1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: too that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:34,479 Speaker 2: Thank you. 12 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:38,599 Speaker 3: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. 13 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,600 Speaker 2: I perceived the things that I did. 14 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,720 Speaker 1: I looked at those things as okay, these are things 15 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:48,440 Speaker 1: that must be done to achieve the goal, like you 16 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:54,880 Speaker 1: mentioned before, and so I feel like it was easier 17 00:00:55,080 --> 00:01:02,080 Speaker 1: to move through those things because I was focused on 18 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 1: I have to do this to get to this goal. 19 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:05,720 Speaker 2: Thank you. 20 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:10,600 Speaker 3: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, 21 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:14,800 Speaker 3: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments 22 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:18,720 Speaker 3: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a 23 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:22,040 Speaker 3: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also, 24 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:26,119 Speaker 3: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe 25 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:30,920 Speaker 3: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our 26 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:35,479 Speaker 3: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab. 27 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 1: You welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting. 28 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 2: Women like you. 29 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Bussard, a college professor and psychologist. 30 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:52,600 Speaker 3: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 31 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:57,640 Speaker 3: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 32 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 3: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 33 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,800 Speaker 3: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where 34 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 3: black women can just be Hey, lady, it's Terry here 35 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:16,760 Speaker 3: from Cultivating her Space. Are you tired of working hard 36 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:19,519 Speaker 3: for your money? Do you want your business to run 37 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,400 Speaker 3: smoothly when you're out of office? If you want to 38 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:26,119 Speaker 3: learn how to automate your business cash flow and increase 39 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 3: your impact and influence, join me from our free workshop 40 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:35,480 Speaker 3: at brandwi Terry dot com. Again, that's brand with Terry 41 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:39,120 Speaker 3: dot Com. My name is spell te double Ri. I 42 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,480 Speaker 3: hope to see you there, lady. 43 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:49,760 Speaker 1: Our quote of the day conviction and convenience don't live 44 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 1: on the same block. That quote comes to us from 45 00:02:54,760 --> 00:03:04,440 Speaker 1: Lisa Nichols, tea our conversation today is about sacrifice. So 46 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:09,080 Speaker 1: when you hear this quote, what comes to mind. 47 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:12,399 Speaker 3: I love Lisa Nichols. I think she is absolutely amazing 48 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,560 Speaker 3: the lady. If you're not familiar with Lisa Nichols, used 49 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 3: to go check her out. Okay, she is so inspiring. 50 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,880 Speaker 3: But when I hear this quote, it makes me think 51 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:23,119 Speaker 3: about one of the stories I believe. Lisa Nichols said 52 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:26,119 Speaker 3: that her grandmother shared this quote with her that your 53 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,760 Speaker 3: conviction and convenience don't live on the same block, meaning 54 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:32,560 Speaker 3: that the thing you know, that strong belief that why 55 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,920 Speaker 3: that drive, that thing that you that you really want, 56 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 3: or that that driving force, it doesn't always live next 57 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,640 Speaker 3: to convenience. So sometimes you have to get uncomfortable, you 58 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 3: have to go outside of your comfort zone. You got 59 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,040 Speaker 3: to turn the block, You might have to drive down 60 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 3: the streets a little bit to reach that place of 61 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:58,120 Speaker 3: I guess working from your conviction versus you being convenienced 62 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,360 Speaker 3: on the way to reaching your goals and dreams, right, 63 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 3: you know, not having to stay up late to do 64 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 3: XYZ right, not having to sacrifice, like you're not going 65 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 3: to just be comfortable and sit here chilling to achieve 66 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,760 Speaker 3: this big thing that you want to achieve. And so 67 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 3: that's what I take away from that quote. 68 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 1: What about you, Dom, Yeah, I like how you said 69 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:20,120 Speaker 1: that that things that essentially to get what you truly 70 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:25,600 Speaker 1: want that's meant for your good, is not going to 71 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:33,400 Speaker 1: come easily. That Yes, there will be moments where you're like, Wow, 72 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 1: that didn't take much. But there are going to be 73 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 1: a lot of times when you are inconvenience where you 74 00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:47,400 Speaker 1: are asked to make sacrifices, to make shifts, to make 75 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 1: changes in order for you to grow and move forward 76 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:54,120 Speaker 1: and get to where you are trying to go. Like 77 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:57,560 Speaker 1: I think about it, like how she says, like they 78 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:02,600 Speaker 1: don't live on the same block. Oh, if you are 79 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 1: at point A, you're not gonna get to point B 80 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:12,839 Speaker 1: in that block by staying still, Like point B is 81 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:18,599 Speaker 1: just not gonna come to you, right that in order 82 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,799 Speaker 1: to get to point B, there is something that's gonna 83 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:27,280 Speaker 1: have to shift on your part, and that shift is 84 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:31,239 Speaker 1: probably not gonna be comfortable, and that shift in most 85 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:36,160 Speaker 1: cases requires a sacrifice for you to get to it. 86 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,600 Speaker 3: I think you nail that, Dom, And I think one 87 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 3: of the things you said before we started recording, you 88 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,359 Speaker 3: talked a bit about the meaning that we associate to 89 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,240 Speaker 3: and with sacrifice. And when I hear sacrifice, like when 90 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 3: I've heard sacrifice in the past and I hear it now, 91 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,839 Speaker 3: sometimes it has this, I want to say, like this 92 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:57,760 Speaker 3: low energy of like, oh shit, what I got to sacrifice? 