WEBVTT - Part Two: Napoleon III: The Worst Bonaparte 0:00:12.240 --> 0:00:17.280 It really is funny every time, like genuine incredible opening 0:00:20.200 --> 0:00:23.079 the Bastards of Policy, in which I try to keep 0:00:23.120 --> 0:00:26.239 the names of all the Bonaparte straight and I'm gonna, 0:00:26.239 --> 0:00:29.960 be honest largely fail at it. It's bad. It's bad. 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:33.520 I'm gonna get a lot easier soon. Eventually. Louis Napoleon 0:00:33.600 --> 0:00:35.040 is the only one we have to care about in 0:00:35.080 --> 0:00:37.400 this story. But we are, we are still, We're at 0:00:37.440 --> 0:00:42.479 the last stage of their being multiple Louis, this is 0:00:42.560 --> 0:00:47.559 not your fault, and anybody who blames you, this is 0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:52.120 this is this is the concept of hereditary nobility's fault. 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:56.480 This is why whenever Edward Hapsburg, the heir to the 0:00:56.480 --> 0:01:00.720 Hapsburg dynasty and a big anime fan, po on Twitter, 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:04.000 I sent him a picture of his dead relative Maximilian, 0:01:04.040 --> 0:01:08.720 the first former Emperor of Mexico. Um, it's because of 0:01:08.800 --> 0:01:13.760 ship like this, and because he's a weird trad cat fascist. 0:01:13.840 --> 0:01:16.600 But I didn't know that there wasn't a live Habsburg. 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:20.520 That's incredible, there is. He loves. He loves Catholic fascism 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:25.399 and Miyazaki films. Oh my god, it's it's incredible. He's 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:29.319 an amazing poster. He's like he's like an anime avatar type. 0:01:31.160 --> 0:01:35.039 It's it's fucking phenomenal. I love it. He's just like 0:01:35.120 --> 0:01:36.360 I mean, at the end of the day, you do 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:40.080 enough inbreeding, you're gonna just breed four Chan posters. That's 0:01:40.080 --> 0:01:46.360 what you're gonna do. He's a wild character. He's on 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:50.400 the edge of groper dum. He's not quite online enough 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:53.600 to be one, really, but he spends all of his 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:56.920 time traveling around the world giving lectures on Blessed Carl, 0:01:56.960 --> 0:02:02.680 who was the last emperor of the Australian gary An Empire. God, 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:07.760 let me talk about my homie, Blessed Carl. Dude, your 0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:10.960 fucking family helped a night a conflagration that killed tens 0:02:11.000 --> 0:02:14.600 of millions of people. Like, maybe maybe shut the funk up, 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:17.440 Shut the funk up and change your name. Change your name. 0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:19.240 It's like, you know what I like about the Hitler's 0:02:19.240 --> 0:02:22.440 I'll say this for him, not the main one, right, 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:24.639 but he had family and stuff who weren't Hitler who 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:27.720 didn't like do the bad Hitler stuff. All of the 0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:31.360 branches of his family after his death independently decided to 0:02:31.440 --> 0:02:36.040 stop having kids, and they were all like, you know what, Hitlers, 0:02:36.639 --> 0:02:39.160 we roll. We rolled the dice on this family enough. 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:41.920 I love it. Yeah, it's a nice way of just 0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:45.480 going like, hey, you know, you know, maybe this whole genome. 0:02:46.880 --> 0:02:50.280 You know, my my mom was his aunt, not her fault. 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:53.079 She didn't do anything right. But I just don't think 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:56.000 we need to have any more hitlers. Yeah, we're gonna 0:02:56.040 --> 0:03:00.480 limit the hitlers. I think we're good. Yeah, I love Yeah, 0:03:00.520 --> 0:03:06.919 you gotta give it to the Hitlers and the other hitlers. 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:10.400 Thank you. I'm sorry. So there's a there's a segment 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:15.919 of your listenership who hates the soundboard for them, And 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:19.280 there's no one I hate more than those people hate 0:03:19.280 --> 0:03:21.520 the sound board, also hate that I have a microphone, 0:03:21.639 --> 0:03:24.560 and also hate that Roberts pronounces things. And so we 0:03:24.639 --> 0:03:27.239 just have the trifecta for help for them this episode. 