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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer, an iHeartRadio podcast.

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Speaker 2: All right, this week's adult education. We have got Caitlin

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Speaker 2: V coming on, girlfriend. Are you ready to I actually am,

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Speaker 2: because bedroom.

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Speaker 3: I am because there is I love when people walk

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Speaker 3: so confidently and talk about it, not scientifically but just

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Speaker 3: very straightforward instead of it being so like taboo or

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Speaker 3: something agreed.

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Speaker 2: And she's got a book on and she helps primarily men.

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Speaker 2: So ladies, just go right now, put this on in

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Speaker 2: your kitchen or something, just while you're cleaning, and just

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Speaker 2: put it on.

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Speaker 3: Speaker without your children, because maybe not while we're cooking

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Speaker 3: dinner or just you know, just let your husband hear

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Speaker 3: this one because it might be helpful.

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Speaker 4: Let's get her on its negative seven out today. I

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Speaker 4: don't know if it's gonna snow though.

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Speaker 2: Hello, hey in well it's not. I'm being dramatical tailored. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's negative said technically in London.

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Speaker 1: You're in Michigan. I'm from Michigan Hill.

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Speaker 4: So we're automatically going to love you because and you

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Speaker 4: coach a bunch of couples, right, I.

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Speaker 1: Coach mostly men. I coached couples on my show for

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Speaker 1: HBO Max Good Sex. But because I ended up because

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Speaker 1: where I posted my content starting ten years ago was

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Speaker 1: on YouTube, and YouTube especially at the time, was a

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Speaker 1: majority male subscribership. Men found my content and so like,

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Speaker 1: I didn't set out to coach men or work with men,

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Speaker 1: but they found me and so they make up the

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Speaker 1: majority of my work.

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Speaker 2: Now, what is the biggest thing that you coach men

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Speaker 2: on in the sex realm?

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Speaker 1: It's performance anxiety, correct how dysfunction or delayed ejaculation or

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Speaker 1: avoiding sex. It can look like a lot of things,

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Speaker 1: but for most men, they all come back to the

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Speaker 1: same thing, which is just that they are anxious around

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Speaker 1: their capacity or ability to perform, and they put so

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Speaker 1: much pressure on themselves to perform and it ends up

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Speaker 1: backfiring and causing their body to shut down or not

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Speaker 1: be able to actually have the kind of sex that

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Speaker 1: they want. In this like very tragic, sort of ironic

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Speaker 1: twist of circumstances.

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Speaker 2: I feel like a lot of that pressure though, is

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Speaker 2: and I'm not trying to call us women out, but

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Speaker 2: it is kind of we just I think that we

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Speaker 2: make up that it's so easy for them because it

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Speaker 2: kind of is like they they we need to be

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Speaker 2: more dated and corded in that area to like don

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Speaker 2: get you know, that's a isn't it like our libido?

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Speaker 4: Like we need it, we need time. So yeah, and with.

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Speaker 2: A guy, it's like it seems like they can just

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Speaker 2: be like straight to a bone, yeah, like it should

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Speaker 2: be easy. Then why why are you not going flat?

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Speaker 2: What's wrong with us? Are we not ready?

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Speaker 1: Like the head? And then they're like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: already I was so afraid because I like her so much,

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Speaker 1: and now I'm afraid of that I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: do a enough job. And now she's looking at me

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Speaker 1: like yeah, yeah. We kind of trap them in this

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Speaker 1: in this scenario that that's hard to get out of,

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Speaker 1: because absolutely we do. We do sort of have this

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Speaker 1: narrative that like sex is complicated for women but easy

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Speaker 1: for men. Right, And by the way, that doesn't do

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Speaker 1: women any favors either, right, because it's not fair for

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Speaker 1: us that we should go into this thing that is

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Speaker 1: like universal and almost all humans have access to it

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Speaker 1: and most of us have some kind of a desirous

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Speaker 1: relationship towards it to then be like our baseline is complicated.

