1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,880 Speaker 1: No one likes to talk about money. Am I saving enough? 2 00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:05,040 Speaker 1: Can I buy a house? Am I paying too much 3 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 1: in taxes? Will I be able to retire? What if 4 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:10,360 Speaker 1: you could unlock insights about your finances in less than 5 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:12,840 Speaker 1: five minutes, with a clear picture of where you stand 6 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,720 Speaker 1: today and where your money can work harder. Now you 7 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,759 Speaker 1: can visit facet dot com to take the free quiz 8 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:23,400 Speaker 1: and get your financial wellness score today. That's Facet dot com. 9 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: This ad is sponsored by Facet. Fast Wealth in Corporated 10 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,280 Speaker 1: is an sec registered investment advisor. This is not an 11 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:29,080 Speaker 1: offer to buy your self securities or is it investment, 12 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 1: legal or tax advice. 13 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:33,960 Speaker 2: You're ready for a comeback, and with Purdue Global you 14 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,200 Speaker 2: can do more than take classes. You can take charge 15 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:41,520 Speaker 2: of your story, of your career, of your life, Earn 16 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:43,559 Speaker 2: a degree you can be proud of, and get an 17 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:48,559 Speaker 2: education employer's respect. It's time, your time, not just to 18 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,960 Speaker 2: go back to school, but to come back and move 19 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:55,840 Speaker 2: forward with Purdue Global, Purdue's online university for working adults. 20 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 2: Start your comeback at Purdueglobal dot edu. 21 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,240 Speaker 3: He'll forget about the video game you gave him on 22 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:02,840 Speaker 3: his birthday. 23 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,119 Speaker 4: Wow, thanks Grandpa. 24 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 3: But He'll never forget how you invested in his future 25 00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:11,840 Speaker 3: with the uns STAPP. Wow. Thanks Grandpa. The units stap 26 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 3: makes it easy for grandparents and family friends to give 27 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:17,160 Speaker 3: funds to a child's investment account for a limited time. 28 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 3: Download the uns stap and use the code I heeart 29 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,720 Speaker 3: fifty at sign up to receive a fifty dollars bonus 30 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,280 Speaker 3: when you fund your account. That's code iHeart fifty when 31 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 3: you sign up at unest dot co for a fifty 32 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:30,120 Speaker 3: dollars bonus. See terms and conditions at UNEs dot co. 33 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:33,040 Speaker 4: Hi, this is Joel and Victoria. 34 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:36,120 Speaker 5: Thanks for listening to our podcast and thanks for supporting 35 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:36,800 Speaker 5: the ministry. 36 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:39,280 Speaker 6: If you enjoy today's message, why don't you be a 37 00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 6: blessing and share it with a friend. 38 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,880 Speaker 5: We appreciate you and pray for God's very best in 39 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 5: your life. 40 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 4: For God bless you so joy to come into your home. 41 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 4: We love you. 42 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,320 Speaker 5: We know God has good things in store for you. 43 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,400 Speaker 5: He rewards the people that seek after Him. I believe 44 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 5: that's you, or you wouldn't have tuned in, or you 45 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 5: wouldn't come out today. 46 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 4: But thank you so much. It's just great to have 47 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:10,840 Speaker 4: you here. 48 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 5: I like to start with something funny each week, and 49 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 5: I heard about this husband and wife. 50 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:16,560 Speaker 4: They'd been arguing. 51 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,960 Speaker 5: Now they were giving each other the silent treatment. The 52 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 5: man had to catch a flight early the next day, 53 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,440 Speaker 5: and he needed his wife to wake him up at 54 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,560 Speaker 5: five in the morning. Not wanting to break the silence, 55 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,840 Speaker 5: he just wrote a note and put it by the 56 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,359 Speaker 5: side of her bed that said, please wake me up 57 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 5: at five. The next morning, he woke up at eight 58 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,880 Speaker 5: in the morning. He was furious that he had missed 59 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 5: his flight. He went back in to find out why 60 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,359 Speaker 5: his wife didn't wake him up, and he noticed a 61 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 5: little piece of paper by the side of his bed. 62 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,960 Speaker 4: He opened it up and it said, wake up. It's five. 63 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 5: All right, Hold up your Bible. Say it like you 64 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 5: mean it. This is my Bible. I am what it says. 65 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:58,360 Speaker 5: I am. I have what it says I have. I 66 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,120 Speaker 5: can do what it says I can do. Today I 67 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:04,679 Speaker 5: will be taught the word of God. I boldly confess 68 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:08,239 Speaker 5: my mind is alert, my heart is receptive. 69 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:12,360 Speaker 4: I will never be the same. In Jesus' name, God 70 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:12,880 Speaker 4: bless you. 71 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:15,960 Speaker 5: I want to talk to you today about having the 72 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:21,400 Speaker 5: right expectations in your relationships. Too often we expect the 73 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:26,000 Speaker 5: people in our lives, to perform perfectly, to never disappoint us, 74 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 5: to always be there for us. Especially in our marriages, 75 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,960 Speaker 5: we expect our mate to cheer us up when we're down, 76 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 5: to always be understanding, always be loving and kind. But 77 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:42,760 Speaker 5: really those are unrealistic expectations. There's no such thing as 78 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:47,240 Speaker 5: the perfect spouse, perfect boss, the perfect friend. No matter 79 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:50,240 Speaker 5: how much those people love you, no matter how good 80 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 5: of a person they are, at some point, they're going 81 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:54,080 Speaker 5: to disappoint you. 82 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 4: At some point. 