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Speaker 1: But see, I feel like when I get a massage,

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Speaker 1: I also like the kind of massages that like are

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Speaker 1: like a little like really hurt you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, more better, more, a little bit more better, more,

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Speaker 2: Welcome to more Better.

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Speaker 3: A podcast where we stop pretending to have it all

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Speaker 3: together and embrace the journey of becoming a little more

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Speaker 3: better every day, or at least true we're trying, we're

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Speaker 3: trying to. That's Stephanie Beatrice. That's most a marrow. Hi,

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Speaker 3: how are you doing? Hey? How's everyone at home? I'm doing?

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Speaker 3: How are you doing? Are you? Are you doing the things?

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Speaker 3: Are you living? The lives? We're doing? The things we're

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Speaker 3: living lives.

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Speaker 1: I find summertime very just like freeing. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if it's like the artist part of me is like

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Speaker 1: the s gets looser, you know, like I let him

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Speaker 1: stay up a little later.

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Speaker 3: Let them have extra treats.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm just like whatever, you know, And I kind

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Speaker 1: of thrive in that a bit. Then when we're in

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Speaker 1: the like rigid schedule of school during the year, you know,

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Speaker 1: I totally understand that it's the opposite for some people,

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Speaker 1: and summer is really hard and it's definitely like listen,

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Speaker 1: I put my kid in camp. I keep him busy,

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Speaker 1: like you know, I still am not trying to like

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Speaker 1: have him home all day every day, like you know,

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Speaker 1: set up the play dates.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if you want to mark this, if

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Speaker 3: our producers want to mark this moment here for Melissa's

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Speaker 3: children to look up in the future for their therapy. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 3: I just want to time mark. Yeah, this party where

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Speaker 3: I'm saying I don't want the home all day. I

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Speaker 3: don't do my home my kids again, when they have children,

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Speaker 3: they will understand and I love them, dear. Yeah, if

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Speaker 3: they choose to have children, children, and if they choose

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Speaker 3: not to, they'll be like, I don't know what you're

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Speaker 3: talking about. Really understand you know what, I'll pay for

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Speaker 3: the therapy. It's going to be okay, I have I trust.

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Speaker 3: How are you? I'm good? I mean, you know, Uh,

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Speaker 3: my child is going to start pre school. Actually it's

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Speaker 3: the opposite. She's going to start she's only doing like

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Speaker 3: a little bit because we have to leave the country

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Speaker 3: because I have a job. Oh yeah, but she's going

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Speaker 3: to do like a month of preschool. I'm really I'm

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Speaker 3: really nervous. I'm nervous.

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Speaker 1: That's totally normal. It's like a it's a milestone moment.

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Speaker 1: It comes with a lot of feelings. You're totally gonna

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Speaker 1: cry on the first day.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that and she will also cry and then

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Speaker 3: but then it'll be great. I will cry, you know

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Speaker 3: when I'm gonna cry the first time that like, because

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Speaker 3: she's like that, okay, no, the first time that like

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Speaker 3: the teacher calls and is like, your child is a bully.

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Speaker 1: Oh my, Producers, please mark this moment in the podcast

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Speaker 1: for Stephanie's child when she's older, to discuss in her

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Speaker 1: therapy session about how her mother thought she was a bully.

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Speaker 3: Listen, we have a very strong willed little child and

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Speaker 3: she loves to say go away and stop. That's miss Rachel,

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Speaker 3: please stop. Yeah, and that song that was going around

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Speaker 3: for a while please so you don't like that feeling

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Speaker 3: uncomfortable and need more space nad around me, don't take

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Speaker 3: it personally, that's a boundary. That's a boundary. I love

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Speaker 3: that song.

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Speaker 1: I mean it is also I get if it's used

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Speaker 1: all the time, if it is abused.

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Speaker 3: I don't personally, I don't want her to say please stop,

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Speaker 3: I need more space, like that's okay, Like if she's

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Speaker 3: being polite or whatever. But on the playground, I want

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Speaker 3: her to be.

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Speaker 4: Like back the fuck up, bitch, like I don't like,

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Speaker 4: I want her to be like get away from me,

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Speaker 4: you know what I mean, like touch me, get your

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Speaker 4: hands to yourself.

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Speaker 3: Did I tell you some kid hit her in the

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Speaker 3: head at the park?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 3: No, set like a big kid, like a six or

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Speaker 3: seven year old.

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Speaker 1: Oh I was picturing like another toddler.

