Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: From New York City, the only city in America.
Speaker 3: It's the show that invented news.
Speaker 2: This is The Daily Show with your host Calpen.
Speaker 3: Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Cal Penn.
Speaker 4: I'm back again and Yo, what a day it.
Speaker 3: Has been from New York.
Speaker 4: The Knicks and the Giants one and I only saw
Speaker 4: one dude masturbating on the subway, So we did in
Speaker 4: New York. Look, we got a great show for you tonight.
Speaker 4: So let's get into the headlines. We begin with Donald Trump,
Speaker 4: former presidents and current courtroom ski. One of the most
Speaker 4: serious charges is his attempt to steal the twenty twenty election,
Speaker 4: and with less than a year ago before he attempts
Speaker 4: to steal the next election, things in the case are
Speaker 4: starting to move quickly.
Speaker 3: Happening now breaking news.
Speaker 5: The United States Supreme Courts just agreed to weigh in
Speaker 5: for the first time on Donald Trump's historic criminal prosecution.
Speaker 6: This afternoon, Special counsel Jacksmith filed a brief urging the
Speaker 6: US Supreme Court to rule on whether the former president
Speaker 6: is immune from federal prosecution for his actions while he
Speaker 6: was in the White House. Smith is trying to keep
Speaker 6: the election subversion trials scheduled for next March on track,
Speaker 6: and he's hoping to avoid the delays that are coming
Speaker 6: as Trump's team fights this issue of immunity through lower courts.
Speaker 6: Trump's lawyers are claiming his actions around the twenty twenty
Speaker 6: election results were part of his official presidential duties at
Speaker 6: the time.
Speaker 4: So to Trump thinks stealing the election was part of
Speaker 4: his job. I mean, looka what you want about the guy,
Speaker 4: but it's pretty ballsy when your defense is both I
Speaker 4: didn't do anything.
Speaker 3: And also I was allowed to do it. Like what
Speaker 3: a paradox?
Speaker 4: Trump is what I like to call a Schrodinger's But look, look,
Speaker 4: if the Constitution allows a president to overturn the Constitution,
Speaker 4: then like, what was the point of the Constitution, The
Speaker 4: whole thing might as.
Speaker 3: Well end with do whatever, man, I don't give it.
Speaker 4: And by the way, even if the Supreme Court rules
Speaker 4: for Trump, he should realize that this ruling would apply
Speaker 4: to any president, which means Joe Biden would have total
Speaker 4: immunity to do anything he wants, stealing quarters from behind
Speaker 4: little kids years left and right, getting their noses, never
Speaker 4: giving them back, or hey, maybe he'll just arrest Trump
Speaker 4: and send him to Guantanamo. Right, no, no, no, we
Speaker 4: don't want any president to have absolute power. That was
Speaker 4: a test and you all fail, all right, maybe just
Speaker 4: this once?
Speaker 3: Now, no, you failed again. It's not funny. Now. One
Speaker 3: person who won't.
Speaker 4: Be defending Trump in front of the Supreme Court is
Speaker 4: his former lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, seen here watching porn on
Speaker 4: full volume. And that's because Rudy's busy with his own
Speaker 4: legal problems.
Speaker 7: This morning, Rudy Giuliani is back in court, face to
Speaker 7: face with the two Georgia election workers whose lives were
Speaker 7: nearly ruined by his repeated falsehoods and conspiracy theories about
Speaker 7: them after the twenty twenty election, Giuliani telling me after
Speaker 7: court yesterday he stands by all of it. Do you
Speaker 7: regret what you did to Ruby Framan regret I told
Speaker 7: the truth.
Speaker 1: They were engaged in changing folks.
Speaker 3: There's no proof of that.
Speaker 1: Oh again, right, there is the states.
Speaker 7: Of Ruby Freeman and her daughter, Andrea Shay Moss served
Speaker 7: his election workers in Georgia in twenty twenty, but when
Speaker 7: Donald Trump claimed basically that the vote count was rigged,
Speaker 7: Giuliani accused them of bringing in suitcases stuffed with.
Speaker 3: Fake Biden votes and other skullduggery.
Speaker 4: I really felt that someone would tell him, like, no, sir,
Speaker 4: you don't.