83 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 5: Most likely, they're going to hurt your feelings. And it 84 00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 5: doesn't mean that they're bad people. 85 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,040 Speaker 4: They're just human. 86 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,800 Speaker 5: And if we're going to have good relationships, we have 87 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,839 Speaker 5: to let people off the hook. We have to give 88 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 5: them room to make mistakes, to have a bad day 89 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,840 Speaker 5: once in a while. We have to realize they may 90 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:17,640 Speaker 5: not always be sensitive to our needs. You may spend 91 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 5: a couple of hours cooking dinner one night and not 92 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:22,839 Speaker 5: one of your family members thanks you. Or maybe you 93 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,680 Speaker 5: have a friend you went out of your way to 94 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:28,159 Speaker 5: include him, to make him a part of your group, 95 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,279 Speaker 5: but then he turns around and leaves you out, includes 96 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:35,839 Speaker 5: everybody except you. People will disappoint us, and many times 97 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:39,840 Speaker 5: when these things happen, instead of letting it go realizing 98 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,680 Speaker 5: that's just a part of life, we start to get 99 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:47,600 Speaker 5: resentful toward that person. We start treating them differently. Before long, 100 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:48,720 Speaker 5: we're a little cold. 101 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,680 Speaker 4: We don't show them the respect that we really should. 102 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,120 Speaker 5: And it's these little things that are the seeds that 103 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:59,039 Speaker 5: begin to destroy our relationships. It all started because we 104 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 5: had un realistic expectations. But we have to accept the 105 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:07,720 Speaker 5: fact that nobody is perfect, and the people you're in 106 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:12,200 Speaker 5: relationship with probably have a few things about their personality 107 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:13,799 Speaker 5: that can get on your nerves. 108 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:15,840 Speaker 4: A few things that can irritate you. 109 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,920 Speaker 5: Maybe your husband is a little sloppy, leaves clothes on 110 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:23,280 Speaker 5: the floor, or you have a friend that's always running late. 111 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,680 Speaker 5: You get there on time, but then you have to wait, 112 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 5: Or maybe somebody at the office has a loud voice 113 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:32,080 Speaker 5: when they talk on the phone, it just booms out 114 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,440 Speaker 5: through the whole workplace kind. 115 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:34,359 Speaker 4: Of gets on your nerves. 116 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:38,359 Speaker 5: Well, you have to ask yourself does the benefit of 117 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:42,480 Speaker 5: being in relationship with that person outweigh the irritations. 118 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 4: If it does, you need to make adjustments. 119 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 5: You have to train yourself to focus on the things 120 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:52,400 Speaker 5: you like about that person and not the things you 121 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 5: don't like. Most of the time you'll find one hundred 122 00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:01,159 Speaker 5: good qualities and only a few things that you But 123 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:04,480 Speaker 5: if we're not careful, we'll focus on the irritations and 124 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 5: the things we don't like, and that's what poisons relationships. 125 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 5: I know this lady. Her husband has a habit of 126 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:15,520 Speaker 5: chewing ice. He constantly has ice in his mouth. Everywhere 127 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 5: he goes, at home, watching TV, driving in the car, 128 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,600 Speaker 5: he's chomping on that ice, just a little quirk something 129 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:25,000 Speaker 5: he likes to do, and she can't stand it gets 130 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:29,239 Speaker 5: her so uptight. She is complained and complained, and he's 131 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:32,360 Speaker 5: tried to stop a couple of times. He's quit, then 132 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,400 Speaker 5: he starts right back up again. She's so frustrated by it. 133 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:40,000 Speaker 5: And here her husband is a good man, a loving man, 134 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,880 Speaker 5: he's got all these great qualities, but she's allowing this 135 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:48,280 Speaker 5: one irritation to upset her and start to make her 136 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:51,600 Speaker 5: resentful toward that man. And I told her what I'm 137 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:55,680 Speaker 5: telling you. You're focused on the wrong things. You're expecting 138 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,719 Speaker 5: that man to be perfect, not have any flaws. 139 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 4: That's not realistic. 140 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,920 Speaker 5: You have to give the people in your life the 141 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 5: grace to be human. Remember the reasons why you married 142 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 5: that man, Remember the reasons you fell in love with 143 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:15,520 Speaker 5: that young lady. Focus on those qualities and learn to 144 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 5: overlook the things. 145 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:17,200 Speaker 4: You don't like. 146 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,800 Speaker 5: I'm sure there's a time you can talk to them 147 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 5: about it. You can express your concerns. But even if 148 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:26,360 Speaker 5: they never change, we should not allow a little quirk 149 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 5: in somebody's personality to cause us to be resentful and 150 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 5: lose the respect and admiration we had for that person. 151 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 5: If they don't change, you're going to have to change 152 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 5: your approach. 