WEBVTT - Dominique Morgan (A HTT Interview) 0:00:01.150 --> 0:00:05.510 And five, four, three, two. What up, y'all? Welcome to 0:00:05.540 --> 0:00:06.860 Here's the Thing. 0:00:07.140 --> 0:00:09.260 I'm Kev on stage. 0:00:09.300 --> 0:00:14.620 She's... Patrick Angel. Welcome to another podcast. Smash that like button. 0:00:14.640 --> 0:00:17.600 Smash that notification button. 0:00:17.750 --> 0:00:20.210 Welcome to. 0:00:21.670 --> 0:00:24.530 Here's the Thing, a very special Here's the Thing. 0:00:24.850 --> 0:00:28.950 Did nobody give you my note or nothing? Just jump in. Listen. 0:00:29.190 --> 0:00:30.850 Turn yourself about. Praise the Lord. 0:00:30.870 --> 0:00:34.229 We have the one and only Dominique Morgan. 0:00:34.250 --> 0:00:39.860 Hi, y'all. What's going on? Imagine. Imagine. She is in L.A. 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:44.560 doing press. for her new book. New podcast rule. Talk 0:00:44.580 --> 0:00:47.420 about the thing you came here for up top. Up top. 0:00:47.500 --> 0:00:49.840 You ain't gonna finish. Let's start off with the reason 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:51.739 you're here. Not the end. 0:00:51.780 --> 0:00:53.800 We gonna talk about the other stuff. But let's start 0:00:53.830 --> 0:00:55.160 with why you're here. So if they don't watch the 0:00:55.190 --> 0:00:55.690 whole thing. 0:00:55.730 --> 0:00:57.320 They can't watch what you came for. Bye. 0:00:57.530 --> 0:00:57.610 Yeah. 0:00:57.630 --> 0:00:59.090 We ain't going to save it until the last five minutes. 0:00:59.110 --> 0:01:02.770 Because the children's attention span. Yeah. By 30 minutes, they out. 0:01:02.790 --> 0:01:05.110 They forgot. The TikToks, ruining the kids, man. 0:01:05.190 --> 0:01:08.170 Top 10 minutes. Let's talk about your new book. 0:01:08.370 --> 0:01:08.690 Yeah. 0:01:09.110 --> 0:01:12.780 So I wrote a book called Discovering Your Power. It 0:01:12.840 --> 0:01:16.440 came out right as I finished my Stanford program a 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:17.220 couple of years ago. 0:01:17.440 --> 0:01:18.760 It was March of 2024. Okay. Okay. 0:01:21.140 --> 0:01:23.440 And I always talk about being a nerd. I am 0:01:23.520 --> 0:01:26.800 a super nerd. I love the nerdy things. And I 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:30.500 got into data analysis. My career started off as a 0:01:30.540 --> 0:01:33.520 sex educator in the classroom, working in the clinic. And 0:01:34.580 --> 0:01:36.619 I really was trying to figure out, because people would 0:01:36.780 --> 0:01:40.100 ask me, how did you go from prison at 18 0:01:40.100 --> 0:01:44.000 to this? At the time, I was running a multimillion 0:01:44.020 --> 0:01:45.319 dollar national company. 0:01:45.980 --> 0:01:47.660 And I had to sit with it. I'm like, what 0:01:47.700 --> 0:01:48.360 is that journey? 0:01:49.090 --> 0:01:52.030 And so I spent about 10 years working on interviewing 0:01:52.210 --> 0:01:55.550 community members, folks impacted by the system, and I created 0:01:55.570 --> 0:01:56.560 the theory of change. 0:01:56.610 --> 0:01:57.940 I wanted this science-based. 0:01:58.620 --> 0:02:03.580 As black folks, our approach to not only overcoming but thriving. 0:02:03.500 --> 0:02:04.420 Seems so. 0:02:06.140 --> 0:02:08.400 That we can't have a system or we can't have 0:02:08.419 --> 0:02:12.680 a process to it. Like, yes, there's all the ancillary things. 0:02:12.700 --> 0:02:14.950 There's your higher power. There's the grit of self and 0:02:14.990 --> 0:02:17.010 all those things. But I was like, there has to 0:02:17.030 --> 0:02:18.649 be a way for us to kind of map this. 0:02:19.310 --> 0:02:21.489 And so I put out Discovering Your Power. And the 0:02:21.550 --> 0:02:24.650 new book, which is called 48 Laws of Liberation, I 0:02:26.169 --> 0:02:30.350 wanted to give people... Like, we want the stories. I 0:02:30.370 --> 0:02:32.690 was like, I'm still living life as a Pisces. I 0:02:32.710 --> 0:02:34.720 feel like I'm playing too much with God, like doing 0:02:34.740 --> 0:02:38.359 a life story at 40-something. And I'm like, but there 0:02:38.460 --> 0:02:43.440 are the stories. I've lived so many lives. And all 0:02:43.460 --> 0:02:45.160 of them give me the understanding I have. 0:02:45.180 --> 0:02:45.820 I always tell people. 0:02:46.389 --> 0:02:48.720 And one day I'm going to pull from something from Georgetown, 0:02:48.740 --> 0:02:50.780 something from Stanford, and something from the spades table on 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:55.040 the prison yard. And usually that spade skill might get 0:02:55.060 --> 0:02:56.720 me the biggest thing I was going for that day. 0:02:56.740 --> 0:02:59.760 So you never leave anything behind. And that's what the 0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:02.720 48 Laws of Liberation is about. It's the stories in 0:03:02.760 --> 0:03:06.400 my journey, but it's giving it in a format to 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:08.100 where I want people to use my life as a 0:03:08.120 --> 0:03:11.310 case study. The same way I navigate social media. Like, yo, 0:03:11.350 --> 0:03:14.079 this is what happened. This is what I saw. And 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:17.280 formatting it in the very old school King James Bible 0:03:17.300 --> 0:03:19.280 version where I want you to go to the side 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:19.980 and highlight things. 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:21.480 I want you to write and keep your notes, right? 0:03:21.919 --> 0:03:23.660 I want you in your things. Strong, man. Get into 0:03:23.680 --> 0:03:24.360 your word. 0:03:24.380 --> 0:03:28.440 And because also I think as a black trans woman, 0:03:29.220 --> 0:03:32.890 it's a way for me to pour into community and 0:03:33.010 --> 0:03:38.140 show that all black experiences... Propel the Black Experience Forward. 0:03:38.400 --> 0:03:41.740 Yeah. I'll say that again, Dominique, because I'm with you. 0:03:41.780 --> 0:03:45.200 Yeah, All Black Experiences, Propel the Black Experience Forward, and 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:48.360 48 Laws of Power, which is a book that everybody, 0:03:48.400 --> 0:03:50.560 you know, as soon as people get consciousness, they're. 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:53.120 Like, girl, get to that 48... Sun Tzu. Yeah. The 0:03:53.180 --> 0:03:55.080 Art of War. Oh, yeah, you're right. That's it. And 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:55.520 I used to. 0:03:55.700 --> 0:03:57.120 And I read all of them, and I remember... See 0:03:57.140 --> 0:03:58.220 how you corrected me without even throwing. 0:03:58.060 --> 0:04:01.040 Me under the bus? See, that's community care. Yeah. I 0:04:01.320 --> 0:04:02.040 was just. 0:04:01.840 --> 0:04:04.270 Like a different author. 0:04:04.310 --> 0:04:05.310 He had a late night. 0:04:07.230 --> 0:04:09.309 I remember being on the prison yard and seeing all 0:04:09.330 --> 0:04:12.010 of these young black men feel revolutionized by these words. 0:04:12.570 --> 0:04:15.750 And yes, the conversation was powerful, but I realized the 0:04:15.770 --> 0:04:18.000 day I found out a white man wrote all those books. 0:04:19.240 --> 0:04:20.620 And every... You can. 0:04:20.860 --> 0:04:25.330 If you're creating liberatory work and you... are the oppressor 0:04:25.350 --> 0:04:28.070 come on yeah it's like yeah get your things but 0:04:28.089 --> 0:04:30.920 there's there's something there and i'm like what is what 0:04:30.980 --> 0:04:33.659 is that from the space of black liberation and so 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:36.900 that's the title does come from there because it's kind 0:04:36.940 --> 0:04:40.800 of a a pushback and everyone should be making their 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:43.240 laws of liberation because we're all living and yeah that's 0:04:43.260 --> 0:04:45.409 what the book is about it's We got the pre-sales 0:04:45.430 --> 0:04:48.670 going up on Black Friday. We have the Softest Revolution coming, 0:04:48.690 --> 0:04:50.510 my podcast with me and my sister Monroe. 0:04:50.570 --> 0:04:55.330 I'm excited for that. You needed a podcast. You been 0:04:55.370 --> 0:04:56.110 needed one. 0:04:56.130 --> 0:04:57.250 You're a long format girly. 0:04:57.310 --> 0:05:01.430 You are a yap, yap, yapper. I blame you. That's 0:05:01.450 --> 0:05:04.500 your fault. It's Jamila and Mecca's fault. No, by way 0:05:04.540 --> 0:05:07.310 of you. No, I'm going to pass the blame. No, 0:05:07.500 --> 0:05:11.680 it was your video. Literally a video at South by 0:05:11.720 --> 0:05:14.380 Southwest two years ago. What'd I say? Uh-huh. 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:16.880 You said that you were like, I wasn't really messing 0:05:16.900 --> 0:05:20.240 with TikTok like that, but Jamila and Mecca told me 0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:21.460 to do the yapping thing. 0:05:21.500 --> 0:05:25.020 Yes. And God said unto me in that moment, I said, well, 0:05:25.060 --> 0:05:26.719 if Kev on stage is yapping. 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:27.640 Then why not I? 0:05:27.660 --> 0:05:30.680 Because he already has the things that work. Yeah. Right? Yeah. 0:05:30.940 --> 0:05:33.320 I'm like, oh, I can do this. And I literally 0:05:33.370 --> 0:05:36.150 was like, yo, let me kind of lock in. Because 0:05:36.490 --> 0:05:38.350 I was watching y'all's, all the footage from South by 0:05:38.370 --> 0:05:39.070 Southwest that year. 0:05:39.089 --> 0:05:41.609 And I was like, I'm bored. 0:05:42.070 --> 0:05:44.810 And I was bored, and I was like, I don't 0:05:44.870 --> 0:05:48.070 feel like people really know me. And how do I 0:05:48.150 --> 0:05:49.950 do that in a way that doesn't feel like I'm 0:05:50.420 --> 0:05:51.400 overexposing myself? 0:05:51.460 --> 0:05:54.680 Right. And then I go viral. Yeah. And then that happens. 0:05:54.700 --> 0:05:56.480 Shout out to my wife, Melissa, put me on to 0:05:56.520 --> 0:05:58.820 Yap Talk, Super 5 or Super 6. I can't remember 0:05:58.860 --> 0:06:01.370 why they got in trouble. But that got me introduced 0:06:01.410 --> 0:06:03.750 to Jameela and Mecca, who will be running that mouth. 0:06:04.150 --> 0:06:06.350 They did. Listen. Mecca ain't never heard a word she 0:06:06.370 --> 0:06:09.110 don't want to say. Listen. Jameela ain't never let two 0:06:09.170 --> 0:06:11.890 words go without her jumping in. My God. But I 0:06:11.950 --> 0:06:14.010 learned so much from them of like, like how you 0:06:14.050 --> 0:06:17.560 do your videos. Burn it on. Sometimes nails, no say. 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:19.540 I always used to be like, where's she on her 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:21.200 way to? That's what it always made me think when 0:06:21.240 --> 0:06:23.180 I would watch her videos. She getting ready for something, 0:06:23.240 --> 0:06:24.820 whether it be to go somewhere or to go to bed. 0:06:24.839 --> 0:06:26.720 It was one of the two. To bed. Or nap. 0:06:27.040 --> 0:06:29.779 My thing was if... Or nap. Or nap, because my 0:06:29.820 --> 0:06:30.320 thing was. 0:06:30.240 --> 0:06:32.660 If I have to feel like I have to perform 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:33.460 to be present. 0:06:35.120 --> 0:06:36.880 I've had enough success to where I know what it 0:06:36.980 --> 0:06:38.100 costs for me to perform. 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:40.060 Yeah. Like, I know what you should be paying me 0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:41.220 for me to perform. Come on. 0:06:41.300 --> 0:06:44.390 And so it's been important for me as, like, a 0:06:44.430 --> 0:06:47.450 creator where people will kind of navigate me because I'm 0:06:47.490 --> 0:06:49.010 new to them as if I'm new. 0:06:49.470 --> 0:06:51.969 It's like, no, I know to do hair and makeup. 0:06:52.029 --> 0:06:52.610 I know what that. 0:06:53.029 --> 0:06:55.270 To put on a shoe, for me to hurt, that 0:06:55.350 --> 0:06:56.630 ACH is nasty. 0:06:56.890 --> 0:07:00.800 Okay, come on. Oh, it's filthy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My God. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. 0:07:00.830 --> 0:07:01.310 My God. 0:07:01.390 --> 0:07:04.400 Absolutely. So, and also, if I wanted to get the cadence. 0:07:05.120 --> 0:07:07.300 that I wanted to have with my people, being responsive. 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:07.720 Yeah. 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:10.420 And, like, showing up, I'm like, it's the same way 0:07:10.460 --> 0:07:12.240 I am with my family at home. It's like, sister, 0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:12.780 I'm coming. 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:14.940 Yes. But, sister, I'm in the muumuu. 0:07:15.360 --> 0:07:15.520 Right. 0:07:15.640 --> 0:07:16.430 And, you know what I'm saying? 0:07:16.440 --> 0:07:19.610 Like, and that allows me to be present in the 0:07:19.650 --> 0:07:21.070 consistency that I think this kind. 0:07:20.970 --> 0:07:23.790 Of auntie label is not passive. 0:07:23.810 --> 0:07:27.510 Because I'll see people who are hella transphobic online. 0:07:27.690 --> 0:07:27.980 Mm-hmm. 0:07:29.060 --> 0:07:31.180 Who, for some reason, are able to hold me. 0:07:31.540 --> 0:07:31.610 Oh. 0:07:32.350 --> 0:07:34.750 Able to hold me and I don't but I don't let. 0:07:34.710 --> 0:07:37.290 It stop there right that's my key I'm not gonna 0:07:37.330 --> 0:07:39.750 be your model minority but I think it's how I 0:07:39.770 --> 0:07:42.290 show up in my consistency that has given me the 0:07:42.350 --> 0:07:45.070 trust of the people yeah that have allowed them to 0:07:45.170 --> 0:07:47.010 the way that they the way these people love me 0:07:47.050 --> 0:07:50.060 it scares me sometimes like what have I done to 0:07:51.340 --> 0:07:54.420 earn it and like I don't want to ever do 0:07:54.480 --> 0:07:56.380 anything to lose it and you know I mean ever 0:07:56.420 --> 0:07:59.540 gonna turn on me Well, it will, I think, I 0:07:59.740 --> 0:08:03.200 think the turning is, no, no, no, no, no, no, 0:08:03.400 --> 0:08:08.000 it happens. And I think that the way I have 0:08:08.020 --> 0:08:11.620 to process it is there's different types of love. And 0:08:11.670 --> 0:08:13.310 so my goal is to get people to love me 0:08:13.810 --> 0:08:17.390 for the truest form of me, because in that I'm 0:08:17.410 --> 0:08:18.070 not perfect. 0:08:18.270 --> 0:08:19.330 The grace will live there. 0:08:19.470 --> 0:08:23.590 I think that kind of perfect idolizing I've, advocacy gave 0:08:23.610 --> 0:08:26.010 me that experience where people will put you on this pedestal. 0:08:26.210 --> 0:08:28.170 And that's why I'm always like, oh, I'm not perfect. 0:08:28.190 --> 0:08:29.450 Get me off that pedestal. 0:08:29.550 --> 0:08:31.360 I beat my me and I love the gays and 0:08:31.820 --> 0:08:33.040 the trans people are welcome with me. 0:08:33.100 --> 0:08:35.960 I'm for all the niggas. If you mad, I'm. 0:08:35.900 --> 0:08:39.650 For all the niggas. We too oppressed to oppress each other. 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:41.380 So I'm with all the niggas. 0:08:41.980 --> 0:08:45.459 I'm with the niggas tonight. 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:50.450 And it feels all right. I'm with the niggas tonight. 0:08:50.670 --> 0:08:53.510 I just always say, have a seat in disappointment already. 0:08:53.550 --> 0:08:57.170 Just go ahead and no more disappointments. I disappoint myself. 0:08:57.230 --> 0:08:59.250 I literally, I was telling my bro, I was like, 0:08:59.270 --> 0:09:01.380 I was like, we were driving, we were just talking 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:03.420 about everything. I said, bitch, I was like, Angel had 0:09:03.540 --> 0:09:05.440 Saucy Santana on the song. 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:05.920 I got that. 0:09:06.280 --> 0:09:09.300 This was right before I moved to Atlanta. I was like, 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:14.300 I think that people, it's very unfair and it's very 0:09:14.450 --> 0:09:18.390 harmful to want people to only be how you want 0:09:18.429 --> 0:09:21.090 them to be to have community with you. When how 0:09:21.110 --> 0:09:24.650 you want them to be isn't about being kind, being respectful. 0:09:24.970 --> 0:09:28.770 It's about them being a mold that you can't even control. 0:09:29.150 --> 0:09:32.670 Yeah. Hold. Right. You know what I mean? Yes. 0:09:32.770 --> 0:09:35.439 It's like none of y'all are living to the zenith 0:09:36.260 --> 0:09:38.500 of what y'all want folks to live in, which is 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:39.520 fine because we're human. 0:09:40.080 --> 0:09:42.100 But you show no grace. You show no understanding. You 0:09:42.140 --> 0:09:46.260 show no... I mean, being humble. 0:09:46.780 --> 0:09:47.160 Right. 0:09:47.210 --> 0:09:48.969 No H. Hello. No H in humble. The truth is 0:09:48.990 --> 0:09:51.030 not humble. Not when you're black in church. You ain't 0:09:51.050 --> 0:09:53.330 no H. And I'm just like, this is why. 0:09:54.360 --> 0:09:56.990 Your fruits are being shown, but it's rotten, and that's 0:09:57.010 --> 0:09:58.170 why nobody wants to partake. 0:09:58.270 --> 0:10:00.760 Yeah. There you go. I want to say something, too. Dominique. 0:10:00.860 --> 0:10:03.790 For creators, one thing that for a man it's easier, 0:10:03.809 --> 0:10:05.790 I realize, if you present. 0:10:06.090 --> 0:10:07.750 I can just turn my phone on, right? 0:10:07.790 --> 0:10:09.230 I talk to a lot of women creators and they're like, 0:10:09.350 --> 0:10:11.670 I can't keep up with your consistency, Kev. I got 0:10:11.690 --> 0:10:13.850 to have my hair done, have my makeup done. Dominique 0:10:13.910 --> 0:10:17.970 proves if you come with authenticity, first, it's easier to create. 0:10:18.390 --> 0:10:19.870 Absolutely. 0:10:20.210 --> 0:10:20.930 I get it. 0:10:21.130 --> 0:10:23.720 Listen, be like, you know, listen, or the makeup worldies 0:10:23.760 --> 0:10:26.400 and the lifestyle worldies, there's a certain aesthetic you got 0:10:26.420 --> 0:10:31.900 to present, but authenticity is carrying creators through now more 0:10:31.940 --> 0:10:34.750 than a presented version of stuff. And I think that's 0:10:34.790 --> 0:10:37.770 why you cut through. Because people be like, I really 0:10:37.820 --> 0:10:39.040 feel like I know Dominique. 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:40.400 Even if you... And this is what you said. 0:10:40.440 --> 0:10:42.880 You didn't say this, but I gleaned this. I don't 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:44.959 have to agree with every take of yours or mine 0:10:44.980 --> 0:10:49.050 or Angel's. But I respect you, you know, and I 0:10:49.070 --> 0:10:51.530 can hear you. And I know you're being true to yourself. 0:10:51.890 --> 0:10:55.000 And that's better to me than... then me trying to 0:10:55.059 --> 0:10:58.380 guess how you feel and try to present... That's too taxing. 0:10:58.620 --> 0:11:01.580 And I try to differentiate between me expressing an opinion 0:11:01.660 --> 0:11:03.880 or a value that's deeply mine, which is just mine, 0:11:04.380 --> 0:11:06.870 compared to when I'm speaking as a subject matter expert. 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:08.410 And I think that's important. Like, as. 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:11.160 As a black trans woman where a lot of people 0:11:11.200 --> 0:11:13.010 won't see us as experts because they don't think we've 0:11:13.130 --> 0:11:15.230 lived life in the way that they feel like we should, 0:11:15.250 --> 0:11:17.990 I'm always going to remind you that I don't care 0:11:18.050 --> 0:11:19.770 what bond or whatever you see me in, I graduated 0:11:19.790 --> 0:11:20.390 from Stanford. 0:11:20.410 --> 0:11:25.280 Period. I graduated from Georgetown. Like, I'm in the Library 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:31.209 of Congress. Like, I have... a understanding of boots, right? 0:11:31.270 --> 0:11:36.220 So I have... For blood, absolutely. Down. Like, I have a... 0:11:36.210 --> 0:11:38.230 Your lingo is... I know, it comes so fast. There's 0:11:38.250 --> 0:11:40.010 so many things. It just rolls off. 0:11:40.030 --> 0:11:42.900 There's so many things. Because you got to have it there. 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:45.020 I mean, and it does come out fast. 0:11:45.080 --> 0:11:47.500 It's very natural, and I'm just like, it's there, but also, 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:51.660 I need to also be honest and say, a part 0:11:51.700 --> 0:11:54.290 of it is that whatever standard you set, you better 0:11:54.330 --> 0:11:55.190 be able to keep it. 0:11:55.510 --> 0:11:58.640 Yes. So for me... My sister Monroe, she going to 0:11:58.660 --> 0:12:01.060 get up and put on a little beat. Yeah. To 0:12:01.080 --> 0:12:01.780 go to Petsmart. 0:12:02.500 --> 0:12:03.140 Absolutely. 0:12:03.179 --> 0:12:04.120 Because she enjoys. 0:12:04.179 --> 0:12:05.969 It's a little make-up, no make-up look you got going 0:12:05.990 --> 0:12:06.590 right now. 0:12:06.809 --> 0:12:09.090 You make-up, no make-up. I know make-up, no make-up when 0:12:09.150 --> 0:12:10.809 I see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know little... I 0:12:10.830 --> 0:12:12.370 ain't got nothing on. I know little... You got a 0:12:12.370 --> 0:12:15.210 little primer. A little bronzer. Yeah. Ain't going to never 0:12:15.250 --> 0:12:17.530 hurt nobody. I'm just going to the grocery store. And 0:12:17.570 --> 0:12:20.050 it's not from an oppressive place. She enjoys... That's a 0:12:20.080 --> 0:12:20.750 part of her journey. 0:12:20.770 --> 0:12:25.320 Yeah, yeah, yeah. For me, again, as I'm from Omaha, Nebraska... 0:12:25.210 --> 0:12:27.030 My mom put on a little rouge like three times 0:12:27.070 --> 0:12:27.410 a year. 0:12:27.850 --> 0:12:28.329 That's about it. 0:12:28.330 --> 0:12:30.370 Colleen would do a little color rinse on her hair. 0:12:30.390 --> 0:12:31.370 You know what I'm saying? She used to have the 0:12:31.410 --> 0:12:35.230 little Whitney Houston bodyguard little bump to her hair. You 0:12:35.250 --> 0:12:36.750 know what I'm saying? My mama never would have braids 0:12:36.809 --> 0:12:37.490 or nothing. 0:12:38.050 --> 0:12:41.110 So she is my kind of, she is my patroness 0:12:41.130 --> 0:12:43.320 when it comes to how black women show up. 0:12:43.490 --> 0:12:44.410 You said Patronus. 0:12:44.510 --> 0:12:46.760 What? Yes, I said Harry Potter. Tell me what it means. 0:12:46.900 --> 0:12:50.800 A Patronus is pretty much like your clear example. 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:55.230 Okay. And I use Patronus. I've never watched Harry Potter. 0:12:55.370 --> 0:12:55.630 Really? 0:12:55.650 --> 0:12:59.030 You wanna whine? Because I feel like they play a game. Well, 0:12:59.070 --> 0:13:01.309 they play. I'm not waiting three or four years between 0:13:01.330 --> 0:13:04.550 movies now. Like, these channels... Huh? They out now? 0:13:04.740 --> 0:13:06.900 They are out now, but now I'm over it. They 0:13:06.920 --> 0:13:08.580 finna start right back over. They got new babies in. 0:13:08.620 --> 0:13:09.800 I don't mess with that J.K. 0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:12.420 Rowling. Okay, now that makes. 0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:13.339 That came second. 0:13:13.380 --> 0:13:14.220 At first, it was. 