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Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, it's Sophia and welcome back to work in progress.

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Speaker 1: In the entertainment industry, there's a type of performer called

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Speaker 1: a triple threat. It's someone who can act, sing, and

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Speaker 1: dance all at peak quality. So if that's what a

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Speaker 1: triple threat is, today's guest is more of a I

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Speaker 1: don't even know how many hyphen threat and award winning actor, dancer, singer, choreographer,

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Speaker 1: talent judge, business owner, and wellness coach and the list

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Speaker 1: goes on. We are talking about it all today with

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Speaker 1: our guest, Julianne Huff. Julianne is a Utah native who

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Speaker 1: started her career as a dancer. She was a fan

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Speaker 1: favorite on Dancing with the Stars who went on to

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Speaker 1: win a choreography Emmy, become a judge on the show,

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Speaker 1: releasing number one country album, acting feature films, and found

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Speaker 1: multiple companies. She even has her own wine label. I

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Speaker 1: wasn't kidding when I said she does it all. Julianne's

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Speaker 1: passion and wellness in all of its forms, mental, physical,

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Speaker 1: and spiritual led her to create a company called Keenergy,

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Speaker 1: which is dedicated to achieving transformation and a community of positivity.

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited today to talk to her about what

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Speaker 1: drives her, the many lives she's led, what brought her

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Speaker 1: to where she is today, and where she thinks she's

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Speaker 1: going tomorrow. Enjoy Julianne Here on the podcast I'm here fine,

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Speaker 1: my friend. I feel like we've been talking about this

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Speaker 1: for so long, um, and I was just laughing before

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Speaker 1: we started that it's so funny to have you on

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Speaker 1: because suddenly I feel weirdly formal. That's so formal. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: do we need to like shop, get out, like do

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Speaker 1: a little energy to get us going exactly? Well, I

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Speaker 1: mean you have so much going on with energy and

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Speaker 1: with all of your hosting and your acting work, in

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Speaker 1: your music and and Fresh Fine Wine. I mean there's

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Speaker 1: like so much happening in your life and in your career,

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Speaker 1: and I'm so amazed at how you manage to do

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Speaker 1: all of this and run a production company and also

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Speaker 1: be a person who really shows up for your community.

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Speaker 1: And I just have a lot of questions. Well fire away,

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Speaker 1: because I think I have my own questions for myself,

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Speaker 1: like maybe you should stop doing just for five seconds

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Speaker 1: and breathe. But that's kind of what I'm doing. I'm

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Speaker 1: here in Nashville with family and finding that ballance. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's so nice. Okay, Well, before we get into you know,

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Speaker 1: life career, the Julian that people see on TV shows

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Speaker 1: and billboards and things. I like to go back with people.

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Speaker 1: I like to kind of a picture of you know,

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Speaker 1: who you were as a kid. I know that you were,

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Speaker 1: you know, effusive and you loved to move into dance.

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Speaker 1: Because we've talked about it, but when you think about

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Speaker 1: yourself as a child, is there like a moment or

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Speaker 1: an age that you flash back to and you go,

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Speaker 1: you know, I don't know why this just popped up,

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Speaker 1: but I'm going to share it. I remember being around

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Speaker 1: seven and being at a dance studio that I went

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Speaker 1: to called Center Stage and raum Utah, and I remember

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Speaker 1: I had this group of girlfriends and we were dancing

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Speaker 1: and singing to the Spice Girls and in the dance

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Speaker 1: studio and that was like our home. You know. We

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Speaker 1: would go to school, we'd go straight to the dance

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Speaker 1: studio and we'd be there until nine o'clock at night.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, and it was just it was just where

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Speaker 1: we felt like again kind of what I said before,

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Speaker 1: like just this safe, comfortable environment where we could be

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Speaker 1: expressed and um and the Spice girls. I don't know

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Speaker 1: why it was that, but we had these five best

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Speaker 1: friends and we all had different like we were these

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Speaker 1: different characters basically, and I was always baby Spice obviously,

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Speaker 1: but yeah, yeah, let's see. We had Aften, she was

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Speaker 1: posh Cinnamon, she was scary Spice. We had Camaro I

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Speaker 1: think she was sporty, and Ginger was who was Ginger?

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Speaker 1: I can't remember her name. Oh that's so sad. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: The point is is I just remember dancing and singing

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Speaker 1: and laughing and being with my girlfriends and making up

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Speaker 1: dances and being creative and just feeling the sense of home,

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Speaker 1: whether it was you know, home away from home or

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Speaker 1: friends that became my family. That was always what I

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Speaker 1: associated with at like seven years old, just this like spunky, creative, passionate,

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Speaker 1: vibrant young girl that loved her friends and and love

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Speaker 1: to create and just had fun. I really remember being

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Speaker 1: a really fun kid at like seven years old. And

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Speaker 1: where do you think that creative street came from? I mean,

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Speaker 1: was it that you started dance so young or do

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Speaker 1: you feel like you were born with it? Or perhaps

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Speaker 1: dance and and all of that creative expression helped to

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Speaker 1: cultivate something that was naturally intrinsic to who you are.

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Speaker 1: I think it was innately who I was because of

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Speaker 1: my family. My my grandparents, for instance, on both sides,

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Speaker 1: were dancers, and my parents actually met in ballroom dance,

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Speaker 1: um like on the ballroom dance team at their college.

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Speaker 1: And my whole family we just danced and and and

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Speaker 1: my mom's an artist, so she in every capacity, so

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Speaker 1: she would paint with us. She would she would make

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Speaker 1: wooden swords and costumes, and we would have plays on

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Speaker 1: our front yard with the neighbors. And it was just

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Speaker 1: always about creativity and and imagination when we were kids,

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Speaker 1: and just always playing and and my mom also put

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Speaker 1: us in a bunch of things. So we actually we're

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Speaker 1: kind of known as like the Blonde Osmond's because we

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Speaker 1: grew up in Utah and we were in a family

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Speaker 1: band and we would tour around in these little festivals

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Speaker 1: and stuff. But we were we were in music, we

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Speaker 1: were in dance, we were in art, we we were

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Speaker 1: taking kung fu lessons. I mean we were literally busy NonStop.

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Speaker 1: As kids, always just put in some sort of activity

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Speaker 1: and to keep us I think motivated and out of trouble,

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Speaker 1: but also just I think at one point my brother

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Speaker 1: and I were diagnosed with a d h D or something,

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Speaker 1: and my mom, instead of putting us on medication, she

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Speaker 1: was like, let's just give them more activities and so um,

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Speaker 1: so yeah, so we we just did a bunch of

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Speaker 1: activities and that kind of just was ingrained in us.

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Speaker 1: The work ethic and the creativity. Yeah, I mean it

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Speaker 1: sounds it sounds idyllic, okay. And and then also I

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Speaker 1: know that there's always stuff in you know, families, and

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Speaker 1: I'm curious because there's and I don't I hope this

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Speaker 1: doesn't sound in any way judgmental. I mean, we've talked

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Speaker 1: about this, so I know you you will know I

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Speaker 1: don't mean it to be that way. Um, maybe that's

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Speaker 1: sort of a a bumper for folks at home, but

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Speaker 1: there's so much like freedom and exploration, um in the

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Speaker 1: the life you're detailing. And you know, you mentioned you

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Speaker 1: grew up in in Utah, and you grew up in

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Speaker 1: the Mormon Church, and I think for a lot of

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Speaker 1: people on the outside it feels very restricted it well,

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Speaker 1: and so how do how does that dichotomy play out

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Speaker 1: for you? As a kid, or do I have it

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Speaker 1: a little wrong? No, no, no, it Well that's the

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Speaker 1: thing that's so interesting, is that's why I was really

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Speaker 1: shocked that I said seven years old and I saw

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Speaker 1: myself with my friends and dancing and everything, because usually

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Speaker 1: when I think about my childhood, I actually think about

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Speaker 1: when I was ten years old and I moved to

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Speaker 1: London away from Utah. And so the fact that I

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Speaker 1: just brought that up now almost was a little like

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Speaker 1: I've I've never talked about my childhood before I was ten,

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Speaker 1: and really, and so the fact that you're bringing up

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Speaker 1: the Mormon culture or even that bubble, I think. I

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Speaker 1: think what I'm remembering from that time of my life

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Speaker 1: is that I was in a bubble. I didn't really

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Speaker 1: know what was outside of that world, and so you

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Speaker 1: only know what you know until you know something else.

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Speaker 1: And and so what I realized was I was the

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Speaker 1: baby of five kids, and so I just I was

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Speaker 1: very expressive and loud, and I think my parents were

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Speaker 1: just exhausted by the time they had me. So I

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Speaker 1: got I got away with a lot more than I

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Speaker 1: think my older siblings. But but when I look back

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Speaker 1: at it, and now I know what I know now,

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Speaker 1: or even moving to London at ten without my family

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Speaker 1: and seeing the bubble that I did live in, I

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Speaker 1: can see the beauty from being raised Mormon, which was

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Speaker 1: all about community and service and family and connection. And

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Speaker 1: then I can also see the restrictions and the suppression

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Speaker 1: and the need to be perfect and the need to

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Speaker 1: keep up with everybody else, and the keeping up with

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Speaker 1: the Jones mentality, you know. And and then of course

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Speaker 1: this like spiritual significance, and it's right and wrong, and

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Speaker 1: it's good and bad, and there is no in between.

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Speaker 1: There is no color. And I realized that is there,

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Speaker 1: that there's so much color and so much light outside

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Speaker 1: of that bubble that I got to experience. Maybe it

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Speaker 1: was more protected in maybe that viewpoint, but it was

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Speaker 1: it was more controlled, really, And so now this like

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Speaker 1: freedom outside of Utah. I went to London, the most

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Speaker 1: like metropolitan city you could go to from Utah, and

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Speaker 1: and I was just my, my, my, and just exploded

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Speaker 1: with like whoa. My eyes were opened up to so

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Speaker 1: much and and possibility and people and people that didn't

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Speaker 1: look like me, you know, blonde hair, blue eyes. From Utah.

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Speaker 1: I was like, no, there was diversity, and I went

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Speaker 1: to performing arts school where everyone was free to express

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Speaker 1: themselves however they identified, and it was just like, whoa,

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Speaker 1: this is, this is real life. This is you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm not in this protective bubble anymore. That's quite controlled.

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm out in the world. Um. But I feel

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Speaker 1: very grateful that I was raised that way because I

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Speaker 1: think there's part of me that has been instilled with

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Speaker 1: values of support and kindness and and love and community

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Speaker 1: and friendship and and always you know, trying to to

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Speaker 1: do my best. So I I am grateful for it

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Speaker 1: as well as I'm I'm grateful for the world as

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Speaker 1: well and seeing that side of things. Yeah. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: so interesting, isn't it that that many things can be

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Speaker 1: simultaneously true. But in a way it was small and

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Speaker 1: maybe there were lessons you missed, and it was also

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Speaker 1: really beautiful and felt really safe and creative. And I

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Speaker 1: think I think the coolest part about you know, both

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Speaker 1: aging and willingness to self interrogate, is when you can

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Speaker 1: see how lots of things that might seem opposing can

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Speaker 1: can all be true at the same time. Oh, it's

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Speaker 1: the whole Like you can feel two things at the

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Speaker 1: same time. The duality that's inside of you. Uh, the

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Speaker 1: more light you experience, the more dark you experience. It's

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Speaker 1: like you can hold more than one thing. And that's

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Speaker 1: what's so beautiful about being human is there are so

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Speaker 1: many parts of you and to leave one part out

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Speaker 1: or just to think you have to be one part

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Speaker 1: is so limiting. And so, like I said, I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: grateful for all of my experiences and they're unique and

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Speaker 1: different from someone else's and that's what makes my experience different.