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:31.800 They keep listening. They're like a heroin addict who would 0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:36.200 would shoot his dealer if he could work up the courage. 0:03:35.000 --> 0:03:51.600 So suck it, he Barrell, he's the deputys. Anyways, listen 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:54.480 upon yourself the water, I have a family. It is 0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:57.440 the world's only the Wire podcast. I'm Atlee. Hell yeah, 0:03:57.520 --> 0:04:01.320 maybe so. By the summer of eighteen thirty five, Louis 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:04.440 Napoleon had met a man who finally set his life 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:07.840 on a purposeful track. And this is again Gilbert Persigny, 0:04:07.880 --> 0:04:11.000 who is the ass kisser who convinces him, Hey, man, 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:13.560 people don't like the current king that much, but they 0:04:13.760 --> 0:04:16.359 love the ship out of the memory of your uncle. 0:04:16.760 --> 0:04:19.360 You could work this into something. You can make some 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:22.919 ship out of this, And Persigny convinces him that the 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:26.400 Bonapartist cause is still so popular in France that this 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:29.360 would be an easy task for Louis himself to accomplish. 0:04:29.760 --> 0:04:32.720 Within weeks, Louis was stating this opinion as his own, 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:35.360 saying quote, if the Napoleon at cause has left fond 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:37.600 memories in the hearts of the French people, then all 0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:40.440 I should have to do is present myself, standing quite alone, 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:43.159 without even troops at my side, before the people, and 0:04:43.200 --> 0:04:46.080 remind them of their recent grievances and past glory, and 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:48.800 they will rally to my flag. Believe me, I know 0:04:48.920 --> 0:04:52.120 my France. He has barely spent any time in his 0:04:52.160 --> 0:04:57.320 life and part time in Italy. He's he has a 0:04:57.440 --> 0:05:02.560 German ass accent. I know, I know my France. It's 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:06.200 this one thing. I know. It's France. I was born 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:09.240 in St. Louis and have like vague memories of my 0:05:09.320 --> 0:05:11.640 time there before we moved to Oklahoma, and maybe be like, 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:15.200 I know the people of St. Louis. Don't tell me 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:19.120 about South St. Louis. I know them. I listened to 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:23.480 the song Meet Louis. Yes, don't worry, I will. I 0:05:23.520 --> 0:05:26.480 know about Ted Drew's That's the only thing I remember 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:30.960 about St. Louis. Dope ass frozen yogurt um or maybe 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:33.200 it sucks. I don't remember. I was like nine the 0:05:33.279 --> 0:05:37.360 last time I ate there. Like, here's this thing I 0:05:37.440 --> 0:05:40.240 can't verify is cool from a very long time ago 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:48.159 podcast podcasts, That's right. Louis Napoleon sets upon a cunning plan, 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:50.520 which is that he's just gonna like march his way 0:05:50.760 --> 0:05:54.800 into France to this garrison at Strasbourg where there's like 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:58.719 ten thousand soldiers. And he likes that because if he assumes, 0:05:58.760 --> 0:06:00.760 I just gotta say hi to those soldiers and they'll 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:04.040 be like Linborough and then we can all march to Paris. 