1 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, where we 2 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:12,119 Speaker 1: discussed all things mental health, personal development, and all the 3 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible 4 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:19,520 Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Harden Bradford, 5 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information 6 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:28,920 Speaker 1: and resources, visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls 7 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: dot com. And while I hope you love listening to 8 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,159 Speaker 1: and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to 9 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,400 Speaker 1: be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental 10 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:47,479 Speaker 1: health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me 11 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,159 Speaker 1: for session forty three of the Therapy for Black Girls 12 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:55,200 Speaker 1: podcast and happy Black History More. For today's episode, I'm 13 00:00:55,280 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 1: joined by licensed clinical social worker Alice Chanelle Coleman. Elise 14 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:05,240 Speaker 1: is a wife, mom, and serial entrepreneur. She obtained a 15 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:08,680 Speaker 1: bachelor's degree in social work and then a massive's degree 16 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:12,319 Speaker 1: in social work with a specialization in clinical social work 17 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:17,679 Speaker 1: and law. She has an awesome husband, two kids, the littles, 18 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:22,120 Speaker 1: and two bonus kids, the bigs. Elise began her foray 19 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:25,480 Speaker 1: into the world of postpartum mental health after the birth 20 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,880 Speaker 1: of her first child in two thousand fifteen, which was 21 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 1: a mix of emotions from excitement, trepidation, and anxiety. Motherhood 22 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:38,479 Speaker 1: in Motion. Her company was created to address the self 23 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,680 Speaker 1: care and mental health needs of black moms. Elise and 24 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,840 Speaker 1: I discuss some of the unique mental health challenges black 25 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:49,840 Speaker 1: mom's face, the importance of having someone to advocate for 26 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:53,919 Speaker 1: you in the postpartum period, how to deal with mommy guilt, 27 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:58,000 Speaker 1: putting an end to mommy wars, and strategies for managing 28 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 1: your mental health while raising children. Here's our conversation. So, 29 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us today, Alie, thank 30 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,760 Speaker 1: you for having me Dr Joy So I'm very happy 31 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 1: that you're able to join us today to talk about 32 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:16,639 Speaker 1: all things motherhood, which is one of my favorite topics. Um. 33 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 1: So I wanted to kind of start the conversation by 34 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:24,160 Speaker 1: getting your ideas about what are some of the unique 35 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 1: mental health challenges you think black mom's face. Hi, everyone, Um, 36 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,560 Speaker 1: some of the unique challenges I think we face are 37 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:36,240 Speaker 1: not our concerns not being taken seriously when we first 38 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:39,560 Speaker 1: vocalize them. Um. I think we saw this recently as 39 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:43,200 Speaker 1: evidence by Serena's Williams birth story. But in the mental 40 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:46,760 Speaker 1: health realm, I think oftentimes black women either don't go 41 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,919 Speaker 1: to treatment, and when they do go, those complaints are 42 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:54,239 Speaker 1: often dismissed and not taken as seriously as they should be. Yeah, 43 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:57,400 Speaker 1: there was also the recent um Facebook post I'm sure 44 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,960 Speaker 1: you saw it, UM, where it was actually a white 45 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 1: mom who had gone to the hospital to talk about 46 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:06,640 Speaker 1: struggling with postpartum depression and they actually called the police 47 00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:08,840 Speaker 1: on her and had her like follow them to the 48 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:11,000 Speaker 1: police station with her child in the car and all 49 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 1: of this stuff. Did you read about that? I did, 50 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 1: and it broke my heart because that is exactly the 51 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:21,920 Speaker 1: type of UM scenarios and reasons why people don't seek help. 52 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 1: I think too. One of the really really big issues 53 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,280 Speaker 1: is as black women in my practice and then talking 54 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,680 Speaker 1: to other black women, I've noticed that when we go 55 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:34,639 Speaker 1: to mental health professionals, we usually don't voice our concerns 56 00:03:34,639 --> 00:03:40,560 Speaker 1: about emotional um feelings. Our feelings depression, anger, grief, and 57 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:44,080 Speaker 1: law sims and manifests itself more physically. So for example, 58 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:46,880 Speaker 1: you'll hear black women go into an office and say, 59 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 1: you know, I've been having such bad fatigue. My digestic 60 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 1: system is all upset. I have these horrible neck and 61 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 1: back chains and a practitioner who's not familiar with identifying 62 00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 1: postpartum disorder and black women, maybe for you to your 63 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:06,120 Speaker 1: primary care doctor first without assessing for a true postpartum disorder. Okay, 64 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 1: And I mean we talked about postpartum a little bit, 65 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 1: and we definitely are going to touch on that a 66 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:12,640 Speaker 1: little bit. But um, the whole episode is not going 67 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:15,720 Speaker 1: to be dedicated to that. But I do want to, um, 68 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,279 Speaker 1: kind of get your ideas about like other things. So 69 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: besides postpartum um, postpartum depression, Um, what what other kinds 70 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,359 Speaker 1: of things should like black moms be on the lookout 71 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: for in terms of their mental health. I think you 72 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:33,360 Speaker 1: should be on the lookout for general stress management. You know, 73 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:36,359 Speaker 1: being a mother is taxing enough, but when you're a 74 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:41,520 Speaker 1: black mother, there's so many societal, cultural, and classism things 75 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,119 Speaker 1: that we have to be concerned about from the minute 76 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 1: we give birth to our children actually doing pregnancy. You know, 77 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 1: even things by weighing in with your doctor what is 78 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 1: considered obese and what is considers your body type and 79 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:56,400 Speaker 1: if you're comfortable in that. That's a big issue usually 80 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 1: from the onset before your child is even born. Um, 81 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,719 Speaker 1: lots of black in our schools and I or you 82 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:05,360 Speaker 1: can demonize for their health when in reality, UM, they're 83 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:07,840 Speaker 1: not obese and they just need a provider that really 84 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,919 Speaker 1: understands them and is willing to work with their comfort level. 