WEBVTT - A Psychospiritual Shift w/ Valerie Spencer 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.880 Welcome to The Laverne Cox Show, a production of shand 0:00:03.000 --> 0:00:09.640 Land Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. We were 0:00:09.880 --> 0:00:15.320 the kaiser of our people. We were the hm of 0:00:15.400 --> 0:00:19.400 the land. Both colonial oppresses, yes, they saw us from 0:00:19.440 --> 0:00:23.960 what we were. We were a vehicle to stop their progression. 0:00:25.040 --> 0:00:29.960 We bore both physical energy and thestical energy, energetic imergy. 0:00:30.000 --> 0:00:44.639 We know how to manipulate yours and the level. Hello everyone, 0:00:44.800 --> 0:00:48.920 and welcome to the Laverne Cox Show. I'm Laverne Cox. 0:00:52.400 --> 0:00:55.240 On this podcast, I've invited you to go on a 0:00:55.320 --> 0:01:00.400 journey with me towards healing from shame, trauma, attachment shoes, 0:01:00.480 --> 0:01:05.440 adverse childhood experiences and more. But I believe there's another 0:01:05.640 --> 0:01:09.280 essential element involved in healing that we may be briefly 0:01:09.319 --> 0:01:12.480 touched on here that haven't really done a deep dive 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:18.080 into yet, and that spirituality. Now let me be clear, 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:21.880 I am not talking about religion. I am talking about 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:27.080 spirituality now. I love Renee Brown's definition of spirituality. You 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:32.280 know we love Renee Brown. Here. Renee Brown defined spirituality 0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:38.880 as recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected 0:01:38.920 --> 0:01:42.640 to each other by a power that is greater than 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:45.720 all of us, and that our connection to that power 0:01:45.920 --> 0:01:49.960 and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:55.640 Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose 0:01:56.200 --> 0:02:01.320 into our lives. I believe spirituality is a crucial part 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:04.840 of our healing, and I have the very most perfect 0:02:04.880 --> 0:02:08.600 person with whom to have this conversation with you today. 0:02:09.360 --> 0:02:12.280 I first met Valerie Spencer in two thousand twelve for 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:15.440 a panel I was moderating for the National Black Justice 0:02:15.480 --> 0:02:19.840 Coalition in Washington, d C. Valerie was a panelist. Now, 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:24.120 Valerie Spencer owns every single room she walks into, and 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:29.000 she truly owned that panel. She has a present that 0:02:29.200 --> 0:02:34.720 is undeniable, that is anointed, that is everything. She is 0:02:34.800 --> 0:02:38.640 just that girl. I was familiar with Valerie Spencer because 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:42.040 I had seen this incredible documentary called Beautiful Daughters that 0:02:42.120 --> 0:02:46.680 documents the very first all transgender production of Eve Insler's 0:02:47.040 --> 0:02:51.440 The Vagina Monologues. Valerie was in the documentary and she 0:02:51.520 --> 0:02:53.760 stole the show. She was incredible and it was clear 0:02:53.760 --> 0:02:57.119 to me then that she was a superstar, and over 0:02:57.160 --> 0:03:02.720 the years we've become really good friends. Valerie is the 0:03:02.880 --> 0:03:08.080 creator of the Holistic Empowerment Institute an organization which addresses 0:03:08.160 --> 0:03:12.240 empowerment on a social, cultural, and holistic basis for lgbt 0:03:12.360 --> 0:03:16.400 q I plus communities. For over two decades, Valerie Spencer 0:03:16.440 --> 0:03:19.959 has worked in social services focusing on health disparities as 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:23.400 they relate to transgender people and others within lgbt q 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:28.280 I plus communities. In two thousand eleven, the California Legislative 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:32.640 lgbt Q Caucus officially recognized her as a state and 0:03:32.760 --> 0:03:36.160 national leader in the movement for lgbt q I plus 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:40.480 political and social freedoms. She has worked with the federal government, 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:46.360 health departments, universities, conferences, and community based organizations all over 0:03:46.400 --> 0:03:59.320 the country. Please enjoy my conversation with Valerie Spencer. Hello, Hello, 0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:02.440 Hello Lari Spencer. Welcome to the podcast. How are you 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:07.480 failing today, my sister, I'm alive, I'm illuminated. I'm prepared 0:04:07.560 --> 0:04:16.400 to serve, alive, illuminated and prepared to serve. Amen. Hallelujah. 