WEBVTT - Living Beyond the Diagnosis with Melissa Etheridge 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:04.880 This show was independently created by iHeartMedia. Novarda's Pharmaceuticals Corp. 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:08.600 Is the exclusive advertising partner. It is intended for informational 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:11.920 and educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. 0:00:12.160 --> 0:00:15.560 Please speak with your healthcare professional before making any treatment decisions. 0:00:16.760 --> 0:00:19.000 Welcome to Good Game with Sarah Spain, where we're taking 0:00:19.079 --> 0:00:22.560 you beyond breast Cancer. It's Wednesday, June twenty fifth, and 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:24.360 on today's show, we'll be skipping the need to know 0:00:24.400 --> 0:00:27.080 and getting right into my fantastic and fun interview with 0:00:27.160 --> 0:00:30.560 the very badass Melissa Ethridge. It's the latest installment of 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:34.279 our new series Life Beyond Living Beyond Labels, a powerful 0:00:34.320 --> 0:00:38.080 podcast campaign brought to you by Iheartwomen's Sports. Our guest 0:00:38.120 --> 0:00:41.479 today is Grammy winning singer, songwriter and breast cancer survivor 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:44.440 Melissa Ethridge. She joins me to reflect on her public 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:48.280 cancer battle, how it transformed her approach to life and advocacy, 0:00:48.479 --> 0:00:51.120 and how music became a healing force during her recovery. 0:00:51.440 --> 0:00:55.200 Beyond the diagnosis, she shares her ongoing passion for empowering women, 0:00:55.480 --> 0:00:58.560 including her vocal support of women's soccer and her anthem 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:02.880 performance at the NWSI Championship last season, plus my total 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:05.800 lack of surprise learning that a women's sports team was 0:01:05.880 --> 0:01:09.120 behind her rise to fame. This episode is a tribute 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:12.720 to living boldly, loving deeply, and refusing to be defined 0:01:12.760 --> 0:01:16.800 by a diagnosis. Our Life Beyond series showcases the extraordinary 0:01:16.840 --> 0:01:20.640 resilience and strength of successful women, diving deep into their lives, 0:01:20.720 --> 0:01:23.800 highlighting their personal journey's passions and the ways in which 0:01:23.800 --> 0:01:26.600 they're living beyond the labels they've been given by others. 0:01:26.880 --> 0:01:29.679 My conversation with Melissa is coming up right after this, 0:01:37.480 --> 0:01:39.800 Joining us now. She's a two time Grammy Award winner 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:42.959 and fifteen time nominee and Academy Award winner for Best 0:01:42.959 --> 0:01:46.400 Original Song Again and lesbian rights activist, a mother, an author, 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:48.880 and a cancer survivor. She's got a star on the 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:51.200 Hollywood Walk of Fame. She crushed the national anthem at 0:01:51.200 --> 0:01:54.360 the NWSL Championship game last year, and she recently paid 0:01:54.360 --> 0:01:57.640 a visit to the secret Boston pup, the Lazy Nut tavern. 0:01:57.880 --> 0:01:58.960 It's Melissa Athrage. 0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:01.800 Hi, Melissa, Hello, Hello, Hello, how are you? 0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:04.760 I'm good, but I'm jealous you've been to the Lazy Nut. 0:02:04.880 --> 0:02:07.920 I have only seen photos and videos. I've not gotten 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:08.960 the chance to go yet. 0:02:09.360 --> 0:02:11.040 It's an adventure, it really is. 0:02:11.639 --> 0:02:12.880 Did they make you drink milort? 0:02:13.720 --> 0:02:16.600 Well, you know what, I was working, so I wasn't drinking, 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:19.840 So okay, I know I watched them drink. 0:02:20.360 --> 0:02:22.119 Yes, I could have taken credit for that. A bunch 0:02:22.120 --> 0:02:24.600 of those scals came to Chicago and Wrigley for the 0:02:24.639 --> 0:02:26.799 Red Stars game at Wrigley Field, and I introduced him 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:28.600 to the magical world of milort and they brought it 0:02:28.639 --> 0:02:31.280 back to the Lazy Nut. So next time, when you're 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:36.600 not working, well, we'll make you do it. Let's talk 0:02:36.600 --> 0:02:38.960 about your sports ties. Because I was so excited to 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:41.840 learn as I was researching for this that not only 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:44.360 are you a huge sports fan, but sports actually played 0:02:44.400 --> 0:02:46.919 a big role in your big break as a musician. 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:50.360 So tell me about Verme's Bar in Pasadena and how 0:02:50.400 --> 0:02:53.440 a friend from your women's soccer team actually was part 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:54.720 of the reason you got discovered. 