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Speaker 1: They got me, that's all I got.

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Speaker 2: Listen.

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Speaker 3: My SoundBite is trying to surprise someone who wants to

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Speaker 3: be aim control of everything at all.

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Speaker 2: Times is almost an impossible feat.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but we did it, deadass.

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Speaker 3: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

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Speaker 3: Voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

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Speaker 1: Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.

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Speaker 4: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 4: li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 3: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 4: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 4: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 4: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,

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Speaker 4: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 4: Were about to take philosof to our whole new level.

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Speaker 3: Dead Ass starts right now.

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Speaker 5: Story time, So I'm gonna take y'all back to April

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Speaker 5: two thousand and nine.

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Speaker 3: Oh that's a long time ago.

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Speaker 5: Yeah yeah wa wait, dang, went dang. It was my

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Speaker 5: twenty fifth birthday. So it's my twenty fifth birthday. Kadeen

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Speaker 5: was just like, babe, I got some things for you.

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Speaker 5: I hope you excited twenty fifth birthday. You know, She's man,

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Speaker 5: I'm all excited, right.

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Speaker 1: So I was.

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Speaker 2: Hyped because you know I love a birthday.

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Speaker 1: So yep, birthday comes, she said, you ready. I'm like, yeah.

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Speaker 1: She takes me to go see Platinos and.

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Speaker 5: Call of greenstose platinos in Callagreen. So IM just like, oh,

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Speaker 5: this must be the first part of the birthday celebration.

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Speaker 3: No, actually, you were like, who wants to go see

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Speaker 3: platinos and caligreens? That was for you.

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Speaker 2: That wasn't a gift for me.

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Speaker 5: I was gonna get to that, but you cut me

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Speaker 5: off because that's what I was thinking, because when I

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Speaker 5: went to see it, I was like, this is something

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Speaker 5: she wants to see, so you know, like this is

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Speaker 5: must be for her. But I was like, you know what,

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Speaker 5: my first part of my birthday, I ain't gonna be mad.

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Speaker 5: We go to see Plantinos and call of Greens. We

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Speaker 5: go home and we go to sleep, and I was like.

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Speaker 2: That was it.

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Speaker 1: I don't remember. All I know is I was pissed.

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Speaker 5: I was like extremely pissed because I was like, yo,

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Speaker 5: how was my twenty fifth birthday?

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Speaker 1: She gonna take me to see something that she wanted

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Speaker 1: to see.

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Speaker 5: So I was like, you know what, I'm a romain calm,

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Speaker 5: but I was like bubbling with fury on the inside.

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Speaker 5: So then next day I'm in my parents' house and

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Speaker 5: she's like, hey, babe, we're gonna no. We didn't go

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Speaker 5: out to eat. Because this is why I no, remember

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Speaker 5: we didn't go out to eat. He was like, hey,

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Speaker 5: bab We're gonna go out to eat, and I was like,

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Speaker 5: finals go out to eat? But I was already pissed

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Speaker 5: because I was like, yo, like I ain't getting no gift.

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Speaker 5: I ain't getting no All I get is plant to

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Speaker 5: Nose and Call of Greens, which actually was a very

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Speaker 5: good play, by the way. But I'm getting dressed in

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Speaker 5: my parents' house. She got me an outfit. She had

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Speaker 5: got me a neon green sweater.

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Speaker 2: Vess lime green sweater vest that.

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Speaker 5: This is two thousand and nine, had a short sleeve

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Speaker 5: button up with a bow tie. Now I'm not a

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Speaker 5: bow tie type of guy, so I was like, the

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Speaker 5: fuck is going on around here?

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Speaker 1: Man?

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Speaker 5: Like she got me dressed up with a bow tie,

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Speaker 5: like I'm about to be selling bean pods being dressing

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Speaker 5: my parents' house. Man, it was cute, but at the

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Speaker 5: time I was just mad because I didn't know what

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Speaker 5: was going on. Kadeen, Kadeen, y'all. Remember how y'all she

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Speaker 5: say that I always be the one going off. Let

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Speaker 5: the record show.

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Speaker 3: You here coughing and sniffing in my.

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Speaker 5: Now, don't deflex, don't deflect. You see how she deflects, yo,

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Speaker 5: She don't like to take accountability. Joint just went off

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Speaker 5: in the middle of the podcast. No, you didn't say

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Speaker 5: my bad you said you over here coughing. Then it

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Speaker 5: got nothing to do with your podcast over here. You

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Speaker 5: ain't got nothing to do with your laptop going off.

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Speaker 5: Go ahead, So now we're back to storytime. I'm getting

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Speaker 5: dressed in my parents' house. I got an attitude. K

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Speaker 5: I got an attitude? Who caught for now? Who caught

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Speaker 5: for now?

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Speaker 3: You're making me choke?

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Speaker 1: Ahead, can't know.

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Speaker 5: When I got an attitude? So she's like, did I

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Speaker 5: just get dressed? Did I just get dressed? And I'm

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Speaker 5: just like I'm getting dressed, Like why you rushing me?

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Speaker 5: Like I was really starting to get heated, like while

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Speaker 5: you rushing me man to go to this dinner where

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Speaker 5: he went to see plantinos and college greens.

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Speaker 1: I ate yesterday at that freaking that showed that you

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Speaker 1: have me go see.

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Speaker 5: So I get dressed, I got my bow tie on,

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Speaker 5: get ready to go down the stairs. And Kate can

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Speaker 5: tell I got an attitude, and I can tell that

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Speaker 5: she got an attitude because I got an attitude, just.

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Speaker 3: Like, come on, my dress was cute too.

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Speaker 1: Your dress was fire. It was fire.

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Speaker 5: That was another thing too. I was like, dang, man,

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Speaker 5: you're dress better than my outfit. It's my birthday, like

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Speaker 5: it's my birthday, while your outfit got to be outshine in.

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Speaker 3: My peoples and oranges. I just knew who I was

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Speaker 3: walking alongside, so I had to be ready.

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Speaker 1: I know he was flying. You had like a little too, too,

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Speaker 1: was ruffles. It was short.

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Speaker 5: All I seen it was legs plunged and you had

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Speaker 5: it was like a corset type. It was really plunged.

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Speaker 5: So I get down the stairs. I'm looking at her

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Speaker 5: and I ain't gonna lie. I looked at her legs

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Speaker 5: was all shining and stuff, and I kind of got

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Speaker 5: a little bit happy because I'm like damn, what's you fine?

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Speaker 1: But then I was back to being pissed.

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Speaker 5: Then she opens the door and there are six models

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Speaker 5: in front of my parents' house.

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Speaker 3: Baby had a casting call.

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Speaker 5: Okay, six models, three head on my jersey and three

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Speaker 5: head on Stephen Bonwei's jersey.

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Speaker 1: And then Bow comes out of the limbo with his

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Speaker 1: hands out like yo.

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Speaker 2: And immediately I was like, yo, this is like an idiot.

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Speaker 1: I did. I did, But this is nothing this this

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Speaker 1: this is your problem.

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Speaker 5: This ain't my problem, because all you had to do

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Speaker 5: was tell me that something was going on.

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Speaker 2: You knew something was going on clearly because.

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Speaker 3: It was a surprise.

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Speaker 1: I was trying to.

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Speaker 3: I vowed that I would never try to surprise you.

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Speaker 2: You told me that I'm never.

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Speaker 1: Trying to surprise. This was the hardest thing to do

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Speaker 1: because it was all weekend.

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Speaker 2: You were trying to keep the surprise.

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Speaker 3: So I mean, and then it's not just me trying

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Speaker 3: to keep the surprises.

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Speaker 2: Everybody. Well, you know what, we'll come back and talk

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Speaker 2: about that.

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Speaker 3: Let's take a quick break because I'm already starting to

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Speaker 3: get hot thinking about how I felt in that.

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Speaker 5: Moment, and in honor of my birthday party yesterday, which

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Speaker 5: is what we had.

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Speaker 1: Kay is going to sing her favorite song she likes

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Speaker 1: to sing right now.

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Speaker 3: Second birthday. That was like maybe that was like your

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Speaker 3: fourth birthday celebration.

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Speaker 1: Most of my fourth fortieth birthday celebration.

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Speaker 2: Yeah for sure.

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Speaker 3: Okay, ready, yes, as simple as this surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise.

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Speaker 5: She got me off, got got them, I got y'all

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Speaker 5: see the clips.

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Speaker 1: My face looked like I had no.

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Speaker 3: Idea Patreon folks, y'all will get to see that it

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Speaker 3: went off without a hitch.

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Speaker 5: Which is like surprising because you had so many moving

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Speaker 5: parts and so many things going.

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Speaker 2: Man, listen, it was almost a hitch.

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Speaker 3: Though. What we're going to explain that after we pay

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Speaker 3: some bills. So let's do that and come back, and

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Speaker 3: we're going to recap how Deval and I had to guys.

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Speaker 3: You guys are gonna you're gonna see the growth in

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Speaker 3: us with the way this whole day panned out.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So let's take a break and we'll come back.

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Speaker 5: So we back, guys, and before we get started with this,

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Speaker 5: I do have to say both of us has matured

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Speaker 5: a lot over the past fifteen years since my twenty

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Speaker 5: fifth birthday because Kadeena and I argued that day and

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Speaker 5: my parents' bathroom.

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Speaker 1: We argued like it was. It was a back and

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Speaker 1: forth fest, and.

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Speaker 2: It was you were over me.

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Speaker 5: I was over you, and I don't know how we

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Speaker 5: survived at it was it was them legs.

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Speaker 1: Once I seen you in that outfit, I was.

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Speaker 3: Going a you know what gets me through those surprise moments,

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Speaker 3: just knowing that when it finally like pans out, how

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Speaker 3: happy you're going to be in that moment and how

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Speaker 3: you're gonna feel stupid forgiving me a hard time.

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Speaker 1: You said that.

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Speaker 5: She almost told me though on my twenty fifth a

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Speaker 5: couple of times, because we argued the night.

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Speaker 3: Before after plan to know some colleague after Platinos and Calagreens,

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Speaker 3: we did. So the thing is, I wasn't trying to

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Speaker 3: be like thoughtless with the whole platinous and calagree things.

