Speaker 1: First of all, how are you.
Speaker 2: I'm good. It's good to see you. You too.
Speaker 1: I think what keeps coming back that people don't talk
Speaker 1: enough about people dating. The topic of dating is a
Speaker 1: lot of external. We went there, We did that. I
Speaker 1: met him, he's like this, he said this, he bought
Speaker 1: me that. It's very transactional and it's very like we
Speaker 1: can list all the things that happen, just like if
Speaker 1: you're on the phone with your therapist. We went there,
Speaker 1: I did this. Even if it's about work or anything,
Speaker 1: you're always describing versus how do you feel? Like what's
Speaker 1: really going on? And what I'm saying is you're kind
Speaker 1: of saying overall, like we don't need to talk about
Speaker 1: dating at all unless you're coming into this as a
Speaker 1: person who's working on yourself. Like the number one thing
Speaker 1: you're saying is and it would be against your entire
Speaker 1: business because you're trying to get paid to match people.
Speaker 1: But you're saying, before you get to baseline, they're relationship
Speaker 1: with yourself is number one. You need to date yourself.
Speaker 1: You need to know who you are and work on yourself.
Speaker 3: Absolutely and be rooted in reality about who you are
Speaker 3: and what you're looking for. And that you're healed and
Speaker 3: ready for that. I truly believe that in relationships you
Speaker 3: are co CEOs, and I think that's also the mindset
Speaker 3: you have to have, is like, hey, how are we doing?
Speaker 3: It's like having those conversations about not just the things
Speaker 3: the places you want to go, but like my giving
Speaker 3: you what you need and being honest about some of
Speaker 3: those things. And so you have those conversations, you can
Speaker 3: make it fun like temperature, what can I do more of?
Speaker 2: Differently better?
Speaker 3: If you think about reviews and a corporate setting, you
Speaker 3: have those annually or even checking in, checking in like hey,
Speaker 3: how are we doing? What else can I do for you?
Speaker 3: What do you mean more for me? What could you
Speaker 3: do more for me? And vice versa? And you know,
Speaker 3: I always say, like every relationship needs to be watered
Speaker 3: or decays. So if you're just having busy busy and
Speaker 3: going place to place and not like talking about your
Speaker 3: the we of the business, the view too, and the couplehood,
Speaker 3: it's going to decay because you're obviously perhaps sweeping in
Speaker 3: jur on the rug. Because it becomes once you like
Speaker 3: have sex and you get and you're still a fun phase,
Speaker 3: it becomes harder to talk about the real things. But
Speaker 3: if you talk about ongoing and it's just part of
Speaker 3: the fabric of the relationship, it's kind of baked in
Speaker 3: to realize, like we're gonna talk about things.
Speaker 1: My therapist said today, she was saying, like literally, it's
Speaker 1: what she said today. She said, like people rush in
Speaker 1: to know what it is and want to define it
Speaker 1: because it means you get to skip a step in
Speaker 1: the class, like you don't have to do the uncertain
Speaker 1: Are we going to be good for each other? Are
Speaker 1: we going to commit to each other? Like we're both
Speaker 1: insecure and scared. We're jumping to the next level. So
Speaker 1: now we're both safe, we're both in a committed relationship,
Speaker 1: But you don't go through that phase of like is
Speaker 1: this really gonna work? Where are we both going? We
Speaker 1: both in a car that's going in the same direction.
Speaker 1: Like that's what that was too. It was like hi,
Speaker 1: and then when everybody's feeding into it to your point,
Speaker 1: like the whole ward's performative, Like everybody's feeding into it,
Speaker 1: but it's like, how are you two? That's interesting Like
Speaker 1: with people we get excited on the fumes on the frosting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's also like the label.
Speaker 3: It's like you feel you're going off the fact that
Speaker 3: you're wee and you look the coupling of it and
Speaker 3: how you're presenting to the society. But if you're lonely
Speaker 3: inside and knowing that it's not what it is, like,
Speaker 3: who cares about that? If you're not getting your needs
Speaker 3: and that you're happy.
