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Speaker 1: Show. Hello everybody, Bobby here, I probably realized shows on vacation,

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Speaker 1: and so I hate having a rerun. I hate having

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Speaker 1: to put up podcast reruns. That is not what this is.

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Speaker 1: This is not a rerun, so you didn't even have

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Speaker 1: to enjoy it. But I just want to make sure

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Speaker 1: that something is up, something that is somewhat new, and

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Speaker 1: something that is somewhat compelling. And mostly I have a

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Speaker 1: checklist stuff that I've meaning to talk about for a

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Speaker 1: long time but I've not been able to talk about.

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Speaker 1: So I figure what better time than right now, as

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Speaker 1: I'm sitting alone on vacation making notes from when we

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Speaker 1: get back very soon, I like to first start with

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Speaker 1: a dairy up on my list, have deary. I can

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Speaker 1: no longer have dairy. I can have it, I just

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Speaker 1: can't have it for a long time. I would say

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Speaker 1: probably my whole life. I did not know that I

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Speaker 1: won't say allergic, but that my body does not agree

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Speaker 1: with dairy. Now what sucks about that is I love cheese.

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Speaker 1: Never been a big milk guy unless it's cereal, and

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Speaker 1: then I love milk and cereal, but love cheese all

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Speaker 1: kinds of cheese, love cereal. What eat multiple bowls a day,

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Speaker 1: love it. So it's been difficult to not eat dairy,

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Speaker 1: especially when it comes to things I didn't even know

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Speaker 1: what dairy was in. Like I would order smoothie and

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Speaker 1: I would try to keep it clean, and I had

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Speaker 1: no idea. Now it's just because I didn't look, but

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Speaker 1: I had no idea that whey protein was dairy. So

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Speaker 1: here I am. I've eliminated ninety five percent of dairy

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Speaker 1: and I'm drinking it SMOOTHI and I'm telling my wife,

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Speaker 1: like my stomach kurtz, and she's like, well, try back.

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Speaker 1: You know what you've had, And I'm like, smoothie, And

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Speaker 1: what's in your smoothie strawberries, coconut water, blah blah, protein,

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Speaker 1: what kind of protein? Way? Protein? Well, there you go.

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Speaker 1: So the dairy thing has been difficult, way more difficult

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Speaker 1: than I thought. And I'm not even gonna say that

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Speaker 1: it makes me feel so much better, but I just

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Speaker 1: don't feel terrible when I'm not eating cheese, having any

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Speaker 1: milk or any dairy at all. But it is difficult. So,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm like a third vegan at this point,

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Speaker 1: and not even on purpose. But that's been a bit

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Speaker 1: of a change in my life. Even if I order

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Speaker 1: like a burger, there are some places that will order

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Speaker 1: ubres or door Dash or whichever the services they can

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Speaker 1: get here the quickest, and they don't offer to take

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Speaker 1: the cheese off the burger, and so it gets here

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Speaker 1: and I've got a fork and I got to scrape

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Speaker 1: the stupid thing off. So that's number one. Number one

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Speaker 1: is my life is a bit different because I don't

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Speaker 1: get to drink milk, or use milk and cereal, or

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Speaker 1: eat any kind of cheese at all, and that sucks

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Speaker 1: because I love it so much. That's number one on

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Speaker 1: my list of ways that my life has changed in

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Speaker 1: the past four to five months. I was in my

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Speaker 1: therapist's office this past week, and I guess for a

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Speaker 1: few weeks we've been talking about being a perfectionist. I

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Speaker 1: do not consider myself a perfectionist in any way. I

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Speaker 1: have friends that I feel like are perfectionists. I feel

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Speaker 1: like I am the exact opposite of a perfectionist. Now,

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Speaker 1: me feeling that I'm not a perfectionist doesn't mean that

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Speaker 1: I feel like I don't work hard, or I'm not

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Speaker 1: tirelessly putting an effort, or I'm not consistently and constantly

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Speaker 1: trying to be better. But to me, perfectionism seems like

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Speaker 1: it would be calendar to what I'm trying to accomplish,

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Speaker 1: because I will easily try something i'm not good at,

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Speaker 1: not be deterred if it doesn't go well, Let just

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Speaker 1: do it again. I just do it again. And my

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Speaker 1: goal isn't for it to be perfect, because I don't

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Speaker 1: believe there is perfection. Actually, but I'm sitting in my

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Speaker 1: therapist's office, and mostly it's me trying to figure out

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Speaker 1: how to find just generally happiness, or how to be

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Speaker 1: okay with it when I do find it, how to

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Speaker 1: not have guilt about it if I do have it

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Speaker 1: for a second, how to acknowledge it before I start

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Speaker 1: assigning other thoughts to Well, I don't think I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: be happy very long, so I better get ready or well,

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Speaker 1: this went pretty well, but if I don't start killing

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Speaker 1: myself now, it's never going to go well again. So

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Speaker 1: I think it's it's kind of just like sitting inside

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Speaker 1: of happiness. And so I like to read. I don't

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Speaker 1: like to be the person that talks a lot about

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Speaker 1: liking to read, because those people tend to be annoying,

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Speaker 1: not people that read, but people that always talk about

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Speaker 1: how much they read. I don't even mind people talking

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Speaker 1: about great books they have read and passing them along.

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Speaker 1: But it's the people that always want to talk about

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Speaker 1: how much they read or how often they read that

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Speaker 1: annoy me a little bit because I feel like they're

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Speaker 1: only saying that because they want you to know that.