0:02:55.520 --> 0:03:00.959 Yes, it's crazy in Los Angeles. You just don't ever 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:03.360 know how it's going to happen. So I had moved 0:03:03.360 --> 0:03:07.240 there in nineteen eighty two from Kansas. I grew up 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:10.840 in Leavenworth, Kansas, and I'd done a lot of playing, 0:03:10.960 --> 0:03:15.600 and I got to LA and realized that there was 0:03:15.639 --> 0:03:18.880 another ten million people trying to do what I was doing. 0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:23.680 I wasn't unique, and nobody was paying for anybody to play. 0:03:23.760 --> 0:03:27.200 Everybody was. You would buy your own tickets and you 0:03:27.240 --> 0:03:29.040 would get like a gig once a month. And I 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:31.119 was like, well, I'm going to starve if I try 0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:34.200 to do this. So I went to a women's bar 0:03:35.040 --> 0:03:37.040 because I'm a lesbian, and I went to a women's 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:40.480 bar and saw that they had a piano in the corner, 0:03:40.520 --> 0:03:43.320 and I asked if they had music, and they said, no, 0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:45.400 that's from the steakhouse that used to be here. But hey, 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:48.040 do you want to do something? And so I started 0:03:48.040 --> 0:03:50.560 playing in Long Beach for about five nights a week. 0:03:51.280 --> 0:03:54.600 Then when that started to fizzle out, there was a 0:03:54.640 --> 0:03:58.080 gal who said, hey, there's a bar in Pasadena. It's 0:03:58.120 --> 0:04:00.280 called Verni. He's a horrible name of a bar, but 0:04:00.400 --> 0:04:04.560 it was named after mouse. Long story, and I went 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:07.280 there and they they took me in and I would 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:10.320 play like three nights there and two nights in Long Beach, 0:04:10.360 --> 0:04:14.200 and it was just this perfect thing. And on Sundays, 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:18.200 the girls from the soccer team, I think it cal 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:22.440 Tech would come in after they had a game and 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:24.160 they would play, and they were big fans and there 0:04:24.160 --> 0:04:26.560 was always a big table and they were great tippers 0:04:26.560 --> 0:04:30.240 and you know, they were wonderful. And one day they said, 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:32.880 do you have a cassette? And I had made this 0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:38.479 silly demo and they said, because one of our coach's 0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:43.680 husband is a music manager and that you know, and 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:46.800 you just you you take whatever anybody said. You're like, yes, okay, 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:48.320 this is fine. So I gave him a tape and 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:52.280 then the the wife came down and she loved it. 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:54.840 She had a great night and she went back and 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:56.360 she was like, look, you got to see this girl. 0:04:56.360 --> 0:04:57.599 And he's like, I don't want to say, I don't 0:04:57.600 --> 0:04:59.599 want to I don't want to go. So she finally 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:02.960 got him to come down. He loved it. He signed 0:05:02.960 --> 0:05:06.280 me and he was my manager for thirty years. So, yes, 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:12.120 soccer everything. I just I'm very grateful for those women, 0:05:12.200 --> 0:05:15.080 and yes, played a big part in my career. 0:05:15.760 --> 0:05:18.240 I'm not surprised to learn that a team of women 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:21.320 are the ones who sought out how to lift up 0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:25.320 and help you rise. Along with their fun and enjoyment 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:27.000 of you. It wasn't just about that. It was about 0:05:27.040 --> 0:05:29.520 let's help her now that we really enjoy I love that. 0:05:30.440 --> 0:05:32.920 There's another really great lesson in how your first album 0:05:33.000 --> 0:05:35.120 came together, kind of a surprising one from what we 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:38.480 often hear about the music industry. Your first attempt at 0:05:38.520 --> 0:05:41.279 an album was actually rejected by Island Records because it 0:05:41.320 --> 0:05:44.920 was too polished. We normally hear about artists that want 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:47.839 to be themselves and they make them more polished. But 0:05:47.960 --> 0:05:50.000 instead they said, nope, we don't like that, we like 0:05:50.080 --> 0:05:51.560 too you were, so you stripped it down to just 0:05:51.600 --> 0:05:53.960 you and the music, and that first album gets nominated 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:56.880 for a Grammy. Were you surprised that they wanted you 0:05:56.960 --> 0:05:58.640 to be more gritty, less polished. 