Speaker 3: Know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: Yesterday, during Obody's statements, Julianni's lawyer said that up to
Speaker 1: forty three million dollars in damages the workers are seeking,
Speaker 1: will quote be the end of him?
Speaker 3: The end of Rudy Giuliani. Oh no, that sounds awesome.
Speaker 4: The end of Rudy Giuliani is like the best case scenario.
Speaker 4: Why is Rudy's lawyer threatening the jury with a good time?
Speaker 4: He's like, you really want to see my client broke
Speaker 4: and sobbing like a little bit?
Speaker 8: Hump?
Speaker 4: Oh, you want to see him crying so hard? He
Speaker 4: peas his pants and pe gets all over the floors.
Speaker 3: How what you want? Hump?
Speaker 4: Then he slips on his pee and I was rolling
Speaker 4: on the floor just covered in pee. Donald Trump tries
Speaker 4: to help him up, and then he slips on the
Speaker 4: pee and then they both slide out the door onto
Speaker 4: Rudy's pee, right into two chefs carrying a big cake.
Speaker 3: Is that funny to you? Look?
Speaker 4: I might feel more sympathy for Rudy if during his
Speaker 4: defamation trial. He wasn't outside the courthouse doing more defamation.
Speaker 4: Like does he get that every time you do a crime,
Speaker 4: it's like its own thing. Like this guy's committing defamation.
Speaker 4: Like he's got the unlimited plan. Their crimes don't roll
Speaker 4: over to the next month, Rudy. And finally, let's move
Speaker 4: on to one of the only cases that does not
Speaker 4: involve Donald Trump. And this one comes out of the
Speaker 4: state of Texas. We're sentencing someone to hard labor has
Speaker 4: taken on a.
Speaker 9: New meeting this morning, a new twist in a Texas
Speaker 9: woman's legal battle to get an abortion in her home state.
Speaker 9: The Texas Supreme Court last night ruled against Kate Cox
Speaker 9: after she sought an emergency medical exception to the state's
Speaker 9: abortion man. Doctors say her twenty week fetus has a
Speaker 9: severe abnormality and the little chance of survival, and they
Speaker 9: say continuing the pregnancy could put her health at risk,
Speaker 9: possibly preventing her from getting pregnant ever again. Cox's attorneys
Speaker 9: say the decision left her with no choice but to
Speaker 9: seek medical care in another state.
Speaker 4: Wow, so this case is what legal experts refer to
Speaker 4: as bullshit. I mean, come on, Texas Texas's abortion laws
Speaker 4: are so restrictive this woman had to flee the state
Speaker 4: like some sort of senator. Controversial opinion in twenty twenty three,
Speaker 4: A court shouldn't get to decide whether a woman can
Speaker 4: get a medical procedure or if they're going to.
Speaker 3: Yeah you can.
Speaker 4: If they're going to, then they should also get to
Speaker 4: rule on a man's right to like pass a kidney stone.
Speaker 3: Sorry, Brian, God has a plan for that rock.
Speaker 4: For more on the Texas Supreme Court decision, we turned
Speaker 4: to Grace Colan SCHMIDTZ.
Speaker 3: Grace, it's just chaos down there in Texas. Right now.
Speaker 4: Courts are saying doctors should decide when abortions are medically necessary.
Speaker 4: But then when the doctors decide, the courts overrule them,
Speaker 4: and then other courts overrule those courts. It's like it's
Speaker 4: like no one's in charge of the decision.
Speaker 10: I know, right, But here's a crazy idea. When it
Speaker 10: comes to deciding whether a woman can have an abortion.
Speaker 10: What if we gave that decision to.
Speaker 8: Just one person.
Speaker 10: What if this one person is the person who knows
Speaker 10: what's best for each woman better than anyone else.
Speaker 3: See where you're going with this.
Speaker 10: And that person should be the Golden Bachelor's.
Speaker 3: That is not where I thought you were going.
Speaker 4: Why should the Golden Bachelor decide every woman's abortion?
Speaker 8: It makes sense.
Speaker 10: His whole thing is making tough choices about who stays
Speaker 10: and who goes.