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Speaker 1: It's like the person with the big, fake library in

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Speaker 1: their house and they got all these books and you

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Speaker 1: know they are reading that crap. Or it's like the

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Speaker 1: person who does CrossFit and how to tell you all

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Speaker 1: about it. Or it's like the person that is a

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Speaker 1: new vegan. I would say dairy, but I'm only a

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Speaker 1: third vegan. I don't talk about it much, but I'm

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Speaker 1: telling you it has helped me a ton as far

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Speaker 1: as like not having to be in the bathroom for

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Speaker 1: an hour because I go to the bathroom for an

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Speaker 1: hour and nothing would happen. It just felt like I

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Speaker 1: needed to go to the bathroom. But I'm telling you,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't like I was in the bathroom for an

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Speaker 1: hour and I would be in there in bathroom being

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Speaker 1: would be happening. There'd be no bathroom happening anyway. Off

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Speaker 1: dairy off diry for the most part. What I haven't tried, though,

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Speaker 1: is the lactaide. I don't feel that I've been in

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Speaker 1: a place long enough because if I'm gonna eat dairy

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Speaker 1: and tempt lactaid, I need to be somewhere that I'm

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Speaker 1: comfortable if all doesn't go right. What I'm saying because

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Speaker 1: when I was having big stomach and digestion issues, I

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Speaker 1: had tubes everywhere, like I thought I was sick. I

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Speaker 1: thought something was broken inside of me. So I had

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Speaker 1: they'll tube up the butt the colonoscopy, you had the

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Speaker 1: other one, the endoscopy. They're looking at different things, but

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Speaker 1: they're both oscopies, so not comfortable. Then you gotta do

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Speaker 1: the thing the day before where you don't eat, but

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Speaker 1: then you drink like super soaker liquid. I'm not even

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Speaker 1: sure what it is. And then I go to the

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Speaker 1: doctor and he's like, man, you got the colonoscopy or

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Speaker 1: the colon of a nine year old. He actually didn't

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Speaker 1: say that, but he was like, yeah, you look great.

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Speaker 1: And so I framed up that picture picture of my

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Speaker 1: colon in a frame with a heart over that says Nashville,

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Speaker 1: right next to my bed and it's like, well, there's

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Speaker 1: nothing wrong with me inside that what's wrong with me

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Speaker 1: is me getting back to therapy and there's very much

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Speaker 1: stress induced digestive issues. And you may have heard me

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Speaker 1: talked before about stress. I don't feel stress, not that

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Speaker 1: I don't feel stressed as an I'm a superhero. I

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Speaker 1: feel no stress. I generally don't feel that I am

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Speaker 1: a stressed person because I feel that anything I need

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Speaker 1: to do, I will just do anything that I am

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Speaker 1: not able to do that I need to do it,

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Speaker 1: I will figure out how to do it, and if

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Speaker 1: I can't figure out how to do it and do

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Speaker 1: it unsuccessfully, I will then, after unsuccessfully doing it, figure

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Speaker 1: out how to do it better until I do it right.

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Speaker 1: I'm not stressed out about that stuff, like I feel

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Speaker 1: that I have no stress. Now. It's different whenever there

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Speaker 1: are personal things that happen in your life, and there

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Speaker 1: have been personal things that have happened in my life

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Speaker 1: in the past couple of years that have been pretty traumatic.

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Speaker 1: There have been two really severe situations that I haven't

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Speaker 1: fully been able to acknowledge on the air. At some

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Speaker 1: point I will, but it's a timing thing and I

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Speaker 1: cannot yet for different reasons. But personally, I've had two

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Speaker 1: very severe slash traumatic things happen in my direct circle,

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Speaker 1: one involving me, one not involving me, And I think

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Speaker 1: that stress is different. I'm talking about day to day stress. Now.

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Speaker 1: I have a staff of fifteen people. Do I worry

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Speaker 1: that my performance will not be quality enough for them

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Speaker 1: to keep their jobs? At times? I do worry about

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Speaker 1: that because I got to be honest with you. If

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Speaker 1: I go down, the whole ship goes down. That's truth

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Speaker 1: of it. I know that. So if I'm not performing

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Speaker 1: at my highest and the show doesn't perform at its highest,

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Speaker 1: I got a lot of people that are scurrying, And

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Speaker 1: these are my people. If you know my show, you

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Speaker 1: know that I've hired my people from my life. You

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Speaker 1: know the radio show. Amy's been there for twenty years.

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Speaker 1: I was talking to somebody the other day about how

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Speaker 1: long everybody's been with me. They were blown away. I

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Speaker 1: forget sometimes that it is abnormal to have people with

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Speaker 1: you for that long. Amy and Lunchbox are about twenty years.

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Speaker 1: I mean, Eddie and I have been friends for just

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Speaker 1: about that amount of time, but we've been working together

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Speaker 1: on the show for thirteen or fourteen Ray same thing

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Speaker 1: thirteen fourteen years, Mike Dan one capacity to the other

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Speaker 1: twelve thirteen fourteen years. Even Morgan, who came along way late,

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Speaker 1: is now a decade in. And it's funny when people

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Speaker 1: will comment on the environment of the show or like

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Speaker 1: go after me, or go after someone on the show

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Speaker 1: like this just so toxic or toxic? Do think people

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Speaker 1: would be around for twenty years for ten years? Like

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Speaker 1: there are things we do because we're close and we're

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Speaker 1: able to rib each other, give each other a hard time.

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Speaker 1: We're even able to cross the line a little bit

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Speaker 1: because we know if we do accidentally cross the line,

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Speaker 1: we have enough invested in the years that it ain't

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Speaker 1: gonna sink the ship. And so when people are always

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Speaker 1: like this person doesn't like this person, or they don't

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Speaker 1: get along, or they're fighting, or I hate how they

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Speaker 1: treat whomever, I do find that to be a bit comedic,

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Speaker 1: because if the culture was bad, you wouldn't have people

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Speaker 1: there for twenty years or fifteen years or ten years,

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Speaker 1: which is like the lowest I think our lowest persons

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Speaker 1: probably Scuba, and Scuba came over from Seacrest after a

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Speaker 1: few Scuba's probably been there almost ten years, so that

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Speaker 1: just doesn't happen, right, Like, I really take pride in

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Speaker 1: the environment that I create. I hold myself to a

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Speaker 1: very very very very high standard, and I hold everybody

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Speaker 1: else to a high standard, and I hold everybody else

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Speaker 1: to have accountability to the other people in the room.