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Speaker 1: But it also allows me to, I don't know, just

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Speaker 1: hopefully bring what I've learned and then what I'm discovering

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Speaker 1: and finding that just that balance of like what's right

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Speaker 1: for me, what's the conditioning that I've been that's been

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Speaker 1: instilled into me? And how do I like listen to it,

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Speaker 1: delayer it, deconstruct it, and then actually decide what I

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Speaker 1: personally believe. And so again I'm grateful for it. So

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Speaker 1: I'm so curious about something because when you talk about

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Speaker 1: that figuring out what was sort of given to you

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Speaker 1: and you're like, what what were you wrapped in? And

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Speaker 1: then to take it apart, to deconstruct it, to to

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Speaker 1: understand what was healthy about it, what wasn't m You

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Speaker 1: said something about both a D H D and you

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Speaker 1: talked about perfectionism, and I had a big aha this

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Speaker 1: year with my own sort of being raised to be

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Speaker 1: a good girl perfectionist nonsense, where I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: perfect is impossible. So actually perfectionism means I feel like

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Speaker 1: a failure all of the time, us the lowest standard

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Speaker 1: you could ever have for yourself because you'll never achieve it.

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Speaker 1: So it was like that was a real gut punch.

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Speaker 1: I was like, no, wonder, I'm so stressed out, But

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Speaker 1: I'm really curious about that, because when you come to

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Speaker 1: terms with your stuff, the good, the bad, and the

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Speaker 1: ugly and the fear of failure and all of it,

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Speaker 1: you also have to come to terms with your shortcomings.

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Speaker 1: You have to come to terms with the mistakes you've made,

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Speaker 1: and when you choose to share about your growth in

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Speaker 1: a public way, you know you also have to like

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Speaker 1: get real about the times that you've had blinders on

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Speaker 1: or you know, come up short or hurt someone or

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Speaker 1: likewise been hurt by someone. Like there's all this stuff.

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Speaker 1: How do you find the process As a person who

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Speaker 1: is creative empathetic, how do you find the process of

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Speaker 1: cultivating that sort of empathy for yourself as you're as

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Speaker 1: you're in this sort of transfamintive time. That's such a

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Speaker 1: great question. And this year I've I've really discovered empathy

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Speaker 1: in a way that I never had before. I always

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Speaker 1: thought I was an empathetic person, but I found I'm

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Speaker 1: a compassionate person. I could always feel for someone, but

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Speaker 1: I never really put myself in their shoes or even

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Speaker 1: for myself. I could feel for my experience, but I

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Speaker 1: actually wasn't experiencing my experience, And it's it's also being

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Speaker 1: that perfectionism type person, even delayering that, I then went

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Speaker 1: the polar opposite in the extreme of highlighting those shortcomings

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Speaker 1: and then judging those so harshly and and almost now

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Speaker 1: reidentifying me as that person. So it's it's almost like,

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Speaker 1: you know, you go from at least my experiences. I

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Speaker 1: went from kind of oblivion to just doing my own thing,

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Speaker 1: a little bit more egocentric, doing, you know, what I

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Speaker 1: needed to do for me, and then finding those shortcomings

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Speaker 1: out awareness and then realizing, oh, I don't like that

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Speaker 1: part of me, but instead of embracing it, having compassion

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Speaker 1: and empathy for that part of me, and loving that

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Speaker 1: part of me in the past, I just judged it

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Speaker 1: so harshly and then almost like double down on myself,

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Speaker 1: where it was like if I recognized that I didn't

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Speaker 1: like a certain part of me, then I would I

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Speaker 1: would almost avoid it and try even harder to not

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Speaker 1: be that, so then I would go back into perfectionism.

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Speaker 1: Does that make sense? Like that double downing thing. So

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Speaker 1: I think this year, especially with everything that we've all

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Speaker 1: gone through collectively, it was it was a moment where

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Speaker 1: there wasn't even time to or there was so much time,

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Speaker 1: but there wasn't time to just keep going. It was

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Speaker 1: like you had to sit in it and experience it

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Speaker 1: and allow it to to do its work on its own,

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Speaker 1: versus you being in charge and willing it. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you couldn't really create a plan, couldn't escape window. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: you couldn't escape it by doing something if it was

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Speaker 1: in a healthy way or not, like to distract yourself.

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Speaker 1: It was like you had to be here in it,

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Speaker 1: and it was it was challenging, but also I think

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Speaker 1: for a lot of people it just was a reflection

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Speaker 1: and an under thing and amplifying of what needed to

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Speaker 1: be revealed and and you can process that now. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: But I'm so curious about what you said, because I

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Speaker 1: think these things are so connected that as as you've

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Speaker 1: looked inward, you've realized that very often you've you've not

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Speaker 1: even experienced your experiences. And I think about that from

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Speaker 1: from people like us who became performers at young ages,

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Speaker 1: where you know, especially for you so young as a dancer,

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Speaker 1: um as a performer, performer, you're doing it, but it's choreography.

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Speaker 1: You're doing it, but it's a scene. I have experiences

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Speaker 1: that I look back on in my early twenties that

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Speaker 1: don't feel real to me. I feel like I was

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Speaker 1: filming a scene from my TV show, not like it

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Speaker 1: was my life. I feel really disconnected from it. And

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Speaker 1: you know, maybe that's a coping mechanism of disassociation, or

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Speaker 1: or maybe it's a thing I learned that sort of

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Speaker 1: became a defense mechanism. Who knows. But I wonder if

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Speaker 1: in this time, as you said, where we've all had

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Speaker 1: to sit in it, do you look back on some

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Speaker 1: of your your childhood as this really sort of elite performer.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you talk about moving to London to go

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Speaker 1: to a performing art school at ten without your family. Um,

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Speaker 1: I know Derek was there, but what is that experience

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Speaker 1: like as a kid to pick up and be like, see, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to learn a new skill. Well that's I mean,

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Speaker 1: that was what that like first initial thing was was

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Speaker 1: like you don't know what you don't know, and sometimes

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Speaker 1: when you learn too much, you know too much for

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Speaker 1: your own good. And so sometimes that naivety is quite

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Speaker 1: beautiful if you can hold on to the like if

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Speaker 1: you do have a safety and a protection around you.

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Speaker 1: But I was so naive and the fact that like

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Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I'm gonna go to London, woo,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go dance, and but I didn't realize at

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Speaker 1: the time, like I would be basically waking up going

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Speaker 1: to school from seven am in central London. So I'd

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Speaker 1: take a train an hour and a half to school

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Speaker 1: every day at ten years old. Um, I'd get to

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Speaker 1: school and I would I would be at school all

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Speaker 1: day until four thirty. I would travel back on the train,

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Speaker 1: I'd have dinner, I'd go to practice from seven to

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Speaker 1: eleven pm, and that was five days a week, and

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Speaker 1: then I'd have lessons every Saturday from ten am to

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Speaker 1: six pm, have a break for dinner and then rehearse

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Speaker 1: util eleven and then I'd have competitions somewhere either in

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Speaker 1: the UK or around Europe on Sundays, and then I

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Speaker 1: would do it all again. And so my like, I

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Speaker 1: trained myself so hard to dissociate that I just did it,

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Speaker 1: and I had willpower and energy and people just you know,

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Speaker 1: pushing me harder and harder and harder, and I and

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Speaker 1: I did and I achieved it. But I learned along

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Speaker 1: the way that the harder I worked, the more I won,

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Speaker 1: the more I was not elusive, but like a little mysterious,

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Speaker 1: like people didn't really know me. Um, when I went

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Speaker 1: back to school, I'd be in fake tan and nails

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Speaker 1: and I tried to tell them, but they didn't quite

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Speaker 1: understand it. The more I felt like people loved me,

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Speaker 1: and more people you know, admired my hard work and

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Speaker 1: my my winning and all that. And so the performer

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Speaker 1: and me really got strong, and and that trans tired

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Speaker 1: in my life, you know, moving to Los Angeles, and

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Speaker 1: and I could always will myself into working harder, being

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Speaker 1: you know, the hardest working person in the room, or

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Speaker 1: I could always figure my way out if I wasn't

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Speaker 1: the most talented, I could figure it out, you know,

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Speaker 1: and and then eventually I just got so burnt out

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Speaker 1: and so exhausted, and I was like, I don't I

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Speaker 1: don't even really know who this person is because this

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Speaker 1: person I created as my my my mask so that

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Speaker 1: I could survive on the inside, but I really didn't

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Speaker 1: know that person. So you know, years went by and

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Speaker 1: I finally was like, I gotta I gotta like figure

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Speaker 1: out what's happening here and de layer this performer, this

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Speaker 1: this survivor, which I've been so grateful for. It got

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Speaker 1: me to where I'm at, and I wouldn't change it,

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Speaker 1: but but boy, I'm exhausted and and I'm just now

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Speaker 1: I'm just now like coming to this place of like

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Speaker 1: content and content used to scare me. It was like

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Speaker 1: I don't ever want to be content and feeling content.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm like, wow, I have no personality, but I'm like, no,

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Speaker 1: it's just it's just the personality that I thought I

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Speaker 1: had that was expected of me because that's what I

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Speaker 1: showed everyone else. And now I'm just calm and content

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Speaker 1: and boring at all. But I actually really enjoy it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: well I think you know, overachieving. It's just a state

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Speaker 1: of hyper arousal, and so is trauma like it's it's

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Speaker 1: a very intense place to be. And in my own way,

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Speaker 1: I really relate to what you're saying because as a kid,

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Speaker 1: I didn't know what I didn't know, but I grew

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Speaker 1: up on a set where it was very clearly communicated

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Speaker 1: to me that if me or anyone else didn't show

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Speaker 1: up and do our jobs perfectly, two people wouldn't get

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Speaker 1: to eat. Yeah, And the amount of pressure when you're

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Speaker 1: told that it's all on you rather than hey, you're

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Speaker 1: a part of this team and and you know you

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Speaker 1: show up and help other people show up. The pressurization

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Speaker 1: of performance, and I think especially the way it gets

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Speaker 1: put on young women because we're you know, we're expected

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Speaker 1: to be perfect or expected to be good, and we're

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Speaker 1: also expected to be sort of complicit in the ways

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Speaker 1: that we're fetishized and all of these things that we

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Speaker 1: don't even know are happening then, But now we look

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Speaker 1: back and it's like, wait, what was happening. I got

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Speaker 1: really good at showing up to work no matter what,

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Speaker 1: no matter if I was sick, no matter if someone

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Speaker 1: in my family was sick, no matter if there was

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Speaker 1: a funeral, no matter, if there was a wedding, no matter,

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Speaker 1: no matter, because nobody cared. It didn't matter to anyone

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Speaker 1: else if me or anyone else had a life. It

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Speaker 1: mattered that we showed up and we did the job

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Speaker 1: no matter what, and we weren't in the way. And

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Speaker 1: so it's interesting for me now as an adult in

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Speaker 1: the kinds of supportive friendships like we have in our community,

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Speaker 1: or sometimes something will come up and you know, one

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Speaker 1: of our girlfriends will say, why didn't why didn't you

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Speaker 1: tell me about this? And I don't even think too

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Speaker 1: because I don't have an experience of their being room

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Speaker 1: for me to share what's going on in my life

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Speaker 1: because I have to do my job. So I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: real learning how to let people support me in the

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Speaker 1: way that I like to support other peoples. And it

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Speaker 1: feels insane, it feels selfish, it feels it feels icky

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00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 1: because we're not used to comfortable, super uncomfortable. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: understand that. In fact, I had a realization while I

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00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 1: was running actually by your house, that's my morning run, um,

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Speaker 1: and I was running and I was thinking about it,

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00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 1: and I was like, you know, I've shared a lot

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Speaker 1: publicly actually, and part of me is like I don't

400
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 1: want to share as much anymore because that's personal and

401
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 1: those are things to me that are just for me.