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:16.740 At first, it was the years between. Like, I didn't 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:19.120 watch Twilight until the last Twilight came out. Because I 0:13:19.140 --> 0:13:23.780 was like... This is insane. Like, you know, there's Spider-Man. 0:13:23.870 --> 0:13:25.170 We don't know if there's going to be a fourth 0:13:25.230 --> 0:13:27.309 or fifth, but y'all know y'all got to make five 0:13:27.410 --> 0:13:29.829 of them. Why don't y'all sit y'all tail down and 0:13:29.850 --> 0:13:34.250 do all this at once? You understand me? So I, 0:13:34.390 --> 0:13:37.450 so I there, but, but Patronus, I think also talks 0:13:37.610 --> 0:13:40.400 for me. I think there's language that we're able to 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:42.880 use amongst ourselves because we want to use it. 0:13:42.900 --> 0:13:44.699 Not because the system wants us to use it. 0:13:45.300 --> 0:13:48.530 That, really gives the grandness and the honor to the things. 0:13:48.590 --> 0:13:51.940 It's like, my mother is, will always be my everything. 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:54.060 So even when online, people are like, oh, you want 0:13:54.080 --> 0:13:55.849 to be like us. I don't want to be like you, bitch. 0:13:56.090 --> 0:13:56.250 Mm-hmm. 0:13:56.580 --> 0:13:57.230 I promise you. 0:13:57.260 --> 0:14:01.050 He said, let me be clear. And I mean, somebody 0:14:01.090 --> 0:14:02.270 loves you. I hope God does. 0:14:02.290 --> 0:14:03.290 But it's not me. 0:14:03.650 --> 0:14:06.290 But I don't, like, I want to be like Colleen. 0:14:06.929 --> 0:14:09.089 And that means something to me. And so it's like, 0:14:09.150 --> 0:14:12.300 I'm very chill. And so my bonnet is not a performance. 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:15.960 It's me. And also you need to prepare for people 0:14:16.020 --> 0:14:19.780 to dismiss you because of that authenticity. Right? 0:14:19.860 --> 0:14:23.260 Because it's very much, I will get the messages of, well, 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:24.830 why don't you show up like such and such and 0:14:24.850 --> 0:14:25.390 such does? 0:14:26.370 --> 0:14:27.890 I'm like, because that's not, and. 0:14:27.870 --> 0:14:31.630 Also there's an idea, as much as they will frame 0:14:31.750 --> 0:14:35.250 the black trans femme experience in like performance, you want 0:14:35.270 --> 0:14:38.380 me to perform a certain thing. You're mad because I 0:14:38.510 --> 0:14:40.720 don't look a certain way. And it's like, I can 0:14:40.740 --> 0:14:41.520 pop out. 0:14:41.820 --> 0:14:44.600 I could be in jewels and furs every day. There's 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:45.940 nasty bags in there. 0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:52.880 But my calmness is, The vessel of Dominique that allows 0:14:52.920 --> 0:14:55.860 me to think about Nolan Wells and not become overwhelmed. 0:14:56.420 --> 0:14:58.960 That allows me to talk about when a tragedy is 0:14:59.000 --> 0:15:01.940 happening in my community and I know people, I can 0:15:01.980 --> 0:15:03.300 distill information. 0:15:02.860 --> 0:15:03.900 The way that they receive it. 0:15:04.860 --> 0:15:09.160 Even in times where like, there's been times when I, 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:11.120 people think I be playing when I get on video. 0:15:11.140 --> 0:15:15.070 It's like, I don't play when it comes to you. Literally. 0:15:15.190 --> 0:15:18.290 And it's just like, it's been times where it's like, oh, no, bitch, 0:15:18.310 --> 0:15:20.220 let me calm myself down and sit down and take 0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:23.940 this wig off and let this head breathe. Because I'm 0:15:24.060 --> 0:15:26.600 really going to tell these people something and they're going 0:15:26.620 --> 0:15:27.820 to attribute it to this man. 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:29.960 I don't want to go too far. Right, right, right. 0:15:29.980 --> 0:15:31.770 But I'm going to go farther than he does because 0:15:31.790 --> 0:15:34.680 stop playing. And so it allows me to be.... 0:15:36.890 --> 0:15:40.770 A brain and a heart. Yeah. And in a way 0:15:40.810 --> 0:15:43.550 that feels good for me. I love that. I love that. 0:15:43.590 --> 0:15:45.180 Because y'all be got, yeah. 0:15:45.580 --> 0:15:49.500 Sometimes when I'm getting killed, I comment on Dominique's post before. 0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:52.300 Dominique before me, who can be against me? Because sometimes 0:15:52.360 --> 0:15:55.340 I can't say stuff. But when Dominique was like, okay, 0:15:55.400 --> 0:15:55.780 let me. 0:15:55.700 --> 0:15:56.320 Stand in the gap. 0:15:56.360 --> 0:16:01.420 The first video. 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:03.050 I saw this morning was you two talking about molly whopping. 0:16:03.110 --> 0:16:03.390 Bing, bang. 0:16:03.430 --> 0:16:04.390 Bing, bang. 0:16:05.490 --> 0:16:08.390 I'll have her information by week's end. 0:16:09.630 --> 0:16:10.310 Absolutely. 0:16:10.510 --> 0:16:13.350 Somebody has already commented that they thought they saw her somewhere. 0:16:13.370 --> 0:16:17.070 Don't worry about it. I promise you. That's the thing 0:16:17.090 --> 0:16:19.930 about social media. You don't know where your fans exist. 0:16:20.890 --> 0:16:22.470 Some of the DMs I get when people are working 0:16:22.490 --> 0:16:25.620 for the FBI or it was like a raid happening 0:16:25.660 --> 0:16:27.580 in Dallas one time and a friend was like, hey, 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:31.040 you didn't hear this from me. But they told us 0:16:31.080 --> 0:16:33.100 not to go to this building at this certain time. 0:16:33.180 --> 0:16:35.500 I said, okay, baby, for damn sure. I'm telling all 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:36.500 my people in Dallas. 0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:37.120 Yeah, let me. 0:16:37.460 --> 0:16:40.140 Yeah, like, so it's just like, it's so funny how 0:16:40.160 --> 0:16:44.510 the community really locks in with us and not just 0:16:44.570 --> 0:16:46.430 like the things that we put out there or things 0:16:46.450 --> 0:16:49.290 that we're trying to sell. they remember things we've said 0:16:49.310 --> 0:16:50.550 that I was like, oh, I said that? 0:16:50.580 --> 0:16:52.780 Or I mentioned that? You know what I mean? 0:16:53.140 --> 0:16:55.880 And so now I'm better at being real, like, hey, 0:16:55.940 --> 0:16:58.000 we need to find this person. Do you know what's 0:16:58.020 --> 0:17:00.070 going on here? And I promise you, next time we 0:17:00.110 --> 0:17:02.570 in D.C., we ain't going to say nothing. We just 0:17:02.590 --> 0:17:05.889 going to say cock-a-doodle-doo in a video, us together. And 0:17:05.910 --> 0:17:07.729 just know, it's handled. 0:17:08.190 --> 0:17:09.010 It's handled. 0:17:09.210 --> 0:17:10.330 Cock-a-doodle-doo. 0:17:10.530 --> 0:17:10.950 Yeah. 0:17:11.010 --> 0:17:12.570 It is handled. 0:17:12.609 --> 0:17:17.730 Dominique came to Grief Sucks last night. Dominique and Monroe 0:17:17.970 --> 0:17:24.500 were not front row, but very close, within earshot, fully listening, enjoyed. Well, 0:17:24.520 --> 0:17:26.060 let me not talk for you. 0:17:26.380 --> 0:17:27.740 Utterly enjoyed. 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:32.119 Y'all know I'm an ADHD girly, and so I'm always 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:34.540 trying to be aware about my ability to do multiple. 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:35.959 Things, how that can ring to people that I'm not 0:17:35.980 --> 0:17:37.040 paying attention. Yeah. 0:17:37.630 --> 0:17:40.920 And in that moment, I was like, I'll confirm to 0:17:40.980 --> 0:17:42.780 him that I was present tomorrow if he thinks I'm not, 0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:44.040 because I instantly started taking notes. 0:17:44.100 --> 0:17:45.280 No, I told him this when I got home. 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:49.000 I said, Dominique was listening and taking notes. She must 0:17:49.020 --> 0:17:51.600 be either going to write about this or talk about 0:17:51.619 --> 0:17:53.100 it and wants to get all the information down. 0:17:53.160 --> 0:17:57.680 I emailed my editor at Boss Up, and today's her birthday. 0:17:57.720 --> 0:17:59.199 And so I'm like, I'm going to give her grace. 0:17:59.880 --> 0:18:03.210 You know what I'm saying? But I emailed Danny because 0:18:03.250 --> 0:18:06.940 I was like, oh, this is... There's the conversation about 0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:10.000 a celebrity, you know, creating this piece and this thing 0:18:10.020 --> 0:18:13.680 that's coming to us in the space of entertainment. There 0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:19.110 is something around the catalyst of healing and demonstrating how 0:18:19.150 --> 0:18:21.770 to navigate your hurt without hurting people that this black 0:18:21.810 --> 0:18:22.570 man is doing. 0:18:23.330 --> 0:18:25.220 And if we don't put the language to it. 0:18:25.990 --> 0:18:29.570 People will understand in a passive way the greatness of 0:18:29.650 --> 0:18:32.260 what you created. And I think the other thing as 0:18:32.300 --> 0:18:34.399 someone who, both of my parents passed away before I 0:18:34.460 --> 0:18:34.619 was 27. 0:18:34.619 --> 0:18:34.980 My dad died. 0:18:36.910 --> 0:18:39.869 My first year in my prison sentence, I was 20. 0:18:39.869 --> 0:18:43.080 I came home from prison February 16th of 2009. My 0:18:43.119 --> 0:18:44.679 mother died December 21st of 2009. 0:18:44.660 --> 0:18:47.520 Oh, I'm so sorry. And thank you. 0:18:48.520 --> 0:18:51.169 But I know what it also means for the things 0:18:51.230 --> 0:18:53.229 that they have been a part of to help us 0:18:53.350 --> 0:18:55.970 build something that people benefit from. That's why I always 0:18:55.990 --> 0:18:57.370 tell people, people are like, we love how you love. 0:18:57.830 --> 0:19:00.730 I know how to love because of my parents. So 0:19:00.790 --> 0:19:03.350 that is them. And when you play that video, you 0:19:03.369 --> 0:19:04.670 gag the set. You're going to have to put a 0:19:04.690 --> 0:19:06.320 trigger warning in there, kid. 0:19:06.450 --> 0:19:09.160 I think grief sucks is the trigger warning. No, black men, 0:19:09.220 --> 0:19:11.400 it's not. 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:15.919 Because sucks is like, oh, that wasn't cool. 0:19:16.920 --> 0:19:18.840 And it wasn't even that it was bad. It was. 0:19:20.060 --> 0:19:22.600 thought as the video started I thought it was gonna 0:19:22.640 --> 0:19:25.119 be like maybe he was like like pretending or it 0:19:25.140 --> 0:19:27.720 was gonna be like a funny thing I was like. 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:31.240 Oh okay you talking. 0:19:30.240 --> 0:19:33.119 About the video yeah and then the girls are weeping 0:19:33.180 --> 0:19:38.310 and I'm like oh oh and I'm like writing it 0:19:38.330 --> 0:19:45.550 down I said no this man there is a as 0:19:45.690 --> 0:19:51.100 someone outside looking in as a fan of yours if 0:19:51.140 --> 0:19:54.030 you don't do anything else after this I literally was 0:19:54.070 --> 0:19:55.270 talking to Josh about that. 0:19:55.290 --> 0:19:56.790 You'll be fine. I told Josh this the last time. 0:19:56.830 --> 0:19:57.690 The story be told. 0:19:58.190 --> 0:20:01.990 I said, if I don't have anything else creative, this 0:20:02.050 --> 0:20:02.890 is my Lauryn Hill. 0:20:02.950 --> 0:20:05.489 I plan on making more albums. Respectfully. But if this 0:20:05.550 --> 0:20:06.090 is all I can. 0:20:06.109 --> 0:20:07.410 This is your best education. 0:20:08.090 --> 0:20:11.360 As a creator, you only... With black folks, you only 0:20:11.400 --> 0:20:12.340 got to do one thing. 0:20:12.359 --> 0:20:15.109 And we'd be like, And I'm still with you. 0:20:15.170 --> 0:20:17.730 And I'm with you for 20 years. This is it. 0:20:18.070 --> 0:20:19.330 I would play this for you. 0:20:19.810 --> 0:20:22.090 As an educator, I could play this in the classroom 0:20:22.109 --> 0:20:25.320 with some edits around language for it. You could put 0:20:25.340 --> 0:20:28.260 some 10-year-olds in a room because they can laugh and understand. 0:20:28.600 --> 0:20:30.959 You can put it in there with older folks who 0:20:30.980 --> 0:20:33.620 have a certain perspective. I could play this with dudes. 0:20:33.720 --> 0:20:35.340 I could play this. I could walk down on the 0:20:35.359 --> 0:20:37.000 corners with my cousins and be like, watch this. 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:38.060 Yeah, yeah. 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:40.020 And they're going to be able for the first time 0:20:40.119 --> 0:20:42.480 process like my grandma's passing because they're not going to 0:20:42.500 --> 0:20:45.899 go into therapy. No. And I just, I wrote in 0:20:45.920 --> 0:20:52.530 my notes, my father's mother was 17 when my father 0:20:52.570 --> 0:20:54.990 was born, and then she had kids back to back, 0:20:55.030 --> 0:20:55.790 five back to back. 0:20:56.050 --> 0:21:01.590 Okay. And my grandfather, hella rolling stone. Okay. Like a 0:21:01.630 --> 0:21:03.429 nigga who had a jerry curl until he died, so 0:21:03.450 --> 0:21:04.110 just sit with that. 0:21:04.130 --> 0:21:04.950 Mm-hmm. 0:21:05.109 --> 0:21:05.859 Mm-hmm. You know? 0:21:05.880 --> 0:21:06.580 The picture is painted. 0:21:06.880 --> 0:21:08.080 You know? Got it. 0:21:08.460 --> 0:21:13.199 So neither of them wanted to raise those kids, so my- 0:21:13.600 --> 0:21:17.900 So my dad's grandfather, my great-grandfather and grandmother raised those five. 0:21:18.700 --> 0:21:20.739 So when my grandma Ruby, who is the mother that 0:21:20.800 --> 0:21:22.840 raised my dad when she died, my dad was a cancer. 0:21:23.380 --> 0:21:25.020 I still be trying to trace back and see, like, 0:21:25.720 --> 0:21:28.020 where was his cancerisms? Because daddy didn't cry. Like, he 0:21:28.040 --> 0:21:31.120 wasn't emotional. But I will never forget my grandma Ruby 0:21:31.160 --> 0:21:32.860 passing and my dad standing in front of that house 0:21:33.080 --> 0:21:34.940 and boo-hoo crying. 0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:36.639 And I. 0:21:38.359 --> 0:21:40.790 Think with your mothers, there's all these moments where you 0:21:40.810 --> 0:21:45.140 realize your mother's, like, humanhood. Mm-hmm. I just like this 0:21:45.180 --> 0:21:49.080 man is showing black men how to be humans and 0:21:49.440 --> 0:21:50.720 it won't take away from you. 0:21:50.780 --> 0:21:51.680 It will just add. 0:21:51.960 --> 0:21:55.490 And for the person watching this, I always talk about my, 0:21:55.510 --> 0:21:56.510 I transitioned at 38. 0:21:56.510 --> 0:21:58.550 Okay. Right. 0:21:58.670 --> 0:22:02.110 And so I, how many years has that been? 0:22:02.150 --> 0:22:02.570 Six years, 2020. 0:22:02.570 --> 0:22:06.649 I started my medical transition and it went crazy fast 0:22:06.670 --> 0:22:08.899 because I was like, I had the career and in 0:22:08.960 --> 0:22:10.180 a year I had the Apple deal. 0:22:10.280 --> 0:22:13.270 So I'd never really had like, downtime. 0:22:13.310 --> 0:22:17.369 I didn't get to have my transits was never just mine. 0:22:17.490 --> 0:22:21.910 But I that 38 years I had mastered even in 0:22:22.250 --> 0:22:27.109 deep femininity what the black women and the black community 0:22:27.170 --> 0:22:29.790 needed from me as someone who identified as a man 0:22:29.830 --> 0:22:30.869 in community at that time. 0:22:31.869 --> 0:22:35.949 And that's why I'll never let you niggas look at them. 0:22:36.330 --> 0:22:40.380 I'll never let you niggas play with me about how 0:22:40.800 --> 0:22:45.520 majestic Nigga hood really can be. I know you're not 0:22:45.560 --> 0:22:48.580 a real nigga because I've been a real nigga. And 0:22:48.700 --> 0:22:51.270 so that right. And so and so I it also 0:22:51.310 --> 0:22:55.510 touches me deeply because I know what young black boys 0:22:55.590 --> 0:22:58.030 don't have. And so when I hear brothers talk about things, 0:22:58.070 --> 0:22:59.950 I'm like, I want you to have it. And that's 0:22:59.990 --> 0:23:01.530 another reason why I love what you do, because I'm like, 0:23:02.030 --> 0:23:04.850 it's here. Oh, no, ain't nobody talking about black man's 0:23:04.869 --> 0:23:05.290 mental health. 0:23:06.970 --> 0:23:09.490 Etienne is. Cher Lee's son is over there talking. He 0:23:09.510 --> 0:23:10.649 walking you niggas through the park. 0:23:10.690 --> 0:23:10.889 Yes, he is. 0:23:10.890 --> 0:23:12.929 Y'all don't want to walk, though. Y'all don't want to walk. 0:23:12.970 --> 0:23:14.630 You want to walk all over your baby mama. 0:23:15.150 --> 0:23:15.330 Yeah. 0:23:15.890 --> 0:23:20.930 They doing it. They are. And what you've created is. 0:23:24.130 --> 0:23:28.990 Professional development in grief that everybody can access. 0:23:29.130 --> 0:23:32.070 This is what I do. Like, yes, I laugh and kiki. 0:23:33.720 --> 0:23:36.330 The process of grieving, there's a whole section in the 0:23:36.369 --> 0:23:39.690 DYP around digging into that. 0:23:39.730 --> 0:23:41.730 Discovering your power. That's the abbreviation. 0:23:41.810 --> 0:23:43.590 Okay, we got a little acronym. DYP. 0:23:43.670 --> 0:23:47.070 Yeah. I didn't go to Stanford. Right. 0:23:47.150 --> 0:23:49.429 And my program was on compassion at Stanford. And I 0:23:49.470 --> 0:23:52.200 had done so much of my work based on empathy. And, 0:23:52.210 --> 0:23:54.090 you know, we define empathy, you know, like at this 0:23:54.130 --> 0:23:57.320 moment where you find this shared space to exist as people. So, Angel, 0:23:57.340 --> 0:23:59.540 if you're telling me, yo, I had a rough morning 0:23:59.580 --> 0:24:01.800 and I drank my coffee and my coffee was too hot. 0:24:02.340 --> 0:24:04.939 I'm listening to you, but I'm also, if empathy is 0:24:04.980 --> 0:24:07.219 my main tool, I'm trying to think about when I 0:24:07.240 --> 0:24:09.330 had something that burned my mouth or something like that. 0:24:09.609 --> 0:24:13.169 I'm not being present. I'm not bearing witness. There is 0:24:13.210 --> 0:24:15.750 such a gift in bearing witness. Compassion is the act 0:24:15.790 --> 0:24:16.570 of bearing witness. 0:24:16.590 --> 0:24:17.389 Ooh. 0:24:17.869 --> 0:24:19.790 I've never heard it put that way. Come on. 0:24:19.869 --> 0:24:23.380 Our first class, our professor introduced it, and I had 0:24:23.390 --> 0:24:27.280 to turn off my camera because I was like, hmm. 0:24:27.850 --> 0:24:29.840 Because also it feels uncomfortable for people to share things 0:24:29.880 --> 0:24:31.619 and you not make an automatic next move. 0:24:31.680 --> 0:24:32.100 Yeah. 0:24:33.080 --> 0:24:35.740 The move is being present. And then you can build 0:24:35.760 --> 0:24:39.340 a strategy outside of that, but if you simply have 0:24:39.359 --> 0:24:42.180 the capacity to bear witness, like, that is a great. 0:24:42.480 --> 0:24:42.939 Most people. 0:24:42.800 --> 0:24:46.090 Have never had someone just listen and just hold space, right? 0:24:46.590 --> 0:24:50.270 And so when I think about grief, you said you 0:24:50.290 --> 0:24:53.350 had that language piece in there, and you talked about, like, this. 0:24:54.130 --> 0:24:55.910 It starts, but it doesn't stop. Mm-hmm. 0:24:58.109 --> 0:25:02.250 There are so many people, most experiences for oppressed people 0:25:02.290 --> 0:25:10.379 that start and never stop are the experiences that kill us. Depression, neurodivergency, 0:25:10.600 --> 0:25:14.199 the things that are just like ever present, we rarely 0:25:14.280 --> 0:25:17.020 figure out how to have them as a passenger because 0:25:17.090 --> 0:25:20.370 it just, it feels like it's too much. 0:25:20.850 --> 0:25:24.850 And grief is something that. 0:25:27.700 --> 0:25:29.389 I needed to go to prison for almost a decade 0:25:29.410 --> 0:25:31.730 because my parents, my mother's passing would have killed me. 0:25:32.690 --> 0:25:34.689 You needed to go to prison? I did. I still 0:25:34.710 --> 0:25:36.429 ended up in the hospital after my mom died. Oh, 0:25:36.450 --> 0:25:37.050 my God. 0:25:37.150 --> 0:25:38.530 Like, I was so sick, and they put me in, 0:25:38.570 --> 0:25:39.830 and I was in the hospital. They didn't know what 0:25:39.850 --> 0:25:43.430 was going on. And I'll never forget, my friend Brandy, 0:25:43.750 --> 0:25:48.880 Brandy Smith, I told her this. I was in the hospital. Like, 0:25:49.140 --> 0:25:52.480 small spaces and different things activate me and take me 0:25:52.540 --> 0:25:54.400 right back to 20 years of being, like, a kid 0:25:54.440 --> 0:25:55.000 in the system. 0:25:55.020 --> 0:25:55.379 Mm-hmm. 0:25:55.890 --> 0:25:57.750 So like being in the hospital for like five, six days, 0:25:58.470 --> 0:25:59.869 it was a lot for me at this point. 0:26:00.330 --> 0:26:01.090 Mom had passed. 0:26:01.750 --> 0:26:04.550 I'm the parent of my youngest sister now because Andrea 0:26:04.570 --> 0:26:08.149 was 12 when my mom passed. And Brandi walked in, 0:26:08.160 --> 0:26:10.139 the lights were off. I just knew it was the 0:26:10.200 --> 0:26:13.560 angel of death, not being facetious. And I was ready 0:26:13.600 --> 0:26:18.260 to go. Because it was, I could not believe that 0:26:18.460 --> 0:26:22.610 I had my love. I fell in love with my father. 0:26:23.640 --> 0:26:28.119 In the last six, seven years. And I think a 0:26:28.160 --> 0:26:30.500 huge part of it was there was a disconnect because 0:26:30.820 --> 0:26:33.590 my daddy loved me, but I was telling my daddy 0:26:33.609 --> 0:26:34.889 to love me like he loved my sister. 0:26:36.410 --> 0:26:38.510 And me and my sister, she's three years behind me. 0:26:39.090 --> 0:26:42.090 So I watched who he was to Katrina, and I 0:26:42.130 --> 0:26:45.669 was like, he nice, but he don't pick me up. 0:26:45.810 --> 0:26:46.409 You know what I'm saying? 0:26:46.450 --> 0:26:47.690 He's not doing all that stuff for me. 0:26:47.710 --> 0:26:50.790 These things, right? And so that was there. But me 0:26:50.810 --> 0:26:56.090 and my mom, my mother... is my soulmate. So I 0:26:56.130 --> 0:26:58.730 was just like, I cannot believe that I got through 0:26:58.750 --> 0:27:02.429 this prison time, all this time in solitary confinement to 0:27:02.490 --> 0:27:04.750 come home and we don't even. 0:27:04.609 --> 0:27:05.510 Make it to Christmas. 0:27:06.830 --> 0:27:11.590 And so if I would not have endured all the 0:27:11.630 --> 0:27:14.020 loss that incarceration brought to me, I don't think I 0:27:14.060 --> 0:27:19.920 would have had kind of a understanding of like how 0:27:19.940 --> 0:27:22.369 to How something will take you to the edge, but 0:27:22.410 --> 0:27:23.830 you can't let it push you off. 0:27:23.970 --> 0:27:24.250 Yeah. 0:27:24.830 --> 0:27:27.590 Like, even if, I'm going to be real with you, 0:27:27.650 --> 0:27:30.830 even if it's that moment kind of when you stand 0:27:30.850 --> 0:27:33.370 there and let the wind blow past you, and it's like, 0:27:33.410 --> 0:27:34.300 you know what I mean? 0:27:34.320 --> 0:27:34.429 Yeah. 0:27:34.450 --> 0:27:36.080 Where it's like, you know, that dangerous moment, like you 0:27:36.100 --> 0:27:37.979 ever do something, climb a tree or do something you're 0:27:38.000 --> 0:27:39.340 not supposed to do when you're younger, and it's like 0:27:39.900 --> 0:27:41.980 the experience is around you, but you know you can't 0:27:42.020 --> 0:27:42.959 go too far. 0:27:42.980 --> 0:27:43.060 Yeah. 0:27:43.140 --> 0:27:43.340 Yeah. 0:27:44.430 --> 0:27:47.260 Prison taught me, like, I can't never let anything take me. 0:27:47.660 --> 0:27:48.980 And grief is a system. 0:27:49.260 --> 0:27:51.540 Yeah. Right? And so that taught me that. 0:27:51.560 --> 0:27:53.800 And so listening to you describe it in that way, 0:27:55.380 --> 0:27:57.679 grief is a big system of oppression that's harming our 0:27:57.700 --> 0:27:58.260 people right now. 0:27:58.280 --> 0:28:00.080 For sure. With nothing. 0:28:01.160 --> 0:28:03.620 As a black man, you talk about your dad not crying. 0:28:03.780 --> 0:28:06.869 I've seen my dad cry maybe less than three times. 0:28:07.410 --> 0:28:10.889 And one time where he, like, lost control... is when 0:28:10.930 --> 0:28:13.490 his dad passed away. But it was like weeks after. 