1
00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:05,280
Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, what's going on.

2
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:08,520
Speaker 2: It's your girl Treka Foster Brassby and I'm your girl,

3
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:09,320
Speaker 2: Cheryl Swoops.

4
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:10,240
Speaker 1: What's up, y'all?

5
00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:13,680
Speaker 2: And this is the levels to this the podcast, the

6
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:19,079
Speaker 2: show where we share the shit that women go through.

7
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,840
Speaker 3: And we have got a great show lined up for

8
00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:26,080
Speaker 3: you today. But first I gotta put Cheryl on blasts

9
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:27,520
Speaker 3: because honey.

10
00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:30,680
Speaker 1: Don't you do me? Don't you do me?

11
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:36,760
Speaker 3: You know I'm Benna do it, y'all? Forty five minutes late,

12
00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:43,320
Speaker 3: trying to wow. Okay, okay, somebody wanted to make sure

13
00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,920
Speaker 3: we saw her beautiful face this morning, and Cheryl, would

14
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:48,480
Speaker 3: you like to share with the people why it took

15
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:50,640
Speaker 3: so long for us to share your beautiful face this morning?

16
00:00:51,040 --> 00:01:01,920
Speaker 1: No, oh my gosh.

17
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:06,760
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay, listen, before we even get into this, y'all,

18
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,720
Speaker 2: do you know what I love about our podcast?

19
00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:17,800
Speaker 1: What would that be? Sure? This like that, it's so real,

20
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:19,240
Speaker 1: but we always.

21
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:22,400
Speaker 2: Have a good time regardless of the subject. But the

22
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,920
Speaker 2: fact that you are trying to call my ass out

23
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:30,640
Speaker 2: and you can't even talk because you're crying, laughing so hard. Okay,

24
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,160
Speaker 2: you know what, let me tell the people, But let

25
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:37,120
Speaker 2: me also say this. When I tell y'all this, be

26
00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:42,800
Speaker 2: honest with yourselves, Tea and say, you know what that's

27
00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:43,399
Speaker 2: happened to me?

28
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:49,240
Speaker 1: So okay, well you got to give a disclaimer, okay, y'all.

29
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:50,160
Speaker 1: All right.

30
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:53,160
Speaker 2: So I got a new laptop, Okay, because I needed

31
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,760
Speaker 2: a new laptop. I'm trying to be more responsible and

32
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:57,960
Speaker 2: more organized.

33
00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:01,720
Speaker 1: So I was like, really good.

34
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,920
Speaker 2: I got on early, and I'm playing with it, getting

35
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:10,079
Speaker 2: everything set up, installing stuff. Everything's great. So when it's

36
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:13,760
Speaker 2: time to record, I'm like, damn, I can see everybody.

37
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:17,560
Speaker 2: My camera lights on, I can see everybody. I was

38
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,880
Speaker 2: in my feelings because I thought I was really cute

39
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,680
Speaker 2: today and I needed to bless all.

40
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:25,119
Speaker 1: Of y'all with my beautiful face and smile. But they

41
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:28,080
Speaker 1: could not see me. Y'all couldn't see me, couldn't see you.

42
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:33,360
Speaker 2: Okay, So I logged off, I restarted my computer, I

43
00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:36,200
Speaker 2: did updates. I don't know if it was forty five minutes,

44
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,520
Speaker 2: Tea was more like it was more like thirty though,

45
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,760
Speaker 2: it was like thirty. And I come back on after

46
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,280
Speaker 2: doing all of this, and I still can't figure out

47
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,440
Speaker 2: why can't they see my lovely face?

48
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,600
Speaker 1: So I'm sitting here staring at the camera.

49
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:54,040
Speaker 2: I'm looking at the light because the light is shining,

50
00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,760
Speaker 2: so I'm like, okay, the light's on.

51
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:58,359
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, I look at the

52
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,200
Speaker 1: camera and there's something on it. I'm like, what is this?

53
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:11,600
Speaker 2: So I just slid over the cover and why So

54
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,120
Speaker 2: my camera was covered, The lens was covered, y'all. All

55
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,440
Speaker 2: I had to do was just slide it over and

56
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:19,240
Speaker 2: uncover it.

57
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,080
Speaker 3: But I tell y'all, we was looking at a whole

58
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,960
Speaker 3: camera with a line slash through it. That's what it

59
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,520
Speaker 3: looked like on our ends. It looked like that on

60
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,520
Speaker 3: my hand too, with a slash camera, and we were like,

61
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,480
Speaker 3: oh my god. Our producers are in a frenzy. What

62
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,880
Speaker 3: is going on? Try your settings here?

63
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:40,040
Speaker 2: Updated run this this way, let's restart this that way.

64
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,520
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, only.

65
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,280
Speaker 3: For the camera to be covered. So if you'd like

66
00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,960
Speaker 3: to know what we do and the pre show, this

67
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:47,520
Speaker 3: is what we do.

68
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,440
Speaker 2: But I am so glad that I can make you

69
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:55,080
Speaker 2: laugh today, cause needed this last and shed a few

70
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,160
Speaker 2: tears because you you know, the laugh is good when

71
00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:58,680
Speaker 2: you're crying.

72
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,080
Speaker 1: I did. I am a real life Brian.

73
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,400
Speaker 3: But it's all good though, because I have no doubt

74
00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,920
Speaker 3: that at some point you're gonna get me back.

75
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do something ridiculous. So I already know this.

76
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,400
Speaker 2: Is I'm waiting because it's just a matter of time.

77
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:13,920
Speaker 2: But I will say this because y'all can't see my sister.

78
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:19,560
Speaker 2: But the hair is laid like she was like swinging,

79
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:23,600
Speaker 2: y'all know for women and especially black women. I got

80
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,279
Speaker 2: a fresh dude, and we know we looking good. We

81
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:30,000
Speaker 2: turn on neck really hard so that the hair c swings.

82
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,960
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, quick and hard, like huh did you call me?

83
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,560
Speaker 1: I saw you going left to right? Y'all? But the

84
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:37,960
Speaker 1: hair is laid.

85
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,880
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm gonna have to tell y'all another day about

86
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:43,120
Speaker 3: how I can't get pretty.

87
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,320
Speaker 1: It's pretty. I can't. I can't deal with it. But yeah,

88
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,560
Speaker 1: I know. I'm having a great day. It's been a

89
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:49,480
Speaker 1: great week.

90
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,280
Speaker 3: We had a great laugh this morning, and I am

91
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:56,159
Speaker 3: super excited about today's episode because that's how you know.

92
00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:58,520
Speaker 3: That's when I really would have laughed at you if you'd.

93
00:04:58,320 --> 00:04:59,800
Speaker 2: Have been like, let me go get my husband to

94
00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:01,479
Speaker 2: come and see what's going on with this computer.

95
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,400
Speaker 1: I died. Girl.

96
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:08,720
Speaker 2: Listen, you know I'm gonna keep it real because he

97
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:14,719
Speaker 2: would have cussed my ass out, Like babe, really, I

98
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,080
Speaker 2: would never live that down. I never live it down,

99
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,800
Speaker 2: and I don't know if I'm ever gonna live it

100
00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:21,880
Speaker 2: down from you. But okay, because I don't hear a joke.

101
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,440
Speaker 2: But I know I'll get you back. I know it's

102
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,600
Speaker 2: a matter of time. It's a matter of time. It's

103
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,800
Speaker 2: a matter of time. But it's funny that we bring

104
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:30,240
Speaker 2: that up.

105
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:36,080
Speaker 3: Because today we are going to talk about the little

106
00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:39,880
Speaker 3: and big things that come along with marriage, which includes

107
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,640
Speaker 3: being laughed at by your husband when you do some

108
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,000
Speaker 3: dumb shit that they just.

109
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:43,960
Speaker 1: Don't never want to let go.

110
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:48,599
Speaker 3: But it's important to have this discussion and I can't

111
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,320
Speaker 3: wait to have it, so ryl, let's just get into

112
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,680
Speaker 3: it and lets let's do a thing to the next level.

113
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:57,119
Speaker 1: Let's do it. I am so ready. I'm excited about this.

114
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:06,560
Speaker 3: So sure, before you were married, what did you have

115
00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:07,719
Speaker 3: in your mind?

116
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,880
Speaker 1: What the idea of marriage was.

117
00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:14,520
Speaker 2: I think it's important to answer this question to kind

118
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,839
Speaker 2: of set the tone and set the foundation for the show.

119
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:21,240
Speaker 2: What did I think marriage was or what was your

120
00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,520
Speaker 2: idea I was going to marry?

121
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:28,360
Speaker 1: Well, see, I ain't got there yet. Later, okay, okay, okay, okay.

122
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,000
Speaker 1: For me, this is what's interesting.

123
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:35,240
Speaker 2: So I think a lot of it is what you

124
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:41,240
Speaker 2: grow up seeing or being around or being a part of.

125
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:46,200
Speaker 2: So my mom and my biological dad got divorced when

126
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,760
Speaker 2: I was three months old. You know what, I shouldn't

127
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:53,240
Speaker 2: even say divorce because they weren't even married, right, But

128
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,560
Speaker 2: that's my dad, That's what I knew. But I was

129
00:06:56,560 --> 00:07:00,880
Speaker 2: three months old when they separated. So I grew up

130
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:05,200
Speaker 2: not really having a dad in the house. I had

131
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,279
Speaker 2: a stepdad later on as I got older.

132
00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:09,360
Speaker 1: But even in.

133
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:12,640
Speaker 2: Saying that, t when I got old enough to where

134
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,040
Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, someday, I know I'm gonna get married.

