Speaker 1: I Suck At Dating with Dengler, Jared Haven and I
Speaker 1: heard radio podcast What is Up? Everyone? Welcome to an
Speaker 1: all new episode of Help I Suck At Dating. As always,
Speaker 1: it's Dean Ungler with Jared Haben, but we have a
Speaker 1: very special co host with us this week. We've had
Speaker 1: her on plenty of times in the past. You know her,
Speaker 1: you love her. Sydney Look Twaco. Ladies and gentlemen, what's up? Well,
Speaker 1: thank you for having me. We're after a great start.
Speaker 1: What a delight it is to have you. Were honestly
Speaker 1: stokes because Jared and I are running out of crap
Speaker 1: to talk about. So plus we need like a female
Speaker 1: perspective because we're just a bunch of dudes spewing nonsense.
Speaker 1: So it's nice having a someone who actually can talk
Speaker 1: intelligently about dating. How are you sitting. I'm good. I
Speaker 1: have been dating. I've found finally a boyfriend, and I
Speaker 1: managed to do it in quarantine, so I'm very good. Actually,
Speaker 1: let's talk about this said. So we saw us Weekly
Speaker 1: published article We saw you guys? Are I g official?
Speaker 1: Tell us about this mystery man of yours? So we
Speaker 1: met in the d M. We met on Instagram he
Speaker 1: actually was a Bachelor fan. Maybe not so much anymore
Speaker 1: because I might have ruined the show for him, but
Speaker 1: he was a Bachelor fan, and he watched the show
Speaker 1: because his mom liked it, and he was watching every season.
Speaker 1: He watched My season, Colton season UM with his roommate
Speaker 1: every single night they got together, they watched the show,
Speaker 1: and for whatever reason, he had his eyes on me. Um.
Speaker 1: He liked me a lot, so then he proceeded to
Speaker 1: watch me on Paradise once he knew I was gonna
Speaker 1: be on that, And then once that happened, he just
Speaker 1: started randomly d m N me and it was always
Speaker 1: very nice and fun. It was never creepy or weird,
Speaker 1: how normal dams tend to be UM, so he did
Speaker 1: it right. He would just respond to things I was doing.
Speaker 1: I remember putting out like a bunch of question stickers
Speaker 1: one time when I was board, and he would send
Speaker 1: me really funny questions like who would win in a
Speaker 1: fight a shirk or a bear, things like that, which
Speaker 1: actually we're entertaining. So we just kept dm ng a
Speaker 1: little bit and then I I would respond and then
Speaker 1: not respond. And then once quarantine happened and everyone kind
Speaker 1: of went back to their homes. Everything was shut down.
Speaker 1: I was on my phone a lot more and I
Speaker 1: started paying attention to who was on the other side
Speaker 1: of the d m S and I actually want to
Speaker 1: see who this guy was, because we had talked a
Speaker 1: couple of times and I was like, Oh, this guy
Speaker 1: is actually really really cute. Um, I'm going to keep
Speaker 1: talking to him and see what see what this is about.
Speaker 1: It turns out he lived in Ohio, and after two days,
Speaker 1: I think straight of dm NG. He basically was going
Speaker 1: to exit the situation and was like, well, I had
Speaker 1: my fun. Obviously this girl is He thought I was
Speaker 1: like a famous person or whatever, lo and behold and
Speaker 1: pretty normal. So he told me that if I'm ever
Speaker 1: in Ohio he could I could reach out to him,
Speaker 1: we could go on a date, whatever, and then he
Speaker 1: left me his number. So then I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I've been having fun. This has been a good way
Speaker 1: to get through quarantine. So then I was like, why
Speaker 1: why not keep talking to him? So I texted him
Speaker 1: and then we went to texting, and then from texting
Speaker 1: and went to FaceTime, and from FaceTime it went to
Speaker 1: three months to that, and then finally we met in person.
Speaker 1: I think after three months when I flew to Ohio
Speaker 1: to meet this guy that I've never met before, Well,
Speaker 1: that takes balls to fly out to Ohio to meet
Speaker 1: someone you haven't met before. Damn um balls, and convincing
Speaker 1: your family a lot that it's okay that I'm meeting
Speaker 1: a stranger in a foreign state. I know, that's pretty crazy.
Speaker 1: Do you recommend that, Like, say, hypothetically you were giving
Speaker 1: your friend advice and your your friends going through the
Speaker 1: same situation, would you have told them to fly to Ohio?
Speaker 1: I would say yes, because for me it worked out.
Speaker 1: But also check your facts, Like at one point I
Speaker 1: was gonna maybe FaceTime with his mom just to make
Speaker 1: sure he was a real person. All of these things happened.
