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Speaker 1: Hi, Hi, Chelsea, Hi, how are you.

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Speaker 2: I'm great.

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Speaker 3: You just got back from New York. I was at

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Speaker 3: the US Open. I had to go to the women's finals.

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Speaker 3: It was mandatory.

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Speaker 4: I had to see that final match between Amasamova and Sabalanca.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So what do you like about being there? Is

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Speaker 1: it the sports? Is it the sort of CNB scene.

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Speaker 1: It seems like a very sort of like celebria event.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it is more celebri here in at the US

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Speaker 4: Open than it is at like the other Grand Slams.

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Speaker 4: I think there's always celebs, but at this one is

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Speaker 4: definitely like a New York thing. So I've never been

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Speaker 4: in the Australian Open. I've never been in the French Open.

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Speaker 4: I go to Wimbledon every year for a few matches

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Speaker 4: whenever I could get there the beginning or the end.

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Speaker 4: Obviously it's better to get there to the end because

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Speaker 4: it becomes more competitive.

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Speaker 3: But the US Open just has the most fun vibe really.

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Speaker 4: First of all, it's like it's so fun because I

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Speaker 4: know a lot of tennis people, so I whoever I

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Speaker 4: get invites me, Like, you could go as a you

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Speaker 4: could buy your own ticket, or you could go as

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Speaker 4: a guest to like one of the brands there or

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Speaker 4: like I went and sat in the president's box for

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Speaker 4: this match since I was invited by somebody there.

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Speaker 3: And then it's just like a fun vibe. Hey, they're drinking.

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Speaker 4: They have Honeyducees, Like every Open has their signature drink.

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Speaker 3: Like Wimbledon, it's pims Cups, which.

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Speaker 2: Are so fun.

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Speaker 4: And Wimbledon is very very convivial and beautiful, but a

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Speaker 4: little stiffer, you know, you've got to be a little bit,

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Speaker 4: a little bit more proper.

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Speaker 3: I mean I'm not, but that's what they're expecting.

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Speaker 4: And then US Open is just kind of like more

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Speaker 4: loosey goosey, Like it's just a really relaxed vibe.

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Speaker 3: It's a fun day out.

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Speaker 4: I went with two of my friends, Naomi and Serena

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Speaker 4: this time. I mean I've been I went with Hannah

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Speaker 4: Berner one of the matches. I went with Juliana marghy

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Speaker 4: Le's to one of the matches. But then I was

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Speaker 4: I was like, okay, you know what, I have to

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Speaker 4: go back for the finals. So I flew in for

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Speaker 4: the literally the day to go watch the finals in person.

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Speaker 4: But it's just the atmosphere, the atmosphere is just bubbling,

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Speaker 4: and I love that vibe. I'm a day person. I

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Speaker 4: love that like day atmosphere. And then yeah, and then

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Speaker 4: you're home at a reasonable hour and yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're ever gonna catch me at a sports match

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Speaker 1: of any kind. It's it's something that has a fun crowd,

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Speaker 1: you know, Like I'm not there, I don't know who's playing,

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Speaker 1: I don't know who's winning. But like I in high

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Speaker 1: school spent some time in Mexico and we would go

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Speaker 1: to the baseball games there and they would like light

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Speaker 1: rolls of paper towels on fire and like throw them

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Speaker 1: down the stands. Like it was a very crazy, fun environment.

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Speaker 1: So like, I'm not there to check out the sports,

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Speaker 1: but like I love it.

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Speaker 4: You can see see I neglect you just to mention

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Speaker 4: any of the tennis. But what I do love about

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Speaker 4: the tennis is that it's a level of excellence. You know,

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Speaker 4: like if you watch the bands, it's the same guys

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Speaker 4: that get past that knock everybody out of the way.

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Speaker 4: It's the same three guys. It's Djokovic, it's Yannick Cinner,

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Speaker 4: and it's Alkoraz. They knock everybody out of their way,

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Speaker 4: so they are playing at such a high level. So

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Speaker 4: and with the girls, they're less Arena Sabalanka is very consistent,

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Speaker 4: she's always in the finals, but the girls are less consistent.

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Speaker 3: Like there are great but.

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Speaker 4: There are just like our pop stars right now are

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Speaker 4: There's such a plethora of them, from Charlie Xca to

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Speaker 4: Chapel Roan to Tailor to I mean, you know, Taylor's

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Speaker 4: been around forever, but like all of these people, Gracie Abrams,

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Speaker 4: you know, that are bubbling up. It's kind of like

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Speaker 4: analogous to tennis because there's so many young great players

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Speaker 4: that have the potential to be incredible, and they're all

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Speaker 4: gutting there by you know, failure failure, Like you know,

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Speaker 4: they play, they play, they play, then they get knocked out,

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Speaker 4: and then they learn how to get better and they

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Speaker 4: fix their serve or they fix whatever, or they hire

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Speaker 4: a new coach and they become more consistent.

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Speaker 3: So it's kind of really nice. I prefer women's sports.

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Speaker 4: I prefer to watch women's sports, so I just love

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Speaker 4: that level of competitiveness because I don't have that kind

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Speaker 4: of discipline, and it's really cool to watch.

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Speaker 1: We have a very sweet guest today.

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Speaker 3: Okay, oh yes, yes, she's a sweetie pie. She is

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Speaker 3: a pop star.

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Speaker 4: She's a performer, songwriter and now published author of her

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Speaker 4: brand new memoir Eternally Electric. Please welcome Debbie Gibson. Okay,

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Speaker 4: here we are. We are very special guests. Miss miss

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Speaker 4: that's what theyways called me. Miss Debbie Gibson is today

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Speaker 4: in the studio. Thank you for coming in studio.

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Speaker 2: So, by the way, I always want to do things

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Speaker 2: in studio and it's always being like forced upon us

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Speaker 2: to do.

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Speaker 4: What we can do is zoom, but no themselves.

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Speaker 3: We've done zoom ourselves.

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Speaker 2: I love like a good old fashioned La press drip.

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Speaker 3: You know what, you know what a zoom is good for?

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Speaker 3: Spanish lessons. That's what zooms are good for. You know

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Speaker 3: that doesn't need to be face to face. How are you?

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Speaker 2: I'm good? Yes, I was just saying it's weird because

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Speaker 2: when I was on your E show, I feel like

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Speaker 2: I wore a version like the twenty years ago version

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Speaker 2: of the outfit I have on today. It involved like

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Speaker 2: low slung pants and I feel like.

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Speaker 3: I wore a Fedora.

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Speaker 2: We think it was pain.

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Speaker 4: You always have this hat on, which is the don't

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Speaker 4: always today's just like the roots.

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Speaker 2: You don't I need a toner, Okay, So I put

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Speaker 2: on them what.

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Speaker 4: You should have told us, I would have brought one in.

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Speaker 4: I'm sure I have one at my house, even though

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Speaker 4: I don't have a.

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Speaker 2: Hat, because you're the same. Because for for us girls

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Speaker 2: who want to stay blonde but are gray and want

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Speaker 2: to do the dark root and then do the blonde,

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Speaker 2: it just never comes out the same way twice, and

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Speaker 2: it's a whole.

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Speaker 3: And I hate when my hair gets brassy. I hate that.

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Speaker 2: That's what's happening, right, Okay, Okay, had is just copy that.

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Speaker 4: We're here to celebrate the publication of your very first book,

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Speaker 4: which is called Eternally Electric, which is out now, and

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Speaker 4: it takes you through your childhood, which I didn't know

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Speaker 4: you were one of four girls. What an advantage that

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Speaker 4: is in life, don't you think?

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Speaker 2: I mean? I loved I love it. And my late

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Speaker 2: mom everyone always said, oh, don't you wish you had boys?

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Speaker 2: And she was like, no, why would.

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Speaker 4: You write, well, once you have one sex and you

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Speaker 4: don't wish for the other sex.

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Speaker 2: She's just love my girls.

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Speaker 4: But it's also like saying to someone like who has children,

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Speaker 4: like don't you wish you didn't have children?

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Speaker 3: Like right in your life?

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Speaker 4: You're not going to be like, yeah, actually I wish

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Speaker 4: I could readnag on that and not have any.

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Speaker 2: Children, which, by the way, is also a thing with

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Speaker 2: because you don't have children, right right, And I don't

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Speaker 2: have children, right, you have children, and I'm always like, similarly,

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Speaker 2: the fictitious hypothetical children that I don't know, No, I

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Speaker 2: don't miss them, right.

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Speaker 3: Right, exactly right, like I don't. Nobody's living.

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Speaker 4: I mean, well, maybe certain women may be like feeling

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Speaker 4: regretful or rueful that they didn't have the child that

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Speaker 4: they want.

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Speaker 2: Oh, well that's a big boy, he's yeah, he's you know,

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Speaker 2: the freedom in my life is not wasted on me,

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Speaker 2: and I know I feel like I feel I.

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Speaker 3: Feel very free in life. So I'm glad to hear that.

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Speaker 3: And there you go. But talk to me about your.

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Speaker 4: Sisters, because we have a lot of sisters. I love sisters.

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Speaker 4: I'm one of three girls in my family, so yeah,

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Speaker 4: we have three boys and three girls, so I have

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Speaker 4: both worlds to choose to have experience from. But I

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Speaker 4: always find families like that, you know, that are only girls,

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Speaker 4: and especially when there's three or more. I always am

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Speaker 4: like very attracted to that dynamic.

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Speaker 2: I love it. And we're all radically different, yes, but

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Speaker 2: we all connect in some way. Uh huh so, and

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Speaker 2: what's the like age game? So my oldest sister, Karen's

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Speaker 2: turning sixty very very soon, which is weird to say

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Speaker 2: because she's just so like cute and little and fun

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Speaker 2: and feisty. And she just joined a sailing club, which

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Speaker 2: is my favorite thing.

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Speaker 3: That's funny.

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Speaker 2: Ar and her husband moved back. They're like one of

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Speaker 2: the most happily married couples. I know, my sister Karen

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Speaker 2: and my brother in law Jeff, which you don't hear

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Speaker 2: about often anymore, but they've been married for well over

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Speaker 2: thirty years. And then Michelle is fifty seven. I'm turning

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Speaker 2: fifty five, and then or she's so fifty eight, fifty five,

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Speaker 2: fifty one. We go like two years, three years, four years,

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Speaker 2: so there's like a nine year span.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and are you guys do you guys see each

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Speaker 4: other pretty regularly or well?

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Speaker 2: Now the three of them are New York, New Jersey,

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Speaker 2: so it's great because when I get there, I can

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Speaker 2: see everybody.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, how do you like living in Vegas.

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Speaker 2: They're gonna say, how do you like living in your

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Speaker 2: Kia sport?

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Speaker 3: Yea, well that was ask quest.

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Speaker 2: I do have an RV. That's another story. I love

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Speaker 2: living in Vegas. I'm always telling people how great it

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Speaker 2: is to live in Vegas.

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Speaker 4: Really tell me, because I have a trouble going to Vegas.

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Speaker 2: But you probably never leave. Do you ever leave the strip?

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Speaker 4: Well, I had a boyfriend who had a house in Vegas,

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Speaker 4: So then I spent some time in Vegas, which was

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Speaker 4: even more convincing that I shouldn't spend any long period day.