135
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:20,120
Speaker 2: For me, the biggest thing that I thought a marriage

136
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:25,280
Speaker 2: was was you're no longer two. You're one, right, regardless

137
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:30,280
Speaker 2: of where you come from, what he got going on,

138
00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:32,600
Speaker 2: what you got going on. And what I mean by

139
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:37,040
Speaker 2: that is when I struggle, you struggle, right, Like, if

140
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:38,920
Speaker 2: I'm going through some shit, I need you to be

141
00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:41,120
Speaker 2: there with me going through some shit because we're a team.

142
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:45,480
Speaker 2: But it's also if I'm down, I need you to

143
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,960
Speaker 2: hold it down, right, And if you down, I'm gonna

144
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,280
Speaker 2: hold you down. But I'm old school. So for me,

145
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:56,360
Speaker 2: a marriage is I am your wife. I am the

146
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,360
Speaker 2: woman of the house. I'm going to take care of

147
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:02,080
Speaker 2: you as them another house, and I need you to

148
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,080
Speaker 2: take care of me as the man of the house.

149
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:08,160
Speaker 2: And I know that definition is different for a lot

150
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,040
Speaker 2: of different people. Yeah, but I will say this before

151
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:16,440
Speaker 2: you go. Marriage today, I believe is not what it

152
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,720
Speaker 2: used to be like years ago. I just don't think

153
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:23,000
Speaker 2: people really take it that seriously anymore.

154
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:29,440
Speaker 3: Okay, that's a perfect segue into my answer, because well,

155
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,160
Speaker 3: give me your answer. I one hundred percent agree with

156
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:37,080
Speaker 3: you that it is oftentimes in our mind, especially as women,

157
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,600
Speaker 3: what we see, right, and that could be what we

158
00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,800
Speaker 3: see in our own household. It could also be what

159
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,960
Speaker 3: we see on television. It could also be like what

160
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:50,280
Speaker 3: those influences are from people who we've seen who are married,

161
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,880
Speaker 3: and what we think. So I think it's it's heavily

162
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:56,200
Speaker 3: influenced by what we see. I grew up in a

163
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:59,800
Speaker 3: household where my great I was raised by my great grandparents,

164
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:05,240
Speaker 3: my grandparents, great grand Wow and my great grandfather. I

165
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,960
Speaker 3: call him granddad, my great grandmother. I call her mom

166
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,319
Speaker 3: because that's my mama. She raised, so they were married.

167
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,720
Speaker 3: By the time my grandfather passed, they had been married

168
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,120
Speaker 3: for fifty two years. They got married in nineteen fifty

169
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,960
Speaker 3: and he passed away in two thousand and three, so

170
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,840
Speaker 3: they were married for fifty three years.

171
00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:25,880
Speaker 1: Fifty three years, and he was a minister. So I

172
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:31,080
Speaker 1: grew up a PK. That's WHYMA he the ninth. So

173
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,679
Speaker 1: fifty three years of marriage is what I witnessed.

174
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:38,400
Speaker 3: And in my head, my idea of marriage was the

175
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:42,559
Speaker 3: man of the house is just that he takes care

176
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:46,480
Speaker 3: of the finances, He takes care of things that are broken,

177
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,880
Speaker 3: He ensures that above all else.

178
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,400
Speaker 1: The happiness of my wife is what's first.

179
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:56,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then I get in where I fit in

180
00:09:56,480 --> 00:10:00,320
Speaker 3: after that. The happiness of my family is first, and

181
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,480
Speaker 3: then I get in where I fit in after that.

182
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:09,440
Speaker 1: And I think that that worked in nineteen fifty It

183
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:10,360
Speaker 1: absolutely did.

184
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,520
Speaker 3: I do not think that that is what marriage is

185
00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:16,199
Speaker 3: in twenty twenty four or even in twenty sixteen when

186
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,199
Speaker 3: I got married and so tey.

187
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,920
Speaker 2: But I also think it's about who you married, and

188
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,320
Speaker 2: it's absolutely okay.

189
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:25,920
Speaker 3: So you started this conversation with saying, who did you

190
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,280
Speaker 3: think you were gonna marry?

191
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,480
Speaker 1: So who did you think you were gonna marry?

192
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,560
Speaker 2: Well, when I say that, I think I meant just

193
00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:37,319
Speaker 2: as far as general as looks right, because growing up,

194
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:41,040
Speaker 2: I think we all have this idea of this is

195
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,560
Speaker 2: what my ideal man, her husband's going to look like.

196
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:48,080
Speaker 2: So for me, growing up, it was like, oh no,

197
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:51,439
Speaker 2: he absolutely has to be at least six five.

198
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, at least six ' five.

199
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,720
Speaker 2: I wanted like dark chocolate, skared up.

200
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,000
Speaker 1: Yay, that's what I want. This is what I about,

201
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:01,959
Speaker 1: six ' five.

202
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:07,559
Speaker 2: Dark skinned, big strong muscles. This is who I was

203
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:12,040
Speaker 2: gonna marry. And I will tell you so, I've been

204
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:18,560
Speaker 2: married twice. Neither of my husbands or six five chocolate.

205
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,560
Speaker 1: So what did I know? What did I know?

206
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:26,760
Speaker 2: Girl?

207
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:27,760
Speaker 1: Listen?

208
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:31,559
Speaker 3: I think that's such a great point. I didn't marry

209
00:11:31,559 --> 00:11:34,720
Speaker 3: my type either, Like, there are some things that are

210
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,280
Speaker 3: my type and there are some things that are not

211
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,200
Speaker 3: my type, and not all of them had to do

212
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:43,200
Speaker 3: with physicality. So my husband has the height that I want.

213
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,600
Speaker 3: I've always said I wanted to marry an athlete kind

214
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,079
Speaker 3: of guy. My husband six y five, which is wild

215
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,880
Speaker 3: because he was six three when I met him. Now,

216
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:52,239
Speaker 3: you're a grown ass man, how you still growing times.

217
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:54,719
Speaker 3: But anyway, he's six ' five now, but he was

218
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,319
Speaker 3: six three when I met him, and that was cool

219
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,880
Speaker 3: with my heels on because I'm a heels kind of girl.

220
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,959
Speaker 3: I can I can hit a good six feet you

221
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,720
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying, five eleven six feet.

222
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:04,800
Speaker 1: So six three was good for me.

223
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,160
Speaker 3: All right, great, But I'm a light skinned kind of girl,

224
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:12,240
Speaker 3: right like I'm light bright like baby, you know what

225
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:16,000
Speaker 3: I'm saying, light skin, brown skin, little caramel, little son son.

226
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:20,120
Speaker 1: My husband black is hell. That man is looking like

227
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:20,680
Speaker 1: my shirt.

228
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:26,200
Speaker 2: Okay, stop that, y'all can't see her shirt, but I

229
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,760
Speaker 2: know he is not that dark.

230
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,439
Speaker 1: I've seen a picture of your husband. Stop that.

231
00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:33,760
Speaker 3: I'm telling you, like, I never thought that I would

232
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:38,000
Speaker 3: be attracted to a dark skinned guy. It just was

233
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,520
Speaker 3: never something. And I'm gonna tell you why. Just by

234
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,920
Speaker 3: so petty, but this is why. When I was in

235
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:46,880
Speaker 3: high school, I was really attracted to a friend. And

236
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,880
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna say his name because he and I

237
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:52,360
Speaker 3: are still friends. Although I am not attracted to this man.

238
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:53,800
Speaker 1: I hope he can us it out.

239
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,400
Speaker 3: I hope he never figures it out. But I'm about

240
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,360
Speaker 3: to put myself on blast. So he might figure it

241
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:01,360
Speaker 3: out if you listen. Okay, I was really attracted to

242
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,080
Speaker 3: this guy who was my friend, and I think he

243
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:06,520
Speaker 3: was attracted to me back, and I wanted to go

244
00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:08,480
Speaker 3: to prom with him, and he knew that I wanted

245
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,200
Speaker 3: to go to prom with him, and so I believe

246
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,240
Speaker 3: he was gonna ask me to go to prom. And

247
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:17,480
Speaker 3: then he overheard a conversation with my girls where I

248
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,320
Speaker 3: was like, I really want to wear this like sea

249
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,280
Speaker 3: foam green. I really want to wear green and white

250
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,840
Speaker 3: to prom. And so through conversation in the lunch room,

251
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:30,320
Speaker 3: he's like, yeah, but I'm too dark to wear white,

252
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:34,160
Speaker 3: so I can't wear white. I can't wear white, so

253
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,440
Speaker 3: I can't go to Prome with nobody real me to

254
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:37,079
Speaker 3: wear white.

255
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,160
Speaker 1: I am serious, right now, let's not.

256
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:45,240
Speaker 3: Let's have a conversation about what our prom colors could be.

257
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,439
Speaker 3: You just have automatically decided you were going to throw

258
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,360
Speaker 3: away go on to prom with the baddest chick in

259
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:50,840
Speaker 3: this school.

260
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,920
Speaker 1: You didn't want to wear white.

261
00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:57,520
Speaker 3: I was like, I am writing off you dark skinned

262
00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:01,720
Speaker 3: negroes from now.

263
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,240
Speaker 1: And I never dated.

264
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:06,520
Speaker 3: It's so stupid as a forty year old woman, sixteen

265
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:11,120
Speaker 3: year old, so stupid, but that's what I thought at

266
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,760
Speaker 3: that time. I was like, you played me to the left.

267
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,080
Speaker 3: I will never and I'm a Leo. Leo Petty is different.

268
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,640
Speaker 3: So I was like, I'm writing.

269
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:22,240
Speaker 1: All y'all off of no Way. That is essentially.

270
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,440
Speaker 2: And you know what, it is crazy, but you know,

271
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:31,200
Speaker 2: I think in a way maybe I was similar.