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Speaker 1: And on the show, everybody's not going to be on

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Speaker 1: every day, but you got to show up on time

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Speaker 1: every single time. Now, how this all gets back to

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Speaker 1: stress and perfectionism is that I don't feel stressed except

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Speaker 1: I do. I did talk about this in the show recently.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that I felt stress. And you may

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Speaker 1: be having some of these same feelings, except you're not

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Speaker 1: feeling them like I don't, and you may not know

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Speaker 1: it like I don't. And what I would say is

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Speaker 1: through a lot of therapy. And when I'm not a

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Speaker 1: therapy kid, didn't have therapy obviously as a kid, didn't

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Speaker 1: have any money, didn't go to therapy, didn't start therapy

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Speaker 1: until I was an adult. Got insurance. It's probably like

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Speaker 1: twenty five or twenty six, and I was like, for

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Speaker 1: twenty bucks, I can go to therapy. I can go

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Speaker 1: to sit in a room or the shrink, because that's

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Speaker 1: what they call them my television. I gets in the

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Speaker 1: room with a shrink and just say stuff and they'll

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Speaker 1: give me advice. And it literally was going to be

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Speaker 1: for a bit, and about the third time I went,

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Speaker 1: I was actually getting feedback. And then I just kept going,

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Speaker 1: and then I started to realize how excellent is it

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Speaker 1: to have somebody that has no bias giving you feedback.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't mean they're right every time. They're not even

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Speaker 1: trying to be right. I think that's one of my

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Speaker 1: favorite things about therapy. Therapists aren't trying to be right.

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Speaker 1: They're not calling a play. It's not third and six

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Speaker 1: and they're running a slant and turns out you shouldn't

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Speaker 1: run the slant because the corners were on the inside.

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Speaker 1: You had no leverage. And you're like, well that was

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Speaker 1: a bad play to call. Oh they're not. They're actually

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Speaker 1: therapy is setting you up to make the right decisions,

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Speaker 1: or just to have the right tools to make decisions. So,

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Speaker 1: and I've talked about it, been a big therapy guy.

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Speaker 1: But the stress part, as I've learned, is that I have,

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Speaker 1: since possibly even birth, lived under a certain amount of

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Speaker 1: stress that comes with survival. I don't feel it now.

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Speaker 1: I do at times when it manifests itself in weird ways.

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Speaker 1: But when I talk about stress, stress feels different. Stress

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Speaker 1: is like an omnipresent force that when it presents itself,

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Speaker 1: you're like, oh yeah, stress a big thing at works,

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Speaker 1: stressed out. I don't have that. Except what I have

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Speaker 1: learned is that I live within that because I've never

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Speaker 1: been out of that, which is why I don't know

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Speaker 1: how to relax, which is why I don't have a

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Speaker 1: favorite place to go for vacation, which is why I

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Speaker 1: don't like vacation. And I should should say it's not

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Speaker 1: that I don't like vacation. I just don't like vacation.

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Speaker 1: I think there's a difference. I don't dislike vacation, but

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Speaker 1: I don't like vacation. I have no relationship with whatever

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Speaker 1: vacation is because my entire life, I'm not even talking

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Speaker 1: about Wham's poor. I'm not even talking about that to me.

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Speaker 1: Once I started working, I was at one o five

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Speaker 1: point nine k eazy, and I was making what like

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Speaker 1: seven bucks an hour? I doubt that, and I would

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Speaker 1: get a week off. I would use that time to

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Speaker 1: fill it with what I didn't have enough time to

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Speaker 1: do in other parts of work, because again I had

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Speaker 1: to pay whatever the rent was, whatever, the car insurance

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Speaker 1: was whatever, and a lot of people have to do that.

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Speaker 1: It's not even like a rare thing. But I never

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Speaker 1: had a relationship with it because I never went on

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Speaker 1: a vacation as a kid, and then when I became

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Speaker 1: an adult and there was time for vacation, there was

257
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Speaker 1: no real surplus of a couple hundred bucks to go

258
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Speaker 1: on a vacation, nor did I know what I wanted

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Speaker 1: to do on vacation, nor did I have anybody to

260
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Speaker 1: do it with. So I had this relationship with whatever

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Speaker 1: vacation is. There was nonexistent. Not bad, definitely not good,

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Speaker 1: not bad, but just non existent. I don't know how

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Speaker 1: to relax, which is why I've said a bunch of

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Speaker 1: times I wish I could have a relationship with whatever

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Speaker 1: people do when they like drink a little bit and

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Speaker 1: relax or smoke weed or whatever they do to relax,

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Speaker 1: Like I wish I had something like that that allowed

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Speaker 1: me to just experience it. So but apparently I don't

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Speaker 1: feel stress because there was an underlying stress that was

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Speaker 1: implanted into me when I was a mere child. Now,

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Speaker 1: I don't blame anybody for that. My mom was fifteen

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Speaker 1: when she got pregnant. She had me weeks after her

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Speaker 1: sixteenth birthday. What do you think is going to happen?

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Speaker 1: She's struggling herself, had a lot of guilt for a

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Speaker 1: lot of years about just being born because had not

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Speaker 1: been born. Imagine I'm not even gonna say the great

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Speaker 1: life that she could have had because she was also

278
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Speaker 1: very poor, but like, imagine that she'd have had a

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Speaker 1: shot to graduate high school, possibly to go to college.

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Speaker 1: From all accounts, my mom was a very smart person.

