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Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and

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Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together

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Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new

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Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this very podcast which has

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Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now every rust.

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Speaker 1: Get your podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right

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Speaker 1: now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go

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Speaker 1: listen to see I buy. I can legitimately say fatherhood

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Speaker 1: made me away better husband dead as agree with that.

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Speaker 1: And if you told me that I was going to

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Speaker 1: have a whole baby in a blow up pool in

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Speaker 1: our bedroom, out to tell you hell no, but you

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Speaker 1: did it. I did it. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're

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Speaker 1: the Ellis. You may know us from posting funny videos

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Speaker 1: with our boys and eating each other publicly as a

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Speaker 1: form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need derby most days.

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Speaker 1: And one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,

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Speaker 1: we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about

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Speaker 1: some of the live's most taboo topics, things most folks

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Speaker 1: don't want to talk about. Through the lens of a

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Speaker 1: millennium married couple. Dead ass is a term that we

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Speaker 1: say every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually

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Speaker 1: saying facts one, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing

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Speaker 1: but the truth. We're about to take philow Talk to

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Speaker 1: a whole new levels starts now. I remember one time

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Speaker 1: in particular, I was taking Jackson to school, and this

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Speaker 1: was when you and I were having an argument in

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Speaker 1: the morning, and me and Jackson, that's our time in

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Speaker 1: the morning, the two of us, we have our handshake

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Speaker 1: where we don't even listen to the radio so much.

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Speaker 1: We just talked and I prepare him right, and he

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Speaker 1: was getting ready for first grade, you know. So we're

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Speaker 1: on our way to school, and we had done this.

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Speaker 1: It was probably about in November, so we had had

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Speaker 1: our routine already, and we're on our way to school

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Speaker 1: and there's no music playing, and it's just quiet because

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Speaker 1: you and I was arguing that morning and I didn't

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Speaker 1: feel like talking to nobody. I was just trying to

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Speaker 1: regroup from the argument we had. And Jackson is just quiet,

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Speaker 1: and he normally asked a munch of questions, but I

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Speaker 1: could tell he was quiet. He could sense that something

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Speaker 1: was happening. He heard us debating, and typically We tried

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Speaker 1: to not argue in front of the children, but this

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Speaker 1: was one of those moments where it's like he had

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Speaker 1: to get to school. We were in transit, like I

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Speaker 1: was getting him ready, you were trying get him out

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Speaker 1: the door. So he overheard, of course, what we were

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Speaker 1: arguing about. So for me, I was like, let me

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Speaker 1: just focus on getting him to school so that I

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Speaker 1: can come back and we can finish discussing what we

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Speaker 1: were talking about. So we get to school and we

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Speaker 1: were a little bit late because you and I were arguing,

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Speaker 1: so we didn't get a chance to do our handshake.

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Speaker 1: And he pulled. We pull up and Jack's like, hey, Dad,

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Speaker 1: we got doing hands and I'm like, yo, you gotta

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Speaker 1: get out. You gotta go to school. So that he

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Speaker 1: just looked at me. Then he jumped out, went and

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Speaker 1: got to school right, and I envy you guys handshake.

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Speaker 1: It's really cute. We got out, We got our handshake.

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Speaker 1: They have a whole routine. So he gets our goals

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Speaker 1: to school. Now you and I talk, everything is over.

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Speaker 1: We don't you know, everything is fine. We're not even

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Speaker 1: more focused on it. And I always picked Jackson up

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Speaker 1: from school. So this day, same day, I go to school,

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Speaker 1: I go to pick Jackson up, and he normally runs

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Speaker 1: out full speed, comes and jumps in my arm. And

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Speaker 1: today the door opens and he's one of the last

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Speaker 1: to come out, and he just walks out, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: what's up, Bro's what's the matter? How was school? And

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Speaker 1: he looked at me and he said, Daddy, are you

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Speaker 1: still mad at me? No? And at that point all

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Speaker 1: I could think was wow, how like? How did I like?

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Speaker 1: I must be the worst person in the world. You

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Speaker 1: only have one job as a parent, and that's to

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Speaker 1: make sure that your children are prepared to be as

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Speaker 1: successful and productive as they can be. So, you know,

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Speaker 1: his little self was definitely at school all all day.

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Speaker 1: And that's Jackson's personality in general, Like he's such a

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Speaker 1: like caring sensitive kids. So I know he was at

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Speaker 1: school thinking all day Daddy is probably mad at me?

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Speaker 1: And I was so I was so hurt because I

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Speaker 1: was like, yo, it really had nothing to do with

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Speaker 1: him at all. But he spent all day in school,

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Speaker 1: six seven hours thinking what did I do to make

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Speaker 1: Daddy mad at me? Know? And it had nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with him. And it was at that point that

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Speaker 1: I realized that I have to change the way I

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Speaker 1: project what I'm going through on the people around me.

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Speaker 1: Somebody's sleeping and a baby our bit, somebody's taking my place,

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Speaker 1: a baby mad maybe he's even in my bad Oh

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Speaker 1: my god. And you know I got just what mad Man. Babies.

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Speaker 1: We got baby sleeping and babies everywhere. We got this

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Speaker 1: baby is everywhere and feet in the face, sleeping, cross

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Speaker 1: way sideways. We call our kids kung Fu pandas because

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Speaker 1: they literally like sleep like they're doing karate. First of all,

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Speaker 1: shout out to True Hill, because I don't think you

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Speaker 1: knew when you were making that song. You was making

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Speaker 1: that song about our life as Millennia, parents, parents, kids

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Speaker 1: all in the damn bed right, and today we're talking

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Speaker 1: about kids. Did kids change us? For better or for worse?

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Speaker 1: So so give me a way you think that the

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Speaker 1: kids have changed your life like or our lives? It

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Speaker 1: can be either. Um. One thing that I definitely know

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Speaker 1: for sure, especially with my three boys, that they've taught

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Speaker 1: me how to be careful of what I project. Because

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Speaker 1: when you're when you're dating someone, they're an adult and

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Speaker 1: you you know, you're like, oh, she's a grown up.

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Speaker 1: I'm a grown up she can handle it. Blah blah

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah. When you have children, they literally learned

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Speaker 1: everything in their life by watching you. So I've become

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Speaker 1: very careful of the energies I projected in the household

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Speaker 1: as soon as I walk in. You know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: what's going on in your day or your world or

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Speaker 1: with us? Absolutely, I've learned that when I walk in

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Speaker 1: the house, I am not going to bring the outside

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Speaker 1: world into my home because my kids have nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with the outside world. So no matter how upset

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Speaker 1: I am about my gym, my agent, my manager, my family,

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Speaker 1: whatever else going on side, when I come in the house,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a smile on my face and I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna let the children receive me and with

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Speaker 1: that energy. Because that energy that I bring in the house,

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Speaker 1: and I learned this that carries from day to day.

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Speaker 1: When I used to walk in and I have a

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Speaker 1: bad day, I noticed the kids would be very quiet. Mum,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. They wouldn't be around. I

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Speaker 1: would hear whispers in the kitchen Daddy was Mommy was

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Speaker 1: wrong with daddy? And I'm just like, nothing is wrong

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Speaker 1: with me. I had a bad day, like, why can't

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Speaker 1: people just come around and you're like you. I realized

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Speaker 1: early that my energy is really what starts the house,

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Speaker 1: is energy as the father. So I have to kind

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Speaker 1: of remove that before I walk in and come in

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Speaker 1: with a clear conscience and let the energy be what

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Speaker 1: it is. Yeah, which is so hard to do sometimes

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Speaker 1: because you're human and it's hard. Sometimes you have to

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Speaker 1: be able to turn that switch on you. It's really hard. Um.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Something that comes to mind for me

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Speaker 1: when I think about how the kids have changed me, Um,

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Speaker 1: doing what we do, you know, being on social media,

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Speaker 1: having to produce content at this point, Um, being content creators.

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Speaker 1: I have to remember to live and be present in

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Speaker 1: the moment more. I had an example for an example.

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Speaker 1: We had this instant one time where Jackson had come

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Speaker 1: home from school and he was telling me a story

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Speaker 1: about something that had happened, and I really was not

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Speaker 1: listening to him, to be honest, Like he was talking

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Speaker 1: and I was kind of like, yeah, yeah, okay, buddy,

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, okay, buddy, And he had asked me a

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Speaker 1: question in the midst of telling the story, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, would you say, buddy, and he's like, my, Mommy,

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Speaker 1: I told you the whole story. And I was just like, okay,

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Speaker 1: tell me the story again. And then he tells me

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Speaker 1: the story and then he tells me the story again,

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Speaker 1: and I still wasn't listening to him. What were you doing.

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Speaker 1: I was probably in the middle of having to post something,

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Speaker 1: and you know, I was doing something answering an email.

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Speaker 1: And at that moment he was like, forget it, mom,

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Speaker 1: You're not even listening to me, and he walked away

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Speaker 1: like instant race car cry. I was so sad. I

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Speaker 1: was like, what am I doing? You do that to

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Speaker 1: me all the time. And when I tell you that

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Speaker 1: you don't ever care, that's not true. That is true.

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Speaker 1: But that's that's a good way that the kids have

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Speaker 1: changed you. That's a good way you learned to listen. Uh.