0:05:59.279 --> 0:06:02.240 No, I was, and I hadn't. I had no idea 0:06:02.360 --> 0:06:04.240 what I should do. I'd never made a record. I 0:06:04.440 --> 0:06:09.440 barely made a demo, and I was playing solo in 0:06:09.520 --> 0:06:15.120 this bar. And Chris Blackwell, who was the owner, he 0:06:15.200 --> 0:06:19.159 was just the guy who ran Island Records. This is 0:06:19.200 --> 0:06:23.080 back in the eighties, seventies and eighties, early nineties. There 0:06:23.080 --> 0:06:27.480 were actually guys who loved music that would go find 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:30.440 it and sign it, and they were always looking for 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:33.720 new stuff, and Chris loved what he saw. He saw 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:37.640 me playing by myself, just in like jeans and a 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:41.560 T shirt in the corner. He loved it. He heard 0:06:41.600 --> 0:06:43.200 like four songs that was all, and he says, I 0:06:43.200 --> 0:06:45.680 want you on my label, and he flew off to 0:06:45.880 --> 0:06:50.640 Jamaica wherever he went to, and I didn't see him 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:53.560 until I turned it, so I didn't know what to do. 0:06:54.000 --> 0:06:57.080 I got a producer and this guy was from northern 0:06:57.120 --> 0:07:01.599 California and he had done the way music was being 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:07.760 done back then was very synthesizers were starting and it 0:07:07.240 --> 0:07:10.120 was very like produced and I didn't know how to do. 0:07:10.200 --> 0:07:13.000 So we sort of The guy kind of popped up 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:15.960 my songs and I turned it in and Chris Blackwell 0:07:16.000 --> 0:07:19.160 actually said, well I hate this, and I was like, 0:07:19.640 --> 0:07:21.680 there you go. There was my chance, and I blew it. 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:26.720 But myself and the other two guys in the band 0:07:26.760 --> 0:07:29.840 with me that I had put together, we were like, Okay, 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:31.720 what he wants is what he saw in the bar. 0:07:32.120 --> 0:07:35.600 He saw a girl alone. So we went in and 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:40.040 in four days totally recorded the first album, just did 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:42.400 like three songs a day, boom boom boom, and mixed 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:44.640 it and then bang, here it is. He loved it, 0:07:45.200 --> 0:07:49.440 and it's still to this day one of people's favorite albums. 0:07:50.000 --> 0:07:53.320 It's interesting how much you can be swayed by not 0:07:53.640 --> 0:07:57.000 knowing what's expected and just being like, Okay, I guess 0:07:57.080 --> 0:07:58.440 this is what you do when you make an album. 0:07:58.480 --> 0:08:00.480 It's like when I first went to ESPN and for 0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:03.720 my first TV gigs and got my hair and makeup done, 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:06.040 I looked like a fifty five year old New Jersey 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:07.640 reeltur and I was like, well, I guess this is 0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:09.400 what I look like with a lot of makeup. Like 0:08:09.440 --> 0:08:11.480 I just didn't have any idea that I could say 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:13.400 I don't really like that, or I don't think that's me. 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:17.360 That's the thing about women helping women, And here were 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:22.680 you and I in these places that had formerly been 0:08:22.760 --> 0:08:25.200 all men. I didn't know what to do. I didn't 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:27.640 know how to behave. I didn't know anything, and you're 0:08:27.680 --> 0:08:30.840 just looking around trying to figure it out, and then 0:08:30.840 --> 0:08:33.280 you fall on your face a couple of times and go, oh, okay, 0:08:33.320 --> 0:08:33.640 this is what. 0:08:33.679 --> 0:08:34.640 I'm Okay, now I get it. 0:08:34.760 --> 0:08:37.400 Yeah, yeah, and now, And that's why we like to 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:40.480 help women. It's like, look, let me help you do 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:43.320 this because it's a rough road on your own. 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:47.240 Yeah, you put out three albums before you came out 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:49.760 publicly as a lesbian at ninety three, and your first 0:08:49.800 --> 0:08:53.720 album after coming out was your big breakthrough hit. Yes, 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:56.640 I am two mainstream, big radio hits come to my 0:08:56.720 --> 0:08:59.000 window and I'm the only one. Can you make a 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:02.240 direct line between being publicly your full self and the 0:09:02.280 --> 0:09:03.760 success that followed. 