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Speaker 2: And I can say this because my ex boyfriend and

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Speaker 2: I are friends now. But see, I did Vegas his

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Speaker 2: way in a house with him, and I was a

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Speaker 2: little like hmmm. And then when I moved into my

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Speaker 2: own house and started doing it my way. I can't

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Speaker 2: explain it, but I just now I love it. Oh

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Speaker 2: I've been there fifteen years.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean, and I live you know, I

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Speaker 2: love living. First of all, there's anyone who complains about

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Speaker 2: rush hour traffic in Vegas. I'm like, no, it all

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Speaker 2: moves within ten minutes. Whenever I land there on a plane.

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Speaker 2: I'm just like, oh, I can breathe. It's just it

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Speaker 2: just feels open, expansive. There's mountains. The hot weather is

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Speaker 2: the worst thing about it, but it's not that bad.

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Speaker 2: Every place has something. But I live not far from Hiking,

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Speaker 2: I live near Target. I'm twenty minutes from fake Paris.

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Speaker 2: I like to say, like, you can have all that

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Speaker 2: if you want it, you know, but and you go

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Speaker 2: out in Vegas, I don't a lot, like I just

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Speaker 2: have my handful of friends and there could be dinners

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Speaker 2: or a show. U huh, like I've seen I'm sure

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Speaker 2: you're friends with carrat Top Scott, I've seen him twice.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I just think all comedians know each other, right, right.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. I mean, I'm sure I've met him,

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Speaker 3: but I'm not. I don't know him at all.

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Speaker 2: But I love like, I just love that about my

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Speaker 2: life in Vegas. I could text Donnie Osmond or Carrot

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Speaker 2: Top and go, Okay, come to your show tonight, yeah,

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Speaker 2: and I'll be treated great and right hang out like

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Speaker 2: that's my going on.

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Speaker 3: That's it.

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Speaker 2: I did an we'll call it a mini residency, an

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Speaker 2: eighth show run with Joey McIntyre a couple of years ago.

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Speaker 4: The Venetia Joey wrote the opening forward for your book,

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Speaker 4: did Yeah, which was really sweet.

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Speaker 2: Thank you. Yeah, I love him so much, so I'm yesterday.

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Speaker 3: Oh cute. Yeah, Yea's a sweetheart.

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Speaker 2: I love him.

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Speaker 4: I want to talk about your like panic. I like

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Speaker 4: what you talk about in the book a lot. I

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Speaker 4: think a lot of our listeners can relate to that

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Speaker 4: not and maybe in the terms that you experienced it

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Speaker 4: because you were just starting a career at such a

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Speaker 4: young age and like blowing up. I know my bedroom

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Speaker 4: was lined with posters of Debbi Gils.

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Speaker 3: I was obsessed, obsessed with you.

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Speaker 4: Thank you, and to hear you talk about those years

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Speaker 4: in the book, like about how crazy it was and

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Speaker 4: how your mom was a great mamager, you know, pretty

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Speaker 4: much kind of the first momager.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, especially in music, you know, because like Brookshields had

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Speaker 2: her mom who was a manager agent type person, and

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Speaker 2: but yeah, in music, and to be the momager of

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Speaker 2: a young pop singer, songwriter, it's the whole thing. It's

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Speaker 2: a very specific thing.

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Speaker 4: Especially now because the landscape is so different. Like you know,

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Speaker 4: when you were coming up, it was like you and Tiffany,

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Speaker 4: those are the only two young girls that were out singing,

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Speaker 4: and now there's like this array of you know, from

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Speaker 4: Taylor Swift to Chaplerome to Charlie XX to you know,

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Speaker 4: Gracie Abrams.

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Speaker 3: Like there's so many young people coming up right.

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Speaker 2: Now, right, it's just its own lane now. But there

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Speaker 2: was no lane at the time, right, And people forget

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Speaker 2: there was no lane. And it had been a good

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Speaker 2: decade since Carol King and even like I think about

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Speaker 2: Linda Ronstadt and her theater crossover that had been a minute,

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Speaker 2: Like I was kind of I was at the forefront

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Speaker 2: of my generation doing it, and so the machine wasn't

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Speaker 2: ready for it, didn't know how to do it.

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Speaker 1: Well, if you were writing all your own music, which

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Speaker 1: nobody else was, you know, your age was doing that

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Speaker 1: at the.

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Speaker 2: Time, Yes, and then the men in suits had nothing

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Speaker 2: to do. Right. That's by the way, every day I

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Speaker 2: think of a line like, that's a line I wish

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Speaker 2: was in the book. It's not. It's just here on

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Speaker 2: your podcast. But like every day I wake up and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, why didn't I phrase it that way? It's

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Speaker 2: so great, it's like encapsulates. I probably could have saved

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Speaker 2: a whole paragraph by writing that sentence. But that's what

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Speaker 2: it is. The men in suits were used to repairing

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Speaker 2: this young girl who just stands on a stage and

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Speaker 2: sayings with than older male to write her songs because

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Speaker 2: older men really know what young girls in high school

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Speaker 2: are thinking and want to hear musically, right, it didn't

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Speaker 2: make any sense to us. And so my mom was literally,

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Speaker 2: my daughter knows how. I always channel her whenever I

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Speaker 2: like read excerpts from the book or do that, like

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Speaker 2: it's so visceral for me, because I was there, and

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Speaker 2: she really truly was like, she knows what this song

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Speaker 2: should sound like. And the producing to me was never

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Speaker 2: a mystery. It's I know in my head what I

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Speaker 2: want to come out of the speakers. Like when I

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Speaker 2: watch the Wham documentary, I didn't realize I think it

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Speaker 2: was our Reef Martin originally produced Careless Whisper, and George

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Speaker 2: Michael was like, you're making it too complicated. It's simpler,

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Speaker 2: and then he produced himself because I think ballads almost

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Speaker 2: produce themselves. So I was like, no, no, this song,

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Speaker 2: I don't need a co producer. I don't need a producer,

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Speaker 2: And they were kind of like what and I say

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Speaker 2: it in the book, but like the mumm, the suit

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Speaker 2: shoulders going up and down. I can picture it, but

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Speaker 2: it was kind of nervousness. It was like what do

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Speaker 2: we what do we do with this? We don't this

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Speaker 2: is new landscape. But that ended up being my first

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Speaker 2: number one, you know what the songs that wrote yeah,

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Speaker 2: the two. It was my first and my second number one,

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Speaker 2: and it put me in the Guinness Book of World Records.

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Speaker 2: And then I became the youngest and the second youngest

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Speaker 2: wow within a year, which is nuts but also shouldn't

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Speaker 2: be nuts.

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Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, And your mom really advocated for you and

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Speaker 1: was sort of like a bulldog amongst all these like

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Speaker 1: men in suits, as you say, but it seems like

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Speaker 1: she was very ahead of her time when it came

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Speaker 1: to your panic attacks and that sort of thing of

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Speaker 1: understanding when you needed to take a step back and

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Speaker 1: not just like pushing you.

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Speaker 4: Can you yes, yes, and talk about when that started,

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Speaker 4: like when did your panics attack start? And now obviously

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Speaker 4: we know what brought them on, but you talk about it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And you know you had started to say a

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Speaker 2: minute ago, like it's different for a lot of people

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Speaker 2: in your audience, maybe because but I think like anxiety

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Speaker 2: is anxiety. Anybody who's ever experienced My heart's getting speedy

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Speaker 2: and the walls are closing in and I don't know

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Speaker 2: where my next Brett is coming from, and is this

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Speaker 2: a heart attack or an anxiety attack or like what's happening?

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Speaker 2: And back then that wasn't on the tip of everyone's tongue.

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Speaker 2: And if you were a young girl in show business,

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Speaker 2: you were most definitely whining if anything was, you know, stressful. Right, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so that was that And by the way, that's what

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Speaker 2: causes further panic attacks. It's like going, no, I'm good

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Speaker 2: and finding instead of being like, this is weird, like

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Speaker 2: you weren't allowed to say so. I talk about it

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Speaker 2: in the book when I had this dinner. Now, you know,

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Speaker 2: we're always schmoozing in show business and we're still doing it,

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Speaker 2: and that's part of what you do. But it's weird

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Speaker 2: when you're a teenage girl and it's like, oh, you

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Speaker 2: will have a dinner with this First of all, I

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Speaker 2: didn't want to have dinners.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and why does anyone want to have dinner with

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Speaker 4: a teenage girl? Exactly what kind of stimuli are you

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Speaker 4: going to get from that?

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Speaker 2: Exactly? It is that like you're the artist and you're

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Speaker 2: the comman and the label is delivering that the and

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Speaker 2: you know, my mom was there, but it was still

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Speaker 2: like she and I didn't go to dinners, like somebody

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Speaker 2: in the family cooked or somebody brought brought McDonald's home,

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Speaker 2: or like we're in the suburbs of Long Island, like

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Speaker 2: we're not doing dinners. So I was sitting there and

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Speaker 2: I had the inner model, like I can remember the

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Speaker 2: inner dialogue, you know, and I was really uncomfortable and

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Speaker 2: like what am I talking to about this guy about?

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Speaker 2: And I have a show in two hours and I

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Speaker 2: want to be like napping and warming up, and like

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Speaker 2: this is so weird, and this is we have to

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Speaker 2: do to get a record played, Like this is so weird.

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Speaker 2: And I just was like, oh my god, I have

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Speaker 2: to get up from the table. And by the way,

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Speaker 2: I couldn't sit in a restaurant at a table, not

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Speaker 2: only just because of the sense memory of it, but

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Speaker 2: I just couldn't sit still for like three years. I

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Speaker 2: mean it was really intill.

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Speaker 4: In the book you talk about like being like with

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Speaker 4: your family and having dinner and having to get up

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Speaker 4: and walk away from the table. And at that point,

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Speaker 4: like the feelings of oh god, my family's going to

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Speaker 4: think I'm a diva, that this is all because I've

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Speaker 4: become famous and I've you know, I'm hitting it right now.

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Speaker 4: But your mom totally understood that you actually, like had

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Speaker 4: such anxiety that you could because.

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Speaker 2: It was disruptive. And I was never one to want

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Speaker 2: negative attention. So if anything, like all I wanted was

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Speaker 2: to blend. I wanted to be one of my sisters

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Speaker 2: at that point. And by the way, I'm going to

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Speaker 2: circle back around to this, but what you were saying

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Speaker 2: about my sisters and my mom, she empowered all of us,

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Speaker 2: like it just was it was it was she was

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Speaker 2: ahead of her time because it wasn't even like waving

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Speaker 2: the flag for it was just like, well, of course

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Speaker 2: you can't do anything, oh right, you're a girl or whatever,

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Speaker 2: but of course, like, let's just just do what you do.

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Speaker 2: And it was all you know, who wanted a college

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Speaker 2: path and who wanted to show this path and who

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Speaker 2: wanted a fashion designer path, and everybody had a different path.

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Speaker 2: So I love love that about her. We just our

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Speaker 2: visions were kind of far fetched and seemingly unattainable, and

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Speaker 2: they happened, and it.

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Speaker 4: Just happens that you ever, like at that age, like

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Speaker 4: you know, you need a guardian, you know, still like

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Speaker 4: whoever your mother has to go with you because you

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Speaker 4: can't go by yourself. Yes, it's not like going to school.