85 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:17,240 Speaker 1: Another thing is when it's go ahead, I'm sorry. Another 86 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 1: thing is too as soon as that baby is born 87 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,480 Speaker 1: and we see it all over Instagram and Facebook, bottle 88 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: fed versus breast said, I'm so sick of that argument. 89 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 1: My personal feeling, my personal feelings said, is best you know, um, 90 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: whether you choose to breastfeed, whether you don't. UM. Both 91 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,880 Speaker 1: of my children, my first daughter refused to latch, so 92 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:41,040 Speaker 1: I exclusively pumped for her. My son is now being breastfed. 93 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,039 Speaker 1: But it is hard. It is so so hard, And 94 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: not enough black women share that and actually say, like 95 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,680 Speaker 1: I'm saying too, plenty of women listening, and I say, 96 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:53,800 Speaker 1: in practice, it's okay. If you don't breastfeed, you can 97 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:56,760 Speaker 1: have an oversupplo make as much note as you want. 98 00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 1: If you don't want to breastfeed, you have that right, 99 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,480 Speaker 1: and it's okay. You're not a bad mall. You don't 100 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 1: not care about your child nutritions, it's fine. Yeah, So 101 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:10,040 Speaker 1: that brings up this whole thing. What you're talking about 102 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,159 Speaker 1: is what we here called like the mommy wars? Right, Um, 103 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:16,640 Speaker 1: so do you breastfeed or do you bottle feed? Do 104 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,359 Speaker 1: you send your child to public school, to private school 105 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:22,800 Speaker 1: or do you homeschool? Um? Do you use cloth diapers 106 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,600 Speaker 1: or multiple diapers? I mean it can go on and on, right, 107 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: And so where do you think you have a girl? 108 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,640 Speaker 1: Is her hair natural or not? Yeah? I mean, yeah, 109 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 1: you're right that the list could be in this. Where 110 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 1: do you think that these like mommy wars come from? 111 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: And what do you think we can do to change 112 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,239 Speaker 1: some of the culture around this. Well, let me be frank. 113 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 1: I think it's about the dollar though, because let's not 114 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:47,839 Speaker 1: mistake anything. The people who are making the cloth diapers, 115 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:51,240 Speaker 1: the inserts, the breastfeeding shirts, this is a business. So 116 00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 1: the more they can reinforce to the public you need 117 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,000 Speaker 1: to be doing this. And in order to do this, 118 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:59,680 Speaker 1: you need this product to do it successfully or stylishly 119 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,840 Speaker 1: or the most cool. It brings in revenue. And it's 120 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 1: the same way with the formula companies. So my my 121 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:09,880 Speaker 1: feeling is that it was really created and it keeps 122 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:14,000 Speaker 1: getting man affested by big companies, big pharma, UM, big 123 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 1: a lot of big businessmen who see women and children 124 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 1: as a target to make money off of. In a 125 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,760 Speaker 1: way to dismantle this, it's through self love and enough 126 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,160 Speaker 1: women coming together and saying, hey, it's okay that we 127 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,560 Speaker 1: do these things differently. I don't have the breastfeed, I 128 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:31,240 Speaker 1: don't have to home school, or guess what, I admire 129 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 1: you for something your children to school because guess what, 130 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:35,920 Speaker 1: I need a break. So I'm not gonna shame you 131 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,840 Speaker 1: for those choices. So I think it's about more women 132 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:43,360 Speaker 1: having conversations with each other and being accepting of the differences. 133 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 1: There's so many ways to parent, and I think in 134 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,640 Speaker 1: today's climate of what's going on in the world, don't 135 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 1: judge me because I use disposables. That's the last thing 136 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:54,320 Speaker 1: we need to fight about, right, Right. I mean, if 137 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,320 Speaker 1: we look at the list of everything going on in 138 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 1: the world around us in terms of you know, just 139 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,680 Speaker 1: kind of being being alive and trying to parent, like, 140 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: is that really what you're going to focus energy on? Right? 141 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,240 Speaker 1: And I would say one more thing to combat that, 142 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 1: it's education. Um, And I guess I keep kind of 143 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: going back to it because I'm my son is seven 144 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:16,400 Speaker 1: months and I'm still in the breastfeeding world. But I 145 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 1: see so many moms slamming other moms for not breastfeeding. 146 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,760 Speaker 1: A lot of trauma victims have a hard time breastfeeding. 147 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 1: You know, before you say to a woman, aren't you breastfeeding? 