1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 1: Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. I'm 2 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 1: Danny Shapiro, and this is family Secrets, the secrets that 3 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,440 Speaker 1: are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others, 4 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:22,919 Speaker 1: and the secrets we keep from ourselves. As I tore 5 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,279 Speaker 1: the nation from my book Inheritance, I've heard from so 6 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: many about your own family secrets and realize that what 7 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,000 Speaker 1: we are creating for each other on this podcast is 8 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,920 Speaker 1: a community, a community for those who are looking for 9 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:40,479 Speaker 1: a safe and supportive space to unburden themselves. To that end, 10 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:43,600 Speaker 1: we've created a number for listeners to call in to 11 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:48,160 Speaker 1: record stories to share here in this space. This week, 12 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,599 Speaker 1: I'd like to share a few of those stories from 13 00:00:50,640 --> 00:01:02,160 Speaker 1: our community. Thanks for listening. So my family secret came 14 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:07,479 Speaker 1: out with my paternal grandfather died. There had always been 15 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:13,039 Speaker 1: your tension and conflict in his relationship with my dad, 16 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:17,720 Speaker 1: who um suffered from drug addiction and mental illness and 17 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,680 Speaker 1: lots of things throughout his life. But UM, I remember 18 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:26,120 Speaker 1: being very distraught when my paternal grandfather died, and my 19 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 1: maternal grandmother said something like, well, I don't know why 20 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:34,160 Speaker 1: you're so sad. He's not even really your grandfather. And 21 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 1: that was the first that I'd ever heard of it, 22 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:41,080 Speaker 1: And only over the last five or six years since 23 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:45,959 Speaker 1: that happened, through talking with my aunt, my dad's half sister, 24 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 1: have I found out that my paternal grandmother had an 25 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:55,400 Speaker 1: affair with a married man in the early sixties and 26 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 1: um ended up pregnant with my dad. And then this 27 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:02,400 Speaker 1: man died, right, I guess he had cancer. I don't 28 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 1: know what kind, And to this day, my paternal grandmother 29 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,480 Speaker 1: and my dad don't know that I know, because we 30 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:15,760 Speaker 1: have a very observant Roman Catholic family, and I think 31 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:20,520 Speaker 1: my grandmother was just so ashamed that she still can't 32 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:24,440 Speaker 1: talk about it. Anyway. Thank you for sharing your secrets 33 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,959 Speaker 1: and so many others and making us feel us alone. 34 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 1: My secret, I guess is I found out a secret 35 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:36,880 Speaker 1: and now I may be part of a secret. And 36 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:42,920 Speaker 1: it's strange how that all happened. The story begins with 37 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 1: my name not being is the same as my mom's 38 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 1: maiden name, and I don't have a father on my 39 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,680 Speaker 1: birth to the kids, so when questions were asked, I 40 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 1: was told that this other guy was my father, and 41 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,400 Speaker 1: he was a father to my brother and sister, and 42 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:01,000 Speaker 1: my third last names matches, so I just she just 43 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 1: said that the paperwork wasn't done and that's where it ended. 44 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,120 Speaker 1: And then he died when I was six. So we 45 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:10,919 Speaker 1: just left it at that for the rest of for 46 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 1: most of our life, until we found out that she 47 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 1: had given up another child for adoption when she was 48 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:24,559 Speaker 1: younger before me, and that came out when we were teenagers. 49 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:27,840 Speaker 1: And then uh, we actually met him, so I have 50 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:32,079 Speaker 1: a half brother. And then uh, right before she died, 51 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 1: I asked her she had come down with cancer, and 52 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:39,480 Speaker 1: I asked her again, point blank, was the original father 53 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 1: my father? And she said it was over the phone 54 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:46,360 Speaker 1: or email, and over the phone and she said, I 55 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,160 Speaker 1: wanted to tell you face to face. I was supposed 56 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 1: to see her that week. And I'm like, well, why 57 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 1: would you say that. She said something to the point 58 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,560 Speaker 1: and I didn't want to hurt you or I was afraid, 59 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, So I told her I had 60 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 1: talked to her then, but he died the next day. 61 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:06,080 Speaker 1: A few years later, I did ancestry DNA and while 62 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,200 Speaker 1: somebody tops up on my list as a brother who 63 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,800 Speaker 1: isn't in my list, And it took about a year 64 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 1: until we finally touched base and I was able to 65 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 1: give him my story and time frame and he had his, 66 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,880 Speaker 1: and yeah, sure enough, we think we've confirmed that we 67 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:27,640 Speaker 1: had that secret, and that's where we ended up. Like so, 68 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,119 Speaker 1: I now have a father who was alive, not dead, 69 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 1: and my brother and sister are not my half brother 70 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:39,080 Speaker 1: and sister, and I gained a few other ones a 71 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:44,080 Speaker 1: during all this. When I married my life. Right before that, 72 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 1: she had found out to his prince as an accident, 73 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,240 Speaker 1: found out to his pregnant, and she wasn't sure if 74 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,320 Speaker 1: it was me or somebody else, and she had talked 75 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:56,280 Speaker 1: to somebody else, and he wanted her to get an abortion. 