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:18.960 I miss you. I haven't seen you in so long. 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:22.520 We had a zoom or something, but it it's not 0:04:22.640 --> 0:04:26.560 the same, so we need to hang out in real life. 0:04:27.080 --> 0:04:30.520 I was thinking about sisterhood and I was thinking about 0:04:30.600 --> 0:04:34.479 what that has meant in my life and how I 0:04:34.640 --> 0:04:38.040 have such incredible trans women in my life and you're 0:04:38.080 --> 0:04:41.240 certainly one of them. Where there's no there's never been 0:04:41.279 --> 0:04:44.440 any competition. And when I think about competition, I think 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:48.720 about competition for jobs. Even in the not for profit 0:04:48.760 --> 0:04:50.600 world that you've sort of been in for for most 0:04:50.600 --> 0:04:54.760 of your life, there's competition and backstabbing. And then for men, 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:57.280 I said, there was a trans woman online talking about 0:04:57.720 --> 0:05:01.120 this this man who I who seemed very editory, who 0:05:01.760 --> 0:05:04.400 put her in competition with another trans woman, and I 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:07.320 was just like, this is not when I'm living. And 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:10.680 I thought, before we get into the incredible work that 0:05:10.680 --> 0:05:14.120 that you're doing with the Holistic Empowerment Institute, can you 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:18.960 talk a little bit about your experience with what that 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:22.720 is in our community. I want the girls, and you know, 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:26.400 I'm talking specifically about trans young trans women now before 0:05:26.839 --> 0:05:29.960 anyone else who this might apply to, to not be 0:05:30.120 --> 0:05:33.080 in competition with each other and also to be well 0:05:33.120 --> 0:05:36.039 and whole. What comes up for you when I say 0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:43.360 all that, Well, Typically when people talk about the deficits 0:05:43.400 --> 0:05:48.760 in our community, particularly around trans women sharing or competing 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:53.720 the space, we tend to focus on the trans woman herself, 0:05:53.839 --> 0:05:58.719 or the trans women themselves, or the community itself. But 0:05:58.800 --> 0:06:02.360 the problem is actually not connected with the women at all. 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:08.119 The problem has to do with having to navigate through 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:13.960 and in a culture of society that does not fully celebrate, 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:18.800 embrace or seen the woman that you are right. And 0:06:18.839 --> 0:06:20.880 so you've got to rally a cage. You've got to 0:06:20.920 --> 0:06:24.200 shake your baby rattle to be seen, to be noticed, 0:06:24.520 --> 0:06:26.479 you've got to say to the culture, look at me, 0:06:26.600 --> 0:06:29.480 I can walk. You know, all of those things that 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:31.680 children do, all of those things that we all do 0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:35.520 as human beings to struggle to be seen. And so 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:39.960 when we fixed and do that completely, and and we're 0:06:39.960 --> 0:06:45.479 not just talking about Pride parade signs, and and I 0:06:45.560 --> 0:06:49.640 am so pleased with all of the activism that sort 0:06:49.640 --> 0:06:54.400 of spawned this trans inclusion um the Gap has changed 0:06:54.480 --> 0:06:57.360 its website, So many things have happened, but these are 0:06:57.560 --> 0:07:01.400 tertiary at bets. But ulture has to accept the fact 0:07:01.440 --> 0:07:05.440 that your sons won't me, Am, your father's won't me, 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:10.480 your uncle Teddy and them they want me? Now, do 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:13.040 they want me more than you? Well that's a