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Speaker 1: It really is funny every time, like genuine incredible opening

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Speaker 1: the Bastards of Policy, in which I try to keep

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Speaker 1: the names of all the Bonaparte straight and I'm gonna,

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Speaker 1: be honest largely fail at it. It's bad. It's bad.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna get a lot easier soon. Eventually. Louis Napoleon

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Speaker 1: is the only one we have to care about in

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Speaker 1: this story. But we are, we are still, We're at

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Speaker 1: the last stage of their being multiple Louis, this is

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Speaker 1: not your fault, and anybody who blames you, this is

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Speaker 1: this is this is the concept of hereditary nobility's fault.

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Speaker 1: This is why whenever Edward Hapsburg, the heir to the

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Speaker 1: Hapsburg dynasty and a big anime fan, po on Twitter,

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Speaker 1: I sent him a picture of his dead relative Maximilian,

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Speaker 1: the first former Emperor of Mexico. Um, it's because of

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Speaker 1: ship like this, and because he's a weird trad cat fascist.

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Speaker 1: But I didn't know that there wasn't a live Habsburg.

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Speaker 1: That's incredible, there is. He loves. He loves Catholic fascism

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Speaker 1: and Miyazaki films. Oh my god, it's it's incredible. He's

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Speaker 1: an amazing poster. He's like he's like an anime avatar type.

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Speaker 1: It's it's fucking phenomenal. I love it. He's just like

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Speaker 1: I mean, at the end of the day, you do

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Speaker 1: enough inbreeding, you're gonna just breed four Chan posters. That's

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Speaker 1: what you're gonna do. He's a wild character. He's on

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Speaker 1: the edge of groper dum. He's not quite online enough

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Speaker 1: to be one, really, but he spends all of his

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Speaker 1: time traveling around the world giving lectures on Blessed Carl,

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Speaker 1: who was the last emperor of the Australian gary An Empire. God,

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Speaker 1: let me talk about my homie, Blessed Carl. Dude, your

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Speaker 1: fucking family helped a night a conflagration that killed tens

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Speaker 1: of millions of people. Like, maybe maybe shut the funk up,

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Speaker 1: Shut the funk up and change your name. Change your name.

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Speaker 1: It's like, you know what I like about the Hitler's

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Speaker 1: I'll say this for him, not the main one, right,

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Speaker 1: but he had family and stuff who weren't Hitler who

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Speaker 1: didn't like do the bad Hitler stuff. All of the

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Speaker 1: branches of his family after his death independently decided to

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Speaker 1: stop having kids, and they were all like, you know what, Hitlers,

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Speaker 1: we roll. We rolled the dice on this family enough.

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Speaker 1: I love it. Yeah, it's a nice way of just

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Speaker 1: going like, hey, you know, you know, maybe this whole genome.

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Speaker 1: You know, my my mom was his aunt, not her fault.

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Speaker 1: She didn't do anything right. But I just don't think

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Speaker 1: we need to have any more hitlers. Yeah, we're gonna

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Speaker 1: limit the hitlers. I think we're good. Yeah, I love Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you gotta give it to the Hitlers and the other hitlers.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm sorry. So there's a there's a segment

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Speaker 1: of your listenership who hates the soundboard for them, And

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Speaker 1: there's no one I hate more than those people hate

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Speaker 1: the sound board, also hate that I have a microphone,

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Speaker 1: and also hate that Roberts pronounces things. And so we

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Speaker 1: just have the trifecta for help for them this episode.

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Speaker 1: They keep listening. They're like a heroin addict who would

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Speaker 1: would shoot his dealer if he could work up the courage.

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Speaker 1: So suck it, he Barrell, he's the deputys. Anyways, listen

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Speaker 1: upon yourself the water, I have a family. It is

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Speaker 1: the world's only the Wire podcast. I'm Atlee. Hell yeah,

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Speaker 1: maybe so. By the summer of eighteen thirty five, Louis

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Speaker 1: Napoleon had met a man who finally set his life

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Speaker 1: on a purposeful track. And this is again Gilbert Persigny,

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Speaker 1: who is the ass kisser who convinces him, Hey, man,

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Speaker 1: people don't like the current king that much, but they

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Speaker 1: love the ship out of the memory of your uncle.

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Speaker 1: You could work this into something. You can make some

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Speaker 1: ship out of this, And Persigny convinces him that the

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Speaker 1: Bonapartist cause is still so popular in France that this

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Speaker 1: would be an easy task for Louis himself to accomplish.

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Speaker 1: Within weeks, Louis was stating this opinion as his own,

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Speaker 1: saying quote, if the Napoleon at cause has left fond

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Speaker 1: memories in the hearts of the French people, then all

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Speaker 1: I should have to do is present myself, standing quite alone,

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Speaker 1: without even troops at my side, before the people, and

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Speaker 1: remind them of their recent grievances and past glory, and

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Speaker 1: they will rally to my flag. Believe me, I know

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Speaker 1: my France. He has barely spent any time in his

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Speaker 1: life and part time in Italy. He's he has a

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Speaker 1: German ass accent. I know, I know my France. It's

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Speaker 1: this one thing. I know. It's France. I was born

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Speaker 1: in St. Louis and have like vague memories of my

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Speaker 1: time there before we moved to Oklahoma, and maybe be like,

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Speaker 1: I know the people of St. Louis. Don't tell me

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Speaker 1: about South St. Louis. I know them. I listened to

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Speaker 1: the song Meet Louis. Yes, don't worry, I will. I

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Speaker 1: know about Ted Drew's That's the only thing I remember

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Speaker 1: about St. Louis. Dope ass frozen yogurt um or maybe

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Speaker 1: it sucks. I don't remember. I was like nine the

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Speaker 1: last time I ate there. Like, here's this thing I

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Speaker 1: can't verify is cool from a very long time ago

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Speaker 1: podcast podcasts, That's right. Louis Napoleon sets upon a cunning plan,

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Speaker 1: which is that he's just gonna like march his way

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Speaker 1: into France to this garrison at Strasbourg where there's like

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Speaker 1: ten thousand soldiers. And he likes that because if he assumes,

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Speaker 1: I just gotta say hi to those soldiers and they'll

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Speaker 1: be like Linborough and then we can all march to Paris.

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Speaker 1: And this is he thinks that this will work for

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Speaker 1: him because this is kind of how Napoleon had retaken power,

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Speaker 1: that is how he did it essentially, that is how

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Speaker 1: he did it. However, he did that because he had

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Speaker 1: won dozens of battles against long odds and conquered all

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Speaker 1: of Western Europe for for France. Right yeah, yeah, he

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Speaker 1: had like a track record. Yeah yeah. Whereas Louis Napoleon

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Speaker 1: is most famous for getting his older brother killed in Italy,

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Speaker 1: so before he does, to his credit, he does try

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Speaker 1: to do a little bit of groundwork before he just

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Speaker 1: walks off to Strasbourg. He you know, from from his

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Speaker 1: base of operations in London, reaches out to the commanding

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Speaker 1: general of the garrison, like sends him a letter being like,

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Speaker 1: I want to come and take your garrison to retake France.

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Speaker 1: This guy, being not a complete idiot, sends the letter

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Speaker 1: to his bosses and it's like, hey, the they aired

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Speaker 1: a Napoleon bonapartum might be tried. It's over the country

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Speaker 1: in a little while. Guy. It's I was thinking of

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Speaker 1: just letting him do it because it would be funny,

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Speaker 1: but I thought i'd let you guys know check in.

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Speaker 1: I will just check in on this, like it's not

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Speaker 1: in the manual. It's gonna fails. Could be pretty funny. Um,

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Speaker 1: Louis Napoleon is not able to convince this guy or

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Speaker 1: any like generals. But there's a couple of colonels and

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Speaker 1: majors who had like fought in Napoleon Bonaparte's army and

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Speaker 1: are like, I guess unhappy enough with the regime that

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Speaker 1: they're like, yeah, man, we'll fight. So he gets some

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Speaker 1: people to agree to back him in the French military.

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Speaker 1: Here's how the Shadow Emperor describes what happened next. At

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Speaker 1: six o'clock on Monday the thirty October eighteen thirty six,

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Speaker 1: Swiss Army Captain Lewis Napoleon Bonaparte, now disguised in the

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Speaker 1: uniform of a French colonel, attended by French General Vaudre

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Speaker 1: and ten officers including Gilbert Persigny, marched into the Strasburg

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Speaker 1: Garrison to the barracks of the forty six Infantry Regiment,

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Speaker 1: where Colon Old Bonaparte appealed to the men to join him. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: they completely rejected the young man and the name of Bonaparte,

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Speaker 1: much to the astonishment of the Prince, and from then

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Speaker 1: on it turned into a shambles. Although they managed to

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Speaker 1: seize the commanding general thea Pilavoiril in his office. He

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Speaker 1: then escaped through a back door and was saved by

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Speaker 1: his staff officers, joined by Barrillo's Barrillo's hysterical mother in

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Speaker 1: law and wife, who then pummeled the bewildered Swiss captain

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Speaker 1: with the barrage of fists. By eight o'clock, the coup

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Speaker 1: was over and the invaders were behind locked doors. Louis

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Speaker 1: Napoleon loses his coup because the mom and daughter Mom,

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Speaker 1: the mother and wife of the guy he tries to kidnap,

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Speaker 1: beat him up. It was wonderful. I love it. Doesn't

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Speaker 1: even get stopped by the army guys. Mom starting and

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Speaker 1: we almost won. Uh and sends a muzzle came out

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Speaker 1: and started punching me, and I was like, wow, I

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Speaker 1: was not ready for this. I was not ready. It

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Speaker 1: was this my vachalo. By the way, I do love

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Speaker 1: that he mostly as a German accent because it means

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Speaker 1: I can start doing my German accent. We can't. That

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Speaker 1: is why I picked this. I was I was planning

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Speaker 1: this for another guest, and then I was like, spoke

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Speaker 1: French with a German accent. Get mad on the phone.