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00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:19,880
Speaker 1: But in the past, I was more comfortable sharing with

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Speaker 1: the public with people that I didn't know, because those

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00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:29,560
Speaker 1: people supported me I'm doing quotes with my fingers, supported

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00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:33,960
Speaker 1: me and loved me and admired me. And so I

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00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 1: didn't feel comfortable or intimate with my own friends or

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00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 1: family because I never shared anything with them that I

408
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 1: would share with people that I didn't even really know,

409
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,840
Speaker 1: but it felt safe to me because there was distance,

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Speaker 1: and so this intimacy of like, wow, I feel like

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Speaker 1: I've had to do everything on my own, But is

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00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 1: that also been my own defense mechanism when people have

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Speaker 1: actually been there. And that was a huge realization of

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Speaker 1: I've shared so much to people that actually don't really

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00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,399
Speaker 1: know me, but that's because I'm like wanting the world

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Speaker 1: to love me versus the people that are closest to me. Well,

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Speaker 1: I also think there's really something interesting when you're beginning

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Speaker 1: to find your own relationship to self and you are

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Speaker 1: a perfectionist and you are a performer. I know that

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Speaker 1: I experienced a phase where I was doing the work

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Speaker 1: and doing the introspection and learning things and reading articles

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00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 1: and really diving in and going, oh, I understand this lesson.

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Speaker 1: I understand why I was in that toxic relationship in

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Speaker 1: my twenties and how it impacted me, and how relationships

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00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:38,480
Speaker 1: like that impact women. And so I can share my

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Speaker 1: lesson about that because it'll be good for other women.

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00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:43,440
Speaker 1: And what what it let me do was say, look

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00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,920
Speaker 1: at me, I'm healing. I'm vulnerable. But I was being

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Speaker 1: vulnerable about the thing I had figured out and packaged up,

430
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 1: and that was like that, like that chapter in the

431
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 1: book is done, and so now I can talk about

432
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 1: that chapter. It's so much more difficult to be open

433
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: about what we're assessing in your moment. Yes, that's the

434
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 1: whole like not experiencing it in the moment, but reflecting

435
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:11,680
Speaker 1: on it afterwards because I'm good. Now, that's exactly right.

436
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:16,960
Speaker 1: It's exactly right, do you think? Because I can't help

437
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:18,919
Speaker 1: but thinking it's funny it skips a whole section of

438
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:20,919
Speaker 1: my questions because I have so many more about like

439
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 1: childhood and performing and how you guys came up and whatever.

440
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,119
Speaker 1: But but this, this is what's coming up. For me

441
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:30,120
Speaker 1: now is in a way because I can feel myself

442
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: getting like a little tense and you you're you're doing

443
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 1: like a little bit of a thing sometimes where you're

444
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,600
Speaker 1: like your arm is going out, and I see you,

445
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: I know the way you like to move when you

446
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 1: have a feeling, and it makes me think about kinergy.

447
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 1: It makes me think about you creating this process. It's

448
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,240
Speaker 1: a dance class, but really what it feels like to

449
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 1: me sometimes is like a dropping into my body of

450
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:58,879
Speaker 1: physical empowerment in my body and exorcism of bad energy

451
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:02,120
Speaker 1: from my body. Do do you think that all this

452
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 1: learning is what led you to take your one of

453
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,920
Speaker 1: your elite skills and turn it into a modality for

454
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:13,440
Speaker 1: shaking all this ship out For lack of a better yes,

455
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 1: and and honestly, you articulated that so beautifully. I just

456
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 1: got chills because when we talk about like, you know,

457
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:26,639
Speaker 1: analyzing and understanding what's happening in that like mental capacity,

458
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:28,919
Speaker 1: it's beautiful, but it's it's kind of an after the

459
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:34,240
Speaker 1: fact thing. And I recognized early on that through my dancing.

460
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,399
Speaker 1: If I didn't if I didn't move my body in

461
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 1: an in an intuitive expressive way, I would have been

462
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 1: a very different person growing up because I had so

463
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:48,879
Speaker 1: much anxiety and depression and trauma in my like years

464
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 1: in London that if I didn't have that outlet of expression,

465
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,160
Speaker 1: I don't know where i'd be today. But thank goodness

466
00:27:56,240 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 1: I had it because it allowed me to really dive

467
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,040
Speaker 1: in and feel the experience, even if I didn't quite

468
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 1: know how to articulate it. And so that's what kinergy is,

469
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,880
Speaker 1: that's where it came from. I was like, Wow, there's

470
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:15,200
Speaker 1: so much healing that I've done, and this like internal

471
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:20,240
Speaker 1: introspective work of connecting to myself delayering these conditions and

472
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 1: these systems that I think have been placed on me

473
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:25,959
Speaker 1: and probably everyone else in the world. But I'm just

474
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 1: expressing my own experience and allowing myself to trust myself

475
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 1: versus relying on others to tell me how I'm supposed

476
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 1: to feel. And that movement and the breath and the

477
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 1: imagination and expression. It helped me with shame, It helped

478
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 1: me with like taboo, you know, beliefs. It helped me

479
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 1: connect more to the power of a woman versus the

480
00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:01,800
Speaker 1: expectation of a little girl. And and that is what

481
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:07,959
Speaker 1: dropped me into this like powerful blunt woman that is

482
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 1: still kind, is still generous, but has boundaries, that has

483
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 1: love for myself, Like the person that I love the

484
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:20,760
Speaker 1: most is is myself, you know, and like and and

485
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 1: that goes back to even saying that there's still hints

486
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 1: of trauma. That's like even me saying that I still

487
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 1: feel selfish saying that. But at the end of the day,

488
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 1: like you have to put the oxygen mask on first,

489
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 1: you have to love yourself so that you have the

490
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:38,440
Speaker 1: energy and the capacity for others. And that's really what

491
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 1: energy does. And I don't know movement. I'm all about,

492
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:45,720
Speaker 1: you know, somatics and and the energy and the information

493
00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 1: that is held and stored within the fascia and the

494
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 1: tissues and the energy and our body. And so to

495
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: be able to feel like it just kind of came

496
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: through me. And it was a form of healing from

497
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: my self and expression and joy. You know, you can

498
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 1: have two parts, the healing and the joy. I did

499
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 1: want to share that I wanted people to feel like

500
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 1: they had something that was different and not in the head,

501
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 1: but in the body. You know, our body can be

502
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: our language for so many things. I mean, think about

503
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 1: like body language. When people walk in the room, you

504
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:24,880
Speaker 1: can feel them immediately, or if if you're slunched down,

505
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 1: you can immediately see if somebody's not having a good day.

506
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:32,080
Speaker 1: That's body language, and our body is going to speak

507
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:35,800
Speaker 1: for us regardless, So let's get it cleared out so

508
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 1: it can have a clean slate and like an opportunity

509
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 1: to speak truth versus limiting beliefs and self talk and

510
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 1: guilt and all of those things. And I think there's

511
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:52,520
Speaker 1: something so neat about this moment we find ourselves in

512
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 1: where we're uncovering so many stories and systems and systems

513
00:30:56,880 --> 00:31:00,800
Speaker 1: of oppression and patriarchy and and all of this stuff

514
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:06,320
Speaker 1: in society, and there is in movement, Like when I

515
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 1: think about your class, it feels very primal, It feels

516
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:14,480
Speaker 1: very like it taps into something that feels very old

517
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 1: about humans. But it also as I'm thinking about you

518
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:21,280
Speaker 1: talking about your story and even your grandparents being ballroom dancers,

519
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 1: and your parents and the way that you guys grew up,

520
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 1: like it feels on the cycle. And of course I'm

521
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 1: drawing a circle and you can see it. No one listening.

522
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but it's like if this is sort of

523
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 1: like early human movement to like packaged fancy nineteen fifties,

524
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:41,560
Speaker 1: like you know, song and dance people like, it feels

525
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 1: like we're coming back around to more of a connection

526
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:48,160
Speaker 1: to the original and a shedding of some of the expectation.

527
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 1: And even when you talk about as a little girl

528
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 1: being in this essential essentially a performer's boot camp, learning

529
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:56,760
Speaker 1: to disassociate from your body, you said, like, I was

530
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 1: always in the fake tan and the nails, like the

531
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 1: ballroom performance, the body makeup and the painting yourself and

532
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,959
Speaker 1: the sequence and the and the smiling all the time.

533
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,960
Speaker 1: It's so neat to me in this moment as I'm

534
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:13,960
Speaker 1: listening to you, to almost feel like I'm in my

535
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:19,760
Speaker 1: head animating this cyclical life cycle. Yes, yeah, and I

536
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 1: and I think in my world it's very easy to see.

537
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 1: But it's in all worlds, you know. And and I think,

538
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 1: just to go back to that, it's this de layering.

539
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 1: I remember as a kid, like there were all these

540
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:34,480
Speaker 1: like magazines and stuff, let's do a makeover, And I

541
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,720
Speaker 1: was like, you mean to make under let's do make unders.

542
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 1: Let's go underneath to like what was originally there. And

543
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 1: you know, generationally it's like seven generations or fourteen generations

544
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:50,160
Speaker 1: that we carry from our ancestors, and so sometimes we

545
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 1: are experiencing things that aren't even ours and and we're

546
00:32:55,720 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 1: living a life for for them, for us, et cetera. So,

547
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 1: you know, not a responsibility in a heavy way, but

548
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 1: a responsibility in an exciting way, Like how cool is

549
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,320
Speaker 1: it to be able to unravel all the things that

550
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 1: our mother or our grandmother weren't able to express And

551
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 1: and maybe it's just because we are on that life cycle,

552
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 1: maybe it's our time to do that, you know. And

553
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 1: I think that you can feel it in the air

554
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:26,120
Speaker 1: with everything that's shifting and happening in the world right now,

555
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 1: and the you know, the pendulum swing from one side

556
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:32,720
Speaker 1: to the other of like where we've been, where we're going,

557
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 1: where it's going to come into the middle for a

558
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 1: little bit, you know, the the idea that we're constantly

559
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:41,040
Speaker 1: shifting and growing, but to come back to the roots

560
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 1: of where it all kind of started. I don't know,

561
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 1: there's just something really clean and pure and like again

562
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 1: clean slate about that that feels like you get to

563
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 1: make that choice for yourself and maybe for the people

564
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 1: that generationally were connected to as well. I think so

565
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 1: much about all the work you and Derek have done.