Speaker 1: Oh, nothing's worse, Nothing is worse. And everyone thinking you're
Speaker 1: happy and being miserable. That's not great.
Speaker 3: And now you're just victimizing yourself, right, Like that's just
Speaker 3: like a jail sentence and that's not happy. And so
Speaker 3: it's so much better to just be real with yourself
Speaker 3: and stop, like can't lie to yourself, Like you have
Speaker 3: to make that contract with yourself, like I'm not going
Speaker 3: to bullshit myself.
Speaker 2: It's just not it.
Speaker 3: States or too quiet and we're too smart and why
Speaker 3: it's for that and too of all?
Speaker 1: Like yes, also, I think that I think that it's
Speaker 1: a cautionary tale for people, even in small towns. I
Speaker 1: think to your point, the more that you're like sharing
Speaker 1: and performing your relationship for other people and allowing them
Speaker 1: in meaning like are you like telling everybody at the
Speaker 1: dinner about your amazing sex life, or he bought me this,
Speaker 1: or where the Queen couple everyone loves at the country club,
Speaker 1: and then like you end up like disappointing everybody, and
Speaker 1: they're invested in your relationship and they're gonna gossip more
Speaker 1: about your relationship. It's like the po we are not
Speaker 1: involved in Harrison Ford's relationship. We're not involved in Michelle
Speaker 1: Fiber's relationship. We're not involved in George Clooney and a
Speaker 1: Mall's relationship. We're not really you know, we're not really involved, Sizzle.
Speaker 1: It's to your point.
Speaker 3: I think that's totally smart to realize because it's private
Speaker 3: and there's no there's no sensation there.
Speaker 2: But I bet they have a really healthy relationship. But
Speaker 2: there's probably a lot to be envious of.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, but they're not. I'm saying they didn't take
Speaker 1: us on the way up and then want to get
Speaker 1: us out on the way down.
Speaker 2: Exactly.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that's where you're just gonna be
Speaker 3: careful that you're also not living someone else's.
Speaker 1: Like vision of your relationship.
Speaker 3: Right, Like if your parents love the guy but you don't,
Speaker 3: you feel conflicted because you want your parents to feel validated,
Speaker 3: then you're making them happy.
Speaker 2: But if you're not happy, then it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: Because eventually you're going to be disappointing your parents and yourself,
Speaker 3: so that's not worth it.
Speaker 1: Or the image of what it looks like. You get
Speaker 1: to look like the lady who lunches, You get to be,
Speaker 1: you know, the envy of your friends because you don't
Speaker 1: have to work or whatever. People or yeah, but I
Speaker 1: will tell you that I said this before on this podcast.
Speaker 1: This is shocking and it's coming to fruition even more.
Speaker 1: I'm meeting an extraordinary number of men who have custody
Speaker 1: of their children as a result of getting into relationships
Speaker 1: with young, beautiful women. The women are excited. They don't
Speaker 1: really have to work. The men are providers, and the
Speaker 1: women have the life that they think that everybody wants,
Speaker 1: or that they think that they want. And then their
Speaker 1: kids get older and it becomes empty nests and they're
Speaker 1: drinking and popping pills and they're partying and they're bored.
Speaker 1: And the man has worked on his career and really
Speaker 1: dug in and still at fifty sixty seventy, still has purpose,
Speaker 1: like meeting somebody needs them to be somewhere, somebody. Something's
Speaker 1: going on, some deals going on, some actions happening, and
Speaker 1: the woman is kind of waiting for him to come home,
Speaker 1: take her somewhere, buy her something, go on vacation, and
Speaker 1: the friends don't feed that enough, and the kids off
Speaker 1: away with their own lives don't feed it enough, And
Speaker 1: neither will pilates for an hour, I neither will lunch,
Speaker 1: and neither will shopping for outfits for pilates. Like it's
Speaker 1: hard to fill a day with lack of purpose, right.