Speaker 3: Right, But I thought you were gonna say, like the woman.
Speaker 10: A tchou woman like Beyonce. I mean, she is from Texas,
Speaker 10: but I don't know.
Speaker 3: She seems so.
Speaker 10: Distracted with her tour. She's not responding to any of
Speaker 10: my texts. You have Beyonce's number, No, but I've been guessing.
Speaker 10: One of these days, I'm gonna get it right, Grace.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, but I really don't think this is a
Speaker 4: good idea.
Speaker 8: Uh are you? Man'splaining abortion to me?
Speaker 1: Cow?
Speaker 3: How dare you?
Speaker 10: It's my body and it's my right to decide which
Speaker 10: man gets to tell me what to do.
Speaker 3: With it, and I want that man to be the
Speaker 3: Golden Rattler.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, but it doesn't even matter. The Republicans in
Speaker 4: charge of these states don't care who chooses because they.
Speaker 3: Don't want anybody to choose. They're prosecuting all abortions.
Speaker 10: Sprass acute smashamut.
Speaker 8: There's an easy solution here. Any woman who.
Speaker 10: Needs an abortion just needs to get elected president because
Speaker 10: presidents have total immunity.
Speaker 8: Hashtag free Trump.
Speaker 4: How is a woman who needs an abortion supposed to
Speaker 4: become president?
Speaker 8: Simple?
Speaker 10: We distract the men, butter them up, listen to them
Speaker 10: play guitar whatever. Then we turn them against each other
Speaker 10: while they're busy fighting on the beach. The ladies vote
Speaker 10: her into the Oval office.
Speaker 3: Are you describing the plot of the Barbie movie?
Speaker 8: It worked? Cal, by the way, you're so good at guitar.
Speaker 3: We're both gay, Grace.
Speaker 8: Sometimes I forget.
Speaker 4: Okay, So look, she becomes president and her first act
Speaker 4: is we getting an abortion?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 10: She goes into the situation room, because what a sticky
Speaker 10: situation this is.
Speaker 8: Then the Super Secret Service rules in and it's out
Speaker 8: of there.
Speaker 3: Grace, this sounds way too complicated.
Speaker 4: Isn't the simplest and best solution to just leave the
Speaker 4: decision up to the woman who's pregnant?
Speaker 3: Man, you're so dumb, Cal.
Speaker 10: I'm gonna text Beyonce right now to tell her how
Speaker 10: dumb you sound.
Speaker 8: I'm gonna try starting with the letter three. I've never
Speaker 8: done that one before.
Speaker 4: Grace Kleinschmid everybody, why don't we come back. We'll find
Speaker 4: out who's gonna win the Republican nomination.
Speaker 3: So don't go.
Speaker 2: Away, Hey, welcome back to the Daily Show.
Speaker 4: The twenty twenty four presidential is upon us, and there's
Speaker 4: a surprising new constituency that might make the difference. I
Speaker 4: sat down with some of them to find out what
Speaker 4: they're thinking. We're just days away from the start of
Speaker 4: the twenty twenty four election and there are not one,
Speaker 4: not two, but three Indian American candidates in the mix.
Speaker 4: We're already half of VP Kamala Harris, and Indian Americans
Speaker 4: make up almost half of the Republican primary.
Speaker 3: So I gathered a group of mostly.
Speaker 4: Conservative Indian American voters to find out why our race
Speaker 4: is all over this race.
Speaker 5: I think Indian Americans are very smart. Yeah, they're intelligent,
Speaker 5: They're smart.
Speaker 11: I think we do come off as kind of the
Speaker 11: model minority, a minority that is just American enough, but
Speaker 11: just diverse enough to kind of fit that role.
Speaker 4: You're saying, if we can't have a white president, at
Speaker 4: least we should have an Indian one.
Speaker 1: It's in that blood.
Speaker 3: They're not to lead.
Speaker 4: That our parents push us too much. Is there something
Speaker 4: in the doll.
Speaker 5: I think Chinese are coming close to that. Yeah, the
Speaker 5: Chinese and Filipinos they've too.