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Speaker 4: You're like going out into the real world. Are sleazy

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Speaker 4: men like you have to have a party in with you?

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Speaker 2: Yes. And she really became my manager by default though,

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Speaker 2: because she was good at business, and she was the

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Speaker 2: one most present and like literally unfiguratively most present. And

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Speaker 2: the thing I talk about in the book is I

395
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Speaker 2: also remember this so vividly. I had done the Metropolitan

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Speaker 2: Opera's children's chorus for three years and then I started

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Speaker 2: doing like leads and little operas around New York, and

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Speaker 2: there was this opera company that wanted me, and they

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Speaker 2: were like, it's five hundred dollars for the whole run. Now,

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Speaker 2: she she, for all I know, was making five hundred

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00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:44,520
Speaker 2: dollars a week managing this doctor's office, right, Like that

402
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Speaker 2: was like seemingly a lot of money. But she was like,

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Speaker 2: that just doesn't feel right because you just finished singing

404
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Speaker 2: in twelve languages and like you sit sing and like

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Speaker 2: it's just she always knew my worth yeah, and she

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Speaker 2: said to the producer like, that's not you know, and

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Speaker 2: then they tried to hire somebody else. Well, they did

408
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,959
Speaker 2: hire somebody else, couldn't cut it. They called me and

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Speaker 2: it was like, can you learn the whole opera in

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Speaker 2: two days for the same five hundred dollars? And she

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Speaker 2: was like deal, and that's you know, And so she

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Speaker 2: just started doing that naturally, you know, she was she

413
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Speaker 2: was cut out for that. And so yeah, but back

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Speaker 2: to the panic attacks my favorite subject. I'm naturally an

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Speaker 2: adrenaline girl, and I'm always naturally also like a little

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Speaker 2: fragile and fatigued. It's a recipe for that. It's like

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Speaker 2: you're always in fight or fly and you're always like

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Speaker 2: easily triggered. And that's why performing suits me. And that's

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Speaker 2: why I could perform at the time no problem, because

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Speaker 2: my energy was heightened and so all that adrenaline felt right.

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Speaker 2: But sitting and just kind of being connected and dropped

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Speaker 2: in didn't didn't feel right.

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Speaker 4: I see, Yeah, I think a lot of people probably

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Speaker 4: can relate to that.

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Speaker 2: Fe Yeah, and I still get social anxiety, Like people

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Speaker 2: see me on my Instagram and I'm outgoing, but I

427
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Speaker 2: have a hard time leaving my house. Once I'm in

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Speaker 2: my house, I'm a little like, oh, you know the

429
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,600
Speaker 2: thing we see on Instagram with the Peanuts, it's two

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00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,520
Speaker 2: people out there. It's like two people out there usually

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Speaker 2: for me.

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Speaker 3: So what is your life like now in Vegas? Like

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Speaker 3: what's your whole life like now?

434
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,520
Speaker 2: You know, it's very work centric, Like the balance is

435
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,800
Speaker 2: definitely off. I'm the person who if I don't have

436
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:23,119
Speaker 2: a rock and relationship or a social life that's cohesive,

437
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,320
Speaker 2: like I have a very small amount of friends in Vegas.

438
00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,000
Speaker 2: Like here there's always people to see in groups of

439
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,080
Speaker 2: people and things to do. But I like that about

440
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,720
Speaker 2: Vegas for me right now too, because the last five

441
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:36,320
Speaker 2: years have been rebuilding my health and my career, and honestly,

442
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:38,800
Speaker 2: I can't do it with a social life a big

443
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,440
Speaker 2: social life at the same time. Right, So that's been

444
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:42,119
Speaker 2: the focus.

445
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,200
Speaker 4: Talk about rebuilding your career because I know you were

446
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,560
Speaker 4: in financial trouble, right and you know, like what happened.

447
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:52,120
Speaker 2: You know, I left the major label. I left Atlantic

448
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:56,719
Speaker 2: at twenty one, left millions of dollars in advance money.

449
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,399
Speaker 2: And the time it took for like that kind to

450
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,480
Speaker 2: catch up to me and my mom that we were

451
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,560
Speaker 2: indie like. Right at the moment I left, should have

452
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,439
Speaker 2: been like, we can't have a Manhattan office and I

453
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,919
Speaker 2: can't be spending this on clothes, and we can't be right,

454
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,360
Speaker 2: we can't have five employees. So we kind of kept

455
00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:17,879
Speaker 2: that party going, probably too long, and we had the

456
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,840
Speaker 2: big I call it the house that pop Music built.

457
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,480
Speaker 2: We had it for too long. It took too long

458
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:24,800
Speaker 2: to sell, and like you know, and then I was

459
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,280
Speaker 2: moving out and moving into the city and on my own,

460
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:31,080
Speaker 2: and so it just everything caught up to us. Really,

461
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:35,240
Speaker 2: that's scary, it is. And then I did Playboy. And

462
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:39,080
Speaker 2: when I did Playboy, everybody was predicting, Oh, you're gonna

463
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:40,840
Speaker 2: make this. I always let's saying on the back end.

464
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,560
Speaker 2: I love saying back end, and Playboy in the same

465
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,400
Speaker 2: everybody was counting the money before it came in, which

466
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:50,600
Speaker 2: often happens in showbiz, and it just all you know

467
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,960
Speaker 2: that the dollars and cents started to not work out.

468
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:54,400
Speaker 3: But what did they think you were going to make

469
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:55,439
Speaker 3: money off of Playboy with?

470
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:59,280
Speaker 2: Well, because you get like back end sales, but they

471
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,280
Speaker 2: didn't put me on a cover cover across. I didn't

472
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:03,640
Speaker 2: show enough.

473
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,280
Speaker 4: And so it wasn't as big of a like a

474
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 4: presence I see as I didn't realize you get back

475
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,919
Speaker 4: and when you pose for Playboy, yes, really that's actually

476
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:16,800
Speaker 4: like the bigger you get like a yeah, you get

477
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 4: a nice payday, but then no, that's the big right,

478
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:21,680
Speaker 4: or at least they tell you.

479
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:22,479
Speaker 1: You're gonna get the back end.

480
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 2: And I had never had a mortgage in my life,

481
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,320
Speaker 2: and my business managers at the time were like, yeah,

482
00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:29,520
Speaker 2: So I didn't enjoy that. I was running to keep up.

483
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,800
Speaker 2: And in showbiz, you know, you know, it's like as

484
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,879
Speaker 2: much or more mostly about what you say no to

485
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:40,360
Speaker 2: because the minute you start taking those gigs, it's such

486
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,520
Speaker 2: a slippery slope. And so and that was a time

487
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 2: of reality. It was a time of like five grand

488
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,960
Speaker 2: to go pretend you're shopping for this house and this

489
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,199
Speaker 2: or this huge apartment that you were And so I

490
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,960
Speaker 2: started doing those things and that just started to feel

491
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,800
Speaker 2: really bad. Oh yeah, and my health was suffering. I

492
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:02,880
Speaker 2: couldn't work as much. So I got lined listen either

493
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:05,720
Speaker 2: gotline disease or I had it for ages, and it

494
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,320
Speaker 2: came out and took me over. When my life was

495
00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:13,680
Speaker 2: in disharmony, and my mom was you know, you either

496
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 2: in this business change with the times or you age out.

497
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 2: And she had her old school mentality, and there was

498
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,159
Speaker 2: that whole one hundred percent and nothing's nothing mom, Like

499
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,679
Speaker 2: it's a different time, like you have to there was

500
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,880
Speaker 2: this I felt things changing.

501
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,080
Speaker 3: The music industry right, and that changes.

502
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:32,000
Speaker 4: You know.

503
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,399
Speaker 2: I always say this to my manager now, Heather, who

504
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:38,199
Speaker 2: actually worked for and she's like solely responsible for the

505
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,119
Speaker 2: rebuild that if my mom was around right now and

506
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,280
Speaker 2: we're like quick, who's like, what's her at? And we

507
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 2: got the credit wrong on this and we're tagging and

508
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:49,240
Speaker 2: did you invite to collab? And did we? Oh god wait,

509
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,480
Speaker 2: I got to delete and start again because the timing,

510
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,040
Speaker 2: my mom would have been in a constant state of

511
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:58,159
Speaker 2: fight or flight, even if she had an assistant doing

512
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 2: things for her. You know, she just was of a

513
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 2: different time and she was a you wrote the song,

514
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:07,679
Speaker 2: we're protecting now you're I'm giving away somebody created the

515
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:09,680
Speaker 2: riff and the intro, and we're giving them a piece

516
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 2: of the writing. And like nobody's reading the credits anyway,

517
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 2: and who care, Like, just get the song out. But

518
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 2: she wasn't of that, you know. I remember a big

519
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,679
Speaker 2: fight we had. It's funny now to me, and this

520
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 2: was like just such a poignant moment in things are transitioning.

521
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 2: For a while, had like a little red piano, little

522
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 2: baby gram that would show up on stages for the

523
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:32,399
Speaker 2: you know, and it was like I was doing a

524
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:35,920
Speaker 2: club in West Hollywood and it was like, I got

525
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,680
Speaker 2: you that piano, and then I hear directly from the

526
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,800
Speaker 2: booking agent because people feel they could come to me,

527
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 2: like your mom raked us over the calls about this piano,

528
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,920
Speaker 2: and I was like, Mom, We're not making a piano

529
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 2: at a club in West Hollywood. It's like better to

530
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 2: have a keyboard and it's going direct and we don't

531
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 2: need the visual of that anymore. But she was trying.

532
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,320
Speaker 2: You know, it had to be hard for her because

533
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 2: she was there for Madison Square. She got me onto

534
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,080
Speaker 2: that stage at Madison Square Garden, and she fought for

535
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 2: all those things and she didn't want to let those

536
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,000
Speaker 2: things go. Mmmm, you know, and that makes me emotional

537
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,960
Speaker 2: to think about and talk about. So, you know, and

538
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,080
Speaker 2: nobody gives anybody grace in this business. So it was credit,

539
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:19,320
Speaker 2: you know, or credit or credit and you know to

540
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 2: think that, So then I talk about this in the

541
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 2: book too. She's I see her from agents that your

542
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:27,119
Speaker 2: mom wrote a big, long emotional email again, and I'm like,

543
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 2: because she can't be neutral about the fact that y'all

544
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:32,560
Speaker 2: have me as a name on the on a list

545
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 2: when she knows what I do. She knows what I do,

546
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:39,880
Speaker 2: and I've always done more than people know I can do. Right,

547
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,639
Speaker 2: So it's like I write and I create. I'm always like,

548
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 2: somebody hang a shingle for me. I have a lot

549
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 2: of incredible ideas, relevant ideas, but you know, there's a

550
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 2: way to go about making, you know, facilitating that. And

551
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 2: she she banged her fists on the table because that's

552
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:56,920
Speaker 2: what she knew well.

553
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,960
Speaker 1: And one thing I gathered from your book was I

554
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,239
Speaker 1: think this is very interesting, is having a parent who

555
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,920
Speaker 1: has such a strong personality like that. You know, you

556
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 1: speak very glowingly of your mother, but then also talk

557
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 1: about some of the difficult things you went through, like

558
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,399
Speaker 1: you're talking about right now. And I think right now especially,

559
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:13,800
Speaker 1: there's a big movement of my parents were either perfect

560
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 1: and amazing or we're dotte and I'm cutting them off

561
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 1: or whatever. But I think people can be people are complicated,

562
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:22,399
Speaker 1: especially parent relationships like they can be both.