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Speaker 3: So I do enjoy, you know, theater. I enjoyed Broadway

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Speaker 3: and stuff like that. But Deval had expressed to me,

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Speaker 3: which he did when we first started dating, and at

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Speaker 3: this point now he's in the league, you know, at

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Speaker 3: some point knowing that he will retire, and he was

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Speaker 3: thinking about doing more acting type gigs and auditioning. So

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Speaker 3: I thought that this would be great motivation and just

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Speaker 3: you know, inspiration for him to see people performing doing

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Speaker 3: things that he wants to do.

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Speaker 1: So that's why twenty fifth birthday, that's what I wanted

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Speaker 1: to see.

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Speaker 3: I mean I did, indeed, indeed you did, you did.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, that was the mindset behind the play. I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 3: this is something different, because of course I couldn't. The

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Speaker 3: surprise really would have been ruined if I did nothing,

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Speaker 3: and I was just waiting for the weekend to have

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Speaker 3: the party, thanks, you know.

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Speaker 2: So so yeah, this is.

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Speaker 3: Something that I was planning along with my friend Tiffany,

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Speaker 3: and we had everything, I mean down to a casting

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Speaker 3: call for models. We had a seamstress. I had to

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Speaker 3: get a bunch of his jerseys. Each girl had a

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Speaker 3: different style design for the jerseys. We had this big

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Speaker 3: section up in tash Lounge Lounge in the city. We

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Speaker 3: had the entire top floor, you know, Limo took us in,

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Speaker 3: We had cake.

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Speaker 2: It was it was it was so many people a

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Speaker 2: good time.

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Speaker 5: That the whole party spilled out into all of Taj

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Speaker 5: and we took.

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Speaker 3: Over all of Taj literally like literally literally.

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Speaker 5: And that sparked my promoting career, because after I started

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Speaker 5: promoting parties in the city, I was like, I could

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Speaker 5: do this. I don't know if y'all do this, But

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Speaker 5: there was a time when I first retired and I

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Speaker 5: came back to Brooklyn that I was promoting parties for

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Speaker 5: like three years.

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Speaker 3: That's the fact.

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Speaker 1: In the city, I was doing everything and make some money.

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Speaker 3: A true Jamaican look at good thing. You got to

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Speaker 3: do a citizenship now. But it was after that day

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Speaker 3: that I said I would never try to surprise it

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Speaker 3: out again because of the stress that it took so

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Speaker 3: so many times that I was just about to tell him,

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Speaker 3: and it was either Tiffany or my sister or my brother,

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Speaker 3: like hey, no, like you've come this far, you cannot

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Speaker 3: below the surprise. And I'm like, y'all don't know, y'all

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Speaker 3: don't know what it's like dealing with this dude in

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Speaker 3: my ass, like literally, so I just yeah, it was

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Speaker 3: just too much.

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Speaker 2: And then from that moment on, I vowed.

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Speaker 3: However, Deval of course, as you know, uh turned twenty

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Speaker 3: five for the fifteenth time this year, and like we've

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Speaker 3: expressed before, there have been so many birthdays that Deval,

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Speaker 3: at least in the past five years, we have not

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Speaker 3: been able to celebrate or at least the way and

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Speaker 3: the capacity and magnitude that I like to celebrate birthdays.

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Speaker 5: Because you like to celebrate and your family love surprises. Yes,

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Speaker 5: they will surprise you for anything since Tuesday schools over look,

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Speaker 5: we got them like it's Tuesday and they don't care

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Speaker 5: about that.

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Speaker 3: We do and it ends up being a thing though, right,

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Speaker 3: That's how we show our love. So so yeah, for

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Speaker 3: the past couple of years, you were either filming and

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Speaker 3: in Toronto, we were in Ottawa. You were all over

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Speaker 3: doing the things that you love, which is always a

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Speaker 3: good thing, right. I'm happy that these are coming into fruition.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, missing birthdays and stuff. One year, it was

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Speaker 3: COVID that we all had. We were supposed to be

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Speaker 3: going to Jamaica for your I think it was your

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Speaker 3: thirty seventh birthday or something. Thing.

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Speaker 2: We had Egypt planned for your thirty fifth.

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Speaker 3: We had to cancel that because you had a big

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Speaker 3: audition that fell literally in between the middle of the trip.

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Speaker 1: We got COVID one year.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, COVID one year. So yeah, pretty much.

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Speaker 3: I just felt like Deval needed to be celebrated since

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Speaker 3: his birthdays were pretty much a wash for the past

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Speaker 3: five years. So that being said, I was not joking

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Speaker 3: when I said I was going to be celebrating you

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Speaker 3: all here.

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Speaker 5: You know what got me though, It is the middle

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Speaker 5: of May. I'm not even thinking about my birthday no more.

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Speaker 5: That's what made it so perfect, made it so that's.

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Speaker 3: So true, and that was actually the upper hand that

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Speaker 3: I had. I'm like, this is probably the farthest thing

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Speaker 3: from his mind. So here was my mindset, as we know,

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Speaker 3: and if you saw I'm patrion, you guys saw that

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Speaker 3: we went to Jamaica for the vowle's birthday, spent a

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Speaker 3: whole week out there. We had things planned, we had downtime.

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Speaker 3: It was literally like the most perfect trip with closest

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Speaker 3: immediate family, couple friends.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 3: However, there were a lot of people that you have

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Speaker 3: not been able to celebrate with and people who couldn't

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Speaker 3: make the trip, and we just didn't have the capacity

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Speaker 3: for that many people. And since we've been new to

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Speaker 3: Atlanta for the past three years, we have you know,

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Speaker 3: either made friends or made family, I like to say,

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Speaker 3: with some people who are super close to us down here,

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Speaker 3: or just people that we know from New York that

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Speaker 3: are now down here. So I felt that we needed

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Speaker 3: to do something down in Atlanta with some of our

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Speaker 3: local people. And the issue I was running into was

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Speaker 3: finding the perfect time to do it, because after we

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Speaker 3: got back from Jamaica, I know that we were going

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Speaker 3: away to Saint Vincent for a couple of days, and

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Speaker 3: you were prepping to film Season eight of Sisters. So

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Speaker 3: that being said, I did not want to interfere with

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Speaker 3: filming and everyone prepping for it. But I did say,

301
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Speaker 3: this is the perfect time because a couple of the

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Speaker 3: castmates I would want to invite will be in town.

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Speaker 3: You know, it might be a good way to decompress

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Speaker 3: once it's done. Yes, Brian, Cheat and Crystal yet so

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Speaker 3: Crystal's local, but I know Brian and Cheetah would be

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Speaker 3: in town from LA.

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Speaker 2: So I'm like, what do I do? So I hit

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Speaker 2: Crystal up.

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Speaker 3: You know, back in April, it was like the end

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Speaker 3: of March, and I was like, Sis, I'm trying to

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Speaker 3: plan for an Atlanta party for Devo. I said, just like,

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Speaker 3: maybe a nice private dinner somewhere. I said, what do

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Speaker 3: you think should I do it before you guys film

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Speaker 3: or after?

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Speaker 2: So I know she was super busy.

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Speaker 3: She didn't get back to me right away, but something

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Speaker 3: in my gut was saying, you know, it could even

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Speaker 3: just do it after, because I didn't want to be

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Speaker 3: responsible for people hanging out late, you know, drinking and

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Speaker 3: partying for Devo's birthday and then getting to set and

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Speaker 3: things fall apart because they knew everybody was at DeVos

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Speaker 3: help right now. Purposely, okay, purposely, this is all here

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Speaker 3: from yesterday. I mean, I did wash my face and

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Speaker 3: brush my teeth, chail, but listen, we didn't listen. Now

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Speaker 3: I had to get it together. That's not nope, I'm

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Speaker 3: still here drinking my coffee, y'all. So let's say a

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Speaker 3: time was had. A time was had. So I decided

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Speaker 3: to move the date because I initially had it planned

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Speaker 3: pre filming. I said, let me do it for post filming,

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Speaker 3: and then I hit up all of the key people

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Speaker 3: who I wanted to be there, people who I'm knew

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Speaker 3: would probably be leaving to head back to their respective

333
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Speaker 3: hometowns after, like, hey, do you mind sticking around until

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Speaker 3: May nineteenth? I would like to do something for Deval.

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Speaker 3: So so got to planning with that, which was pretty smooth.

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Speaker 3: But now at this point, it was just a matter

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Speaker 3: of keeping the secret from you for as long as possible.

338
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Speaker 3: Cut to the day of the party, right, So that day,

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Speaker 3: our friend Jay's daughter had a pool party in the morning.

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Speaker 3: The whole family's invited. Of course, my sister came into

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Speaker 3: town because she came here to decompress for a couple

342
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Speaker 3: of days after her graduation, so we were all supposed

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Speaker 3: to go to this pool party. So the morning of

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Speaker 3: the pool party, dev I was like, yo, what time

345
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Speaker 3: me trying to leave? He has an audition to film,

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Speaker 3: so we're trying to figure out the logistics of how

347
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Speaker 3: the day we're going even.

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Speaker 5: It started before that was Friday, because Friday was Cheetoh's birthday,

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Speaker 5: and the reason that is for us to go out

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Speaker 5: Sunday was to celebrate Cheeto's birthday. Because Crystal wasn't gonna

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Speaker 5: be able to go Friday, right, so we were all there.

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Speaker 5: We wrapped on Friday. Cheeto's birthday was legitimately Friday Friday,

353
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Speaker 5: so we were like, yo, let's all go out Friday night.

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Speaker 5: Chrystal was like, Nah, I can't do Friday night because

355
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Speaker 5: I got the key art shoot on Saturday morning.

356
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Speaker 1: I don't want to be out late. So I was like, bet,

357
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Speaker 1: let's do something Sunday before Cheeto leaves.

358
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Speaker 5: Because Cheeto, and this is the crazy part, Cheeto will

359
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Speaker 5: rush his ass back to La in a heartbeat, and

360
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Speaker 5: so will Brian. Yes, so at first I was kind

361
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Speaker 5: of like Cheeto sticking around in land.

362
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Speaker 1: I was like, why he's sticking around the land.

363
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Speaker 5: But oh well, I guess he want to chill with

364
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Speaker 5: us because we all here, so I ain't think nothing

365
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Speaker 5: of it. We booked this party, which I didn't know

366
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:39,440
Speaker 5: was for me on Sunday. Yes, and Cheeto and I

367
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,160
Speaker 5: had made plans because Cheeto came Thursday to do an

368
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Speaker 5: audition one day and I said, yo, I got an

369
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Speaker 5: audition this weekend.