Speaker 4: You're the uncle who gets cut off after the third
Speaker 4: Johnny one. You get cut off after that. Okay, these
Speaker 4: uncles think we're uniquely qualified. But which brown candidate belongs
Speaker 4: in the White House? The annoying kid in the front
Speaker 4: row of the class, the stern assistant principal, or the
Speaker 4: teacher that went missing halfway through the school.
Speaker 3: I support Nikki Heley.
Speaker 12: She's coming from an immigrant immigrant parents, and I totally
Speaker 12: support that because I'm an immigrant myself.
Speaker 3: So I have I have Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.
Speaker 4: I personally prefer a Democratic candidate that decided to levelhead.
Speaker 3: It's a boring and you like boring.
Speaker 5: Nikki Haley is my first choice. It's time for a
Speaker 5: woman to be a president, and it's time for an
Speaker 5: Indian American to be a president.
Speaker 13: A woman to be president. Fine, but not Kamala Harris.
Speaker 3: Not Kamala Harris. No, Okay.
Speaker 4: What disappoints an Auntie Moore the fact that Kamala's only
Speaker 4: half Indian, or that she's only vice.
Speaker 3: President vice bresident. She hasn't made it.
Speaker 11: Yet a little controversially, I have been looking into the
Speaker 11: VEC a little bit because he's very much the opposite
Speaker 11: of what I've been voting for him.
Speaker 8: He's got Riz.
Speaker 3: Who here thinks that VEC has Riz? I agree with?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think yeah.
Speaker 3: I think so too. I see Vivek and I was like,
Speaker 3: he's pretty hot.
Speaker 4: Until he opens his mouth and then I'm like, no,
Speaker 4: how gonna happen for it? So according to our panel,
Speaker 4: Riz is being the loudest doucee in the room.
Speaker 10: Why am I the only person on the stage at
Speaker 10: least who can say that January sixth now does look
Speaker 10: like it was an inside job?
Speaker 4: But how well do they know what's actually coming out
Speaker 4: of their candidate's mouths. I wanted to play a game
Speaker 4: called who said that to find out. First off, to
Speaker 4: the people of India and to Indian Americans all across
Speaker 4: the US, I want to wish you.
Speaker 3: A happy Indian Independence Day? Who said that?
Speaker 4: You all got it right? Except for Trumpunkle, it was?
Speaker 4: It was Coblan.
Speaker 13: I remember while back watching an interview was I think
Speaker 13: with the mayor of San Francisco, and he was talking
Speaker 13: about how the only reason she even became da was
Speaker 13: because he had an affair with her.
Speaker 3: That was not all the question. But that is a
Speaker 3: very national estate.
Speaker 4: Your whatsappas are way more than mine. Art as much
Speaker 4: fun as that misogynist fan fiction was. I had to
Speaker 4: get our focus back on the game, all right, America
Speaker 4: is not a racist country. Just trying to figure out
Speaker 4: if he or she sounds disappointed when they said that
Speaker 4: we've got one, two, three, four, five, six Trumps and
Speaker 4: three Chris Christie's that is incorrect.
Speaker 3: That is a quote from Nikki Hayley.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 3: Do you agree or disagree with that quote?
Speaker 2: Have a disagree?
Speaker 3: It's still prevalent to this day. No matter where you look,
Speaker 3: there's always racism.
Speaker 13: Every single time I write on the subway, I always
Speaker 13: get picked for extra scrutiny and they always want to
Speaker 13: check my bag.
Speaker 3: Well, what's in your bag? I get it. You were out.
Speaker 3: We can tell if you.
Speaker 4: All in agreement that that racism is a problem in
Speaker 4: the country, does it make you want to vote for
Speaker 4: the person you think would do the best job at
Speaker 4: fixing that?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 3: No, why not?
Speaker 13: There what like three hundred and twenty million people in
Speaker 13: this country? You are not going to have him say, okay,
Speaker 13: now all of you.
Speaker 3: Need to do away with racism. Yeah, but maybe not
Speaker 3: saying that the rapist and murderer I said's going to have.
Speaker 11: But to have someone completely act like America isn't racist
Speaker 11: at all, I think that's just as bad as being racist.
Speaker 13: You have all these things which are going about nowadays.