563
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,440
Speaker 2: One thousand percent, like I even taught listen. I spoke

564
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 2: to Betty Buckley for like three days before I wrote

565
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 2: the chapter about her, because nobody wants Betty Buckley to

566
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:32,359
Speaker 2: wake up and be surprised about what you wrote about

567
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 2: her in her book. And I love her, but she's

568
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,119
Speaker 2: a complicated woman. And she and I talked about like

569
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:42,640
Speaker 2: she was like, deb the whole thing is you had

570
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 2: this stage mother that was eventually going to turn into

571
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 2: mom arose like, and I was trying to fast track

572
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 2: you getting there to really but you were you were

573
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,639
Speaker 2: protecting your mother, so you couldn't let go as an

574
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 2: actress in that role when she was playing her mother, right, yeah,

575
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 2: I think the gypsy right, yes, because you know, at

576
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,200
Speaker 2: one point there's a sign that says the mother of

577
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 2: miss Gypsy Rosalie is not allowed backstage. And at one

578
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 2: point Heather, who worked for my mom so talk about

579
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:13,640
Speaker 2: a complicated little triangle took over and my mom god

580
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 2: lover would just kind of raise little hell backstage, right,

581
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 2: And Heather was like, now, my job as your manager

582
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:22,480
Speaker 2: is to keep you focused and keep that away from you.

583
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 2: But it's your mother, your mother hired me, so like,

584
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,879
Speaker 2: what do we do with that? But that was the

585
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,159
Speaker 2: place Betty was trying to get me to. So my

586
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:33,160
Speaker 2: point is in the book, I speak about both sides

587
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 2: of my mom, the side that was a stage mother,

588
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:37,320
Speaker 2: in the side that was absolutely not a stage mother

589
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,879
Speaker 2: in the bad sense of the term. But I also

590
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 2: say in every soccer mom, every mom who's like I

591
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 2: want my kid to go to medical school or I

592
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 2: want you know whatever, the thing is like, I think

593
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 2: every parent is a stage parent in some way, living

594
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,960
Speaker 2: a little vicariously through maybe some if their kid has

595
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,440
Speaker 2: a talent that they didn't have, I just wanted or

596
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,159
Speaker 2: just wanting to give them an opportunity they didn't have.

597
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:03,879
Speaker 4: And how did your relationship with your mom affect her

598
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,200
Speaker 4: relationship with your other three sisters?

599
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 2: You know, I wrote this scene in a Hallmark movie

600
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:13,080
Speaker 2: I did where my sister Denise, who I made the

601
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 2: character named Denise, and I talked about like, I'm so

602
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 2: sorry I ruined your childhood and she was like, you

603
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,159
Speaker 2: didn't ruin my child And I never blamed you for

604
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 2: anything like I was. I just was like, Deb's doing

605
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 2: what she loves to do. But I did take my

606
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 2: mom's attention away for sure. You know, it was like

607
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:37,840
Speaker 2: it was a deb centric household. And so my younger

608
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 2: sister probably got the worst of it because my older

609
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 2: two sisters were off to college and all that, and

610
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 2: I think that sometimes they were like, hmm, Deb and

611
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 2: her concerts, and then they were like, can we get

612
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 2: tickets to write? You know, everybody also enjoyed it, like, yeah,

613
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 2: they all enjoyed the house and the parties and the

614
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:57,160
Speaker 2: meeting the people and the perks. But my younger sister,

615
00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:00,399
Speaker 2: Denise was essentially like partially raised by a house keeper,

616
00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 2: So I think she felt like she missed out on

617
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 2: my mom a little bit.

618
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:07,119
Speaker 4: That makes sense, Yeah, And how do you feel when

619
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 4: you reflect on your like early success and then like

620
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,159
Speaker 4: struggling later on, you know, the way that your career

621
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:15,800
Speaker 4: arc has gone, like when you think about it, which

622
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 4: you you know, reflect a lot on in this book,

623
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 4: How does how do you feel about it?

624
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:20,400
Speaker 3: Everything?

625
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:24,760
Speaker 2: I mean, like I love where I've landed now. When

626
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:26,199
Speaker 2: I wrote the book, I was like, well, I've been

627
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 2: through a lot of stuff, Like I really like at

628
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:32,200
Speaker 2: any given point I could have just you know bowed

629
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 2: out probably and then like the health challenges was like

630
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,720
Speaker 2: a free pass to bow out because doctors had me

631
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 2: heading in such a different direction where I literally could

632
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 2: have been like, well, I just can't work anymore, like

633
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,280
Speaker 2: if I want it, but I always I'm a survivor,

634
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:48,760
Speaker 2: you know, and I'm a thriver. I was like, I

635
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 2: don't even want to just survive. I want to like

636
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 2: have a badass second act. See. The thing is, I

637
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:56,760
Speaker 2: kept thinking I was in a second act, third act.

638
00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 2: I'm now in a true second act. And all the

639
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 2: rest was me trying to.

640
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 3: Well.

641
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 2: I was trying to figure things out, and I was

642
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 2: doing a lot of theater because theater was a pure

643
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 2: thing for me. Like you go, you play a role,

644
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 2: you deliver, people respect it, you have a great time,

645
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 2: you're one of the gang. It was like a clear

646
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 2: cut thing that I could do. But at the same time,

647
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 2: like my spirit's rock and roll, and I need to

648
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:25,240
Speaker 2: do my own thing in my own music. It was

649
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 2: on Adam Corolla Show yesterday and we were talking about this.

650
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:31,720
Speaker 2: I said, if only at a crystal ball to no,

651
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 2: when no matter how fast you're dancing, no matter how

652
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,400
Speaker 2: hard you're shaking the trees, it's not your time, Like

653
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 2: people are not embracing you. The era you came from,

654
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:43,680
Speaker 2: whatever the thing is. It's like numerology, right, It's like

655
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 2: these years are going to be Jimmy Van Patton is

656
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 2: one of my best friends, and his mom Pat reads numbers,

657
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 2: and she basically told me right before, like the relationship

658
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 2: that was gonna like it was great? What was great?

659
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 2: And that it wasn't and was. She basically was like,

660
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 2: your life's gonna be it's just going to suck for

661
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 2: eight years?

662
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 3: Did she?

663
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 2: Yeah? And did and what year? And then I came

664
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 2: out of it. It was like up till four years

665
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 2: ago or five years ago, oh wow, Like the mixtape

666
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 2: tour kind of was one of the churning points. Dancing

667
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,480
Speaker 2: with the Stars was me like, right, I'm going to

668
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 2: fire up the engines, which I did a little too soon,

669
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:18,360
Speaker 2: Like I wish I was doing Dancing with the Stars

670
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 2: now because I could have done a lot better, but

671
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 2: that wasn't the point of it for me. Then it

672
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,880
Speaker 2: was like I'm going to tell my body that I'm

673
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,800
Speaker 2: not old and debilitated and sick, right, I'm just going

674
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:29,440
Speaker 2: to do that. And I made it to like it

675
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,720
Speaker 2: was like I was. I left right after Barbara Corcoran,

676
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:35,800
Speaker 2: like third or something. I love her by the way,

677
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 2: she was amazing. You know what I what I love

678
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 2: about it is I did a lot of things I

679
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 2: didn't overthink. Like even when the sci fi movie moment

680
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 2: came up, I was like, I don't have a movie

681
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 2: career to kill, so what can I What do I

682
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 2: have to lose by battling a giant shark and driving

683
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 2: a submittage.

684
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 1: Because I'm like, I love I love a cheesy shark movie.

685
00:30:56,760 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 1: I love the meg.

686
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 2: I love weirdly at the forefront of it's show warby praise,

687
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 2: I remember like I was a guinea pig or pioneer,

688
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,400
Speaker 2: depending on how you look at it. Right, And my

689
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:09,360
Speaker 2: agent at the time, David Shapira Shapiro with an A,

690
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,440
Speaker 2: was like, I got this little movie, and it's like

691
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,840
Speaker 2: they're paying They're not paying a lot, but you know,

692
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 2: if you want to do it, nobody's going it's like

693
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:21,680
Speaker 2: a cult thing. It'll be fun. And then the day

694
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 2: the trailer came out was like a half a million

695
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 2: hits on the trailer because a shark was eating the

696
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 2: Golden Gate Bridge and I was driving a submarine. I mean,

697
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 2: it was just it was awesome. But my point is

698
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,080
Speaker 2: I've done a lot of things that make me giggle

699
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 2: if not taken myself that seriously. I take what I'm

700
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 2: supposed to take seriously seriously, and I don't take the

701
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 2: rest seriously.

702
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 3: Well that's a gift right there.

703
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:45,880
Speaker 2: I feel like it is. And so when I look,

704
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:49,000
Speaker 2: when I look at my life, I go, you know,

705
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 2: I name a chapter my way, and all the boys

706
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 2: have a rendition in my way. But I have done

707
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 2: things my way for better or worse.

708
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 3: And what about your love life? How do you feel

709
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 3: about that?

710
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 2: That's like the okay, so you might relate to what

711
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 2: I'm about to say. The people you want or in

712
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:08,560
Speaker 2: my book, the person I've wanted to step up has

713
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 2: intercanters off in another journey, We'll say. And then the

714
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 2: guys that do things the right way, You're like, no,

715
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 2: they're just not it. Or people are so like what

716
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 2: I have in my life is either someone DMS me

717
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:23,760
Speaker 2: and they've got like a little bit of stature or whatever,

718
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:27,120
Speaker 2: and they have a future planned. They're like, hope you

719
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:29,520
Speaker 2: like to travel and like to do and I'm like,

720
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 2: I don't know you. I mean maybe, but I'm such

721
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 2: an organic love person, like I have to it just

722
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:41,719
Speaker 2: has to unfold. And I'm at the point where, like

723
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 2: I said at the beginning of this conversation, if it's

724
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:47,240
Speaker 2: not naturally unfolding, I'm just going to keep doing what

725
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 2: I'm doing and that'll appear if and when it's supposed to.

726
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 4: And with regard to the person that hasn't stepped up

727
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 4: in your life, because a lot of our listeners are

728
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 4: trying to navigate in or out of relationships, or well

729
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:02,720
Speaker 4: mostly out of our relationships, or they're looking for a relationship.

730
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 4: But like, talk to me about how you what you decided,

731
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,840
Speaker 4: how you decided to move away from that when you

732
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 4: were getting what you wanted.

733
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,480
Speaker 2: Right, Well, that's a great question. And have I fully

734
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 2: moved away emotionally? It's the real question, because what happened

735
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 2: was this person that like reappeared in my life and

736
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, I was a thousand

737
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 2: percent sure. I was like, this is my person. I

738
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:31,760
Speaker 2: never even thought I would have a person. And you know,

739
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:35,080
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm that sole connection person and I am

740
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 2: I guess you could say the cliche and it is

741
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 2: I see this person's potential or this, but it has

742
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,480
Speaker 2: not happened. I had kind of sort of it was

743
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 2: a thing that wasn't a thing, that was a thing

744
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 2: that wasn't a thing. And I'm very much in touch

745
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 2: with this person all the time, and I have friends

746
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:53,320
Speaker 2: that say, hey, if you really want to emotionally disconnect,

747
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 2: you have to get away from greatly not communicate. But

748
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:58,320
Speaker 2: I'm not that person.

