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Speaker 1: Now here's a highlight from Coast to Coast AM on

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Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and welcome back to Coast to Coast George Nori

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Speaker 1: with you. Suzanne Falter with us, first time guest, and

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Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you a little bit about her story.

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Speaker 1: After losing her daughter Teal back in twenty twelve, Suzanne

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Speaker 1: discovered the healing power of self care. She now hosts

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Speaker 1: the Self Care for Extremely Busy Women podcast and is

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Speaker 1: the author of a number of self help titles, including

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Speaker 1: The Extremely Busy Woman's Guide to Self Care. Her essays

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Speaker 1: have appeared in Self More, Fitness, New Women, and The

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Speaker 1: New York Times, as well as Oh Suzanne, Welcome to

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Speaker 1: the program. Hello George, thanks so much for having me.

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Speaker 1: My pleasure, And I'm going to ask you about this

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Speaker 1: twenty twelve event. If it's not too painful for oh no,

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Speaker 1: I love talking about it. It is the basis of

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Speaker 1: what has happened to you, isn't it. I'm pretty much

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Speaker 1: the pivotal experience in my life. I'd say what happened

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Speaker 1: for CRIMEO? Okay, So in twenty twelve, I was a

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Speaker 1: very hard driving, workaholic, money oriented person who was just

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Speaker 1: working my fingers to the bone, trying to be something.

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Speaker 1: And I had moved to San Francisco and changed my

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Speaker 1: life dramatically, and my daughter came along for the ride.

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Speaker 1: She had been a blues singer who had recently decided

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Speaker 1: her life was really supposed to be spent as a healer,

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Speaker 1: so she picked up and left her music career and

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Speaker 1: said I'm coming along for the ride. She was twenty

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Speaker 1: two years old, actually, I guess at the time she was. Yeah, No,

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Speaker 1: she was about twenty two, and she hung out for

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Speaker 1: a year and you know, sort of dabbled here and there.

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Speaker 1: Now Teal was dramatically the opposite of me. For every

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Speaker 1: little bit of me that was a driven workaholic. She

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Speaker 1: was interested in, as she put it, just being she

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Speaker 1: wanted it the easy way. I wanted it the easy way.

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Speaker 1: She didn't need a lot of money. She was very

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Speaker 1: good at landing on her feet. She would make a

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Speaker 1: little money as a waitress, and then she'd get on

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Speaker 1: an airplane. At first, she'd go to the airport, look

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Speaker 1: at the list of departures, and just choose one and

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Speaker 1: go wherever it may take it exactly. She'd take her

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Speaker 1: guitar in her backpack and off she went well on

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Speaker 1: this particular night in in August of twenty twelve. She

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Speaker 1: had called me the day before and said, Mom, I

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Speaker 1: think I'm going to have a really big seizure. Now.

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Speaker 1: Tile had epilepsy, but her epilepsy was very well controlled

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Speaker 1: and she was religious about taking her No, she developed it.

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Speaker 1: She developed something called juvenile myoclonic epilepsy. She hit her

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Speaker 1: head or something. No, no, it just kind of There

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Speaker 1: had been a lot of looking into where this came from,

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Speaker 1: and nobody could ever say. Which was all a strange

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Speaker 1: part of this story because basically she thought she might

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Speaker 1: be having about to have a big caesar. So she

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Speaker 1: called me and I said, well, let's go to the neurologist.

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Speaker 1: I'll take you right over there. No, no, Mom, I

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Speaker 1: don't want to go. She said. I feel the meds

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Speaker 1: i'm taking make me closer to God, and if I

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Speaker 1: go to the neurologist, he'll tell me to change my meds. Okay.

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Speaker 1: So Teal had been getting visions for the whole previous year.

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Speaker 1: She had had a vision where she was going to

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Speaker 1: be quote unquote taken into the light, and when she did,

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Speaker 1: she would see it as an opening to freedom. She

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Speaker 1: felt something big was going to happen, that was going

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Speaker 1: to give her her healing gift, at least that's how

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Speaker 1: she put it. And you know, I was hearing all

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Speaker 1: of this and Mum, that's fine. Isn't that interesting? Okay? Great, dear.

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Speaker 1: You know I was very I was very self involved.