Speaker 13: I mean, things are getting out of control at this particular.
Speaker 8: Point in time.
Speaker 13: I mean, I don't care what people's feelings at this point.
Speaker 3: That's clear. Yeah, I just want the job done, and
Speaker 3: the job done right.
Speaker 4: Well, it's amazing to imagine a world with an Indian
Speaker 4: American president. I'm also not high enough to believe it'll
Speaker 4: happen this time, which is why I wanted.
Speaker 3: To know who the group preferred. Trump or Biden.
Speaker 4: We've got two bidens and the rest are Trump's interesting
Speaker 4: to me.
Speaker 11: It's almost like, you know, the old and very disruptive,
Speaker 11: unfiltered guy that you know is gonna make things getting horrible,
Speaker 11: or the old grandpa that kind of needs an app
Speaker 11: to often like it's like like neither of them are
Speaker 11: the greatest.
Speaker 7: You know.
Speaker 13: The one thing with Biden, he's not a strong leader.
Speaker 13: You know, he should just stayed on the beach. He
Speaker 13: should never left that beach. What I keep seeing him
Speaker 13: in this video on YouTube where he's like pulling this
Speaker 13: chair like an old man on a beach, you know,
Speaker 13: and he's trying to sit down, and I just it's ridiculous.
Speaker 3: I mean, like, what are you doing? Why do you
Speaker 3: keep watching this this drug worn huff.
Speaker 4: So because one candidate can't handle a beach chair, we're
Speaker 4: going to elect another one who wants to put himself
Speaker 4: on a throne. Trump would have won if we were
Speaker 4: deciding the election. He's also been really vocal in ways
Speaker 4: that seem to threaten the nature of democracy, right, are
Speaker 4: any of those things are concern.
Speaker 13: There's no way which is going to bring about a
Speaker 13: dictatorship in this country based on a constitution. It's just
Speaker 13: not going to happen. He might say it, and it's not.
Speaker 11: Mentioned that matter, so he's not going to do he said.
Speaker 13: What I'm saying is that he said he's going to
Speaker 13: be dictator on date for one day.
Speaker 4: Well, like, if you're a dictator, like for one day,
Speaker 4: don't you just like make yourself the dictator for the
Speaker 4: second day.
Speaker 3: Too, interim dictator? I mean, I would.
Speaker 4: Indian Americans really are part of our democracy in every way.
Speaker 4: We hold diverse views, were passionate about our candidates, and look,
Speaker 4: we all have a crazy YouTube uncle who dominates the conversation.
Speaker 3: God bless America and please vote.
Speaker 4: Hey when we come back, Beards, you'll be joining me
Speaker 4: on the show.
Speaker 3: Don't Go Away. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My
Speaker 3: guest tonight is a comedian and actor.
Speaker 4: He just won an International Emmy for his Netflix stand
Speaker 4: up special Landing.
Speaker 3: Please welcome.
Speaker 1: Vi're the.
Speaker 10: Man.
Speaker 4: You clearly have some fancer h congrats on the International Emmy.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I yeah it is uh, it is on sale.
Speaker 12: If anyone.
Speaker 3: What was I like?
Speaker 1: Uh? It was real, you know to what two things?
Speaker 12: Number one, it was just kind of nice to have
Speaker 12: that many people listen to an Indian story from across
Speaker 12: the world.
Speaker 1: So that was very nice. It was an honor.
Speaker 12: And then the first thought was, how the hell do
Speaker 12: I get this through JFK.
Speaker 1: Because it is very sharp and you.
Speaker 12: Can you can murder someone with an international enemy, which
Speaker 12: doesn't happen at the after party. It's just uh, and
Speaker 12: I'm typically used to being like very nervous at GfK anyway, Sure,
Speaker 12: so I just and when you have that statue with
Speaker 12: like the late it's like I've metaphorically kidnapped a white lady.
Speaker 12: So so the guy was just like, what's in the
Speaker 12: bag And I was like, it's an international Emmy. And
Speaker 12: the guy at TSA was like, oh, word, and I
Speaker 12: was like, okay, precipitation because that's a word.
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. That didn't happen before the New Yorker fact
Speaker 1: checks me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a daily show, nobody's gonna fact Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's fine, right, yeah, it's so.
