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Speaker 1: First of all, how are you.

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Speaker 2: I'm good. It's good to see you. You too.

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Speaker 1: I think what keeps coming back that people don't talk

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Speaker 1: enough about people dating. The topic of dating is a

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Speaker 1: lot of external. We went there, We did that. I

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Speaker 1: met him, he's like this, he said this, he bought

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Speaker 1: me that. It's very transactional and it's very like we

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Speaker 1: can list all the things that happen, just like if

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Speaker 1: you're on the phone with your therapist. We went there,

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Speaker 1: I did this. Even if it's about work or anything,

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Speaker 1: you're always describing versus how do you feel? Like what's

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Speaker 1: really going on? And what I'm saying is you're kind

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Speaker 1: of saying overall, like we don't need to talk about

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Speaker 1: dating at all unless you're coming into this as a

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Speaker 1: person who's working on yourself. Like the number one thing

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Speaker 1: you're saying is and it would be against your entire

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Speaker 1: business because you're trying to get paid to match people.

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Speaker 1: But you're saying, before you get to baseline, they're relationship

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Speaker 1: with yourself is number one. You need to date yourself.

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Speaker 1: You need to know who you are and work on yourself.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely and be rooted in reality about who you are

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Speaker 3: and what you're looking for. And that you're healed and

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Speaker 3: ready for that. I truly believe that in relationships you

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Speaker 3: are co CEOs, and I think that's also the mindset

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Speaker 3: you have to have, is like, hey, how are we doing?

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Speaker 3: It's like having those conversations about not just the things

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Speaker 3: the places you want to go, but like my giving

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Speaker 3: you what you need and being honest about some of

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Speaker 3: those things. And so you have those conversations, you can

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Speaker 3: make it fun like temperature, what can I do more of?

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Speaker 2: Differently better?

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Speaker 3: If you think about reviews and a corporate setting, you

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Speaker 3: have those annually or even checking in, checking in like hey,

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Speaker 3: how are we doing? What else can I do for you?

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Speaker 3: What do you mean more for me? What could you

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Speaker 3: do more for me? And vice versa? And you know,

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Speaker 3: I always say, like every relationship needs to be watered

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Speaker 3: or decays. So if you're just having busy busy and

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Speaker 3: going place to place and not like talking about your

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Speaker 3: the we of the business, the view too, and the couplehood,

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Speaker 3: it's going to decay because you're obviously perhaps sweeping in

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Speaker 3: jur on the rug. Because it becomes once you like

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Speaker 3: have sex and you get and you're still a fun phase,

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Speaker 3: it becomes harder to talk about the real things. But

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Speaker 3: if you talk about ongoing and it's just part of

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Speaker 3: the fabric of the relationship, it's kind of baked in

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Speaker 3: to realize, like we're gonna talk about things.

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Speaker 1: My therapist said today, she was saying, like literally, it's

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Speaker 1: what she said today. She said, like people rush in

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Speaker 1: to know what it is and want to define it

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Speaker 1: because it means you get to skip a step in

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Speaker 1: the class, like you don't have to do the uncertain

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Speaker 1: Are we going to be good for each other? Are

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Speaker 1: we going to commit to each other? Like we're both

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Speaker 1: insecure and scared. We're jumping to the next level. So

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Speaker 1: now we're both safe, we're both in a committed relationship,

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Speaker 1: But you don't go through that phase of like is

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Speaker 1: this really gonna work? Where are we both going? We

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Speaker 1: both in a car that's going in the same direction.

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Speaker 1: Like that's what that was too. It was like hi,

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Speaker 1: and then when everybody's feeding into it to your point,

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Speaker 1: like the whole ward's performative, Like everybody's feeding into it,

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Speaker 1: but it's like, how are you two? That's interesting Like

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Speaker 1: with people we get excited on the fumes on the frosting.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's also like the label.

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Speaker 3: It's like you feel you're going off the fact that

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Speaker 3: you're wee and you look the coupling of it and

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Speaker 3: how you're presenting to the society. But if you're lonely

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Speaker 3: inside and knowing that it's not what it is, like,

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Speaker 3: who cares about that? If you're not getting your needs

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Speaker 3: and that you're happy.

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Speaker 1: Oh, nothing's worse, Nothing is worse. And everyone thinking you're

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Speaker 1: happy and being miserable. That's not great.