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Speaker 3: No, no, I saw it happen. I looked up because

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Speaker 3: I heard her go stop like that. And I looked

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Speaker 3: up and this kid reached out and popped her one

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Speaker 3: and I was like, oh shit, And I was like

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Speaker 3: what am I gonna do? You know, I'm like having

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Speaker 3: all these thoughts really fast. And then then she goes

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Speaker 3: stop it like that, and the kid hit her again,

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Speaker 3: and I was like could like super loud, like all

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Speaker 3: the moms on the playground turn around, like with the

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Speaker 3: dad's too, you know, all the people, all the people

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Speaker 3: on the playground turned around like because they were like,

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Speaker 3: oh shit, is my kid that's so really?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Parent like, oh no, is it mine? Oh no, it's mine? Yeah. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: that's what's going on with me? What's going on with me?

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Speaker 3: What have you done lately. That's like more more better

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Speaker 3: for yourself, you know what, for yourself, for anyone else.

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Speaker 1: I am getting a massage later today. Oh sniffsap, And

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Speaker 1: it's been a minute since I've gotten one, and I

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Speaker 1: got a creak in my shoulder and I'm real excited.

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Speaker 1: And this messuse does a little bit of a reiki

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Speaker 1: so how.

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Speaker 3: You say it?

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Speaker 1: Oh h so it's like some real woo woo stuff.

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Speaker 3: Uh, And she babes, is this that thing where they

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Speaker 3: put your hands, their hands over your body and they

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Speaker 3: move the energy? Yeah kind of is this real? Is

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Speaker 3: that bullshit? I feel like no idea.

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Speaker 1: So the way that she kind of does it is yeah,

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Speaker 1: she kind of like it's like she says, she feels

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Speaker 1: my energy and she feels like whatever traumas or negative

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Speaker 1: things are coming out and then and then we like

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Speaker 1: release it and then like get into the massage. But

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Speaker 1: I would tell you this Will is a witch because

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Speaker 1: she a couple times I love a witch, has said

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Speaker 1: the thing that is in the back of my mind

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Speaker 1: that has been like pulling me down, and.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, it's like that. And then she just like

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Speaker 3: does this little like woo woo like and we're releasing that.

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Speaker 3: We're releasing that, and then it's just like kind of nice.

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Speaker 3: It's like it's warm and fuzzy, and I'm into it.

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Speaker 3: And I'm also just like, listen, it's either doing nothing

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Speaker 3: at all or it's doing something. But all I know

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Speaker 3: is the massage is amazing, and I do walk out

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Speaker 3: feeling lighter, so I believe, and I do sleep really good.

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Speaker 3: I'm I'm open to all the things.

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Speaker 1: If it's not gonna like do harm or be negative

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Speaker 1: in any way, you know, if it's like a it's

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Speaker 1: gonna do nothing or it's gonna help you, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: let's fucking try it more better. What are we discussing

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Speaker 1: this week? We are discussing self care. I already knew,

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Speaker 1: but you know, we gotta tell everybody. Yeah, that's what

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Speaker 1: we're diving into. We're diving into self care, self care.

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Speaker 1: How do you feel about self care?

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Speaker 3: Well, but we wanted to talk about this because like

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Speaker 3: we're equally shit at it.

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Speaker 1: I mean I did start this episode by being like

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Speaker 1: I'm getting a massage later, so like today you're actually great,

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Speaker 1: that is great.

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Speaker 3: I think I'm not consistent with it. It's yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: so I think We both wanted to talk about this

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Speaker 3: because we both struggle with the same thing, which is like,

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Speaker 3: how do I do it on a regular basis? How

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Speaker 3: do I do more of it? What is it for me?

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Speaker 3: What is it for you? Can we like exchange ideas

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Speaker 3: about you know, wow, like I feel like I need help.

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Speaker 1: I have a nice little definition here, Oh great, love

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Speaker 1: that Webster's Dictionary. Webster's Dictionary definition of self care is

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Speaker 1: the self care is the practice of doing things to

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Speaker 1: promote your physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual health and

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Speaker 1: well being.

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Speaker 3: By this meant definition, I have done this the other

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Speaker 3: night when I watched Vander Prompt. Yeah exactly, Okay, great,

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Speaker 3: I'm a hea game. You're nailing it.

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Speaker 1: It can help you manage stress, it can reduce your

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Speaker 1: risk of illness, it can increase your energy, it can

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Speaker 1: improve your happiness, and it can strengthen your interpersonal relationships.

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Speaker 3: That's real. I mean, I remember after having the baby,

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Speaker 3: I was like really not able to take care of

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Speaker 3: myself in any kind of way, shape or form for

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Speaker 3: like a while, because I was just so focused on

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Speaker 3: the bay keeping the baby alive, you know, and like

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Speaker 3: I hated Brad for a while there, like I really

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Speaker 3: hated him because because I didn't have I felt like

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Speaker 3: I didn't have any like time to do anything for myself.