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Speaker 1: That's me, baby, Sophie. Turn on the matt lead signal.

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Speaker 1: When you can't do accents, all accents are correct. So

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Speaker 1: the same people that hate your soundboard also hate and

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Speaker 1: you know what, fuck m fuck them. So a lot

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Speaker 1: of people are very amused by this coup attempt. The

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Speaker 1: London Times sums it up as ridiculous. The Frankfurters tone

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Speaker 1: calls him an unbalanced young man and asks, what on

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Speaker 1: earth did he possibly expect to achieve? Um? Now, glory?

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Speaker 1: I think, yes, yeah, it seems like it was the plan.

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Speaker 1: I think it was going for like glory and something

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Speaker 1: something chill. At least some girls comes up a little short.

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Speaker 1: So since the good news is that nobody gets hurt

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Speaker 1: in this attempt, right, the most injuries anyone suffers is

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Speaker 1: Louis Napoleon getting beaten up by two ladies. Incredible. So

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Speaker 1: Charles the Tenth is looking at this situation is like, well,

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Speaker 1: nobody's dead. This is pretty comical, and like if I

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Speaker 1: try to execute him or like put him up, that's

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Speaker 1: just gonna be more visibility. And he is a bonaparte, right, Like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to fuck that much with a bonaparte

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Speaker 1: because things are not things are not great for Charles

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Speaker 1: the Tenth right, he is not on a super solid

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Speaker 1: and he just kind of he kind of just wants

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Speaker 1: this to go away, right, hoping that like he's not

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Speaker 1: going to try a second time to overthrow the government.

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Speaker 1: Um So, let's just, you know, let's just try and

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Speaker 1: deal with this amiably. So he he gives Louis Napoleon

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Speaker 1: two thousand dollars in a bag and takes him to

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Speaker 1: a harbor where he's put on a boat for New

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Speaker 1: York City. Um So, Louis Philip is like, yeah, just

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Speaker 1: take this bag of cash and get the funk out

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Speaker 1: of here. Here's two hundred thousand dollars, and has his

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Speaker 1: soldiers take Louis uh Napoleon to a harbor and he

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Speaker 1: sails to New York City to have a vacation. I

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Speaker 1: do love that. Like, if you want to know why

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Speaker 1: uh fail suns continually get chances over, it's because when

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Speaker 1: they do something really stupid that any other person would

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Speaker 1: be executed over, you give them two hundred dollars in

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Speaker 1: a free vacation. I agree with you. You know, it's

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Speaker 1: fair to say this was a complicated problem for the

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Speaker 1: to deal with, because but yeah, I think I think

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Speaker 1: you gotta hang him right, that just that should be

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Speaker 1: the rule. With Goose, I think that's a regular rule.

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Speaker 1: I think we've all agreed to this rule. Well, I

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Speaker 1: mean we're having this problem now and I kind of

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Speaker 1: think we should have hung anyway. Whatever. You know, you

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Speaker 1: know my feelings on on the former president. Yeah, if

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Speaker 1: they say it, but uh, the lesson with Louis Napoleon

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Speaker 1: and the lesson with Hitler, and maybe the lesson with

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Speaker 1: the Trump is that, like, if people keep trying to

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Speaker 1: take over the government, you have to you have to

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Speaker 1: stop them permanently. They won't give up just because it

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Speaker 1: doesn't work. Once. Have you guys watched a single episode

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Speaker 1: of Pinky in the Brain? You think he stops every

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Speaker 1: time he fails to take over the world, the brain

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Speaker 1: keeps going. You gotta hang the brain. As embarrassing as

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Speaker 1: the first coup attempt goes, Louis Napoleon isn't that put

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Speaker 1: out by it. He is a good vacation. He gets

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Speaker 1: to go to the US. He loves the United States,

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Speaker 1: finds it fascinating. He's especially this is a very exciting

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Speaker 1: mid eighteen hundreds. A lot of technology is getting off

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Speaker 1: the ground for the first time. He gets to see

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Speaker 1: in person, some of the first American experiments with electricity.

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Speaker 1: He gets to watch like very early trains, which France

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Speaker 1: doesn't really have yet. Like France is still in a

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Speaker 1: lot of ways and at evil economy, like all transit

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Speaker 1: is like carriages and ship like they are not there's

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Speaker 1: not they're not industrializing. Um. So while he's away, he

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Speaker 1: does have a trial in absentia in France and it

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Speaker 1: results surprisingly in him being acquitted. Um and this is

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Speaker 1: for it doesn't like again, the Bonapartes have a lot

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Speaker 1: of sympathy and there's a lot of things that get

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Speaker 1: sucked up in this trial. It's not really worth getting

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Speaker 1: that into, but he gets acquitted. Um. Lewis enjoys the

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Speaker 1: United States. He finds a soothing break from his failed

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Speaker 1: attempt to take the French throne. He does if you

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Speaker 1: want to know what he thinks about America, he notes

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Speaker 1: in his diary that American slavery seems to be quote

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Speaker 1: a bad thing. Um, so I'll give him that. I'll

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Speaker 1: give him that again when when people talk about well,

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Speaker 1: you know, it was just the times, like this guy

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Speaker 1: sucks ass and he looks at Americans like, oh no,

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Speaker 1: this is shitty. COO's getting beat up by a couple

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Speaker 1: sucks and he's like, like, slavery is bad. This is

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Speaker 1: uh yeah, this is this is this is really this

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Speaker 1: is really unpleasant. Co attempt was ridiculous, but this owning people.

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Speaker 1: He finds himself really admiring technology, how how how how

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Speaker 1: enterprising Americans are with technology, how much they embrace like

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Speaker 1: new things, how modern they are. But he also decides

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Speaker 1: and concludes and letters back to his friends and family

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Speaker 1: that the country, the new nation, is deficient in what

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Speaker 1: he calls moral force, and he lays this at the

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Speaker 1: United States as immaturity. Quote. In principle, every American colony

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Speaker 1: is a real republic. It is an association of men who,

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Speaker 1: with equal rights, have agreed together to develop the products

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Speaker 1: of their country. It matters little whether they have a

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Speaker 1: governor or president for their chief. They require only a

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Speaker 1: few police regulations. Here. There is freedom to acquire, but

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Speaker 1: not freedom to enjoy. There is the right to act,

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Speaker 1: but not to think, which I actually find surprisingly act. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's kind of hit the nail on head there. That's

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Speaker 1: not a bad summarado for us now, Yeah, yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: that's that has remained true. Yeah, credit where it's due.

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Speaker 1: He kind of had our number. Um, so he had

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Speaker 1: to cut his trip to the United States short after

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Speaker 1: about six months. I think he wanted to spend more

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Speaker 1: time seem more of a continent. But then his mom

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Speaker 1: gets sick, um, and you know, he's a mom's boy.

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Speaker 1: He returns home to be with her while she died.

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Speaker 1: She dies in his arms, YadA, YadA, YadA. Sad stuff. Look,

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Speaker 1: they've all been dead for two hundred years. Don't think

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Speaker 1: too much about it. Once he's done grieving, it's time

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Speaker 1: to get right back to his ultimate goal, which is

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Speaker 1: still to become the Emperor of France, he goes plotting.

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Speaker 1: He goes back to England um with a kotterie of backers.

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Speaker 1: He does decide to like, Yeah, he goes back to

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Speaker 1: England with this kotterie of backers, a Mitch of a

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Speaker 1: mix of bankers, financiers, former French military officers, and kanmen

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Speaker 1: pretending to be former French military officers, and he decides

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Speaker 1: to put together a more ambitious plan to seize the throne.

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Speaker 1: And we're gonna talk about all of that and his

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Speaker 1: flight from Switzerland. But first, Matt, how do you how

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Speaker 1: do you how do you feel about the concept that

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Speaker 1: out there the largest freshwater bodies are just sitting around

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Speaker 1: our border with Canada, fucking fat and lazy. We know,

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Speaker 1: goddamn well, they're not, you know, be any natural borders

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Speaker 1: to Canada. Socialist Lakes, Socialist lakes. This has been a

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Speaker 1: paid advertisement for the campaign to fucking nuke the goddamn

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Speaker 1: ship out of the Great Lakes the lakes, turn it

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Speaker 1: into steam, use that steam to power engines lakes. That's right,

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Speaker 1: that's right. We could be nuking all the lakes by

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Speaker 1: this time. We create by blowing up the lakes, and

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Speaker 1: we'll get water in southern California. Again, no one's proven

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Speaker 1: it wouldn't work that way. Yeah, science, get ahead of it.