272
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:33,120
Speaker 1: But I said I wanted a.

273
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:39,320
Speaker 2: Dark skin like I wanted chocolate, just just just great chocolate.

274
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,720
Speaker 2: And I think the reason why I wanted a dark

275
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,560
Speaker 2: skin man is because I was dark.

276
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:49,080
Speaker 1: And I also was like, a light.

277
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,480
Speaker 2: Skinned dude is never gonna want to date me or

278
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,240
Speaker 2: be with me because he's light skinned.

279
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,600
Speaker 1: I'm dark skin. Like.

280
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:56,760
Speaker 2: You know, it's so crazy when I look back on

281
00:14:56,920 --> 00:15:00,520
Speaker 2: like high school and start things like that, Yeah, because

282
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,080
Speaker 2: now I'm like, well, I'm married, but I'm like, I

283
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:07,360
Speaker 2: don't really care because I understand the importance in a

284
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:10,960
Speaker 2: relationship and the importance and a marriage and it's not

285
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:15,880
Speaker 2: or it shouldn't be about the looks, right, because the looks,

286
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:20,400
Speaker 2: the body, all of that. At some point it's gonna fade.

287
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,840
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, you can go spend all this money.

288
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:27,120
Speaker 1: Getting butt lifts and facelifts.

289
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,560
Speaker 2: And all of that stuff, yep, but that's not the

290
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:33,920
Speaker 2: stuff that matters. And I am so glad that as

291
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:38,280
Speaker 2: I got older, like I kind of grew out of

292
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:41,960
Speaker 2: that and was like, listen, your morals and values and

293
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,240
Speaker 2: things like that are way more important to me than

294
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,120
Speaker 2: what you look like. Now, don't get me wrong, my

295
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:52,480
Speaker 2: husband's fun. I'm just saying, like that is important, but

296
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:54,040
Speaker 2: it ain't like it used to be, you know what

297
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:58,280
Speaker 2: I mean. I will tell you what I really really

298
00:15:58,360 --> 00:15:59,280
Speaker 2: love about.

299
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,720
Speaker 1: My husband, and you know, maybe this is stuff we'll

300
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,920
Speaker 1: get into later, but it's important to me.

301
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,680
Speaker 2: That I feel safe, right Like, I feel safe, I

302
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,400
Speaker 2: feel secure, I feel protected.

303
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,960
Speaker 1: And that's exactly who he is and what he does.

304
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,800
Speaker 2: He's a provider, he's a protector, he's my best friend.

305
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,480
Speaker 1: He just takes care of the house and the family,

306
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,160
Speaker 1: like you were saying earlier. Right, And when I.

307
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,560
Speaker 2: Say old school, like, I'm old school because I do

308
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:34,160
Speaker 2: I believe there are certain things that a man and

309
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,360
Speaker 2: a husband's supposed to do, and then there are certain

310
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,840
Speaker 2: things that a woman and a wife are supposed to do,

311
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,920
Speaker 2: Like I don't think I should take out the trash.

312
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,560
Speaker 2: This is old school, I know, because some people are

313
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:49,560
Speaker 2: going to listen and be like, girl, what no? I mean?

314
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,160
Speaker 1: There are times I do it because I'm like, oh, well,

315
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:52,840
Speaker 1: I could take it.

316
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,440
Speaker 2: Out, but I don't think if you sat down and

317
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:59,200
Speaker 2: wrote down, Okay, here are the wife's chores, here are

318
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,000
Speaker 2: the husband's chores.

319
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:01,200
Speaker 1: Take it out.

320
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,080
Speaker 2: The trash ain't gonna be on my list. That should

321
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:05,960
Speaker 2: be on his list. But you know what's on my

322
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:06,760
Speaker 2: list that I do?

323
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,320
Speaker 1: I cook, I clean, I wash his clothes.

324
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:12,439
Speaker 2: I fooled his clothes, I put his clothes up, I

325
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,600
Speaker 2: run his bath water, I make his plate.

326
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,040
Speaker 1: I do those things.

327
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,720
Speaker 2: And I do those things because that's what I want

328
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,120
Speaker 2: to do, not because I have to or he's expecting it,

329
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:23,800
Speaker 2: but as an.

330
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:27,000
Speaker 1: Old school woman who saw.

331
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:31,040
Speaker 2: My grandma do that with my grandfather and just just

332
00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:34,800
Speaker 2: having conversations with my mom about it, I'm like, this

333
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:37,120
Speaker 2: is the type of wife I want to be when

334
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:37,800
Speaker 2: I am married.

335
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:42,160
Speaker 3: See, and there is levels to the type of wifehood

336
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,560
Speaker 3: that we have because I ain't doing shit.

337
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,600
Speaker 1: But what do you mean by that? What do you mean? So?

338
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:53,680
Speaker 1: This is what I mean.

339
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:58,119
Speaker 2: There is the idea of what I thought marriage was,

340
00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:01,360
Speaker 2: and then there is the actual, well I'm in it,

341
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:07,320
Speaker 2: and what I realize is that how you start your

342
00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:12,960
Speaker 2: relationship doesn't necessarily change once you get married, right.

343
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:13,960
Speaker 1: Or that does.

344
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,679
Speaker 3: Well, I think something's changed, but it depends on what

345
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,359
Speaker 3: your relationship is, right, Like, there are some things that

346
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,040
Speaker 3: should change when you get married.

347
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,560
Speaker 2: Because see, for me, when I was dating, there were some.

348
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:27,320
Speaker 1: Things that you don't get could you not? My husband?

349
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,600
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, Absolutely you don't get like

350
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:32,000
Speaker 3: you absolutely what?

351
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:36,960
Speaker 1: Absolutely? Where? So that's nice, Like there's some things you

352
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,640
Speaker 1: don't get into. I agree with that, dreda name.

353
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:44,000
Speaker 3: However, I think for me personally, I think my husband

354
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:47,240
Speaker 3: knew that I was very ambitious, that I was very

355
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:48,040
Speaker 3: career driven.

356
00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:50,600
Speaker 1: When my husband met me, I had two jobs.

357
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:54,160
Speaker 3: I was bartending and I was working at Chipotle, which

358
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,480
Speaker 3: only lasted for like a week after that because I

359
00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,200
Speaker 3: was like, nah, I'm not about to be out here

360
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,000
Speaker 3: making Brita was for y'all, Like, I got goals, so

361
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:05,679
Speaker 3: I got stuff I gotta do, right, So he knew

362
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,800
Speaker 3: that I was someone that had a clear vision of

363
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,119
Speaker 3: what I wanted to do. And I was not at

364
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:13,760
Speaker 3: all looking for a boyfriend as a matter of fact.

365
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,680
Speaker 1: But my husband and I got together, we were friends

366
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:16,359
Speaker 1: and I mean.

367
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,400
Speaker 3: The kind of friends where I'm like, Hey, this dude,

368
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:20,280
Speaker 3: finna take me out.

369
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,120
Speaker 1: But I'm sitting at the bar waiting for him.

370
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,520
Speaker 3: Come to the bar with me and have a drink

371
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,600
Speaker 3: with me while I wait for my date to get here.

372
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,680
Speaker 3: Check him out, make sure he cool, like we were homeboy.

373
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:30,840
Speaker 1: Homegirlah yeah. Friends.

374
00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:37,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, And along the way throughout the friendship we got together,

375
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,040
Speaker 3: and I don't know how it happened. And I will

376
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,399
Speaker 3: say that I love the fact that a friendship is

377
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:42,800
Speaker 3: what we had first.

378
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,080
Speaker 1: And as we get through this.

379
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,960
Speaker 3: Conversation, we'll kind of talk about how that friendship matters

380
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,920
Speaker 3: when you're in a marriage. But I will also say

381
00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:52,800
Speaker 3: I think he knew the kind of girl that I was,

382
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:53,960
Speaker 3: And I wasn't a.

383
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,520
Speaker 1: Cook and clean, make it pay kind of girl. That

384
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:58,199
Speaker 1: just wasn't me.

385
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:03,760
Speaker 3: Now we've been married for eight years, so of course

386
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 3: I'll make my husband's place when I cook.

387
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,440
Speaker 1: Eddie also makes mine when he cooks. Yeah.

388
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:14,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, when we're washing, Eddie washes mind when we're washing.

389
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,920
Speaker 3: And I think that's the difference in what I have

390
00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 3: versus what I thought growing up. I believe growing up

391
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:26,080
Speaker 3: the same as what you consider old school that like,

392
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,200
Speaker 3: this is what the wife does, this is what the

393
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,000
Speaker 3: husband does, and that's just the bottom line. But I

394
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:35,880
Speaker 3: think because we had non traditional roles when we were friends,

395
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,800
Speaker 3: and we continued those non traditional roles when we became

396
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,919
Speaker 3: a couple, that it just didn't feel authentic for me

397
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:46,639
Speaker 3: to automatically change what those roles were once we became

398
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,000
Speaker 3: husband and wife. I'm not taking out no trash either,

399
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,240
Speaker 3: to be fair, like Greg, the trash is full, you

400
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:52,879
Speaker 3: might want to go ahead.

401
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:59,480
Speaker 4: But but I'm not opposed to like, hey.

402
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,360
Speaker 1: The trash is well, I'm gonna go take the trash out.

403
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 1: You get what I mean? Definitely, yes, I do. Okay,

404
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,159
Speaker 1: let me ask you a question.

405
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,119
Speaker 2: A lot of men, and I guess women too, but

406
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 2: a lot of men talk about basically, our marriage didn't

407
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:23,160
Speaker 2: work because I need my wife to be submissive.