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:06.080 And this is he thinks that this will work for 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:09.320 him because this is kind of how Napoleon had retaken power, 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:12.200 that is how he did it essentially, that is how 0:06:12.240 --> 0:06:15.160 he did it. However, he did that because he had 0:06:15.200 --> 0:06:18.280 won dozens of battles against long odds and conquered all 0:06:18.279 --> 0:06:21.520 of Western Europe for for France. Right yeah, yeah, he 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:27.040 had like a track record. Yeah yeah. Whereas Louis Napoleon 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:29.800 is most famous for getting his older brother killed in Italy, 0:06:32.279 --> 0:06:35.080 so before he does, to his credit, he does try 0:06:35.120 --> 0:06:37.000 to do a little bit of groundwork before he just 0:06:37.360 --> 0:06:40.400 walks off to Strasbourg. He you know, from from his 0:06:40.480 --> 0:06:43.279 base of operations in London, reaches out to the commanding 0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:45.720 general of the garrison, like sends him a letter being like, 0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:49.680 I want to come and take your garrison to retake France. 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:53.720 This guy, being not a complete idiot, sends the letter 0:06:53.760 --> 0:06:58.039 to his bosses and it's like, hey, the they aired 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:00.800 a Napoleon bonapartum might be tried. It's over the country 0:07:00.800 --> 0:07:03.159 in a little while. Guy. It's I was thinking of 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:05.400 just letting him do it because it would be funny, 0:07:05.520 --> 0:07:08.600 but I thought i'd let you guys know check in. 0:07:09.040 --> 0:07:11.000 I will just check in on this, like it's not 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:17.240 in the manual. It's gonna fails. Could be pretty funny. Um, 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:20.800 Louis Napoleon is not able to convince this guy or 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:22.960 any like generals. But there's a couple of colonels and 0:07:23.040 --> 0:07:26.440 majors who had like fought in Napoleon Bonaparte's army and 0:07:26.480 --> 0:07:29.480 are like, I guess unhappy enough with the regime that 0:07:29.480 --> 0:07:31.520 they're like, yeah, man, we'll fight. So he gets some 0:07:31.560 --> 0:07:35.040 people to agree to back him in the French military. 0:07:35.240 --> 0:07:41.040 Here's how the Shadow Emperor describes what happened next. At 0:07:41.080 --> 0:07:44.400 six o'clock on Monday the thirty October eighteen thirty six, 0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:48.360 Swiss Army Captain Lewis Napoleon Bonaparte, now disguised in the 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:51.920 uniform of a French colonel, attended by French General Vaudre 0:07:52.200 --> 0:07:56.120 and ten officers including Gilbert Persigny, marched into the Strasburg 0:07:56.120 --> 0:07:59.280 Garrison to the barracks of the forty six Infantry Regiment, 0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:03.320 where Colon Old Bonaparte appealed to the men to join him. Unfortunately, 0:08:03.520 --> 0:08:06.360 they completely rejected the young man and the name of Bonaparte, 0:08:06.440 --> 0:08:08.800 much to the astonishment of the Prince, and from then 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:11.480 on it turned into a shambles. Although they managed to 0:08:11.480 --> 0:08:15.280 seize the commanding general thea Pilavoiril in his office. He 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:17.680 then escaped through a back door and was saved by 0:08:17.680 --> 0:08:22.040 his staff officers, joined by Barrillo's Barrillo's hysterical mother in 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:25.240 law and wife, who then pummeled the bewildered Swiss captain 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:28.119 with the barrage of fists. By eight o'clock, the coup 0:08:28.160 --> 0:08:31.800 was over and the invaders were behind locked doors. Louis 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:36.800 Napoleon loses his coup because the mom and daughter Mom, 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:39.160 the mother and wife of the guy he tries to kidnap, 0:08:39.240 --> 0:08:44.560 beat him up. It was wonderful. I love it. Doesn't 0:08:44.640 --> 0:08:48.959 even get stopped by the army guys. Mom starting and 0:08:49.760 --> 0:08:53.000 we almost won. Uh and sends a muzzle came out 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:54.960 and started punching me, and I was like, wow, I 0:08:55.040 --> 0:08:57.880 was not ready for this. I was not ready. It 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:02.640 was this my vachalo. By the way, I do love 0:09:02.679 --> 0:09:05.320 that he mostly as a German accent because it means 0:09:05.400 --> 0:09:08.160 I can start doing my German accent. We can't. That 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:10.400 is why I picked this. I was I was planning 0:09:10.440 --> 0:09:12.440 this for another guest, and then I was like, spoke 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:15.280 French with a German accent. Get mad on the phone. 