0:28:14.090 --> 0:28:17.130 He was like, my dad passed. I met my granddad 0:28:17.150 --> 0:28:20.350 a few times. Regular black granddad, square head. Funny story 0:28:20.369 --> 0:28:22.290 about him. He had so many grandchildren in the house. 0:28:22.670 --> 0:28:25.369 He learned to like anchovies on pizza just because he 0:28:25.410 --> 0:28:26.580 knew his grandkids didn't like it. 0:28:26.820 --> 0:28:28.300 And he would tease us like, y'all don't want no pizza? 0:28:28.320 --> 0:28:29.619 There's all kinds of pizza in here. It would just 0:28:29.660 --> 0:28:32.119 be anchovies. We'd be like, come on, granddad. Order a pepperoni. 0:28:32.140 --> 0:28:34.080 He's like, oh, I don't want no pepperoni. I love anchovies. 0:28:34.520 --> 0:28:37.280 But that's my great memory of him. He passed away. 0:28:37.300 --> 0:28:39.180 My dad acted like nothing happened. And one day we're 0:28:39.200 --> 0:28:42.080 going to church and my dad just lost it. And 0:28:42.120 --> 0:28:44.660 then he never mentioned it again. So it's like, I 0:28:44.700 --> 0:28:47.370 don't know how to process. Like, you didn't teach me. 0:28:48.010 --> 0:28:50.030 You know, I think black parents in poverty didn't have 0:28:50.090 --> 0:28:51.390 time to teach a lot of things. 0:28:51.450 --> 0:28:53.040 You just kind of like. You had to pick it up. 0:28:53.110 --> 0:28:53.830 I got to go to work. 0:28:53.850 --> 0:28:55.290 You got to go to school. I got to get 0:28:55.330 --> 0:28:57.210 dinner ready. There's not a moment to be like, here's 0:28:57.250 --> 0:28:59.020 how you grieve. Here's how you do stuff. So I 0:28:59.040 --> 0:29:01.360 think I've never thought about this like that until you 0:29:01.380 --> 0:29:03.020 said that. But my kids are coming to the show. 0:29:03.120 --> 0:29:06.600 Both of them. They lost their uncle. Very close uncle. 0:29:07.460 --> 0:29:10.320 And my youngest son, who you would think is not 0:29:10.840 --> 0:29:12.820 very emotional, was like, I got to be there. And 0:29:12.840 --> 0:29:15.120 my oldest son, who you would think is open, is like, God, 0:29:15.220 --> 0:29:19.680 I don't want to see it. And they both need to. Like, 0:29:19.700 --> 0:29:22.160 they both need to understand how to grieve. I want 0:29:22.180 --> 0:29:24.550 to make this right back about you. We were talking, 0:29:24.590 --> 0:29:25.220 and I want to talk about. 0:29:25.240 --> 0:29:27.450 I want to ask a question, because you've been going... 0:29:27.290 --> 0:29:28.190 I didn't ask no question. 0:29:28.210 --> 0:29:29.770 I was being quiet for a long time. 0:29:29.770 --> 0:29:32.220 Well, no, because we were letting... Yeah, but just let 0:29:32.220 --> 0:29:33.150 me get this one off. 0:29:33.150 --> 0:29:34.810 Because before we got off prison. 0:29:34.810 --> 0:29:37.200 We were talking the other day. I was just like, hey, 0:29:37.200 --> 0:29:39.300 what do you want to talk about? And you told 0:29:39.340 --> 0:29:43.160 this story about being in prison on death row and 0:29:43.200 --> 0:29:45.920 about grace. I just want you to repeat that for 0:29:45.980 --> 0:29:48.260 Angel and the people because I thought it was so interesting. 0:29:48.280 --> 0:29:49.060 Oh, I would love this back story. 0:29:49.080 --> 0:29:49.660 Yeah, I. 0:29:49.960 --> 0:29:52.480 All right, y'all, let's take a quick break and hear 0:29:52.520 --> 0:29:55.020 from our sponsor of today's episode, Polymarket. 0:29:56.510 --> 0:29:58.830 Is back folks and you need to change the way 0:29:58.850 --> 0:30:01.310 you invest in the nfl season okay. 0:30:01.110 --> 0:30:02.810 It's finally time to ditch your old. 0:30:02.710 --> 0:30:07.180 Sportsbook apps because polymarket is here polymarket is a legal 0:30:07.220 --> 0:30:10.260 prediction market now available in all 50 states and those 0:30:10.500 --> 0:30:13.979 old sportsbooks yuck they're a relic of the past on 0:30:14.090 --> 0:30:18.290 polymarket you can trade on all things nfl from the 0:30:18.390 --> 0:30:21.630 sunday slate to who wins Rookie of the Year to 0:30:21.650 --> 0:30:24.950 who performs the halftime show. 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Black 0:31:41.000 --> 0:31:44.780 and Pink is the largest prison abolitionist organization in the world. 0:31:44.820 --> 0:31:45.900 Okay. 0:31:45.920 --> 0:31:47.420 And when I took it over, I think Black and 0:31:47.440 --> 0:31:48.880 Pink's budget was like $ 250, 000 a year. When I left, 0:31:48.900 --> 0:31:49.719 my budget was $ 3. 0:31:49.620 --> 0:31:50.070 2 million. 0:31:50.090 --> 0:31:52.230 I had raised almost $ 20 million. 0:31:52.250 --> 0:31:58.330 Okay. And buildings that I had purchased during my time 0:31:58.390 --> 0:32:00.730 just opened last year in Omaha, and I've been going 0:32:00.750 --> 0:32:03.790 for black and pink since 2022. But this idea of 0:32:03.830 --> 0:32:09.210 prison abolition and not ever seeing people as the worst 0:32:09.230 --> 0:32:11.550 thing they've ever done was a huge component. 0:32:11.230 --> 0:32:11.890 Of my work. 0:32:12.910 --> 0:32:14.810 And it was hard at first, because I think even 0:32:14.850 --> 0:32:18.210 with incarceration, it was like, oh, yes, everyone deserves opportunities, 0:32:18.230 --> 0:32:21.390 but it's like, okay, if you murder, if you rape, 0:32:21.410 --> 0:32:24.070 I had these limitations. And then it became my job 0:32:24.110 --> 0:32:28.090 to hold had a database about 25,000 incarcerated people. My 0:32:28.110 --> 0:32:32.350 job is to show for each one of them. And it, um, 0:32:32.970 --> 0:32:35.950 it took me back. I was in solitary confinement for 0:32:35.950 --> 0:32:39.890 18 months. And, um, there's a, there's a law called, 0:32:39.930 --> 0:32:42.550 there's a system called the prison rape elimination act, Priya. 0:32:43.470 --> 0:32:45.510 It's a bipartisan. 0:32:45.630 --> 0:32:49.830 System that is, that came out of racism though, because 0:32:49.910 --> 0:32:52.470 what was taking place is you in the crack wars, 0:32:52.490 --> 0:32:54.160 you had all of these young black men that were 0:32:54.180 --> 0:32:59.050 being incarcerated and given these Buck Rogers numbers, you know, 80, 50, 100, 200. 0:32:59.050 --> 0:33:04.030 Then meth came, and you saw these young white boys 0:33:04.070 --> 0:33:07.230 getting long sentences. And there was a concern that these 0:33:07.250 --> 0:33:09.430 young white boys were being sexually assaulted, that they were 0:33:09.450 --> 0:33:10.230 being turned out. 0:33:10.850 --> 0:33:12.350 And so PREA was meant. 0:33:12.210 --> 0:33:15.970 To be a protective barrier, but it became a tool, 0:33:15.990 --> 0:33:19.520 a protective barrier for these white kids that were being marginalized, right? 0:33:20.620 --> 0:33:22.459 But the system started to use it as a tool 0:33:23.020 --> 0:33:24.040 to just put. 0:33:24.490 --> 0:33:26.780 President Obama passed a law where you cannot have someone 0:33:26.820 --> 0:33:30.140 in solitary confinement as a punishment for longer than two weeks. 0:33:30.180 --> 0:33:31.360 People think it's everything. 0:33:32.320 --> 0:33:35.790 So when President Obama passed that law, they used PREA 0:33:35.810 --> 0:33:39.230 to put you on administrative confinement because that's not punishment. 0:33:40.170 --> 0:33:42.450 And they would use terms like for your safety and 0:33:42.490 --> 0:33:48.040 your security. And so I was 20, turning 21. 0:33:48.040 --> 0:33:48.820 They're like. 0:33:51.330 --> 0:33:53.550 There was a race riot on the yard between the 0:33:53.590 --> 0:33:57.530 Native Americans. I told the story in my sub-sack. My 0:33:57.550 --> 0:34:00.260 first husband was this Indian man named Doug Lucero, honey. 0:34:00.640 --> 0:34:02.340 Almost died in a sweat lodge trying to be up 0:34:02.400 --> 0:34:05.920 under him, I got to say. But the people was 0:34:05.960 --> 0:34:07.980 warring on the yard, honey. And they was like, oh, girl, 0:34:08.000 --> 0:34:10.430 they're cutting up behind you. We're going to put you 0:34:10.450 --> 0:34:12.270 in these people's place. And I thought it would be 0:34:12.310 --> 0:34:14.170 like 60 days, 90 days. It ended up being 18 months. 0:34:16.480 --> 0:34:19.880 And then Nebraska's system overcrowded very quickly. They opened a 0:34:19.900 --> 0:34:23.540 prison called Tecumseh. It was a Supermax prison. And so 0:34:23.560 --> 0:34:26.500 they built a housing unit for death row, and there 0:34:26.520 --> 0:34:29.350 were extra rooms there. They were like, Dominique, we're going 0:34:29.370 --> 0:34:32.130 to move you there. You've got six months left. And 0:34:32.170 --> 0:34:36.629 I'm like, okay. And, again, I'm glad I did not 0:34:36.670 --> 0:34:39.390 know what I know now because it would have– I didn't– 0:34:39.530 --> 0:34:41.089 to think that I woke up every day on death 0:34:41.150 --> 0:34:43.060 row was a lot. But I had a man named 0:34:43.120 --> 0:34:44.500 Raymond next to me and a man named John on 0:34:44.520 --> 0:34:47.870 this side. In prison, you don't ask questions, and on 0:34:47.890 --> 0:34:50.190 death row, I really wasn't asking questions, right? But these 0:34:50.250 --> 0:34:55.350 guys were extremely kind to me. I always remember it 0:34:55.390 --> 0:34:57.819 was the season of American Idol and Fantasia 1. That's 0:34:57.860 --> 0:34:59.640 what we were watching on TV at the time. They 0:35:00.239 --> 0:35:02.339 would make sure I got up for breakfast. We were 0:35:02.400 --> 0:35:04.879 housed in the lower part of the prison, and so 0:35:05.000 --> 0:35:07.400 if it was raining or dirty, my window would get covered. 0:35:07.420 --> 0:35:09.540 And my room was so dark that any dirt on 0:35:09.560 --> 0:35:11.260 my window, my room could get black. 0:35:11.400 --> 0:35:12.969 And being in there 24 hours a day.... 0:35:15.420 --> 0:35:17.560 John would go out there and wipe my window. John 0:35:17.580 --> 0:35:20.610 would remember to wake me up to eat. One day, 0:35:20.700 --> 0:35:23.529 one of the corporals came down and said, you need 0:35:23.550 --> 0:35:26.549 to be careful talking to him. Do you know who 0:35:26.590 --> 0:35:26.880 he is? 0:35:26.890 --> 0:35:31.069 I was like, John? You know what I mean? And 0:35:31.310 --> 0:35:32.550 she was like, no, it's John Lauder. 0:35:33.700 --> 0:35:35.680 And John Lauder is one of the two young men 0:35:35.840 --> 0:35:37.800 who killed Brandon Tina. 0:35:38.580 --> 0:35:40.700 There's a movie called Boys Don't Cry. Hilary Swink won 0:35:40.719 --> 0:35:43.020 an Oscar. Yes, yes. And before me. 0:35:44.550 --> 0:35:48.149 Brandon was the most known trans person from Nebraska. This 0:35:48.230 --> 0:35:50.990 murder happened in Humboldt, Nebraska. They killed everyone in the house. 0:35:51.090 --> 0:35:52.730 They often don't talk about the young black queer man 0:35:52.770 --> 0:35:55.910 who was murdered in the home. They killed everyone. And John, 0:35:56.270 --> 0:35:58.270 this man who had went to prison for killing a 0:35:58.330 --> 0:36:01.370 trans person, would spend his days talking to me. 0:36:02.469 --> 0:36:04.680 And when I, years later, when I became the ED 0:36:04.700 --> 0:36:05.149 of Black and. 0:36:05.140 --> 0:36:08.620 Pink, they agreed that we could send gifts, Christmas gifts, 0:36:08.680 --> 0:36:10.360 inside to the entire prison system. 0:36:11.260 --> 0:36:14.400 And I was like, that includes death row, right? And 0:36:14.420 --> 0:36:15.399 they were like, oh, no. 0:36:15.480 --> 0:36:18.719 I said, either we send it to everybody or we 0:36:18.760 --> 0:36:22.890 don't send anything. And we sent these holiday gifts. I 0:36:22.910 --> 0:36:25.709 remember being in there and getting little stocking stuffers. And we, 0:36:25.969 --> 0:36:28.250 you know, I pushed my budget. My board was like, 0:36:28.310 --> 0:36:33.049 I was like, I, holidays don't stop because of where 0:36:33.070 --> 0:36:37.570 your body is at. And one of my true beliefs 0:36:37.610 --> 0:36:40.870 and experiences is that when a human being believes no 0:36:40.930 --> 0:36:44.790 one cares, that is the precipice of losing your humanity. 0:36:45.850 --> 0:36:47.850 And usually when people, most people when they're alone every 0:36:47.890 --> 0:36:51.959 other day, somebody can't give a fuck about you on Christmas. Hey, 0:36:52.180 --> 0:36:54.560 all right now, you'll get in a group chat. There's something. 0:36:55.820 --> 0:36:57.740 I wanted to be a part of that for our people. 0:36:57.800 --> 0:36:59.620 And so they went in and like a week later, 0:37:00.840 --> 0:37:04.230 John Lauder, like his attorney team, you know, tweeted me 0:37:04.270 --> 0:37:08.049 and thanked me. And I posted it at the time. 0:37:08.070 --> 0:37:10.620 This was like 2021. A lot of trans folks were 0:37:10.640 --> 0:37:14.129 mad at me. I said, by then I had opened 0:37:14.150 --> 0:37:15.870 Lighting House and we had a whole room of healing 0:37:15.910 --> 0:37:19.230 dedicated to Brandon. I had went to Brandon's burial ground. 0:37:19.310 --> 0:37:23.430 I said, if I have to believe, I cannot believe 0:37:23.610 --> 0:37:25.150 in the transformation of my being. 0:37:26.830 --> 0:37:28.170 Come on. 0:37:28.390 --> 0:37:29.230 I see where you're going. 0:37:29.870 --> 0:37:34.530 I cannot believe in the transformation, the manifestation of my 0:37:34.590 --> 0:37:38.120 best self and how that ebb and flow goes and 0:37:38.160 --> 0:37:43.600 believe that A horrible, harmful, destructive decision that this man 0:37:43.640 --> 0:37:47.660 made 30 years ago will decide who this man is forever. 0:37:48.500 --> 0:37:51.480 He's on death row. That's what it is. 0:37:52.719 --> 0:37:56.730 But seeing him, and in that moment, he didn't have 0:37:56.750 --> 0:37:58.549 to say anything to me. And it just brought me 0:37:58.590 --> 0:38:01.190 back to being 20 years old, 21 years old, and 0:38:01.910 --> 0:38:03.160 him making sure that he got up every morning and 0:38:03.200 --> 0:38:05.210 wiped my window for me so I could see outside. And. 0:38:07.260 --> 0:38:09.759 The work of Black and Pink activism took me to 0:38:09.780 --> 0:38:14.509 my edge because every day it required me to sacrifice 0:38:14.590 --> 0:38:17.290 a piece of me in hopes that it would benefit 0:38:17.330 --> 0:38:21.569 my people. And I told you that story, Kev, because 0:38:21.670 --> 0:38:27.230 I think when I see people struggle with you and 0:38:27.290 --> 0:38:31.770 the work that you do, they really don't understand what 0:38:31.830 --> 0:38:35.890 transformation is and they really don't have an appreciation for transformation. 0:38:35.910 --> 0:38:36.029 Mm-hmm. 0:38:37.860 --> 0:38:41.280 They believe and they want to appreciate perfection, which doesn't 0:38:41.320 --> 0:38:42.160 really exist. 0:38:42.200 --> 0:38:43.660 Yeah. 0:38:43.680 --> 0:38:52.120 And we have to hold space for the possibilities in people. 0:38:52.140 --> 0:38:55.149 Mm-hmm. We have to. And so that's something I tell that. 0:38:55.070 --> 0:38:57.969 Story often because it's just the way the universe always 0:38:57.989 --> 0:38:59.890 does that to me. I always get in the face 0:38:59.930 --> 0:39:02.569 of people. In my Georgetown program, my juvenile judge was 0:39:02.630 --> 0:39:06.730 one of my classmates. Like, God will always, every time 0:39:06.750 --> 0:39:07.930 I'm like, I want to be a good person, God 0:39:07.950 --> 0:39:09.589 will be like, let's see. 0:39:09.969 --> 0:39:11.129 Really? Right? 0:39:11.750 --> 0:39:15.489 The baby that my ex-husband had in our marriage, when 0:39:15.530 --> 0:39:16.799 that baby died, I'm the one that had to tell 0:39:16.840 --> 0:39:17.069 him the. 0:39:17.010 --> 0:39:17.610 Baby was gone. 0:39:18.430 --> 0:39:24.160 Like, I always end up in situations that challenge Oh, 0:39:24.180 --> 0:39:25.120 this who you say you are? 0:39:25.140 --> 0:39:25.259 Right. 0:39:25.280 --> 0:39:26.160 This who you say you want to be? 0:39:26.180 --> 0:39:27.140 Let's see. Why do you have to tell me what 0:39:27.160 --> 0:39:28.489 you pray to God? Because he's going to be like, oh, 0:39:28.510 --> 0:39:30.390 how about I give you... Very much so. a way 0:39:30.410 --> 0:39:32.250 you don't think it's going to come? Listen. 0:39:32.550 --> 0:39:33.029 Let's prove it. 0:39:33.150 --> 0:39:34.969 Just because you don't scrape your tongue doesn't mean it's 0:39:35.030 --> 0:39:39.390 not prophetic. Oh, my God. Okay, listen. 0:39:39.570 --> 0:39:41.790 Okay, I have so many questions as I've learned so 0:39:41.810 --> 0:39:44.250 much about you in this moment in time. 0:39:44.630 --> 0:39:46.129 The first question I want to start off with. 0:39:46.290 --> 0:39:46.930 I got a question. 0:39:47.660 --> 0:39:49.260 And I'll sock you right in your face. 0:39:50.380 --> 0:39:54.290 The question I have, so knowing that you lost both 0:39:54.350 --> 0:39:57.430 of your parents coming out of the system. 0:39:58.050 --> 0:40:00.260 And then that was, how old were you when you 0:40:00.910 --> 0:40:01.279 came out? 0:40:01.580 --> 0:40:02.819 I was 26 turning 27. 0:40:02.820 --> 0:40:05.940 Okay, so I'm looking at you as now, you're in 0:40:05.980 --> 0:40:06.390 your 40s. 0:40:06.420 --> 0:40:07.600 I'll be 45 in March. 0:40:07.880 --> 0:40:09.299 Okay, we right there near the same age. 0:40:10.150 --> 0:40:13.310 What was your support system to go through all the 0:40:13.350 --> 0:40:16.410 transitions you went through after coming out? Because that's when 0:40:16.430 --> 0:40:20.219 you started becoming a degree girl. And becoming like a 0:40:20.560 --> 0:40:23.880 mother to your sister. And now becoming who you are. 0:40:24.940 --> 0:40:27.440 What was holding you up? What was the system that 0:40:27.480 --> 0:40:28.200 you were leaning on? 0:40:30.420 --> 0:40:31.380 Listen, God. 0:40:31.400 --> 0:40:34.779 And not the Keith Lee of it all. 0:40:36.800 --> 0:40:40.660 Because the girls don't want to listen. Listen. Love you, Keith. 0:40:40.760 --> 0:40:43.980 I'd have told him to kiss my black ass. He'd say, okay. 0:40:44.040 --> 0:40:46.640 Somebody who finally agrees with me. I would have been like, 0:40:46.860 --> 0:40:49.319 I hear you. I see you. Didn't land the way 0:40:49.340 --> 0:40:52.319 I wanted to land, but I'm going to shout. Come on. 0:40:54.200 --> 0:40:55.160 I would have had to hold that one. 0:40:55.180 --> 0:40:59.549 That being said. 0:41:00.170 --> 0:41:00.270 See? 0:41:00.350 --> 0:41:02.590 It was early. I was in a drunk tank in 0:41:02.670 --> 0:41:04.690 Elk Point, South Dakota. They had me in that drunk 0:41:04.710 --> 0:41:07.650 tank for six months. I remember there was a book 0:41:07.670 --> 0:41:12.009 called Seventy Times Seven. And I remember reading that and 0:41:12.350 --> 0:41:14.430 I had, they gave me the Bible and I went 0:41:14.469 --> 0:41:16.549 to sleep and I was like, God, if my life 0:41:16.610 --> 0:41:18.680 isn't meant to be something, please don't wake me up tomorrow. 0:41:19.680 --> 0:41:21.549 And my mom woke up the next day so angry. 0:41:22.800 --> 0:41:26.580 And when my mother died, I knew I need the first, 0:41:26.700 --> 0:41:28.900 like my first idea of a purpose was I. 0:41:28.860 --> 0:41:33.220 Need to be here for my siblings. And I was like, okay, 0:41:33.560 --> 0:41:36.219 let me do that. Let me start. The last thing 0:41:36.239 --> 0:41:38.739 I told my mother is like, she's going to graduate. Mm-hmm. 0:41:39.420 --> 0:41:42.960 We're going to do that. Andrea's a Gemini. It's a lot. 0:41:43.260 --> 0:41:48.140 But she graduated. It's a lot. It's a lot. Right. 0:41:48.850 --> 0:41:55.010 Then it was like community started coming forward. There's somebody 0:41:55.030 --> 0:41:59.170 named Ann Smolsky from back home. Ann worked in homeless services. 0:41:59.890 --> 0:42:01.440 And there was a time that she helped me apply 0:42:01.460 --> 0:42:04.350 for rental assistance and assistance to keep my lights on. 0:42:06.040 --> 0:42:09.529 Years later, when she became the director of, like, a 0:42:09.730 --> 0:42:13.150 department around sex education at Charles Drew Health Center, I. 0:42:14.750 --> 0:42:15.590 Was her first hire. 0:42:15.610 --> 0:42:17.290 Okay. 0:42:17.670 --> 0:42:19.450 And she, I'll never forget. 0:42:19.489 --> 0:42:21.379 You know, she was like, HR came in and was like, 0:42:21.660 --> 0:42:23.419 you know, Dominique has a record. And she was like, 0:42:24.600 --> 0:42:26.160 will any of this prevent her from doing the things 0:42:26.200 --> 0:42:29.319 that she needs to do? And then shout out to 0:42:29.340 --> 0:42:32.109 the black man, Kenny McMorris, who was the CEO, still is, 0:42:32.140 --> 0:42:34.130 who said, we're going to bring Dominique in. Mm-hmm. 0:42:35.120 --> 0:42:38.689 There's the Andrew Alimans of the world. Girl. 0:42:39.030 --> 0:42:42.250 Andrew was my caseworker when I first got out of prison. 0:42:43.510 --> 0:42:47.589 And I didn't know that people in professional spaces, you're 0:42:47.610 --> 0:42:49.830 not supposed to be cool with the people you serve. 0:42:50.350 --> 0:42:51.360 I'm just a banjo girl. 0:42:51.840 --> 0:42:54.239 So I see Andrew in the mall, and I'm waving 0:42:54.280 --> 0:42:55.700 and speaking, and he don't speak back. 0:42:55.719 --> 0:42:56.780 I'm like, oh, this bitch is fake. 0:42:59.500 --> 0:43:01.440 You know, I'm like, oh, Miss Thing, I was just 0:43:01.460 --> 0:43:03.840 in your office crying and shit, and you can't speak, 0:43:03.880 --> 0:43:04.799 Miss Thing, in front of. 0:43:04.780 --> 0:43:09.370 The Converse store yet? I don't know. It's like professionalism. 0:43:09.410 --> 0:43:12.410 I don't know this, right? Because I haven't gotten into 0:43:12.430 --> 0:43:15.210 the work yet. And then we, you know, I. 0:43:17.870 --> 0:43:21.290 Began to ascend, and we kind of become colleagues, and 0:43:21.330 --> 0:43:25.049 then we become friends. And when I took over Black 0:43:25.090 --> 0:43:28.140 and Pink... I built out the programs department. I was like, 0:43:28.180 --> 0:43:30.279 I need to hire somebody that I would feel safe with. 0:43:30.340 --> 0:43:34.450 And so I hired Andrew. And I was like, this 0:43:34.489 --> 0:43:36.670 man is going to make six figures. This man is 0:43:36.710 --> 0:43:44.910 going to... What job you want? Because pantries just... There 0:43:44.930 --> 0:43:49.110 were times when it was like with Andrea, I raised her. 0:43:49.130 --> 0:43:51.549 I was not a good parent. I didn't want to 0:43:51.570 --> 0:43:54.020 be a parent. And so she got what she needed 0:43:54.040 --> 0:43:54.399 to eat. 0:43:54.420 --> 0:43:56.959 She got... she got the, I paid for things. 0:43:57.000 --> 0:43:59.580 She, hair was always done, but I know that I 0:43:59.640 --> 0:44:03.640 was not present in the way that a parent should. 0:44:03.660 --> 0:44:07.540 And Andrew always figured out how to make room for like, 0:44:07.600 --> 0:44:09.620 he saw that and that wasn't part of his job, 0:44:09.660 --> 0:44:09.900 you know? 0:44:09.940 --> 0:44:10.900 So it was the Andrews. 0:44:10.960 --> 0:44:14.900 And then it, it began to evolve where I got, 0:44:14.960 --> 0:44:18.600 God just kept sending these pockets of people. Then it 0:44:18.620 --> 0:44:21.279 was like my family, my biological family and my transition, 0:44:21.760 --> 0:44:26.430 my dad's side of family has been incredible. My mom's 0:44:26.469 --> 0:44:32.590 siblings struggled, especially my uncles. But we had a breakthrough. 0:44:32.610 --> 0:44:39.320 Girl, you all right? You are holding it together now. Listen, 0:44:39.420 --> 0:44:42.620 I am because I told her. An angel don't never cry. 0:44:42.660 --> 0:44:44.680 I told the people, I told the makeup artist this morning, 0:44:44.700 --> 0:44:46.140 she wanted to put the, I said, girl, I'm going 0:44:46.219 --> 0:44:46.900 to cry with them. 0:44:48.320 --> 0:44:50.500 I said, don't do too much. Because I'm wide open. 0:44:50.520 --> 0:44:52.940 That nigga's brother died. Literally, I said, I don't have it. 0:44:52.940 --> 0:44:55.040 Let's all just take a break and get some fruit snacks. 