Speaker 1: Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and.
Speaker 3: Give us time and a Turmano and gage. We want
Speaker 3: to send you off inside. We wanna welcome you back home.
Speaker 2: Tell us all about every scared he was? It fine, Malborn.
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do your need ride?
Speaker 5: Ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need.
Speaker 6: With Karen and Chris?
Speaker 4: Okay from the Taco Bell on Century Boulevard near La X.
Speaker 6: This is do you need a ride? I'm Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 2: I'm Karen Kilgariff.
Speaker 6: We are headed to the Lax.
Speaker 2: To pick up America's Twitter sweetheart, Rob Delaney, who has
Speaker 2: been in I believe Philadelphia for a little while doing comedy.
Speaker 4: That's where his flight is from. I don't know what
Speaker 4: his business was there.
Speaker 2: You're saying he could have gotten a rental car in
Speaker 2: Philadelphia and driven out to an outlying area.
Speaker 4: I'm saying he's a drug dealer and he had shady
Speaker 4: business in the Philly area.
Speaker 2: You're saying that he had one of those old fashioned
Speaker 2: stamsnight suitcases, but actually, when you scratch the surface, it
Speaker 2: was all just cocaine. It was all coke painted cocaine.
Speaker 4: We thought it was coke, but it was actually putty.
Speaker 4: He's filling in the crack on that bell.
Speaker 2: He's an amazing artist and sculptor, and we are honored
Speaker 2: to have him on our podcast, the podcast that we
Speaker 2: finally have a guest for. I mean I shouldn't say finally,
Speaker 2: but we've talked about this a little bit. You and
Speaker 2: I have been talking about doing this podcast for over
Speaker 2: eighteen years.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: We started at our eighth grade graduation.
Speaker 4: I remember we were going to do a podcast about
Speaker 4: feathered hair and suspenders.
Speaker 2: And goodie combs. Yeah, and he said, let's hold on this, and.
Speaker 4: It was going to be called Peachy King after the folders,
Speaker 4: but those hadn't quite caught on yet, so it wasn't
Speaker 4: no good. It wasn't a good idea. We weren't ready.
Speaker 2: And we've been doing that kind of ruminating on ideas,
Speaker 2: talking things through, really letting it sit in simmer.
Speaker 4: We went through college, we've been and out of relationships,
Speaker 4: we've become adults.
Speaker 2: I was hospitalized a couple times. We've really been through it.
Speaker 4: I yeah, I went. You were in and out of
Speaker 4: the hospital off and on for a full decade.
Speaker 2: I love the hospital. I was a candy striper once
Speaker 2: uh and then once uh. Of course criminal illness.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah no.
Speaker 2: I would hang out on the terminal illness ward just
Speaker 2: to stay stay present.
Speaker 4: It's just your tapioca addiction.
Speaker 2: I love drinking out of a big picture with a straw.
Speaker 4: And I like craftmatic adjustable beds.
Speaker 2: And I like loud TVs. So it's our common interest
Speaker 2: that bring us here.
Speaker 4: I love the smell of sad decaying grandparents.
Speaker 2: Oh what a true and accurate smell. That is what
Speaker 2: a real picture you just painted?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, one that smell that can bring the opposite
Speaker 4: feeling of comedy to everyone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's start every podcast talking about kind of like
Speaker 2: decaying grandparents.
Speaker 4: Yeah, about human loss.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the people that were kind of probably the nicest
Speaker 2: to you in your whole life, losing those people and
Speaker 2: the way it smelled.
Speaker 4: We're near the Sharonan Gateway at Abon Drive. I just
Speaker 4: want to get sponsors for the podcast. Good, So I'm
Speaker 4: gonna mention one of them is going to take off.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it could be the brasserie at the shirt and gateway.
Speaker 2: What if they gave us an individual. We did commercials
Speaker 2: for the Brasserie.
Speaker 4: That, of course, is a retisserie based underwear store.
Speaker 2: They cut off slices of bras for you for everyone
Speaker 2: at your tea.
Speaker 4: Buy it one cup at a time, like a breast,
Speaker 4: and put them on your breast.
Speaker 2: One cup of time. That's what I put my bra on,
Speaker 2: one cup of time every day, like any normal person.
Speaker 4: You put your bra on like you put on your coffee.
Speaker 2: One cup of time. Don't rush it. Oh, there's the cops.
Speaker 2: You have to get all the way over.
Speaker 4: Well, I have a mustache, so we don't have to
Speaker 4: worry about them. They will just knowingly nod at me.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm a terrible front seat driver bike, No I
Speaker 2: need you.
Speaker 4: It's funny. We've done this once before. That's what we
Speaker 4: were getting at before for our introductory episode. This is
Speaker 4: our first legitimate episode with a guest who will be
Speaker 4: Rob Delaney. We've already said that anyway, it is difficult
Speaker 4: for me to multitask and talk and drive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, podcasting and driving is I think we're breaking new
Speaker 2: ground here. When I first moved to La As, everyone
Speaker 2: knows Elie's very spread out. It's a big, huge city.
Speaker 2: Everyone have acar. Everyone knows it's common common knowledge.
Speaker 4: Zero public transit. Yeah you're on your owner of a subway,
Speaker 4: but it doesn't exist.
Speaker 2: No one's seen it. Nope. I loved getting picked up
Speaker 2: from the airport, getting dropped off and doing the same
Speaker 2: for my friends. It was really because it's such a
Speaker 2: pain in the ass. It really is an extension of
Speaker 2: your You're really reaching out and saying I care about you,
Speaker 2: I care about how you feel when you leave this place,
Speaker 2: and I want you to come back.
Speaker 4: Sure.
Speaker 2: So I kind of love being at the airport, and
Speaker 2: I love doing this.
Speaker 4: I do too. It's a lot of people give feelings
Speaker 4: of anguish or despair when they're at the airport, but
Speaker 4: I no way that is me. That is what I get.
Speaker 4: I forgot. That is I'm describing the way I feel
Speaker 4: right now.
Speaker 2: Are you a Victorian spinster? Because that those are big
Speaker 2: feelings for the airport.
Speaker 6: I it's not the airport itself.
Speaker 4: It's just I hate the impending feeling that I'm about
Speaker 4: to see a new place.
Speaker 2: Yes, true, Well, yeah, there's so much anxiety.
Speaker 4: It's other people, different.
Speaker 2: Strangeness, question marks. What's gonna happen not.
Speaker 4: Knowing the road system in another city. Yeah, even though
Speaker 4: I'm never driving, and.
Speaker 2: Also being tired or anticipating being tired. What's he on
Speaker 2: US air? He is on US air But but they
Speaker 2: canceled that airline.
Speaker 4: You know what, it's funny. He's not arriving for another
Speaker 4: fifteen minutes. Oh did we time things poorly?
Speaker 2: Well, I mean that's the airport baby, That's how it is.
Speaker 4: No, there's the airport baby.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. The airport has a baby mask so much.
Speaker 2: You can pick up the airport baby and drive around
Speaker 2: with it and get used to being around babies before
Speaker 2: your flight.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they let a lot of people visit the baby
Speaker 4: because really they're trying to find its parents.
Speaker 2: That's nice. I mean, that's the way to do it.
Speaker 2: Just go door to door.
Speaker 4: If you have a baby and you don't know of
Speaker 4: its origin, take it to the airport and leave it
Speaker 4: on the curb.
Speaker 2: Drop it off.
Speaker 4: They have curbside baby check in, and a lot of
Speaker 4: people find their kids that way.
Speaker 2: Curbside check in is the new firehouse an anonymous baby
Speaker 2: drop box from the fiftiehs I believe.
Speaker 4: Well, we're gonna have to do another loop through Allen.
Speaker 4: I love it. It's by choice.
Speaker 2: One of my favorite memories is I went to I
Speaker 2: went to Scotland. I can't remember when it was two
Speaker 2: thousand and one or two. I was on a television
Speaker 2: show over there, no brag. Oh wow, did you not
Speaker 2: know that about me?
Speaker 6: Know that you were on Scottish based television?
Speaker 2: Well it was British. It was a British channel, but
Speaker 2: the show was shot in Glasgow, Scotland. Story here, it's
Speaker 2: a lie. So I'm just trying to quilt it together
Speaker 2: real quick and a convincing.
Speaker 4: Way, try and kilt it together.
Speaker 2: I want to put my spore in on about it. Sorry,
Speaker 2: that was just me trying to show that I know
Speaker 2: what kilts consist of. Anyway, I came back after three
Speaker 2: months and my friends, this is a pre nine to
Speaker 2: eleven story, so that that'll dictate what the year was.
Speaker 2: What year was nine eleven?
Speaker 4: I think two thousand.
Speaker 2: And one one, Yeah, so this is probably this is
Speaker 2: probably two thousand.
Speaker 5: The real space that was your airport.
Speaker 6: Oh now we're going back.
Speaker 4: To tail a Taco bell. We've got to get that sponsor.
Speaker 2: We got to talk to the manager.
Speaker 4: I just even if I don't go through and get food.
Speaker 4: I just want to smell one of their delicious seven
Speaker 4: layer Gordidas.
Speaker 2: By the way, it's nine thirty in the morning.
Speaker 6: Yes, but they're still delicious.
Speaker 2: Anytime of day or night. This is sixth meal.
Speaker 4: Oh you know. And I just thought how gross it
Speaker 4: would be to have any egg based product from Taco.
Speaker 2: Bell because it's not gonna be egg based. It'll look
Speaker 2: like it and it'll probably match the consistency scientifically, but
Speaker 2: there's it's gonna be sawdust, just like all their other food.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's gonna come out of a caulking gun.
Speaker 2: It's iceberg lettuce like government grade cheese and then sawdust
Speaker 2: mixed into different colors.
Speaker 4: I wonder if our government is offended by the phrase
Speaker 4: government cheese because it is a poor cheese.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, they should make better cheese than if they're offended, Like,
Speaker 2: you know, be proactive, you guys.
Speaker 4: Now, the government controls our country and makes us pay taxes,
Speaker 4: but they also produce a lot of cheese.
Speaker 2: Right that's how That's a lot of how they get money,
Speaker 2: you know, when when the taxes aren't being paid.
Speaker 4: Right right from their cheese production.
Speaker 2: So they have a cheese kitty.
Speaker 4: Incidentally, I have an overweight uncle that also produces a
Speaker 4: lot of cheese.
Speaker 6: Okay, where that's gross? Am I like a gross person?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 4: Then?
Speaker 6: When I make chokes, I do tend to say gross things.