Speaker 3: Well, that's why I always say is stay interested and
Speaker 3: interesting because that will That's like the key. The ingredients
Speaker 3: are making you happy and feel fulfilled because you do
Speaker 3: need to have purpose. And that's why I feel blessed
Speaker 3: that I work, because I would be so bored if
Speaker 3: I wasn't. And I do think you as you stay
Speaker 3: in a relationship, it's it's less pressure in the relationship that
Speaker 3: everything has to be from someone else, like it has
Speaker 3: to come from within, that.
Speaker 2: You're your own person.
Speaker 3: The rescuing yourself you're not waiting for someone else to
Speaker 3: fill you, I think is important.
Speaker 1: I think it was Anne Hathaway. It was Anne Hathaway,
Speaker 1: and I think Michelle Feiffer reinforced a similar concept was like,
Speaker 1: but I think Anne Hathory really said it. I think
Speaker 1: she was saying I believe it was her. It doesn't matter,
Speaker 1: it's about the concept. But she said, we individually are complete.
Speaker 1: We individually have our own full lives and are complete,
Speaker 1: and we choose to be together. Like It's like, it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't even know that some is maybe maybe the
Speaker 1: sum is greater than its parts, but maybe not. They're
Speaker 1: each individual whole parts. But that just like love to
Speaker 1: be together and share their whole part with the other.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you both have things.
Speaker 3: To contribute right into exchange and like teach each other.
Speaker 3: It's not just teacher. It's like you're both coming whole,
Speaker 3: holistic to the relationship.
Speaker 2: Whether it's friendship or anything. It could apply.
Speaker 1: And I'm finding that a lot of the men that
Speaker 1: have been with those women in those situations are saying
Speaker 1: they want a woman who has their own thing going on.
Speaker 2: I mean, this is not new, but yes it is
Speaker 2: one hundred lines, but.
Speaker 1: This is not but women, but young girls want to
Speaker 1: get the ring, get the dress, get the thing, like
Speaker 1: get the jealousies.
Speaker 2: They think that's going to make it happy.
Speaker 3: They have no idea that Unfortunately, it's going to start
Speaker 3: a very sad life of being unfulfilled about continuing to
Speaker 3: make their life worthy and they have meaning in other ways.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, My guy Breck said to me, you have to
Speaker 1: be with someone who is something or is going to
Speaker 1: be something like.
Speaker 3: Because of how you are, because that's who you are.
Speaker 3: You need that and everyone should have their own thing
Speaker 3: going on. It'll make them happy as a person and
Speaker 3: more interesting and exciting at the end of the day
Speaker 3: and fulfilled because, like you said, once you get the ring,
Speaker 3: have the wedding, have the lifestyle. Eventually you have to
Speaker 3: have more than that, Like you have to have purpose
Speaker 3: and feel like you're giving back in some way.
Speaker 1: So there's another thing I would done XS. So let's
Speaker 1: say someone was in a twenty year marriage, a fifteen
Speaker 1: year marriage, and then they come into another relationship. Now
Speaker 1: you're always going to be curious about not on the
Speaker 1: first date. I know that I'm saying, but you're gonna
Speaker 1: be curious about what they're coming in from. Did she
Speaker 1: cheat on him? Did he cheat on her? Do you why?
Speaker 1: Did they have religious differences? Did was he a workaholic?
Speaker 1: Did he feel unloved? Something that can inform you. So
Speaker 1: there's like a blanket rule where people are like, don't
Speaker 1: talk about exes, and I actually disagree with that. I
Speaker 1: think not like, oh I miss how James bought me
Speaker 1: flower like not that, But I think that of past
Speaker 1: relationship informs positive and negative things about a current. I
Speaker 1: think it informs, wow, this is really nice. I'm not
Speaker 1: used to this. I'm used to that, like, yeah, and
Speaker 1: this is feeling really good like that if you're validating something,
Speaker 1: So what do you think about that?
Speaker 3: I think as long as like that's an advanced move,
Speaker 3: not on the first like a couple of dates, I
Speaker 3: think it's more important to get to know each other
Speaker 3: and stay in the present and not go into the
Speaker 3: past because unfortunately, not everyone could land talking about it
Speaker 3: unemotionally or without anger. But if you could tell, if
Speaker 3: you could talk about it, where you've learned about yourself,
Speaker 3: you learned unemotionally about Like it's almost like saying we
Speaker 3: weren't a good match and this is why, without the
Speaker 3: of anger, because no, like.
