WEBVTT - Learning How to Say NO 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:07.360 I'm Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was born 0:00:07.400 --> 0:00:09.800 and raised in New York City. I love sneakers and 0:00:09.840 --> 0:00:14.840 I'm a body positive advocate. I'm Carolina Bermudez, but i 0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:18.560 was born and raised in Ohio. I'm a wife, a mama, 0:00:18.600 --> 0:00:22.599 and a worker being. This is life in English. Winos 0:00:23.000 --> 0:00:25.640 and hello, my beautiful people. Well, I don't know about beautiful. 0:00:25.680 --> 0:00:27.960 I am not feeling so great. I sound a little different, 0:00:28.040 --> 0:00:30.200 but you know, I'm a little I'm a little shiny 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:33.519 right now. I got that after virus glow. Listen, it 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:36.040 looks like a facial glow. It really doesn't it does. Well, 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:38.519 thank you, Yes, yeah, we are back and we are 0:00:38.560 --> 0:00:40.920 ready to go. Right, I'm well fired up. It's a 0:00:40.920 --> 0:00:44.159 Monday morning when we're recording this, so it's like week reset, 0:00:44.360 --> 0:00:46.600 ready to go. Well, I was looking forward to talking 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:48.640 to you because we didn't get to see each other 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:50.280 at the end of last week, which was when I 0:00:50.280 --> 0:00:53.480 got the virus from my son, who we now affectionately 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:57.160 called the germs after the germ he got us so 0:00:57.200 --> 0:00:59.040 sick in the entire family. Did you put him in 0:00:59.040 --> 0:01:00.640 some type of suit? We would have put them in 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:02.400 a bubble if we could have, but there's like you know, 0:01:02.880 --> 0:01:05.320 child protection and stuff like. No, we were all just 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:08.480 so sick and laid up over the weekend. But um, 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:10.319 I was thinking about all of the things that I 0:01:10.360 --> 0:01:12.240 have on my plate, and I was saying to myself, 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:14.600 like I had to give up going to Fiesta Latino, 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:18.920 which we normally together. Yes, yeah, And um, I said 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:21.720 to my husband about this, there's a reason why I'm 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:24.160 not meant to be there. There's always a reason why 0:01:24.200 --> 0:01:26.520 you believe that. I believe that I do. And and 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:28.440 normally I would be the type of person that would 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:30.080 say like no, I would force it. I would have 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:32.280 to get there. I would. Now, I think later on 0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:33.760 in my life now that I feel like I'm a 0:01:33.800 --> 0:01:36.039 little bit more settled and I didn't think a little 0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:39.920 more confident. I feel comfortable with saying I can't do that. 0:01:40.160 --> 0:01:43.800 And that's huge because people tend to overextend themselves and 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:47.040 some of us are people pleasers, including me. It's like 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:49.160 I want to I want to say yes to everything. 0:01:49.200 --> 0:01:51.480 I want to make everyone happy. But then I kind 0:01:51.480 --> 0:01:53.200 of came to the conclusion that I'm like gold On, 0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:55.840 I can't do it. All these people have no problems 0:01:55.920 --> 0:02:00.280 which shut I meet down. But seven, I'm serving a 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:02.919 whole bunch of people for things that serve no purpose 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:06.520 in my life. But is it difference between work and home? 0:02:06.720 --> 0:02:10.480 Because I'll tell you one thing. My mother bless her heart. 0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:12.519 I love my mom. She is one of my very 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:15.079 best She is my best friend. But I can't say 0:02:15.080 --> 0:02:18.919 no to my mom, really no, I can't. She just 0:02:19.360 --> 0:02:22.440 so my dad is having a surprise seventy fifth birthday party. 0:02:22.919 --> 0:02:28.480 And my mom's like, Ahama, And I'm like, okay, so 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:31.480 what does this mean? This means I have to do everything? 0:02:31.680 --> 0:02:33.920 Of course, She's like, oh, it's just gonna be a 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:36.560 little dinner. I'm like a little dinner and she's like yeah, 0:02:36.639 --> 0:02:42.600 but um necessity, Loma said in lard or no lancho. 