370
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Speaker 1: Yo, come by Saturday. Let's get this audition done.

371
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Speaker 5: So he's like, cool, comes by me Friday, we go out,

372
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Speaker 5: have a good time, Happy birthday, Cheeto.

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Speaker 1: Boom.

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Speaker 5: Saturday they come by. We don't do the audition. So

375
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Speaker 5: now it's Sunday.

376
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Speaker 3: Didn't we do the audition for Saturday or we were

377
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,440
Speaker 3: just chilling. We were just having a good time.

378
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,800
Speaker 5: To be honest, I ain't want to do the audition

379
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,160
Speaker 5: at that point, Like I don't get a lot of

380
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,800
Speaker 5: time to spend with everybody. So I was like, I

381
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Speaker 5: didn't want to sit there and do the audition in

382
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Speaker 5: that moment, and this is where I talk about growth.

383
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Speaker 5: We did a whole Patreon episode of me being upset

384
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Speaker 5: because when I want to do an audition, I gotta

385
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Speaker 5: get it done. In that moment, yes, I looked around

386
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,640
Speaker 5: and realized that everybody was having a good time, and

387
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Speaker 5: I didn't want to stop everybody from having a good time.

388
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Speaker 1: So I did the audition. I said, I'll do the

389
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Speaker 1: audition tomorrow.

390
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Speaker 3: I wish you knew that was your mindset, because I

391
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Speaker 3: would have encouraged you to do it on the Saturday instead.

392
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Speaker 5: If you would have did it, I would have done

393
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,600
Speaker 5: it on Saturday because Sunday. I was like, okay, Jay's

394
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Speaker 5: daughter got the party, we can do it. Then I

395
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Speaker 5: was like, Cheeto can come by Sunday afternoon. I had

396
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Speaker 5: up Cheatoh. I was like, yo, you're free. He was

397
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Speaker 5: just like, man, I gotta go to this brunch with

398
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Speaker 5: my homegirl. And at first I was like, nigga, I

399
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,840
Speaker 5: did your fucking audition. Like now you telling me you

400
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,240
Speaker 5: got a homegirl, You're gonna go to you?

401
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Speaker 3: That's what he said to throw you off.

402
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,520
Speaker 5: Yes, he said, on me off because he knew he

403
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,880
Speaker 5: had to get ready and if he would have time

404
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,359
Speaker 5: out here to do it and then been like, I

405
00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:06,000
Speaker 5: gotta rush, rushing me to leave.

406
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Speaker 1: To get ready.

407
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Speaker 5: Right because remember Jay's girl, Jay's Daughter's party was from

408
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,240
Speaker 5: one to five. Right, if he would have came here

409
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Speaker 5: at five for us to do the audition, when would

410
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,040
Speaker 5: he have had time to get back to six thirty

411
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Speaker 5: for the party.

412
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Speaker 3: So Cheeto had said to me, he was like, hey,

413
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Speaker 3: Deval has this audition to do. He said, I could

414
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:24,359
Speaker 3: come on Sunday early and do it and just dress

415
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,000
Speaker 3: with y'all one time and then go together. So I

416
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,199
Speaker 3: said that's also possible too. But remember we ended up

417
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Speaker 3: hanging out really late Saturday night and then you had

418
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,960
Speaker 3: we had Jay's daughter's birthday party. So I said, Cheeto,

419
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Speaker 3: if you come early, he's going to be a Jay's

420
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Speaker 3: daughter's birthday party and he's not gonna want to not

421
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,479
Speaker 3: go to that. So he's like, okay, shit, all right,

422
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,600
Speaker 3: So I'll tell him something else why I can't come,

423
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:44,960
Speaker 3: So that way do lying.

424
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Speaker 5: But the funny thing is this is growth on my

425
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,800
Speaker 5: part because in the past I would have been pissed

426
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Speaker 5: and I wouldn't have been talking to Cheeto.

427
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Speaker 2: Yes, that's the first thing.

428
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:57,720
Speaker 5: And then in that Jay Jay is like my little brother, right,

429
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,600
Speaker 5: So his oldest daughter came up here from New York.

430
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,879
Speaker 5: So when k was just like, oh, I'm gonna go

431
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Speaker 5: shopping with Sakari, at first, I was like, yo, like

432
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,680
Speaker 5: how we as a family going to this pool party?

433
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,840
Speaker 5: How you not gonna come with us? You just gonna

434
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,000
Speaker 5: send me with all of the kids. So I was

435
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,960
Speaker 5: also kind of like, yo, like what's the deal with that?

436
00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:21,119
Speaker 5: But maturity is that Sakari is here, She's not here often.

437
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,080
Speaker 5: They're probably gonna go shopping and do sister stuff. I'll

438
00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:26,080
Speaker 5: just take the kids and I'm not even gonna stress

439
00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:28,320
Speaker 5: about it because I seriously was thinking, like why would

440
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,040
Speaker 5: Kay not want to go to this party? But I

441
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,000
Speaker 5: was like, you know what, right, let me just she

442
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,800
Speaker 5: probably needs some time with sister. So I'm gonna just

443
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,640
Speaker 5: fall back and that's what I did.

444
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,520
Speaker 3: So on the back end for me, I hit Jay

445
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,120
Speaker 3: and I was like, Jay, you're still doing scholars party

446
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:43,520
Speaker 3: on a Saturday. He said, Now we have to move

447
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,920
Speaker 3: with the Sunday because of the weather. I said, bruh.

448
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:47,440
Speaker 3: That's when I'm having devoursed dinner.

449
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:48,240
Speaker 2: He's like, what time?

450
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,240
Speaker 3: I said six thirty. He's like, all right, shit, I'm

451
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,440
Speaker 3: gonna move scholar party up. I'm gonna do one to five.

452
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,640
Speaker 3: So we got time to do everything.

453
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,880
Speaker 5: Now, I see why they was rushing everybody out at

454
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaker 5: five o'clock and telling me to leave. Jay was Gil

455
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:01,760
Speaker 5: was five, everybody got get out of the house. I'm like,

456
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,639
Speaker 5: why are you rushing? Like it's an airbnb, They're not

457
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,960
Speaker 5: gonna come. It ain't like they got security or whatever.

458
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,520
Speaker 5: He was like, nah d everybody got to be out.

459
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:08,720
Speaker 5: I ain't trying to pay extra in this.

460
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,080
Speaker 2: I'm like, that's exactly.

461
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:12,600
Speaker 1: I pay the extra, dude. And he was like, nah,

462
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:13,680
Speaker 1: I don't want you have to pay extra.

463
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,000
Speaker 5: And I'm like, why is this nigga kicking me out

464
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,199
Speaker 5: the like he literally kicked all of us out the

465
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:18,680
Speaker 5: party case.

466
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,359
Speaker 3: I told that. I said, Jay, you know he's gonna

467
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,280
Speaker 3: stick around and he's gonna want to talk and he's

468
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,240
Speaker 3: gonna want to talk and mix and mingle. I said,

469
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,639
Speaker 3: please get him out of there by five o'clock. And

470
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,560
Speaker 3: Ja was like, sis, I got you because I said Jay,

471
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:30,560
Speaker 3: I understand, you got family, you got a party. If

472
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,320
Speaker 3: y'all gotta stay, that's cool. He said, you know, I'm

473
00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:35,720
Speaker 3: not missing d dinner, Like what, I'm gonna figure it

474
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,199
Speaker 3: out me and be gonna figure it out. And they

475
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:37,680
Speaker 3: sure did.

476
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 5: All of the revelations coming back now that we've like

477
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,480
Speaker 5: now that I'm going through the day because when he

478
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,280
Speaker 5: kicked me out the party with all my kids, right,

479
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,720
Speaker 5: kick this out. We came home, I was like, yo,

480
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,240
Speaker 5: I'm gonna do this audition now, and then us said

481
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:53,440
Speaker 5: before you was like, you want to do it now

482
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:54,800
Speaker 5: or you can do it later after we come back

483
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:56,720
Speaker 5: from Jo's party. And the first thing I said was

484
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,040
Speaker 5: I don't want to go out there and drink and

485
00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:59,200
Speaker 5: have a good time and then come.

486
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 3: Back and then have to settle think about that. Yeah,

487
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,720
Speaker 3: let's get it done, which I knew. I knew recommending

488
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,399
Speaker 3: doing it after the birthday party wasn't a thing. And

489
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,439
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, but isn't it not due till Monday

490
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,040
Speaker 3: evening or Monday afternoon? But I said, you know what,

491
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:13,120
Speaker 3: if I pushed too much, he's gonna get annoyed exactly,

492
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:16,840
Speaker 3: And yep, so that's me knowing like if I make

493
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:20,440
Speaker 3: too many suggestions. That's against what he's wanting to do.

494
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,239
Speaker 3: He's going to get annoyed, and I need to just

495
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:26,080
Speaker 3: like hold my corner right. So it's rolling in. About

496
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:28,399
Speaker 3: five thirty, he told me I had to stop for gas.

497
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,879
Speaker 3: We're supposed to leave the house at six thirty. I

498
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 3: told people get there for six thirty six forty five,

499
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 3: because my plan was to arrive with him at seven.

500
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,240
Speaker 3: So I figured, if people have at least thirty minutes together,

501
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,320
Speaker 3: do valet get into the room so that when you

502
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,640
Speaker 3: don't see somebody in transit, because that's the worst part

503
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:46,760
Speaker 3: about his surprise is if you see somebody on the way.

504
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:48,639
Speaker 2: Well that's it.

505
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,959
Speaker 3: But we had some personal people who weren't cast related.

506
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 3: So I'm like, if you see, for example, my friend

507
00:20:54,080 --> 00:21:00,280
Speaker 3: Bianka walking and you'd be like, yeah, you'd been like like, oh, okay,

508
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,360
Speaker 3: what's going on? Why y'all here? Exactly, So it's it's

509
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,360
Speaker 3: so then at this point, now it's five thirty, he's

510
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:05,960
Speaker 3: on his way home.

511
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 2: He doesn't get home till five point fifty.

512
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:13,200
Speaker 3: Then yea man's is holsing out the Coda's car seat

513
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,880
Speaker 3: because the Coda got cooped poop in the car seat

514
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,119
Speaker 3: because it's pamper like leaked or whatever. So he's hosing

515
00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:21,280
Speaker 3: it and then he's like, who put the holes like this?

516
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,480
Speaker 1: So he's slowly.