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Speaker 1: That sucks too, right, Like that makes that sets us

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Speaker 1: to expect that we're going to have struggles and difficulty,

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Speaker 1: and you know, kind of I believe if we allow

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Speaker 1: ourselves to believe that it can be easy, we can

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Speaker 1: allow it to be easy. That's a different conversation. But

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Speaker 1: because historically men can get aroused faster, and because they

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Speaker 1: evolved to ejaculate, that's the only way that all of

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Speaker 1: us got here, right for the most part, up until

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Speaker 1: you know, IVYFT and even then, like we just we

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Speaker 1: don't get here without that happening. So so men really

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Speaker 1: evolved to be able to like pass on their genetic

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Speaker 1: material quickly and efficiently. Right, But that doesn't mean that

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Speaker 1: they necessarily have an easier time in today's world, where

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Speaker 1: we actually care a lot more about quality and about

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Speaker 1: consistency and about you know, emotional closeness and all the

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Speaker 1: other reasons that we have sex that are not related

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Speaker 1: to mating.

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Speaker 3: Right, So start from I mean as much as you can,

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Speaker 3: and I am interested. I'm actually really interested in everything

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Speaker 3: you do because I think that men just carry just

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Speaker 3: a different level of shame around it, you know, Like

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Speaker 3: I think women are more likely I think we can

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Speaker 3: all agree probably that women are more likely to share, like, hey,

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Speaker 3: I'm having this issue or this is a problem, But

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Speaker 3: I don't feel like men get the freedom to do

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Speaker 3: that for some reason, whether it's pride or just stereotypes

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Speaker 3: or whatever. When you start with let's just I don't

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Speaker 3: even know if this is the right way to ask this,

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Speaker 3: So you take it wherever we need to take it.

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Speaker 3: But when we're starting from point A with a man

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Speaker 3: and he says, I'm having trouble with intimacy, d you

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Speaker 3: go to or I'm having problems with sex?

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Speaker 4: Do you go to intimacy first? Are you like? How

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Speaker 4: are we like? Is it a love language thing?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 3: Where do they start to get themselves in a better

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Speaker 3: position where this feels like a less overwhelming kind of issue.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, great question. So it's very different when I coach

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Speaker 1: a man versus when I coach a woman, Because men

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Speaker 1: really need proof in order to buy into something. And

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Speaker 1: this isn't because I'm a woman or because it's sex coaching. Like,

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Speaker 1: this is true if you look at men like they

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Speaker 1: need to know that something is going to work. They

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Speaker 1: need to be like made clearer to their logical problem solving,

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Speaker 1: like reasoning mind. It doesn't actually need to in my opinion,

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Speaker 1: I think they believe a lot of cheff that doesn't

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Speaker 1: actually work, but they think that it does, right, So

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Speaker 1: they need evidence, and so I always start with them

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Speaker 1: in their physical body. So I always start by changing

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Speaker 1: or tweaking some things that they can do. Sometimes it's

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Speaker 1: really simple. Sometimes it's like breath work. Sometimes I'm like, hey,

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Speaker 1: let me teach you this four to seven eight breathing

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Speaker 1: pattern that you can do before you're intimate with someone,

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Speaker 1: or before even you are intimate with yourself, before you masturbate. Like,

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Speaker 1: let's just teach you something that will change the state

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Speaker 1: of your nervous system, and let me show you how

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Speaker 1: just down regulating your nervous system can change the way

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Speaker 1: that you perform entirely. Right. So then they have a

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Speaker 1: couple experiences like that and they're like, oh, yeah, this

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Speaker 1: actually does kind of work. What else have you got, coach,

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Speaker 1: Or maybe I asked them to tweak a couple things

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Speaker 1: about the way that they interact with their body. I

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Speaker 1: ask them to do a movement practice, but it's something

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Speaker 1: that's always based in the physical body. And then from

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Speaker 1: there I go to their minds, because now that we've

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Speaker 1: opened up their physical body, their mental awareness is starting

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Speaker 1: to crack open as well, and a lot of what

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Speaker 1: I do is related to mindset, like I was saying earlier,

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Speaker 1: If we have the mindset that our sexuality should be

