husband's massage addiction.

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Speaker 1: I'm also pregnant. I need to save money to prepare

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Speaker 1: her nursery. Are you pregnant with his kid?

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Speaker 5: Like?

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Speaker 1: Are we pregnant? Is this this little family over here? Hopefully?

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Speaker 1: I mean it'd be back both ways. That'd be even worse,

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Speaker 1: way worse it wasn't his child. Yeah, I mean, I guess,

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Speaker 1: or maybe not.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I think it would be it would it would look

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Speaker 1: better for him, maybe because if it wasn't his kid.

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Speaker 2: If anyone that should get the message, it's her caring.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah maybe yeah, she got got get this football. Yeah, dude,

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Speaker 1: I don't know this guy. This guy seems like a freeloader.

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Speaker 1: Doesn't seem like a proper parent, you know. I told

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Speaker 1: him to cut his sessions, but he refused. I told

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Speaker 1: him I won't be paying for them anymore, and he

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Speaker 1: said he'd get the money himself. How are you gonna

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Speaker 1: get the money with no job? Do it? OnlyFans start

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Speaker 1: a podcast? Yesterday I checked and saw that he's been

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Speaker 1: using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month,

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Speaker 1: and he maxed out the card completely. Oh oh, I

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Speaker 1: found that out when I went shopping for baby essentials,

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00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,919
Speaker 1: and the cashier said I had no money. This woman

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00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,520
Speaker 1: is trying to care for a child the child beat

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Speaker 1: dead ass dead husband named doing shit. I had to

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Speaker 1: return everything and then went home and just went off

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Speaker 1: at him.

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Speaker 2: Good preach girl.

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Speaker 1: I told him he maxed out my card and made

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Speaker 1: me look like an idiot in the store. He said

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Speaker 1: he didn't tell me because he knew I'd have an

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Speaker 1: issue with it, because you're freaking stealing.

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Speaker 2: Of course she would have an.

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Speaker 1: Issue, would have it? Who would? Who wouldn't You're stealing money, bro,

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Speaker 1: your str steely steelers. I demanded he payback the one

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Speaker 1: thousand dollars he spent, but he refused. I yelled at him,

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Speaker 1: calling him irresponsible, and he got upset and called me

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Speaker 1: selfish and told me to stop playing victim and that

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00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,159
Speaker 1: this is affecting both of us since he's going to

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Speaker 1: be a parent too. How it is, it's both their kids,

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Speaker 1: and it's stressful for him, and I keep dismissing his

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Speaker 1: own needs as a human.

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Speaker 6: Bruh, bro.

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Speaker 1: Also, like, if you don't got a job, get the

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Speaker 1: baby supplies at least, why is she out here doing

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Speaker 1: all the work?

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00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,720
Speaker 2: How about how about you care about the needs of

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Speaker 2: your fetus.

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00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:40,760
Speaker 1: Broh, bro, that fetus needs to be fed, that fetus

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00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:44,000
Speaker 1: needs us yale. I went upstairs and he went out.

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Speaker 1: He started giving me the silent treatment, but I kept

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Speaker 1: demanding the money back. He said I shouldn't expect it

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00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:52,080
Speaker 1: back since we're married, then my money is technically his

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00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:55,639
Speaker 1: and I should stop using his unemployment against him. Bro,

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Speaker 1: you are a deadbeat, dead ass husband. Care for your baby,

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Speaker 1: my drop out