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Speaker 3: And now you're just victimizing yourself, right, Like that's just

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Speaker 3: like a jail sentence and that's not happy. And so

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Speaker 3: it's so much better to just be real with yourself

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Speaker 3: and stop, like can't lie to yourself, Like you have

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Speaker 3: to make that contract with yourself, like I'm not going

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Speaker 3: to bullshit myself.

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Speaker 2: It's just not it.

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Speaker 3: States or too quiet and we're too smart and why

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Speaker 3: it's for that and too of all?

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Speaker 1: Like yes, also, I think that I think that it's

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Speaker 1: a cautionary tale for people, even in small towns. I

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Speaker 1: think to your point, the more that you're like sharing

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Speaker 1: and performing your relationship for other people and allowing them

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Speaker 1: in meaning like are you like telling everybody at the

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Speaker 1: dinner about your amazing sex life, or he bought me this,

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Speaker 1: or where the Queen couple everyone loves at the country club,

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Speaker 1: and then like you end up like disappointing everybody, and

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Speaker 1: they're invested in your relationship and they're gonna gossip more

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Speaker 1: about your relationship. It's like the po we are not

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Speaker 1: involved in Harrison Ford's relationship. We're not involved in Michelle

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Speaker 1: Fiber's relationship. We're not involved in George Clooney and a

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Speaker 1: Mall's relationship. We're not really you know, we're not really involved, Sizzle.

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Speaker 1: It's to your point.

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Speaker 3: I think that's totally smart to realize because it's private

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Speaker 3: and there's no there's no sensation there.

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Speaker 2: But I bet they have a really healthy relationship. But

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Speaker 2: there's probably a lot to be envious of.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, but they're not. I'm saying they didn't take

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Speaker 1: us on the way up and then want to get

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Speaker 1: us out on the way down.

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Speaker 2: Exactly.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that's where you're just gonna be

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Speaker 3: careful that you're also not living someone else's.

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Speaker 1: Like vision of your relationship.

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Speaker 3: Right, Like if your parents love the guy but you don't,

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Speaker 3: you feel conflicted because you want your parents to feel validated,

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Speaker 3: then you're making them happy.

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Speaker 2: But if you're not happy, then it doesn't matter.

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Speaker 3: Because eventually you're going to be disappointing your parents and yourself,

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Speaker 3: so that's not worth it.

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Speaker 1: Or the image of what it looks like. You get

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Speaker 1: to look like the lady who lunches, You get to be,

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Speaker 1: you know, the envy of your friends because you don't

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Speaker 1: have to work or whatever. People or yeah, but I

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Speaker 1: will tell you that I said this before on this podcast.

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Speaker 1: This is shocking and it's coming to fruition even more.

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Speaker 1: I'm meeting an extraordinary number of men who have custody

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Speaker 1: of their children as a result of getting into relationships

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Speaker 1: with young, beautiful women. The women are excited. They don't

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Speaker 1: really have to work. The men are providers, and the

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Speaker 1: women have the life that they think that everybody wants,

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Speaker 1: or that they think that they want. And then their

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Speaker 1: kids get older and it becomes empty nests and they're

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Speaker 1: drinking and popping pills and they're partying and they're bored.

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Speaker 1: And the man has worked on his career and really

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Speaker 1: dug in and still at fifty sixty seventy, still has purpose,

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Speaker 1: like meeting somebody needs them to be somewhere, somebody. Something's

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Speaker 1: going on, some deals going on, some actions happening, and

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Speaker 1: the woman is kind of waiting for him to come home,

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Speaker 1: take her somewhere, buy her something, go on vacation, and

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Speaker 1: the friends don't feed that enough, and the kids off

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Speaker 1: away with their own lives don't feed it enough, And

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Speaker 1: neither will pilates for an hour, I neither will lunch,

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Speaker 1: and neither will shopping for outfits for pilates. Like it's

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Speaker 1: hard to fill a day with lack of purpose, right.

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Speaker 3: Well, that's why I always say is stay interested and

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Speaker 3: interesting because that will That's like the key. The ingredients

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Speaker 3: are making you happy and feel fulfilled because you do

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Speaker 3: need to have purpose. And that's why I feel blessed

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Speaker 3: that I work, because I would be so bored if

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Speaker 3: I wasn't. And I do think you as you stay

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Speaker 3: in a relationship, it's it's less pressure in the relationship that

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Speaker 3: everything has to be from someone else, like it has

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Speaker 3: to come from within, that.