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Speaker 1: She also could sing. That part it didn't get. So

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Speaker 1: there's a stress that from a very young age I

283
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Speaker 1: didn't have stability or a whole lot of support as

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Speaker 1: a baby, as a toddler, as a whatever lurrey you

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Speaker 1: are when you're four or five, six kindergarten. I don't

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Speaker 1: remember not feeling it, but I definitely remember being alone

287
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Speaker 1: a lot, even as a young, young, young kid. And

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Speaker 1: the more that I ended up reading about children who

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Speaker 1: not abandoned, because I was not abandoned. Now, my mom

290
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Speaker 1: was gone for years at a time, but my grandma

291
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Speaker 1: was there to raise me. And if you read my

292
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Speaker 1: first book, which is called Bare Bones. I do talk

293
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Speaker 1: about how I think I wrote in the book. I

294
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:41,399
Speaker 1: have not read the book back since I wrote it

295
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Speaker 1: because it was very difficult. But I think I wrote

296
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Speaker 1: about how my grandma had left out my Social Security

297
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Speaker 1: card where I had a change of a last name.

298
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Speaker 1: So my name was Bobby. My grandma's last name was Hurt,

299
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Speaker 1: which is why I have HH on my arm, Hazel Hurt.

300
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Speaker 1: So my grandma was Hazel Hurt and my name was

301
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Speaker 1: Bobby Hurt. And I was like, why is my name different.

302
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Speaker 1: It's not Bobby Estell like it is. And then she

303
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Speaker 1: told me she was my grandma. I'm my mom because

304
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Speaker 1: my mom would just disappear. Now again, you're talking about

305
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:11,520
Speaker 1: I'm five or six years old, so let's just say five.

306
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Speaker 1: So my mom's twenty one. That's crazy. It's crazy to

307
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,600
Speaker 1: think of her being sixteen years old with a baby

308
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Speaker 1: and no real support system, at least not one that

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Speaker 1: could provide financially. So from what I've been told, what

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Speaker 1: I've been taught, what I've learned through all the books

311
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Speaker 1: I've read, let me type in all the books I read,

312
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:43,760
Speaker 1: just kidding, is that that feeling of not knowing there

313
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Speaker 1: was consistency or love from being a baby in on

314
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Speaker 1: does create a stress inside of you. I don't know what.

315
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Speaker 1: I don't feel it, but I always had it. I

316
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Speaker 1: remember being third or fourth grade, and I would try

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Speaker 1: to get to school early, even if I rode my bike,

318
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Speaker 1: which I did a lot of times, because I was

319
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Speaker 1: on the free lunch program, and if you got to early,

320
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:09,000
Speaker 1: you got free breakfast, and so I would try to

321
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,840
Speaker 1: get there so I could eat, because sometimes we're gonna

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Speaker 1: have breakfast at the house, and so I got free lunch.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes I would save the lunch or I would

324
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:21,919
Speaker 1: get extra if they would allow, and I would take

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Speaker 1: it home and eat it for dinner. And it never

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00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:31,080
Speaker 1: felt that I was without when that was happening, because

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Speaker 1: that was just normal. And I think a lot of

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00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,840
Speaker 1: you guys will relate to that too, Like I didn't

329
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Speaker 1: know the difference. It was just I'd like to eat.

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Speaker 1: So how am I gonna eat? Not always food at

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Speaker 1: the house, So I think I'm gonna eat by riding

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Speaker 1: my bike to school extra early. By the way, nobody

333
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,840
Speaker 1: woke me up, I will remember. I mean, it's it's

334
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Speaker 1: how I live my life now, right is gonna be

335
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:57,639
Speaker 1: eventually my point, and so I never felt like I

336
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:02,199
Speaker 1: was without because I didn't know the difference. I was

337
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:07,800
Speaker 1: just normal. I mean, there were other kids that had more,

338
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:09,320
Speaker 1: and I guess I felt like a kid that didn't

339
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:12,439
Speaker 1: have as much. But it wasn't. Yeah, I wasn't ostracized

340
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,240
Speaker 1: so much because I'm from a small town where most

341
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,200
Speaker 1: people are poor. We did have one killed a swim

342
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Speaker 1: pool in ground. That's pretty freaking cool. But if I

343
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,920
Speaker 1: didn't get free breakfast, if I didn't get free lunch,

344
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,919
Speaker 1: if I didn't take some home for dinner. Sometimes not

345
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,439
Speaker 1: all the time, because sometimes we had Hamburger, Helper or manwich,

346
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,680
Speaker 1: and I explained to my wife what man which was yeah.

347
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,480
Speaker 1: So it wasn't all the time, but definitely with some

348
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,119
Speaker 1: times that I needed to be prepared. So there was

349
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:46,200
Speaker 1: a stress there, right, not that I knew. I didn't

350
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:52,800
Speaker 1: know I was stressed. I was just surviving, you know.

351
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:58,160
Speaker 1: I think about seventh or eighth grade, probably seventh, because

352
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,440
Speaker 1: that's when I took my act for the first time.

353
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:06,639
Speaker 1: Seventh grade is when I realized whatever was happening in

354
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 1: my small town, it was for a lot of people,

355
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,400
Speaker 1: but it wasn't for me because I wanted to do

356
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:18,920
Speaker 1: things that other people around me weren't doing, not because

357
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:23,479
Speaker 1: I was watching them done, but because I naturally was

358
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:26,560
Speaker 1: doing things that really didn't make a lot of sense

359
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:30,600
Speaker 1: where I was. And a great thing too, is my

360
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:37,720
Speaker 1: mom around I guess eighth grade. I'm not sure when

361
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:41,119
Speaker 1: my mom in Arkansas, Keith got married. They were together

362
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,399
Speaker 1: on and off a bit. I live with my grandma

363
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 1: for a little bit while they were together. My grandma

364
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:53,960
Speaker 1: was awesome. Like I get, I don't get emotional thinking

365
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,879
Speaker 1: about things, but if I am talking about it like

366
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 1: I am now, like I'm starting to feel a little