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Speaker 1: You know, any times I told you stuff and that

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Speaker 1: after you' never say that. They never say that you

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Speaker 1: don't keeping receipts with you because I would tell I'm

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Speaker 1: keeping I would tell you some time, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: you never told me that case. You never told me

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Speaker 1: that case. The same way you don't check our calendar.

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Speaker 1: What was the sinking a calendar if you're not gonna

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Speaker 1: look at the calendar. I gotta think at the calendar

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Speaker 1: when I can ask you what I gotta do. I

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Speaker 1: got to watch stuff to remember. You're so annoying anyway.

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Speaker 1: I felt so badly in that moment. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I was not even listening to this baby because why

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Speaker 1: we were all just consumed with my phone or something

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Speaker 1: that probably could have waited while he told me the

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Speaker 1: five minute story that he had to tell me, well

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Speaker 1: maybe like six or seven, because he'd be taking so

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Speaker 1: long to get these stories out. Sometimes I'm like, Jackson,

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Speaker 1: you tell stories just like my brother in law Brian,

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Speaker 1: the worst storyteller ever in life. Um, but yeah, so

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Speaker 1: that had me thinking like, yo, I need to be

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Speaker 1: way more present in the household, present in the moment.

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Speaker 1: That's why sometimes too, you'll be like, oh, I posted

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Speaker 1: the video, did you see, And I'm like, no, I

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Speaker 1: didn't see, because I'm literally trying to live in the

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Speaker 1: moment with the kids, and I want to enjoy those

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Speaker 1: moments because they grow so fast. Like people say it

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Speaker 1: all the time and it just sounds like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: kids grow fast. No, they legitimately grow fast, And I

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Speaker 1: want to be more involved and more invested in those

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Speaker 1: moments and take the time, which we've consciously done now

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Speaker 1: even doing social media work where okay, we'll record for

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Speaker 1: a couple of minutes and then we'll put the phones away,

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Speaker 1: just to make sure that the kids are not going

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Speaker 1: to be, you know, feeling like the camera's always in

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Speaker 1: their face, for example, or that we're just not listening

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Speaker 1: to them and what they need. Um. So yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: one thing that I definitely had taken away from my

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Speaker 1: experiences so far, even with Jackson and the kids, is

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Speaker 1: just really enjoying that time with them. Well, one thing,

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Speaker 1: I'll say, the way the kids have changed my life.

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Speaker 1: Number two, Yes, I have another one. The way the

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Speaker 1: kids have changed my life. Man Um, they have taught

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Speaker 1: me how to accept sex whichever way I can get it,

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Speaker 1: however way I can. You know what's funny, I was

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Speaker 1: thinking that I thought about the pantry. I'm even talking.

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about the other day with Cairo, when I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to get the quickie and it's the middle of

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Speaker 1: a day, me and k haven't done it in a minute.

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Speaker 1: It's the middle of a day, and dude just keep

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Speaker 1: coming in the bedroom. So I'm giving him stuff to

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Speaker 1: give to Jackson, and I'm like, hey, give us, give

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Speaker 1: us to your brother right now, and stay in the

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Speaker 1: living room. Do not come back going to live room

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Speaker 1: right now. So then I give him something and I'm

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Speaker 1: starting to get into my groove. I'm getting into my

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Speaker 1: grooving and boom, I'm like, hey, didn't I tell you

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Speaker 1: to give didn't He's like, I gave it already. So

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Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, here you see you see this? Give

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Speaker 1: the remote. Count, go to your brother and count and

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Speaker 1: then I hear him. I hear him going there, and

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Speaker 1: he's in there and he's just like one, two, and

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Speaker 1: then Jackson's just like what are you doing? He's like

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Speaker 1: Daddy said, Count, and then Jackson's like they're probably doing things.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, we gotta hurry up because if

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Speaker 1: Jackson realized what we're doing, when she's about to bust

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Speaker 1: on this motherfucker like now this door and be like, guys,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to best spy and I'm getting y'all the

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Speaker 1: TV because y'all aboard. Let hurry up there, hurry up.

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Speaker 1: There're like fine, fine, fine, let's let's go, let's go.

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Speaker 1: And the thing is we can't even concentrate. We can't concentrate.

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Speaker 1: I got one parent leg off, one parent leg going,

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Speaker 1: I got the blanket wrapped around half my thigh and

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Speaker 1: like I'm doing it, and I'm standing right at the

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Speaker 1: door the whole time, like I'm just doing it and

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Speaker 1: standing at the door. That just goes to show how

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Speaker 1: the male and female body is different. Because I can't

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Speaker 1: even function and concentrate, but he can still do this

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Speaker 1: with all the other things. I'm a pro, all right,

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Speaker 1: But that's that's the kids have changed me to be like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, if it's going to take this uh

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Speaker 1: to two minutes quickly to get this in, IM gonna

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Speaker 1: have to do it because shit, if somebody else walking

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Speaker 1: this room. Oh number two for your business, um number two.

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Speaker 1: With how the children if they've really made me hold

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Speaker 1: myself way more accountable when it comes to getting stuff done,

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Speaker 1: because I think I told you before, I am such

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Speaker 1: a procrastinator. I'll be waiting till the last minute to

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Speaker 1: do a lot of things all the time. Though I

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Speaker 1: will say, like I said, my best work is one

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Speaker 1: it's you know, last minute, But no, with kids, it's

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Speaker 1: it's totally different because you know they will call you

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Speaker 1: when your ship like you said X Y Z, and

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Speaker 1: I'd be like, damn, I did say that, you know.

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Speaker 1: So making sure that I am getting things done and

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Speaker 1: I'm cognizant of what I say and I am holding

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Speaker 1: myself accountable when Jackson will hold me accountable to and

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Speaker 1: be like, girl, you have to get it done. Um.

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Speaker 1: And that makes me more efficient And I think this

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Speaker 1: as a person in general, and it forces me to

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Speaker 1: kind of stay on track with things and get things

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Speaker 1: done more efficiently. So Um, that's definitely another way that

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Speaker 1: parenthood had helped me because honestly, there everything is depending

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Speaker 1: on us. So if I can't, you know, get my

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Speaker 1: stuff together, then what exactly are we doing here? So

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Speaker 1: the last and final way that my children have changed

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Speaker 1: me for the better, my children have showed me how

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Speaker 1: much I've forgotten throughout life that I need to know.

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Speaker 1: For example, common core mathematics. Sit down with a second

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Speaker 1: grade and try to do that homework. Sit down with

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Speaker 1: him and try to do his homework. You're gonna be

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Speaker 1: You're gonna be wane to slap the ship out of

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Speaker 1: his teacher. And you're gonna be like why what, Like

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Speaker 1: why don't I know this? Like? Oh, perfect example, Jackson

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Speaker 1: asked me the other day. He comes to me very studious,

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Speaker 1: I'm daddy, we don't have a globe in the house.

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Speaker 1: And I'm just like, no, we don't. He's like, why

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Speaker 1: don't we have a globe. I'm like, I don't know, Jackson,

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Speaker 1: where you plan on going? All right? You go to

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Speaker 1: school and you come home. What you need to go

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Speaker 1: for it? He's like, well, my homework says I need

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Speaker 1: to know where the primary ridian is. Where's the primary ridian?

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Speaker 1: I'm like, shit, I had to know this. No, this

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Speaker 1: is why you don't help No, this is why you

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Speaker 1: don't help him. With no, I feel a certain kind

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Speaker 1: of stuf. It's the mind that divides the globe in

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Speaker 1: half something. So you have the equator and then you

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Speaker 1: have the primary readian. And the only reason why I

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Speaker 1: know this is because I slowly on the side google

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Speaker 1: that ship while I was deflecting him from asking for

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Speaker 1: expecting the answer right away, and I was like, you

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Speaker 1: know what it's It's sad. You was in school all day,

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Speaker 1: right and you don't know what the primar ridian is.

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Speaker 1: So he was just like what I said, you know

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Speaker 1: what you do? I need you to go over there

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Speaker 1: right now and think about what the prime. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: give you thirty seconds. And then on my right hand,

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Speaker 1: I'm like over here, like where is the prime meridian?

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, go over there for thirty seconds to

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Speaker 1: think about where the primar Readian is? So did He

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Speaker 1: looked confused and he turned around. He's like the primary PM.

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Speaker 1: So then I saw it, not googled it, and it's

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Speaker 1: right off the tip of Africa and the crosses right

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Speaker 1: by the equator, right underneath the little cup of Africa.

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Speaker 1: And then when he came back, he was like, you

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Speaker 1: know what it's sad. I was like, you know what

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Speaker 1: it's said, Jackson, you don't know that the primarridian and

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Speaker 1: the equator cross right by Africa because you're black and

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Speaker 1: you part of African. Know your roots. That's what I

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Speaker 1: told you, know your roots. Go, finish your homework, go

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Speaker 1: and you better be paying attention to school and stop

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Speaker 1: listening to these kids talking about why they ain't no

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Speaker 1: Santa Claus. I flipped that whole ship. That's what you

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Speaker 1: do as a parent. I flipped that whole ship. And

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Speaker 1: now he's like, my dad, Mads smart, he knew all that,

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Speaker 1: and he knew that Santa Claus. Is you lucky I

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Speaker 1: wasn't there, because I'd be like, let's plan a family

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Speaker 1: trip to the Prime Meridian. Where's that at. I'm always

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Speaker 1: looking for a v K. Give me all the things.

