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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast.

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Speaker 1: All Right, so we have psychotherapist Amy Warren coming out.

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Speaker 1: She's got a book called Thirteen Things Mentally Strong people

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Speaker 1: Don't Do Workbook. Let's get her on. Hello. Hi, how

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Speaker 1: are you Amy? I'm good? Thanks? How are you? I'm good.

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Speaker 1: Good to talk to you again. You as well. Thanks

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Speaker 1: for having me. Of course, I just want to say

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Speaker 1: I love what you said. It only takes one bad

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Speaker 1: habit to limit your progress. I just think that is

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Speaker 1: so true that when I was kind of reading things

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Speaker 1: looking at the guy I work out, I do that,

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Speaker 1: I do this, but really all that's great and all,

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Speaker 1: but if you've got one bad thing, that's gonna limit

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Speaker 1: your progress. And I was just like wow. So now

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Speaker 1: I'm like thinking here, I'm like, okay, what's the one

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Speaker 1: bad thing? So I'm like, I don't want to because

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Speaker 1: sometimes I feel stuck. So I'm like, what's the thing

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Speaker 1: that's like sticking? Yeah, I'm glad that you like that.

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Speaker 1: I just ordered the work going to find my one thing?

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Speaker 1: Oh awesome, thank you, I appreciate it. Okay, So what

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Speaker 1: do you think are some of the unhealthy habits that

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Speaker 1: you know people are getting stuck. I think one of

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Speaker 1: the biggest ones is feeling sorry for yourself. And I

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Speaker 1: encounter so many people that will say, you know, it's

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Speaker 1: not my fault, I can't do anything about it, or

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Speaker 1: see how many problems happen to me, and then they

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Speaker 1: just feel like they are almost looking for permission to

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Speaker 1: not change their life because they just want to prove

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Speaker 1: to everybody else like I shouldn't have to because I've

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Speaker 1: had all these bad things happen to me, or I

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Speaker 1: keep running into these roadblocks and there's nothing I can

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Speaker 1: do about it. So I think self pity is probably

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Speaker 1: one of the biggest ones, and another one is giving

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Speaker 1: away our power. Right along the same lines, when we

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Speaker 1: blame other people like my sister makes me feel bad

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Speaker 1: about myself or my boss makes me work late. When

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Speaker 1: we use that kind of language and imply that somebody

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Speaker 1: else is in charge of our lives, it kind of

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Speaker 1: gives us an excuse to not take charge and be

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Speaker 1: proactive about making our lives better. Okay, so I don't

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Speaker 1: want to. I'm trying to say how I can delicately

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Speaker 1: say this without outing my own husband. But I feel

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Speaker 1: like in the first two things you said, you've pretty

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Speaker 1: much stubbed up our household. So the giving power away, peace,

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Speaker 1: the feeling sorry for yourself, my husbands in music, and

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Speaker 1: I feel like entertainment in this industry is so I

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Speaker 1: think I have just watched over years, when people are

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Speaker 1: in it for so long, like you just start to

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Speaker 1: I think any profession honestly, but like I only know

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Speaker 1: from this experience. But it's like I think, after first,

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Speaker 1: I think, for so long you start to hear the

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Speaker 1: like the limiting beliefs, or you start to like things

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Speaker 1: don't go your way or things aren't working out, or

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Speaker 1: you're watching other people get it that it's the feeling

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Speaker 1: sorry for yourself piece starts to be underlying. Whether you

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Speaker 1: recognize it or not, it definitely does. Yeah, So say

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Speaker 1: say hypothetically, you might have just nailed it and your

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Speaker 1: two examples, okay, or for you listen, I don't want

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna at all very vague as vaga as

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Speaker 1: I can make it. Okay. So, now what is my thing?

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Speaker 1: Because you've had a lot of experience in your career,

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Speaker 1: and you deal with a lot of people, and you've

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Speaker 1: written books, and you have this workbook and until Amazon

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Speaker 1: can deliver it successfully to my house. I just want

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Speaker 1: to cheat sheet, So tell me what to do now.