Speaker 4: Look, this win was special, I assume because based on
Speaker 4: your stand up specially you thought at a point that
Speaker 4: your career was was over. You were called a terrorist,
Speaker 4: there were criminal charges that were filed against you for
Speaker 4: the twenty twenty one poem to India's that was like
Speaker 4: a gripping reflective account of political and social complexity in India.
Speaker 3: I have to be honest.
Speaker 4: When I saw both of those, both the poem and
Speaker 4: the special, my only reaction was this is a brother
Speaker 4: who loves his country and just wants to make it
Speaker 4: better through conversation and through art. But not everybody had
Speaker 4: that reaction. So talk me through sort of that process.
Speaker 3: Of what happened well.
Speaker 12: I mean the central theme of the special I think
Speaker 12: is that that love is never yelled, love is felt,
Speaker 12: and that includes love for your country, where it's never
Speaker 12: sort of a loud proclamation, it's kind of a quiet demonstration.
Speaker 12: And I don't think there's a better demonstration of love
Speaker 12: than laughter. And I think that you know, you know,
Speaker 12: if you love someone, you want to make them laugh,
Speaker 12: and if they love you, they laugh back. And that
Speaker 12: goes for your country too. But I was at the
Speaker 12: center of this controversy, and I'm a small fish, so
Speaker 12: I'm not accustomed to that kind of limelight. And I
Speaker 12: think in America, for instance, if you're a big fish
Speaker 12: and you're in a controversy, there are options, right, So
Speaker 12: you can go on Oprah, but then you lose your bodyguards.
Speaker 12: You could blame it on antibiotics, which doesn't work in
Speaker 12: India because we know a lot about antibiotics anyway, like
Speaker 12: a marxicillin doesn't cause courage, or you could if you
Speaker 12: know Jada Pinkett Smith's publicist, I guess she.
Speaker 1: Is the Internet right now.
Speaker 12: I think she's both a wife and WiFi and I
Speaker 12: didn't have any of those options, So you kind of
Speaker 12: fall in love with your job all over again. I
Speaker 12: was like, Okay, I will never lionize myself. I will
Speaker 12: never victimize myself or take feedback head down. And the
Speaker 12: first thing I do will will be I'll write a
Speaker 12: joke about it that hopefully makes both sides laugh. And
Speaker 12: four months later this is what I wrote. I wrote
Speaker 12: down saying I was on the BBC homepage and there
Speaker 12: was a big headline that said, comedian polarizes the nation.
Speaker 1: Do you know how badly you have to fuck up
Speaker 1: before the British say? I said, do you know badly
Speaker 1: up before the British say that? You divided in there.
Speaker 12: But what happens then, The point I'm making is a
Speaker 12: bad day in your life turns into laughter. And I
Speaker 12: think happiness blooms when it's watched, and so you get
Speaker 12: to watch people be happy because of that, and then
Speaker 12: that turns into a gold statue someday and you kind
Speaker 12: of you're kind of reminded that comedy, this job on
Speaker 12: its best day, can sometimes be alchemy.
Speaker 1: And it's kind of nice.
Speaker 3: That's awesome, it's very well said. The little British thing
Speaker 3: reminded me.
Speaker 4: You know, my grandparents were secular freedom fighters, and so
Speaker 4: those were the stories that we heard growing up as
Speaker 4: kids and that obviously influenced me later in life. Recently,
Speaker 4: Prime Minister Mode was hosted by President Biden, and during
Speaker 4: that visit a lot of artists in the South Asian
Speaker 4: American space. We're having conversations about our counterparts in India
Speaker 4: and free speech, free speech and comedy, artistic expression. And
Speaker 4: I'm curious how you've managed to kind of navigate that space.
Speaker 7: Well.
Speaker 12: Look, I mean on one day our Prime Minister at
Speaker 12: dinner with Biden and the next day Trevor Noah at dinner.
Speaker 1: With Dua Lipa, and I wasn't invited to either of
Speaker 1: those events.
Speaker 12: So I do think if you get to travel the
Speaker 12: world as much as I do, you start to think
Speaker 12: of freedom of speech, which is the big conversation around
Speaker 12: the world, less locally.