93 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 3: What I gotta do to get this thing right? It 94 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 3: sort of has this connotation of like loss. Yeah, what 95 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,160 Speaker 3: do you think about that? Down? Would you agree? 96 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,280 Speaker 2: I definitely agree. 97 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: Like I think that a lot of us have a 98 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 1: visceral or negative reaction when. 99 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,320 Speaker 2: We hear the word sacrifice. Where so like. 100 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:23,480 Speaker 1: If you were to tell someone Okay, lady, in order 101 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:27,520 Speaker 1: for you to get to be in that dream career 102 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:32,240 Speaker 1: or that dream house or that dream life or whatever 103 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:35,599 Speaker 1: it is that you're dreaming about, in order for you 104 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:39,440 Speaker 1: to get that, you have to sacrifice. If we use 105 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 1: that word, people tend to have a visceral reaction versus 106 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,719 Speaker 1: if we say, lady, in order for that dream to 107 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,360 Speaker 1: come true, some things may have to shift in your life. 108 00:06:53,920 --> 00:07:03,040 Speaker 1: Like it's our words have meaning and often have emotions 109 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:06,719 Speaker 1: associated with it, And I think part of what helps 110 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 1: us to truly grow and move forward maybe to let 111 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:15,440 Speaker 1: go of some of that emotional attachment that we have 112 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:18,920 Speaker 1: to certain words, right, and so like, as we were 113 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,560 Speaker 1: talking about this episode or prepering for this episode, I 114 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:26,120 Speaker 1: was just thinking about, Yeah, when I hear sacrifice, I 115 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 1: do have like a visceral reaction of like, no, I'm 116 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:35,720 Speaker 1: not trying to sacrifice, Like that feels like too much. 117 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 3: That's a really good point. Ooh, I'm just trying to 118 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,520 Speaker 3: think when you think about the words that are associated, right, 119 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 3: you have loss, deprivation, slaughter in some cases. Right, you 120 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 3: think about sacrifices that they talk about in the Bible, suffering, 121 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 3: and those are not very I mean, rightly, I'm not 122 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,680 Speaker 3: decided to go for this, right. But at the same time, 123 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 3: when you think about the shadows side of success, right, 124 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:05,080 Speaker 3: and what it takes in most cases to achieve greatness 125 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 3: or to achieve great things in general, would you hear 126 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:12,760 Speaker 3: stories about people achieving greatness, There's often a lot of 127 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:18,239 Speaker 3: sacrifice on the back end that some people don't talk about, 128 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 3: appreciate or see. Right. It kind of reminds me of 129 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 3: where people they'll see you at the finish line, like 130 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,360 Speaker 3: I want that, I want that car, I want that business, 131 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 3: I want that relationship, I want this, but you don't 132 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,960 Speaker 3: think about the work. You don't think about the process, 133 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,720 Speaker 3: you don't think about the journey, you don't think about 134 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 3: the sacrifices that folks have made to get to where 135 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 3: they are, because a lot of us have sacrificed something, right, Yeah, 136 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:43,920 Speaker 3: to get to where we are. 137 00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 1: But let's dive into it, right, Because as we were 138 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:52,000 Speaker 1: prepping for this episode and talking about this topic, we 139 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:56,760 Speaker 1: were swapping our own stories, and you know, one. 140 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 2: Thing that came up for me. 141 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:04,880 Speaker 1: Is that as I was trying to reflect, I could 142 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 1: not recall making what I would call a sacrifice, right, 143 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:14,959 Speaker 1: And I want to be clear in saying what I 144 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:19,480 Speaker 1: would define as a sacrifice because some of the things 145 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:23,559 Speaker 1: that I did or went through, someone else may look 146 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,680 Speaker 1: at that and say, well, yeah, girl, you were sacrificing, 147 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:28,880 Speaker 1: But for. 148 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 2: Me, in those moments, it didn't feel like it. 149 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:35,640 Speaker 1: And even like in high or maybe more so in hindsight, 150 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:41,800 Speaker 1: in hindsight, it doesn't feel like it. And so yeah, 151 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 1: let's just let's just dive in and see see what 152 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:45,000 Speaker 1: comes up. 153 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:47,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, because I was actually, I mean, when you share 154 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,840 Speaker 3: that with me, Dom, I was just like, I don't 155 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,479 Speaker 3: know if I'm just projecting right now? Am I assuming? 156 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 3: Because in my mind, it just sounds so mind bottle, 157 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:58,960 Speaker 3: and I'm like, Dom, you are this accomplished, you know, 158 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:02,640 Speaker 3: professional black woman. You've had to sacrifice something, you know 159 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:04,600 Speaker 3: what I mean. Like, I was even thinking about what 160 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:08,040 Speaker 3: you've shared on the podcast in previous episodes about your 161 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:13,439 Speaker 3: journey with your life there we go to licensing exam, 162 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:16,040 Speaker 3: but we were talking about that, and like, I feel 163 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,680 Speaker 3: like you've sacrificed. You sacrificed various things for that journey. 164 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:21,520 Speaker 3: But like you said, you made a good distinction. You 165 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 3: said other people might see it as a sacrifice, but 166 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 3: maybe it's a situation where this thing that you are 167 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:32,040 Speaker 3: I'm going to use air quotes here, sacrificing right or 168 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 3: building toward is like a non negotiable in your journey 169 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 3: that it's not even a sacrifice. You're you're looking at 170 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,560 Speaker 3: this like, oh no, this is like a must, like 171 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,439 Speaker 3: I have to do this, So in your eyes, you 172 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,600 Speaker 3: don't really see it as a sacrifice. It's a means 173 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,720 Speaker 3: to an end, like it's something you need to do 174 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 3: to achieve the goal. So it could just be perception, right. 