749
00:33:58,360 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 3: So there was no singular event.

750
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 4: It's just it's not a really like it's something you

751
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 4: desire that wasn't happening.

752
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 2: Yes, and it's still it still affects me. So this

753
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:12,239
Speaker 2: person still affects me. But I'm getting better with that

754
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:15,680
Speaker 2: because I've decided I want this person in my life.

755
00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:18,400
Speaker 2: I want to be friends. I want to embrace the

756
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 2: situation he's in. But I'm trying to learn how to

757
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 2: not be as affected and to really accept that, Okay,

758
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:30,319
Speaker 2: whatever I think could or may or may have or

759
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 2: may have in the past or may in the future,

760
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 2: what's happening right now is it's not happening. So I'm

761
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,080
Speaker 2: still working with it. I'm still in the process of it.

762
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,919
Speaker 2: And I shared it in the book and people close

763
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:43,359
Speaker 2: to me were like, you sure you want to share

764
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:47,000
Speaker 2: this because because I was well aware that it was

765
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:49,200
Speaker 2: the scene in never been kissed and I was Drue

766
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:51,800
Speaker 2: Barrymore and I was standing in the middle of that field,

767
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 2: and it could be like, and he's here with me

768
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 2: in the waiting room and we're together.

769
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:56,440
Speaker 5: Right.

770
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:59,439
Speaker 2: It could have been that from when I was writing it, right,

771
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 2: or could be this, which is it's not happening. And

772
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 2: I wanted to be vulnerable about that in the book

773
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 2: because first of all, nobody is all work, work work.

774
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:12,400
Speaker 2: We all have those situations and those feelings, and I

775
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:15,840
Speaker 2: wanted to to be okay with Okay, if it doesn't

776
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:18,400
Speaker 2: work out, it doesn't go the way I want that,

777
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,239
Speaker 2: That's what I'll be talking about. And like you said,

778
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 2: so many people are are feeling that and going through that,

779
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 2: and it's honestly, it's just it's not fun. It's it's

780
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:32,760
Speaker 2: inspired endless songs, which has been great, but it's emotional

781
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:34,719
Speaker 2: to even think, oh, I'll record these songs for my

782
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 2: next album and then I'll be living that. And but

783
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 2: that's what we're here for, and that's what artists are

784
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 2: here for. You know, that's right, But it's but it's tough. Yeah,

785
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:45,040
Speaker 2: it's tough, and that.

786
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 4: I will take a break and we'll be right back

787
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 4: with Debbie Gibson, not to be confused with Deborah Gibson

788
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:52,759
Speaker 4: or what was the other pitch for you to go

789
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 4: by Debbie Debbie g We're just Deborah.

790
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 1: Funny that you said, like, oh, that sounds like a

791
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:00,680
Speaker 1: one hit wonder, because it absolutely but I wouldn't have

792
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 1: thought about qig.

793
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:02,799
Speaker 4: Yes.

794
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:06,839
Speaker 1: This week, we're looking for questions from folks who are

795
00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 1: or used to be in the military. Your question doesn't

796
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:12,279
Speaker 1: have to necessarily be about your work in the military,

797
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,840
Speaker 1: but bonus points if it is. Please write in to

798
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:20,920
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.

799
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:26,040
Speaker 3: And we're back with Debbig. Okay, what do we got today?

800
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,520
Speaker 2: We were talking, we were talking about my love life,

801
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:30,279
Speaker 2: and I feel like I've heard you say things too

802
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:35,080
Speaker 2: about like you want like rendezvous in every report.

803
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:37,360
Speaker 3: Right some of the you, Yeah, that's what I like.

804
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 2: And it doesn't turn into wanting one person to be

805
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:41,720
Speaker 2: the person.

806
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:43,360
Speaker 3: If it does, then it does.

807
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 4: But I don't have the pressure of something has happened

808
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,359
Speaker 4: to me in my life where I just don't have

809
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 4: the same like desire, Like I don't have the desire

810
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,880
Speaker 4: for a partner, right, I have a desire for adventure.

811
00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 4: I need same same and when I think about it

812
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 4: in terms of that, I always think about like when

813
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:05,480
Speaker 4: I meet someone and I like them a lot, I'll

814
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 4: spend more time with them, or I'll commit to a relationship.

815
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,959
Speaker 3: It's not like I can't marry it, right, I just don't.

816
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 4: When I think about my life, I feel like, to me,

817
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 4: that feels a narrow and all the options available feel

818
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 4: like more of a wide open operation for me, right,

819
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 4: And I want to move towards a wide open operation,

820
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:25,280
Speaker 4: not narrow I gotcha.

821
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:28,720
Speaker 2: I mean listen, like the reality for me. On one hand,

822
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 2: I love the idea of partnering up again if it's

823
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 2: going to enhance my life. But on the other hand,

824
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:36,960
Speaker 2: this is what this is what I always say when

825
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:40,280
Speaker 2: I'm in my kitchen and I'm like throwing chicken across

826
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,960
Speaker 2: the living room to my docs, and I'm like, who's

827
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 2: partnering up in this scenario? And I'm not giving this

828
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 2: up right, right, So there is a little bit of

829
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,399
Speaker 2: that too. I wake up in the middle of the night,

830
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:52,759
Speaker 2: I turn on whatever I want exactly all that.

831
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, I eat food and bed disgusting things. I have

832
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:56,320
Speaker 4: disgusting habits.

833
00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 2: I go, oh my god, I think I want to

834
00:37:58,160 --> 00:37:59,880
Speaker 2: go live in London next year for three months, and

835
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,320
Speaker 2: you know, and so like I'm I'm beholding to nobody,

836
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:07,360
Speaker 2: which is also awesome, but I am still a romantic

837
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 2: so but I still don't understand how it works because

838
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:12,839
Speaker 2: I've never fully successfully made it work for any real

839
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:16,640
Speaker 2: length of time without like getting sick or like all

840
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 2: these things that because I'm juggling too many things. Because

841
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 2: I also only and know how to do everything one way.

842
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:23,719
Speaker 2: So if I did it, I think it would have

843
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:26,879
Speaker 2: to be like Seasonal, where I go, all right, let's

844
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,360
Speaker 2: like really spend a lot of time together these three months,

845
00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:31,040
Speaker 2: and then I'm going on tour and then maybe you

846
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 2: can come out and meet. Like, I don't really know

847
00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:35,879
Speaker 2: technically how it works, so I have a little bit

848
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:37,440
Speaker 2: of that rendezvous mindset.

849
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 1: I love.

850
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:42,040
Speaker 3: I like it, I like it.

851
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:47,480
Speaker 1: Well. Our first question comes from Tracy. Tracy says, dear Chelsea,

852
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 1: I've been a queen most of my life, but after

853
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:53,719
Speaker 1: some career and therefore wealth downturns following a divorce and

854
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:57,120
Speaker 1: my menopausal looks not good, I'm feeling like a loser.

855
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 1: I know I'm not, but feel so down and I'm

856
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 1: feeling jealous of my ex husband's new girlfriend. I hate

857
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,120
Speaker 1: that about me, but I haven't been able to stop myself.

858
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,560
Speaker 1: I'm especially worried that my kids might start to like

859
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 1: her more than me. I have to stop that immediately.

860
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 1: Probably need therapy about twupoor right now. Please give me

861
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 1: some advice. Tracy who needs her group back?

862
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I need it.

863
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 3: I know we gotta have her. Tracy, Honey, stop that.

864
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,440
Speaker 3: You can't talk to yourself like that. First of all,

865
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:26,239
Speaker 3: you have to think of your children. You're like they're

866
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:27,239
Speaker 3: guiding light.

867
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:30,840
Speaker 4: You can't start thinking that they're gonna like your husband's

868
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 4: ex husband's wife or girlfriend more than you like. You

869
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,120
Speaker 4: have to start writing things down that you like about yourself.

870
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 4: You have to start getting up every single morning and

871
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,600
Speaker 4: having gratitude about the fact that you're no longer married.

872
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:47,880
Speaker 4: That's a huge victory. We have children that are healthy

873
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 4: and happy. That's a victory. You are capable. So you

874
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,400
Speaker 4: lost your job, You're going through menopause. That's not the

875
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 4: end of the world.

876
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 3: It's a reset. It's an opportunity for a reset.

877
00:39:56,880 --> 00:40:01,040
Speaker 4: Every divorce, every like menopause, every may your life change

878
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:03,799
Speaker 4: is an opportunity for a reset. That's how I think

879
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:06,719
Speaker 4: of it, Like, you know, even menopause, while it's so

880
00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:09,040
Speaker 4: annoying and gross and so many bad things can happen

881
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 4: from it, Like that's another reason to get stronger, to

882
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:14,319
Speaker 4: get fearcer, to work out, to be more healthy, to

883
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 4: be more conscient, you know, conscientious about your health, about

884
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:19,880
Speaker 4: your food intake, about your alcohol intake, like all of

885
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 4: the things.

886
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,600
Speaker 3: But like this pity party that you're having, you can't

887
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:24,240
Speaker 3: be a victim.

888
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:27,440
Speaker 4: You can't sit around and just feel like shit about yourself.

889
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 4: You didn't do anything wrong, and it's up to you

890
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:32,400
Speaker 4: to get yourself out of this. So you've got it

891
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 4: until you can afford. First of all, you can do

892
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:35,799
Speaker 4: better help. That's one of the sponsors of the show

893
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 4: that's really inexpensive therapy. But I would really start by

894
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:42,440
Speaker 4: starting to write every morning, like ten things that you're

895
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:44,920
Speaker 4: grateful for, and that you mix it in with the

896
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:47,360
Speaker 4: things that you like about yourself as a mother, the

897
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 4: things that you like about yourself as a woman, the

898
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 4: things that you're proud of.

899
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:52,320
Speaker 3: Just write those things.

900
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 4: Down to remind yourself of your own innate value, because

901
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 4: we sometimes get lost in your eyes and we forget

902
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 4: about are innate value. So I'm here to remind you

903
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:05,359
Speaker 4: that you have a lot of it and you are

904
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:06,719
Speaker 4: having amnesia.

905
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:09,400
Speaker 2: One thousand percent. I wrote a song called one Step

906
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 2: Closer with DJ Tracy Young on my latest album. It's

907
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 2: not new, but to you it's probably new. But there's

908
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,160
Speaker 2: a line in it about love, trust and being enough,

909
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,319
Speaker 2: and it's one step closer to love. And sometimes when

910
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:23,880
Speaker 2: you step away from romantic love, you're one step closer

911
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:27,839
Speaker 2: your self love. And also I do think, like I'll

912
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 2: echo just sometimes physical like I started boxing recently and

913
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 2: going to that boxing gym and being one of the

914
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:40,319
Speaker 2: only females there, like, I'm not amazing at it, but

915
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:43,880
Speaker 2: I found it was a way of physically getting unstuck

916
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 2: cause I get in that emotional ball too, Like it

917
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:49,520
Speaker 2: just sounds like you're stuck a little bit. And sometimes

918
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:53,279
Speaker 2: I think firing up the physical engines. Yeah, absolutely is.