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:44.359 I don't even know where this thing is. And she's 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:46.040 like giving me all the details. And I said to her, 0:02:46.080 --> 0:02:47.600 I'm like, well, Mom, like, what do you want me 0:02:47.639 --> 0:02:49.640 to do? Now? I have this on my plan. Now 0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:52.000 you have to now I now I have to go 0:02:52.200 --> 0:02:54.400 to Fiesta Latina. I have to party plan for my 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:56.440 dad's seventy fifth birthday. I have to party plan for 0:02:56.520 --> 0:02:59.040 my brother's fiftieth birthday because my sister in law put 0:02:59.080 --> 0:03:01.000 that on my plate. I had to buy a gift 0:03:01.080 --> 0:03:03.000 for my mom and dad, which I can't say it 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:05.760 right now because it's a huge surprise. I'm the youngest 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:08.840 of six. Everybody put that on me now. It's crazy. 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:11.679 It is crazy. And that's the one thing I think. 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:15.480 As women, it is so difficult to say no. It's 0:03:15.600 --> 0:03:18.920 terribly difficult. Especially sometimes we feel like if you say no, 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:21.359 it's a sign of weakness. It's like, can you help 0:03:21.400 --> 0:03:24.280 me with this? And no, Um, she must be really 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:27.000 overwhelmed that she really can't help me. But it's like, no, 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:30.040 I don't want to. That's not something that I'm interested 0:03:30.080 --> 0:03:32.119 in or am I going to I'm going to benefit 0:03:32.160 --> 0:03:34.040 from it, And it's been really hard for me to 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:36.280 do that. I've been kind of like a people pleaser 0:03:36.440 --> 0:03:38.080 when it comes to work and when it comes to 0:03:38.120 --> 0:03:41.000 my family life. It's like I say yes to every invitation. 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:44.400 I say yes to weddings that are abroad, and lately 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:46.880 I've been you know, just scaling back and be like, honey, 0:03:47.040 --> 0:03:48.600 how is this going to help you? How does this 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:51.280 benefit you? And if it doesn't, please feel free to 0:03:51.280 --> 0:03:54.760 say no. But don't you think that people sometimes will 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:59.200 interpret that as um selfishness. Yeah, but you're saying no 0:03:59.760 --> 0:04:02.840 because it doesn't because to them it's not benefiting them. 0:04:02.880 --> 0:04:05.280 Then you're a selfish person. Yeah, but you're trying to 0:04:05.400 --> 0:04:08.160 use me. You're you're started this selfish ship. You're the 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:10.120 one that kicked off. So it's like, yeah, you want 0:04:10.120 --> 0:04:12.080 to use me, and I'm not gonna let you. Well, 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:14.240 I just I think that, as I said before, as 0:04:14.280 --> 0:04:16.280 I've gotten you know, I think a little bit more 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:19.080 experience and um, as I've gone on in life, it's 0:04:19.080 --> 0:04:21.479 been easier for me to say no. But not in 0:04:21.520 --> 0:04:24.200 my personal life, not in your family life is really difficult. 0:04:24.200 --> 0:04:25.760 And I think that's kind of like I don't even 0:04:25.760 --> 0:04:27.680 know if I want to call it the Latina guilt 0:04:27.839 --> 0:04:30.200 or if it's like your family guilt. But I just 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:32.800 feel like I have to be there for my family, 0:04:32.880 --> 0:04:34.520 for the people who have been there for me, even 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:37.320 if it does make me have like a nervous breakdown, 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:39.479 or you know, even if I feel like I have 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:41.560 like the world crashing in on me. But I feel 0:04:41.600 --> 0:04:44.560 like it's um, it's incredibly difficult to say no to 0:04:44.600 --> 0:04:46.560 the people who matter to me. And not that the 0:04:46.560 --> 0:04:48.560 people who I work with don't matter, but it's just 0:04:48.600 --> 0:04:50.640 easier for me to say no to them. Can I 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:53.000 say this um? For me, it's gotten to the point 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:54.760 that I don't say no to the people that matter 0:04:54.839 --> 0:04:57.360 to me and my family because I never want them 0:04:57.400 --> 0:04:59.480 to feel like I am removed, or I feel like 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:01.000 I'm better than in them, or I feel like I'm 0:05:01.000 --> 0:05:03.320 more successful than them just because we're on the radio 0:05:03.400 --> 0:05:06.359 and just because I'm a media personality. So it's just like, Okay, 0:05:06.560 --> 0:05:09.719 we want to go have mo Fongle in Queens on 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:12.160 a Tuesday, and all your cousins are gonna be there. 