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Speaker 2: You're your own person.

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Speaker 3: The rescuing yourself you're not waiting for someone else to

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Speaker 3: fill you, I think is important.

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Speaker 1: I think it was Anne Hathaway. It was Anne Hathaway,

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Speaker 1: and I think Michelle Feiffer reinforced a similar concept was like,

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Speaker 1: but I think Anne Hathory really said it. I think

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Speaker 1: she was saying I believe it was her. It doesn't matter,

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Speaker 1: it's about the concept. But she said, we individually are complete.

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Speaker 1: We individually have our own full lives and are complete,

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Speaker 1: and we choose to be together. Like It's like, it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't even know that some is maybe maybe the

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Speaker 1: sum is greater than its parts, but maybe not. They're

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Speaker 1: each individual whole parts. But that just like love to

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Speaker 1: be together and share their whole part with the other.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you both have things.

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Speaker 3: To contribute right into exchange and like teach each other.

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Speaker 3: It's not just teacher. It's like you're both coming whole,

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Speaker 3: holistic to the relationship.

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Speaker 2: Whether it's friendship or anything. It could apply.

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Speaker 1: And I'm finding that a lot of the men that

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Speaker 1: have been with those women in those situations are saying

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Speaker 1: they want a woman who has their own thing going on.

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Speaker 2: I mean, this is not new, but yes it is

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Speaker 2: one hundred lines, but.

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Speaker 1: This is not but women, but young girls want to

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Speaker 1: get the ring, get the dress, get the thing, like

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Speaker 1: get the jealousies.

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Speaker 2: They think that's going to make it happy.

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Speaker 3: They have no idea that Unfortunately, it's going to start

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Speaker 3: a very sad life of being unfulfilled about continuing to

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Speaker 3: make their life worthy and they have meaning in other ways.

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Speaker 2: One hundred percent.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, My guy Breck said to me, you have to

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Speaker 1: be with someone who is something or is going to

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Speaker 1: be something like.

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Speaker 3: Because of how you are, because that's who you are.

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Speaker 3: You need that and everyone should have their own thing

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Speaker 3: going on. It'll make them happy as a person and

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Speaker 3: more interesting and exciting at the end of the day

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Speaker 3: and fulfilled because, like you said, once you get the ring,

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Speaker 3: have the wedding, have the lifestyle. Eventually you have to

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Speaker 3: have more than that, Like you have to have purpose

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Speaker 3: and feel like you're giving back in some way.

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Speaker 1: So there's another thing I would done XS. So let's

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Speaker 1: say someone was in a twenty year marriage, a fifteen

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Speaker 1: year marriage, and then they come into another relationship. Now

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Speaker 1: you're always going to be curious about not on the

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Speaker 1: first date. I know that I'm saying, but you're gonna

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Speaker 1: be curious about what they're coming in from. Did she

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Speaker 1: cheat on him? Did he cheat on her? Do you why?

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Speaker 1: Did they have religious differences? Did was he a workaholic?

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Speaker 1: Did he feel unloved? Something that can inform you. So

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Speaker 1: there's like a blanket rule where people are like, don't

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Speaker 1: talk about exes, and I actually disagree with that. I

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Speaker 1: think not like, oh I miss how James bought me

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Speaker 1: flower like not that, But I think that of past

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Speaker 1: relationship informs positive and negative things about a current. I

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Speaker 1: think it informs, wow, this is really nice. I'm not

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Speaker 1: used to this. I'm used to that, like, yeah, and

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Speaker 1: this is feeling really good like that if you're validating something,

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Speaker 1: So what do you think about that?

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Speaker 3: I think as long as like that's an advanced move,

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Speaker 3: not on the first like a couple of dates, I

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Speaker 3: think it's more important to get to know each other

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Speaker 3: and stay in the present and not go into the

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Speaker 3: past because unfortunately, not everyone could land talking about it

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Speaker 3: unemotionally or without anger. But if you could tell, if

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Speaker 3: you could talk about it, where you've learned about yourself,

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Speaker 3: you learned unemotionally about Like it's almost like saying we

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Speaker 3: weren't a good match and this is why, without the

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Speaker 3: of anger, because no, like.

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Speaker 1: Why the job was great. I was ready to he

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Speaker 1: was ready to move on.

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Speaker 2: We hadn't.

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Speaker 1: It was a nuty eggs.