367
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:02,720
Speaker 1: choked up thinking about my grandma. It's to the point

368
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 1: where I sometimes I avoid thinking about her because I

369
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:06,200
Speaker 1: don't know it makes me sad and like I miss

370
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 1: her Because it didn't matter what happened. My grandma was

371
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,080
Speaker 1: always there. And again, I didn't know the difference. I

372
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,440
Speaker 1: didn't know how important she was. I didn't know that

373
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:23,199
Speaker 1: what she was doing was basically making sure that I

374
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:29,360
Speaker 1: had any sort of chance to do anything. And I'm

375
00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:33,080
Speaker 1: not even saying do anything that's considered successful or great,

376
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,760
Speaker 1: but just to not fall into the same traps that

377
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:39,640
Speaker 1: a lot of people in a lot of small towns

378
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 1: fall into which is why I'm so sensitive to people

379
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:51,040
Speaker 1: in small towns getting opportunities, because a lot of times

380
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,480
Speaker 1: they don't have a grandma. I don't think I have

381
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 1: the worst story ever. I think there are parts of

382
00:22:56,359 --> 00:23:02,399
Speaker 1: my story that are and were difficult well, and I

383
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:07,760
Speaker 1: used to resent them so much and be confused as

384
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,720
Speaker 1: to why that crap had to happen to me. I

385
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 1: don't feel that way anymore. For the most part, I'm

386
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:19,120
Speaker 1: grateful for them because I wouldn't be whatever stress ball

387
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:23,040
Speaker 1: I am. But I wouldn't have this success. I wouldn't

388
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:24,520
Speaker 1: have met my wife. I wouldn't have had a lot

389
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 1: of this stuff happen had I not gone through that.

390
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 1: But without my grandma, I don't even get a chance

391
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 1: to do that. Whatever difficult life I had would have

392
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:37,679
Speaker 1: been so much more difficult without my grandma, which I

393
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:41,520
Speaker 1: haven't really thought about in a long time. I'm sitting

394
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 1: here now thinking about it, and a little bit my

395
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:52,159
Speaker 1: eyeballs are getting hot. But she was there, and she

396
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:56,879
Speaker 1: wasn't there like hey, every day, I'm here. If you

397
00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 1: need me, come on over. She wasn't there like that,

398
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 1: But she was there. In that if my mom wasn't there,

399
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,479
Speaker 1: guess what. Guess where we're going, Guess what we're staying.

400
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:14,159
Speaker 1: Guess who's staying her. My grandma always, always, always, she

401
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:20,200
Speaker 1: wasn't hey, I'm coming over and bringing something over. No, no, no,

402
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:25,520
Speaker 1: she was just the ultimate safety net, more than a net.

403
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 1: I think my mom knew that too. So my mom

404
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:33,920
Speaker 1: was very, very, very young, I think. I mean, now

405
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 1: I'm forty four years old. My mom died just about

406
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 1: my age, just barely older, but just my age. Basically,

407
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:54,800
Speaker 1: I think about how old I was compared to how old.

408
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 1: If I would have had a kid at the same

409
00:24:56,640 --> 00:25:06,919
Speaker 1: age as my mom, crazy like, right now, i'd have

410
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 1: a kid over twenty years old, over twenty I mean,

411
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 1: i'd have a twenty for again, twenty six year old kid.

412
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:27,159
Speaker 1: I mean, if I'm math, that's right, but which is crazy?

413
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: And again, I used to feel so much guilt because

414
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:34,280
Speaker 1: of that, because my mom had me sorrly. But I'm

415
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 1: also grateful for my grandma. I'm grateful for my stress

416
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 1: that I did not know I had, but I do

417
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 1: have it, and I do at least now I do

418
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 1: have the ability to acknowledge it. And so when you

419
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 1: live with something for so long and you don't even

420
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,679
Speaker 1: know you live with it. It's kind of hard just

421
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 1: to go, oh, I'm gonna point a finger at that,

422
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:07,680
Speaker 1: and it's just going to disappear. Because again, I don't

423
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:15,200
Speaker 1: feel stressed, because I've always had a sort of stress

424
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:20,919
Speaker 1: entrenched into me from whenever I was a baby to now.

425
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:23,160
Speaker 1: I mean, you can talk to the people that work

426
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 1: for me. I think I am both the greatest boss

427
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 1: of all time and the absolute most fantastic A plus

428
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 1: leader there could possibly be, and at the same time

429
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:47,680
Speaker 1: the exact opposite. There's two things can be true at once.

430
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 1: I stay so stressed out every single day. I don't sleep.

431
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 1: Why don't I sleep because I'm afraid I will oversleep,

432
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 1: and if I oversleep, I lose my job. There's a

433
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,160
Speaker 1: lot of letters in between there, like if I oversleep,

434
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 1: the performance is low, so but me not sleeping also

435
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 1: then allows me to get sick, and I get sick,

436
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 1: I don't perform as well, So then there is that

437
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 1: that contradiction within itself. But I feel constantly stressed out

438
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:27,879
Speaker 1: without even knowing what stress is. I am wound so tight.

439
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:32,439
Speaker 1: I am not saying this as a compliment but I

440
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 1: have never met anyone more efficient than me. I don't

441
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 1: think efficiency is that sexy, but I have never met

442
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 1: anyone more efficient than me because I'm scared to not

443
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:53,720
Speaker 1: be so, I am stressed out constantly without feeling stressed.

444
00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:00,440
Speaker 1: And this is where perfectionism comes into play. I haven't

445
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:04,200
Speaker 1: forgot about that. It's where I started, it's where I'm

446
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:08,600
Speaker 1: going to end this part. I'm not a perfectionist. I

447
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:12,359
Speaker 1: don't speak well, and I have a job that people

448
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:16,959
Speaker 1: listen to me. Millions of people listen to me. I

449
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:23,120
Speaker 1: am wildly successful at this job. By the way, one

450
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:28,439
Speaker 1: step back. I think I'm a great boss because I

451
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 1: don't do anything. I don't ask my people to do period.