566
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I know, you know, you're two of five,

567
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 1: but you've done so much performing and hosting and dancing

568
00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:10,319
Speaker 1: and I mean even the holiday programming you guys do.

569
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:15,239
Speaker 1: It's like, I'm so amazed by you. Do you talk

570
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 1: about the sort of similarities to what you've experienced as

571
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:23,880
Speaker 1: performing kids, but also what I imagine must be different

572
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,879
Speaker 1: for each of you, like just because you deal with

573
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 1: this as a woman and he deals with this as

574
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:34,759
Speaker 1: a man. Yeah, you know, we both had similar and

575
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 1: yet unique and very different experiences growing up, but especially

576
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 1: in London. We didn't really talk about it when we

577
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 1: were growing up because we were both in our own

578
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,680
Speaker 1: form of you know, survival, and we were kids and

579
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:53,439
Speaker 1: we were just doing and then as adult but we

580
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 1: we always knew that we were there for each other.

581
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:58,120
Speaker 1: And then as adults, you know, early on in our

582
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:02,319
Speaker 1: careers we were just hustling, continuing that performer mentality, and

583
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,879
Speaker 1: we worked really well together and we did a lot

584
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 1: of things and then and then we did start kind

585
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:11,759
Speaker 1: of growing together as well, Like we went to Tony

586
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:15,080
Speaker 1: Robbin seminar together and that kind of like was the

587
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 1: beginning thread of this like journey, you know, and like

588
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,799
Speaker 1: it kind of just activated something. And then and then

589
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 1: I will say, though I have three older sisters too,

590
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:29,400
Speaker 1: and it's like with Derek, because we were kind of

591
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 1: separated from our family, we will always feel that sense

592
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,960
Speaker 1: of connection, almost like twins a little bit. But I

593
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 1: will say that over the last few years and the

594
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,760
Speaker 1: experiences that I've had, whether it's going through a divorce

595
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 1: or loss with my girls or depression, I've actually had

596
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 1: more relatability with my sisters in the last a couple

597
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:57,279
Speaker 1: of years, maybe because of their experiences as well, but

598
00:35:57,360 --> 00:36:00,359
Speaker 1: also as a woman that I don't think my brother

599
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:03,520
Speaker 1: can fully understand either, even though he's one of the

600
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 1: most incredible men and will sit and listen and try

601
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 1: to understand, and he's wonderful, But there is also something

602
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 1: about just being a woman and having that innate knowing

603
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 1: that I've really connected with my sisters over over the

604
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:21,960
Speaker 1: last few years. And and I will say that it's

605
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 1: about seasons two. Everybody is on their own time line

606
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 1: and journey, and so sometimes I'll be going through a

607
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:34,400
Speaker 1: big growth spurt and my brothers not at all, and

608
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:38,160
Speaker 1: so we won't connect as much because we're not really

609
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 1: going through the same thing at the same time, but

610
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:42,680
Speaker 1: just or the same thing with my sisters. And so

611
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 1: it's about just like understanding what people are going through,

612
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 1: letting them do their thing, loving and supporting even if

613
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:51,880
Speaker 1: you're not going through it at the same time. And

614
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:54,919
Speaker 1: and and that's been a big lesson over the last

615
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:59,799
Speaker 1: year for me. Yeah, I get that. And I think

616
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:02,279
Speaker 1: I think when we're young, we make these assumptions that

617
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,759
Speaker 1: like we're always going to be like we're gonna be

618
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:08,279
Speaker 1: disconnected every single day, and it's like, okay, but when

619
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,320
Speaker 1: you grow up, that's not possible. It could be in

620
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,040
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks. Yeah, you could have a season

621
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:17,240
Speaker 1: where you just don't see someone and there's no there's

622
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:19,919
Speaker 1: no harm, no foul in that. And and I think

623
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:23,560
Speaker 1: real connections are the ones that you know that move

624
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:28,240
Speaker 1: like brain waves that can have been fun. Yeah, yeah,

625
00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:31,560
Speaker 1: it's really I think there's something so special about like

626
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 1: evolving and appreciating that. And again, it's interesting. It feels

627
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,880
Speaker 1: to your point you said, cyclical. It feels like a rhythm.

628
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 1: It feels like it feels like motion um and and

629
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,880
Speaker 1: everything comes back to that kind of motion in our

630
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:51,240
Speaker 1: emotional bodies, but our physical bodies absolutely in our mental

631
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:55,040
Speaker 1: bodies are are energetic, like our careers. I mean, I

632
00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:59,839
Speaker 1: know for me this this I don't know the last

633
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 1: fifteen years, basically being in Los Angeles, I had a

634
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:06,719
Speaker 1: really really hot moment. I was hot and doing all

635
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 1: the things, and then it dipped down. And if for

636
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 1: anybody listening to this, like life is in waves, So

637
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 1: don't think that the best is behind you. You're just

638
00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:22,840
Speaker 1: about to go onto that wave again and ride that wave,

639
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:25,520
Speaker 1: but just know that there are dips and ebbs and

640
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:29,000
Speaker 1: flows because one of things, as a perfectionist, you're like,

641
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:31,239
Speaker 1: oh no, I have to get back to that place.

642
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,239
Speaker 1: I have to get back to that place. But I

643
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:36,239
Speaker 1: don't actually want to go back to that place. I'm

644
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:39,440
Speaker 1: so excited about where I'm moving forward because of the

645
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 1: knowledge and the experience and the awareness that I have

646
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:45,719
Speaker 1: that I didn't have when I was super hot, you know.

647
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:48,520
Speaker 1: And now it's like, I know, I love that term,

648
00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:50,440
Speaker 1: but it's it's like an agency term by the way,

649
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 1: my age and so like you're hot and you're not

650
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:58,080
Speaker 1: and I'm like you, but I know, but again, years

651
00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:00,879
Speaker 1: ago I heard that and so I've just adopted that.

652
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 1: But for me, I'm like Oh my gosh. I can't

653
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:08,439
Speaker 1: wait to now actually decide what I want to put

654
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 1: out in the world versus falling into something. And there's

655
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:17,839
Speaker 1: just so much more again authentic power, just as a

656
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:21,319
Speaker 1: woman of what I will and will not do, as

657
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,640
Speaker 1: well as what I'm excited and what I want to

658
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 1: contribute to the world, versus just what can I get?

659
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:30,759
Speaker 1: What do people want me to do? And you kind

660
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 1: of had, at least for me, I kind of had

661
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:36,759
Speaker 1: to go into that little ebb, you know, and get

662
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:40,800
Speaker 1: to that flow again in a way that feels more

663
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:44,280
Speaker 1: like it's coming from me, as I'm being pulled rather

664
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:49,000
Speaker 1: than trying to push and achieve it. I really like

665
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:54,000
Speaker 1: that though you can't you can't flow without the ebb.

666
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,879
Speaker 1: You can't have a peek without a value. It's it's

667
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:02,480
Speaker 1: not possible. And it is about physics. The pendulum swings totally.

668
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:06,120
Speaker 1: And I think you're right. I think for us and

669
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:09,839
Speaker 1: for anyone at home, if you can think about your

670
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,759
Speaker 1: you know, quote unquote lulls is the moment where your

671
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:19,720
Speaker 1: slingshot is being pulled backwards. That's totally require that for motion, motion,

672
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 1: and like intelligence and wisdom and curiosity, and I mean

673
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 1: think about it when we're in like school as kids,

674
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,319
Speaker 1: like we're in preschool, kindergarten, you know, we go through

675
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 1: everything and then we go to work, and then we

676
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 1: get into this like lull, right and we stop becoming

677
00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:42,439
Speaker 1: students and that growth period because we're working. So now

678
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 1: maybe that that ebb or that lull, that slingshot motion

679
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:48,759
Speaker 1: is just to be a student again and just to

680
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:53,719
Speaker 1: like learn and grow and like relearn and all those

681
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:57,080
Speaker 1: things to like put you into as a place of

682
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:02,120
Speaker 1: just actualizing what you've learned. And so I'm trying to

683
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:04,759
Speaker 1: look at these lulls or these dips as oh no,

684
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,280
Speaker 1: this is this is time for me now. The flow

685
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:10,879
Speaker 1: is kind of like a projection of all that I am,

686
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:14,719
Speaker 1: And this is kind of my inward moment to kind

687
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:20,120
Speaker 1: of reorganize and clear out and charge your batteries. Charge up, baby,

688
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 1: How where where did the When I think about that,

689
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 1: that feeling that internal fuel and charge makes me think

690
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:34,520
Speaker 1: about the aspects of meditation that you brought into energy

691
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 1: as well, and there's such healing to be found in

692
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:42,040
Speaker 1: that space, and not only in terms of emotionally but

693
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:45,080
Speaker 1: again physically, you know, and you mentioned this earlier that

694
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:49,240
Speaker 1: that there's a science behind movement in the fascia in

695
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 1: the cells in our body that can either be cleaned

696
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:57,160
Speaker 1: or be filled with stressed energy. There's we're in this

697
00:41:57,239 --> 00:42:01,920
Speaker 1: moment where the science shows that we store, you know,

698
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:05,920
Speaker 1: energy experiences. Even even our parents and our grandparents d

699
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:09,760
Speaker 1: n A generationally, you know, if they went through harm,

700
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 1: it will it will edit DNA in latter generations. So

701
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,920
Speaker 1: there there's so much that we're learning about how our

702
00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:20,920
Speaker 1: experiences really affect our bodies and how our bodies can

703
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 1: change or transmit our experiences. So how did you kind

704
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:29,800
Speaker 1: of wind up on a path to meditation in addition

705
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:33,879
Speaker 1: to movement, and how did you pull it into the

706
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 1: process of energy. Yeah, that's a great question. So I

707
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 1: think meditation was always like a lot of people, it

708
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:48,319
Speaker 1: was more challenging for me because I am inactive. I

709
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:51,319
Speaker 1: love to move, I can't sit still. But it was

710
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:54,880
Speaker 1: so imperative to really surrender my mind. And I think

711
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:58,960
Speaker 1: that a busy body can be a busy mind sometimes

712
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 1: and always thinking about the future. And so the stillness

713
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:08,839
Speaker 1: in the meditation was in just meditation in general has

714
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 1: helped me to actually hear what's happening versus just going,

715
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:17,399
Speaker 1: and when you can hear, sometimes it's scary because you're like, wait,

716
00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:22,239
Speaker 1: there's all these thoughts and all these emotions coming up,

717
00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 1: and I don't know what to do with them. And

718
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 1: so that's why with movement, it's a form of integration.