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Speaker 1: It's in the middle of the ocean. It's in the

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Speaker 1: middle of the see. Yeah, all right, So we're gonna

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Speaker 1: get in the yacht off the coast. It's going to

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Speaker 1: cost me money, and we're going to be right or

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Speaker 1: on the Primary Meridian whatever. I mean, the closer to

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Speaker 1: the equator I am, the better. My tan is so

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Speaker 1: gosh so and I think lastly, my children have shown

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Speaker 1: me that I have a strength that I did not

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Speaker 1: know I had. If anybody told me that I was

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Speaker 1: gonna get a midwife have a baby in my house,

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Speaker 1: that you were gonna help me flip the baby in utero,

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Speaker 1: because remember at one points facing the wrong way, and

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Speaker 1: my midwife was like, listen, I'm gonna give you all

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Speaker 1: some exercises to do, and this baby is gonna flip

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Speaker 1: by the grace of God. And he sure did. Like

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Speaker 1: like she said, she knew my body down to a t,

340
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,720
Speaker 1: which was amazing. And I had this baby at home

341
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Speaker 1: in our back in a pool in our room with

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Speaker 1: our family and friends around. You were able to document it.

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Speaker 1: Had you told me that before, I would have been

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Speaker 1: like hell to the all um. But you find a

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Speaker 1: strength that you thought you like, you never would have

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Speaker 1: imagined when you have children, and you continue to remind

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Speaker 1: yourself about the badass that you were when you have

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Speaker 1: those kids to then say, you know what, I can

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Speaker 1: do almost anything as a mom, as a woman, as

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Speaker 1: a wife, anything talk about I don't even got nothing

351
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Speaker 1: to say about that. That's the truth. I've seen you

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Speaker 1: do some some things in the last ten years as

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Speaker 1: a as a husband, and I'm just proud of you.

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Speaker 1: I feel like my children changed me for the better.

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Speaker 1: They changed me for because you know why, because children

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Speaker 1: are unapologetically they are as raw as they come. They

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Speaker 1: are super honest, They're a little sponges. They pick up everything,

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Speaker 1: they pick up germs, and they say everything how they're feeling.

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Speaker 1: They say. I think there's a lot to learn from

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Speaker 1: kids in that circumstance, like communicating effectively. Absolutely absolutely so.

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Speaker 1: Tell me when I first told you about Jackson being

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Speaker 1: pregnant with Jackson rather because we had just gotten married,

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Speaker 1: we were on our honeymoon in Jamaica and came back

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Speaker 1: as three. What went through your head when I was like, Hey,

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Speaker 1: we're about to be parents. Hope it's a boy. That's

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Speaker 1: the first thing that came to my mind. And I

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Speaker 1: hope it's a boy. I just want someone to pass

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Speaker 1: off the Ella's name too. I want somebody that that

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Speaker 1: can I can just do all the things that I

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Speaker 1: wanted to do as a as a young kid and

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Speaker 1: a man. I wanted to be able to just pass

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Speaker 1: it on to him. So that was my first thing.

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Speaker 1: Is I hope it's a boy. I thought the opposite.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I want this baby to be healthy.

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Speaker 1: Please Lord, I thank you for this blessing, and I

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Speaker 1: need this baby to be healthy, because it's different as

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Speaker 1: a woman carrying a child, you don't want your body

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Speaker 1: to do anything but nurture and and grow this baby

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Speaker 1: to be a healthy human being. Girl a boy. So

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Speaker 1: when people say, oh, you want a girl a boy,

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Speaker 1: Oh I want a healthy baby, it's not cliche at all. No,

382
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Speaker 1: it's not. It is legitimate, like you are just hoping

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Speaker 1: to do every single right thing because you feel like

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Speaker 1: from that moment of conception, you want to do every

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Speaker 1: single thing in your power change or that you're doing

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Speaker 1: every single thing right. Every doctor child, every doctor's trip

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00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,080
Speaker 1: was like, let's you know, let's make sure if he's

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Speaker 1: going to remember. One of the first doctor trips to

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00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:10,679
Speaker 1: Solograham was like, well, his foot seems to be a

390
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:14,000
Speaker 1: little off, may have a clubbed foot. Yeah, this is

391
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:18,639
Speaker 1: our five month anatomy, right, And then he showed and

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00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,520
Speaker 1: it was severely clubbed. And you know, my first thing

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00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,560
Speaker 1: is a dad and this is full transparency. As a dad,

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Speaker 1: you like, I want my son to be a beast athlete.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm an athlete and retired NFL athlete. My

396
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,280
Speaker 1: son has to be an athlete. He has to be big, strong, fast,

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Speaker 1: he has to be able to compete. So now you

398
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:36,439
Speaker 1: find out that he may be born with what maybe

399
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:39,119
Speaker 1: a disability depending on the severity of the club foot.

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00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,399
Speaker 1: The first thing is like, man like, all right, well,

401
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,000
Speaker 1: you know we're gonna have to you know, we're gonna

402
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,359
Speaker 1: have to get through this. We're gonna find a way.

403
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,720
Speaker 1: I asked the doctor immediately, like you know, what what

404
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,600
Speaker 1: does that mean? Right? And and me I begin to

405
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,520
Speaker 1: backtrack and I'm just like what did I do cause

406
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,840
Speaker 1: my baby don't have a club, like, did I sleep wrong?

407
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Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Did I not take my

408
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 1: prenatals as early as I thought I should? So so many?

409
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,600
Speaker 1: Did you the baby? One time? She thought she boiled

410
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,679
Speaker 1: the baby. She got in the bathtub. This is when

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00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:09,119
Speaker 1: I was pregnant with Cairo, y'all. I thought that. You know,

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00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,800
Speaker 1: I took a bath because my body just felt so achy.

413
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:15,600
Speaker 1: I was maybe four or five months pregnant, and I

414
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:18,199
Speaker 1: normally take a really hot bath or a really hot shower.

415
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Speaker 1: So I got into the tub and I'm relaxing in

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Speaker 1: the towel for maybe like about ten fifteen minutes. The

417
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,760
Speaker 1: water was super hot. I got out. My stomach felt

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00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,760
Speaker 1: a little weird. So I'm in the bedroom and trying

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00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,959
Speaker 1: to hold it together because now the ass jumped on Google,

420
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,800
Speaker 1: which I was about to say, she does what everybody does.

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00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:42,320
Speaker 1: Something happens. I'm doing all sorts of ship when they

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00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,160
Speaker 1: tell you, oh you have this is that wrong? Oh

423
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,720
Speaker 1: you know you're probably got everything. You're probably gonna die. Yes,

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00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,760
Speaker 1: she thinks she's gonna die. That's what she thought. So

425
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,040
Speaker 1: I'm in the bed after Google and Deval comes home

426
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,720
Speaker 1: from work and he walks into the bedroom and he's like,

427
00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:56,199
Speaker 1: I'm sure you can instantly tell something. What's wrong with

428
00:20:56,200 --> 00:21:00,600
Speaker 1: you holding your stomach naked? She just naked on the

429
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:05,240
Speaker 1: beholding the stomach with the ship face on. Yeah, like

430
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:07,760
Speaker 1: what happened? And I was like, I think I boiled

431
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:11,960
Speaker 1: the baby. I'm like what She's like, Oh, I took

432
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 1: a bath and I went online and too hot. I

433
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 1: literally like proceeded to get a thermometer and like put

434
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,919
Speaker 1: it in the bathwater to see what temperature was that

435
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 1: all sorts of crazy ships happening. This is how crazy

436
00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:27,040
Speaker 1: she got. She refilled the bathtub with what she assumed

437
00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:30,639
Speaker 1: was the temperature she first sat in, so that in

438
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,960
Speaker 1: itself was just not accurate. Let me just refill the bathtub.

439
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:38,600
Speaker 1: She got a thermometer, put the thermometer in the water.

440
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,040
Speaker 1: I was taking my body temperature. I was like, we're

441
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 1: just gonna cool off, but the baby doesn't know how

442
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,960
Speaker 1: to cool off. It was all sorts of stuff. I'm

443
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,720
Speaker 1: being my normal self and I'm like, you're right, you

444
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,159
Speaker 1: need to put some ice cubes up there. She's like

445
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 1: shut up, and I'm like, well, you made to relax,

446
00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,800
Speaker 1: And of course, you know, I paid my doctor and

447
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,840
Speaker 1: she is like, no, Kady, I think you'll be fine.

448
00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:03,520
Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, She's like you were in a

449
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,720
Speaker 1: jacuzzi tub for a long period of times. I'm like,

450
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,640
Speaker 1: all right, fine. But that just goes to say, when

451
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,920
Speaker 1: you're pregnant for the first time, there's so many different

452
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:14,240
Speaker 1: variables second time, right, or any pregnancy. Let's put that

453
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,120
Speaker 1: out there. Um, but you know, planning to have children

454
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:20,119
Speaker 1: was intentional for each child. Jackson was definitely intentional. I

455
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:21,960
Speaker 1: mean at that point we had been dating and we

456
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:24,520
Speaker 1: were married, Um, so we knew on the honeymoon we

457
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,920
Speaker 1: wanted to try and sometimes it happens quickly for couples,

458
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,399
Speaker 1: sometimes it doesn't. So we were kind of like, all right, well,

459
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 1: let's just get off our control and see what happens.