Speaker 1: But because we had been talking for so long and
Speaker 1: like built this strong relationship and all we could do
Speaker 1: was talk, it was essentially like the Bachelor, like but
Speaker 1: via phone all you could do was talk. You got
Speaker 1: to know each other really well. There was no like
Speaker 1: physical side of it. We couldn't really get like sexual
Speaker 1: obviously over the phone really um until we were in person.
Speaker 1: So I think because of all that was pushed back,
Speaker 1: we got to like see each other really well. And
Speaker 1: we like created a strong connection, and because of that,
Speaker 1: I knew for flying to Ohio it wasn't that big
Speaker 1: of a risk because I pretty much knew him really
Speaker 1: well by that point. So I got a question for you. Yeah, So,
Speaker 1: Jared and I have talked about this a lot on
Speaker 1: the podcast. We both strongly agree that Instagram is arguably
Speaker 1: the best dating app out there. But I think the
Speaker 1: second most challenging thing on Instagram when you're trying to
Speaker 1: meet someone that you might be interested in is getting
Speaker 1: that first d M to be approved. So what was
Speaker 1: it that he sent to you that caught your eye
Speaker 1: so much to press the accept button? It was never creepy,
Speaker 1: like I said, It was always just in a response
Speaker 1: to things that I was putting out for people to
Speaker 1: respond to. So in that moment, I was already looking
Speaker 1: at my dams and it was never like hey girl,
Speaker 1: you're hot, like really cool, blah blah blah. It was
Speaker 1: nothing like that. It was just like really funny. It
Speaker 1: made me laugh. They were quick, witty, and then it's
Speaker 1: just a little intriguing. So I think if you so,
Speaker 1: it was the questions thing that wasn't that was like
Speaker 1: the initial thing where you're like, Okay, this guy, this
Speaker 1: guy's got something. Yeah, and then I honestly think it
Speaker 1: was Tiger King that bonded us for real over quarantine
Speaker 1: because so many strong relations exactly. So yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: it was just meant to be in some weird way,
Speaker 1: but I think it was actually a great way too
Speaker 1: date because it takes away you can see the person,
Speaker 1: you can see a little bit about their life. I mean,
Speaker 1: when everyone's on a dating app, you go to Instagram
Speaker 1: right away. Anyway, it's just to see a little bit
Speaker 1: more so kind of takes out the middleman. But what
Speaker 1: is that for me? His name is Nick, which is
Speaker 1: funny because my brother's name is Nick, my dad's name
Speaker 1: is Nick. My definitely parents, my grandpa's name was Nick.
Speaker 1: So it was either really good sign yeah exactly. Well,
Speaker 1: now I'm living in his home, so so far, so good.
Speaker 1: You guys are living together. Yeah weird, I know. Um yeah,
Speaker 1: So we've been talking now for like maybe four or
Speaker 1: five months. But I wasn't going to move back into
Speaker 1: my apartment in l A right away. I was supposed
Speaker 1: to move back in September, but LA is pretty still
Speaker 1: pretty much still shut down that it is so, and
Speaker 1: I was already staying here, so we decided just to
Speaker 1: kind of move in for the time being and see
Speaker 1: what happens. Yeah for now. Yeah. Wait, so you guys
Speaker 1: bachelor folk, we love these condensed timelines. We go just
Speaker 1: like our relationships. I like it. Uh, just you know,
Speaker 1: dive head first sometimes you have to in life. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm curious because you said that, did he when he
Speaker 1: d nd you? Did he respond to one of your stories?
Speaker 1: Or did he just randomly d n you? He responded
Speaker 1: to one of my stories? That's the way to go. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you gotta because you're already putting it out there and
Speaker 1: you're looking at your own because of it. So yeah,
Speaker 1: it's better than just sending like a blind DM. I
Speaker 1: think I totally agree, Instead of like a high I'm
Speaker 1: so and so nice to do, it's so much better
Speaker 1: to respond to his story and and then you know,
Speaker 1: have a reaction to someone's interests really exactly captured your attention. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I think the main thing about damning people is
Speaker 1: that you shouldn't be private if you're going to do it. Yes,
Speaker 1: everyone's gonna look at photos. It's not the whole thing,
Speaker 1: but it's the first thing. You're going to look at
Speaker 1: and if you're private, you can't see that, and no
Speaker 1: one's going to request you necessarily to see who you are.
Speaker 1: So I would just say, if you're going to be
Speaker 1: damning people, don't be private you Do you find it
Speaker 1: weird that Nick was Bachelor fan at first? Did he
Speaker 1: admit that or did he like? Was he like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm a fan of show. I know that came later on,
Speaker 1: Like it came way later on, So it wasn't that weird.