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:18.600 That's me, baby, Sophie. Turn on the matt lead signal. 0:09:23.120 --> 0:09:26.079 When you can't do accents, all accents are correct. So 0:09:26.280 --> 0:09:30.360 the same people that hate your soundboard also hate and 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:40.160 you know what, fuck m fuck them. So a lot 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:42.840 of people are very amused by this coup attempt. The 0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:47.560 London Times sums it up as ridiculous. The Frankfurters tone 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:51.240 calls him an unbalanced young man and asks, what on 0:09:51.280 --> 0:09:56.800 earth did he possibly expect to achieve? Um? Now, glory? 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:01.360 I think, yes, yeah, it seems like it was the plan. 0:10:01.640 --> 0:10:04.920 I think it was going for like glory and something 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:09.319 something chill. At least some girls comes up a little short. 0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:12.640 So since the good news is that nobody gets hurt 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:16.480 in this attempt, right, the most injuries anyone suffers is 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:23.160 Louis Napoleon getting beaten up by two ladies. Incredible. So 0:10:23.720 --> 0:10:26.680 Charles the Tenth is looking at this situation is like, well, 0:10:26.920 --> 0:10:30.600 nobody's dead. This is pretty comical, and like if I 0:10:30.640 --> 0:10:33.360 try to execute him or like put him up, that's 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:36.600 just gonna be more visibility. And he is a bonaparte, right, Like, 0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:40.040 I don't want to fuck that much with a bonaparte 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:42.559 because things are not things are not great for Charles 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:45.160 the Tenth right, he is not on a super solid 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:47.240 and he just kind of he kind of just wants 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:49.120 this to go away, right, hoping that like he's not 0:10:49.120 --> 0:10:51.400 going to try a second time to overthrow the government. 0:10:51.920 --> 0:10:55.560 Um So, let's just, you know, let's just try and 0:10:55.600 --> 0:10:59.240 deal with this amiably. So he he gives Louis Napoleon 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:02.440 two thousand dollars in a bag and takes him to 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:04.240 a harbor where he's put on a boat for New 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:07.120 York City. Um So, Louis Philip is like, yeah, just 0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:09.760 take this bag of cash and get the funk out 0:11:09.800 --> 0:11:13.080 of here. Here's two hundred thousand dollars, and has his 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:16.960 soldiers take Louis uh Napoleon to a harbor and he 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:19.560 sails to New York City to have a vacation. I 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:22.960 do love that. Like, if you want to know why 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:27.400 uh fail suns continually get chances over, it's because when 0:11:27.400 --> 0:11:30.160 they do something really stupid that any other person would 0:11:30.200 --> 0:11:33.240 be executed over, you give them two hundred dollars in 0:11:33.240 --> 0:11:36.560 a free vacation. I agree with you. You know, it's 0:11:36.559 --> 0:11:39.360 fair to say this was a complicated problem for the 0:11:39.960 --> 0:11:42.240 to deal with, because but yeah, I think I think 0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:44.880 you gotta hang him right, that just that should be 0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:47.680 the rule. With Goose, I think that's a regular rule. 