460
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,359
Speaker 1: And just like that happened boom, and we were pregnant

461
00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:39,720
Speaker 1: with Jackson. Should just keep shooting, you know what I'm saying, Curry,

462
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:44,639
Speaker 1: I'm out of hand, just raining buckets buckets. Switch Kiro

463
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:47,840
Speaker 1: was actually planned as well, but the difference between the

464
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:51,640
Speaker 1: two was that Kyra wasn't happening as fast. So I

465
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:53,880
Speaker 1: you know, being a woman, you understand your body. You know,

466
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,960
Speaker 1: you kind of have that gut feeling when something is

467
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,440
Speaker 1: not right. And I had gotten my i U D

468
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 1: taken out and I was like, all right, we're gonna

469
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 1: try for this second baby. Um. And you know, we

470
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:04,959
Speaker 1: were trying for a couple of months and nothing was happening.

471
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,960
Speaker 1: So seeing as though Jackson happened so quickly, I was like, well,

472
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 1: something is going wrong. Why it's not that big a deal.

473
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,480
Speaker 1: Let's just keep trying. Yeah, Because for devel I was

474
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 1: just like, we're just gonna keep having more sex and

475
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,399
Speaker 1: that just all that means. And I was like, no,

476
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 1: I legitimately feel like something is wrong here. Um. So,

477
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,879
Speaker 1: unbeknownst to Develo, I called my doctor and I was like, girl,

478
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,560
Speaker 1: here's the full one. One. We've been trying since May

479
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,399
Speaker 1: I think at that point, and it was November, and

480
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,360
Speaker 1: I was like, nothing's happening, and she's like, well, let's

481
00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:33,719
Speaker 1: just do some investigation. Will start the first round of

482
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,800
Speaker 1: what happens when someone suspects that they're not fertile anymore.

483
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:40,360
Speaker 1: So I went in for an exam, calling hCG. And

484
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 1: that's when they pretty much lay down your awake. During

485
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,679
Speaker 1: the procedure, you have an X ray machine over your

486
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 1: uterus and they pump die into you. So once the

487
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,639
Speaker 1: die goes in, it kind of illuminates on the screen

488
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 1: so you can see how the diet is flowing, and

489
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 1: it checks for any blockage, scar tissues, things like that.

490
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,640
Speaker 1: And I'm loosely telling you, guys. I'm no a co professional,

491
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 1: but I'm loosely telling you my understanding of what it

492
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:05,280
Speaker 1: was and what I experienced. So we can see the

493
00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 1: die going through, and it gets through to my fallopian

494
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 1: tubes and one tube it was slowly kind of trickling through.

495
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,679
Speaker 1: I think it was on the right side, but on

496
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:18,120
Speaker 1: the left side we realized I had blockage. So that

497
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,399
Speaker 1: was probably a lot of the reason why, depending on

498
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,159
Speaker 1: what side I was ovulating on, the sperm was not

499
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,120
Speaker 1: able to get through. And at that point the doctor

500
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:27,680
Speaker 1: said to me, you know, ms Ellis, what I can

501
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,560
Speaker 1: do is try to flush your tubes. I'm gonna give

502
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:33,640
Speaker 1: a nice forceful push, which was hooper painful. You don't

503
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,320
Speaker 1: even have a universe. What do you feel it? Right?

504
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: You know? So he pumped the die through like a

505
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:44,800
Speaker 1: really forceful gush. The pain was excruciating. It was like

506
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 1: severe cramping um. But then we saw the die flush

507
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,679
Speaker 1: right through the tubes, and at that point I was like,

508
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:54,879
Speaker 1: thank God. I was praying so hard. I was like, please,

509
00:24:54,920 --> 00:25:00,920
Speaker 1: I need this to work. Women put up with a lot, yo, yo.

510
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:04,360
Speaker 1: Let me let me tell you something, gentlemen. And I've

511
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:09,679
Speaker 1: watched my wife give birth three times, and men always

512
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 1: ask me, you know, like when we talk about the

513
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,720
Speaker 1: sex stuff, like, you know, how is it with you

514
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 1: your girl man with sex? I said, this is I'm

515
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 1: gonna tell you. Why watch your women go through what

516
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 1: it takes to produce a child, have have a baby, uh,

517
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:28,679
Speaker 1: nurse a baby, deliver a child, prepare for her reproductive organs.

518
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 1: I watched k go through some stuff over the last

519
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 1: ten years, which makes it a little bit easier for

520
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 1: me to say, you know what, she don't feel like

521
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 1: having sex tonight. I can rock with it because I

522
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,919
Speaker 1: never had my tubes flushed. I've never been lacerated in

523
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:46,200
Speaker 1: my cervix two. I never had to almost get a

524
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,680
Speaker 1: blood transfusion after my first child. I never had to

525
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,119
Speaker 1: get it upper dural like like there was so many's,

526
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 1: so many things that women go through with this whole

527
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 1: process that it makes you respect where they are with

528
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:58,679
Speaker 1: their bodies when they say they don't want to have

529
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:01,160
Speaker 1: sex at a certain point, and this is the truth, guys.

530
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:04,159
Speaker 1: To be honest, it's easy for me to say, you know,

531
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 1: we don't have a sex, all right. I could rock

532
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 1: with it because because nothing changes for the guys, like

533
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,920
Speaker 1: nothing changes for y'all. Nothing, and there's so many things

534
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 1: that change for us. And you know, once I left

535
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:15,959
Speaker 1: that doctor's appointment and he flushed my tubes, he literally

536
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 1: looked at me and he was like, congratulations with Ellis.

537
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,000
Speaker 1: He's like, you'll be pregnant in like a week or so.

538
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:23,199
Speaker 1: He's like, give yourself twenty four hours and go for it.

539
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 1: And I was like, all right, thanks, I'll give it

540
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,920
Speaker 1: a try. And it was like draining up in them tube.

541
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,959
Speaker 1: Let me tell you because well, I told the val

542
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 1: he said forty eight hours, because I knew he's gonna

543
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,160
Speaker 1: be ready to jump my bones after so I wanted

544
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:38,879
Speaker 1: to give myself the extra rest. Date about the whole story.

545
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:44,680
Speaker 1: Unbeknownst to the val, I called my doctor. He said, yeah, no,

546
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:46,399
Speaker 1: I called my doctor because I'm like, I know my

547
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,680
Speaker 1: body something he's not right. And then this doctor told

548
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 1: me to wait twenty four hours. I waited forty eight

549
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 1: and literally we were out at a New Year's party.

550
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,359
Speaker 1: I had the procedure on the second of January and

551
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:59,120
Speaker 1: I was probably pregnant pregnant with Cairo by January four.

552
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:02,720
Speaker 1: Like legitt it that fast it happened. So shout out

553
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:04,879
Speaker 1: to that doctor who did my exam for me, and

554
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:08,040
Speaker 1: to my doctor and held my hand through that procedure.

555
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 1: It's important to say, especially in our community, go to

556
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 1: the doctor. If you feel like something is not right,

557
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,680
Speaker 1: go see a doctor. Absolutely, you don't have to say, oh,

558
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 1: you know, okay, I'm probably gonna get some slack for this,

559
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 1: but oh we'll pray on it. No, there are medical

560
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 1: professionals who know these things that can help you. And

561
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:32,880
Speaker 1: guess what, God created the medical professional so you can

562
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 1: pray on it and then go to the un Because

563
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,920
Speaker 1: I bring the whole way through that procedure. So and

564
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,719
Speaker 1: and if we hadn't going to the doctor, we wouldn't

565
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 1: have our last two because the block it came from mucus.

566
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 1: That development, yeah, wouldn't have happened. No, it wouldn't have

567
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: happened in that circumstance. So um so yeah. And also

568
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,720
Speaker 1: to making sure that you are having a doctor who

569
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,959
Speaker 1: will be an advocate for you and will listen to you,

570
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,200
Speaker 1: which is extremely important, especially for women of color who

571
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 1: are having children, who are having you know, pregnancies and childbirth.

572
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 1: There are too many black and brown women dying during

573
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:12,119
Speaker 1: childbirth and pregnancy, and that is an issue and my

574
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: midwife and I talked about it all the time, and

575
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 1: I need to have her on the show. Part of

576
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 1: the reason why we ended up having a home birth

577
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:22,120
Speaker 1: with Kaz was because we almost lost Dean with Jackson.

578
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 1: She was lacerated and she was bleeding out when Jackson

579
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 1: was born the epidural she got stuck three times with

580
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 1: the job and everything and you know, rushing me into surgery.

581
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 1: I had to get like twenty seven stitches in my service.

582
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:36,960
Speaker 1: It was crazy. It was crazy, And that might be

583
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 1: low key in part why we had waited so long

584
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 1: between Cairo and Jackson. It was at I'm not going

585
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 1: to lot as a husband. After Jackson came out fine

586
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,280
Speaker 1: and Kay was fine, I did at one point saying

587
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 1: to myself, like, I am not having no more. If

588
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:53,480
Speaker 1: that's what I might have almost lost my partner. I'm like, no,

589
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 1: I'm not with it. Like we were good here. First

590
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 1: of all the epidural scared me because she had to

591
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:00,160
Speaker 1: get stuck three times. And you know they always out

592
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 1: these stories about when women say something don't feel right

593
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:04,960
Speaker 1: in the doctors or just like no, you did something else.