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Speaker 3: I learned a lot, Yeah, he is amazing, but he's

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Speaker 3: more this way and I need more of that. And

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Speaker 3: we learned about that. I have nothing but great things

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Speaker 3: to say about him. But we were the right, We

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Speaker 3: were properly matched. We were a good match for each other.

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Speaker 1: Well that's an okay, So another nugget, Barbie.

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Speaker 2: So positive positive because.

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Speaker 1: I feel that all of these things that are like

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Speaker 1: rules in life, you get into onto the playing field

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Speaker 1: and then you find something's happening that's daring in the moment,

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Speaker 1: and you're going to bring up something that happened in

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Speaker 1: the past. And if you're in your own head about

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Speaker 1: the fact that you're not supposed to be talking about

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Speaker 1: an X, then it's like even worse. And my point

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Speaker 1: that the point that you're bringing up is a that

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Speaker 1: it's how you're doing do it, But you're really saying

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Speaker 1: that the reason that you don't want to bring up

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Speaker 1: an X is that you don't want to appear that

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Speaker 1: you're still in love with or interested or obsessed with

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Speaker 1: the X, or that you're angry about it. Like I

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Speaker 1: did have a guy talk to me about his divorce

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Speaker 1: and how she took him for everything, and like talking

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Speaker 1: bad and then you're realizing that this is a person

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Speaker 1: who's talking bad about his ex. So that's a character flaw.

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Speaker 1: But you're not talking about just that someone should blanket statement,

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Speaker 1: never refer to a previous life. You're talking about why, right.

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Speaker 3: I think the biggest thing is, like you know, your audience, like,

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Speaker 3: do not talk to this person.

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Speaker 2: If you're in therapy, you're not.

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Speaker 3: This is not a therapist, and they're not They don't

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Speaker 3: have the contact to understand that maybe this person really

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Speaker 3: was not a human right, it could have been a

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Speaker 3: bad actor or bad actress. So I think the biggest

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Speaker 3: thing is if you're able to talk about it unemotionally,

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Speaker 3: not playing victim, not being seeming wounded where we're some

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Speaker 3: whole way whoa she either has holding a lot of anger,

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Speaker 3: she seems unwounded or unhealed, then that will backfire. But

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Speaker 3: if you say it from a you know, informational like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: we had a great you know, I have nothing but

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Speaker 3: great things to say about we just weren't compatible. Unfortunately

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Speaker 3: she was, you know, in just counting it that way

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Speaker 3: and having it more of like an elevator pitch, not

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Speaker 3: where you're going on on an eye.

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Speaker 1: No, I agree with you. It's it could be anecdotal.

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Speaker 3: You have to like know, have it like sharp and

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Speaker 3: quick and not like going on because then they'll be like,

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Speaker 3: oh my.

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Speaker 1: Gosh, this person is shut up. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: hear about your ex.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's too much, And like you want to create

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Speaker 3: your own memories and your own experiences.

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Speaker 2: And I give this advice out a lot for.

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Speaker 3: Someone that's widowed, where they might have had this amazing

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Speaker 3: relationship and they're talking about the past because they had

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Speaker 3: decades together.

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Speaker 2: But at some point you want to start.

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Speaker 3: The more time you're with someone, the experiences will be

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Speaker 3: shared and you'll have more things to talk about for

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Speaker 3: your present, your future. But you can't just be dwelling

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Speaker 3: them the past because someone will think that you your

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Speaker 3: heart is still filled by the past person.

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Speaker 2: Yes, like you have to make sure that.

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Speaker 3: It's positive and they feel that you are evolved and

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Speaker 3: ready for something new and not a negative. Especially they

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Speaker 3: will be thinking, if you're talking angry about men, I'm

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Speaker 3: going to be the next person you're talking angry about her.

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Speaker 3: I don't want you to treat me that way. So

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Speaker 3: you have to be careful what you're sharing. But if

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Speaker 3: you could say so much, how I learned that's.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, or about why something is just different, like oh,

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Speaker 1: at that job, we never got to go outside, and

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Speaker 1: at this new job that I have, this is interesting

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Speaker 1: that we're going outside. That's something that's a positive. That's

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Speaker 1: not saying a trashing. It's just a different dynamic. That

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Speaker 1: might be something you are better suited to.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but you just don't want to compare because that

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Speaker 3: might all make someone feel insincure about them too, Like

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Speaker 3: you don't want to say good things about your ex

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Speaker 3: versus them, like oh my ex took me.