408
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:27,879
Speaker 1: And she wasn't submissive. First of all, what does that

409
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,760
Speaker 1: mean to you? And what do you think about that?

410
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:36,040
Speaker 3: For me, to be submissive means that you need to

411
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,720
Speaker 3: be the kind of man that I can submit to

412
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:43,080
Speaker 3: as a leader, as a provider, as a protector.

413
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,840
Speaker 1: And if I feel that you can.

414
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 3: Do all of those things without me ever questioning doubting

415
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:57,320
Speaker 3: any of those things, then there is a level of submission.

416
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 1: That I give to you. My problem is, I.

417
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 3: Think when men say that not understanding the context of

418
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:04,360
Speaker 3: where that comes from, because they be trying to throw

419
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,560
Speaker 3: biblical terms in here, and then they forget I'm a

420
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:12,160
Speaker 3: PK baby. Obedience to you in the sense of what

421
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,520
Speaker 3: you mean by submissive is not what that line means.

422
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.

423
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,639
Speaker 3: So I think what they think it means versus what

424
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:22,120
Speaker 3: it actually means, it is not at all the same thing.

425
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 3: And in that case, no, I'm not a slave. I'm

426
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,480
Speaker 3: not submissive in that way. But there is a level

427
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,520
Speaker 3: of submission that I do give to my husband because

428
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,040
Speaker 3: he deserves that and heed that, and I don't have

429
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:35,400
Speaker 3: a problem doing that.

430
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,240
Speaker 1: But it did take a level of trust.

431
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:42,119
Speaker 2: You had to earn that trust in order for me

432
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:46,199
Speaker 2: to feel comfortable enough to submit to my husband in

433
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:46,640
Speaker 2: that way.

434
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:48,880
Speaker 1: And I don't think every man deserves.

435
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,399
Speaker 2: That, and every man hasn't earned it. To me, I

436
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:57,880
Speaker 2: think a lot of people they get the submissiveness confused with.

437
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 1: Troll in a way.

438
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think a lot of men when they say that,

439
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 2: they don't understand what that means.

440
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 1: But what you're really looking for is control.

441
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:15,439
Speaker 2: You want to be able to tell me where I

442
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 2: can go, when I can go, who I can go with,

443
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 2: what I can wear, what I shouldn't wear. How Like

444
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 2: you want to control everything about me. Yep, And to

445
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:34,720
Speaker 2: me that is so totally different from being submissive and

446
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,159
Speaker 2: what being submissive means.

447
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 1: But like you said, one, it has to be earned.

448
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,920
Speaker 2: But I also think in that tea there's a level

449
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:48,680
Speaker 2: of understanding, a level of communication. Like my husband, I've

450
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 2: been married for seven years, we dated for fifteen years,

451
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:55,959
Speaker 2: we were engaged for ten years, like he's my best friend.

452
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,640
Speaker 1: And I think when you find the right.

453
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,159
Speaker 2: Person and you know it's the right p person, like

454
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:04,880
Speaker 2: all of that stuff just happens, you know what I mean,

455
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 2: And there's just this understanding of here is what I'm

456
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:12,160
Speaker 2: going to give you and here's what I expect in return.

457
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,160
Speaker 2: But I think it works both ways, you.

458
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 1: Know what I mean.

459
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 2: But I will say even in saying that, like marriage

460
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 2: is hard, hard up, It's hard as shit and you

461
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 2: got to work at it.

462
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: And I think that's why a lot of marriages don't work.

463
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 2: Because as soon as shit hits the fan and you

464
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:36,159
Speaker 2: get into your first argument or another argument, it's like, well,

465
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:37,480
Speaker 2: I don't want to deal with this.

466
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:41,479
Speaker 1: I'm done, like that shit is hard.

467
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:46,160
Speaker 3: Are there lessons that you learn from your first marriage

468
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,119
Speaker 3: that helped prepare you for your second?

469
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 1: Or are you even looking?

470
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 2: Were you even looking to get remarried again, because I

471
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:54,040
Speaker 2: know there are.

472
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:58,000
Speaker 1: Something No, no, no, no, I wasn't looking to.

473
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:03,080
Speaker 2: I always wanted to, right Like I'm a very affectionate person,

474
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,439
Speaker 2: like I love love, you know what I mean? I

475
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:10,679
Speaker 2: just I do for me when I first got married,

476
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:12,720
Speaker 2: and not to make any excuses, but I felt like

477
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:14,800
Speaker 2: I was really young I got married.

478
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:16,159
Speaker 1: I was twenty.

479
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:21,399
Speaker 2: Four, twenty five when I first got married, like married

480
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:26,439
Speaker 2: my high school sweetheart, had a kid. I think for me,

481
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 2: what I learned from my first marriage to this one

482
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 2: is I don't really care who I marry. I still

483
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 2: have to be able to be me, you know what

484
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:39,920
Speaker 2: I mean.

485
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't change who I am.

486
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:49,919
Speaker 2: Because you're not ready, if that makes sense, If that

487
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 2: makes sense. And again, like I said, married my high

488
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,439
Speaker 2: school sweetheart, and I think both of us were.

489
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 1: Just really really young when we got married.

490
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 2: And it just seemed exciting. It was like oh well yeah,

491
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 2: let's get married, and neither one of us really understood

492
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:09,640
Speaker 2: the responsibilities and how things changed.

493
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 1: And you know, to me, when you get married, I

494
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 1: don't know. Again, I'm on school. I think.

495
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 2: You can have single friends, but all of your friends

496
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:26,679
Speaker 2: shouldn't be single, and you're married, and you want to

497
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,440
Speaker 2: go kick it and hang out with all of your

498
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:32,440
Speaker 2: single friends every night and stay out till two three

499
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,920
Speaker 2: in the morning. I'm like, hmm, that's interesting, because if

500
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 2: I do that, that's a problem. So that was like

501
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,200
Speaker 2: one of the biggest things I learned was first of all,

502
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:47,280
Speaker 2: make sure you're ready, right, And I did say if

503
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 2: and when I ever got married again, I was like,

504
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 2: I don't want to rush it, and I want to

505
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 2: make sure not only am I ready, I need to

506
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 2: make sure that you're ready, because I've been through a

507
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,200
Speaker 2: divorce once.

508
00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 1: And I ain't really trying to do that again.

509
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:03,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, because divorce is just as hard as marriage if not.

510
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no, that that makes tons of sense.

511
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 3: I think for some people, not all, but from some

512
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,840
Speaker 3: who I have spoken to that I've gone through a divorce,

513
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 3: they got married very young, they were with their partner

514
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 3: for a very long time, and what scared them most

515
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:21,920
Speaker 3: was having to do things on their own that they

516
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,520
Speaker 3: did not see themselves having to do, like raise a kid,

517
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:29,120
Speaker 3: like take care of a mortgage like Jews of that nature, right,

518
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,960
Speaker 3: And that's a real reason to be afraid. You don't

519
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,040
Speaker 3: enter into these contracts with the thought process that it

520
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 3: is over, because realistically, that's kind of what it is.

521
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,040
Speaker 3: When you have a kid with someone, you have an

522
00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:42,919
Speaker 3: eighteen year contract for what to do, what to do

523
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 3: when you do buy a house with somebody y'all name

524
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 3: on that d like, there are things you have to

525
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 3: go through with that person. So I totally get that,

526
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,720
Speaker 3: and I totally understand that. I think for me, and

527
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:59,400
Speaker 3: I love to get your thoughts on this, it's understanding

528
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:03,680
Speaker 3: where there's room for give and take, right, and then

529
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 3: that compromise and that understanding of give and take and

530
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:10,919
Speaker 3: that trust all boils down to communication. The more that

531
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,200
Speaker 3: you can talk to and communicate, and that's not something

532
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 3: that everybody does because I think that I am a

533
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:20,879
Speaker 3: great communicator, but I also understand that my communication style.

534
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:22,960
Speaker 1: Plays a role as well.

535
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 3: It took me a while to truly understand my husband's

536
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:30,639
Speaker 3: communication style because I would be upset that, like you

537
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 3: didn't say this.

538
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 1: You didn't do that because I'm straightforward. I'm straight up.

539
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:36,159
Speaker 1: I said exactly like how I mean it. This is

540
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:36,879
Speaker 1: just what it is.

541
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 3: My husband doesn't communicate that way, but it doesn't mean

542
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 3: he doesn't communicate. Oh, And it took me a minute

543
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 3: to understand, like this is what my husband is saying,

544
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:51,760
Speaker 3: Like he's telling me, he's saying these things to me,

545
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 3: he's showing these things to me, And I got to

546
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:57,240
Speaker 3: get out of my own way to see what he's

547
00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:58,600
Speaker 3: telling me, just because he don't.

548
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 1: Say it the way I say it right. And I

549
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 1: think for some people they would.

550
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 3: Be like, well, I'm done with this because blah blah

551
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 3: blah blah blah.

552
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 1: But if you really want to make it.

553
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 3: Work, you've got to figure out how to make your

554
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:09,840
Speaker 3: communication styles work.

555
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 1: And I'm the opposite.

556
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 2: Like my husband is very direct, and I've even said

557
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,320
Speaker 2: to him at times, I'm like, you're so mean, right,

558
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 2: Like when we're having a conversation or if we're in

559
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 2: an argument, he's very matter of fact and he's like

560
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:32,240
Speaker 2: straight to the point, so you never question or wonder.

561
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 1: What he's thinking, how he's feeling, where he's coming from.

562
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:39,960
Speaker 2: And like I'm very direct with probably everybody else, but

563
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 2: with him, I'm like, how do I say this to him?

564
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 2: And he will even say to me like they I

565
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 2: can't change something if I don't know.