Speaker 1: It's kind of funny. Actually to me, it was nice
Speaker 1: that I could like talk about my friends and he
Speaker 1: knew what I was talking about. There's that. So I
Speaker 1: want to know more about Nick himself. Yeah, well he's
Speaker 1: actually a pretty interesting guy. He actually had a better
Speaker 1: story than I do. So also what intrigued man went
Speaker 1: to his profile and it wasn't really like him holding
Speaker 1: a bunch of fish or like normal dude photos. It
Speaker 1: was just like him and his family and like I
Speaker 1: could see a little bit of his life. Nor photos
Speaker 1: are like fish hunting sunglasses, mirror pick that's usually like
Speaker 1: the GISs. So he had a little I know, stay
Speaker 1: away from those. Yeah. So Dean has a great aesthetics
Speaker 1: that everyone can really does because lots of lots of
Speaker 1: mirror picks. Wait, okay, so you saw his Instagram profile,
Speaker 1: you liked his family. There was one photo in particular,
Speaker 1: it was him in like a neck brace. Um, so apparently,
Speaker 1: well not apparently. This is what happened when he was
Speaker 1: in college one summer, decided to dive into a swimming
Speaker 1: pool at night and ended up hitting the bottom and
Speaker 1: breaking his neck. So yeah, it was a whole thing
Speaker 1: where he was supposed to be in the hospital. He
Speaker 1: was never supposed to walk again, but by some miracle
Speaker 1: which he hates that word, he managed to walk again
Speaker 1: in like two days. He started feeling feelings back in
Speaker 1: his fingers and his legs, and they're like, we have
Speaker 1: no idea why this is happening, why this is happening,
Speaker 1: or how this is happening, but he's managed to start
Speaker 1: to move, so we're gonna see if we can get
Speaker 1: him to walk. So now after I think he was
Speaker 1: maybe in the hospital for like max a week, and
Speaker 1: then he started walking pretty much a week after, which
Speaker 1: is insane. It was probably a sophomore going into junior
Speaker 1: year high school, college, college. Wait, so you're telling me
Speaker 1: that the doctor said that he might never walk again,
Speaker 1: and two days later he was walking. Yeah exactly. He
Speaker 1: was like, hold my beer. Did they ever figure out
Speaker 1: what happened? Because this is I mean, not to throw
Speaker 1: the word miracle out, as Nick do exactly hates it.
Speaker 1: It's pretty much a miracle, though if you think about it,
Speaker 1: I think it was like a lot of parts, maybe
Speaker 1: some other higher power or whatever. But he the doctors
Speaker 1: that he had managed to like put his neck back
Speaker 1: into place or whatever. And because he did that, guess
Speaker 1: whatever the doctor did wasn't like a normal procedure, but
Speaker 1: he was like, no, we're making We're putting this back.
Speaker 1: So he did that. And he was also really strong
Speaker 1: from football he played in college, so like that was
Speaker 1: a factor too. And I think just like general willpower
Speaker 1: that he seems to have. So for whatever reason he's
Speaker 1: walking again. He has all of his ailments and all
Speaker 1: the things so he can fully function. Um. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: pretty amazing story. So just like by that story, hearing
Speaker 1: that about him, I was like, well, you're pretty amazing person,
Speaker 1: just by like the way that you have the strength
Speaker 1: to do that, the like the willpower you have, and
Speaker 1: just like how he is now it's pretty amazing. So yeah,
Speaker 1: he's got a much cooler story than me. Well that's
Speaker 1: pretty awesome. I mean, obviously we love to just see
Speaker 1: people get the happy endings. Granted, you know, five months
Speaker 1: into a relationship, we don't want to call it a
Speaker 1: happy ending, but I mean it sounds like smitten about
Speaker 1: each other, moved in. This is also my first boyfriend.
Speaker 1: So I'm taking a lot of like major steps here
Speaker 1: and just like hitting the gas. Actually I remember this,
Speaker 1: that's right. So how old? I'm twenty nine? Well, actually
Speaker 1: actually didn't get her first boyfriend until she was thirty. Um,
Speaker 1: so what do you what do you think it was about?
Speaker 1: What do you think a lot of it was. You're
Speaker 1: obviously a beautiful woman, You're a catch, you were on
Speaker 1: the show, you're intelligent, your dancer, you're you're by far
Speaker 1: and away a catch. So what do you think it
Speaker 1: was in your twenties that a boyfriend? A lot of factors.
Speaker 1: I was really focused on my career. Dance was a
Speaker 1: big part of my life, it still is, and so
Speaker 1: I was doing that, and I was also trying to
Speaker 1: date in New York, Um, which is hard in itself.
Speaker 1: I was dating just didn't really land on a lot
Speaker 1: of good gems um, and so yeah, I was was
Speaker 1: just really busy, and then whenever the guys didn't work out,
Speaker 1: I would just go back to focusing on the dance
Speaker 1: part of my life. So yeah, I definitely tried it.
Speaker 1: I was just never willing to get distracted in my
Speaker 1: career by some guy that wasn't necessarily worth it, So
Speaker 1: I just and it was always around women because I
Speaker 1: danced with women and I also taught women, so I
Speaker 1: wasn't meaning a lot of guys dancers are dancers are funny.