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Speaker 3: And I could see that he was doing things for

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Speaker 3: himself and he didn't feel guilty about it or anything. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and I hated him for that. And once I took

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Speaker 3: the opportunity to do things for myself, I stopped hating

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Speaker 3: him for that because I was like, oh, that's up

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Speaker 3: to me. I choose to do those things are not

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Speaker 3: yeah sometimes.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes uh yeah, I remember speaking of like having babies.

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Speaker 3: I was really good about self care. I meditated every

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Speaker 3: morning before work. So the only time in my life

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Speaker 3: that I ever meditated every morning that is bananas to

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Speaker 3: me is bananas to me. Now, I don't know how

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Speaker 3: I did it.

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Speaker 1: I worked out until I had really bad back pain,

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Speaker 1: but then there was a wonderful prenatal yoga.

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Speaker 3: Class that I went to.

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Speaker 1: I like, I ate I could just and there was

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Speaker 1: something about like it wasn't for me really, it was

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Speaker 1: for like the baby. It was like, you know, I

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Speaker 1: was doing it for this other person. And then when

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Speaker 1: I had him, I didn't do any of that really right.

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Speaker 3: It all just kind of went away.

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Speaker 1: And then I did it again the second time I

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Speaker 1: was pregnant, not as well as I did the first time,

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Speaker 1: because then, you know, I was a child, but I

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Speaker 1: wasn't meditating every day, but I was just like prioritizing

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Speaker 1: taking care of myself.

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Speaker 3: And then I was like, why don't I just do

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Speaker 3: that anyway? Why don't I because you don't have the

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Speaker 3: like mind pressure of like I'm growing a human right

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Speaker 3: It's just like it's like I'm not growing an ear

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Speaker 3: right now. I'm just like being myself, So like I

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Speaker 3: don't need it. I don't deserve it. Fuck it, you know,

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Speaker 3: it's like deserve it. I don't deserve it. That's what

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Speaker 3: it is. That's what it boils down to for me.

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Speaker 3: A lot of the time, it's like do I deserve

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Speaker 3: to go get my nail? It's done, that's expensive, like

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Speaker 3: takes like I don't know, but but that is something

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Speaker 3: that I mean, I can't always go. I can't even

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Speaker 3: always get my nails done. But like I can't always

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Speaker 3: like go do stuff for myself. But like my nail

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Speaker 3: tech is in my neighborhood. She's amazing. She's so nice.

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Speaker 3: She's also like Latina and she's a mom and she

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Speaker 3: gets it, and so I feel like I'm on vacation.

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Speaker 3: I feel like I'm doing something for myself when I

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Speaker 3: go get my nails done, like I really do. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: And I know not everybody feels that way, but like

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Speaker 3: for me, it is something, you know, I'd rather do that.

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Speaker 3: I'd rather go get a manicure than most of the time.

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Speaker 3: I'd rather do that than like get a massage or

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Speaker 3: something like, I'd rather because it's like just time for

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Speaker 3: me and her to like sit there and sometimes like

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Speaker 3: we'll chat the whole time and I'll make her laugh

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Speaker 3: and then I'll other times we're just like quiet, you know. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but I walk away with this like beautiful manicure that

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Speaker 3: lasts me multiple weeks, and I can look down on

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Speaker 3: my hands and be like, hmm, look at that. That's

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Speaker 3: so pretty. You know. I did that for myself, you know,

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Speaker 3: as opposed to a massage, which like it feels good

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Speaker 3: for me when it happens. And don't get me wrong,

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Speaker 3: I love a massage, but like it doesn't I don't

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Speaker 3: have anything to show for it, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: Does that make sense? Like I want to be able

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Speaker 3: to like, no, what do you mean?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I did it oh like the uh huh yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: if there's not a physical the way like your nails,

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Speaker 1: like you can look at it and be like I

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Speaker 1: did that. But see, I feel like when I get

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Speaker 1: a massage, I also like the kind of massages that

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Speaker 1: like are like a little like really hurt you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I want to fall asleep. Oh god, what a

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Speaker 3: waste of time. No, I don't want to fall asleep

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Speaker 3: during massage. Someone that doesn't sleep. It's not a waste

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Speaker 3: of time. That's pretty much You're right right, not in gold, No,

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Speaker 3: I know, And for some people is that For me

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Speaker 3: it is like, yeah, I want to like hurt a

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Speaker 3: little bit. I want you to work out all the things.