594
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:08,720
Speaker 1: We went through that. The woman stuck Codeine. She's like,

595
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 1: you moved and I was like, yo, she didn't move. Also, gentlemen,

596
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 1: you have to be involved with this process. I was

597
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 1: there next to Codeine when just when they took Jackson out,

598
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:20,719
Speaker 1: they rushed Jackson because he had the club foot. That's

599
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 1: rushed Jackson out and Cadine is sitting there and she's

600
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:25,400
Speaker 1: fading in and out, and I'm like, yo, everybody left

601
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 1: the room and it's just me and Condeine, and I'm like,

602
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 1: how you feeling? Babies uh? And I'm like, yo, you're right,

603
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 1: you're right. I go down to the bottom to see

604
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 1: if everything's are right, and she was bleeding out. Had

605
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 1: I not gone down there to check and then say, ma,

606
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 1: can you come? And I called my doctor over real

607
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 1: quick and everything she was on it. She was on it.

608
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 1: But had I not called her mom and her mom,

609
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,120
Speaker 1: not being a nurse, look down there and say something

610
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 1: doesn't look right. Everybody was gone, and it's important that

611
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 1: you know, as a man, you you make sure that

612
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 1: your woman is good, and if she says she's not good,

613
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 1: you flip over every table in that hospital, and so

614
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 1: somebody and say, Yo, my wife or my girlfriend says

615
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:06,480
Speaker 1: she not good, somebody better come in here, because you

616
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 1: have to be your own advocate. You have to be

617
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 1: our own advocate. Um. But preparing for Jackson versus preparing

618
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,960
Speaker 1: for like Cairo and then kids who kind of came

619
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 1: out of nowhere on the back to back, you know,

620
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 1: the first child you're always extra prepared for. I feel

621
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 1: like even just down to like the registry and having

622
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:23,520
Speaker 1: a shower, Like we got so much love and so

623
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 1: much support from family and friends, and you're kind of

624
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 1: overprepared for that child, you know, making sure you have

625
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 1: every single baby item. And right now it's insane to

626
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 1: see the baby market and how many contractions are out

627
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 1: there for kids. Um. But aside from just those, you know,

628
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:41,960
Speaker 1: material things, you want to make sure that you as

629
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 1: a parent are on the same accord or as a

630
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 1: potential parent with your spouse, you know, or if you're

631
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 1: co parenting with someone, you both have to be on

632
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,280
Speaker 1: the same accord about what kind of values you're instilling

633
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 1: in your children, your parenting styles and how it may

634
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 1: be different how you were raised then can impact you

635
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 1: being a parent to your children and or raising boys

636
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 1: versus girls. Like, there's so many different things that go

637
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 1: into being a parent, and I feel like with Jackson,

638
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,720
Speaker 1: you know, we definitely had conversations about what we wanted

639
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:13,480
Speaker 1: for our children in terms of like, you know, type

640
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 1: of schooling or you know, core values and morals and

641
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 1: sharpening that moral contest that your children are going to have.

642
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 1: Those are conversations at the Val and I had early on.

643
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 1: So we were kind of on the same accord, even

644
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,600
Speaker 1: though our parenting styles tend to be a bit different

645
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 1: at times. Yeah, I mean our parenting styles were different,

646
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 1: but you know what changes every time we have a

647
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:36,960
Speaker 1: child also is socio economic situation. We were in a

648
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:39,360
Speaker 1: completely different space when we had Jackson, then when we

649
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,800
Speaker 1: had and then even when we had cats. Also, you

650
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 1: learn so much from having one child to the next

651
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 1: that you become a little bit more prepared without having

652
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,880
Speaker 1: to prepare, you know, Like for example, with Jackson, we

653
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:55,160
Speaker 1: didn't have any baby stuff. You know, we had a

654
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 1: room for him, so we had a baby shower. Our

655
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:00,080
Speaker 1: families helped, and we had an abundance of things, but

656
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 1: we had two and three and four of things that

657
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:04,920
Speaker 1: we didn't need. Then we learned early with Jackson that

658
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 1: kids grow so fast that you have so many two

659
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:10,280
Speaker 1: months old clothes and now was four months and he

660
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 1: didn't wear anything because you don't take the baby anywhere.

661
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 1: So we learned how to manipulate what we needed as

662
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 1: opposed to what we wanted, in turn saving money to

663
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 1: saving money. And also because we were in different phases

664
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 1: and lives, like of course, when we had Cairo, it

665
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 1: was five years later. We had more money, so we

666
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,719
Speaker 1: were able to to do a little bit more and

667
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 1: plan better. And then when we had cats, it was

668
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 1: immediately fifteen months later. So everything we had from Cairo

669
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 1: we just used for cars because they were both right,

670
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 1: poor cats, like everybody's hand me down. Yeah, we had

671
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,800
Speaker 1: all of the stuff that Cairo didn't even wear. That's true,

672
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 1: because we did have a lot of We had a

673
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:51,800
Speaker 1: bunch of stuff. It's not poor cast I feel or

674
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 1: whoever is the child who doesn't have anything, but this

675
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 1: kid had all of the stuff that Cairo never used. Absolutely,

676
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 1: and I'm very very conscious about when our babies out

677
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 1: growth things um, where there's appliances or you know, things,

678
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 1: I'm passing it down to the next mom who may

679
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 1: need it, you know, like things are never just going,

680
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:10,000
Speaker 1: you know, in the garbage, like we're always recycling because

681
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:13,560
Speaker 1: someone can always benefit from that. UM. But preparing that

682
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 1: is different for every child, depending on where you are

683
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:18,560
Speaker 1: financially and what number of the child is. Also with

684
00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 1: second child, so things are very different and also too,

685
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,720
Speaker 1: I feel like being able to juggle the children where

686
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 1: everyone feels like they get their time, is always something

687
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 1: that we kind of struggle with but we are cognizant of,

688
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:33,440
Speaker 1: because you never want one child to feel like you know,

689
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 1: for example, you hear about the middle child syndrome that

690
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,440
Speaker 1: always happens, and I always say Cairo will be the

691
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 1: middle child, Like no middle child left behind, because no child,

692
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 1: you know, I hear from people. Let let's say, like

693
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:46,360
Speaker 1: the old I'm a middle child and I felt like

694
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:48,600
Speaker 1: I was overlooked. And I feel like it's funny the

695
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 1: dynamics of our children and their personalities because Cairo's personality

696
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:55,240
Speaker 1: as our middle child, he is so vibrant and so

697
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,320
Speaker 1: full of life and so demanding that he's gonna be like,

698
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 1: I'll be damned if you'll overlook me, because this is

699
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 1: what's happening. You know, if there was anybody I was

700
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:06,400
Speaker 1: concerned about, it was Jackson because we went from Cairo

701
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:08,479
Speaker 1: right to cast and that was a lot of time.

702
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:10,399
Speaker 1: That is, you you have to spend with two kids.

703
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 1: They're almost like twins, so you get one, I get one,

704
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:16,640
Speaker 1: and then there's Jackson Jackson. Jackson was by himself for

705
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 1: so long, so Jackson was getting it from everybody, like

706
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,680
Speaker 1: he was the the only nephew and grandchild on my side,

707
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:24,920
Speaker 1: you know, on your side of the family too. He

708
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:28,799
Speaker 1: was like the next grandchild, you know, after you. But

709
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:32,359
Speaker 1: then they diden came right after Jackson, so he could

710
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:35,240
Speaker 1: share that. And the thing is, Jackson's personality is very different.

711
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:37,919
Speaker 1: You know, he's a very giving soul, so I don't

712
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:41,279
Speaker 1: think he was fighting for attention from anyone. But what

713
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 1: you did that I learned very quickly, was you made

714
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:48,879
Speaker 1: sure that everybody got a day. So, for example, Kate

715
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 1: plans a day where both the youngest kids, Kyro and

716
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 1: Kasa with her mom and we just take Jackson for

717
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 1: the whole day. Then there's a day where Jackson is

718
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,799
Speaker 1: with my brother, and then Kaz with her mom, and

719
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 1: then Cayro gets his own day with mommy and daddy,

720
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:05,520
Speaker 1: and we try to rotate so that they never feel

721
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,839
Speaker 1: like I always have to do stuff with my brother

722
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,400
Speaker 1: right right right, because that mommy guilt. I mean, it's

723
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 1: a bit like what is mommy gilt? What is that

724
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 1: mommy gilt? Is when you feel like you are never

725
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 1: doing enough for each child or even your husband. You know,

726
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 1: I had the mommy and the wife guilt all the time,

727
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,160
Speaker 1: and then I start to feel the guilt for Cadean guil,

728
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 1: Like where does Cadein fall in this whole mix of

729
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 1: being condemed the individual who's not the mom and the wife. Well,

730
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 1: I mean I feel like I do. I feel like

731
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:31,359
Speaker 1: I do a good job of saying, babe, you need

732
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: some time, let me take the It's literally like a

733
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 1: tag team here, Like it's like wrestling. I'm like, yo,

734
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:38,239
Speaker 1: tag me out, tag me in, Like when we can

735
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 1: tell when the other needs Sometimes, so sometimes I'll take

736
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:43,880
Speaker 1: all three kids and I'll either like go do an

737
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 1: activity with them or go to a family member so

738
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:47,240
Speaker 1: that we can just take time, whether it's to sleep,

739
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:49,880
Speaker 1: to think, you know, to take a ship in peace,

740
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:53,359
Speaker 1: like sometimes you don't tell you definitely just need that.