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Speaker 1: No, not that, But if you do the opposite, if

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Speaker 1: you say that that was no.

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Speaker 3: But as long as it's compliment, like this is so nice,

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Speaker 3: like I so appreciate you being a verbal or I

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Speaker 3: so appreciate you being the man with the plan and

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Speaker 3: maybe your reservations.

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Speaker 1: I'm not used to being treated this way. I'm not

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Speaker 1: used to thoughtful. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think

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Speaker 1: you can say that stuff.

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Speaker 2: Compha is a positive. Yes, a compliments compliment, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: That's the thing that's when it comes up. Wow, this

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Speaker 1: is really nice because I'm at you. That's great, that's

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Speaker 1: very helpful. And also every single person makes the ex

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Speaker 1: the villain, and there's always somebody on the other side

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Speaker 1: of it, no matter what it is, and you're never

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Speaker 1: going to know the truth. It's like a divorce. There's

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Speaker 1: a thousand divorces. So it's just not worth it for

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Speaker 1: anybody to do it. It's not worth it for you

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Speaker 1: to talk about how insane your ex was, because most

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Speaker 1: people are going to believe because everybody's at a table

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Speaker 1: talking about how and saying their X was.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely And I think that you will be a breathly

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Speaker 3: fresh air if you don't villainize your ex.

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Speaker 1: Especially someone like me because I've had a very serious divorce.

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Speaker 1: But and I still I'm just like, it took a minute,

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Speaker 1: it was a long it was a you know, it

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Speaker 1: was not it was challenging. But have my beautiful dog.

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Speaker 1: You know, we've said this, there was a.

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Speaker 3: Time and a place to tell people and unpack the

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Speaker 3: things that you lived through and that you had to

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Speaker 3: go through. I think that absolutely, I'm not saying er,

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Speaker 3: but I think until someone understands the context of like you,

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Speaker 3: I think that you shouldn't share it until it doesn't

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Speaker 3: have to be a certain amount of dates or anything

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Speaker 3: like that.

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Speaker 2: But I mean, I would say at least the two

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Speaker 2: or three dates.

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Speaker 3: Ear build on your relationship together, versus focusing so much

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Speaker 3: on anything negative, oversharing and negative in general, negative anything

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Speaker 3: about your family, your friends, your career, anything that you're

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Speaker 3: not happy with. This is not a therapy session. This

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Speaker 3: is not the place it's just gonna lead to. It's

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Speaker 3: not gonna lead to a second date.

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Speaker 1: And how do you navigate and advise navigating quote unquote

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Speaker 1: dating like meaning when someone says I'm dating someone, so

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Speaker 1: because there's meeting people, I went on a date, I

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Speaker 1: liked him, I went out the next time. I don't

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Speaker 1: think it's it. You know, that's like, that's that's not

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Speaker 1: really that's you're dating overall as like a sport and

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Speaker 1: you're meeting different people, but nothing is really landed. But

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Speaker 1: then you're like regularly dating one person, and like there's

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Speaker 1: always like a sniffing out of like when do you

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Speaker 1: have to like when do you feel like you're lacking

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Speaker 1: integrity in that practice because there's sex involved, there's intimacy

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Speaker 1: involve there's a time when and that's also not a

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Speaker 1: silent contract meeting. You could sleep with seven people at

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Speaker 1: the same time on seven different nights, it's your own

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Speaker 1: body and your own choice. You don't have to disclose

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Speaker 1: that unless someone asks, and then you're gonna be honest.

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Speaker 1: You're allowed to do what you want. So what is

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Speaker 1: people are on the Bachelor and they're sleeping with multiple people,

363
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Speaker 1: and it's like, but then how would they know who

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Speaker 1: they liked more if they don't sleep with the multiple

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Speaker 1: people because they're in a concentrated program. And I know

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Speaker 1: that's not life, but I'm just saying it makes sense

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Speaker 1: that someone would want to be doing more intimate things,

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Speaker 1: not even including sex, but like sometimes they're like they're

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Speaker 1: meeting people's parents, they're doing more like these things are

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Speaker 1: very personal. So how do you navigate the between just

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Speaker 1: meeting people and going out to dinner and then that

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Speaker 1: no man's land between that and relationship?