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Speaker 1: And then that feels like uh an accomplishment, Like I

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Speaker 1: feel like I took care of my body and like

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Speaker 1: I like a good massage to me is I'm walking

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Speaker 1: away feeling like realigned and like taller and like there's

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Speaker 1: space again and like whatever was bothering me physically is gone,

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Speaker 1: and like I feel very accomplished and that I also

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Speaker 1: like took care of myself. Yeah, Whereas like I sometimes

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Speaker 1: go crazy if a nail appointment is going too long,

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh my god, that please get done.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, girl, I could sit there for three hours.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, No, I live. I live. No chair

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Speaker 3: comfortable enough to sit as long as you have to

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Speaker 3: sit sometimes so funny fucking nails. I don't even think

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Speaker 3: about it. Honestly, you should. Also you should go to

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Speaker 3: No I should she is She's not. This didn't take

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Speaker 3: two hours, you know, like it was pretty. She's really

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Speaker 3: quite fast, especially like if you tell her you have

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Speaker 3: to be in and out like. But she's also like

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Speaker 3: a really fantastic artist, so if you want to get

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Speaker 3: like nail art you could.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: No, your nails have been so you've been going to

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Speaker 1: her for years and your nail's been incredible.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah. She also just side note, she does like

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Speaker 3: press on, so like you can get her like you

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Speaker 3: can you can have her size them to her like

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Speaker 3: your hand so they like perfectly fit, and then she

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Speaker 3: could like send you a box of like handpainted nails

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Speaker 3: just like like anyway, this is now an ad for Guadaloupe.

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Speaker 3: But I love Lupet. I think she's the best. I

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Speaker 3: feel like most of the time though for myself, I'm

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Speaker 3: I'm cheating the system because I'm telling myself like this

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Speaker 3: is self care, and it is, but I'm also like

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Speaker 3: I have to get my nails done for work, you know,

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Speaker 3: I have to. Like I think I fit it in

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Speaker 3: because I fit it in because it feels like something

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Speaker 3: that you.

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Speaker 1: Have another excuse in your mind that justifies the self care.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. So, like one thing that I count as self

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Speaker 3: care and it's not, and I've realized that it's not

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Speaker 3: really or that I've like turned into self care is

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Speaker 3: getting my roots done because like my hair is very dark, right,

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Speaker 3: Like I have dark brown hair, and my dad started

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Speaker 3: to grow gray when he was like thirty, so like

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Speaker 3: my grades are coming in hot. And like I used

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Speaker 3: to be like Brad would be like, oh, You're going

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Speaker 3: to get your hair done. I'm like, no, I'm getting

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Speaker 3: my roots done. You know, like I would, I'd be

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Speaker 3: like pissed off that I had to do it, you know,

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Speaker 3: because of this society, this like male dominated society that

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Speaker 3: needs me to look young forever and I and I'm

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Speaker 3: an actor. But now what I've done is I take

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Speaker 3: my iPad and like I will online shop and like

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00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:55,960
Speaker 3: read articles and like do nothing during that like when

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Speaker 3: she's doing and I'm like straight up honest with them too.

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Speaker 3: I'll be like, so this is my me time. I

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Speaker 3: hope you don't mind, but I am just gonna like

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Speaker 3: kind of like do internet stuff that I can't do

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Speaker 3: at home. And they're always so nice about it. They're like, oh, yeah, sure,

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00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,760
Speaker 3: no problem. Yeah, because I don't just chat off to

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Speaker 3: small talk with you. That's it. I appreciate it. I

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Speaker 3: think that's it. I think they really do. Like last

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Speaker 3: time I was there darleyn and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: do you like this belt? And she was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I really like that one, but it's so expensive. She

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Speaker 3: was like, go on Etsy, and we had a nice

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Speaker 3: little conversation about that. But that feels like taking back

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Speaker 3: something that I quote unquote have to do. I don't

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Speaker 3: have to dye my hair, but like, yeah, you know,

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Speaker 3: taking back something that I have to do and making

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Speaker 3: it something for me, you know, using the time that

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Speaker 3: that I have to be like somewhere and using it

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Speaker 3: for myself. Yeah, And it's like heeling it a little bit.

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Speaker 1: How do how do we let go of this sort

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Speaker 1: of like guilt and shame that's like around taking cause Listen,

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Speaker 1: I recognize we are incredibly privileged because I do have

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Speaker 1: the because of the nature of our job, Like when

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Speaker 1: we're on and in something, it's very difficult to I

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Speaker 1: mean sometimes you do self care to just like help

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Speaker 1: you get through the twelve fourteen hour days, and like,

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Speaker 1: you know, it works itself in that way with your job.

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Speaker 1: But I also have times in between jobs we're like,

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Speaker 1: you know, like today I have this afternoon off and

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Speaker 1: so I can go get a massage before my kids

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Speaker 1: come home from school.

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Speaker 3: That is like a.