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:07.600 Well, yeah, I believe. I believe that what you put 0:09:07.600 --> 0:09:10.720 out in the world comes back to you. So being 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:14.120 that open and honest people I think really related to it. 0:09:14.200 --> 0:09:17.160 But this is nineteen ninety three, this is long before 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:20.840 social media, the internet was jazz starting, so that wouldn't 0:09:20.840 --> 0:09:25.760 play a big part. This was me coming out and 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:30.640 slowly every little place, every town I played, every little 0:09:30.679 --> 0:09:35.880 local newspaper would do an interview. It wasn't like I 0:09:35.960 --> 0:09:38.080 came out and the whole world knew I was gay. 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:41.960 Little by little, they and I would find that people 0:09:42.040 --> 0:09:45.120 would want to do articles and long articles with me 0:09:45.160 --> 0:09:48.160 and give me much space. So actually the publicity that 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:54.000 I got coming out really helped bring this album to 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:56.959 the forefront. It took a while, this album for a 0:09:57.000 --> 0:10:00.280 long time. It come to my window, had held the 0:10:00.320 --> 0:10:02.800 record for being on the charts for the longest time. 0:10:03.160 --> 0:10:05.400 It never I don't even think it ever broke the 0:10:05.440 --> 0:10:07.640 top ten, but it was on the charts because it 0:10:07.800 --> 0:10:08.800 just took that. 0:10:08.960 --> 0:10:11.920 It was like waves of people learning about it. 0:10:12.040 --> 0:10:16.040 Yes, it is slowly, slowly. And the gay part was 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:21.199 a talking point and I ended up talking about being 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:23.400 gay for about five years just that's all I could 0:10:23.440 --> 0:10:23.840 talk about. 0:10:24.000 --> 0:10:25.920 Yeah, I mean, it's a hook when you need to 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:28.640 separate yourself from the pack, and that's a scary hook 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:31.200 in ninety three when you're not sure how people will respond. 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:33.560 But to your point, it allows people to tell a 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:36.800 story beyond here's a song. See if you like it, it's 0:10:36.360 --> 0:10:38.520 here's a song, and here's the woman behind it that 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:40.560 has a story to tell. Did it feel different to 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:44.440 you either writing that album or promoting that album. Did 0:10:44.480 --> 0:10:47.520 you consider how people would receive your music through the 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:50.720 lens of your sexuality or the lyrics you were writing, 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:52.160 or the stories you were telling it anyway? 0:10:52.800 --> 0:10:57.080 Yeah, there was, of course, you know, the unknown. I'd 0:10:57.120 --> 0:11:00.400 never there really had never been someone that came out 0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:03.920 and didn't put out an album and like that, and 0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:07.200 so I didn't know. I had no idea and I 0:11:07.240 --> 0:11:10.080 would perform and what would end up happening is the 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:15.000 first section of people were just gazed, just losing their minds, 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:20.000 you know, and then the rest yeah, right, And it 0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:22.800 was and I found that they were gathering they other 0:11:22.880 --> 0:11:25.480 than the little bars they had in towns. There was 0:11:25.480 --> 0:11:28.560 no place that everyone gathered at once, and it was 0:11:28.600 --> 0:11:31.880 a It was very emotional to actually see that in 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:35.800 the audience and see people being themselves. But then also 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:39.959 to see straight people going oh, those are gay people, 0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:43.040 you know, and and everyone kind of going, oh, well, 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:46.360 this is well, we like the same music. And that 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:49.640 that was very empowering to me saying, Okay, you know, 0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:52.079 I've got both going on here. I'm not going to 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:54.560 just serve one or the other. And I've always kept 0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:57.600 my well in the beginning, I don't now it's not 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:01.080 a big deal now to do gender specific, but back 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:04.240 then I was very just let it be they them, 0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:07.600 and you guys just you know, take it however you want. 