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Speaker 1: A lake nuke a couple of lakes anyway, Speaking of

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Speaker 1: nuking lakes, Yeah, okay, you were about to take a

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Speaker 1: commercial break. Yeah, this is a break. We've we've got

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Speaker 1: a we've got a minute. Let's take it. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: we're back from outer space. I just walked in to

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Speaker 1: find Matt leeb here with that face. Oh wow, okay, sorry, no, no,

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Speaker 1: that's the way you do it. Yes, and you know

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Speaker 1: you just just building baby I do yes, and my

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Speaker 1: version is yes, And was that okay? I always like

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Speaker 1: to ask that after yes? And was I allowed to

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Speaker 1: ad like that? That's how I go? Was that accept

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Speaker 1: to you? Yes? This is why I failed at the Groundlings. God,

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Speaker 1: I just kidding. I never did the Groundlings. I've never

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Speaker 1: taken an improv class and neither of I. I knew

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Speaker 1: too many people who were into improv and decided absolutely

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Speaker 1: not ever never ever. Yeah, it is weird because like

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Speaker 1: one out of a hundred of the like improvisers that

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Speaker 1: I know or that I've seen, I'm like, that's the

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Speaker 1: funniest person I've ever seen. But then that means nine

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Speaker 1: nine are just terrible. Look, every terrible improv person we've

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Speaker 1: ever needed. Was was was was just the price we

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Speaker 1: all paid as a society to get Tim Robinson exactly exactly,

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Speaker 1: and you know what, it's still not worth it. And

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Speaker 1: a lot of people want to say, like, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, stand up comedy is also bad. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: at least stand up comics are sad and bad, you know,

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Speaker 1: it is improvisers they're just like happy and bad and

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Speaker 1: that's not fair. Is it is very funny that like

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Speaker 1: anyway that would be getting too far off topic. Let's

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Speaker 1: talk more about Louis motherfucking Napoleon. So, by eighteen thirty seven,

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Speaker 1: when Louis Napoleon tried his ill fated attempt to coup

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Speaker 1: the French government, the first first one, he had already

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Speaker 1: been let himself become completely obsessed with the idea of

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Speaker 1: taking back the crown of his uncle from King Louis Philippe.

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Speaker 1: The fact that his punishment for that coup had not

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Speaker 1: even amounted to a slap on the wrist putting back

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Speaker 1: they in fact, they've paid vacation meant that he had

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Speaker 1: not been incentivized against trying again. But if if you

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Speaker 1: spent a day failing to take over France and got

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Speaker 1: like lightly beaten up, and then was given two d

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Speaker 1: thousand dollars, do you think you might try to take

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Speaker 1: over France again? Matt, I mean, I would just assume

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Speaker 1: that that's how I get more money. Yeah, I would

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Speaker 1: do it. A second. Absolutely, I'd be like, well, that's

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Speaker 1: a job. Apparently my job is trying to take over

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Speaker 1: France every once in a while to America have fun.

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Speaker 1: Behavioral psychology is a complex field. People will agree when

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Speaker 1: you give someone two hundred thousand dollars. That's an incentive. Yeah. Um, no,

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Speaker 1: you really don't. This is very simple economics. Yeah, this

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Speaker 1: is human behavior, even for To his credit, former King

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Speaker 1: Louis Bonaparte tries desperately to stop his son from continuing

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Speaker 1: this course of action. He begs Louis Napoleon to take

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Speaker 1: his gifts and his talents and pursue a worthy life

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Speaker 1: somewhere fall far outside of politics. An improv please, Napoleon. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: He begs him to to avoid quote what are referred

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Speaker 1: to as the great affairs of the world. He's basically, look, man,

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Speaker 1: I know you want to be in power. You like

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Speaker 1: the idea of like being this huge historical figure. I

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Speaker 1: was a big historical figure, and it actually sucks. Don't

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Speaker 1: do it. He is desperately trying to give his son

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Speaker 1: the best advice possible. His kid does not listen. Um,

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Speaker 1: he is he urged. Again. To his credit, he's like, quote,

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Speaker 1: enjoy some real pleasure during this brief existence of ours, Like,

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Speaker 1: don't why do you want this job? Just like you're

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Speaker 1: you're a rich kid. You you hit the like inheritance jackpot.

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Speaker 1: Just live your life and enjoy it, Like make some art,

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Speaker 1: or something. Um, Louis Napoleon is not going to take

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Speaker 1: this advice. So the fridge guy that keeps buying me

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Speaker 1: guitars and telling me to start a band, and he's

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Speaker 1: really pissing me off. I don't want to be in

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Speaker 1: a band. I want to control an army and invade arbitrarily.

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Speaker 1: Louis Napoleon like sits down at the end of his

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Speaker 1: son's bed, like, hey, there, Champ, how you doing. I

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Speaker 1: just wanted to you. Ever tried you, ever tried cocaine?

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Speaker 1: You might really like it. Actually, you know what, started

359
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,800
Speaker 1: trying to get me to do coke? Paying these hookers

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Speaker 1: to come over in party with you. We got a

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Speaker 1: rave rooms set up in the in the feast home.

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Speaker 1: Why don't you just do that the rest of your life?

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Speaker 1: You want to take some e with me? Oh? I

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Speaker 1: love it. I love that He's just doing anything possible

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Speaker 1: to get him to not be into doing war. He's

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Speaker 1: just like, no, Daddy, I do not want to fox

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Speaker 1: these ladies anymore. It is so funny trying to so

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Speaker 1: the French. The French government keeps heavy like police, secret

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Speaker 1: police surveillance on the entire Bonaparte family. Now, um, and

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Speaker 1: this is again. Louis's family are never happy with him.

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Speaker 1: He gets his brother killed, he gets them forced out

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Speaker 1: of Italy, and now there's like spooks watching their every move.

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Speaker 1: So it's this is not pleasant for anybody. When the

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Speaker 1: French government realizes that he's going to try again, they

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Speaker 1: start pushing on Switzerland to eject Louis from the country again.

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Speaker 1: They don't really want to kill him or anything. They

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Speaker 1: just like Switzerland's right on the border of France, so

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Speaker 1: they're like, let's try to force him to get further away. Um.

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Speaker 1: This goes so far as King Louis Philippe sends an

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Speaker 1: army of twenty thousand men to the border of Switzerland.

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Speaker 1: Like Switzerland and France are kind of on the edge

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Speaker 1: of a major war for a little while. Um. But

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Speaker 1: and in this causes problems for Louis Napoleon in Switzerland,

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Speaker 1: but it does not have the effect that Louis Philippe

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Speaker 1: wants it to have because war tensions between the two

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Speaker 1: countries are high for months, which means the news is

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Speaker 1: constantly reporting on this, which means Louis Napoleon's name is

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Speaker 1: constantly in the French papers. Um. If you remember Donald Trump, UM,

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Speaker 1: publicity is good publicity for guys like this, and it

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Speaker 1: keeps him, It keeps him popular, keeps his name alive,

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Speaker 1: it keeps people talking about him. Um and and kind

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Speaker 1: of even being vaguely near to an attempt on power

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Speaker 1: is worth it because it again, it keeps his name

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Speaker 1: out in front of people. He's learning through this, Louis Napoleon,

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Speaker 1: the same lesson that like Trump and a lot of

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Speaker 1: other authoritarians, like populist authoritarians, are gonna learn a long

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Speaker 1: time later. One French minister wisely noted at the time, quote,

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Speaker 1: no one in France can ever again forget Louis Napoleon's name,

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Speaker 1: and soon he will be even more dangerous than he

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Speaker 1: was before the Strasbourg affair. He's kind of the first.

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Speaker 1: And again he to his credit, he's not unaware of this.

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00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 1: He realizes, like, even though this doesn't work, it's just

403
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Speaker 1: kind of worth it to keep trying, because people, you know,

404
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 1: if you keep people talking about you, that's part of

405
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Speaker 1: what you need to do in order to succeed at

406
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Speaker 1: this thing, especially if you're like you know, um letting

407
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Speaker 1: people think you're just ridiculous the whole time. Yeah, yeah,

408
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 1: and at this point he is, and to his credit,

409
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Speaker 1: he does care about his adopted home of Switzerland enough

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Speaker 1: that he leaves forever to spare it, you know, the

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Speaker 1: trouble of being invaded by France possibly Uh, he goes

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Speaker 1: to London, um, which is you know number one, the

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Speaker 1: Brits are happy to have him because even though they

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Speaker 1: didn't have a good relationship with the Bonapartes, the British

415
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Speaker 1: are kind of always quarreling with France. So now that

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Speaker 1: he's contra to the people ruling in France, it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we want a bat like anything that fox with France

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Speaker 1: a little bit enemy dog exactly. Um. And also like

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Speaker 1: France can't threaten England. Nobody nobody can threaten English right now?

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Speaker 1: Like yeah, um, we got called the boat ship in boats,

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Speaker 1: yeah you've got you old people, but yeahin't got no boat.

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Speaker 1: What are you gonna do? You just effortlessly summed up

423
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:22,959
Speaker 1: three hundred and fifty years of British foreign You have

424
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:29,399
Speaker 1: to take a boat. Waters are cold enough to be

425
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:35,159
Speaker 1: frozen so you can walk over you. So it is

426
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 1: funny to think if there had been like one cold

427
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,400
Speaker 1: snap in like the period from sixteen hundred to nineteen

428
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,120
Speaker 1: forty where people could have walked across the England would

429
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:50,240
Speaker 1: have been got nothing, absolutely gone, So that would have

430
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:54,679
Speaker 1: been awesome. Yeah, so um yeah. He goes to London

431
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 1: and he takes with him Gilbert per Sydney and around

432
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 1: like twenty other of his big supporters, including an Italian

433
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,720
Speaker 1: banker named Giuseppe or C who's going to be funding

434
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:07,720
Speaker 1: his next attempt to take power. I'm gonna give you

435
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 1: the money, you know, I'm just doing all accents, you're Pinio.

