WEBVTT - Dear Banya: Life is Lifeing 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.080 Scrubbing In with Bea Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio 0:00:04.200 --> 0:00:07.440 and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast. 0:00:10.520 --> 0:00:15.960 Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in like I was doving 0:00:16.000 --> 0:00:17.480 like sweet Southern Bell. 0:00:18.320 --> 0:00:19.760 Hello everybody. 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:21.319 I wonder what you would have been like as a 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:21.960 Southern Bell. 0:00:23.160 --> 0:00:24.040 Maybe we'll find out. 0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:25.880 Definitely the president of your sorority. 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:28.400 I was the vice president of my sorority. 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:33.760 I know, but I think Southern Bell would. Yeah, that's 0:00:33.800 --> 0:00:37.400 what I think we were talking about. This is a 0:00:37.440 --> 0:00:40.080 Dear Bonnie episode. But we were kind of discussing the games, 0:00:40.080 --> 0:00:42.360 and Tanya said she thinks something that led to her 0:00:42.400 --> 0:00:46.519 downward spiral of her just general wellbeing has been losing 0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:51.360 the games. Yes, and I'm sorry that I contributed to that. 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:54.200 That's okay, thank you for taking accountability. 0:00:54.320 --> 0:00:57.360 And like the amount of people what. 0:00:57.240 --> 0:01:00.120 I said and Mark you do. 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:03.800 I also offer my condolences and yes, of course I do. 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:04.160 Yes. 0:01:05.000 --> 0:01:16.600 Nothing Martha Stewart diabolical. That was that was? That was 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:18.440 Sam wanting to fight me. 0:01:20.280 --> 0:01:22.040 Yeah, Sam was out to get you with Martha. 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:25.160 Honestly, Viola Davis was probably harder. 0:01:25.720 --> 0:01:27.600 By the way I watched that one. That was Martha 0:01:27.640 --> 0:01:29.920 Stewart and Viola Davis were both very difficult. 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:32.360 Yes, very what difficulty? 0:01:32.840 --> 0:01:35.960 I agree, Yes, this is like expert level of the game. 0:01:35.959 --> 0:01:36.399 Who am I? 0:01:36.600 --> 0:01:39.200 Yeah, Like if you gave Becca Viola Davis, you should 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:45.080 have given me, Like what is that Megan marcle you 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:45.520 know what I mean. 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:48.400 I don't think you would have gotten Megan Markle. 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:50.160 Paris Hilton. 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:53.840 These are all hard. I think they're all hard because 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:56.960 they don't fall into the category of actor musician. 0:01:56.960 --> 0:01:59.240 Like, yes, I do like to pigeonhole people, right. 0:01:59.120 --> 0:02:05.160 And when you find the pigeonhollable like a Martha Stewart. 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:04.480 It was assinine. 0:02:04.840 --> 0:02:08.160 Well, some of our videos have gone have gone on 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:11.840 the algorithm, like random people's algorithm that don't listen to podcast. 0:02:11.919 --> 0:02:16.160 So they're like, technically, Martha was a model, and I'm like, okay. 0:02:15.960 --> 0:02:17.080 You don't even know Tanya. 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:20.600 I'm like giving answers towards Tanya, like you know, who 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:21.040 are you? 0:02:21.040 --> 0:02:21.839 You don't even go here? 0:02:22.880 --> 0:02:25.120 What happens when you go viral? You know, you say control? 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:26.920 And then people were. 0:02:26.760 --> 0:02:29.200 Like Kelly Clarkson was an actress. She was in from 0:02:29.320 --> 0:02:30.440 Justin to Kelly, I'm. 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:33.840 Like an actress, I have a doctor. 0:02:34.000 --> 0:02:38.400 Okay, I'm on a podcast, will they'd be like, you, 0:02:38.400 --> 0:02:42.080 you were a model at New York Fashion Miami, New 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:42.519 York Fact. 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:46.000 And someone was like, it's Tonya is she a model? 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:48.600 I'd be like, well, technically. 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:50.160 Yeah, technically I modeled. 0:02:52.200 --> 0:02:52.760 A model. 