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:13.880 I'm going to make it a point to go, because 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:16.120 I never want to be viewed in the family as 0:05:16.160 --> 0:05:19.880 like you think you're better than us, but I don't 0:05:19.920 --> 0:05:22.640 have the time. But meanwhile, you're expected to be at 0:05:22.640 --> 0:05:24.599 a book signing for one of your friends, or you 0:05:24.640 --> 0:05:26.760 are the work responsibility that you have to be, but 0:05:26.839 --> 0:05:28.839 you try to make it all happen. And this is 0:05:28.839 --> 0:05:31.200 something that I've been discussing with my girlfriends. You know, 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:34.520 I think that when you're younger, you have this opinion 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:36.840 or you have this idea that if you say no 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:39.960 that's the last time they're ever going to ask me, 0:05:40.360 --> 0:05:43.080 or that's the last chance I'll ever get. Don't feel 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:45.760 that way. Don't feel that way, But there are people 0:05:45.760 --> 0:05:49.000 that are like that. I do hear people behind the 0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:53.159 scenes that are like such. Anything ever again, because women 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:55.840 can be patty, even towards the women that they love, 0:05:55.920 --> 0:05:58.280 I see. I think that's so unfair, though, you know, 0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:00.000 I mean it is unfair, and I know I can't 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:02.120 say that I haven't done it myself, but I think 0:06:02.160 --> 0:06:04.320 that we don't give each other enough of a break, 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.800 or you don't put yourself in somebody else's shoes. And 0:06:06.839 --> 0:06:10.720 when you visually see how someone moves and they have 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:13.120 a home and they have children, and they have a husband, 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:16.159 and they have a job, you, as someone in their 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:20.360 inner circle, it's your responsibility to be more understanding and 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:23.000 to if I say, no, I had a really long 0:06:23.080 --> 0:06:24.400 day and then I had to go home and I 0:06:24.400 --> 0:06:25.839 had to cook for my husband and I had to 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:28.919 clean my home. No, I cannot come out now for 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:32.120 drinks because I'm physically drained. I can't do it. So 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:33.640 it's it's like a give and take. It's like your 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:36.159 your close ones have to understand and you have to 0:06:36.160 --> 0:06:38.960 be able to say no, yeah, but you also I 0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:41.599 feel like you have that responsibility to follow through too. 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:44.200 On the flip side, you can't just be saying no, no, 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:46.720 no all the time and expect people to still extend 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:50.360 those invitations or just be as receptive to it. You know, 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:52.800 within me, it's like, give me time. If you would 0:06:52.800 --> 0:06:55.120 tell me six months in advance, listen, this is my 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:57.520 baby shower, I would make sure that I don't book 0:06:57.520 --> 0:06:59.840 any appearances. I'll make sure I don't. I don't say 0:06:59.839 --> 0:07:01.760 I'm going to come to work and edit some audio, 0:07:01.800 --> 0:07:03.159 like I'll make sure I give you that date. But 0:07:03.200 --> 0:07:05.320 a lot of people don't. A lot of people like, hey, Friday, 0:07:05.360 --> 0:07:07.239 do you want to meet up for drinks? I'm in town. 0:07:07.440 --> 0:07:10.440 It's like, can I screenshot you my Friday? Can exactly? 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:12.360 Do you want to see what my Friday looks like? 0:07:12.400 --> 0:07:14.280 Because you don't, like, you do not want to see it. 0:07:14.320 --> 0:07:16.240 So there's this great article and it talked about how 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:19.760 entrepreneurs they the one word that they have learned how 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:21.960 to say is the word no, and it's made them 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:25.320 more successful. And I thought, thinking back to when I 0:07:25.360 --> 0:07:27.440 was in my twenties, I didn't say no to anything. 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:29.600 I did not say no to anything, and it was 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:31.960 because I had that mentality if I say no, I'll 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:34.400 never get invited back. If I say no, they'll have 0:07:34.440 --> 0:07:36.760 another girl come and do what I do, because there's 0:07:37.160 --> 0:07:38.880 you know, a million other girls that want to be 0:07:38.920 --> 0:07:41.040 on the radio or want to be on TV. And 0:07:41.120 --> 0:07:44.400 so I really drove myself into this kind of rut 0:07:44.440 --> 0:07:47.560 of never saying no. But when you don't say no, 0:07:47.840 --> 0:07:50.280 you don't give yourself time to grow. Hold on I'm 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:53.160 gonna pause on that for a second, because seriously, if 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:57.000 you don't say no, you don't get to cultivate that talent. 