Speaker 2: So you are a gross person.
Speaker 5: Orge.
Speaker 4: How are you in the back there?
Speaker 7: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yes, our sound engineer, Whorne.
Speaker 4: Our djo thank you. Uh, I'm I'm I've been meaning,
Speaker 4: I've been meaning to fix the air conditioning.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's real.
Speaker 4: It's back there sleeping because he has no other choice.
Speaker 4: His body is shutting down.
Speaker 2: I am going to roll a little bit too.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that sounds all right, right.
Speaker 2: It's fun.
Speaker 4: It's like, let's just agree.
Speaker 6: That this episode might be edited a little and sweetened.
Speaker 2: They'll be definitely a load.
Speaker 6: There's trying to be little sweet spots.
Speaker 4: Yeah. But I also we did gauge the time, or
Speaker 4: I forgot that we were showing up at a specific time.
Speaker 2: Listen. We couldn't be in a better spot. This is
Speaker 2: one of the most architecturally gorgeous, most gorgeous areas of
Speaker 2: Los Angeles Century Boulevard.
Speaker 4: I've said this before, I'll say it again. Prime real estate.
Speaker 4: If you just want to see some interesting buildings. Yeah,
Speaker 4: they aren't gray boxes.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's just a strip of gray boxes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have to. It's the game is to search
Speaker 2: and search for something that isn't a gray box or
Speaker 2: an Arco, a m PM mini market. Another possible sponsor.
Speaker 4: We are getting a sponsor.
Speaker 2: First episode, the amazing. It really would be amazing. I
Speaker 2: have Taco Bell as our sponsor.
Speaker 4: Our car is going to look like Nascar. It's gonna
Speaker 4: be just We're going to be driving a home depot
Speaker 4: stock car.
Speaker 2: We're gonna do that. Then we're going to just start
Speaker 2: driving around. Here's my here's my dream. Okay, it's so
Speaker 2: many sponsors that I can quit my job. You can
Speaker 2: quit your job.
Speaker 4: I don't have a job. I wish I had a
Speaker 4: job to quit, but I don't like it anymore. That's
Speaker 4: fake job. I quit.
Speaker 2: So now we're free and easy. We stick all our
Speaker 2: sponsored details on your car. We drive around all the
Speaker 2: time and we just pick up anybody who needs a ride.
Speaker 2: You don't have to be going somewhere or coming from somewhere.
Speaker 2: It's like we're like a lift. We're like lift drivers,
Speaker 2: except for that. You have to be on our podcast.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you don't have an annoying pink mustache.
Speaker 2: You know, it's so weird. I thought when that first started,
Speaker 2: I just thought it was a trend, like a thing
Speaker 2: that you know, irritating nineteen year old girls that work
Speaker 2: at hot topic, we're doing right to their car and
Speaker 2: tweeted about that as if that's what was going on too.
Speaker 4: No one told me, no one, no one was How
Speaker 4: are you supposed to know a pink mustache is like a.
Speaker 2: Like basically a gypsy cab teenager gypsy cab business.
Speaker 4: Oh, every time I get in a lift car, they're
Speaker 4: wearing a necklace made a human teeth, plan the plan
Speaker 4: them whatever, the hand the hand clams.
Speaker 2: Just sorry, you get witch doctor drivers. I don't understand.
Speaker 4: Maybe I'm I'm confused.
Speaker 6: About what a gypsy is.
Speaker 4: But I think they you know, they wear human teeth.
Speaker 2: Cast and nuts.
Speaker 4: I think I said hand clams.
Speaker 2: Hand clams. Yeah, yeah, I thought you were trying to
Speaker 2: describe a pirate. I was with you. I don't mean
Speaker 2: to negate your comedy. I'm really you're number one.
Speaker 4: Fan my My comedy uh thrives on a lack of vocabulary.
Speaker 2: And kind of a searching You have very searching fee.
Speaker 4: I scramble to blurt things that are possible describing words,
Speaker 4: but oftentimes I have nothing to do with what I'm
Speaker 4: trying to say.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's kind of that's like a fun you know,
Speaker 2: you know, eventually your brain's gonna go organic, kind of,
Speaker 2: let's just having fun with it.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you say, gypsy, I'll think pirate.
Speaker 2: Let's call the whole thing off. A lot of gentlemen's
Speaker 2: clubs down here. They took down that sign I was
Speaker 2: talking about that. I really wish I could have shown
Speaker 2: you that was It used to be this cool, big
Speaker 2: seventies like font of a sign, and it's just not
Speaker 2: here anymore.
Speaker 4: What was it? What was it?
Speaker 2: I think it was an adult video store? Oh, or
Speaker 2: a gentleman's club.
Speaker 4: I think I know why that closed. A lot of
Speaker 4: scary people are in their homes right now watching those videos.
Speaker 6: Only scary people, not people like me.
Speaker 2: Oh you mean like the internet adult films. Yes, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: they don't need it anymore.
Speaker 4: No, that's something we just figured out.
Speaker 2: So all those poor mom and pop businesses that base
Speaker 2: their livelihoods on selling VCR strength because SAT.
Speaker 4: Tapes of Edward Penis hands.
Speaker 2: Now out of business.
Speaker 5: Too bad.
Speaker 4: Yeah, It's a shame, is it, though?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 4: That always scared me, especially in Texas, these warehouses that
Speaker 4: just have.
Speaker 2: Pornography, filled with pornography, no windows, and then everyone had
Speaker 2: clam hands.
Speaker 4: That all. It helps with the process. And when I'm masturbating,
Speaker 4: I do like to gaze out a window periodically.
Speaker 2: You just want to see a road or a tree.
Speaker 4: Like right when I climbax. I like to just see
Speaker 4: a flower fluttering in.
Speaker 2: The wind, or a nice family crossing the street.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Motivation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll have one of those one day if I
Speaker 2: do this right. I put this in the right place.
Speaker 4: Put in a warehouse on the side of a freeway.
Speaker 4: That's not where you should be putting it.
Speaker 2: No, it's kind of sad people had to go to
Speaker 2: those or you're gonna have to get all the way over. Sorry, yep,
Speaker 2: is this again in the exact same spot where I
Speaker 2: did this to you before?
Speaker 4: What It's okay, It's okay. I'm just gonna whenever I
Speaker 4: get panicked, I sound like I'm very calm. I see
Speaker 4: so right now, Yes, yes, okay, I'm going.
Speaker 2: To Oh here we go, la la supreme.
Speaker 4: See. The fun thing about our podcast is well we'll
Speaker 4: just stop saying what we're saying because we're almost dying
Speaker 4: or careening off of the road.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 4: A lot of podcasts don't have that. They're in the
Speaker 4: safety of a studio.
Speaker 2: Yes, there's an electricity here with us, because our lives
Speaker 2: are in danger the entire podcast, the entire time.
Speaker 6: And because we're in an electric car.
Speaker 2: That's right. We have all these glasses of water.
Speaker 4: I'm wearing glass hoofs, much like you know, a firefighter
Speaker 4: and a smoke tower. Mm hmm, you're right. I don't
Speaker 4: know a lot of things. I just kind of say.
Speaker 2: Words, well because but see here's the thing.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying though, Yes, you've been to
Speaker 4: a firefighter's smoke.
Speaker 2: Tower where he's wearing glass hoofs.
Speaker 4: He'll have a chair and there's like glasses because you
Speaker 4: never know when lightning will strike your tower.
Speaker 2: You do know, My father's a fireman, right, He's a fireman,
Speaker 2: a real one.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well he's retired now, but he was a San Francisco
Speaker 2: fireman for like forty years. Oh wow, So all this thing,
Speaker 2: smoke tower, glass hooves, You're full of shit, and I'm
Speaker 2: gonna call you on it.
Speaker 4: I'm talking about mountain fires. I don't think you know
Speaker 4: to say mountain fire, I mean like smoky the bear
Speaker 4: forest fires. I'm saying about Forest Service towers. That's you
Speaker 4: reminded me of what I'm talking about. There was a
Speaker 4: glimmer of what I was trying to say, and now
Speaker 4: I do know. In fact, I'm talking about the Forest Service. Okay, uh,
Speaker 4: Smoke Town, my own cheese property. And they yet oftentimes
Speaker 4: lightning will strike those towers when they're just looking for fires.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm getting it. So they're like
Speaker 2: up on the top of the tower with some binox,
Speaker 2: just kind of scanning the forest.
Speaker 4: And they have special shoes so if they do get
Speaker 4: struck by lightning, the current doesn't go through their body.
Speaker 4: Oftentimes it's a glass slipper. That's maybe it isn't, but
Speaker 4: they do have glass at the base of their chairs
Speaker 4: for real. That I remember.
Speaker 5: Yes, I like that.
Speaker 2: You imagine a glass hoof, so it's like a horse's
Speaker 2: hoof that goes on over your whole foot.
Speaker 4: It's a princess horse who's looking for a horse prince?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, one of the better stories.
Speaker 4: Hey have the glass hoof fits? You know, the old saying.
Speaker 2: That's what she said.
Speaker 4: It is what she said.
Speaker 2: That's what she said.
Speaker 4: That's what I said.
Speaker 6: Okay, we are re entering LAX nine. Is your clock right,
Speaker 6: we're going to No, it's an hour off the way.
Speaker 2: I like it, so we have like six minutes. That's perfect.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it is per See it seemed like I was
Speaker 6: meandering about.
Speaker 2: No way you plan the whole time.
Speaker 4: My brain is like a Google map.
Speaker 2: Uh huh. It doesn't work that well.
Speaker 4: It doesn't work that well, and it shuts down often,
Speaker 4: and it's me. It's screaming obscenities in my.
Speaker 2: Car, just my brain, the little dropped pins places you
Speaker 2: don't need them.
Speaker 4: We are picking Rob Delaney up on US Airways flight
Speaker 4: seven nine seven or something.
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter, doesn't matter.
Speaker 4: US Airways of course, a sponsor up, do you need
Speaker 4: to ride? What if we just say it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true, proud sponsor of do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: US Airways? US Airways the airline to fly when you're
Speaker 2: when Delta can't do it and United has nothing there.
Speaker 4: They have a weird slogan. I never liked it. US
Speaker 4: Airways the airway that will take you across our country.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's not catching airways. The we're the Trachey of America.
Speaker 2: It's like an airway away.
Speaker 4: We're right in your wind pipe like a bad dart.
Speaker 2: We're gonna himlochy you across the nation US airways.