175 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,480 Speaker 2: Yes, exactly. 176 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,560 Speaker 1: I think that that's a very important point for us 177 00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:55,640 Speaker 1: to keep in mind, is that, like like you were 178 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:59,120 Speaker 1: saying about, we don't know other people's stories and what's 179 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:02,280 Speaker 1: happening for them behind the scenes, and how they're perceiving 180 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:06,280 Speaker 1: what's happening behind the scenes for them. So like if 181 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,400 Speaker 1: we go back to if we use example of my 182 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:14,640 Speaker 1: licensing exam, I think that you know, this time around, some. 183 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:18,000 Speaker 2: Would say that I sacrificed. 184 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 1: In terms of not traveling, because usually in the summertime 185 00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:28,640 Speaker 1: I'm traveling, like going places for fun, going to see 186 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:33,319 Speaker 1: friends and family. But for me, I didn't look at 187 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:40,280 Speaker 1: it as a sacrifice per se because COVID, Like you know, 188 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:46,800 Speaker 1: I was not traveling because of COVID, And so in 189 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 1: previous years when I had taken the exam, when I 190 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 1: was in the process of studying for the exam, there 191 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 1: were times where I would say, Okay, no, I can't 192 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 1: make this trip because I'm trying to study. And so 193 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:06,040 Speaker 1: as we're talking this out more, I think that, yeah, 194 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 1: maybe in those moments, yes, that was like sacrifice on 195 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:14,560 Speaker 1: my part of Okay, I'm preparing for this big exam, 196 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:18,959 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna take this trip. But I think in hindsight, 197 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:22,679 Speaker 1: what is coming up for me is was it a 198 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 1: sacrifice if I didn't get the desired outcome, right, So, 199 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:32,440 Speaker 1: like the time that I took the examine didn't pass, okay, 200 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,280 Speaker 1: But leading up to that, I was studying, and I said, Okay, no, 201 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,200 Speaker 1: I'm not going to take this trip. I'm not going 202 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,000 Speaker 1: to go on this outing. I'm not going to do this, this, 203 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:44,400 Speaker 1: and this, because I'm studying. In the moment, it may 204 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:50,600 Speaker 1: have felt like sacrificing, but I didn't get the desired outcome. 205 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:54,120 Speaker 1: So am I still looking at it as sacrificing. 206 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:55,280 Speaker 3: I don't know. 207 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,960 Speaker 2: I mean I think so, but I don't know. 208 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,160 Speaker 3: That's a really good point, and I think that's a 209 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,600 Speaker 3: question that I think a lot of this goes back 210 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,280 Speaker 3: to perception, right, and like your individual experience, because when 211 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:11,120 Speaker 3: I hear that, I'm like, even if you didn't achieve 212 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 3: the desired outcome, like you did make a sacrifice, that's 213 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,160 Speaker 3: what I would think. But again, it's like what is 214 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,680 Speaker 3: true for you and your story and your narrative. So yeah, 215 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:23,079 Speaker 3: this is definitely an interesting topic the deeper we dive 216 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,160 Speaker 3: into it. I know, I think about when I was 217 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,960 Speaker 3: an undergrad and you shared with me your experience about 218 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,760 Speaker 3: undergrad and I was just like oh damn. I wish 219 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,520 Speaker 3: part of me like wishes that I would have maybe 220 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,160 Speaker 3: done what you did. But I was very focused on 221 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:38,920 Speaker 3: like I had, Oh gosh, an undergrad I mean to 222 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 3: set the stage. A month before I went oway to college, 223 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 3: my bonus dad passed away. Right a year after that, 224 00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:47,680 Speaker 3: my mom was incarcerated and was doing a four year bid. 225 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,040 Speaker 3: I'm driving home every weekend to take care of my 226 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:53,120 Speaker 3: younger siblings. I think in my mind at the time, 227 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:55,480 Speaker 3: I don't think I looked at it as a sacrifice. 228 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 3: I kind of looked at it as surviving and like 229 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,520 Speaker 3: I need to get my degree because because I need 230 00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 3: to get out of this chaotic life and situation, Like 231 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,240 Speaker 3: my degree is my ticket out of poverty. So when 232 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,920 Speaker 3: I look back now and I'm like, oh, my gosh, 233 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:10,719 Speaker 3: you were a baby. I was like seventeen when I 234 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,800 Speaker 3: went to college, and I'm like, you were a baby 235 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,720 Speaker 3: going through all this stuff. Like and I look at 236 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,520 Speaker 3: other young people these days and I'm just like, wow, 237 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,960 Speaker 3: you were at that age, you were doing all this stuff. 238 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 3: So I think now, like you said, in hindsight, I 239 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:25,200 Speaker 3: really see it clear as day, like, oh, this was 240 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 3: I made some big sacrifices but for me, I was like, 241 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,400 Speaker 3: I need to do this to survive and to be okay. 242 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,360 Speaker 3: And so I say all that to say, in college 243 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 3: I did not I mean have partied. I didn't party 244 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 3: a lot. I can probably count on both hands the 245 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 3: amount of times I partied in the undergrad which sounds very, 246 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 3: very boring, I know, But I was in my books, y'all, 247 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 3: I was studying, I was going home to take care 248 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:52,120 Speaker 3: of my siblings, and I sacrificed my you know, social life. 249 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 3: In some cases, I sacrificed a lot my weekends oftentimes 250 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,560 Speaker 3: because I was taking care of the kids and whatnot. 251 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,720 Speaker 3: So those are the things that I would say that 252 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,920 Speaker 3: I sacrificed. But again I don't know if I would 253 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,440 Speaker 3: have said that at the time, because to me, it 254 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,080 Speaker 3: was more of an obligation. It was like I need 255 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,920 Speaker 3: to do this to make sure that they're okay and 256 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 3: that I'm able to get this degree. 