Speaker 1: So I'm friends with a few like professional dancers, and
Speaker 1: they're very similar to that too, like they focus so
Speaker 1: much on their craft and dance and and I mean
Speaker 1: a lot of them obviously have like other jobs and
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff too that keep them super
Speaker 1: super busy. So it's like a lot of my friends
Speaker 1: who are dancers are you know, mid to late twenties
Speaker 1: even early thirties, and they're like never and even interested
Speaker 1: in having relationships because they're just like, well, I don't
Speaker 1: even have time for that. Yeah, And I think too,
Speaker 1: because dance has such a short time frame that I
Speaker 1: think you're focused for that time frame that you have
Speaker 1: in dances, just dance or just working. So I think
Speaker 1: that can easily get pushed to the side. Well, so
Speaker 1: tell us more five months in first boyfriend whenever we
Speaker 1: want to know what's going on in the brain is
Speaker 1: Sydney l I know. I think you know when I
Speaker 1: say when it's meant to be, it's just everything kind
Speaker 1: of falls into place and it's easy. That's how this
Speaker 1: relationship kind of has been like from the start, even
Speaker 1: just talking on the phone. I mean, both of us
Speaker 1: knew that we had lived in different states, that there
Speaker 1: we were never met in person, that we had very
Speaker 1: different lives, but yet we just kept kind of rolling
Speaker 1: with it because our conversations were easy. We got along
Speaker 1: really well, and it was just working. And I think
Speaker 1: to both of us were kind of in the right
Speaker 1: mindset for an actual relationship. We're both looking like I
Speaker 1: obviously was looking I was on a TV show for dating,
Speaker 1: and he had gotten to the part of his life
Speaker 1: where he was starting to look or like open to
Speaker 1: the to finding someone. So I just kind of lined
Speaker 1: up and then we've just gotten along really well, and
Speaker 1: it was almost scarier for us to be apart and
Speaker 1: us do long distance right now than it was for
Speaker 1: me to like low key move in. So I guess
Speaker 1: when it's just like it's right, it's right, and just
Speaker 1: kind of like go with it if it's working before
Speaker 1: we have to wrap up the first second. But before
Speaker 1: we do, I do have a question for you because
Speaker 1: I find it interesting. Have you and Nick had talks
Speaker 1: about the fact that this is your first relationship because
Speaker 1: I think when I first started dating, actually that was
Speaker 1: something that we talked about. We were friends for so long,
Speaker 1: but it was for first serious relationship, and then we
Speaker 1: ended up getting engaged pretty quickly and then married about
Speaker 1: a year and a half later. So we certainly had
Speaker 1: discussions about it at length because there is something to
Speaker 1: be said. Practice makes perfect where you kind of learned
Speaker 1: about yourself within different relationships and you learn about what
Speaker 1: you want things you don't want. Does that make you
Speaker 1: nervous at all? Or Nick nervous at all? The fact that,
Speaker 1: like you guys are already moved in pretty much and
Speaker 1: it's your first relationship in your four five months in um,
Speaker 1: I think it made me nervous more than it made
Speaker 1: him nervous, because at the beginning I laid all that
Speaker 1: out on like this is my first this would be
Speaker 1: my first relationship. I don't have a lot of experience.
Speaker 1: I know myself really well, but I don't know myself
Speaker 1: with another person really well. And for whatever reason, he's
Speaker 1: kind of a person maybe as if his experiences the
Speaker 1: things that he's gone through. He kind of wears his
Speaker 1: heart on his sleeve, and he's really open and like
Speaker 1: willing to jump into things. I think more than I am.
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit more guarded, and because of that,
Speaker 1: he kind of like held my hand throughout the process
Speaker 1: and has met me like where I'm at. Um. Like
Speaker 1: I said, I think it's just kind of worked out
Speaker 1: because of what For whatever reason, this just lined up.
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think this would always be the case
Speaker 1: for other people, but for me, this is just kind
Speaker 1: of worked And I always from in the back of
Speaker 1: my head, I knew I'm not saying that this is that,
Speaker 1: but I always knew I would be like a one
Speaker 1: and done kind of person. Not saying like that we're
Speaker 1: there or anything, but but you're saying you're one and
Speaker 1: done so far you can talk to me in a month,
Speaker 1: And I be like, you, guys, I was wrong, But no,
Speaker 1: I think hopefully I'll be a one and done. I
Speaker 1: love it. I'm excited to meet Nick and vet him
Speaker 1: for myself. But like I said, we we got you
Speaker 1: for the whole episode. You are co hosting with us today. Um,
Speaker 1: we're gonna get to some deal breakers we found online
Speaker 1: and then obviously our favorite the listener emails later on.
Speaker 1: But before we jump over to the deal breakers, we're
Speaker 1: gonna take one quick break and jump right back to it.