0:02:53.440 --> 0:02:58.079 Yeah, wow, that's crazy anyway, So I just want to say, 0:02:58.080 --> 0:02:59.799 we're gonna switch it up a little bit this week. 0:02:59.840 --> 0:03:01.799 But but you know, everyone's always like I love the games, 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:03.280 I hate the games. I can't keep up with the games, 0:03:03.360 --> 0:03:05.519 but we just do be playing games that we're switching 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:06.440 it up this week on the game. 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:08.560 So yeah, but we're switching it up. It's like it's 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:10.360 gonna be who am I? Adjacent It's going to be 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:11.600 what number am I? 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:13.600 Yeah? What age am I? Or yeah? What number? 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:17.400 This was on our rundown for Monday's episode. But I 0:03:17.440 --> 0:03:19.280 was thinking about it before we get into Dear Bonia. 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:21.640 But I've been seeing a lot of TikTok videos about 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:27.480 people whose partners have work wives or work husbands, you 0:03:27.480 --> 0:03:29.600 know what I'm saying, And if it's a red flag, 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:30.880 like if. 0:03:32.760 --> 0:03:34.280 Probably came home and said. 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:37.320 My work wife gave me this, I'd be. 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:41.480 Like, she'd be in the office daily, Tony, I can't 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:41.920 come to work. 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:43.200 I gotta go to Robbie's work. 0:03:43.960 --> 0:03:47.560 If he said my word, if he used the term word, Yeah, Well, 0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:49.680 I think what's happening is get. 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:50.600 Some work out of this wife. 0:03:51.280 --> 0:03:54.160 Whoa, Wow, she did an old school move. 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:58.760 But wind up and wind up and up them. No. 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:01.680 I think what's happening is that these women are going 0:04:01.720 --> 0:04:05.880 to their husband's coworkers like parties or you know, dinners 0:04:05.920 --> 0:04:06.960 with their coworkers. 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:09.000 And then a woman will be like, oh, yeah, like 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:11.760 my work husband, or you're the you're the real wife. 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:16.279 I'm the work wife. I would you like that, Anya, 0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:18.560 I would be It wouldn't be good. 0:04:18.680 --> 0:04:19.400 It wouldn't be good. 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:19.960 Yeah. 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:24.040 Yeah, it'd definitely be a discussion at home about it. 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:25.479 I'd be nice, I'd be polite. 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:27.880 But you know what I never told you guys about 0:04:28.000 --> 0:04:31.320 what I went on a double date. This is a 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:32.080 few weeks ago. 0:04:32.360 --> 0:04:32.560 Now. 0:04:32.640 --> 0:04:35.279 I don't know why I didn't talk about on the podcast. 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:40.000 It was Robbie, me and Robbie and his college girlfriend 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:41.120 and her husband. 0:04:41.800 --> 0:04:42.120 Wow. 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:44.200 Yeah, am I evolved? 0:04:44.720 --> 0:04:44.920 Yeah? 0:04:44.920 --> 0:04:47.640 I would say so, thank you. I know, how was 0:04:47.680 --> 0:04:50.640 it so fun? Like I was dreading it kind of 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:53.040 you know. I was like, oh, here we go, and 0:04:53.160 --> 0:04:56.080 I don't know either of these people. They like like, 0:04:56.320 --> 0:04:59.040 uh saw each other at his reunion and they're like, oh, 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:00.640 we're coming to LA for this a couple of weeks 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:03.320 in the summer. So we got dinner and I was like, 0:05:03.360 --> 0:05:06.839 I cannot believe I'm having dinner with my husband's ex 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:09.440 girlfriend from college and her now husband. 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:11.200 How long have they How long did they date? 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:13.840 Like a year over year? Oh wow, it wasn't like 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:14.720 a flash of the pan. 0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:18.120 It's like kind of in the grain spate. Yeah, kind 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:20.120 of a flash in the pan. Yeah, so you were 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:21.400 just totally fine. 