257 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 1: But what you said right there is an important point 258 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:20,080 Speaker 1: that perhaps in the moment that we're going through it, 259 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 1: because we have this cognition, this core for those of 260 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:28,200 Speaker 1: us that do, because we have like maybe this core 261 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:35,400 Speaker 1: belief that sacrificing is about loss and deprivation in order 262 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,840 Speaker 1: to get through a situation. 263 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,880 Speaker 2: If we are looking at. 264 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 1: It from a space of I am doing this like 265 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:50,400 Speaker 1: this is a loss. I am clearly aware, acutely aware 266 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 1: that I am experiencing a loss of my social life 267 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 1: because I am going home to take care of my 268 00:15:58,240 --> 00:15:59,520 Speaker 1: younger siblings. 269 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,080 Speaker 2: If you were looking at it as sacrifice in. 270 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:08,240 Speaker 1: That moment, your survival would have been different, right There 271 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 1: would have been the potential there for resentment, potential for depression, potential. 272 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,480 Speaker 2: To just give up. 273 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:24,920 Speaker 3: Right now, I was going to say, I think potentially 274 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,280 Speaker 3: that could be true if I look back and dig 275 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,920 Speaker 3: deepen up, those feelings were probably there. But I compare 276 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 3: that to dom when I was writing my book in 277 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 3: twenty nineteen, and I feel like the situations I explained 278 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:38,520 Speaker 3: about undergrad those were situations that were sort of thrust 279 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,640 Speaker 3: upon me. I was sort of in like a fight 280 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 3: or flight situation, Whereas with my book, I stepped into 281 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,760 Speaker 3: that willingly, and I knew that I was going to 282 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 3: be sacrificing my saturdays, like I knew that I was 283 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 3: not going to do to you know, as my dad 284 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,080 Speaker 3: used to say, lolligag with friends and stuff. I'm not 285 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,480 Speaker 3: going to be able to do all that. I can't 286 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 3: hang out, you know, after hours, I have to go 287 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,560 Speaker 3: home and write this book. Got to be in the 288 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,960 Speaker 3: office on Saturdays writing this book, and they'll wake up 289 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,080 Speaker 3: early to get stuff done. So that was something I 290 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:06,960 Speaker 3: walked into and I knew what I was getting into, 291 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:09,880 Speaker 3: and I knew that I was sacrificing something for an 292 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,240 Speaker 3: end goal. So I feel like they're different. But again 293 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,040 Speaker 3: it really does depend, right. 294 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:18,679 Speaker 1: Yes, Okay, so as you say that, yeah, I really 295 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:23,160 Speaker 1: do think that it is about what's needed in the moment, right, 296 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 1: like that our brains are wired to kind of help 297 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:32,040 Speaker 1: us through survival. Right, So in that moment when you 298 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 1: were in undergrad, if you really would have sat with 299 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,640 Speaker 1: this is a sacrifice that I am making. I am 300 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:43,680 Speaker 1: sacrificing my social life, right, Like, I do think that 301 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,520 Speaker 1: there was potential there for it to be a different outcome. 302 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:52,480 Speaker 1: Whereas now as an adult who has had more lived 303 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,000 Speaker 1: experience and then what you like you said, like you 304 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:58,119 Speaker 1: pointed out what you were what you were doing to 305 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:03,119 Speaker 1: write your book was a choice, right or let me 306 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:07,440 Speaker 1: back up, you perceived it as a choice, because even 307 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:12,320 Speaker 1: back then with an undergrad, it still was technically a 308 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:16,560 Speaker 1: choice whether or not you were going to go back 309 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:20,560 Speaker 1: home to take care of your siblings, but you automatically 310 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,600 Speaker 1: made the choice that this is what I'm doing, and 311 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,879 Speaker 1: so in that moment, you didn't necessarily look at it 312 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:28,080 Speaker 1: as a choice. You looked at it like, this is 313 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,440 Speaker 1: what we're doing. And I think it kind of goes 314 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,800 Speaker 1: back to what you were saying, describing about like for 315 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:41,040 Speaker 1: me and thinking about my undergrad experience and even just 316 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:44,320 Speaker 1: like studying for my examine, just other milestones that I've 317 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:51,200 Speaker 1: achieved professionally and thinking about Okay, Like as you were talking, 318 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:55,399 Speaker 1: I was like, oh wait, okay, this summer, Like no, 319 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,919 Speaker 1: I didn't travel, and that would have been something that 320 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:03,400 Speaker 1: I viewed as a sacrifice, right, h But I did 321 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:08,640 Speaker 1: give up like early morning workouts. I did give up, 322 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:12,280 Speaker 1: So but I felt like it wasn't necessarily a sacrifice 323 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:16,240 Speaker 1: because I shifted, right, and so, but I do think 324 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:20,680 Speaker 1: that like I gave up free time, okay, I gave 325 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:24,639 Speaker 1: up leisure time to study, okay. 326 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:28,200 Speaker 3: And even our time together, like we were very strategic 327 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,280 Speaker 3: about how and when we met, and there were certain 328 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,119 Speaker 3: times where we had to have a conversation about like Okay, 329 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:37,560 Speaker 3: let's shift this meeting to this as far as the podcast, 330 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,480 Speaker 3: because what I'm doing is in service of this other 331 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 3: goal that I have. 332 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:45,840 Speaker 1: Yes, Yes, And so as we're talking it out and 333 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:50,200 Speaker 1: flushing it out more, I can see where it would 334 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,040 Speaker 1: be considered a sacrifice the actions that I took. 335 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, But again, like I said, I didn't. 336 00:19:56,280 --> 00:20:02,200 Speaker 1: Perceive those things as sacrifice because I associate