148 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 1: Why aren't your breastfeeding? Could that woman have been raped, molested, um, 149 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,080 Speaker 1: some sort of body mutilation. There's so many factors that 150 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:36,439 Speaker 1: go into a woman's decision to not do that. So 151 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:40,439 Speaker 1: I think to be educated and show some compassions because 152 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,400 Speaker 1: you never know what someone's going through. You know, A 153 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:45,280 Speaker 1: dear friend of mine went through chemo. She was able 154 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 1: to breast that for a few weeks and that's it, 155 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,199 Speaker 1: But people don't see that when they look at her. 156 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 1: Someone actually said that she was selfish for not breastfeeding, 157 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 1: and it was ridiculous. Wow. Yeah, I mean, and like 158 00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 1: you mentioned, you know, you're already going through so many things, um, 159 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,720 Speaker 1: trying to balance like motherhood with a career, if you're 160 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:06,040 Speaker 1: working outside of the home, or I mean, different kinds 161 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,080 Speaker 1: of things. So to kind of keep up all of 162 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:11,880 Speaker 1: this kind of mommy wars between one another really doesn't 163 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 1: help and really only adds to like the alien nation 164 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 1: and let a support some moms to you. Absolutely, yeah, 165 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,640 Speaker 1: excuse me. So another hot topic that I have seen 166 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 1: come up a lot is around UM emotional labor UM. 167 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,440 Speaker 1: And I'm sure that you've also seen some of these 168 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:32,320 Speaker 1: articles about UM just the division of labor with like 169 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,199 Speaker 1: a partnered home, right, so like a mom and dad, 170 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 1: two moms, two dads UM, And how like the emotional 171 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:42,720 Speaker 1: labor tends to end up more with mom UM. So 172 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 1: what are your thoughts about, like how you can balance 173 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:51,360 Speaker 1: out some of this emotional labor um like imbalance so 174 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: to speak. This is so heavy, but I found what 175 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:58,840 Speaker 1: to be the most effective is when people UM speak 176 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,160 Speaker 1: their needs and they speak and clearly and give the 177 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:05,319 Speaker 1: other partner actionable directions to take. So when I say that, 178 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:09,079 Speaker 1: I'll give you a prime example. If you are at work, 179 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,440 Speaker 1: working outside of the home, and you come in and 180 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:14,200 Speaker 1: maybe the kids are said but perhaps they haven't had 181 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 1: bad time. Um. You know, everything is in the house 182 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,720 Speaker 1: is a little pantazard and they're running around and maybe 183 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,960 Speaker 1: your husband is playing a video game or relaxing. So 184 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:28,319 Speaker 1: instead of wearing those emotions of sadness, loneliness and frustration, 185 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,680 Speaker 1: I think at that moment it would be beneficial to 186 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:34,760 Speaker 1: everyone to stop and say, listen, identify the feelings first. 187 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,000 Speaker 1: When I come in and I see the house messy 188 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 1: or the routine isn't as we discussed, it makes me 189 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,079 Speaker 1: feel isolated. It makes me feel like you don't care. 190 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 1: And that's a great place to start because then it 191 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:49,120 Speaker 1: it allows the partner to be less defensive and you 192 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:52,760 Speaker 1: can really talk about what you guys expectations are and 193 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,840 Speaker 1: who's going to do what. But women, we get so 194 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,559 Speaker 1: caught up and we get, you know, all these emotions 195 00:10:58,559 --> 00:11:01,280 Speaker 1: inside and then they burst out because a lot of 196 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:04,280 Speaker 1: times we are not good at communicating exactly what we 197 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,160 Speaker 1: expect and giving the action. I find that a lot 198 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,439 Speaker 1: of partners need to be told exactly what you wish, 199 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 1: and then they have the option to say, you know what, 200 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,080 Speaker 1: that's too much, that's not something I can do, So 201 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,600 Speaker 1: where can we meet in the middle. Yeah, And several 202 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:22,000 Speaker 1: of the guests on like previous podcast episodes have talked 203 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:25,400 Speaker 1: about this whole, like leading with my statements and you know, 204 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:29,240 Speaker 1: like being sure that you are actually articulating what you 205 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,760 Speaker 1: feel like you need as opposed to asking your partner 206 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:36,240 Speaker 1: to read your mind. And I think another thing is 207 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 1: too I have absolutely been guilty of this. You know, 208 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,000 Speaker 1: I don't believe in the word balance. I think it's stupid. 209 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:46,439 Speaker 1: I hate when people say motherhood balance. No, there's priorities. 210 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:48,880 Speaker 1: There are just some things that are not going to 211 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 1: get done, and you really have to talk, have a 212 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:55,319 Speaker 1: talk with yourself and say, Okay, I'm expecting too much 213 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 1: of myself. I'm placing too much of the emotional weight 214 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 1: on my own show. Let's really think about how much 215 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,679 Speaker 1: one person can handle during the day. So I would 216 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,320 Speaker 1: say prioritize and then begin to delegate. It doesn't have 217 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,560 Speaker 1: to be a mommy centric world. It can be family centered. 218 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 1: Everyone in the house can have a job. And if 219 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,800 Speaker 1: you don't have family, because that is some people's situation. 220 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,439 Speaker 1: And if you have it, consider where you can get 221 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,040 Speaker 1: extra house that you know, can you get your groceries deliver? 222 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:27,360 Speaker 1: Can you hire help who can be part of your village? Yeah, 223 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,040 Speaker 1: and you mentioned something at least um, this is the 224 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,840 Speaker 1: whole idea of like the weight of motherhood, right and 225 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 1: like we often you know, everything is so mommy centric 226 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 1: and something that has come up for me and of 227 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,440 Speaker 1: course I've read about and hear other women talk about 228 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:44,200 Speaker 1: it is like this whole idea of mommy guilt. Um, 229 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,800 Speaker 1: so I know one time, you know, I forgot like 230 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,840 Speaker 1: that it was like a dress up day at school 231 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,439 Speaker 1: and my kid didn't have a costume, and I just 232 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,480 Speaker 1: like was wrecked about that for the whole day. And so, 233 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,959 Speaker 1: you know, can you talk more about like mommy guilt 234 