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:24.120 More than fine. But I didn't really connect the dots. 0:05:24.160 --> 0:05:28.440 They had slept together. Later on, I going to bring 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:31.040 it up, but I was like, I didn't connect those 0:05:31.080 --> 0:05:33.920 dots are drive home And then I was like, oh 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:37.840 that's okay, Yeah it's fine. She's so cute. I was like, 0:05:38.000 --> 0:05:41.640 I totally it was so it was like I get 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:42.840 it and totally get it. 0:05:42.960 --> 0:05:46.160 We would have been such good friends in college. 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:47.279 That's fun. 0:05:47.360 --> 0:05:49.560 Probably I felt very like, of all it is because 0:05:49.640 --> 0:05:51.520 you weren't. 0:05:51.200 --> 0:05:51.719 Always like that. 0:05:52.040 --> 0:05:55.760 Yeah, well this is the new me care free. 0:05:56.040 --> 0:05:58.920 Wow, she's new she's fresh. 0:05:59.600 --> 0:06:00.960 What else do you Well. 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:04.560 We have some stuff from Gina which Mark can get 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:05.080 right into. 0:06:05.240 --> 0:06:07.560 All right, Gina says, you've had a slew of neighborly 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:09.920 dear Banya's lately. Well, my wife and I moved into 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:12.040 a town home in January. We all have our own 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:15.240 driveways and they're back into a shared parking lot. We 0:06:15.360 --> 0:06:17.320 said hi to our neighbors. We don't really know them yet. 0:06:17.320 --> 0:06:20.560 They have two young kids, five and six. On Monday 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:24.200 there the whole lot was gorgeously repaved by Wednesday. Their 0:06:24.279 --> 0:06:27.599 kids that completely cover their driveway with chalk, and we 0:06:27.720 --> 0:06:30.800 noticed they colored on our driveway too. The kicker their 0:06:30.839 --> 0:06:33.160 babies that are joined in because there was big lettering 0:06:33.200 --> 0:06:34.840 that the kids couldn't have done by themselves. So the 0:06:34.920 --> 0:06:36.960 question isn't really whether we should say something, but would 0:06:36.960 --> 0:06:38.159 you be annoyed because we were. 0:06:40.680 --> 0:06:43.880 I don't think i'd care. It sounds like they're right 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:46.600 next to each like the it's not like that. It 0:06:46.600 --> 0:06:49.560 doesn't sound like there's grass or anything in between the driveways. 0:06:49.560 --> 0:06:53.680 It sounds like they're they're just their sections are right 0:06:53.720 --> 0:06:56.159 next to each other, but all covered in cement. 0:06:56.360 --> 0:06:57.760 You know what I'm saying, yeah, I'm not getting a 0:06:57.760 --> 0:07:00.880 great visual. But if somebody is chalking up my driveway, 0:07:01.000 --> 0:07:01.560 I don't think. 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:05.680 I like that. I don't. I don't think it's unless 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:06.320 they're doing. 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:09.840 Explicit photos, and well then I'd like it. 0:07:11.720 --> 0:07:16.480 Wow, she has standards, but they're not what you think. Yeah, 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:18.920 I don't think I would be annoyed. I think if 0:07:18.960 --> 0:07:22.280 you look out there and I don't know, I mean, 0:07:24.000 --> 0:07:26.480 I don't know why, whoa, it's just ugly. 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:30.760 Yeah, think about it. Think about your sitting on your 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:35.080 front porch and your rocking. I don't know, I'm kidding, 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:40.000 I'm kidding, and you have just chalk all over your driveway. 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:43.920 I wouldn't bother you. I think it would bother me. 0:07:44.800 --> 0:07:47.800 Not only would it not bother me, I love it really. 0:07:48.120 --> 0:07:51.880 Yeah, I think request make I think that makes some requests. 0:07:51.920 --> 0:07:55.240 A neighborhood with children is a vibrant, exciting neighborhood to 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:58.320 live in. In my opinion, a neighborhood where the kids 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:01.520 have all grown and gone away is a boring, stagnant neighborhood. 