0:07:57.120 --> 0:08:00.000 You don't get to sit with who you are, your thoughts, 0:08:00.040 --> 0:08:03.720 you don't get to expand so you're just going, going, going, 0:08:03.840 --> 0:08:06.360 You're like a jack of all trades, master of none. 0:08:06.360 --> 0:08:07.880 And that's really how I feel like I lived my 0:08:07.920 --> 0:08:10.120 twenties a lot of that time because I was just 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:13.280 trying to beat everything, do everything, be everywhere, and then 0:08:13.280 --> 0:08:16.160 it stopped, you know, and you took control of your life. 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:17.800 It was just like, Okay, this is what I'm gonna 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:19.520 do in this but I'm not. I'm still kind of 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:21.880 like in the middle. You know. It's like I came 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:25.920 into my job in radio and in media, you know, recently, 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:28.600 like the past five years, and at the beginning, I 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:32.200 was just doing everything anything. I was working forty fifty 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:34.120 sixty hours whatever you guys needed me to work. I 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:37.000 which is so grateful that I even got into the industry. 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:39.160 That's the problem that I was just like, oh no, 0:08:39.240 --> 0:08:41.480 I'm never saying no, what if I get fired, what 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:44.160 if they realized like maybe she shouldn't even be here. 0:08:44.400 --> 0:08:46.840 And for the past few years I have been saying 0:08:46.960 --> 0:08:51.000 yes to everything. I'm still not where you are, but 0:08:51.080 --> 0:08:54.560 I aspire to be, I know, I really do. Yeah, 0:08:54.559 --> 0:08:56.040 I think that we're in two different and that's the 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:57.880 reason why I love doing this podcast with you is 0:08:57.920 --> 0:09:00.280 because you know, you're in a different phase of your 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:02.280 career than I am, you know. And it's not that 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:05.280 I don't love where I am, but it's just your 0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:09.080 I'm seeing you come up on things that I experienced 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:11.560 early on in my career, and I'm seeing you do 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:14.920 them with such grace and such you know, poise, And 0:09:14.960 --> 0:09:17.480 there were there was nobody back in the day when 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:19.560 I was coming up that I could even ask, like, 0:09:19.720 --> 0:09:22.160 am I supposed to keep on doing these TV appearances 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:25.440 for free, like what do I do? You know? Unluckily 0:09:25.520 --> 0:09:27.640 I do have that, like I do have that with you. 0:09:27.720 --> 0:09:30.240 I do have that. I can go to Charlotte Maagne, 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:31.960 I can ask I can even ask people like how 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:33.880 much should I charge for a tweets? So it's like 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:36.120 I'm super grateful for that. I'm not even gonna lie 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:38.120 to you because if I didn't have all these people 0:09:38.160 --> 0:09:40.719 to ask, like, hey, should I be getting paid for 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:44.360 like disappearance? And they're like absolutely yes, you know under 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:47.680 union rules. And I can only imagine not having anybody 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:50.440 to ask all these questions. I didn't I and as 0:09:50.480 --> 0:09:53.440 a woman, I think it's harder to say no. And 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:57.920 it took my husband. See my mentor honestly was they've 0:09:57.960 --> 0:10:01.079 all been men. The two eyes that I learned radio 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:04.160 from the Baker Boys. I always was I was able 0:10:04.200 --> 0:10:06.040 to go to them for any type of advice. I 0:10:06.120 --> 0:10:07.760 knew that they would always look out for me and 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:09.640 tell me like not what I wanted to hear about, 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:12.520 what the truth was. And my husband, who's a financial planner, 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:14.760 I would go to him because he was all I had. 0:10:14.960 --> 0:10:17.040 You know, my girlfriends don't work in this industry. My 0:10:17.080 --> 0:10:20.680 girlfriends don't understand the pressure or you know, if I 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:23.640 