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Speaker 1: Crazy huge privilege that like people with nine to fives

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Speaker 1: and you know, other jobs other careers don't have. Like

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Speaker 1: I was recently one hundred percent speaking to an old

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Speaker 1: friend who's going through like a really hard time and

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Speaker 1: some health stuff and she works full time and she

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Speaker 1: has older kids who are in sports and she's dealing

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Speaker 1: with a lot, and I was like, how are you

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Speaker 1: managing your stress?

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Speaker 3: Though, Like what are you doing? And she was like,

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Speaker 3: I'm not doing anything.

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Speaker 1: I don't have time, Like when am I'm gonna When

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00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:01,760
Speaker 1: am I gonna take time?

340
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Speaker 3: Like how am I gonna?

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Speaker 1: And it's really hard because right it requires like paying

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00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,359
Speaker 1: some spending money, like to maybe have someone pick up

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Speaker 1: your kids to take them to practice so that you

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Speaker 1: can get an hour, you know, or asking your partner

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Speaker 1: to like leave work early one day if they can to,

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Speaker 1: you know, give you time, like it's really hard to

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Speaker 1: find the time, or on a weekend, like you know,

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Speaker 1: just saying like, guys, I need two hours this Saturday

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Speaker 1: to just one hundred percent, oh do something you know,

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Speaker 1: like no, And then we feel all these especially as

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Speaker 1: you know, as parents or caretakers or just humans. I

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00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:47,399
Speaker 1: think feel so much guilt around asking for that, But

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Speaker 1: I do think it's incredibly important to do it, especially

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Speaker 1: if you're dealing with a lot and you're treading water

355
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,760
Speaker 1: and things are hard, right, It's like, but that's when

356
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Speaker 1: it feels like the worst then it because when you

357
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,639
Speaker 1: need them, you feel like, well, everybody needs me.

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00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,240
Speaker 3: I need you know, everybody needs me? And like how

359
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:11,960
Speaker 3: dare I? How dare I? How dare I say I'm tired? Right?

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Speaker 3: You know, because I'm so lucky, I'm so lucky, I'm

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Speaker 3: doing my dream job. I'm not allowed to say I'm tired.

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00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,240
Speaker 3: How dare I'm not allowed to say that? And like

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00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,800
Speaker 3: that's something that I would tell myself. That's something strangers

364
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,320
Speaker 3: tell you on the internet. They go, how dare you?

365
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:30,439
Speaker 3: How dare you complain how dare you? Uh, you know,

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Speaker 3: how dare you? How dare you? And it's like you've

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Speaker 3: got to sort of it's very very hard why at

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00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,520
Speaker 3: that thing? It's like, you know, like how dare you

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Speaker 3: take a shower that's a little bit longer because we're

370
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Speaker 3: running out of clean water? How dare you use like

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Speaker 3: a single use face mask? How dare you? You know,

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Speaker 3: it's just this like mental game that you have to

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Speaker 3: play with yourself, Like, like I said, like I deserve

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00:19:55,040 --> 00:20:09,639
Speaker 3: it question Yeah four, And I think that that's really universe,

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Speaker 3: you know, to step into our nerd corner. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: There was a study conducted by Kelton Global and funded

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Speaker 1: by the beauty box company Birch Box, which shout out

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Speaker 1: birch Box I used, I used to get birch Box

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00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 1: is such a fun for the box to get. They

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Speaker 1: surveyed over a thousand adults across the country two and

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Speaker 1: five people. Forty percent feel they rarely have time for

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Speaker 1: themselves each day. Uh forty five percent of parents, compared

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Speaker 1: to thirty two percent of childless people say that they

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Speaker 1: simply don't have time enough time to engage in caring

385
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Speaker 1: for themselves and singletons were more likely to regularly make

386
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Speaker 1: time for self care than those who were married or

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Speaker 1: in a relationship forty two percent versus thirty percent. And

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Speaker 1: so I think this is I are so.

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Speaker 3: Mean so tours also, like.

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00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 1: You know, it being higher for married people and for

391
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:10,960
Speaker 1: people with children. It's like I'm almost to myself like saying, oh,

392
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,879
Speaker 1: I should try to also remind my partner to do it,

393
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,680
Speaker 1: and he should do that for me, you know, like hey,

394
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Speaker 1: go take a break, Like hey go, uh you know whatever.

395
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:26,320
Speaker 1: Things have been stressful, things have been hard, like you know,

396
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:30,359
Speaker 1: go have lunch with your bestie this weekend or go

397
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,360
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, like figuring it out as

398
00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:35,800
Speaker 1: a family and like trying to notice. I mean, this

399
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,400
Speaker 1: is something we should do for ourselves, but I think

400
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:43,760
Speaker 1: it's also something we can do as a community with

401
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 1: our friends, with our loved ones, even with our parents,

402
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:51,119
Speaker 1: like right like little room of like hey, when was

403
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:52,679
Speaker 1: the last time you took a break? Hey what are

404
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,919
Speaker 1: you doing to like manage this thing you're going through?