452
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 1: I think i'm a great boss because if you're on

453
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 1: my team, we're going to win. It might take a second,

454
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 1: we might lose for a minute, but we're going to win.

455
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 1: I am a great boss because your other teammates are

456
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 1: going to respect you and your time the way you're

457
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 1: going to respect them. I'm a great boss because I

458
00:28:52,880 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 1: have extremely high expectations of myself and high expectations of you.

459
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 1: And I only have high expectations of you if I

460
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 1: think you can meet those expectations. So if you're working

461
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:10,600
Speaker 1: with me, I have high regards for you, and I

462
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 1: expect you to not only hit that, but to break

463
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 1: from that. I think I'm a great leader. Now ask

464
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:25,400
Speaker 1: I'm a great leader because get on the team and

465
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 1: let's go win. And I'm a great leader because I

466
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 1: know all the time I can't lead. There have been

467
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 1: a couple of times I referenced it earlier, a couple

468
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 1: of instances where I was really working from a detra

469
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 1: I don't want to say it was very tough for me,

470
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 1: and I had to rely on others. And I think

471
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:52,440
Speaker 1: a great leader knows that at times you have to

472
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 1: do that. A great leader is not someone with no weakness.

473
00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 1: I have a ton of weakness. So I think I'm

474
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 1: a great leader. I also think I'm at times a

475
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 1: terrible leader in that I don't communicate well with others

476
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 1: in certain professional instances because I think at this point

477
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 1: my feeling is well, they can understand, they can read

478
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 1: my mind, they know what I'm feeling, and so I

479
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 1: get disappointed without it being fair to them. And I

480
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 1: know that and I try to get better at that.

481
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 1: And I think that is an extreme weakness of mine.

482
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 1: Is a lack of communication at times, not because I'm

483
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 1: scared to communicate because I'm not generally a people pleaser,

484
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 1: but I think it's the expectation that people are able

485
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 1: to know what I'm thinking for whatever reason, because we've

486
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:01,239
Speaker 1: done it for a long time together, because they know

487
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:09,040
Speaker 1: so definitely have flaws, But if you're with me, it's

488
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 1: because I believe in you and we're gonna go win

489
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 1: the sucker, it doesn't matter what it is. I think

490
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 1: a bit of my stress is making sure that what

491
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 1: I have, and that's relationships, that's work, making sure that

492
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 1: doesn't crumble because I'm petrified I don't deserve it to

493
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: begin with. I don't really have a skill. Like I said,

494
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 1: I'm not the greatest talker, not the greatest community even

495
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:48,000
Speaker 1: just my job, not even like leadership skills have an accent.

496
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 1: I talk too fast at times, I forget mid sentence

497
00:31:53,120 --> 00:32:00,240
Speaker 1: what I was trying to say because something else happens.

498
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 1: But that doesn't keep me from being really good at

499
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 1: this job. And I think a lot of the success

500
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 1: has been I've been able to pick really m really

501
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 1: I don't want to short sell them with the words

502
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 1: really well rounded in specialized ways high functioning people, and

503
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 1: that's been cool. But I'm afraid if I oversleep. I'm

504
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 1: afraid if I don't put in X amount of time

505
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 1: at night reading through stories. I'm afraid if I don't

506
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 1: keep up with this. I'm afraid if I don't. It's

507
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 1: complete fear based that has created the stress that I

508
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 1: live with that I don't know I have. That is

509
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 1: not only my superpower, but it is also my greatest

510
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:13,560
Speaker 1: weakness now to perfectionism in the midst of this stress

511
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 1: and me trying to find out how that I can

512
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 1: sleep because I don't sleep, and I think it used

513
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 1: to be the cool thing that God, I don't sleep,

514
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 1: I just work. I don't feel that way anymore because

515
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 1: I need to sleep in order to be extremely effective working.

516
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 1: But I just need to sleep to be healthy, to

517
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:41,200
Speaker 1: be there for my wife, to be a decent boss,

518
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:43,440
Speaker 1: to have my wits about me so I can be funny.

519
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 1: I don't sleep, and a bit of that, if not

520
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 1: all of that is coming from the stress, not from

521
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,880
Speaker 1: whatever physically has been going on with me, because I've

522
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:56,640
Speaker 1: had it all checked out, all of us checked out.

523
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 1: I've got tubes in every hole, got them in there now,

524
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 1: coln Osky and Dosk be adopt Osk could be adopt

525
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 1: osk could be And I hope if you're listening, maybe

526
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 1: you can relate to a little bit of this. And

527
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 1: where perfectionism comes in. My therapist is like, I think

528
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 1: your perfectionist is that. I think you are absolutely wrong

529
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:21,319
Speaker 1: because I don't pursue perfection. I think me trying to

530
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:23,880
Speaker 1: be perfect at something, me trying to make it slick

531
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 1: and shiny. That would be the opposite of what I've

532
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:32,879
Speaker 1: always done successfully. And I haven't purposefully done it successfully

533
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:37,759
Speaker 1: because if I had a great announcer voice, I would

534
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:39,920
Speaker 1: have done that. I think I wanted to sound like

535
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:44,719
Speaker 1: this crap, but it's like, I think you're missing the

536
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:50,279
Speaker 1: point of what perfectionism is. And I was because when

537
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 1: I air perfectionism, I think it's to somebody wanting a

538
00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 1: perfect product. And when I air perfectionism, I think of

539
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 1: it as a positive. I think of it as well,

540
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:00,440
Speaker 1: they really want to do it perfect, They're not going

541
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 1: to quit until then, and I think that can be

542
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:09,759
Speaker 1: an aspect of it. However, I have now started to

543
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 1: learn I've been waiting into perfectionism in a way that