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Speaker 1: So the two things, like if you want to change

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Speaker 1: how you feel, you can change how you think and

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Speaker 1: how you behave. So if we're feeling sorry for ourselves,

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Speaker 1: we tend to do things that reinforce that, Like you

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Speaker 1: sit on the couch and you don't look for new opportunities,

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Speaker 1: and it just builds and builds into this unhealthy cycle.

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Speaker 1: So to break out of that, you'd want to go

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Speaker 1: do something that makes it hard to feel sorry for yourself.

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Speaker 1: Go out there and say I'm gonna push myself to

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Speaker 1: do something I don't feel like doing, but do it anyway.

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Speaker 1: And then just change how you think. So when you're

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Speaker 1: thinking my problems are bigger than everybody else is, nobody

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Speaker 1: can possibly understand, Like, get a hold of yourself and say, well,

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Speaker 1: what would I say to my friend right now? If

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Speaker 1: my friend came to me with this problem, you probably

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Speaker 1: have like some kind words to say to them. So

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Speaker 1: practice that self compassion by saying it to yourself. And

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Speaker 1: when it comes to giving away our power, the biggest

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Speaker 1: thing is just changing our language. Like I still do this.

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Speaker 1: I wrote the book a long time ago, but I

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Speaker 1: still talk a lot about like, oh, I have to

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Speaker 1: go do this, and I'll catch myself and be like, no,

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Speaker 1: I don't have to, even if it's something simple like oh,

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Speaker 1: I have to go to the grocery store, but I

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Speaker 1: don't have to. It's a choice, And just reminding myself

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Speaker 1: with that, like I'm in charge of how I think,

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Speaker 1: how I feel, how I behave, who I spend my

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Speaker 1: time with, what I do in my day. Just reminding

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Speaker 1: myself of that, and yeah, there's consequences for what I

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Speaker 1: choose to do, but it's up to me. And so

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Speaker 1: if we can change our language, that really helps us

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Speaker 1: take back our power. And if we can do things

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Speaker 1: that make it hard to feel sorry for ourselves. It's

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Speaker 1: really hard to feel sorry for yourself when you're out

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Speaker 1: there doing something, especially if you're doing something nice for

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Speaker 1: somebody else. I like that. It's interesting because I change.

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Speaker 1: I did one little change probably like ten years ago.

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Speaker 1: I have this chiropractor who is actually married to my

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Speaker 1: old therapist. So it's just a really awesome couple to

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Speaker 1: be to know and be in love with. But she

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Speaker 1: used to say her schedule was full, like her life

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Speaker 1: was full, instead of busy, so I will always say

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Speaker 1: it's a full day, not a busy day. And just

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Speaker 1: even that small reframing takes it from like an anxious

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Speaker 1: feeling of like, uh, you know, and and now I'd

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Speaker 1: just say, oh, we have a full day or we

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Speaker 1: have a full week, and it just does. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it is tiny, but even just the things you're saying

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Speaker 1: right now, I'm like, gosh, I really like I could

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Speaker 1: just reframe even a few more things and make myself

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Speaker 1: feel probably a little bit different, you know. I think

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Speaker 1: those tiny changes make a huge difference. Anything that's negative.

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Speaker 1: I try to reframe in my head, and my whole

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Speaker 1: day is instantly better. I just it should. That's been

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Speaker 1: kind of my thing lately. It's to try to just

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Speaker 1: be more positive, like in the smallest things, and it

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Speaker 1: just makes everything, which makes you happier. It's a choice,

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Speaker 1: like you have a choice to be happy, you have

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Speaker 1: a choice to be positive. You have a choice to

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Speaker 1: make those changes. So the start of this whole thirteen

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Speaker 1: thing for you kind of came person if I'm wrong,

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Speaker 1: totally fine if I am, because I often happen lately,

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Speaker 1: but my brain is like not with me anymore. The

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Speaker 1: start of the thirteen things came from a series of losses.