Speaker 4: Okay, we are, we're passing United Great Lakes, Great Lakes.
Speaker 4: What do they have an airline where? Great Lakes?
Speaker 2: Where are you looking?
Speaker 6: Or it's well.
Speaker 2: I mean there was a very aggressive Volkswagen Golf.
Speaker 4: Seven. I think there's a kitten back. Yeah, deal with
Speaker 4: that later.
Speaker 2: Buddy zero nine or four to two.
Speaker 4: Alpha Rome Fox Trot. All right, we're passing international. I'm
Speaker 4: sure Rob Delaney does comedy internationally.
Speaker 5: But yeah he does.
Speaker 2: He goes to London a lot.
Speaker 4: Oh it does he?
Speaker 2: Right? How's that that's Australia.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I don't do much traveling myself. I will
Speaker 4: be in Wisconsin at a series of Indian casinos. Indian casinos,
Speaker 4: getting our reparations, one white comedian at a time.
Speaker 2: Oh, she's coming this way and you're going that way.
Speaker 5: Check it out.
Speaker 6: Well, hey, we're trying to.
Speaker 4: Run a podcast here.
Speaker 6: Oh are you hunking?
Speaker 5: Really?
Speaker 6: How original?
Speaker 4: I may have missed? Did I? I don't know that
Speaker 4: I have.
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I am operating a motor vehicle.
Speaker 2: There's Great Lakes again, What the fuck Great Nakes is
Speaker 2: Leaks is like a new Great Nakes Leaks.
Speaker 4: Oh, great Snakes. There are no Great Snakes on this plane.
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna enter here. Okay, you know what I
Speaker 4: think that I miss us airways.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Can I just make a suggestion we could
Speaker 2: just loop around one more time because it's he's we
Speaker 2: have one minute till he lands. You're right, so we
Speaker 2: still have time. He's going to take him a second
Speaker 2: rate to get his back.
Speaker 4: There is nothing that may I'm so comfortable looping around
Speaker 4: the airport. Like if you ever want to have a
Speaker 4: relaxing drive, start with the beauty of Sentry Boulevard, yes,
Speaker 4: and then and then just cap it off with the
Speaker 4: serenity of.
Speaker 6: Weaving through buses here at LAX.
Speaker 2: It's really I think most of the drivers in this
Speaker 2: loop that we're on and sorry, but I get all
Speaker 2: the way over because remember it's the return is all that. Yes, yes,
Speaker 2: most of the drivers here are constantly making last second decisions,
Speaker 2: so no one's ever in the correct lane, right, Everyone's
Speaker 2: always like driving normally normally and then swinging over because
Speaker 2: they saw their Great Lakes sign.
Speaker 4: And everyone is filled with a little bit of desperation
Speaker 4: and anger.
Speaker 2: Right, some people are picking up people that they are
Speaker 2: deeply in love with.
Speaker 4: The left yeah, oh right, right here, right here, left, okay.
Speaker 2: Left here, classic Lucille ball number.
Speaker 4: Who's on your right? Okay?
Speaker 2: So we're uh oh, but I'm saying, all these people,
Speaker 2: they're picking all these stories, Chris, imagine if we could
Speaker 2: know even five of them. Oh, like, she just picked
Speaker 2: him up. What are they married? Brother and sister?
Speaker 4: We'll never know.
Speaker 2: Bye bye.
Speaker 4: That book just flew away like an old wise owl.
Speaker 2: The one story we will know is Rob Delaney's story
Speaker 2: of his gig where he was What happened?
Speaker 4: The book of Rob Delaney, who incidentally wrote a book.
Speaker 2: Wrote a wonderful book. I just finished reading. I got
Speaker 2: the galleys of what they call it, like the pre
Speaker 2: the pre release.
Speaker 4: Oh every periodically while reading the book is there a
Speaker 4: disclaimer that pops up. It says the ruins do not
Speaker 4: photocopy this book and sell it in the black market.
Speaker 2: Do not leave this book on the plane. I hate
Speaker 2: those in screeners. I hate screeners, I hate movies. I
Speaker 2: hate entertainment. I only love podcasting from Taco Bell. Taco
Speaker 2: Bell the New way to kill yourself.
Speaker 6: Slowly Seven layers of conversation.
Speaker 2: Taco Bell Our pocket parking lots are triangular.
Speaker 4: Taco mell, Holy guacamole. That's good podcasting. All right, here
Speaker 4: we go, Thank you, Horry. We are going to cut
Speaker 4: off just fourteen lanes, all right? No, yeah, if someone's
Speaker 4: trying to change lanes, be sure to hug their fender,
Speaker 4: you motherfucker. We're he's only going to use course language.
Speaker 4: But that's only because when I'm in a car, I
Speaker 4: turn to a monster.
Speaker 2: Well, there's it's very everyone's being a lunatic. Yeah, there's
Speaker 2: lots of there's lots of craziness.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, that guy, Oh he was going for it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you beat him. And here we are. There's
Speaker 2: a Hawaiian airlines Sun Country. Never heard of that.
Speaker 6: We can just less jet.
Speaker 2: What's that? Less jet sounds unsafe?
Speaker 6: We's jet is a uh Canadian airline?
Speaker 2: Is that true?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Based in Calgary, Alberta.
Speaker 2: Oh, where they have the Rodeo.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, Stampede. It's called right after funny Fest of
Speaker 4: Fledgling and shitty comedy Festival. But incidentally we're sponsored by
Speaker 4: funny Fest.
Speaker 2: Funny Fest, go do comedy, but pay pay for your
Speaker 2: own travels.
Speaker 4: And how they write it too. There all the stutters.
Speaker 2: Are in there, seven piece. Make you record it again
Speaker 2: if you don't stutter enough.
Speaker 4: And we are we are approaching US airways where they
Speaker 4: handsome dare I say, handsome Rob Delaney. We'll be jumping
Speaker 4: into my two thousand and eight Honda accord Honda. We
Speaker 4: are entertainment or Honda.
Speaker 2: We build excitement, Honda by us. When you're reasonable.
Speaker 4: Bias. If you enjoy high reuse of hell.
Speaker 2: Values, Honda, don't want to worry about a piece of
Speaker 2: shit car, get a fucking Honda.
Speaker 4: Idiot Honda. We also make chainsaws, Honda.
Speaker 2: Honda. Yeah, we make pianos. Oh no, that's Yamaha shit.
Speaker 4: I bet they do. I bet Honda makes keyboards.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I could look on my phone.
Speaker 4: See if they make keyboards and then also knee boards.
Speaker 4: A lot of times we're going to call back moments
Speaker 4: from a previous episode. That's what just happened.
Speaker 2: And if you care about this podcast, you'll recognize it.
Speaker 2: You'll write to us, Oh my god, look at that.
Speaker 2: Someone just drove over a orange cone.
Speaker 4: Oh you think, oh, that's why you have four wheel
Speaker 4: drive in the city.
Speaker 2: Jeez, that's such a jeep move. It's hilarious.
Speaker 5: Yeah, just.
Speaker 4: Oh and the smug look on their face.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm gonna get out and run up to
Speaker 2: her driver's side window and be like, that was my cone. Oh,
Speaker 2: this lady's not happy.
Speaker 4: That was one cone that didn't belong to the city.
Speaker 4: That was It's mistaken for unhappy often, but she's actually
Speaker 4: probably a nice lady.
Speaker 2: You know what it is. She has an upside down
Speaker 2: mouth that happens to some people.
Speaker 4: A lot of people they're smiling that it looks like
Speaker 4: they're auditioning for the.
Speaker 2: Grinch, which like in my family it's I when you
Speaker 2: just have a regular, resting face, it looks like you're enraged.
Speaker 6: Oh I never knowed said about like because I have.
Speaker 2: A low, low brow, low forehead that you have.
Speaker 4: A false sense of you don't enraged a sense of itself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's some problems.
Speaker 6: Okay, we are here at a Lecoln, not at all
Speaker 6: where we.
Speaker 2: Said we'd be. This is uh, this is just gonna
Speaker 2: be one of those things where we vers we solve
Speaker 2: it as we go. Does he know what kind of
Speaker 2: car you drive?
Speaker 6: I don't have his phone number.
Speaker 4: It was very it's very uh oh maybe hi, Yeah,
Speaker 4: we might circle around. We don't see him. Thanks.
Speaker 2: I mean I think they I think they hired that
Speaker 2: guy because he's so intimidating looking.
Speaker 7: That guy, I've never He was like a psychopathic shaquilloel
Speaker 7: and you can imagine that he had a look and
Speaker 7: as I like, not only will I crush you with
Speaker 7: just my hands and flanges, I carry a machete, not
Speaker 7: a gun.
Speaker 2: No, he wants to see his man up close.
Speaker 6: Do you see how long he looked at me before
Speaker 6: he started talking.
Speaker 2: No, I couldn't look at him because I'm holding a microphone.
Speaker 2: She's so dumb.
Speaker 4: And by holding a microphone, you're mispronouncing because you're racist.
Speaker 4: Just kidding now, he was a he was a huge man.
Speaker 6: We are really I I realized that that way.
Speaker 4: It's kind of oh my god, you just he just
Speaker 4: tweeted at us.
Speaker 2: I just told him they made a circle again, Like
Speaker 2: everybody understands that at this airport especially, they do not
Speaker 2: let you linger. And do you have to let it linger?
Speaker 2: Do you have to do you have to.
Speaker 4: You have to. Oh, I'm such a fool for you,
Speaker 4: you know.
Speaker 2: No, not this one, the next one.
Speaker 4: Yeah, song originally about farts.
Speaker 2: Yep, I am twelve.
Speaker 4: Here we go and this is this is all becoming familiar.
Speaker 2: Careful of my dad?
Speaker 6: Here ye hi that jacket sponsored by Eddie Bauer.
Speaker 2: Eddie Bauer. When you have kind of a lot of money,
Speaker 2: but you want people to think you have a ton.
Speaker 4: Of money, Eddie Bauer.
Speaker 6: We're not quite ellban Eddie Bauer.
Speaker 2: Wide hips, lady, wide hipped ladies are grateful for us.
Speaker 4: Eddie Bauer. Loose lips, sink.
Speaker 2: Ships, Eddie Bower whites only.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was a lesser they I think they knew
Speaker 4: right away the problem with that one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, nice one. Yeah, you're you're learning yet, super gross.
Speaker 4: All you have to do is look at everyone like
Speaker 4: you're a psychoe.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's how you do it. You learn from that
Speaker 2: security guard that made us move.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, he was scary. That man will haunt
Speaker 6: my dreams.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm so glad I didn't look at him.