Speaker 1: We'll go back to help I suck at dating with Dean, myself, Sydney.
Speaker 1: We're all here marking easton there listening. They might chime
Speaker 1: in later. I have some new dating terms that we
Speaker 1: got to go over as well, because you know that's
Speaker 1: gonna become a weekly segment on the podcast. But first,
Speaker 1: as Dean alluded to, you know, deal breakers, they're kind
Speaker 1: of a big deal because they break deals. Uh. And
Speaker 1: we looked up the top three deal breakers. Uh excuse me.
Speaker 1: We looked up a couple of different deal breakers, one
Speaker 1: of them being twelve of guys most common deal breakers,
Speaker 1: according to a guy in the Good News about this podcast.
Speaker 1: We have two guys, so we can validate a couple
Speaker 1: of guys. That's right, Uh so any guesses like I
Speaker 1: kind of want to hear guesses from Sydney and Dean.
Speaker 1: Do you guys have any guesses about what you think?
Speaker 1: One of the twelve most common deal breakers for guys
Speaker 1: are for guys. Yeah, for guys, for dudes smoking smoking, Okay,
Speaker 1: uh not on here. Wow, that's insane. That's just one
Speaker 1: of mine. I guess it's it's one of mine as well.
Speaker 1: You know, I just can't. I I can't kiss somebody
Speaker 1: who smokes. It sounds so bad, but it's just true. Yeah,
Speaker 1: bad hygiene, maybe bad hygiene number six. Bad hygiene is
Speaker 1: number six on the list. I wish they gave more descriptions,
Speaker 1: but yeah, bad hygiene, I think is a deal breaker
Speaker 1: for anybody. Right. I can't believe it's number six. I
Speaker 1: feel like it should be higher. Yeah, we're talking about guys, guys.
Speaker 1: Impressions of women like guys deal breakers of women. Hygiene
Speaker 1: is on the list. I'm actually kind of surprised because
Speaker 1: typically a guy's hygiene is gonna be worse than a
Speaker 1: girl's hygiene. You know this is true? Speaking of behind chene, Dean,
Speaker 1: when was the last time you showered? That's a really
Speaker 1: good question. What day is it? It's Friday, September. Oh man,
Speaker 1: when was the last time you have to ask that question?
Speaker 1: I probably showered on Sunday? So like, what six days ago?
Speaker 1: Five days ago? It's not bad, I'm assuming do you like?
Speaker 1: Do you I like a little spray or anything? Just
Speaker 1: let it, let it go. Oh I hate I hate sprays.
Speaker 1: I hate wearing dealotor. Not a fan of any of
Speaker 1: that stuff. All that crap to make you smell good. Well,
Speaker 1: at least bad hygiene is not on Kalin's deal breakers.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you about It's true. Well, listen, if I'm
Speaker 1: with Kalin, obviously I'll improve my hygiene a little bit.
Speaker 1: I've been camping and climbing the past four days, so
Speaker 1: it's give me some slas here. Definitely stink. I can
Speaker 1: only imagine what that man smells like. Yeah, it's funny.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of flies line around. I don't know
Speaker 1: where they came from. They locked onto something. U ding
Speaker 1: any guesses of like other deal breakers? What are some
Speaker 1: of your deal breakers that you think might be on
Speaker 1: this list? Pointy fingernails That is not I think up
Speaker 1: bad hygiene right, pointy fingernails, too much makeup that's a
Speaker 1: good one. Yeah, that is a good one. That does
Speaker 1: not appear to be on here. Wow, who are these
Speaker 1: guys tattoos? Tattoos? Are they just physical? Uh no, no
Speaker 1: they are not. Actually a lot of them on our
Speaker 1: personality traits so bad work ethic, a lazy Unfortunately, it
Speaker 1: doesn't look like those, It doesn't look like high standards.
Speaker 1: It's pretty bad. I'll be honest. I read the list
Speaker 1: of the deal breakers before hand, so I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: think outside of the box here a little bit too.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you my deal breakers is lack of no
Speaker 1: sense of humor. It's probably my biggest deal breaker. That's
Speaker 1: a good one, but especially for me because I'm like
Speaker 1: a sarcastic jerk all the time. But whenever I say anything,
Speaker 1: I'm never serious about it, but I'd say it in
Speaker 1: a way that makes it seem like I'm serious. And
Speaker 1: if you don't have a sense of humor, it's already
Speaker 1: along with me. So well, Dean, that is number ten
Speaker 1: on the list, Sydney, I'm assuming you like guys with
Speaker 1: sense of humor. Nick has a sense of humor. Yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure. That's one of the main things that set
Speaker 1: out to me was his sense of humor. You gotta
Speaker 1: be able to laugh. What's your biggest deal breaker, Jared, Oh, my,
Speaker 1: dig my biggest deal breaker? Uh, probably if you're not
Speaker 1: a Patriots fan. Um. Number I don't know, honestly, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I have like any deal breakers.