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,800 Speaker 1: and like how that comes up for us and what 235 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 1: we may be able to do to try to manage 236 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:05,480 Speaker 1: some of that. Mom guilt is present all the time, 237 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,160 Speaker 1: and that's because we're constantly bombarded with images and I 238 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:12,120 Speaker 1: shall now with social media of perfect moms. So the 239 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:15,160 Speaker 1: more we feed ourselves as imagery of everything is perfect, 240 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,520 Speaker 1: everything is organized, kids have coordinated als, husby has a 241 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 1: perfect job, woman is at home, everything works out perfectly. No, 242 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: that's not reality. So part of mommy guilt is making 243 00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:28,400 Speaker 1: sure you do the reality check for yourself because I 244 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,640 Speaker 1: think lots of times what we obsessed about, such as 245 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:33,120 Speaker 1: your child in that costume, once he or she got 246 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,880 Speaker 1: to school, UM could probably guarantee within thirty minutes it 247 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 1: was okay. You know, we have to put things into 248 00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:44,320 Speaker 1: perspective because I've done it. Oh my goodness, she was 249 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,959 Speaker 1: supposed to have you know, Molanna Napkins and I didn't 250 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,280 Speaker 1: get some um, so putting it into perspective one, I 251 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 1: think it's a good way to help dismantle some of that. 252 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: The second thing is recognizing all the things that you 253 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,439 Speaker 1: do do well. You know, when those feelings of guilt 254 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,960 Speaker 1: come up because you think you haven't mastered whatever Tassi 255 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:07,480 Speaker 1: was supposed to, take a step back, be mindful and 256 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,320 Speaker 1: think about all the successes you had that deck, because 257 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:13,199 Speaker 1: you probably have had several that have just gone unnoticed. 258 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,040 Speaker 1: Did you get to pump a thron amount of milk, 259 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,079 Speaker 1: did your child sweezes the night with your toddler willing 260 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,840 Speaker 1: to go to the bathroom, did you get everybody out 261 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,600 Speaker 1: and into school on time. There's so many things to 262 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,480 Speaker 1: be grateful for, So I think once we shift our focused, 263 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:30,560 Speaker 1: it could really help tremendously with the mom got absolutely 264 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,880 Speaker 1: absolutely so. I know that you at least do a 265 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:36,920 Speaker 1: lot of work um like in homes with moms, which 266 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,720 Speaker 1: I think is really cool, right, especially when we're talking 267 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 1: about um like immediately postpartum. You know, and mom may 268 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:44,800 Speaker 1: not be able to get out and move, or not 269 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:47,200 Speaker 1: have child care for a newborn, or doesn't want anybody 270 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,280 Speaker 1: of course with a newborn because of you know, illness 271 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,200 Speaker 1: and stuff like that. UM, So I know you do 272 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,400 Speaker 1: some in home stuff, so can you talk to me 273 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,440 Speaker 1: a lot, um talk to me about like the kinds 274 00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,520 Speaker 1: of concerns that you're working on with some of your 275 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:01,640 Speaker 1: mom's are just in general, what kinds of thing is 276 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,600 Speaker 1: do you typically work with? UM? I have kind of 277 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:07,240 Speaker 1: super motherhood in motion on Mommy concier so for so 278 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,560 Speaker 1: postpartum women are able to contact me for their needs 279 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 1: from everything to helping them organize and get ready for baby, 280 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:18,600 Speaker 1: assessing for a perinatal mood disorder, stress management, relationship issues, 281 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:21,440 Speaker 1: and even other health issues that may arise or come 282 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,920 Speaker 1: up directly after postpartum. So I work closely the dulas, 283 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,600 Speaker 1: so a lot of the issues that immediately come up 284 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:31,400 Speaker 1: our feelings at least. I just want to stop you 285 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:35,040 Speaker 1: because adula may not be something that everybody is familiar with. 286 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 1: So can you explain what a sure adula is a 287 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:43,840 Speaker 1: provider that is trained in the pregnancy, birth, and postpartum process. 288 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:46,720 Speaker 1: So it's basically like a mommy support UM. Dulas are 289 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,920 Speaker 1: not doctors, they're not psychologists, they're not social workers. They 290 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:53,160 Speaker 1: are women who have taken additional training. They may be 291 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:57,400 Speaker 1: breastfeeding UM peer support people. They may have additional training 292 00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 1: and making tinctures, or a lot of them also work 293 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:04,160 Speaker 1: closely with midwife. So doulas are labor support. They go 294 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,880 Speaker 1: to hospitals, they're at birthing censers, and they attend on 295 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,560 Speaker 1: birth as well, and their primary focus is to care 296 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 1: for MoMA the birth process perfect. Sorry for not clarifying, 297 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:19,520 Speaker 1: it's okay um um, but one of the first the 298 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,040 Speaker 1: main feeling that always comes up is feeling overwhelmed. And 299 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,400 Speaker 1: I usually get that call about after a week and 300 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:27,000 Speaker 1: I usually say that's usually when the high of giving 301 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,320 Speaker 1: birth kind of goes away and it's like, holy crap, 302 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,440 Speaker 1: life text change. I see it particularly with my mothers 303 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,960 Speaker 1: who have more than once. For either the second or third, 304 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,720 Speaker 1: the feeling of being overwhelmed is ajacerbated because they felt like, 305 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,000 Speaker 1: I'm supposed to know how to do this, already did 306 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 1: it before, but this particular birth, this particular child is 307 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 1: much different from the first, and life is kind of 308 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:53,360 Speaker 1: throne for a loop. So overwhelmed um. Definitely fatigue learning 309 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,720 Speaker 1: how to balance life now with the news hunion being 310 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 1: and a lot of women complain about feeling irritable, and 311 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:03,440 Speaker 1: that brings me to the postpartum that sometimes postpartum depression 312 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,160 Speaker 1: for black women does not look sad, it looks mad. 313 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:10,679 Speaker 1: So helping to figure out where the emotions are coming from, 314 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,960 Speaker 1: if this is just baby blues or if this is 315 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:16,960 Speaker 1: a new disorder. And lots of times I'm dealing with irritability. 