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Speaker 1: Is that correct? It is? So I was a therapist

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Speaker 1: and I thought, oh, I'm going to teach everybody everything

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Speaker 1: I learned in college, thinking I was going to like

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Speaker 1: build on their strengths because that's what they teach you

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Speaker 1: in college. And somebody comes into your therapy office and says, hey,

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Speaker 1: this is what I have going on. You're like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: keep doing the good things. But I realized, you know,

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Speaker 1: if I don't point out that one or two bad habits,

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Speaker 1: then I'd keep people stuck. But I was glad that

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Speaker 1: I started to do that because I really did go

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Speaker 1: through the long My twenties were just like a bad

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Speaker 1: country song over and over again. So I lost my

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Speaker 1: mom when I was twenty three, I was widowed when

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Speaker 1: I was twenty six. I lost a foster child, I

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Speaker 1: lost my father in law. It was this entire decade

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Speaker 1: of just incredible grief. And it was really through my

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Speaker 1: grief that I learned so much more about our habits

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Speaker 1: and sometimes when life throws you horrible things like how

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Speaker 1: you're going to get through it. And we talked so

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Speaker 1: much about resilience, but resilience is really about just bouncing back,

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Speaker 1: and I thought, I don't want to go through life

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Speaker 1: just feeling like I'm waiting for the next shoe to drop,

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to bounce back from tragedy like I

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Speaker 1: want to do well. Even when life is going well

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Speaker 1: or when things are okay in life, I still want

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Speaker 1: to work on being as mentally a strong as I can.

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Speaker 1: And that's where the thirteen things mentally strong people don't do.

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Speaker 1: It was actually just a letter to myself on one

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Speaker 1: of my worst days. I had no intentions of ever

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Speaker 1: writing a book, but I found it helpful because I thought,

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Speaker 1: when I'm overwhelmed with all of these emotions and all

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Speaker 1: these things I have to do, I don't want a

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Speaker 1: long list of extra things I should be doing to

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Speaker 1: make me feel worse. But if I could just think about, okay, Amy,

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Speaker 1: just don't do this thing today, like feel sorry for yourself,

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Speaker 1: that I might be able to get through it. And

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Speaker 1: then I thought, well, if this list is helpful to me,

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Speaker 1: maybe it would help somebody else. So I published it

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Speaker 1: online and really only expected like a handful of people

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Speaker 1: would read it, but fifty million people read it. And

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Speaker 1: from there I had a literary agent call and say hey,

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Speaker 1: you need to write a book. But like, nobody knew

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Speaker 1: the backstory, and I was a therapist and I don't

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Speaker 1: usually tell my story. I'm really good at listening to

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Speaker 1: other people share there, so I was like, I don't

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Speaker 1: really know if I want to share, but I decided to.

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Speaker 1: So I came forward and said, you know, actually I

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Speaker 1: didn't write these things because I've become an expert in

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Speaker 1: all of them. I wrote it because I do all

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Speaker 1: of these things. And here's the story of what I

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Speaker 1: went through. And now here I am nine years later,

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Speaker 1: and I still get to talk about mental strength. So

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Speaker 1: I'm glad that I shared the backstory of how I

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Speaker 1: got to be able to write that. Well, that makes

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Speaker 1: it more relatable for us, Like I mean, I know

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Speaker 1: for me, like with my therapist, I'm like, I want

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Speaker 1: to hear stories about you. I want to hear about

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Speaker 1: what you've gone through, you know, And I know that

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Speaker 1: that y'all's job, but it just I think that's why

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Speaker 1: it's so relatable AND's done so well. You know. That's

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Speaker 1: the thing is, we're all humans. We all go through

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Speaker 1: hard things. Like life is tough. I don't care who

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Speaker 1: you are or what you do for work like life

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Speaker 1: is really hard sometimes, and I agree. I think we

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Speaker 1: do people a disservice if we don't share that, because

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Speaker 1: so many people just look perfect on Instagram and we

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Speaker 1: walk around when somebody says, how are you doing and

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Speaker 1: you say I'm fine, even though you aren't, because we

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Speaker 1: get uncomfortable sharing about the hard stuff. But when we don't,

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Speaker 1: people feel alone. And as a therapist, I knew that

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Speaker 1: I'd have so many people come into my office and

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Speaker 1: they'd share very similar stories and very similar heartaches, but

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Speaker 1: yet they would say like, nobody knows I'm dealing with this,

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Speaker 1: And then the next person would come in and say

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Speaker 1: something very similar, and I would always think, well, if

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Speaker 1: only you knew that all of these other people are

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Speaker 1: struggling too. They just look like they're much more put

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Speaker 1: together on the outside than they feel on the inside.