436
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:20,399
Speaker 1: So gives them all trampled documents, mostly because again they

437
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,840
Speaker 1: figure he's gonna funk with France again, which is correct.

438
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 1: So he spends the next little bit a couple of

439
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,639
Speaker 1: years living in England, in London, specifically, he goes to

440
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,720
Speaker 1: all these high society parties. He's very he's very in demand.

441
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 1: You know, he's Napoleon's nephew, he's Prince Bonaparte um. And

442
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:38,879
Speaker 1: he makes a lot of connections with powerful backers in

443
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,719
Speaker 1: other parts of Europe who want to funk with France

444
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 1: for some reason or another. Um, and he starts plotting

445
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 1: his next coup attempt. He also, you know, to his credit,

446
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,240
Speaker 1: he's not he's done in a lot of ways. He's

447
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:54,359
Speaker 1: not a complete moron either. He pays attention very successfully

448
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:57,880
Speaker 1: to the way the British Empire does things. One biographer

449
00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:00,679
Speaker 1: describes him as being quote greatly impressed by the English

450
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:04,040
Speaker 1: obsession with foreign travel and exotic places. And when they

451
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:08,360
Speaker 1: say travel here, they are not talking about tourists, they're

452
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 1: nots Yeah. In eighteen thirty nine, while he's in London,

453
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 1: the British Empire takes possession of Hong Kong and the

454
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:20,280
Speaker 1: East India Company occupies Adden. Um. So that's what he

455
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:24,600
Speaker 1: means by travel. So as his plans for imperial glory solidify,

456
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 1: so too does his political understanding of what has gone

457
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 1: wrong in his home country. France, again in this period,

458
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:33,800
Speaker 1: is basically medieval in a lot of respects. Their economy

459
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:38,199
Speaker 1: is ancient, it is, it is decrepit. Again. There's fucking

460
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,080
Speaker 1: trains in the in the UK, in the UK and

461
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,160
Speaker 1: in the United States and a number of other places.

462
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,320
Speaker 1: Everything in France is still done by like horses driving

463
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:50,639
Speaker 1: around wagons, like percent of transit, praying to God that

464
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:54,720
Speaker 1: the harvest comes in and yeah, says, they don't got

465
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,920
Speaker 1: much in the way of technology. It's bad. Um. Social

466
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 1: life has also stagnated again. But as King Louis Philippe

467
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 1: as as a kind of avanchist. You know, he's trying

468
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:06,680
Speaker 1: to take things back to the absolute monarchy days, not

469
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 1: with a ton of success um. And yeah, the the

470
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,399
Speaker 1: emperor or the king's hold on power is just is

471
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:18,920
Speaker 1: not great. Alan Strausschaum sums up with Louis Napoleon took

472
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:22,119
Speaker 1: from this in his writings from eighteen forty. The fundamental

473
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,159
Speaker 1: vice which is eating away at France today is the

474
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 1: exaggerated interpretation of the rights of the individual of his

475
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 1: scorn for authority. Now this is the real Louis Napoleon speaking.

476
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:34,920
Speaker 1: The people were already to independent. Now, yes, there should

477
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,719
Speaker 1: be popular elections, but the people must vote as they

478
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 1: were directed. And that is precisely how he intended to

479
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,880
Speaker 1: run his future empire. Give the masses the vote, but

480
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 1: all voting would be dictated by the leader of the

481
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:48,120
Speaker 1: country a la Bonaparte. Napoleon the First had, of course,

482
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 1: completely manipulated his national plebiscites without apologies. That system worked,

483
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 1: so it did. That's that's his thinking. Later that year,

484
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 1: still convinced that the people of France would him and

485
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 1: Moss if he just presented himself to them in the

486
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 1: right way. Napoleon attempted a second coup. By this point,

487
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 1: he fully believed that he was meant by God to

488
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:11,720
Speaker 1: take up his uncle's legacy and lead France into a

489
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: second empire. He wrote to his followers, from time to time,

490
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 1: men are created whom I call volunteers of Providence, in

491
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 1: whose hands are placed the destiny of their countries. I

492
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 1: believe I am one of those men. If I am wrong,

493
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,560
Speaker 1: I can perish uselessly. If I am right, then Providence

494
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 1: will put me into a position to fulfill my mission. Again,

495
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 1: how about both? When when people say I believe I'm

496
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:39,160
Speaker 1: a volunteer of Providence and the destiny of nations is

497
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 1: in my hands, I believe I have been chosen by

498
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 1: God to do this, you have a moral responsibility to

499
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 1: hit them with a brick, right anyone who says that,

500
00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 1: give him a bricking. That is that is fascism, one

501
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 1: on one ship right now, in a lot of ways.

502
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 1: Part of way I picked him Louis Napoleon. He's not

503
00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 1: a fascist. Fascist does not exist yet. But he is

504
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 1: the most direct precursor to twentieth century fascism that you

505
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 1: get prior to that period. He is in a lot

506
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 1: and we're building to like a lot of why that

507
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 1: becomes the case. But you can see it here this

508
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 1: idea that I saw, his idea that is very hilarian

509
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 1: and Mussolinian. However, you say that I somehow, I as

510
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 1: an individual embody the national will and have been kind

511
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 1: of chosen by provenance to to take this country in

512
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:28,160
Speaker 1: a direction like away from to steer it and where

513
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 1: it needs to go right, Like that is very much

514
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:36,240
Speaker 1: a fascist attitude. It's it's it's not again. Fascism owes

515
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 1: a lot of its DNA to feudalism and you and

516
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 1: that's kind of why I find Napoleon the third interesting

517
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 1: is he sort of represents because he's also kind of

518
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,480
Speaker 1: a republican, but in the way that the republic should

519
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:52,880
Speaker 1: exist to justify my reign um. Interesting guy, interesting period. Yeah,

520
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:57,720
Speaker 1: it's the proto fascism in that it's like the esthetics

521
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:02,479
Speaker 1: of the past in his street is what he's driving on.

522
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 1: Like that's it's not just the feudalism, you know, totalitarian authoritarianism.

523
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 1: It's also remember the glorious past, and I represent it

524
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:16,360
Speaker 1: in blood. That is proto fascism to a t. It

525
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 1: sure is my friend. It shure is so our man

526
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 1: charters a steamboat with fifty six men. Um. Some of

527
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 1: them are former military officers and a few others are

528
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 1: guys who have been like leading hunts and stuff. They're

529
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 1: like the kind of servants who take rich guys on hunts.

530
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 1: But most of them are like bankers, political functionaries, journalists,

531
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 1: guys who are not going to be useful in a fight. Right, Um,

532
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,959
Speaker 1: this is his This is his coup attempt squad, and

533
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 1: this is I gotta tell you. We talk about coups

534
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 1: quite often on on this show. We've talked about the

535
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 1: Wonga coup, which is a very funny failed coup. There's

536
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 1: elements of humor and Hitler's failed coup and a number

537
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:57,320
Speaker 1: of other failed cues. This is the funniest coup failure

538
00:31:57,360 --> 00:32:00,520
Speaker 1: I have ever heard of. This is this is a mazing.

539
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:06,320
Speaker 1: So the whole attempt has been funded by Count Giuseppe Orsi.

540
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:09,400
Speaker 1: Was this banker. He secured like two point two million

541
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 1: ish modern equivalent dollars. When I say a number of

542
00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 1: like how much money ship's worth, I'm always speaking like

543
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 1: the equivalent modern term like this many francs, because what

544
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 1: a sixteen thousand francs mean to anybody listening to like whatever?

545
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,560
Speaker 1: Um about two point two million modern dollars in funding

546
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:27,560
Speaker 1: from a variety of backers. So this boat with these

547
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 1: fifty six dudes on it nears the French coast and

548
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 1: Louis Napoleon orders everybody, most of whom don't know what

549
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 1: they're doing entirely. They've been following Louis Napoleon, but like

550
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 1: he only keeps a couple of people in the loop

551
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:40,960
Speaker 1: is to the plan. So once they get off the

552
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 1: French coast, he tells everybody get into these French army uniforms.

553
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 1: We're all gonna dress like French regular French soldiers. Where's

554
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:52,720
Speaker 1: the hat? Put the hat on? I gets a big one.

555
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 1: The biggest hat is mind, The biggest hat is mine.

556
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,479
Speaker 1: I gets a good soul. But you guys get so

557
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,880
Speaker 1: they all are armed with copy is a French army

558
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 1: guns that they've purchased in Birmingham. Again, the gun industry,

559
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,719
Speaker 1: there's not really any gun control in most of you know,

560
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 1: the European states at a lot at least a number

561
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 1: of them at this point. So like in England, you

562
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:13,840
Speaker 1: could just kind of easily pick up copies of the

563
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,360
Speaker 1: kinds of guns, the French hues and vice versa. So

564
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:20,040
Speaker 1: they have like copies of French army guns, and they

565
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: have French uniforms that this banker has bought, and they're

566
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:26,720
Speaker 1: kind of dressing as regular soldiers now, and the most

567
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:29,560
Speaker 1: of them are. In the Strasbourg attempt, Louis Napoleon had

568
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 1: worn the uniform of a colonel. He had never been

569
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,440
Speaker 1: a colonel anywhere, but certainly not in the French army.