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Speaker 1: complicated or that it should not be complicated, that alone

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Speaker 1: does a lot of damage. Also, any time that our

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Speaker 1: body isn't aligned with how we think it should be,

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Speaker 1: with what our mind is telling us, and we feel

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Speaker 1: like something is off right, we feel like we're broken

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Speaker 1: in some kind of way. Like if we could just

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Speaker 1: get with that these two things are out of alignment

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Speaker 1: and like soften around that, we actually could reduce a

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Speaker 1: lot of the friction that gets in the way of

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Speaker 1: us actually like changing or transforming or kind of having

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Speaker 1: the sexual life that we want to have. From there,

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Speaker 1: I go into emotions because men historically have been taught

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Speaker 1: to suppress their emotions or that anger is the only

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Speaker 1: acceptable emotion for men, right, And so my work there

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Speaker 1: is allowing them to see that when you suppress your emotions,

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Speaker 1: you actually suppress all of them across the board. And

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Speaker 1: if you are suppressing anything in your life, you are

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Speaker 1: actually taking energy away from you know, your ability to

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Speaker 1: be present with your lover, to be with your children,

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Speaker 1: to be a great dad, to be great at your work, right, Like,

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Speaker 1: anytime that you're spending time and energy trying not to

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Speaker 1: feel something, it's a waste, right, right, So then I

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Speaker 1: try to teach them ways to experience their emotions that

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Speaker 1: feel safe and manageable and like gender appropriate and manly. Right,

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Speaker 1: And then we sort of go from they're into things

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Speaker 1: like the relationship like love languages that you were mentioning,

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Speaker 1: like the erotic blueprints, which is another system that I teach.

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Speaker 1: So only once the physical, mental, and emotional sort of

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Speaker 1: realities of their situation have been addressed, which is all

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Speaker 1: work that they can do internally and just on themselves

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Speaker 1: before they ever bring this to a wife or a

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Speaker 1: girlfriend or a future partner. Only then do we then

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Speaker 1: start to look at the relationship and sort of the

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Speaker 1: dynamic that exists there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because I mean there's some you know, if they

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Speaker 2: have intimacy issues, then they have a hard time in

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Speaker 2: the bedroom with people they care about. And then sometimes

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Speaker 2: where it's they they need to have that connection first too,

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Speaker 2: Like some dudes just don't like the straight hookups, like

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Speaker 2: they have to have that connection as well, So no

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Speaker 2: boners are.

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Speaker 3: Like my other question is there's like this rise on

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Speaker 3: like medicine, right, so it seems to me and maybe

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Speaker 3: this is just again media. What do we even know

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Speaker 3: right what is real and what is being fed to us?

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Speaker 3: But I have seen that the rise in no unintended

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Speaker 3: in that, but like that that there is this rise

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Speaker 3: in well, I don't know, these kind of conversations just

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Speaker 3: lend themselves to be in a seventh grader sometimes, but

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Speaker 3: there is this rise in you know, prescription medicines to

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Speaker 3: help men. And from what I understand of what you're doing,

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Speaker 3: it's kind of going like I kind of love this

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Speaker 3: because it feels to me like a whole body, whole

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Speaker 3: mind approach to sex instead of just going like, here's

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Speaker 3: your prescription, this is what you need to take to

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Speaker 3: be able to fix it. And I do love that

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Speaker 3: because I do think I think men just I have

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Speaker 3: so much more compassion than I did ten years ago,

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Speaker 3: you know, like I was very much a women are

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Speaker 3: incredible and men are just here kind of like I

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Speaker 3: know what had proven me wrong, you know.

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Speaker 4: For a very long time.

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Speaker 3: But I do love this idea that you're giving them

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Speaker 3: hope that they don't also need the medicines. Do you

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Speaker 3: feel like they default to that because it's harder for

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Speaker 3: them to say the hard things and find someone like

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Speaker 3: you to be able to help them.

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Speaker 1: Well said, yeah, thousand percent. I think we default to medicine.

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Speaker 1: I think all of us sort of like wish that

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Speaker 1: any situation we're dealing with could be solved by a pill.