405
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,720
Speaker 1: Like can I help you figure out some solutions or

406
00:21:58,760 --> 00:21:59,880
Speaker 1: how to find some time?

407
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:05,359
Speaker 3: Like you know, I straight up told my mom, like

408
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:10,440
Speaker 3: take Facebook off your phone. That is making you an

409
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,360
Speaker 3: insane person. You're not going to sleep on time. You're

410
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 3: like in my mom is like a fourteen year old

411
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 3: with her phone, Like I don't know what. I don't

412
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 3: know if it's because she's an older person and like

413
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,119
Speaker 3: they didn't get them until oh, I you know they

414
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 3: were older boomers. Love the chy that ship man. Yeah, yeah,

415
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:31,199
Speaker 3: my dad's on a break. You need a break, they like,

416
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 3: take a little break from being constantly plugged in like that.

417
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,080
Speaker 3: I cannot be good for you. I mean, like speaking

418
00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:40,680
Speaker 3: as someone who's you know, doesn't. I don't. I don't

419
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 3: have TikTok on my phone anymore. It has been good

420
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,479
Speaker 3: for me, though. It has been good for me. I

421
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:50,000
Speaker 3: swear to god it's been. It's been like I mean,

422
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,439
Speaker 3: that has been a form of self care because you know,

423
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 3: your hair in despair. I'm just looking at you. Take

424
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:59,720
Speaker 3: it off, remove it. It is not good for me, man,

425
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,639
Speaker 3: It's like and and like I still post, Like I'll

426
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 3: still post and do stories and stuff, but yeah, I'm

427
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,679
Speaker 3: not like looking at it because it's so easy to

428
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:13,000
Speaker 3: just like open your phone and like like look at it,

429
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 3: and like you get those little dopamine hits. But it's

430
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,320
Speaker 3: not in the long term.

431
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not good. It's not it's not I find

432
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:30,879
Speaker 1: it really hard when I'm busy to Yeah, it's like

433
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 1: it's just like like, can we just give ourselves permission?

434
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, even if it's like doing

435
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 1: it when it's not convenient for the rest of our family.

436
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 1: Like that's the tricky one, right that like asking someone

437
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 1: can you like put an extra effort in time so

438
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,040
Speaker 1: that I can go do something good for myself.

439
00:23:54,320 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 3: But also I don't want to do that for you

440
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,800
Speaker 3: because personally I don't want to do that for you.

441
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:05,399
Speaker 3: I don't want to put in the work, don't so

442
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 3: you cannot do that, but I wait, be doing that. Yeah,

443
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 3: you will all benefit from it, thank you. Imagine can

444
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:16,560
Speaker 3: you imagine? I mean I do. I like Brad is

445
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 3: really good at my husband. Brad is really good at

446
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,679
Speaker 3: taking care of himself. Like he doesn't he is not

447
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 3: afraid to ask, you know. I think a lot of

448
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,359
Speaker 3: men I don't know, maybe no, yeah, I think, yeah,

449
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 3: David is better at it than I am too. A

450
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 3: lot of Brad's and David's just ask for it. That

451
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 3: there is a little bit of a male thing.

452
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:42,879
Speaker 1: Yeah that uh yeah, And I think we're a little

453
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:47,360
Speaker 1: bit more conditioned to like us last, right, like take

454
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,679
Speaker 1: care of everyone else. I mean, then if there's time,

455
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,120
Speaker 1: we'll take care of ourselves. But like if there's not time,

456
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 1: it's fine.

457
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 3: We sing it in when I get my roots done,

458
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:58,639
Speaker 3: Like there's something kind of like that is a step,

459
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,800
Speaker 3: is a way to do it. But like I wish

460
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 3: I would like do it a little more. I wish

461
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 3: I would like, you know, like I don't not doing it.

462
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:12,359
Speaker 3: I'm not doing it. I don't know. I don't know

463
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,120
Speaker 3: how to get Honestly, I don't know how to get

464
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:17,119
Speaker 3: better at it because like I just don't. I mean,

465
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 3: I'm not going to join like a fucking you see

466
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 3: that thing that I sent us about the collective Napping Experience,

467
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 3: the napping Yeah, the NAP Ministry, the nap This ministry

468
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 3: is so horrifying to me. But God bless everybody. So

469
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 3: I know what somebody else's young, as my sister SAIDs okay.

470
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,640
Speaker 1: Because listen, girl, I am into it, Okay. The NAP

471
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,480
Speaker 1: Ministry was founded in twenty sixteen by Tricia Hersey, and

472
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:46,160
Speaker 1: it is an organization that examines the liberating power of naps.