Speaker 4: Then he was scary.
Speaker 6: He really was scary.
Speaker 4: And it's not I'm not he happened to look he
Speaker 4: had like that baby face. Ooh, kind of like Shaquiel O'Neal,
Speaker 4: except it was riddled with anger.
Speaker 2: Oh no, well, his job is to tell people to move.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's such a bummer, right Air Canada, Hawaiian.
Speaker 2: Here we go. Okay, we're close. Where's Rob Delaney? So
Speaker 2: tall and striking? You think you'd see him immediately?
Speaker 4: Oh, there he is. He's actually striking somebody. He's in
Speaker 4: a fight with our shack guy.
Speaker 2: Where the fuck is he?
Speaker 4: There he is? Oh, the road hasn't been No, that's
Speaker 4: not him.
Speaker 2: It's the road turned him into a woman.
Speaker 4: We just witnessed a five foot eight thin Rob.
Speaker 2: Delaney and he was not funny at all.
Speaker 4: Oh no, Robbed Delaney's Morvey Corsey legged athletic man. He's
Speaker 4: gotta carrying ams on him. Here we go. That seemed conclusionary,
Speaker 4: like I saw him, but good.
Speaker 2: Nope, here we go, and there's down for the right.
Speaker 2: Here we go, Here we here we go, and and
Speaker 2: here we go.
Speaker 4: That security guard with a also not Robbed Delaney.
Speaker 2: Look away look away? Is he sitting? Would he wear
Speaker 2: a baseball hat? I say, no, it's not his style.
Speaker 4: No, No, he's he Uh you know, maybe a lot.
Speaker 4: You're surprised when you see someone travel. Yeah. Yeah. Some
Speaker 4: people are like full pajama Yeah, full pajamas and a fedora.
Speaker 4: Other people's are like a cape, baseball pants and cowboy boots.
Speaker 4: It's your time to shine when you're traveling. No one's
Speaker 4: gonna see you. Oh no, everyone does see you.
Speaker 6: Here. He is here, he is.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 6: And it's confirmed no hair. I will help him.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, thank you. Oh sure, sure, it's in my pocket. Hi,
Speaker 4: thank you for joining us. Get in there, but oh
Speaker 4: I'll unlocked that.
Speaker 2: Y real good. How are you here? I got your
Speaker 2: gift bag?
Speaker 5: Thank you. Oh my god, that's so sweet of you.
Speaker 2: Just some stuff. I don't know what you need, thank you.
Speaker 5: I need a banana that's in there. Thank you.
Speaker 4: That was supposed to be a hot towel, but the
Speaker 4: Starbucks we went to was packed and filled with people raging.
Speaker 2: Okay, I wanted to give you a hot towel and
Speaker 2: then a dry.
Speaker 5: Tell you can sweet of you. Yeah, that's a good
Speaker 5: idea after a flight.
Speaker 2: Where were you tell us about your was?
Speaker 8: I played the College of New Jersey, I played Pittsburgh,
Speaker 8: I played Philadelphia and Buffalo.
Speaker 4: You'll notice in that gift bag there was a mug
Speaker 4: from New Jersey.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, that's great.
Speaker 4: Yeah, just to commemorate your time that.
Speaker 8: I often bring my wife a mug from the places
Speaker 8: that I go.
Speaker 5: I didn't this time, except now I did.
Speaker 4: You found your wife?
Speaker 7: She?
Speaker 6: I thought maybe got trapped during there.
Speaker 8: Somebody went to Quizno's and found her. She went times
Speaker 8: of Trial. It's like a lot of people. She goes
Speaker 8: to Quizno's.
Speaker 4: I left a guitar in a Quiznos bathroom once it
Speaker 4: got back to me, so I knew she'd be fine.
Speaker 4: So you did a series of theaters and college schools.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I hit some stories, some cities in the Northeast
Speaker 8: and it was great.
Speaker 5: Pittsburgh was awesome.
Speaker 8: I never had a bus do this to you.
Speaker 5: Uh wow, that was a bold move.
Speaker 8: Hurts for those who are only doing the auto portion
Speaker 8: of the show. A bus pretty much drove over the car.
Speaker 4: Now I know why they themselves hurt.
Speaker 5: That's right, I am.
Speaker 2: That's a long tour.
Speaker 5: It sounded like it was four nights. Yeah, four places,
Speaker 5: four nights.
Speaker 2: And are you tired now? But do you feel enlivened?
Speaker 8: No, I'm pretty ruined because while those are places with
Speaker 8: nice people, the weathers are awful and snowing, and so
Speaker 8: I then you have to fly little planes, like you
Speaker 8: have to connect when you fly from Buffalo to Pittsburgh.
Speaker 8: So I've been in thirty planes in the last four days.
Speaker 8: So like, my throat feels like somebody just you know,
Speaker 8: scoured it with a brillopath.
Speaker 4: Because when you fly, you just scream at the top
Speaker 4: all the time. That's the only way I get through it.
Speaker 4: A lot of people complain about babies, but it's usually
Speaker 4: this guy.
Speaker 8: Yeah, screaming adult. So colleges one college, the other three
Speaker 8: were theaters.
Speaker 5: And yeah, it was great. I enjoyed playing colleges. They're not.
Speaker 8: College students aren't as smart as they get credit for.
Speaker 8: They think like, oh, hot bet of education, but they don't.
Speaker 8: They haven't lived, you know what I'm I mean, they
Speaker 8: haven't they haven't had life just kick them in the
Speaker 8: head fifty times, like you do once you get out
Speaker 8: of college. So I generally I prefer to perform for
Speaker 8: older people. I mean, you have to get your tenter
Speaker 8: hooks into college students and say, I'm who will entertain
Speaker 8: you for the next few decades.
Speaker 5: Get to know me.
Speaker 8: It's important to spread the disease. But generally I prefer
Speaker 8: to perform for adults.
Speaker 2: I have just a larger range of references.
Speaker 5: Yeah, they just have no experienced more.
Speaker 4: Yeah, college kids are so young. They are amazing to me.
Speaker 8: Their children wonderful and and smart and have you know,
Speaker 8: I mean God knows like I read a lot back then,
Speaker 8: and I listened to utter Field and garbage.
Speaker 5: So I would very grateful if a comedian came to
Speaker 5: my school.
Speaker 8: But you know, at the end of the day, they're
Speaker 8: still less important as real people, normal human beings.
Speaker 6: They aren't fully developed or fully valuable.
Speaker 2: Yet not they shouldn't be allowed to talk that much
Speaker 2: as much as they seem to allowed.
Speaker 5: Me here and there.
Speaker 2: But yeah you should, I need help whatever.
Speaker 4: Yeah, listen to that. But if they just start sharing anidotes, anecdotes, aidotes,
Speaker 4: and I'll take an start sharing dozy dotes or just
Speaker 4: cut them off with little lambsy divy. You know it's
Speaker 4: funny because kids will also do that. They tend to
Speaker 4: I let a joke happen and then I stomp on
Speaker 4: it by continuing it.
Speaker 5: And with kids, you're into goats now, right, Yeah, okay.
Speaker 4: Good anything if it has a whole fuck itis, it's
Speaker 4: it's okay to sometimes be dirty because we're adults.
Speaker 2: But we're still at the airport.
Speaker 6: Oh you're right, this lax I forgot.
Speaker 8: Do you remember not too long after nine to eleven,
Speaker 8: when the Israeli airline l all X messad guy somebody
Speaker 8: just was like made a slight ruckus in line and
Speaker 8: the guy just shot him dead and he was like, well, massade.
Speaker 8: So when people mess around and Israeli airlines, we just
Speaker 8: sort of address it and get rid of the problem.
Speaker 8: And everybody was like all right. It was so soon
Speaker 8: after nine eleven. The people like, that's fine.
Speaker 5: He sneezed. He had to be shocked.
Speaker 2: It makes sense.
Speaker 4: He's being cautious.
Speaker 5: You guys sneeze. He sneezed out loud.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, that's I didn't that didn't get a lot
Speaker 4: of coverage.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that was one of my favorite shootings.
Speaker 4: I missed a lot of news.
Speaker 2: I guess it didn't hit my top ten shootings, but
Speaker 2: but I'll reconsider.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I like the classics, just sixties clock towers. So
Speaker 4: I'm gonna get okay. Yeah, I know where I'm at.
Speaker 4: I know where I'm at it's funny. It's it's difficult
Speaker 4: to drive and podcast.
Speaker 5: If you Oh, I believe it.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm going to keep blaming that.
Speaker 5: Yeah. No, I find it difficult to drive and think
Speaker 5: I'll miss an.
Speaker 8: Exit and I'll be like, yeah, but I was thinking
Speaker 8: about a sandwich I had three weeks ago.
Speaker 4: And you want a sandwich by the way.
Speaker 5: You know, I'm all set.
Speaker 2: There's almonds in there.
Speaker 5: Oh wow, thank you. No, there's Karen Comedians road.
Speaker 4: You said that I noticed Rob had dry hands always.
Speaker 5: I never said that, Oh my god.
Speaker 8: That's like, Actually, I'm not like a fascist as far
Speaker 8: as appearances go on people.
Speaker 5: I'm like, hey, you're gonna look like what you're gonna
Speaker 5: look like.
Speaker 8: But when I do see people with wearing open toed
Speaker 8: sandals or whatever and they have like dry or cracky feet,
Speaker 8: I do think, you know what, maybe you want to
Speaker 8: address that if you keep those things uncovered.
Speaker 4: Are you trying to show me your feet or make
Speaker 4: me hungry for ginger root?
Speaker 5: Seriously?
Speaker 4: I don't Yeah, I do not want to see anyone soon.
Speaker 8: Your feet looked like high quality old parmesan.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm starving to get all of dart in
Speaker 2: the highest of quality.
Speaker 5: But I'll tell you what.
Speaker 8: When you guys said, when you put out, you put
Speaker 8: an app essentially you BCC the comedians of Los Angeles.
Speaker 4: I did. I did it blindly.
Speaker 8: I knew to do that and uh and you said,
Speaker 8: who wants?
Speaker 5: And I thought, oh my god, I can't wait to do.
Speaker 8: This, cause, frankly, I don't do too many podcasts just
Speaker 8: because what am I gonna talk about me?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 5: Thanks, I've we've covered that ground.
Speaker 8: But I love the two of you so much that
Speaker 8: it was It was such a thrill, and I also
Speaker 8: selfishly needed a ride.