conversation 0:07:13.120 --> 0:07:17.240 I'm not privy to. However, they won't me, and they 0:07:17.360 --> 0:07:22.480 also see my womanhood. Now, you may not see my womanhood, 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:24.880 and he may not get on this pulpit and talk 0:07:24.880 --> 0:07:27.160 about my womanhood, and he may not get in the 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:29.920 ballot box or in the legislation office and talk about 0:07:29.960 --> 0:07:36.040 my woman But up and here the sanctuary, he validates, celebrates, 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:40.960 and expresses fully his appreciation for this woman's body. Now, 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:43.640 when we're begin to move the culture to the place 0:07:43.680 --> 0:07:49.040 where trans women are truly on equal footing with every 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:53.240 other woman, then we can revisit the conversation of sharing 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:56.480 and jockeying for space. But if you notice all women 0:07:56.720 --> 0:08:01.200 jockey for space and do strange things to compete for 0:08:01.320 --> 0:08:04.240 sexual space, I think perhaps it's just a part of 0:08:04.240 --> 0:08:08.400 the blow of womanhood, the blow of being that caregiven, 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:12.960 that nurturing, that woman that really wants to see this 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:16.440 person in her life. We do those things as women, 0:08:16.480 --> 0:08:18.480 but it's transporting. Probably the reason why we do them 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:22.360 because the society does not embrace our womanhood not fully. 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:24.880 I wonder what just came up for me is I 0:08:24.960 --> 0:08:28.960 wonder if we enough of us as trans women haven't 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:33.840 fully divested of patriarchy. What I believe is that it 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:36.800 is the patriarchy and When I say patriarchy, I mean 0:08:36.840 --> 0:08:40.640 institutional sexism, and we don't We don't need men for patriarchy. 0:08:40.640 --> 0:08:44.800 Women engage in patriarchy as well, but patriarchy, that patriarchal 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:47.719 system pits women against each other. I like to talk 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:51.240 about systems and structures because it's really important. But in 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:54.600 the face of that, what is my responsibility? What is 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:58.360 what can I do in my life to change my circumstances? 0:08:58.400 --> 0:09:02.320 Because they're both both and right. So what do you 0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:05.520 think about that? In relationship with patriarchy, Ladies and gentlemen 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:09.520 and family human families understand I am reven bellary spensively. 0:09:09.640 --> 0:09:14.760 Sometimes nothing conveys the truth like a little piece of profanity. 0:09:14.840 --> 0:09:18.000 So here it comes. I think women have just got 0:09:18.080 --> 0:09:24.840 to put some more respect on their pussy. Girl, you 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:27.880 have got to put some more respect on the instrument 0:09:28.000 --> 0:09:32.400 that you possess. You're throwing your pussy out here to 0:09:32.440 --> 0:09:35.840 the wolves to be too needing and coming home straight 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:40.000 cat it. And we vet these individuals based on the package, 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:44.320 based on the spit of game, the swag, the smell, 0:09:44.559 --> 0:09:46.960 the attention. But girl, we got to have a little 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:50.839 bit more. See I'm over fifty. Perhaps that's it. I'm 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:53.880 almost there. Next year i'll be You're gonna love You're 0:09:54.120 --> 0:09:58.200 You're gonna love your It's an explosion of goodness. Truss. 