473
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 3: She now, listen, I love a nap. I absolutely love

474
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 3: a nap. I would take a nap every day if

475
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:55,040
Speaker 3: I could. In fact, when we were doing Brooklyn nine nine,

476
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 3: we had usually we had a thirty minute.

477
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 1: Long I was just gonna say, do you remember how

478
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 1: good we got it napping at globs?

479
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:02,680
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I ask people to just would I

480
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,879
Speaker 3: would scarf my food in five minutes, not great for

481
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,400
Speaker 3: my digestive system, and then lay down and be out

482
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:12,520
Speaker 3: out trained my body to take a twenty minute nap

483
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:16,720
Speaker 3: at lunchtime. It was heaven. Oh, it was heaven. It

484
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:18,440
Speaker 3: is the only way I got through some of those

485
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:21,199
Speaker 3: really really long days too, because like I wouldn't have

486
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 3: made it.

487
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,120
Speaker 1: I mean I was called it like five thirty sometimes yeah,

488
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:27,639
Speaker 1: like you no, Yeah, the lunchtime nap was essential. I

489
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 1: remember I got really good at it when I was

490
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:32,439
Speaker 1: pregnant on the show. But then I was able to

491
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 1: like maintain the skill.

492
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 3: Yes, it is a skill.

493
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 1: I feel it is because you know what, at night,

494
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 1: I cannot lay down and just close my eyes and

495
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 1: go to sleep, but I can do that shit in

496
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 1: the middle of the day.

497
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 3: I don't know what's up with that, But if given

498
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:49,320
Speaker 3: the opportunity, I would nap every day. Do I want

499
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 3: to nap in a club? No, I want my This

500
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 3: is the thing about self care for me. I am

501
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:57,120
Speaker 3: not trying to do self care in a party setting,

502
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:02,520
Speaker 3: in a group setting, and I'm not It's for me, me, me, me, me,

503
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 3: myself and I are the only people are invited to

504
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 3: my self care party, you know what I mean. I

505
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,160
Speaker 3: will say the Yogi part of.

506
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:10,719
Speaker 1: Me is somewhat intrigued because there are times at the

507
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,159
Speaker 1: end of a yoga class when you're all laying on

508
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:17,360
Speaker 1: the floor in savasna and you're doing that like last

509
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 1: final meditation that almost feels like a collective nap, and

510
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:22,639
Speaker 1: there is something you've.

511
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 3: Never taken yoga. Savasana is basically like you're just laying

512
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 3: on the floor. It's like with your eyes closed and

513
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 3: your like legs are splayed out and your arms are

514
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,080
Speaker 3: splayed out, and you're just like relaxing. Yeah, it's like

515
00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:35,400
Speaker 3: almost like a little mini meditation at the end of class. Yeah,

516
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:39,639
Speaker 3: and especially after like a very rigorous class, like and

517
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 3: you're all laying there, and there's something collectively beautiful and

518
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,919
Speaker 3: powerful about like laying really still with all these people

519
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 3: that I have been moved by.

520
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:52,320
Speaker 1: Uh so I kind of get it. I kind of

521
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,359
Speaker 1: get the nap the nap ministry.

522
00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 3: Me over here. Oh that's nice, that's nice for you. Oh,

523
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 3: good for you. That's great, that's good for you. No,

524
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,640
Speaker 3: I see it. Like I think that's why my mom

525
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 3: goes to church, because like there's something beautiful in the collective,

526
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 3: the collective joining together of people in this moment of

527
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 3: like focusing on something other than I don't know something. Yeah,

528
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:20,360
Speaker 3: and I think that that is.

529
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:23,159
Speaker 1: Another form of self care can be. Community can be

530
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 1: getting lunch with your besties, spending friend time, you know,

531
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 1: or just you know, social gatherings that aren't that are

532
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,120
Speaker 1: fun you know that aren't you know.

533
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,159
Speaker 3: That's real can be really I went to a birthday

534
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 3: party the other day and it was like I was,

535
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 3: it was like I had gone on a retreat. Yeah,

536
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 3: I mean I felt like a new woman when I

537
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 3: got home. Fills your cups, I mean like, yeah, you

538
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 3: walk away just like re energized, And yeah, it can be.

539
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 3: Really that can also be really important, especially as you know,

540
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 3: kids in life and work and we get so busy

541
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:57,560
Speaker 3: that like I find I have to really make an

542
00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:01,320
Speaker 3: effort to like see my friends and like totally time

543
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 3: for that because it does me feel so good when

544
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 3: I'm with my pes. Yes, totally. Yeah, that is a

545
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 3: form of self care that I hadn't really thought about,

546
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 3: like the friend thing, the being with a friend, which

547
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 3: like how it fills you up? Yeah, said, it fills

548
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:28,360
Speaker 3: up your cups? Your cup more? Better would you learn today? Man? Ah?