570
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:39,440
Speaker 1: For this next attempt, he promoted himself to major general. Figurings,

571
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:41,800
Speaker 1: maybe the issue when I got beat up by those

572
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 1: two ladies was that I have enough. Yeah, if I

573
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 1: had the stars, if I had the stars and all

574
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 1: the stripes, and people would be like, oh wait, we

575
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 1: can't hit him. Well, no, don't hit him. Look at

576
00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 1: all the ranks on his shoulders. He's a major general,

577
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:03,920
Speaker 1: not just a colonel. So once everyone is equipped, he

578
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:08,520
Speaker 1: delivers a stirring speech, friends, companions of my destiny, I

579
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 1: have drawn up a plan. We are going to France.

580
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 1: There we will find powerful, devoted friends vaiting on us.

581
00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:18,880
Speaker 1: The soul of Jack Obstacle is bolown, but once it

582
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 1: is removed, final success is certain. And if I am

583
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 1: supported and reinforced there, which is as certain as the

584
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 1: sun in the sky, we will be in Paris within

585
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:31,480
Speaker 1: a matter of days. I've slipped out of the accent. No,

586
00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:34,960
Speaker 1: you went into French, which was impressive. Yeah, then history

587
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 1: will say that with just a handful of such brave

588
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:40,279
Speaker 1: men as you, I shall have achieved this grand and

589
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 1: glorious undertaking. So he gives a speech, now, the chief

590
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,759
Speaker 1: military advisor on this coup attempt, Right, the man who

591
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,200
Speaker 1: is supposed to because they're supposed to be building an

592
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 1: army as they walk along these areas to eventually confront

593
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 1: the king in battle. Right, that's the idea. So he

594
00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 1: has a general with him, right, you know, because he's

595
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,279
Speaker 1: he's humble enough to know I've never commanded an army

596
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:04,960
Speaker 1: in the field. I should probably have somebody who has.

597
00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 1: And the general that he has to run the military

598
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 1: side of this coup attempt is Major General Tristan d

599
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:16,640
Speaker 1: Month alone. Now, impressive name. Right, Here's how the book

600
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:20,600
Speaker 1: The Shadow Emperor describes this guy. Just About everything about

601
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 1: him was either phony or bizarre, beginning with the title

602
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 1: he used of Marquis he was only account and quite

603
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,400
Speaker 1: a new one at that, allegedly wounded and having served

604
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 1: with Napoleon from a hohen Linden to Waterloo. It was

605
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:34,239
Speaker 1: all lies. Indeed, he not only had never served on

606
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:36,799
Speaker 1: a single battlefield, but he had refused to do so

607
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,800
Speaker 1: when so ordered. Not content with that, he had renewed,

608
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,920
Speaker 1: reneged on gambling debts, and topped that off by stealing

609
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,080
Speaker 1: the regimental pay of his own officers. Despite all he

610
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:49,320
Speaker 1: had somehow hoodwinked Napoleon and accompanied him to Saint Helena,

611
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:53,000
Speaker 1: where he became his final confidante. Promised a major legacy

612
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:55,839
Speaker 1: from Napoleon's will. Month Alon had, on at least two

613
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 1: occasions administered arsenic and Napoleon's wine, greatly weakening him in

614
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,960
Speaker 1: leading to his death. And it was the charlatan, coward,

615
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 1: thief and murderer whom Louis Napoleon had unwittingly appointed to

616
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 1: his campaign. That is beautiful, That is beautiful. I love it.

617
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 1: He was just like, yeah, you know, this guy is

618
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:19,520
Speaker 1: wearing all the right clothes. He knows my dad, he

619
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:23,400
Speaker 1: knows my uncle. Yeah, yeh knows my uncle. And uh,

620
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:26,040
Speaker 1: you know he said he was in Saint Helena used

621
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:29,280
Speaker 1: to give him lots of drinks. It was fun. Yeah,

622
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 1: he'll take Come on, he's been a general, so of

623
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:35,840
Speaker 1: course I trust him. Look at that's my It's great.

624
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,600
Speaker 1: He gives me such confidence. He's a true confidence man.

625
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 1: Now I will give Louis Napoleon some credit. The boat

626
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:46,360
Speaker 1: guys he hired do their job competently. They get everyone

627
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:49,520
Speaker 1: to shore, everyone gets to France and his on France,

628
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,000
Speaker 1: which has given how the rest of this goes kind

629
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,840
Speaker 1: of amazing. I gotta say, you know it's gonna go

630
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 1: bad when you're giving credit to the guys who made

631
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 1: the boat go. Yeah, they did. They did succeed in

632
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:07,280
Speaker 1: reaching land from the sea away. That is the last success,

633
00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 1: and in fact, the landing is not a huge success.

634
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 1: They do get to shore, but they're not great at it,

635
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:19,040
Speaker 1: and so they make a lot of noise. Job he

636
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 1: told us it was quiet, right, I just don't different

637
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:24,480
Speaker 1: guy's job. No one ever said I was quiet boat.

638
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:29,880
Speaker 1: So I take boat from point a point bust a

639
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:33,480
Speaker 1: customs agent. Here's them coming to shore like a like

640
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 1: a customs guy, guy whose job is to make sure

641
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 1: boats don't land in France without like paying taxes and

642
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 1: he like walks up to them and it's like, so,

643
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:45,399
Speaker 1: what's a what's going on here? And they lie, they

644
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:47,920
Speaker 1: say they're soldiers from the nearby regiment and they tell

645
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,320
Speaker 1: them like, we're from this regiment. That's the regiment billeted

646
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:52,200
Speaker 1: in the city. But they get the name of the

647
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 1: regiment wrong, which this guy knows because he lives here.

648
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 1: So he's like, that's kind of suspicious. Soldiers usually know

649
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:04,320
Speaker 1: what regiment they're in. Also, the guy in charge speaks

650
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:15,279
Speaker 1: in a German accent that's peculiar French and six Airborne.

651
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,960
Speaker 1: This is one thing we know. It's we are definitely

652
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:26,719
Speaker 1: not invading. This customs agent gets further suspicious because when

653
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 1: he asks questions of the group, they there's not like,

654
00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:33,200
Speaker 1: you know, normally you have a military unit and you,

655
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,320
Speaker 1: as another member of the military and an official capacity,

656
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:40,200
Speaker 1: ask questions of that unit. Normally, like one person is

657
00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:42,560
Speaker 1: going to reply right because there's a chain of command,

658
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:45,200
Speaker 1: and like someone is going to be in charge of

659
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,080
Speaker 1: that unit and he will answer for them, which is

660
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 1: generally how things work in armies. Instead, every time he

661
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 1: asks a question, like people will be quiet and then

662
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:57,000
Speaker 1: like replies will come at random from different members of

663
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 1: the group, most Napoleon, the guy dressed as a general,

664
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:04,439
Speaker 1: Louis Napoleon is too anxious, he gets like stage fright,

665
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:08,720
Speaker 1: so he can't say anything. Meanwhile, the other general, month Alon,

666
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:11,839
Speaker 1: basically hides because he's never been a general and does

667
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:15,440
Speaker 1: not know how to actually respond and his number one

668
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 1: thing is hiding when yes, that is kind of what's

669
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,680
Speaker 1: That's what I'm known for in real life. None of

670
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 1: these guys know what they're doing, and the customs agent

671
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:27,680
Speaker 1: like confused, but like, well, they all do look like

672
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 1: French soldiers, is like, why don't I escort you guys

673
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:33,319
Speaker 1: to the local military base and they can figure out

674
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:36,760
Speaker 1: where you're supposed to be. So they all start marching together.

675
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,399
Speaker 1: And they've been like marching a little while when one

676
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:42,800
Speaker 1: of the colonel's former French army colonels that Louis Napoleon

677
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 1: has gathered to his coup attempt, suddenly shouts, do you

678
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 1: know who you're escorting? It's Prince Napoleon himself, And then

679
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 1: and then another man cries out, Belogne is ours and

680
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:58,400
Speaker 1: France will soon proclaim the Prince Emperor of France. Now

681
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 1: customs agent whose name is Lieutenant Bally gets kind of

682
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:08,040
Speaker 1: suspicious at this, so he's like, all right, everybody stop

683
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 1: a second, stop talking. What are you talking about? Now?

684
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 1: I should probably have mentioned this or earlier, but it

685
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 1: makes the the outburst that just happened make a little

686
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:22,080
Speaker 1: more sense. I should note, everyone, including Louis Napoleon, is

687
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 1: ship house drunk. They were they were to get their

688
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:29,640
Speaker 1: courage up on the boat. They're pounding brandy, which is

689
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:32,680
Speaker 1: probably why they make so much noise and probably why

690
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 1: they don't know how to respond when this guy starts

691
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:37,839
Speaker 1: asking really basic questions, because they are all they are

692
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,600
Speaker 1: all wasted, and the drunkest of all of them is

693
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:44,840
Speaker 1: General du Mont the lawn Bally Lieutenant Bally is like,

694
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:47,239
Speaker 1: all right, everybody, fucking halt, what is going on here?