741
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 1: And your parents and your parents and my brother and

742
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 1: my parents. We have a very strong village of people

743
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:01,759
Speaker 1: who are willing to take our children. We could not

744
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:06,879
Speaker 1: do any of this without the family, Like we could

745
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 1: not do any without having the village. It is almost impossible.

746
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 1: And having the village and somewhere to dump our kids,

747
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 1: let's talk about keeping the romance and like quality time

748
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:20,040
Speaker 1: going with kids, um because it's hard, like you get

749
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:24,080
Speaker 1: wrapped up and being working parents and then this is

750
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:27,200
Speaker 1: still and every now and again, this is what thank you,

751
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 1: I thank I appreciate that, this is what I would say.

752
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:34,960
Speaker 1: Your mom is the best with knowing that kids, you

753
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 1: guys need your time. My boys and you guys go

754
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:44,480
Speaker 1: every Friday into Saturday. We know for a fact that

755
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:47,920
Speaker 1: we can drop the boys to Mimi's house. Absolutely we

756
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,760
Speaker 1: know that every Friday, she she don't get them for Friday.

757
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 1: She's bringing down my phone and I'd be like, I

758
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 1: wanted to have my boys this weekend, like can we

759
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,480
Speaker 1: not have our children? Every now and again she literally

760
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 1: thinks that I was a surrogate and she's mom that

761
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 1: I definitely appreciate that. But you know, but what I

762
00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 1: would say is very important. Um, we as people work right,

763
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,040
Speaker 1: we work, and if you don't have a village. Sometimes

764
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:16,200
Speaker 1: people are so concerned with trying to prepare the best

765
00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:18,080
Speaker 1: lives for their children that they don't realize that as

766
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 1: a parent, you have to prepare the best life for

767
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 1: yourself before the children. Think about it. When you're on

768
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,400
Speaker 1: the airplane, you put the oxygen mask on yourself first,

769
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 1: then on the child. Some of the moneys you have

770
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:32,319
Speaker 1: should be invested in helping you and your spouse, your

771
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:36,520
Speaker 1: girlfriend or your significant other have that time so that

772
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:39,400
Speaker 1: you don't lose sight and don't lose each other and

773
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:41,759
Speaker 1: focus just on the kids because they're gonna sense that.

774
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:44,399
Speaker 1: So you have to put some some of that money

775
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 1: aside and say, you know what, we need a babysitter

776
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,880
Speaker 1: for three or four hours every Friday. Let's put some

777
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 1: money aside in a budget so that we know, you

778
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,560
Speaker 1: know what, we got a babysitter for these three or

779
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 1: four hours. Let's mommy and daddy go out and do

780
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:58,400
Speaker 1: what we do so that we can keep that romance going.

781
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 1: You have to find a way because that is important

782
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 1: for your mental health and that's just important for your

783
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 1: ability to kind of regroup and dive back into your

784
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:10,239
Speaker 1: children when even absolutely I'm all for that, and that's

785
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 1: something that we exercise all the time, you know. And

786
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,719
Speaker 1: also talking about building the legacy and making sure that,

787
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:16,720
Speaker 1: like you said, we put our oxygen masks on first

788
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 1: to make sure we're you know, being able to generate

789
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 1: income and sustain the family and build a legacy that

790
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 1: we want for our boys. It's very necessary to have

791
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 1: the time a way to be able to do that

792
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 1: knowing that you're gonna put the work it Now. You

793
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:30,440
Speaker 1: may not see the kids, you know, for a day

794
00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 1: or two on the weekends, but everything that we're doing,

795
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 1: every time we travel, every event that we do, the

796
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,600
Speaker 1: kids are literally at the root of it, you know,

797
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:42,680
Speaker 1: even without opening the new business owning partnership in the gym.

798
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:44,839
Speaker 1: Like he's just like, man, sometimes I just hate having

799
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 1: to go there and deal with these emails and deal

800
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:51,600
Speaker 1: with you know, the work behind it. But he's He'll

801
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:53,839
Speaker 1: say it, but I'm doing this for our boys. Yeah,

802
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 1: it's creating the foundation pretty much, very necessary. In the

803
00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:00,560
Speaker 1: last ten years as a as a Husban been I'm

804
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:02,759
Speaker 1: just proud of you, like I'm proud of you, and

805
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 1: I'm proud of you too, and we would we've made

806
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 1: it through this whole parent thing kind of just winging it,

807
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,520
Speaker 1: which you tend to do usually too with your first child.

808
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:10,840
Speaker 1: It's like you they're kind of like this like experiment.

809
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 1: You know, I was an experience for my parents. You

810
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 1: were an experien and we didn't turn out have bead.

811
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:20,160
Speaker 1: But also to as a parent, no parenting style is

812
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 1: the same for each child. You have to curtail your

813
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:28,399
Speaker 1: your parenting skills depending on the child the same way.

814
00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 1: Not everyone learns the same way. Everyone learns differently. You know,

815
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:33,880
Speaker 1: you may have somebody who is more of a traditional

816
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 1: style learner versus a progressive learner. So those the things

817
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:38,480
Speaker 1: that we had to research as parents, like do you

818
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,800
Speaker 1: want your child to go to a progressive school versus

819
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 1: a traditional school? And everything is different depending on the child,

820
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 1: you know, I don't think there's a right and wrong though,

821
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 1: Like I just want to know why I don't. I

822
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:51,200
Speaker 1: don't ever look at my parents and be like, you know,

823
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 1: like damn, like like you shouldn't have done that, because

824
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:55,719
Speaker 1: I would never say to my parents you shouldn't have

825
00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:58,399
Speaker 1: done that, because there's no way they could have known

826
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:00,400
Speaker 1: the same way when I look at someone the stuff

827
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 1: I did with Jackson, and I say, I shouldn't have

828
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 1: done that, you know, as hard as I was on

829
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,520
Speaker 1: him at two and three and four, thinking that he

830
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:11,120
Speaker 1: was supposed to be at a different point. And then

831
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,920
Speaker 1: now I have two younger sons and they get away

832
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:16,000
Speaker 1: with more than what Jackson got away with. Because I'm like,

833
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:18,719
Speaker 1: there two, there are three. They'll get over it. And

834
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:20,400
Speaker 1: I know Jackson is gonna probably look at me and

835
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 1: be like, yo, you act in totally different Yeah, because

836
00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 1: I did the same thing with my parents. Yeah, absolutely absolutely,

837
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 1: So Yeah. To answer that, I mean, we're still adjusting

838
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:35,240
Speaker 1: to change every day, the different experience. Every child is different,

839
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:39,000
Speaker 1: every day is different, the circumstances different, um, and we

840
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 1: just kind of roll with the punches. So there's there's

841
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,400
Speaker 1: no recipe, there's no book for this, and I know

842
00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:45,879
Speaker 1: it's going to be different as they go from being

843
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 1: toddlers to children, to pre adolescents to adolescents to young adults.

844
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 1: There's gonna be so many different changes. Technology is going

845
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:57,000
Speaker 1: to change, uh, socio economically, we're gonna change. So you

846
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 1: think about the the six and seven year difference between

847
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:01,719
Speaker 1: Jackson and Kas And I know we went through this

848
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,800
Speaker 1: in my home. Jackson is not going to get things

849
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 1: that Cas at his age is probably gonna get. And

850
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 1: I experienced that with with my sister because I was

851
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:13,839
Speaker 1: the oldest and I'm ten years old in her. So

852
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 1: my first car was nine Cougarvaccine. I had a nineteen

853
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 1: eighty nine Couger. Of course, my father twelve hundred dollars

854
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 1: it was. It was the oldest car I ever seen

855
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 1: in my life, and I loved it because I was

856
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 1: appreciative because this was my car. My first of all.

857
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:36,719
Speaker 1: It wasn't even My father bought it as a runaround

858
00:41:36,719 --> 00:41:39,400
Speaker 1: car and he let me drive it to school, so

859
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:41,120
Speaker 1: he was just like, yo, this is yours whenever you

860
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:42,799
Speaker 1: want to drive. So I was appreciative of it my

861
00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 1: first Could you think about your peers at school? Some

862
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 1: of them were probably just still taking the you have

863
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 1: a car. So I was appreciative of it, and I

864
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 1: was just like, yo, that's that's dope. My pops did

865
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:52,520
Speaker 1: that for me. Then when I turned eighteen, he bought

866
00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:57,120
Speaker 1: me at N nine Nissan Maximum. This is twoine. I

867
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:59,640
Speaker 1: had the black rooms with the golden down with the

868
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 1: chrome own lip had the sound system. But then my

869
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:07,640
Speaker 1: sister's first car was a sixty thou dollar accurate TL

870
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:13,319
Speaker 1: brand new, and I'm like, well, god damn like my

871
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:17,919
Speaker 1: car calling up. But she is also the baby girl.

872
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:20,799
Speaker 1: That was ten years later, my parents were in a

873
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:24,279
Speaker 1: different situation. You know. They had just purchased a home.

874
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,839
Speaker 1: They were preparing for me to go to college. Doing better.

875
00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:29,439
Speaker 1: What you want. Every family ex supposed to be doing better.