517
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 3: Taking his time to fix the hose, and I know

518
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,159
Speaker 3: the OCD in him. He doesn't like for it to

519
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,960
Speaker 3: be unkept outside, so he's trying to and he has

520
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,640
Speaker 3: his backpack on his back. The back cap keeps sliding

521
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:35,119
Speaker 3: off his shoulder. I'm standing there looking at him, and

522
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,840
Speaker 3: I was like, babe, I can have dad do this

523
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 3: or whatever, and he's just like, nah, I got it.

524
00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:40,200
Speaker 2: I said give me your backpack.

525
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,800
Speaker 1: Then at least no, no, no, no, no. This is what happened.

526
00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:45,639
Speaker 5: You were staring at me right, and I felt you

527
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 5: staring at me, and I was just like, she must

528
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 5: really want to get to this party for Cheeto. That's

529
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,200
Speaker 5: the first thing I thought that she must really want

530
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,720
Speaker 5: to get this party for let me no, no, So

531
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,040
Speaker 5: I was just like, I was like, let me move

532
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:56,520
Speaker 5: this thing real quick, and you're staring at me, and

533
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,399
Speaker 5: I'm like, is everything all right? And then you were

534
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,960
Speaker 5: just like I can do that. And then I was

535
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,879
Speaker 5: just like, now she wanted to fix the holes. The

536
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 5: holes been fucked up all this time, I was like,

537
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:07,280
Speaker 5: you know what, hold my bag. I had to give

538
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,760
Speaker 5: you something to do to get off my back.

539
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 2: I said, give me your back. I could just do this.

540
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, But now that I think about it, the only

541
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 5: reason why you were staring at me is to get

542
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:15,120
Speaker 5: me there on time.

543
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,959
Speaker 3: Yes, And I kept looking at you like, babe, I'm

544
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,159
Speaker 3: ready to do the audition. So I did my makeup.

545
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,119
Speaker 3: I hear everything was done. I literally just had to

546
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 3: throw my clothes on once I was done with the audition. Now,

547
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,320
Speaker 3: the audition that he did had four different scenes, so

548
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, what do you have to redo? Which scene?

549
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 3: He said all four? I was like, it's five point fifty.

550
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:36,000
Speaker 3: He still has to shower. And I also have Triple

551
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 3: and TJ here trying to make an exit by six o'clock.

552
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,439
Speaker 3: And I didn't want them to see or didn't want

553
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 3: him to see them leaving and be like where they're going?

554
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,639
Speaker 3: So it was just so many moving parts that want

555
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,920
Speaker 3: to I'm trying to text everybody. I'm texting our assistant,

556
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,399
Speaker 3: trying to keep them abreast of things. I'm like, y'all know, Christal,

557
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 3: I say, you know your boy got a one track mind.

558
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 3: He has to redo this audition, and there's no way

559
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 3: I'm leaving until he gets it done.

560
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,639
Speaker 5: And sit tight, my manager. I did all four. I

561
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 5: get ready to go upstairs. I send the first one

562
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,439
Speaker 5: to my managers, like, yo, it's just the type of

563
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,439
Speaker 5: energy you're thinking that I should need for this character.

564
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:13,600
Speaker 5: And he goes, I think it should go a little higher.

565
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,200
Speaker 5: So I faced timecast said can't I borrow you real second?

566
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:20,359
Speaker 5: And I could hear the frustration in her voice. So

567
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,160
Speaker 5: when she came down to stairs, it's everything all right

568
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 5: and everything.

569
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:24,359
Speaker 3: I just put my shoes on too, So I'm like,

570
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 3: I don't feel like walking through you know, I don't

571
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 3: like my shoot, no shoes in my house. Got my

572
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,520
Speaker 3: shoes on, which is like thigh high boots. I'm like,

573
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,679
Speaker 3: I can't pull them off to go downstairs. So I

574
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,040
Speaker 3: tiptoe downstairs and he's just like, I got to redo

575
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 3: the first scene.

576
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:36,959
Speaker 1: I'm like, and she came in.

577
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 5: I grabbed some ass when she came in, because she

578
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:43,119
Speaker 5: had on some short shorts and some taboo trying. She's looking,

579
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,320
Speaker 5: but the thing is you was looking real annoyed, And

580
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,560
Speaker 5: all I kept thinking was why the fuck is she

581
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,440
Speaker 5: so hype to get to this party from Chee on

582
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:52,359
Speaker 5: birthday was Friday. We already celebrated to your birthday Friday.

583
00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:55,880
Speaker 5: I got them a champagne thing. Think said happy birthday, cheeses,

584
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,119
Speaker 5: Like we did all of this already. Why is she

585
00:23:58,320 --> 00:23:59,480
Speaker 5: This is what's going through my mind.

586
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 3: I know it is. And all I'm thinking is like

587
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 3: cod and like control yourself because you're gonna piss him

588
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,520
Speaker 3: off and he's liable to say, fuck Cheeto's party. I'm

589
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,080
Speaker 3: not going anywhere you can go if you want to go,

590
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 3: yeah out because that would have been the next thing,

591
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 3: because that's where things have gone before. There's been times

592
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 3: where we've had places to go, things to do. Perfect example,

593
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:20,679
Speaker 3: Black Love, big argument before Black Love came to interview us.

594
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:22,880
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm not doing the fucking interview. You can

595
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,879
Speaker 3: talk about black love by yourself. And they walk in

596
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,400
Speaker 3: the door and it's like, but they're at our house.

597
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 1: He was crying, I want to do Black Clove. I

598
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:31,440
Speaker 1: want to talk about black love right now.

599
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:32,359
Speaker 3: You don't want to do it.

600
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:33,960
Speaker 2: But they were coming to our house, so we had

601
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 2: nowhere to go.

602
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,439
Speaker 5: I said, we're going to do this interview because these

603
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,440
Speaker 5: people flew all the way from LA to Brooklyn to

604
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 5: do this interview. We can't stop them from doing an

605
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,879
Speaker 5: interview three minutes before they come. But you just put

606
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,320
Speaker 5: your shit together, get it together now and fine. But

607
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 5: after this, I'm not talking about black love no more

608
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 5: like fine, I don't asked about black.

609
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 3: Love, very black love. I feeling very black.

610
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:56,159
Speaker 5: But it's been That's the whole point of the story

611
00:24:56,280 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 5: is that fifteen years ago, this would have been an argument.

612
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,439
Speaker 5: I probably wouldn't have went, and you would have had

613
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 5: to tell me to vow the parties for you, and

614
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 5: then I would have felt sheepish. Yes, you know what

615
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:06,920
Speaker 5: I'm saying.

616
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 3: But I was two seconds away from that yesterday too,

617
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 3: to be honest. The biggest thing about it, but I

618
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,120
Speaker 3: wasn't giving you attitude, so you weren't giving me an attitude.

619
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:15,000
Speaker 3: You were just moving slowly because I was like, once

620
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 3: the auditions were done, now right, I'm like, babe, don't

621
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 3: worry about it.

622
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:18,440
Speaker 2: I'll drive.

623
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 3: You can sit in the passenger seat and you can

624
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,879
Speaker 3: upload your auditions. But I need Wi Fi. I'm like,

625
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 3: I have a hotspot on my phone and I saw

626
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,199
Speaker 3: you look at me, and you were like, with this

627
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 3: Wi Fi here and I was like, okay, the whole

628
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:31,479
Speaker 3: time that my mother and my sister are looking at

629
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 3: me with big eyes, like it's almost at this point,

630
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:35,199
Speaker 3: it was like seven o'clock.

631
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,720
Speaker 2: We were supposed to be there at seven o'clock. He

632
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:38,440
Speaker 2: hasn't showered, not.

633
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:41,679
Speaker 3: Dressed, like nothing, just we're still at home.

634
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:43,800
Speaker 2: But I'm like Batman thirty minutes ago.

635
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:44,680
Speaker 1: I'm like Batman.

636
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:49,119
Speaker 3: So I'm just messaging everyone like I'm so sorry, mixing mingle,

637
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 3: I apologize for the delay by the time Devo uploads

638
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 3: the last audition. I then, while Deval is uploading the

639
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 3: last audition, hit our manager up and I was like,

640
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 3: you're totally ruining his surprise party right now. I have

641
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 3: people at a venue since six thirty. And he was like,

642
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,400
Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm so sorry. He said it wasn't

643
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 3: even due until tomorrow night. And I'm like, I know,

644
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,640
Speaker 3: I know, but you know how Daval is one track

645
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 3: mine and he's like, yeah, he's a he's a consummate professional,

646
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 3: like he's that. So I said, yes, he definitely is.

647
00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 3: But of course I was telling him this. I was

648
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:25,920
Speaker 3: joking with him, like he had to know the joke here,

649
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,920
Speaker 3: Like the joke here is that bro. Any other time

650
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:32,320
Speaker 3: you submit an audition, it's good to go right. You

651
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 3: never have to redo him. And the one time you

652
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 3: got to redo it and redo it twice is when

653
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 3: I'm planning a surprise birthday party for you with twenty

654
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:41,960
Speaker 3: seven of our closest friends.

655
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,040
Speaker 2: Down here at the venue waiting.

656
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,120
Speaker 3: But the good part about it is that everyone there,

657
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,200
Speaker 3: for the most part, kind of sort of knew each other,

658
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 3: so they were mixing, mixing and mingling. Deval finally takes

659
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 3: his shower. He's dressed and ready literally in like ten minutes,

660
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 3: which is a good thing. It happens to be a

661
00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:02,480
Speaker 3: naturally beautiful planning that they had to do here, you know,

662
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 3: to hear coming in now, so we don't fillers or whatnot. No, nope,

663
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:08,760
Speaker 3: because Tiff was at the.

664
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:13,440
Speaker 1: Party, could you imagine that you.

665
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,960
Speaker 2: Bruh, typically be like, man, I'm book bruh. Figure it out.

666
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 5: We jumped in the Porsche. I was doing a buck

667
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,120
Speaker 5: forty because she was rushing me so much. Now she's

668
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 5: on the highway holding on to the sites.

669
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:23,160
Speaker 2: He knows that I'm like fast driving.

670
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we got there in fourteen minutes.

671
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, we got there really quickly. And then now everyone

672
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,440
Speaker 3: was there, with the exception of J and V because

673
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 3: they were coming from their daughter's birthday party. So I'm

674
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,639
Speaker 3: hitting them because he told me the time he was

675
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 3: going to be leaving the house and he's like, I'm

676
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,640
Speaker 3: gonna be a little late, and I said, okay, how late.