Speaker 4: That's I didn't even know. I kind of had a
Speaker 4: hunch that it would be a built in loophole of
Speaker 4: acquiring talent, but I didn't know that I would get
Speaker 4: such a response. There was a list of people waiting.
Speaker 5: Oh wow, I love it.
Speaker 4: We were very happy, will be our first guest?
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, way, really the first?
Speaker 8: Oh my god, that's so exciting. HI very well, happily
Speaker 8: tell the world about it.
Speaker 4: We did one together just to see what it was
Speaker 4: like to realize that a lot of conversation would be
Speaker 4: about accidents avoidance because we, you know, we're in a
Speaker 4: moving vehicle.
Speaker 5: Yeah, this is real.
Speaker 8: Well, I think I'm one of the I'm probably up
Speaker 8: there as far as comedians being known for having showy
Speaker 8: car accidents, So we don't even have to cover.
Speaker 6: That you had an incredible car accident.
Speaker 5: Little car accidents are even interesting to me.
Speaker 4: And yet I have not yet read Sister Long Falcon Cabbage.
Speaker 8: A lot of them, Turban, We've put a lot of body.
Speaker 8: Yea Blaine just flew over our head. That's never not exciting.
Speaker 2: For me, just constant proof that this is not in
Speaker 2: any way put on that we just we go by
Speaker 2: the lowest flight paths, we try to get hit by buses.
Speaker 2: I did read your books, Oh thank you, Well, it
Speaker 2: was my pleasure. I found the galleys no fence that
Speaker 2: work and snatched it up, and I was doing that thing.
Speaker 2: I want this compliment to mean more than the average compliment.
Speaker 2: How do I word it?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: I was doing that thing on the plane where I
Speaker 2: was laughing but then crying a little bit, and I
Speaker 2: was almost sure that the lady next to me thought
Speaker 2: I was having a nervous breakdown because it was those
Speaker 2: like those stories, like those stories when you're in like
Speaker 2: rehab and waiting to see if you're gonna go to jail,
Speaker 2: and we're like, all those things are so fraught and
Speaker 2: that I like, I feel like I had a very
Speaker 2: parallel life in that way of like drinking and like
Speaker 2: really just kind of throwing yourself out there so dangerously
Speaker 2: all the time. And I'm just happy you.
Speaker 5: Live as well.
Speaker 4: Thank you to SOB you're sober people, and I'm I'm
Speaker 4: someone that's still as a bit of a whiskey nerd.
Speaker 6: I uh known to should I read the book?
Speaker 4: I should read the book?
Speaker 5: You can? I should have I should have brought a copy.
Speaker 4: I will. I will purchase it like a like a
Speaker 4: grown adult.
Speaker 5: Thank you?
Speaker 2: How dare you I want to call.
Speaker 4: Myself an adult? Well, I did buy it like a silly.
Speaker 2: Kid chewing gumb with your hat on backwards.
Speaker 4: But in it you probably detail you had a horrible
Speaker 4: car wreck, right your legs got a.
Speaker 8: Yeah, my both my arms got broken, or rather one
Speaker 8: arm one wrist, and but they were both had to
Speaker 8: have surgery and were both in cast. And then my
Speaker 8: legs were not broken, but they were cut open to
Speaker 8: the bone on the knees, so they had to be
Speaker 8: so I had to so I couldn't bend them for
Speaker 8: a while, so they put them in these legs stabilized
Speaker 8: or saying.
Speaker 6: His legs were cut out. Were you in like a
Speaker 6: metal jeep?
Speaker 8: A metal jeep? A lot of the car that I
Speaker 8: was in was made of metal. In fact, it was
Speaker 8: a Nissan Ultima metal version and.
Speaker 4: All metal interior, a leather See that's a shaming, Yeah.
Speaker 8: That reverse the exos skeleton. But it was yeah, and
Speaker 8: you know, and yeah, and then I went to jail
Speaker 8: and rehab and lived in a halfway house. And you know,
Speaker 8: it's good that it happened. No one else was in
Speaker 8: the accident.
Speaker 5: It was just me.
Speaker 8: But yeah, then I put the plug in the jug,
Speaker 8: as they say, and uh, and I think I did
Speaker 8: my first open mic, you know a few months later.
Speaker 4: And by that you mean you got a masst ectomy, right, correct?
Speaker 8: All right, Sorry, I had my breath removed and I
Speaker 8: went from Cynthia Delaney to Rob Delaney.
Speaker 4: That's what started that old transition. What was it like
Speaker 4: buying a whole new wardrobe. I meant to say, where
Speaker 4: you don't want you're a man, and you don't want
Speaker 4: to have babies anymore. The sector want to be honest,
Speaker 4: with me, Karen, do you think I'm a dumb person?
Speaker 4: Often you have blurts hangs that don't make sense.
Speaker 2: I think blurting is the bravest thing an American can
Speaker 2: do these days. Everyone so rehearsed and practice. I know
Speaker 2: exactly what I'm gonna say. You just throw words out there.
Speaker 5: In case.
Speaker 8: Like people come to this podcast because I put it
Speaker 8: out there, and in meeting you for the first time,
Speaker 8: I want them to watch a recent conan said Chris,
Speaker 8: because that's the best sets of stand up I've ever seen.
Speaker 5: Thank you, And it's such so hard. I mean to
Speaker 5: do seven minutes, you know, and have it be great.
Speaker 5: It's really hard.
Speaker 2: And his turn, it's like, that's my love. There was
Speaker 2: no like here I am to do your comedy shows,
Speaker 2: like here's here you are.
Speaker 5: My comedy show. You guys.
Speaker 2: I don't usually my own mustache top cop on the weekend.
Speaker 4: See it's very it's a it's a I went four
Speaker 4: inch domestic. A lot of guys that go handlebar, but
Speaker 4: I didn't want to intimidate anyone. I'm so glad I
Speaker 4: didn't make it to my I don't usually toot my
Speaker 4: own horn and then honk the horn. That's oh god,
Speaker 4: that would have been off. Well, here we go.
Speaker 5: Uh people hear that the horn?
Speaker 2: Micd we got to this horn?
Speaker 5: Yeah, pay, I should say we're about to pass.
Speaker 8: If you went, if you took a right here, you
Speaker 8: would go to uh Investors Business Daily.
Speaker 5: Oh let's go out. Uh that's we're not going to
Speaker 5: go there. I'm we'll keep going straight.
Speaker 8: But if you did go down here take a write,
Speaker 8: you would be at the call center where I worked
Speaker 8: for a couple of years, making less than minimum wage,
Speaker 8: doing you know, a few sets a night of stand
Speaker 8: up sending out packets to late night shows. Just the
Speaker 8: people I worked with lived in their cars. It was
Speaker 8: her misery.
Speaker 2: So you were did you do cold calls? Oh?
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Call I'd say, hi, would you
Speaker 5: like to.
Speaker 8: Subscribe to a garbage newspaper published by Charlotte or morons?
Speaker 8: And people would say, you know, I wouldn't, And I'd say,
Speaker 8: I totally get it, and then hang up and not
Speaker 8: make a nickel.
Speaker 2: Uh, we're paid based on how many people you got
Speaker 2: to sign up? Correct now terrible?
Speaker 8: Yeah I'm not and change years that I worked there,
Speaker 8: I maybe made nine hundred dollars in one week and
Speaker 8: every other week. I mean I'd make like two hundred
Speaker 8: and seven dollars a week. It was uh so gross.
Speaker 4: Yeah, sales does does everyone hate sales the I mean
Speaker 4: the whole time.
Speaker 5: You know, one of them?
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, that's exactly it. I don't feel like I
Speaker 2: have the person out The year that I worked at
Speaker 2: the Gap when I was twenty, and it was when
Speaker 2: I first started comedy, I felt like I was dying
Speaker 2: every day I was on that floor, and it inspired
Speaker 2: me to never go back because it was it just
Speaker 2: felt it was like at one point, I remember, I
Speaker 2: eventually quit and I was like waiting to see if
Speaker 2: I was going to move to La So I didn't
Speaker 2: have a job for a little while. My mom called
Speaker 2: me and she was like, do you think you don't
Speaker 2: have to work? And I, for a second I almost
Speaker 2: thought she was sincere. I almost went like, yes, like
Speaker 2: you finally understand me. And I was like, oh, wait, no,
Speaker 2: I have to say no to this question.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 8: When I left there in twenty ten, which is four
Speaker 8: years ago, you're there was a protocol for quitting where
Speaker 8: you could take like a leave of absence so that
Speaker 8: you could go back there if you wanted to, and
Speaker 8: I made sure to super not observe it. I just
Speaker 8: walked up and never came back, so I wouldn't ever
Speaker 8: be able to work there again.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you brick up that door away.
Speaker 5: Just like no way, And that was it, And I
Speaker 5: love that.
Speaker 4: That's that's how you're that you would people would say, no,
Speaker 4: I'm not interested. I understand that. I'm I'm gonna go now.
Speaker 4: That's how I sold Cutco knives.
Speaker 5: I love it.
Speaker 4: I'd walk in. They're very expensive. I would tell them
Speaker 4: that was my opening line. These lines are very these
Speaker 4: knives are very expensive, but they're very good.
Speaker 6: I'm not interested. I totally understand that.
Speaker 4: Very expensive. I mentioned how expensive they were and then
Speaker 4: and I never sold any. I never sold any Awesome.
Speaker 4: I sold some to my dad.
Speaker 8: As far as sales goes, like like what people don't
Speaker 8: need anything?
Speaker 5: You have what you need.
Speaker 8: You know generally, you know you need food, you need shelter,
Speaker 8: need you need to survival, try angle, but beyond that,
Speaker 8: you really need nothing. So to convince people of otherwise,
Speaker 8: you know, it can often be a sin, is what
Speaker 8: I think.
Speaker 5: And that's what I felt like working there. Yeah, that was.
Speaker 2: Sinning well and also when you like, I remember being
Speaker 2: in college and this guy that was selling magazine subscriptions
Speaker 2: door to door did that. First of all, he's super cute.
Speaker 2: He had this whole long conversation with me. He convinced
Speaker 2: me that he would want more subscription to sell before
Speaker 2: he got his big trip. It was like all of
Speaker 2: those like Ponzi scheme tricks he used on me, and
Speaker 2: they worked like a charm and I ended up buying literally,
Speaker 2: like I think, a four year subscription to Vogue when
Speaker 2: I had no money, and I remember like when it
Speaker 2: was over like the next day, going like, oh I
Speaker 2: just got taken for a ride, Like that's what That's
Speaker 2: what good sales is. Like, I didn't care about fashion magazine,
Speaker 2: like nothing in it.