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Speaker 1: I think that's like a very common desire, but even

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Speaker 1: more so for them because they are taught really to

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Speaker 1: treat their bodies like machines, and if the machine lacks

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Speaker 1: oil or like needs a new air filter or whatever,

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Speaker 1: just like you pop a pill and then the machine

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Speaker 1: works again. Right, It's like this very like machine mentality

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Speaker 1: as opposed to this more human mentality or human standard

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Speaker 1: that I tried to encourage men and women to have

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Speaker 1: towards themselves and towards men because I think that the

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Speaker 1: prescription drugs that are available for men in this specific

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Speaker 1: area are incredible, what a tremendous advancement, and I think

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Speaker 1: it's made it possible for a lot of men and

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Speaker 1: women to continue to enjoy a sex life where they

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Speaker 1: would not have been able to. But unless you fall

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Speaker 1: into that category of people for whom like you need

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Speaker 1: prescription drugs in order to get and maintain an erection,

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Speaker 1: or rather maintain we could talk about like how they

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Speaker 1: actually work, because they won't give you an erection. They

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Speaker 1: will only prevent you from losing one, but unless you

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Speaker 1: really need them. I want people to be able to

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Speaker 1: function like without any assistance, which means spontaneously, which means

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Speaker 1: without having to go get a prescription, which means without

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Speaker 1: having to send money on a pill. And the issue

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Speaker 1: with the kind of the trend that's happening in our

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Speaker 1: world today is that younger and younger men are just

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Speaker 1: seeing the pill as an option that they begin to

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Speaker 1: take because they are a little nervous, so they want

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Speaker 1: a little extra help. But then maybe they've dating this

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Speaker 1: person for a while, but they've only ever taken the pills,

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Speaker 1: So then they continue to take the pill, and they

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Speaker 1: continue to tap the pill, and then they end up

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Speaker 1: in the situation where they have a dependency on it,

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Speaker 1: not a physiological dependency, but a psychological dependency where they

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Speaker 1: don't think that they can actually perform quote unquote sexually

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Speaker 1: without it. And then they end up in a situation

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Speaker 1: where now we actually have to like undo a lot

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Speaker 1: of the mindset and what they've sort of like worked

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Speaker 1: their way into when there was nothing wrong with their

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Speaker 1: body to begin with.

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Speaker 2: What's one of the things that because obviously these men

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Speaker 2: are very vulnerable with you, they trust you, what's one

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Speaker 2: thing that you're shocked to hear from these men when

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Speaker 2: they get really honest with their truth.

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Speaker 1: So, on one hand, I'm always shocked at how alone

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Speaker 1: they feel. That they often feel that they are the

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Speaker 1: only person who's dealt with what they are dealing with

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Speaker 1: the number of guys who have come into my office

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Speaker 1: and said something like, you know, I'm sure you haven't

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Speaker 1: heard this before, and I'm like, I've been at this

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Speaker 1: for ten years. I've been was an expert sexuality and

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Speaker 1: a sex educator and a professional sexual health researcher and

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Speaker 1: Paul Sandus of ten years prior to that. There's very

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Speaker 1: little that I haven't heard in this time. And I

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Speaker 1: guarantee that you are so not alone. But it shocks

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Speaker 1: me in the sense that like they really do feel

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Speaker 1: that way. And for me, there's so many resources that

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Speaker 1: are available now on the Internet and beyond where like

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Speaker 1: you don't even have to interface with another person to

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Speaker 1: get support, and so the fact that they still feel

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Speaker 1: alone and they still feel like they're the only person

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Speaker 1: dealing with this. I think it's like it makes me

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Speaker 1: really sad, it shocks me, and it makes me feel

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Speaker 1: a lot of empathy towards them, because even with that

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Speaker 1: mountain of information and research available out there, they still

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Speaker 1: think that they are like dealing with this, they have

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Speaker 1: to deal with us in fact, like in isolation. And

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Speaker 1: the other part about that is that the amount of

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Speaker 1: shame that they feel around their sexuality as a whole. Now,

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Speaker 1: the guys they come to work with me are really

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Speaker 1: good guys. I want to be super clear about that,

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Speaker 1: because like they're they're the guys who are seeking out support.