316 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:19,919 Speaker 1: So what are some of the strategies that you're working 317 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:22,720 Speaker 1: with these mom, Like, what kinds of strategies do you 318 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:26,160 Speaker 1: develop to help them to say, maybe be less irritable 319 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:30,639 Speaker 1: or feel less overwhelmed by the whole process um. The 320 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,480 Speaker 1: first strategy is taking inventory of who can help. When 321 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:37,200 Speaker 1: a new baby is born, so many friends, family, all 322 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,160 Speaker 1: sorts of people come out and want to see the baby. 323 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,080 Speaker 1: So my role and sometimes along with they do, is 324 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:45,120 Speaker 1: to say, when people come over, Okay, it's so great 325 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,840 Speaker 1: for you to see the baby. We are we appreciate it, 326 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,480 Speaker 1: we love it, but mom could really use help with 327 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,840 Speaker 1: this load of laundry because she's got another child, or 328 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,880 Speaker 1: just because maybe she's had a c section and she's 329 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,920 Speaker 1: unable to do it. So it's really involving the partner 330 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,840 Speaker 1: more and really kind of see and who's in the 331 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,240 Speaker 1: village and who can help do what because a lot 332 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:07,040 Speaker 1: of my mom's with irritability. It's censored not around the baby, 333 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,399 Speaker 1: but mostly to the partner because of household things that 334 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:13,199 Speaker 1: aren't being accomplished. So attacking that first and kind of 335 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,240 Speaker 1: setting up point people that can really support the family 336 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,680 Speaker 1: during that critical time from birth to four to six 337 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 1: weeks it's cruciow and lessening the irritability. The second part 338 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,920 Speaker 1: is making sure a mom is getting enough sleep. And 339 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:27,760 Speaker 1: I'm sure all the moms might be well in our 340 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,080 Speaker 1: eyes because it seems like we can't ever get enough 341 00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:34,040 Speaker 1: sleep because it just doesn't happen. But really trying to 342 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,840 Speaker 1: carve out that time. So really saying to the partner, 343 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: and if you have older children in the home like 344 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,600 Speaker 1: I do, I have two older steps spligns, it's really 345 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,120 Speaker 1: important that we're quiet for these two hours. It's really 346 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,960 Speaker 1: important that you can help occupy little so and so 347 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:49,639 Speaker 1: and even the baby. You know, if you're not exclusively 348 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,439 Speaker 1: breast feeding, you have lead with with your partner to 349 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,280 Speaker 1: say I need you to take this feeding for two 350 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,880 Speaker 1: hours because my sleep is suffering. And the third thing 351 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 1: is diet. I'm not a nutrition iss I'll put that 352 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,360 Speaker 1: disclaimer out there, but I would suggest that women can 353 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,800 Speaker 1: work with the doula or work with the nutritionists and 354 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:09,040 Speaker 1: really go buy some guidelines. You know, don't consume a 355 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 1: lot of sugar Latin foods that are gonna make you crash. 356 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:16,359 Speaker 1: Increase your protein, increase your green get healthy juices, and 357 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,040 Speaker 1: get your friends and family to make things that you 358 00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:21,680 Speaker 1: can put in the oven that again take the stress 359 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:25,399 Speaker 1: off of you. So that is a lot of it 360 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,919 Speaker 1: sounds like around um moms who you know, maybe early 361 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:33,600 Speaker 1: early childhood, you know, like immediate postpartum, but what other 362 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:36,119 Speaker 1: kinds of concerns maybe come up for moms who have 363 00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:38,359 Speaker 1: kids that are a little older, so not necessarily the 364 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,600 Speaker 1: postpartum tracked, but you know, with a little older kids, 365 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,119 Speaker 1: what kind of concerns are coming up around those issues? 366 00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:48,199 Speaker 1: Um monetary issues. You know a lot of women, especially 367 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,360 Speaker 1: in this country, cannot afford childcare. And that's even if 368 00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:53,639 Speaker 1: you have a middle school child or a high school child. 369 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,600 Speaker 1: Money is a big thing. You know, I am a 370 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,919 Speaker 1: working outside the home mother, so having to leave again 371 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,960 Speaker 1: that mommy guilt of not being around, but also needing 372 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,160 Speaker 1: to bring home the dollar, particularly if you're a single 373 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,840 Speaker 1: black mother. That's the issues all of itself. So I 374 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:12,159 Speaker 1: work with those women on self esteem issues, forgiveness of 375 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:15,720 Speaker 1: themselves and really again taking inventory of their lives and 376 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:19,399 Speaker 1: really prioritizing and saying, you know what, we feel so 377 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,960 Speaker 1: guilty because you're out of the home maybe ten hours 378 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,840 Speaker 1: a day, but let's account for those ten hours, making 379 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,680 Speaker 1: them see, okay, where your child is on school for 380 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 1: six and a half hours, this is mandatory, this is 381 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,679 Speaker 1: something you want, this is on purpose, this is a 382 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,919 Speaker 1: good thing. So for the rest of that time, whereas 383 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:35,800 Speaker 1: the child, those are the four oh there with grandma 384 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,240 Speaker 1: and maybe with a dad or a partner and an 385 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 