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:04.640 Kids add life to a neighborhood. So when our neighbors 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:07.160 we have kids all over our neighborhood and I remember 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:10.760 in the last couple of years, Ruby, our next door neighbor, 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:14.120 and her friends all over our driveway, their driveway chalk everywhere. 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:16.920 It made me smile ear to ear because I remember 0:08:16.960 --> 0:08:20.520 having little kids who loved sidewalk chalk, and I just, 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:23.240 I don't know, you know what, I love it. Sprinklers 0:08:23.240 --> 0:08:25.560 go and the rain comes and it's gone. But for 0:08:25.640 --> 0:08:27.760 the time it's there, I think it's wonderful. 0:08:28.480 --> 0:08:28.800 Wow. 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:31.360 I think if they're like, I don't love when kids 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:34.000 are like screaming and yelling personally, that doesn't excite me 0:08:35.120 --> 0:08:37.120 when I'm in my home and I can hear that, Like, 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:38.520 I'm not like thrilled when I. 0:08:39.320 --> 0:08:41.120 Aid neighborhood though, that's like we don't. 0:08:41.280 --> 0:08:41.640 I don't. 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:44.960 Yeah, and your situation where you how your driveway is, 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:46.199 you wouldn't have that. 0:08:45.920 --> 0:08:48.040 That's what I'm saying. It's like you'd have to be actively, 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:49.400 you'd have to actually trust. 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:51.880 Trespassing. 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:54.000 Yeah, Like it'd be weird. I just find it to 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:54.720 be weird. 0:08:55.080 --> 0:08:55.800 I think this. 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:58.439 I would just let this roll off your back, maybe 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:00.720 go request some designs that you'd want to see in 0:09:00.720 --> 0:09:04.200 your driveway and let it be personally. But I also 0:09:04.200 --> 0:09:05.920 think if you want to set up I think if 0:09:05.920 --> 0:09:08.920 you're annoyed, I don't, but like they play it out. 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:11.520 She goes up and says, hey, can you she's. 0:09:11.400 --> 0:09:11.920 Not saying that. 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:15.400 She's not saying she said, we're This isn't really whether 0:09:15.440 --> 0:09:16.280 if we should say something. 0:09:16.320 --> 0:09:19.240 But would you be annoyed because we I don't think. 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:20.160 Yeah, you can't play it out? 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:20.719 Like play it out. 0:09:20.720 --> 0:09:26.560 You sound like a total grumpster. Keep your kids chalk 0:09:26.760 --> 0:09:27.600 off mind drive. 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:29.680 Think you're allowed to feel however you want to feel. 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:32.360 I think if you're annoyed that they're drawing in your driveway, 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:34.160 then that's totally valid because. 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:34.880 It's just how you feel. 0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:37.199 But I also think, you know, there's a lot of 0:09:38.600 --> 0:09:40.520 annoying things in the world, and I'm just glad these 0:09:40.600 --> 0:09:42.920 kids are playing with chalk instead of their iPads. 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:45.240 Yeah, I know, but like when I was a kid, 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:47.880 we used to throw our bikes on our neighbors lawns, 0:09:47.880 --> 0:09:52.200 like we just throw them everywhere. We don't have that now, Yeah, 0:09:52.360 --> 0:09:54.240 not at all. No, you can't ride a bike on 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:56.200 our street is dang dangerous. 0:09:56.280 --> 0:10:01.040 Yeah, so, Gina, I think it's just, you know, ask 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:02.959 them to draw you something, you know, rainbows. 0:10:04.600 --> 0:10:09.480 You your why, Yeah, part of the community. Let's celebrate it. 0:10:09.760 --> 0:10:13.360 Make your request be like while you're out here, this 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:15.240 is what I'd like. If you're gonna draw my driveway, 0:10:15.280 --> 0:10:16.000 this is what I want. 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:18.120 That's one way to do it. 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:22.920 Okay, we have a bff whose husband is not supportive. 