695
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 1: When he does that, General month Lawon staggers forward, slurring

696
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:54,000
Speaker 1: his words, and tries to bribe the officer with a pension.

697
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 1: She's like, may, man, we'll give you like a fifteen

698
00:40:56,000 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 1: thousand francs the year, buddy, Why don't you just chill out? Man? Uh?

699
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:03,479
Speaker 1: Can you come over here real quick? She's real quick?

700
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:11,120
Speaker 1: All right, buddy, We're right now, bro, bro, we are wasted,

701
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:15,040
Speaker 1: We are true wasted. And I know this pretty little

702
00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:21,439
Speaker 1: French girl, she's right around corner. She'll she'll fucking do it.

703
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:25,279
Speaker 1: But you just gotta shut the funk up. Just be chill, bro.

704
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 1: Can you point us to belogn Yeah, like where the

705
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 1: army guys is and that. Yeah, just let us know

706
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:37,919
Speaker 1: where they're they're at an all fun dude, I'm gonna puke.

707
00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 1: So Lieutenant Belogne, being the most competent person this situation,

708
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:46,480
Speaker 1: just bounces. He just takes his guys. He's like, you

709
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,319
Speaker 1: know what, I don't know what's going on here. This

710
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:51,720
Speaker 1: is not worth my continued involvement right now. I'm gonna

711
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 1: go and try to find someone who's a higher rank

712
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:55,880
Speaker 1: than me to figure out how to deal with this.

713
00:41:56,480 --> 00:42:00,279
Speaker 1: So for him. Now, the former emperor's nephew and a

714
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:04,400
Speaker 1: bunch of retired officers, some random bankers and functionaries all

715
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 1: dressed as soldiers and ship house drunk decide like, well,

716
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:09,759
Speaker 1: I guess we continue with our plan to take over

717
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:13,240
Speaker 1: the country. One of Bonaparte's most loyal men then shouts

718
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,360
Speaker 1: forward march and the group continues to head to Boulogne.

719
00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:19,920
Speaker 1: They enter the city proper and around five am, and

720
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:22,399
Speaker 1: they start putting up flyers, telling everyone that the king

721
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:27,000
Speaker 1: no longer rules France. Now this was not strictly true. Yeah,

722
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 1: well you know, you take it till you make it, bro,

723
00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:32,880
Speaker 1: I get it. Things start moving very quickly. At this point,

724
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,799
Speaker 1: the troop advances towards the barracks, where a regiment of

725
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:39,239
Speaker 1: infantry protected the city. Their goal was to take back

726
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 1: the barracks and its arsenal and convince the soldiers there

727
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 1: to join them, right. Um, So they get stopped by

728
00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:47,920
Speaker 1: a group of five soldiers on the way there, um

729
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:52,359
Speaker 1: who are like, hey, guys, we're in charge running where

730
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:55,640
Speaker 1: the guarding this base? What do you but what are you? Yea?

731
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:59,520
Speaker 1: What is all seem very drunk in German? What's happening?

732
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:04,799
Speaker 1: I aim my gun at you? But they don't even

733
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:08,640
Speaker 1: have guns. They're not armed, right, But most military you

734
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,880
Speaker 1: don't just like give people guns out of sort, Like

735
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 1: they don't even have weapons. They're just kind of like

736
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:15,880
Speaker 1: hanging out to like, you know, keep an eye on stuff.

737
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 1: So you guys doing theater, Yeah, what's going on here?

738
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:23,319
Speaker 1: Is this an improv troupe? So the guy carrying the

739
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:26,640
Speaker 1: Emperor's standard, you know, the big flag with his logo

740
00:43:26,719 --> 00:43:29,400
Speaker 1: and ship on it um. When they get stopped. This

741
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:32,799
Speaker 1: guy park when steps forward drunkenly and he threatens them.

742
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:36,359
Speaker 1: Another of Napoleon's men grabs one of the soldier's arms

743
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:39,359
Speaker 1: when he won't listen to orders from the emperor. So

744
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:43,239
Speaker 1: the soldiers they're they're still they're too weirded out to

745
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,840
Speaker 1: like get weapons or anything like. They again, they have

746
00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:49,560
Speaker 1: no idea what's happening. So after a brief mild altercation,

747
00:43:49,719 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 1: Napoleon's mid advance again. Alan Strass Shoran describes what happens

748
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:57,319
Speaker 1: next to advanced by the way is a very funny way.

749
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 1: Drunkenly staggers agger towards a door, quote events, and matt

750
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 1: brace yourself for this part. Inside the barracks parade ground,

751
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,959
Speaker 1: Aldin is ordered to arms here is the Prince, which

752
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:15,480
Speaker 1: was repeated by a soldier on guard duty. Some of

753
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:17,919
Speaker 1: the men of the forty two fell in and presented arms,

754
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 1: shouting Vivina Emperor. When an older sergeant arrived to see

755
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:24,480
Speaker 1: what was happening, Louis Napoleon blurted out, I shall make

756
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:27,759
Speaker 1: you a captain of the grenadiers. Order and commonsense had

757
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:30,719
Speaker 1: already been replaced by a carnival of hysterics and absurdities.

758
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:35,520
Speaker 1: Louis Napoleon then harangued the troops, offering commissions, medals, and money. Clearly,

759
00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 1: Captain Bonaparte, late of the Swiss Army, was no more

760
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 1: fit to command to garrison than a squad. Captain Colonel Poulgier,

761
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:45,279
Speaker 1: who is like in charge of the actual garrison, arrived and,

762
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 1: drawing his sword, demanded to know what was happening and

763
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:50,840
Speaker 1: where his company was. Some of Parkman's men tried to

764
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:54,200
Speaker 1: grab him. Captain, I am Prince Louis Napoleon. Come join

765
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:56,280
Speaker 1: us and you will be rewarded with whatever you desire.

766
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:59,080
Speaker 1: But I don't know you, the captain replied, you are

767
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:02,280
Speaker 1: a traitor. He all about, Then, turning around to his company,

768
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:05,680
Speaker 1: he said, soldiers, this is a trick. Viv leroy falling

769
00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:09,040
Speaker 1: behind me, Buonapartes men tried to seize him again. When

770
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:12,000
Speaker 1: two more officers of the forty second arrived, Freeing himself,

771
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:16,359
Speaker 1: Colonel Poulgier managed to notify the garrison commander, Colonel San

772
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:19,719
Speaker 1: Soul and to rally some of his men. Panicking, Napoleon

773
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 1: took out his pistol and shot an unarmed grenadier in

774
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:28,279
Speaker 1: the mouth. What the just like it gets chaotic and

775
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,720
Speaker 1: they start like yelling at him, and he just shoots

776
00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:33,360
Speaker 1: an unarmed man in the face for no reason. In

777
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:39,120
Speaker 1: the mouth. Yeah, this guy is just like this is

778
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:41,480
Speaker 1: just like a random rancor who's standing and be like,

779
00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 1: I don't know what's happening. This guy is a bonaparte.

780
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:47,120
Speaker 1: Everyone else, like my boss is saying no, do it, Like, dude,

781
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:49,920
Speaker 1: I'm just like here and shoots him in the face.

782
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:55,160
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, I love, but I don't know you, doll. Yeah,

783
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:57,600
Speaker 1: but I'm like, I have no idea who you are, man, Like,

784
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 1: what are you doing? I don't know? We met, bro,

785
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:05,840
Speaker 1: we're not friends. Yeah, we're friends, dog, Can you stop

786
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:09,920
Speaker 1: telling people we know each other? So this leaves everybody

787
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,920
Speaker 1: very surprised. Yeah, he shot someone in the mouth. When

788
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 1: he just shoot a guy in the mouth for no reason,

789
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:19,360
Speaker 1: and we're going to talk about what comes next. But

790
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:22,320
Speaker 1: you know who will never shoot an unarmed French grenadier

791
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:26,239
Speaker 1: in the mouth. Me, that's right, you would not do that.

792
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not I'm not gonna say never, right,

793
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:39,280
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say never. Never say never. We're back

794
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:43,239
Speaker 1: and we're thinking about shooting an armed French grenadiers, a

795
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 1: thing I haven't done, but could see myself doing it

796
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 1: if I had to. You know, depends on the situation.

797
00:46:50,120 --> 00:46:52,960
Speaker 1: Context is everything. Yeah, Like what if what if I

798
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:56,680
Speaker 1: get teleported back in time to like eighteen twelve and

799
00:46:57,080 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 1: the Russian steps and there's like a French grenadier and

800
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:02,320
Speaker 1: he drops his gun because like, you know, he's scared

801
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:04,279
Speaker 1: because I just teleported through time. But I know we

802
00:47:04,360 --> 00:47:05,920
Speaker 1: might go for it, and then I have to shoot

803
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:09,120
Speaker 1: him to save the time stream. Something that sounds right,

804
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:11,920
Speaker 1: That sounds right, That could happen. You never know. You

805
00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:13,719
Speaker 1: don't want to fun with spacetime. So they got to

806
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:16,160
Speaker 1: shoot him in the mouth. I have. I have one

807
00:47:16,239 --> 00:47:19,120
Speaker 1: piece of advice for people, one piece of it for advice,

808
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:22,880
Speaker 1: and it's never promised not to shoot a French grenadier

809
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 1: without a weapon under any circumstances. You never know. Yeah,

810
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:31,200
Speaker 1: that's what That's what Louis Napoleon understood that. He knew that.