719
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 1: So as those thoughts are starting to come through, if

720
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:36,920
Speaker 1: you do actually move your body, there is a sense

721
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 1: of unwinding, a sense of allowing the energy to flow

722
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:44,319
Speaker 1: with those thoughts so that they can move, so they

723
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 1: don't feel stuck like their solid thoughts and emotions that

724
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:52,880
Speaker 1: will be there forever. And so the idea of movement

725
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:57,480
Speaker 1: meditation was so powerful for for my own experience as

726
00:43:57,480 --> 00:44:01,640
Speaker 1: well as the people that experience can energy because you

727
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:06,760
Speaker 1: can drop into your body, get into that still state experience,

728
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:10,919
Speaker 1: and have these thoughts pop up, and then be able

729
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 1: to silence them as you're moving your body, to integrate them,

730
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:18,520
Speaker 1: to release them, to transform them. And you know, it sounds,

731
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 1: it sounds woo woo or whatever, but I love woo woo.

732
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:27,520
Speaker 1: So but but when you when you really do experience

733
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:31,719
Speaker 1: something that it's hard to articulate, that's when you know

734
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:35,719
Speaker 1: you've kind of found something. Because there's so much creativity

735
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:39,280
Speaker 1: in the unknown. There's so much discovery in the unknown

736
00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:44,040
Speaker 1: that when you can't physically understand it, it's such a

737
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 1: beautiful sign of a breakthrough. And so um the idea

738
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:51,320
Speaker 1: of just putting yourself in a position to play full

739
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:54,239
Speaker 1: out and just like surrender to that. It's one of

740
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:56,719
Speaker 1: the hardest things to do, but it's it's one of

741
00:44:56,760 --> 00:45:00,080
Speaker 1: the most I think imperative things and with meditation and

742
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 1: it comes with it. Is there something I'll say this

743
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:10,839
Speaker 1: as a disclaimer. If you're driving right now, yeah, there's

744
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:14,560
Speaker 1: something that you would by way of a little door opening,

745
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 1: want to lead people listening through right now, like a

746
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 1: thirty second something absolutely all right, So if you are

747
00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:26,920
Speaker 1: sitting down or if you're driving, maybe just pull your

748
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:32,839
Speaker 1: car over. Um and what I like to imagine if

749
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:34,919
Speaker 1: you can, you can close your eyes if you feel

750
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:37,759
Speaker 1: safe and comfortable to do so, and just take one

751
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:42,319
Speaker 1: deep inhale through your nose and then just exhale, but

752
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:47,360
Speaker 1: actually make a little bit of sound. Like sound is

753
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:49,680
Speaker 1: one of the most important things. It's a frequency that

754
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 1: moves through our body to align with the energy so

755
00:45:54,239 --> 00:45:57,200
Speaker 1: that it can move through the body. So one more

756
00:45:57,239 --> 00:46:01,240
Speaker 1: deep inhale, a sale with a little bit of sound.

757
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 1: And what I like to imagine is there's this jelly

758
00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:13,880
Speaker 1: like substance over my entire body, and all the energy

759
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:19,520
Speaker 1: or the experiences that I experienced from work, from earlier

760
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:24,880
Speaker 1: in the day, from a conversation, from my partner, from

761
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 1: my mother, um children, whoever's energy, just allow all of

762
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:33,960
Speaker 1: that to just like stick to that jelly like substance

763
00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:40,640
Speaker 1: around your body, either coming out from your body or

764
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,920
Speaker 1: from the air in the space around you. Attaching to

765
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:50,800
Speaker 1: that jelly like substance, and now just visualizing that's splitting

766
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:53,880
Speaker 1: at the top of your head and starting to drip

767
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:59,839
Speaker 1: down like a magnet. And as it's starting to drip down,

768
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 1: you're feeling this energy and this magnetism pulling from the

769
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 1: center of the earth. So it's pulling this jelly like

770
00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:12,920
Speaker 1: substance down. You don't have to do anything, it's just

771
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:19,959
Speaker 1: letting it drip down down your throat and your neck

772
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:25,719
Speaker 1: and your shoulders, your chest down, your back down, your

773
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:35,760
Speaker 1: arms all the way through your belly, down through your

774
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:43,760
Speaker 1: pelvic floor and your thighs, your hamstrings, your knees down

775
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 1: through the front of your shins and your calves into

776
00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:50,880
Speaker 1: your ankles, the tops of your feet, and it starts

777
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:53,319
Speaker 1: to wrap around to the bottom of your feet where

778
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:56,400
Speaker 1: it almost creates this ball right at the bottom of

779
00:47:56,440 --> 00:48:00,719
Speaker 1: your feet, and just take another deep breath in just

780
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 1: to that ball of that foot, and then shoot that

781
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:14,000
Speaker 1: energy down into the center of the earth. Now I

782
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:19,200
Speaker 1: could keep going forever. But the sensation, hopefully that you're

783
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:23,799
Speaker 1: feeling is just like your nervous system calming down more

784
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 1: into a parasympathetic state where maybe your body is even

785
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:33,640
Speaker 1: tingling a little bit or a little buzzing a little lighter,

786
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:36,960
Speaker 1: so it doesn't feel as heavy. And the reason why

787
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:40,480
Speaker 1: I like to start with that is because it allows

788
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 1: anything that's not yours anymore to just drip off and

789
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 1: that weight of everyone else your work. The challenges anything

790
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:54,040
Speaker 1: that isn't you to just melt into the earth and

791
00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:57,120
Speaker 1: let you know, Mama Earth, guya, just take that and

792
00:48:57,160 --> 00:49:01,840
Speaker 1: hold that, and then getting into a place of calm stillness,

793
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:05,080
Speaker 1: and then I and then I go into a whole

794
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:07,400
Speaker 1: other thing. But I really love to go inward and

795
00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 1: connect to my shocked de energy, which is my sexual energy,

796
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:18,760
Speaker 1: which is something that is so taboo and so looked

797
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:23,719
Speaker 1: at as a projection to others, but it's really for

798
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 1: our own power, especially as women, to to own and

799
00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:33,839
Speaker 1: to heal the woundings of um again, generational suppression of

800
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:40,799
Speaker 1: female power and and creativity and expression. I talked to

801
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 1: somebody recently that it was really helping me own that

802
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:51,839
Speaker 1: feeling of feeling alive and that feeling of feeling numb

803
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:54,440
Speaker 1: when you go go through deep feeling and then trying

804
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 1: to like activate, like how do I feel like me

805
00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:01,960
Speaker 1: and feel alive? And at is that that shocked power?

806
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:04,799
Speaker 1: So I always try to imagine all that energy in

807
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:10,480
Speaker 1: my pelvic floor area, just like circulating. That's where creativity happens.

808
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:13,959
Speaker 1: That's where we literally form a child, you know, that's

809
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:17,600
Speaker 1: where a lot of our our power sometimes has been

810
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:21,240
Speaker 1: taken from us. It's a metaphor in just the physical body,

811
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:24,600
Speaker 1: but it's also where we do hold all of our power.

812
00:50:24,840 --> 00:50:27,719
Speaker 1: And most of the time we're so disconnected from that

813
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:32,280
Speaker 1: area of our body because it's attached to shame and

814
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 1: guilt and violation, depending on whatever your experience may be,

815
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:40,799
Speaker 1: or if you're a good girl, like to not be

816
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:45,160
Speaker 1: expressed fully because that's dirty or wrong. So to own

817
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:49,239
Speaker 1: that part of ourselves is one of the most imperative

818
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:51,759
Speaker 1: things that I want to help women connect back to.

819
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:57,760
Speaker 1: It has been such a life changing experience to own

820
00:50:58,120 --> 00:51:02,399
Speaker 1: that energy within myself. And there's been moments where I've

821
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:06,280
Speaker 1: lost it or haven't connected to it, and I felt

822
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:08,839
Speaker 1: like it was gone, But it's not gone. That's in

823
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:13,040
Speaker 1: all of us. And to feel that, there's nothing more

824
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:18,040
Speaker 1: freeing than to feel that inside of you. And that's

825
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:22,399
Speaker 1: that's part of what energy helps to unlock, is that

826
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 1: innate given power that we have not accessed for so long. Yeah,

827
00:51:28,719 --> 00:51:31,720
Speaker 1: I mean what strikes me is that you're really speaking

828
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:34,839
Speaker 1: about the power of the feminine. You know, even if

829
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:37,920
Speaker 1: if you go to a museum and you go into

830
00:51:37,960 --> 00:51:40,919
Speaker 1: the spaces to study art about goddesses. I mean, we're

831
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:45,200
Speaker 1: talking a cosmic kind of energy to your point on

832
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:49,960
Speaker 1: life force energy. And I even found myself when when

833
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:55,000
Speaker 1: you began talking about like the way energy flows through

834
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:58,920
Speaker 1: the female body and how powerful the reproductive system is.

835
00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:01,680
Speaker 1: When you said set will energy, I I felt that

836
00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:03,880
Speaker 1: tint of shame. I was like, Oh, what are we

837
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:08,040
Speaker 1: about to talk about? And I'm an adult woman. And

838
00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:13,799
Speaker 1: what I realized is that that that life force, life

839
00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:20,680
Speaker 1: giving energy power has in a society created largely by

840
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 1: men for men, been reduced to sexuality, which then gets

841
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 1: bifurcated into this Madonna horror complex where either you know

842
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:34,440
Speaker 1: you're one or the other, and no matter where in

843
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 1: the spectrum you actually fall because you're a person and

844
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:39,920
Speaker 1: not and you know, not someone who falls under iconography,

845
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:42,200
Speaker 1: you're going to be criticized. And if you do, you will,

846
00:52:42,239 --> 00:52:44,120
Speaker 1: if you don't, you will. It's like, it's all a mess,

847
00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:51,839
Speaker 1: we know, But if we could reclaim femininity, which inherently

848
00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:56,520
Speaker 1: is powerful and sexual and sensual and life giving and

849
00:52:56,520 --> 00:53:01,239
Speaker 1: and also creative and intuitive and and it's you're right,

850
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:04,319
Speaker 1: it's intuitive, creative. But I think it's really important to

851
00:53:04,360 --> 00:53:07,759
Speaker 1: also reference, as so many of us women are unpacking

852
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 1: what these generations have inherited male dominance have meant for

853
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:16,880
Speaker 1: so many of us, that sensuality doesn't have to be sexualized,

854
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:20,360
Speaker 1: and femininity doesn't have to be sexualized, and actually that

855
00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:26,839
Speaker 1: sexuality shouldn't be sexual even sexuality doesn't have to be sexualized.

856
00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:31,440
Speaker 1: And and it's the permission to feel that within yourself

857
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:34,640
Speaker 1: without feeling the need to either give it away or

858
00:53:34,719 --> 00:53:38,200
Speaker 1: diminish it, and just to hold it and just to

859
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:41,680
Speaker 1: feel that inside of you, to feel alive in your body,

860
00:53:41,719 --> 00:53:44,520
Speaker 1: to like being in your body too. I think about

861
00:53:44,560 --> 00:53:46,200
Speaker 1: it when I'm having my best day and I'm walking

862
00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 1: down the street and I'm just like, this is fun.