677
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,439
Speaker 3: So he's texted me simultaneously while you're driving, he's like,

678
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:43,479
Speaker 3: I'm nine minutes out.

679
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,919
Speaker 2: I'm like, we're forming this out. Do not if you

680
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,160
Speaker 2: see the Porsche, just.

681
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:49,240
Speaker 3: Don't come in. You're gonna have to wait until after.

682
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,880
Speaker 3: And he was like, oh damn, can you stall? I said,

683
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,120
Speaker 3: what I'm not doing is stalling any longer. It's going

684
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 3: on almost an hour and a half and change that

685
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,440
Speaker 3: these people have been waiting for us to get there,

686
00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:59,440
Speaker 3: so I can't stole no longer. I got to get inside,

687
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:04,119
Speaker 3: and baby, when you see the video, I let the

688
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:05,639
Speaker 3: value the way. Typically I walk.

689
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:08,360
Speaker 2: Ahead of him, but I let the valley the way.

690
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:11,400
Speaker 5: I always walk like that because I kept holding the door,

691
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:13,800
Speaker 5: and every time I kept like I get out the car,

692
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 5: I go to hold the door and youk ahead, and

693
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 5: I'm like okay, like like what is happening? Like I

694
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:19,880
Speaker 5: really did not know what was going on. And I'm

695
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:20,760
Speaker 5: just like, come on, baby.

696
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:22,400
Speaker 3: I walk on the door. I stepped to the side

697
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,080
Speaker 3: and I'm like, ahead, you leave the way, it's over there.

698
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 3: And then the hostess said that the thing she didn't

699
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:28,439
Speaker 3: look she looked confused. I didn't want her to say nothing, Oh,

700
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,919
Speaker 3: were you here for your party? So I just bypassed her.

701
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:33,160
Speaker 3: I'm like, we know where we're going, and I said,

702
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 3: I think it's throw those curtains over there. And man,

703
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 3: I text our assistant at the time and I was like, hey,

704
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 3: we're like walking in right now, and everybody had their

705
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:43,720
Speaker 3: phones out. Janelle sent me a really great video because

706
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 3: she was right there to capture the vale walking through

707
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 3: like do do do do? Regular old days celebrating Cheeto

708
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 3: and it was your party.

709
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm just still speechless. And you cry, I did,

710
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 5: I said, I said, I'm my crying. And at first

711
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:00,680
Speaker 5: I didn't cry. It was when the speech is right

712
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 5: the speeches started, I started crying because you know, after

713
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 5: forty years of life, you know, you spent forty years

714
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,520
Speaker 5: as a man, not for nothing. Most men don't ever

715
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 5: feel appreciated, and they definitely don't don't get the appreciation

716
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 5: that I got yesterday. You know, I get a ton

717
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 5: of appreciation from you all the time, and my kids.

718
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 3: I feel like it's never enough on my end.

719
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 5: So now yesterday I felt I felt full pause by

720
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 5: all the love I got from everybody, My friends, my

721
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:33,680
Speaker 5: closest friends. Yeah, my friends who become family, Our coworkers

722
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,640
Speaker 5: and partners in creativity who become family.

723
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 3: Literally like literally everybody.

724
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,560
Speaker 5: Whole podcasts grew like seeing Josh. It was a perfect

725
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 5: triple everybody, and the.

726
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 2: Time was perfect. I'm glad I pushed it.

727
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 1: It was perfect.

728
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 3: Were recording this week, so I hit Josh and triple

729
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 3: both up and I'm like, hey, y'all, I'm doing the

730
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 3: dinner on Sunday. So they changed their flights to get

731
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 3: there early. Just so happened. Balau was in town and

732
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:57,520
Speaker 3: he extended his trip.

733
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,920
Speaker 5: That remember I was here Saturday, yes, and just straight

734
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 5: left and I was like, the fuck do you think

735
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 5: it just leaves like he was in the house, and

736
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:07,760
Speaker 5: then he took him in Phoenix and they just left

737
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 5: and I'm just like, just bounce out.

738
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, he's gonna have to see me

739
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 1: at some point.

740
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 3: And he saw because he knew so at that point

741
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 3: he said, all right, Sis, I'm gonna extend my trip

742
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 3: and I'm gonna bring Ashley down. So he brought his

743
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 3: wife down and they were able to attend. So it

744
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 3: just it just ended up being such a beautiful night.

745
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 3: It was, which is some great people, and thank you,

746
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:36,240
Speaker 3: and I'm just proud of us for the growth, fighting.

747
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:38,200
Speaker 2: Yes for the growth.

748
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 3: And y'all can attest this because whoever's been listening to

749
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,480
Speaker 3: us since season one, I'm sure y'all are getting completely

750
00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 3: different Padeens and DeVos. Okay, because we are. We're just

751
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 3: not the same people that we were. This podcast has

752
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:54,040
Speaker 3: evolved so much for us, and we'd like to tell

753
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 3: stories like this, like sometimes when we're coming up with topics, Okay,

754
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 3: like we can talk about some current event stuff and whatever,

755
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 3: but we just want to give y'all kind of like

756
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 3: the behind the scenes of what happens sometimes with how

757
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 3: we can navigate the growth that we've had as a

758
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,240
Speaker 3: married couple. No for real, you know, through a real

759
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 3: life situation that happened, like literally the entire weekend was

760
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 3: like such a juggle, that such a juggle or.

761
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 5: Your moment of truth, let's take a break, real quick,

762
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 5: because I want to hear your thoughts for your moment

763
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 5: of truth.

764
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 1: That's why I cut you off. I really want to

765
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 1: hear your thoughts with moment the truth or.

766
00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:28,000
Speaker 5: Why this story in the two thousand and nine story

767
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 5: was so important, because from my perspective, I know why

768
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:33,920
Speaker 5: it's like yesterday was so important for me, and which

769
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 5: is why I wanted to do this podcast. So let's

770
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 5: take a quick breakka, Let's go, you know, getting some

771
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:39,120
Speaker 5: ads real quick.

772
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 1: We come back, we'll do these listening letters and they

773
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:41,720
Speaker 1: we'll get the moment for sure.

774
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 2: And actually it's real quick.

775
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 3: Before we take a great break, I have to acknowledge

776
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 3: me and Zacari shopping skills because the shopping that I

777
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 3: had to go do was to get an outfit for you.

778
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:51,960
Speaker 3: And Deval was also like, damn, y'all went and bought

779
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 3: me an outfit to wed the Cheeto's birthday party. I'm like,

780
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 3: do you like Cheeto?

781
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:55,400
Speaker 1: Ya?

782
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 3: You keep asking about why we do all this stuff

783
00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 3: for Cheeto because like, that's your friend. I was like,

784
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 3: I happened to find an outfit that I thought was

785
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 3: cute just thinking of you.

786
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: So Kari came out dressed up this whole tight dress.

787
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, where are we going?

788
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:11,120
Speaker 5: I'm like, what is happening right now? Like this this

789
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 5: is they got full makeup on and they rushing me.

790
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,000
Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm like, something's going on. I didn't know

791
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 5: what was happening.

792
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 1: I was really confused.

793
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,040
Speaker 2: All right, let's really take a break now and we'll

794
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 2: come back.

795
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:37,680
Speaker 5: All right, we're back. These are too long listening letters.

796
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 5: We'll see how long the response is. You want me

797
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 5: to read this, let's go. All right, Hello, Kadeen and Devow.

798
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 5: My name is Teresa and I absolutely love your podcast.

799
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 5: Thank you so much. I really hope to meet you

800
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,480
Speaker 5: both someday. I have been listening to your podcasts in

801
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,920
Speaker 5: Nigeria and it just thank you. The Niget, the green

802
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:52,240
Speaker 5: and the.

803
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:59,480
Speaker 3: Yellow Green and yes me and she yes, what's the

804
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 3: name that your Nigerian name.

805
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 1: On my Nigerian name is? I forgot the first?

806
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:09,440
Speaker 5: He said, keep uh devide, keep devid, but it's Ellis

807
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 5: wal court up elischop here you guys.

808
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 1: But it is truly inspiring to me.

809
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 5: I am twenty one years old and currently I'm in

810
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 5: my first year in medical school.

811
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:21,840
Speaker 1: Congratulations.

812
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 5: It's a four year program and I have a boyfriend

813
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 5: who's fifteen years older than me. We were just talking

814
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 5: about this in the car. He's a doctor and doing

815
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:31,560
Speaker 5: pretty well. He's truly amazing and would do anything to

816
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 5: make me happy and comfortable. He constantly expresses his affection

817
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:37,480
Speaker 5: for me. He's he's a talk and do it kind

818
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 5: of guy. Plus, our communication and understanding of each other

819
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:42,600
Speaker 5: is what I love about our relationship, and I feel

820
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 5: safe to say he has what I need in a partner.

821
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 5: We talk about settling down while I'm in medical school,

822
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 5: but the problem we have is timing. Everyone around me

823
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,480
Speaker 5: tells me to focus on my education, which I do,

824
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:54,520
Speaker 5: but I struggle to see if that's even the right

825
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 5: time for me to even think of settling down. And

826
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 5: at the same time, I am afraid of missing out

827
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 5: on someone who I feel is right for me. My

828
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:05,040
Speaker 5: parents are typical traditional African parents who want their daughter

829
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:07,960
Speaker 5: to be done with her education before taking Talking about marriage,

830
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 5: I told my mom about it and she was not

831
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 5: in support because she was in a similar boat with

832
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 5: my dad, and she expressed how it was difficult for

833
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 5: her to point in their marriage because my father looked

834
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,879
Speaker 5: down on her. Sometimes she was afraid he is some

835
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,520
Speaker 5: she was afraid he is someone who would do the same.

836
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:24,480
Speaker 1: Our parents were the same way.

837
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 5: They all talk about their own experience, and don't I

838
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 5: understand that one thousand percent At this point, I'm asking

839
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:31,560
Speaker 5: God for a sign or something.

840
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:33,360
Speaker 1: You are both wonderful parents.

841
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 5: Thank you so much for that compliment, and I would

842
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:37,359
Speaker 5: love for you to give me some advice on if

843
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:39,600
Speaker 5: you if you think I should proceed or if I

844
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 5: am going about this the wrong way and just being

845
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 5: ahead of myself.