Speaker 1: I'm the type of guy who I try to look
Speaker 1: at both sides of things constantly, So there's not like
Speaker 1: one thing that comes to mind that I can think
Speaker 1: of that's like, if you do this, never gonna work
Speaker 1: out with me. Of course, like bad hygiene, that's not good. Smoking.
Speaker 1: I don't like, uh, you know, not having a sense
Speaker 1: of humor. You have to just be sarcastic. That's that's
Speaker 1: my that's my love language. Honestly, one of my love
Speaker 1: languages is sarcasm. Ashley has learned this unfortunately. Uh that
Speaker 1: like if I make fun of her, it's an endearing way.
Speaker 1: But anyway, but the number one, number one on the
Speaker 1: twelve most common deal breakers for guys flaking on plans,
Speaker 1: Really that's an interesting one. The description a lot of
Speaker 1: times that guys have flaked on me on plans is
Speaker 1: a lot that's interesting. You want to know what's funny
Speaker 1: about that? Is. I agree with Sydney. I think that
Speaker 1: guys flaked on plans more often than ware. That's so
Speaker 1: hypocritical of guys. I mean we're pretty big hypocrites. So
Speaker 1: I've definitely flaked more times than I've been flaked on. Ye, Sydney,
Speaker 1: do you remer a story being flaked on? Um? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean I would get ghosted often or just they
Speaker 1: would stop. One guy literally we've gone on a date
Speaker 1: and then we were supposed to go on another date
Speaker 1: that Friday, and he faked a dental emergency and then
Speaker 1: I never had from him again, So I think he died.
Speaker 1: But so you're random things like that, dentist, what a
Speaker 1: way to go? Wait, how do you know he faked it?
Speaker 1: I mean, have you ever heard of a dental emergency? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And then as the ghosting after it was what sealed
Speaker 1: the deal for me. Yeah. Yeah, guys suck it says,
Speaker 1: even if you've been dating a long time, asking someone
Speaker 1: out is still kind of a big deal. That means
Speaker 1: when we take that leap and make plans, we expect
Speaker 1: you to show up. Yes, sometimes last minute emergencies pop up.
Speaker 1: Definitely not the dentist though, but guys still get upset
Speaker 1: if you break our plans. When you do that, it's
Speaker 1: like the trust is broken. I agree with you, guys,
Speaker 1: there's no way. Guys break plans way more than girls do. Uh.
Speaker 1: The second one talking about your ex m hm, I
Speaker 1: can see that because that just makes you feel like
Speaker 1: you're you're still in love with him. Yeah, there's no
Speaker 1: place for the new the old person, the new relationships,
Speaker 1: so there's no need to talk about them once you've
Speaker 1: already had the one conversation. I'm trying to think of
Speaker 1: a situation where I've been on a date with someone
Speaker 1: and they talked about their ex the whole time. I've
Speaker 1: definitely been on that date. But yeah, I agree with sitting.
Speaker 1: It's like, why are you talking about them? You must
Speaker 1: not be over them? Mm hmm. I wouldn't say that's
Speaker 1: a deal breaker. I think that's kind of more of
Speaker 1: like a let's move, like, let's see if this keeps happening,
Speaker 1: and if it keeps happening, then maybe I'll we'll break
Speaker 1: it off eventually. But that's not like a one time
Speaker 1: thing where it's like if you get flaked on in
Speaker 1: in this case Intindy's case, the first time deal breaker
Speaker 1: or uh, you know, if things are like bad hygiene
Speaker 1: that are more consistent, I don't know. I think that
Speaker 1: one's maybe not the not the best. Yeah, it's it's
Speaker 1: not the best, not the worst. Number three being passive aggressive,
Speaker 1: I can see that. Uh. Number four, uh meanness. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't want to date someone who's a jerk. I
Speaker 1: think that's that's pretty well known. Number five insecurity. That's
Speaker 1: an interesting one. I you know, sometimes you know, it's funny.
Speaker 1: When I was on the Bachelor at night one, I uh, like,
Speaker 1: Dean can attest this student, so can you? Sydney. Like
Speaker 1: you meet everybody, you're super intimidated. Everybody's good looking, they're successful.
Speaker 1: When I got there, it was like, I'm not short
Speaker 1: by any means, but I'm six ft. Everybody else is
Speaker 1: like six four. I was like, this sucks. I'm getting
Speaker 1: voted at home. I'm just a kid from a Rode
Speaker 1: Island with patrick facial hair, like I don't belong here.