919
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:56,520
Speaker 2: It's a way to start. And you're around people who

920
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:58,680
Speaker 2: are like good for you, Like go where your fan

921
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:01,680
Speaker 2: club is, like find you find your people that are

922
00:42:01,719 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 2: gonna be like you said, praising you, getting it, reminding you,

923
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 2: remind yourself who you are, but get around the people

924
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 2: who remind you who you are.

925
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,839
Speaker 1: To Yeah, and just to echo the therapy thing. There

926
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:14,799
Speaker 1: are tons of support groups online weno and like meet

927
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:16,719
Speaker 1: other women who are in the exact same position. So

928
00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:18,360
Speaker 1: go take a look for some of those.

929
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:20,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know the women that a lot of women

930
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 2: are in this I don't care club. I say, be

931
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:27,879
Speaker 2: in the care club about your self club and keep

932
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:29,799
Speaker 2: moving forward.

933
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,959
Speaker 4: Right right, Well, I mean it's good to not care

934
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 4: about what others think, but it's good to it's good

935
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 4: to take the energy you have towards what others think

936
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:41,320
Speaker 4: about you and invest that into yourself.

937
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:45,080
Speaker 2: And some say it's like surrender and relax a bit,

938
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 2: but not to a point where get.

939
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 3: That over the I mean, you can do well.

940
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:54,040
Speaker 1: Our next question comes from Amy, and she is joined

941
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 1: by her friend Christina for moral support, and also she's

942
00:42:57,160 --> 00:42:59,920
Speaker 1: referenced in the email, so her subject line is Judgmental

943
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:04,400
Speaker 1: parents and seven Siblings. Amy says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing

944
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:06,360
Speaker 1: because I could really use some guidance on how to

945
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:09,360
Speaker 1: deal with religious parents who are very intense and judgmental,

946
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:12,799
Speaker 1: especially when it creates tension between siblings for contacts. I

947
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:15,120
Speaker 1: have seven siblings, all of us adults now, most living

948
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:17,400
Speaker 1: in different states. We all love each other, have stayed

949
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:20,360
Speaker 1: close and talk on the phone in the group chat regularly.

950
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,560
Speaker 1: Although there have been countless examples of my parents demonstrating

951
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:26,279
Speaker 1: the opposite of the Christian slash Catholic values they claim

952
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:28,920
Speaker 1: to so strongly follow. The most recent offense was a

953
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,759
Speaker 1: couple weeks ago my parents refuse to help my best

954
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:34,920
Speaker 1: friend in a tough position only because she's been divorced.

955
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:38,680
Speaker 1: I am too, though, lol, although I passionately disagree that

956
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:41,360
Speaker 1: is their right, but then they continued giving their opinion.

957
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 1: I didn't ask for on her co parenting arrangement, which

958
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:46,840
Speaker 1: is amazing after a lot of hard work. They claimed

959
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:50,400
Speaker 1: it when against their beliefs and directly insulted her parenting choices.

960
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,719
Speaker 1: It felt cold and unfair, and it started up a

961
00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 1: lot of feelings for me, mainly anger. I'm no longer religious,

962
00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:58,280
Speaker 1: but some of my siblings still are, though not nearly

963
00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 1: as extreme as our parents. All have different relationships with

964
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:03,560
Speaker 1: them and with faith, and I feel stuck in the middle.

965
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:06,400
Speaker 1: I don't want to cause drama or make anyone feel attacked,

966
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 1: but I also don't want to keep swallowing my frustration

967
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 1: and biting my tongue when something feels wrong. It was

968
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 1: a lot easier when my parents moved out of state

969
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:16,480
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty following a cult leader. That's another story

970
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:19,480
Speaker 1: in itself. I was like it Jesus. I would keep

971
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,759
Speaker 1: the phone calls to a minimum and kept the topics light.

972
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:24,799
Speaker 1: Just a couple months ago, they moved back after a

973
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 1: falling out with said cult leader. So now I can

974
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:30,440
Speaker 1: no longer hide behind a quarterly phone call. How do

975
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:33,480
Speaker 1: you speak up and set boundaries without alienating your family

976
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 1: or upsetting your siblings who are trying to keep the peace?

977
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:40,880
Speaker 1: Amy and Christina, Hi, girls, Hi, This is our special guest,

978
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:42,240
Speaker 1: Debbie Gibsons here today.

979
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 2: How are you you good?

980
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:44,480
Speaker 5: Thank you?

981
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:47,320
Speaker 4: I can't believe your parents broke up with their cult leader.

982
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 4: That hardly ever happens.

983
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 6: I know, I know it was kind of crazy. We

984
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:55,920
Speaker 6: kind of anticipated it, but we're still shocked that it

985
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:56,720
Speaker 6: actually happened.

986
00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:57,720
Speaker 3: Well, I was joking.

987
00:44:57,760 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 4: I mean there's a lot of breakups that happened with

988
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:02,879
Speaker 4: cult leader, but I mean that, Yes, your parents sound

989
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:05,759
Speaker 4: like they're very far gone. And I would not even

990
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 4: be able to exist in this world, in this ecosystem,

991
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 4: because I would would not be able to tolerate that.

992
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:14,319
Speaker 4: So kudos to you for even being able to have

993
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,360
Speaker 4: any sort of control over your emotions or outbursts or

994
00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 4: defense of your brothers and sisters, which I think is

995
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:20,680
Speaker 4: completely reasonable.

996
00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:21,520
Speaker 2: I don't.

997
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 3: I'm not a peacekeeper.

998
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 4: I think it's important to express yourself, you know what

999
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:27,839
Speaker 4: I mean. And I think it's really important to stand

1000
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 4: up for people when they are Like the situation you

1001
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 4: described about them insulting your sister's parenting friends. It's actually

1002
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:37,839
Speaker 4: her best friend, your friend's parent. Yeah, okay, so that's

1003
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:41,279
Speaker 4: the friend. Okay, great, Yeah, like, yeah, she's here with me,

1004
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:42,720
Speaker 4: and so what happened?

1005
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:46,640
Speaker 6: So it ended up where it just was let go

1006
00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:49,720
Speaker 6: and nothing Ever, really, I never said anything.

1007
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 3: What did they say? What did they say to her?

1008
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:52,080
Speaker 1: You?

1009
00:45:52,719 --> 00:45:54,719
Speaker 6: She said, my mom said it made them feel really

1010
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:58,240
Speaker 6: uncomfortable to have my best friend and her ex husband

1011
00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 6: and their son just stay at their head. They had

1012
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 6: a baseball tournament and they were just going to sleep

1013
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 6: over for a night. It would have worked out really well.

1014
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:08,200
Speaker 6: They were my parents lived right there, and they said no,

1015
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 6: that she couldn't stay with them on the basis that

1016
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 6: she was divorced and it would be confusing for her child.

1017
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:19,360
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's really stupid.

1018
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:24,840
Speaker 1: But her, I mean, they're both amazing parents.

1019
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 6: They travel to you know, his travel games together and

1020
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:31,800
Speaker 6: that's the only reason they were you know together, and

1021
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:34,040
Speaker 6: their son is perfectly happy and fine.

1022
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:35,359
Speaker 3: Of course, of course he is.

1023
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:38,040
Speaker 4: But you're dealing with unreasonable people. I mean, your parents

1024
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:39,680
Speaker 4: just got out of a cult, so you're not going

1025
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:41,360
Speaker 4: to be able to reason with them, you know what

1026
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:41,759
Speaker 4: I mean.

1027
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:43,359
Speaker 3: But like, and it's not your.

1028
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:45,200
Speaker 4: Job to keep the peace, like if you don't want

1029
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:46,520
Speaker 4: to deal with that, or if you don't want to

1030
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:48,200
Speaker 4: be around them, Like where are you at? Do you

1031
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:50,200
Speaker 4: want to be with your family or do you want

1032
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 4: what are your goals here? You want to stand up

1033
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:55,440
Speaker 4: for yourself or and your friends, but you don't want

1034
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:56,840
Speaker 4: to cause drama within the family.

1035
00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 6: Yes, I would say that. I'm I don't typically have

1036
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:04,160
Speaker 6: a problem standing up for myself or especially when it

1037
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:05,560
Speaker 6: comes to my friends. I have a way better time

1038
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 6: standing up for other people than I do myself. But

1039
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 6: the problem comes when it's actually when my siblings want

1040
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:16,280
Speaker 6: to get together with my parents or like just after

1041
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:20,399
Speaker 6: that happened, my sisters wanted to go visit my mom

1042
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:23,560
Speaker 6: for Mother's Day and I was so upset that I

1043
00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:28,320
Speaker 6: didn't want to go, and it caused some problems there, because.

1044
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 4: Well, you can have boundaries without making it traumatic. You

1045
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:34,120
Speaker 4: don't have to explain to everybody your reasons behind everything.

1046
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:35,840
Speaker 4: If you don't want to go because you're upset with

1047
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:37,759
Speaker 4: your parents, You're like, you could just as easily say

1048
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:39,319
Speaker 4: I have plans. Actually I have a lot of work

1049
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,799
Speaker 4: to do. I'm behind on this. I already made plans.

1050
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:43,880
Speaker 4: I didn't know it was Mother's Day, and I committed

1051
00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:45,560
Speaker 4: to going to this. Like, you don't have to bring

1052
00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 4: people into your reasoning if that's what's going to create

1053
00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 4: the drama. You just don't have to make yourself available

1054
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:52,280
Speaker 4: to your family for any reason.

1055
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:54,640
Speaker 3: You just don't have to. You don't have that responsibility.

1056
00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:56,799
Speaker 4: You have enough siblings that they could fucking pick up

1057
00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 4: the slack anyway, you know what I mean.

1058
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, they do with having children because they all have

1059
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:02,640
Speaker 6: a thousand.

1060
00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:03,280
Speaker 1: I have zeros.

1061
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:05,239
Speaker 4: Though it doesn't have to be some huge right. My

1062
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:07,279
Speaker 4: family thinks I'm so dramatic. I'm like, I'm not even

1063
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:10,319
Speaker 4: telling you guys anything. I'm just withdrawing. I'm withdrawing. I

1064
00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 4: don't have the stamina or with the bandwidth to deal

1065
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:15,279
Speaker 4: with this. I don't have a desire to deal with this,

1066
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:18,680
Speaker 4: and so I just removed myself from the situation, you know,

1067
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:20,560
Speaker 4: and if they ask, I explain.

1068
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:22,319
Speaker 3: But I'm not creating drama.

1069
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 4: They can think I'm creating drama, but actually me showing

1070
00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:28,279
Speaker 4: up would be creating more drama. So I am all

1071
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:30,359
Speaker 4: for you, like having boundaries and.

1072
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:31,440
Speaker 3: Not explaining yourself.

1073
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:34,200
Speaker 4: You're an adult woman, and like you know that them

1074
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 4: saying that about your friend, Yes, that's upsetting, but like

1075
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 4: also you kind of know what you're dealing with with them,

1076
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,160
Speaker 4: So don't ask them for favors like that.

1077
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:45,280
Speaker 2: Right, I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't want to combine

1078
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:49,360
Speaker 2: your beautiful friend's family with that energy anyway. So just

1079
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 2: like probably for the best, Yeah, I really have that,

1080
00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 2: Like I have that policy in my household where you're

1081
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:59,080
Speaker 2: just not you have religious beliefs and it's against the lgbtqia.