846
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 1: Thank you for your time and looking forward to your response.

847
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:49,160
Speaker 3: Oh congrats, We were literally just talking about this these

848
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 3: age gaps with you know's.

849
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:58,080
Speaker 2: This is literally literally what she was talking about.

850
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 5: This is my first thing perspective, that's my first perspective.

851
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 5: We often tell young women, well, we often look at

852
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 5: guys who are thirty six and a twenty one year

853
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,400
Speaker 5: old and they're just like, yo, you grooming her, You

854
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 5: grooming her. This is manipulative, This is wrong. Blah blah

855
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:18,040
Speaker 5: blah blah blah. What I don't understand is we also

856
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 5: say to men, you know you guys take longer to mature.

857
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 5: So since you know that, right, if you have a

858
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:27,040
Speaker 5: young daughter, would you want your daughter to date someone

859
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:30,000
Speaker 5: who knows who they are in life thirty six de

860
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:32,440
Speaker 5: little bit about what he wants, want marriage and want kids?

861
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 5: Or would you want your twenty one year old to

862
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 5: be with a twenty one year old man who has

863
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 5: no clue what he wants in life. He's frivolous with

864
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:39,960
Speaker 5: his money and his dick and could give for a

865
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 5: whole bunch of other issues.

866
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:42,480
Speaker 1: Like being older.

867
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 5: Now I'm seeing the world differently, and I'm a little

868
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 5: concerned that we're asking young girls to be with young

869
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 5: guys and to figure things out when they're not mature

870
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 5: enough to understand. But then when there's an older gentleman

871
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,480
Speaker 5: who knows what he wants and sees a young girl

872
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 5: and can help her with these things, we look down

873
00:35:58,080 --> 00:35:58,840
Speaker 5: on that as well.

874
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:01,359
Speaker 1: So what's the end answer, right, you know what I'm saying.

875
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:02,759
Speaker 1: I honestly don't have the right.

876
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:03,880
Speaker 3: I know we were talking about this too, and I

877
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:05,439
Speaker 3: kind of was stumped the same way too. I felt

878
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 3: the same way you did. Like, for example, us we

879
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,400
Speaker 3: met at eighteen, well started dating at eighteen in college,

880
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 3: and it wasn't the easiest, like trying to grow with

881
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:17,200
Speaker 3: somebody through this, Like we really do feel like sometimes

882
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:19,239
Speaker 3: the anomaly in a lot of situations because we look

883
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 3: at our peers, our counterparts, people around us, younger even,

884
00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:25,400
Speaker 3: and we're like, we wouldn't even recommend to them to

885
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:27,879
Speaker 3: do what we did, know because I think it took

886
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:30,840
Speaker 3: a very special kind of connection and relationship to be

887
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,320
Speaker 3: able to grow and to go and grow through these things.

888
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 3: So yeah, I get very like, you know, stumped when

889
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:41,280
Speaker 3: I see a situation like this, because, like you said,

890
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:44,080
Speaker 3: or she's saying, he's thirty six, he's a doctor as well,

891
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 3: doing pretty well, he's amazing, he takes care of her,

892
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 3: he makes sure that she's okay. But I'm also just

893
00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 3: thinking from a social perspective or just from the maturity perspective,

894
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:56,439
Speaker 3: what does a twenty one year old and a thirty

895
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:57,720
Speaker 3: six year old have in common?

896
00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 5: Well, and this is this is where where I challenge

897
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 5: that we're going to do a podcast about this perspective

898
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:06,759
Speaker 5: and perception versus reality.

899
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:08,960
Speaker 1: What we think a.

900
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:12,640
Speaker 5: Twenty one year old is is based on the perspective

901
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 5: we get from social media and TV. But whose idea

902
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 5: of what a twenty one year old is is that

903
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 5: that we're watching That's not the majority? Right in the

904
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 5: real world, there are plenty of mature twenty one year olds,

905
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 5: for example, you at twenty one.

906
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:29,360
Speaker 2: That's a good point, were extremely mature.

907
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 3: I knew what I wanted. I knew what I wanted.

908
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:33,080
Speaker 3: Did I know how I was going to get there?

909
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:36,640
Speaker 3: Per se? Not really? But I was figuring it out. Yes,

910
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 3: I had a plan, you know. I was just looking

911
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:41,439
Speaker 3: enough to meet somebody who also had a plan, right,

912
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:43,759
Speaker 3: and who cared about my plan too, you know.

913
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:46,400
Speaker 5: But that's and that's what I think to answer her

914
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:51,120
Speaker 5: question was we have to stop putting projecting our ideas

915
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:54,319
Speaker 5: of what a twenty one year old person needs and

916
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 5: let that person decide because ultimately it's their life and

917
00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 5: they have to live it.

918
00:37:58,440 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 1: Right.

919
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 5: She's in med school, she met a doctor, Apparently she's

920
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 5: used good enough discernment to this point, right, Why put

921
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 5: her on the timeline that you think didn't even work

922
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:12,640
Speaker 5: for you? You know what I'm saying, Like, why put

923
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 5: her on that timeline? Why not let her live her

924
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:16,879
Speaker 5: own life and figure it out, Because if she does

925
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,880
Speaker 5: everything for her husband is messed up, But if she

926
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:21,600
Speaker 5: does everything for all parents, it's messed up.

927
00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:22,440
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

928
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,719
Speaker 5: There's no right answer unless you're doing everything for yourself.

929
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:28,080
Speaker 5: So if it was my daughter, I would say listen.

930
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 5: As a father, I have to meet this gentleman. I

931
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:34,799
Speaker 5: have to use my discernment. Well, if I'm going to

932
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,319
Speaker 5: and I know this sounds like very old school, but

933
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 5: if I'm going to hand over the livelihood and the

934
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:45,279
Speaker 5: well being of my child to you, I have to

935
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:46,520
Speaker 5: know who you are as a man.

936
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:50,000
Speaker 2: Especially old school, I think that's just a caring parent,

937
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:50,400
Speaker 2: you know.

938
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:55,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, but this is also perception versus reality. You say

939
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:57,239
Speaker 5: things like that and automatically people just like what you

940
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:57,920
Speaker 5: mean handover.

941
00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:58,720
Speaker 1: She ain't an object.

942
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:01,839
Speaker 2: She and it's just like this preface by saying, well,

943
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying.

944
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:04,799
Speaker 5: And the bottom line is if you do something to

945
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 5: my child, the first person they're gonna come to for

946
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 5: protection is me me. So as as the father, I'm

947
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 5: gonna want to speak to that man to say, Yo, yes,

948
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,480
Speaker 5: I'm handing my daughter over to you to love and

949
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 5: protect and to honor and for you to be of

950
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:19,759
Speaker 5: service to her.

951
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:22,800
Speaker 1: Don't fuck this up because I will kill you. You

952
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:23,439
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying?

953
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:26,520
Speaker 2: Like serious, she has to deal with us. But that's

954
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:27,879
Speaker 2: exactly why we don't have any daughters.

955
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:29,720
Speaker 3: However, our sons are gonna be the same thing absolute

956
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 3: because they're not gonna be walking up in here with

957
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 3: just any and anybody either, you know what I'm saying.

958
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:35,280
Speaker 3: But also to what we have to do as parents,

959
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:36,960
Speaker 3: we have to learn how because I mean, we're so

960
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 3: conditioned as parents, and this is one of those things

961
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:41,160
Speaker 3: that your parents that you don't know until you become

962
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 3: a parent, absolutely that you can foresee certain things about

963
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:46,640
Speaker 3: to happen with your kids or you know, the things

964
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:49,279
Speaker 3: that you've had to struggle with. So to avoid that

965
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:51,399
Speaker 3: for your children, you feel like you need to try

966
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,960
Speaker 3: to control what the situation looks like for them. So

967
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 3: for example, her mom saying, well, when I got married,

968
00:39:57,080 --> 00:39:58,799
Speaker 3: your dad looked down on me because I didn't have

969
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:00,960
Speaker 3: my own or you know, these are things that are

970
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:03,399
Speaker 3: very real for her mom. So her mom doesn't want

971
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:05,399
Speaker 3: her to experience the same thing.

972
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, but we have to stop doing that. That was

973
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:09,239
Speaker 5: a choice that your husband made.

974
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:13,720
Speaker 3: So parents have to find a way to speak about

975
00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:16,480
Speaker 3: their experiences so that of course it's something that may

976
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 3: be on the forefront of their child's mind, but also

977
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:21,239
Speaker 3: not feeling like history is just doomed and it's going

978
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:23,959
Speaker 3: to repeat itself because it happened to you. The whole

979
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:26,920
Speaker 3: point of sharing these stories and being transparent as a

980
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 3: parent with your child is to tell them, guys, this

981
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 3: is what I've experienced. If there's a way that you

982
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 3: can avoid this by doing X, Y Z and making

983
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 3: the proper decisions, then that's what I want for you.

984
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:41,240
Speaker 2: Not for you to just do as I say, absolutely, because.

985
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 3: That tends to drive a wedge even more, especially when

986
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 3: you're in love with somebody child. Because we were in love,

987
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:47,279
Speaker 3: Daval and I, we were in love.

988
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:51,719
Speaker 1: We still this morning, and I was just feeling on her.

989
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:58,759
Speaker 5: Because we loved each other so much that we felt

990
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 5: like our love could defeat anything and out.

991
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:03,760
Speaker 1: My mom was just like, y'all taking this too serious.

992
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:06,239
Speaker 5: Y'all need to relax. Your mom said the same thing.

993
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,880
Speaker 5: And we didn't listen. You know, we didn't listen. We

994
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 5: did what we wanted to do, and for us, it

995
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:14,239
Speaker 5: worked out well. But I will also say this that

996
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:18,880
Speaker 5: parents have to learn that the greatest way to increase

997
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:22,239
Speaker 5: your child's self esteem is to give them confidence.

998
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:24,359
Speaker 1: And the only way to give them confidence is.

999
00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:26,399
Speaker 5: For them to learn how to problem solve on their

1000
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:29,799
Speaker 5: own because when kids young kids, especially when I learned

1001
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 5: this with Jackson over the last two years, when your

1002
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 5: kids get used to you jumping in to tell them

1003
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,440
Speaker 5: how to do things or how to speak to someone,

1004
00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 5: speak to someone the first.

1005
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:41,919
Speaker 1: Time, you're not allowed, you're not there to do it.