Speaker 5: Did you keep a touch with you? Or the son
Speaker 5: that he made with you?
Speaker 2: Then be married in the fall of ninety nine and
Speaker 2: now he's.
Speaker 5: He's been in Costa Rica for.
Speaker 2: For until the lawyers bring him back. Yeah, that's what
Speaker 2: it is. It's like you're convincing a person to fall
Speaker 2: in love with you so that you they take what
Speaker 2: you have. Look at that guy.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've had some really good salesmen come to my door.
Speaker 4: I've never seen a dog high on marijuana before. I
Speaker 4: bought a carpet cleaner when I lived in an all
Speaker 4: wooden floors house once.
Speaker 5: That's amazing.
Speaker 4: That's a good salesman. Yeah, it's like, what if you
Speaker 4: end up buying a rug a throw rug?
Speaker 5: Good point. Yeah, I might buy a lot of drugs.
Speaker 4: I might buy some throw rugs, A runner, a runner.
Speaker 4: I'll just have the concentrate solution. What's that? Thirty five dollars.
Speaker 6: Best money I've ever spent.
Speaker 4: Immediate regret when they leave.
Speaker 2: I had one where I had to call and cancel
Speaker 2: a check because this guy came into Uh it was.
Speaker 2: It was when we were working on the pilot for Ellen.
Speaker 2: He came into the building. I worked in the adults building,
Speaker 2: So all of a sudden there was a guy standing
Speaker 2: in my office that I didn't know, Like they looked like,
Speaker 2: he looks like he worked for Habitat for Humanity is
Speaker 2: like you know, choker necklace, long hair whatever. He's like, hey,
Speaker 2: I just I got these deals for this SPA treatment
Speaker 2: or whatever when I was and I was so it
Speaker 2: was a total shock and all thing of like and
Speaker 2: he was like squatting down next to me and telling
Speaker 2: me about all the like, squatter was real close.
Speaker 4: I don't like it when waiters do that either.
Speaker 2: And suddenly I was writing a chew and then he
Speaker 2: left and I immediately called my bank and I was like,
Speaker 2: cancel this check.
Speaker 5: I don't know what just happen.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not to talk to them about it. They're
Speaker 2: the ones that tricked you. You're just like I changed
Speaker 2: my mind. I get to change my mind.
Speaker 4: I'm going to do that with a lot of purchases.
Speaker 5: You plan to do that? Meal speaking bank?
Speaker 2: I didn't like it.
Speaker 4: You do want to go to a bank?
Speaker 5: I would like that. Yeah, there'll be one coming up
Speaker 5: on the loft.
Speaker 4: What do you do your banking with? If you don't
Speaker 4: mind saying it?
Speaker 8: Uh, I will, I will just bank?
Speaker 4: How about it?
Speaker 2: How about your social Security number?
Speaker 5: And they're coming up on the left, Well, not quite,
Speaker 5: I mean a little bit. Okay, Yeah, they have a
Speaker 5: familiar sign.
Speaker 6: Just take me to whatever whoever you bank with?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 6: I currently bank with Wells Fargo.
Speaker 8: Hey, I have an auto loan from them.
Speaker 5: Hey.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they are a sponsor of the podcast.
Speaker 2: Wells Fargo. Do you like a ton of horses?
Speaker 4: Wells Fargo, Wells Fargo, We bury your money in the forest.
Speaker 2: What Oh, I'm looking forward to the Fargo TV show
Speaker 2: that I just saw billboard for.
Speaker 8: I want to hear Martin Freeman doing a Fargo access
Speaker 8: Is that?
Speaker 2: Who got it?
Speaker 8: Yeah, Martin Freeman, Billy, Bob Thornton, Colin Hanks.
Speaker 2: Is there a woman playing the woman sheriff for?
Speaker 8: I don't know if that is as large a role,
Speaker 8: And I only only because I saw a trailer and
Speaker 8: it seemed like it might not have been. But there
Speaker 8: were women, a bunch of them. They just weren't as
Speaker 8: famous as the general and I've mentioned, so I can't
Speaker 8: I don't know their names.
Speaker 2: The TV show, I'm right now. I'm enraged that it's not.
Speaker 2: Marge is not the lead anymore?
Speaker 5: Yeah, should be.
Speaker 2: I just had it. That was a one eating I
Speaker 2: was excited. No, not now I'm going to camp Maybe.
Speaker 8: Well, you know what, Maybe it is, but maybe their
Speaker 8: sexist in their advertising. For example, I was just in
Speaker 8: England and they had the monuments Men. Hey, guess what
Speaker 8: Kate Blanchette is in. That wouldn't have known from posters
Speaker 8: in the US, but she's in all the posters in
Speaker 8: the UK.
Speaker 5: Then there's another movie.
Speaker 8: Uh, that called that awkward moment with Zach Afron and
Speaker 8: some other folks. Sure, and there is a lead female
Speaker 8: in that, but not on the posters here but in England,
Speaker 8: so maybe they want to rope you in and uh
Speaker 8: then when you're watching.
Speaker 2: That's match up with like the sex cells attitude of like, whoop,
Speaker 2: what's the what's the drawback of gorgeous? Kate Blanchette doesn't make.
Speaker 8: A long she's not playing herself because snooze areny male.
Speaker 2: It's such a every time you've hung out.
Speaker 5: She's one of those people who like it.
Speaker 8: Talks about like the majesty of acting interviews.
Speaker 5: So she's just a big bummercade. If you're listening, turn
Speaker 5: turn it off. I don't want to Kate.
Speaker 2: I love your skin creams.
Speaker 5: Yeah. No, she's amazing and beautiful. She kind of my wife,
Speaker 5: kind of looks like Kate.
Speaker 8: Like if Kate Blanchett, Tilda Swinton and Jodie Foster somehow
Speaker 8: were able with each other, that's sort of what she
Speaker 8: looks like.
Speaker 2: When did you meet her?
Speaker 5: I met her.
Speaker 8: I met her at a camp for people with disabilities.
Speaker 8: She's not disabled, but we were both counselors for people
Speaker 8: with cerebral palsy.
Speaker 4: And that's where I trolled for days ago.
Speaker 5: You should, I'll tell you why.
Speaker 8: Because those people, you know, people who volunteer, they can
Speaker 8: like do selfless stuff, right, right, true?
Speaker 4: Right? Speaking of there's someone I don't like, how there's
Speaker 4: a lady sitting on the sidewalk.
Speaker 6: Well, we've already driven past, so.
Speaker 2: We can't get nothing I can do.
Speaker 5: We're trying to postcasts there. Yeah, cops have already got
Speaker 5: So what.
Speaker 4: Am I gonna do that they can't?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 8: What's so funny about give a ship that help her,
Speaker 8: not assault, not take her right away from her.
Speaker 4: Not have shooting them be a plan B.
Speaker 2: What if that wasn't cops and it was the masade.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm pronouncing.
Speaker 5: That sounded good to me. I'm not Hebrew.
Speaker 2: What's funny about that is that the opposite I've always done,
Speaker 2: the opposite, which is date comedians, who are probably the
Speaker 2: exact polar opposite of people that volunteer at camps for
Speaker 2: disabled people.
Speaker 8: In many cases they are I mean, like a really
Speaker 8: good one might not be, you know, because isn't that weird?
Speaker 8: You know, like you know somebody who's like really as
Speaker 8: successful as a comedian and enjoying themselves, there's a there
Speaker 8: might be a higher likelihood that they're a good person.
Speaker 5: Yes, fucking trenches, comedians scumback.
Speaker 2: Well, I guess you'd be that example, because you did it.
Speaker 5: Well.
Speaker 8: You know the reason I did it is because everybody
Speaker 8: when I was in the hospital and in rehab and
Speaker 8: then in a halfway home when this was in two
Speaker 8: thousand and two, twelve years ago.
Speaker 5: Right, people were just so great.
Speaker 8: There were so many volunteers in the hospital doing something
Speaker 8: in addition to the doctors and nurses that I was like,
Speaker 8: once I kind of got released, I was still like
Speaker 8: emaciated and totally unemployable. So I was like, oh, I
Speaker 8: could volunteer, and I did, and I just found it.
Speaker 8: I enjoyed it a lot. So I think the secret
Speaker 8: about volunteering that a lot of people might not know
Speaker 8: is it's super fun. And I know I demand.
Speaker 5: To have fun because I'm a comedian and an alcoholic, Like,
Speaker 5: I know what fun is.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I swear to God volunteering is really really fun,
Speaker 8: or I wouldn't do it because I remain deeply selfish.
Speaker 6: Yes, a lot of people what they don't know about bands.
Speaker 4: I used to be a youth group leader person, but
Speaker 4: I wasn't a religious person at all, but they didn't
Speaker 4: seem to care about that. I actually was raised sort
Speaker 4: of atheist, but I it was that feeling of we'd
Speaker 4: go on these trips and do things. And I'm not bragging,
Speaker 4: but it was very it felt really good. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 4: you go to Mexico building part of a sidewalk, do
Speaker 4: a poor job because we didn't know what we were doing.
Speaker 6: It's hard to it's I was because I was talking.
Speaker 5: A great story. So I'll be back in a flash.
Speaker 4: Okay, we'll be uh right here. Getting a ticket because
Speaker 4: I'm in the handicapped area.
Speaker 5: Not my problem.
Speaker 4: I think that means. Or it's a picture of a
Speaker 4: person with a big round but that's a logo.
Speaker 2: Bit Oh I get him?
Speaker 4: Yeah, thanks, it's your phone? Or did someone leave this? Well,
Speaker 4: now that he's gone, what do you think of this
Speaker 4: rub Delaney guy.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about our first guest in a like we're
Speaker 2: going to review him.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's been he's calming, he was, it's been a
Speaker 4: he's been added a nice element of calm.
Speaker 2: I liked that he was handed this one of these
Speaker 2: huge microphones and immediately started playing podcast ball with us
Speaker 2: the second he got into the car. Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: there was no like kid. I mean, he did have
Speaker 2: to give us private information that we'll edit out, but
Speaker 2: I liked that part his game. He gets it.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Sure, he's taken improv classes.
Speaker 6: He has done nothing but yes, and this whole time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's we have to really keep an
Speaker 2: eye out for those people.
Speaker 4: But he has. It has been just yes and do
Speaker 4: you have anything funny to say?
Speaker 2: Yes? And beat this riff?