0:10:23.720 --> 0:10:25.760 This feels timely after Ali was on the pod and 0:10:25.800 --> 0:10:28.920 Becca went to visit her other bestie, jojo Becca, if 0:10:28.920 --> 0:10:31.080 you ever dealt with a friend's partner who wasn't accepting 0:10:31.080 --> 0:10:33.360 of your relationship with Haley and how did you handle it. 0:10:33.679 --> 0:10:35.600 I recently came out and have been with my partner 0:10:35.600 --> 0:10:37.640 for just over a year. My best friend was one 0:10:37.640 --> 0:10:39.280 of the few people who knew from the beginning was 0:10:39.440 --> 0:10:42.840 very supportive, but recently her husband found out and he 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:46.280 is not supportive. My best friend says, hey, it doesn't 0:10:46.280 --> 0:10:49.240 affect us, but I can feel her becoming distant. We 0:10:49.360 --> 0:10:51.640 used to hang out regularly, but now there always seems 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:53.320 to be an excuse, and I haven't seen her son 0:10:53.360 --> 0:10:56.000 and over a month. She says, life is just busy, 0:10:56.440 --> 0:10:58.400 but I feel like her husband is having an impact. 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:01.480 We've been best friends for over fifteen years. I can't 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:03.960 imagine love without her. I would never ask her to choose, 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:06.559 but I also don't think her husband's feelings should change 0:11:06.600 --> 0:11:09.640 our friendship. How would you handle this? Love the podcast, 0:11:09.760 --> 0:11:12.440 the games, the banter, and I do kind of miss 0:11:12.640 --> 0:11:13.840 scrub a dub dub. 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:17.000 Bless up, Miss oh Man. 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:20.360 This is so hard. I haven't had this happen to me. 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:23.760 I'm trying to think if I've had any certainly had 0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:24.840 people not be supported. 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:28.120 Yeah, but it wasn't like a one or the other 0:11:30.400 --> 0:11:31.320 who are thinking. 0:11:34.960 --> 0:11:36.200 They're whispering to each other. 0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:40.080 Sorry, Yeah, that's where my head went. 0:11:40.320 --> 0:11:42.719 No, that's kind of different, though. I feel like. 0:11:44.679 --> 0:11:48.319 I haven't had this, and it definitely I wouldn't write 0:11:48.320 --> 0:11:50.560 it off as nothing, like, I definitely think your intuition 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:53.520 is right, Like, I don't think you're overthinking this. Or 0:11:54.080 --> 0:11:56.800 there's probably the husband saying I don't want her to 0:11:56.840 --> 0:11:59.440 be around my child because I don't want them to 0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:03.679 be exposed to that relationship. I'm just saying, like that 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:06.920 could be the conversation that's being had. I think you 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:10.719 just need to have a hard conversation with your friend 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:14.080 and see where she stands on it, and just you know, 0:12:14.440 --> 0:12:17.200 be honest. I think having a friendship for fifteen years. 0:12:17.200 --> 0:12:19.040 I would like to think that if that happened with 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:21.160 any of my best friends like that, I would go 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:23.920 to them and say, hey, I'm I'm really hurt that 0:12:24.160 --> 0:12:25.800 you know I'm seeing you less. I know you're busy 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:29.160 with the baby, but I can't help but feel like 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:32.760 it's because so and so isn't supportive of me and 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:35.320 doesn't want you hanging out with me. So I just 0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:36.960 want to tell you, like how I'm feeling and see 0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:39.480 where you're at with it, because you say we're fine, 0:12:39.480 --> 0:12:41.000 but it doesn't feel like everything's fine. 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:45.280 Yeah, that's so hard. Oh yeah, I'm really sorry, so. 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:48.400 Sorry, And sometimes it's just kind of God. I'm so 0:12:48.480 --> 0:12:52.160 grateful my friends have such amazing partners who are so supportive. 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:56.320 No, I think like partners really make a huge difference, 0:12:56.360 --> 0:12:58.560 because I think about it, like, just play it out. 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:00.600 Let's say you and Robbie didn't like each other and 0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:04.840 didn't get along, like it would affect our friendship. Yeah, 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:06.760 and like it just it just happens. I feel like 0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:07.960 it happens all the time. 0:13:08.000 --> 0:13:08.280 I know. 