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:01.560 Your thighs go eastant list to welcome out. But other 0:10:01.559 --> 0:10:05.520 than everything else, you're gonna live you. And I just 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:08.200 think that for me, when I see trans women going 0:10:08.240 --> 0:10:11.840 through all this, it makes me want to parent. Mm hmm. 0:10:12.280 --> 0:10:15.160 That's the beauty of thing in your fifties. You realize, 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:19.240 I know my thighs can't compete. Stop competing. Let's parent 0:10:19.360 --> 0:10:22.320 and pour into And when I see trans women going 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:25.559 through all this, it tells me that somebody, a mother 0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:29.160 figure auntie, somebody has not told you the value of 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:35.880 your pussy. Footnote pussy is a colloquial term. Therefore, whatever 0:10:35.960 --> 0:10:40.679 I say, it's pussy, it's pussy. Now. The man that 0:10:40.720 --> 0:10:44.520 I'm with, when I tell him, eat this pussy, he 0:10:44.559 --> 0:10:50.120 knows exactly what I'm And I don't have to do 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:54.480 a thesis on anatomy and trans psychology. If I say 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:56.880 eat this, Listen, I'm talking about my elbow. He's going 0:10:56.960 --> 0:10:59.800 straight to that elbow. He knows just what I'm talking well, 0:11:00.000 --> 0:11:02.360 And so do you really know the value of your 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:07.080 trans sexuality. Have you been taught that you have your 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:12.680 own sexual power, your own sexual pool and vibrational pool, 0:11:13.080 --> 0:11:15.480 and so you don't need to compeople with another woman's 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:20.120 energetic pool. You have your own and it works every time. 0:11:21.679 --> 0:11:24.400 Now will he marry you? Perhaps not, But if you 0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:28.920 audition a further, that may not be him. Amen. Amen. 0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:32.439 What I love about what you're saying is you're you're preaching. Um, 0:11:32.480 --> 0:11:35.400 You're preaching a gospel and a different one, but a 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:38.920 very important one, because it's about our inherent, our inherent worth, 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:43.640 the spirituality, the God that we carry within us, the sacredness, 0:11:44.040 --> 0:11:46.440 the sacred each of us whole. Because I think about, 0:11:46.559 --> 0:11:48.760 you know, when I was younger. I think about a 0:11:48.800 --> 0:11:50.959 relationship I was in for four years and two thousand 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:54.079 and two five with an alcoholic who is emotionally abusive. 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:59.640 And I believed at that time in my life, because 0:11:59.679 --> 0:12:02.200 I was trans, that that was the best that I 0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:04.960 could do, that no one would love me, that I 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:08.160 was not lovable because I'm a black trans woman and 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:10.120 nobody's gonna want me. And this man wants me, and 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:13.000 I've met his mother. So here's where I am in 0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:18.000 that narrator You're all right. I may not be able 0:12:18.000 --> 0:12:20.840 to find a man who loves me. I may not 0:12:20.880 --> 0:12:24.000 be able to find that. And I'm fifty five and 0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:27.400 I brushed up against it, but I have yet to 0:12:27.480 --> 0:12:32.280 lock arms with it. But the one thing I do 0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:35.800 know that I do have agency over is that I 0:12:35.840 --> 0:12:40.880 will not be disregarded. I will not be disrespected for 0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:46.960 even for the sake of my own ego desire, even 0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:49.920 for the sake of my own vanity, even for the 0:12:49.960 --> 0:12:53.360 sake of my heart's desire, which is to be loved 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:56.600 and affirmed by a strong man. Valerie, have you always 0:12:56.640 --> 0:12:59.839 been there? I haven't. What was the ship? When with 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:02.680 the moment when you were like, Okay, I'm gonna put 0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:05.480 some respect on this pussy. I'm not going to allow 0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:08.559 what I used to allow. What was the ship? Because 0:13:08.559 --> 0:13:11.400 that's what the girls need to hear. How to shift 