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:12.079 But it was it was scary, but it was great. 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:12.920 It was great. 0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:16.880 I think it's not a surprise when you see communities 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:20.920 rally around someone that speaks for and to them, particularly 0:12:21.000 --> 0:12:24.080 the queer community. Women like in spaces where you often 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:27.120 feel like you're allowed to come, but it's not for you. 0:12:28.280 --> 0:12:30.960 It's you get tired of that, and sometimes trying to 0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:35.439 explain to men what it feels like to watch women 0:12:35.520 --> 0:12:38.200 play professional sports, what it feels like to see women 0:12:38.360 --> 0:12:41.880 be fully embodied and empowered and badass. It's just a 0:12:41.920 --> 0:12:44.839 different experience for me than watching your favorite guy play 0:12:45.080 --> 0:12:46.840 like You're getting a lot out of that. You want 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:49.280 to be him. You idolize them. He's awesome, he's richie's famous, 0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:52.440 he's really successful, he's good at dunking great. It feels different. 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:57.000 You have a million examples of power and earnest and 0:12:57.120 --> 0:13:01.079 authentic self in men across every space, and for women, 0:13:01.320 --> 0:13:04.160 feels like there's just not as many places to watch 0:13:04.280 --> 0:13:07.880 that unapologetically, and so I feel like music too. It 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:11.560 it feels different to feel spoken to and included and 0:13:11.600 --> 0:13:13.560 pointed out, as opposed to just a part of it. 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:16.760 You know, one of the reasons you wanted to have 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:19.160 you on was to talk about your breast cancer diagnosis 0:13:19.160 --> 0:13:21.680 and your reaction to that, because I do think the 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:24.040 community of people who have been through this speak to 0:13:24.080 --> 0:13:28.240 each other in a way that feels really powerful of 0:13:28.320 --> 0:13:30.160 like I've been there, I understand and it changed me. 0:13:30.200 --> 0:13:32.120 So in two thousand and four, you were diagnosed. You know, 0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:34.080 I just met with a friend a few weeks ago 0:13:34.600 --> 0:13:37.840 who told me that she remembered her mammogram, and she 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:40.679 remembered the beginning of the follow up appointment that they 0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:43.640 asked her to come to. But she still, years later, 0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:46.559 can't recall anything that she was told. That day. After 0:13:46.640 --> 0:13:48.880 she was told you have breast cancer. She went home 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:50.600 in a blur. She had to finish work, she had 0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:52.839 to take calls and meetings, and then her husband got 0:13:52.840 --> 0:13:54.400 home and said, how was your day, and she said, 0:13:54.800 --> 0:13:57.920 not great. Actually she doesn't remember any of that. So 0:13:58.080 --> 0:13:59.720 can you take me back to the moment that you 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:02.160 heard those words and got the news and your reaction 0:14:02.240 --> 0:14:03.400 to it. 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:08.960 It was a very slow I remember it in slow 0:14:09.000 --> 0:14:15.040 motion because it was it started. I was in Canada, 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:19.040 I was on tour, and I had sort of I've 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:22.520 come to a point in my life where I'd gotten 0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:26.080 my first divorce, my first relationship fell apart, I had 0:14:26.120 --> 0:14:30.920 two kids. I was super stressed. The music industry was changing. 0:14:31.000 --> 0:14:34.560 It was all There was no more singer songwriters or 0:14:34.600 --> 0:14:36.200 rock and roll I didn't know what I was going 0:14:36.280 --> 0:14:38.880 to do. I was I was unhappy. I had that 0:14:39.160 --> 0:14:48.200 just stressed, unhappy life. And I remember looking up to 0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:51.800 the heavens and saying, what what what do you want 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:53.840 from me? What do I do? What do I do now? 0:14:54.600 --> 0:14:58.840 And that next morning, I woke up and was showering 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:02.120 and I found lump and was like, well, that's not 0:15:02.160 --> 0:15:03.120 what I was talking about. 