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Speaker 3: I mean, I do think part of the secret sauce

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Speaker 3: is staying in your own power, in your own confidence

375
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Speaker 3: that like you know you're worth, and leading with your

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Speaker 3: charm and your charisma of why they even like you

377
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Speaker 3: and not even having to in your head or rebally

378
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Speaker 3: even have to put a label on it, and just

379
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Speaker 3: continue to have fun.

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Speaker 2: That's how you're gonna catch someone.

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Speaker 1: But what if they don't want that from you. There's

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Speaker 1: two people in it, right.

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Speaker 3: But then eventually, if you have paid attention, are you

384
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Speaker 3: just booty call girl?

385
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Speaker 2: Are you you not?

386
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Speaker 3: Have you not advanced where you're meeting each other's friends

387
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Speaker 3: and families, like you have to pay attention collectively to

388
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Speaker 3: all the cues to see how you're fitting into someone's wife.

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Speaker 1: Oh so it doesn't have to be said. It's it's

390
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Speaker 1: more actions and words. It's actions, and I think it's actions.

391
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Speaker 1: I don't think you need to have the conversation.

392
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Speaker 3: I mean, for some they do say like, hey, just

393
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Speaker 3: so you know, what are we I'm choosing to have

394
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,920
Speaker 3: sex with you, But I just say, you know, I'm

395
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Speaker 3: not comfortable having sex with anybody else. I'm not suggesting

396
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,240
Speaker 3: we to talk about what this is, but to me,

397
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Speaker 3: I'm wanting to get to know you, and I'm always

398
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Speaker 3: choosing this. So like you could, you could have conversations

399
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Speaker 3: about it, whether it's before or after, that could help

400
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:38,919
Speaker 3: frame it.

401
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,440
Speaker 1: And I think that's weird because I think someone's not

402
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,040
Speaker 1: gonna know how connected they are to someone until they

403
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Speaker 1: have sex. And you're saying that, and it puts the

404
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,040
Speaker 1: silent contract on the sex.

405
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but I think afterwards you could say not

406
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Speaker 3: right away, but at some point discuss it.

407
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Speaker 1: Oh, once you've been intimate and you feel connected, yeah, like, hey,

408
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:56,760
Speaker 1: you're going to start sleeping with them regularly and you're

409
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Speaker 1: gonna be like, I'm not doing this with five other people.

410
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Speaker 3: But I do think it's more about like knowing your

411
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:06,040
Speaker 3: own boundaries, knowing what you need, and instead of just

412
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Speaker 3: having the labels of the talks, just leading with actions

413
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Speaker 3: and then making sure that you're in time, sharing what

414
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Speaker 3: your needs are because they're not, and.

415
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Speaker 1: What and what you can handle. You could have an

416
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Speaker 1: intellectual idea of what you're going to do, but what

417
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,720
Speaker 1: can you it's not a movie. What can you actually handle?

418
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:23,399
Speaker 1: You might be able to sleep before guys, at the

419
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Speaker 1: same time, you might be able to not sleep with

420
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Speaker 1: one without you know, getting a ring. Well.

421
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Speaker 3: The other thing is like be careful you ask for

422
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:30,680
Speaker 3: because like, what if you don't want to be in

423
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Speaker 3: a full fledged committee's relationship with one person just be them.

424
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Speaker 3: You don't even know them, so you want to be

425
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Speaker 3: sure that you're taking your own time to get to

426
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Speaker 3: know them.

427
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Speaker 2: Again, you are the one selecting.

428
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Speaker 3: It's not just about being chosen that's great that he

429
00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:46,800
Speaker 3: has great taste and wants to be with you, but

430
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,359
Speaker 3: maybe you haven't decided one hundred percent you're ready for that.

431
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:52,760
Speaker 3: So it's like, hey, I am with you. Take this

432
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Speaker 3: as a compliment. I love our time together and I'm

433
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Speaker 3: so excited to get to know you.

434
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Speaker 2: But it doesn't have to be defined.

435
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Speaker 3: Because it might backfire you and then your relationship and

436
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:04,000
Speaker 3: then you're not going to know other people either until

437
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:07,000
Speaker 3: you know that it's your person. So I think it's

438
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,160
Speaker 3: but I think it also to celebrate, like, oh my gosh,

439
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,280
Speaker 3: I met someone like that's such an exciting thing. Sometimes

440
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:15,200
Speaker 3: people race and they're like then they start getting insecure about.

441
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:15,679
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know.