566
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, like if that bothered you, I need you to

567
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 1: tell me.

568
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 2: Don't walk around the house for a whole week, which

569
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 2: I'll do, and girl, I'll walk around the house and

570
00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 2: I'm like, I.

571
00:29:58,560 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: Hating to tell someone.

572
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 2: Of course I'll take deep breasts and then I'm like

573
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 2: slam and stuff and then he like, listen, we're not

574
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:06,720
Speaker 2: gonna do that.

575
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 1: And so I don't know what it is.

576
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 2: I'll just like beat around the bush and he's like, well,

577
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,000
Speaker 2: then tell me if you ain't like that shit, Like

578
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 2: how am I supposed to know? I can't fix it.

579
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 2: So in being married for seven years, I've gotten better. Yeah,

580
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 2: but I will just say too, I'm sure there are

581
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 2: a lot of people who are listening that are going

582
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 2: through some of the same things.

583
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,280
Speaker 1: And no, I don't have all the answers.

584
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 2: But one thing I will say that I learned in

585
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 2: both marriages.

586
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 1: Communication is the key.

587
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 2: Like it's tough, it's hard, but you have to communicate

588
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 2: with your significant other if you want it to work.

589
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 3: You know what I would also say, too, Cheryl, is

590
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 3: that communication on certain things before you get married.

591
00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 1: Yes, also and get.

592
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 3: Important, because I don't think there are times where we

593
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 3: have conversations before marriage about shit that you're going to

594
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 3: have to do when you become married, and then when

595
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 3: you get there, you're like, oh wait, perfect example, finances,

596
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 3: do we have the same account?

597
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 1: Do we have a joint account? One hundred bill payer?

598
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 1: Are you?

599
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 3: All of these things don't sound like a big deal

600
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 3: until you are with someone, and in my hospool, I

601
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 3: am the financial manager, right, my husband will be very

602
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:37,080
Speaker 3: upfront and say, listen, here, go to access to the account,

603
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,800
Speaker 3: the bills is coming, take what needs to be taken

604
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 3: to be paid. Because again I respect the fact that

605
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 3: my husband is like, listen, if I live by myself,

606
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 3: obviously I'm gonna take care of my stuff, but I

607
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 3: know you're better at it.

608
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 1: So I'd prefer it to be you.

609
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 3: But that was not a conversation that he and I

610
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 3: had before we got married. It was some things that

611
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 3: we when we started doing things together, and I think

612
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 3: when we got married it just kind of amplified, Like

613
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 3: you know, it was one of those things that went

614
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 3: without saying. And when we entered into getting ready to

615
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:12,959
Speaker 3: buy a house. We bought a house this year in February,

616
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 3: that's when we was like, listen, we really got to

617
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 3: have a conversation about finance because this mortgage is not

618
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:19,960
Speaker 3: the same as this rent.

619
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:22,480
Speaker 1: We need to at it.

620
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 3: And it made me realize this wasn't a conversation that

621
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 3: we really talked about before we got married. So when

622
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 3: we talk about communication, it's just one of those things

623
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 3: that you need to pick up on and communicate on

624
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:37,760
Speaker 3: and talk about even before you even get to the

625
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 3: point of thinking that I want to marry this person.

626
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 3: Now you said you and your husband dated for ten years,

627
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 3: we're engaged with let.

628
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 1: Me tell you levels.

629
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,360
Speaker 3: I am very clear to any man that I was

630
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 3: seriously dated. And it wasn't that many. I mean I

631
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 3: had a bunch of them. Now, I had a bunch

632
00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 3: of them.

633
00:32:57,760 --> 00:32:58,760
Speaker 1: Yeah I know you did.

634
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:05,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I know. I got to remind my husband

635
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 2: don't live. Okay, your girls, she ain't lost the step

636
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 2: you hear me, she was living, but.

637
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 4: They and they still lined up and they still lined

638
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 4: up up. Okay, wait and ain't waiting for you to slip.

639
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 2: But anyway, Anyway, I was very clear when we first

640
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:32,080
Speaker 2: decided to be a couple.

641
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:34,920
Speaker 3: I said, listen, I don't think it takes a long

642
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,960
Speaker 3: time to realize whether or not you want to be

643
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 3: with somebody. And some people different on that, but I

644
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 3: was like, listen, I ain't about to be your girlfriend

645
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 3: for three four years. If after the first couple of

646
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:48,440
Speaker 3: years a person hasn't figured out I'm somebody that they

647
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:50,719
Speaker 3: want to be with because I'm the same me, then

648
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 3: I don't know what we're doing.

649
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 1: And that's not everybody's things.

650
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 2: Some people are still you.

651
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:02,240
Speaker 1: No, I so feel you on that. Okay.

652
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 2: So I was married once divorced, and I told myself

653
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:08,919
Speaker 2: I'm not going to rush into a marriage and when

654
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 2: I do find that person, if and when he proposes

655
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:14,399
Speaker 2: and all those things like I got to make sure

656
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:19,960
Speaker 2: I'm ready again and he's ready. So my husband, he

657
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 2: had never been married before, and he comes from like

658
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,920
Speaker 2: the club world, like he owned clubs and things like that,

659
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 2: so I know what.

660
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:32,880
Speaker 1: Goes on in the clubs. Yep. I was like, okay,

661
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 1: we'll date now.

662
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 2: We known each other though since I played with the comments,

663
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:38,920
Speaker 2: we'd known each other for over twenty years.

664
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,920
Speaker 1: But he was like my homeboy. Like we would go

665
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 1: over we kick.

666
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:45,919
Speaker 2: It and just hang out and you know, play dominoes

667
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 2: and listen to music all of that. Like he was

668
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:51,839
Speaker 2: my boy, Like if I needed anything, he had my back, right.

669
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,799
Speaker 1: So there was never no flirt, none of that. So

670
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:55,880
Speaker 1: we known each other forever.

671
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:59,799
Speaker 2: So when we started dating, we dated and then he

672
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 2: and I was like, I said yes because I was

673
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:09,040
Speaker 2: ready right love him to pieces. But I said to him,

674
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 2: I don't want to get married until you're ready, like

675
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:16,760
Speaker 2: I know you proposed. He was like, if I wasn't ready,

676
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 2: I wouldn't propose. I said, I hear you, but I'm.

677
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:22,480
Speaker 1: Not going through a divorce again, not gonna wud.

678
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 2: Right, So I need you to get all of that

679
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,759
Speaker 2: out to system, get it out, get it out, get

680
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:28,840
Speaker 2: it out.

681
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 1: And all of that. My mom was sick.

682
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 2: My mom got diagnosed with colon cancer, and so my

683
00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:37,319
Speaker 2: mom moved in with us.

684
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:38,279
Speaker 1: We were taking care of.

685
00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 2: Her and like the last thing on my mind was

686
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 2: dealing with a wedding, like planning for a wedding and

687
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:48,840
Speaker 2: all those things. Long story short, Before my mom passed away,

688
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 2: the last thing she said to him was you marry

689
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 2: my daughter and take care of her and he said, yes, ma'am,

690
00:35:58,600 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 2: I will.

691
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:02,879
Speaker 1: And so after my mom passed, then I was like.

692
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 2: You know what, my mind, I can plan a wedding.

693
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:06,799
Speaker 2: And so that's why it took so long.

694
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:09,000
Speaker 1: How do he propose? I want it off? So he

695
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 1: proposed to me.

696
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 2: For anyone who's ever been to Houston, we have this

697
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:17,799
Speaker 2: big water wall near the Gallery a Mall. He had

698
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:20,480
Speaker 2: told me we were going somewhere to dinner.

699
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,400
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, great, we'll go to dinner.

700
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 2: Got a car, we're riding around and I was like, well,

701
00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:27,760
Speaker 2: where are we going to dinner because we've been riding around.

702
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:28,720
Speaker 1: For a while. Yeah.

703
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:32,799
Speaker 2: We get to the water wall and we get out,

704
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 2: and I had no idea.

705
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 1: So he was like, oh, we're going to go meet

706
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:37,840
Speaker 1: this other couple. We were going to go eat together.

707
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 1: Now mind you. I'm like, well, why couldn't they just.

708
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:42,000
Speaker 2: Meet us at the restaurant, But he was like, oh,

709
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:43,359
Speaker 2: we're just going to hang out before we go.

710
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 1: So we get out, we're walking.

711
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 2: He had like a headset in right, one ear in,

712
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:54,880
Speaker 2: one out, and I was getting annoyed because I was like, dude,

713
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:58,320
Speaker 2: what are we doing and why are you on the phone.

714
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 1: First of all, this is our date? Are you talking to?

715
00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 2: So this couple we met t he they were the photographers,

716
00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 2: and so we're walking around and finally we get in

717
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 2: front of this wall.

718
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:12,360
Speaker 1: He gets down on the knee.

719
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:15,960
Speaker 2: He still has his head set in and I look

720
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 2: around and I see them.

721
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,359
Speaker 1: They're taking pictures. And he asked me to marry him.

722
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 2: So when I said yes, he handed me the phone

723
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,320
Speaker 2: and I was like, who the hell are you talking

724
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:31,839
Speaker 2: to right now? So I get the phone and he

725
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,760
Speaker 2: had my mom on the phone the entire time.

726
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 3: Oh my god, and he was telling her step by

727
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:42,880
Speaker 3: step what we were doing. So after he proposed and

728
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 3: I said yes, I got the phone from him and

729
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:46,879
Speaker 3: my mom was crying.

730
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:49,320
Speaker 1: My mom has never liked anybody ever, need it ever.

731
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 2: Ever, So she's crying and she was like, I'm so

732
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:55,360
Speaker 2: happy girl.