0:44:55.100 --> 0:44:55.980 I don't have it. 0:44:56.000 --> 0:44:58.280 Josh! I don't have it. I don't have it. I said, 0:44:58.300 --> 0:45:01.029 my God. You did well. You signed up each time 0:45:01.110 --> 0:45:02.230 at the waterline. I have. 0:45:02.350 --> 0:45:02.870 I have. 0:45:02.910 --> 0:45:03.950 She's done a good job. 0:45:03.969 --> 0:45:05.950 You know, but I had sent him a video from 0:45:05.989 --> 0:45:12.250 Kev and my uncle, my uncle Kerwin, very religious. And, um, 0:45:13.320 --> 0:45:15.140 like when I first came home from prison, like super supportive. 0:45:15.160 --> 0:45:16.960 And then my transition happened. I remember I was in 0:45:17.760 --> 0:45:21.460 San Antonio. It was right when I got there. I 0:45:21.500 --> 0:45:22.759 was the global model for Apple. 0:45:22.800 --> 0:45:23.509 I just knew. 0:45:23.530 --> 0:45:28.589 And he was like, something was happening. And before, they 0:45:28.610 --> 0:45:29.730 wanted me to stay at the house. And then it 0:45:29.750 --> 0:45:32.330 was like, well, the basement flooded. And I knew they 0:45:32.910 --> 0:45:37.620 were struggling. And last fall, we were back for Omaha Day. 0:45:37.660 --> 0:45:40.500 Monroe was there. And I called both my uncles after 0:45:40.540 --> 0:45:42.779 I watched one of your videos. And I was like, 0:45:42.800 --> 0:45:46.980 I need to know That black men love me not 0:45:47.020 --> 0:45:49.840 because they want to fuck me. And I need to 0:45:49.860 --> 0:45:53.250 have examples of me being cared about by black men 0:45:53.270 --> 0:45:55.210 in my life. There's no more black men who have 0:45:55.250 --> 0:45:58.330 seen me my whole life but you all. There's no 0:45:58.370 --> 0:46:01.590 one who's seen my whole journey but y'all. And I 0:46:01.630 --> 0:46:04.649 know if y'all's kids were gone, my mom would move 0:46:04.710 --> 0:46:07.029 heaven and earth. Y'all aren't showing up for me. I 0:46:07.650 --> 0:46:10.590 don't care if I'm in my 40s. I need my uncles. 0:46:10.610 --> 0:46:15.310 And The way he stepped up. And Monroe was there 0:46:15.330 --> 0:46:21.200 at the breakfast. And it's just been a journey. And 0:46:21.960 --> 0:46:24.719 so what happened is that people came. I learned how 0:46:24.760 --> 0:46:26.660 to express to people what I needed. 0:46:26.680 --> 0:46:27.040 Uh-huh. 0:46:27.480 --> 0:46:30.299 I acknowledged that I can't have the nerve to ask 0:46:30.320 --> 0:46:32.160 for things and not give things. 0:46:32.180 --> 0:46:34.480 Mm-hmm. So I had to become a better friend. I 0:46:34.500 --> 0:46:36.430 had to become a better village member. Mm-hmm. 0:46:37.900 --> 0:46:42.799 And God just kept sending the new version of what 0:46:42.860 --> 0:46:46.980 I needed at that time. And in this current time, 0:46:47.420 --> 0:46:52.530 it's been Monroe. When I walked out of that choice, 0:46:54.650 --> 0:47:01.590 that fight with those girls, it was the closest to 0:47:01.640 --> 0:47:04.320 the darkness I experienced when my mother left. Because I 0:47:04.360 --> 0:47:09.790 was like, me being successful, me being accomplished, was something 0:47:09.830 --> 0:47:11.690 i sat on my chest because i was like i 0:47:11.710 --> 0:47:14.620 came from nothing yeah and it felt like it was 0:47:14.660 --> 0:47:18.560 being ripped from me from people who i gave everything 0:47:18.640 --> 0:47:22.260 to and i just i was like i feel myself 0:47:22.360 --> 0:47:26.430 becoming a version of myself i don't like like i 0:47:26.450 --> 0:47:30.170 feel myself closing off and i posted that that picture 0:47:30.230 --> 0:47:31.650 i had laid in the bed too much at the 0:47:31.950 --> 0:47:37.720 it caved in the middle and um I did not 0:47:37.800 --> 0:47:39.370 want her to be there because I did not want 0:47:39.410 --> 0:47:42.569 her to see me like that. Because they took me 0:47:42.670 --> 0:47:46.190 in there in handcuffs still, even though they knew they 0:47:46.390 --> 0:47:48.969 had to let me go that day. And when I 0:47:49.010 --> 0:47:53.370 walked out there and she was standing there, I was 0:47:53.450 --> 0:47:58.080 so grateful. I was so scared of. I don't know 0:47:58.140 --> 0:47:59.400 if I'm ever going to have the chance to show 0:47:59.440 --> 0:48:00.779 up for her the way she's showing up for me. 0:48:01.920 --> 0:48:05.000 I was like, oh, God, what is it? Instantly, I 0:48:05.020 --> 0:48:06.710 was like, oh. you're going to have to make sure 0:48:06.730 --> 0:48:09.890 you got your shit in order. No, because it takes. 0:48:10.250 --> 0:48:13.330 For sure. Y'all are... It takes so much work to 0:48:13.350 --> 0:48:16.489 be a good friend. For sure. And no one. 0:48:16.810 --> 0:48:18.370 And when you say work, people think it's like you 0:48:18.390 --> 0:48:19.069 don't want to do it. 0:48:19.090 --> 0:48:23.830 No. It's the best labor. But it's labor. It's focus. 0:48:23.930 --> 0:48:26.970 It's... And so I was like, oh, no, you can't... 0:48:27.530 --> 0:48:31.150 You cannot ever halfway it with this lady. And so 0:48:31.350 --> 0:48:33.970 it's been a spectrum, Angel, of just the people coming 0:48:34.070 --> 0:48:36.630 and them seeing something in me And I think now 0:48:36.790 --> 0:48:41.549 it's this community of people who will be in the 0:48:41.590 --> 0:48:43.980 comments warring for me when I don't need to say anything. 0:48:44.100 --> 0:48:47.420 It'll be the folks that stop me in the street 0:48:47.480 --> 0:48:49.279 that tell me what they mean to me. Even at 0:48:49.320 --> 0:48:51.140 the show last night, I was just trying to come in, 0:48:51.540 --> 0:48:54.980 tip in, sit down. I've seen people like... Yeah, yeah. 0:48:55.020 --> 0:48:56.480 I'm like, I'm here to see my people, you know? 0:48:56.500 --> 0:48:57.589 So yeah, it's been that, that.... 0:49:04.840 --> 0:49:07.420 And people just kept coming and it kept building. And 0:49:08.000 --> 0:49:10.239 I think finally I'm a part of that village for 0:49:10.300 --> 0:49:12.319 myself because of them. 0:49:12.340 --> 0:49:12.990 You know what I mean? 0:49:13.050 --> 0:49:15.089 And so that way I'm the equalizer. I know what 0:49:15.110 --> 0:49:16.390 it looks like to show up for me and show 0:49:16.410 --> 0:49:19.009 up for me correctly. It allows me to push people 0:49:19.110 --> 0:49:21.330 out that I know. and not even from a bad space. 0:49:21.410 --> 0:49:24.790 You not ready to fuck with me the way you 0:49:24.830 --> 0:49:25.549 want to fuck with me. 0:49:25.670 --> 0:49:26.150 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:49:26.350 --> 0:49:31.379 Because when we do that, it's very much communication. Even 0:49:31.390 --> 0:49:33.100 last night when we were talking, I was like, hey, 0:49:33.660 --> 0:49:35.859 because I should, like, I'd be like, at 9 o'clock, 0:49:35.900 --> 0:49:36.660 I don't want to talk to nobody. 0:49:37.080 --> 0:49:37.239 Mm-hmm. 0:49:37.300 --> 0:49:42.620 Done. God bless you. Mm-hmm. I ask anybody, if you 0:49:42.640 --> 0:49:44.240 call me at 9 o'clock, I'll be like, what happened? 0:49:44.920 --> 0:49:46.600 Something had to have happened if you're on my phone. 0:49:47.780 --> 0:49:48.779 Because it can't be just to keep. 0:49:48.800 --> 0:49:51.379 To glory, in fact. Right, right. 0:49:52.120 --> 0:49:53.400 Because if it's a gift or something, you can leave 0:49:53.420 --> 0:49:57.779 it on the porch. You know, but I told... Because 0:49:58.040 --> 0:50:00.839 you have to communicate. You have to tell the people. 0:50:00.880 --> 0:50:04.430 I was like, I always hold overdraft for you and Andrew. 0:50:05.630 --> 0:50:07.690 So even when I'm at my limit, yeah, even when I'm... 0:50:08.230 --> 0:50:10.470 You gotta pause that, Dominique. 0:50:10.489 --> 0:50:12.060 That was a great way to put it. 0:50:12.070 --> 0:50:15.149 You got to, because niggas know overdraft. Absolutely. Very close 0:50:15.170 --> 0:50:18.340 with overdraft. Absolutely. I'm going for my savings for you. 0:50:18.360 --> 0:50:20.799 I ain't got it, but I got it for you. 0:50:20.920 --> 0:50:21.060 I do. 0:50:21.480 --> 0:50:24.120 I am not bullshitting when I say I'm at my limit. 0:50:25.060 --> 0:50:28.240 but there's two people who have a card where it's like, 0:50:28.280 --> 0:50:31.430 but you got to tell me you need that. But 0:50:31.469 --> 0:50:34.270 it's here, but I had never said that before. And 0:50:34.290 --> 0:50:35.689 I'm like, okay, let me say that in this point. 0:50:35.730 --> 0:50:38.469 So it's those sort of things that have helped me 0:50:38.750 --> 0:50:43.410 in business, in work, and in keeping myself. Even in Rikers, 0:50:43.469 --> 0:50:46.210 it's like, how does Brie from America's Next Top Model 0:50:46.250 --> 0:50:49.359 end up being a counselor at the jail? And my 0:50:49.420 --> 0:50:51.200 third day in, I'm laying on the bed, and I'm 0:50:51.219 --> 0:50:52.020 just like, what. 0:50:51.880 --> 0:50:52.810 Did I do? I was like, I. 0:50:53.810 --> 0:50:57.239 This is the biggest gamble I've ever taken to just 0:50:57.260 --> 0:51:00.600 be in control of myself. And I thought that I 0:51:00.620 --> 0:51:01.640 was in the women's facility. 0:51:01.660 --> 0:51:03.580 Okay, come on. Come on. 0:51:05.180 --> 0:51:07.569 It's no shade. 0:51:10.230 --> 0:51:14.290 Was. Absolutely. And it wasn't a battle. It wasn't a conversation. 0:51:14.310 --> 0:51:15.049 They knew what it was. 0:51:15.090 --> 0:51:15.230 Hello. 0:51:15.250 --> 0:51:24.689 So... anyway that part when you decide not to talk 0:51:24.730 --> 0:51:26.330 you say so much. 0:51:25.989 --> 0:51:28.350 Yes just the look it's not a game so it 0:51:28.370 --> 0:51:29.850 was just like but her walking in there I was 0:51:29.870 --> 0:51:32.450 sitting there and I they didn't take my nails off 0:51:32.950 --> 0:51:35.220 and we had just did the podcast we had just 0:51:35.260 --> 0:51:37.620 seen y'all in Atlanta like I knew I was going 0:51:37.680 --> 0:51:40.959 that Tuesday that's crazy like I had spent five months 0:51:41.020 --> 0:51:43.400 preparing that like nobody like my close people knew but 0:51:43.820 --> 0:51:46.920 Because I was like, if I come back on May 0:51:46.960 --> 0:51:49.080 whatever and don't nobody mess with me, I want to 0:51:49.380 --> 0:51:53.150 do everything I want to do. I met Kev. I 0:51:53.170 --> 0:51:56.950 met Miss Kev. I talked to Mona. I had a list. 0:51:57.469 --> 0:51:58.310 For real, for real. 0:52:00.530 --> 0:52:03.210 And so just when she walked in there, because she 0:52:03.250 --> 0:52:04.469 saw that I was here and she walked in and 0:52:04.489 --> 0:52:05.550 she cleared the whole set. 0:52:06.190 --> 0:52:10.150 And she would come see me. God. God. 0:52:11.390 --> 0:52:14.680 It, I, they'll never convince me that I don't have 0:52:14.719 --> 0:52:15.300 a purpose. 0:52:15.620 --> 0:52:15.900 Mm-hmm. 0:52:16.719 --> 0:52:19.940 Because as a scientist, the data shows I should not 0:52:20.000 --> 0:52:20.940 only not be here. 0:52:20.960 --> 0:52:22.219 On the data, yes. 0:52:22.300 --> 0:52:26.150 It does. It is because it's, it is. I am 0:52:26.190 --> 0:52:27.390 the data. Mm-hmm. 0:52:27.969 --> 0:52:30.370 If y'all can believe, if y'all don't need to know 0:52:30.430 --> 0:52:32.270 all the information for how a rocket goes up in 0:52:32.290 --> 0:52:36.160 the sky, I'm telling you that knowing all the things 0:52:36.219 --> 0:52:39.620 I've seen, it's like it shouldn't be happening at every time. Yeah. 0:52:39.640 --> 0:52:39.779 Mm-hmm. 0:52:40.080 --> 0:52:42.299 I opened my phone last summer because I really could 0:52:42.340 --> 0:52:44.480 not imagine Nelly laying on top of me, humping me, 0:52:46.030 --> 0:52:48.110 and then giving me a baby. And I'm about to 0:52:48.150 --> 0:52:49.830 change his diapers, but he don't want to change the 0:52:49.850 --> 0:52:53.050 baby diapers. I could not imagine that. 0:52:53.150 --> 0:52:54.589 I roll over. I filmed it. I went to sleep. 0:52:54.630 --> 0:52:56.140 I woke up and it was like viral. I was like, 0:52:56.160 --> 0:52:57.200 what does that mean? Yeah. 0:52:57.950 --> 0:53:00.069 And it was just like, okay, this, like, that's, this 0:53:00.110 --> 0:53:02.009 was not a, you know what I'm saying? Like, if 0:53:02.030 --> 0:53:03.630 people get up and you watch the videos, it wasn't 0:53:03.670 --> 0:53:04.560 get me to 10,000. 0:53:04.550 --> 0:53:05.149 It wasn't that. 0:53:05.250 --> 0:53:08.230 It was, it was, it was, it was the universe. 0:53:08.270 --> 0:53:09.609 And then I was like, okay, I got to meet 0:53:09.670 --> 0:53:12.070 this moment. This is a new form. This is a 0:53:12.110 --> 0:53:15.180 new avenue where I'm supposed to engage in advocacy. Let 0:53:15.200 --> 0:53:17.160 me make it happen. Y'all know what I'd be really 0:53:17.200 --> 0:53:18.799 be thinking about stuff. So that's why we all be 0:53:18.820 --> 0:53:20.880 like my videos. I'll be doing it one time speed 0:53:20.920 --> 0:53:22.400 because I talk and shit. 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Can I ask one? 0:56:12.610 --> 0:56:14.589 Yes, because we trained. You see that? 0:56:14.690 --> 0:56:16.029 I'm going to go on. You want to go on? Yeah. 0:56:16.989 --> 0:56:22.260 This is a question I have. As a black Christian 0:56:22.320 --> 0:56:25.759 man in church my whole life, one thing that I 0:56:25.800 --> 0:56:27.940 have noticed with a lot of black queer people, they 0:56:28.160 --> 0:56:32.030 have not lost their faith with God. They have found 0:56:32.150 --> 0:56:38.200 that faith often in spaces that don't make them feel welcome. Trans, gay, lesbian, 0:56:38.340 --> 0:56:40.940 all that type of stuff. When they're in ministry actively, 0:56:40.980 --> 0:56:43.299 I mean, like, you know, performing, playing music, or just 0:56:43.440 --> 0:56:49.420 in the church, right? How do you reconcile the way, 0:56:49.960 --> 0:56:51.940 and I use the church as an umbrella term, not 0:56:51.960 --> 0:56:55.200 a specific church, because not everyone is the same. How 0:56:55.219 --> 0:56:59.270 do you reconcile how the church has made you feel 0:56:59.350 --> 0:57:02.130 as a queer person with how God has made you 0:57:02.150 --> 0:57:02.870 feel as a person? 0:57:04.500 --> 0:57:09.200 I think that I reconcile understanding quality relationship gives me, 0:57:09.219 --> 0:57:13.500 I use that skill in everything. You're not prepared to 0:57:13.600 --> 0:57:16.620 hold all that I am. My God is. 0:57:16.800 --> 0:57:18.590 Come on. 0:57:18.640 --> 0:57:21.990 I don't, I don't, I, if you, I, I don't, 0:57:22.190 --> 0:57:24.590 I don't sit in a space anymore where if you, 0:57:24.710 --> 0:57:27.550 if it feels like you don't know how to care 0:57:27.590 --> 0:57:30.460 about me, I don't make that my fault anymore because 0:57:30.500 --> 0:57:32.390 I know I do enough work to figure that out. 0:57:32.820 --> 0:57:35.610 It's your capacity. And I don't even try to make 0:57:35.650 --> 0:57:37.490 it seem like you, from a bad place, like you 0:57:37.510 --> 0:57:38.140 don't have it. 0:57:38.450 --> 0:57:39.190 That's cool. 0:57:39.350 --> 0:57:40.730 I'm not going to force you to have it. I'm 0:57:40.750 --> 0:57:42.910 not going to let you fumble me. My God has 0:57:43.130 --> 0:57:47.380 never fumbled me. I've never felt like I was too much. 0:57:47.880 --> 0:57:50.860 And honestly, this may trigger some people. My truth is, 0:57:52.100 --> 0:57:53.640 I thought I knew what it was like to be 0:57:53.680 --> 0:57:54.500 connected to the Spirit. 0:57:56.420 --> 0:57:59.620 Sister... That first nasty shot of estrogen. 0:58:00.330 --> 0:58:01.510 Oh, did it take you somewhere? 0:58:01.530 --> 0:58:02.750 With that testosterone blocker. 0:58:02.770 --> 0:58:02.830 Oh. 0:58:04.630 --> 0:58:13.970 Testosterone. I don't know, sister. I was arguing. 0:58:13.990 --> 0:58:15.470 I was talking to a staff member when it really 0:58:15.490 --> 0:58:20.130 hit me, and I found myself disagreeing differently. I felt 0:58:20.170 --> 0:58:22.570 my mind shift. Again, I'm not saying I know what 0:58:22.610 --> 0:58:24.669 it is to have a menstrual cycle. Put the phone down. 0:58:25.490 --> 0:58:26.290 That's not what she said. 0:58:26.800 --> 0:58:30.140 I'm saying like the chemical shift in me, I was like, 0:58:31.770 --> 0:58:34.910 this is, there is something divine in this. 0:58:36.010 --> 0:58:36.890 Do you know what I'm saying? 0:58:36.950 --> 0:58:38.870 And I was just like, oh, I felt like myself 0:58:38.910 --> 0:58:41.350 just like opening to understanding and seeing things in a 0:58:41.470 --> 0:58:44.110 very different way. And so like when I talk about 0:58:44.130 --> 0:58:47.030 my capacity, it's not just like, it's really never about 0:58:47.050 --> 0:58:49.860 the outside. I ain't had no surgeries on my body. 0:58:49.890 --> 0:58:53.410 I had a gastric sleeve three years ago. It's been 0:58:53.450 --> 0:58:55.550 about the internal of Dominique. I was like, it's just 0:58:55.570 --> 0:58:57.710 so much bigger. There's so much more of me. And 0:58:58.090 --> 0:58:59.780 that means that there's more of me to have this 0:58:59.820 --> 0:59:02.400 connection to my higher power. That being said, I do 0:59:02.440 --> 0:59:05.160 have the privilege of really avoiding a lot of the 0:59:05.220 --> 0:59:07.550 younger church hurt that I know some of my friends 0:59:07.570 --> 0:59:11.280 have experienced. And when I talk with them, I believe 0:59:11.300 --> 0:59:17.600 it still comes back to understanding quality relationship, understanding a 0:59:17.660 --> 0:59:21.010 person's inability to really love you the way you need 0:59:21.030 --> 0:59:23.710 to be loved and not to forgive them, but to understand. 0:59:25.090 --> 0:59:28.150 It's hard to, if I'm holding this phone, right? 0:59:29.030 --> 0:59:32.370 And I don't understand how to open my hand and 0:59:32.650 --> 0:59:34.810 sit this here. I don't know how to let it go. 0:59:37.270 --> 0:59:39.650 I'm not trying to understand because I want to be like, 0:59:39.710 --> 0:59:41.590 oh my God, you did nothing wrong, this and the third. 0:59:42.350 --> 0:59:45.030 If I don't understand what's happening here, I can't sit 0:59:45.050 --> 0:59:47.260 it down when it gets too heavy. And so I 0:59:47.340 --> 0:59:49.180 talk to people a lot and I talk to myself 0:59:49.260 --> 0:59:51.820 a lot. I want to understand because it helps me 0:59:52.100 --> 0:59:53.000 sit things down. 0:59:53.020 --> 0:59:54.280 Oh, okay. 0:59:55.300 --> 0:59:55.480 Right? 0:59:55.520 --> 0:59:57.580 And not just throw it. I'm just like, oh no, 0:59:58.240 --> 0:59:59.950 this isn't, Okay, boo. 1:00:00.230 --> 1:00:02.910 And even if the understanding is you're never going to 1:00:02.930 --> 1:00:05.690 be able to explain it, I may never get full understanding. 1:00:06.230 --> 1:00:10.370 Got it. Cool. I'm going to let that go. And 1:00:11.350 --> 1:00:14.590 it's not anger. I keep a list of people I hate. 1:00:15.810 --> 1:00:18.750 How lengthy is it? Is it lengthy? 1:00:24.890 --> 1:00:27.250 Yeah. It's about 10 people on there. I posted a 1:00:27.290 --> 1:00:28.930 screenshot of it a couple of months ago. 1:00:29.210 --> 1:00:32.090 Oh! Yeah. That's that Arya Stark list, AJ. Is that 1:00:32.110 --> 1:00:34.470 a rotating list? It is. 1:00:34.830 --> 1:00:37.010 You know, I feel like lists like that should be living. 1:00:37.050 --> 1:00:39.670 We call that living list. Uh-huh. So you met double 1:00:39.710 --> 1:00:41.710 digits and you wanted to stay at the entry point. 1:00:41.770 --> 1:00:44.450 And I also, you know, and I mean it, I 1:00:44.490 --> 1:00:46.280 would love to get down to zero. 1:00:46.300 --> 1:00:47.060 That's fair. 1:00:47.840 --> 1:00:49.620 But some people want to stay on that list. 1:00:49.660 --> 1:00:56.150 Jockeen, I need that. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? 1:00:56.170 --> 1:00:59.630 Joaquin, Miss Thing that played with Selena, Yolanda, if I 1:00:59.650 --> 1:01:03.910 ever see her. Yeah, this lady from D.C. has been 1:01:03.990 --> 1:01:04.870 added to my list. 1:01:04.890 --> 1:01:07.160 The D.C. lady from your show, she's on the list now. 1:01:07.800 --> 1:01:09.460 Yeah, there's a lady who talked to Andrew Crazy on 1:01:09.500 --> 1:01:11.720 a flight coming back from seeing Adele five years ago 1:01:11.780 --> 1:01:13.880 from Las Vegas, from Omaha. 1:01:13.960 --> 1:01:17.880 Shannon, I don't have your last name yet. Tywin Lannister. 1:01:17.900 --> 1:01:20.280 The Mountain. 1:01:20.400 --> 1:01:23.240 Yeah, because then everything else is, okay, you feel a 1:01:23.240 --> 1:01:26.419 certain way. This is just a person you don't mess with. 1:01:26.560 --> 1:01:29.900 Everything is not beef. Everything is not... Holding anger like 1:01:29.940 --> 1:01:30.820 that will. 1:01:30.860 --> 1:01:33.760 And as a Pisces, we love revenge. My God. What's 1:01:33.800 --> 1:01:34.970 the birthday? March 19th. 1:01:35.670 --> 1:01:38.850 And so it allows me to feel like I never 1:01:38.870 --> 1:01:41.070 let somebody really play with me, but understand that most people, 1:01:41.090 --> 1:01:42.690 it just be because they can't hold me. 1:01:43.450 --> 1:01:44.350 They can't handle it. Yeah. 1:01:45.890 --> 1:01:46.330 Amazing. 1:01:46.450 --> 1:01:46.750 Okay. 1:01:47.110 --> 1:01:51.310 So my next question is what, I am a degree girly. 1:01:51.870 --> 1:01:53.810 What made you become a degree girly? 1:01:53.890 --> 1:01:56.610 I mean, you got them real ones from them real institutions. 1:01:56.630 --> 1:01:59.550 From the hard schools. Yeah. Those are the hard schools. Yeah. 1:01:59.570 --> 1:02:02.630 Now, shout out my undergrad. So I left prison with 1:02:02.690 --> 1:02:04.370 a associate's degree in culinary management. 1:02:04.890 --> 1:02:05.370 Okay. 1:02:05.450 --> 1:02:06.189 What made you do that? 1:02:06.270 --> 1:02:07.950 Because my daddy told me when I was young, he said, 1:02:07.990 --> 1:02:09.790 if you can feed people or you can take care 1:02:09.810 --> 1:02:11.070 of the sick, you'll always have a job. 1:02:11.130 --> 1:02:11.430 Period. 1:02:11.630 --> 1:02:13.750 And my mindset was, I was like, I went in 1:02:13.770 --> 1:02:15.570 when I was 18, I was, I was, 26 I 1:02:15.590 --> 1:02:18.830 would have been 27 soon after I'm like my biggest 1:02:18.890 --> 1:02:20.750 dream was I wanted to get a job maybe running 1:02:20.790 --> 1:02:23.610 a kitchen making like 60,000 a year I wanted to 1:02:23.650 --> 1:02:26.310 have a car that would always start in the Nebraska winters. 1:02:26.430 --> 1:02:30.010 Seriously. And this was like dream list. Such an achievable goal. 1:02:30.290 --> 1:02:32.930 Not for me. I want to go on a trip. 1:02:32.950 --> 1:02:33.990 I want to get on a plane one day. I 1:02:33.990 --> 1:02:35.110 had never been on a plane before. 1:02:35.470 --> 1:02:35.689 Wow. 1:02:35.750 --> 1:02:37.810 I want to see Brandy in concert before I die. 1:02:37.850 --> 1:02:38.630 This was my list. 1:02:38.790 --> 1:02:41.110 Okay. This is a different list than the other list. No, 1:02:41.130 --> 1:02:41.730 this is my list. 1:02:41.750 --> 1:02:44.210 This is my coming home list. This is my dream list. 1:02:44.230 --> 1:02:46.690 I have a book where I wrote all this. And. 1:02:48.590 --> 1:02:50.830 I was like, this degree will help me. And so 1:02:50.850 --> 1:02:52.410 you had to work in the kitchen. So I would 1:02:52.430 --> 1:02:54.680 work 12, 14-hour days in the prison kitchen. I would 1:02:54.720 --> 1:02:57.000 do my homework at night. So I left with that. 1:02:57.040 --> 1:02:59.160 So remember when the associate's degree conversation was happening online 1:02:59.180 --> 1:03:00.780 when the girls was like, they're not real, and they 1:03:00.800 --> 1:03:04.020 was beefing? There was a time that I ate nastily 1:03:04.080 --> 1:03:05.100 off of associate's degree. 1:03:05.160 --> 1:03:05.600 Okay. 1:03:05.660 --> 1:03:10.130 Boots. Then I got into advocacy in a volunteer way, 1:03:10.150 --> 1:03:12.750 and I found a love for it. Because I didn't 1:03:12.770 --> 1:03:15.630 grow up around people who volunteer. Like my introduction, I've 1:03:15.790 --> 1:03:18.640 mentioned this, Miss Regina... She was an AKA. She is 1:03:18.660 --> 1:03:22.640 an AKA. And over Christmas break, her daughter, Erica, who 1:03:22.660 --> 1:03:24.300 was my best friend, we thought we was going to 1:03:24.320 --> 1:03:25.950 hang out. And Miss Regina was like, oh, no, y'all 1:03:25.970 --> 1:03:28.730 about to come lick these envelopes. But I didn't grow 1:03:28.750 --> 1:03:30.650 up in a family that, like, volunteered. So Miss Regina 1:03:30.710 --> 1:03:33.370 introduced me. I was like, y'all be in here doing 1:03:33.390 --> 1:03:34.890 this stuff? And they had, like, the AKA had an 1:03:35.050 --> 1:03:38.580 office and everything. And I didn't grow up around HBCU culture, 1:03:38.680 --> 1:03:39.120 none of that. 1:03:39.140 --> 1:03:39.459 Me neither. 