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Speaker 1: So I was very dismissive. She had even been receiving

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Speaker 1: little messages in her meditations and asked me what to

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Speaker 1: do with them? And I said, well, at them all

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Speaker 1: in a notebook. You know that sounds good. Okay. So

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Speaker 1: when she wouldn't go to the doctor the day before,

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Speaker 1: I kind of said, well, I found myself asking the

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Speaker 1: weirdest question, George. I said, so, what does this have

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Speaker 1: to do with your life purpose deal? And she said, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be healing women and girls with panic

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Speaker 1: and anxiety. That's what this is about. Oh I'm sure

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Speaker 1: that's why I'm having these feelings. Okay. So the next

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Speaker 1: night I meet her for dinner in a restaurant. She's

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Speaker 1: acting a little weird. Now exactly, She's not acting too strange,

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Speaker 1: but just a little strange, acting a little more interested

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Speaker 1: in food than conversation, very unlike her. She was being

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Speaker 1: she was a late. She was an hour late. She

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Speaker 1: wasn't usually late for things. What I hadn't realized is

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Speaker 1: she'd just been to see the guy that she played

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Speaker 1: music with, and she had kind of drifted out of

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Speaker 1: the middle of their conversation. But just before she walked

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Speaker 1: out the door, she sat down at the piano and

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Speaker 1: she sang the last verse of the song wagon Wheel,

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Speaker 1: which has the lyrics if I die and Raleigh at

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Speaker 1: least I will die free. And then she just got

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Speaker 1: up and walked out the door. And she came to

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Speaker 1: dinner an hour late. What was that all about? Well,

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Speaker 1: I didn't know she comes to dinner. I send her

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Speaker 1: home with a friend because they're going by her house.

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Speaker 1: I am embarrassed to say, and ashamed to say that

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Speaker 1: I was not self possessed enough to look at her

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Speaker 1: and go, I need to take this kid to the hospital.

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Speaker 1: You didn't notice that, Well I noticed it, but I

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Speaker 1: didn't get it. I was like it were person. I

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Speaker 1: was in denial for sure. That was definitely one of

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Speaker 1: my issues at that time. I was not awake, not awake.

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Speaker 1: So two hours later, a little before midnight, I get

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Speaker 1: this call and it's from San Francisco General Hospital saying,

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Speaker 1: your daughter's in critical condition. She's had a massive cardiac arrest.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, twenty two years old. Twenty two years old,

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Speaker 1: and so I rushed over there. I told them about

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Speaker 1: her epilepsy. It's a very very very rare thing, but

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Speaker 1: there are people with this malady who can suddenly drop dead.

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Speaker 1: It's a very misunderstood unknown thing called sudden unexpected death

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Speaker 1: and epilepsy. And that's what happened to her, although it's

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Speaker 1: hard to say, because I'll tell you, the medical examiner

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Speaker 1: had her records for two years before they would release

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Speaker 1: them because they simply couldn't say what had happened to her.

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Speaker 1: Otherwise perfectly healthy, didn't drink, didn't smoke, no drug use,

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Speaker 1: nothing except for her meds for her seizures. So anyway,

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Speaker 1: what happened, which was really wild, was that she had

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Speaker 1: two cardiac arrests. Both times they brought her heart back,

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Speaker 1: so her heart was still beating. She was still technically alive,

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Speaker 1: but she was on life support for six days. She

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Speaker 1: was in a coma and she stayed on life support,

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Speaker 1: and during that time she was never conscious. But I

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Speaker 1: began to hear from her in her etherial form. Two

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Speaker 1: nights after this began. By then my former husband and

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Speaker 1: her brother Luke came out and joined us, or joined

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Speaker 1: me well us. I guess she was in a hospital

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Speaker 1: and we were all in a little hotel nearby, or

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Speaker 1: in her hospital room. And I woke up in the

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Speaker 1: middle of the night two nights into this thing, and

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Speaker 1: I felt this very buzzy, ever vescent energy around me

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Speaker 1: and I said, Teal, I just had this feeling it

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Speaker 1: was her. No, she was technically still alive in the hospital,

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Speaker 1: was at least we thought she was right. She was

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Speaker 1: on life support basically okay, and she just kind of

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Speaker 1: fizzled through me in this beautiful kind of luminescent way,

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Speaker 1: and I felt all this joy. It was the strangest thing.

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Speaker 1: And I said, Teal is at you And she said, hi, Mom,

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Speaker 1: just like that. And I said, well, what are you doing?

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Speaker 1: And she said, I'm trying to reconcile my heart and

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Speaker 1: my soul. Don't rush me. Had she passed over at

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Speaker 1: that point, no, so she was able to somehow communicate

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Speaker 1: with you in a coma like state, right exactly exactly.

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Speaker 1: But here's the most extraordinary thing. The day before or

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Speaker 1: two days before when I had walked into her hotel,

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Speaker 1: her hospital room, and I looked at her stretched down

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Speaker 1: on the bed, and mind you, she was covered with

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Speaker 1: every kind of apparatus known to man as they were

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Speaker 1: trying to keep her alive. I was overcome with this

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Speaker 1: deep sense that this was exactly the way things were

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Speaker 1: meant to be, and that I had to become a

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Speaker 1: better person and I was going to lose her, and

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Speaker 1: she was going to leave me this healing gift that

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Speaker 1: I was going to bring to other people. Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 1: That was what really came to me the minute I

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Speaker 1: saw her in the hospital room. And here she was

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Speaker 1: chatting with me. Now. Two days later, four days later,

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Speaker 1: I checked in with her again and I said, well,

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Speaker 1: have you made up your mind? And she said, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to cross over, just a very matter of

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Speaker 1: fact like that, and there was sort of no drama

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Speaker 1: about it, there was no pathos. It was just that

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Speaker 1: I'm going to cross over. Shortly after that, I was

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Speaker 1: sitting in her in her hospital room and I was

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Speaker 1: holding her hand. I was alone with her, and she's unconscious.