1: after school program or some enrichment activity. So it's basically 386 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:45,040 Speaker 1: extracting pieces of their life and showing them that they're 387 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:48,360 Speaker 1: on the right path and having women not feel guilty 388 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,040 Speaker 1: for the choices that not going have to make, but 389 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,680 Speaker 1: sometimes they absolutely need to. We all can't stay home, 390 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,359 Speaker 1: we can't be around. We have to, you know, for 391 00:20:56,440 --> 00:21:00,320 Speaker 1: a lack of better words, secure the bags. So this 392 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,040 Speaker 1: is what you have to do. And I think a 393 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,080 Speaker 1: little um more kind of reality testing and what we're 394 00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:07,720 Speaker 1: just saying, this is the situation. So how do we 395 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,720 Speaker 1: make the best of it. And that's where self care 396 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 1: repats around perfectly. So carving out the time to take 397 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 1: care of yourself. Yeah, at least a lot of what 398 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,600 Speaker 1: you're talking about. It sounds like when you talk about 399 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,360 Speaker 1: the strategies is really helping people to kind of get 400 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,639 Speaker 1: perspective right, like kind of moving away the fall of 401 00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,760 Speaker 1: all of these guilt and like all of the feelings 402 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,760 Speaker 1: that we place on motherhood or who the idea of 403 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,159 Speaker 1: a good mother is and really looking at it like, 404 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:35,400 Speaker 1: let's just put this on paper and look at the evidence. Correct. 405 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:38,320 Speaker 1: Got you? So you talked a little bit about like 406 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 1: the self care strategies, and of course, you know, I 407 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,360 Speaker 1: think a lot of moms have this issue of not 408 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 1: feeling like they have time for themselves. So what other 409 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,280 Speaker 1: kinds of things would you do with moms to help 410 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,840 Speaker 1: them carve out some time for self care or even 411 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,640 Speaker 1: you know, some moms will say like I don't even 412 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,760 Speaker 1: know what to do to take care of myself, Like 413 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,960 Speaker 1: I'm just not used to having time. So what kinds 414 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,040 Speaker 1: of things would you do with them to try to 415 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:04,040 Speaker 1: like help cultivate a self care routine. Well, the first 416 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:05,919 Speaker 1: thing I would do is say, what are things that 417 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,399 Speaker 1: you enjoy? And you wouldn't believe that so many women 418 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:11,480 Speaker 1: have a problem with that question because they've forgotten, because 419 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:14,800 Speaker 1: they've gotten into this chronic business cycle. So I say, 420 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:17,359 Speaker 1: let's start with the basics. Before you had a family, 421 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,320 Speaker 1: before you came a mother, who were you? And generally 422 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,640 Speaker 1: it's usually superficient for things I would sin, I would 423 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,440 Speaker 1: be young, I would care free, And then we get 424 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,880 Speaker 1: down to the meat and potatoes. What type of activities 425 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:32,440 Speaker 1: did you enjoy? And I've heard everything from exercise into 426 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,520 Speaker 1: reading books, to do braiding hair, to make in their 427 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,959 Speaker 1: own back and body products in the kitchen, to cooking. 428 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,359 Speaker 1: So then I said, well, how can we inject a 429 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,080 Speaker 1: little bit of this in your daily practice? When can 430 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,440 Speaker 1: you read? What time do your children go to bed? 431 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,000 Speaker 1: Are you willing to wake up an hour earlier so 432 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,520 Speaker 1: that you can get that alone time to read? If 433 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 1: you cook, are you willing to say, okay, mom is 434 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,400 Speaker 1: in the kitchen, this is my time. Let me turn 435 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 1: on my iPhone, play my music and cook for an 436 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 1: hour and be alone. So it's really fine in little pockets. 437 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,600 Speaker 1: I try to stay away from things that are gonna 438 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,840 Speaker 1: cost women money, even if they are at a different 439 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,879 Speaker 1: socio economic status and may be able to afford it. 440 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:12,080 Speaker 1: But I really don't want to give the impression, UM, 441 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:13,920 Speaker 1: that you have to be as a spa or that 442 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,159 Speaker 1: you have to travel and be taking pictures on a 443 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,560 Speaker 1: plane for self care. There are things you can do 444 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:22,119 Speaker 1: every day in your home alone to take care of 445 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:26,919 Speaker 1: yourself and nourish yourself. So what inspired you to create 446 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:31,040 Speaker 1: motherhood in Motion in the first place? At least, Um, 447 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,000 Speaker 1: I had my first shot in two thousand fifteen, and 448 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,800 Speaker 1: I always treated so horribly in the hospital. After I 449 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:39,439 Speaker 1: gave birth to her UM, and after I talked to 450 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:43,200 Speaker 1: my friends who had never told me their stories, UM, 451 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,480 Speaker 1: I found that we all had a lot of commonalities, 452 00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,240 Speaker 1: with people either not spreading us for any sort of 453 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 1: first part and issues, or just the zoom that we 454 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,560 Speaker 1: were fine and not even asking about me. You know, 455 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 1: I felt very left out. It was all about the baby, 456 00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,960 Speaker 1: and no one realized that my anxiety was so horrible 457 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,600 Speaker 1: that I couldn't even drive in a car for six 458 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:07,120 Speaker 1: weeks after I gave birth. Wow, and what do you 459 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,199 Speaker 1: You've mentioned that a couple of times at least, like 460 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:13,280 Speaker 1: providers not being sensitive or just you know, not really 461 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:16,000 Speaker 1: keying into what may be going on with mom. Do 462 00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:19,919 Speaker 1: you have some ideas about like how moms or prospective 463 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,920 