1:03:39.880 --> 1:03:42.080 And so it was my introduction to it, but I 1:03:42.120 --> 1:03:45.440 started engaging in advocacy. I was the first black president 1:03:45.480 --> 1:03:47.860 of Pride in Nebraska. I created Youth Pride in Nebraska. 1:03:48.220 --> 1:03:50.330 I had all this tactical experience, and I would apply 1:03:50.350 --> 1:03:53.670 for these jobs, and they would pay me nooch. And 1:03:53.710 --> 1:03:55.810 it was like, you need to get a degree. And 1:03:55.870 --> 1:03:59.160 so my undergrad is from Southern New Hampshire University. How 1:03:59.180 --> 1:04:00.240 many degrees do you have? 1:04:00.420 --> 1:04:00.680 I have. 1:04:01.510 --> 1:04:03.130 Yeah, she's a degree girl. 1:04:04.230 --> 1:04:09.250 Because the first one was, I want to get a job. 1:04:09.570 --> 1:04:11.070 Then I found out I liked it. 1:04:12.170 --> 1:04:14.470 And this is why I have a video that I'm 1:04:14.490 --> 1:04:17.180 posting today about the Nicole Hannah-Jones conversation with her daughter. 1:04:17.200 --> 1:04:21.360 I saw that. And this conversation of school. I'm really grateful. 1:04:21.480 --> 1:04:24.020 One, I got my ADHD diagnosis when I was 37 1:04:24.020 --> 1:04:26.820 because I thought, I knew I was brilliant, but I 1:04:26.860 --> 1:04:29.710 just thought it was just like, If you are a Pisces, 1:04:29.730 --> 1:04:30.990 you know we just get things. 1:04:31.290 --> 1:04:32.050 We're just magic. 1:04:32.750 --> 1:04:35.980 And we will lean on it if the world lets us. 1:04:36.020 --> 1:04:37.700 My mom used to be like, you got nine lives. 1:04:39.660 --> 1:04:41.480 But I always thought I just was good because I 1:04:41.600 --> 1:04:44.360 just made it happen. Once I realized that I learned 1:04:44.380 --> 1:04:47.040 in a different way and I could harness that, it 1:04:47.240 --> 1:04:49.610 became exciting to think about what could I learn about 1:04:49.670 --> 1:04:52.530 and how could I be a subject matter expert. I 1:04:52.570 --> 1:04:54.550 didn't know how much it was going to save me 1:04:54.990 --> 1:04:59.260 in my trans experience. Because navigating the world and being 1:04:59.440 --> 1:05:05.030 seen as a black gay man, it really wasn't that deep. 1:05:05.330 --> 1:05:08.870 And when I did get just my undergrad, I was 1:05:08.910 --> 1:05:14.850 running black and pink with that. When I went to Georgetown, 1:05:14.890 --> 1:05:16.610 it was, oh, I want to figure out how to 1:05:16.630 --> 1:05:20.220 revolutionize the space that these young folks experience coming into 1:05:20.240 --> 1:05:23.520 the system. So I focused on youth incarceration in my 1:05:23.540 --> 1:05:27.190 Georgetown program. And that was huge for me running Black 1:05:27.230 --> 1:05:30.150 and Pink. And then when my transition happened, you know, 1:05:30.170 --> 1:05:32.070 they used to, with my degrees, they would put the 1:05:32.110 --> 1:05:35.220 placard in meetings as they would describe me as Dominique Morgan, 1:05:35.260 --> 1:05:38.520 lived experience. Because I was like one of the only 1:05:38.540 --> 1:05:41.180 people in the room who had been incarcerated. So like 1:05:41.220 --> 1:05:45.080 I talk about Priya, I ended up writing an entire 1:05:45.140 --> 1:05:47.920 chapter in their system in 2019 for trans youth. 1:05:48.740 --> 1:05:50.280 And they were like, oh, we're going to put, you know, 1:05:50.320 --> 1:05:52.850 lived experience. I was like, no, you're going to put Georgetown. 1:05:53.030 --> 1:05:53.370 Come on. 1:05:53.550 --> 1:05:54.510 The degree that I have. 1:05:54.510 --> 1:05:55.770 2018. Uh-huh. 1:05:55.990 --> 1:05:56.110 Huh? 1:05:56.310 --> 1:05:56.730 Yeah. 1:05:56.850 --> 1:05:57.070 Yeah. 1:05:57.380 --> 1:05:59.920 Because I earned that. You're going to do that. And 1:05:59.940 --> 1:06:01.960 then I was just like, what excites me? And so 1:06:02.040 --> 1:06:03.860 my Stanford program was about like, I was like, this 1:06:03.940 --> 1:06:07.020 is different. And I knew I needed something else. And 1:06:07.040 --> 1:06:08.340 so I was telling my mom, I was like, I 1:06:08.360 --> 1:06:10.080 think I know what I want my doctoral studies to 1:06:10.120 --> 1:06:10.580 be about. 1:06:11.180 --> 1:06:13.240 So it now is because of I'm happy. 1:06:14.020 --> 1:06:15.980 I will tell you, I've seen so many friends, if 1:06:16.000 --> 1:06:17.890 you go get the degrees because you think you have to, 1:06:18.510 --> 1:06:20.050 you'll always be let down. 1:06:20.210 --> 1:06:23.920 Because even if you get the job... Higher ed is 1:06:24.480 --> 1:06:26.000 an extremely abusive system. 1:06:27.380 --> 1:06:30.000 The American education system is based on the way that 1:06:30.020 --> 1:06:32.860 they built the education system for indigenous folks on this land. 1:06:34.180 --> 1:06:37.160 That was an echo of chattel slavery, right? It's meant 1:06:37.200 --> 1:06:38.900 to bring you in there, tell you that everything you 1:06:38.920 --> 1:06:41.700 learn at home is bad, right? Erase all of your 1:06:41.720 --> 1:06:45.330 epistemology while walking around using our language. Epistemology is your 1:06:45.350 --> 1:06:47.890 way of knowing that you know, but you don't know 1:06:47.930 --> 1:06:49.590 how you know it. And so I always bring up, 1:06:49.880 --> 1:06:51.880 You know, if somebody sweeps your foot, I always say, well, 1:06:51.900 --> 1:06:52.680 what do you do next? 1:06:53.570 --> 1:06:55.350 Do y'all know? What's the next step if I sweep 1:06:55.370 --> 1:06:57.530 your foot? Oh, I don't know. You're going to have 1:06:57.590 --> 1:06:58.010 to tell us. 1:06:58.030 --> 1:07:00.470 So, like, in most households, if you get your foot swept, like, 1:07:00.490 --> 1:07:01.630 in the kitchen, like, you got to spit on the 1:07:01.650 --> 1:07:04.170 broom or you got to do... There's a next step. Oh, 1:07:04.210 --> 1:07:05.150 I didn't know that. 1:07:05.170 --> 1:07:05.490 Right? 1:07:05.530 --> 1:07:06.010 Is that hoodoo? 1:07:06.420 --> 1:07:07.860 Well, see, I was about to say, y'all real churchy, 1:07:07.880 --> 1:07:08.720 so y'all house. 1:07:08.620 --> 1:07:11.380 Might have been like, I don't know if it's who do, 1:07:11.420 --> 1:07:14.200 because y'all not going to come together on me, honey. 1:07:14.760 --> 1:07:17.280 I just, but it's epistemology because I don't know where 1:07:17.300 --> 1:07:18.420 it came from. I just know it's a part of 1:07:18.460 --> 1:07:19.120 my understanding. 1:07:19.180 --> 1:07:19.840 Okay, got it, got it, got it. 1:07:19.860 --> 1:07:20.050 Right? 1:07:20.140 --> 1:07:22.470 My grandmother did it. My mom did it. 1:07:22.730 --> 1:07:25.030 And like, I would, if somebody was to sweep my 1:07:25.050 --> 1:07:27.130 foot right now, or splitting poles, y'all. 1:07:27.010 --> 1:07:29.030 Remember when you- Oh, splitting poles. Oh, splitting poles, yeah, yeah. 1:07:29.070 --> 1:07:30.730 But do you know where that, do you know who, 1:07:30.870 --> 1:07:31.860 why that belief matters to you? 1:07:31.890 --> 1:07:33.510 I don't even know that because Tony Baker made a 1:07:33.530 --> 1:07:36.670 big deal about it on tour. I literally don't know why. 1:07:36.950 --> 1:07:38.209 But you'll start moving like that. 1:07:38.310 --> 1:07:38.690 Uh-huh. 1:07:38.860 --> 1:07:40.880 And it'll become a part of the way that you're... Epistemology, 1:07:40.920 --> 1:07:43.900 got it. Right? Cool. And Tony got ties to Omaha, too. 1:07:44.840 --> 1:07:46.180 Does he? I think so. 1:07:46.240 --> 1:07:48.280 I feel like Cheryl and them was talking about... Or 1:07:48.300 --> 1:07:49.600 he used to come through there and do comedy a 1:07:49.640 --> 1:07:51.580 whole lot. Oh, he probably did, for sure. But the 1:07:51.600 --> 1:07:54.110 people in Omaha love Tony Baker. 1:07:54.260 --> 1:07:54.700 But it. 1:07:56.090 --> 1:07:58.950 Education will try to strip you. So knowing why you 1:07:58.970 --> 1:08:03.090 want to be there... I always say a pirate... going 1:08:03.170 --> 1:08:04.930 on the seas, if they don't know what treasure they're 1:08:04.950 --> 1:08:06.270 going to get, like you're going to die and you 1:08:06.290 --> 1:08:09.300 don't know why you're going. Everything is about, every day 1:08:09.320 --> 1:08:11.880 I'm going to get my treasure. And some days there 1:08:11.900 --> 1:08:13.500 is no treasure, so I'm going to be in these 1:08:13.520 --> 1:08:17.400 people's bed. So when you go into these education systems, 1:08:17.540 --> 1:08:18.880 you don't know what you want to learn. You don't 1:08:18.900 --> 1:08:20.260 know why you want to learn it. You got to 1:08:20.280 --> 1:08:22.920 put these kids on this campus because they don't know 1:08:22.939 --> 1:08:23.660 what they're there to get. 1:08:23.729 --> 1:08:25.030 And even adults will go back. 1:08:25.570 --> 1:08:27.510 And you're bitter because, like, yeah, you're going to get 1:08:27.550 --> 1:08:30.610 maybe a $ 5, 000 bump in your salary, which that just 1:08:30.630 --> 1:08:32.070 will be taxes taken out now. 1:08:32.729 --> 1:08:35.850 Why does your education improve your life? And every day, I. 1:08:37.330 --> 1:08:38.750 Don't think I would be the content creator I am 1:08:38.790 --> 1:08:41.299 if I didn't have the education I have because it 1:08:41.320 --> 1:08:44.769 allows me, one, I know how I learned. I know 1:08:44.790 --> 1:08:47.490 how to distill information. I know how to teach as 1:08:47.550 --> 1:08:49.920 a former teacher. So it's not, I don't have to 1:08:49.950 --> 1:08:51.220 pull out a whiteboard. Right. 1:08:51.380 --> 1:08:53.120 I'll educate with my nails. Yeah. 1:08:53.840 --> 1:08:54.040 Right. 1:08:54.060 --> 1:08:54.639 I understand. 1:08:54.660 --> 1:08:56.450 I can look at the modalities that some of my 1:08:56.530 --> 1:08:57.870 consistent followers. 1:08:57.550 --> 1:08:59.060 Need to hear from me. Mm-hmm. 1:08:59.400 --> 1:09:01.740 Oh, let me add over, let me, we got to 1:09:01.760 --> 1:09:04.939 put captions on there, not just for accessibility. This is 1:09:04.979 --> 1:09:06.700 how they learn. They need to see the words while 1:09:06.720 --> 1:09:07.360 they read them. 1:09:07.380 --> 1:09:07.560 Mm-hmm. 1:09:07.939 --> 1:09:10.560 And so, yeah, that's why it became something that I owned. 1:09:11.340 --> 1:09:11.790 I love it. 1:09:12.020 --> 1:09:12.180 Yeah. 1:09:12.200 --> 1:09:12.979 I love a good degree. 1:09:13.220 --> 1:09:13.780 Absolutely. 1:09:13.860 --> 1:09:15.019 And it's not, and if you don't want to get 1:09:15.040 --> 1:09:18.090 your degree, a subject matter expert is someone who has 1:09:18.150 --> 1:09:21.729 been doing something for 10 years. don't have to get 1:09:21.750 --> 1:09:23.729 your degree, but some of y'all don't know what the 1:09:23.760 --> 1:09:24.820 hell y'all be talking about. 1:09:25.080 --> 1:09:26.340 Period. 1:09:26.600 --> 1:09:27.860 And with a degree, you don't know what you be 1:09:27.880 --> 1:09:29.440 talking about. Let's be clear, some girls with a degree 1:09:29.740 --> 1:09:31.139 should absolutely be quiet. 1:09:31.160 --> 1:09:33.540 Should be. 1:09:33.760 --> 1:09:37.560 Silent boots. But really, everyone should have one thing that 1:09:37.580 --> 1:09:39.439 they know back and forth. 1:09:40.020 --> 1:09:42.910 Biscuits is mine. Shut up. Question. 1:09:44.030 --> 1:09:46.980 So you said a little while ago that you... Previously 1:09:47.040 --> 1:09:49.800 navigated the world as a black gay man. And then 1:09:50.080 --> 1:09:51.259 you decided to transition. 1:09:52.200 --> 1:09:54.519 What is the internal... Against my will, really. 1:09:56.120 --> 1:09:56.700 Elaborate. 1:09:56.740 --> 1:10:01.240 Say more. I didn't want to be trans. I didn't 1:10:01.270 --> 1:10:02.229 know what trans was. 1:10:03.150 --> 1:10:06.170 First of all, the biggest trans platform person in TV 1:10:06.270 --> 1:10:07.390 at that time was Laverne. 1:10:07.910 --> 1:10:09.110 I don't watch prison shit. 1:10:09.130 --> 1:10:10.110 Okay. 1:10:10.689 --> 1:10:11.150 It's too much. 1:10:11.189 --> 1:10:13.349 So Orange is New Black, like Piper who wrote that 1:10:13.570 --> 1:10:15.519 was a, we worked, I worked with her at Black 1:10:15.560 --> 1:10:17.020 and Pink. I used to tell her, I'm not watching that. 1:10:17.680 --> 1:10:19.479 Because either it's too real or it's not real enough. 1:10:19.520 --> 1:10:23.160 And either way, it's too much for me. There was no, 1:10:23.300 --> 1:10:26.460 like I didn't grow up with that language. There wasn't 1:10:26.500 --> 1:10:29.840 all these people transitioning around me. I just thought that 1:10:31.100 --> 1:10:34.809 my husband and I got divorced in 2018. And I 1:10:34.850 --> 1:10:36.310 was like working all the time. And I thought it 1:10:36.350 --> 1:10:38.350 was like texture. I thought it was clothes. 1:10:38.870 --> 1:10:39.070 Mm-hmm. 1:10:39.700 --> 1:10:43.360 I thought cross-dressing was making me happy. So I would 1:10:44.040 --> 1:10:47.060 have one suitcase with silks and things. That's what I thought, 1:10:47.090 --> 1:10:49.210 because I felt so comforted. 1:10:49.290 --> 1:10:49.510 Yeah. 1:10:50.090 --> 1:10:51.090 And I was just like, oh, hey, let me ask 1:10:51.110 --> 1:10:53.890 you this question. I'm talking to my therapist. And she 1:10:54.150 --> 1:10:59.680 asked me, my mom's mom died, who was Ella Mae 1:10:59.689 --> 1:11:03.620 Benton was mean. I love my Grammy to the floor. 1:11:04.310 --> 1:11:07.780 She had a nasty JCPenney card limit. Had me together, 1:11:07.800 --> 1:11:08.479 you understand me? 1:11:08.500 --> 1:11:12.120 Uh-huh, uh-huh. Filthy. Finger hut. Uh-huh, yeah. 1:11:12.140 --> 1:11:12.400 Fab. 1:11:13.900 --> 1:11:15.759 But Grammy was mean. Okay. 1:11:16.240 --> 1:11:17.519 But as I got older, I realized she had to 1:11:17.560 --> 1:11:19.979 be mean because of how the world navigated her. So 1:11:20.010 --> 1:11:23.250 my grandmother passed away. There were things in her home 1:11:23.270 --> 1:11:26.750 that I was supposed to have. My cousins played. I 1:11:26.770 --> 1:11:28.430 go to my therapist, I'm talking about this. I'm like, 1:11:28.510 --> 1:11:32.310 I don't find it myself. Because I legally changed my 1:11:32.330 --> 1:11:35.390 name to Dominique Morgan- in solitary confinement, like February of 2004. 1:11:35.390 --> 1:11:36.070 Okay. 1:11:36.729 --> 1:11:39.410 Before, it wasn't like a trend. It wasn't associated with 1:11:39.430 --> 1:11:40.790 my transition. Like, that was it. 1:11:41.729 --> 1:11:43.389 And so I was talking to my therapist. 1:11:43.430 --> 1:11:45.229 I'm like, yeah, my grandmother's passing, and I just feel 1:11:45.270 --> 1:11:47.720 like this, you know, me and Austin, I have a divorce. 1:11:47.729 --> 1:11:50.160 Why don't I feel any ease? So on and so forth. 1:11:50.220 --> 1:11:54.060 I'm like, girl, I'm walking around here wearing these silk dresses, bitch. 1:11:54.100 --> 1:11:56.340 What is going on? Am I Andre Leon Talley? 1:11:56.380 --> 1:11:57.419 What is the tea? 1:11:58.200 --> 1:12:01.599 Because I just, I can't, I could not reconcile because... 1:12:02.340 --> 1:12:04.460 Trans people, oftentimes, the story you would hear is like 1:12:04.479 --> 1:12:06.240 they always knew they were trans and these other things. 1:12:06.320 --> 1:12:07.900 I was like, none of that resonates. 1:12:07.939 --> 1:12:10.480 I'm like, I came out at 12, so there wasn't 1:12:10.500 --> 1:12:13.299 like a closet experience. I was like, this doesn't make sense. 1:12:14.500 --> 1:12:17.760 And she said, one, she was like, what was your 1:12:17.780 --> 1:12:19.400 grandmother's name? I said, Ella Mae Benton. She was like, oh, 1:12:19.439 --> 1:12:21.740 my God, because my grandmother would always use my birth name, 1:12:21.780 --> 1:12:23.800 which was Troy. I'm the third. I was named after 1:12:23.820 --> 1:12:28.139 my grandfather and my father. She was like, my therapist 1:12:28.160 --> 1:12:31.160 had been my grandmother's therapist the whole time. Oh. 1:12:31.460 --> 1:12:32.240 Get out of town. 1:12:32.780 --> 1:12:36.320 Wow. You're about to gag, filthily. Oh. Yeah. 1:12:36.880 --> 1:12:40.970 So I was in there talking about this, and she said, oh, yeah, like, 1:12:41.890 --> 1:12:43.590 I had been wondering because I had not heard from her. 1:12:45.050 --> 1:12:46.729 And then I told her, I was like, you know what, 1:12:46.750 --> 1:12:50.230 and I wanted something from my grandmother. And I've been 1:12:50.250 --> 1:12:52.590 coming to this lady for five, six years. Like, I 1:12:52.610 --> 1:12:55.210 started coming here after my mother passed away. And you 1:12:55.250 --> 1:12:57.150 know how Fingerhut, when you order something, they'll send you 1:12:57.170 --> 1:12:58.130 the little gifts or whatever. 1:12:58.640 --> 1:12:58.910 And it was. 1:12:59.320 --> 1:13:01.780 There's always had been this little glass sculpture with this 1:13:02.360 --> 1:13:04.140 angel chiseled on the inside of it. They had been 1:13:04.180 --> 1:13:09.110 sitting on Jodi's shelf for years. My grandmother had given 1:13:09.170 --> 1:13:11.870 it to her. And then Jodi gave it to me 1:13:11.910 --> 1:13:14.310 that day. It's in my house right now. It sits 1:13:14.370 --> 1:13:17.590 on my desk. And then she asked me, she said, well, 1:13:17.610 --> 1:13:19.380 when was the last time you felt powerful? And I 1:13:19.420 --> 1:13:22.140 talked about in my incarceration, there was an expression of 1:13:22.160 --> 1:13:25.059 femininity that I kind of engaged in that I had. 1:13:24.979 --> 1:13:28.380 Attributed just to this lives here. I felt like it. 1:13:28.340 --> 1:13:29.979 Was like something I needed to put down when I came, 1:13:30.000 --> 1:13:31.640 you know what I'm saying? Like, okay, you're going back 1:13:31.700 --> 1:13:33.800 to the real world, not realizing how much it has 1:13:33.840 --> 1:13:37.160 sustained me. And I really have like two pictures from 1:13:37.180 --> 1:13:38.890 my incarceration. I showed her and she was like, well, 1:13:38.900 --> 1:13:40.769 what about this person? And it was just like, maybe 1:13:40.790 --> 1:13:44.009 I had the nastiest swoop, the nastiest ponytail. 1:13:44.270 --> 1:13:45.990 You know, it was just like, it just, I just 1:13:46.210 --> 1:13:47.330 felt fab. 1:13:48.490 --> 1:13:52.000 And she was like, she referred me to a psychiatrist 1:13:52.020 --> 1:13:55.430 and we had more conversations and like, That fall, I 1:13:55.450 --> 1:13:57.439 was like, I'm going to have to transition. 1:13:57.450 --> 1:14:01.339 I was so sad because for two reasons. 1:14:02.140 --> 1:14:03.800 I had done the work to figure out how to be, 1:14:04.320 --> 1:14:06.200 to not feel like I had to compromise myself to 1:14:06.240 --> 1:14:09.139 be the type of black man in society my father 1:14:09.160 --> 1:14:11.360 would be proud of, regardless of my sexual orientation. And 1:14:11.800 --> 1:14:13.240 there were so many black women in my life who 1:14:13.320 --> 1:14:16.019 I was the most consistent black man they had. And 1:14:16.040 --> 1:14:17.680 they were going to lose me. 1:14:18.500 --> 1:14:20.559 And it pained me. 1:14:20.500 --> 1:14:24.160 Deeply because I was just like, Damn. But I also 1:14:24.180 --> 1:14:27.180 was like, I've never not existed in my whole self. 1:14:27.200 --> 1:14:30.420 So I was like, okay, that's necessary. And the other 1:14:30.460 --> 1:14:33.360 piece was I knew how much of my privilege I 1:14:33.380 --> 1:14:36.780 would have to lose. Not only lose, I need to 1:14:36.840 --> 1:14:38.740 be really excited to acquiesce. 1:14:39.780 --> 1:14:41.910 Right? I knew I would never understand a definition of 1:14:41.950 --> 1:14:42.590 safety again. 1:14:42.610 --> 1:14:46.830 I knew I would never, I might never possibly have 1:14:46.850 --> 1:14:48.090 the possibility to be married again. 1:14:48.110 --> 1:14:49.910 Like, there are things that based on the way the 1:14:49.950 --> 1:14:51.110 world moves, to get this.... 1:14:53.430 --> 1:14:55.710 It was going to have to be a shift, but 1:14:55.890 --> 1:14:58.150 this is what was going to keep me alive. And 1:14:58.189 --> 1:15:01.530 so it wasn't like a, this is my, it was 1:15:01.570 --> 1:15:06.150 begrudgingly in regards to, I knew it was essential, but I, 1:15:06.510 --> 1:15:08.640 it was, it was a, it was, it was a surprise, 1:15:08.650 --> 1:15:13.220 a shock. And it was Jasmine Sasaki. I saw Jasmine 1:15:13.240 --> 1:15:16.120 Sasaki in South Carolina at a conference and this black 1:15:16.140 --> 1:15:20.299 trans woman walked through there and time stopped because And 1:15:20.310 --> 1:15:22.920 I was like, okay, the girls can do, the girls can, 1:15:23.120 --> 1:15:24.360 because I didn't grow up in a, you know what 1:15:24.380 --> 1:15:28.660 I'm saying? Like, I hadn't seen. I'd just seen the 1:15:28.700 --> 1:15:31.600 oppression of the girls. And in that moment, it was like, 1:15:31.640 --> 1:15:33.740 I was like, oh, it's going to be hard, but 1:15:34.620 --> 1:15:36.370 if I pull myself together the way I know I'm 1:15:36.390 --> 1:15:39.229 supposed to pull myself together, and like myself, I'm about 1:15:39.250 --> 1:15:41.290 to be the most grand version of Dominique the world 1:15:41.310 --> 1:15:44.729 has ever seen. And seeing Jasmine, that propelled me forward. 1:15:44.750 --> 1:15:49.719 But yeah, it was begrudgingly. And my ex-husband was like, 1:15:51.500 --> 1:15:52.650 He was like, so you did this because you was 1:15:52.670 --> 1:15:53.130 mad at me? 1:15:53.950 --> 1:15:54.370 What? 1:15:54.729 --> 1:15:58.320 I said, bitch ass nigga, I fucked your brothers because 1:15:58.360 --> 1:15:59.380 I was mad at you. 1:15:59.540 --> 1:15:59.860 Well. 1:16:00.400 --> 1:16:01.559 Well, there's... You know. 1:16:01.479 --> 1:16:03.400 What I'm saying? You don't transition for that. But just 1:16:03.439 --> 1:16:05.660 like everyone makes it... You know, it was... Because a 1:16:05.660 --> 1:16:07.970 lot of people think I transitioned. I was... My marriage 1:16:07.990 --> 1:16:10.290 was pre-transition. Right, right, right, right, right. Right? 1:16:10.350 --> 1:16:12.970 And so it was just like there was so much 1:16:13.010 --> 1:16:15.670 in that shift for me, so much that happened that 1:16:15.710 --> 1:16:16.530 was just difficult. 1:16:16.570 --> 1:16:19.230 But it literally was like... It was life-saving. It was. 1:16:19.370 --> 1:16:22.469 It was life-saving. This is so interesting. It's not a question. 1:16:22.530 --> 1:16:23.130 No, go ahead. 1:16:23.170 --> 1:16:24.090 It's going to be your turn. 1:16:24.110 --> 1:16:25.830 Because you didn't really get to do your question. 1:16:25.850 --> 1:16:27.550 You didn't get to read because I had said... You 1:16:27.610 --> 1:16:27.970 answered it. 1:16:28.090 --> 1:16:28.270 Okay. 1:16:28.310 --> 1:16:28.810 You answered it. 1:16:30.270 --> 1:16:32.570 Well, this is why I like talking to a person. 1:16:33.530 --> 1:16:37.269 If you don't know a person, you hear what people think. 1:16:37.350 --> 1:16:39.790 I talked to another trans person seven years ago. I 1:16:39.870 --> 1:16:41.950 asked a trans person. I couldn't believe it had been 1:16:41.979 --> 1:16:45.200 that long. And she had a very different experience. 1:16:45.220 --> 1:16:46.920 A white trans person. That's all I knew. I didn't 1:16:46.939 --> 1:16:50.460 say that. I'm just saying. So I didn't know no blacks. No, no, no. 1:16:50.520 --> 1:16:51.680 I hold space. 1:16:52.500 --> 1:16:55.389 My thing is I am always consistent when it's like 1:16:55.590 --> 1:16:58.700 all trans people need support, but the white trans experience is. 1:16:59.810 --> 1:17:02.070 So very different. Oh, I can imagine. 