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Speaker 1: It'll be a humble brag he uses the rest of

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Speaker 1: his life. It's one more thing.

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Speaker 2: I'm strung and geddy, one more thing.

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Speaker 1: I mean, a guy who could have meddled in the

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Speaker 1: pole vault but knocked the bar off because his manhood

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Speaker 1: is too big. Is the sort of thing you pretend

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Speaker 1: to complain about throughout your life.

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Speaker 3: Right, menshonse is constantly getting in my way. For instance,

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Speaker 3: there was the Paris Olympics. Perhaps you saw it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of a drag. I mean, I'm so

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Speaker 1: big down there, and it hurt my pole vaulting career.

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Speaker 1: What my poll ruined my poll vault exactly? So anyway,

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Speaker 1: we got a couple of pole vault stories for you.

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Speaker 1: One of them uh comedy, one of them real. This

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Speaker 1: is from John Oliver's show on HBO.

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Speaker 4: The men's one hundred meters finals were on Sunday, where

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Speaker 4: American Noah Lyles got the gold medal by five thousands

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Speaker 4: of a second. This was the closest finish in over

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Speaker 4: forty years. And I don't want to take anything away

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Speaker 4: from no Allows, but isn't this a tie?

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Speaker 2: I mean, wouldn't we even have.

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Speaker 4: Ties for if we're not gonna pull it out for

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Speaker 4: stuff like this. I mean, in fact, if you were

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Speaker 4: watching this with just your eyes, all these guys finished

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Speaker 4: at the same time. Really, if these guys were trains,

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Speaker 4: no one would say my train was late. Another Olympic

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Speaker 4: moment getting a lot of attention. A pole vaulter lost

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Speaker 4: when his giant shlong.

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Speaker 2: On the crossbarm.

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Speaker 4: But this has gotta be the best possible way to lose.

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Speaker 4: I will say, next Olympics, this guy should compete in

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Speaker 4: one hundred meters. He'd win from ten feet back.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, let's be better than that. Let's say, come.

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Speaker 1: On, as long is an unerrated word, it's not gonna

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Speaker 1: start using it more often.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I work with children.

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Speaker 1: And I agree with that one hundred meters saying, you

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Speaker 1: look at it, it was a tie at five of

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Speaker 1: them more.

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Speaker 2: At the same speed. It's a race.

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Speaker 3: The one guy's finished before the other guy five one

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Speaker 3: thousandths of a second, mister, trophies for everyone. Was the

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Speaker 3: attitude that ruined America. What would they have done without

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Speaker 3: modern technology? If it was just eyeballs, they had to

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Speaker 3: call it a tie, wouldn't they. Well, remember a photo

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Speaker 3: finish was like film back in the day. And you

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Speaker 3: couldn't fire off that many frames.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I suspect they would have called it a tie,

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Speaker 1: right because it was five one thousandth of a second,

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Speaker 1: which is an unimaginable amount of time. Yeah you yeah, Well,

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Speaker 1: if the technology is accurate in assessing that that dude,

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Speaker 1: yeah he passed or he hit the plane five one

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Speaker 1: thousandths of a second before the other dude, Well then

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Speaker 1: I guess you use it.

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Speaker 3: But I kind of see your point in that. You're

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Speaker 3: I mean, what if it was like one one millionth

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Speaker 3: of a second, Well, well, you're right, exactly right, or like,

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Speaker 3: you know, there's some sort of vibrating electron measuring device

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Speaker 3: that is, you know, it's one trillionth of whatever point.

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Speaker 1: But the pole ball guy could have just flopped it

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Speaker 1: forward across the line, all right, yeah, long flop forward.

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Speaker 2: Swanstuka is my favorite from the draw.

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Speaker 1: I know somebody who regularly refers to it as a penis,

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Speaker 1: and I just find that as off putting as anything

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Speaker 1: could be.

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Speaker 2: I don't know why the actual word what are you child? Huh?

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Speaker 2: It's uh so what do you prefer? I don't think

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Speaker 2: it's a well crafted word.

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Speaker 3: For one thing, I would I would like a different word, well,

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Speaker 3: not different vowels, and Katy.

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Speaker 1: Asks what I prefer, and that's where I have to

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Speaker 1: uh not answer because it depends on the setting obviously.