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:14.240 out of that thinking, out of that mindset, into the 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:17.360 one where we value what we have. Well, first of all, 0:13:17.720 --> 0:13:22.960 I know this, You're never gonna send enough pictures to 0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:27.400 make this thing work, right. You'll be sending pictures of 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:31.320 your colon, your pinky toe. You're fleeing the inside of 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:35.800 your vagina, the outside of vagina, your prostate, your old 0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:42.240 You'll be sending pictures forever. Eventually somebody will tell you 0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:45.840 that they want you or they don't. Now that's one thing, yes. 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:49.839 The other thing is I've been skinny, I've been fat, 0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:53.000 I've been skinny, I've been a little thicker than I 0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:57.200 used to be, and I still poll I'm clear about this. 0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:00.600 You know, there are a lot of inconvenient instan well, 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:03.240 not a lot of inconveniences, but there are a couple 0:14:03.280 --> 0:14:06.360 of really key inconveniences to being in a trans woman, 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:09.720 and this whole loving relationship piece is one of them, 0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:12.440 but one of the blessings of being a trans woman. 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:15.120 I can have a horn in the top of my 0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:19.040 head and a fang. I can have gray hair with 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:21.840 one breast that wraps around my whole neck, and I 0:14:21.880 --> 0:14:26.640 can walk outside to my sidewalk and whisper sex and 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:29.840 people will come from everywhere. I can always pull some trade. 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:33.400 This is that you are a trans woman. You can 0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:36.160 pull sex. Now that may not be your appetite, and 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:39.200 you must get to know I really want love and intimacy. 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:41.600 I need to grieve that because that's not what I'm having. 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:44.800 Or I'm hot and I want some sex. Click. So 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:47.560 when men come to us, now, this is the power 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:50.200 of mine. When men come to us and think that 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:53.400 they're doing us a favor by wanting to have some 0:14:53.520 --> 0:14:57.080 sort of sexual relations with us, that's a chop for me. 0:14:57.560 --> 0:14:59.880 But we need to put that in its full content, 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:02.880 because here's what I said. Okay, daddy, you're just talking 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:05.840 about being screw buddies. Well, now let me put you 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:10.400 in the queue, because in this culture, I don't have 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:13.960 a husband, but I have several auditions lined up for 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:17.600 screw buddies. I'm sorry, you're number forty eight on the list. 0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:20.280 I'll call him three weeks and see whatever. Because this 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:22.240 is not going to be the night in shining Armor. 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:25.400 And once you reach a certain age, a certain level 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:30.880 of maturity, you begin to see that yeah, yeah, and 0:15:30.880 --> 0:15:33.600 and this one wants you to hear. Then you begin 0:15:33.720 --> 0:15:36.440 to go ahead and grieve that. And it's a grieving, 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:40.840 it's maybe a reality. But on the other side of 0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:46.040 that grief is the pussy respect I speak. Yeah, I 0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:49.040 think even when I was single, I don't send naked pictures. 