876
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:32,080
Speaker 1: Everybody's supposed to be doing better. So what I'm going

877
00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:33,840
Speaker 1: to do learning from my parents is I'm not gonna

878
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:37,359
Speaker 1: try to keep my kids up on what everyone else

879
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:39,840
Speaker 1: is doing. I'm just gonna give my kids the worst

880
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 1: ship ever. This way they all appreciate it. So Jackson

881
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:49,240
Speaker 1: gonna get a nineteen eighty nine maximum. It's gonna get

882
00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:51,799
Speaker 1: nine maximum, so that they could both be like we

883
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:56,399
Speaker 1: both had See what I'm saying, and I'm been telling

884
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 1: me that you want a better car, get a job,

885
00:42:58,239 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 1: work for that, Go get a job. We're gonna take

886
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 1: a quick break and get into some ads, but we'll

887
00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 1: be right back helping to answer some of these listener letters.

888
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:18,360
Speaker 1: This for the record, there it is a win for

889
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:23,800
Speaker 1: the ages. Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring

890
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 1: sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters.

891
00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:33,320
Speaker 1: I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior,

892
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:41,360
Speaker 1: but here it is the return to glory. This is

893
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:45,040
Speaker 1: All American, a new series from Stitcher hosted by me

894
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 1: Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger Woods doesn't know who he

895
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,799
Speaker 1: is best in the history of Gaul no question in

896
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 1: my mind. And this season, with the help of journalist

897
00:43:56,080 --> 00:44:00,800
Speaker 1: Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story of Tiger

898
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:04,399
Speaker 1: Woods that the media has been telling, what if it's

899
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 1: been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out Now listen

900
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:17,040
Speaker 1: and stitch your Apple podcasts or your favorite podcast app alright,

901
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:20,080
Speaker 1: time for the listener letters. Let's see what y'all came

902
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:21,960
Speaker 1: up with. What what questions are you all throwing our

903
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 1: away this time? Any advice for millennial newlyweds also expecting

904
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 1: their first newborn? Help us l O okay, so she

905
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:32,480
Speaker 1: needs help. Here's the first thing I'm gonna I'm gonna

906
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 1: speak to the gentleman. Understand that your your life is

907
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:38,840
Speaker 1: going to change as a husband, your wife is going

908
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:41,319
Speaker 1: to change, her body is going to change, and don't

909
00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:44,320
Speaker 1: expect that when the baby comes, things are going to

910
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,839
Speaker 1: get better, because I know, doing pregnancy, they automatically assume, oh,

911
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:51,200
Speaker 1: once the pregnancy is over and the baby comes, always

912
00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 1: going to be better. No, that's when ship really hits

913
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:55,719
Speaker 1: the fan, and not in a bad way, but that's

914
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 1: when you're really gonna both have to lean on each other,

915
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 1: especially if your wife or girlfriend and decides that she's

916
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 1: gonna nurse. So now you're gonna have another six months

917
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 1: if we're having to be up every two and a

918
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:09,640
Speaker 1: half hours and sleep deprivation is very real and it's

919
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:12,919
Speaker 1: going to create some emotional highs and lows, and as men,

920
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:14,920
Speaker 1: we have to know that we're going to have to

921
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:17,600
Speaker 1: help them cope through that. So just expect that once

922
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:19,279
Speaker 1: the baby comes is going to be great, but there's

923
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:21,239
Speaker 1: gonna be a lot more to do for the next

924
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:24,800
Speaker 1: six to nine months. Absolutely, And I think for both

925
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:29,760
Speaker 1: the parents in this situation, lean on whatever help you get.

926
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:32,880
Speaker 1: Don't be afraid to ask for help, but also to

927
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 1: don't be afraid to ask for space. Because it being

928
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:37,520
Speaker 1: a first child, you're gonna have a ton of family

929
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:39,560
Speaker 1: and friends who are gonna want to be there and

930
00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 1: and and their their intentions are going to be great

931
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:43,319
Speaker 1: because they're gonna want to help and they're gonna want

932
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 1: to see the baby. But don't be afraid to take

933
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 1: those first couple of days when you get home to

934
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:53,080
Speaker 1: just learn who this baby is, with you and your

935
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:56,279
Speaker 1: spouse or with you and your partner, because that's very,

936
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 1: very very important. And then at that point, you know,

937
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 1: you can say to your your friends and family the

938
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:02,520
Speaker 1: very beginning, you know, at this time, we're just taking

939
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:05,759
Speaker 1: some time to enjoy the three of us, and when

940
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 1: we're accepting visitors, will let you all know because we

941
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 1: know you're so excited to sol to see the baby,

942
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:14,239
Speaker 1: because it can be overwhelming having the baby and then

943
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 1: you're trying to figure out how to coexist with this

944
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,560
Speaker 1: new little life, and you're you're tired, and you're moody,

945
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:22,080
Speaker 1: and you're trying to recuperate and your sore, you know.

946
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:24,120
Speaker 1: So it's really nice to be able to say, set

947
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:27,600
Speaker 1: those boundaries, the boundaries. Set the boundaries early, even before

948
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 1: the baby comes, so no one feels no type of way.

949
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 1: But if you do need the help, then you can

950
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,719
Speaker 1: tag in, you know, your mom or your mother in law,

951
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:37,480
Speaker 1: or a friend or a sister who can then come

952
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 1: in and help you, and don't be afraid to ask

953
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:42,719
Speaker 1: for that help. And trust your maternal instinct, trust what

954
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:44,959
Speaker 1: your your way of doing things. You know you're gonna

955
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:47,759
Speaker 1: get a ton of advice, but trust the way you

956
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:50,480
Speaker 1: feel is best for you and your child, because naturally

957
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:51,839
Speaker 1: it's going to kick in, and it may not right

958
00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 1: away because some women feel don't necessarily always feel the

959
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:56,960
Speaker 1: attachment right away to that baby, but it will come

960
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:59,800
Speaker 1: and and just and just know that the worst time

961
00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 1: is going to be that initial come homecoming. That's gonna

962
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:06,240
Speaker 1: be a little bit. It's a little bit of that

963
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:09,239
Speaker 1: that um not knowing, that unsure nous of like this

964
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:12,239
Speaker 1: is our new baby where newly was. That's going to

965
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 1: be the hardest time. But it gets better every single

966
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:18,200
Speaker 1: day and once you get into the groove, you'll be fine.

967
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:21,720
Speaker 1: So don't panic that everything is changing initially, because everything

968
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:25,080
Speaker 1: changes initially, But that initial homecoming is the worst that

969
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:26,719
Speaker 1: is going to feel, and then it gets better as

970
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:32,000
Speaker 1: you get in the group. Congratulations and enjoy be ready

971
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:35,239
Speaker 1: when it comes, have fun life changing. So do val

972
00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:36,839
Speaker 1: you want to go ahead and read that. Do you

973
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:40,279
Speaker 1: and Devout have the same parenting styles. If not, is

974
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:44,840
Speaker 1: there a is there a conflict between the two? Um,

975
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 1: I think we aligned with a lot of our parenting

976
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:52,360
Speaker 1: you know, beliefs, though our styles and our approaches are different. Um,

977
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:55,360
Speaker 1: the beliefs are core beliefs, so our way of achieving

978
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:57,960
Speaker 1: it may be different. Um. But I do look to

979
00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:00,400
Speaker 1: and I lean on Devolt a lot because you know,

980
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 1: him being a father, him being a man, having once

981
00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:06,800
Speaker 1: been a boy. You know, my my my strategy sometimes

982
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:09,040
Speaker 1: with dealing with just Jackson, for example, because he's a

983
00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 1: little older and of course we converse with him a

984
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:14,600
Speaker 1: lot more. Um developed normally will give me feedback, of

985
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:17,080
Speaker 1: course outside of Jackson when it's just the two of us,

986
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:19,480
Speaker 1: because we're always the United front. But he will let

987
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:21,960
Speaker 1: me know like, hey, I don't think your approach with

988
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:25,440
Speaker 1: this was right, or I think you need to, you know,

989
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:27,879
Speaker 1: have the discussion a different way, or you know, don't

990
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:30,360
Speaker 1: just jump on him for that because boys tend to

991
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:32,319
Speaker 1: act like this. You know, those are things that I'm

992
00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:34,919
Speaker 1: not going to know because again, Jackson's my first child,

993
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:36,680
Speaker 1: like we said, just a learning curve all the time.

994
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:39,360
Speaker 1: And also too, I'm only going based off of what

995
00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:41,520
Speaker 1: I think is right or what may have worked from

996
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 1: my family and from my parents, and it may not

997
00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:46,759
Speaker 1: necessarily be the best way to receive it on the

998
00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:48,400
Speaker 1: child's end, and I may have to do it different

999
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:50,479
Speaker 1: with Jackson and different with Cairo, depending on the child.

1000
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:52,840
Speaker 1: So I lean on Develo a lot um and I

1001
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 1: think we're complimentary and that we kind of feed off

1002
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:58,120
Speaker 1: of each other and we're not afraid to pull the

1003
00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 1: other aside and say I think you should have done

1004
00:49:01,239 --> 00:49:03,960
Speaker 1: right and and um. I have a little bit more

1005
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,840
Speaker 1: experience with dealing with boys because I run a mentorship

1006
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 1: program for a young man ages six all the way

1007
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 1: through college. So Jackson's at that point now where he's

1008
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:15,200
Speaker 1: in that process. You know, he said he's eight now.