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:50.600 I think we've all agreed to this rule. Well, I 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:53.160 mean we're having this problem now and I kind of 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:55.600 think we should have hung anyway. Whatever. You know, you 0:11:55.640 --> 0:11:59.800 know my feelings on on the former president. Yeah, if 0:11:59.800 --> 0:12:05.679 they say it, but uh, the lesson with Louis Napoleon 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:08.280 and the lesson with Hitler, and maybe the lesson with 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:10.640 the Trump is that, like, if people keep trying to 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:14.040 take over the government, you have to you have to 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:16.600 stop them permanently. They won't give up just because it 0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:20.120 doesn't work. Once. Have you guys watched a single episode 0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:23.000 of Pinky in the Brain? You think he stops every 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:25.839 time he fails to take over the world, the brain 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:33.120 keeps going. You gotta hang the brain. As embarrassing as 0:12:33.200 --> 0:12:37.720 the first coup attempt goes, Louis Napoleon isn't that put 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:39.440 out by it. He is a good vacation. He gets 0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:41.720 to go to the US. He loves the United States, 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:45.240 finds it fascinating. He's especially this is a very exciting 0:12:45.320 --> 0:12:47.800 mid eighteen hundreds. A lot of technology is getting off 0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:50.040 the ground for the first time. He gets to see 0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:53.200 in person, some of the first American experiments with electricity. 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:56.240 He gets to watch like very early trains, which France 0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:59.319 doesn't really have yet. Like France is still in a 0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:02.240 lot of ways and at evil economy, like all transit 0:13:02.360 --> 0:13:04.760 is like carriages and ship like they are not there's 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:08.680 not they're not industrializing. Um. So while he's away, he 0:13:08.720 --> 0:13:11.800 does have a trial in absentia in France and it 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:15.600 results surprisingly in him being acquitted. Um and this is 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:18.800 for it doesn't like again, the Bonapartes have a lot 0:13:18.800 --> 0:13:20.760 of sympathy and there's a lot of things that get 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:22.480 sucked up in this trial. It's not really worth getting 0:13:22.480 --> 0:13:26.280 that into, but he gets acquitted. Um. Lewis enjoys the 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:28.800 United States. He finds a soothing break from his failed 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:31.480 attempt to take the French throne. He does if you 0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:34.040 want to know what he thinks about America, he notes 0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:37.120 in his diary that American slavery seems to be quote 0:13:37.360 --> 0:13:41.160 a bad thing. Um, so I'll give him that. I'll 0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:45.920 give him that again when when people talk about well, 0:13:45.960 --> 0:13:47.760 you know, it was just the times, like this guy 0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:50.800 sucks ass and he looks at Americans like, oh no, 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:55.360 this is shitty. COO's getting beat up by a couple 0:13:56.240 --> 0:14:00.600 sucks and he's like, like, slavery is bad. This is 0:14:00.760 --> 0:14:04.320 uh yeah, this is this is this is really this 0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:09.640 is really unpleasant. Co attempt was ridiculous, but this owning people. 