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:51.840 There's just things I just don't do. And it's part 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:55.600 and part of that is about the respecting myself. Part 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:57.880 of that is I'm a public figure. We're not doing 0:15:57.920 --> 0:16:00.120 that because before I met my boyfriend, I was like, 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:02.760 maybe I'll just you know, have an f WB situation, 0:16:03.000 --> 0:16:06.080 you know, like I was, I was auditioning guys. Even 0:16:06.200 --> 0:16:09.640 for that, I need a certain level of respect, consistency. 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:12.360 We're meeting in public. There's just there are things that 0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:15.480 have to become unacceptable in terms of how you treat me, 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:20.840 because I understand that this is divine. Well, you know, 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:24.720 we're giving trends women so many instructional messages about how 0:16:24.760 --> 0:16:28.720 to navigate their body, all to change and switch their body. 0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:33.000 But the one thing we're not telling trans women it's 0:16:33.000 --> 0:16:37.200 okay to have a standard. Yes, and if he really 0:16:37.280 --> 0:16:41.440 wants you, he will meet that standard. Listen, a man 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:45.400 is a man. I'm sorry, I'm full disclosure. I am 0:16:45.480 --> 0:16:50.000 highly heteronormative, I am highly gend the specific. I am 0:16:50.080 --> 0:16:53.560 a woman under cut and clean. IMA's vanilla as it comes. 0:16:53.560 --> 0:16:56.800 So here's my point of view. If a man loves you, 0:16:57.560 --> 0:17:00.880 if he truly loves you, he will bite through a 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:04.359 brick wall and get to you. And if somebody says 0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:07.119 to him, hey man, that's brick. He will say, passed 0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:09.640 me some hot sauce because my woman's on the other 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:12.879 side of the wall. So all these things that we do, 0:17:12.960 --> 0:17:16.280 cuting our head off, getting new faces. It's fun if 0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:18.680 they make us so good, but if he wants you, 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:22.439 he wants you, and we can't make them, and we 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:24.439 can't make them want us. I was. I was on 0:17:24.480 --> 0:17:27.520 a discussion with the girls yesterday. They show us very 0:17:27.560 --> 0:17:31.119 early on all the ghosting. It's like, Okay, he's not 0:17:31.160 --> 0:17:34.360 that into me. I'm moving on. I can't the inconsistency, 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:36.800 I can't do. The go away, come closer, I can't do. 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:39.600 And I'm in a space now. It's I've been dating 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:42.560 this man for a year. We fell in love in December. 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:45.760 I am madly in love. It's a love that I've 0:17:45.920 --> 0:17:48.480 never known before. I feel like Stephane Males, I never 0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:52.480 knew that like this people and it's wonderful. And I 0:17:52.520 --> 0:17:55.280 think like, I'm like, how in the world did this happened? 0:17:55.720 --> 0:17:58.560 And I know I've learned from my other relationships, but 0:17:58.680 --> 0:18:03.119 I also energetic ling have shifted. There's an energy that 0:18:03.240 --> 0:18:06.399 is shifted where I are at a certain point, I 0:18:06.440 --> 0:18:09.919 just don't attract the f boys anymore. They just I 0:18:10.000 --> 0:18:13.080 repelled them because they know they're not running that game 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:17.399 on me. You know, I've always been a rather a 0:18:17.520 --> 0:18:19.960 rather dignified kind of girl. I mean that's you know, 0:18:20.119 --> 0:18:22.879 that's just why, And that in and of itself is 0:18:22.920 --> 0:18:28.040 a repellent. Knowing yourself clear about the game that's coming. 