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Speaker 3: Ah yeah, well all right, you're at your urologist's office,

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Speaker 3: I call it my penis.

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Speaker 1: If I'm at the urologist, I suppose.

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Speaker 2: But see, I don't like.

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Speaker 3: I think long vowels make words tougher to take, like

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Speaker 3: vrgina is easier to take than the other.

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Speaker 2: One, the vagina, pennis? What is easier to take than penis?

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Speaker 2: I don't know why.

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Speaker 1: I'm curious about this, Katie. I'm gonna try to keep

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Speaker 1: this like above sophomore level, but I am curious. So like,

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Speaker 1: if you were going to go to the doctor and

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Speaker 1: you were having you who problems, would you say, I

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Speaker 1: got a X problem with my vagina?

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Speaker 2: Is that what you would say? Yeah, probably you would.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I guess doctor, what else are you going to say?

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Speaker 3: I don't know, and don't offer any choices.

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Speaker 2: One rhymes with scooter, Hey, doc, something's wrong with the skater.

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Speaker 3: Like happ a Lachian doctor or something? What was I'm

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Speaker 3: so bad at Saturday Night Live? I don't watch that much.

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Speaker 3: But Kate McKinnon, Yeah, her character that got him to

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Speaker 3: a Yeah, really unfortunate. Yeah, don't even Yeah, that's interesting if.

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Speaker 2: You want to google it.

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Speaker 1: Now we have actual pull vulter, best poll vulter in

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Speaker 1: the world.

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Speaker 2: Buy a lot.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know this, but like, if he enters the competition,

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Speaker 1: it's not does he win or not, it's by how much?

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Speaker 1: And he's been doing this for years and he's got

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Speaker 1: all the world records, which I can explain in just

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Speaker 1: a little bit of the shame.

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Speaker 2: We'll have to shoot him for treason. Okay, I want

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Speaker 2: to hear that.

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Speaker 1: Mando do Plantis. Here's what it sounded like in Paris.

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Speaker 1: It was the only event going on at the very

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Speaker 1: end of the night. He'd already won the gold medal,

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Speaker 1: but he is gonna go ahead and jump is one

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Speaker 1: more time to see if he could set a gold medal,

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Speaker 1: a world world record.

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Speaker 2: Mando de Plantis world records.

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Speaker 1: He does on his back. He's so he's so used

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Speaker 1: to setting world records, it's not even that for him.

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Speaker 1: He just lands on his back, jumps up, runs over,

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Speaker 1: kisses his hot model girlfriend to make sure she gets

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Speaker 1: some FaceTime because they are crafty with the way they

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Speaker 1: make money. She gets some FaceTime, everybody becomes aware of

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Speaker 1: her name, which helped her and him. And he's got

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Speaker 1: in his contract that he makes fifty thousand dollars or

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Speaker 1: something like that every time he sets a world record,

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Speaker 1: So rather than raise the bar to what he thinks

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Speaker 1: he can jump, he raises it by the minimum amount

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Speaker 1: every single time. So that's how he's set like fifteen

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Speaker 1: world records in the last two years. Every competition he

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Speaker 1: just raises it a timey bit. So he's always setting

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Speaker 1: a world record. Who knows how high he could jump

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Speaker 1: if he went as high as he wanted, and uh,

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Speaker 1: you know I do know no rules against that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, all right, I'm checking out the girlfriend.

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Speaker 1: It would have been like if Hussain Bolt had like,

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Speaker 1: you know, pulled up and then world record and then

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Speaker 1: pulled up next time world just to keep setting world

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Speaker 1: records as opposed to running as fast as he can.

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Speaker 3: Right, So let's get to why he'll have to be

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Speaker 3: shot for treason. Wow, harsh Mondo, what shooting Olympic athletes

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Speaker 3: for failing to fulfill my patriotic you know, desires and priorities.

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Speaker 3: So this guy, you hear the name Mondo Duplantis and

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Speaker 3: you think, wow, what was odd? Republican Eastern Europe is

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Speaker 3: he from. He's from Louisiana. He's as American.

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Speaker 2: As you and me.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna like this.

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Speaker 3: He competes for Sweden because his mom, I think, way

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Speaker 3: back in the day she was some sort of athlete,

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Speaker 3: and because some sort of family connection, she was allowed

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Speaker 3: to compete for Sweden.