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:07.600 Yeah, don't hand me something else more problems. 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:12.320 And I found it and I remember touching it and 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:15.440 wondering why the world did I feel this yesterday? You know, 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:21.440 because it was it was big, and I I remember going, 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:24.120 wait a minute, this could this Because my father had cancer. 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:27.320 He died of cancer. My aunt, my grandmother was everywhere 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:32.880 in my family, and I slowly I came home the 0:15:32.920 --> 0:15:35.560 next day. I was flying home anyway, and I had 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:38.080 like a few days off before I was supposed to 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:42.800 go to Boston actually, and I went to my doctor 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:46.600 and was like, I found this, and she's like, I'm 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:49.360 afraid I might know what this is. Sent me to 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:53.280 the radiologist the next day, knowing that I only had 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:56.640 so much time, and the radiologist was the was the 0:15:56.680 --> 0:16:00.360 one who had helped with my children you know, did 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:03.000 the sonograms and the kids and stuff, so I knew her. 0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:10.400 And she biopsy did, which was it was so dense 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:14.160 that she couldn't pull the thing out. She got to 0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:17.840 literally put her foot up and out of me in bloods. 0:16:19.160 --> 0:16:23.440 It's really a horrible experience. But she at that time, 0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:25.640 because she was a friend, she said, look, I'm not 0:16:25.680 --> 0:16:27.760 supposed to do this, but you know, I look at 0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:29.840 these all day and I know what this is, and 0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:33.000 I just want you to know that you're going to 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:35.640 be fine. And she goes, and this is the worst 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:38.120 that can happen to you, and she unbuttoned her blouse 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:42.360 and showed me her double mistectomy. I had no idea 0:16:42.440 --> 0:16:45.240 that she had that. And she goes, this is the worst, 0:16:45.320 --> 0:16:48.400 but you're not even there, you know, and you will 0:16:48.400 --> 0:16:51.480 be fine. And just starting with that, just going okay, 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:56.160 whatever this journey is, I'm going to be fine. And 0:16:56.200 --> 0:16:59.280 then I walked through it and it was. It was 0:17:00.360 --> 0:17:03.200 indeed the most incredible thing that ever happened to me, 0:17:03.240 --> 0:17:07.160 because I changed my life. I changed the stress. I 0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:11.119 no longer let stress run my life that was going 0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:14.040 to kill me. And I changed in my food habits, 0:17:14.200 --> 0:17:18.000 my exercise just my state of mind. I used a 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:20.680 lot of cannabis that helped me. Here in California, we 0:17:21.960 --> 0:17:24.640 have that. It was very medicinal and it really changed 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:27.160 me as a person, and I am now twenty one 0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:28.720 years cancer free. 0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:32.120 We got to take a quick break. When we come back. 0:17:32.240 --> 0:17:44.639 The rest of my conversation with Melissa Ethridge, I want 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:46.560 to talk about the two thousand and five Grammy Awards. 0:17:46.600 --> 0:17:49.080 You were performing with Josh Stone. You sang a tribute 0:17:49.080 --> 0:17:52.119 to Janis Joplin and you were bald. What were the 0:17:52.119 --> 0:17:55.159 emotions heading into that performance and why did you choose 0:17:55.200 --> 0:17:57.159 to be bald instead of wearing a wig. 0:17:57.480 --> 0:18:02.240 Well, it's funny. My surgeon who took the lumps out 0:18:02.280 --> 0:18:07.120 and took I had three separate surgeries to get everything out, 0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:10.280 get the margins clear. It was in the left nodes, 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:12.000 but they were able to get it before it got 0:18:12.200 --> 0:18:16.440 all the way in there. And and this doctor said, 0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:19.280 so you're gonna need chemo. You're gonna need lots of 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:23.240 chemo dose dents. Uh. And so you're gonna be bald, 0:18:23.240 --> 0:18:25.240 So you're gonna need a wig because no one wants 0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:27.199 to see a bald rock star. This is what she 0:18:27.240 --> 0:18:30.719 said to me. And I was like, what this just did? 