Speaker 1: moms can screen for those kinds of things, like how 464 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,760 Speaker 1: would you know whether provider is like somebody who's going 465 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:29,359 Speaker 1: to be sensitive to those issues. Well, I think it 466 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:32,520 Speaker 1: can be difficult during the pregnancy process because you're not 467 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:35,280 Speaker 1: thinking about your own mental health again, you're so baby 468 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:37,680 Speaker 1: focused and just trying to get your baby out safely 469 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:40,679 Speaker 1: and get through it. A lot of that sense that 470 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,879 Speaker 1: tends to be the focus. So I would like to 471 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:47,520 Speaker 1: see more birth education classes educating parents and really talking 472 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,240 Speaker 1: to parents about how they can spotifying of moms feeling 473 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,359 Speaker 1: overwhelmed because lots of times we are so busy and 474 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:58,399 Speaker 1: enamored with these little people that it's your partners who say, wow, 475 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,840 Speaker 1: she or has really changed, as you know, she's not 476 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,640 Speaker 1: the same. She's sleeping so much, she's so irritable, she's 477 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,080 Speaker 1: so upset all the time. So I would really like 478 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:10,440 Speaker 1: to see um more partners be involved in identifying what 479 00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:16,040 Speaker 1: it looks like and are there any like particular m 480 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:18,760 Speaker 1: questions you could ask a provider to kind of get 481 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:22,280 Speaker 1: at whether they're going to be a good man for you. Absolutely. 482 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:23,840 Speaker 1: I think the first thing you can do is acts 483 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:28,080 Speaker 1: or provider a they are a specialist and postpartum mental health. 484 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 1: That's the first thing. And specialist doesn't mean that they 485 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:33,600 Speaker 1: necessarily have a degree in postpartum mental health because that 486 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:36,719 Speaker 1: doesn't exist. But whether they're an lcs W or an 487 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:40,640 Speaker 1: LPC or a SidD ACTIALUS, they've taken any courses where 488 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,040 Speaker 1: their online or in person, ask them if they've done 489 00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:47,879 Speaker 1: any community education about postpartiam mental health, specifically working with 490 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,959 Speaker 1: black women. I think another thing that people should never 491 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,680 Speaker 1: be afraid to ask is how often do you work 492 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 1: with black women in this pregnancy practice. What are some 493 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,760 Speaker 1: of the unique challenges that you've seen black women have 494 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,040 Speaker 1: doing the birth, thing and postpartum process that I should 495 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:05,040 Speaker 1: look out for. Yeah, I mean, especially like you said, 496 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,400 Speaker 1: since um, you know, the story around Serena has come 497 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:10,680 Speaker 1: out and been so public, I do think that that 498 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,280 Speaker 1: has really you know, I mean, I know, we all, 499 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,040 Speaker 1: you know, those of us who do this kind of 500 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,400 Speaker 1: work and are kind of invested in black women's mental 501 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,679 Speaker 1: health have been aware of this. But I think her 502 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,800 Speaker 1: so I really brought it to a national, global level. 503 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:27,080 Speaker 1: Um and so I wonder if even like doctors are 504 00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,840 Speaker 1: having these conversations or has this made them aware of, 505 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,600 Speaker 1: you know, the fact that there has been somebodias in 506 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:37,359 Speaker 1: in treatment for black moms. Um. I wonder too. And 507 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,640 Speaker 1: it was funny because where I received my pregnancy treatment, 508 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:43,919 Speaker 1: you know, she asked me, oh, are you um? Um, 509 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,160 Speaker 1: we do specialize in women of the Jewish faith because 510 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:50,200 Speaker 1: there's certain genetic factors that they should, you know, be 511 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,119 Speaker 1: aware of when conceiving and giving birth. And I just 512 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:56,800 Speaker 1: thought to myself, you know, so there's no specializations for 513 00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:00,159 Speaker 1: black women. So we have certain genetic factors and is 514 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:04,960 Speaker 1: and predispositions to us um and definitely our childbirth rate 515 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,600 Speaker 1: and the rate for c section. But no one had 516 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:09,840 Speaker 1: ever said that to me. So I hope that the 517 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:13,440 Speaker 1: arena's story is really opening up those doors for providers, 518 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:15,520 Speaker 1: and more than anything, I hope that they're willing to listen, 519 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,800 Speaker 1: right right. That's the important part because people can talk 520 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:20,719 Speaker 1: as much as they want, but if they're not listening, 521 00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:25,080 Speaker 1: then it doesn't really matter. Yes, So are there any 522 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,639 Speaker 1: new projects or things that you're working on that you 523 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:31,800 Speaker 1: want to tell us more about? Um? Right now, it's 524 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,520 Speaker 1: just a mommy concierge service UM that to day. But 525 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:38,080 Speaker 1: I'm really getting back into community education, so I'll be 526 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:41,280 Speaker 1: presenting at some local WI offices and in New Jersey 527 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:45,320 Speaker 1: that's Women and Children and those offices are subsidized programs 528 00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:48,399 Speaker 1: from the state and they give out um vout just 529 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:52,320 Speaker 1: for food formula. They do a lot of breastfeeding education, 530 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,960 Speaker 1: so I'll be speaking there, and I'm really seeking to 531 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,240 Speaker 1: get more community based in my work and do things 532 00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,280 Speaker 1: that are for free because I want every want to 533 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 1: have this knowledge and access this sort of education. I 534 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,960 Speaker 1: don't want this part of my work to be based 535 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,080 Speaker 1: on anything financial. It is important to me to share 536 00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:11,800 Speaker 1: the news and commit with other black women and see 537 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:15,960 Speaker 1: where it builds from there. Sounds really good. So