153 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,000 Speaker 4: You got to change the way you deal with it. 154 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,200 Speaker 5: I remember one time when I was younger, I went 155 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,040 Speaker 5: to a summer camp and my roommate was one of 156 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:48,200 Speaker 5: my best friends. We stayed in this little dormitory together 157 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:52,480 Speaker 5: and we always got along. We played sports together, hung 158 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 5: together after school. And at this camp, he brought along 159 00:07:56,280 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 5: hystereo system and he had this favorite song that he 160 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 5: played over and over again. 161 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,320 Speaker 4: I don't mean one time. 162 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,640 Speaker 5: Every time we were in the room or even near 163 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:08,440 Speaker 5: the room. 164 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:09,480 Speaker 4: He would put the song on. 165 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,880 Speaker 5: And at first it didn't bother me. We were at camp, 166 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,559 Speaker 5: no big deal, we were having fun. But after about 167 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,000 Speaker 5: the fourth day that started to get on my nerves. 168 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 5: I must have heard that song five hundred times. I 169 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,400 Speaker 5: could practically hear it in my sleep. It was by 170 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,920 Speaker 5: a popular Christian artist. I thought if I saw the 171 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,400 Speaker 5: God probably wring his neck. I was sick of that 172 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:35,560 Speaker 5: song and my personality type, especially back then, I would 173 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 5: never confront anybody. And even though I never said anything 174 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 5: about it down in here, I was so irritated. Every 175 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,520 Speaker 5: time I'd go to our room, he'd come in turn 176 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:46,040 Speaker 5: the song on. I'd tried to hint, hey, won't we 177 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 5: listen to something else? Oh, no, Joe, I really like this. 178 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:49,280 Speaker 5: You don't mind? 179 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:49,640 Speaker 4: Do yet? 180 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:49,760 Speaker 5: No? 181 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:53,800 Speaker 4: I don't mind a bit. I was lying through my teeth. 182 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,959 Speaker 5: And what's interesting is instead of just being honest and 183 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 5: say yeah, I'm ready for something new, the way I 184 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,520 Speaker 5: responded is by treating him differently. The rest of the camp, 185 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 5: I didn't hang out with him on purpose. I avoided him. 186 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 5: When I did see him, I was cold. I wasn't 187 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 5: my friendly self. I allowed that one irritation to come. 188 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:15,800 Speaker 4: Between the two of us. 189 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,120 Speaker 5: After camp, we went back to being best friends. Hung 190 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,800 Speaker 5: out the rest of the summer. For so often we 191 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:25,640 Speaker 5: do just what I did we focus on a small irritation, 192 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,640 Speaker 5: we let it get under our skin, and before long 193 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:33,319 Speaker 5: we lose sight of all the other great qualities about 194 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,840 Speaker 5: that person and we start to resent them. The truth 195 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:40,080 Speaker 5: be known, most of the time, it's not something in 196 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 5: the big picture of life that's even worth losing a 197 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:47,200 Speaker 5: relationship over. I know if I'd been honest with him, 198 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,719 Speaker 5: he would have quit playing that song. And even if 199 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:52,839 Speaker 5: he didn't, I could have overlooked it. I could have changed, 200 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:56,320 Speaker 5: I could have made adjustments. After all, it wasn't harming me. 201 00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:00,360 Speaker 5: I just made the mistake of focusing on it. And 202 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 5: what we focus on, we magnify. It becomes bigger than 203 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 5: it really is. And that's why it's so important that 204 00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:11,000 Speaker 5: you learn to focus on the good qualities of the 205 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,760 Speaker 5: people you're in relationship with. Every person has things that 206 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,160 Speaker 5: can get on our nerves. You may think, man, I 207 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,280 Speaker 5: wish I was married to him, I wish I was 208 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:23,160 Speaker 5: married to her. She looks so nice, he looks so perfect. No, 209 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 5: you wouldn't be around them for a few days before 210 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,760 Speaker 5: you found something that kind of irritated you. But the 211 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:32,400 Speaker 5: difference would be most of the time you just overlook it. See, 212 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:37,680 Speaker 5: when we're dating, when something's new, we don't necessarily magnify 213 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:38,360 Speaker 5: the negative. 214 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,840 Speaker 4: We focus on what we like. We see all the 215 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:45,120 Speaker 4: person's good qualities. But it's kind of sad to say. 216 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,480 Speaker 5: Many times when we get married we change our focus 217 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,360 Speaker 5: and we think, man, I didn't know he did. 218 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,480 Speaker 4: This or that, or she's got false he's got fault. 219 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,960 Speaker 5: But if we're going to really have good marriages, we 220 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:59,000 Speaker 5: need to live like we were still dating. If we'd 221 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:02,400 Speaker 5: put forth the same effort to keep that person that 222 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,800 Speaker 5: we did to get the person, I'm sure we'd have 223 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,840 Speaker 5: a lot better relationships. We'd have a lot less breakups. 