Speaker 4: I'm going to get out. I'm starting to feel bad
Speaker 4: that I'm in a handicapped good spot right next to it.
Speaker 6: Oh that guy, Look at that guy.
Speaker 4: I like always at LEAs are really goodies.
Speaker 2: You say you like them, but then you take their
Speaker 2: parking spots.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, not all old people are handicapped, Karen. I mean,
Speaker 4: let's be realistic.
Speaker 2: They take a lot of our government money.
Speaker 4: Wouldn't it be funny if I was in there, he
Speaker 4: was just working out some home loan thing. That's something
Speaker 4: like two hours.
Speaker 2: It's just like real quick, I have to refinance my mortgage.
Speaker 4: Took all my assets and put it in a Swiss
Speaker 4: floating island.
Speaker 5: I'm back. Yay my team.
Speaker 2: Hi. Do you have a ton of money now?
Speaker 5: I mean I have enough to get me through the
Speaker 5: next week? Okay, great, so yes, that's a ton to me.
Speaker 2: In the big scheme of things.
Speaker 5: Can I go? If you took a left here, it
Speaker 5: probably wouldn't be Oh.
Speaker 4: Oh, if I took a left here, it would take
Speaker 4: add thirty years start driving.
Speaker 5: I don't care.
Speaker 6: Well, you haven't seen daddy be aggressive.
Speaker 4: I just poke the nose out and make furious eye
Speaker 4: contact and.
Speaker 8: See that gym across the street. Can you even imagine
Speaker 8: being like, yeah, I'll go there to work out? Like yeah,
Speaker 8: I mean, nothing wrong with it. It's just like exactly
Speaker 8: not where I would ever go to work out.
Speaker 4: No, I don't want to be in between two alleyways.
Speaker 5: On a hot sort of one of the boring areas
Speaker 5: of l A.
Speaker 4: Do you want my inside of my car to be
Speaker 4: any hotter?
Speaker 5: Is it possible to?
Speaker 4: It's weird.
Speaker 5: I'm yoga pants without moving.
Speaker 2: Well, I have a total stripe of sweat.
Speaker 4: I'm going to rename our podcast trouser Soup.
Speaker 5: I think black swamp.
Speaker 6: You know what I might?
Speaker 4: I might take a bow out.
Speaker 8: That's fine, I mean if you're you know how all
Speaker 8: this becks crap over here works?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 8: Yeah, this will be the part that they highlight for
Speaker 8: for the Podcast Awards.
Speaker 4: It's funny. Yeah, there there is a lot of specific
Speaker 4: traffic moments that.
Speaker 5: This is real. I mean, look, people want to know that.
Speaker 8: People often ask me, what's alike when you hang out
Speaker 8: with Karen Kilgriffer, what's alike when hanging with Chris Fabets Now?
Speaker 8: You know, so I don't want to hear people complaining
Speaker 8: just because we give you the gold, we also don't
Speaker 8: give you a.
Speaker 2: Little track, a little reality, a little boring, hot, sweaty reality.
Speaker 4: Yep, real specific traffic stuff, none of the visuals.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 8: Oh here, I have a fun story for you. In Pittsburgh,
Speaker 8: I got in the elevator the morning after my show,
Speaker 8: getting ready to get on a little plane to Philadelphia,
Speaker 8: and so I just was, you know, out of it,
Speaker 8: and I got on the.
Speaker 5: Elevator and when I was on.
Speaker 8: There, I howked up a big lookie because then nobody
Speaker 8: was there. So I was like, like really worked at
Speaker 8: it and closed my eyes. And then I opened my
Speaker 8: eyes and the doors were opening, and a beautiful young
Speaker 8: woman walked on the elevator and looked at me and goes, hey,
Speaker 8: great show last night.
Speaker 4: And she saw you spit the lookie without a doubt.
Speaker 5: No, she saw me.
Speaker 8: Just deal with it. I didn't spit. I just swallowed
Speaker 8: it because we were in an elevator.
Speaker 2: And then you said thank you in a loogie. Bubble
Speaker 2: came out of her mouth.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but it's a nice cause shout.
Speaker 8: Now she knows in real life that I'm a little
Speaker 8: more disgusting than I am on stage.
Speaker 2: Imagine that.
Speaker 4: What I like to do if someone catches you is
Speaker 4: you just keep making that noise as if it's just
Speaker 4: a noise you.
Speaker 5: Make, they're not making one.
Speaker 2: Can I just say that. I don't know why, but
Speaker 2: it just popped into my head. I've known you for
Speaker 2: a while, I feel like. And one of my favorite
Speaker 2: sets that I ever watched you do was that night
Speaker 2: at Acbar, which is a tiny it's a bar in
Speaker 2: Silver Lake, and I think it's I think it's predominantly
Speaker 2: a gay bar. It's been gay en Street, but the
Speaker 2: show is run by our friend Bruce, so it's kind
Speaker 2: of mostly a gay shows.
Speaker 4: It's a gay bar.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, that's how you know.
Speaker 5: But anyway, also the way he kisses.
Speaker 4: Wait a minute, that was my mouth.
Speaker 2: Rob did a set and I'd seen him. We were
Speaker 2: we did shows at Largo together, like we we done
Speaker 2: some shows together, but you were doing your usual set
Speaker 2: and those lesbians it was mostly lesbians in the audience
Speaker 2: that night, and they were really like not having you
Speaker 2: in a way, and I started getting nervous for you,
Speaker 2: and you in your classic rubbed Laney way, instead of
Speaker 2: getting nervous yourself in any way that I could see,
Speaker 2: doubled down and just like put your foot up on
Speaker 2: a stool and got down into the audience and you
Speaker 2: were telling your like come out into my van jokes
Speaker 2: into their face, and me and Paige herwitz Is in
Speaker 2: the back were crying laughing. It was like it was
Speaker 2: like the way you were acting was as if you
Speaker 2: were destroying and you just wanted to be out among
Speaker 2: your people like Dean Martin oh so, and people were
Speaker 2: like like, oh, like they were being like bitchy lesbians
Speaker 2: about It was so funny. It was one of my favorites.
Speaker 5: Thank you. Yeah, that can be fun sometimes.
Speaker 4: Sometimes when dayling's with a group of lesbians. Yeah, you
Speaker 4: just got to take a knee and hunker down.
Speaker 5: That's right. See, this is who I am.
Speaker 4: It's not the first time I've said that. There's a
Speaker 4: time that and we've shared this before, Rob and and
Speaker 4: other even televised moments where I apparently and I don't
Speaker 4: fully recall it, but you were. You brought me up
Speaker 4: at a show. And what did I say? I said
Speaker 4: something that could be it could be misconstrued as rude.
Speaker 4: Didn't I say, shut the fuck up and sit down?
Speaker 4: What was it? What did I do? It doesn't sound like.
Speaker 8: Me, remember, I mean, no, it wasn't it was. You
Speaker 8: knew that it was funny enough you said that an
Speaker 8: implicitly mean thing, but it was so funny that it
Speaker 8: was okay.
Speaker 4: You knew that I was kidding. Knew that you were
Speaker 4: kidding because I've heard a recalling, Oh you know what
Speaker 4: it was.
Speaker 5: I was.
Speaker 8: I was introducing you, and I was I said a
Speaker 8: few nice things about you, and uh, you know, the
Speaker 8: things that you've done and things that I thought enjoyed
Speaker 8: and uh, and then.
Speaker 5: You just came up and took the microwave from like,
Speaker 5: shut the fuck up and get out of here.
Speaker 4: So clearly I was kidding. Yes, I've heard you tell
Speaker 4: the story, and I was like, well, that's the story
Speaker 4: of an asshole. I'm starting.
Speaker 5: It was a story of a funny ass.
Speaker 4: Okay, so that no part of you thought, wow, that
Speaker 4: Chris Fairbanks abrasive little.
Speaker 5: Man, didn't it all?
Speaker 8: Because also, I'm one of those people who has the
Speaker 8: sickness enough that like, if I have to get harmed
Speaker 8: or my feelings have to get hurt for other people
Speaker 8: to laugh, I'm like, we'll do it.
Speaker 5: I mean, it's more important.
Speaker 4: It was an example of that.
Speaker 2: I love rudeness comedy, I think the most, and I
Speaker 2: feel like I've been doing it all my life and
Speaker 2: maybe twenty five percent of the people I've shared it
Speaker 2: with actually understand what I'm doing. Yeah, and most of
Speaker 2: them just were taking me at face value of like
Speaker 2: what a crazy bitch? Where is it like? And I
Speaker 2: understand that makes sense because that is what I was doing,
Speaker 2: except for if you have that. I think that's why
Speaker 2: I get along with like drag queens so well, because
Speaker 2: it's that kind of like slap someone in the face
Speaker 2: purely because you can idea that's.
Speaker 5: Funny to me, real joy.
Speaker 8: Although last night there was I was being interviewed by
Speaker 8: a newspaper before my show, and the guy came and
Speaker 8: he was young, and I was eating. I had two
Speaker 8: slices of pizza on one plate and was taking a fight.
Speaker 8: When you walk in, he goes, what do you got?
Speaker 8: What was that you got?
Speaker 5: There? Some pizza? And I said, no, it's a cheeseburger.
Speaker 8: And I could tell that it may he wanted to cry.
Speaker 5: But what are you gonna do?
Speaker 2: It makes you not want to hang out with normal people.
Speaker 2: That's kind of how it is for me.
Speaker 4: It is it is the proper response to the dumbest
Speaker 4: question ever, though I.
Speaker 5: Think it is, but what are you doing?
Speaker 2: The thing you're doing?
Speaker 5: You use your kating the whole deal tongue involved.
Speaker 2: Now, when you go on the road, do you get
Speaker 2: like lonely? Do you have like are those moments like that?
Speaker 2: Do you think maybe after a while, maybe they build
Speaker 2: up where like you have to do comedy and then
Speaker 2: you're by yourself and you have to talk to press
Speaker 2: and then you're by yourself or whatever that maybe there's
Speaker 2: an anti social thing that becomes built in.
Speaker 8: I probably not. I mean I generally air towards niceness.
Speaker 8: I really, in fact, do try to be nice to
Speaker 8: just about everybody. But yeah, I mean I can get lonely.
Speaker 8: This trip was so crazy because it was just constant.
Speaker 8: I was either in a plane or on a stage.
Speaker 8: Time to get lonely.
Speaker 5: But it's happened.