that with negativity, 337 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 1: and I associate the word sacrifice with negativity, right and loss. 338 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 2: I perceive the things that I did. 339 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:15,040 Speaker 1: I looked at those things as Okay, these are things 340 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:18,760 Speaker 1: that must be done to achieve the goal, like you 341 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:25,200 Speaker 1: mentioned before, and so I feel like it was easier 342 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:32,399 Speaker 1: to move through those things because I was focused on 343 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,240 Speaker 1: I have to do this to get to this goal. 344 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:40,000 Speaker 3: Right, Okay, that makes sense. As we continue to have 345 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,960 Speaker 3: the conversation, I keep thinking back to it's the way 346 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,840 Speaker 3: we perceive what we're doing, right, it really is. And 347 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:48,919 Speaker 3: I know we have some key questions that we're going 348 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,600 Speaker 3: to dive into, and Lady, these are questions that we 349 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 3: can ask ourselves as we are moving throughout our journey 350 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,879 Speaker 3: and we are presented with opportunities to potentially sacrifice something. 351 00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:01,800 Speaker 3: So down when I was in grad school. I knew 352 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,760 Speaker 3: this girl and she would go out almost every weekend, 353 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:09,840 Speaker 3: and I low key envy that so much. Her social 354 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,879 Speaker 3: media was so lit, like she would just always be 355 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:15,080 Speaker 3: out going to the bomb parties, you know, getting bottle service, 356 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,760 Speaker 3: just having a good time, outfits, looking cute. I mean, 357 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,440 Speaker 3: just like living the life. And because I didn't really 358 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,600 Speaker 3: have an opportunity to do that as much as I 359 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,199 Speaker 3: would have liked, because I was raising kids since I 360 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,760 Speaker 3: was a kid, you know what I mean, So I 361 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:31,639 Speaker 3: didn't really have a chance to I didn't. I probably 362 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,200 Speaker 3: could have had the chance, but I did not choose 363 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,639 Speaker 3: to do that because I had other priorities. So I 364 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,520 Speaker 3: remember talking to a friend and I was just like, 365 00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:41,679 Speaker 3: one of the things I noticed about her is she 366 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,600 Speaker 3: could dance so well, like she knew all the letters dances. 367 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,119 Speaker 3: She could dance so well. And I was just like, 368 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,760 Speaker 3: I want to go to the parties on the weekend. 369 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,719 Speaker 3: I want to be able to go in the party 370 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,359 Speaker 3: and just dance how she dances and be so free 371 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,840 Speaker 3: and do that. And I remember one of my friends. 372 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,520 Speaker 3: I forget exactly what he said, but I'll use some 373 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:00,879 Speaker 3: up to date terminology so we can kind of like, 374 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,119 Speaker 3: you know, get to the core of the message. But 375 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,800 Speaker 3: basically he was like, well, you know, you have to choose, 376 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,320 Speaker 3: like are you trying to be a hot girl or 377 00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:12,040 Speaker 3: you trying to be a schoolgirl. Like you're in school 378 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:14,080 Speaker 3: right now, and you have these priorities. You're working, this 379 00:22:14,119 --> 00:22:16,000 Speaker 3: is what you're doing. So it's like which one is 380 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,439 Speaker 3: more important to you, Like you want to just be 381 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:22,040 Speaker 3: a ratchet or you just trying to like achieve this goal. 382 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:24,720 Speaker 3: You're trying to get a master's degree right now. And 383 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,200 Speaker 3: not to say that going out partying is ratchet y'all, 384 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,600 Speaker 3: but you know what I'm saying. And so I remember 385 00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,480 Speaker 3: sitting with that, and that moment stood out to me 386 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,720 Speaker 3: because I was like, dang, I have to choose, you 387 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,399 Speaker 3: know what I mean, I have to choose. But I 388 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,800 Speaker 3: know that some people don't choose. Dom. So if you 389 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 3: want to tell us a little bit about Yeah, you 390 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,440 Speaker 3: told me about your undergrad situation. I was just like, wait, 391 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,800 Speaker 3: what the hell? But you can you tell us about 392 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,320 Speaker 3: that dom? That was really interesting? 393 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:58,879 Speaker 1: Yeah, So okay, So my model was work hard so 394 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:05,720 Speaker 1: you can play hard, yes, And so in undergrad what 395 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:09,639 Speaker 1: I would do is so I in my junior and 396 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,399 Speaker 1: senior year, I had a job at a hotel. And 397 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:17,800 Speaker 1: because it was like a little small boutique hotel, I wasn't. 398 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:19,840 Speaker 1: I had a front dusk job, but I was also 399 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:25,359 Speaker 1: like front desk, concierge, all that stuff, occasionally bringing room service, 400 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,479 Speaker 1: like because it was a small hotel, right, And so 401 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,679 Speaker 1: I had free time when I was at work. So 402 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:37,560 Speaker 1: what I would do is my work shift was Sunday 403 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,359 Speaker 1: through Thursday. Is that five days, Yeah, Sunday through Thursday. 404 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:44,000 Speaker 1: Had to do the math real quick, and so I 405 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,120 Speaker 1: would work the three to eleven shift. I was going 406 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,399 Speaker 1: to school in the daytime, three to eleven shift at 407 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 1: the hotel in the. 408 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,920 Speaker 2: Evenings, and then on. 409 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:59,119 Speaker 1: Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and maybe even on a Sunday, I 410 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,720 Speaker 1: was out partying. Now granted, let me just be clear. 411 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:08,000 Speaker 1: I went to school undergrad in New Orleans. New Orleans 412 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:13,760 Speaker 1: is party central, so like it was easy for that 413 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:19,199 Speaker 1: to happen. Right now, what I will say is that 414 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:25,080 Speaker 1: in hindsight, when I look at that, chances are I 415 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 1: was sacrificing, unbeknownst to me or unacknowledge by me, I 416 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:37,200 Speaker 1: was sacrificing sleep, right because and this actually started junior year. 417 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:41,240 Speaker 1: I remember a couple of girlfriends, like, we didn't have 418 00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:46,399 Speaker 1: cars so at that time, and so they took the 419 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:48,960 Speaker 1: streetcar and met me at my job. 420 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:51,720 Speaker 3: Hold up, hold up, what's the streetcar? 