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:12.000 I'm so grateful. Wow, that just like sparked something new 0:13:12.000 --> 0:13:12.760 to be grateful for. 0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:16.960 I'm probably also embarrassed if her husband is a bigot. 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:19.960 Yeah she should be. 0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:21.040 Yeah, she should be. 0:13:21.440 --> 0:13:23.400 What I think, Anonymous, is that your friend needs to 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:25.720 stand up for you and say, this is my friend 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:28.360 that I've known for fifteen years and she's happy and 0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:31.160 I support her, and I don't want my friendship with 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:38.040 her to to not exist because of your views. I 0:13:38.080 --> 0:13:40.680 think that I hope that she's able to stand up 0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:43.960 for herself and for you, because that's a real friend. Yeah, 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:46.840 but I'm really sorry you're going through this and it 0:13:46.960 --> 0:13:48.800 might just be a hard conversation that you need to have, 0:13:48.840 --> 0:13:52.040 and unfortunately it might come down to y'all not being 0:13:52.080 --> 0:13:55.400 as close and you seeking new friends who do support 0:13:55.440 --> 0:14:00.000 you and you're a partner, and that's hard. But sometimes 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:04.400 life is just like that. And believe me, I know 0:14:04.559 --> 0:14:05.120 about it. 0:14:05.240 --> 0:14:07.280 Yeah. Life is life. 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:11.400 Life does and you can't change people. You can't change 0:14:11.400 --> 0:14:14.560 how people view things. You can't change how people view you. 0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:18.320 But your friend should should be able to stand up 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:20.600 for herself and for you mostly so. 0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:23.560 You're a true. 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:24.880 Friend. 0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:29.640 Yeah. So I'm grateful Robbie. I'm grateful for him and 0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:33.960 his support. Hannah Montana. He loves you, I love him, 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:37.360 and I just feel like y'all are both so supportive 0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:40.960 of my relationship. I've never felt otherwise. I'm grateful. 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:43.760 I'm grateful, too grateful. 0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:45.400 What's that one? 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:47.240 Because I'm grateful? 0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:55.200 Yeah, right, grateful. 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:55.800 I don't know. 0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:58.400 I think it's maybe like some sort of hymn. 0:14:58.640 --> 0:15:02.480 O should we do ghosted by her girlfriend? Next? 0:15:02.560 --> 0:15:03.120 Let's do that? 0:15:04.760 --> 0:15:05.600 How do we come back? 0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:29.120 We're back, We're back, and we have someone who's been 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:32.160 I think Anonymous has been ghosted by her girlfriend? Or 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:34.680 is this an third person or first person? 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:37.080 I think you're right. I think your endstinct is right. 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:39.360 My long difference girlfriend and I have been together for 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:41.520 over two and a half years. We met in the 0:15:41.520 --> 0:15:44.040 same city, then lived two and a half hours apart, 0:15:44.080 --> 0:15:47.120 and now she's four hours away. We always made the difference, work, 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:49.640 supported each other through everything, and talked about the future together, 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:53.040 and I thought we were really solid. This summer everything changed. 