Speaker 1: And more emotionally.
Speaker 12: And I think right now it's you know, whether you're
Speaker 12: in the Middle East, whether you're in India, whether you're
Speaker 12: in the West, the conversation is freedom of speech. And
Speaker 12: I think it's yes, curtailed by authorities at different levels
Speaker 12: in different places, but more curtailed by the people around you.
Speaker 12: You know, we live in this world where you see
Speaker 12: somebody as just a box and you could you try
Speaker 12: and control their speech as well for their ideas. And
Speaker 12: so sometimes we blame it on these larger things above us,
Speaker 12: but really were submitting to something scary inside us. And
Speaker 12: if we can fight that primal urge to lash out
Speaker 12: at each other, I think then the world just gets
Speaker 12: better freedom of speech wise. Like, here's how I think
Speaker 12: freedom of speech works. It's like you and me are
Speaker 12: on a train together, right, and somewhere in the corner
Speaker 12: is a guy who has his dick out, right.
Speaker 1: Which guy just it's it's New York, so the compartment. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you and I can't do anything about the guy
Speaker 1: with his dickout.
Speaker 12: I'm just talking to see if you see it too. Yeah,
Speaker 12: And I think that's what freedom of speech is. I
Speaker 12: just need to know that you also see the dick.
Speaker 4: I just I have to give you so much props
Speaker 4: for this, because this could have gone in two different directions.
Speaker 4: This could have this could have ended up with like
Speaker 4: the New York Times, Bombay Times. There's times about all
Speaker 4: of them just writing about some serious political conversation. And
Speaker 4: instead it's like cal Penn and Vidas are on a
Speaker 4: train with a dude whose dick is out, and that's yeah,
Speaker 4: thank you.
Speaker 12: Thank you really, just Elma, I forgive you flowers, though,
Speaker 12: Can I take a second to give you flowers if
Speaker 12: that's okay?
Speaker 1: Yes, okay. So the reason that.
Speaker 12: Many brown men like myself come to America to try
Speaker 12: and act is because we saw you be the first
Speaker 12: Indian brown man be edgy and cool and funny in
Speaker 12: American Son.
Speaker 3: So yeah, thank you.
Speaker 12: So I would like to thank you for ruining so
Speaker 12: many lives because I came to college in America because
Speaker 12: I saw Van Wild And then I went to college
Speaker 12: in Gailsburg, Illinois, and I'm like, what is this college
Speaker 12: where people sleep with.
Speaker 1: The Indian guys? Calpen is a liar.
Speaker 12: And just by the way, I think you know this, statistically,
Speaker 12: this is the sexiest accident.
Speaker 1: In the world.
Speaker 12: All right.
Speaker 1: I'm just said, all right.
Speaker 12: At this given moment, more women are having sex with
Speaker 12: this accent than any other accent. All right, So in
Speaker 12: your face, France. And also you then do Harold and
Speaker 12: Kumar where you go and get cheeseburgers and at the night,
Speaker 12: at the end of the night, you make up with
Speaker 12: your parents. Do you know what would happen if I
Speaker 12: told my parents I spent the whole night looking for beef.
Speaker 12: Harold would go to white Castle, Kumar would have an
Speaker 12: arranged marriage the next week. So but Flowers, Well, thanks brother.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 4: And I have to say that, you know, there were
Speaker 4: many very talented actors who came before me, who didn't
Speaker 4: have the same opportunities I did, who also went to
Speaker 4: drama school, who also worked their butts off, And so
Speaker 4: I appreciate those those accolades, and I share it with them,
Speaker 4: you know, before we let you go. I also I
Speaker 4: want to know about your tour. It's a thirty three
Speaker 4: country tour. It is a I want to know where
Speaker 4: you're going in the new tour. But then but then
Speaker 4: be like, are there bits that don't translate in some
Speaker 4: countries that people just don't find funny?
Speaker 3: Do you have to curate it for each audience?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 12: I think now it's kind of because of netflixes and
Speaker 12: amazons and youtubes, it's become more important to kind of
Speaker 12: be authentically Indian. Dave Chappelle gets to take you to Ohio.