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Speaker 1: Sci she was still in a coma. She was unconscious,

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Speaker 1: she was on life support, and I was holding her hand,

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Speaker 1: and I felt this enormous r of energy comes through

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Speaker 1: her body and into mine, and I felt, Oh, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I think i'd describe it as kind of

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Speaker 1: an elation, a deep elation. I felt intense perspective and

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Speaker 1: wisdom and joy and energy come into my body. And

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Speaker 1: I knew then that her soul had left her body.

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Speaker 1: She was still alive, her heart was still beating. NY

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Speaker 1: how can that happen? I don't know. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I'm just telling you. And the most telling thing was

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Speaker 1: that this self involved woman me walked out of that

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Speaker 1: hospital room to take a break shortly after that, and

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Speaker 1: I was walking around San Francisco General Hospital, which serves

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Speaker 1: the entire population, including the homeless and you know, all sorts. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a great trauma center. It's the top trauma center

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Speaker 1: in the West. And they have just a huge population,

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Speaker 1: all kinds of different people, very diverse, big immigrant families,

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Speaker 1: med school students, homeless folks. I walked through the corridors

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Speaker 1: and I felt connected to every person there. It was

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Speaker 1: like my heart just cracked open. And I was walking

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Speaker 1: down this one corridor and my intention was to call

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Speaker 1: her friends and start to tell them what had happened.

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Speaker 1: And I walked by this homeless guy and he was

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Speaker 1: clearly a really disheveled man, and it was just clear

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Speaker 1: to me it was a homeless guy. And I made

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Speaker 1: eye contact with him, and I kept walking. I stopped

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Speaker 1: not too far down the hallway and I called her friend, Nacho,

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Speaker 1: and I told him what had happened. And when I

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Speaker 1: hung up, the guy was looking at me, and I

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Speaker 1: was looking at him, and I walked right up to

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Speaker 1: him and I said, my daughter's dying. And he said,

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Speaker 1: I know, I know. I heard. I'm very very sorry.

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Speaker 1: And I felt his empathy and I appreciated it. And

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Speaker 1: he said, I've got a daughter. I got to go

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Speaker 1: see her, right, I said, you do, you really really do.

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Speaker 1: And we just had this profound connection and I don't know,

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Speaker 1: the whole thing was just sort of it was extraordinarily

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Speaker 1: life changing. And that was the essence of Teal when

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Speaker 1: she died. When she died, did she continue to communicate

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Speaker 1: with you? Oh? Yes, absolutely through mediums or I had

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Speaker 1: the direct line, George. That's always the best I think.

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Speaker 1: So I was in um, I was in my car

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Speaker 1: the first time it happened, maybe a few months after

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Speaker 1: her death, and I was feeling very sad and grieving,

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Speaker 1: and I had a little box of clean X next

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Speaker 1: to me, and I found that the driving was therapeutic. Well,

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, is big rush of kind of

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Speaker 1: giddy energy rushed through me. And again it was the

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Speaker 1: same feeling I'd had in the hospital. And I said teal,

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Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, this strange, high pitched laugh

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Speaker 1: erupted out of my mouth. And it was in fact

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Speaker 1: deal and she had things to say. She carried on

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Speaker 1: this way for probably a year. She would visit me

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Speaker 1: all the time, and I could speak to her directly

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Speaker 1: and ask her questions, what do you think of this?

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Speaker 1: Should I do that? And I was always saying to her,

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Speaker 1: what's this healing work I'm supposed to do? I don't

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Speaker 1: have any information to help me figure this out? Oh? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: is she coming to you in a dream state at all? No?

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Speaker 1: It was well both. Yes. I would have dreams about

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Speaker 1: her where she would be, oh, I don't know, swimming

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Speaker 1: with me and beaming radiant joy and love or or well,

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Speaker 1: actually there was one really really amazing dream where I

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Speaker 1: was I It was kind of more of a vision,

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Speaker 1: you know, I was getting dressed. It was actually awake,

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Speaker 1: and I was getting dressed, and I was grieving, and

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Speaker 1: I was crying and looking at her picture, and all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden I heard her say, read your T shirt.