0:14:09.960 --> 0:14:13.880 He finds himself really admiring technology, how how how how 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:18.200 enterprising Americans are with technology, how much they embrace like 0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:21.720 new things, how modern they are. But he also decides 0:14:21.960 --> 0:14:24.320 and concludes and letters back to his friends and family 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:27.040 that the country, the new nation, is deficient in what 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:30.240 he calls moral force, and he lays this at the 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:34.840 United States as immaturity. Quote. In principle, every American colony 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:38.000 is a real republic. It is an association of men who, 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:40.720 with equal rights, have agreed together to develop the products 0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:42.880 of their country. It matters little whether they have a 0:14:42.920 --> 0:14:45.720 governor or president for their chief. They require only a 0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:49.280 few police regulations. Here. There is freedom to acquire, but 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:52.080 not freedom to enjoy. There is the right to act, 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:56.920 but not to think, which I actually find surprisingly act. Yeah, 0:14:57.000 --> 0:15:01.120 that's kind of hit the nail on head there. That's 0:15:01.160 --> 0:15:04.200 not a bad summarado for us now, Yeah, yeah, no, 0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:07.960 that's that has remained true. Yeah, credit where it's due. 0:15:08.040 --> 0:15:11.720 He kind of had our number. Um, so he had 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:14.000 to cut his trip to the United States short after 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:15.920 about six months. I think he wanted to spend more 0:15:15.960 --> 0:15:18.280 time seem more of a continent. But then his mom 0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:20.720 gets sick, um, and you know, he's a mom's boy. 0:15:21.160 --> 0:15:23.520 He returns home to be with her while she died. 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:26.280 She dies in his arms, YadA, YadA, YadA. Sad stuff. Look, 0:15:26.280 --> 0:15:28.000 they've all been dead for two hundred years. Don't think 0:15:28.000 --> 0:15:30.560 too much about it. Once he's done grieving, it's time 0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:32.760 to get right back to his ultimate goal, which is 0:15:32.800 --> 0:15:37.200 still to become the Emperor of France, he goes plotting. 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:40.960 He goes back to England um with a kotterie of backers. 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:43.720 He does decide to like, Yeah, he goes back to 0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:45.680 England with this kotterie of backers, a Mitch of a 0:15:45.720 --> 0:15:49.880 mix of bankers, financiers, former French military officers, and kanmen 0:15:49.960 --> 0:15:52.760 pretending to be former French military officers, and he decides 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:56.200 to put together a more ambitious plan to seize the throne. 0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:58.400 And we're gonna talk about all of that and his 0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:02.160 flight from Switzerland. But first, Matt, how do you how 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:05.640 do you how do you feel about the concept that 0:16:05.720 --> 0:16:10.920 out there the largest freshwater bodies are just sitting around 0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:21.000 our border with Canada, fucking fat and lazy. We know, 0:16:21.200 --> 0:16:25.880 goddamn well, they're not, you know, be any natural borders 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:32.040 to Canada. Socialist Lakes, Socialist lakes. This has been a 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:37.400 paid advertisement for the campaign to fucking nuke the goddamn 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:40.480 ship out of the Great Lakes the lakes, turn it 0:16:40.480 --> 0:16:45.520 into steam, use that steam to power engines lakes. That's right, 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:47.680 that's right. We could be nuking all the lakes by 0:16:47.680 --> 0:16:53.840 this time. We create by blowing up the lakes, and 0:16:53.880 --> 0:16:59.000 we'll get water in southern California. Again, no one's proven 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:03.720 it wouldn't work that way. Yeah, science, get ahead of it. 0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:08.800 A lake nuke a couple of lakes anyway, Speaking of 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:19.119 nuking lakes, Yeah, okay, you were about to take a 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:22.040 commercial break. Yeah, this is a break. We've we've got 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:31.000 a we've got a minute. Let's take it. Oh my god, 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:35.760 we're back from outer space. I just walked in to 