442
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,719
Speaker 3: He hasn't asked me if I don't know we're boyfriend girlfriend,

443
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,560
Speaker 3: I don't know where we stand. And it's like, okay,

444
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,479
Speaker 3: you just keep looking for it's the action, mind everything,

445
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,840
Speaker 3: and just enjoy the season. It's like, you don't have

446
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,560
Speaker 3: to know. Maybe the more you even to know him,

447
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:31,119
Speaker 3: you'll realize, oh, I don't like what we're not combatible

448
00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:31,680
Speaker 3: for each other.

449
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,119
Speaker 1: Also, that's what you just said is part of the

450
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,240
Speaker 1: thing that happens in the future with the woman waiting

451
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:39,000
Speaker 1: around for the man. Is that I see a lot

452
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,440
Speaker 1: like the girls waiting around and hanging on every word

453
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,080
Speaker 1: and everything that is or isn't happening because they don't

454
00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:47,760
Speaker 1: have purpose and you don't have enough going on, and

455
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:51,640
Speaker 1: you really have got to be busy, bitch, Like you've

456
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:54,520
Speaker 1: got to be busy because you're getting your own head

457
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,240
Speaker 1: and you it's it's it's great to be like to

458
00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 1: have something that you have to be at, that you

459
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 1: have to do, and you're not just hanging on what

460
00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:05,439
Speaker 1: they're doing, And why are they dictating what's happening? Like

461
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,639
Speaker 1: why can't you just be in your own two shoes,

462
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,200
Speaker 1: like being like I don't need to like know from

463
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,760
Speaker 1: you what I am. You're not gonna give.

464
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,920
Speaker 3: Me the green light, absolutely, And it's also your over thinking,

465
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,439
Speaker 3: like your beautiful brain is now going to places and

466
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,760
Speaker 3: creating whats and you know a scene that never even happened,

467
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,080
Speaker 3: and that's where your friends iplement in a proud source

468
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,960
Speaker 3: and start telling you all this like done this, Oh.

469
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, he should have done this. You should know this,

470
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,720
Speaker 1: yeah exactly, by the way, great.

471
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,959
Speaker 3: And then you're completely disjoining your own relationship with your

472
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:34,520
Speaker 3: own happiness.

473
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:35,880
Speaker 2: It's like doesn't have to be that way.

474
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 1: Yes, amazing, Okay, Well I recommend to everybody to have

475
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:42,439
Speaker 1: somebody that they can talk to, but make sure that

476
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,160
Speaker 1: like a therapist or someone else has validated that they're

477
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,040
Speaker 1: giving good advice, Like I literally have listened to things

478
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 1: that you have said and the other girls on here,

479
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,480
Speaker 1: and my own therapist has said, I actually think that

480
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,280
Speaker 1: she's giving great advice, meaning you can't listen to everybody.

481
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:58,119
Speaker 1: And I've actually talked to my therapist about one woman

482
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,680
Speaker 1: that I work with who we joke my chief Dating

483
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,600
Speaker 1: Advice or my CDA, and she has validated she's like

484
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 1: that she's giving good advice, Like you don't want to

485
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,679
Speaker 1: just go half cocked, and every girl who's willing to

486
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,199
Speaker 1: listen to you when you're drunk is gonna, like, you know,

487
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,200
Speaker 1: tell you what you want to hear. You could be

488
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:13,959
Speaker 1: really it's going to a shitty doctor.

489
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 3: You know. It's also it's so dangerous because they could

490
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,680
Speaker 3: either they're not informed or there could be jealousy. There's

491
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,520
Speaker 3: could be so many things that play. But if people

492
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,160
Speaker 3: are giving like angry advice.

493
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 1: Yes, it could be also what's going on in their

494
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 1: own life too negative jealousy you cannot.

495
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,520
Speaker 2: Yeah that they feel say, I, yes, you just can't

496
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:30,960
Speaker 2: go there.

497
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,879
Speaker 1: Misery wants company, Yeah, you're too nosy.

498
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:34,000
Speaker 3: I off.

499
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,879
Speaker 2: Other things don't really matter, like what do you get

500
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,679
Speaker 2: you for your birthday? And like where did you go

501
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:39,360
Speaker 2: for dinner?

502
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 3: It's like that's not relevant to like it probably makes

503
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:44,320
Speaker 3: you feel and what you need. That's just like that

504
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:46,840
Speaker 3: is just fishing for things that are putting.

505
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:06,240
Speaker 2: What to do to be answer, want to do to

506
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:07,120
Speaker 2: be after