1 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:13,000 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another new episode of 2 00:00:13,119 --> 00:00:16,160 Speaker 1: Couch Talks. My name is Kat. If you are new, 3 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:19,079 Speaker 1: couch Talks is the special Q and a episode that 4 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:22,200 Speaker 1: I do every Wednesday for You Need Therapy Podcast, where 5 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:25,560 Speaker 1: I answer questions that I get from you guys, the listeners, 6 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,639 Speaker 1: and if you have a question, you can email it 7 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: to me at Catherine at you Need Therapy podcast dot 8 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:34,400 Speaker 1: com and then I can maybe answer it. Now before 9 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,840 Speaker 1: we get going, it's always important for me to express 10 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:41,320 Speaker 1: and reiterate that although I am a therapist who is 11 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,920 Speaker 1: answering questions that you guys send in, this is not 12 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:48,199 Speaker 1: therapy and I am not engaging in therapy through the 13 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 1: means of this podcast. That would be you know, impossible, 14 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,920 Speaker 1: but also unethical and maybe illegal. Regardless, we're not doing that. 15 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 1: So I just want to remind you guys that this 16 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 1: is a resource that I have created with the intention 17 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,560 Speaker 1: that you guys would dig deeper into your stories and 18 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,600 Speaker 1: your lives and and do what you can to become 19 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,640 Speaker 1: the best versions of you and the versions you were 20 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 1: created to be, and at the same time maybe engage 21 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,880 Speaker 1: in therapy by reaching out to a therapist. Speaking of 22 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,920 Speaker 1: I get that question all the time. How do I 23 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,280 Speaker 1: find a therapist? I'm not going to spend time on 24 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,959 Speaker 1: it today, but I do have a highlight on my 25 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:24,880 Speaker 1: Instagram the at you Need Therapy podcast Instagram that you 26 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:27,399 Speaker 1: can go follow that Instagram and find that highlight and 27 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:29,440 Speaker 1: find that post and look at it. And then also 28 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:33,320 Speaker 1: on Amy Brown's four Things podcasts Four Things with Amy Brown, 29 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 1: we actually entered that together this week and that came 30 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:40,400 Speaker 1: out yesterday Tuesday, so if you go to her podcast, 31 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 1: it will be there, and we answered a couple of questions, 32 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,280 Speaker 1: but we definitely talked more in depth of how to 33 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 1: find a therapist. Now, with all that being said, let's 34 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,640 Speaker 1: get into it. So I'm doing three questions today because 35 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,520 Speaker 1: one of them is really short, and I had a 36 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,160 Speaker 1: couple of you reach out and ask for You know, 37 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,640 Speaker 1: what I really love you guys for is so many 38 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 1: of you guys on Instagram will reach out and ask 39 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,400 Speaker 1: for links to things like will you link this? Will 40 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,880 Speaker 1: you link that? Here's the thing, I don't have enough 41 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,920 Speaker 1: followers to have the option to link things. One day, 42 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: we might get there, one day we might not. It's 43 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 1: not that important, but I can't link things. So I 44 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,760 Speaker 1: can just tell you like the score that I was 45 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:19,240 Speaker 1: posting about the other day, A couple of people ask 46 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 1: for a link. I can't link it. It's from American Eagle. 47 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,360 Speaker 1: You can go google it. But the point of all 48 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:24,920 Speaker 1: this is a lot of you guys asked for the 49 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,880 Speaker 1: link to the book that I was talking about with 50 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:32,280 Speaker 1: Max on Monday's episode, the one about choosing authenticity over 51 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:36,200 Speaker 1: others expectations. And the book I was referencing is Man 52 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:39,280 Speaker 1: Enough by Justin Baldonni. It is such a good book. 53 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: I cannot talk about it enough. It is eye opening 54 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:46,120 Speaker 1: and I love the perspective he writes it from. He 55 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,120 Speaker 1: writes it from the perspective of not a not an 56 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 1: expert who has figured everything out, but somebody who's doing 57 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,240 Speaker 1: the work and un learning a lot of stuff that 58 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: is kind of messed with him and messed with our 59 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,839 Speaker 1: culture as a whole. It's so good. It's good for men, 60 00:02:57,919 --> 00:02:59,880 Speaker 1: it's good for women, it's good for a non binary, 61 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 1: it's good for everything. It is just good. Have I 62 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:06,480 Speaker 1: said that it's good because it's good, So go get it. 63 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,839 Speaker 1: I'm listening to it right now, and then my plan 64 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:10,799 Speaker 1: is to then go back and read it so I can, 65 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:14,200 Speaker 1: like highlight and circle and cut out and reference things. 