Speaker 1: Why the job was great. I was ready to he
Speaker 1: was ready to move on.
Speaker 2: We hadn't.
Speaker 1: It was a nuty eggs.
Speaker 3: I learned a lot, Yeah, he is amazing, but he's
Speaker 3: more this way and I need more of that. And
Speaker 3: we learned about that. I have nothing but great things
Speaker 3: to say about him. But we were the right, We
Speaker 3: were properly matched. We were a good match for each other.
Speaker 1: Well that's an okay, So another nugget, Barbie.
Speaker 2: So positive positive because.
Speaker 1: I feel that all of these things that are like
Speaker 1: rules in life, you get into onto the playing field
Speaker 1: and then you find something's happening that's daring in the moment,
Speaker 1: and you're going to bring up something that happened in
Speaker 1: the past. And if you're in your own head about
Speaker 1: the fact that you're not supposed to be talking about
Speaker 1: an X, then it's like even worse. And my point
Speaker 1: that the point that you're bringing up is a that
Speaker 1: it's how you're doing do it, But you're really saying
Speaker 1: that the reason that you don't want to bring up
Speaker 1: an X is that you don't want to appear that
Speaker 1: you're still in love with or interested or obsessed with
Speaker 1: the X, or that you're angry about it. Like I
Speaker 1: did have a guy talk to me about his divorce
Speaker 1: and how she took him for everything, and like talking
Speaker 1: bad and then you're realizing that this is a person
Speaker 1: who's talking bad about his ex. So that's a character flaw.
Speaker 1: But you're not talking about just that someone should blanket statement,
Speaker 1: never refer to a previous life. You're talking about why, right.
Speaker 3: I think the biggest thing is, like you know, your audience, like,
Speaker 3: do not talk to this person.
Speaker 2: If you're in therapy, you're not.
Speaker 3: This is not a therapist, and they're not They don't
Speaker 3: have the contact to understand that maybe this person really
Speaker 3: was not a human right, it could have been a
Speaker 3: bad actor or bad actress. So I think the biggest
Speaker 3: thing is if you're able to talk about it unemotionally,
Speaker 3: not playing victim, not being seeming wounded where we're some
Speaker 3: whole way whoa she either has holding a lot of anger,
Speaker 3: she seems unwounded or unhealed, then that will backfire. But
Speaker 3: if you say it from a you know, informational like, yeah,
Speaker 3: we had a great you know, I have nothing but
Speaker 3: great things to say about we just weren't compatible. Unfortunately
Speaker 3: she was, you know, in just counting it that way
Speaker 3: and having it more of like an elevator pitch, not
Speaker 3: where you're going on on an eye.
Speaker 1: No, I agree with you. It's it could be anecdotal.
Speaker 3: You have to like know, have it like sharp and
Speaker 3: quick and not like going on because then they'll be like,
Speaker 3: oh my.
Speaker 1: Gosh, this person is shut up. I don't want to
Speaker 1: hear about your ex.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's too much, And like you want to create
Speaker 3: your own memories and your own experiences.
Speaker 2: And I give this advice out a lot for.
Speaker 3: Someone that's widowed, where they might have had this amazing
Speaker 3: relationship and they're talking about the past because they had
Speaker 3: decades together.
Speaker 2: But at some point you want to start.
Speaker 3: The more time you're with someone, the experiences will be
Speaker 3: shared and you'll have more things to talk about for
Speaker 3: your present, your future. But you can't just be dwelling
Speaker 3: them the past because someone will think that you your
Speaker 3: heart is still filled by the past person.
Speaker 2: Yes, like you have to make sure that.
Speaker 3: It's positive and they feel that you are evolved and
Speaker 3: ready for something new and not a negative. Especially they
Speaker 3: will be thinking, if you're talking angry about men, I'm
Speaker 3: going to be the next person you're talking angry about her.