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Speaker 2: So he's allowed to compete for Sweden.

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Speaker 3: And the reason he competes for Sweden, And they talked

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Speaker 3: about this on NBC before you tell the other half

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Speaker 3: of the story, Yes.

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Speaker 1: Before you tell me, because I was running this through

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Speaker 1: my mind. Usually when this happens, it's because you can't

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Speaker 1: make the American team, right, He's the opposite. He can

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Speaker 1: make any team in the world. There ain't anybody even

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Speaker 1: close to as good as him. So I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: figure out why you decide to go compete for a

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Speaker 1: lesser country.

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Speaker 3: Well, NBC explained that because of that weird family relationship,

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Speaker 3: he was allowed to compete for Sweden, and the Swedish

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Speaker 3: team said, Hey, the fact that your dad is your

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Speaker 3: coach and your mom is your trainer is no problem.

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Speaker 3: With US, you bring your team on as they are.

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Speaker 3: But NBC because it's all feel good and I get it,

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Speaker 3: it's the Olympics. This is not hard hitting journalism. But

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Speaker 3: they didn't explain, well, you had to infer So the

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Speaker 3: US team said that's not cool or what the guy's

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Speaker 3: not competing for the country he was born in and

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Speaker 3: grew up in. Why not? But in smiling it and

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Speaker 3: the Swedish he's competing for Sweden. They said it was

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Speaker 3: fine that his mom and his dad and family and

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Speaker 3: the champions and the gold medals and wonderfulness and look

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Speaker 3: at him go. And I was sitting there as an

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Speaker 3: American thinking, well, what the American team say? They told

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Speaker 3: him to go to hell? Why would they do that?

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Speaker 3: He's the best in the world by you know, a

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Speaker 3: foot But they didn't explain that.

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Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, so to tell Mondo, So, is it kind

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Speaker 1: of like the way people who've got, you know, a

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Speaker 1: grandfather who is Irish and you're a quarter of Irish,

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Speaker 1: you're really into Irish heritage? Is it just that his

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Speaker 1: mom is from there? Andyll?

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: He also he's a Louisiana and he's an American. He

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Speaker 1: won the gold medal for the United States. They need

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Speaker 1: to fix that.

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Speaker 3: Well, right, yeah, we get it. Is it possible? And

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Speaker 3: I don't know that track and field is way bigger

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Speaker 3: in Europe, like more of the time than it is here,

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Speaker 3: So he could make more money being because he's like

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Speaker 3: a hero in Sweden and in Europe he's a household

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Speaker 3: name there, and he knew the market's not so hot

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Speaker 3: in America.

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Speaker 2: So I'm gonna explain this sense obscure connection and compete

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Speaker 2: for a different.

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Speaker 1: Country that actually makes sense in other countries, like track

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Speaker 1: and field or soccer or whatever sport. It's a really

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Speaker 1: really big deal in the United States. You can be

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Speaker 1: a really big deal in some sports and you're just

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Speaker 1: nobody's gonna care.

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Speaker 3: So Mondo, when the US Coast war with China, which

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Speaker 3: side are you on? Whichever side gives you the best.

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Speaker 2: Deal or what? Hmm, I'm calling you out, son.

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Speaker 3: I loved After he kissed his girlfriend after breaking the record,

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Speaker 3: one of his teammates was standing there.

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Speaker 2: They just started punching the crap out of each other. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that was weird.

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Speaker 1: That was very I thought they were I actually thought

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Speaker 1: they were starting to fight there for a second, but

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Speaker 1: apparently it was a weird greeting.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and yes, I can confirm that his girlfriend is

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Speaker 3: an attractive young woman.

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Speaker 1: So see, you're watching the Olympics. You know I could

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Speaker 1: have won a medal in the Olympics. Yeah, yeah, but

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Speaker 1: my penis is too big, so I didn't ever watched

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Speaker 1: the pole vault. Oh how they squeeze over the bar.

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Speaker 1: That's what I tried to do, but I can't because

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Speaker 1: my penis is so large.

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Speaker 2: Yep, my schlog got hooked. You know how painful that

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Speaker 2: can be.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, and that's why I don't watch the Olympics.

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Speaker 2: Well, that podcast was spicy, had a bit of a

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Speaker 2: wang to it. Well, I guess that's it.