Speaker 8: Like I just did a month in London and in
Speaker 8: the middle of it, I was like, I very sincerely
Speaker 8: hope I get hit by a double decker.
Speaker 5: Boss.
Speaker 2: Well, because you miss your kids so much, probably right
Speaker 2: in your family, and it's.
Speaker 5: I won't do it again.
Speaker 4: I think. I don't think I drank much before I
Speaker 4: did stand up and after a show, the idea of
Speaker 4: just okay, there was there's my show, I did my job.
Speaker 4: Let me go back to the hotel room and stare
Speaker 4: at the wall or the TV and look at emails.
Speaker 6: That depresses me.
Speaker 4: But the result is I end up having whiskeys after
Speaker 4: the show, and so I don't want to do that anymore.
Speaker 4: That makes you die.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, and also it's just a depressant. It like
Speaker 2: just will bring you further down if you don't.
Speaker 6: Alcohol is a depress it's a depressed so barbituate.
Speaker 8: Yeah, and you know what this is going to sound
Speaker 8: kind of elementary and stupid, but it took me years
Speaker 8: to do. But now after years, now I finally will
Speaker 8: go back to my hotel room and read a book.
Speaker 5: Right is like, I'm like, who invent this?
Speaker 4: That's what I should.
Speaker 2: It's a lot of fun, you know, it's super weird
Speaker 2: and not I'm not against reading. But last night I
Speaker 2: came home from work and I was so tired and
Speaker 2: so like I just always lay on my couch and
Speaker 2: watch TV and then and then fall asleep.
Speaker 8: Okay, I'm gonna it's okay, we can do another right.
Speaker 4: Let's do another right. No one knows where we are
Speaker 4: right now, no.
Speaker 2: Way the right way. But usually I come home from
Speaker 2: work and I'm so tired, so I just land the
Speaker 2: couch and watch TV, which gives me nothing. Usually, last
Speaker 2: night I started sewing a rip in a blanket that
Speaker 2: I have, and it was so like Laura Ingalls. It
Speaker 2: was really fun and it was I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: this is what people used to do to engage their
Speaker 2: minds and kind of get something done and feel.
Speaker 4: Like that's funny. Because night I fell out of a
Speaker 4: wagon and it made me blind. Like little House on
Speaker 4: the Prairie jokes. I'll tell you real specific age groups
Speaker 4: taking a ride on this unnamed street, gone.
Speaker 2: Sweet in episode number two, we're going to have a
Speaker 2: pre printed maps.
Speaker 4: We're gonna have phone.
Speaker 2: Numbers of people's Yeah, we know where they are when
Speaker 2: they land.
Speaker 8: It's gonna I jog a lot around here. I push
Speaker 8: my kids and they're double stroller up and down these hills.
Speaker 8: That's a lot of fun. Long legged man, aren't you
Speaker 8: at least my legs are strong, yess, my belly is
Speaker 8: large and my arms are.
Speaker 4: But you're someone that's marathons.
Speaker 5: I've done one marathon. I've done a lot of half marathons.
Speaker 2: What do you think about when you run for that long?
Speaker 8: Oh gosh, I mean everything. I think a lot about jokes.
Speaker 8: I'll come back and write jokes when i'm done.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's something to exercise and comedy, right, yeah.
Speaker 5: Chris, you'll be thrilled to know you can't take left here.
Speaker 4: Oh, it's it's it's it's difficult. This part's difficult for me.
Speaker 4: And now I'm starting to feel self conscious. Oh no,
Speaker 4: it's okay.
Speaker 5: It's nobody could do this better than you right now.
Speaker 2: Nobody could do this but you.
Speaker 4: I know the original version less.
Speaker 8: Popular car My dad came to your show, Karen, that
Speaker 8: where I opened for you back in nineteen seventy one and.
Speaker 5: Loved it a lot. I remember him saying, well, she
Speaker 5: is just you know, she's something else.
Speaker 2: That was really Oh, that's really weird, fake musical.
Speaker 5: I was doing wonderful. It was so great, and my
Speaker 5: father and I loved it.
Speaker 2: Yay, I'm so glad. That was super fun.
Speaker 8: I remember I I made a joke he gave me.
Speaker 8: He's you know, sixty whatever, so naturally he carries a
Speaker 8: handkerchief with him or like a bandana, and it was
Speaker 8: do you remember it was really hot. They hadn't put
Speaker 8: ac until hergo yet.
Speaker 5: That's right.
Speaker 8: They He gave me a hank before the show because
Speaker 8: he could see that I was visibly sweating and had
Speaker 8: under boobs under boob cups, you know, of wetness.
Speaker 5: And I took.
Speaker 8: It and just put in my pocket and then I
Speaker 8: went up on stage and I used it and he said,
Speaker 8: uh or no, no.
Speaker 5: I said something about.
Speaker 8: You know, the the gay hanky codes where you've a
Speaker 8: certain colored hanky and certain but he's like, you like
Speaker 8: to do this, and I just talked about that. I
Speaker 8: was like, this is my hanky, which means that I
Speaker 8: like to I don't know like have Asian menp on
Speaker 8: me or whatever, and I was like, no, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 5: My dad's here. He gave to me. I remember after
Speaker 5: the show.
Speaker 8: My dad was like, so, you mean to tell me
Speaker 8: I just gave you a hanky before the show and.
Speaker 5: Then you just made that up right there on the spot.
Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, I mean yeah, as opposed to
Speaker 4: asking whether or not you're really at Asian menp on it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's great, much more impressive.
Speaker 4: So he's a supportive.
Speaker 2: Dad, Isn't that funny? Like these people that for the
Speaker 2: reason probably part of the reason that you're as funny
Speaker 2: as you are, really do have that thing where they
Speaker 2: can't believe what you do when you when they see
Speaker 2: you actually doing it. It's like one thing when you're
Speaker 2: standing around in the kitchen or whatever. But I kind
Speaker 2: of love that.
Speaker 4: For me, it's something my dad did a little and
Speaker 4: could have done, but he had kids and decided to
Speaker 4: move and go work for the government in Montana, as
Speaker 4: most dads do.
Speaker 2: Sure, it's a common choice.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but so yeah, it's it's nice to have supportive
Speaker 4: dads or just one, just one dad.
Speaker 2: It's best to have one.
Speaker 4: Yeah, multiple dads ends up being a bad sitcom. One
Speaker 4: of them is a sculptor. The other one's Paul Riser.
Speaker 2: One way we could go with this podcast is we
Speaker 2: drive people around and swept them out, and then we
Speaker 2: get them to.
Speaker 5: Admit something that's a good idea, right.
Speaker 2: Because they're so hot and tired.
Speaker 8: Remember that guy they had, like the sweat Lodges thing
Speaker 8: where people died recently.
Speaker 5: You should do that. You should kill Nikki Glazer your
Speaker 5: next podcast, just.
Speaker 2: Cook to death, sure and like some newators or back
Speaker 2: shoved in Poorges.
Speaker 6: That kilt Welcome back to Sweaty gun Point.
Speaker 2: And then we're both like we got Comedy Central specials.
Speaker 8: A lot of people were a little worried about, you know,
Speaker 8: the crop of future comedy because you killed a bunch
Speaker 8: of them.
Speaker 5: But it was fun.
Speaker 8: I mean the things they said before they died, my goodness, hilarious.
Speaker 4: It's funny what people what creative things people say when
Speaker 4: they're backs against the wall and they're about to die.
Speaker 2: Like I'm going towards the light.
Speaker 4: A lot of those jokes, yeah, real rich, real rich,
Speaker 4: Blurdy to Ratzy genius.
Speaker 5: That's a nice bush arch to the right there.
Speaker 8: Somebody who's moved an archway out of a bush orderline.
Speaker 5: That's really nice.
Speaker 4: I really like when hedges are shaped like something other
Speaker 4: than a head.
Speaker 5: Wasn't that fun?
Speaker 4: Animals are nice? Oh, there's a dairy queen by my house.
Speaker 4: They made the hedge look like a soft serve ice
Speaker 4: cream tone. Yeah, for real photos of it.
Speaker 5: I'll show you at.
Speaker 4: Coming up soon.
Speaker 5: There's a nice breeze coming through here.
Speaker 4: Huh.
Speaker 5: Whose dream catcher is that?
Speaker 4: Is that? That is mine?
Speaker 6: It captures most of my sleeping time.
Speaker 4: Vision love?
Speaker 5: It is this the car you sleeping?
Speaker 4: I sleep? I got confused when someone first introduced me
Speaker 4: to the idea of a car bed. It turns out
Speaker 4: that's a bad shape, like a car. I've been sleeping
Speaker 4: in this car out of confusion for and necessity I am.
Speaker 4: I am an unemployed person, so.
Speaker 5: I sleep in my car a lot. I mean, I'm
Speaker 5: a big car napper.
Speaker 8: Well, like if you like have a fang at four
Speaker 8: somewhere and then you have a set like not far
Speaker 8: from there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, whatever, you're being serious, I do too. I sleep
Speaker 4: in my car all the time. I'll sleep at the
Speaker 4: drop of a hat, a driving.
Speaker 2: Hat, anytime I'm in that situation. I always go to
Speaker 2: Starbucks and drink way too much coffee, and then for
Speaker 2: the first three minutes my set, I have dry mouth
Speaker 2: and I seem nervous even though it's just caffeine.
Speaker 5: Well, here were our folks. This is the place. Yeah,
Speaker 5: thank you. This has been such a pleasure.
Speaker 4: It's been a pleasure to have you.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for doing this with us.
Speaker 8: I really had fun. It was a pleasure to see
Speaker 8: you guys. I'm gonna go be with my family now.
Speaker 4: Of course you should.
Speaker 8: I don't mind saying that I love you and I
Speaker 8: hope to see again soon.
Speaker 6: And you get to clarify you love your family or
Speaker 6: you love us.
Speaker 5: I love you great, right too, of course?
Speaker 4: Okay, let's say we love them. Okay, I love you too.
Speaker 2: We love you too.
Speaker 5: Rum Thanks guys, and I'll see you soon.
Speaker 4: Okay, see you soon?
Speaker 2: By are you leaving?
Speaker 1: You wanna way back?
Speaker 2: Either way?
Speaker 5: We want to be.
Speaker 3: There, doesn't matter how much baggage you give us time
Speaker 3: and day turning on engage. We want to send you
Speaker 3: us instid. We want to welcome you back home.
Speaker 2: Tell us all the black out it we scared her?
Speaker 1: Was it fine?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: Porn do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 6: Do you need With Karen and chriss
Speaker 5: M