733
00:37:55,640 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 1: It just broke my heart. Oh yeah, it was very amazing.

734
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 1: It was a very old school proposal. I was like, yeah,

735
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:06,799
Speaker 1: you better get on one.

736
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:13,320
Speaker 2: Nay though, girl, I absolutely loved But how Greg proposed

737
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 2: to you?

738
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:15,960
Speaker 1: Before we take a break, let me tell you. We

739
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:16,640
Speaker 1: really want to know.

740
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 3: Matter of fact, I'm gonna take this break now and

741
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 3: tell y'all on the other side because your minds are

742
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:26,000
Speaker 3: going to be blona.

743
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:27,360
Speaker 2: About this proposal. We'll be back right after this.

744
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:45,919
Speaker 3: So it's Christmas Eve twenty thirteen, and at this time

745
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 3: Greg and I are living in Michigan. We're back in Detroit.

746
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,279
Speaker 3: We were living a house over from the house that

747
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:55,360
Speaker 3: I grew up in, and I don't even really remember why.

748
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:59,719
Speaker 3: I'm irritated and Greg owed me fifty dollars and I

749
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:03,880
Speaker 3: Greg about my fifty dollars, and I kept getting the

750
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 3: run around and the run around and the run around

751
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:08,839
Speaker 3: and the run around, and I was like, I don't

752
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 3: understand why so hard for you to come up off

753
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,640
Speaker 3: my fifty dollars. And I'm a Detroit girl, so I'm

754
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 3: a whole I'm a whole extra. I'm like, I'm only

755
00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 3: gonna ask you my more time about my fifty hours.

756
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,120
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Before it's gonna be some

757
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 1: consequences and repercussion every percussion. Yeah yeah.

758
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:31,080
Speaker 3: And I wasn't in a mood for it, so I

759
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:32,280
Speaker 3: didn't got any our dating.

760
00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:34,200
Speaker 1: But we have been together two years already.

761
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,480
Speaker 3: It's Christmas Eve, we in Detroit, and I'm like, I'm

762
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,279
Speaker 3: over it, right, So at this point he's sick of

763
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 3: my attitude. And you know, my husband's from Philadelphia, so

764
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:45,879
Speaker 3: it's only so much you gonna talk to this Philly dude,

765
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,799
Speaker 3: you know, which is while we clash a lot in

766
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 3: a good way, but we don't know how to fight, right,

767
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:52,319
Speaker 3: We just don't. We don't know how to fight.

768
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:52,640
Speaker 1: Fear.

769
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:56,360
Speaker 3: It's Detroit versus Philly, right, we don't know how to

770
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 3: fight like adults.

771
00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:00,879
Speaker 1: At this point. We childish a hell, right, So I'm

772
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 1: trying to be an adult.

773
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:05,440
Speaker 3: I walk out the house. Now, it's Detroit in December.

774
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 3: It's very bitter, negative to outside. It's cold hell outside.

775
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 1: It's snow on the ground.

776
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,520
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, but you're mad, so you ain't really feeling

777
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:15,479
Speaker 4: the cold right now?

778
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 1: Feel man, I'm filming. So I walk out the door.

779
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:21,759
Speaker 3: I got on shoes with no socks, I ain't got

780
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:24,279
Speaker 3: on no coat. So I'm on the outside for five

781
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 3: minutes because reality hit like, girl, it is cold, taking

782
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 3: your ass back in the right, You ain't that mad?

783
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 3: I ain't that mad? Right, And it was the dumbest

784
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 3: argument I know.

785
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:35,560
Speaker 1: I started it.

786
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 2: I walked back in the house and in my head,

787
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:39,880
Speaker 2: I'm about to walk right past him in his kitchen

788
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:41,439
Speaker 2: because I'm mad at you.

789
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 3: I walked past him in the kitchen. He calls my name.

790
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:47,640
Speaker 3: I don't turn around. He calls my name again. I

791
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:48,240
Speaker 3: turn around.

792
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 1: This time this man is on one knee with a box. Wow,

793
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:59,320
Speaker 1: go you a fifty dollars? Why are you out here worrying.

794
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:04,640
Speaker 4: About sitting out up a policy?

795
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 3: He turns around a box and are you serious right now?

796
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:13,799
Speaker 3: There's no one in the house with me and him,

797
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 3: it's just and I'm just like, are.

798
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 1: You serious right now? And he's like, I'm very serious.

799
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 1: I run and lock myself in the bathroom.

800
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:25,960
Speaker 3: I run and lock myself in the bathroom because I

801
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 3: cannot believe I had been such a bitch for an

802
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 3: hour and this man was going to propose to me.

803
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:39,480
Speaker 1: I felt so stupid. He then comes knocking yourself in

804
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:40,279
Speaker 1: the bathroom.

805
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 2: Do what? And I'm crying because I feel so bad.

806
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 3: Like I know, I've roomed with this entire moment. He

807
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:51,600
Speaker 3: knocks on the door, like, are you okay? I finally

808
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:55,520
Speaker 3: opened the door. I'm boohoo crying And finally he's like,

809
00:41:56,000 --> 00:42:00,239
Speaker 3: in the most milly way, so are you gonna marry me?

810
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 3: Or gnaw, And I'm like.

811
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:05,440
Speaker 1: Obviously, all.

812
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:11,759
Speaker 2: Question for you, what would you say is the toughest

813
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:14,439
Speaker 2: thing about being married.

814
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 3: Not being able to make my own decisions every single time?

815
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:23,879
Speaker 1: To me, that is because you have someone else there.

816
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 2: I have every single thing that I do, I have

817
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:29,400
Speaker 2: to consider.

818
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 1: How that affects the entire household.

819
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,399
Speaker 3: And for years that was not something I worried about.

820
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 3: Even when Greg and I were dating. I had my

821
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:38,800
Speaker 3: own crib, my own apartment. Yeah, his own crib apartment.

822
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:40,880
Speaker 3: Even though he was at my house most of the time,

823
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 3: it was still mine. If I wanted to get up

824
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 3: and go, I got up and went. I ain't got

825
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:46,840
Speaker 3: to ask you, can I go? I ain't got to

826
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 3: ask him.

827
00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:48,360
Speaker 1: Now can I go? Nowhere?

828
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 3: But I didn't have to consider anybody else in my

829
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:51,799
Speaker 3: decision making.

830
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 1: It was I'm about to be out and I get back.

831
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:56,359
Speaker 1: I get that.

832
00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's what I would say for me, because

833
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:06,480
Speaker 2: again I said this earlier, I thoroughly enjoy my husband's company,

834
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 2: like I love being around him, like he has his

835
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 2: own thing he does. I do my own thing, but

836
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 2: we really love spending time together.

837
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:19,760
Speaker 1: So for me and my personal marriage.

838
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:23,040
Speaker 2: It would be just the time that we spend apart,

839
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:26,319
Speaker 2: right because of all the traveling and the work of

840
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 2: just being away and lots of times missing special moments

841
00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:34,000
Speaker 2: like his birthday or even my birthday and not being

842
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 2: able to spend that together.

843
00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 1: And that's just me and my personal one. But I'm

844
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:40,080
Speaker 1: gonna ask you this or say this, and I want

845
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:43,520
Speaker 1: your thoughts on this. I also think one.

846
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:50,319
Speaker 2: Of the biggest challenges maybe would be so I did

847
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:52,759
Speaker 2: communicate this to my husband, like like I need you

848
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 2: to continue to date me, right, like date me, keep

849
00:43:56,600 --> 00:44:00,680
Speaker 2: it fine and exciting, and which he's getting better at.

850
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:03,319
Speaker 1: But I have found I think.

851
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:10,440
Speaker 2: That like keeping your your marriage exciting or the romance exciting, or.

852
00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 1: Hell, keep it the sex exciting.

853
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 2: Like the longer you're married, the longer you're together, Like

854
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:19,759
Speaker 2: how do you do that? I ain't asking like for

855
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:23,319
Speaker 2: specifics like what you do? I no, But that's a

856
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 2: challenge though, right to.

857
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:27,400
Speaker 1: Keep it very difficult challenge.

858
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 2: To keep it exciting because for me personally, like when

859
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 2: my husband looks at me, I want him to be like, damn,

860
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:38,280
Speaker 2: that's my woman, that's my wife's yep, that's who I married.

861
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:40,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know what.

862
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:45,319
Speaker 3: So full transparency moment here. This is one of the

863
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 3: things that I had to work on in my marriage

864
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 3: because I believe my husband's love language is physical touch,

865
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 3: so he knows you rock with him when you all

866
00:44:57,239 --> 00:45:02,319
Speaker 3: over them. Right, my love language is a combination of

867
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:07,279
Speaker 3: words of affirmation and acts of service. Right if I

868
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:09,040
Speaker 3: ain't got to tell you to wash these dishes, but

869
00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 3: you're just walking to be washed.

870
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, speaking my love language.

871
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:17,800
Speaker 2: Okay, if you see that my car needs to be washed,

872
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 2: you just go ahead and wash without me telling you,

873
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 2: you are speaking my love language.

874
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,879
Speaker 1: But also because I am.

875
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:29,239
Speaker 3: A person who loves to encourage and empower and yeah,

876
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:30,360
Speaker 3: my friends, you.

877
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:30,719
Speaker 2: Know what I mean.

878
00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 3: You got a nice outfit on be like girl, you're

879
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:33,440
Speaker 3: working an outfit.

880
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:34,799
Speaker 1: I like to do that.

881
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:39,120
Speaker 3: And so my husband, although I know he meant it,

882
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:43,120
Speaker 3: he didn't always say it. He didn't always say like, Tarika,

883
00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:45,320
Speaker 3: you look nice, or he didn't say.