66 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,400 Speaker 1: It's just one of those books that I just really 67 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,040 Speaker 1: love so much, and I don't get like that over 68 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:21,080 Speaker 1: books very often. So if you don't know who he is, 69 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:24,359 Speaker 1: he played Raphael or plays I don't know on Jane 70 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,919 Speaker 1: the Virgin, which is actually a very good show. I'm 71 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:28,400 Speaker 1: in it right now and I don't want it to end. 72 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,119 Speaker 1: He's a director and actor, all of the activists now, 73 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,280 Speaker 1: all the things, and he had a really good ted 74 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:36,480 Speaker 1: talk that took off about masculinity that went into him 75 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: doing a series of these Instagram chats, which which then 76 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,200 Speaker 1: went into him doing this book. And now I think 77 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 1: he's actually I saw getting his own podcast called man Enough. Anyway, 78 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 1: go read the book. That's the book. I cannot link 79 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 1: it for you maybe one day, but today you're just 80 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:53,000 Speaker 1: going to have to type that in yourself. All right. 81 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 1: So now our first question question comes from one of 82 00:03:56,240 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: our anonymous listeners, like to keep them anonymous, and they write, 83 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 1: I keep seeing your workouts with your trainer on Instagram 84 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 1: one How can I be involved? They look awesome and too. 85 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 1: I am just wondering what it is like for you 86 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 1: to work out after having an eating disorder and an 87 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,760 Speaker 1: exercise addiction. How do you know boundaries and how do 88 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:18,600 Speaker 1: you keep yourself accountable? I myself has struggled with exercise addiction, 89 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,000 Speaker 1: and I've been afraid to get back into certain things 90 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:24,400 Speaker 1: because I'm worried of what might be a relapse. How 91 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,920 Speaker 1: do you know the difference between a relapse and finding 92 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:30,600 Speaker 1: a healthy relationship? Gosh, Man, good question, and I'm so 93 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,119 Speaker 1: glad somebody asked this. I really am so glad somebody 94 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 1: asked us. I work out with a trainer sometimes weekly. 95 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:40,760 Speaker 1: His name is Derek Billups. You can find him on 96 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:44,200 Speaker 1: Instagram at at body by Billups b I L L 97 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,839 Speaker 1: E p s. If you're in Nashville, you can work 98 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:49,680 Speaker 1: with him. He's awesome. He's great. I highly recommend him. 99 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 1: He's fun. So that's what this person is referencing. And 100 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:56,240 Speaker 1: he makes me do things and we'll we'll post them 101 00:04:56,279 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 1: on Instagram. Sometimes they're simple and sometimes they're kind of crazy, 102 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,920 Speaker 1: and I'm like, I can't do that, And I've learned 103 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,520 Speaker 1: with him, I have to stop saying that myself, because 104 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 1: I can usually do these things that he's asking me 105 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:08,240 Speaker 1: to do. They're just kind of horrors sometimes and scary 106 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:10,839 Speaker 1: but anyway, that's what this person is referencing. I addressed 107 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:13,159 Speaker 1: some of this a couple of weeks ago when someone 108 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: asked how do you not go from exercise addiction to avoidance? 