say no to going to this one TV show, is 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:25.640 that producer going to talk to another producer and then 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:29.040 now I'm blocked from every TV show. And so my 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:31.079 husband was really the one that said, you know what, Curly, 0:10:31.160 --> 0:10:33.760 and he's like, say no, tell them my time is 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:36.920 worth something. I need to get paid or you're going 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:38.840 to pay for a car and you're gonna because I 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:40.720 was paid for my own car to get to these 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:43.920 places and kids because I was just so hungry. You 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:46.040 were so hungry and I know it, and I didn't 0:10:46.080 --> 0:10:48.480 want to lose the opportunity. So there's a big difference 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:52.199 between saying no and being diva about it, or saying 0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:54.760 no and knowing your worth. And this is the thing, 0:10:54.840 --> 0:10:57.080 is like, if these people are making money, you should 0:10:57.120 --> 0:10:59.560 also be making money. It's like I say no a 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:03.720 lot when people invite me to do club appearances. Club appearances, 0:11:03.720 --> 0:11:06.120 They're like, oh, come and I will set you up 0:11:06.120 --> 0:11:09.120 in a table. I'm like, yeah, but you're making a 0:11:09.160 --> 0:11:11.880 whole lot of money. Why am I making a bottle? 0:11:11.960 --> 0:11:13.679 I can buy a bottle at the liquor store and 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:17.480 drinking with my husband under the blankets. So now my 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:20.760 position is like, don't say yes to anything that benefits 0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:24.080 someone else and doesn't benefit you, And that's usually a 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:27.520 good gauge of how you can say no to work 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:30.880 related things. Family is different. You know, family, they're gonna 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:36.120 Family is always gonna guilt you into something. Everybody needs something, 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:38.040 you know, like make me a sun coach. You have 0:11:38.080 --> 0:11:41.280 to work on a Tuesday. Sure it takes eight hours, 0:11:41.280 --> 0:11:42.720 but I'll make it for you. We'll eat it at 0:11:42.760 --> 0:11:45.640 two am. Family is different, but with work, that's how 0:11:45.679 --> 0:11:48.120 I gauge things. It's like, before I make a decision 0:11:48.240 --> 0:11:50.920 on saying yes or now, how does this benefit me? 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:54.320 Does it benefit them and not me? Does it benefit 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:57.839 us equally? It's like, unless it's charity work, please don't 0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:00.240 ask me to work for free if you're getting paid. 0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:03.760 And that's a super easy way to gauge things. Especially 0:12:03.840 --> 0:12:06.800 as women, we tend to like give away our free 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:08.960 time and stay later. It's like, yeah, you want me 0:12:08.960 --> 0:12:11.760 to come to this appearance, but there's no transportation. Okay, 0:12:11.760 --> 0:12:14.520 I'll take the train in heels and address no problem. 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:16.160 And then you get there and people are pulling up 0:12:16.160 --> 0:12:20.040 in trucks because they demanded service. Exactly. I was on 0:12:20.080 --> 0:12:23.440 the freaking bus from Hoboken to Port Authority, Port Authority 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:25.200 to a cab and then I'm like, wait a minute, 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:28.360 how am I fifty bucks out? Now? You know, going 0:12:28.400 --> 0:12:32.400 to a TV appearance over at X network and you're 0:12:32.480 --> 0:12:35.160 getting me for free and I'm not getting paid anything. 0:12:35.200 --> 0:12:37.280 And yeah, people are like, oh wow, I recognize you 0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:38.560 from that show. And I'm like, yeah, but I didn't 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.640 get paid a dime. I lost money, yes, exactly. And 0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:44.280 I understand like when you're when you're getting started, you're 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:47.120 going to take all these opportunities You're You're just grateful 0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:49.319 to be on TV. It's like you want me to 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:52.280 pay you for me to be on TV? Part though, honey, 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:54.280 isn't it a hard part? It is super hard? And 0:12:54.600 --> 0:12:57.080 it's like I'm there now. But I'm kind of like 0:12:57.120 --> 0:12:59.640 coming to the realization that it's just like, Okay, you 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:04.640 he year, you're established, you're talented, you're hired. To stop stressing. 