1:17:02.410 --> 1:17:06.469 But I always say it because folks will attribute, well, 1:17:06.490 --> 1:17:07.910 the only reason we talk about black trans women is 1:17:07.930 --> 1:17:10.430 because y'all are always the ones, y'all are difficult, this, that, 1:17:10.450 --> 1:17:12.370 and the third. I'm like, well, you don't hear from 1:17:12.410 --> 1:17:14.570 white trans girls because the world usually gives them what 1:17:14.590 --> 1:17:15.550 they need quickly. 1:17:16.590 --> 1:17:17.090 Right? 1:17:17.590 --> 1:17:19.890 You don't really hear a lot from trans men because, one, 1:17:19.930 --> 1:17:21.969 y'all don't listen to them when they are expressing things. 1:17:22.450 --> 1:17:22.970 Slash. 1:17:23.740 --> 1:17:25.970 If they can show up in the space in the 1:17:25.990 --> 1:17:28.830 way you amassed, they get some privilege from their perception 1:17:28.850 --> 1:17:29.850 of being seen as men. 1:17:30.590 --> 1:17:32.790 Right? This is intersectionality in the worst way. Yeah, everything 1:17:32.830 --> 1:17:33.550 is connected. 1:17:33.650 --> 1:17:35.389 And so it's just like, yeah, the black trans girls 1:17:35.430 --> 1:17:40.059 are the loudest, but also it comes from that fighting 1:17:40.240 --> 1:17:43.000 that has to happen, right? And so just like, I 1:17:43.200 --> 1:17:46.520 saw that when you sent me that screenshot, I was like, oh. Yeah, 1:17:46.800 --> 1:17:48.340 the white girls can be like, I'm trans today, they 1:17:48.360 --> 1:17:51.009 put on a red lip, and they, Dylan Mulvaney, Dylan, 1:17:51.020 --> 1:17:52.530 you know I love you, bitch, but I always am 1:17:52.570 --> 1:17:53.110 gonna bring it up. 1:17:54.130 --> 1:17:56.530 Dylan is on her second Broadway. You've been acting how long? 1:17:57.170 --> 1:17:59.930 Because I saw, it was an episode of ER a 1:17:59.950 --> 1:18:01.370 couple of months ago, and I said. 1:18:01.390 --> 1:18:02.589 Look at Angel, bitch. 1:18:02.650 --> 1:18:05.410 You've been working for what, 20, I would say 20 years? 1:18:05.530 --> 1:18:05.710 Yeah. 1:18:07.090 --> 1:18:13.520 Dylan counted 364 days of her transition on TikTok. And 1:18:13.729 --> 1:18:15.639 she is at her second Broadway show, and she is 1:18:15.650 --> 1:18:18.940 performing on her Tonys. And again, it doesn't negate the 1:18:19.000 --> 1:18:20.760 work that happened when she got the opportunity. 1:18:21.439 --> 1:18:22.580 Dylan wasn't online. 1:18:24.420 --> 1:18:27.780 In her car, she would say, day whatever, she'd walk in, 1:18:27.820 --> 1:18:32.940 get a tampon, got a Budweiser deal. These things happen, 1:18:33.020 --> 1:18:34.760 and so the white, you know what I'm saying? 1:18:34.780 --> 1:18:38.660 Totally different experience. Dang. That white skin gonna be still 1:18:38.700 --> 1:18:39.990 white in America. It is. 1:18:40.010 --> 1:18:40.510 It is. 1:18:40.530 --> 1:18:45.810 They don't understand white. Now, this part I know. Whiteness, money, 1:18:46.050 --> 1:18:47.670 give it to them. Absolutely. If I got to give 1:18:47.689 --> 1:18:48.769 it to somebody, I'm going to give it to that 1:18:48.790 --> 1:18:50.450 white person. They so worried about trans girls. 1:18:50.530 --> 1:18:53.720 I'm like, Caitlyn, y'all's main face of white trans women 1:18:53.740 --> 1:18:56.580 in the Republican space identifies as a lesbian. 1:18:56.600 --> 1:19:00.220 You talking about Caitlyn Jenner? Yeah. 1:19:00.880 --> 1:19:02.400 And I'm just like, so it's just like the things 1:19:02.420 --> 1:19:04.220 that they will allow, the ways that will affirm things. 1:19:04.240 --> 1:19:06.020 I'm like, y'all don't really be mad like that. 1:19:06.040 --> 1:19:09.490 Right. Y'all don't want black girls to have their things. 1:19:09.570 --> 1:19:11.490 And I know y'all see black trans girls as black 1:19:11.530 --> 1:19:13.610 girls because if you saw us as men, y'all would 1:19:13.630 --> 1:19:14.929 let us get away with a lot more. 1:19:16.130 --> 1:19:19.210 Come on. Insane. Oh, wow. 1:19:19.229 --> 1:19:20.209 That's it. 1:19:20.729 --> 1:19:22.710 I usually am most affirmed that people see me as 1:19:22.770 --> 1:19:25.210 a woman regardless of what their mouth says based on 1:19:25.229 --> 1:19:26.650 the way that they try to oppress me. 1:19:26.680 --> 1:19:27.240 Uh-huh. 1:19:27.700 --> 1:19:29.820 Did nobody ever tell me to smile before I transitioned? 1:19:30.900 --> 1:19:33.210 You should smile. You look so mad. You look so... 1:19:33.390 --> 1:19:34.889 Don't be so angry, little mama. 1:19:35.010 --> 1:19:36.750 Oh, yeah. I've gotten that many a time. 1:19:36.790 --> 1:19:38.070 It gagged me because I was like, if you don't 1:19:38.090 --> 1:19:39.130 get the fuck out of my. 1:19:39.070 --> 1:19:41.389 Face, what are you doing? And I was like, oh. 1:19:41.590 --> 1:19:42.270 You're a black girl. 1:19:43.100 --> 1:19:44.420 I'm a black girl and I'm like, oh, I'm going 1:19:44.439 --> 1:19:48.559 to have to figure out how to find affirmation in 1:19:48.680 --> 1:19:49.130 what is. 1:19:50.720 --> 1:19:51.820 oppressive. Yeah. 1:19:52.220 --> 1:19:53.880 Because that's all y'all know. Y'all only know how to 1:19:53.960 --> 1:19:56.700 oppress black women. And so if you want to oppress me, 1:19:57.400 --> 1:20:00.110 you see me as a black woman. And I'm like, oh, okay, great. 1:20:00.170 --> 1:20:01.950 You are affirming myself. 1:20:02.010 --> 1:20:05.670 Truly, like, that's the most consistent way that I will 1:20:05.689 --> 1:20:06.490 see it. 1:20:06.810 --> 1:20:09.410 That's insane. I know. That's insane. 1:20:09.630 --> 1:20:11.570 To think of it that way. Because you're right. I 1:20:11.610 --> 1:20:13.850 have gotten that so much in my life growing up. 1:20:13.890 --> 1:20:17.190 Why don't you smile? I've literally... It never dawned on me. 1:20:17.229 --> 1:20:18.820 Nobody has ever said that to me. 1:20:18.840 --> 1:20:19.020 Mm-hmm. 1:20:19.560 --> 1:20:21.400 Outside of a photo shoot. Yeah. 1:20:21.439 --> 1:20:23.400 Walking in the world, that has never been a thing 1:20:23.460 --> 1:20:24.840 anybody has ever said to me. You could be standing 1:20:24.900 --> 1:20:26.440 in line waiting to get on a plane. 1:20:26.600 --> 1:20:31.060 Mm-hmm. Are you all right? Hey, I'm waiting to get 1:20:31.080 --> 1:20:31.840 in line. Right. 1:20:31.900 --> 1:20:32.620 This is just my face. 1:20:32.680 --> 1:20:35.040 Very much so. It's just these things that people will 1:20:35.080 --> 1:20:39.019 talk about. Or the earrings. I'll be forgetting earrings. I... Girl, 1:20:39.040 --> 1:20:39.820 where your earrings at? 1:20:41.680 --> 1:20:44.790 You know what I'm saying? Just things where I'm just like, oh, 1:20:44.830 --> 1:20:47.790 this is... My sisters have been going through this their 1:20:47.850 --> 1:20:51.269 whole lives. And that's when I'm always like, yo, this 1:20:51.330 --> 1:20:53.950 is why solidarity is key because I also, while I 1:20:53.990 --> 1:20:56.880 experience it, I need to be honest and always say, 1:20:57.479 --> 1:20:59.559 I know this is a scam because it was never. 1:20:59.960 --> 1:21:03.560 And I was hella feminine. So it's not just about femininity. 1:21:03.960 --> 1:21:05.299 Were you that nigga in prison? 1:21:05.560 --> 1:21:05.780 Huh? 1:21:05.820 --> 1:21:07.820 Were you that nigga in prison? Oh, I whooped ass 1:21:07.939 --> 1:21:08.240 every day. 1:21:08.970 --> 1:21:09.610 Every day? 1:21:09.710 --> 1:21:11.970 My sentence was 8 to 16. I did almost 10. 1:21:11.950 --> 1:21:16.240 My God. I suffered no fools. At all. Because. 1:21:16.260 --> 1:21:21.059 Tell us why. Shout out to my gay mother, Miss Titi. 1:21:21.400 --> 1:21:26.830 Miss Titi passed away in 2005. But she was known 1:21:26.910 --> 1:21:28.229 to whoop ass. 1:21:28.270 --> 1:21:30.670 Like, she had meaty hands. Like, she would wear these 1:21:30.710 --> 1:21:31.189 niggas out. 1:21:31.410 --> 1:21:31.530 Mm-hmm. 1:21:31.910 --> 1:21:35.030 And her dude was the head of the Muslims. And 1:21:35.070 --> 1:21:36.340 she taught me. She said two things to me when 1:21:36.380 --> 1:21:38.420 I came in there. She said, get you somebody who, like, 1:21:38.460 --> 1:21:39.600 if you get with a man, he got to have 1:21:39.620 --> 1:21:44.340 some power. And then she said, the biggest dude you see, 1:21:44.360 --> 1:21:46.850 hit him with whatever you, just do whatever you got 1:21:46.860 --> 1:21:47.090 to do. 1:21:47.050 --> 1:21:48.410 To lay him out. That's for real. 1:21:48.689 --> 1:21:51.689 And I walked in the housing unit, and they had 1:21:51.729 --> 1:21:57.370 the thick lunch trays. And, baby, I sashayed in, and 1:21:57.430 --> 1:22:00.099 I sat that bag down, and I picked up that tray. 1:22:00.650 --> 1:22:03.650 And I hit that man dead across his face. I mean, 1:22:03.689 --> 1:22:09.010 as hard as I'm... Because she said, bitch, if you 1:22:09.030 --> 1:22:13.070 get up, you better be ready to twirl. And for me, 1:22:13.150 --> 1:22:15.010 I was like, I know that they're going to try 1:22:15.050 --> 1:22:19.250 to play with me because I'm young. There is a 1:22:19.290 --> 1:22:21.610 prison experience for queer people that is kind of the... 1:22:22.810 --> 1:22:25.500 the thing we see the most, and it happens, but 1:22:25.540 --> 1:22:28.000 it's not as prolific as people think it is. The 1:22:28.080 --> 1:22:32.769 oppression is more seedy. It's not like people sexually assaulting you. 1:22:33.370 --> 1:22:35.349 It'll literally be like, oh, they're going to box you 1:22:35.390 --> 1:22:36.830 out to where you can't work, or they're going to 1:22:36.850 --> 1:22:39.100 box you I remember I joined the church choir, and 1:22:39.120 --> 1:22:40.900 because they didn't want me in the choir, they disbanded 1:22:40.920 --> 1:22:42.960 the church choir in the prison. 1:22:43.420 --> 1:22:45.820 There ain't no choir, nigga. Yeah, literally. They were like, oh, 1:22:45.840 --> 1:22:48.410 we don't sing anymore. I was like, ah. 1:22:48.439 --> 1:22:48.680 Oh, wow. 1:22:48.720 --> 1:22:49.960 We don't sing at all. You got to make a 1:22:50.000 --> 1:22:52.080 personal joyful note. Dead ass. Very much so. And I 1:22:52.100 --> 1:22:53.650 was like, ah, eh. 1:22:54.200 --> 1:22:57.150 So it's just like those things. And so I very 1:22:57.210 --> 1:22:59.809 much was like, I understood money. I was smart. So 1:22:59.890 --> 1:23:03.130 I went, I was a legal aide. I taught GED. 1:23:03.870 --> 1:23:06.229 And I also learned early on that we don't have 1:23:06.270 --> 1:23:07.820 to agree on everything, but if we can find one 1:23:07.860 --> 1:23:08.380 shared thing, we. 1:23:08.360 --> 1:23:08.979 Can do business. 1:23:10.040 --> 1:23:13.019 So the essays, that's what we call them in the joint. 1:23:13.060 --> 1:23:16.000 I know there's multiple. I have people first language. But 1:23:16.040 --> 1:23:19.760 you know what I'm saying? The essays was like, Senor Estrella. 1:23:19.800 --> 1:23:23.460 I was like, yes. What's the team? We need some 1:23:23.479 --> 1:23:25.769 chicken wings out of people's place. Absolutely. I got 40 1:23:25.770 --> 1:23:32.150 for you. Be on the side with my money. Boots. Rapido. Uh-uh, mom. 1:23:32.189 --> 1:23:34.090 You're my shit. Absolutely. 1:23:34.290 --> 1:23:36.830 Because I was never fluent in Spanish, but I wanted 1:23:36.850 --> 1:23:38.689 to learn enough to speak to these people because we 1:23:39.250 --> 1:23:41.870 were this family slash neighbor. 1:23:41.890 --> 1:23:43.050 You know what I'm saying? These are my people. 1:23:43.430 --> 1:23:46.810 And that's why even with things right now, I'm like, 1:23:46.830 --> 1:23:49.130 when black folks and brown folks are like, no, in 1:23:49.150 --> 1:23:51.689 the inside, the folks got it figured out. They got 1:23:51.770 --> 1:23:55.130 it figured out. So it's like that, the GD, the 1:23:55.170 --> 1:23:57.450 vice lord, we did business. It was like, I know 1:23:57.470 --> 1:24:01.310 y'all laws. But don't nothing leave this kitchen without me 1:24:01.330 --> 1:24:01.990 knowing about it. 1:24:01.990 --> 1:24:03.420 Right, right, right. 1:24:03.620 --> 1:24:05.620 Oh, you about to work out? You want some protein? 1:24:05.640 --> 1:24:09.080 You want some of this whey powder? I need that, 1:24:09.120 --> 1:24:11.090 what is that, Glow by J. 1:24:11.189 --> 1:24:13.390 Lo? What was J. Lo's perfume? Oh, yes, it was Glow. 1:24:13.490 --> 1:24:19.479 Y'all need that oil. I need to make my after shower. Like, girl, 1:24:19.500 --> 1:24:21.670 who is walking through here smelling like that? And bitch, 1:24:21.729 --> 1:24:25.510 I'm just pooching through. Wearing it out. Yeah, I need 1:24:25.550 --> 1:24:27.490 a relaxer. It was like, girl, why is your hair 1:24:27.510 --> 1:24:27.849 so straight? 1:24:27.950 --> 1:24:29.830 I don't know. I got India in my family. Like, 1:24:29.910 --> 1:24:33.000 it was... Because you had to learn this. If you don't. 1:24:33.880 --> 1:24:38.870 Chalk talk. Boots. Lakota. Yeah. Book for blood. 1:24:39.450 --> 1:24:41.570 I'm always like, if you don't know the system, the 1:24:41.610 --> 1:24:45.350 system will know you. And so I'm glad I learned 1:24:45.390 --> 1:24:47.660 that because now I know if you put me in it, 1:24:48.410 --> 1:24:51.059 I'm going to learn. I can't figure out how to 1:24:51.140 --> 1:24:53.140 map my way home if I don't know the lay 1:24:53.160 --> 1:24:55.240 of the land. And there's so many people who get 1:24:55.300 --> 1:24:57.900 mad that the land requires you to have a map, 1:24:57.960 --> 1:24:58.880 which is messed up. 1:24:58.960 --> 1:24:59.220 Yes. 1:24:59.260 --> 1:24:59.330 Yes. 1:24:59.860 --> 1:25:02.410 Like that whole iced coffee at the job interview. 1:25:02.470 --> 1:25:03.850 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1:25:03.910 --> 1:25:04.570 These are systems. 1:25:04.630 --> 1:25:09.450 It's capitalism, absolutely. And you went through three interviews before that, sister. 1:25:10.170 --> 1:25:11.570 In this day and age, you done went through two 1:25:11.610 --> 1:25:13.650 screenings and all that before they see you in person? 1:25:13.910 --> 1:25:16.990 Right. Is the iced coffee that serious, Nia? Right. 1:25:17.590 --> 1:25:19.389 You know, so I was like, that's why I carry 1:25:19.410 --> 1:25:23.050 it to this day. I learn the land, and then 1:25:23.130 --> 1:25:24.910 I figure out what my map is. I'll take the 1:25:24.950 --> 1:25:27.590 map you give me, but I got to figure out 1:25:28.110 --> 1:25:30.979 my things because it allows me to have ownership. So yeah, 1:25:31.080 --> 1:25:33.700 I was, I played, I played no games. And to 1:25:33.720 --> 1:25:35.860 this day, I think that's a place I struggle with 1:25:35.900 --> 1:25:39.680 most as a creator. I ain't never had nobody talk 1:25:39.700 --> 1:25:41.200 to me crazy and we really not be beefing. 1:25:41.220 --> 1:25:41.960 Right. 1:25:41.979 --> 1:25:42.080 Right. 1:25:42.180 --> 1:25:44.660 You know what I'm saying? So it's like, I really 1:25:44.680 --> 1:25:48.440 have to catch myself and be like, Miss Thing, I'll 1:25:48.460 --> 1:25:49.040 fuck you up. 1:25:49.060 --> 1:25:51.700 I will and I can't. 1:25:51.939 --> 1:25:54.719 Somebody had to send to my location, what do you need, niece? 1:25:55.380 --> 1:25:57.179 We can process this in person, daughter. 1:25:57.750 --> 1:25:58.410 Absolutely. 1:25:59.770 --> 1:26:02.260 Mariam Kaba, who is the mother of prison abolition, said 1:26:02.300 --> 1:26:05.339 the most non-systemic thing you can do is beat up somebody. 1:26:05.360 --> 1:26:07.340 I ain't going to call the police on you. 1:26:07.360 --> 1:26:08.509 I'm going to fight you. 1:26:08.520 --> 1:26:10.750 We're going to go right in that room. We're going 1:26:10.770 --> 1:26:12.330 to tussle it out. I need that. 1:26:13.290 --> 1:26:15.830 Because a lot of y'all are not good people because 1:26:15.850 --> 1:26:17.229 you never had your ass whooped. 1:26:17.439 --> 1:26:20.250 I got beat up a lot. That's why I'm funny. 1:26:20.550 --> 1:26:22.500 I say, hey, brother, we can put the fist down 1:26:22.520 --> 1:26:27.660 and laugh. Hey, brother. Brother, brother, brother. I've been whooped once. 1:26:27.740 --> 1:26:29.660 Shout out to Johnny May Dennis from Omaha, Nebraska. 1:26:30.120 --> 1:26:32.970 Johnny May whooped my ass so fiercely on that playground, honey, 1:26:33.010 --> 1:26:34.309 and then threw me in that trash can. 1:26:34.330 --> 1:26:40.280 My God. And now that's my sister. Now that's my sister. Oh, yes. Oh. 1:26:41.240 --> 1:26:41.380 Oh. 1:26:41.500 --> 1:26:42.939 It was a rugged experience. 1:26:43.580 --> 1:26:46.060 And that's when I knew, I was like, bitch, nobody's 1:26:46.100 --> 1:26:47.060 ever going to whoop me, bitch. 1:26:47.820 --> 1:26:51.020 Like, girl, not like that, girl. Last time. 1:26:51.040 --> 1:26:54.740 The girls will know how to retreat to live another day. 1:26:54.760 --> 1:26:55.650 You know what I'm saying? 1:26:55.700 --> 1:26:56.820 Like, yeah. 1:26:57.439 --> 1:26:58.169 Absolutely. 1:26:58.290 --> 1:27:02.250 Every time shit get too tricky, Shredder get his ass 1:27:02.330 --> 1:27:02.950 up out of there. 1:27:04.150 --> 1:27:06.390 Skeletor get his ass up there. Every time it get 1:27:06.410 --> 1:27:09.050 too tricky, hey. Megatron was like, you got it, man. 1:27:09.130 --> 1:27:09.530 Every time. 1:27:09.550 --> 1:27:12.610 Today, y'all got it. And I'll be back. So I'll 1:27:12.990 --> 1:27:16.330 try again. That's why Skeletor's running in that beam. Yeah. 1:27:16.510 --> 1:27:18.589 He's like, I don't know. And will leave his people behind. 1:27:18.630 --> 1:27:18.990 Yeah. 1:27:19.030 --> 1:27:19.490 Sure. 1:27:19.770 --> 1:27:21.670 Several times. And so that's my hope. 1:27:22.570 --> 1:27:24.790 And let the record reflect, he's only there because when 1:27:24.850 --> 1:27:27.559 Hordak was stealing the twins, he got away and left 1:27:27.570 --> 1:27:28.530 Skeletor behind. 1:27:28.680 --> 1:27:31.820 Wait. Huh? Y'all go to your word. Go to the 1:27:31.860 --> 1:27:33.460 secret of the sword. Go to your text. 1:27:35.040 --> 1:27:37.019 Go to the text that. 1:27:37.020 --> 1:27:37.800 Added on it, please. 1:27:37.820 --> 1:27:40.140 So my sister, that's my homegirl to this day. Like, 1:27:40.160 --> 1:27:42.620 that's my homegirl for real. And we laugh about it. 1:27:42.620 --> 1:27:46.320 And I always tell that story because she whooped my ass. 1:27:46.939 --> 1:27:48.389 She told me that was her playground, and I thought 1:27:48.410 --> 1:27:50.490 it was a game, and it, in fact, was not. 1:27:50.590 --> 1:27:52.250 It wasn't. 1:27:52.270 --> 1:27:55.570 It was serious. Sister showed me fat meat was greasy. 1:27:58.070 --> 1:28:01.760 That day. I'm talking about... Have y'all ever had your 1:28:01.820 --> 1:28:03.500 ass whooped? Yes. I'm talking about. 1:28:03.520 --> 1:28:04.349 I do not. 1:28:04.400 --> 1:28:07.229 I'm talking about where your body, like your skin is stinging. 1:28:08.689 --> 1:28:12.469 My jaw was clicking after like, man, my jaw was clicking. 1:28:12.530 --> 1:28:15.330 Like, oh, oh, okay. Oh, this is an ass whooping. 1:28:15.390 --> 1:28:17.450 Got it. Got it. Okay, I see what's happening. And 1:28:17.470 --> 1:28:23.090 sister gave me, she in them people's trash. He's clipped. 1:28:23.130 --> 1:28:25.610 Because we were on this, we were at the middle school, 1:28:25.650 --> 1:28:27.060 North of middle school. And so they had the big, 1:28:27.240 --> 1:28:28.860 the big blue trash. It was back when they didn't 1:28:28.880 --> 1:28:30.440 lock stuff up, you know, in the summertime, you know 1:28:30.460 --> 1:28:33.309 what I'm saying? Toss me in there, baby. 1:28:34.260 --> 1:28:36.160 And make me feel it. You can't really cover yourself 1:28:36.180 --> 1:28:37.260 when you're. 1:28:36.820 --> 1:28:38.410 Coming out of the trash. And you know, you see 1:28:38.430 --> 1:28:39.970 the light coming through the little holes in the side. 1:28:40.120 --> 1:28:43.900 and i had to sit there and say mind you 1:28:43.920 --> 1:28:49.540 i'm wearing glasses you know and then you're thinking about 1:28:49.580 --> 1:28:52.440 like my mama i got on some i never forget 1:28:52.470 --> 1:28:54.809 i had on some Bugle Boy jeans. I had on 1:28:54.830 --> 1:28:57.250 a white, like a white Bugle Boy shirt. And I 1:28:57.290 --> 1:28:59.670 had these Eddie Bauer loafers my mama just knew she 1:28:59.710 --> 1:29:02.170 had to have. And so I'm like, oh my God, 1:29:02.180 --> 1:29:03.760 I'm going to mess up this outfit. My mama's going 1:29:03.780 --> 1:29:05.280 to cuss me out. She want me to come over 1:29:05.320 --> 1:29:07.200 to my auntie's house eating my Aunt Claudia's. She always said, 1:29:07.220 --> 1:29:11.040 my Aunt Claudia, let me do whatever. But Johnny May 1:29:11.180 --> 1:29:13.820 whooped me. 1:29:13.890 --> 1:29:19.980 And I... You remember this vividly. I do because... Because one, 1:29:20.020 --> 1:29:23.130 you need to. If you forget, it'll happen again. 1:29:23.270 --> 1:29:23.890 Come on. 1:29:24.330 --> 1:29:29.590 Yeah. The girls, I'm a historian as well. Absolutely. 1:29:31.150 --> 1:29:33.550 I'm going to go to the history. And also, I 1:29:33.570 --> 1:29:36.960 think for me, it was, even in this fight, like 1:29:37.000 --> 1:29:39.000 it was, right now we talk a lot about like 1:29:39.020 --> 1:29:40.360 the girls be like, oh, you don't want the trans 1:29:40.380 --> 1:29:40.820 woman doing this. 1:29:40.840 --> 1:29:42.040 I was like, the only person ever with me is 1:29:42.060 --> 1:29:42.420 a woman. 1:29:44.130 --> 1:29:46.170 I was like, and if y'all think about it, the 1:29:47.070 --> 1:29:49.650 people you know with hands the most are girls. Yeah. 1:29:50.030 --> 1:29:51.810 Now, I ain't advocating for the girls. 1:29:52.070 --> 1:29:54.650 I'm just saying that in my lived experience, the only 1:29:54.670 --> 1:29:55.729 person who got the best. 1:29:55.550 --> 1:29:57.830 Of me was a girl. Boo! 1:29:58.510 --> 1:30:01.670 These niggas could not hold me. These niggas could not 1:30:01.710 --> 1:30:02.950 hold me. My husband had me on the ropes a 1:30:02.990 --> 1:30:06.210 few times. A few times he had me on the ropes. 1:30:06.229 --> 1:30:07.470 A few times, honey. 1:30:07.970 --> 1:30:08.769 But yeah. 1:30:09.110 --> 1:30:16.030 But it's just like, it's because it also, I love 1:30:16.150 --> 1:30:17.790 never forgetting where I come from. 1:30:17.810 --> 1:30:17.990 Mm-hmm. 1:30:18.650 --> 1:30:21.290 Because I feel like, I'm glad I left my hometown before. Like, 1:30:21.310 --> 1:30:22.550 you know how people leave their hometown and they hate 1:30:22.590 --> 1:30:24.910 their hometown? Yeah. I love where I'm from because I 1:30:24.930 --> 1:30:28.599 feel like it always, they always act like black trans 1:30:28.610 --> 1:30:29.380 folks were just hatched. 1:30:29.939 --> 1:30:30.070 Mm-hmm. 1:30:31.220 --> 1:30:32.680 I'm like, I talk about these things because it's like, 1:30:32.780 --> 1:30:34.680 I have a history. I have roots. 1:30:35.260 --> 1:30:37.260 I have, I can tell you the school, like, like I, 1:30:37.380 --> 1:30:40.730 those things create a life. There's human, there's human there. 1:30:40.740 --> 1:30:44.070 You can't erase that. And I say people's names. Literally, 1:30:44.090 --> 1:30:45.250 I did a video about John and me when that 1:30:45.430 --> 1:30:48.110 I had missed, I had mistyped on that Clarissa Shields video. 1:30:48.610 --> 1:30:50.070 And I was saying, I was trying to say, I 1:30:50.130 --> 1:30:50.990 need that wig. 1:30:51.630 --> 1:30:55.240 And it auto corrected to, I need that under a 1:30:55.260 --> 1:30:56.280 Clarissa Shields video. 1:30:56.360 --> 1:30:56.540 Yeah. 1:30:57.290 --> 1:30:58.889 And the girl started liking it, talking about, oh, Dominique, 1:30:58.910 --> 1:30:59.830 you trying to fire? I was like, no. 1:30:59.870 --> 1:31:01.150 You were like, no, no, no, that's not what I need. 1:31:01.170 --> 1:31:02.189 I said, no, I need a wig. That's going to 1:31:02.210 --> 1:31:04.300 be the second time. I need a wig, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1:31:04.620 --> 1:31:06.280 But Clarissa hit hard as crap. 1:31:06.540 --> 1:31:08.360 Now, you want to talk about, we was backstage with 1:31:08.400 --> 1:31:09.740 Clarissa at the Black Effect. 1:31:10.240 --> 1:31:11.260 She was mugging everybody. 