Speaker 3: I don't want you to treat me that way. So
Speaker 3: you have to be careful what you're sharing. But if
Speaker 3: you could say so much, how I learned that's.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or about why something is just different, like oh,
Speaker 1: at that job, we never got to go outside, and
Speaker 1: at this new job that I have, this is interesting
Speaker 1: that we're going outside. That's something that's a positive. That's
Speaker 1: not saying a trashing. It's just a different dynamic. That
Speaker 1: might be something you are better suited to.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you just don't want to compare because that
Speaker 3: might all make someone feel insincure about them too, Like
Speaker 3: you don't want to say good things about your ex
Speaker 3: versus them, like oh my ex took me.
Speaker 1: No, not that, But if you do the opposite, if
Speaker 1: you say that that was no.
Speaker 3: But as long as it's compliment, like this is so nice,
Speaker 3: like I so appreciate you being a verbal or I
Speaker 3: so appreciate you being the man with the plan and
Speaker 3: maybe your reservations.
Speaker 1: I'm not used to being treated this way. I'm not
Speaker 1: used to thoughtful. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think
Speaker 1: you can say that stuff.
Speaker 2: Compha is a positive. Yes, a compliments compliment, Yeah.
Speaker 1: That's the thing that's when it comes up. Wow, this
Speaker 1: is really nice because I'm at you. That's great, that's
Speaker 1: very helpful. And also every single person makes the ex
Speaker 1: the villain, and there's always somebody on the other side
Speaker 1: of it, no matter what it is, and you're never
Speaker 1: going to know the truth. It's like a divorce. There's
Speaker 1: a thousand divorces. So it's just not worth it for
Speaker 1: anybody to do it. It's not worth it for you
Speaker 1: to talk about how insane your ex was, because most
Speaker 1: people are going to believe because everybody's at a table
Speaker 1: talking about how and saying their X was.
Speaker 3: Absolutely And I think that you will be a breathly
Speaker 3: fresh air if you don't villainize your ex.
Speaker 1: Especially someone like me because I've had a very serious divorce.
Speaker 1: But and I still I'm just like, it took a minute,
Speaker 1: it was a long it was a you know, it
Speaker 1: was not it was challenging. But have my beautiful dog.
Speaker 1: You know, we've said this, there was a.
Speaker 3: Time and a place to tell people and unpack the
Speaker 3: things that you lived through and that you had to
Speaker 3: go through. I think that absolutely, I'm not saying er,
Speaker 3: but I think until someone understands the context of like you,
Speaker 3: I think that you shouldn't share it until it doesn't
Speaker 3: have to be a certain amount of dates or anything
Speaker 3: like that.
Speaker 2: But I mean, I would say at least the two
Speaker 2: or three dates.
Speaker 3: Ear build on your relationship together, versus focusing so much
Speaker 3: on anything negative, oversharing and negative in general, negative anything
Speaker 3: about your family, your friends, your career, anything that you're
Speaker 3: not happy with. This is not a therapy session. This
Speaker 3: is not the place it's just gonna lead to. It's
Speaker 3: not gonna lead to a second date.
Speaker 1: And how do you navigate and advise navigating quote unquote
Speaker 1: dating like meaning when someone says I'm dating someone, so
Speaker 1: because there's meeting people, I went on a date, I
Speaker 1: liked him, I went out the next time. I don't
Speaker 1: think it's it. You know, that's like, that's that's not
Speaker 1: really that's you're dating overall as like a sport and
Speaker 1: you're meeting different people, but nothing is really landed. But
Speaker 1: then you're like regularly dating one person, and like there's
Speaker 1: always like a sniffing out of like when do you
Speaker 1: have to like when do you feel like you're lacking
Speaker 1: integrity in that practice because there's sex involved, there's intimacy
Speaker 1: involve there's a time when and that's also not a
Speaker 1: silent contract meeting. You could sleep with seven people at
Speaker 1: the same time on seven different nights, it's your own
Speaker 1: body and your own choice. You don't have to disclose
Speaker 1: that unless someone asks, and then you're gonna be honest.