0:13:04.720 --> 0:13:07.199 Stop thinking that this can to be taken away from 0:13:07.200 --> 0:13:09.520 you at any moment, or that if you don't comply 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:12.040 or say yes to every single thing, your career is 0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:14.080 going to be over like it was. It doesn't happen. 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:16.800 That doesn't happen that way. But you're very fearful at 0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:18.400 the beginning. It's like you don't want to say no 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:20.880 to big bosses, you don't want to say no to opportunities, 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:23.720 and then what happens is you end up burning yourself out. Yeah, 0:13:23.880 --> 0:13:25.800 you know, it's so true. And you know, I think 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:28.400 it's so funny that Honey still gets asked to go 0:13:28.440 --> 0:13:31.000 to clubs. I don't nobody asked me to go to anything. 0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:32.880 I get asked to go to a kids club. That's 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:36.120 pretty much it. I don't know. I don't do appearances 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:39.880 anymore because it's just so difficult for me to manage 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:42.600 that in my family schedule. Like I always tell people 0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:45.560 from six to ten am, I'm on the air. After 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:48.199 that I turned into like I am a full time 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:50.640 stay at home mom after that, you know, and I 0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:53.480 have to find a way to juggle whatever my responsibilities 0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:56.000 are for the station and you know, my career. But 0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:58.920 my kids converse, so they do they do it. It 0:13:59.120 --> 0:14:02.640 also allow of moms and a lot of women, even 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:05.880 though you're not in media, your jobs will pull you 0:14:05.920 --> 0:14:09.160 in different directions. They will ask you to work over time. 0:14:09.280 --> 0:14:11.000 How do you tell your boss you don't want to 0:14:11.040 --> 0:14:13.480 stay more than eight hours at your job because you 0:14:13.520 --> 0:14:15.760 have a life afterwards. Yeah. No, you know it's so 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:17.920 funny too, because I have this really amazing group of 0:14:17.920 --> 0:14:19.920 mom friends that I made, like on Long Island. I 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:21.680 didn't know anybody when I moved out there, and so 0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:23.880 I had to kind of like form my own little community. 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:26.400 I would want to be your friend. Where the bad moms? 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:28.680 Where where the cane? You got to tell me? It 0:14:28.800 --> 0:14:31.160 was so funny. Lauren, my one friend, she forgot what 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:35.080 time her daughter's Halloween parade was. No, he was so sad. 0:14:35.160 --> 0:14:38.120 She showed up, literally, she was like the last person. 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:40.680 She saw them all like marching back. She pushed her 0:14:41.000 --> 0:14:43.760 and she was like, wait a minute, I missed. She 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:46.080 missed missed it so that she had to like tell 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:49.080 her daughter, Oh, mommy was in the back. I saw everything. 0:14:49.080 --> 0:14:50.720 And then she felt so guilty. But that's the thing, 0:14:50.800 --> 0:14:54.480 is like you're being pulled in eighteen different directions. She 0:14:54.520 --> 0:14:57.200 doesn't work in media, you know, she's she she has 0:14:57.200 --> 0:15:00.320 her own company, and it's like, how do you managed 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:03.120 to tell your daughter you didn't see her on Halloween? 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:04.840 You know, it's like all of these things that you 0:15:04.840 --> 0:15:06.800 have to kind of like come up with to just 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:09.360 make it happen. So it isn't just people like us 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:12.200 that work, you know, in television and radio. It's the 0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:14.680 moms that work as nurses. It's the moms that go 0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:18.360 to their jobs as you know, executive assistance. And you know, 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:21.920 you get all of these responsibilities just like handed to you. 0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:24.240 How do you manage that? And I think it's like 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:27.320 you have to try to