1006
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 5: Now they don't feel confident, and now their self esteem

1007
00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:47,279
Speaker 5: drops because I remember Jackson kept saying like, I don't

1008
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:50,479
Speaker 5: know why I feel this way. I don't know why

1009
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:52,879
Speaker 5: I get nervous before a game. I don't know why

1010
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:56,080
Speaker 5: I have anxiety. And I realized he got anxiety because

1011
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:59,239
Speaker 5: he's used to me always being there, and then when

1012
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,840
Speaker 5: I can't be there to help them do something, he

1013
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 5: didn't know how to deal. So it took time for

1014
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:07,439
Speaker 5: him of failing and failing and failing to figure it out. Hey,

1015
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,080
Speaker 5: I failed and my dad ain't here, But I picked

1016
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:13,120
Speaker 5: myself up and I figured it out. Now his confidence

1017
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,960
Speaker 5: is so strong to where he's just like, nah, I

1018
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:17,839
Speaker 5: got this. I'm like, you're not nervous, you know. He's like, nah,

1019
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:19,279
Speaker 5: god is you know? If I mess up? My mess up?

1020
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:21,560
Speaker 5: But I'll figure it out. He likes to figure things

1021
00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 5: out out now, and not for nothing. It's the same

1022
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,319
Speaker 5: thing with your children and relationships. All you can do

1023
00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 5: is give them the information that you have, teach them

1024
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 5: how to use discernment, use your discernment around who you

1025
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:32,520
Speaker 5: have around your children.

1026
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 1: But you can't stop them from making decisions.

1027
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:37,440
Speaker 5: And if you continue to stop them from making decisions,

1028
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 5: when they get to this point in life, they won't

1029
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:40,279
Speaker 5: know how to do it.

1030
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:41,239
Speaker 3: They won't know how to do it.

1031
00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:42,480
Speaker 1: They won't, they won't.

1032
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:44,920
Speaker 3: We've seen so many cases of that, so many cases

1033
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,359
Speaker 3: of that. So good luck to you. I love that

1034
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:51,480
Speaker 3: you are immersed in your schooling first your medical school,

1035
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:55,719
Speaker 3: a four year program. That's awesome, ma'am. I mean I say,

1036
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:58,439
Speaker 3: I'm a big proponent of follow your heart, but also

1037
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:01,080
Speaker 3: use your brain. And you seem like you're a smart girl,

1038
00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:04,600
Speaker 3: and you know you're going to work it out. And

1039
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 3: timing that's another thing she mentioned here. Timing. The timing

1040
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 3: may not be right now for a full commitment, but

1041
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:12,080
Speaker 3: right the way and see how it goes.

1042
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:14,240
Speaker 5: Let me ask a question though, as far as timing,

1043
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 5: what's perfect timing.

1044
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 3: I'm thinking timing in terms of her focusing on education

1045
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:22,120
Speaker 3: and trying to finish that. I think she could do

1046
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:24,600
Speaker 3: them simultaneously. I don't think she has to stop the relationship.

1047
00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 5: Let me ask a question, what if her doctor boyfriend

1048
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:32,719
Speaker 5: is helping her through the process, wouldn't it be the

1049
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:35,240
Speaker 5: best time? Because we helped each other through the college

1050
00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 5: process where everyone else thought we were going to be

1051
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:39,960
Speaker 5: a distraction. He taught me how to read my dar

1052
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 5: you know, we helped each other with papers, were studying

1053
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:45,720
Speaker 5: and stuff at night together. Every relationship isn't a distraction

1054
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:46,640
Speaker 5: towards your career.

1055
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:47,399
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be.

1056
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:49,319
Speaker 5: And that's what I think people need to understand, is

1057
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 5: that just because someone is in love or is focusing

1058
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:55,080
Speaker 5: on love as well as a career, doesn't.

1059
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:56,720
Speaker 1: Mean it's in poor timing or in poor taste.

1060
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:58,759
Speaker 3: That's true. When I'm thinking of timing, I'm thinking of

1061
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:00,680
Speaker 3: just as a woman, the timeline that you have in

1062
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 3: your head for like when's the right time to marry

1063
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 3: or when's the right time to have a child. So

1064
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:08,560
Speaker 3: timing in this sense, where the perspective I was coming from,

1065
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:10,239
Speaker 3: was just like it may not be the right time

1066
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:13,000
Speaker 3: for a full commitment, But if you guys are rocking

1067
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:15,960
Speaker 3: out with each other, you say, he's expressive, he communicates

1068
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 3: they understand each other, then it's perfect timing for what

1069
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 3: you both need for this space in life and you

1070
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 3: can see where it goes as you guys grow.

1071
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:26,720
Speaker 1: Because he's talking about marriage, but my thing is.

1072
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:27,400
Speaker 3: Our future commitment.

1073
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, what's wrong with You've been fully committed to me

1074
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:33,080
Speaker 5: since you were eighteen and your life has turned out fine.

1075
00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:34,440
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

1076
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 5: That you've had to delay certain dreams to have children, Yes,

1077
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 5: but you didn't have to deny those dreams. And at

1078
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:44,719
Speaker 5: no point that I ever looked down on you and

1079
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:47,879
Speaker 5: say you're less than a woman because you don't haven't

1080
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 5: accomplished this in a career space.

1081
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:50,439
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

1082
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:53,319
Speaker 5: I think that what her mom has been through has

1083
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:56,200
Speaker 5: been traumatic to her mom, and she doesn't want that

1084
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:57,920
Speaker 5: for her daughter. I get that, but she also has

1085
00:44:57,920 --> 00:44:59,719
Speaker 5: to understand that you picked the man that did that

1086
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:01,759
Speaker 5: to you. You you know, and this I'm not trying to

1087
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 5: knock her dad, but I'm just saying that doesn't mean

1088
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:06,719
Speaker 5: that every man, or every Nigerian man, or every man

1089
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 5: who was a doctor was going to put you down.

1090
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:10,520
Speaker 1: Because because of that, you don't have as much as

1091
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:10,919
Speaker 1: he has.

1092
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:12,840
Speaker 5: Right, you know what I'm saying, like, that's not And

1093
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 5: I tell my boys the same way when they talk about, yeah,

1094
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:16,920
Speaker 5: these women be out here. If you don't make X

1095
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:18,800
Speaker 5: amount of dollars, they be putting you down. I said, no,

1096
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 5: the women you choose to hang out with put you down.

1097
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:24,160
Speaker 5: Because general that's not every woman.

1098
00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 3: That's not generalized. Maybe you're discernment with picking and that's

1099
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:29,839
Speaker 3: men and women because you have they have the same

1100
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 3: story the niggas, It ain't this they and that you

1101
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 3: need to have more discernment with who you're choosing to

1102
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:34,799
Speaker 3: engage with.

1103
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:36,279
Speaker 1: So that's that.

1104
00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 2: Well, good luck to you, Sis Teresa, doctor Teresa.

1105
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:42,279
Speaker 1: In the middle, it's going to be doctor Teresa for you.

1106
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,840
Speaker 3: Good for you. Awesome, all right, So I think we

1107
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:48,000
Speaker 3: should say this next listening that are for the next

1108
00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:50,480
Speaker 3: podcast only because you know, for the sake of time,

1109
00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:52,040
Speaker 3: we still want to do our owning the truth and

1110
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:53,600
Speaker 3: end out the podcast episode.

1111
00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 5: And I'm still so guys, we're doing these podcasts in

1112
00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:59,719
Speaker 5: between me running for fittings and going out to do

1113
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 5: the the whole show and prepping for the show. So yes,

1114
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:05,560
Speaker 5: you know you're not gonna hear me as much, but

1115
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:08,040
Speaker 5: you know what, you will hear is a day with

1116
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:11,520
Speaker 5: Ka you will hear? Okay, I'm excited.

1117
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 3: Stick around. Stick around. So you know, when I don't

1118
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:16,680
Speaker 3: have Devel alongside me, I may have a person or

1119
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 3: to pop in every now and again and we can

1120
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 3: do some chit chat and stuff, because we're still going

1121
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:24,120
Speaker 3: to always give you the dead Ass podcast experience with

1122
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:28,359
Speaker 3: a little twist. So yeah, let's go into well. First off,

1123
00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 3: if you want to be featured as a listener letter

1124
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:33,239
Speaker 3: in the future, be sure to email us at dead

1125
00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:35,080
Speaker 3: Ass Advice at gmail dot com.

1126
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 5: That's D E A D A S S A D

1127
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:40,160
Speaker 5: V I C E at gmail dot com.

1128
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 3: All right, moment in truth time. So, in telling the

1129
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 3: story of Devao's surprise fortieth birthday dinner here in Atlanta,

1130
00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:56,440
Speaker 3: the overarching topic for us was avoiding what could have

1131
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 3: been an argument because of the growth that we've both

1132
00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 3: had in knowing how to anticipate what the other would feel,

1133
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:11,840
Speaker 3: think or say, but also trying to practice strange but yes,

1134
00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:15,520
Speaker 3: grace and patience regardless of what the situation may be.

1135
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,400
Speaker 3: So in this circumstance, it was devout surprise party, but

1136
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:20,840
Speaker 3: it's something that we've been doing more recently in general,

1137
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:22,719
Speaker 3: I feel like, so, do you have a moment of

1138
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:24,839
Speaker 3: truth for the overarching topic of the show?

1139
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:28,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, My moment of truth is that I'm proud of us,

1140
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 5: like truthfully, because yesterday could have been a catastrophe. It

1141
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:34,440
Speaker 5: could have been a screaming, arguing, you know, thing that

1142
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 5: we've done in the past, and it would have been

1143
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:39,879
Speaker 5: that we end up getting to the dinner and then

1144
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:42,600
Speaker 5: we're upset at each other. Yes, and you know what

1145
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:44,319
Speaker 5: I'm saying. And we've been there so.

1146
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:46,520
Speaker 3: Many times, so many times, y'all, and.

1147
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:48,880
Speaker 5: We see so many married couples, like we we go

1148
00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 5: out with married couples and when.

1149
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:51,960
Speaker 1: We get there, we see the tension and we're like, oh,

1150
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:52,799
Speaker 1: they was arguing.

1151
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:55,239
Speaker 2: In you can tell let me tell you. That's one

1152
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 2: thing with married couples.

1153
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 3: We can tell you, as a married couple, what was

1154
00:47:59,080 --> 00:47:59,920
Speaker 3: happening prior to.