224 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 5: I mean, when you were dating that girl could do 225 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:14,199 Speaker 5: no wrong, you'd go anywhere with her. In your mind, 226 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 5: that guy, he had no faults. I remember when Victoria 227 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,199 Speaker 5: and I were dating. I would go shopping with her 228 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 5: all the time, follow her around, carry her bags, as 229 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 5: happy as can be. Now she can't even talk me 230 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:30,800 Speaker 5: into going to Walgreens with her. One time when we 231 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,720 Speaker 5: were dating, we were driving down the road on our 232 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:36,000 Speaker 5: way somewhere, and Victoria saw this new, big office building 233 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,480 Speaker 5: that had just been built. She said, Joel, let's pull 234 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,719 Speaker 5: in there and go look at the lobby. Sure, enough, 235 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,200 Speaker 5: we'd pulled in there, looked at the lobby. 236 00:11:42,559 --> 00:11:43,040 Speaker 4: She said that. 237 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,560 Speaker 5: To me today, I would think, Victoria, are you feeling okay? 238 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,840 Speaker 5: Some of you can remember back when your husband used 239 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,880 Speaker 5: to take you to the high school football games on 240 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:57,360 Speaker 5: Friday nights in his souped up car, had those big 241 00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:00,200 Speaker 5: wide tires on the back. Well, you shouldn't treat him 242 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:05,760 Speaker 5: any differently just because he's wearing those tires. I'm too 243 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:10,640 Speaker 5: nice to say anything about the lady. But what I'm 244 00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:14,360 Speaker 5: saying husband's wives don't focus on. 245 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,560 Speaker 4: Each other's faults. Let's live like we were still dating. 246 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:21,240 Speaker 5: The scripture says here in Romans twelve sixteen that we 247 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 5: need to adapt and adjust in order to keep the peace. 248 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,240 Speaker 5: Some of you, it's you just start making some adjustments, 249 00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 5: not focusing on the other people's faults, not magnifying what 250 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 5: you don't like about them, and instead give them some 251 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:39,360 Speaker 5: grace instead overlooks some things. If you do that, I 252 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,720 Speaker 5: know you would enjoy your life a whole lot more. 253 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:44,680 Speaker 5: But a lot of times this goes against the grain. 254 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,120 Speaker 5: We think, well, Joel, I don't want to adapt. I 255 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:48,559 Speaker 5: want my husband to change. 256 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 4: He's the one leaving the. 257 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,160 Speaker 5: Dirty clothes on the floor. When he picks him up, 258 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 5: then I'll be happy. Now, sometimes you're going to have 259 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,600 Speaker 5: to just swallow your pride, pick it up and move on. 260 00:12:58,280 --> 00:12:58,800 Speaker 4: Here's the key. 261 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,720 Speaker 5: You got to do it with a good addeditud. You 262 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,679 Speaker 5: can't go back and find them and just say I 263 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,240 Speaker 5: want you to know I picked up your clothes one 264 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:07,440 Speaker 5: more time, or just let it go. Don't make a 265 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 5: big deal about it. Really, it boils down to this. 266 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:14,240 Speaker 5: If you're going to be in relationship with anyone, no 267 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,840 Speaker 5: matter how loving and kind, you're going to have to 268 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:20,320 Speaker 5: put up with some things. Quit expecting the people in 269 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:21,520 Speaker 5: your life to be perfect. 270 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,119 Speaker 4: Quit letting little. 271 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:26,160 Speaker 5: Irritations get under your skin. That's just a part of life. 272 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,720 Speaker 5: Another thing we should understand is just as other people 273 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:33,240 Speaker 5: have faults, we have faults, just as they do things 274 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,760 Speaker 5: that irritate us. I'm sure we do some things that 275 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 5: irritate them. It's all what we choose to focus on. 276 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:43,640 Speaker 5: And if you live with these unrealistic expectations, thinking my spouse, 277 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:47,560 Speaker 5: my friends, and my kids, they're never going to disappoint me, 278 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,480 Speaker 5: never irritate me. They'll be there to meet every one 279 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:54,000 Speaker 5: of my needs. All you're doing is setting yourself up 280 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:58,720 Speaker 5: for disappointment, because that's impossible. No one person can meet 281 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 5: all your needs and keep you happy. You would have 282 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,480 Speaker 5: a lot better relationships if you would take the pressure 283 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:08,200 Speaker 5: off of these people and quit making them feel like 284 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:11,319 Speaker 5: they got to perform perfectly or they're gonna fall out 285 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 5: of your good grace. A better approach is to say, no, 286 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:18,080 Speaker 5: I know they're human. I love this man, I love 287 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,680 Speaker 5: this lady. They've got great qualities. But I know at 288 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 5: one point or another, they're gonna disappoint me. They may 289 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:24,680 Speaker 5: hurt my feelings. 290 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:25,560 Speaker 4: I know they're not. 291 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:27,400 Speaker 5: Gonna be able to meet every one of my needs. 292 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:30,920 Speaker 5: And I've already decided though, the benefits of being in 293 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:35,200 Speaker 5: relationship with them far outweigh these little irritations, So I'm 294 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,880 Speaker 5: not gonna focus on those things. I'm gonna focus on 295 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,920 Speaker 5: the good qualities. I really believe this is a key. 296 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,359 Speaker 5: Victoria and I have been married going on twenty years. 297 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 5: I have never once heard her ever say anything negative 298 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 5: about me, and I know sometimes I get on her nerves. 