1082
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:02,000
Speaker 2: Plus what you're not speaking that language in my house,

1083
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 2: Like it's not happening in my house. I'm not disowning

1084
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:08,160
Speaker 2: all those people because there are people even in my family,

1085
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 2: they were raised a certain way and it's religion and

1086
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:14,239
Speaker 2: it's whatever the triggers are from whatever they went through

1087
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:17,120
Speaker 2: in childhood or whatever. But I agree with Chelsea, like

1088
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:18,319
Speaker 2: it does. You don't need to keep it all in

1089
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:21,879
Speaker 2: your airspace, you know. Just I think life's too short

1090
00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 2: to go into situations where you're you're uncomfortable, you know,

1091
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:26,719
Speaker 2: or you're not aligned.

1092
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:29,360
Speaker 6: I think that's what I struggled with them almost because

1093
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:31,880
Speaker 6: it was always, you know, growing up, everyone believes the

1094
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:35,520
Speaker 6: same things right right, right off, and then when somebody

1095
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:36,960
Speaker 6: does something different.

1096
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 2: Right, and that is hard. You want to be one

1097
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:40,279
Speaker 2: of the gang, but you don't want to be one

1098
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:42,319
Speaker 2: of the gang at the expense of feeling like you're

1099
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:44,160
Speaker 2: betraying your friend, or if it is a day where

1100
00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:46,719
Speaker 2: you're like I can deal with whatever their beliefs are,

1101
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:47,880
Speaker 2: doesn't really matter.

1102
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:51,520
Speaker 4: Or betraying yourself like I you know, it's like you

1103
00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:53,759
Speaker 4: have certain principles we all do. Like if you're a

1104
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,080
Speaker 4: principal person and you're like, this is I don't want

1105
00:49:56,080 --> 00:49:58,440
Speaker 4: to be around this. I'm sorry, I don't agree with this.

1106
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 4: I don't like it. It makes me feel feel bad.

1107
00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:05,600
Speaker 4: I actually feel bad after being around it. Then then

1108
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:06,920
Speaker 4: you're taking care of yourself.

1109
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:08,960
Speaker 6: Yes, I think you hit the nail on the head

1110
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:11,719
Speaker 6: there is like it's okay that I don't have No

1111
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:17,000
Speaker 6: one really has to know why I do things or like,

1112
00:50:17,719 --> 00:50:20,040
Speaker 6: that's just the fact that it helps me and it

1113
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:21,800
Speaker 6: doesn't make me feel good or comfortable.

1114
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:23,799
Speaker 2: Is enough is enough? And no is enough?

1115
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:24,120
Speaker 3: Right?

1116
00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:29,279
Speaker 2: And your friend what's your name? The Fristina? Christina? Hi,

1117
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:32,640
Speaker 2: And I hope you don't feel Christina, take any but

1118
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:36,520
Speaker 2: exactly I was gonna say, I hope you don't feel

1119
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:38,640
Speaker 2: bad or take anything personally, because it does sound like

1120
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:41,520
Speaker 2: a whole rationale that's not in keeping with Yeah.

1121
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:45,839
Speaker 7: No, I'm I was raised Catholic and but no, like

1122
00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:48,120
Speaker 7: cult type situations, like.

1123
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:50,400
Speaker 2: Most people don't encounter that.

1124
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 1: Kind of a unique how.

1125
00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:56,920
Speaker 6: Up such she was And I'm like, honey, I'm like,

1126
00:50:56,960 --> 00:50:57,480
Speaker 6: it's okay.

1127
00:50:57,560 --> 00:50:59,240
Speaker 7: She's like I didn't even want to tell you because

1128
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 7: like I felt so bad that they said these things

1129
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:04,600
Speaker 7: and made these judgments about you. And I was like, listen,

1130
00:51:05,040 --> 00:51:07,120
Speaker 7: you couldn't have hit for me anyways if you wanted to,

1131
00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:09,600
Speaker 7: because we've been best friends for how long, Like I

1132
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:11,920
Speaker 7: would know something was up. And I don't take that

1133
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:14,080
Speaker 7: personally because if people don't like me, people don't like

1134
00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:14,839
Speaker 7: me like.

1135
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 3: Good, good for you, Good for you.

1136
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:20,399
Speaker 6: The way I way I choose to parent.

1137
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:23,319
Speaker 7: It works for me, it works for my child. And

1138
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:27,399
Speaker 7: if no one else liked that, well I'm sorry, Yeah,

1139
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:29,000
Speaker 7: it works for good don't.

1140
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:31,399
Speaker 3: Look for you? All right, Well I think we solve

1141
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:37,960
Speaker 3: that problem. Yes, thank you so much. Have a good day, girls,

1142
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:39,640
Speaker 3: so much.

1143
00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:41,200
Speaker 1: Bye bye.

1144
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 3: I am so sick of religion. I cannot enough. I

1145
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:46,160
Speaker 3: am so fucking sick of it.

1146
00:51:47,480 --> 00:51:49,560
Speaker 1: Okay, should we take a little break, and well, we

1147
00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:50,840
Speaker 1: have one more question to wrap up with.

1148
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:58,759
Speaker 3: Okay, we'll be right back with Debbie Gibson and we're back. Sorry,

1149
00:51:58,760 --> 00:52:01,759
Speaker 3: it's freezing here and I'm always like.

1150
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:05,560
Speaker 2: We're rolling so hard today that we all forgot my

1151
00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:06,600
Speaker 2: hoodie in the car.

1152
00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:09,680
Speaker 1: Oh, while you look cozy, this is nice. Well, our

1153
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 1: last caller today is Katie and her subject line is

1154
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:16,440
Speaker 1: help for a grieving daughter. Dear Chelsea. I know, sad

1155
00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:18,680
Speaker 1: subject line, but I know you'll have some good advice

1156
00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:20,840
Speaker 1: for me. I'm a thirty six year old woman and

1157
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:23,360
Speaker 1: I recently lost my dad to a battle with breast cancer.

1158
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 1: It's been a long two years for me because for

1159
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:27,239
Speaker 1: the last year and a half I was his full

1160
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 1: time caretaker. I had to quit working and move home

1161
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:31,960
Speaker 1: with my parents to take care of him while also

1162
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:34,520
Speaker 1: trying to live life, which was nearly impossible to do.

1163
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:37,760
Speaker 1: I have zero regrets about doing this, and I'm grateful

1164
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:39,359
Speaker 1: I was able to spend so much time with him

1165
00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:41,920
Speaker 1: and my family before he passed. But now I'm in

1166
00:52:41,960 --> 00:52:44,439
Speaker 1: the dreaded grieving phase where I have to figure out

1167
00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:47,080
Speaker 1: how to keep moving forward while also finding myself again.

1168
00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:48,360
Speaker 2: Do you have any.

1169
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:50,360
Speaker 1: Advice to share on how you've worked through the grief

1170
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 1: of losing a parent and tips on finding yourself again

1171
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:55,280
Speaker 1: after going through tough shit. Thanks Katie.

1172
00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:58,720
Speaker 3: Hi Katie, Say hi to Debbie Gibson. She's our special

1173
00:52:58,760 --> 00:52:59,320
Speaker 3: guest today.

1174
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:01,239
Speaker 1: Hi Katie, nice to you.

1175
00:53:01,560 --> 00:53:02,359
Speaker 2: Nice to meet you.

1176
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:06,040
Speaker 4: I'm so sorry about your the loss of your father

1177
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 4: and what a wonderful act of love you gave him

1178
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:11,680
Speaker 4: by being by his side for those last two years

1179
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 4: and everything that you did for him. I mean, that's

1180
00:53:14,200 --> 00:53:16,799
Speaker 4: beautiful and you should be really proud of yourself for,

1181
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:19,600
Speaker 4: like you know, going the distance with him. What I

1182
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:23,520
Speaker 4: would say is like, first of all, grieving is completely natural.

1183
00:53:23,560 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 4: I can't compare it to my grieving my father because

1184
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:28,279
Speaker 4: I was so ready for him to die, So that's

1185
00:53:28,320 --> 00:53:30,480
Speaker 4: a two says separate situation. But my mother, I wasn't

1186
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:33,319
Speaker 4: ready for her to die, So I can relate on

1187
00:53:33,360 --> 00:53:35,799
Speaker 4: that front. And I know you're you weren't ready for

1188
00:53:35,840 --> 00:53:38,600
Speaker 4: your mother to die. But I think you have to

1189
00:53:38,640 --> 00:53:40,719
Speaker 4: accept that there is a state of grief and then

1190
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:42,520
Speaker 4: that's okay, Like you're okay.

1191
00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:45,359
Speaker 3: You can't fast forward your grief. That doesn't work. It

1192
00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:46,399
Speaker 3: has to work through you.

1193
00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 4: And you also have to say, like you have to

1194
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:51,400
Speaker 4: wake up every day and remember think about what your

1195
00:53:51,400 --> 00:53:53,600
Speaker 4: father would want for you, because he doesn't want you

1196
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:56,319
Speaker 4: to suffer, and you have to think, like, take him

1197
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:56,560
Speaker 4: with you.

1198
00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:58,120
Speaker 3: His spirit is with you always.

1199
00:53:58,160 --> 00:53:59,840
Speaker 4: He's been such a big part of your life that

1200
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:02,799
Speaker 4: even though he's not physically here, he is spiritually a

1201
00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:04,560
Speaker 4: part of you. He will always be a part of you.

1202
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:07,040
Speaker 4: And the part of like building back your life and

1203
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:11,520
Speaker 4: getting through this time is by remembering what remembering that

1204
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:14,120
Speaker 4: and remembering what he would want, and living with him

1205
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:18,279
Speaker 4: in spirit, not living for him, but living with him

1206
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:20,919
Speaker 4: in mind. You know, like, what would my dad want

1207
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:22,960
Speaker 4: from me? Your dad wants you to be happy. Your

1208
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:24,960
Speaker 4: dad wants you to be successful, Your dad wants you

1209
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:27,839
Speaker 4: to be selfish about certain things, you know, to make

1210
00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:30,680
Speaker 4: the best life for yourself. So I wouldn't judge yourself

1211
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:33,160
Speaker 4: so much for the grief. I would just really try

1212
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:36,400
Speaker 4: to move forward with like the knowledge that this is normal,

1213
00:54:36,680 --> 00:54:39,480
Speaker 4: your normal, everything's fine, everything that.

1214
00:54:39,400 --> 00:54:42,160
Speaker 3: You're feeling is fine, and that you want.

1215
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:44,720
Speaker 4: To think about a way to live your life out loud,

1216
00:54:44,840 --> 00:54:47,600
Speaker 4: in a loud, brave way that will honor your father.

1217
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:51,719
Speaker 5: Yeah, you sound just like my therapist. Great, great advice. Yeah.

1218
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:55,320
Speaker 5: I think it's more of like accepting that as normal

1219
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:58,040
Speaker 5: and being okay with emotions because, like you know, emotions

1220
00:54:58,160 --> 00:55:00,479
Speaker 5: are rough. It's very isolating right now when you don't

1221
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:02,759
Speaker 5: know other people that kind of go through the same thing.