0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:43.919 find Matt leeb here with that face. Oh wow, okay, sorry, no, no, 0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:45.719 that's the way you do it. Yes, and you know 0:17:45.840 --> 0:17:50.080 you just just building baby I do yes, and my 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:53.359 version is yes, And was that okay? I always like 0:17:53.440 --> 0:17:57.639 to ask that after yes? And was I allowed to 0:17:57.640 --> 0:17:59.879 ad like that? That's how I go? Was that accept 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:05.680 to you? Yes? This is why I failed at the Groundlings. God, 0:18:05.760 --> 0:18:07.800 I just kidding. I never did the Groundlings. I've never 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:11.760 taken an improv class and neither of I. I knew 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:15.040 too many people who were into improv and decided absolutely 0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:20.120 not ever never ever. Yeah, it is weird because like 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:23.480 one out of a hundred of the like improvisers that 0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:25.919 I know or that I've seen, I'm like, that's the 0:18:25.920 --> 0:18:29.000 funniest person I've ever seen. But then that means nine 0:18:29.480 --> 0:18:36.040 nine are just terrible. Look, every terrible improv person we've 0:18:36.080 --> 0:18:39.280 ever needed. Was was was was just the price we 0:18:39.359 --> 0:18:43.160 all paid as a society to get Tim Robinson exactly exactly, 0:18:43.240 --> 0:18:47.480 and you know what, it's still not worth it. And 0:18:47.520 --> 0:18:49.200 a lot of people want to say, like, oh, well, 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:51.200 you know, stand up comedy is also bad. Yeah, but 0:18:51.240 --> 0:18:55.080 at least stand up comics are sad and bad, you know, 0:18:55.320 --> 0:18:58.800 it is improvisers they're just like happy and bad and 0:18:58.800 --> 0:19:01.800 that's not fair. Is it is very funny that like 0:19:02.760 --> 0:19:04.960 anyway that would be getting too far off topic. Let's 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:10.520 talk more about Louis motherfucking Napoleon. So, by eighteen thirty seven, 0:19:10.560 --> 0:19:13.000 when Louis Napoleon tried his ill fated attempt to coup 0:19:13.040 --> 0:19:15.600 the French government, the first first one, he had already 0:19:15.600 --> 0:19:18.040 been let himself become completely obsessed with the idea of 0:19:18.080 --> 0:19:20.520 taking back the crown of his uncle from King Louis Philippe. 0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:22.800 The fact that his punishment for that coup had not 0:19:22.840 --> 0:19:24.960 even amounted to a slap on the wrist putting back 0:19:25.040 --> 0:19:27.880 they in fact, they've paid vacation meant that he had 0:19:27.960 --> 0:19:31.919 not been incentivized against trying again. But if if you 0:19:32.040 --> 0:19:36.320 spent a day failing to take over France and got 0:19:36.320 --> 0:19:39.000 like lightly beaten up, and then was given two d 0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:42.120 thousand dollars, do you think you might try to take 0:19:42.160 --> 0:19:44.680 over France again? Matt, I mean, I would just assume 0:19:44.880 --> 0:19:47.320 that that's how I get more money. Yeah, I would 0:19:47.359 --> 0:19:49.920 do it. A second. Absolutely, I'd be like, well, that's 0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:53.680 a job. Apparently my job is trying to take over 0:19:53.680 --> 0:19:56.720 France every once in a while to America have fun. 0:19:57.119 --> 0:20:01.240 Behavioral psychology is a complex field. People will agree when 0:20:01.280 --> 0:20:10.439 you give someone two hundred thousand dollars. That's an incentive. Yeah. Um, no, 0:20:10.880 --> 0:20:13.960 you really don't. This is very simple economics. Yeah, this 0:20:14.119 --> 0:20:18.240 is human behavior, even for To his credit, former King 0:20:18.359 --> 0:20:22.880 Louis Bonaparte tries desperately to stop his son from continuing 0:20:22.960 --> 0:20:26.120 this course of action. He begs Louis Napoleon to take 0:20:26.160 --> 0:20:29.080 his gifts and his talents and pursue a worthy life 0:20:29.119 --> 0:20:35.600 somewhere fall far outside of politics. An improv please, Napoleon. Yeah, 0:20:35.680 --> 0:20:39.080 He begs him to to avoid quote what are referred 0:20:39.080 --> 0:20:41.680 to as the great affairs of the world. He's basically, look, man, 0:20:41.760 --> 0:20:43.879 I know you want to be in power. You like 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:47.160 the idea of like being this huge historical figure. I 0:20:47.280 --> 0:20:50.080 was a big historical figure, and it actually sucks. Don't 0:20:50.119 --> 0:20:53.640 do it. He is desperately trying to give his son 0:20:53.720 --> 0:20:58.000 the best advice possible. His kid does not listen. Um, 0:20:58.440 --> 0:21:01.439 he is he urged. Again. To his credit, he's like, quote, 0:21:01.520 --> 0:21:04.520 enjoy some real pleasure during this brief existence of ours, Like, 0:21:04.560 --> 0:21:07.600 don't why do you want this job? Just like you're 0:21:07.720 --> 0:21:11.400 you're a rich kid. You you hit the like inheritance jackpot. 