1155
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:01,400
Speaker 1: Like you said earlier in the episode.

1156
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:04,400
Speaker 5: Though, listening to the podcast, because I've gone back and

1157
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:06,439
Speaker 5: listened to certain episodes.

1158
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:09,120
Speaker 1: And I hear the growth And that's why.

1159
00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:13,040
Speaker 5: I like listening to us, because I was like, man,

1160
00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:14,879
Speaker 5: that's what we sounded like that back then.

1161
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:16,319
Speaker 1: That's how we felt back then.

1162
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:18,879
Speaker 5: It doesn't change how I felt back then or how

1163
00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:20,799
Speaker 5: you felt, because I'm like, we really felt like that

1164
00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:23,399
Speaker 5: back then. But also the fact that people can watch

1165
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:25,839
Speaker 5: us and say, you know what, this is how they

1166
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:28,200
Speaker 5: sound now, but if you listen to them five years ago,

1167
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 5: we're not in a bad space, you know, because some

1168
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:33,359
Speaker 5: couples feel like, well, we don't get along all the time,

1169
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:35,480
Speaker 5: and we don't do this, And I can honestly say

1170
00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:37,879
Speaker 5: we don't get along all the time. Neither, And we

1171
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:40,880
Speaker 5: didn't get along all the time. We are And a

1172
00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:43,000
Speaker 5: lot of dead ass podcasts in the very beginning was

1173
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:47,120
Speaker 5: us venting our perspectives to you guys, and then hearing

1174
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:49,400
Speaker 5: the other's perspective. And now it's a lot more of

1175
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:52,680
Speaker 5: not venting our perspectives and being upset. It's no more

1176
00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 5: battle of the sexist. It's more like, oh, I understand

1177
00:48:56,960 --> 00:49:00,279
Speaker 5: you know. So my moment of truth is if you're

1178
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:02,600
Speaker 5: in a relationship right now and you're starting out, and

1179
00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 5: I'm not talking about year one, if you're year five,

1180
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:09,480
Speaker 5: you're still starting out. Don't be upset at yourself if

1181
00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:11,480
Speaker 5: you don't feel you are where you want to be

1182
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:13,520
Speaker 5: in the long run, because you got the rest of

1183
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:16,359
Speaker 5: your life to build the type of camaraderie with your

1184
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:19,600
Speaker 5: partner to be able to trust, love, and empower each other,

1185
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:22,560
Speaker 5: but also give empathy in times like we had, because.

1186
00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:25,879
Speaker 1: Yesterday could have easily been real talk.

1187
00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:28,160
Speaker 5: Why the fuck you keep rushing me? You know, I

1188
00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:29,800
Speaker 5: got to do my audition. I was trying not to

1189
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:33,040
Speaker 5: be an asshole. Why we already we already celebrated Cheeto.

1190
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:35,080
Speaker 5: This is important for me. This, you know, this is

1191
00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:37,560
Speaker 5: how we get money, and this is my passion and

1192
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 5: you not, you know, you disrespected my passion and then

1193
00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:43,319
Speaker 5: Kadeen could have easily been the value taking so long,

1194
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:44,239
Speaker 5: why you're doing this?

1195
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:46,360
Speaker 1: You know, we gotta be there and it didn't become that.

1196
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:47,239
Speaker 3: It didn't become that.

1197
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:48,279
Speaker 1: And I'm proud of us.

1198
00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:51,960
Speaker 2: I am so alright, I really am proud of you.

1199
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:55,640
Speaker 3: Listen, I'm telling y'all my moment of truth that was

1200
00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:58,240
Speaker 3: great and that I share the same sentiments with everything

1201
00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:02,759
Speaker 3: that you've said. My moment of truth is kind of

1202
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,560
Speaker 3: like a personal for us, and it's that this has

1203
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:08,320
Speaker 3: really become a space for us. And I'm talking about

1204
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:10,960
Speaker 3: this dead ass podcast space where we joke about this

1205
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:14,640
Speaker 3: being therapy for us, but it legitimately is that like

1206
00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:17,520
Speaker 3: we may not see a therapist regularly, you or I

1207
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:20,400
Speaker 3: or as a couple, but we literally sit here and

1208
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:23,840
Speaker 3: talk through But what we also do is implement the

1209
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:28,280
Speaker 3: things that we know can change the other's outcome.

1210
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 2: Right, So I know for a fact that if I say.

1211
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:34,600
Speaker 3: Certain things in a certain way, it's just going to

1212
00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:35,239
Speaker 3: set you off.

1213
00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 1: Yep.

1214
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,359
Speaker 3: And it's choosing to say, you know what, I'm going

1215
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:40,960
Speaker 3: to temper the way I feel in this moment because

1216
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:45,560
Speaker 3: it's not even worth it. Like it's literally a space

1217
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:49,000
Speaker 3: of battle picking in marriage that you're like, you know what,

1218
00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:52,320
Speaker 3: this is not even worth the argument in this moment,

1219
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 3: or you know, I know what this means to devour

1220
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,239
Speaker 3: in this space. So though I know I have all

1221
00:50:57,239 --> 00:50:59,319
Speaker 3: of this stuff going on, and selfishly, I know that

1222
00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 3: it's going to be an amazing thing. This is important

1223
00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:05,200
Speaker 3: to him in this moment, So let me be of

1224
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:10,200
Speaker 3: support to him so he can effectively put forth a

1225
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:13,920
Speaker 3: good product. And I feel like deep down inside and

1226
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:17,360
Speaker 3: it could just be me or maybe because I've already

1227
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:21,200
Speaker 3: claimed this for you, but I almost feel like that

1228
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:24,440
Speaker 3: party last night was like a preemptive celebration for you

1229
00:51:24,520 --> 00:51:27,360
Speaker 3: because I can see you booking that role that you

1230
00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:30,880
Speaker 3: auditioned for because you redid the audition till it was

1231
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:34,160
Speaker 3: perfect and you felt good about it, and our manager

1232
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:37,000
Speaker 3: felt good about it, to the point where when you

1233
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 3: get that role and you booked that role, this is

1234
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:43,040
Speaker 3: the story that we're going to be telling around. Do

1235
00:51:43,120 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 3: you know what happened when we did the audition for this?

1236
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:47,640
Speaker 3: Like I feel like every actor has like a story

1237
00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:50,479
Speaker 3: about a big role or a big break that they've had,

1238
00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:53,720
Speaker 3: and it's like you'll never guess, like what was happening.

1239
00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:55,480
Speaker 3: So people were just like I was homeless in my car,

1240
00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:57,440
Speaker 3: I didn't have a shirt. I found a shirt, I

1241
00:51:57,480 --> 00:51:59,480
Speaker 3: found a backdrop, I did the audition, I submitted it,

1242
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:01,840
Speaker 3: and then I got big you know gig. Yeah, so

1243
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:03,880
Speaker 3: almost I just claimed that for you, babe, like you

1244
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:07,920
Speaker 3: worked so incredibly hard, and in that moment, I knew

1245
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:11,239
Speaker 3: that you weren't just doing any old thing. You were

1246
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:14,880
Speaker 3: doing something that was going to help to escalate, we

1247
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 3: hope and pray your career. So I'm putting out there

1248
00:52:18,160 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 3: already that that role is yours. I know it's a

1249
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 3: role that would be great for you, and I'm so

1250
00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:27,080
Speaker 3: happy that you felt the love in the room. I

1251
00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:28,839
Speaker 3: think that that was just the icing on the cake

1252
00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:32,520
Speaker 3: for the evening. We had an amazing almost about five hours. Everybody,

1253
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:34,640
Speaker 3: nobody wanted to leave. Everybody was just hanging out there.

1254
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:37,359
Speaker 3: It was fun and we just had a really really

1255
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:40,279
Speaker 3: great time celebrating you. But I, you know, to round

1256
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:43,240
Speaker 3: things up, I just want you to continue to feel

1257
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:46,680
Speaker 3: the love and appreciation that not only I have for you,

1258
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 3: but the people around you. With your huge heart, people

1259
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 3: who you always help. I think that's all about ever

1260
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:54,759
Speaker 3: does is think about how he can help somebody else.

1261
00:52:55,239 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 3: The minute something comes his way that's going to be

1262
00:52:57,080 --> 00:53:00,160
Speaker 3: a benefit to him. The next breath is how we

1263
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:03,040
Speaker 3: can benefit somebody else around him. So we love you.

1264
00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:03,960
Speaker 1: Got to pay it forward.

1265
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:06,200
Speaker 3: We love you, We thank you. DeVos will always be

1266
00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:07,680
Speaker 3: paying it forward.

1267
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:11,359
Speaker 1: We live in abundance and God provides for us others.

1268
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 3: That's all. Believe that that that's our tithing.

1269
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:18,280
Speaker 1: Yes, that's that's my belief. You can you cannot change

1270
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:18,799
Speaker 1: my mind on.

1271
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:21,759
Speaker 3: That, neither me. So I'm glad that we agree on that.

1272
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:25,120
Speaker 3: All right, y'all be sure to follow us on Patreon.

1273
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:26,879
Speaker 3: That's where you're going to see this whole birthday party.

1274
00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:29,760
Speaker 3: For the yesterday Okay, Matt was there of course, catching

1275
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 3: all the good, the good good, So y'all are going

1276
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:33,200
Speaker 3: to get that on Patreon, So if you have not

1277
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:35,919
Speaker 3: subscribed yet, be sure to do that and you'll also

1278
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:38,840
Speaker 3: get exclusive dead Ass podcast video content there and some

1279
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:41,879
Speaker 3: Ellis Family content All day K A day weeight K.

1280
00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:44,120
Speaker 2: It's about to get the ball rolling, y'all.

1281
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,080
Speaker 3: And you can also find us on social media at

1282
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:49,080
Speaker 3: dead Ass the Podcast, I'm at Kajina I am and I.

1283
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:51,239
Speaker 5: Am Devout, and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be

1284
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:53,799
Speaker 5: sure to rate, review, and subscribe.

1285
00:53:54,280 --> 00:53:55,320
Speaker 2: Dead Ass y'all.

1286
00:53:57,200 --> 00:54:00,640
Speaker 4: Got dead Ass is a production of Eye Hard Media

1287
00:54:00,719 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 4: podcast Network and is produced by Donor, Pinya and Trible.

1288
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:06,960
Speaker 4: Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass the

1289
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:08,720
Speaker 4: Podcast and never miss a Thing