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Speaker 1: They show up and they're like, I want to be

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Speaker 1: an amazing lover. Want I want my wife to feel

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Speaker 1: like a queen. I want to let her know. I

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Speaker 1: want to do anything that it takes to make sure

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Speaker 1: that she is like the most satisfied and uh and

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Speaker 1: like excited version of herself. And so that's why I

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Speaker 1: get to work with all day every day. It's of joy.

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Speaker 1: Not all men have that mentality, right, And and what

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to do is get get get that mentality

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Speaker 1: and get this perspective to as many people as possible.

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Speaker 1: But those guys they deal with a lot of shame

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Speaker 1: for even like wanting to be with their spouse or

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Speaker 1: wanting to have sex. So they deal with shame to

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Speaker 1: surround like their own desire or the thoughts that they have.

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Speaker 1: And part of my work also is like helping them

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Speaker 1: to develop language and to start to differentiate, Like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: you have you know, you have testosterone running through your

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Speaker 1: system and sometimes like that has you have some thoughts

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Speaker 1: about that you wouldn't actually want to ever have in

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Speaker 1: real life, right, Like you have some fantasies or you've

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Speaker 1: had some thoughts you didn't act on them. They're not you, they're.

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Speaker 2: Not fantasy and thoughts on what like cheating on your

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Speaker 2: spouse or there's.

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Speaker 1: A whole category of man that comes to me because

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Speaker 1: his testosterone levels got too high. He tends to be

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Speaker 1: like in his early sixties and he got on TRT

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Speaker 1: testestterine replacement therapy and for whatever reason, maybe mismanagement from

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Speaker 1: a physician, his testosterone levels surpassed a healthy range, and

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Speaker 1: so now he's dealing with sort of like, uh, he

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Speaker 1: feels like he's a teenager in the sense that he's

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Speaker 1: having like random erections and like wild thoughts that he

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Speaker 1: doesn't want to have but instead of being in you know,

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Speaker 1: high school, he's in a marriage, you know, And so

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Speaker 1: he'll come to me and say, Okay, I need some

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Speaker 1: support while I'm waiting for my levels to go down,

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Speaker 1: maybe like a couple of months, depending on what the

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Speaker 1: situation is. But like I'm having thoughts about cheating on

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Speaker 1: my wife.

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Speaker 4: I'm not this guy.

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Speaker 1: I would never cheat on her, but like I can't

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Speaker 1: stop thinking about, you know, every time I I see

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Speaker 1: women with the grocery and I'm having like sexual fantasies

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Speaker 1: about them, And like I want to be respectful. I

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Speaker 1: want to be a good guy, right, And so so

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Speaker 1: part of my job is to differentiate between like the

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Speaker 1: thoughts that you're having and who you are as a person, right,

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Speaker 1: your actual behaviors. Because we all have thoughts that we

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Speaker 1: don't approve of, or we wouldn't want other people to

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Speaker 1: know about, or you know, when we're tired and we're

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Speaker 1: lonely and we're scared or anxious about the future, Like

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Speaker 1: all of us have thoughts that we wouldn't want broadcast

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Speaker 1: to our partners, our.

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Speaker 4: Spouse, don't we know, I have three minutes in scorpio.

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Speaker 1: I can't tell you how many of those thoughts I

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Speaker 1: have on a daily basis. I just I just I

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Speaker 1: just remind myself that's not who I am.

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Speaker 3: You know, constantly. The perimenopause chapter is very similar to that, this.

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Speaker 1: Is not who I am.