109 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,560 Speaker 1: And you can go back and listen to that episode 110 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 1: for more information. It was also a couch Talks. It 111 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 1: came right after the one I did on exercise addiction 112 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:27,800 Speaker 1: the whole episode. But I really like this last part 113 00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 1: of this question. I want to focus on it, the 114 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:32,560 Speaker 1: question where you asked, what's the difference between a relapse 115 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:35,280 Speaker 1: and finding a healthy relationship? Because this can be tough 116 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:37,839 Speaker 1: and it's confusing, And one thing I want to say 117 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 1: up top is everybody's experience is different. So I want 118 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:45,680 Speaker 1: to up top encourage whoever is wondering and listening to 119 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 1: this question to not compare what your relapse or what 120 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,159 Speaker 1: your healthy relationship might be compared to somebody else's. They're 121 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 1: different and you actually don't know the whole story until 122 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,480 Speaker 1: you actually know the whole story about what they're doing 123 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 1: and what's good for them and what's not good for them. 124 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,000 Speaker 1: I just say, comparison really screws with everything. But I 125 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:03,599 Speaker 1: just want to say that because I can't give a 126 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,160 Speaker 1: blanket statement for this because it's so different. But I'm 127 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,479 Speaker 1: going to try to walk through some general nous of it. 128 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:12,520 Speaker 1: So and exercise addiction isn't just about someone who works 129 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 1: out a lot, first of all. It's more than that. 130 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:18,240 Speaker 1: It's what happens when you work out excessively so much, 131 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:20,600 Speaker 1: where you'll work out when you're injured, You'll work out 132 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,160 Speaker 1: when you're sick. You're gonna miss events, you're gonna miss sleep, 133 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 1: you're gonna miss work, you're gonna miss vacations, Like working 134 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,480 Speaker 1: out is like your everything. It's when the benefit of 135 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:31,520 Speaker 1: the exercise, which exercise and movement, benefits us. But it's 136 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:35,039 Speaker 1: when that no longer outweighs the costs that it is 137 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:39,120 Speaker 1: causing you, and exercise becomes the only way to cope, essentially, 138 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,520 Speaker 1: And life's feels out of control when you can't work out, 139 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,960 Speaker 1: but the reality is it's out of control because you 140 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,719 Speaker 1: can't not work out. Now, I will say that finding 141 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,680 Speaker 1: a healthy relationship with fitness can be and and was 142 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,440 Speaker 1: for me. I want you to hear this didn't happen overnight. 143 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:56,640 Speaker 1: The depths of my eating disorder and my disordered eating patterns, 144 00:06:56,760 --> 00:07:00,440 Speaker 1: they happened when I was like three, so almost ten 145 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,240 Speaker 1: years ago now, so this didn't happen overnight. I don't 146 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,440 Speaker 1: want you to compare what my life looks like now, 147 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:06,880 Speaker 1: And that's part of the reason I said that in 148 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: the beginning. One because you don't see much of my 149 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,600 Speaker 1: life on Instagram, so that's one part of it. But 150 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: I don't want you to compare what you think my 151 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:16,320 Speaker 1: life might look like now because this is ten years removed. 152 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 1: You haven't seen all the stuff in between. So I 153 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 1: just wanted to say that. But yeah, it can be 154 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 1: very tough, and like I said, it can take some time, 155 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 1: but I also want you to know it's possible and 156 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 1: it's kind of necessary to live a life where you're 157 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:32,640 Speaker 1: treating your body kindly, like moving is necessary, and it's 158 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:35,800 Speaker 1: definitely helpful to work with a professional to help identify 159 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:39,680 Speaker 1: and create boundaries, to find accountability, and also find places 160 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,800 Speaker 1: and people to move with that are supportive of the 161 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 1: ideas and the ideals you're trying to implement in your 162 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,200 Speaker 1: recovery journey. And I say this knowing I'm I'm very 163 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:51,320 Speaker 1: inside the fitness world. I've worked in it for almost 164 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 1: five years or over. Maybe it's over five years, maybe 165 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 1: it was six not important. I've worked in it and 166 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,080 Speaker 1: a long time for a long time, and the fitness 167 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,560 Speaker 1: world can be super triggering because over exercise is glorified 168 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:04,720 Speaker 1: a lot inside of it, and so support is key. 169 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:08,720 Speaker 1: Not every fitness studio or workout or trainer is created equal, 170 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 1: and a lot of people don't know what could be 171 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:14,720 Speaker 1: triggering or why it is even triggering. So it's very 172 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 1: important first of all, when you're trying to create that 173 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,480 Speaker 1: new relationship that you're identifying and finding safe places and 174 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:23,040 Speaker 1: safe people. That is probably going to be one of 175 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 1: the first steps. Now, when you relapse on your addiction. 