Speaker 1: And then I remember being super timid and like being
Speaker 1: afraid to talk to Caitlin and going up to her,
Speaker 1: and then I miraculously got the final rows of that night,
Speaker 1: and I thought to myself, if I let my insecurities
Speaker 1: get the best of me. Then I'm I'm going home
Speaker 1: because I'm gonna be too scared to talk to anybody.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be too uncomfortable to truly be myself. So
Speaker 1: I kind of just like masked my insecurities for a
Speaker 1: little while and just put him to the side and
Speaker 1: was like, I'm just gonna be the most confident version
Speaker 1: I possibly can be and go for it. And it
Speaker 1: worn't you know, knock on wood. It worked out well
Speaker 1: because then I ended making it far enough to be
Speaker 1: invited to Paradise where I met Ashley. But like, insecurity
Speaker 1: is an interesting one because you can really project your
Speaker 1: insecurities and that I will say it is a turn off. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree, And it's also like everyone has insecurities, but
Speaker 1: it's how you manage them. And if you're leading with
Speaker 1: your insecurities, it's not so attractive. So like you said,
Speaker 1: like you masked them, you figure out a way to
Speaker 1: kind of like operate in the world as yourself with
Speaker 1: those insecurities, kind of like at Bay. So yeah, if
Speaker 1: you can get those under control, because no one is
Speaker 1: free of insecurities, but just like manage it, especially on
Speaker 1: a date. My biggest thing was I was I was
Speaker 1: insecure about my career when I was on The Bachelor
Speaker 1: atte the first time I was surrounded by the call
Speaker 1: of these doctors and physicians and like business owners, and
Speaker 1: then I was just like some lowly little start up recruiter, uh,
Speaker 1: you know. And it was just one of those things
Speaker 1: where that was like the one thing I kept hazing
Speaker 1: myself up and I was like super insecure about it.
Speaker 1: But then as time moved on, I kind of agree
Speaker 1: compared It's like eventually just like, yeah, eventually you're just like,
Speaker 1: you know it, I gotta get over this. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: kind of just kind of get out of your own
Speaker 1: way a little bit. But it's not easy. Like Citney said,
Speaker 1: insecurities are very big part of just everyday life, so
Speaker 1: you try to have to deal with them on your
Speaker 1: own way. Number six bad hygiene. Like we talked about
Speaker 1: number seven, trying to be controlling, let's go back to
Speaker 1: bad hygiene real quick. I feel like we're skipping over
Speaker 1: that one a little too fast. What's in hygiene? What's
Speaker 1: so bad about being just a little smelly? I think
Speaker 1: bad breath is not okay, because if you're going to
Speaker 1: try to make out or get close to someone. If
Speaker 1: you have bad breath, that's kind of like stop the
Speaker 1: intimacy right there. So at least have like brushed your teeth. Okay,
Speaker 1: I brush and flash every single day. Maybe there you
Speaker 1: go at least most days, most mornings, most nights. If
Speaker 1: I'm like going out in public or if I'm like
Speaker 1: buy my if I buy myself, I'll maybe brush my
Speaker 1: teeth only once. But if I'm like doing things with
Speaker 1: other people, obviously brush beforehand. But I agree with you,
Speaker 1: smelling breath can be a big turn off. But I
Speaker 1: don't have smelling breath, at least I don't think I do.
Speaker 1: I will say I got my friend's car. We went
Speaker 1: to go play golf the other day, and uh it
Speaker 1: was like my first, uh first day in Denver visiting
Speaker 1: my friends. And I got my buddy's car and he goes,
Speaker 1: did you smell really bad? And I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry. I haven't showered like a week. Yeah, when
Speaker 1: you can't smell yourself anymore, that's usually the problem. Yeah,
Speaker 1: full on knows deafness to my own stench. And he
Speaker 1: I felt I was like so ashamed too. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Man, I had no idea. Uh but yeah,
Speaker 1: that's all in the past. Now you know it's all
Speaker 1: in the past, You're just gonna smell like flowers moving forward.
Speaker 1: Number nine, being addicted to your phone. That is a
Speaker 1: turn off. Like if you're out to dinner someone, put
Speaker 1: the phone down. Just try to have a good conversation,
Speaker 1: especially if it's one of the first dates. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great,
Speaker 1: as we're always on our phone. But yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: you have like that one hour to step with that person.
Speaker 1: Use it. I don't know, have you guys watched The
Speaker 1: Social Dilemma on Netflix yet? Yes, we watched at the
Speaker 1: end of the night, and I knew all those facts
Speaker 1: for sure, Like I knew we've all on our phone
Speaker 1: way too much and we've definitely been being watched. It's
Speaker 1: just a good thing to be aware of. My screen
Speaker 1: time is out of control time, I like tried, it's hours,
Speaker 1: like like up to seven in quarantine a day. We're
Speaker 1: just out of control. I'm using it for work kind
Speaker 1: of not really, but yeah, I agree, I want to
Speaker 1: hear more about this Social Dilemma thing. But I will
Speaker 1: say my screen time I think peaked out like eight
Speaker 1: and a half hours one week and I was like, whoa,
Speaker 1: but I do use it for my GPS, so I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's like if it's driving and it's on,
Speaker 1: I don't know. You can see like what app you're
Speaker 1: using more based on your screen time, which is always Instagram.