884
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:47,400
Speaker 1: I like the way that dresses hit you know what

885
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 1: I mean. Our relationship kind of hit a snag. A

886
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:51,040
Speaker 1: few years ago.

887
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 3: We did marriage counseling, which I would encourage to anyone

888
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:56,920
Speaker 3: even if your relationship is great, I still think marriage

889
00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:58,399
Speaker 3: counseling is a great thing to do.

890
00:45:58,680 --> 00:45:59,759
Speaker 1: We definitely did it.

891
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:04,040
Speaker 3: And it just continued to open my eyes to having

892
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:06,960
Speaker 3: to understand that things that may not be important to

893
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:09,000
Speaker 3: you but are important to your partners should still be

894
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:12,560
Speaker 3: important and so make a better effort to make those

895
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 3: things important.

896
00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:14,760
Speaker 1: And I would say to him.

897
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:17,520
Speaker 3: All the time, you know, I could have a bunch

898
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:20,319
Speaker 3: of guys in my inbox telling me how great my

899
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:23,120
Speaker 3: hair looks, how great I look, how pretty I looked

900
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:25,680
Speaker 3: on this, whatever my makeup is, this, that, whatever, all

901
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:27,440
Speaker 3: of that is great, and I believe them and I

902
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:30,160
Speaker 3: thank them and I'm grateful for the compliment. But the

903
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:32,319
Speaker 3: compliment don't hit the same if it don't come from you,

904
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 3: no doubt, and.

905
00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:35,000
Speaker 1: Don't hit the same if it don't come from you

906
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 1: right now. And so it's things like.

907
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 3: That that really play a part in keeping your marriage fresh,

908
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:45,359
Speaker 3: Like you got to always feel like you are encouraging

909
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:47,879
Speaker 3: your partner and whatever that thing is.

910
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:53,319
Speaker 1: But how have you learned to handle conflicts? Oo? Child?

911
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:56,360
Speaker 2: It took a while because I used to be like,

912
00:46:56,400 --> 00:47:01,680
Speaker 2: you know what, I ain't apologizing. I'm await you gonna apologize,

913
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:06,120
Speaker 2: And he was like, i't apologize, you gonna apologize?

914
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:06,799
Speaker 1: You know what?

915
00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:10,279
Speaker 2: I learned was first of all, I can't be in

916
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:13,280
Speaker 2: the same house with you or anyone for that matter,

917
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:15,359
Speaker 2: and we just passing.

918
00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:16,440
Speaker 1: Each other and we're not speaking.

919
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:20,759
Speaker 2: We're not talking, like and it ain't even about being

920
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:21,520
Speaker 2: the bigger person.

921
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:22,359
Speaker 1: Yeah.

922
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:24,960
Speaker 2: Like, as I've gotten older and I'd like to think

923
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 2: I've matured a little bit, I'm like, listen, babe, if

924
00:47:29,719 --> 00:47:32,239
Speaker 2: I pissed you off, if I did something wrong, if

925
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:37,759
Speaker 2: I said something wrong or whatever, I'm sorry because sometimes

926
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:43,239
Speaker 2: you don't know, right. Like example, the other day, can't

927
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 2: put a tablet down somewhere and I'm cleaning the house.

928
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:48,240
Speaker 1: So I picked the tablet.

929
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:49,400
Speaker 2: Up, and I move it and I put it on

930
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 2: his desk right, which is where I think it belongs.

931
00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:57,000
Speaker 2: So I was out of town. He didn't say anything.

932
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 2: He wasn't like, babe, remember the tablet that I had here?

933
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 2: Where did you move to? So he waited until I

934
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:05,840
Speaker 2: got home. And I get home and I'm like, hey, dabe,

935
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:06,439
Speaker 2: He's like hey.

936
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, I just got home.

937
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 2: I haven't done nothing yet, right, And so then all

938
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:17,600
Speaker 2: of a sudden he says, so now when when he's

939
00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:19,320
Speaker 2: mad at me, he calls me Cheryl.

940
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 1: Right when he ain't mad, it's back. So that's when

941
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 1: I know he's mad.

942
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:28,960
Speaker 2: U my government when you're mad, right, So he was like,

943
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:31,600
Speaker 2: he was Cheryl, where'd you put that tablet? I'm like,

944
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:35,239
Speaker 2: oh shit, that's my government name. So I did something wrong.

945
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:39,040
Speaker 1: So I was like, what tablet? Where was it? What

946
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:41,719
Speaker 1: do you mean the tablet I have right here? You

947
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:42,920
Speaker 1: moved it? Where'd you put it?

948
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,360
Speaker 2: So I was like, oh, I said, I put it

949
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:50,359
Speaker 2: on your desk right now. I think he should have apologized,

950
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:54,719
Speaker 2: but it didn't, so immediately I got an attitude, right.

951
00:48:55,120 --> 00:48:57,000
Speaker 1: So then after a while, I was like, you know what,

952
00:48:58,120 --> 00:48:59,440
Speaker 1: I should have just left it where it was, and

953
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 1: I moved it.

954
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:01,760
Speaker 2: So I went up to him and I said, babe,

955
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:05,560
Speaker 2: I said, I apologize if me moving your tablet pitched

956
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:07,359
Speaker 2: you off or made you mad, I said, my bad,

957
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:08,840
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, right, Oh, it's sorry.

958
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:09,520
Speaker 1: It's all good.

959
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:14,120
Speaker 2: So he was really just waiting on me to apologize.

960
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:15,439
Speaker 1: So I just.

961
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:18,399
Speaker 2: Learned to just like tackle it head on and it's

962
00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:21,040
Speaker 2: just like, my bad, whatever I did, I did something wrong,

963
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:24,239
Speaker 2: my bad, And I go back to the communication, like

964
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:26,400
Speaker 2: it's never going to work if you don't talk.

965
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:30,239
Speaker 3: About it, you know, overall, marriage is just hard, but

966
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:32,759
Speaker 3: it is what you make it, and it's a beautiful

967
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 3: thing if you're with the right person, if there's a

968
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 3: level of communication, if there's a level of respect. And

969
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 3: I guess I want to ask, you know, if given

970
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 3: the choice the situation, would you do it over again?

971
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 3: Because there are some people who'd be like, hell no,

972
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:47,799
Speaker 3: If I could do it again, I'd be like, Nope,

973
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 3: I can get married. But like I would, And there

974
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:54,320
Speaker 3: are some things that I have learned over these last

975
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:57,399
Speaker 3: twelve years we've been together. But there have definitely been

976
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:00,799
Speaker 3: some things that I've learned that I might do differently,

977
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:03,560
Speaker 3: for sure, some things that I would change about our

978
00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 3: process or because I know better and I've grown into

979
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:11,960
Speaker 3: who I am. But I would certainly if asked all

980
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:14,160
Speaker 3: over again, I would certainly still say yes.

981
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:19,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm the same. I don't like being alone.

982
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 2: I also feel like I'm a really good wife, like

983
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:27,080
Speaker 2: I really am, and so I want to be able

984
00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:28,320
Speaker 2: to be that.

985
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 1: Wife to someone.

986
00:50:31,120 --> 00:50:34,000
Speaker 2: So yeah, like, if this didn't work out, God forbid,

987
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,120
Speaker 2: let me knock on wood. If it didn't work out,

988
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:37,000
Speaker 2: would I do it again?

989
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:37,439
Speaker 1: Yeah?

990
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:39,759
Speaker 2: And I know there are some people who just absolutely

991
00:50:40,239 --> 00:50:42,799
Speaker 2: hate marriage. They say I was there, I hated it,

992
00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:45,240
Speaker 2: wouldn't do it again. And you know, people say marriage

993
00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:48,840
Speaker 2: isn't for everybody. I would agree with that, but marriage

994
00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:53,480
Speaker 2: is definitely for me, and I will say before we

995
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:57,640
Speaker 2: level it off, like I am very happy in my

996
00:50:57,760 --> 00:51:01,520
Speaker 2: marriage and because of that, I would absolutely do it again.

997
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:03,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what's up.

998
00:51:08,239 --> 00:51:13,000
Speaker 3: Absolutely loved this episode, Cheryl, because it's important for us

999
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:14,080
Speaker 3: to just kind of.

1000
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:16,920
Speaker 1: Keep black love a thing. I think so.

1001
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:20,839
Speaker 3: Many people make marriage feel like it's the worst thing

1002
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:23,600
Speaker 3: in the world, and I think sometimes people crave it

1003
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 3: just to say that they're married. And I want us

1004
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:28,520
Speaker 3: to be the catalyst to say, you don't have to

1005
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:30,960
Speaker 3: do either of those things. If marriage is not for you,

1006
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:34,160
Speaker 3: it's cool, Like be cool and who you are and

1007
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:37,719
Speaker 3: be happy. If marriage is for you, be patient, Like,

1008
00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:41,520
Speaker 3: don't rush for the wrong one just to have the title,

1009
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:44,640
Speaker 3: because there's a lot of work being married, and you

1010
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:48,719
Speaker 3: absolutely want to be with your person, with your partner

1011
00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:51,920
Speaker 3: that's gonna put that work in with you. So wherever

1012
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:56,720
Speaker 3: you are in your relationship journey, just let it happen

1013
00:51:56,800 --> 00:51:57,560
Speaker 3: as it happened you.

1014
00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:00,279
Speaker 1: You ain't gotta rush it, but you ain't gotta you know,

1015
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:02,359
Speaker 1: you ain't got a way forever. It will happen for you.

1016
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 2: The right person will find you at the right time,

1017
00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:10,839
Speaker 2: or you will find the right person at the right time.