0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:30.960 You know, people can sort of see that. But I 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:36.639 think with you, Laverne, you have a different relationship with 0:18:36.720 --> 0:18:41.600 appreciation than most of us do. Your physicality is appreciated, 0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:46.679 your talent is appreciated, and most of us just simply then, 0:18:47.040 --> 0:18:49.080 So what's the lesson of that? Valerie? Are the rest 0:18:49.080 --> 0:18:50.960 of us curse? But lavern is gonna get it? No, 0:18:52.359 --> 0:18:56.080 The lesson is to surround ourselves with people who only 0:18:56.160 --> 0:19:01.240 see it, yes, and appreciate us, and not just intimate partners, 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:04.520 but people who see our vision, people who see our talent, 0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:07.640 people who see our physical beauty, yes, but people who 0:19:07.720 --> 0:19:11.800 dig our logic. Get in a new relationship with yourself 0:19:11.960 --> 0:19:14.800 so that you don't see yourself as an outsider trying 0:19:14.840 --> 0:19:19.440 to push in. You see yourself as in an appreciating Now, 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:25.280 you are a worthy magnet. I gotta take a teensy 0:19:25.400 --> 0:19:38.320 break here, but I'll be fast. That wasn't so bad, now, 0:19:38.440 --> 0:19:44.480 wasn't Let's get back to it. In the podcast we 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:46.560 did with Dr Joe just spends that he talks about 0:19:47.000 --> 0:19:50.120 creating the future we want for ourselves, um, not from 0:19:50.160 --> 0:19:52.679 the known, but from the unknown, and living it in 0:19:52.720 --> 0:19:56.199 the present, practicing gratitude for the future thing in this 0:19:56.320 --> 0:19:59.360 present moment as if it's already happened. So we can 0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:02.720 begin to rehearse in our lives on a daily basis 0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:05.720 for that energy that we want to surround ourselves with, 0:20:05.840 --> 0:20:08.720 and we can begin to vibrate on that energetic field. 0:20:08.760 --> 0:20:12.960 And that feels like really super important and really comes 0:20:13.040 --> 0:20:17.360 to the work that you're doing as as a holistic healer, 0:20:18.160 --> 0:20:20.760 as a therapist. Is there's so many other things so 0:20:20.840 --> 0:20:23.760 you've found at the Holistic Empowerment Institute. Can we start 0:20:23.760 --> 0:20:27.240 off by defining what you mean by holistic because we 0:20:27.359 --> 0:20:29.000 hear that word all the time and I don't know 0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:31.399 if we really know what it means. How do you 0:20:31.480 --> 0:20:34.880 define holistic? Well, that's why you're my sister, because you're perfect. 0:20:36.680 --> 0:20:41.800 That one question, my sister La learned has been the 0:20:41.840 --> 0:20:45.760 reason why h g I has been manifesting for well 0:20:45.840 --> 0:20:51.520 over a decade. What is holistic? And and in defining that, 0:20:51.640 --> 0:20:57.000 I couldn't find a definition outside of holistic is encompassing 0:20:57.160 --> 0:21:03.040 of those sort of environmental piece so finance, family, peers, 0:21:03.520 --> 0:21:08.720 relationship and love and safety, housing, medical or physical safety. 0:21:08.760 --> 0:21:12.800 But that's not what I meant as holistic. In power, 0:21:13.240 --> 0:21:20.000 I meant spiritually integrated. Yes, empowerment. Now what does that mean? Well, 0:21:20.040 --> 0:21:22.840 in order to define that, I went on a quest 0:21:23.600 --> 0:21:28.080 to define a really good definition of one word healing. 0:21:29.359 --> 0:21:32.480 I looked and I wasn't satisfied with most of the 0:21:32.520 --> 0:21:36.040 answers that defined healing. So I had to create one 0:21:36.040 --> 0:21:42.080 of myself. Yes, and I call healing a psycho spiritual shift. 0:21:43.119 --> 0:21:44.240 That just brought up a lot of stuff for me. 0:21:44.280 --> 0:21:47.639 What is a psycho spiritual shift? That was you? Just 0:21:47.880 --> 0:21:50.359 that was some of the energy of it right there, right, 0:21:50.400 --> 0:21:53.879 because it's energetic. Yeah, And so for our people, people 0:21:53.920 --> 0:21:57.040 of color, we experienced that psycho spiritual shift all the time. 0:21:57.119 --> 0:22:00.200 We seek it out. We usually do that in hurt 0:22:00.280 --> 0:22:04.240 settings and religious settings. Right. I call it a touch. 