544
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 1: is not the most healthy in a way that I

545
00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 1: do have these tendencies because I think there is no

546
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:26,400
Speaker 1: way I will be successful unless my process of doing

547
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:31,880
Speaker 1: something is perfectly the same way that it's been my

548
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 1: entire life, because that's the only way I've been successful,

549
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 1: and the only way I've been successful is showing up

550
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 1: on time every time, all the time and making sure

551
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 1: that nothing that I can control is off even a percent,

552
00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:52,759
Speaker 1: which is stressful. I think about perfectionism like that. I

553
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:56,120
Speaker 1: didn't think about perfectionism as being not a perfect product,

554
00:35:56,600 --> 00:36:00,080
Speaker 1: but my perfectionism is in my mind. I feel like

555
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 1: if I don't do it this one exact way, that

556
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 1: it's not going to be done right. I'm petrified to

557
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:09,719
Speaker 1: do it a different way. I'm petrified to be late.

558
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,359
Speaker 1: I'm the first one there. Ray Mundo is there. He's

559
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 1: got to turn the show on. But if everybody like that,

560
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:16,520
Speaker 1: you guys, hear of I'm the first one there. I

561
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 1: would like to be like some of the other guys

562
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:19,759
Speaker 1: I know they do radio on TV that are like

563
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:22,000
Speaker 1: whatever the big star as they show up ten minutes

564
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:24,680
Speaker 1: before and everybody else has everything taken care of, and

565
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 1: they walk in, they got their notes and oh they've

566
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:30,279
Speaker 1: planned every bit. No, I can't do that. I would

567
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 1: love to do that, I'm not too good to do that.

568
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:39,279
Speaker 1: But I feel if I do that, I will not

569
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 1: be successful. And it's not even just that. It's why

570
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,359
Speaker 1: I made my news resolution to try to be late

571
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 1: twice to work this year. I've not even been close.

572
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:53,400
Speaker 1: I can't. It's that I think, not that I'm going

573
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:57,319
Speaker 1: to succeed if I don't do the process perfect, but

574
00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:59,759
Speaker 1: that if I don't do the process quote perfect, in

575
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,480
Speaker 1: my mind, that I am going to fail and flame

576
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 1: out so hard that I'm going to be back where

577
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 1: I started. Whichever version of that it is. I've never

578
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 1: thought of myself as a perfectionist because my product is

579
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 1: not perfect. I have not even edited this. I have

580
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,920
Speaker 1: no desire to edit this. There's gonna be gaps. I'm

581
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 1: gonna be stumbling, I'm gonna be saying things wrong. My books,

582
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:32,040
Speaker 1: like my literal books with a massive publishing company, the

583
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 1: biggest in the world, they have typos in them because

584
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:35,719
Speaker 1: I wrote. When I wrote, I wrote so wrong that

585
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 1: they couldn't even catch all the typos. I'm fine with that.

586
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 1: A big part of whatever my brand is has been

587
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 1: just go and try it. I would rather there be

588
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 1: action and messing up than in action, because at least

589
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:49,799
Speaker 1: with action you learn something, But with action you got

590
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:52,360
Speaker 1: to show up every time, on time, all the time.

591
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 1: And so where my perfectionism, I don't say that is

592
00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:59,200
Speaker 1: a positive thing, that is not a flex or a brag.

593
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:03,160
Speaker 1: Where my perfectionism comes in is I am scared to

594
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 1: death that if I don't do it the exact way

595
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,879
Speaker 1: I've done it my entire life, that I am going

596
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 1: to be a loser, a failure and it. And then

597
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 1: here's the contradiction. At the same time, I'm like, well,

598
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 1: I don't mind failing, I failed so many things, But

599
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 1: then why must I maintain this extremely rigorous process that

600
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 1: keeps me apparently so stressed out it physically makes me

601
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:45,040
Speaker 1: sick and completely fearful. I don't know the answer to that,

602
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:50,279
Speaker 1: but I do accept now that I am a perfectionist,

603
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 1: and not in the way of I am a perfectionist

604
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:57,959
Speaker 1: when it comes to playing the cello, where the notes

605
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,799
Speaker 1: must be exactly right and you shall enjoy this. I

606
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:03,920
Speaker 1: am a perfectionist in an unhealthy way where if the

607
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:06,360
Speaker 1: process is not done and what I feel is the

608
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 1: perfect way, it is not acceptable, and when it's not acceptable,

609
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:13,799
Speaker 1: I will be a complete loser and failure. And you

610
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 1: know what, when you say it out loud, it feels ridiculous,

611
00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:25,239
Speaker 1: and it is ridiculous, But it can't change how I

612
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:30,000
Speaker 1: feel in a day or three therapy sessions. But the

613
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 1: key to changing anything, if it's whatever I'm whining about here,

614
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:42,279
Speaker 1: if it's addiction, even I could talk about my mom

615
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 1: or other family members, is acknowledging it is understanding that

616
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 1: it exists. That's the key. It doesn't mean you're going

617
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,799
Speaker 1: to fix it, but you cannot fix it if you

618
00:39:54,840 --> 00:40:00,640
Speaker 1: don't know about it, if you don't acknowledge it. So

619
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:02,440
Speaker 1: I'm trying not to be as much of a perfectionist.

620
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 1: Weird to say, because it does feel like a flex,

621
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 1: it is not a flex. I did not think I

622
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,360
Speaker 1: was a perfectionist forever because my product is not perfect.

623
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 1: And I would encourage you if you're listening to this,

624
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:16,359
Speaker 1: if you have these tendencies that you can't figure out.

625
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,400
Speaker 1: I had to look at it from a different perspective

626
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 1: because if you would have said, oh, you're a perfectionist,

627
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 1: it seriously said that there's no way. There's no way.