1:31:11.460 --> 1:31:11.800 Yes. 1:31:12.510 --> 1:31:15.870 And a perfect, like looking like a fashion model. But 1:31:15.910 --> 1:31:18.150 she was not giving it up to anybody. She pushed 1:31:18.170 --> 1:31:21.050 them 85 South dudes. I heard the thud. Body shot. 1:31:21.270 --> 1:31:23.830 I'm like, and Clarissa's a Pisces as well. Yeah, and 1:31:23.850 --> 1:31:25.150 I don't need that. I don't need that game. 1:31:25.170 --> 1:31:27.150 So I always tell it because I'm just like, somebody 1:31:27.189 --> 1:31:28.650 in that comments was like, oh, I know Johnny May. 1:31:28.680 --> 1:31:29.920 That's my homegirl. I'm going to send her this. Tell 1:31:29.939 --> 1:31:32.620 my sister. I said, what's up? Tell her I said hey. Yeah. 1:31:32.640 --> 1:31:34.559 Because also I'm going to tell my business for you, dude, 1:31:34.580 --> 1:31:36.780 because I know there's going to be a day when 1:31:36.820 --> 1:31:38.820 I'm on Oprah and somebody will be like, girl, you 1:31:38.840 --> 1:31:39.860 remember when I whooped your ass? 1:31:40.060 --> 1:31:40.440 Yes, I do. 1:31:40.500 --> 1:31:41.420 And I told a story about it already. 1:31:41.439 --> 1:31:43.380 I told a story. And girl, it's going up on 1:31:43.420 --> 1:31:46.650 my sub stack. I do remember. Yeah. How's that going 1:31:46.670 --> 1:31:48.370 for you? I saw you're one of the rising people. 1:31:48.450 --> 1:31:51.689 It's kind of fab. You be writing good. I keep 1:31:51.720 --> 1:31:52.939 hearing people talk about subsects. 1:31:52.979 --> 1:31:56.980 It's like Patreon for writers mainly. They do other stuff, 1:31:57.000 --> 1:31:59.240 but you're... You can do video... No, you can do 1:31:59.280 --> 1:31:59.900 video on there. 1:31:59.960 --> 1:32:01.280 No, I... You can do video too. You can do 1:32:01.300 --> 1:32:02.590 video on there. But it's writing heavy. You can do 1:32:02.620 --> 1:32:04.710 video over there. I think also what people. 1:32:04.729 --> 1:32:06.950 Because at first people were saying it as writing and 1:32:07.010 --> 1:32:08.710 I ignored it for months when people were talking about 1:32:08.750 --> 1:32:11.290 it because I was like, I had just started writing 1:32:11.370 --> 1:32:14.810 for Madame Noir and News One, and now I've expanded 1:32:14.830 --> 1:32:18.070 to Bossa, but I was just like, what it allows 1:32:18.130 --> 1:32:21.460 me to do is find a community of people who 1:32:21.500 --> 1:32:23.920 are very clear about what they're coming to get from you. 1:32:24.780 --> 1:32:27.340 And so the propensity of them feeling like they've been 1:32:27.360 --> 1:32:28.439 let down is very low. 1:32:29.660 --> 1:32:34.590 Also, y'all have these systems of monetization. that work. Patreon just, 1:32:34.630 --> 1:32:37.930 the rhythm of, I gotta get the rhythm of the platform. Oh, okay. 1:32:37.970 --> 1:32:41.070 And the other platforms didn't really give, I struggle with like, yo, 1:32:41.090 --> 1:32:43.330 how does this feel like mine? And Substack has a 1:32:43.410 --> 1:32:45.220 better discovery. It's very intuitive. 1:32:45.229 --> 1:32:47.759 Oh, it does. It's very intuitive. Much better discovery platform. 1:32:47.780 --> 1:32:54.460 Much better. And the payout process, filthy. Dude, now. Filthy. 1:32:55.100 --> 1:32:55.740 I see all that. 1:32:55.760 --> 1:32:57.400 No, no, I'm just saying like, so let's say that 1:32:57.680 --> 1:32:59.860 I get a thousand subscriptions a day. 1:33:00.560 --> 1:33:04.729 That'll be available to me tomorrow. Well, I didn't. No, 1:33:04.810 --> 1:33:06.370 I'm just telling you what I love. 1:33:06.390 --> 1:33:08.130 The Stripe, because that's the other part, because I was 1:33:08.150 --> 1:33:11.120 just like, these other platforms, it's like 20, 30 days. 1:33:11.580 --> 1:33:14.340 Being able to think, it's a way for me to 1:33:14.540 --> 1:33:17.780 add a stream as a creator that helps me have, 1:33:18.200 --> 1:33:20.900 like kind of build my life like that's my consistent paycheck. 1:33:20.930 --> 1:33:23.590 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everything else is there. And shout 1:33:23.610 --> 1:33:24.830 out to Francesca Ramsey. 1:33:24.930 --> 1:33:29.510 And because Francesca amplified it right when I had came home, 1:33:29.530 --> 1:33:33.020 so I came home May 28th. So I gained like 1:33:33.020 --> 1:33:36.059 6,000 followers the first through like the seventh of the month. 1:33:36.780 --> 1:33:39.240 So now most of my payouts come, it allows me 1:33:39.280 --> 1:33:41.000 to kind of build and people are coming in. 1:33:41.020 --> 1:33:42.000 You can pay them first. 1:33:42.780 --> 1:33:45.549 But you can also like, if you go hard, like 1:33:45.590 --> 1:33:49.010 you can really, because a lot of creation people are 1:33:49.390 --> 1:33:51.849 getting burnt out because they're feeling like they're not seeing 1:33:51.870 --> 1:33:54.490 the fruits of their labor. And I love that Substack 1:33:54.710 --> 1:33:57.640 helps me feel like, I can invest. I can show up. 1:33:57.729 --> 1:34:02.559 Because everything isn't about capitalism. I also have a bandwidth 1:34:02.580 --> 1:34:04.700 for people to have things at no cost. You can 1:34:04.760 --> 1:34:06.679 also set it up where it's paid now. And then 1:34:06.760 --> 1:34:10.479 usually 30 days after that, a paid post is for everyone. 1:34:12.689 --> 1:34:15.290 But you can also post your videos. They'll automatically post 1:34:15.310 --> 1:34:16.910 your videos to YouTube for you. 1:34:16.930 --> 1:34:20.330 Oh, okay. They also have an integration for LinkedIn. LinkedIn. 1:34:21.100 --> 1:34:22.440 Because I've decided I'm going to run through LinkedIn like 1:34:22.479 --> 1:34:25.229 a Tomb Raider. They say that the bread is over there. 1:34:25.490 --> 1:34:27.530 It's nasty. If you can work that. It's nasty. They 1:34:27.550 --> 1:34:31.320 say LinkedIn is. Truly. It's nasty. Literal bread. 1:34:31.340 --> 1:34:33.320 Because all the people who work in these agencies that 1:34:33.360 --> 1:34:34.479 book people for talent. 1:34:34.500 --> 1:34:34.800 Uh-huh. 1:34:35.520 --> 1:34:38.400 All the people, there's some organizations where your Wi-Fi will 1:34:38.439 --> 1:34:39.590 only let you go to LinkedIn. 1:34:39.600 --> 1:34:41.050 Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1:34:41.070 --> 1:34:42.770 So I was like, I'm going to post my regular 1:34:42.790 --> 1:34:44.229 videos over here because I want y'all to get the 1:34:44.270 --> 1:34:45.110 tea during your workday. 1:34:45.290 --> 1:34:45.530 Yeah. 1:34:46.070 --> 1:34:48.349 But also, those are the people who are booking the speakers, 1:34:48.390 --> 1:34:51.510 who are seeing these names, and it's a new space 1:34:51.550 --> 1:34:53.780 to kind of expand. 1:34:54.900 --> 1:34:59.040 Blake does it really well. Blake. Blake. Blake. I'm blanking 1:34:59.060 --> 1:35:02.679 on sister. Black newbie. Oh, like newbie. Where's LinkedIn? 1:35:02.930 --> 1:35:05.310 Oh, but sub stack has been really great where I 1:35:05.350 --> 1:35:08.110 can integrate other things in it. So many people have 1:35:08.170 --> 1:35:12.540 found me. And in regards to right now, I often 1:35:12.580 --> 1:35:16.460 will take my videos, transcribe my videos that are things 1:35:16.500 --> 1:35:18.000 I start there, and then it allows me to build 1:35:18.040 --> 1:35:18.860 out my ideas. 1:35:19.660 --> 1:35:21.219 So you're already making the video. 1:35:21.620 --> 1:35:23.690 Because some people don't want to go on TikTok. A 1:35:23.729 --> 1:35:27.150 lot of people are only on Substack. And so it 1:35:27.189 --> 1:35:30.009 allows me to expand but not have to start from scratch. 1:35:30.670 --> 1:35:30.950 They will. 1:35:31.810 --> 1:35:34.189 strip your audio and make that an audio podcast episode 1:35:34.210 --> 1:35:35.970 they can listen to from any video you put up 1:35:36.030 --> 1:35:38.590 there they will automatically give you a transcription so it's 1:35:38.990 --> 1:35:41.189 it's it's something that really has worked for me and 1:35:41.350 --> 1:35:43.710 and i i'm like building my book over there like 1:35:43.770 --> 1:35:46.330 i don't know because that's two things i feel like 1:35:46.350 --> 1:35:49.620 i'm because because you're because your show should be. 1:35:49.540 --> 1:35:52.019 A book oh i said that the first time i 1:35:52.040 --> 1:35:54.339 saw it And I don't. 1:35:54.439 --> 1:35:57.160 No more books for me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1:35:57.200 --> 1:35:58.910 You're going to end up doing it. 1:35:59.010 --> 1:36:02.929 You're playing a game because it's already there. Book writing 1:36:03.010 --> 1:36:03.750 is hard. 1:36:03.770 --> 1:36:04.670 No, it's not. 1:36:05.790 --> 1:36:09.099 I think that if you were to record the audio 1:36:09.120 --> 1:36:12.520 from your show and transcribe it and sit down and 1:36:12.540 --> 1:36:15.030 you piece it out, It's just you expanding on the 1:36:15.070 --> 1:36:17.130 stories that you probably cut down to fit into the length. 1:36:17.010 --> 1:36:18.190 Of the show. Yeah, there's a lot of stories I 1:36:18.210 --> 1:36:20.150 cut down. That's all it is. It doesn't have to be... Hey, 1:36:20.170 --> 1:36:22.139 that's all it is. It doesn't have to... Like, again, if. 1:36:22.170 --> 1:36:24.350 That's all it is. I'm telling you, brother, if I 1:36:24.370 --> 1:36:26.070 come to the show and I move like that. 1:36:26.090 --> 1:36:28.150 Yeah. And that book is standing there. 1:36:28.250 --> 1:36:28.470 Yeah. 1:36:28.490 --> 1:36:29.670 Oh, I need that. 1:36:29.689 --> 1:36:30.110 See? 1:36:30.410 --> 1:36:34.120 Boots for blood. Every time I want to join in, 1:36:34.150 --> 1:36:35.610 you got something new that I haven't heard. 1:36:35.729 --> 1:36:37.540 I don't even try to because it's so good. 1:36:37.600 --> 1:36:40.560 Dominique Lingo is... It's crazy. 1:36:40.600 --> 1:36:42.880 It's not all my, listen, because also the people, now, 1:36:42.979 --> 1:36:45.740 you know, now it'll be like, they'll tag me and stuff. 1:36:45.880 --> 1:36:47.500 And they'll be like, this person is saying your thing. 1:36:47.920 --> 1:36:50.070 Or they'll be like, oh, when you see Nash always says, 1:36:50.090 --> 1:36:52.349 I was like, of course, because black folks in the church, 1:36:52.370 --> 1:36:53.160 church folks say it. 1:36:53.229 --> 1:36:56.830 It's, it's. I seen this preacher on TikTok saying, I 1:36:56.870 --> 1:37:00.450 clocked your tea, devil. Somebody saw. We come full circle. 1:37:01.030 --> 1:37:03.380 Do you even know where that came from? Mama don't know. 1:37:03.420 --> 1:37:06.980 She in there pushing the people out. I see people 1:37:07.020 --> 1:37:09.360 making videos with just their hands now and their nails. 1:37:09.760 --> 1:37:13.090 My thing is, that's what happens if you're impacting culture. 1:37:13.939 --> 1:37:16.400 And you better say it. That's what happens. I see 1:37:16.460 --> 1:37:21.100 people being overweight and bald. My God. Is that what's happening? 1:37:21.180 --> 1:37:23.020 They'll be like, he can't be bald or overweight. I'm 1:37:23.040 --> 1:37:25.200 going to try it. Out here beating their meats. 1:37:25.620 --> 1:37:29.050 Beating y'all meats. I don't even beat my meat that much. Now, 1:37:29.060 --> 1:37:30.809 what you aren't doing is raising your children and loving 1:37:30.830 --> 1:37:31.270 your wife. 1:37:31.670 --> 1:37:36.510 She said, get that right. Get that right. Expand your understanding. Literally. 1:37:36.530 --> 1:37:36.950 Dig in. 1:37:38.890 --> 1:37:41.770 No, it's the sayings as well as the vast vocabulary 1:37:41.870 --> 1:37:44.389 that I'm just like, my brain is like, don't. 1:37:44.250 --> 1:37:44.950 Know what that means. 1:37:45.650 --> 1:37:47.260 You have a question? Because I have one before we 1:37:47.270 --> 1:37:47.900 let Dominique go. 1:37:47.910 --> 1:37:49.639 I don't want to hog. 1:37:50.120 --> 1:37:51.540 I was going to ask a question, but I feel 1:37:51.560 --> 1:37:54.380 like it's going to be a very expansive question. 1:37:54.400 --> 1:37:55.360 What was your question going to be? 1:37:56.320 --> 1:37:58.759 Go ahead. I won't forget mine. Okay. 1:37:59.000 --> 1:38:01.700 I want to take the time. You touched on it 1:38:01.720 --> 1:38:02.660 a little bit about. 1:38:03.770 --> 1:38:06.910 your first shot of estrogen and it being something magical 1:38:07.490 --> 1:38:12.280 in your transition. What do you feel like was, I 1:38:12.320 --> 1:38:15.439 guess the most, I don't want to say difficult, but 1:38:15.460 --> 1:38:19.340 I guess challenging part of evolving into the fullness of 1:38:19.400 --> 1:38:20.680 you during that time. 1:38:22.390 --> 1:38:25.650 It, it's a duality of, I kind of touched on it. 1:38:25.689 --> 1:38:30.540 It's the, it's the, it's the, all the things you 1:38:30.560 --> 1:38:34.080 will lose and then and then it was me realizing 1:38:35.340 --> 1:38:36.820 all the things that all the black women in my 1:38:36.840 --> 1:38:43.000 life have never had and it hurt me and I 1:38:43.280 --> 1:38:45.019 I couldn't just in my perfect world I could have 1:38:45.040 --> 1:38:46.920 just I would have ran to my mom and been 1:38:46.939 --> 1:38:51.019 like you never told me You know, like it was 1:38:51.140 --> 1:38:53.200 it was that was the hardest part, like the safety piece. 1:38:53.300 --> 1:38:55.280 I was incarcerated in some of the hardest places. Yes. 1:38:55.320 --> 1:38:55.939 Was it difficult? 1:38:56.660 --> 1:38:58.790 The first time I truly felt unsafe was maybe six 1:38:58.810 --> 1:38:59.950 months into my transition. 1:39:00.670 --> 1:39:02.650 The pandemic is happening, mind you. So people aren't even 1:39:02.670 --> 1:39:03.610 really out like that. 1:39:04.330 --> 1:39:06.710 But I pulled up to my house as I had 1:39:06.790 --> 1:39:08.670 many a time and I'm sitting in the car. 1:39:09.100 --> 1:39:10.920 But this car drives slowly down the street. 1:39:11.840 --> 1:39:15.780 I instantly am so frightened I can't move because I 1:39:15.820 --> 1:39:18.580 forgot to turn my porch light on. And I remember 1:39:18.760 --> 1:39:21.040 calling Andrew and having him on FaceTime as I walked 1:39:21.060 --> 1:39:21.460 to the door. 1:39:21.780 --> 1:39:23.420 I never felt fear like that. 1:39:23.920 --> 1:39:26.560 And it was just like this instinctive thing where it's like, okay, 1:39:26.890 --> 1:39:29.750 now there's 10 people. You know, 10 people got my 1:39:29.790 --> 1:39:35.030 location because they got to. There can't be shame in 1:39:35.070 --> 1:39:39.430 whatever you do because shame will get you killed. 1:39:39.670 --> 1:39:41.030 In this body, right? 1:39:41.110 --> 1:39:43.170 I'm like, Monroe, I'm about to go do something I 1:39:43.189 --> 1:39:45.110 probably shouldn't, but if you don't hear from me at 1:39:45.150 --> 1:39:50.000 this time... Bring the pistola, sister. It will, because you're 1:39:50.020 --> 1:39:52.929 sneaking and you're moving. And that's, I was like, no, 1:39:52.979 --> 1:39:54.490 you have to have people that you can be your 1:39:54.510 --> 1:39:57.650 whole self with, because that's how they know. That's how 1:39:57.689 --> 1:40:00.290 they'll know, right? Just things were just like, oh, I 1:40:00.310 --> 1:40:02.710 have to let these things go. And then I needed 1:40:02.729 --> 1:40:05.780 to do the work to not be bitter about it. 1:40:06.550 --> 1:40:09.650 Because then it's like, that's when I, and I think 1:40:09.670 --> 1:40:14.760 some of my specifically black trans sister's, Because transitioning does 1:40:14.820 --> 1:40:18.000 not evolve you as a human being. So I feel 1:40:18.020 --> 1:40:20.240 like folks will like, you'll get the transition. It's like, no, 1:40:20.260 --> 1:40:22.750 you still got to grow the fuck up. You still 1:40:22.790 --> 1:40:25.470 have to like, you're a human. You still got to 1:40:25.490 --> 1:40:27.730 do the things. And so I will hear girls talk 1:40:27.750 --> 1:40:30.090 about the things that are lost for them, but it's 1:40:30.110 --> 1:40:32.599 from this space of anger. And for me, it was like, 1:40:32.640 --> 1:40:36.280 I had to embrace it because it is... it shouldn't 1:40:36.300 --> 1:40:39.120 be the cultural experience of black women in this space, 1:40:39.140 --> 1:40:41.660 but it is. Black women are always making the best 1:40:41.680 --> 1:40:43.540 of what they have, and you hope that the partner, 1:40:43.880 --> 1:40:47.200 people around them, bring benefit to where they can have 1:40:47.580 --> 1:40:51.660 some semblance of a soft life, right? But there are 1:40:51.700 --> 1:40:54.160 so many sisters every day who are just like, my 1:40:54.200 --> 1:40:55.510 base level is I can get up, I might be 1:40:55.520 --> 1:40:56.930 able to take a hot shower, and I might be 1:40:56.970 --> 1:40:57.400 able to eat. 1:40:58.090 --> 1:40:58.510 Might be. 1:40:59.270 --> 1:41:02.570 And I still better walk outside and be dynamic and 1:41:02.610 --> 1:41:08.270 exciting and powerful and changing. What is that like if 1:41:08.310 --> 1:41:11.750 you don't have a vagina? And the vagina conversation is 1:41:11.770 --> 1:41:13.010 important because people will be like, oh, you can show 1:41:13.050 --> 1:41:15.810 up any kind of way. I also show up a 1:41:15.830 --> 1:41:18.439 certain way because even if you walked in here, if 1:41:18.479 --> 1:41:22.240 you shaved your head right now, people may say something, 1:41:22.920 --> 1:41:24.720 but you're always going to have an equalizer to be like, 1:41:24.780 --> 1:41:30.360 I'm still a black woman. While my looks and things 1:41:30.460 --> 1:41:32.690 can't be everything my black womanhood as a trans woman 1:41:32.700 --> 1:41:35.809 can be predicated on... it is a component in how 1:41:35.850 --> 1:41:38.150 the world navigates me. 1:41:38.600 --> 1:41:39.280 Right? Yeah. 1:41:39.420 --> 1:41:42.280 Even my softness, my pushback, being able to say no 1:41:42.300 --> 1:41:43.620 to certain things sexually. 1:41:43.640 --> 1:41:44.200 Mm-hmm. 1:41:44.560 --> 1:41:48.660 You know, this idea of being docile and, you know, 1:41:48.740 --> 1:41:51.690 can't complain. Being, can I be, am I allowed to 1:41:51.710 --> 1:41:52.269 be angry? 1:41:52.290 --> 1:41:54.870 Mm-hmm. Those sort of things were, like, those are the things, 1:41:54.930 --> 1:41:57.010 the things I didn't expect. 1:41:57.189 --> 1:41:57.429 Uh-huh. 1:41:57.490 --> 1:41:59.910 That I thought were, like, the human right. I was like, oh, no, that's, 1:42:00.030 --> 1:42:01.750 that patriarchy gave me that right. 1:42:02.090 --> 1:42:02.310 Yeah. 1:42:02.380 --> 1:42:05.680 Manhood gave me that right. And you can, and I 1:42:05.720 --> 1:42:09.560 don't think, and this is Dominique talking. You don't have 1:42:09.580 --> 1:42:11.020 to touch a hormone if you don't want to. You 1:42:11.040 --> 1:42:11.860 don't got to go to a doctor if you don't 1:42:11.880 --> 1:42:12.960 want to. You don't have to talk to nobody if 1:42:12.979 --> 1:42:19.140 you don't want to. You just want to do. I, 1:42:20.150 --> 1:42:25.170 every day, have to inventory and continue to divest from 1:42:25.189 --> 1:42:28.810 a system that is like a drug, which that's what 1:42:28.840 --> 1:42:29.480 patriarchy is. 1:42:29.520 --> 1:42:31.809 Yeah. Yeah. Right? 1:42:32.070 --> 1:42:34.970 I have to, because for me, that's some of my 1:42:35.010 --> 1:42:37.890 work every day. And thinking about and pushing away, and 1:42:37.930 --> 1:42:41.190 that inherently means I will be in more danger. That 1:42:41.229 --> 1:42:45.650 inherently means I will have less access. If I was 1:42:45.680 --> 1:42:48.519 doing what I was doing online, and I just detransitioned, 1:42:48.960 --> 1:42:50.840 and I would just walk around with makeup on, and 1:42:50.860 --> 1:42:53.280 I was a femme boy, I would have a Fenty 1:42:53.300 --> 1:42:53.980 campaign by now. 1:42:54.380 --> 1:42:54.600 Yeah. 1:42:54.740 --> 1:42:56.680 But do you know who has a Fenty campaign? 1:42:56.700 --> 1:42:57.280 Dylan. 1:42:57.740 --> 1:43:00.540 Elon Musk's daughter, who transitioned last year. 1:43:00.640 --> 1:43:03.639 Oh, Vivian is a She ain't got nobody, no titties. 1:43:03.680 --> 1:43:05.580 She barely got any face, and she is in lingerie. 1:43:07.900 --> 1:43:09.620 And that's no shade in regard, well, it might have 1:43:09.640 --> 1:43:13.160 sounded shady, because she's a young girl. But Miss Thing 1:43:13.200 --> 1:43:17.680 transitioned last year, and she is a Fenty. Is her 1:43:17.700 --> 1:43:18.760 clothing line Fenty as well? 1:43:19.340 --> 1:43:19.500 Yeah. 1:43:19.540 --> 1:43:24.240 But those are things you see. You know what I'm saying? 1:43:24.380 --> 1:43:27.740 I know that if I just literally was like, and 1:43:27.780 --> 1:43:29.910 it would only take me saying, I am not a 1:43:29.990 --> 1:43:33.740 trans woman anymore. That's why when people are like, oh 1:43:33.760 --> 1:43:36.200 my God, you can't just say it. I know declaring 1:43:36.240 --> 1:43:38.650 it matters because the minute I declared it, I did 1:43:38.729 --> 1:43:40.469 not look good. 1:43:43.930 --> 1:43:49.850 With filters, I looked like this, Mike. What? 1:43:50.390 --> 1:43:54.320 No, because just the declaration of my identity, there were 1:43:54.360 --> 1:43:55.980 men who would never talk to me no matter how 1:43:56.020 --> 1:43:56.860 feminine I presented. 1:43:58.280 --> 1:44:01.059 I was an option because I was a trans woman. 1:44:01.080 --> 1:44:03.340 I know people are like that. I'm telling you, they'll 1:44:03.360 --> 1:44:06.800 do the, bitch. And then you have to talk about 1:44:06.900 --> 1:44:09.140 the more refined you are, the less that they like you. 1:44:09.680 --> 1:44:13.160 But instantly just declaring these things changed how people were 1:44:13.200 --> 1:44:17.380 navigating me. No surgeries, none of the checklist they pretend exists. 1:44:17.439 --> 1:44:19.620 You know what I'm saying? And I'm glad that I 1:44:19.660 --> 1:44:22.760 understood people. I understood the science of people, which is 1:44:22.780 --> 1:44:23.500 what my degree. 1:44:23.310 --> 1:44:23.850 Was rooted in. 1:44:23.890 --> 1:44:26.390 I'm glad that I was a sexual health expert because 1:44:26.450 --> 1:44:30.729 it allowed me to realize if I divest from my choice, 1:44:32.420 --> 1:44:35.730 even if I feel the loss, I will have appreciation 1:44:35.770 --> 1:44:37.230 for the loss because I made the choice. 1:44:37.490 --> 1:44:38.309 Yeah. You know what I'm saying? 1:44:38.350 --> 1:44:40.790 It's like you about to get on a plane and 1:44:40.810 --> 1:44:43.990 your bag is overweight. They're giving you the option of 1:44:44.010 --> 1:44:46.260 what to take out. You'll decide what is, you know 1:44:46.270 --> 1:44:47.820 what I'm saying, what is the least important. You may 1:44:47.860 --> 1:44:50.120 not want to, but it's your choice compared to them 1:44:50.160 --> 1:44:51.920 going in your shit and taking out and throwing it away. 1:44:51.939 --> 1:44:53.080 Mm-hmm. 1:44:53.200 --> 1:44:55.250 And so that's what it has to feel like for me. 1:44:55.280 --> 1:44:57.730 It's like, oh, no, Dominique, this isn't, as a black 1:44:57.780 --> 1:44:59.530 trans woman who is, I'll be 45 in March. 1:44:59.550 --> 1:44:59.670 Mm-hmm. 1:45:01.270 --> 1:45:03.400 What is going to benefit me the most as someone 1:45:03.410 --> 1:45:05.780 who will soon be 50 in this world? What is 1:45:05.800 --> 1:45:07.100 going to benefit me the most as someone who is 1:45:07.140 --> 1:45:08.540 black and trans and lives in the South? Like all 1:45:08.560 --> 1:45:12.140 of these questions I ask myself. And then there are 1:45:12.160 --> 1:45:14.020 things I really miss this. I really like this. 1:45:15.180 --> 1:45:17.520 But it's not going to make you show up in 1:45:17.560 --> 1:45:18.740 the way that you want to show up. 1:45:18.780 --> 1:45:22.630 And not just for the world. You're by yourself most times. 1:45:25.810 --> 1:45:27.930 It's not about a wig or it's not about a beard. 1:45:27.950 --> 1:45:29.809 It's like when I look in the mirror, do I see. 1:45:31.460 --> 1:45:33.780 And that is what I, that's kind of my litmus test. 1:45:33.840 --> 1:45:35.280 Everything else is icing on the cake. 1:45:35.320 --> 1:45:38.640 You know what I mean? But yeah, it was a sacrifice. 