0:21:11.480 --> 0:21:13.920 Just live your life and enjoy it, Like make some art, 0:21:14.040 --> 0:21:17.120 or something. Um, Louis Napoleon is not going to take 0:21:17.160 --> 0:21:21.439 this advice. So the fridge guy that keeps buying me 0:21:21.520 --> 0:21:23.640 guitars and telling me to start a band, and he's 0:21:23.680 --> 0:21:27.159 really pissing me off. I don't want to be in 0:21:27.160 --> 0:21:31.320 a band. I want to control an army and invade arbitrarily. 0:21:31.720 --> 0:21:33.879 Louis Napoleon like sits down at the end of his 0:21:33.920 --> 0:21:36.200 son's bed, like, hey, there, Champ, how you doing. I 0:21:36.240 --> 0:21:39.879 just wanted to you. Ever tried you, ever tried cocaine? 0:21:40.160 --> 0:21:42.879 You might really like it. Actually, you know what, started 0:21:42.920 --> 0:21:45.800 trying to get me to do coke? Paying these hookers 0:21:45.840 --> 0:21:47.560 to come over in party with you. We got a 0:21:47.680 --> 0:21:49.879 rave rooms set up in the in the feast home. 0:21:49.920 --> 0:21:51.840 Why don't you just do that the rest of your life? 0:21:52.080 --> 0:21:55.320 You want to take some e with me? Oh? I 0:21:55.400 --> 0:21:58.680 love it. I love that He's just doing anything possible 0:21:58.720 --> 0:22:02.000 to get him to not be into doing war. He's 0:22:02.000 --> 0:22:04.840 just like, no, Daddy, I do not want to fox 0:22:04.840 --> 0:22:12.800 these ladies anymore. It is so funny trying to so 0:22:12.920 --> 0:22:16.879 the French. The French government keeps heavy like police, secret 0:22:16.920 --> 0:22:20.919 police surveillance on the entire Bonaparte family. Now, um, and 0:22:20.960 --> 0:22:24.040 this is again. Louis's family are never happy with him. 0:22:24.119 --> 0:22:26.080 He gets his brother killed, he gets them forced out 0:22:26.119 --> 0:22:29.080 of Italy, and now there's like spooks watching their every move. 0:22:29.160 --> 0:22:32.159 So it's this is not pleasant for anybody. When the 0:22:32.200 --> 0:22:34.959 French government realizes that he's going to try again, they 0:22:35.000 --> 0:22:38.720 start pushing on Switzerland to eject Louis from the country again. 0:22:38.760 --> 0:22:40.639 They don't really want to kill him or anything. They 0:22:40.720 --> 0:22:43.480 just like Switzerland's right on the border of France, so 0:22:43.480 --> 0:22:47.199 they're like, let's try to force him to get further away. Um. 0:22:47.240 --> 0:22:49.879 This goes so far as King Louis Philippe sends an 0:22:49.960 --> 0:22:53.080 army of twenty thousand men to the border of Switzerland. 0:22:53.320 --> 0:22:55.520 Like Switzerland and France are kind of on the edge 0:22:55.560 --> 0:22:59.200 of a major war for a little while. Um. But 0:22:59.320 --> 0:23:03.400 and in this causes problems for Louis Napoleon in Switzerland, 0:23:03.680 --> 0:23:06.160 but it does not have the effect that Louis Philippe 0:23:06.200 --> 0:23:08.919 wants it to have because war tensions between the two 0:23:08.960 --> 0:23:11.080 countries are high for months, which means the news is 0:23:11.119 --> 0:23:14.359 constantly reporting on this, which means Louis Napoleon's name is 0:23:14.440 --> 0:23:19.120 constantly in the French papers. Um. If you remember Donald Trump, UM, 0:23:20.280 --> 0:23:24.480 publicity is good publicity for guys like this, and it 0:23:24.600 --> 0:23:26.760 keeps him, It keeps him popular, keeps his name alive, 0:23:26.760 --> 0:23:29.600 it keeps people talking about him. Um and and kind 0:23:29.600 --> 0:23:32.879 of even being vaguely near to an attempt on power 0:23:33.000 --> 0:23:34.680 is worth it because it again, it keeps his name 0:23:34.680 --> 0:23:38.320 out in front of people. He's learning through this, Louis Napoleon, 0:23:38.400 --> 0:23:40.320 the same lesson that like Trump and a lot of 0:23:40.320 --> 0:23:44.480 other authoritarians, like populist authoritarians, are gonna learn a long 0:23:44.520 --> 0:23:48.359 time later. One French minister wisely noted at the time, quote, 0:23:48.600 --> 0:23:51.680 no one in France can ever again forget Louis Napoleon's name, 0:23:51.920 --> 0:23:54.040 and soon he will be even more dangerous than he 0:23:54.119 --> 0:23:56.920 was before the Strasbourg affair. He's kind of the first. 0:23:56.920 --> 0:24:00.199