421 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:55,919 Speaker 1: Streetcar public transportation so so kind of like kind of 422 00:24:55,920 --> 00:25:00,639 Speaker 1: like the trolley here in yeah, in in the Bay Area. 423 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:05,960 Speaker 1: So they took the street car to come and meet 424 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:09,360 Speaker 1: me at my job, brought my change of clothes to 425 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:13,399 Speaker 1: me so that we could, like I could when my 426 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:17,240 Speaker 1: shift ended at eleven, we could hurry up and change 427 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:20,600 Speaker 1: clothes and go to the club. And then I don't 428 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:24,000 Speaker 1: remember if it was that instance or another instance where 429 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:28,520 Speaker 1: I was working extra to like earn extra money and 430 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:30,720 Speaker 1: I had to come right back to work at seven am, 431 00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: So it might not have been that instance, but I'm 432 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:38,719 Speaker 1: sure it happened multiple times though, where I would like 433 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:42,120 Speaker 1: work a three to eleven shift, go out party, stay 434 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,159 Speaker 1: out till like four am or whatever, and then maybe 435 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:47,560 Speaker 1: have to come back come to work at seven am 436 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,600 Speaker 1: and work from seven am to three pm. And then 437 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:54,639 Speaker 1: somewhere in there I was studying, because clearly my grades 438 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:56,439 Speaker 1: were good enough that I got into graduate school. I 439 00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:01,040 Speaker 1: have a PhD. Right, Okay, now, what I will say 440 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,160 Speaker 1: is that I don't advise that to folks now, right, 441 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:07,560 Speaker 1: I wouldn't advise people like live that kind of life 442 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:14,000 Speaker 1: because in hindsight, I can say that I was exhausted, right, 443 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:19,520 Speaker 1: And you know, we talked in a previous episode about 444 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,440 Speaker 1: aging and how like in your twenties, like you think 445 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:27,320 Speaker 1: that you're invincible. So yeah, in undergrad like I'm like 446 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:31,400 Speaker 1: nineteen twenty twenty one, I thought that I could do it. 447 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:33,600 Speaker 1: Like I said, I wouldn't advise that now because I 448 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:39,720 Speaker 1: think that like I sacrificed exhaustion, like I sacrificed sleep, 449 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:48,320 Speaker 1: I sacrificed my overall well being to quote unquote have 450 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:55,040 Speaker 1: it all to be able to study and party. I 451 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,640 Speaker 1: don't think that that's the healthiest. I do think that 452 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:03,919 Speaker 1: students should could have some balance, right, Like you should 453 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:07,560 Speaker 1: be having fun in your college experience. 454 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,640 Speaker 2: I just don't think you need to go as hard 455 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,880 Speaker 2: as I did in that regard. 456 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,919 Speaker 3: One. I love that you had so much fun and 457 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:20,000 Speaker 3: you were able to, you know, learn those lessons. I 458 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,399 Speaker 3: will say I would definitely agree with you, though, I 459 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:27,199 Speaker 3: think that it's possible for you to sacrifice something you 460 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:29,520 Speaker 3: want for something greater or for some kind of end 461 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:32,960 Speaker 3: goal and still be happy in the midst of the sacrifice. Yeah, 462 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,520 Speaker 3: And when I think about you know, we're talking about 463 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:38,320 Speaker 3: the shadow side of success, right, and the sacrifice is 464 00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:41,080 Speaker 3: made to achieve great things. And I think about what 465 00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:43,639 Speaker 3: we've been able to achieve with the podcast, and although 466 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,720 Speaker 3: sometimes it may not seem like a sacrifice, because we 467 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,840 Speaker 3: really enjoy, you know, showing up and delivering on a 468 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:52,920 Speaker 3: weekly basis. I mean, and I feel like we say 469 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:55,320 Speaker 3: this all the time. If this is your first time listening, 470 00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:57,840 Speaker 3: you got to tune into, you know, our old episodes 471 00:27:57,880 --> 00:27:59,520 Speaker 3: and you'll hear us say this. But lady, if you're 472 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:04,439 Speaker 3: a regular, you know, releasing episodes every Friday for two years, 473 00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,280 Speaker 3: like that is something to be so proud of for 474 00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:09,200 Speaker 3: me personally, because I feel like it's the most consistent 475 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,639 Speaker 3: thing I've ever done, outside of like brushing my teeth 476 00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 3: every day and being you know, being pregnant. Now some 477 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,400 Speaker 3: don't judge me, but some days, you know, you might 478 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,720 Speaker 3: skip a day. We in the midst of the pandemic 479 00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:22,399 Speaker 3: and stay at home many day. Sometimes you look up 480 00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,240 Speaker 3: and like, oh, is that my breath? I think to 481 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,840 Speaker 3: you know what I mean, it's always standing, Like showing 482 00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:31,160 Speaker 3: up every Friday is a big deal, but we've had 483 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:32,359 Speaker 3: to make some sacrifices. 484 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:33,959 Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree. 485 00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 1: Like I think about when pre pandemic, when you've been 486 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,760 Speaker 1: on a work trip or you've been on vacation, right, 487 00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,480 Speaker 1: or when I've been on vacation. 488 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:48,320 Speaker 3: Let's give details, Tom, talk about the times that we've 489 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:49,960 Speaker 3: recorded during those trips. 490 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:56,840 Speaker 1: Okay, yes, I can distinctly recall one instance where you 491 00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,520 Speaker 1: were in I think it was in New York, and 492 00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:02,560 Speaker 1: so we know that's a three hour time difference, and 493 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,920 Speaker 1: we usually record in the evenings. I didn't have the 494 00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:10,840 Speaker 1: capabilities to record in the middle of the day, so 495 00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 1: I wasn't able to And again this is pre pandemic. 