628
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:29,719
Speaker 1: I'd bet all the money in my pocket. I got

629
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:33,400
Speaker 1: like eleven bucks in my pocket. Because my product is

630
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:35,400
Speaker 1: not perfect. That does not mean I'm not a perfectionist,

631
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:37,319
Speaker 1: because it must be done a certain way what I

632
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 1: deem perfect in order to be successful, and that also

633
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 1: is not true. So it's challenging. I'm not even gonna

634
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 1: say beliefs because I didn't even know that I had it.

635
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:48,919
Speaker 1: But I know what my belief system is. I didn't

636
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:53,799
Speaker 1: even know that I felt this way, but that's what's up.

637
00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:00,960
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be less of a perfectionist. I'm trying

638
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 1: to identify the stresses and stressors that keep me from

639
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 1: sleeping and being healthy. I'm very happy I had this

640
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:18,560
Speaker 1: conversation because I thought about my grandmother in a way

641
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 1: that I haven't in a long time, a very thankful way.

642
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:27,040
Speaker 1: I'm never not thankful, but just for a second in

643
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 1: this conversation, she existed with me, and that's pretty awesome.

644
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:44,640
Speaker 1: I mostly got over years ago feeling guilty that I

645
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:51,880
Speaker 1: was born. Mostly that doesn't mean I fully am now,

646
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 1: but at least I understand when I struggle with it,

647
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:58,520
Speaker 1: and I still feel guilty for being born, I understand

648
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 1: I had nothing to do with that I could not

649
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:04,720
Speaker 1: control that in any way. And I'm somebody who likes control,

650
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 1: because I feel like if I control it, if it

651
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:11,600
Speaker 1: doesn't go right, at least I had a chance because

652
00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:14,719
Speaker 1: I was controlling it. I have no control over it.

653
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 1: I had no control over it. I will have no

654
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 1: control over it. I can acknowledge that now the same

655
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,200
Speaker 1: way I can acknowledge that I'm a perfectionist in the

656
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 1: worst way. The rest of the podcast that was up

657
00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 1: today was a rerun, or was it. It was Monday,

658
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 1: so it was a new show today. It's a new

659
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,920
Speaker 1: show today, but we put this podcast up today with

660
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 1: it because we only did the single show and then

661
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:51,759
Speaker 1: this because I just want to make sure one there's

662
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:53,319
Speaker 1: content and too. I didn't even get to the other

663
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:56,239
Speaker 1: things I want to talk about. Now I gotta go eat.

664
00:42:56,840 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 1: I want to talk about my chain I've been wearing.

665
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,160
Speaker 1: I'm not a chain guy. I'm a jewelry guy. One

666
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:03,759
Speaker 1: thing about my wife, and there's many things about my

667
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 1: wife that I deeply respect. It's her confidence in everybody.

668
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:16,239
Speaker 1: It all was rooted in. And I'll be quick because

669
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:20,400
Speaker 1: my food's apparently up there. I was doing NFL Honors.

670
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:22,240
Speaker 1: It was a television show on Fox with the NFL

671
00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:23,960
Speaker 1: was presenting an award to George Kittle, the tied end

672
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 1: for the forty nine ers, and I was up. I

673
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 1: was on television and I was wearing suit but no tie,

674
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 1: and I said, man, I feel empty with no tie.

675
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:35,239
Speaker 1: My wife said, I don't wear like a chain. I

676
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:38,279
Speaker 1: was like, I don't wear jewelry. I like stupid. And

677
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 1: she was like, well, you can wear a chain. It'll

678
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 1: just give you a slight like a emsy beansy little

679
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 1: something and people may not even see it, but they

680
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:46,520
Speaker 1: may sit the back of your neck. It'll add just

681
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:49,920
Speaker 1: something and maybe it won't, but maybe it will. And

682
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:51,880
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know. She's like, just swear. Think

683
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 1: about my wife. She really believes if you believe you

684
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:58,640
Speaker 1: can pull it off, you can pull it off, and

685
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:05,359
Speaker 1: if everybody else. So I've had a little it's very small,

686
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:06,960
Speaker 1: had a little chain and I've just been wearing it

687
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 1: because I appreciate that from her, not even about that

688
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 1: TV show, but she lives by it. She's like, it

689
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:15,720
Speaker 1: doesn't matter what people think. Oh does this look stupid?

690
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:17,520
Speaker 1: Can I pull this off? She's like, do you want

691
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:23,200
Speaker 1: to pull it off? Do you like it. Okay, you're

692
00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 1: pulling it off the end. She's right now. I was

693
00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:30,440
Speaker 1: gonna do a whole chain thing because I've been wearing

694
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:32,160
Speaker 1: a chain a little bit. But nobody's noticed. And that's okay,

695
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:35,600
Speaker 1: you have to notice my chain. Gotta go. Hope you

696
00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:37,480
Speaker 1: guys have a great rest of the day. If if

697
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:38,759
Speaker 1: you heard this, if you got to this point, send

698
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:40,759
Speaker 1: me a message on Instagram my stories. I appreciate that.

699
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 1: I have no idea if you guys are gonna listen

700
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,120
Speaker 1: for fifty minutes to this. This was not supposed to

701
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:48,719
Speaker 1: go this long. Maybe you don't, maybe it won't. Maybe

702
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:50,440
Speaker 1: well you won't even notice in me a message, but

703
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:52,279
Speaker 1: you can send me a message saying, hey, listen to

704
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 1: all fifty minutes like this. Didn't like this, This did

705
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:58,400
Speaker 1: not resonate with me. This did resonate with me. That

706
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:01,520
Speaker 1: helps me. I do like feedback. So thank you for listening.

707
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 1: And I appreciate you guys listening to the show. There

708
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:06,440
Speaker 1: are ten million options in fact that you listen with us.

709
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:09,640
Speaker 1: That's really awesome, and thank you very much. And that

710
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:15,800
Speaker 1: is the end of this one man show. All right bye, everybody,