863
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:56,520
Speaker 1: Like that, that's like an owning of my body rather

864
00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:59,480
Speaker 1: than like feeling tight and short of breath and rushing

865
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:03,120
Speaker 1: to get to thing. It's it's a difference in a

866
00:54:03,239 --> 00:54:06,080
Speaker 1: in a pretty major energy that I think can yeah

867
00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:09,520
Speaker 1: make us feel happy. Well, I'm not gonna lie. When

868
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:12,719
Speaker 1: we first sat down for the beginning of this podcast,

869
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:16,080
Speaker 1: I was rushed because I'm with family, and I was like,

870
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:17,880
Speaker 1: I didn't get a chance to put my makeup on

871
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 1: all this stuff. And honestly, after we started talking, I

872
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:25,000
Speaker 1: felt comfortable. But even after that meditation, all of a sudden,

873
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:28,759
Speaker 1: I feel more grounded in this conversation in a way

874
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:32,360
Speaker 1: that I'm not nervous anymore. My body is open and free,

875
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:36,360
Speaker 1: and even that even me, who I like, I literally

876
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:39,360
Speaker 1: do this for what I want to give to the world,

877
00:54:39,400 --> 00:54:41,479
Speaker 1: you know, with energy and everything. I still have those

878
00:54:41,520 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 1: moments as well, of like, and I will the rest

879
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:46,919
Speaker 1: of my life where I'm not connected to that or

880
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:51,319
Speaker 1: I am rushing around or i am more connected to

881
00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:56,760
Speaker 1: my doer than my beer. And and now I'm like, oh,

882
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:59,080
Speaker 1: now I can sit here forever. Should we start over it?

883
00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:04,080
Speaker 1: Just get I think that's so good though, to share

884
00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:06,799
Speaker 1: with people that, no matter how together it looks like

885
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:09,440
Speaker 1: you may have it on the outside, you're figuring it out.

886
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:13,000
Speaker 1: And what a powerful reminder I mean even for me

887
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:15,800
Speaker 1: of oh, I could sit and breathe for one minute

888
00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:19,760
Speaker 1: and feel different, just one minute, I get really stuck

889
00:55:19,800 --> 00:55:24,480
Speaker 1: in the sort of like gamified like class pass. Not

890
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:27,200
Speaker 1: to you know, hate on it, it's great, but like

891
00:55:28,080 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 1: I do this thing where I'm like, if I don't

892
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:32,040
Speaker 1: have an hour to go to a class or to

893
00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:34,680
Speaker 1: meet a friend for a workout or something, that I

894
00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:38,640
Speaker 1: don't have time, and you can take a minute to

895
00:55:38,719 --> 00:55:41,200
Speaker 1: reconnect to your body, you can, you know, you can

896
00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:44,480
Speaker 1: do ten jumping Jack's to shake up your circulatory system

897
00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:48,839
Speaker 1: and like energy out. And I think that for me

898
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:51,480
Speaker 1: is a big lesson right now, not feeling like again,

899
00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:53,680
Speaker 1: not feeling like I have to have the perfect amount

900
00:55:53,719 --> 00:55:56,360
Speaker 1: of time to do the perfect thing, because then the

901
00:55:56,440 --> 00:56:02,399
Speaker 1: irony is I never do it. It's so true, It's

902
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:05,640
Speaker 1: so true, and one of the things I love. I mean,

903
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:12,400
Speaker 1: you're doing so much exploration and setting boundaries. Praise a boundary,

904
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:16,400
Speaker 1: um love a boundary, and yeah, I love a boundary.

905
00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:19,359
Speaker 1: And you know you've you've created this system that's been

906
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:21,880
Speaker 1: so transformative for so many people. And you know, I

907
00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:24,759
Speaker 1: see the messages you get that you share, and I

908
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:27,920
Speaker 1: just feel so like emotional for the folks who talk

909
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:31,640
Speaker 1: about the ways that there lives are changing. You know,

910
00:56:31,719 --> 00:56:34,799
Speaker 1: their their experience and their body or their stress or

911
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:37,000
Speaker 1: you know their time with their families is changing because

912
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:41,399
Speaker 1: they're connecting back to themselves. And so it's like there's

913
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:44,680
Speaker 1: this sort of highest ideal ability to create something. And

914
00:56:44,719 --> 00:56:47,080
Speaker 1: then you know, we're all also people who want to

915
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:49,919
Speaker 1: do stuff that's fun for us. So it's like you've

916
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:53,720
Speaker 1: created this movement meditation that's reconnecting us to our inner selves.

917
00:56:53,760 --> 00:56:55,920
Speaker 1: And you were also like, I really like to drink

918
00:56:55,960 --> 00:56:57,560
Speaker 1: wine and I'm going to do a wine company, and

919
00:56:57,640 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 1: I was like, yes, because I also want that. I

920
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 1: think there's this like there's this thought that when you're growing,

921
00:57:04,239 --> 00:57:08,320
Speaker 1: like everywhere you are supposed to be so so sacred

922
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:11,440
Speaker 1: and it's like growth and yeah, I also just want

923
00:57:11,440 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 1: to make a pizza and drinking thoughts and wine and

924
00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:17,480
Speaker 1: my best friends. So so how how did it happen?

925
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:21,400
Speaker 1: Tell me anything? But I love that you said that,

926
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:26,880
Speaker 1: because honestly, like in life as a woman in growth,

927
00:57:27,200 --> 00:57:30,520
Speaker 1: like I want to experience as much pleasure as I can,

928
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:34,360
Speaker 1: right and like that could be that could be joy,

929
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:38,880
Speaker 1: that could be creating, that could be sensuality, that could

930
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:42,120
Speaker 1: be expression, that could be growth, like I find pleasure

931
00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:45,040
Speaker 1: and growth. Like I just I want to have pleasure

932
00:57:45,080 --> 00:57:47,760
Speaker 1: in my life and I want to live a holistic

933
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:50,920
Speaker 1: life in the sense that I am conscious about what

934
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:53,880
Speaker 1: I'm putting in my body, what I'm putting out into

935
00:57:53,880 --> 00:57:58,320
Speaker 1: the world. And I also I want to enjoy and

936
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:03,080
Speaker 1: do everything in a in a balanced, moderated moderation. And

937
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:06,280
Speaker 1: with this wine company, I was like, you know what,

938
00:58:06,480 --> 00:58:11,320
Speaker 1: we we have had so many experiences, and we've had

939
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:18,000
Speaker 1: so much sharing and intimate connections with our friends over wine,

940
00:58:18,400 --> 00:58:23,560
Speaker 1: and and there's the artistry of it, of the actual

941
00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:28,280
Speaker 1: crafting and making of the wine and just the detail

942
00:58:28,360 --> 00:58:31,840
Speaker 1: that goes into it and the craftsmanship. And then there's

943
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:34,760
Speaker 1: also what happens when you do share a glass of

944
00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:39,160
Speaker 1: wine with your friends and the there's something nurturing and

945
00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 1: delicious and sensual about sipping that wine while you're expressing yourself,

946
00:58:44,840 --> 00:58:47,320
Speaker 1: you know, And I think that that was what was like, man,

947
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:51,280
Speaker 1: we just there's so much growth and healing on this side.

948
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:53,840
Speaker 1: Let's let's show the like the pleasure and the fun

949
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:57,200
Speaker 1: and the joy and the connection on this side. You know.

950
00:58:57,280 --> 00:59:00,360
Speaker 1: Keenergy is sort of it's it'sself others world. For sure,

951
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:03,080
Speaker 1: those are our pillars, but it really is about connecting

952
00:59:03,080 --> 00:59:05,680
Speaker 1: to self. Our wine companies like, how do we connect

953
00:59:05,680 --> 00:59:08,320
Speaker 1: with people, you know? And how do we how do

954
00:59:08,400 --> 00:59:12,080
Speaker 1: we create that that relationship dynamic in a fun and

955
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:15,640
Speaker 1: expressive way. And and Nina and I have been so

956
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:20,760
Speaker 1: fortunate that we have traveled and experienced really high luxury

957
00:59:20,840 --> 00:59:24,520
Speaker 1: and wines, but then have kind of had to stop

958
00:59:24,880 --> 00:59:27,400
Speaker 1: drinking it for a while because I don't know if

959
00:59:27,400 --> 00:59:29,400
Speaker 1: it's that you get older or what, but like my

960
00:59:29,520 --> 00:59:33,560
Speaker 1: body wasn't reacting very well to wine, and I would,

961
00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:36,080
Speaker 1: you know, first couple of SIPs, I'd already get a

962
00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:39,360
Speaker 1: hangover and feel not great. And so we're like, how

963
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:43,520
Speaker 1: do we how do we continue this like expressive fun connection,

964
00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:48,840
Speaker 1: coming together, party, celebration while also not feeling horrible the

965
00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:52,000
Speaker 1: next day? So can we find a way to we

966
00:59:52,040 --> 00:59:54,840
Speaker 1: can't technically say a healthy wine, but like a way

967
00:59:54,880 --> 00:59:59,080
Speaker 1: to make this enjoyable but just better for us in

968
00:59:59,120 --> 01:00:01,240
Speaker 1: the long run and so that we can get up

969
01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:03,480
Speaker 1: and and do the things that make us happy. So

970
01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:08,440
Speaker 1: you know, it's obviously low calorie, low sugar, keto, vegan friendly,

971
01:00:08,760 --> 01:00:13,600
Speaker 1: and really just trying to find a different breakthrough and

972
01:00:14,120 --> 01:00:17,600
Speaker 1: white space in the market so that people they can

973
01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:19,320
Speaker 1: feel like they can have both. It was what we

974
01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:22,000
Speaker 1: said at the very beginning of this conversation, which is like,

975
01:00:22,040 --> 01:00:24,680
Speaker 1: it's a duality. It doesn't mean that you if you're

976
01:00:24,680 --> 01:00:26,880
Speaker 1: going to be this, you can't be that. It's like, no,

977
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:30,240
Speaker 1: this is all of me, all parts of who I am,

978
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:32,160
Speaker 1: but let's just try to do it in the most

979
01:00:32,280 --> 01:00:37,520
Speaker 1: like sufficient and sustainable way. Yeah, I love it. I

980
01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:39,400
Speaker 1: mean you don't have to tell me twice. Look, I

981
01:00:40,160 --> 01:00:42,800
Speaker 1: the idea of breaking bread for me is synonymous with

982
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:45,480
Speaker 1: sharing a glass of wine. Like my family's Italian this

983
01:00:45,560 --> 01:00:49,960
Speaker 1: is what we do and and for me very similarly

984
01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:55,000
Speaker 1: to you guys. You know, wine became an even deeper

985
01:00:55,040 --> 01:00:58,000
Speaker 1: passion for me all through quarantine because it was the

986
01:00:58,120 --> 01:01:00,520
Speaker 1: thing I could do at home. I did a wine

987
01:01:00,520 --> 01:01:02,600
Speaker 1: club on Zoom, I could have a glass of wine

988
01:01:02,640 --> 01:01:05,000
Speaker 1: with someone on a FaceTime like it was the thing

989
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:08,400
Speaker 1: that let me still feel connected. And yeah, I I