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Speaker 1: The Ted talk that you did, you had over twenty

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Speaker 1: two million views. I'm sure it's even surpast that obviously now.

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Speaker 1: But why do you think it resonated so much. I

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Speaker 1: think a lot of people didn't talk about mental strength.

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Speaker 1: That was in twenty fifteen. Then I gave that talk,

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Speaker 1: So I think if people were just curious to know,

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Speaker 1: like what does it mean to be mentally strong? And

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Speaker 1: that's the title of it, is the Secret of becoming

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Speaker 1: mentally Strong. I think people just really wanted to know, like,

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Speaker 1: what is it that will make you mentally strong in

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Speaker 1: life and in it? I quickly go through the thirteen

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Speaker 1: things and talk about how to avoid the bad habits

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Speaker 1: that hold you back, and I think people were a

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Speaker 1: bit relieved to find out, like, there's no, there's not

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Speaker 1: a list of one hundred and ten things you have

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Speaker 1: to do. Sometimes it is just about finding your worst

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Speaker 1: habit and eliminating that from your life so that all

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Speaker 1: the good habits you already have just become that much

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Speaker 1: more effective. The thirteen things that mentioned strong people don't

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Speaker 1: do it. What are a few of them that you

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Speaker 1: could you could give us. Yeah, So in addition to

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Speaker 1: the don't feel sorry for yourself, don't give away your power,

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Speaker 1: that's the unhealthy habits, right so, right, So the whole

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Speaker 1: list is just those things that we all do sometimes,

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Speaker 1: yet oh when we do, guarantee, it's just to counterproductive

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Speaker 1: that it outweighs your good habits. So also on the

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Speaker 1: list is not giving up after your first failure, not

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Speaker 1: repeating their same mistakes over and over again, not resenting

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Speaker 1: other people's success, and not shying away from change. Things

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Speaker 1: that we've all done before, we all are tempted to

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Speaker 1: do sometimes in certain times in our lives, like yeah,

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Speaker 1: life is going well, it's easier to not feel sorry

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Speaker 1: for myself. But then you hit that curveball and life

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Speaker 1: throws something at you, and suddenly it's like, no, I

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Speaker 1: deserve to feel sorry for myself. So different seasons of

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Speaker 1: our lives, some of them are easier than others, but

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Speaker 1: if we're honest, I think we all do them sometimes. Right.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting because it seems so elementary, the things right,

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Speaker 1: It's like right, obviously right, But then those are the

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Speaker 1: hardest things to undo. They are, and people would say that, like, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, I could have written a list like this,

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Speaker 1: but yet nobody had done it until I came out

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Speaker 1: with a list. But it is very like straightforward things

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Speaker 1: that on the surface we all know don't do that.

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Speaker 1: And occasionally somebody will argue with me. They'll say, well,

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Speaker 1: can't you feel sorry for yourself for a little well,

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Speaker 1: when you're going through tough things, But like, no, it's

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Speaker 1: okay to be sad, but self pity is different, and

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Speaker 1: that's what keeps us stuck. But all of these things,

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Speaker 1: when you engage in them, even for a little bit

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Speaker 1: of time, like it just develops those unhealthy patterns, keeps

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Speaker 1: you stuck. And the only way I could really think

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Speaker 1: to describe it in a way that made more tangible

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Speaker 1: sense because mental strength is kind of abstract and it's

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Speaker 1: hard to talk about in a way that we can

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Speaker 1: really visualize. But it's like if you wanted to become

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Speaker 1: in better shape physically and you went to the gym, like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you need to run on the treadmill or do all

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Speaker 1: of these exercises, But like, what if your trainer didn't mention, hey,

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Speaker 1: you shouldn't eat all this junk food, Like I'd be

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Speaker 1: really mad, Like I'd rather give up two hours of

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Speaker 1: running on the treadmill, and so I'll just skip the

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Speaker 1: jelly donut. But I feel like when it comes to