76 00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:00,720 Speaker 1: And I had already been engaged to her for three 77 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:04,440 Speaker 1: years and I said, I'll take that maybe no matter 78 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 1: what I know he has mine. And then when we 79 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,520 Speaker 1: had the maybe, and when she grew up, she looked 80 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: as like my family, so we didn't take anything of it. 81 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 1: But when I took that answers to d NHS, she 82 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: did too, and she didn't find me in her list. 83 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:24,080 Speaker 1: So at a moment now, after years of thinking that 84 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,800 Speaker 1: she was my daughter, and I still believe she's my daughter. 85 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:29,599 Speaker 1: I raised her as my daughter. But am I keeping 86 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:33,599 Speaker 1: a secret now too? I did tell my life and 87 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:36,440 Speaker 1: asked her if we should talk to her about it, 88 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,680 Speaker 1: and she doesn't want to do that because it affects 89 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:45,039 Speaker 1: so many people, my family and her family, and I 90 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,359 Speaker 1: don't know. So now I'm part of a secret, and 91 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:52,400 Speaker 1: it's it's strange how it's come around, or maybe part 92 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,159 Speaker 1: of a secret. She it just means we have to 93 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:56,279 Speaker 1: prove it, and I don't think we're gonna to try 94 00:05:56,279 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 1: to prove it. So that's that's my strange Thanks for listening. 95 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:07,240 Speaker 1: By My family secret story is that when I was 96 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:11,680 Speaker 1: fourteen years old, um I was informed that my father 97 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:15,320 Speaker 1: had a refugee family living with him and my parents 98 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,240 Speaker 1: have been divorced for about two years at this point, 99 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 1: and there was some hushed tones surrounding this information. And 100 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:27,160 Speaker 1: then I went to go see my father and learned 101 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:32,280 Speaker 1: that this quote unquote refugee family was actually my father's 102 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:35,600 Speaker 1: second wife that he married when he was in the 103 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:40,000 Speaker 1: Vietnam War, and that I had siblings from that relationship, 104 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:43,840 Speaker 1: and those siblings had known about me my whole life 105 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:47,279 Speaker 1: and my siblings, but I had never known about them. 106 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:52,000 Speaker 1: And this was also a very complicated situation because my 107 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,680 Speaker 1: father had already been remarried to another woman at the time, 108 00:06:55,839 --> 00:06:59,480 Speaker 1: and he was a minister and a chaplain in the army, 109 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,720 Speaker 1: so for one of his churches that was on the 110 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 1: army base, my one stepmother was his niece, and my 111 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:13,520 Speaker 1: stepmother um, my other stepmother from Vietnam was just a 112 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 1: refugee family living with them and on his civilian church 113 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 1: off base. The story was that my one stepmother was 114 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:28,560 Speaker 1: his wife. See now I don't even remember all of 115 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 1: this because it was so complicated, and I was also 116 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:35,560 Speaker 1: asked by my father to keep these secrets. Meanwhile, I 117 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,840 Speaker 1: was told that I was also supposed to tell people 118 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:41,080 Speaker 1: that I was going to a boarding school in another 119 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 1: city and that my biological mother was in a mental institution. 120 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:50,240 Speaker 1: So my father asked me to keep a lot of secrets. 121 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 1: Some of them I knew about and some of them 122 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:55,800 Speaker 1: I did not. Uh. It was a very complicated family 123 00:07:55,880 --> 00:08:00,080 Speaker 1: history with a lot of unraveling and undoing. But I 124 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 1: wanted to share because I've been listening to your podcast 125 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 1: and it makes me think about my own family secrets. 126 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:20,720 Speaker 1: Thank you. If you'd like to share your story, call 127 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:25,360 Speaker 1: one eight eight eight Secret zero and record your story. 128 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 1: We won't be able to run all the stories, but 129 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 1: we do want to shine a light on as many 130 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:32,679 Speaker 1: as we can. The number again is one eight eight 131 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:47,400 Speaker 1: eight Secret and then the numeral zero. For more podcasts 132 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,720 Speaker 1: for my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, 133 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,840 Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.