0:15:53.280 --> 0:15:57.080 She moved home, started an extremely demanding overnight camp job, 0:15:57.200 --> 0:16:00.000 was taking classes and applying to nursing school. I became 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:02.200 anxious about how our relationship would survive at all. And 0:16:02.240 --> 0:16:03.680 I know I didn't always show up for her the 0:16:03.720 --> 0:16:06.320 way she needed and I apologized for that, but our 0:16:06.320 --> 0:16:09.720 communication quickly disappeared. In May, she told me my emotions 0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:14.120 were exhausting her. In June, we barely communicated. By July, 0:16:14.240 --> 0:16:20.120 she stopped responding altogether, even on my birthday. Nice her 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:23.480 summer job ended, and I've seen her posting on Instagram. 0:16:23.480 --> 0:16:26.640 All my messages still go unanswered. I'm heartbroken and confused 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:29.560 about how we went from talking about forever to basically 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:32.160 nothing in just a few months. Everyone tells me her 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:35.280 silence is my closure, but after two and a half years, 0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:37.760 it's hard to accept that. Do I try one last 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:40.000 time for an honest conversation or do I accept that 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:42.440 the relationship is over and she won't speak to me? 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:44.280 How do you break up with a ghost? 0:16:45.720 --> 0:16:48.680 I'm first of all, I'm really sorry. This is crazy. 0:16:48.920 --> 0:16:50.080 It's actually crazy. 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:56.360 Giving If I didn't know that you had met in person, 0:16:56.720 --> 0:17:00.000 I would think that this was a catfish or something. Yeah, 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:02.320 I think I would just send a final message and 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:05.120 say I just want you to know it's over. I've 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:08.200 decided to I'm moving on. 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:12.719 And the way she says her she's trying to message 0:17:12.720 --> 0:17:14.760 her in her messages she's posting on Instagram, but her 0:17:14.800 --> 0:17:17.840 and messages go unanswered. No, thank you. You do not 0:17:17.880 --> 0:17:19.720 give her any more time of your day. 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:21.520 No. I would just be like, hey, I just wanted 0:17:21.560 --> 0:17:24.080 to let you know that I've noticed that I cannot 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:25.560 get in touch with you, but I see you posting. 0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:27.160 Yeah, I would say, I would end. 0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:29.639 It, block her, I would unfollow, I would block her 0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:30.800 from seeing your page. 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:32.119 Yeah, yeah, you can do that. 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:34.040 I would just I would end it so that it's 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:37.119 it's you have proof that you ended it, but it's ended. 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:39.040 I know. But I'm just saying just to be like, 0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:39.399 because I. 0:17:39.359 --> 0:17:40.760 Don't even give her that satisfaction. 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:43.280 I would I would like, let like you made the 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:45.960 final choice, you have the final say it's over. 0:17:47.160 --> 0:17:47.560 Ghost. 0:17:49.920 --> 0:17:53.200 I would say, hey, ghosts, Hey, I'm not sure how 0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:55.320 to break up with a ghost. That's literally what i'd say, Hey, 0:17:55.440 --> 0:17:57.040 I'm not sure how to break up with a ghost. 0:17:57.080 --> 0:18:00.359 But I thought we I thought you were better than this. 0:18:00.520 --> 0:18:01.560 I thought you'd at least give me. 0:18:01.600 --> 0:18:05.760 The psycho to date somebody for long distance, for that 0:18:05.800 --> 0:18:08.159 long and then just completely. 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:10.320 Yeah that's but I'm glad you're going to be out 0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:12.199 of this because she feels scary to me. 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:14.960 Yeah, it sounds like it was good as a long distance, 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:17.080 but when you got together, it didn't. It just didn't 0:18:17.200 --> 0:18:19.480 work for her, for the other person, it just didn't click. 0:18:19.680 --> 0:18:23.040 Yeah, I would just say hi, I don't know how 0:18:23.040 --> 0:18:25.520 to break up with a ghost, but this is me 0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:27.800 trying in the words of Taylor Swift. 0:18:27.960 --> 0:18:29.159 And wanted you. 0:18:29.800 --> 0:18:34.560