299 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 5: Sometimes I'm caught up in my world, doing my thing, 300 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:59,080 Speaker 5: writing my sermons. But she always sees the best in me. 301 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,520 Speaker 5: I here to tell people all the time, Joy is 302 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,640 Speaker 5: the most perfect husband you can ever find. I know 303 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:11,000 Speaker 5: she's either lying or calling it by faith, but my 304 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,960 Speaker 5: point is she doesn't focus on what she doesn't like. 305 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 4: She focuses on the good. 306 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,440 Speaker 5: We all need to learn to magnify the good things 307 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,640 Speaker 5: and the people that we love and the. 308 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:23,600 Speaker 4: Things that we don't like. 309 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 5: Let's learn to overlook those things. Don't dwell on it. 310 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:31,760 Speaker 5: Understand we can't change people. Only God can. You can 311 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,520 Speaker 5: nag that man or woman night and day, complain and 312 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,400 Speaker 5: give them the cold shoulder, but all that's gonna do 313 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 5: is make your life miserable. Don't be a complainer, Don't 314 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,480 Speaker 5: be a nag. Don't go around telling that person what 315 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:45,880 Speaker 5: you don't like night and day. 316 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:47,320 Speaker 4: Just let it go. 317 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,880 Speaker 5: I mean, you have to realize some of the little 318 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:53,040 Speaker 5: irritations that people have, they may have that their whole lifetime, 319 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 5: that may be with them till the day they die. 320 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:56,800 Speaker 4: You've got to choose. 321 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,600 Speaker 5: Am I gonna let this upset me cause me to 322 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:03,280 Speaker 5: be resis tentful toward them and sour my relationship? Or 323 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 5: Am I going to take a better approach and just 324 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:06,360 Speaker 5: overlook it? 325 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,400 Speaker 4: Am I gonna let it go? You don't have to 326 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:09,360 Speaker 4: let it upset you. 327 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,080 Speaker 5: And when you're with your friends, don't ever say anything 328 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:16,720 Speaker 5: negative about your spouse, no matter how upset you are 329 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:20,080 Speaker 5: or what they've done. Don't call your friends and say, well, 330 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 5: let me tell you this about my husband. 331 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:23,760 Speaker 4: Can you believe what my wife did? 332 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,320 Speaker 5: She's sow this, she's so that she gets on my nerves. No, 333 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:31,400 Speaker 5: no matter how frustrated you are, don't portray them in 334 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:34,480 Speaker 5: a negative light. When you talk bad about your spouse, 335 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 5: it just. 336 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:35,960 Speaker 4: Makes you look bad. 337 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:39,320 Speaker 5: Comes right back on you, not only that you're sowing 338 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:43,160 Speaker 5: the wrong kinds of seeds. You should be your spouse's 339 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 5: biggest encourager, biggest defender, biggest ally biggest fans. You should 340 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,760 Speaker 5: make them look like they're the greatest person in the world. 341 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,000 Speaker 4: And they may not be right now. 342 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 5: But the scripture says in Romans that we overcome evil 343 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:02,920 Speaker 5: with good, have good things on the inside, and we 344 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,400 Speaker 5: have some things that are not so good. And when 345 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:08,200 Speaker 5: you're a nag and you just focus on the negative, 346 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,800 Speaker 5: all you're gonna do is draw the negative out of 347 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,680 Speaker 5: that person. If you want to help them come up higher, 348 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:18,200 Speaker 5: start focusing on the good. When you magnify the good 349 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:22,320 Speaker 5: and you encourage your spouse and appreciate and praise them 350 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:23,439 Speaker 5: for the things you like. 351 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,680 Speaker 4: Not only will you draw out the. 352 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,520 Speaker 5: Good, but that's a seed that God will use to 353 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 5: change the negative things. But we don't overcome evil by 354 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 5: getting resentful, holding a grudge, being upset. We overcome evil 355 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:41,320 Speaker 5: by staying in peace, by magnifying what's right, by focusing 356 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:45,480 Speaker 5: on a person's good qualities. If we're gonna have healthy relationships, 357 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,800 Speaker 5: we need to be secure some of you today. You 358 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:52,640 Speaker 5: need to toughen up. Quit getting your feelings hurt so easily. 359 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,000 Speaker 5: Don't be so sensitive that people have to walk on 360 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 5: egg shells around you, afraid they're gonna upset you. Afraid 361 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,679 Speaker 5: they're gonna do something wrong. Now, that's a sign of 362 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 5: a very insecure person. And insecure people are some of 363 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:10,480 Speaker 5: the most difficult to be in relationship with. They've always 364 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:14,000 Speaker 5: got to have somebody that keeps them quote fixed. By that, 365 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:16,960 Speaker 5: I mean, if you don't cheer them up and compliment 366 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,840 Speaker 5: them all day long, then they're gonna get all down. 367 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,600 Speaker 5: The slightest little thing, they're gonna get their feelings hurt. Now, 368 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:27,359 Speaker 5: if that's you, you've got to change. Quit relying on 369 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,160 Speaker 5: the people around you to keep you happy and start 370 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:34,159 Speaker 5: keeping yourself happy, And don't be a baby. Just because 371 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,320 Speaker 5: somebody didn't speak to you one morning. 372 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,400 Speaker 4: That doesn't mean they don't love you. 373 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,639 Speaker 5: Maybe they were having a bad day, maybe they had 374 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,120 Speaker 5: a lot on their mind. You've got to show them 375 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,159 Speaker 5: a little bit of mercy. Even if they were rude, 376 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,680 Speaker 5: even if they did it on purpose, that's okay. 377 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:50,639 Speaker 4: They're human. 