811
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 1: He said, listen, I will do this ship out of

812
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:39,640
Speaker 1: an unarmed French grenadier. Is I just love that it's mouth.

813
00:47:39,719 --> 00:47:44,839
Speaker 1: It's not ahead. The guy lives too, by the way, Yeah,

814
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,440
Speaker 1: you don't describe it as shooting someone in the mouth

815
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:49,960
Speaker 1: if they die, and man, and what a what a

816
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:52,400
Speaker 1: thing every day that guys that like the the village

817
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:54,000
Speaker 1: pub and they're like, so why don't you why don't

818
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:56,480
Speaker 1: you get to talk Gilbert and he's like, well, I

819
00:47:56,520 --> 00:48:08,520
Speaker 1: got shutting the mouth by you. I was chill I

820
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 1: would so this leaves. Yeah, everyone panics, right, there has

821
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 1: now been gunfire. Napoleon's soldiers are not in fact soldiers

822
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:28,480
Speaker 1: there again like bankers and like, yeah, yeah, Giuseppe is

823
00:48:28,520 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 1: in fact they're like this Italian banker pressed as a

824
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:36,920
Speaker 1: French soldier. And then the Emperor, panicking totally silent through

825
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:39,760
Speaker 1: this affair up to this point, makes his first action

826
00:48:39,880 --> 00:48:43,000
Speaker 1: shooting a random dude in the face. Everybody fucking panics.

827
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 1: At this point, most of Napoleon's men take cover, even

828
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:49,680
Speaker 1: though the French soldiers confronting them still aren't armed, right,

829
00:48:49,719 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 1: they have rifles, but no ammo like because again they

830
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:55,120
Speaker 1: don't really know what's happening. So now they get pissed

831
00:48:55,120 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 1: because Lewis Napoleon has just shot their friend in the face,

832
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 1: so they charged with bayonets um Louis's party foul, just

833
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 1: fucking classic party foul. Look. I will agree there are

834
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 1: relatively few situations in which you should charge someone with bayonets,

835
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:14,600
Speaker 1: but this is a good one, fine time to use

836
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 1: a bat. So again, Louis Napoleon's men, being mostly con

837
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:22,879
Speaker 1: artists and bean counters, run like fun even though they

838
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 1: they have loaded guns. They actually have loaded firearms. If

839
00:49:29,239 --> 00:49:38,640
Speaker 1: they run like ship, mommy, I am that is wonderful.

840
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:42,319
Speaker 1: So they rally in the center of town. Because the

841
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:44,719
Speaker 1: garrisons in like this fortress kind of on a hill

842
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:47,359
Speaker 1: in town. So they run a few hundred yards away

843
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:49,440
Speaker 1: into the center of town where they've been putting up signs,

844
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:52,600
Speaker 1: and they rally there. Meanwhile, the garrison is like, I

845
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:54,640
Speaker 1: guess we should give guys bullets. That seems like we

846
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:57,839
Speaker 1: might need to shoot some people. Like again, no one

847
00:49:57,920 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 1: really knows what's happening, but by this point it's clear

848
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:02,799
Speaker 1: we're probably going to have to shoot some fools. The

849
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,319
Speaker 1: craziest thing about all this is it seems like the

850
00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 1: coup could have worked if he hadn't shot the dude

851
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:13,239
Speaker 1: in the mouth. And they kind of seemed like a

852
00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:17,080
Speaker 1: cohesive if they hadn't been drunk. Because so again, as

853
00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:18,799
Speaker 1: soon as they get in there and say like, this

854
00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:21,960
Speaker 1: is Prince Bonaparte. Some soldiers immediate reactions have been like

855
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:27,120
Speaker 1: Viva empero, because again, Bonaparte still powerful legacy, like the

856
00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:30,240
Speaker 1: flag tri color way better than the flag. Louis won't

857
00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:34,240
Speaker 1: say ship because he's like panicking and anxious and also

858
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:37,080
Speaker 1: kind of wasted. Nobody knows what they're doing, and then

859
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:39,279
Speaker 1: he just shoots a man. He shoots their friend in

860
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:41,719
Speaker 1: the face, and they're like, well, I guess not Viva

861
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:49,239
Speaker 1: la Emperor. Yeah, boy, So you guys grab some of

862
00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:53,400
Speaker 1: Louis Napoleon's men while the while the garrison soldiers are

863
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:55,840
Speaker 1: loading their guns, Louis Napoleon and his men are like

864
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:58,319
Speaker 1: in the middle of town trying to regroup. They don't

865
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:01,120
Speaker 1: have a plan B, so they attempt to take the

866
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 1: imperial flag and like run it up the flagpole of

867
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:06,800
Speaker 1: like the big government building in the center of town.

868
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:09,279
Speaker 1: But they can't get into it, right, They like knock

869
00:51:09,320 --> 00:51:11,280
Speaker 1: on the door, but it's like five in the morning,

870
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:18,600
Speaker 1: nobody's there, so they can't get inside. So because at

871
00:51:18,600 --> 00:51:22,360
Speaker 1: this point they're like, all right, Prince Bonaparte, what do

872
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:25,200
Speaker 1: we do now? Like you brought us here? Plan A

873
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:28,040
Speaker 1: didn't work. We tried another thing that didn't work either.

874
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:33,880
Speaker 1: He throw it, just throw it onto the pole. So

875
00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:37,080
Speaker 1: he freezes up in panics. And then the garrison troops

876
00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 1: start to march on them, and all of his men

877
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:42,160
Speaker 1: like break and run like a motherfucker. So some of

878
00:51:42,200 --> 00:51:45,480
Speaker 1: them get caught fleeing Um, some of them get shot.

879
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:48,360
Speaker 1: Most of them wind up retreating with the want to

880
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:52,319
Speaker 1: be emperor to the beach Louis Napoleon. As soon as

881
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:54,480
Speaker 1: they get to the beach, the first thing he does,

882
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:56,600
Speaker 1: when his men are like what now is he tries

883
00:51:56,640 --> 00:52:02,719
Speaker 1: to blow his brains out with his Handgum death for

884
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:07,279
Speaker 1: an attempt. He is less capable of shooting himself than

885
00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:10,239
Speaker 1: he was that one random French soldier, though, so it

886
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:13,640
Speaker 1: fails and he runs away. Um. A bunch of his

887
00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:16,080
Speaker 1: men flee into the water. When the French soldiers get there,

888
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:19,439
Speaker 1: a lot of these guys drown UM. Several more gets

889
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:22,040
Speaker 1: shot to death in a hal of French gunfire. One

890
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:25,879
Speaker 1: of the guardsmen calls it quote a regular duck shoot. Um.

891
00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:29,120
Speaker 1: The prince is hit by a bullet but survives because

892
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:31,400
Speaker 1: his uniform is like thick and wet and it stops

893
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:33,759
Speaker 1: the bullet bullets. We're not as good back then you

894
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:41,320
Speaker 1: could exactly. So Louis Napoleon was rescued by from drowning

895
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:44,279
Speaker 1: by National guardsmen who like save his life and then

896
00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:47,440
Speaker 1: take him into custody. Um. He spends most of the

897
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:50,040
Speaker 1: first minutes he's captured talking about how much he wants

898
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:53,839
Speaker 1: to kill himself, but otherwise he's bleeding. Here. Put put

899
00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:56,560
Speaker 1: some money on it, put some money on the dollar,

900
00:52:56,719 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 1: Shove some money in his mouth. Um. So that's that's

901
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:04,640
Speaker 1: not a great coup. That does not work out. Well, Like,

902
00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:08,319
Speaker 1: that's about as about as unsuccessful a coup as I've

903
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 1: ever heard about. Yeah, that is egg on his face,

904
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:15,799
Speaker 1: um and uh in that one guy's mouth. Yeah, you

905
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:18,560
Speaker 1: really couldn't fail much worse at trying to take over

906
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 1: France than it's an incredible failure. And you got to

907
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:26,280
Speaker 1: give it to him because like he had the vision,

908
00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:29,080
Speaker 1: you know, and he said, well, you know what if

909
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:33,520
Speaker 1: we go there? Yeah, and he didn't he didn't think

910
00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:37,960
Speaker 1: about beyond that. He just was like, no, then we advance,

911
00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:42,000
Speaker 1: which is walk, that's just walking, and they will. Yeah.

912
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:45,319
Speaker 1: He just kind of like if you've ever i don't know,

913
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:47,759
Speaker 1: a suit like been in a situation where you try

914
00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:49,880
Speaker 1: to do something and just assume you'll know how to

915
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:52,960
Speaker 1: do it, but you've never done it before. Like yeah,

916
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 1: you know, you go off roading for the first time

917
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:57,839
Speaker 1: and like figure you know how to handle you know,

918
00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:02,640
Speaker 1: a real muddy path or something, shift shift right, trying

919
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:05,799
Speaker 1: to can it be? And they might lie on a

920
00:54:05,880 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 1: job interview to try to like get a gig. Yeah,

921
00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:14,920
Speaker 1: he just um, he just uh, he just he just

922
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 1: does that with trying to be the emperor of France. Yeah,

923
00:54:18,239 --> 00:54:22,279
Speaker 1: and he you know, like, honestly, I think he could

924
00:54:22,320 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 1: have done it in that attempt if he had just

925
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:29,200
Speaker 1: not shot that guy in the mouth and got too drunk,

926
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:32,640
Speaker 1: if he hadn't been drunk, if he had again, you

927
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:36,960
Speaker 1: should probably like train for a little bit being a

928
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:40,279
Speaker 1: coup like this if you've never done anything again. Bonaparte

929
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:43,200
Speaker 1: was able to easily coup the country because by that

930
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 1: point he was pretty he was pretty good at commanding Frenchman. Yeah,

931
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:50,400
Speaker 1: he had like practice and stuff and people. This guy's

932
00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:53,480
Speaker 1: primary life experience is getting his brother killed in Italy.