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Speaker 1: mental health habits, we don't really talk about that. We

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Speaker 1: just talk about make sure you practice gratitude and make

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Speaker 1: sure that you take care of yourself. Then we don't

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Speaker 1: really talk about those few bad habits that we might

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Speaker 1: have that are definitely counterproductive. I think that's the thing

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Speaker 1: that I actually enjoyed about it the most because at first,

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Speaker 1: I it's interesting, like just even where your mind goes

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Speaker 1: when you say don't do you know see that in

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Speaker 1: the title, Like I almost felt myself like bow up

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Speaker 1: a little bit, you know, And then I but what

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Speaker 1: I really like if exactly what you're saying is it's like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: we have a million things or Instagram is flooded with

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Speaker 1: if you're following the right people, your Instagram is flooded

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Speaker 1: with like Evlo psychology quotes and things coming at me,

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Speaker 1: and it's like do this, do this, do this. And

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Speaker 1: then sometimes you're like, hey, what I'm doing all of

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Speaker 1: that and like to have a list of things that

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Speaker 1: are like, but don't do this. It's like, thanks for

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Speaker 1: just making it easy. That seems yeah, that seems easier. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm like, thank y'all do these I'm like, all right, great,

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Speaker 1: let's rock. Most the same thing because the process of

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Speaker 1: elimination and are like we we also have this like

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Speaker 1: kind of toxic positivity portion of the world that goes

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Speaker 1: into like you can do it, you can do it,

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Speaker 1: you can do it, and you're like, yeah, but if

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Speaker 1: I feel stuck, like I even said to Janna this morning,

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Speaker 1: I was like, I know I have a limit name

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Speaker 1: belief about myself. There's I have. If I look back

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Speaker 1: on my life, I'm really proud of how far I've come,

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Speaker 1: and it's great, but there's this one. There's something little,

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Speaker 1: and I've just been like trying to really dig and

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Speaker 1: find what it is that keeps me from going for

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Speaker 1: or doing or believing the next level that I see

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Speaker 1: super far in my future. But I'm like, it could

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Speaker 1: happen now, but probably I just have to get rid

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Speaker 1: of a roadblock. So I'm going to get the workbook

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Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna go through one by one, through

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Speaker 1: thirteen things, and I'm gonna stop doing. I'm glad to

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Speaker 1: hear that, because sometimes people will say, well, I don't

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Speaker 1: shy away from change, and maybe they don't in certain

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Speaker 1: areas of their life. Maybe they do change up a

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Speaker 1: lots of stuff at work, or or maybe they do

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Speaker 1: it in their personal life. But then you look at

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Speaker 1: like their romantic life, and oh maybe maybe you struggle

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Speaker 1: with it in just this one area. It's not necessarily universal.

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Speaker 1: And we tend to think like, oh, if you have

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Speaker 1: self discipline, you have it in all areas. Of your life.

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Speaker 1: But then we saw like an athlete who's really good

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Speaker 1: at sports, but then maybe they have an addiction behind

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Speaker 1: the scenes, or they're struggling with money. Like oh okay,

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Speaker 1: so you can struggle with something in one area of

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Speaker 1: your life but not another. And so that's why I

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Speaker 1: was glad I got to write the workbook to then

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Speaker 1: really help people break down into like what areas of

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Speaker 1: your life might you struggle with this one thing? I

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Speaker 1: need someone to just tell me what to do, like

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Speaker 1: I need like so for example, like I know my

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Speaker 1: trainers workouts and like I could I could do it

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Speaker 1: with like sleeping, Like I would do the same workouts.

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Speaker 1: It's like, but I need her to physically come over

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Speaker 1: and like you do it with me and like talk

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Speaker 1: me through it. And it's like so I'm like and

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Speaker 1: also like I just and I say, like to her,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, tell me what not to eat and

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Speaker 1: what to eat because I'm like I just need to

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Speaker 1: be told like literally, and I will follow whatever or

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Speaker 1: you tell me to do, like I just I don't know.

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Speaker 1: For me, That's how I've always it. So it's like

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Speaker 1: even with therapy, I'm like, tell me how to have

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Speaker 1: a good conversation to communicate with my acts or whatever. Okay,

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Speaker 1: got it. So it's like I need those roadmaps, and

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Speaker 1: so that's so I can gets cool. And I saw

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Speaker 1: that you're coming out with the Companion workbooks. I'm curious

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Speaker 1: what that is. Yeah, So the Thirteen Things Mentally Strong

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Speaker 1: People Don't Do workbook does just what you said, So

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Speaker 1: it kind of breaks it down into like a conversation,

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Speaker 1: you know, what to say, how to say things differently,

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Speaker 1: thoughts that you might have, how to change the thoughts,

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Speaker 1: how to respond to unhealthy thoughts or as the first

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Speaker 1: book kind of goes through that. But this one's really

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Speaker 1: about more detail because I've it's been nine years since

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Speaker 1: I wrote Thirteen Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, and

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Speaker 1: in that time, I just get so many people emailing

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Speaker 1: me and saying, you know, can you be my therapist?

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Speaker 1: And I don't have time to be everybody's therapist. So

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Speaker 1: I thought I'm gonna put something out there that would

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Speaker 1: really help people figure it out. So it's exercises straight

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Speaker 1: from my therapy office that do just that. Like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: if you are feeling sorry for yourself, here is what

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Speaker 1: here's what helps. Or if you find that you're starting

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Speaker 1: to resent somebody's success. Here's the strategies, and let's draw

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Speaker 1: out where do you put the out? Where are you

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Speaker 1: giving away your power in your life? And ask reflection questions.

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Speaker 1: There's quizzes. But then there's things to do, like right

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Speaker 1: there in the book, so you can pinpoint, okay, in

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Speaker 1: my life, here's what's keeping me stuck. And then there's

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Speaker 1: strategies of what can you do differently? And then the

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Speaker 1: companion workbook those at is that what's different about that one?

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Speaker 1: So that's the workbook. So it's a it's a companion

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Speaker 1: guide to my first book, thirteen things mentally strngue people

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Speaker 1: don't do. And then the workbook is the new one

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Speaker 1: the relationship like you know, oh yeah, yet companion get

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Speaker 1: are always willing to do the work when it comes

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Speaker 1: to relationships. Yeah, wind now, yeah, yeah, I'm excited for

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Speaker 1: that workbook and I'm excited to dig in and be

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Speaker 1: real honest with myself because I'm just in a really

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Speaker 1: big season even in marriage. I feel like maybe I

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Speaker 1: need two copies actually know that we're thinking about it

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Speaker 1: in it it would be good to just dig in

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Speaker 1: together even and you know, because it is hard to

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Speaker 1: share a space with someone who also then is doing

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Speaker 1: things that mentally strong people don't do, you know, or

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Speaker 1: opposite you know what I'm saying, but we both need

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Speaker 1: to kind of, I feel like, genuinely work on those

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Speaker 1: things together. Yeah, and the exercises in the book, doud like,

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Speaker 1: some of them are really simple. People we like really

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Speaker 1: but like name your feelings. If you name an emotion,

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Speaker 1: like it takes a sting out of it. So if

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Speaker 1: you can say I'm embarrassed, I'm anxious struggling with sadness today,

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Speaker 1: like you feel a little bit better just by putting

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Speaker 1: a name to it. So exercises like that, certainly couples

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Speaker 1: could benefit from if everybody knows, all right, here's what

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Speaker 1: we're going to do, or when we have a conversation,

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Speaker 1: rather than me attempting to read your mind as you

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Speaker 1: say something like, let's just figure out how do we

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Speaker 1: have an assertive conversation? And if I hurt your feelings,

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Speaker 1: what can you do differently? And how can I respond

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Speaker 1: to that so I know next time to communicate with

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Speaker 1: you differently too. Yeah. I almost had to take my

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Speaker 1: own pride away from it when I started reading about

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Speaker 1: the book because it was like mentally strong, and I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm mentally strong, but all the things I've done, you know,

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Speaker 1: like I'm tough, blah blah blah. And then I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: this is probably in the thirteen things, so I should

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Speaker 1: just add the cart quickly. Well, you know, one of