Speaker 1: You're allowed to do what you want. So what is
Speaker 1: people are on the Bachelor and they're sleeping with multiple people,
Speaker 1: and it's like, but then how would they know who
Speaker 1: they liked more if they don't sleep with the multiple
Speaker 1: people because they're in a concentrated program. And I know
Speaker 1: that's not life, but I'm just saying it makes sense
Speaker 1: that someone would want to be doing more intimate things,
Speaker 1: not even including sex, but like sometimes they're like they're
Speaker 1: meeting people's parents, they're doing more like these things are
Speaker 1: very personal. So how do you navigate the between just
Speaker 1: meeting people and going out to dinner and then that
Speaker 1: no man's land between that and relationship?
Speaker 3: I mean, I do think part of the secret sauce
Speaker 3: is staying in your own power, in your own confidence
Speaker 3: that like you know you're worth, and leading with your
Speaker 3: charm and your charisma of why they even like you
Speaker 3: and not even having to in your head or rebally
Speaker 3: even have to put a label on it, and just
Speaker 3: continue to have fun.
Speaker 2: That's how you're gonna catch someone.
Speaker 1: But what if they don't want that from you. There's
Speaker 1: two people in it, right.
Speaker 3: But then eventually, if you have paid attention, are you
Speaker 3: just booty call girl?
Speaker 2: Are you you not?
Speaker 3: Have you not advanced where you're meeting each other's friends
Speaker 3: and families, like you have to pay attention collectively to
Speaker 3: all the cues to see how you're fitting into someone's wife.
Speaker 1: Oh so it doesn't have to be said. It's it's
Speaker 1: more actions and words. It's actions, and I think it's actions.
Speaker 1: I don't think you need to have the conversation.
Speaker 3: I mean, for some they do say like, hey, just
Speaker 3: so you know, what are we I'm choosing to have
Speaker 3: sex with you, But I just say, you know, I'm
Speaker 3: not comfortable having sex with anybody else. I'm not suggesting
Speaker 3: we to talk about what this is, but to me,
Speaker 3: I'm wanting to get to know you, and I'm always
Speaker 3: choosing this. So like you could, you could have conversations
Speaker 3: about it, whether it's before or after, that could help
Speaker 3: frame it.
Speaker 1: And I think that's weird because I think someone's not
Speaker 1: gonna know how connected they are to someone until they
Speaker 1: have sex. And you're saying that, and it puts the
Speaker 1: silent contract on the sex.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but I think afterwards you could say not
Speaker 3: right away, but at some point discuss it.
Speaker 1: Oh, once you've been intimate and you feel connected, yeah, like, hey,
Speaker 1: you're going to start sleeping with them regularly and you're
Speaker 1: gonna be like, I'm not doing this with five other people.
Speaker 3: But I do think it's more about like knowing your
Speaker 3: own boundaries, knowing what you need, and instead of just
Speaker 3: having the labels of the talks, just leading with actions
Speaker 3: and then making sure that you're in time, sharing what
Speaker 3: your needs are because they're not, and.
Speaker 1: What and what you can handle. You could have an
Speaker 1: intellectual idea of what you're going to do, but what
Speaker 1: can you it's not a movie. What can you actually handle?
Speaker 1: You might be able to sleep before guys, at the
Speaker 1: same time, you might be able to not sleep with
Speaker 1: one without you know, getting a ring. Well.
Speaker 3: The other thing is like be careful you ask for
Speaker 3: because like, what if you don't want to be in
Speaker 3: a full fledged committee's relationship with one person just be them.
Speaker 3: You don't even know them, so you want to be
Speaker 3: sure that you're taking your own time to get to
Speaker 3: know them.
Speaker 2: Again, you are the one selecting.
Speaker 3: It's not just about being chosen that's great that he
Speaker 3: has great taste and wants to be with you, but
Speaker 3: maybe you haven't decided one hundred percent you're ready for that.
Speaker 3: So it's like, hey, I am with you. Take this
Speaker 3: as a compliment. I love our time together and I'm
Speaker 3: so excited to get to know you.