378 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:54,440 Speaker 5: Sometimes, I'm sure we're rude. When people hurt our feelings, 379 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,200 Speaker 5: we need to ask ourselves. Have I ever hurt somebody's 380 00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,240 Speaker 5: feelings when we are irritated by them? 381 00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:00,639 Speaker 1: Well? 382 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,440 Speaker 4: Have I ever irritated somebody? 383 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,080 Speaker 5: Sure? We all have, But that doesn't mean we don't 384 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:08,280 Speaker 5: love each other. Doesn't mean we're not good people. I 385 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:12,200 Speaker 5: mean Victoria, you cannot find a more loving, caring person. 386 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,080 Speaker 4: But sometimes she gets on my nerves. 387 00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:18,959 Speaker 5: The two things I always remind myself, Number one, I 388 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,399 Speaker 5: get on her nerves, and number two, the benefits of 389 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:26,240 Speaker 5: being in relationship with her outweigh the irritations most of 390 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:31,520 Speaker 5: the time. Why don't you take the pressure off the 391 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:34,600 Speaker 5: people in your life? Why don't you quit making them 392 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,760 Speaker 5: feel like they've got to perform perfectly or you're not 393 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,560 Speaker 5: going to be happy the next time your spouse comes 394 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,480 Speaker 5: home a little tired and he's kind of short with you. 395 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,320 Speaker 5: Instead of letting that sour you and ruin the rest 396 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 5: of the evening, why don't you give him the benefit 397 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:52,640 Speaker 5: of the doubt. Just have that attitude all no big deal. 398 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:55,640 Speaker 5: I know he loves me, he's just having a hard day. 399 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,280 Speaker 5: I'm gonna let it go. When you do that, you're 400 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,880 Speaker 5: gonna draw the good out of him, not the negative. 401 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:02,880 Speaker 4: I talked to a lady the other day. 402 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,800 Speaker 5: She's been married for over forty years and her husband 403 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,800 Speaker 5: is not a big gift giver. In fact, in those 404 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 5: forty years, he's only brought her flowers a couple of times, 405 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,320 Speaker 5: and for her birthday and special occasions, he doesn't give 406 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:16,840 Speaker 5: her a gift. 407 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,240 Speaker 4: He just gives her a card. 408 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,560 Speaker 5: And I was amazed at this lady's attitude that didn't 409 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:22,160 Speaker 5: bother her. 410 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:25,080 Speaker 4: She was as happy as can be. She said, Joel, 411 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,359 Speaker 4: my husband treats me like a queen. 412 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,440 Speaker 5: I know I can buy whatever I want during the year, 413 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,240 Speaker 5: and I've just accepted the fact that he's not a 414 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,959 Speaker 5: big gift giver. And I thought, lady, that is a 415 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:39,280 Speaker 5: mature attitude. I would try that on Victoria, but I 416 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:43,480 Speaker 5: may not be here next year. But what she was 417 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:46,760 Speaker 5: saying is, I'm not going to let this little quirk 418 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:49,919 Speaker 5: in his personality offend me. I'm not going to let 419 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 5: the fact that he doesn't buy me gifts cause me 420 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 5: to be resentful toward him and start treating him differently. 421 00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:58,200 Speaker 4: No, I know he loves me. I'm just going to 422 00:20:58,320 --> 00:20:59,560 Speaker 4: enjoy my life anyway. 423 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:03,560 Speaker 5: See, she recognized that's something she had to overlook. She 424 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,560 Speaker 5: had to adapt and make adjustments in order to keep 425 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 5: to peace. But some people today, as I said, if 426 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,360 Speaker 5: you don't stroke them all day long and keep them 427 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,560 Speaker 5: encouraged and complimented, they're so easily offended. 428 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,399 Speaker 4: Well, my husband, he doesn't love me. Didn't tell me today. 429 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:19,960 Speaker 4: My wife, she didn't do this or that. No, some 430 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:24,160 Speaker 4: people are just different. Don't allow that to sour your relationship. 431 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 5: And sure, there's a time to confront, there's a time 432 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:29,879 Speaker 5: to bring things to light and say, hey, you know what, 433 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,120 Speaker 5: this is kind of hurting my feelings. But what if 434 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,680 Speaker 5: people don't change, or what if they change for a 435 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,359 Speaker 5: little while and then they go right back. 436 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:37,160 Speaker 4: To their old ways. 437 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,440 Speaker 5: Well that's when you have to dig your heels in 438 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,160 Speaker 5: and say, you know what, I am secure in who 439 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:45,680 Speaker 5: I am. And I realized my husband, my wife, my friends, 440 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,760 Speaker 5: they love me, but they may not be able to 441 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,160 Speaker 5: give me everything I need. So I'm going to start 442 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:55,320 Speaker 5: trusting God. Some of you today, though, you're expecting another 443 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:59,160 Speaker 5: person to keep you fixed. When you're discouraged, a friend 444 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:02,160 Speaker 5: has to come cheer you up. When you're mad, your 445 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 5: wife has to calm you down, or when the boss 446 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,399 Speaker 5: has been negative towards you, your husband has to smooth 447 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,960 Speaker 5: everything over. And if they don't keep you fixed, you 448 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 5: get all irritable. You're no fun to be around. But no, 449 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:17,120 Speaker 5: here's the key. Your joy is your own personal responsibility. 