496 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:19,720 Speaker 1: Before we really fully realized the capabilities of online recording, 497 00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:23,000 Speaker 1: we waited until like like I had to get home 498 00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:27,000 Speaker 1: from work commuting in the Bay Area. We know its 499 00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:31,680 Speaker 1: a bitch, so I'm not home until like seven or 500 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:35,280 Speaker 1: eight o'clock at night, which means we're looking at ten 501 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:36,959 Speaker 1: to eleven o'clock. 502 00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:42,360 Speaker 2: On the East Coast. And Terry is you're in New York. 503 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:44,640 Speaker 1: I think it was for like a work conference, so 504 00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,400 Speaker 1: you had to get up the next morning. You had 505 00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:51,840 Speaker 1: a long conference day, but we were both determined, like, okay. 506 00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:53,120 Speaker 2: But we need to get this episode done. 507 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:56,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, and let's just okay, lady, We're just going to 508 00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:58,680 Speaker 3: dive into some of the stuff you don't see, the 509 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,240 Speaker 3: sacrifice of the Domini met that we love to make 510 00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:04,200 Speaker 3: because we love you and we love to produce these episodes. 511 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,480 Speaker 3: But like in the beginning of this journey, I mean, 512 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,680 Speaker 3: even now, we still have sacrifices, but we're still so 513 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:10,680 Speaker 3: accustomed to it. It's like part of our ritual and 514 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:13,160 Speaker 3: our schedule. But I think about that time, right, it 515 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,440 Speaker 3: was super I mean I think we got to midnight 516 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,120 Speaker 3: on East Coast time and I had to actually present 517 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,720 Speaker 3: the next day, and we did that episode. I was 518 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,360 Speaker 3: I remember being in that bed. New York was loud 519 00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:26,440 Speaker 3: as shit. So they were like, oh, I was in downtown. 520 00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:28,440 Speaker 3: I think I was like in Manhattan, and I was like, Yo, 521 00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:31,400 Speaker 3: it's so loud. What the hell? We couldn't get it quiet. 522 00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:34,080 Speaker 3: The audio is probably a little janky on that episode too. 523 00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:38,960 Speaker 3: So that's one thing I think about you driving sometimes 524 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:45,400 Speaker 3: I'm from your house apon the bridge or from work 525 00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:48,360 Speaker 3: in traffic to come meet me so we can find 526 00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:52,200 Speaker 3: a spot to record in the city. I think about 527 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:55,240 Speaker 3: when we've had to I mean, we've had to just 528 00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:59,680 Speaker 3: find places to record, recording in my closet, closet, okay, 529 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:03,160 Speaker 3: leaning down recording in the closet. I think about in 530 00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:05,320 Speaker 3: the library, I mean we just pop up a mic, 531 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:07,320 Speaker 3: we have a guest, we're trying to figure it out. 532 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:11,720 Speaker 1: Oh, that time when we met in the library, it 533 00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:14,800 Speaker 1: was like we were like, Okay, we need to get 534 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:19,640 Speaker 1: this episode recorded. Our schedules are so hectic. We met 535 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:23,240 Speaker 1: in the morning. Oh and because we were interviewing East 536 00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:28,360 Speaker 1: Coast guests, so we met in the morning in the library. 537 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:31,520 Speaker 3: It was early too, so like. 538 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:34,640 Speaker 1: It was like seven thirty eight am when we met 539 00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 1: to record those episodes, because we did two back to back. 540 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:42,680 Speaker 3: Before going into the office, yes we did two episodes. 541 00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:46,640 Speaker 3: I think about before praise the good Lord that we 542 00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:50,680 Speaker 3: have someone an engineer to work on the episodes. But 543 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:54,600 Speaker 3: in the beginning, like editing is not my expertise, but 544 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:59,320 Speaker 3: just figuring that out and trying to edit the episodes 545 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:03,600 Speaker 3: and use these different softwares and just running into technological 546 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,000 Speaker 3: issues where we're just like, oh my gosh, the audio 547 00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:08,400 Speaker 3: didn't work or this thing got deleted. I mean all 548 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,760 Speaker 3: that stuff. I feel like there were so many nights 549 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,120 Speaker 3: down because we were both working full time when we 550 00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:15,040 Speaker 3: started this. We would have to go to work the 551 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:18,440 Speaker 3: next day. We'd have late nights. We record late nights 552 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:22,000 Speaker 3: after work. It was dark outside and cold when we 553 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,320 Speaker 3: were done, and just knowing that, Okay, I gotta get 554 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,480 Speaker 3: up early in the morning to go back to work 555 00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:30,120 Speaker 3: after recording. I mean little things that you don't really see, 556 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,480 Speaker 3: you know, when we release the episodes. But these are 557 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,360 Speaker 3: all sacrifices that we make because we have a bigger 558 00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:38,360 Speaker 3: vision and there's a why behind it, you know, right. 559 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,480 Speaker 1: And I think again it goes back to like perception, 560 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:44,560 Speaker 1: as we were saying before, because like even as you 561 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:47,240 Speaker 1: were saying, like, these are sacrifices that we were making, 562 00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:53,840 Speaker 1: I don't have a negative reaction to it, right, And 563 00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:57,400 Speaker 1: so I think that's why I still struggle with calling 564 00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:02,000 Speaker 1: them sacrifices, because I have to let go of that 565 00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:08,720 Speaker 1: negative feeling associated with the word sacrifice, because when you 566 00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:13,320 Speaker 1: talk about what we've done, yeah, technically, like if I 567 00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:18,200 Speaker 1: heard someone else talking about the things that I've done, 568 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:22,080 Speaker 1: the things that we've done for the podcast, I would 569 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:25,560 Speaker 1: be like damn girl like you. That's some sacrifice, right, 570 00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:30,400 Speaker 1: But when I think about it for myself, I don't 571 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:31,160 Speaker 1: label it that. 572 00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:33,720 Speaker 3: Dom, that's a really good point, and I'm glad that 573 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:35,560 Speaker 3: you said that. I did want to add on lady. 574 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:39,000 Speaker 3: One other thing, investing in the podcast and spending money 575 00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:42,480 Speaker 3: before we monetize the podcast. Okay, that's one of the dollars. 