176 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 1: When it comes to process addictions like exercise, engaging in 177 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:33,920 Speaker 1: the behavior once is not necessarily going to be a relapse, because, 178 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,680 Speaker 1: like I said, we want you to be able to 179 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:39,040 Speaker 1: move again. That's part of living a healthy life and 180 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:42,000 Speaker 1: having a healthy kind relationship with your body. So working 181 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 1: out necessarily is not a relapse. There's more to it 182 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:48,120 Speaker 1: than that. So a relapse would then be relative to you. 183 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,199 Speaker 1: It would be relative to your addiction history, and it 184 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 1: would be relative to your lifestyle. Say you're a professional athlete, 185 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,680 Speaker 1: you're going to be working out more than somebody who 186 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,680 Speaker 1: you know is an accountant and just wants to move 187 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,280 Speaker 1: for multiple reasons. And I could talk about that for 188 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:06,320 Speaker 1: seventeen hours. Because their job is working out, So there's 189 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 1: a difference between their job and an addiction, and so 190 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:13,560 Speaker 1: we can't compare their recovery in that as well. That's 191 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 1: also going to look different. I think it's also interesting 192 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,719 Speaker 1: to note and look at what your addiction was tied to. 193 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,679 Speaker 1: I will say for me, it was definitely calories burned 194 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,080 Speaker 1: at one point and the amount of time that I 195 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,200 Speaker 1: worked out, which is one of the reasons I said 196 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,680 Speaker 1: in the earlier episodes. I don't usually wear a fitness 197 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,120 Speaker 1: tracking watch. I have one, and i'll wear it sometimes. 198 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,920 Speaker 1: I'll where if I am curious about something like my 199 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,480 Speaker 1: heart rate or how far I'm running or something like that, 200 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,280 Speaker 1: or if I am tracking something for some specific reason, 201 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,839 Speaker 1: but it's not a regular thing. I've been in the 202 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,480 Speaker 1: bottom of my purse for about two weeks dead. So 203 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:46,560 Speaker 1: I want to note that, and I want you to 204 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,320 Speaker 1: look at when you're looking at how do I identify 205 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:52,040 Speaker 1: the difference between your relapse and a healthy relationship, is 206 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,480 Speaker 1: what was your addiction kind of created around what was 207 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,200 Speaker 1: it tied to? Now the other thing is those cool 208 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,280 Speaker 1: workouts that that are ment in here. They're only like 209 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:04,680 Speaker 1: thirty minutes literally, So I'm not in the gym for 210 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:08,120 Speaker 1: two hours these days ever, literally ever. And that is 211 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,280 Speaker 1: because now working out has to fit in my life 212 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 1: versus I have to find a way to fit my 213 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,720 Speaker 1: life into my working out. Big difference there. Your goals 214 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 1: are going to be different in your recovery process the why, 215 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:21,280 Speaker 1: but behind your what? Am I working out because I 216 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:23,120 Speaker 1: want to get a flat stomach and a thigh gap, 217 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 1: or because um, I need to have control of something? 218 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 1: Or am I working out to be kind to my body, 219 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:31,440 Speaker 1: to learn a new skill, to create self maintenance routines, 220 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,920 Speaker 1: to meet a fun goal. One thing that I wanted 221 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,240 Speaker 1: to learn how to do, and I have been saying 222 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:39,199 Speaker 1: this for like ten years, literally, is learning how to 223 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,560 Speaker 1: do a pull up. I've wanted to learn how to do, Yes, 224 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,960 Speaker 1: I mean literally one. I just want to be able 225 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,320 Speaker 1: to do one. That is one of the things that 226 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,079 Speaker 1: I'm working on, Like, that's a goal. I want to 227 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,880 Speaker 1: be able to do a pull up because I think 228 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:51,559 Speaker 1: that would be fun and that would be a challenge 229 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:54,679 Speaker 1: in whatever in that. Yeah, my body might look different 230 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,400 Speaker 1: because of the muscles I'm building shore Maybe I don't know, 231 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,560 Speaker 1: but I'm not working out to make my body look different. 232 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:02,760 Speaker 1: You see the difference there and the trick here also 233 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 1: as you have to be honest and you have to 234 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,120 Speaker 1: call yourself out on old habits, and this is why 235 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:11,320 Speaker 1: support and accountability are their real important. I also would 236 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:14,480 Speaker 1: like to say this, I find moving my body really 237 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,360 Speaker 1: fun in the ways that I do it, Like there 238 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,160 Speaker 1: are certain types of working out and exercise that I 239 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:21,040 Speaker 1: would not enjoy. Not everybody feels that way. Like when 240 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 1: it comes to cycling, that's fun. It feels like a 241 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:24,400 Speaker 1: sport to me, you know, and people are like, I 242 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,679 Speaker 1: love playing football, are like playing tennis or whatever. It 243 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:29,959 Speaker 1: doesn't feel like a workout totally a hundreds and I 244 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,440 Speaker 1: get that. Like when I was younger, I loved playing soccer. 245 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,000 Speaker 1: That did not feel like I didn't even realize it 246 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 1: was exercise, like it was just a hobby. When it 247 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,800 Speaker 1: comes to somebody with an exercise addiction, we have to 248 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,719 Speaker 1: also be careful with that because the thing is, if 249 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,840 Speaker 1: I could take two cycling classes a day, every single day, 250 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,599 Speaker 1: I would because they are fun to me. However, that 251 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,920 Speaker 1: wouldn't be okay. For multiple reasons. One, it would be 252 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,680 Speaker 1: really hard and unkind to my body that my body 253 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:56,080 Speaker 1: does not actually want to do that much hard, intense movement. 254 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 1: And also I don't have that much time in my 255 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:02,240 Speaker 1: life to dedicate to aiding a stationary bike, so I 256 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:06,000 Speaker 1: have to make sure, okay, I am again the workouts 257 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:09,240 Speaker 1: have to fit into my life anyway. So the long 258 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 1: on the short of this is that there is a 259 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,360 Speaker 1: very big difference between a relapse and a healthy relationship 260 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,160 Speaker 1: with with exercise and movement, and it is going to 261 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:20,679 Speaker 1: be different based on your exercise addiction and what that 262 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 1: looked like. So find some people that you can talk 263 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,679 Speaker 1: about this with that understand it and really create some boundaries, 264 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,640 Speaker 1: and you ease into it. I eased into it. You 265 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,960 Speaker 1: ease into it. You might have to take some time off, 266 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,040 Speaker 1: you might have to take some time off from certain 267 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:37,280 Speaker 1: types of movement, and you walk yourself back into it 268 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,280 Speaker 1: and you check in, and you check in, and you 269 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,240 Speaker 1: check in until that relationship has changed, and then you 270 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:45,000 Speaker 1: continue to check in because you know, if life hits 271 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,640 Speaker 1: you and it gets hard, you might go back to 272 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,120 Speaker 1: that thing that you knew that that was easy and 273 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,439 Speaker 1: accessible to use, that helped you feel better, but then 274 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 1: you know at the end it doesn't actually make you 275 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,800 Speaker 1: feel better. So what I'm saying is the difference is relative. 276 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 1: Find some people to help support you so you can 277 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:02,000 Speaker 1: help yourself, be honest, and foster that relationship that we 278 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:04,520 Speaker 1: want you to have, because again, in the end, movement 279 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,319 Speaker 1: is good for us. All Right, I could keep going 280 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:08,840 Speaker 1: on that, but I'm not going to. Let's go to 281 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:12,040 Speaker 1: the second question, or really the third third question. Do 282 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 1: you have any advice on making friends as an adult? 283 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:16,240 Speaker 1: I want to make more friends that I can have 284 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 1: a strong human connection with. I want less superficial. I 285 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,560 Speaker 1: want to be able to discuss more ideas, not people 286 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 1: or gossip. I have committed myself to improve in my 287 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,160 Speaker 1: life this summer, and this will be one of the 288 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:31,560 Speaker 1: dynamics of that. I love this commitment. Love it. I've 289 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 1: talked about finding friends as adults before, and we're going 290 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 1: to talk about again, because again this is one of 291 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,280 Speaker 1: the I get a lot of the same questions over 292 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:39,920 Speaker 1: and over and over again. This is one of them. 293 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,559 Speaker 1: I will say. I love the part about I've been 294 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,640 Speaker 1: I've want to be able to discuss more ideas, not 295 00:13:44,679 --> 00:13:47,880 Speaker 1: people or gossip. One of the reasons that I believe 296 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,199 Speaker 1: people find themselves gossip being over and over and over 297 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,120 Speaker 1: and over and over and over again when they're like 298 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:55,920 Speaker 1: this doesn't feel like me is because gossip is one 299 00:13:55,960 --> 00:14:00,400 Speaker 1: of the easiest forms of connection, but it's also one 300 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,320 Speaker 1: of the like lowest. It doesn't make you feel good. 301 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,760 Speaker 1: You know it might, but in like a superficial way 302 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,120 Speaker 1: of like putting others down something myself feel good. But 303 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,240 Speaker 1: it is a way that I can connect with somebody 304 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:14,920 Speaker 1: and find something to talk about commonly without actually having 305 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: to be vulnerable and real. So it's easy, but it's cheap. 306 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,040 Speaker 1: It's a cheap form of connection. So I love the 307 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 1: idea of I want to move away from this. I 308 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:25,280 Speaker 1: want to talk about ideas and life and me and 309 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,520 Speaker 1: all of that. Now, how do I find more friends 310 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,440 Speaker 1: as an adult? It's tough. I think it's really really tough. 311 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:34,600 Speaker 1: And you don't usually have as many built in experiences 312 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,680 Speaker 1: where you just like our friends with the people around you, 313 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:40,560 Speaker 1: especially in quarantine life when at work, you're working by 314 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 1: yourself at home, so there's obvious suggestions that I can give, 315 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:47,560 Speaker 1: and then behind that it's you just have to commit 316 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 1: to it. It's kind of like dating as an adult, 317 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,560 Speaker 1: Like it really is kind of like dating. You have 318 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,480 Speaker 1: to go out and meet new people and be open 319 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,040 Speaker 1: and not give up until you find your people, and 320 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 1: you don't settle for people that don't actually fit. So 321 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,720 Speaker 1: when you're younger, it's like your friends with the people 322 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:05,200 Speaker 1: in school, like, oh, they're in my class, or they 323 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,560 Speaker 1: were in my sorority, or they were in this class, 324 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,800 Speaker 1: or they were in that club, or they we were 325 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 1: played on this team. Okay, we can find that kind 326 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:17,480 Speaker 1: of stuff in adulthood. It just looks a little bit differently. 327 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,840 Speaker 1: So some suggestions would be join a rec league, like 328 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,440 Speaker 1: join a wreck cookball team, join a wreck I don't know, 329 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:26,040 Speaker 1: they have like softball teams and stuff like that, volleyball, 330 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,280 Speaker 1: reck sports like people are doing them, so you can 331 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,360 Speaker 1: join them in that way. And maybe you join with 332 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 1: a friend, or maybe you joined by yourself and you're 333 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaker 1: just really vulnerable and open and willing to do that. 334 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,280 Speaker 1: If you're have any kind of faith based or religion, 335 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,880 Speaker 1: you can join a small group. You can volunteer I know, 336 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,880 Speaker 1: for a little bit and last very long. So I'm 337 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: not going to really pat myself on the back for this, 338 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 1: but I volunteered at my church a couple of times 339 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,320 Speaker 1: to meet people and get involved in that community. And 340 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 1: I'm telling you, it's just awkward until it's not awkward anymore. 341 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 1: Like it's just hard until those people are no longer strangers. 342 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,040 Speaker 1: There's people there, people you know. You can I mean, 343 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,160 Speaker 1: meet people at work, sure, but if you're like I 344 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 1: don't vibe with those people, then that doesn't have to 345 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,560 Speaker 1: be the place that you force yourself to be friends 346 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 1: with people. Also, I understand wanting to have boundaries with work. 347 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:13,520 Speaker 1: That's okay too. Also, there's this website I think is 348 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,400 Speaker 1: a website, but it's called meet ups, and they're just 349 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 1: different groups based on different things, and they're really easy 350 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,560 Speaker 1: to join. You just it's free. You just go on, 351 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,080 Speaker 1: you find a meet up and you go. And this 352 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,240 Speaker 1: again what I want to reiterate. You might have to 353 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,040 Speaker 1: go a couple of times till you find your people. 354 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,480 Speaker 1: It's like you might go on a couple of dates 355 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 1: before you find a man of your dreams, of the 356 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 1: woman of your dreams, or whoever of your dreams. You 357 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 1: just have to keep going, willing to do things that 358 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,160 Speaker 1: will make you uncomfortable. But here's what I want to 359 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:42,160 Speaker 1: remind you, guys, uncomfortable doesn't mean unsafe, right, We really 360 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 1: like to tie those things together, but safety and comfort 361 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,720 Speaker 1: are not mutually exclusive. I could be uncomfortable and this 362 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 1: could be a really safe and good thing for me. 363 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,440 Speaker 1: I could be comfortable and it be a really unsafe thing. 364 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,520 Speaker 1: And that's why I know those things aren't always tied together. 365 00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:58,400 Speaker 1: You can also volunteer places, like the world is always 366 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,120 Speaker 1: looking for volunteers, let's be honest, So volunteer places like 367 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:07,720 Speaker 1: food banks or shelters or clothing drives or I mean events, 368 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,640 Speaker 1: any kind of events. Just volunteer places and you can 369 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,840 Speaker 1: meet people there and then I will say I met 370 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,920 Speaker 1: my best friend out a fitness studio. But here's the thing. 371 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,639 Speaker 1: You have to make eye contact with people, and you 372 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,880 Speaker 1: have to talk to people, and you have to just 373 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:26,359 Speaker 1: like say something awkward and be awkward like that's okay, 374 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,080 Speaker 1: Like say, hey, how was your day? It was good, 375 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:30,959 Speaker 1: work was hard? Oh where do you work? And then 376 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,040 Speaker 1: a conversation starts and then it's like, oh, that's cool. 377 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,479 Speaker 1: Do you want to go get coffee? Sure, let's go, 378 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,119 Speaker 1: or maybe they say no, and then you move on 379 00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:41,359 Speaker 1: to the next person. But eye contact and willingness that 380 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:45,160 Speaker 1: goes back to be uncomfortable. So again, it's hard, but 381 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,720 Speaker 1: we just have to commit to doing things and putting 382 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:50,560 Speaker 1: an effort. That's what it is. It takes effort. Good 383 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,880 Speaker 1: things take effort, guys, A lot of good things take effort. Anyway, 384 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,800 Speaker 1: I think that's all we got today. Thank you guys 385 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:58,920 Speaker 1: for sending in your questions is always feel free to 386 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,120 Speaker 1: send them to Catherine at you Need Therapy podcast dot com, 387 00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:05,240 Speaker 1: follow me at cat dot dot fatah and at You 388 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,919 Speaker 1: Need Therapy Podcast. And if you have not done so 389 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,880 Speaker 1: yet and you just feel so giving and loving today, 390 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:15,080 Speaker 1: can you follow, rate, review comment on the podcast. That 391 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:17,680 Speaker 1: would be awesome. Thank you so much and I will 392 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,639 Speaker 1: talk to you guys on Monday.