Speaker 2: But it doesn't have to be defined.
Speaker 3: Because it might backfire you and then your relationship and
Speaker 3: then you're not going to know other people either until
Speaker 3: you know that it's your person. So I think it's
Speaker 3: but I think it also to celebrate, like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 3: I met someone like that's such an exciting thing. Sometimes
Speaker 3: people race and they're like then they start getting insecure about.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know.
Speaker 3: He hasn't asked me if I don't know we're boyfriend girlfriend,
Speaker 3: I don't know where we stand. And it's like, okay,
Speaker 3: you just keep looking for it's the action, mind everything,
Speaker 3: and just enjoy the season. It's like, you don't have
Speaker 3: to know. Maybe the more you even to know him,
Speaker 3: you'll realize, oh, I don't like what we're not combatible
Speaker 3: for each other.
Speaker 1: Also, that's what you just said is part of the
Speaker 1: thing that happens in the future with the woman waiting
Speaker 1: around for the man. Is that I see a lot
Speaker 1: like the girls waiting around and hanging on every word
Speaker 1: and everything that is or isn't happening because they don't
Speaker 1: have purpose and you don't have enough going on, and
Speaker 1: you really have got to be busy, bitch, Like you've
Speaker 1: got to be busy because you're getting your own head
Speaker 1: and you it's it's it's great to be like to
Speaker 1: have something that you have to be at, that you
Speaker 1: have to do, and you're not just hanging on what
Speaker 1: they're doing, And why are they dictating what's happening? Like
Speaker 1: why can't you just be in your own two shoes,
Speaker 1: like being like I don't need to like know from
Speaker 1: you what I am. You're not gonna give.
Speaker 3: Me the green light, absolutely, And it's also your over thinking,
Speaker 3: like your beautiful brain is now going to places and
Speaker 3: creating whats and you know a scene that never even happened,
Speaker 3: and that's where your friends iplement in a proud source
Speaker 3: and start telling you all this like done this, Oh.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he should have done this. You should know this,
Speaker 1: yeah exactly, by the way, great.
Speaker 3: And then you're completely disjoining your own relationship with your
Speaker 3: own happiness.
Speaker 2: It's like doesn't have to be that way.
Speaker 1: Yes, amazing, Okay, Well I recommend to everybody to have
Speaker 1: somebody that they can talk to, but make sure that
Speaker 1: like a therapist or someone else has validated that they're
Speaker 1: giving good advice, Like I literally have listened to things
Speaker 1: that you have said and the other girls on here,
Speaker 1: and my own therapist has said, I actually think that
Speaker 1: she's giving great advice, meaning you can't listen to everybody.
Speaker 1: And I've actually talked to my therapist about one woman
Speaker 1: that I work with who we joke my chief Dating
Speaker 1: Advice or my CDA, and she has validated she's like
Speaker 1: that she's giving good advice, Like you don't want to
Speaker 1: just go half cocked, and every girl who's willing to
Speaker 1: listen to you when you're drunk is gonna, like, you know,
Speaker 1: tell you what you want to hear. You could be
Speaker 1: really it's going to a shitty doctor.
Speaker 3: You know. It's also it's so dangerous because they could
Speaker 3: either they're not informed or there could be jealousy. There's
Speaker 3: could be so many things that play. But if people
Speaker 3: are giving like angry advice.
Speaker 1: Yes, it could be also what's going on in their
Speaker 1: own life too negative jealousy you cannot.
Speaker 2: Yeah that they feel say, I, yes, you just can't
Speaker 2: go there.
Speaker 1: Misery wants company, Yeah, you're too nosy.
Speaker 3: I off.
Speaker 2: Other things don't really matter, like what do you get
Speaker 2: you for your birthday? And like where did you go
Speaker 2: for dinner?
Speaker 3: It's like that's not relevant to like it probably makes
Speaker 3: you feel and what you need. That's just like that
Speaker 3: is just fishing for things that are putting.
Speaker 2: What to do to be answer, want to do to
Speaker 2: be after