where 538 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:17,959 Speaker 1: can we find you? At least can you give us 539 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:20,919 Speaker 1: UM your website as well as any social media handles 540 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:24,880 Speaker 1: that you want to share. Absolutely, I'm on Instagram as 541 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,919 Speaker 1: Motherhood in Motion one word, and I am also can 542 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,520 Speaker 1: be found on my website ww dot motherhood in motion 543 00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:34,600 Speaker 1: dot com and you can also email me at Motherhood 544 00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,239 Speaker 1: in Motion at yahoo dot com if you ever need 545 00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:40,360 Speaker 1: resources or just have a question. I always answer my 546 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:43,320 Speaker 1: emails and I love talking to everyone. Oh, you brought 547 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,400 Speaker 1: up something I definitely would be in trouble if I 548 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:48,040 Speaker 1: didn't ask you about some of your favorite resources people 549 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,280 Speaker 1: love like books and podcasts and stuff that they can 550 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:53,040 Speaker 1: check out to Do you have some favorites that you 551 00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:57,520 Speaker 1: want to say? Yes. One of my favorite podcasts, it's 552 00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:02,040 Speaker 1: the one I'm on right now. Black Girl. Another podcast 553 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,520 Speaker 1: that I love and she's actually not a black woman, 554 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:07,440 Speaker 1: but she really gives advice about self love and the 555 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:12,400 Speaker 1: journey is the Harsh Shaped podcast of H A R. S. H. E. UM. 556 00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:14,760 Speaker 1: She's a mom of six and she's a big birth 557 00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:17,920 Speaker 1: advocate of bursting your way. Um. That's really kind of 558 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,000 Speaker 1: how I got into this work. I was introduced to 559 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:23,440 Speaker 1: her podcast and her work first and said, wait a minute, 560 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:27,520 Speaker 1: black women need something. Um. And as far as books go, 561 00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:32,320 Speaker 1: Lasan Thomas's book UM On Your Glow and I can't 562 00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:35,160 Speaker 1: think of anything right now, but those are the ones 563 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,200 Speaker 1: that stick out in my mind. Okay, And we will, 564 00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:40,520 Speaker 1: of course have all this information in the show knows 565 00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:43,160 Speaker 1: for people to find it and be able to access 566 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,640 Speaker 1: you know you by email if they have other questions 567 00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:50,280 Speaker 1: specific about this. Absolutely, Okay, Well, thank you so much. 568 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:52,080 Speaker 1: For spending your time with us today. At least I 569 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:55,600 Speaker 1: really appreciate it. Thank you for having me dr join. 570 00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:58,160 Speaker 1: Much blessing and success to you and your company, and 571 00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:00,719 Speaker 1: I appreciate the work that you continue to do for us. 572 00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:05,200 Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I'm so excited about all of 573 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:08,000 Speaker 1: the important work Elise is doing in this space and 574 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,760 Speaker 1: thankful she was able to join us for this conversation. 575 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 1: You can find the info about the books and podcast 576 00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,680 Speaker 1: she mentioned, as well as information about her practice in 577 00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:20,440 Speaker 1: the show notes, which can be found at Therapy for 578 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:25,040 Speaker 1: Black Girls dot com slash Session forty three. If you're 579 00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:27,960 Speaker 1: a mom listening to this episode, then we love to 580 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,920 Speaker 1: hear how you're taking care of your mental health. Share 581 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,720 Speaker 1: your thoughts and tips with us on social media, and 582 00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:38,520 Speaker 1: make sure to use the hashtag TBG in session. If 583 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:41,440 Speaker 1: you are looking for a therapist in your area, then 584 00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:44,800 Speaker 1: make sure that you're looking through our therapist directory. You 585 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,320 Speaker 1: can find that at Therapy for Black Girls dot com 586 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:51,120 Speaker 1: slash directory. And if you want to join us over 587 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:54,320 Speaker 1: in the Thrive tribe, where we continue the conversations that 588 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:57,080 Speaker 1: we have on the podcast and talk about all kinds 589 00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 1: of other things, head on over to therapy for Black 590 00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash tribe and join us to keep 591 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:07,560 Speaker 1: up with important updates and mental health information. Make sure 592 00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:11,040 Speaker 1: that you're following us across all social media channels. If 593 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:13,920 Speaker 1: you're following us on Facebook and Instagram, then you know 594 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:16,400 Speaker 1: that I started a new live chat with me last 595 00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:21,040 Speaker 1: week called three for Thursdays. Every Thursday at noon Eastern 596 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,640 Speaker 1: Standard time, I'll be live on both Facebook and Instagram 597 00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,959 Speaker 1: to discuss three pieces of information to help you get 598 00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:31,400 Speaker 1: your life together. Last week, we discussed three ways to 599 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:34,320 Speaker 1: take care of yourself after a breakup. If you want 600 00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:37,440 Speaker 1: to catch that video, it's still up on Facebook, but 601 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:39,720 Speaker 1: make sure that you're following us so that you don't 602 00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:42,640 Speaker 1: miss the future chats. You can find us on Twitter 603 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:46,080 Speaker 1: at Therapy for the Number four be Girls, and you 604 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:49,280 Speaker 1: can find us on Instagram and Facebook at Therapy for 605 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:53,280 Speaker 1: Black Girls. Please make sure to continue to share the 606 00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:56,680 Speaker 1: podcast with your online and real life friends so that 607 00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,880 Speaker 1: we can keep on growing our community. You can do 608 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:03,560 Speaker 1: that by texting them, tweeting them, or sharing your information 609 00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:07,480 Speaker 1: about the podcast in your instat stories. Thank y'all so 610 00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:10,120 Speaker 1: much for joining me again this week, and I'm looking 611 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:13,080 Speaker 1: forward to continue in this conversation with you all real 612 00:32:13,200 --> 00:33:00,960 Speaker 1: soon take good care. Two