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Speaker 1: And I had this T shirt in my hand that

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Speaker 1: had kind of decorative right, and it was so hard

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Speaker 1: to read. I'd never read it before. So I put

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Speaker 1: it on the bed and I looked at it and

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Speaker 1: it said eternal love. Wow, she's communicating with her that way,

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Speaker 1: trying to tell you how she feels about you. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean so much of her information, though, was also

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Speaker 1: in that little notebook. And the little notebook, the one

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Speaker 1: I had been so dismissive about, turned out to be

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Speaker 1: this treasure trove of all kinds of cool little quotes

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Speaker 1: that had a lot to do with taking care of yourself.

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Speaker 1: Was it like a diary? It would you know what

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Speaker 1: it was? It was a torn tatter but not two

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Speaker 1: torn but slightly beaten up read spiral notebook, and it

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Speaker 1: was just filled with all of these little messages she'd

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Speaker 1: gotten in her meditation. Every time she had a thought,

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Speaker 1: she'd put it in well in her meditation state, and

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Speaker 1: she would go in there with her problems and her questions,

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Speaker 1: and it always boiled down to things like really tuning

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Speaker 1: into your body and trusting yourself and you know, taking

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Speaker 1: it easy, and quite a lot was actually about self care. Now,

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Speaker 1: did other people Suzanne know that you were communicating with her? Yeah? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And how did they react to that? Well? I remember

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Speaker 1: being in one particular restaurant with my son when the

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Speaker 1: guidey teal after started he said, tell her to keep

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Speaker 1: it down. He knew it, so he wasn't He wasn't

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Speaker 1: shocked that this was happening knowing Teale. No, because she

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Speaker 1: was really a pretty otherworldly young When you talked to her,

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Speaker 1: did you did you vocalize it or did you talk

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Speaker 1: to her in your head? Basically a little of both.

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Speaker 1: If I was by myself, I would speak out loud

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Speaker 1: to her, but that was just a little too strange

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Speaker 1: for most people. Yeah, you wouldn't be like walking down

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Speaker 1: the sidewalk talking to her. No. I saw somebody doing

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Speaker 1: that one day and thought he was nuts, and then

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Speaker 1: realized he had his cell phone in his pocket with

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Speaker 1: a wire on the side of his head. That's right,

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Speaker 1: So what what messages that? Well? Does she still communicate

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Speaker 1: with you? She communicates mostly by dreams and images, but

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Speaker 1: I can feel her around me. I think the giddy

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Speaker 1: laughters certainly diminished, certainly diminished. You know. So it's been

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Speaker 1: it's been eight years. It has been eight years, and um,

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Speaker 1: you know, only now do I feel I integrated enough

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Speaker 1: of this sort of beautiful healing energy to really go

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Speaker 1: out and help people. You know, it's taken a long

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Speaker 1: time for me. What do you think the big messages

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Speaker 1: that she wanted to convey to you, Well, she really

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Speaker 1: wanted me to learn how to just be and we

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Speaker 1: had you know, what does that even mean? George? Just be?

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Speaker 1: It's like, what just be? But really it's a profound thought,

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Speaker 1: because what it is saying is don't stress, don't worry,

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Speaker 1: don't be in the past, don't be in the future.

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Speaker 1: Just look around you feel it's present, look at who

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Speaker 1: you're with, Listen to who you're with, don't be on

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Speaker 1: your phone. You know, find that and I can forget that.

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Speaker 1: I can get carried away and caught up. And I've

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Speaker 1: got to do this. I'm a master of overproduction and

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Speaker 1: overdoing and striving and pushing and so forth and so on.

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Speaker 1: You know. But I think the message it was almost

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Speaker 1: on every page in the notebook was just B or

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Speaker 1: B and you know, meaning get yourself centered and grounded

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Speaker 1: in your strength and your presence, and then you can

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Speaker 1: actually solve the problem. You'll know what to do next.

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Speaker 1: You'll know how to proceed. Did she want you to

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Speaker 1: help other people? Women? Especially? Oh? I think so, I thinks,

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Speaker 1: And you know, I'm really here to help everybody. It's like,

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Speaker 1: this is not a gender specific message. It's it's housed

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Speaker 1: in a way that women in particular can hear it

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Speaker 1: because women have had a rough time, you know. But

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Speaker 1: we've all had a rough time, haven't way. And I think, well,

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Speaker 1: we're human. Well, we're human and life does not give

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Speaker 1: us an easy time. We have to have struggles, we

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Speaker 1: have to have crises, because the minute we do, we

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Speaker 1: get to extract a little gold if we're paying attention.

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Speaker 1: We learn by these things, pardon me, We learn by

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Speaker 1: these things. We learn by these we certainly do that.

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Speaker 1: That is the point. That is the point. Listen to

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Speaker 1: more Coast to Coast am every weeknight at one a m.

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Speaker 1: Eastern and go to Coast to Coast am dot com

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Speaker 1: for more