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Speaker 2: Right, remind men times that we text each other, take

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Speaker 2: me off this ledge, right, yes, exactly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's the thoughts you can share with your girlfriends,

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Speaker 1: and then there's the thoughts that like that you would

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Speaker 1: never allow out of that circle. Yeah. Anyways, I guess

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Speaker 1: the part that kind of surprises me is just like

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Speaker 1: any When I say surprises, like, it feels good because

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Speaker 1: it dispels that story that I also had that like girls' rule,

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Speaker 1: boys dreel like they're just animals and all that, like

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Speaker 1: the self awareness that they have and the way that

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Speaker 1: they've been taught that their sexuality is dangerous and so

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Speaker 1: they feel responsible for keeping it under control and they

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Speaker 1: don't always know how to do that. To me, it

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Speaker 1: just I feel very empathetic towards them in a way

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Speaker 1: that I would not have gotten to. I think, if

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Speaker 1: I hadn't done.

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Speaker 2: This work, what would you, Because I think maybe we

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Speaker 2: only have a few male listeners. What would you say

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Speaker 2: to the wife that she should know, or because I

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Speaker 2: think it's important for them to again maybe not take

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Speaker 2: it personal, or ways to support your spouse and you know,

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Speaker 2: bring this up to them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. What we started talking about this earlier, that women's

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Speaker 1: arousal pathway is very different than men's. Right for us

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Speaker 1: twenty to forty minutes for us to become fully aroused.

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Speaker 1: For them, you know, it can happen, and it can

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Speaker 1: happen in literally seconds, right, and often the only scripts

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Speaker 1: or ways of even approaching a partner that they have

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Speaker 1: access to are so limited, and they're so sick to us,

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Speaker 1: they cause us to sort of like to pull back

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Speaker 1: and to bristle, is the response. I like bristle at

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Speaker 1: that advance. Right. What I want women to know is

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Speaker 1: that instead of assuming that it just this is the

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Speaker 1: way that it is, because this is how it was

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Speaker 1: in sitcoms when we were growing up. Was like the

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Speaker 1: dad was always like, hey, hell the hell a gimme

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Speaker 1: give me, you know, and then the wife had to

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Speaker 1: be like, you know, right, Like we don't have to

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Speaker 1: live that out right, but sometimes we as women, I'll

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Speaker 1: put myself firmly in this category. We will try to

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Speaker 1: solve everything on behalf of the entire relationship. Right. We're

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Speaker 1: the ones that book the couple's therapy. We're the ones

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Speaker 1: that read the books. Oh my god, I am divorced.

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Speaker 1: And when I tell you the number of hours that

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Speaker 1: I put into trying to like get my marriage to

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Speaker 1: work for years, it's time that I was well invested.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad that I did it, but it's not like

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Speaker 1: it actually worked to save the relationship, right, But I

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Speaker 1: poured so much time and energy into it. And what

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Speaker 1: I really want is I want for women to tell

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Speaker 1: their male partners or spouses or husbands to say, like,

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Speaker 1: go learn about this. There are real you don't don't

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Speaker 1: don't like act like you have to know without asking

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Speaker 1: for directions. Okay, it's okay. Not all people came to

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Speaker 1: Earth understanding quadratic equations or how to make a soup

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Speaker 1: fle or how to have sex. It's okay, right, we

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Speaker 1: all have to learn these things. I'll probably never learn

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Speaker 1: how to make a souffly. That's probably awful, yes, same,

395
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Speaker 1: but if it is important to you, you can learn

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Speaker 1: how to do it. So instead of continuing to try

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Speaker 1: the same thing, hobo ho about you know, and getting

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Speaker 1: the same result, like go, learn how to approach me

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Speaker 1: in a way that makes it easy for me to

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Speaker 1: say yes. And by the way, that's probably asking me

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Speaker 1: in small increments like hey, do you wanna do you

402
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Speaker 1: wanna like a foot rub? It doesn't need to turn

403
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,480
Speaker 1: into anything. I promise I'll want to rub your feet

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Speaker 1: for twenty minutes if you want to do uh, if

405
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Speaker 1: you want to snuggle after that, we can stuggle after that.

406
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Speaker 1: Can I like run you a bath. I'm not doing

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Speaker 1: this out of a place if I expect you to

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Speaker 1: be sexually available on the other side of it, But like,

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Speaker 1: can I do these things that might move you towards

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Speaker 1: wanting more touch, wanting more intimacy, even wanting sex. And

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Speaker 1: if at any point you're like, oh, that's actually not

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Speaker 1: what I want, great, just let me know. We'll back off.