576 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:45,520 Speaker 3: That's the secondfe right right with you. But I'm with 577 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:47,680 Speaker 3: you because Dom, even though I talked about all these 578 00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:50,440 Speaker 3: times where we did this stuff, Tom, I can't remember 579 00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:53,760 Speaker 3: a time where we like totally like were we dreaded 580 00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:57,240 Speaker 3: doing that. I feel like luckily we work together so 581 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:01,640 Speaker 3: well and we typically energize on another, so sometimes one 582 00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:04,000 Speaker 3: of us is having an off day, we're able to 583 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,920 Speaker 3: like tap into the other person's energy. Even when in 584 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:09,399 Speaker 3: New York, I was like, I was excited this is 585 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,239 Speaker 3: we have such a big why and we actually love 586 00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:13,480 Speaker 3: to do this work. We were excited to do it. 587 00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:16,359 Speaker 3: Maybe sometimes with the tech stuff, that's where sometimes I'm like, Okay, 588 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:18,200 Speaker 3: I'm ready to throw the laptop out the window. But 589 00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:22,480 Speaker 3: other than that, I think we're always super like excited 590 00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:25,520 Speaker 3: to be making these I want to use air quotes sacrifices, 591 00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:28,920 Speaker 3: but like you said it was someone else, you'd be like, girl, 592 00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:31,640 Speaker 3: that's in't sacrifice and you did right or you. 593 00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:36,040 Speaker 1: Made And so you know, lady, as you think about 594 00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:40,080 Speaker 1: the things that you do in your life, the actions 595 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:49,040 Speaker 1: that you take to get to your end goal, your dream, 596 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:55,479 Speaker 1: whatever it may be, you know, think about asking yourself, Yeah, 597 00:34:55,719 --> 00:35:01,120 Speaker 1: what am I willing to sacrifice to achieve these goals? 598 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:04,080 Speaker 1: And maybe even if you know, like if like us, 599 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:09,160 Speaker 1: like you've struggled with using the word sacrifice, maybe changing 600 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:10,799 Speaker 1: the word sacrifice to. 601 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:16,560 Speaker 2: What am I willing to shift? What am I willing 602 00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:24,040 Speaker 2: to change? What am I willing to give up? In 603 00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:25,840 Speaker 2: order to achieve my goals? 604 00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:37,160 Speaker 1: Also asking yourself what are you sacrificing exactly? And who 605 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:43,880 Speaker 1: is it for? Like wool is the beneficiary of this sacrifice? 606 00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:50,680 Speaker 1: Number three, asking yourself how do you know when that 607 00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:58,560 Speaker 1: sacrifice is in vain? And then number four, how do 608 00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:06,160 Speaker 1: you know when a sacrifice was a bad sacrifice? 609 00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:09,560 Speaker 3: And I feel like usually in those situations now, it's 610 00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:14,200 Speaker 3: something that's compromising your mental health, right, your long term happiness. 611 00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:16,640 Speaker 3: I don't think you have to suffer to achieve your 612 00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:19,839 Speaker 3: goals or to gain success, right. I think the goal now, 613 00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:23,680 Speaker 3: especially these days with all the mental health conversations going on, 614 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,839 Speaker 3: is how can I work in a sustainable way? So 615 00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:30,200 Speaker 3: how can I cater to myself? How can I be 616 00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:33,240 Speaker 3: happy and focus on mental health as I achieve my goals? 617 00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:36,080 Speaker 3: So let you think about that as you pursue your 618 00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,279 Speaker 3: goals and as you strive for success, whatever that might 619 00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:43,320 Speaker 3: look like in your life. And this show is not over, 620 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:46,960 Speaker 3: and we're going to go hop on over to Patreon 621 00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:50,120 Speaker 3: and we'll discuss a little bit more about our thoughts 622 00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:54,120 Speaker 3: on this episode and just have some casual conversation for 623 00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:56,239 Speaker 3: the after show. So you can go ahead and take 624 00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:59,040 Speaker 3: a look at our website perspace podcast dot com and 625 00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:02,520 Speaker 3: click on Patreon on up in one of the top tabs, 626 00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:04,640 Speaker 3: and you can get access to our after show lady, 627 00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:05,920 Speaker 3: So we will see you over there. 628 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:10,719 Speaker 1: You Hey, lady, it's doctor Dom here from the Cultivating 629 00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:14,319 Speaker 1: her Space podcast. Do you have a burning question you're 630 00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:17,719 Speaker 1: dying to get feedback on? Do you want an unbiased 631 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:23,359 Speaker 1: perspective on a situation you're facing. If so, visit cultivatingheirspace 632 00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:27,800 Speaker 1: dot com and click ask doctor Dom under the start 633 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:31,680 Speaker 1: here option. Every Tuesday, I'll choose a few questions and 634 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:38,240 Speaker 1: answer them at random. Thanks for joining us today. Please 635 00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:43,360 Speaker 1: note that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, 636 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:48,200 Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but is by no means 637 00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:52,320 Speaker 1: meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship 638 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:56,160 Speaker 1: with a trained mental health provider. If you are someone 639 00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:59,560 Speaker 1: you know is in need of mental health care, please 640 00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:04,799 Speaker 1: visit a Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or 641 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:06,560 Speaker 1: contact your insurance provider. 642 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,120 Speaker 3: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 643 00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:13,719 Speaker 3: the conversation going, visit our website cultivatingherspace dot com, and 644 00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:16,320 Speaker 3: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access 645 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:21,200 Speaker 3: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show and 646 00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:25,360 Speaker 3: before we meet again, repeat after me, I am aligned 647 00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:27,160 Speaker 3: with my inevitable outcome. 648 00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:30,800 Speaker 1: We'll see you next week, Lady