450 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:21,480 Speaker 5: Quit making your spouse, your friends, your parents keep you happy. 451 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,639 Speaker 4: That's not fair to those other people. 452 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:27,040 Speaker 5: If you're always depending on someone else to keep you 453 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:30,359 Speaker 5: encouraged and keep you fixed, sooner or later, they're gonna 454 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:33,440 Speaker 5: let you down. Sooner or later, they're gonna disappoint you. 455 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,359 Speaker 5: They're gonna have their own problems, they're not going to 456 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,919 Speaker 5: be available, and if you're not careful, you'll start blaming 457 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,720 Speaker 5: them and thinking they're the reason. 458 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:42,600 Speaker 4: That I can't be happy. 459 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:46,919 Speaker 5: Now, you've got to keep yourself happy. People will disappoint you. 460 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,400 Speaker 5: People are not always going to be sensitive to your needs. 461 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,880 Speaker 5: So instead of running to people, you need to learn 462 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,160 Speaker 5: to run to God and just say God, I realize 463 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:58,360 Speaker 5: these people can't keep me fixed. I'm asking for your strength, 464 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 5: for your joy, for your encouragement. Sometimes we're trying to 465 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,160 Speaker 5: get something from someone that they're not able to give. 466 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,479 Speaker 4: You can't give away what you don't have. 467 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,800 Speaker 5: Some people never got the love, the acceptance, the approval, 468 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,680 Speaker 5: the affirmation they should have when they were growing up. 469 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:20,120 Speaker 5: And if a person wasn't raised in a healthy environment 470 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,000 Speaker 5: where they saw the right things modeled, they may not 471 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:27,360 Speaker 5: have that to give away. For instance, in communication, if 472 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,560 Speaker 5: all they saw were their parents living together with no 473 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:35,280 Speaker 5: real relationship, well that's just normal to them. Sure they 474 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,800 Speaker 5: can change over time, but you cannot expect them to 475 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:41,240 Speaker 5: be a great communicator and meet all of your emotional needs. 476 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,320 Speaker 4: They may not have that to give away. 477 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:47,400 Speaker 5: You shouldn't fault them, you shouldn't be resentful, Just recognize 478 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:50,880 Speaker 5: they never learned that. It doesn't mean they're a bad person. 479 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,840 Speaker 5: They can learn it over time. But what I'm saying 480 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:57,720 Speaker 5: is no one person, no matter how well rounded, no 481 00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:01,600 Speaker 5: matter how loving and kind. One person cannot meet all 482 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:05,159 Speaker 5: of your needs, and you should not pressure them and 483 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,280 Speaker 5: try to make them keep you happy all the time. 484 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:09,680 Speaker 4: That's never gonna work. 485 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,440 Speaker 5: You have to keep yourself happy. I know I came 486 00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,840 Speaker 5: from a healthy environment. I grew up with loving parents 487 00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:19,159 Speaker 5: and a loving home, and I felt very secure. But 488 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:23,200 Speaker 5: I realize even now I cannot meet all of Victoria's needs. 489 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:27,199 Speaker 5: We all only have so many strengths. The truth is, 490 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:30,399 Speaker 5: Victoria is much deeper than I am. She likes to 491 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:34,560 Speaker 5: figure things out, talk about history and how things are 492 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,440 Speaker 5: the way they are and why they work. 493 00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:37,320 Speaker 3: You know. 494 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,439 Speaker 5: Sometimes we'll be watching TV at night and she'll go 495 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:43,840 Speaker 5: deep into the storyline, tell me all kinds of things 496 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,919 Speaker 5: that are happening, and why this character's doing this, and 497 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:48,679 Speaker 5: why this guy's doing that. I'm thinking to myself, is 498 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:52,040 Speaker 5: she watching the same movie I am? I don't see 499 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,360 Speaker 5: any of that. I mean, I'm not that deep. This 500 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:58,199 Speaker 5: is about as deep as I get. But isn't it 501 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:02,040 Speaker 5: funny how God you puts you with somebody this opposite 502 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,800 Speaker 5: than you are. This may surprise you, but I'm not 503 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:08,760 Speaker 5: a big talker. I'm naturally quiet and reserved, and of 504 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:13,760 Speaker 5: course I know in relationships communication is essential, but there 505 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,160 Speaker 5: are some nights, especially when I'm tired and I don't 506 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:19,480 Speaker 5: feel like talking. Victoria wants to talk. Well, she doesn't 507 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:23,439 Speaker 5: get upset and offended at me. She realizes that's not 508 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:27,359 Speaker 5: one of my main strengths. Instead of being resentful toward me. 509 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 5: If she wants to talk, she'll go call her friend, 510 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:31,240 Speaker 5: She'll go call her mother. 511 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:32,960 Speaker 4: They can talk an hour about nothing. 512 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,760 Speaker 5: I hear in there, laughing, having fun. The point I'm 513 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:42,920 Speaker 5: making is quit pressure in your spouse or some other 514 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,520 Speaker 5: person to try to meet all your needs. That's impossible, 515 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,080 Speaker 5: and the sooner you let them off the hook, the 516 00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:51,439 Speaker 5: better off you're both going to be. One thing I 517 00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:54,920 Speaker 5: appreciate about Victoria is she doesn't pressure me and try 518 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,760 Speaker 5: to change me into something that I'm not. She doesn't 519 00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:01,080 Speaker 5: make me feel guilty because I'm not quote keeping her 520 00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:05,520 Speaker 5: fixed all the time. She recognizes my strengths, the areas 521 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,959 Speaker 5: that I'm good in and the areas where I'm weaker. 