933
00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:59,160
Speaker 1: You might want other training. O Gene Napoleon didn't have

934
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:02,640
Speaker 1: a current all going, But I don't know you like that.

935
00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:04,879
Speaker 1: Nobody would have ever said that to him. Nobody would

936
00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:10,640
Speaker 1: ever said, oh boy, yeah, you know who does know you, Matt.

937
00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:15,200
Speaker 1: Who the production services that support our podcast. They've known

938
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:19,440
Speaker 1: you since before you were born, when you when you

939
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:24,239
Speaker 1: quickened in your mother's womb, Blue Apron and uh and

940
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:27,120
Speaker 1: all of the other Casper Mattress. They knew you. They

941
00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:32,839
Speaker 1: saw you, they loved you, Lily Company, They wrapped you

942
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:36,600
Speaker 1: in its in its spiritual embrace, when before you were

943
00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:40,239
Speaker 1: even a fetus. They knew your soul when it was

944
00:55:40,280 --> 00:55:43,239
Speaker 1: still part of the firmament of heaven. The least you

945
00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:46,880
Speaker 1: can do, the least you can do. Spend some money.

946
00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:50,120
Speaker 1: I love spending money. Why why are we what? What

947
00:55:50,160 --> 00:55:53,280
Speaker 1: are you doing? You're trying to get mat plug is pluggable?

948
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:55,480
Speaker 1: This is that? What's happening? No? I was doing ads.

949
00:55:55,719 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 1: You've done all your ads? Oh have I? Well, I

950
00:55:58,520 --> 00:56:04,600
Speaker 1: guess the fucking episode is over, Sophie, yes to some ads. Anyways,

951
00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:08,400
Speaker 1: though you were promoting Matt, I was like, Okay, I

952
00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:13,640
Speaker 1: also love that. Matt got a Yeah, I'm here to

953
00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:19,480
Speaker 1: promote my new podcast pod yourself and insulin and yeah

954
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:23,680
Speaker 1: and uh where we charge Astronomical amounts for To be

955
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:26,880
Speaker 1: honest with you, I have an ethical problem with insulin

956
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:31,880
Speaker 1: um Yeah. Yeah, hormone therapy is is the devil's plaything.

957
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:36,240
Speaker 1: That's right. Absolutely, you know you gotta If you Walsh

958
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:39,640
Speaker 1: convinced me of this, that's right. If you got again,

959
00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:44,640
Speaker 1: you know, if you got diabetes, that's God's way of saying, hey, yeah,

960
00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:47,719
Speaker 1: you're allergic to living. Look, God said it. Called it

961
00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:51,160
Speaker 1: diabetes because you're not supposed to survive it. Exactly. It's

962
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:57,520
Speaker 1: not libetes, it's not life beats. Oh boy. W Anyways,

963
00:56:59,280 --> 00:57:04,520
Speaker 1: you give Mats pod five stars because he has a baby, baby,

964
00:57:04,760 --> 00:57:08,080
Speaker 1: give it five stars five stars in review? You know,

965
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 1: pot yourself the wire or if you like the Sopranos

966
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:14,160
Speaker 1: pod yourself a gun. We covered all of the Sopranos.

967
00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:16,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try something, Matt, I'm gonna

968
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:19,760
Speaker 1: try something for your baby. We have you know, somewhere

969
00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:22,120
Speaker 1: around like a million is people listening, you know, as

970
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:25,080
Speaker 1: to an episode or so in general, I'm gonna I'm

971
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:29,120
Speaker 1: gonna try. I'm gonna try because who knows who's listening. Look,

972
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:32,080
Speaker 1: if you're out there and you're a crazy rich person

973
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:35,360
Speaker 1: with a bunch of golden abasement. Send all that gold

974
00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:38,760
Speaker 1: to Matt Lead happen right on. Send it on somebody

975
00:57:38,800 --> 00:57:40,840
Speaker 1: out there. It's got golden abasement. You don't need it.

976
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:42,320
Speaker 1: Give it to Matt Lee. But what do you need

977
00:57:42,320 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 1: it for? You don't need it. I have a baby.

978
00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:50,480
Speaker 1: I have missed God. Send me that gold www dot

979
00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:53,400
Speaker 1: send Matt Lead gold dot com, slash I have a baby,

980
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:56,720
Speaker 1: dot h t M. That's your sub stack, right, that's

981
00:57:56,760 --> 00:58:01,680
Speaker 1: my substation. Dot vodka, Yeah, dot vodka. And if you

982
00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:05,040
Speaker 1: can't remember all that Patreon dot com slash frodcast. That

983
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:09,000
Speaker 1: is the That is the umbrella podcast of all the pod.

984
00:58:09,080 --> 00:58:12,040
Speaker 1: Yourself a gun, but yourself the wire. That is the

985
00:58:12,160 --> 00:58:14,680
Speaker 1: o G where me and Vince Mancini, who you should

986
00:58:14,720 --> 00:58:18,080
Speaker 1: have on here. He's a wonderful film critic and uh

987
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:21,760
Speaker 1: beautiful little Italian man. Now what are the odds? Do

988
00:58:21,800 --> 00:58:24,080
Speaker 1: you know if he might be related to Boom Boom Mancini,

989
00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:27,640
Speaker 1: the boxer who killed Duck Ku Kim. I don't know

990
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:30,920
Speaker 1: if he is related to any notable Mancini's. I think

991
00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:34,800
Speaker 1: there's like him. Ask him, ask him? Are you are

992
00:58:34,840 --> 00:58:38,240
Speaker 1: you kin to Boom Boom Mancini. There's a pretty pretty

993
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:41,960
Speaker 1: good warren Zevon song about his relative in that case, Okay,

994
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:44,080
Speaker 1: well I'm gonna ask him about it, but I definitely

995
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:46,960
Speaker 1: asked him if he was related to Mancini of Mancini

996
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:50,080
Speaker 1: sleep World, which is a great matchress store in the

997
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:56,000
Speaker 1: San Francisco Bay area. And he is not. He's not. Uh,

998
00:58:56,040 --> 00:58:58,560
Speaker 1: he's not related to Henry Mancini, the guy who wrote

999
00:58:58,560 --> 00:59:02,680
Speaker 1: moon River, which great song. So if what if Boom

1000
00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:06,600
Speaker 1: boom Mancini fought the Mancini who wrote moon River? Do

1001
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:10,080
Speaker 1: you think he would also kill that guy? Probably? I

1002
00:59:10,120 --> 00:59:12,960
Speaker 1: think you could kill whatever Mancini even wanted to. I'm

1003
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:16,680
Speaker 1: trying to kill Vince. Well there you go. Anyway, We

1004
00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:19,200
Speaker 1: at Behind the Bastards will check out to see if

1005
00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:22,400
Speaker 1: Vince Mancini wants to do a podcast and is related

1006
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:24,800
Speaker 1: to the guy from the warren Zevon song. Check out

1007
00:59:24,840 --> 00:59:28,000
Speaker 1: pod yourself a gun Um, check out Matt Leeve on

1008
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:31,040
Speaker 1: the internet and send him your gold. Please find my

1009
00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:36,600
Speaker 1: novel After the Revolution wherever books are sold and live stream,

1010
00:59:37,040 --> 00:59:39,800
Speaker 1: Oh Ship, Sophie, do the live stream at please God,

1011
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:43,720
Speaker 1: you know I knew it. We Behind the Bastards are

1012
00:59:43,760 --> 00:59:49,240
Speaker 1: doing a live stream virtual show on December eight with

1013
00:59:49,320 --> 00:59:55,080
Speaker 1: Margaret Killjoy. Thank you. You can find tickets, uh, the

1014
00:59:55,120 --> 00:59:57,760
Speaker 1: link to tickets in the description. You can find the

1015
00:59:57,800 --> 01:00:01,479
Speaker 1: link to tickets on our socials and uh it's moment

1016
01:00:01,520 --> 01:00:07,600
Speaker 1: House dot co slash bTB. Yeah, check it out. Signing

1017
01:00:07,680 --> 01:00:11,560
Speaker 1: to watch? So am I? Well you're gonna have to?

1018
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:15,960
Speaker 1: Oh well, yes, that's true, all right, go with christ

1019
01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:22,320
Speaker 1: my children. Babe. Behind the Bastards is a production of

1020
01:00:22,320 --> 01:00:25,400
Speaker 1: cool Zone Media. For more from cool Zone Media, visit

1021
01:00:25,400 --> 01:00:28,760
Speaker 1: our website cool zone media dot com, or check us

1022
01:00:28,760 --> 01:00:31,280
Speaker 1: out on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or

1023
01:00:31,280 --> 01:00:32,760
Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcasts.