Speaker 1: They got me, that's all I got.
Speaker 2: Listen.
Speaker 3: My SoundBite is trying to surprise someone who wants to
Speaker 3: be aim control of everything at all.
Speaker 2: Times is almost an impossible feat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but we did it, deadass.
Speaker 3: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Speaker 3: Voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Speaker 1: Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 4: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 4: li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 3: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 4: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 4: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 4: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,
Speaker 4: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 4: Were about to take philosof to our whole new level.
Speaker 3: Dead Ass starts right now.
Speaker 5: Story time, So I'm gonna take y'all back to April
Speaker 5: two thousand and nine.
Speaker 3: Oh that's a long time ago.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah wa wait, dang, went dang. It was my
Speaker 5: twenty fifth birthday. So it's my twenty fifth birthday. Kadeen
Speaker 5: was just like, babe, I got some things for you.
Speaker 5: I hope you excited twenty fifth birthday. You know, She's man,
Speaker 5: I'm all excited, right.
Speaker 1: So I was.
Speaker 2: Hyped because you know I love a birthday.
Speaker 1: So yep, birthday comes, she said, you ready. I'm like, yeah.
Speaker 1: She takes me to go see Platinos and.
Speaker 5: Call of greenstose platinos in Callagreen. So IM just like, oh,
Speaker 5: this must be the first part of the birthday celebration.
Speaker 3: No, actually, you were like, who wants to go see
Speaker 3: platinos and caligreens? That was for you.
Speaker 2: That wasn't a gift for me.
Speaker 5: I was gonna get to that, but you cut me
Speaker 5: off because that's what I was thinking, because when I
Speaker 5: went to see it, I was like, this is something
Speaker 5: she wants to see, so you know, like this is
Speaker 5: must be for her. But I was like, you know what,
Speaker 5: my first part of my birthday, I ain't gonna be mad.
Speaker 5: We go to see Plantinos and call of Greens. We
Speaker 5: go home and we go to sleep, and I was like.
Speaker 2: That was it.
Speaker 1: I don't remember. All I know is I was pissed.
Speaker 5: I was like extremely pissed because I was like, yo,
Speaker 5: how was my twenty fifth birthday?
Speaker 1: She gonna take me to see something that she wanted
Speaker 1: to see.
Speaker 5: So I was like, you know what, I'm a romain calm,
Speaker 5: but I was like bubbling with fury on the inside.
Speaker 5: So then next day I'm in my parents' house and
Speaker 5: she's like, hey, babe, we're gonna no. We didn't go
Speaker 5: out to eat. Because this is why I no, remember
Speaker 5: we didn't go out to eat. He was like, hey,
Speaker 5: bab We're gonna go out to eat, and I was like,
Speaker 5: finals go out to eat? But I was already pissed
Speaker 5: because I was like, yo, like I ain't getting no gift.
Speaker 5: I ain't getting no All I get is plant to
Speaker 5: Nose and Call of Greens, which actually was a very
Speaker 5: good play, by the way. But I'm getting dressed in
Speaker 5: my parents' house. She got me an outfit. She had
Speaker 5: got me a neon green sweater.
Speaker 2: Vess lime green sweater vest that.
Speaker 5: This is two thousand and nine, had a short sleeve
Speaker 5: button up with a bow tie. Now I'm not a
Speaker 5: bow tie type of guy, so I was like, the
Speaker 5: fuck is going on around here?
Speaker 1: Man?
Speaker 5: Like she got me dressed up with a bow tie,
Speaker 5: like I'm about to be selling bean pods being dressing
Speaker 5: my parents' house. Man, it was cute, but at the
Speaker 5: time I was just mad because I didn't know what
Speaker 5: was going on. Kadeen, Kadeen, y'all. Remember how y'all she
Speaker 5: say that I always be the one going off. Let
Speaker 5: the record show.
Speaker 3: You here coughing and sniffing in my.
Speaker 5: Now, don't deflex, don't deflect. You see how she deflects, yo,
Speaker 5: She don't like to take accountability. Joint just went off
Speaker 5: in the middle of the podcast. No, you didn't say
Speaker 5: my bad you said you over here coughing. Then it
Speaker 5: got nothing to do with your podcast over here. You
Speaker 5: ain't got nothing to do with your laptop going off.
Speaker 5: Go ahead, So now we're back to storytime. I'm getting
Speaker 5: dressed in my parents' house. I got an attitude. K
Speaker 5: I got an attitude? Who caught for now? Who caught
Speaker 5: for now?
Speaker 3: You're making me choke?
Speaker 1: Ahead, can't know.
Speaker 5: When I got an attitude? So she's like, did I
Speaker 5: just get dressed? Did I just get dressed? And I'm
Speaker 5: just like I'm getting dressed, Like why you rushing me?
Speaker 5: Like I was really starting to get heated, like while
Speaker 5: you rushing me man to go to this dinner where
Speaker 5: he went to see plantinos and college greens.
Speaker 1: I ate yesterday at that freaking that showed that you
Speaker 1: have me go see.
Speaker 5: So I get dressed, I got my bow tie on,
Speaker 5: get ready to go down the stairs. And Kate can
Speaker 5: tell I got an attitude, and I can tell that
Speaker 5: she got an attitude because I got an attitude, just.
Speaker 3: Like, come on, my dress was cute too.
Speaker 1: Your dress was fire. It was fire.
Speaker 5: That was another thing too. I was like, dang, man,
Speaker 5: you're dress better than my outfit. It's my birthday, like
Speaker 5: it's my birthday, while your outfit got to be outshine in.
Speaker 3: My peoples and oranges. I just knew who I was
Speaker 3: walking alongside, so I had to be ready.
Speaker 1: I know he was flying. You had like a little too, too,
Speaker 1: was ruffles. It was short.
Speaker 5: All I seen it was legs plunged and you had
Speaker 5: it was like a corset type. It was really plunged.
Speaker 5: So I get down the stairs. I'm looking at her
Speaker 5: and I ain't gonna lie. I looked at her legs
Speaker 5: was all shining and stuff, and I kind of got
Speaker 5: a little bit happy because I'm like damn, what's you fine?
Speaker 1: But then I was back to being pissed.
Speaker 5: Then she opens the door and there are six models
Speaker 5: in front of my parents' house.
Speaker 3: Baby had a casting call.
Speaker 5: Okay, six models, three head on my jersey and three
Speaker 5: head on Stephen Bonwei's jersey.
Speaker 1: And then Bow comes out of the limbo with his
Speaker 1: hands out like yo.
Speaker 2: And immediately I was like, yo, this is like an idiot.
Speaker 1: I did. I did, But this is nothing this this
Speaker 1: this is your problem.
Speaker 5: This ain't my problem, because all you had to do
Speaker 5: was tell me that something was going on.
Speaker 2: You knew something was going on clearly because.
Speaker 3: It was a surprise.
Speaker 1: I was trying to.
Speaker 3: I vowed that I would never try to surprise you.
Speaker 2: You told me that I'm never.
Speaker 1: Trying to surprise. This was the hardest thing to do
Speaker 1: because it was all weekend.
Speaker 2: You were trying to keep the surprise.
Speaker 3: So I mean, and then it's not just me trying
Speaker 3: to keep the surprises.
Speaker 2: Everybody. Well, you know what, we'll come back and talk
Speaker 2: about that.
Speaker 3: Let's take a quick break because I'm already starting to
Speaker 3: get hot thinking about how I felt in that.
Speaker 5: Moment, and in honor of my birthday party yesterday, which
Speaker 5: is what we had.
Speaker 1: Kay is going to sing her favorite song she likes
Speaker 1: to sing right now.
Speaker 3: Second birthday. That was like maybe that was like your
Speaker 3: fourth birthday celebration.
Speaker 1: Most of my fourth fortieth birthday celebration.
Speaker 2: Yeah for sure.
Speaker 3: Okay, ready, yes, as simple as this surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise.
Speaker 5: She got me off, got got them, I got y'all
Speaker 5: see the clips.
Speaker 1: My face looked like I had no.
Speaker 3: Idea Patreon folks, y'all will get to see that it
Speaker 3: went off without a hitch.
Speaker 5: Which is like surprising because you had so many moving
Speaker 5: parts and so many things going.
Speaker 2: Man, listen, it was almost a hitch.
Speaker 3: Though. What we're going to explain that after we pay
Speaker 3: some bills. So let's do that and come back, and
Speaker 3: we're going to recap how Deval and I had to guys.
Speaker 3: You guys are gonna you're gonna see the growth in
Speaker 3: us with the way this whole day panned out.
Speaker 2: Okay, So let's take a break and we'll come back.
Speaker 5: So we back, guys, and before we get started with this,
Speaker 5: I do have to say both of us has matured
Speaker 5: a lot over the past fifteen years since my twenty
Speaker 5: fifth birthday because Kadeena and I argued that day and
Speaker 5: my parents' bathroom.
Speaker 1: We argued like it was. It was a back and
Speaker 1: forth fest, and.
Speaker 2: It was you were over me.
Speaker 5: I was over you, and I don't know how we
Speaker 5: survived at it was it was them legs.
Speaker 1: Once I seen you in that outfit, I was.
Speaker 3: Going a you know what gets me through those surprise moments,
Speaker 3: just knowing that when it finally like pans out, how
Speaker 3: happy you're going to be in that moment and how
Speaker 3: you're gonna feel stupid forgiving me a hard time.
Speaker 1: You said that.
Speaker 5: She almost told me though on my twenty fifth a
Speaker 5: couple of times, because we argued the night.
Speaker 3: Before after plan to know some colleague after Platinos and Calagreens,
Speaker 3: we did. So the thing is, I wasn't trying to
Speaker 3: be like thoughtless with the whole platinous and calagree things.
Speaker 3: So I do enjoy, you know, theater. I enjoyed Broadway
Speaker 3: and stuff like that. But Deval had expressed to me,
Speaker 3: which he did when we first started dating, and at
Speaker 3: this point now he's in the league, you know, at
Speaker 3: some point knowing that he will retire, and he was
Speaker 3: thinking about doing more acting type gigs and auditioning. So
Speaker 3: I thought that this would be great motivation and just
Speaker 3: you know, inspiration for him to see people performing doing
Speaker 3: things that he wants to do.
Speaker 1: So that's why twenty fifth birthday, that's what I wanted
Speaker 1: to see.
Speaker 3: I mean I did, indeed, indeed you did, you did.
Speaker 3: But yeah, that was the mindset behind the play. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: this is something different, because of course I couldn't. The
Speaker 3: surprise really would have been ruined if I did nothing,
Speaker 3: and I was just waiting for the weekend to have
Speaker 3: the party, thanks, you know.
Speaker 2: So so yeah, this is.
Speaker 3: Something that I was planning along with my friend Tiffany,
Speaker 3: and we had everything, I mean down to a casting
Speaker 3: call for models. We had a seamstress. I had to
Speaker 3: get a bunch of his jerseys. Each girl had a
Speaker 3: different style design for the jerseys. We had this big
Speaker 3: section up in tash Lounge Lounge in the city. We
Speaker 3: had the entire top floor, you know, Limo took us in,
Speaker 3: We had cake.
Speaker 2: It was it was it was so many people a
Speaker 2: good time.
Speaker 5: That the whole party spilled out into all of Taj
Speaker 5: and we took.
Speaker 3: Over all of Taj literally like literally literally.
Speaker 5: And that sparked my promoting career, because after I started
Speaker 5: promoting parties in the city, I was like, I could
Speaker 5: do this. I don't know if y'all do this, But
Speaker 5: there was a time when I first retired and I
Speaker 5: came back to Brooklyn that I was promoting parties for
Speaker 5: like three years.
Speaker 3: That's the fact.
Speaker 1: In the city, I was doing everything and make some money.
Speaker 3: A true Jamaican look at good thing. You got to
Speaker 3: do a citizenship now. But it was after that day
Speaker 3: that I said I would never try to surprise it
Speaker 3: out again because of the stress that it took so
Speaker 3: so many times that I was just about to tell him,
Speaker 3: and it was either Tiffany or my sister or my brother,
Speaker 3: like hey, no, like you've come this far, you cannot
Speaker 3: below the surprise. And I'm like, y'all don't know, y'all
Speaker 3: don't know what it's like dealing with this dude in
Speaker 3: my ass, like literally, so I just yeah, it was
Speaker 3: just too much.
Speaker 2: And then from that moment on, I vowed.
Speaker 3: However, Deval of course, as you know, uh turned twenty
Speaker 3: five for the fifteenth time this year, and like we've
Speaker 3: expressed before, there have been so many birthdays that Deval,
Speaker 3: at least in the past five years, we have not
Speaker 3: been able to celebrate or at least the way and
Speaker 3: the capacity and magnitude that I like to celebrate birthdays.
Speaker 5: Because you like to celebrate and your family love surprises. Yes,
Speaker 5: they will surprise you for anything since Tuesday schools over look,
Speaker 5: we got them like it's Tuesday and they don't care
Speaker 5: about that.
Speaker 3: We do and it ends up being a thing though, right,
Speaker 3: That's how we show our love. So so yeah, for
Speaker 3: the past couple of years, you were either filming and
Speaker 3: in Toronto, we were in Ottawa. You were all over
Speaker 3: doing the things that you love, which is always a
Speaker 3: good thing, right. I'm happy that these are coming into fruition.
Speaker 3: So yeah, missing birthdays and stuff. One year, it was
Speaker 3: COVID that we all had. We were supposed to be
Speaker 3: going to Jamaica for your I think it was your
Speaker 3: thirty seventh birthday or something. Thing.
Speaker 2: We had Egypt planned for your thirty fifth.
Speaker 3: We had to cancel that because you had a big
Speaker 3: audition that fell literally in between the middle of the trip.
Speaker 1: We got COVID one year.
Speaker 2: Yeah, COVID one year. So yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 3: I just felt like Deval needed to be celebrated since
Speaker 3: his birthdays were pretty much a wash for the past
Speaker 3: five years. So that being said, I was not joking
Speaker 3: when I said I was going to be celebrating you
Speaker 3: all here.
Speaker 5: You know what got me though, It is the middle
Speaker 5: of May. I'm not even thinking about my birthday no more.
Speaker 5: That's what made it so perfect, made it so that's.
Speaker 3: So true, and that was actually the upper hand that
Speaker 3: I had. I'm like, this is probably the farthest thing
Speaker 3: from his mind. So here was my mindset, as we know,
Speaker 3: and if you saw I'm patrion, you guys saw that
Speaker 3: we went to Jamaica for the vowle's birthday, spent a
Speaker 3: whole week out there. We had things planned, we had downtime.
Speaker 3: It was literally like the most perfect trip with closest
Speaker 3: immediate family, couple friends.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: However, there were a lot of people that you have
Speaker 3: not been able to celebrate with and people who couldn't
Speaker 3: make the trip, and we just didn't have the capacity
Speaker 3: for that many people. And since we've been new to
Speaker 3: Atlanta for the past three years, we have you know,
Speaker 3: either made friends or made family, I like to say,
Speaker 3: with some people who are super close to us down here,
Speaker 3: or just people that we know from New York that
Speaker 3: are now down here. So I felt that we needed
Speaker 3: to do something down in Atlanta with some of our
Speaker 3: local people. And the issue I was running into was
Speaker 3: finding the perfect time to do it, because after we
Speaker 3: got back from Jamaica, I know that we were going
Speaker 3: away to Saint Vincent for a couple of days, and
Speaker 3: you were prepping to film Season eight of Sisters. So
Speaker 3: that being said, I did not want to interfere with
Speaker 3: filming and everyone prepping for it. But I did say,
Speaker 3: this is the perfect time because a couple of the
Speaker 3: castmates I would want to invite will be in town.
Speaker 3: You know, it might be a good way to decompress
Speaker 3: once it's done. Yes, Brian, Cheat and Crystal yet so
Speaker 3: Crystal's local, but I know Brian and Cheetah would be
Speaker 3: in town from LA.
Speaker 2: So I'm like, what do I do? So I hit
Speaker 2: Crystal up.
Speaker 3: You know, back in April, it was like the end
Speaker 3: of March, and I was like, Sis, I'm trying to
Speaker 3: plan for an Atlanta party for Devo. I said, just like,
Speaker 3: maybe a nice private dinner somewhere. I said, what do
Speaker 3: you think should I do it before you guys film
Speaker 3: or after?
Speaker 2: So I know she was super busy.
Speaker 3: She didn't get back to me right away, but something
Speaker 3: in my gut was saying, you know, it could even
Speaker 3: just do it after, because I didn't want to be
Speaker 3: responsible for people hanging out late, you know, drinking and
Speaker 3: partying for Devo's birthday and then getting to set and
Speaker 3: things fall apart because they knew everybody was at DeVos
Speaker 3: help right now. Purposely, okay, purposely, this is all here
Speaker 3: from yesterday. I mean, I did wash my face and
Speaker 3: brush my teeth, chail, but listen, we didn't listen. Now
Speaker 3: I had to get it together. That's not nope, I'm
Speaker 3: still here drinking my coffee, y'all. So let's say a
Speaker 3: time was had. A time was had. So I decided
Speaker 3: to move the date because I initially had it planned
Speaker 3: pre filming. I said, let me do it for post filming,
Speaker 3: and then I hit up all of the key people
Speaker 3: who I wanted to be there, people who I'm knew
Speaker 3: would probably be leaving to head back to their respective
Speaker 3: hometowns after, like, hey, do you mind sticking around until
Speaker 3: May nineteenth? I would like to do something for Deval.
Speaker 3: So so got to planning with that, which was pretty smooth.
Speaker 3: But now at this point, it was just a matter
Speaker 3: of keeping the secret from you for as long as possible.
Speaker 3: Cut to the day of the party, right, So that day,
Speaker 3: our friend Jay's daughter had a pool party in the morning.
Speaker 3: The whole family's invited. Of course, my sister came into
Speaker 3: town because she came here to decompress for a couple
Speaker 3: of days after her graduation, so we were all supposed
Speaker 3: to go to this pool party. So the morning of
Speaker 3: the pool party, dev I was like, yo, what time
Speaker 3: me trying to leave? He has an audition to film,
Speaker 3: so we're trying to figure out the logistics of how
Speaker 3: the day we're going even.
Speaker 5: It started before that was Friday, because Friday was Cheetoh's birthday,
Speaker 5: and the reason that is for us to go out
Speaker 5: Sunday was to celebrate Cheeto's birthday. Because Crystal wasn't gonna
Speaker 5: be able to go Friday, right, so we were all there.
Speaker 5: We wrapped on Friday. Cheeto's birthday was legitimately Friday Friday,
Speaker 5: so we were like, yo, let's all go out Friday night.
Speaker 5: Chrystal was like, Nah, I can't do Friday night because
Speaker 5: I got the key art shoot on Saturday morning.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be out late. So I was like, bet,
Speaker 1: let's do something Sunday before Cheeto leaves.
Speaker 5: Because Cheeto, and this is the crazy part, Cheeto will
Speaker 5: rush his ass back to La in a heartbeat, and
Speaker 5: so will Brian. Yes, so at first I was kind
Speaker 5: of like Cheeto sticking around in land.
Speaker 1: I was like, why he's sticking around the land.
Speaker 5: But oh well, I guess he want to chill with
Speaker 5: us because we all here, so I ain't think nothing
Speaker 5: of it. We booked this party, which I didn't know
Speaker 5: was for me on Sunday. Yes, and Cheeto and I
Speaker 5: had made plans because Cheeto came Thursday to do an
Speaker 5: audition one day and I said, yo, I got an
Speaker 5: audition this weekend.
Speaker 1: Yo, come by Saturday. Let's get this audition done.
Speaker 5: So he's like, cool, comes by me Friday, we go out,
Speaker 5: have a good time, Happy birthday, Cheeto.
Speaker 1: Boom.
Speaker 5: Saturday they come by. We don't do the audition. So
Speaker 5: now it's Sunday.
Speaker 3: Didn't we do the audition for Saturday or we were
Speaker 3: just chilling. We were just having a good time.
Speaker 5: To be honest, I ain't want to do the audition
Speaker 5: at that point, Like I don't get a lot of
Speaker 5: time to spend with everybody. So I was like, I
Speaker 5: didn't want to sit there and do the audition in
Speaker 5: that moment, and this is where I talk about growth.
Speaker 5: We did a whole Patreon episode of me being upset
Speaker 5: because when I want to do an audition, I gotta
Speaker 5: get it done. In that moment, yes, I looked around
Speaker 5: and realized that everybody was having a good time, and
Speaker 5: I didn't want to stop everybody from having a good time.
Speaker 1: So I did the audition. I said, I'll do the
Speaker 1: audition tomorrow.
Speaker 3: I wish you knew that was your mindset, because I
Speaker 3: would have encouraged you to do it on the Saturday instead.
Speaker 5: If you would have did it, I would have done
Speaker 5: it on Saturday because Sunday. I was like, okay, Jay's
Speaker 5: daughter got the party, we can do it. Then I
Speaker 5: was like, Cheeto can come by Sunday afternoon. I had
Speaker 5: up Cheatoh. I was like, yo, you're free. He was
Speaker 5: just like, man, I gotta go to this brunch with
Speaker 5: my homegirl. And at first I was like, nigga, I
Speaker 5: did your fucking audition. Like now you telling me you
Speaker 5: got a homegirl, You're gonna go to you?
Speaker 3: That's what he said to throw you off.
Speaker 5: Yes, he said, on me off because he knew he
Speaker 5: had to get ready and if he would have time
Speaker 5: out here to do it and then been like, I
Speaker 5: gotta rush, rushing me to leave.
Speaker 1: To get ready.
Speaker 5: Right because remember Jay's girl, Jay's Daughter's party was from
Speaker 5: one to five. Right, if he would have came here
Speaker 5: at five for us to do the audition, when would
Speaker 5: he have had time to get back to six thirty
Speaker 5: for the party.
Speaker 3: So Cheeto had said to me, he was like, hey,
Speaker 3: Deval has this audition to do. He said, I could
Speaker 3: come on Sunday early and do it and just dress
Speaker 3: with y'all one time and then go together. So I
Speaker 3: said that's also possible too. But remember we ended up
Speaker 3: hanging out really late Saturday night and then you had
Speaker 3: we had Jay's daughter's birthday party. So I said, Cheeto,
Speaker 3: if you come early, he's going to be a Jay's
Speaker 3: daughter's birthday party and he's not gonna want to not
Speaker 3: go to that. So he's like, okay, shit, all right,
Speaker 3: So I'll tell him something else why I can't come,
Speaker 3: So that way do lying.
Speaker 5: But the funny thing is this is growth on my
Speaker 5: part because in the past I would have been pissed
Speaker 5: and I wouldn't have been talking to Cheeto.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's the first thing.
Speaker 5: And then in that Jay Jay is like my little brother, right,
Speaker 5: So his oldest daughter came up here from New York.
Speaker 5: So when k was just like, oh, I'm gonna go
Speaker 5: shopping with Sakari, at first, I was like, yo, like
Speaker 5: how we as a family going to this pool party?
Speaker 5: How you not gonna come with us? You just gonna
Speaker 5: send me with all of the kids. So I was
Speaker 5: also kind of like, yo, like what's the deal with that?
Speaker 5: But maturity is that Sakari is here, She's not here often.
Speaker 5: They're probably gonna go shopping and do sister stuff. I'll
Speaker 5: just take the kids and I'm not even gonna stress
Speaker 5: about it because I seriously was thinking, like why would
Speaker 5: Kay not want to go to this party? But I
Speaker 5: was like, you know what, right, let me just she
Speaker 5: probably needs some time with sister. So I'm gonna just
Speaker 5: fall back and that's what I did.
Speaker 3: So on the back end for me, I hit Jay
Speaker 3: and I was like, Jay, you're still doing scholars party
Speaker 3: on a Saturday. He said, Now we have to move
Speaker 3: with the Sunday because of the weather. I said, bruh.
Speaker 3: That's when I'm having devoursed dinner.
Speaker 2: He's like, what time?
Speaker 3: I said six thirty. He's like, all right, shit, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna move scholar party up. I'm gonna do one to five.
Speaker 3: So we got time to do everything.
Speaker 5: Now, I see why they was rushing everybody out at
Speaker 5: five o'clock and telling me to leave. Jay was Gil
Speaker 5: was five, everybody got get out of the house. I'm like,
Speaker 5: why are you rushing? Like it's an airbnb, They're not
Speaker 5: gonna come. It ain't like they got security or whatever.
Speaker 5: He was like, nah d everybody got to be out.
Speaker 5: I ain't trying to pay extra in this.
Speaker 2: I'm like, that's exactly.
Speaker 1: I pay the extra, dude. And he was like, nah,
Speaker 1: I don't want you have to pay extra.
Speaker 5: And I'm like, why is this nigga kicking me out
Speaker 5: the like he literally kicked all of us out the
Speaker 5: party case.
Speaker 3: I told that. I said, Jay, you know he's gonna
Speaker 3: stick around and he's gonna want to talk and he's
Speaker 3: gonna want to talk and mix and mingle. I said,
Speaker 3: please get him out of there by five o'clock. And
Speaker 3: Ja was like, sis, I got you because I said Jay,
Speaker 3: I understand, you got family, you got a party. If
Speaker 3: y'all gotta stay, that's cool. He said, you know, I'm
Speaker 3: not missing d dinner, Like what, I'm gonna figure it
Speaker 3: out me and be gonna figure it out. And they
Speaker 3: sure did.
Speaker 5: All of the revelations coming back now that we've like
Speaker 5: now that I'm going through the day because when he
Speaker 5: kicked me out the party with all my kids, right,
Speaker 5: kick this out. We came home, I was like, yo,
Speaker 5: I'm gonna do this audition now, and then us said
Speaker 5: before you was like, you want to do it now
Speaker 5: or you can do it later after we come back
Speaker 5: from Jo's party. And the first thing I said was
Speaker 5: I don't want to go out there and drink and
Speaker 5: have a good time and then come.
Speaker 3: Back and then have to settle think about that. Yeah,
Speaker 3: let's get it done, which I knew. I knew recommending
Speaker 3: doing it after the birthday party wasn't a thing. And
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, but isn't it not due till Monday
Speaker 3: evening or Monday afternoon? But I said, you know what,
Speaker 3: if I pushed too much, he's gonna get annoyed exactly,
Speaker 3: And yep, so that's me knowing like if I make
Speaker 3: too many suggestions. That's against what he's wanting to do.
Speaker 3: He's going to get annoyed, and I need to just
Speaker 3: like hold my corner right. So it's rolling in. About
Speaker 3: five thirty, he told me I had to stop for gas.
Speaker 3: We're supposed to leave the house at six thirty. I
Speaker 3: told people get there for six thirty six forty five,
Speaker 3: because my plan was to arrive with him at seven.
Speaker 3: So I figured, if people have at least thirty minutes together,
Speaker 3: do valet get into the room so that when you
Speaker 3: don't see somebody in transit, because that's the worst part
Speaker 3: about his surprise is if you see somebody on the way.
Speaker 2: Well that's it.
Speaker 3: But we had some personal people who weren't cast related.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, if you see, for example, my friend
Speaker 3: Bianka walking and you'd be like, yeah, you'd been like like, oh, okay,
Speaker 3: what's going on? Why y'all here? Exactly, So it's it's
Speaker 3: so then at this point, now it's five thirty, he's
Speaker 3: on his way home.
Speaker 2: He doesn't get home till five point fifty.
Speaker 3: Then yea man's is holsing out the Coda's car seat
Speaker 3: because the Coda got cooped poop in the car seat
Speaker 3: because it's pamper like leaked or whatever. So he's hosing
Speaker 3: it and then he's like, who put the holes like this?
Speaker 1: So he's slowly.
Speaker 3: Taking his time to fix the hose, and I know
Speaker 3: the OCD in him. He doesn't like for it to
Speaker 3: be unkept outside, so he's trying to and he has
Speaker 3: his backpack on his back. The back cap keeps sliding
Speaker 3: off his shoulder. I'm standing there looking at him, and
Speaker 3: I was like, babe, I can have dad do this
Speaker 3: or whatever, and he's just like, nah, I got it.
Speaker 2: I said give me your backpack.
Speaker 1: Then at least no, no, no, no, no. This is what happened.
Speaker 5: You were staring at me right, and I felt you
Speaker 5: staring at me, and I was just like, she must
Speaker 5: really want to get to this party for Cheeto. That's
Speaker 5: the first thing I thought that she must really want
Speaker 5: to get this party for let me no, no, So
Speaker 5: I was just like, I was like, let me move
Speaker 5: this thing real quick, and you're staring at me, and
Speaker 5: I'm like, is everything all right? And then you were
Speaker 5: just like I can do that. And then I was
Speaker 5: just like, now she wanted to fix the holes. The
Speaker 5: holes been fucked up all this time, I was like,
Speaker 5: you know what, hold my bag. I had to give
Speaker 5: you something to do to get off my back.
Speaker 2: I said, give me your back. I could just do this.
Speaker 5: Yeah, But now that I think about it, the only
Speaker 5: reason why you were staring at me is to get
Speaker 5: me there on time.
Speaker 3: Yes, And I kept looking at you like, babe, I'm
Speaker 3: ready to do the audition. So I did my makeup.
Speaker 3: I hear everything was done. I literally just had to
Speaker 3: throw my clothes on once I was done with the audition. Now,
Speaker 3: the audition that he did had four different scenes, so
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, what do you have to redo? Which scene?
Speaker 3: He said all four? I was like, it's five point fifty.
Speaker 3: He still has to shower. And I also have Triple
Speaker 3: and TJ here trying to make an exit by six o'clock.
Speaker 3: And I didn't want them to see or didn't want
Speaker 3: him to see them leaving and be like where they're going?
Speaker 3: So it was just so many moving parts that want
Speaker 3: to I'm trying to text everybody. I'm texting our assistant,
Speaker 3: trying to keep them abreast of things. I'm like, y'all know, Christal,
Speaker 3: I say, you know your boy got a one track mind.
Speaker 3: He has to redo this audition, and there's no way
Speaker 3: I'm leaving until he gets it done.
Speaker 5: And sit tight, my manager. I did all four. I
Speaker 5: get ready to go upstairs. I send the first one
Speaker 5: to my managers, like, yo, it's just the type of
Speaker 5: energy you're thinking that I should need for this character.
Speaker 5: And he goes, I think it should go a little higher.
Speaker 5: So I faced timecast said can't I borrow you real second?
Speaker 5: And I could hear the frustration in her voice. So
Speaker 5: when she came down to stairs, it's everything all right
Speaker 5: and everything.
Speaker 3: I just put my shoes on too, So I'm like,
Speaker 3: I don't feel like walking through you know, I don't
Speaker 3: like my shoot, no shoes in my house. Got my
Speaker 3: shoes on, which is like thigh high boots. I'm like,
Speaker 3: I can't pull them off to go downstairs. So I
Speaker 3: tiptoe downstairs and he's just like, I got to redo
Speaker 3: the first scene.
Speaker 1: I'm like, and she came in.
Speaker 5: I grabbed some ass when she came in, because she
Speaker 5: had on some short shorts and some taboo trying. She's looking,
Speaker 5: but the thing is you was looking real annoyed, And
Speaker 5: all I kept thinking was why the fuck is she
Speaker 5: so hype to get to this party from Chee on
Speaker 5: birthday was Friday. We already celebrated to your birthday Friday.
Speaker 5: I got them a champagne thing. Think said happy birthday, cheeses,
Speaker 5: Like we did all of this already. Why is she
Speaker 5: This is what's going through my mind.
Speaker 3: I know it is. And all I'm thinking is like
Speaker 3: cod and like control yourself because you're gonna piss him
Speaker 3: off and he's liable to say, fuck Cheeto's party. I'm
Speaker 3: not going anywhere you can go if you want to go,
Speaker 3: yeah out because that would have been the next thing,
Speaker 3: because that's where things have gone before. There's been times
Speaker 3: where we've had places to go, things to do. Perfect example,
Speaker 3: Black Love, big argument before Black Love came to interview us.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm not doing the fucking interview. You can
Speaker 3: talk about black love by yourself. And they walk in
Speaker 3: the door and it's like, but they're at our house.
Speaker 1: He was crying, I want to do Black Clove. I
Speaker 1: want to talk about black love right now.
Speaker 3: You don't want to do it.
Speaker 2: But they were coming to our house, so we had
Speaker 2: nowhere to go.
Speaker 5: I said, we're going to do this interview because these
Speaker 5: people flew all the way from LA to Brooklyn to
Speaker 5: do this interview. We can't stop them from doing an
Speaker 5: interview three minutes before they come. But you just put
Speaker 5: your shit together, get it together now and fine. But
Speaker 5: after this, I'm not talking about black love no more
Speaker 5: like fine, I don't asked about black.
Speaker 3: Love, very black love. I feeling very black.
Speaker 5: But it's been That's the whole point of the story
Speaker 5: is that fifteen years ago, this would have been an argument.
Speaker 5: I probably wouldn't have went, and you would have had
Speaker 5: to tell me to vow the parties for you, and
Speaker 5: then I would have felt sheepish. Yes, you know what
Speaker 5: I'm saying.
Speaker 3: But I was two seconds away from that yesterday too,
Speaker 3: to be honest. The biggest thing about it, but I
Speaker 3: wasn't giving you attitude, so you weren't giving me an attitude.
Speaker 3: You were just moving slowly because I was like, once
Speaker 3: the auditions were done, now right, I'm like, babe, don't
Speaker 3: worry about it.
Speaker 2: I'll drive.
Speaker 3: You can sit in the passenger seat and you can
Speaker 3: upload your auditions. But I need Wi Fi. I'm like,
Speaker 3: I have a hotspot on my phone and I saw
Speaker 3: you look at me, and you were like, with this
Speaker 3: Wi Fi here and I was like, okay, the whole
Speaker 3: time that my mother and my sister are looking at
Speaker 3: me with big eyes, like it's almost at this point,
Speaker 3: it was like seven o'clock.
Speaker 2: We were supposed to be there at seven o'clock. He
Speaker 2: hasn't showered, not.
Speaker 3: Dressed, like nothing, just we're still at home.
Speaker 2: But I'm like Batman thirty minutes ago.
Speaker 1: I'm like Batman.
Speaker 3: So I'm just messaging everyone like I'm so sorry, mixing mingle,
Speaker 3: I apologize for the delay by the time Devo uploads
Speaker 3: the last audition. I then, while Deval is uploading the
Speaker 3: last audition, hit our manager up and I was like,
Speaker 3: you're totally ruining his surprise party right now. I have
Speaker 3: people at a venue since six thirty. And he was like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm so sorry. He said it wasn't
Speaker 3: even due until tomorrow night. And I'm like, I know,
Speaker 3: I know, but you know how Daval is one track
Speaker 3: mine and he's like, yeah, he's a he's a consummate professional,
Speaker 3: like he's that. So I said, yes, he definitely is.
Speaker 3: But of course I was telling him this. I was
Speaker 3: joking with him, like he had to know the joke here,
Speaker 3: Like the joke here is that bro. Any other time
Speaker 3: you submit an audition, it's good to go right. You
Speaker 3: never have to redo him. And the one time you
Speaker 3: got to redo it and redo it twice is when
Speaker 3: I'm planning a surprise birthday party for you with twenty
Speaker 3: seven of our closest friends.
Speaker 2: Down here at the venue waiting.
Speaker 3: But the good part about it is that everyone there,
Speaker 3: for the most part, kind of sort of knew each other,
Speaker 3: so they were mixing, mixing and mingling. Deval finally takes
Speaker 3: his shower. He's dressed and ready literally in like ten minutes,
Speaker 3: which is a good thing. It happens to be a
Speaker 3: naturally beautiful planning that they had to do here, you know,
Speaker 3: to hear coming in now, so we don't fillers or whatnot. No, nope,
Speaker 3: because Tiff was at the.
Speaker 1: Party, could you imagine that you.
Speaker 2: Bruh, typically be like, man, I'm book bruh. Figure it out.
Speaker 5: We jumped in the Porsche. I was doing a buck
Speaker 5: forty because she was rushing me so much. Now she's
Speaker 5: on the highway holding on to the sites.
Speaker 2: He knows that I'm like fast driving.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we got there in fourteen minutes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we got there really quickly. And then now everyone
Speaker 3: was there, with the exception of J and V because
Speaker 3: they were coming from their daughter's birthday party. So I'm
Speaker 3: hitting them because he told me the time he was
Speaker 3: going to be leaving the house and he's like, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna be a little late, and I said, okay, how late.
Speaker 3: So he's texted me simultaneously while you're driving, he's like,
Speaker 3: I'm nine minutes out.
Speaker 2: I'm like, we're forming this out. Do not if you
Speaker 2: see the Porsche, just.
Speaker 3: Don't come in. You're gonna have to wait until after.
Speaker 3: And he was like, oh damn, can you stall? I said,
Speaker 3: what I'm not doing is stalling any longer. It's going
Speaker 3: on almost an hour and a half and change that
Speaker 3: these people have been waiting for us to get there,
Speaker 3: so I can't stole no longer. I got to get inside,
Speaker 3: and baby, when you see the video, I let the
Speaker 3: value the way. Typically I walk.
Speaker 2: Ahead of him, but I let the valley the way.
Speaker 5: I always walk like that because I kept holding the door,
Speaker 5: and every time I kept like I get out the car,
Speaker 5: I go to hold the door and youk ahead, and
Speaker 5: I'm like okay, like like what is happening? Like I
Speaker 5: really did not know what was going on. And I'm
Speaker 5: just like, come on, baby.
Speaker 3: I walk on the door. I stepped to the side
Speaker 3: and I'm like, ahead, you leave the way, it's over there.
Speaker 3: And then the hostess said that the thing she didn't
Speaker 3: look she looked confused. I didn't want her to say nothing, Oh,
Speaker 3: were you here for your party? So I just bypassed her.
Speaker 3: I'm like, we know where we're going, and I said,
Speaker 3: I think it's throw those curtains over there. And man,
Speaker 3: I text our assistant at the time and I was like, hey,
Speaker 3: we're like walking in right now, and everybody had their
Speaker 3: phones out. Janelle sent me a really great video because
Speaker 3: she was right there to capture the vale walking through
Speaker 3: like do do do do? Regular old days celebrating Cheeto
Speaker 3: and it was your party.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm just still speechless. And you cry, I did,
Speaker 5: I said, I said, I'm my crying. And at first
Speaker 5: I didn't cry. It was when the speech is right
Speaker 5: the speeches started, I started crying because you know, after
Speaker 5: forty years of life, you know, you spent forty years
Speaker 5: as a man, not for nothing. Most men don't ever
Speaker 5: feel appreciated, and they definitely don't don't get the appreciation
Speaker 5: that I got yesterday. You know, I get a ton
Speaker 5: of appreciation from you all the time, and my kids.
Speaker 3: I feel like it's never enough on my end.
Speaker 5: So now yesterday I felt I felt full pause by
Speaker 5: all the love I got from everybody, My friends, my
Speaker 5: closest friends. Yeah, my friends who become family, Our coworkers
Speaker 5: and partners in creativity who become family.
Speaker 3: Literally like literally everybody.
Speaker 5: Whole podcasts grew like seeing Josh. It was a perfect
Speaker 5: triple everybody, and the.
Speaker 2: Time was perfect. I'm glad I pushed it.
Speaker 1: It was perfect.
Speaker 3: Were recording this week, so I hit Josh and triple
Speaker 3: both up and I'm like, hey, y'all, I'm doing the
Speaker 3: dinner on Sunday. So they changed their flights to get
Speaker 3: there early. Just so happened. Balau was in town and
Speaker 3: he extended his trip.
Speaker 5: That remember I was here Saturday, yes, and just straight
Speaker 5: left and I was like, the fuck do you think
Speaker 5: it just leaves like he was in the house, and
Speaker 5: then he took him in Phoenix and they just left
Speaker 5: and I'm just like, just bounce out.
Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, he's gonna have to see me
Speaker 1: at some point.
Speaker 3: And he saw because he knew so at that point
Speaker 3: he said, all right, Sis, I'm gonna extend my trip
Speaker 3: and I'm gonna bring Ashley down. So he brought his
Speaker 3: wife down and they were able to attend. So it
Speaker 3: just it just ended up being such a beautiful night.
Speaker 3: It was, which is some great people, and thank you,
Speaker 3: and I'm just proud of us for the growth, fighting.
Speaker 2: Yes for the growth.
Speaker 3: And y'all can attest this because whoever's been listening to
Speaker 3: us since season one, I'm sure y'all are getting completely
Speaker 3: different Padeens and DeVos. Okay, because we are. We're just
Speaker 3: not the same people that we were. This podcast has
Speaker 3: evolved so much for us, and we'd like to tell
Speaker 3: stories like this, like sometimes when we're coming up with topics, Okay,
Speaker 3: like we can talk about some current event stuff and whatever,
Speaker 3: but we just want to give y'all kind of like
Speaker 3: the behind the scenes of what happens sometimes with how
Speaker 3: we can navigate the growth that we've had as a
Speaker 3: married couple. No for real, you know, through a real
Speaker 3: life situation that happened, like literally the entire weekend was
Speaker 3: like such a juggle, that such a juggle or.
Speaker 5: Your moment of truth, let's take a break, real quick,
Speaker 5: because I want to hear your thoughts for your moment
Speaker 5: of truth.
Speaker 1: That's why I cut you off. I really want to
Speaker 1: hear your thoughts with moment the truth or.
Speaker 5: Why this story in the two thousand and nine story
Speaker 5: was so important, because from my perspective, I know why
Speaker 5: it's like yesterday was so important for me, and which
Speaker 5: is why I wanted to do this podcast. So let's
Speaker 5: take a quick breakka, Let's go, you know, getting some
Speaker 5: ads real quick.
Speaker 1: We come back, we'll do these listening letters and they
Speaker 1: we'll get the moment for sure.
Speaker 2: And actually it's real quick.
Speaker 3: Before we take a great break, I have to acknowledge
Speaker 3: me and Zacari shopping skills because the shopping that I
Speaker 3: had to go do was to get an outfit for you.
Speaker 3: And Deval was also like, damn, y'all went and bought
Speaker 3: me an outfit to wed the Cheeto's birthday party. I'm like,
Speaker 3: do you like Cheeto?
Speaker 1: Ya?
Speaker 3: You keep asking about why we do all this stuff
Speaker 3: for Cheeto because like, that's your friend. I was like,
Speaker 3: I happened to find an outfit that I thought was
Speaker 3: cute just thinking of you.
Speaker 1: So Kari came out dressed up this whole tight dress.
Speaker 1: I'm like, where are we going?
Speaker 5: I'm like, what is happening right now? Like this this
Speaker 5: is they got full makeup on and they rushing me.
Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm like, something's going on. I didn't know
Speaker 5: what was happening.
Speaker 1: I was really confused.
Speaker 2: All right, let's really take a break now and we'll
Speaker 2: come back.
Speaker 5: All right, we're back. These are too long listening letters.
Speaker 5: We'll see how long the response is. You want me
Speaker 5: to read this, let's go. All right, Hello, Kadeen and Devow.
Speaker 5: My name is Teresa and I absolutely love your podcast.
Speaker 5: Thank you so much. I really hope to meet you
Speaker 5: both someday. I have been listening to your podcasts in
Speaker 5: Nigeria and it just thank you. The Niget, the green
Speaker 5: and the.
Speaker 3: Yellow Green and yes me and she yes, what's the
Speaker 3: name that your Nigerian name.
Speaker 1: On my Nigerian name is? I forgot the first?
Speaker 5: He said, keep uh devide, keep devid, but it's Ellis
Speaker 5: wal court up elischop here you guys.
Speaker 1: But it is truly inspiring to me.
Speaker 5: I am twenty one years old and currently I'm in
Speaker 5: my first year in medical school.
Speaker 1: Congratulations.
Speaker 5: It's a four year program and I have a boyfriend
Speaker 5: who's fifteen years older than me. We were just talking
Speaker 5: about this in the car. He's a doctor and doing
Speaker 5: pretty well. He's truly amazing and would do anything to
Speaker 5: make me happy and comfortable. He constantly expresses his affection
Speaker 5: for me. He's he's a talk and do it kind
Speaker 5: of guy. Plus, our communication and understanding of each other
Speaker 5: is what I love about our relationship, and I feel
Speaker 5: safe to say he has what I need in a partner.
Speaker 5: We talk about settling down while I'm in medical school,
Speaker 5: but the problem we have is timing. Everyone around me
Speaker 5: tells me to focus on my education, which I do,
Speaker 5: but I struggle to see if that's even the right
Speaker 5: time for me to even think of settling down. And
Speaker 5: at the same time, I am afraid of missing out
Speaker 5: on someone who I feel is right for me. My
Speaker 5: parents are typical traditional African parents who want their daughter
Speaker 5: to be done with her education before taking Talking about marriage,
Speaker 5: I told my mom about it and she was not
Speaker 5: in support because she was in a similar boat with
Speaker 5: my dad, and she expressed how it was difficult for
Speaker 5: her to point in their marriage because my father looked
Speaker 5: down on her. Sometimes she was afraid he is some
Speaker 5: she was afraid he is someone who would do the same.
Speaker 1: Our parents were the same way.
Speaker 5: They all talk about their own experience, and don't I
Speaker 5: understand that one thousand percent At this point, I'm asking
Speaker 5: God for a sign or something.
Speaker 1: You are both wonderful parents.
Speaker 5: Thank you so much for that compliment, and I would
Speaker 5: love for you to give me some advice on if
Speaker 5: you if you think I should proceed or if I
Speaker 5: am going about this the wrong way and just being
Speaker 5: ahead of myself.
Speaker 1: Thank you for your time and looking forward to your response.
Speaker 3: Oh congrats, We were literally just talking about this these
Speaker 3: age gaps with you know's.
Speaker 2: This is literally literally what she was talking about.
Speaker 5: This is my first thing perspective, that's my first perspective.
Speaker 5: We often tell young women, well, we often look at
Speaker 5: guys who are thirty six and a twenty one year
Speaker 5: old and they're just like, yo, you grooming her, You
Speaker 5: grooming her. This is manipulative, This is wrong. Blah blah
Speaker 5: blah blah blah. What I don't understand is we also
Speaker 5: say to men, you know you guys take longer to mature.
Speaker 5: So since you know that, right, if you have a
Speaker 5: young daughter, would you want your daughter to date someone
Speaker 5: who knows who they are in life thirty six de
Speaker 5: little bit about what he wants, want marriage and want kids?
Speaker 5: Or would you want your twenty one year old to
Speaker 5: be with a twenty one year old man who has
Speaker 5: no clue what he wants in life. He's frivolous with
Speaker 5: his money and his dick and could give for a
Speaker 5: whole bunch of other issues.
Speaker 1: Like being older.
Speaker 5: Now I'm seeing the world differently, and I'm a little
Speaker 5: concerned that we're asking young girls to be with young
Speaker 5: guys and to figure things out when they're not mature
Speaker 5: enough to understand. But then when there's an older gentleman
Speaker 5: who knows what he wants and sees a young girl
Speaker 5: and can help her with these things, we look down
Speaker 5: on that as well.
Speaker 1: So what's the end answer, right, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I honestly don't have the right.
Speaker 3: I know we were talking about this too, and I
Speaker 3: kind of was stumped the same way too. I felt
Speaker 3: the same way you did. Like, for example, us we
Speaker 3: met at eighteen, well started dating at eighteen in college,
Speaker 3: and it wasn't the easiest, like trying to grow with
Speaker 3: somebody through this, Like we really do feel like sometimes
Speaker 3: the anomaly in a lot of situations because we look
Speaker 3: at our peers, our counterparts, people around us, younger even,
Speaker 3: and we're like, we wouldn't even recommend to them to
Speaker 3: do what we did, know because I think it took
Speaker 3: a very special kind of connection and relationship to be
Speaker 3: able to grow and to go and grow through these things.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I get very like, you know, stumped when
Speaker 3: I see a situation like this, because, like you said,
Speaker 3: or she's saying, he's thirty six, he's a doctor as well,
Speaker 3: doing pretty well, he's amazing, he takes care of her,
Speaker 3: he makes sure that she's okay. But I'm also just
Speaker 3: thinking from a social perspective or just from the maturity perspective,
Speaker 3: what does a twenty one year old and a thirty
Speaker 3: six year old have in common?
Speaker 5: Well, and this is this is where where I challenge
Speaker 5: that we're going to do a podcast about this perspective
Speaker 5: and perception versus reality.
Speaker 1: What we think a.
Speaker 5: Twenty one year old is is based on the perspective
Speaker 5: we get from social media and TV. But whose idea
Speaker 5: of what a twenty one year old is is that
Speaker 5: that we're watching That's not the majority? Right in the
Speaker 5: real world, there are plenty of mature twenty one year olds,
Speaker 5: for example, you at twenty one.
Speaker 2: That's a good point, were extremely mature.
Speaker 3: I knew what I wanted. I knew what I wanted.
Speaker 3: Did I know how I was going to get there?
Speaker 3: Per se? Not really? But I was figuring it out. Yes,
Speaker 3: I had a plan, you know. I was just looking
Speaker 3: enough to meet somebody who also had a plan, right,
Speaker 3: and who cared about my plan too, you know.
Speaker 5: But that's and that's what I think to answer her
Speaker 5: question was we have to stop putting projecting our ideas
Speaker 5: of what a twenty one year old person needs and
Speaker 5: let that person decide because ultimately it's their life and
Speaker 5: they have to live it.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 5: She's in med school, she met a doctor, Apparently she's
Speaker 5: used good enough discernment to this point, right, Why put
Speaker 5: her on the timeline that you think didn't even work
Speaker 5: for you? You know what I'm saying, Like, why put
Speaker 5: her on that timeline? Why not let her live her
Speaker 5: own life and figure it out, Because if she does
Speaker 5: everything for her husband is messed up, But if she
Speaker 5: does everything for all parents, it's messed up.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: There's no right answer unless you're doing everything for yourself.
Speaker 5: So if it was my daughter, I would say listen.
Speaker 5: As a father, I have to meet this gentleman. I
Speaker 5: have to use my discernment. Well, if I'm going to
Speaker 5: and I know this sounds like very old school, but
Speaker 5: if I'm going to hand over the livelihood and the
Speaker 5: well being of my child to you, I have to
Speaker 5: know who you are as a man.
Speaker 2: Especially old school, I think that's just a caring parent,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but this is also perception versus reality. You say
Speaker 5: things like that and automatically people just like what you
Speaker 5: mean handover.
Speaker 1: She ain't an object.
Speaker 2: She and it's just like this preface by saying, well,
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: And the bottom line is if you do something to
Speaker 5: my child, the first person they're gonna come to for
Speaker 5: protection is me me. So as as the father, I'm
Speaker 5: gonna want to speak to that man to say, Yo, yes,
Speaker 5: I'm handing my daughter over to you to love and
Speaker 5: protect and to honor and for you to be of
Speaker 5: service to her.
Speaker 1: Don't fuck this up because I will kill you. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2: Like serious, she has to deal with us. But that's
Speaker 2: exactly why we don't have any daughters.
Speaker 3: However, our sons are gonna be the same thing absolute
Speaker 3: because they're not gonna be walking up in here with
Speaker 3: just any and anybody either, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: But also to what we have to do as parents,
Speaker 3: we have to learn how because I mean, we're so
Speaker 3: conditioned as parents, and this is one of those things
Speaker 3: that your parents that you don't know until you become
Speaker 3: a parent, absolutely that you can foresee certain things about
Speaker 3: to happen with your kids or you know, the things
Speaker 3: that you've had to struggle with. So to avoid that
Speaker 3: for your children, you feel like you need to try
Speaker 3: to control what the situation looks like for them. So
Speaker 3: for example, her mom saying, well, when I got married,
Speaker 3: your dad looked down on me because I didn't have
Speaker 3: my own or you know, these are things that are
Speaker 3: very real for her mom. So her mom doesn't want
Speaker 3: her to experience the same thing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but we have to stop doing that. That was
Speaker 5: a choice that your husband made.
Speaker 3: So parents have to find a way to speak about
Speaker 3: their experiences so that of course it's something that may
Speaker 3: be on the forefront of their child's mind, but also
Speaker 3: not feeling like history is just doomed and it's going
Speaker 3: to repeat itself because it happened to you. The whole
Speaker 3: point of sharing these stories and being transparent as a
Speaker 3: parent with your child is to tell them, guys, this
Speaker 3: is what I've experienced. If there's a way that you
Speaker 3: can avoid this by doing X, Y Z and making
Speaker 3: the proper decisions, then that's what I want for you.
Speaker 2: Not for you to just do as I say, absolutely, because.
Speaker 3: That tends to drive a wedge even more, especially when
Speaker 3: you're in love with somebody child. Because we were in love,
Speaker 3: Daval and I, we were in love.
Speaker 1: We still this morning, and I was just feeling on her.
Speaker 5: Because we loved each other so much that we felt
Speaker 5: like our love could defeat anything and out.
Speaker 1: My mom was just like, y'all taking this too serious.
Speaker 5: Y'all need to relax. Your mom said the same thing.
Speaker 5: And we didn't listen. You know, we didn't listen. We
Speaker 5: did what we wanted to do, and for us, it
Speaker 5: worked out well. But I will also say this that
Speaker 5: parents have to learn that the greatest way to increase
Speaker 5: your child's self esteem is to give them confidence.
Speaker 1: And the only way to give them confidence is.
Speaker 5: For them to learn how to problem solve on their
Speaker 5: own because when kids young kids, especially when I learned
Speaker 5: this with Jackson over the last two years, when your
Speaker 5: kids get used to you jumping in to tell them
Speaker 5: how to do things or how to speak to someone,
Speaker 5: speak to someone the first.
Speaker 1: Time, you're not allowed, you're not there to do it.
Speaker 5: Now they don't feel confident, and now their self esteem
Speaker 5: drops because I remember Jackson kept saying like, I don't
Speaker 5: know why I feel this way. I don't know why
Speaker 5: I get nervous before a game. I don't know why
Speaker 5: I have anxiety. And I realized he got anxiety because
Speaker 5: he's used to me always being there, and then when
Speaker 5: I can't be there to help them do something, he
Speaker 5: didn't know how to deal. So it took time for
Speaker 5: him of failing and failing and failing to figure it out. Hey,
Speaker 5: I failed and my dad ain't here, But I picked
Speaker 5: myself up and I figured it out. Now his confidence
Speaker 5: is so strong to where he's just like, nah, I
Speaker 5: got this. I'm like, you're not nervous, you know. He's like, nah,
Speaker 5: god is you know? If I mess up? My mess up?
Speaker 5: But I'll figure it out. He likes to figure things
Speaker 5: out out now, and not for nothing. It's the same
Speaker 5: thing with your children and relationships. All you can do
Speaker 5: is give them the information that you have, teach them
Speaker 5: how to use discernment, use your discernment around who you
Speaker 5: have around your children.
Speaker 1: But you can't stop them from making decisions.
Speaker 5: And if you continue to stop them from making decisions,
Speaker 5: when they get to this point in life, they won't
Speaker 5: know how to do it.
Speaker 3: They won't know how to do it.
Speaker 1: They won't, they won't.
Speaker 3: We've seen so many cases of that, so many cases
Speaker 3: of that. So good luck to you. I love that
Speaker 3: you are immersed in your schooling first your medical school,
Speaker 3: a four year program. That's awesome, ma'am. I mean I say,
Speaker 3: I'm a big proponent of follow your heart, but also
Speaker 3: use your brain. And you seem like you're a smart girl,
Speaker 3: and you know you're going to work it out. And
Speaker 3: timing that's another thing she mentioned here. Timing. The timing
Speaker 3: may not be right now for a full commitment, but
Speaker 3: right the way and see how it goes.
Speaker 5: Let me ask a question though, as far as timing,
Speaker 5: what's perfect timing.
Speaker 3: I'm thinking timing in terms of her focusing on education
Speaker 3: and trying to finish that. I think she could do
Speaker 3: them simultaneously. I don't think she has to stop the relationship.
Speaker 5: Let me ask a question, what if her doctor boyfriend
Speaker 5: is helping her through the process, wouldn't it be the
Speaker 5: best time? Because we helped each other through the college
Speaker 5: process where everyone else thought we were going to be
Speaker 5: a distraction. He taught me how to read my dar
Speaker 5: you know, we helped each other with papers, were studying
Speaker 5: and stuff at night together. Every relationship isn't a distraction
Speaker 5: towards your career.
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be.
Speaker 5: And that's what I think people need to understand, is
Speaker 5: that just because someone is in love or is focusing
Speaker 5: on love as well as a career, doesn't.
Speaker 1: Mean it's in poor timing or in poor taste.
Speaker 3: That's true. When I'm thinking of timing, I'm thinking of
Speaker 3: just as a woman, the timeline that you have in
Speaker 3: your head for like when's the right time to marry
Speaker 3: or when's the right time to have a child. So
Speaker 3: timing in this sense, where the perspective I was coming from,
Speaker 3: was just like it may not be the right time
Speaker 3: for a full commitment, But if you guys are rocking
Speaker 3: out with each other, you say, he's expressive, he communicates
Speaker 3: they understand each other, then it's perfect timing for what
Speaker 3: you both need for this space in life and you
Speaker 3: can see where it goes as you guys grow.
Speaker 1: Because he's talking about marriage, but my thing is.
Speaker 3: Our future commitment.
Speaker 5: Yeah, what's wrong with You've been fully committed to me
Speaker 5: since you were eighteen and your life has turned out fine.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: That you've had to delay certain dreams to have children, Yes,
Speaker 5: but you didn't have to deny those dreams. And at
Speaker 5: no point that I ever looked down on you and
Speaker 5: say you're less than a woman because you don't haven't
Speaker 5: accomplished this in a career space.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: I think that what her mom has been through has
Speaker 5: been traumatic to her mom, and she doesn't want that
Speaker 5: for her daughter. I get that, but she also has
Speaker 5: to understand that you picked the man that did that
Speaker 5: to you. You you know, and this I'm not trying to
Speaker 5: knock her dad, but I'm just saying that doesn't mean
Speaker 5: that every man, or every Nigerian man, or every man
Speaker 5: who was a doctor was going to put you down.
Speaker 1: Because because of that, you don't have as much as
Speaker 1: he has.
Speaker 5: Right, you know what I'm saying, like, that's not And
Speaker 5: I tell my boys the same way when they talk about, yeah,
Speaker 5: these women be out here. If you don't make X
Speaker 5: amount of dollars, they be putting you down. I said, no,
Speaker 5: the women you choose to hang out with put you down.
Speaker 5: Because general that's not every woman.
Speaker 3: That's not generalized. Maybe you're discernment with picking and that's
Speaker 3: men and women because you have they have the same
Speaker 3: story the niggas, It ain't this they and that you
Speaker 3: need to have more discernment with who you're choosing to
Speaker 3: engage with.
Speaker 1: So that's that.
Speaker 2: Well, good luck to you, Sis Teresa, doctor Teresa.
Speaker 1: In the middle, it's going to be doctor Teresa for you.
Speaker 3: Good for you. Awesome, all right, So I think we
Speaker 3: should say this next listening that are for the next
Speaker 3: podcast only because you know, for the sake of time,
Speaker 3: we still want to do our owning the truth and
Speaker 3: end out the podcast episode.
Speaker 5: And I'm still so guys, we're doing these podcasts in
Speaker 5: between me running for fittings and going out to do
Speaker 5: the the whole show and prepping for the show. So yes,
Speaker 5: you know you're not gonna hear me as much, but
Speaker 5: you know what, you will hear is a day with
Speaker 5: Ka you will hear? Okay, I'm excited.
Speaker 3: Stick around. Stick around. So you know, when I don't
Speaker 3: have Devel alongside me, I may have a person or
Speaker 3: to pop in every now and again and we can
Speaker 3: do some chit chat and stuff, because we're still going
Speaker 3: to always give you the dead Ass podcast experience with
Speaker 3: a little twist. So yeah, let's go into well. First off,
Speaker 3: if you want to be featured as a listener letter
Speaker 3: in the future, be sure to email us at dead
Speaker 3: Ass Advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 5: That's D E A D A S S A D
Speaker 5: V I C E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: All right, moment in truth time. So, in telling the
Speaker 3: story of Devao's surprise fortieth birthday dinner here in Atlanta,
Speaker 3: the overarching topic for us was avoiding what could have
Speaker 3: been an argument because of the growth that we've both
Speaker 3: had in knowing how to anticipate what the other would feel,
Speaker 3: think or say, but also trying to practice strange but yes,
Speaker 3: grace and patience regardless of what the situation may be.