Speaker 12: I don't know a damn thing about Ohio, but I
Speaker 12: go on that journey with him. Why can't I take
Speaker 12: you to Mumbai? Why can't I take you to Delhi?
Speaker 12: And if you've never been, come over and at the
Speaker 12: end of the night, whether you're Indian or not, you'll
Speaker 12: be Indian, you know.
Speaker 1: So come to my show.
Speaker 12: I I'm going to be playing Carnegie Hall.
Speaker 1: I think I'll be the first Indian comic to.
Speaker 12: Do it, all right, Yeah, congrats, And we're doing the
Speaker 12: Kennedy Center and the Chicago Theater and a bunch of
Speaker 12: theaters in January.
Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to it. It's it's large, you know.
Speaker 3: Congrats.
Speaker 4: I can't I can't wait to can't in to check
Speaker 4: out the tour. You're you're developing a comedy with my
Speaker 4: buddy Andy Samberg.
Speaker 3: Yes, you tell us about it.
Speaker 1: I can, Okay. I wanted to be in a TV show.
Speaker 12: There was a modern immigration story, but I wanted it
Speaker 12: because immigrants will always come over and do sensible stuff
Speaker 12: in America, right, And why take a twenty nine hour
Speaker 12: flight if you're gonna do something sensible when you land.
Speaker 12: So I wanted to make the show where Americans and
Speaker 12: Indians sit on a sofa and watch together, but Indians
Speaker 12: get to come over and be outrageous and ludicrous and
Speaker 12: enjoy America. So my show is called Country Eastern and
Speaker 12: it's about me as a brown bearded Indian man who
Speaker 12: becomes a country music singer in Memphis, Tennessee.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, I'm a huge country music fan, so that
Speaker 4: makes me very excited. On your shows, you always end
Speaker 4: asking people in your audience, what's the one thing you
Speaker 4: want to say to the world.
Speaker 3: Yeah, why do you do that? I just think it's
Speaker 3: so interesting.
Speaker 12: I have I think, one of the smartest crowds in comedy,
Speaker 12: and I say that to get their money.
Speaker 1: I just do.
Speaker 12: I think a lot of comedy these days becomes about
Speaker 12: look at me, and look at my jokes, and look
Speaker 12: at my my pathoss and my ethos. But you know,
Speaker 12: the audiences and equally loud voices you do, and I
Speaker 12: think there's no better teacher than their laughter and their silence.
Speaker 12: So sometimes I just like to put the camera on
Speaker 12: them and say, look at who I have the privilege
Speaker 12: of performing for. And some of it is great, and
Speaker 12: some of it is you know what it is. But
Speaker 12: but I think it's valuable to share your platform with
Speaker 12: your audience.
Speaker 1: Sometimes that's the only reason I do it.
Speaker 3: Do you uh do you still tour with Jihu Beach sand.
Speaker 12: I okay, so in the special I have some Indian soil. Look,
Speaker 12: I'm I'm a brown man with a beard, so traveling
Speaker 12: with a bag full of dust internationally it doesn't work
Speaker 12: out well for me anally, but I uh uh, I
Speaker 12: try to look like my shows are like this big reunion.
Speaker 12: You know, if you're not from India, you get integrated
Speaker 12: in to India. If you're Indian, you sometimes haven't been
Speaker 12: in a room full of Indians in a really long time.
Speaker 12: Do you know how many people hook up at my shows?
Speaker 3: Like this is the best looking at ever?
Speaker 12: Right, yeah, listen, unlike Seema auntie with a jawline. All right,
Speaker 12: That's that's who I am, all right, Like I have
Speaker 12: couples that are formed at my shows. So it's this
Speaker 12: big India celebration.
Speaker 1: It's kind of cool.
Speaker 4: Man, that's that's awesome. Thank you so much for coming here.
Speaker 3: Will be performer.
Speaker 4: It's my foe for to Carnegie Hall on January nineteenth,
Speaker 4: with more stops in the US and January and February.
Speaker 3: Beards everyone. We're gonna take a quick track, but we'll
Speaker 3: be back after this. D Thank you so much.
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Speaker 3: This has been a Comedy Central podcast