522 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,400 Speaker 5: She recognizes I may not be able to meet her 523 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,200 Speaker 5: needs in those areas. Some of you may be living 524 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,760 Speaker 5: with somebody that's never gonna talk as much as you 525 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:16,320 Speaker 5: would like. 526 00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,240 Speaker 4: But that's just not who he is or who she. 527 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:22,359 Speaker 5: Is, and you shouldn't fault him, you shouldn't resent them. 528 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,080 Speaker 5: You have to accept the fact not one person can 529 00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:28,080 Speaker 5: meet all my needs. And I'm certainly not saying to 530 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:32,359 Speaker 5: get involved inappropriately outside of your marriage. What I'm talking 531 00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:35,920 Speaker 5: about is not pressuring one person to try to keep 532 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,160 Speaker 5: you happy and to possibly give. 533 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,760 Speaker 4: You something that they can't even give you. 534 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:42,080 Speaker 5: You've got to go to God ask him for his help, 535 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,879 Speaker 5: But don't be resentful toward that person and start treating 536 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,760 Speaker 5: them differently. You have to make allowances for each other's weaknesses, 537 00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:53,639 Speaker 5: and remember, most likely the good qualities far outweigh the 538 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,480 Speaker 5: negative qualities. But I know a lady right now. She 539 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,480 Speaker 5: lives to try to change her husband. 540 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,560 Speaker 4: She's very out gone. 541 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,840 Speaker 5: She loves being around people, loves being at social events, 542 00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:07,040 Speaker 5: but her husband is just the opposite. He'd much rather 543 00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,800 Speaker 5: be at home alone with his family than out with 544 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:13,000 Speaker 5: a bunch of people, and for years this has frustrated her. 545 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,520 Speaker 5: That's all she focuses on. If I can just get 546 00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,760 Speaker 5: my husband to come out of his shell, I can 547 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,960 Speaker 5: just get him to be a little more outgoing, then 548 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,719 Speaker 5: we'll really be happy. Then we'll start enjoying our lives. 549 00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 5: But sometimes that's just not who that other person is. 550 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:30,560 Speaker 5: If you're constantly trying to change him, you're going to 551 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:34,080 Speaker 5: be frustrated. Not only that, you'll start to resent him. 552 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,360 Speaker 5: And what that is is a missed placed expectation. 553 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:40,040 Speaker 4: You have to accept the fact that's who they are. 554 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:42,880 Speaker 5: If you're going to be happy, you have to adapt 555 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,760 Speaker 5: and make adjustments. And I'm not saying they should stifle 556 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,159 Speaker 5: you and keep you from being your best, but you 557 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,280 Speaker 5: cannot expect them to be something that they're not. And 558 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,520 Speaker 5: I'm asking us today to take the pressure off the 559 00:27:55,520 --> 00:28:00,520 Speaker 5: people in our lives. Don't have these unrealistic expectations. Recognize 560 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:02,840 Speaker 5: people are going to make mistakes. They're going to do 561 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:05,639 Speaker 5: things that irritate you, but you know what, that's okay. 562 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:06,320 Speaker 4: They're human. 563 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,600 Speaker 5: Don't make the people in your life have to perform 564 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,680 Speaker 5: perfectly or you're not going to be happy. Give them 565 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:17,320 Speaker 5: some grace, learn to overlook things, make allowances for the 566 00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:21,200 Speaker 5: sake of peace. And if you'll have the right expectations 567 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:25,400 Speaker 5: in your relationships, giving mercy, giving people room, I know 568 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:29,040 Speaker 5: those relationships will get better and better. God will honor 569 00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:31,840 Speaker 5: you for doing your part, He'll pour out his blessings 570 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,400 Speaker 5: in favor and you'll live the life of victory he 571 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:35,199 Speaker 5: has in store. 572 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:36,919 Speaker 4: Amen, do you receive it today? 573 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,000 Speaker 5: We never like to close our broadcast without giving you 574 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:44,040 Speaker 5: an opportunity to make Jesus the lord of your life. 575 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:48,760 Speaker 4: Would you pray with me? Just say, Lord, Jesus, I 576 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:53,840 Speaker 4: repent of my sins. Come into my heart. I make 577 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:55,160 Speaker 4: you my Lord and savior. 578 00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,920 Speaker 5: Friends, if you prayed that simple prayer, we believe you 579 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:01,760 Speaker 5: got born again. Get in a good Bible based church. 580 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:04,840 Speaker 5: Keep God first place. He's going to take your places 581 00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:05,880 Speaker 5: you've never dreamed of. 582 00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:10,000 Speaker 6: Thank you for listening to the joel Ostine podcast. Help 583 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,840 Speaker 6: us continue to share the message of hope with those 584 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:16,840 Speaker 6: all over the world. Visit jolostein dot com slash give 585 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:18,600 Speaker 6: Hope to give a gift today. 586 00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:22,800 Speaker 5: Thanks so much for listening to today's message. I hope 587 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:26,160 Speaker 5: you'll subscribe so you can receive the latest podcast to 588 00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:26,640 Speaker 5: keep you. 589 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:29,760 Speaker 4: Inspired all through the week. We're praying for you. I 590 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:32,640 Speaker 4: know God's best is still ahead. We'll see you next time.