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Speaker 1: But can we try? Can we do? Can we do

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Speaker 1: a little bit? Not can we go from zero to

415
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Speaker 1: one hundred? But can I do the things that may

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Speaker 1: put you in a position where you actually desire more intimacy?

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Speaker 1: And this isn't rocket science, It's just that it's you know,

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Speaker 1: it requires men, especially to acknowledge that they might not

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Speaker 1: know everything on this subject and there might be more

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Speaker 1: to learn.

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Speaker 2: To wrap up what is one of the best secrets

422
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Speaker 2: in your book? Just give us one?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, well, my what I'm thinking is for for

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Speaker 1: primarily women and girlfriends.

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Speaker 4: And I'm going to make.

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Speaker 1: I would I mean, you should absolutely have have them

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00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 1: read the book. It's available on audio, it's available on kindle.

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Speaker 1: They don't have to hold a book.

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Speaker 3: You know that that's not an airplane that says learn

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Speaker 3: about harder, better, longer, stronger, science skills and secrets for

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Speaker 3: the best sex of your life.

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Speaker 4: I would love to see the man next to me on.

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Speaker 2: Boyne reading that good job, buddy, to help him get

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Speaker 2: that for your wife.

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Speaker 1: Well, and maybe that's it. Maybe that's it is like

436
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Speaker 1: men need encouragement in this area in a way that

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Speaker 1: I don't think we even conceive of. I think most

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Speaker 1: of us, myself included, are like sometimes a little fearful

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Speaker 1: of encouraging them, Like we don't we actually want we

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00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,800
Speaker 1: do not want them to like be going harder in

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Speaker 1: the like I But what I really want to encourage

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Speaker 1: them is to let them know that it's perfectly okay

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Speaker 1: for them not to know everything, for them to want

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Speaker 1: to learn for them to want to improve. Say that

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Speaker 1: you're not going to take that on because you take

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00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,359
Speaker 1: on the couple's therapy and you take on getting the

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00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,840
Speaker 1: kids at a socer practice, but you are open to

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00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 1: him taking on y'all having a better sex life, and

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00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,920
Speaker 1: that actually that would be great. You actually do want

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00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 1: to have a better sex life because you can just

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Speaker 1: do the work of imagining that it could be amazing,

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Speaker 1: like as as a as a woman, as a partner,

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Speaker 1: Like if you feel right now like, ugh, that is

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Speaker 1: something I am just surviving through, or that's just something

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Speaker 1: that I am doing because he wants it, or like

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00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 1: it used to be good, but like I don't expect

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Speaker 1: it to be better as I age, like please let

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Speaker 1: that go. I encourage you to consider that it may

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Speaker 1: actually be a tremendously reward area of your life. That

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Speaker 1: it's something that your body evolved to do, that the

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00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 1: cascading health effects are tremendous if you if you are

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Speaker 1: willing to you know, like me, like spend a bunch

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00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,879
Speaker 1: of money on botox and NAD injections, consider also spending

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Speaker 1: time and energy on orgasms, like they are part of

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Speaker 1: the they are part of the recipe for a youthful life,

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Speaker 1: and not just a youthful appearance, like a a joyful,

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00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 1: exuberant life. You can tell when when someone is like

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00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 1: erotically alive versus when they are erotically very frozen and

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Speaker 1: shut down. And to me, I think it's worth exploring,

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Speaker 1: even if that means just holding a vision that it

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Speaker 1: could be great.

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Speaker 2: Caitlen, I love a good Michigander. You know we having

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Speaker 2: a good old Michigander on this couch. Where can our

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Speaker 2: listeners find you?

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Speaker 1: You can find me on YouTube Caitlin V. And you

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Speaker 1: can find my book Harder Better, Longer Stronger at harderbook

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Speaker 1: dot com.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I love it awesome. Thank you so much for

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Speaker 2: coming on the show.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for having me.

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Speaker 4: Okay, bye girl. H