0:22:05.080 --> 0:22:07.840 We need a touch, And I call it a psycho 0:22:07.920 --> 0:22:12.760 spiritual shift that leads to a new perspective of past 0:22:12.880 --> 0:22:18.280 experiences are redefining of self and it also leads to 0:22:18.359 --> 0:22:21.879 a whole new way of living and behavior. And so 0:22:22.200 --> 0:22:24.560 h G I does that in a number of ways. 0:22:24.680 --> 0:22:28.440 Some of them don't look religious. The problem with doing 0:22:28.520 --> 0:22:31.520 things that are spiritually inclusive is that people want to 0:22:31.560 --> 0:22:34.000 figure out, like where does religion fit and does it 0:22:34.080 --> 0:22:35.920 fit because it's not. I don't want to be bothered. 0:22:36.440 --> 0:22:38.720 And so I was sitting on the beach and I 0:22:38.760 --> 0:22:42.119 was just thinking, you know, God help and spirits spoke 0:22:42.160 --> 0:22:46.639 to me and said, take the God out. It's problematic, 0:22:46.760 --> 0:22:51.040 it's complicated. Take the God out and and replace the 0:22:51.080 --> 0:22:53.639 God with what we are pulling people into what I 0:22:53.720 --> 0:22:58.520 call their sacred core. There's a sacred core, teaching them 0:22:58.560 --> 0:23:02.520 about the sacred interior. We're moving people out of a 0:23:02.600 --> 0:23:07.040 God that's over on Cringshaw somewhere and pulling them into 0:23:07.280 --> 0:23:12.000 themselves because that is the relationship. And so we'll be 0:23:12.040 --> 0:23:14.440 doing that in a number of voice. The first way 0:23:14.440 --> 0:23:16.960 we're doing it, I've wanted to have a love letter 0:23:17.560 --> 0:23:20.000 to the trans women in my life and all over 0:23:20.000 --> 0:23:24.119 the world. We want trans women to lead from a 0:23:24.240 --> 0:23:28.480 full context of themselves, but also to see the community 0:23:28.600 --> 0:23:31.639 the transformune to that deleting in the full context of 0:23:31.680 --> 0:23:35.879 who they are. So we're taught that trans communities are 0:23:36.200 --> 0:23:41.120 disease burdened. I even saw a smoking sensation presentation where 0:23:41.160 --> 0:23:44.000 they quoted that trans people's trans women smoke more than 0:23:44.040 --> 0:23:49.320 anybody else. They have no data to support it. I said, 0:23:49.359 --> 0:23:53.280 I know several queens, and I know maybe two or 0:23:53.280 --> 0:23:56.840 three that's smoke. Where y'all finding this? fIF a queen's 0:23:57.280 --> 0:24:00.919 who will they be? Right? So we're gonna teach our 0:24:00.960 --> 0:24:05.080 people to not see trans women in terms of deficity. 0:24:05.480 --> 0:24:09.280 We want trans women to lead trans people from a 0:24:09.280 --> 0:24:13.040 place of knowing our people is powerful. Yeah, we want 0:24:13.040 --> 0:24:16.359 to know our people outside of the deficit narrative. Who 0:24:16.400 --> 0:24:19.240 are you? Who have you been in Africa? Who have 0:24:19.320 --> 0:24:22.360 you been in Native America? Who have you been in Brazil? 0:24:22.560 --> 0:24:24.920 Who have you been in Asia? Who have you been 0:24:24.960 --> 0:24:28.800 in Russia? Practice? Who are you? Glow? Who are you right? 0:24:29.240 --> 0:24:32.520 Not just this? I want to change my set. I 0:24:32.560 --> 0:24:35.399 don't like my breast, I don't like the shape of 0:24:35.440 --> 0:24:39.160 my thing. Who are you? That's not who you are? 0:24:40.600 --> 0:24:43.720 Are you suggesting all of who you are as your aesthetics? No, 0:24:45.200 --> 0:24:48.400 you have healing in your end, you are trans Your 0:24:48.480 --> 0:24:52.200 purpose is to be an intermediary between spirit and human God. 0:24:52.640 --> 0:24:55.040 That's who we've served, right, So we want to teach 0:24:55.080 --> 0:24:58.560 our people a whole new way, leading with skill sets, 0:24:58.880 --> 0:25:02.919 but also this thing, our compassion m hm, to really 0:25:03.000 --> 0:25:07.800 build this platform called spiritually integrated holistic empowerment. We're building 0:25:07.840 --> 0:25:13.080 the model as we speak, got it, spiritually integrated holistic empowerment. 0:25:13.440 --> 0:25:16.400 What does that mean? That means we know how our 0:25:16.440 --> 0:25:21.359 people heal. We use both evidence based practices and we 0:25:21.520 --> 0:25:25.320 merge them with the sacred. So we'll be using interventions 0:25:25.320 --> 0:25:29.240 in behavior health to relieve depression and anxiety, social anxiety 0:25:29.240 --> 0:25:31.320 and all those things. We'll be using some of those 0:25:31.359 --> 0:25:34.800 evidence based practices, but we also know that a good 0:25:34.840 --> 0:25:40.520 pot of greens is very healing. The process of cooking 0:25:40.560 --> 0:25:45.800 back is very hell. We also know that rocking and 0:25:45.960 --> 0:25:53.320 amone mm hmmm kept her out of prison and kept 0:25:53.320 --> 0:25:56.679 you alive. Right, So we'll be bringing to like the 0:25:56.680 --> 0:26:01.160 ways that our people heal. Our people heals through the vogue. 0:26:02.440 --> 0:26:08.000 Have you ever seen him? Girl? I can't watch it 0:26:08.040 --> 0:26:10.400