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Speaker 1: the things I'll hear from people is they're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I don't need a book. I'm mentally strong enough. But

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Speaker 1: it would be kind of like if we never went

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Speaker 1: to the gym because we said, oh, I'm physically strong,

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Speaker 1: I don't need to go. I don't need to go

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Speaker 1: to the gym, Like we need to keep working out

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Speaker 1: our muscles. And for people who know what the exercises

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Speaker 1: are and they keep working on their mental strength at home,

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Speaker 1: like that is amazing. But I find a lot of

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Speaker 1: people are like, you know, I really don't know what

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Speaker 1: to do or what habits to give up, and so

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Speaker 1: they're asking for that guide of much more specific things.

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Speaker 1: How do I identify my emotions? How do I stay

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Speaker 1: calmer when I am in a disagreement with somebody? How

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Speaker 1: can I change those unhelpful thoughts? Or when is self

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Speaker 1: helpful and when isn't it? So I really want to

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Speaker 1: help people pinpoint those exact things. Yeah, I love that

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Speaker 1: I have a feeling change. The change piece is going

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Speaker 1: to be something that really resonates with me out of

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Speaker 1: the thing that you've said so far, because I am

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Speaker 1: not resistant to change. Like I married into music, so

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Speaker 1: our schedule changes a lot. I've had to learn how to,

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Speaker 1: like you, really go with the flow, which is opposite

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Speaker 1: of my a typeness. My little I basically was born

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Speaker 1: with a clipboard. So I know that. Like, even as

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Speaker 1: you were saying that, I was like, well, I feel

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Speaker 1: like I go a change. You know, it's almost it's

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Speaker 1: almost like I know we're getting really close to something

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Speaker 1: even just talking to you, because I could get a

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Speaker 1: little defense to come all a little bit. But I

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Speaker 1: was like, there's probably other areas, other different areas of

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Speaker 1: your life. Yeah, yeah, where the change piece I'm probably

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Speaker 1: not as good at. So this is gonna be fun.

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Speaker 1: So I am. Yeah. When they looked at studies on change,

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Speaker 1: and like they found some people who were kind of

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Speaker 1: being different, Like half the people were like, no, I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to make the change. The other half we're like,

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Speaker 1: oh whatever. So they kind of flipped a coin and

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Speaker 1: then they followed up with people three months later. The

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Speaker 1: people that made the change, whether it was a new

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00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,359
Speaker 1: job or they moved to a new city, they were

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00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,479
Speaker 1: much happier. And then they followed up with them at

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Speaker 1: the six month mark and the people were like, they're

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Speaker 1: happy as skyrocketed compared to the people who stayed the same.

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Speaker 1: But often in life will be like, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to make things worse, so I don't dare do anything differently.

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Speaker 1: But for the most part, when you do do things differently,

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Speaker 1: you can become a lot happier. And so in the

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Speaker 1: workbook we talk about exercises like one is just called

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00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,560
Speaker 1: play to win. Like if you were to step out

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00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:18,359
Speaker 1: there and do something and your goal is to like

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00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:21,840
Speaker 1: not embarrass yourself, you'll perform way worse than if your

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Speaker 1: goal is to get out there and crush it and

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Speaker 1: so but so often we do that in our own lives,

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Speaker 1: like oh, I just don't want to be the worst

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Speaker 1: salesperson this month, or I don't want to get up

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00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 1: on stage and completely embarrass myself, and then we really

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Speaker 1: cut ourselves short. Whereas if we got out there and said,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm gonna do the very best I can

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Speaker 1: and here goes nothing. You tend to do a lot better,

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Speaker 1: and that makes change a lot less scary. When you say, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna move to this new city, I'm gonna take

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Speaker 1: this new job, and I don't want to just not

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Speaker 1: make my life worse, but I'm gonna get out there

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Speaker 1: and I'm gonna do the best I can and make

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Speaker 1: this the best, most amazing experience ever. There's a better

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Speaker 1: chance it will be sure, all right, Amiel, thank you

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Speaker 1: for coming on the show. Appreciate you. I appreciate shape

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Speaker 1: being here. Thank you. Bye bye. M