Speaker 3: So in this circumstance, it was devout surprise party, but
Speaker 3: it's something that we've been doing more recently in general,
Speaker 3: I feel like, so, do you have a moment of
Speaker 3: truth for the overarching topic of the show?
Speaker 5: Yeah, My moment of truth is that I'm proud of us,
Speaker 5: like truthfully, because yesterday could have been a catastrophe. It
Speaker 5: could have been a screaming, arguing, you know, thing that
Speaker 5: we've done in the past, and it would have been
Speaker 5: that we end up getting to the dinner and then
Speaker 5: we're upset at each other. Yes, and you know what
Speaker 5: I'm saying. And we've been there so.
Speaker 3: Many times, so many times, y'all, and.
Speaker 5: We see so many married couples, like we we go
Speaker 5: out with married couples and when.
Speaker 1: We get there, we see the tension and we're like, oh,
Speaker 1: they was arguing.
Speaker 2: In you can tell let me tell you. That's one
Speaker 2: thing with married couples.
Speaker 3: We can tell you, as a married couple, what was
Speaker 3: happening prior to.
Speaker 1: Like you said earlier in the episode.
Speaker 5: Though, listening to the podcast, because I've gone back and
Speaker 5: listened to certain episodes.
Speaker 1: And I hear the growth And that's why.
Speaker 5: I like listening to us, because I was like, man,
Speaker 5: that's what we sounded like that back then.
Speaker 1: That's how we felt back then.
Speaker 5: It doesn't change how I felt back then or how
Speaker 5: you felt, because I'm like, we really felt like that
Speaker 5: back then. But also the fact that people can watch
Speaker 5: us and say, you know what, this is how they
Speaker 5: sound now, but if you listen to them five years ago,
Speaker 5: we're not in a bad space, you know, because some
Speaker 5: couples feel like, well, we don't get along all the time,
Speaker 5: and we don't do this, And I can honestly say
Speaker 5: we don't get along all the time. Neither, And we
Speaker 5: didn't get along all the time. We are And a
Speaker 5: lot of dead ass podcasts in the very beginning was
Speaker 5: us venting our perspectives to you guys, and then hearing
Speaker 5: the other's perspective. And now it's a lot more of
Speaker 5: not venting our perspectives and being upset. It's no more
Speaker 5: battle of the sexist. It's more like, oh, I understand
Speaker 5: you know. So my moment of truth is if you're
Speaker 5: in a relationship right now and you're starting out, and
Speaker 5: I'm not talking about year one, if you're year five,
Speaker 5: you're still starting out. Don't be upset at yourself if
Speaker 5: you don't feel you are where you want to be
Speaker 5: in the long run, because you got the rest of
Speaker 5: your life to build the type of camaraderie with your
Speaker 5: partner to be able to trust, love, and empower each other,
Speaker 5: but also give empathy in times like we had, because.
Speaker 1: Yesterday could have easily been real talk.
Speaker 5: Why the fuck you keep rushing me? You know, I
Speaker 5: got to do my audition. I was trying not to
Speaker 5: be an asshole. Why we already we already celebrated Cheeto.
Speaker 5: This is important for me. This, you know, this is
Speaker 5: how we get money, and this is my passion and
Speaker 5: you not, you know, you disrespected my passion and then
Speaker 5: Kadeen could have easily been the value taking so long,
Speaker 5: why you're doing this?
Speaker 1: You know, we gotta be there and it didn't become that.
Speaker 3: It didn't become that.
Speaker 1: And I'm proud of us.
Speaker 2: I am so alright, I really am proud of you.
Speaker 3: Listen, I'm telling y'all my moment of truth that was
Speaker 3: great and that I share the same sentiments with everything
Speaker 3: that you've said. My moment of truth is kind of
Speaker 3: like a personal for us, and it's that this has
Speaker 3: really become a space for us. And I'm talking about
Speaker 3: this dead ass podcast space where we joke about this
Speaker 3: being therapy for us, but it legitimately is that like
Speaker 3: we may not see a therapist regularly, you or I
Speaker 3: or as a couple, but we literally sit here and
Speaker 3: talk through But what we also do is implement the
Speaker 3: things that we know can change the other's outcome.
Speaker 2: Right, So I know for a fact that if I say.
Speaker 3: Certain things in a certain way, it's just going to
Speaker 3: set you off.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 3: And it's choosing to say, you know what, I'm going
Speaker 3: to temper the way I feel in this moment because
Speaker 3: it's not even worth it. Like it's literally a space
Speaker 3: of battle picking in marriage that you're like, you know what,
Speaker 3: this is not even worth the argument in this moment,
Speaker 3: or you know, I know what this means to devour
Speaker 3: in this space. So though I know I have all
Speaker 3: of this stuff going on, and selfishly, I know that
Speaker 3: it's going to be an amazing thing. This is important
Speaker 3: to him in this moment, So let me be of
Speaker 3: support to him so he can effectively put forth a
Speaker 3: good product. And I feel like deep down inside and
Speaker 3: it could just be me or maybe because I've already
Speaker 3: claimed this for you, but I almost feel like that
Speaker 3: party last night was like a preemptive celebration for you
Speaker 3: because I can see you booking that role that you
Speaker 3: auditioned for because you redid the audition till it was
Speaker 3: perfect and you felt good about it, and our manager
Speaker 3: felt good about it, to the point where when you
Speaker 3: get that role and you booked that role, this is
Speaker 3: the story that we're going to be telling around. Do
Speaker 3: you know what happened when we did the audition for this?
Speaker 3: Like I feel like every actor has like a story
Speaker 3: about a big role or a big break that they've had,
Speaker 3: and it's like you'll never guess, like what was happening.
Speaker 3: So people were just like I was homeless in my car,
Speaker 3: I didn't have a shirt. I found a shirt, I
Speaker 3: found a backdrop, I did the audition, I submitted it,
Speaker 3: and then I got big you know gig. Yeah, so
Speaker 3: almost I just claimed that for you, babe, like you
Speaker 3: worked so incredibly hard, and in that moment, I knew
Speaker 3: that you weren't just doing any old thing. You were
Speaker 3: doing something that was going to help to escalate, we
Speaker 3: hope and pray your career. So I'm putting out there
Speaker 3: already that that role is yours. I know it's a
Speaker 3: role that would be great for you, and I'm so
Speaker 3: happy that you felt the love in the room. I
Speaker 3: think that that was just the icing on the cake
Speaker 3: for the evening. We had an amazing almost about five hours. Everybody,
Speaker 3: nobody wanted to leave. Everybody was just hanging out there.
Speaker 3: It was fun and we just had a really really
Speaker 3: great time celebrating you. But I, you know, to round
Speaker 3: things up, I just want you to continue to feel
Speaker 3: the love and appreciation that not only I have for you,
Speaker 3: but the people around you. With your huge heart, people
Speaker 3: who you always help. I think that's all about ever
Speaker 3: does is think about how he can help somebody else.
Speaker 3: The minute something comes his way that's going to be
Speaker 3: a benefit to him. The next breath is how we
Speaker 3: can benefit somebody else around him. So we love you.
Speaker 1: Got to pay it forward.
Speaker 3: We love you, We thank you. DeVos will always be
Speaker 3: paying it forward.
Speaker 1: We live in abundance and God provides for us others.
Speaker 3: That's all. Believe that that that's our tithing.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's that's my belief. You can you cannot change
Speaker 1: my mind on.
Speaker 3: That, neither me. So I'm glad that we agree on that.
Speaker 3: All right, y'all be sure to follow us on Patreon.
Speaker 3: That's where you're going to see this whole birthday party.
Speaker 3: For the yesterday Okay, Matt was there of course, catching
Speaker 3: all the good, the good good, So y'all are going
Speaker 3: to get that on Patreon, So if you have not
Speaker 3: subscribed yet, be sure to do that and you'll also
Speaker 3: get exclusive dead Ass podcast video content there and some
Speaker 3: Ellis Family content All day K A day weeight K.
Speaker 2: It's about to get the ball rolling, y'all.
Speaker 3: And you can also find us on social media at
Speaker 3: dead Ass the Podcast, I'm at Kajina I am and I.
Speaker 5: Am Devout, and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be
Speaker 5: sure to rate, review, and subscribe.
Speaker 2: Dead Ass y'all.
Speaker 4: Got dead Ass is a production of Eye Hard Media
Speaker 4: podcast Network and is produced by Donor, Pinya and Trible.
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