990
01:01:08,480 --> 01:01:10,920
Speaker 1: really took a dive into learning so much about natural

991
01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:16,040
Speaker 1: wines because I can't handle the way I feel the

992
01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:18,800
Speaker 1: day after I have a traditional wine because there's so

993
01:01:18,840 --> 01:01:21,840
Speaker 1: many additives and dyes and chemicals and things in those

994
01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:25,800
Speaker 1: bottles that no one talks us about. So I mean, really,

995
01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:27,960
Speaker 1: this is just my way of saying I love it

996
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:31,240
Speaker 1: and I'm so in well. Even on my way to

997
01:01:31,360 --> 01:01:35,760
Speaker 1: Nashville after drinking Fresh Fine, now that's like all I drink. Now,

998
01:01:36,160 --> 01:01:37,920
Speaker 1: I had a glass of wine on the plane on

999
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:42,200
Speaker 1: my way here, and oh my gosh, I was feeling

1000
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:46,200
Speaker 1: it so hard the next day, and yeah, I was like,

1001
01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:48,439
Speaker 1: oh this is this is a good sign. Fresh Fine

1002
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:52,280
Speaker 1: is crushing it. You're like, I think I did good here, Yeah,

1003
01:01:52,520 --> 01:01:55,760
Speaker 1: we did pretty good. And I'm curious about this because

1004
01:01:56,120 --> 01:01:58,720
Speaker 1: this is something you and I share. We love to

1005
01:01:58,800 --> 01:02:02,080
Speaker 1: tell a story because we don't. You and I don't

1006
01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:04,240
Speaker 1: want to do something if it's not like but this

1007
01:02:04,280 --> 01:02:05,880
Speaker 1: is why it made me feel like this and this

1008
01:02:05,920 --> 01:02:07,960
Speaker 1: is what I like about it, and it has to

1009
01:02:08,240 --> 01:02:13,320
Speaker 1: feel good. It has to feel meaningful and and I

1010
01:02:13,320 --> 01:02:15,760
Speaker 1: think it's the storyteller Jean right, that we want to

1011
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:20,280
Speaker 1: create things and and whether it's something meditative or something

1012
01:02:20,600 --> 01:02:25,120
Speaker 1: you know, pleasurable, everything comes back to story. Is it

1013
01:02:25,240 --> 01:02:28,600
Speaker 1: your love of story, of the of the living out

1014
01:02:28,640 --> 01:02:32,400
Speaker 1: of a story that is behind the production company? Like

1015
01:02:32,440 --> 01:02:35,600
Speaker 1: when you decided to create Canary House, did you just

1016
01:02:35,640 --> 01:02:38,520
Speaker 1: feel like there was a kind of story you wanted

1017
01:02:38,560 --> 01:02:40,360
Speaker 1: to tell that you weren't seeing out there, so you

1018
01:02:40,400 --> 01:02:42,680
Speaker 1: were going to do it? You know, Hell, my goodness.

1019
01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:46,240
Speaker 1: There's so many, so many reasons I started Canary House.

1020
01:02:46,320 --> 01:02:49,640
Speaker 1: But I think one of the biggest things my my

1021
01:02:49,680 --> 01:02:54,800
Speaker 1: grandmother got dementia years ago. And what was so amazing

1022
01:02:55,040 --> 01:02:59,400
Speaker 1: was that she her short term was you know, not great,

1023
01:02:59,640 --> 01:03:04,640
Speaker 1: but her long term was incredible. And she she was

1024
01:03:04,720 --> 01:03:07,800
Speaker 1: quite I love my grandma, but she was quite uptight

1025
01:03:07,840 --> 01:03:12,480
Speaker 1: and type a you know in my childhood knowing my grandma,

1026
01:03:12,560 --> 01:03:14,760
Speaker 1: and when she got dementia, she turned into this like

1027
01:03:14,840 --> 01:03:20,280
Speaker 1: sixteen year old, like vibrant girl, like she just and

1028
01:03:20,320 --> 01:03:24,720
Speaker 1: she would she just tells stories about during the war

1029
01:03:24,920 --> 01:03:27,720
Speaker 1: and like when she would like all the sailors would

1030
01:03:27,720 --> 01:03:30,840
Speaker 1: come up and she would um have the rations and

1031
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:33,560
Speaker 1: she would go get food and they would dance together,

1032
01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:36,480
Speaker 1: and she was so excited to tell all these stories.

1033
01:03:36,560 --> 01:03:40,280
Speaker 1: And what I was realizing was like life is made

1034
01:03:40,360 --> 01:03:45,920
Speaker 1: up of stories. Life. Life is stories made into memories,

1035
01:03:46,480 --> 01:03:51,360
Speaker 1: and memories are what you you have at the end

1036
01:03:51,400 --> 01:03:55,200
Speaker 1: of your life. And when I think about my grandma

1037
01:03:55,200 --> 01:03:59,560
Speaker 1: and that and like just seeing that experience, I was like,

1038
01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:02,360
Speaker 1: I just I want to tell stories that means something

1039
01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:04,880
Speaker 1: that you know, make people want to talk about that.

1040
01:04:05,280 --> 01:04:08,000
Speaker 1: And and for so long I had, you know, I

1041
01:04:08,040 --> 01:04:12,160
Speaker 1: was a dancer, a singer, actor, producer, entrepreneur, but they

1042
01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:16,960
Speaker 1: all felt very separated. And when I actually created energy,

1043
01:04:17,240 --> 01:04:22,760
Speaker 1: I've found this like innate through line, and that through

1044
01:04:22,800 --> 01:04:28,680
Speaker 1: line is self discovery and identity and transformation and expression.

1045
01:04:29,240 --> 01:04:32,560
Speaker 1: And so once I found that, I thought, oh my gosh,

1046
01:04:32,720 --> 01:04:36,000
Speaker 1: everything I do has that through line. In my production company,

1047
01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:39,880
Speaker 1: I want to tell stories of identity and transformation and

1048
01:04:39,920 --> 01:04:43,919
Speaker 1: expression and really put things out into the world where

1049
01:04:43,920 --> 01:04:47,400
Speaker 1: people can see themselves and and be inspired to live

1050
01:04:47,480 --> 01:04:53,080
Speaker 1: their life in their most expressway. And so with the

1051
01:04:53,120 --> 01:04:56,240
Speaker 1: projects that we have, that's that's our mission statement with

1052
01:04:56,320 --> 01:05:00,120
Speaker 1: Canary Houses, to really just tell stories of expression, identity

1053
01:05:00,120 --> 01:05:03,640
Speaker 1: transformation so that others can really see themselves and then

1054
01:05:03,680 --> 01:05:06,320
Speaker 1: go and live their life. And that's what we're doing.

1055
01:05:06,640 --> 01:05:10,000
Speaker 1: And it's really fun because again before what we were

1056
01:05:10,040 --> 01:05:12,520
Speaker 1: saying is like my my early part of my career,

1057
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:14,959
Speaker 1: it was just like what can I get to keep

1058
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:17,520
Speaker 1: going and what can I fall into and who's going

1059
01:05:17,560 --> 01:05:21,680
Speaker 1: to hire me versus this is what I want to

1060
01:05:21,720 --> 01:05:25,000
Speaker 1: put out into the world, and this is this is

1061
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:28,560
Speaker 1: what I think matters and is important and at least

1062
01:05:28,560 --> 01:05:31,640
Speaker 1: in my opinion, And that's that's what's going to be

1063
01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:35,800
Speaker 1: sustainable for my own passion and excitement, is to put

1064
01:05:35,800 --> 01:05:38,720
Speaker 1: the things that matter to me and that I think

1065
01:05:38,880 --> 01:05:41,840
Speaker 1: will matter to others as well. I think there's such

1066
01:05:41,880 --> 01:05:46,080
Speaker 1: a beauty and ownership of your own story, of your

1067
01:05:46,120 --> 01:05:50,600
Speaker 1: own path. Absolutely, And and you know, I've always been

1068
01:05:50,640 --> 01:05:54,040
Speaker 1: a producer by nature, because my whole life I've been

1069
01:05:54,080 --> 01:05:57,680
Speaker 1: producing things, you know, and like organizing and figuring out

1070
01:05:57,760 --> 01:06:00,560
Speaker 1: how it's going to happen, and then just the details

1071
01:06:00,640 --> 01:06:04,000
Speaker 1: of of what it is, whether it's choreographing something or

1072
01:06:04,000 --> 01:06:06,000
Speaker 1: producing a whole show. Like I just I love the

1073
01:06:06,040 --> 01:06:11,160
Speaker 1: idea of creating something out of nothing or creating something

1074
01:06:11,160 --> 01:06:13,920
Speaker 1: out of like a pearl of an idea and seeing

1075
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:17,880
Speaker 1: the magic happen in the process, and then I mean

1076
01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:20,800
Speaker 1: I love a process versus even more so than the

1077
01:06:20,880 --> 01:06:24,000
Speaker 1: end result. But but then having an end result that

1078
01:06:24,040 --> 01:06:27,320
Speaker 1: can be timeless, that people can really see themselves or

1079
01:06:27,520 --> 01:06:30,600
Speaker 1: be inspired by or relate to it or not relate

1080
01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:33,320
Speaker 1: to it all and then have a discovery to then

1081
01:06:33,920 --> 01:06:38,920
Speaker 1: learn something, and um, that's just yeah, that's just exciting.

1082
01:06:39,840 --> 01:06:42,480
Speaker 1: I love that. I think it's so cool. I mean,

1083
01:06:43,080 --> 01:06:46,080
Speaker 1: there are so many things that you do, and finding

1084
01:06:46,120 --> 01:06:49,840
Speaker 1: the through line in them I think makes it make

1085
01:06:49,880 --> 01:06:53,240
Speaker 1: sense how you're able to juggle them all. But is

1086
01:06:53,280 --> 01:06:56,560
Speaker 1: there anything when you think about what's next, when you

1087
01:06:56,560 --> 01:06:59,800
Speaker 1: think about the next wave, is there something that that

1088
01:06:59,840 --> 01:07:02,240
Speaker 1: you are looking at out ahead that you really want

1089
01:07:02,240 --> 01:07:06,520
Speaker 1: to do well career wise? I'll say what you said

1090
01:07:06,560 --> 01:07:09,800
Speaker 1: about the life cycles. It's like, I spent a lot

1091
01:07:09,840 --> 01:07:12,840
Speaker 1: of my years in my own self expression, and then

1092
01:07:12,960 --> 01:07:15,920
Speaker 1: over the last few years it's about about creating something

1093
01:07:15,960 --> 01:07:19,840
Speaker 1: to share with others, and then I'm feeling the desire

1094
01:07:19,920 --> 01:07:23,400
Speaker 1: to be expressed again for myself. And so you know,

1095
01:07:23,520 --> 01:07:26,400
Speaker 1: I wrote a lot of music over the last few years,

1096
01:07:26,480 --> 01:07:30,439
Speaker 1: and I have some projects that I want to start

1097
01:07:30,480 --> 01:07:34,520
Speaker 1: acting in again and creating from. And so so that