1018
00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:15,080
Speaker 2: And you know, I always think about just in having

1019
00:52:15,080 --> 00:52:18,760
Speaker 2: this conversation. There's so much stuff I took away from

1020
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 2: you and your marriage and your experience, and I love

1021
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:25,360
Speaker 2: to be able to, you know, just share a little

1022
00:52:25,400 --> 00:52:27,919
Speaker 2: bit with with the young couples out there.

1023
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:31,040
Speaker 1: My son is young, he ain't married it, but they

1024
00:52:31,120 --> 00:52:31,920
Speaker 1: probably close.

1025
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:35,360
Speaker 2: Because girl, that's a whole another episode, that's whole time.

1026
00:52:35,360 --> 00:52:38,560
Speaker 2: But I would say to any young couple that's listening,

1027
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:41,279
Speaker 2: a piece of advice that I probably.

1028
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:43,240
Speaker 1: Would give them would be one.

1029
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:45,799
Speaker 2: And you said it, take your time, right, There's no

1030
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:51,759
Speaker 2: need to rush into it. Communicate, communicate, communicate, and communicate

1031
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 2: some more would be my advice. And the last thing

1032
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:57,360
Speaker 2: I'm going to say. And I am a true believer

1033
00:52:57,520 --> 00:52:59,759
Speaker 2: in this because my mom used to even say it

1034
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:02,040
Speaker 2: to me. She was like, baby, I don't care what

1035
00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:06,359
Speaker 2: happened during the day. I don't care what happened yesterday

1036
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:07,239
Speaker 2: or last night.

1037
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:12,280
Speaker 1: Never go to bed angry.

1038
00:53:14,080 --> 00:53:16,920
Speaker 2: If you have an opportunity to talk about it, or

1039
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:20,960
Speaker 2: apologize or whatever. Just never go to bed angry because

1040
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 2: you never know what could happen overnight, and you don't

1041
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:30,640
Speaker 2: want to have that feeling of damn. I never got

1042
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:33,440
Speaker 2: the chance or opportunity to say X, Y or Z.

1043
00:53:34,040 --> 00:53:35,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, same things.

1044
00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:39,400
Speaker 3: I think my advice, outside of what you said, would

1045
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:45,200
Speaker 3: be understand that your marriage is between you and your partner.

1046
00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:45,879
Speaker 1: Yep.

1047
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:51,319
Speaker 2: Stop involving family, yep. Stop involving friends, yep.

1048
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:55,000
Speaker 3: Stop involving folks who may not have your best interests

1049
00:53:55,040 --> 00:54:00,360
Speaker 3: at heart. Your marriage is between you and your partner.

1050
00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:04,760
Speaker 3: Telling your brother ain't gonna do nothing but no folks

1051
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:07,480
Speaker 3: mad and you're gonna get back to them anyway.

1052
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:10,720
Speaker 1: And then yeah, I'm just signing.

1053
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:14,280
Speaker 2: I'm co signing because you are preaching right now, period,

1054
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:15,480
Speaker 2: because you know why.

1055
00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:18,000
Speaker 1: You're gonna be mad at the situation.

1056
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:19,839
Speaker 2: So you're gonna call your brother and say, well, let

1057
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:22,600
Speaker 2: me tell you what Charlie did to me, y'all, and

1058
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:26,240
Speaker 2: tomorrow you gonna get over and be right back with Charlie.

1059
00:54:26,280 --> 00:54:28,319
Speaker 1: Y'all gonna be all right. But your brother don't still

1060
00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:30,760
Speaker 1: be mad at it, y'all still ready.

1061
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:32,560
Speaker 3: To knock his head off nothing. It's even gonna be

1062
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:38,320
Speaker 3: real awkward. So ye, just keep your same thing, don't run.

1063
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:41,960
Speaker 3: I was a victim of this going to social media

1064
00:54:42,120 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 3: posting random scenarios. Not everybody weighing in, and the hater

1065
00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:49,040
Speaker 3: who's been wanting to say that y'all ain't no good,

1066
00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:52,239
Speaker 3: got all this, ammo. Just keep folks out of it.

1067
00:54:52,239 --> 00:54:54,839
Speaker 3: It is between you and your partner. Y'all can work

1068
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:57,160
Speaker 3: it out, and if it's something you can't work out,

1069
00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 3: you will reach that agreement to But don't let that

1070
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:02,319
Speaker 3: decision and be up to anybody but you two. So

1071
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:05,160
Speaker 3: that would be my first piece of advice, And I

1072
00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:08,480
Speaker 3: think my second piece of advice would be, if you

1073
00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:15,560
Speaker 3: are a spiritual person, pray daily, pray daily. Honestly, if

1074
00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:18,640
Speaker 3: you are a spiritual person, make sure that you keep

1075
00:55:18,640 --> 00:55:21,279
Speaker 3: God in your relationship, whatever God that may be.

1076
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:25,480
Speaker 2: That's and foremost yes, absolutely absolutely, no matter what it

1077
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:29,040
Speaker 2: is or what you practice, because there are.

1078
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:33,320
Speaker 3: Going to be some times, in some moments where you're

1079
00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:37,719
Speaker 3: going to need something other than just what our physical

1080
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:42,680
Speaker 3: presence can provide. And so when conflict arises, when things

1081
00:55:42,760 --> 00:55:45,640
Speaker 3: happen when you've got to make decisions, Not all conflict

1082
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:50,120
Speaker 3: is negative. Conflicts Sometimes people get jobs that might require.

1083
00:55:49,719 --> 00:55:51,000
Speaker 1: Them to leave and travel.

1084
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:53,400
Speaker 3: You got to make a decision on whether or not

1085
00:55:53,840 --> 00:55:55,880
Speaker 3: this is a good decision for you and your family

1086
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:56,560
Speaker 3: to pick up and.

1087
00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:57,919
Speaker 1: Move or stay where you are.

1088
00:55:58,280 --> 00:56:01,319
Speaker 2: Those aren't easy things to come to a decision on.

1089
00:56:01,480 --> 00:56:03,560
Speaker 1: Sometimes you got to pray about it, right, Yeah, So.

1090
00:56:03,920 --> 00:56:06,360
Speaker 3: I think you just have to keep a spiritual balance

1091
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:09,960
Speaker 3: of some sort in your relationship for you, for your spouse,

1092
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:10,760
Speaker 3: for your family.

1093
00:56:11,080 --> 00:56:12,640
Speaker 1: And that would be my piece of advice.

1094
00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:16,719
Speaker 3: And so, Charlotte was great having this conversation with you.

1095
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:18,840
Speaker 1: Do you want to level us up right now with

1096
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:20,840
Speaker 1: a positive thought? I do.

1097
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:25,799
Speaker 2: This was such a great conversation, A much needed conversation,

1098
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:29,240
Speaker 2: you know, Tee, I thank you for allowing.

1099
00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:31,759
Speaker 1: Me to be vulnerable. I thank you for being vulnerable.

1100
00:56:31,920 --> 00:56:36,400
Speaker 2: I don't think we, especially as women and as Black women,

1101
00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:40,560
Speaker 2: I don't think we share these stories enough. So thank

1102
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:41,920
Speaker 2: you for giving me this space.

1103
00:56:42,280 --> 00:56:42,920
Speaker 1: Absolutely.

1104
00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 2: And here's what I have for all of you today,

1105
00:56:46,239 --> 00:56:50,000
Speaker 2: since we're talking about love and marriage, Hopefully this will

1106
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:56,239
Speaker 2: touch you like it touched me. It says life is

1107
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:59,880
Speaker 2: the flower for which love is the honey.

1108
00:57:00,360 --> 00:57:02,800
Speaker 1: Oh.

1109
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:03,520
Speaker 2: I like that.

1110
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:06,719
Speaker 1: I love that a lot. I love that I love

1111
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:09,040
Speaker 1: that a lot. Let me add this last little bit

1112
00:57:09,080 --> 00:57:09,399
Speaker 1: to it.

1113
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:15,840
Speaker 2: Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving

1114
00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:18,640
Speaker 2: someone deeply gives you courage.

1115
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:21,640
Speaker 1: We are most alive when we are in love.

1116
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:24,920
Speaker 2: The only thing we never get enough of is love,

1117
00:57:25,320 --> 00:57:28,400
Speaker 2: and the only thing we never give enough of is love.

1118
00:57:29,080 --> 00:57:31,160
Speaker 1: Take that with you, take.

1119
00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:34,760
Speaker 3: That with your friends, because that is a beautiful word

1120
00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:40,040
Speaker 3: and a beautiful way to close out this week's episode.

1121
00:57:40,280 --> 00:57:44,960
Speaker 3: So thank you all so much for continuing to listen to.

1122
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:45,800
Speaker 1: Levels to This.

1123
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:50,840
Speaker 3: We will be back next week with more Next Level conversation.

1124
00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:53,040
Speaker 3: It's just about the real shit that we go through

1125
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:56,880
Speaker 3: as women. But please remember this is not just our show.

1126
00:57:56,960 --> 00:57:59,600
Speaker 3: It's our show, so we want to hear from you.

1127
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:03,640
Speaker 3: Lead us a review in Apple Podcasts.

1128
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:06,320
Speaker 1: Or you can now email.

1129
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:09,920
Speaker 3: Us at Levels to This Podcast at gmail dot com.

1130
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:13,000
Speaker 3: You can tell us what you thought about this week's show,

1131
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:15,840
Speaker 3: let us know what you may want to talk about next,

1132
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:20,120
Speaker 3: and make sure you are following us at lttpod on Instagram.

1133
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:23,520
Speaker 3: So until then, keep your mentals ground level and we

1134
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:25,440
Speaker 3: will be back next week.

1135
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:27,120
Speaker 1: Peace. Peace,