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:34.720 I was like scary and weird. And then I when 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:37.679 I knew I was going to be toward the end 0:18:37.720 --> 0:18:39.720 of the Treatments, when I knew I was going to 0:18:39.760 --> 0:18:43.879 be on the on the Grammys, I asked my friends. 0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:47.040 I was like, what do you think should I be bald? 0:18:47.040 --> 0:18:50.000 I also had a stylist get me kind of a 0:18:50.680 --> 0:18:53.920 handkerchief as swayed. I had that I was maybe gonna 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:56.879 wear that, and everything on my head made me so 0:18:57.200 --> 0:19:00.359 hot because I was getting hot flashes because they chemo 0:19:00.440 --> 0:19:04.120 puts you into menopause and and I was like, I 0:19:04.200 --> 0:19:06.720 just I can't. I'm just I'm just gonna go bald. 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:10.880 And I remember telling the lighting director and every said, 0:19:10.880 --> 0:19:12.360 I said, I'm going to be bald. So I don't 0:19:12.520 --> 0:19:15.000 know if that changes how you're going to do anything. 0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:19.320 And I just didn't want anybody to make fun of me. 0:19:20.480 --> 0:19:24.800 And right before I went on my guitar player, he said, 0:19:25.440 --> 0:19:27.359 he goes, Melissa, you don't know what you're about to do, 0:19:27.359 --> 0:19:29.960 do you? And I said, I don't know what you mean, 0:19:30.040 --> 0:19:32.600 and he goes, well, just watch And I went out. 0:19:32.680 --> 0:19:36.280 And I still get a little choked up because the 0:19:36.359 --> 0:19:42.320 audience was so warm and loving and they just just 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:44.720 received it so well and it was one of the 0:19:44.720 --> 0:19:46.480 greatest moments of my life. 0:19:47.320 --> 0:19:50.199 Yeah, it actually inspired a song by India I Ree 0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:54.480 I Am not my Heart No, Yeah, I love pretty powerful. 0:19:55.040 --> 0:19:56.080 Yeah. 0:19:56.240 --> 0:19:58.600 You know, one of my best friends, unfortunately, was recently 0:19:58.640 --> 0:20:01.600 diagnosed with multiple my law and she is going to 0:20:01.720 --> 0:20:04.600 undergo a stem cell transplant in a couple months, and 0:20:04.640 --> 0:20:06.720 she's going to lose her hair. And we were talking 0:20:06.760 --> 0:20:08.399 the other day about if she wants to wear a 0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:10.800 wig that looks like her, or wear a wig that's 0:20:10.840 --> 0:20:13.760 like totally wacky and fun, or just go bald. And 0:20:13.800 --> 0:20:15.800 she said the same thing about how she's already hot 0:20:15.840 --> 0:20:17.920 all the time, and so she's a little worried about 0:20:17.920 --> 0:20:20.800 this wedding. Do you have advice for her or for 0:20:20.880 --> 0:20:24.320 others who are scared about that particular moment where everybody 0:20:24.359 --> 0:20:26.439 will know that you're going through something. It will be 0:20:26.480 --> 0:20:28.560 written all over your face and your hair. 0:20:29.200 --> 0:20:32.040 Yeah, it's okay. It's okay for everyone to know that. 0:20:32.240 --> 0:20:35.359 It's okay for people to know that you're at a 0:20:35.440 --> 0:20:37.800 point in your life where you're changing and you're working 0:20:37.840 --> 0:20:41.439 on it, and you're working on health, and it's nothing 0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:46.720 to be sad about. You are doing what you need 0:20:46.760 --> 0:20:50.800 to do. And part of that weird shame about our 0:20:50.880 --> 0:20:53.600 hair and what we look like is a part of 0:20:53.640 --> 0:20:57.200 the problem of why we're sick. So time to let 0:20:57.240 --> 0:21:00.920 that go. Time to know that we look gorgeous without 0:21:00.960 --> 0:21:04.280 our hair or not. And I love it because sometimes 0:21:04.280 --> 0:21:08.119 I see people bald women and I'm like, could be 0:21:08.160 --> 0:21:11.480 a choice? Could be? You know, because I'm telling you, 0:21:12.320 --> 0:21:18.199 losing my hair felt amazing. One. I love people rubbing 0:21:18.240 --> 0:21:21.400 my head. That was really really I would get massages 0:21:21.400 --> 0:21:24.159 and I'm just like, just rub my head. And I 0:21:24.200 --> 0:21:28.280 would actually recommend just once in every woman's life to 0:21:28.440 --> 0:21:31.560 shave her head, whether she's sick or not, but just 0:21:31.560 --> 0:21:34.359 to shave her head because there's a lot of energy 0:21:34.400 --> 0:21:37.560