1098
01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:37,520
Speaker 1: is like I'm just feeling I'm not quite sure yet,

1099
01:07:37,560 --> 01:07:40,560
Speaker 1: and I kind of like hate and love this place

1100
01:07:40,600 --> 01:07:44,160
Speaker 1: of like unknown. I have no idea, but it's it's

1101
01:07:44,280 --> 01:07:47,480
Speaker 1: really exciting because I'm kind of just allowing my gut

1102
01:07:47,560 --> 01:07:50,439
Speaker 1: and allowing what is inside of me to just lead

1103
01:07:50,480 --> 01:07:54,800
Speaker 1: the way versus kind of having a set goal because

1104
01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:58,200
Speaker 1: I find that I've done that for so long and

1105
01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:01,080
Speaker 1: and it was great, but that is more me achieving

1106
01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:06,000
Speaker 1: versus me being really in the present and seeing like

1107
01:08:06,520 --> 01:08:09,320
Speaker 1: what is my heart desire right now? What am I

1108
01:08:09,400 --> 01:08:13,080
Speaker 1: feeling that I want to create right now? So that's

1109
01:08:13,160 --> 01:08:14,800
Speaker 1: kind of where I'm at in my career, Like I

1110
01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:17,559
Speaker 1: kind of don't know, but I'm feeling. I'm feeling my

1111
01:08:17,600 --> 01:08:21,200
Speaker 1: own self expression wanted to be expressed. And then I

1112
01:08:21,240 --> 01:08:24,559
Speaker 1: had to do a lot of uncovering of like do

1113
01:08:24,640 --> 01:08:27,120
Speaker 1: I want children? Do I want to be married? Because

1114
01:08:27,439 --> 01:08:31,320
Speaker 1: that's what I have been told my whole life and

1115
01:08:31,360 --> 01:08:33,800
Speaker 1: what I thought I wanted my whole life, And and

1116
01:08:33,840 --> 01:08:36,280
Speaker 1: then I kind of went through a phase of questioning

1117
01:08:36,960 --> 01:08:40,680
Speaker 1: and then kind of rediscovering my own idea of what

1118
01:08:40,760 --> 01:08:43,000
Speaker 1: I want and I think that, you know, that's what

1119
01:08:43,120 --> 01:08:46,599
Speaker 1: I want still, but I feel like it's coming from

1120
01:08:46,600 --> 01:08:49,679
Speaker 1: me this time, you know, So that's definitely on the horizon.

1121
01:08:49,720 --> 01:08:51,760
Speaker 1: I would love to, you know, have a family, and

1122
01:08:52,320 --> 01:08:54,519
Speaker 1: part of me is like maybe even live in Europe

1123
01:08:54,520 --> 01:08:57,799
Speaker 1: at some point and like raise my children in Europe

1124
01:08:58,040 --> 01:09:02,960
Speaker 1: because there's some really interest saying parenting skills that are

1125
01:09:03,160 --> 01:09:05,240
Speaker 1: come from different cultures that I would really love to

1126
01:09:05,320 --> 01:09:08,439
Speaker 1: learn about. And um, yeah, I don't know. I just

1127
01:09:08,680 --> 01:09:13,160
Speaker 1: again just I actually don't know, Sophia, Like I literally

1128
01:09:13,240 --> 01:09:17,000
Speaker 1: am in a place of I don't know, but I'm

1129
01:09:17,040 --> 01:09:22,960
Speaker 1: I'm going with it and and just allowing whatever to

1130
01:09:23,040 --> 01:09:26,280
Speaker 1: come come in the moment and then like go with

1131
01:09:26,320 --> 01:09:29,120
Speaker 1: it because I'm definitely even though I say I'm trying

1132
01:09:29,120 --> 01:09:32,240
Speaker 1: not to be the achiever anymore, I still like to

1133
01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:36,960
Speaker 1: get ship done. I like to execute, and I like

1134
01:09:37,120 --> 01:09:41,200
Speaker 1: to like, you know, have that result of accomplishing something.

1135
01:09:41,960 --> 01:09:45,400
Speaker 1: But it's it's really the finding the finding it. Right now,

1136
01:09:45,439 --> 01:09:47,680
Speaker 1: I'm in a big transition of life and I'm just

1137
01:09:47,800 --> 01:09:51,320
Speaker 1: kind of letting it, letting it take shape and and

1138
01:09:51,360 --> 01:09:53,479
Speaker 1: doing what I need to do to stay connected so

1139
01:09:53,520 --> 01:09:57,759
Speaker 1: that it's coming from the most authentic version of myself.

1140
01:09:58,520 --> 01:10:04,840
Speaker 1: I love that, and I think there's a real freedom

1141
01:10:04,880 --> 01:10:09,679
Speaker 1: in being willing to give yourself a moment. I never

1142
01:10:09,720 --> 01:10:12,360
Speaker 1: gave myself at either. It was work, work, work, phil,

1143
01:10:12,360 --> 01:10:14,400
Speaker 1: phil Phil. Every free moment, I can take a meeting,

1144
01:10:14,400 --> 01:10:15,920
Speaker 1: I can read a script, I can do a thing,

1145
01:10:16,760 --> 01:10:21,280
Speaker 1: and to take a little bit of time two be

1146
01:10:21,479 --> 01:10:26,200
Speaker 1: in flow. Mm hmm, I think really changes everything. And

1147
01:10:27,120 --> 01:10:29,200
Speaker 1: what I'm hearing you say is that you want to

1148
01:10:29,240 --> 01:10:33,720
Speaker 1: find your way back to yourself, but with ownership. And

1149
01:10:33,800 --> 01:10:38,760
Speaker 1: I feel that I feel like finally this year, at

1150
01:10:38,800 --> 01:10:40,559
Speaker 1: least in this space, because I'm sure there will be

1151
01:10:40,600 --> 01:10:43,800
Speaker 1: many more cycles to come grow forever, Like in five years,

1152
01:10:43,800 --> 01:10:46,719
Speaker 1: I'll probably be like everything, I'm ripping it all apart again.

1153
01:10:46,760 --> 01:10:51,200
Speaker 1: But in this phase, I feel like I am. I

1154
01:10:51,200 --> 01:10:54,599
Speaker 1: am in real relationship to myself and real ownership of

1155
01:10:54,640 --> 01:10:59,639
Speaker 1: my life, my goals, my choices. And it feels really good.

1156
01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:02,360
Speaker 1: And and you know, I couldn't be in this flow

1157
01:11:02,360 --> 01:11:05,120
Speaker 1: stay if I hadn't taken a moment to be a

1158
01:11:05,160 --> 01:11:11,639
Speaker 1: little quieter before this year. Mm hmm. Yeah, I agree.

1159
01:11:11,920 --> 01:11:15,879
Speaker 1: And I feel really grateful that I have wonderful friends

1160
01:11:15,960 --> 01:11:22,559
Speaker 1: and my family that are just there and supportive of me.

1161
01:11:23,800 --> 01:11:27,240
Speaker 1: Not what I do or what i've you know, what

1162
01:11:27,320 --> 01:11:29,760
Speaker 1: I have done or what I'm going to do, but

1163
01:11:29,880 --> 01:11:34,679
Speaker 1: just me, and that's that's important. I feel really grateful

1164
01:11:34,680 --> 01:11:38,040
Speaker 1: about that. I mean, that makes all the difference. I

1165
01:11:38,080 --> 01:11:41,080
Speaker 1: feel like you've essentially answered this, But it is my

1166
01:11:41,120 --> 01:11:44,240
Speaker 1: favorite question to ask everyone who comes on the podcast. Obviously,

1167
01:11:45,080 --> 01:11:48,240
Speaker 1: is there something that really stands out to you right

1168
01:11:48,240 --> 01:11:52,360
Speaker 1: now in your life, whether it's personal or professional, that

1169
01:11:52,600 --> 01:11:55,519
Speaker 1: feels like you're big work in progress. I'm a work

1170
01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:59,240
Speaker 1: in progress my you know, like the connection to self

1171
01:11:59,320 --> 01:12:02,000
Speaker 1: and that owners of what you just said, and I

1172
01:12:02,040 --> 01:12:07,320
Speaker 1: think just finding the joy, finding the joy and the

1173
01:12:07,360 --> 01:12:12,760
Speaker 1: presence because I've always been the one to try to

1174
01:12:13,040 --> 01:12:15,880
Speaker 1: learn something very quickly and then relay it like what

1175
01:12:15,920 --> 01:12:19,960
Speaker 1: you said earlier as well, and it has not been

1176
01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:24,519
Speaker 1: an easy learning this last year for me, and it

1177
01:12:24,560 --> 01:12:27,960
Speaker 1: hasn't been quick and so it's just my work in

1178
01:12:28,000 --> 01:12:32,880
Speaker 1: progress is just to like allow the time um to

1179
01:12:33,040 --> 01:12:37,240
Speaker 1: pass without having to rush and to figure it out

1180
01:12:37,360 --> 01:12:40,479
Speaker 1: so quickly, but to just be in it and to

1181
01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:43,559
Speaker 1: find joy in the little things, even if it's just

1182
01:12:43,640 --> 01:12:46,599
Speaker 1: ten seconds in a day, you know, like just something

1183
01:12:47,439 --> 01:12:50,960
Speaker 1: UM and that sounds really simple, and I've said it

1184
01:12:51,000 --> 01:12:54,360
Speaker 1: to myself many times over the last however many you know,

1185
01:12:54,520 --> 01:12:57,800
Speaker 1: years of my life. But it you know, cliches are

1186
01:12:57,840 --> 01:13:02,479
Speaker 1: cliches for a reason, and it is about the little things. Yeah,

1187
01:13:02,720 --> 01:13:07,760
Speaker 1: I always say cliches or cliches because they're true, exactly

1188
01:13:08,240 --> 01:13:15,760
Speaker 1: because exactly I love it. Well. I'm just so immensely,

1189
01:13:16,400 --> 01:13:18,360
Speaker 1: you know, proud of you and all the work you

1190
01:13:18,439 --> 01:13:22,040
Speaker 1: do and the way you're willing to share and also

1191
01:13:22,400 --> 01:13:25,960
Speaker 1: protect and and invite people along in the ways that

1192
01:13:26,040 --> 01:13:29,800
Speaker 1: will be helpful to them. So I'm I'm excited about

1193
01:13:29,800 --> 01:13:33,920
Speaker 1: where you are and about what's coming. Thank you. It

1194
01:13:33,920 --> 01:13:38,840
Speaker 1: means a lot, and I'm just I'm so grateful and

1195
01:13:38,920 --> 01:13:41,800
Speaker 1: proud of you for doing what you do so that

1196
01:13:42,000 --> 01:13:45,000
Speaker 1: we can, whether it's me or any of your guests

1197
01:13:45,000 --> 01:13:46,519
Speaker 1: that have been on here, and to be able to

1198
01:13:46,520 --> 01:13:51,040
Speaker 1: share and and inspire without trying to inspire, but just

1199
01:13:51,080 --> 01:13:55,519
Speaker 1: by being and um, I'm just grateful to have finally

1200
01:13:55,560 --> 01:13:59,280
Speaker 1: come on. Yeah, we did it. Thank you.