549
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,440
Speaker 3: I learned you're a freaky deep and you want to

550
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 3: nap with other people and you want to nap with strangers,

551
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 3: which is like whoa, Okay, I grow and I learned

552
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 3: that maybe, uh, I don't know, maybe like I'm I

553
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 3: maybe like need to maybe take additional steps to to

554
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:56,080
Speaker 3: like self care for myself. I think I'm doing okay,

555
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 3: but I think there's room for I don't want to

556
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 3: say improve, but I think there's room for more, I guess,

557
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 3: or like different versions of it. I'm doing okay. The

558
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 3: way I'm doing it, I'm like squeezing it in, but

559
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 3: maybe I could like make more space for it. Yeah.

560
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 1: I think that That's what I'm realizing as well, is

561
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,400
Speaker 1: that I can make more space for it, and I

562
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 1: can also maybe try to like do some different things,

563
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, and maybe discover just like try some

564
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:27,520
Speaker 1: new things, you know that maybe we'll fit into the

565
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 1: schedule or fit into the routine a little bit more easily,

566
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 1: Like just.

567
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 3: Just make a little more effort. Maybe like a three

568
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 3: hour nail appointment. Oh god, no, not that heaven. That

569
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 3: would be heaven for me. My cuticles would be amazing. Yeah, no, no,

570
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 3: thank you.

571
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,200
Speaker 1: I'll take my painful massages over that any day.

572
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 3: Do you feel more better? Yeah, I do feel a

573
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 3: little more better. Not a ton I'll be honest, I

574
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 3: like want to step up my game. I'm realize that

575
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 3: I'm like not slacken, but lack in. I'm lack lacking

576
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 3: in the self care black in, you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah,

577
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:10,960
Speaker 3: I think that's how I'm feeling, too, Like I kinda

578
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 3: I gotta we gotta make I'm glad I talk to

579
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 3: you about it, though, because I don't think I don't.

580
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,960
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't trust the magazines and stuff that

581
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:24,160
Speaker 3: are like ten ways to do self care in ten minutes,

582
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 3: you know, Like I know what my real life is,

583
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 3: so like, I'm glad I talked to you about it

584
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 3: because you have a real life too. Yeah, you know,

585
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:36,880
Speaker 3: I don't need like shortcuts. I need like real, real, real,

586
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:39,400
Speaker 3: real talking about how we feel about it.

587
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, real real and like ideas shout out to us

588
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 1: if you what are the things that you listeners like

589
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:50,239
Speaker 1: to do for self care? How do you squeeze it in?

590
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 1: What are your creative ways? Let's share ideas and tips?

591
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I think that's what I got out of this.

592
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 3: It's like everybody's different, right, So, like the things that

593
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:03,880
Speaker 3: I would gravitate toward are not the things that you

594
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 3: would gravitate toward aka nap ministry. But like I think

595
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 3: like by talking about it, it's like you get clearer

596
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 3: about like, oh what feels good? And like where where

597
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 3: am I lacking? Where could I do it more? And

598
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 3: you know I want to carve out some space?

599
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like this almost made me want to ask more

600
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 1: friends about what they do for self care managed stress

601
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 1: or like what are.

602
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 3: They doing lately? You know? I like that Hondo. All right, Well,

603
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 3: thanks friends for joining us for that little adventure and

604
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 3: we're serious. We really want to know, So email us

605
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:42,440
Speaker 3: at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and we'll see

606
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:46,000
Speaker 3: you next time next dame, bye friend, by love you

607
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 3: bye more Bet. Do you have something you'd like to

608
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 3: be More Better at that you want us to talk

609
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 3: about in a future episode.

610
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 1: Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried

611
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:56,360
Speaker 1: one of our tips and tricks?

612
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 3: Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at More Better pod

613
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,600
Speaker 3: at Gmail and include a voice note if you want

614
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 3: to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better with

615
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 3: Stephanie Melissa is a production from w V Sound and

616
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 3: iHeartMedia's Mikultura podcast network, hosted by Me, Stephanie Viatriz and

617
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:16,520
Speaker 3: Melissa Fumero. More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem,

618
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 3: and Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama

619
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 3: and Leo Clem at w V Sound. This episode was

620
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:26,719
Speaker 3: edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and

621
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,840
Speaker 3: features original music by Madison Davenport and Heylo Boy.

622
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 1: Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by

623
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 1: David Avalos.

624
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:35,800
Speaker 3: For more podcasts from iHeart.

625
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 1: Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever.

626
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 3: You listen to your favorite shows. See you next week,

627
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 3: Suger bye,