1222
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:05,919
Speaker 5: And it was so long and such it's good Ashkenazi

1223
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:08,239
Speaker 5: jew genes is what got in though.

1224
00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 4: You know, if you're struggling with your vulnerability and being emotional,

1225
00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:15,360
Speaker 4: like first of all, or your emotions, you you should

1226
00:55:15,440 --> 00:55:17,160
Speaker 4: go online and find a group of people who have

1227
00:55:17,239 --> 00:55:19,759
Speaker 4: just lost their parents, go to a support group so

1228
00:55:19,800 --> 00:55:21,880
Speaker 4: that you can sit there with people who are dealing

1229
00:55:21,920 --> 00:55:24,640
Speaker 4: with it and like fucking let it rip, let it

1230
00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:27,520
Speaker 4: out and cry, and you know, like I can see

1231
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:30,799
Speaker 4: you're about to cry right now, Just cry, let it go.

1232
00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:34,439
Speaker 4: It's okay, you want this out, Like, if you keep

1233
00:55:34,440 --> 00:55:36,520
Speaker 4: everything bottled up, it's just going to come and get

1234
00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:37,799
Speaker 4: you anyway.

1235
00:55:38,040 --> 00:55:38,520
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1236
00:55:38,560 --> 00:55:40,680
Speaker 4: And so is that the part that you struggled with

1237
00:55:40,719 --> 00:55:42,520
Speaker 4: the most, like letting your emotions out?

1238
00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:43,279
Speaker 5: Oh for sure?

1239
00:55:43,320 --> 00:55:43,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1240
00:55:43,560 --> 00:55:45,920
Speaker 5: Yeah. I felt super super related to your story when

1241
00:55:45,960 --> 00:55:48,359
Speaker 5: you said you were like crying over trying to open

1242
00:55:48,360 --> 00:55:50,680
Speaker 5: a fucking orange during your like therapy session, and I

1243
00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:52,480
Speaker 5: felt I was like, if I don't go to a

1244
00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:55,320
Speaker 5: therapist in six months, I'm going to be like exploding

1245
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:57,759
Speaker 5: over trying to open an orange. You know what I mean? Right,

1246
00:55:57,800 --> 00:55:59,440
Speaker 5: So it felt super related to that story.

1247
00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:00,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're in therapy.

1248
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:03,400
Speaker 5: I am, but Friday is my last session because she's

1249
00:56:03,440 --> 00:56:05,760
Speaker 5: actually moving away, so I'll have to find a new therapist.

1250
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:08,319
Speaker 5: But I did go to therapy, yeah, which is.

1251
00:56:08,239 --> 00:56:10,160
Speaker 3: Helpful because of your dad's dath.

1252
00:56:11,080 --> 00:56:12,759
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, yeah, because I was like, I'm not I'm

1253
00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:14,840
Speaker 5: going to completely avoid it. I'm very avoidant. I'm like

1254
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:16,680
Speaker 5: just kind of like stay busy, stay busy, and just

1255
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 5: kind of you'll go through it and get over it.

1256
00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:22,160
Speaker 5: And then I think she's helped a little bit kind

1257
00:56:22,200 --> 00:56:24,400
Speaker 5: of like be cool with having emotions because I think

1258
00:56:24,480 --> 00:56:26,440
Speaker 5: that's the part of like grief there, like, okay, that

1259
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:27,520
Speaker 5: is normal.

1260
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:28,120
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1261
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:31,359
Speaker 4: And also this in vulnerability that we create when we're

1262
00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:34,360
Speaker 4: not allowing ourselves to be emotional, we'll end up blocking

1263
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:38,080
Speaker 4: other relationships in your life, intimate relationships, and you know,

1264
00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:40,640
Speaker 4: like you want to be vulnerable so that you're accessible.

1265
00:56:40,960 --> 00:56:42,719
Speaker 4: Like I had a therapist once tell me this was

1266
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:45,200
Speaker 4: about like the girls in my life, these young girls

1267
00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:48,319
Speaker 4: that say, like, as long as you can cry, you're accessible,

1268
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:49,480
Speaker 4: like then we can get to you.

1269
00:56:49,719 --> 00:56:51,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're recoverable.

1270
00:56:51,360 --> 00:56:54,960
Speaker 4: As long as you're vulnerable enough to be emotional, then

1271
00:56:55,000 --> 00:56:56,800
Speaker 4: we can make in roads in progress.

1272
00:56:56,880 --> 00:56:57,719
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, so.

1273
00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, remember that and then focus on getting a new

1274
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:03,520
Speaker 4: therapist and talk and be really obviously you're going to

1275
00:57:03,560 --> 00:57:06,040
Speaker 4: be fourth right, you're being forthright to me and right

1276
00:57:06,080 --> 00:57:07,319
Speaker 4: now to all of us.

1277
00:57:07,560 --> 00:57:08,840
Speaker 3: But focus on.

1278
00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:11,839
Speaker 4: Really working through your emotions and letting it out, you know,

1279
00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:15,400
Speaker 4: just really have that be your goal in your father's honor.

1280
00:57:15,760 --> 00:57:17,080
Speaker 5: No, that's that's great advice.

1281
00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:19,640
Speaker 4: Could you'd be surprised Once you do let it out,

1282
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:23,120
Speaker 4: then it's out, and it's usually doesn't last for like

1283
00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:26,920
Speaker 4: you know, no, you're like holding on so tightly, so tightly,

1284
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 4: so tightly, and for what like once you cry in

1285
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:31,880
Speaker 4: five minutes, you're like, Okay, that felt good.

1286
00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:34,720
Speaker 2: I feel better all the time these days. And like

1287
00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:38,160
Speaker 2: a period of years where it didn't cry, couldn't cry, right,

1288
00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:39,960
Speaker 2: and now I mean I think I cry every day.

1289
00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:42,280
Speaker 2: But yeah, it's so good. But it also feels like

1290
00:57:42,360 --> 00:57:46,400
Speaker 2: because you you did commit to his health in his

1291
00:57:46,440 --> 00:57:49,760
Speaker 2: final what two years it was years? And how long

1292
00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:52,720
Speaker 2: has it been now since he's gone eight months?

1293
00:57:52,880 --> 00:57:55,760
Speaker 5: Okay, so like it's super new.

1294
00:57:56,440 --> 00:57:58,280
Speaker 2: And I would think because that was your focus for

1295
00:57:58,360 --> 00:58:01,880
Speaker 2: two years too, that even becomes smarter kind of chance

1296
00:58:02,240 --> 00:58:05,520
Speaker 2: transitioning out of being that caretaker and trying to kind

1297
00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:07,720
Speaker 2: of find your own rhythm in your life again. So

1298
00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:09,600
Speaker 2: that's got to be really hard. So give yourself a

1299
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:11,400
Speaker 2: grace for how hard that is.

1300
00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:14,280
Speaker 4: And honor the moments where you are feeling emotional, Like

1301
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 4: when you have a moment and you're feeling it, go

1302
00:58:16,360 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 4: to your car, go to your room, go wherever you

1303
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:21,800
Speaker 4: can have some privacy and let it out and honor that.

1304
00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:24,520
Speaker 4: Don't try to push it away, don't try to keep busy,

1305
00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:27,040
Speaker 4: Like even if you're out with a group of friends, say,

1306
00:58:27,280 --> 00:58:29,240
Speaker 4: and all of a sudden, you're overwhelmed with emotion.

1307
00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:31,840
Speaker 3: If you don't feel comfortable just being honest with them.

1308
00:58:31,880 --> 00:58:34,240
Speaker 4: Go outside, let it out, and then come back in

1309
00:58:34,320 --> 00:58:35,880
Speaker 4: and be like, oh I got a sad email or

1310
00:58:35,920 --> 00:58:37,880
Speaker 4: whatever if you don't want to share it with other people.

1311
00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:40,960
Speaker 4: But don't fight that those feelings because it doesn't get

1312
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:41,680
Speaker 4: you anywhere.

1313
00:58:41,880 --> 00:58:43,400
Speaker 5: I agree, I totally agree.

1314
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:45,800
Speaker 4: Okay, but make sure you get that therapist. Okay, make

1315
00:58:45,840 --> 00:58:46,880
Speaker 4: sure you get a new one.

1316
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:48,920
Speaker 5: I know I need a new one. Friday is my

1317
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:51,400
Speaker 5: last sash, so I'm hoping to get another.

1318
00:58:51,440 --> 00:58:53,600
Speaker 2: I have a good one. We can get you his number.

1319
00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:57,520
Speaker 2: Wood old fella. I like to call him like he's old,

1320
00:58:57,680 --> 00:59:01,720
Speaker 2: but he's like so channeler, He's amazing.

1321
00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:04,720
Speaker 3: Love me, do it, love it.

1322
00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:08,040
Speaker 5: Right than I really appreciate it.

1323
00:59:08,080 --> 00:59:10,560
Speaker 3: Okay, take care, bye bye bye.

1324
00:59:11,720 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 2: I was trying to sing right after, like because I

1325
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:17,040
Speaker 2: had chose and I had all these anniversary shows and

1326
00:59:17,040 --> 00:59:20,920
Speaker 2: it was so tied to my mother and singing and grieving.

1327
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:22,800
Speaker 2: It's not a good compo.

1328
00:59:22,680 --> 00:59:23,080
Speaker 3: Is it not.

1329
00:59:23,240 --> 00:59:25,640
Speaker 2: It's like you're crying and everything's like, oh yes, your

1330
00:59:25,680 --> 00:59:28,720
Speaker 2: stuff right there, and you're like, and let me sing

1331
00:59:28,760 --> 00:59:31,520
Speaker 2: this song that my mom helped promote and she's gone,

1332
00:59:31,640 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 2: and yeah it was intense.

1333
00:59:33,080 --> 00:59:34,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, very intense, I would imagine.

1334
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:35,120
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1335
00:59:35,240 --> 00:59:37,480
Speaker 3: Her book is called Eternally Electric.

1336
00:59:38,080 --> 00:59:41,000
Speaker 4: Her name is Debbie Gibson, so buy yourself a copy.

1337
00:59:41,120 --> 00:59:43,600
Speaker 3: Thank you, Debbie Gibson. So nice to see you again.

1338
00:59:43,720 --> 00:59:45,600
Speaker 2: This is so much fun. Yeah, so much fun.

1339
00:59:46,360 --> 00:59:48,440
Speaker 4: I put up new Vegas dates by the way for

1340
00:59:48,560 --> 00:59:52,120
Speaker 4: next year. This year, I will be there November first

1341
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:54,160
Speaker 4: and November twenty ninth. Those are my last two dates

1342
00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:56,560
Speaker 4: this year. Then I start up again January thirty first,

1343
00:59:56,720 --> 01:00:00,840
Speaker 4: March seventh, April eighteenth, and May thirtieth, and tickets are

1344
01:00:00,880 --> 01:00:02,400
Speaker 4: now on sale for all.

1345
01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:03,280
Speaker 3: Of those dates.

1346
01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:06,320
Speaker 1: Do you want advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea

1347
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:10,040
Speaker 1: Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of

1348
01:00:10,080 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea pod.

1349
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:17,640
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive

1350
01:00:17,640 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 1: producer Katherine law And be sure to check out our

1351
01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:27,240
Speaker 1: merch at Chelseahandler dot com