1:45:38.660 --> 1:45:41.080 And then it was the collective impact of realizing that 1:45:41.660 --> 1:45:44.889 every person who had loved me the best had given 1:45:44.930 --> 1:45:46.550 up everything to love me. When my mom died, like 1:45:46.570 --> 1:45:47.090 she had a book of. 1:45:47.090 --> 1:45:48.590 Poetry that I'm going to publish for her. 1:45:49.030 --> 1:45:51.830 My mother had been accepted into Oral Roberts University and 1:45:51.870 --> 1:45:55.910 didn't go. She had all these dresses that she had drawn. 1:45:55.950 --> 1:45:59.439 And my mom was home with us every day. And 1:45:59.500 --> 1:46:02.480 I don't think there were regrets. My mother passed. You 1:46:02.500 --> 1:46:04.560 told the story about, you know, being older than your brother. 1:46:04.960 --> 1:46:07.460 I've outlived my father. My daddy was 41 when he died. 1:46:08.040 --> 1:46:10.580 And my mother was 45. And I'll be 45 in March. 1:46:10.640 --> 1:46:11.590 Oh, my God. 1:46:11.740 --> 1:46:16.650 So it's like I'm deeply understanding of that. 1:46:16.710 --> 1:46:19.830 And I continue to understand. Yeah. But it's hard. Especially 1:46:19.850 --> 1:46:20.950 when I look at the black woman around me and 1:46:20.970 --> 1:46:23.990 I'm just like, and I ain't got no kids. You 1:46:24.010 --> 1:46:25.870 know what I'm saying? I'm like, y'all raising kids? Y'all got. 1:46:26.120 --> 1:46:27.780 husbands and you're doing all. 1:46:27.680 --> 1:46:29.500 This and i and it's not to and i talk 1:46:29.540 --> 1:46:35.010 about it not to be there's a wonderment and if 1:46:35.050 --> 1:46:40.250 i had to be honest there i i am i 1:46:40.810 --> 1:46:43.300 am happy that there's a limit to how the society 1:46:43.360 --> 1:46:46.360 can oppress me due to my body because i don't 1:46:46.400 --> 1:46:49.540 have a womb I could not fathom being someone who 1:46:49.560 --> 1:46:52.240 would get pregnant in this climate, in this world right now. 1:46:52.580 --> 1:46:54.040 Like the things that you see that I'm like, Black 1:46:54.060 --> 1:46:55.660 people are going to push through every time and then 1:46:55.680 --> 1:46:57.120 we'll do everything. And then somebody will come back, you 1:46:57.160 --> 1:46:58.480 know what, you should have raised him better. That's why 1:46:58.500 --> 1:47:00.720 he was like that. You know what I'm saying? It's 1:47:00.740 --> 1:47:04.880 just like, it's the frustration that I, you know, I 1:47:05.020 --> 1:47:07.420 feel in solidarity. And then I'm just like, how do 1:47:07.939 --> 1:47:09.720 I make sure that I don't minimize myself? 1:47:09.880 --> 1:47:11.680 Yeah. But how do I make sure I'm showing up 1:47:11.700 --> 1:47:12.900 for my sisters? Yeah. 1:47:12.979 --> 1:47:15.870 How is it actionable? You know, how can I discuss it? 1:47:16.580 --> 1:47:18.260 And that's something I feel like I've done well. 1:47:19.300 --> 1:47:20.480 Yeah. Sorry. 1:47:20.520 --> 1:47:22.679 You have. This is great. 1:47:23.020 --> 1:47:26.309 I can't imagine that the dangerous dance that you're having 1:47:26.410 --> 1:47:30.490 to do, like, as you became you, of all the 1:47:30.530 --> 1:47:35.380 things that you're having to navigate, I just, there's no way. 1:47:35.820 --> 1:47:37.509 There's no way. I can't imagine it. 1:47:37.660 --> 1:47:40.479 And listening to you even talk about it, it, I 1:47:40.520 --> 1:47:43.580 know it's only, like, so much that you're able to 1:47:43.640 --> 1:47:46.719 give us, but it already seems almost insurmountable. 1:47:46.780 --> 1:47:49.400 But the fact that you still figured out a way to, like. 1:47:49.560 --> 1:47:51.320 Well, and that's why I would say I am the data, 1:47:51.780 --> 1:47:53.760 and there's so much data around us. And that's why 1:47:53.820 --> 1:47:56.509 even when I was in the clinic, I understand when 1:47:56.550 --> 1:47:58.230 parents are afraid for their children. 1:47:58.250 --> 1:47:58.689 Yeah. 1:48:00.090 --> 1:48:04.730 Your fear does not give you permission to oppress and 1:48:04.810 --> 1:48:05.729 punish your child. 1:48:05.750 --> 1:48:08.130 Yeah. If you tell me your fear, I can walk 1:48:08.150 --> 1:48:09.910 you through your fear. The fear ain't going nowhere. Mm-hmm. 1:48:10.939 --> 1:48:13.280 Every day I'm afraid. My courage just is bigger than 1:48:13.300 --> 1:48:17.490 my fear. That's my call to action, right? And with parents, 1:48:17.510 --> 1:48:18.950 when they talk about it, I'm like, yes, let's talk 1:48:18.990 --> 1:48:21.850 about that. And also, if you give your baby what 1:48:21.890 --> 1:48:24.610 they need, my mom and dad did not know that 1:48:24.630 --> 1:48:26.990 they were giving me all the tools of loving me 1:48:27.030 --> 1:48:29.410 the way they loved me sustains me now. 1:48:30.729 --> 1:48:31.269 Maybe they did. 1:48:32.439 --> 1:48:35.220 I always talk about people pray for you in ways 1:48:35.240 --> 1:48:36.520 that you don't know you need to be prayed for. 1:48:36.540 --> 1:48:38.979 There are prayers that I'm benefiting from prayers in my 1:48:39.020 --> 1:48:43.020 family from multiple bloodlines, right? Yeah. But you look at 1:48:43.080 --> 1:48:46.480 Isaiah Wade, I always like, she is our first black 1:48:46.520 --> 1:48:48.880 trans girl that we watched grow up. Mm-hmm. 1:48:50.060 --> 1:48:53.920 And anything that's been difficult is stuff you see kids do. Yeah. Right? 1:48:53.979 --> 1:48:54.939 She's just living. 1:48:55.939 --> 1:48:58.000 And the biggest equalizer, it's not the money of her father, 1:48:58.080 --> 1:49:02.190 it's that she is loved. And so that's, that's what I, 1:49:02.470 --> 1:49:04.690 that's why I try to also stay present. I get 1:49:04.729 --> 1:49:07.880 the inboxes from the parents and, the moms and the 1:49:08.100 --> 1:49:10.380 last night at your show, somebody was like my, my, my, my, 1:49:10.620 --> 1:49:12.240 I think the cousin or the sister transition. And I 1:49:12.910 --> 1:49:18.009 learned how to, we, we have to be, um, possibility models. 1:49:18.490 --> 1:49:18.689 Yeah. 1:49:19.330 --> 1:49:20.310 For that to happen. 1:49:20.570 --> 1:49:24.030 Um, and, and, and if we don't share, we only 1:49:24.050 --> 1:49:26.730 show the perfect part and a possibility model that's like 1:49:26.770 --> 1:49:29.920 built on perfection is I think more harmful than not 1:49:30.300 --> 1:49:32.540 because this isn't perfect. This, this, this stuff is not, 1:49:33.280 --> 1:49:35.220 it's not perfect and I still want it. Yeah. 1:49:36.110 --> 1:49:36.550 You feel me? 1:49:36.610 --> 1:49:38.680 Yeah. Like, like I had to take everything. I had 1:49:38.720 --> 1:49:41.040 to shake everything out of my pockets. I'd be dead 1:49:41.080 --> 1:49:44.220 if I didn't transition. I know that because it was 1:49:44.240 --> 1:49:48.420 just like, I, I remember driving through the city crying. 1:49:48.439 --> 1:49:49.939 I had everything. 1:49:51.830 --> 1:49:52.990 You know, all the things I thought, I thought my 1:49:53.010 --> 1:49:55.050 life was terrible because I didn't have the degree. My 1:49:55.070 --> 1:49:56.930 life was terrible because I didn't have money. My life 1:49:56.950 --> 1:49:58.610 was terrible because I didn't have the cars. I had 1:49:58.650 --> 1:50:00.820 the houses. I, he was an ancient husband, but I 1:50:00.860 --> 1:50:02.920 had a husband. I had, I had, I had, I 1:50:02.939 --> 1:50:05.660 had the Mercedes and the BMW. I was making, you know, 1:50:05.760 --> 1:50:08.460 almost $ 300, 000 a year. I had, I was, my face 1:50:08.479 --> 1:50:11.320 was known everywhere. I go, and I remember driving through 1:50:11.340 --> 1:50:15.019 the city, crying so hard I couldn't see myself, like drive. 1:50:15.040 --> 1:50:17.880 I ended up at my friend Darryl Brown, Pastor Darryl Brown, 1:50:17.939 --> 1:50:21.290 like Darryl's church. I didn't realize it was Sunday. And 1:50:21.330 --> 1:50:23.250 I walked in the church and nobody saw me at 1:50:23.270 --> 1:50:24.630 the back of the church. And I went back to 1:50:24.670 --> 1:50:28.130 my car and, Tommy, them came down there and just 1:50:28.189 --> 1:50:30.689 like prayed or like hanging out the car, like crying 1:50:31.310 --> 1:50:33.210 because I was just like, I can't take this anymore. 1:50:33.250 --> 1:50:35.110 Like it makes no sense that I did everything I 1:50:35.110 --> 1:50:37.810 was supposed to do. And I'm still, this seems crazy. 1:50:37.950 --> 1:50:41.729 And it, and the solution can't be in the, what? 1:50:41.810 --> 1:50:42.150 Right. 1:50:42.430 --> 1:50:42.860 You feel me? 1:50:42.890 --> 1:50:44.769 It's like, it's like you look for something and then 1:50:44.970 --> 1:50:46.250 it's like it was sitting there looking at you in 1:50:46.270 --> 1:50:49.250 the face the whole time. There's so much frustration with that. 1:50:49.390 --> 1:50:52.110 And then once that happened for me, it was like, Oh, 1:50:52.680 --> 1:50:56.680 this isn't perfect. But this is the life that makes 1:50:56.700 --> 1:50:57.679 me want to get up every day. 1:50:57.920 --> 1:50:58.780 Yeah. Yeah. 1:51:01.479 --> 1:51:02.189 Look at your face. 1:51:03.310 --> 1:51:04.950 It's great. 1:51:05.050 --> 1:51:05.689 Did you love it? 1:51:06.750 --> 1:51:10.830 A good conversation and just listening and learning about people. 1:51:11.650 --> 1:51:12.970 This is what I miss about ASCA. 1:51:13.110 --> 1:51:17.070 I just... The gays... killed Theological Thursday. 1:51:17.110 --> 1:51:18.690 They said, you shut your black church butt up and 1:51:18.710 --> 1:51:20.030 don't you ask a gay question again. 1:51:20.610 --> 1:51:23.170 And I said, man, I really like Theological Thursday. 1:51:23.210 --> 1:51:25.110 At least I told you not to care. 1:51:24.850 --> 1:51:27.210 And do it. I wasn't ready yet. I might be 1:51:27.250 --> 1:51:30.139 ready now. Okay, look at you. I got too much 1:51:30.150 --> 1:51:30.500 stuff to do. 1:51:30.540 --> 1:51:34.160 Because the people were playing, weren't they? 1:51:34.180 --> 1:51:35.720 They about ran me into the ground over that. 1:51:35.740 --> 1:51:38.519 But I just love to, because this is what I 1:51:38.540 --> 1:51:40.460 would say, not to make it about church, but I 1:51:40.520 --> 1:51:43.330 think I was thinking about this when I was driving 1:51:43.370 --> 1:51:45.510 in today, you know, because, you know, the church gets 1:51:45.530 --> 1:51:47.809 mad at me and I care less and less every day. 1:51:48.050 --> 1:51:50.450 I really do. Actually, I think I might enjoy pissing 1:51:50.470 --> 1:51:51.010 them off now. 1:51:51.370 --> 1:51:51.870 I think you do. 1:51:51.890 --> 1:51:52.310 This is my truth. 1:51:52.330 --> 1:51:55.140 Because I think it challenges them. I think it challenges them. 1:51:55.160 --> 1:51:57.880 Me and Angel have this conversation outside of just church. 1:51:58.320 --> 1:51:59.120 I like challenge. 1:51:59.160 --> 1:52:01.820 I like learning. I like hearing from people. But I 1:52:01.860 --> 1:52:05.330 realized that when things were downloaded into me, I had 1:52:05.370 --> 1:52:05.969 no lived experience. 1:52:05.990 --> 1:52:06.650 I was a child. 1:52:07.330 --> 1:52:09.230 And when you, and even if I would have stayed 1:52:09.250 --> 1:52:11.479 in El Paso, I think it'd be hard to challenge 1:52:11.490 --> 1:52:12.939 if you go in the same thing. But it was 1:52:13.020 --> 1:52:14.860 easy to exclude trans people and gay people because I 1:52:14.900 --> 1:52:17.300 was already excluding Cogic people and Baptist people. 1:52:17.700 --> 1:52:19.360 We were the only ones who were saved. 1:52:20.100 --> 1:52:25.160 Apostolic, John, Acts 238, That's all. 1:52:25.200 --> 1:52:26.880 We were the only ones who really loved Jesus. 1:52:26.900 --> 1:52:29.439 So excluding gay people was no different than culture people 1:52:29.470 --> 1:52:31.070 or Baptist people or Mormon people. 1:52:31.550 --> 1:52:33.470 And then what happened to me is I start meeting 1:52:33.510 --> 1:52:33.970 these people. 1:52:34.370 --> 1:52:36.290 And what I was taught is not lining up with 1:52:36.310 --> 1:52:37.769 the people, the conversations I'm having. 1:52:38.130 --> 1:52:40.290 And then I'm like, well, let me go back and 1:52:40.350 --> 1:52:41.439 what does this really mean? 1:52:41.570 --> 1:52:44.240 And just hearing you talk, your story ain't Monroe's story. 1:52:44.520 --> 1:52:48.600 Ain't this other person's story. Each story is your story. 1:52:49.120 --> 1:52:51.920 So it's hard to see... I can't blanket people when 1:52:51.979 --> 1:52:54.640 I'm talking to a person. And I think that's why 1:52:54.680 --> 1:52:57.660 it's so important. We could talk to you all day. 1:52:58.560 --> 1:53:02.480 This was... I couldn't have imagined it going any better. 1:53:02.540 --> 1:53:03.519 I thought it would be great. 1:53:03.939 --> 1:53:06.280 And just know, we are very shy at bringing guests over. 1:53:06.320 --> 1:53:08.730 We have a hard time. 1:53:08.810 --> 1:53:09.730 Very, very like. 1:53:09.750 --> 1:53:12.490 It's hard for us three to even agree on a guest. 1:53:12.970 --> 1:53:14.130 But you, babe. 1:53:14.820 --> 1:53:17.220 Baby, when they told me, when they confirmed that I 1:53:17.220 --> 1:53:21.560 was coming to L.A., I said, listen, hell or high water. 1:53:23.500 --> 1:53:25.800 Because I revere this man so much. 1:53:26.400 --> 1:53:26.759 Truly. 1:53:26.860 --> 1:53:27.720 No, no, truly. 1:53:27.800 --> 1:53:32.680 And I just was like, oh, no, this is for me. 1:53:33.540 --> 1:53:39.330 I hope y'all enjoy it. God bless you. Please, God 1:53:39.350 --> 1:53:39.770 bless you. 1:53:39.870 --> 1:53:40.530 Absolutely. 1:53:41.780 --> 1:53:44.700 But this is for me because I just have learned 1:53:44.740 --> 1:53:47.870 that I always thought about the greater good and never 1:53:47.910 --> 1:53:52.350 included myself in the greater good. And grief is forever. 1:53:52.410 --> 1:53:54.610 I needed to see that last night. I think about 1:53:54.630 --> 1:54:00.000 my parents. My father died the day after Thanksgiving in 2002. 1:54:00.000 --> 1:54:01.939 Mother passed away. It was like three, four days before 1:54:02.000 --> 1:54:06.040 Christmas of 2009. And that's what pushed me to do 1:54:06.060 --> 1:54:08.280 that Christmas album because I need to build something that 1:54:08.320 --> 1:54:12.019 makes me happy. But it was like, that blessed me 1:54:12.060 --> 1:54:14.439 last night I just this is for me if no 1:54:14.479 --> 1:54:18.240 one ever sees this I'm like and so like I'm 1:54:18.320 --> 1:54:20.599 grateful that y'all said yes because I it was just 1:54:21.360 --> 1:54:22.980 I don't really like it's such a long flight to 1:54:23.000 --> 1:54:25.679 come out here yeah it is it's such a long. 1:54:25.460 --> 1:54:29.360 Flight we've done that Atlanta flight a billion times it 1:54:29.560 --> 1:54:32.600 is so long it is and I literally was like 1:54:32.620 --> 1:54:34.040 I was supposed to leave Sunday I. 1:54:35.560 --> 1:54:37.550 Said when can you see me Kim. 1:54:38.150 --> 1:54:40.830 Can I get in It's no shade. And he literally 1:54:40.850 --> 1:54:42.310 could have been like, we can't shoot until next week. 1:54:42.990 --> 1:54:43.880 I'm not coming back. 1:54:43.900 --> 1:54:49.660 So we're going to... You're laughing. I am dead ass. 1:54:49.720 --> 1:54:55.200 Because it's just like you... As creators, as humans, everybody's 1:54:55.240 --> 1:54:57.600 a creator. Yes. I've said this too. 1:54:58.000 --> 1:55:03.600 Everyone's a creator. You have to give yourself... Everything that 1:55:03.620 --> 1:55:05.020 was on my first bucket list happened. 1:55:05.430 --> 1:55:05.510 Yeah. 1:55:06.730 --> 1:55:09.070 You got to keep making new dreams. Got to create 1:55:09.130 --> 1:55:09.750 new dreams. 1:55:09.810 --> 1:55:11.650 And it's like, I do this one because it brings 1:55:11.690 --> 1:55:13.290 me joy, but then it's like, okay, now what's my 1:55:13.310 --> 1:55:17.250 next thing? Okay, next time, the next thing that needs 1:55:17.270 --> 1:55:19.690 to happen is I want to have a banter with you. 1:55:19.730 --> 1:55:21.750 I want to do something. I want to stand in 1:55:21.770 --> 1:55:23.670 front of a room of black folks and let's have this. 1:55:23.930 --> 1:55:28.610 I think about what I want more. And yes, manifestation, 1:55:28.630 --> 1:55:30.430 but then I do the work. I build the relationship 1:55:30.470 --> 1:55:32.590 and all this stuff. So this is a bucket list 1:55:32.610 --> 1:55:33.870 moment for me. Thank y'all so much. 1:55:34.450 --> 1:55:37.510 Thank you. Y'all are legends. You enjoyed it. Is it 1:55:37.530 --> 1:55:38.910 pre-ordered now or will it be available? 1:55:38.950 --> 1:55:42.410 It'll be pre-ordered Black Friday because there's something happening for 1:55:42.440 --> 1:55:44.000 the prayer warriors out there, my God, today. 1:55:45.120 --> 1:55:50.680 And I mean, you make your own blessed oil. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1:55:50.760 --> 1:55:53.300 I'm talking about you got the Clark Scissorhands album and 1:55:53.320 --> 1:55:56.160 the Floyd dresses. You got an album with all of 1:55:56.180 --> 1:55:57.440 them on it. Denise is on the cover. 1:55:58.440 --> 1:56:02.900 I'm talking to you. I'm talking to you. That's real churchiness. Absolutely. 1:56:02.940 --> 1:56:05.340 I'm talking to you. Uh. 1:56:06.370 --> 1:56:08.570 There's something that is in the works. And if it happens, 1:56:09.690 --> 1:56:11.290 I'm going to have to give room to breathe because 1:56:11.370 --> 1:56:12.270 it's going to be so sickening. 1:56:12.290 --> 1:56:12.910 For sure. 1:56:13.090 --> 1:56:16.030 So the Black Friday allows for either way for things 1:56:16.100 --> 1:56:17.860 to move because I want it to be earlier. 1:56:17.980 --> 1:56:18.980 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1:56:19.060 --> 1:56:21.360 But today on my sub stack, we are, for my 1:56:21.380 --> 1:56:24.880 page subscribers, we're debuting the book cover and the first 1:56:25.440 --> 1:56:26.420 chapter is being. 1:56:26.520 --> 1:56:28.200 How did y'all find your sub stack? 1:56:28.220 --> 1:56:29.720 You can go to like my page, but it's like, 1:56:29.900 --> 1:56:32.730 you can put in Dominique Morgan. It's in my link tree. 1:56:33.230 --> 1:56:37.180 It's on my socials. Or just put Dominique Morgan on Substack. 1:56:37.220 --> 1:56:38.100 It's there. 1:56:38.180 --> 1:56:42.440 Ladies and gentlemen, as good as advertised. We haven't done 1:56:42.520 --> 1:56:44.140 a lot of interviews, but one of my favorite episodes 1:56:44.180 --> 1:56:46.180 of Here's the Thing. And this is why you just 1:56:46.240 --> 1:56:47.240 really did make it harder. 1:56:47.100 --> 1:56:47.860 For the rest of the game. 1:56:47.880 --> 1:56:49.100 Yeah, very much so. 1:56:49.120 --> 1:56:52.150 Because honestly, at this point, if it ain't this worthy, 1:56:52.190 --> 1:56:53.850 then what's the point? Me and Andrew can come here 1:56:53.870 --> 1:56:55.970 and talk about crap for an hour. 1:56:56.470 --> 1:56:58.250 If you want to come sit in the middle between us, 1:56:58.670 --> 1:57:00.870 it got to be worthy of that seat. 1:57:01.070 --> 1:57:01.970 What my sister-in-law said. 1:57:03.870 --> 1:57:06.450 What is this? Step your pussy up, bitch. What is this? 1:57:06.690 --> 1:57:09.410 I forget the other part. Get a job. Get a job. 1:57:10.130 --> 1:57:11.910 Suck a dick. Suck a dick. 1:57:11.930 --> 1:57:12.090 Yeah. 1:57:12.110 --> 1:57:14.490 Step your pussy up. So I'm glad I've given you 1:57:14.510 --> 1:57:18.690 a journey, something to attain my God. 1:57:18.770 --> 1:57:19.150 Oh, my God. 1:57:19.170 --> 1:57:21.110 You can do it. I believe in you, Suge. 1:57:21.130 --> 1:57:22.310 I believe in you. 1:57:22.330 --> 1:57:25.230 Get up, wash your face, brush your teeth. Put that 1:57:25.270 --> 1:57:28.230 man out laying next to you. Take your food stamp 1:57:28.270 --> 1:57:33.070 card back. And get your things. Dominique Morgan, ladies and gentlemen, 1:57:33.100 --> 1:57:35.840 please follow her. Enjoy her. Very funny on all platforms. 1:57:37.260 --> 1:57:38.840 Support her sub stack. 1:57:38.880 --> 1:57:39.540 Get it out. 1:57:39.600 --> 1:57:44.420 We all we got. Get it out. Community, community, community. 1:57:44.480 --> 1:57:48.460 Please join her and look out for all the things 1:57:48.520 --> 1:57:49.400 Dominique Morgan. 1:57:49.800 --> 1:57:52.620 New podcast coming out. The Softest Revolution is coming out. 1:57:52.820 --> 1:57:55.810 We're doing a live episode for Friendsgiving. Those deets are coming. 1:57:56.400 --> 1:58:00.430 And also, like, go support Monroe. Please follow Monroe. I 1:58:00.430 --> 1:58:02.290 was just about to say, Monroe, come step in. Yes, 1:58:02.330 --> 1:58:06.350 my sister, my sister Monroe. I'm lost without a coin. 1:58:07.180 --> 1:58:07.820 Yes. 1:58:07.840 --> 1:58:15.860 In the mighty name of Jesus. She just finished the 1:58:15.900 --> 1:58:18.420 last season of The Chi, and she is going to 1:58:18.440 --> 1:58:20.280 be in the new, what we now know as the 1:58:20.320 --> 1:58:21.930 final season of P-Valley. 1:58:21.950 --> 1:58:24.450 Oh, you're in it through P-Valley? Yeah. 1:58:24.630 --> 1:58:24.750 Okay. 1:58:24.790 --> 1:58:26.270 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1:58:26.310 --> 1:58:29.630 Yeah. So please, please support my sister and the work 1:58:29.650 --> 1:58:33.670 that she's doing. She has a book out, Unclockable, as well, Becoming. 1:58:33.690 --> 1:58:35.980 Put that microphone to you, Monroe, so they can hear you. Yeah. 1:58:36.100 --> 1:58:38.580 Thank you, thank you. Yeah, Unclockable, Becoming Who the World 1:58:38.600 --> 1:58:41.400 Could Never Define. I bought a book. It's over there. 1:58:41.500 --> 1:58:43.260 Bring the book, Monroe. Bring the book. 1:58:43.300 --> 1:58:44.200 Sorry, it's right there. 1:58:44.220 --> 1:58:46.660 I bought a computer. Yes. No, it's about a computer. 1:58:46.700 --> 1:58:51.490 Right there, right there. Right there, boom. Boom. Thank you. 1:58:51.530 --> 1:58:54.510 You're afraid to go in there first. You're afraid to 1:58:54.570 --> 1:58:56.190 go in the 7-Eleven bag. 1:58:56.330 --> 1:58:59.530 I knew I smelled cocoa butter in your direction. 1:58:59.690 --> 1:59:02.910 I'm clockable becoming who the world could never define. 1:59:03.010 --> 1:59:07.770 Monroe Elise. Okay? Actress, advocate, storyteller, survivor. Where they go 1:59:07.790 --> 1:59:08.290 to get this, Monroe? 1:59:08.350 --> 1:59:10.350 Listen, you can go to Amazon. You can go right 1:59:10.390 --> 1:59:12.830 to Amazon. Listen, I enjoy being clockable. You know, a 1:59:12.890 --> 1:59:15.530 lot of trans people don't. They think that that's the goal, 1:59:15.570 --> 1:59:18.350 to not be clocked. I need you to clock me 1:59:18.400 --> 1:59:20.900 because being clockable does not make me less of a woman. 1:59:20.960 --> 1:59:24.260 It just makes me fully myself. So that's what I enjoy. 1:59:24.300 --> 1:59:27.140 And so that's the Monroe Manifesto, the introduction of who 1:59:27.240 --> 1:59:32.070 I am. It is the human experience summed up right 1:59:32.130 --> 1:59:32.790 there in those pages. 1:59:33.740 --> 1:59:38.020 Niggas, man. I want all my niggas. From see the 1:59:38.060 --> 1:59:42.960 slightest niggas tonight. We appreciate you guys. I love this. 1:59:43.160 --> 1:59:45.620 My heart is full. Thank you, Dominique. Thank you, Monroe. 1:59:45.660 --> 1:59:48.900 Thank you to my unruly cousin, Angel. To my Spanish guy, 1:59:48.920 --> 1:59:49.580 Joshie Gons. 1:59:49.620 --> 1:59:53.900 Here's the thing. New Horizons, baby. The bar has been set. Yes, 1:59:54.080 --> 1:59:56.020 very high. God bless you. God keep you. We'll see 1:59:56.040 --> 1:59:58.990 you at the conference. Step it up. Step it up. Yes, indeed. 1:59:59.010 --> 1:59:59.340 Work your set. 1:59:59.370 --> 2:00:00.270 Work your set. Indeed. 2:00:06.260 --> 2:00:07.840 Here's another banger for you. 2:00:07.860 --> 2:00:08.860 Here's another one. 2:00:08.880 --> 2:00:11.480 Here's another banger for you. 2:00:11.500 --> 2:00:14.680 Here's another one. Here's another banger for you. Here's another 2:00:14.740 --> 2:00:17.400 banger for you. Here's another banger for you. 2:00:17.440 --> 2:00:18.380 With my boy Kev on stage. 2:00:31.390 --> 2:00:34.870 And that chick angel.