finesse your way out of 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:30.600 a lot of like sticky situations. Yeah. Especially you can 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:33.000 have a boss, you know at Let's say my friend 0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:35.040 she works at an optical and she works every single 0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:37.360 day and she works to like seven pm, and she 0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:39.720 has kids, and I tell her sometimes when she's like 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:41.400 I have to go in tomorrow. Somebody called out, like 0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:44.040 why didn't you say no? Yeah? Yeah, but she's like 0:15:44.080 --> 0:15:46.400 I can't, you know, and I'm like say no. You know, 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:49.160 I think that if there's anything to to like kind 0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:53.040 of leave people with like a note of um perhaps confidence, 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:56.760 you know, it's saying no one time might be the 0:15:56.800 --> 0:15:59.280 thing that you need to set yourself apart. Yeah, and 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:02.480 it might be you you set a boundary and you 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:05.960 bolso already knows no, she has kids, or she has 0:16:06.000 --> 0:16:07.800 to go to school, or I can do it this 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:11.640 one time, but please, I'm so sorry on Saturday's my daughter, 0:16:11.800 --> 0:16:14.480 my son, my you know whatever. My nephew has soccer 0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:17.760 and I'm I've committed to help him this season. You know. 0:16:17.840 --> 0:16:20.800 It's like letting people know. And I think in certain 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:22.560 terms too. I mean, you always have to do it 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:24.800 like we've said, you know, with um, you know, with 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:26.880 with grace and you know, just tell them, just be like, look, 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:28.320 I really want to help you out of a jam, 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:31.000 but um, after this, I really can't do this, you know. 0:16:31.120 --> 0:16:36.520 And then that exactly exactly. So I feel like saying 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:40.480 no to my boss has gotten slightly easier for me 0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:43.240 as the years have gone on, only because I think 0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:46.280 he's starting to understand who I am outside of here. 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:48.600 So that's the things that are important to you. You know. 0:16:48.920 --> 0:16:51.320 It's like I love my job, I love being here, 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:53.120 but I love my kids, I love my husband, I 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:55.240 love my home. Is it okay if I go put 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:57.880 my tree up? Like these also are very important things 0:16:57.880 --> 0:17:00.640 in life memory and if you never verse say no, 0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:03.560 you're not gonna have these these pockets of times to create, 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:05.800 you know, amazing memories with your family. I just think 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:07.560 it's so funny how we're sitting here and we're talking 0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:09.040 about how you know you've got to say no to 0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:10.480 this person, you have to say no to that person. 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:12.560 Do you ever say no to your husband? I try, 0:17:12.600 --> 0:17:16.960 but listen, he'll wear me down. He won't stop. He's relentless. 0:17:17.000 --> 0:17:18.719 I'm not even gonna I'm not even gonna lie to you. 0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:21.440 He'll be like, um, can we go. Let's say to 0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:23.040 this car show. I'll be like, I don't want to 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:24.639 go to that. So you're really not gonna go to 0:17:24.640 --> 0:17:26.040 the car show? No, I told you I'm not going 0:17:26.119 --> 0:17:27.560 to go to that, all right, So I guess I'm 0:17:27.560 --> 0:17:30.400 gonna go to this car show alone. Okay, what time 0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:32.639 is the car show? I'm wearing sneakers. Don't expect me 0:17:32.680 --> 0:17:35.080 to be sexy or don't expect me cute wearing a hoodie. 0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:37.040 I'm wearing sneakers and I'll go with you later on. 0:17:37.119 --> 0:17:42.800 She looks adorable and she got her sneakers on Instagram photo. Okay, everybody, 0:17:42.840 --> 0:17:45.000 you already it's hard to say no to my husband. 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:49.760 And why because he lives with me. He's relentless and um, 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:52.040