1009
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:18,960
Speaker 1: So I've been dealing with hundreds of young boys between

1010
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:21,279
Speaker 1: six all the way to college. So I've kind of

1011
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:23,480
Speaker 1: gotten into a rhythm of not only dealing with them

1012
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:26,279
Speaker 1: on my own personal way, but also seeing how their

1013
00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:28,840
Speaker 1: fathers interact with them. So I think that I just

1014
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:31,239
Speaker 1: have a little bit more experience of watching and being

1015
00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:34,719
Speaker 1: in that realm, especially with boys. So with Codein and I,

1016
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:38,040
Speaker 1: we parent together. For me, I don't feel like there's

1017
00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:40,839
Speaker 1: a one parenting style of another. It's like, look, there's

1018
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 1: an issue, how are we going to address it? And

1019
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:46,400
Speaker 1: when Codein says that, sometimes she's an approach the situation.

1020
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:51,680
Speaker 1: Sometimes there's no way to have a parental caucus before

1021
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:54,120
Speaker 1: you address a child. If something is happening in real time.

1022
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:56,120
Speaker 1: You know, if if I'm not there and there's an

1023
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:58,160
Speaker 1: issue with homeworking, Code's there, she has to deal with

1024
00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:00,640
Speaker 1: it and then we'll discuss later what happens. But what

1025
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:03,360
Speaker 1: we both do and it's not just Codeine, I do

1026
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:05,200
Speaker 1: this as well. We do a lot of self reflection

1027
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:07,920
Speaker 1: and for me, I've come back to Cadine sometimes I say,

1028
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:09,759
Speaker 1: you know, what I handled that wrong? You know, like

1029
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 1: I shouldn't I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have

1030
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:16,080
Speaker 1: done that, And a lot of it is bouncing off

1031
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:18,319
Speaker 1: of each other. I'll ask her sometimes I'm like, do

1032
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:19,440
Speaker 1: you think I was a little too hard? I was

1033
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:21,680
Speaker 1: a little too so often sometimes she's like, yeah, or not,

1034
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:23,840
Speaker 1: I think you handled that the best way you can. Like,

1035
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:26,359
Speaker 1: you know, we we do check in with each other

1036
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:28,680
Speaker 1: and how we're going to deal with our children because

1037
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:31,959
Speaker 1: we want them to respect the both of us, even

1038
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:33,680
Speaker 1: if we're not in the room. So for example, I

1039
00:50:33,719 --> 00:50:36,759
Speaker 1: don't ever want it to be a thing where well devout, Well,

1040
00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:39,480
Speaker 1: Daddy's not here, so I know I can get over

1041
00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 1: my mommy or mommy's not here. I know I can

1042
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:45,040
Speaker 1: do this because Daddy's watching us. So we definitely spend

1043
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:48,160
Speaker 1: every night. And when I say every night, we spend

1044
00:50:48,239 --> 00:50:51,719
Speaker 1: every night kind of recapping what happened throughout the day

1045
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:53,920
Speaker 1: and what did you go through with the boys that

1046
00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:56,759
Speaker 1: we feel like we can fix or change no absolutely

1047
00:50:57,160 --> 00:51:00,640
Speaker 1: um And also too, I feel like with the children

1048
00:51:00,719 --> 00:51:03,359
Speaker 1: and with the parenting styles and things like that, it's

1049
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:05,960
Speaker 1: important to when you feel like you have done something

1050
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:08,279
Speaker 1: wrong or have made a decision that you think maybe

1051
00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:10,960
Speaker 1: wasn't the right approach with the child. We like to

1052
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:14,840
Speaker 1: touch base with Jackson after I've apologized to Jackson, and

1053
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:16,719
Speaker 1: this can also be my moment of truth. I'm going

1054
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:19,840
Speaker 1: to put it in there. Don't be afraid to recap

1055
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:23,839
Speaker 1: or to apologize to your children when necessary, because there's

1056
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:26,640
Speaker 1: nothing worse than feeling like, you know, my parents got

1057
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:29,440
Speaker 1: down on me about this. It wasn't necessarily the way

1058
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:32,279
Speaker 1: I would have expected them to handle it. And then

1059
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 1: you get upset at your parents for that does that

1060
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:36,960
Speaker 1: make sense? You know? And I feel like even as

1061
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:39,080
Speaker 1: an eight year old, he probably feels that way sometimes,

1062
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:41,279
Speaker 1: like you know, mommy did x y z and I

1063
00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:43,399
Speaker 1: don't understand why it happened this way. So we are

1064
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:47,120
Speaker 1: very vocal with our sons about why we parent the

1065
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:48,799
Speaker 1: way we do, why we discipline them the way they

1066
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:51,959
Speaker 1: are the way we do. And um, I think every

1067
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:55,200
Speaker 1: parent should. If you're wrong in the way you handle something,

1068
00:51:55,239 --> 00:51:57,640
Speaker 1: don't be afraid to then say to your child, you

1069
00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:00,560
Speaker 1: know what, mommy did not make the best decision, or

1070
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:03,160
Speaker 1: you know, mommy apologizes for the way she handled that,

1071
00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:05,880
Speaker 1: or Mommy was upset in the moment and I should

1072
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:09,400
Speaker 1: not have said x y z. Um. And I think

1073
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 1: we should handle our children with that same kind of

1074
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:14,759
Speaker 1: respect because then it keeps the line of communication open

1075
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:16,360
Speaker 1: with our children are not going to be as afraid

1076
00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:18,719
Speaker 1: to say things to us or to tell us things,

1077
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:20,720
Speaker 1: and you always want to make sure that they feel

1078
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:23,399
Speaker 1: comfortable with that. So at that role into my moment

1079
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:25,239
Speaker 1: of truth because your moment of truth well great, I mean,

1080
00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 1: I like the little segue you did there. My my

1081
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:32,880
Speaker 1: moment of truth is this. If you really want to

1082
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:36,319
Speaker 1: parents and parent well, the first thing you need to

1083
00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:39,560
Speaker 1: do is look back into how you were parented and

1084
00:52:39,719 --> 00:52:44,680
Speaker 1: see how are you going to transfer what you've learned

1085
00:52:44,719 --> 00:52:47,280
Speaker 1: into what you plan to pass forward into your children.

1086
00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:50,080
Speaker 1: And I think that it's important for people to do

1087
00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 1: that because sometimes as people, we don't even know why

1088
00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:55,359
Speaker 1: we're parenting a certain way. It's just, hey, that's how

1089
00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:58,640
Speaker 1: I was taught. And one thing I always say to

1090
00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:01,799
Speaker 1: people is that using tradition as an excuse, as an

1091
00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:04,520
Speaker 1: excuse for the lazy. Just because it was done that

1092
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:07,080
Speaker 1: way doesn't mean it was always the right way. You

1093
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 1: have to learn why it was done that way, why

1094
00:53:10,160 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 1: it was done that way to you, so that you

1095
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 1: have a reason and a purposeful reason to do it

1096
00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:19,200
Speaker 1: to your children because it was within those circumstances exactly exactly.

1097
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:22,440
Speaker 1: And I think that that's my moment of truth. You

1098
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:24,960
Speaker 1: really want to be a good parent, think about your parents,

1099
00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:27,279
Speaker 1: think about why they made the decisions they made with you,

1100
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:29,840
Speaker 1: with your children, with with your brothers and sister, if

1101
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:32,399
Speaker 1: they had other children, and figure out what's the best

1102
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:35,520
Speaker 1: way to take that mix of parenting. Of course, put

1103
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:39,400
Speaker 1: it within the context that we live today, and don't

1104
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:42,920
Speaker 1: be afraid to converse with your significant other about what

1105
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 1: mistakes you might or might not have made. I like that,

1106
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:48,720
Speaker 1: I like it, and if you want to be featured,

1107
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,360
Speaker 1: it's one of our listener letters. You can also email

1108
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 1: us at dead ask Advice at gmail dot com. We

1109
00:53:55,719 --> 00:54:01,279
Speaker 1: love questions, this is our favorite part. Absolutely, be sure

1110
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:04,080
Speaker 1: to follow us on social media. That's I Am Devout,

1111
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:07,440
Speaker 1: I A M as A Mary d E V A

1112
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:10,200
Speaker 1: L E. And if you're listening on Apple podcast, be

1113
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:13,319
Speaker 1: sure to rate and subscribe exactly and definitely give your

1114
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:16,960
Speaker 1: reviews and follow me on social media. Cadeen I Am

1115
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:23,440
Speaker 1: Dead as dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. Is

1116
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:27,480
Speaker 1: produced by T Square, Stephanie Karauke and Dinor Opinion. Our

1117
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:29,839
Speaker 1: executive producer is Chris Manning, and we'd like to give

1118
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:33,319
Speaker 1: a special thanks to our recording engineer Jared O'Connell, our

1119
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:47,560
Speaker 1: sound designer Brendan Burns, and studio manager Ashley Warren. We'll back.

1120
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:49,680
Speaker 1: I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a

1121
00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:51,840
Speaker 1: podcast going on right now. It's part of the Stitching

1122
00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:57,960
Speaker 1: network called Substraction that's available everywhere. Getting podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple,

1123
00:54:58,160 --> 00:55:00,480
Speaker 1: Go listen right now to the distraction right now, it's

1124
00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:01,440
Speaker 1: out do it, please,