Speaker 1: For me, it's definitely Instagram. Uh, Number nine being too loud,
Speaker 1: Number ten not having a sense of humor, Like we
Speaker 1: talked about number eleven neediness, and numbers twelve to round
Speaker 1: it all out. Sexual incompatibility mm hmm, I mean yeah
Speaker 1: there basically. Yeah, But like compatibility, sexual can be a
Speaker 1: lot of different things, Like it doesn't mean you know,
Speaker 1: it just means that you guys, you know, go well together.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to else to. Yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: like that's chemistry that can change. But sometimes you're just
Speaker 1: not compatible as far as like this person has this
Speaker 1: fantasy and will not let go of that fantasy. So
Speaker 1: things like that. But depends on the situation. Dean, what's
Speaker 1: your fantasy my sexual fantasy? Yeah? Oh man, it's so weird.
Speaker 1: I don't even think I could tell you guys. No,
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. I don't really I don't think I
Speaker 1: have a sexual fantasy, do you guys have sexual fantasies.
Speaker 1: Is it supposed to be like commonplace for everyone to
Speaker 1: have a sexual fantasy. I don't think so. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: don't think so either. I like don't think that. I yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean ah. I would say sexual compatibility is only
Speaker 1: a deal breaker for people that are like in their
Speaker 1: early twenties or late teams, you know, like the older
Speaker 1: you get. Like you said, Jared, you can build sexual
Speaker 1: compatibility like within a relationship after like getting to know
Speaker 1: that person and being communicative, etcetera. So I don't really
Speaker 1: think that should be on their I there, but um,
Speaker 1: in terms of my sexual fantasies, uh, involve a lot
Speaker 1: of like whipped cream, maybe some like hot fudge and
Speaker 1: splits Deli meats. Okay. You ever see that that Seinfeld
Speaker 1: episode where George Costanza like is having sex with his
Speaker 1: partner and he's like eating a pastrami sandwich while he's
Speaker 1: doing it, and then every time he eats a pistami
Speaker 1: sandwich from there on out, he like gets all hot
Speaker 1: and bothered from it. Oh my god. Reminder of the
Speaker 1: end of Bridesmaids where they're like having zacks with the
Speaker 1: huge past sandwich. It's like yeah, exactly, it's like the Flaps.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. Yeah, I remember that episode because George, it's
Speaker 1: like the Pinnacle. He's like, if I can eat while
Speaker 1: having sex and watch TV in the background, like it's
Speaker 1: it's it's the ultimate. Um. All right, let's talk about
Speaker 1: dating deal breakers that women have and that men should
Speaker 1: definitely be aware of. This is on Reader's Digest. What
Speaker 1: do you think number one is? What do you think
Speaker 1: the number one deal breaker for women is, ah, not
Speaker 1: wanting to get married and have children? Do you not
Speaker 1: want to get married? I'm saying, like deal breaker for
Speaker 1: if guys don't want to do that. Okay, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Yeah, that's interesting. I don't see maybe
Speaker 1: not number one, but yeah, I don't. I I think
Speaker 1: I mean, well, that's a great answer. I think these
Speaker 1: are a little bit more surface level type of things.
Speaker 1: Not not like I shouldn't say surface level because they're
Speaker 1: very impactful and meaningful things. But no, it's not that Dean.
Speaker 1: What do you think did you already read these? I
Speaker 1: read them already yet, But I'm going to say actually not,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say anythingxactly. Yeah, that's so the number
Speaker 1: one is dishonesty. Dishonesty is the number one deal breaker
Speaker 1: for women. Um this apparently this includes dishonesty about your age, Uh,
Speaker 1: you're marriage to yes, marital staff at us. Of course
Speaker 1: they say height. This is probably predicated to like first dates.
Speaker 1: Is that a bad thing? Do you think that's a
Speaker 1: big deal breaker? You just got on bubble dates and
Speaker 1: they say they're like if anyone's six ft, they're usually
Speaker 1: like not, or they will say that, they'll say that
Speaker 1: like six two, but they're really six foot. And I've
Speaker 1: just gone on dates where you think on bumble where
Speaker 1: it doesn't say the height, you think that there are
Speaker 1: certain height based on their photos. Then you get there
Speaker 1: and you're like, that is not the height that I imagined.
Speaker 1: But okay, so yeah it's definitely on there, and it's like,
Speaker 1: what do they expect. It's like, obviously if you see
Speaker 1: the one person, you're going to know that they're lying
Speaker 1: about their height. You know exactly, age two ages a
Speaker 1: big one. Don't lie about that. Marital status another huge one.
Speaker 1: Don't lie about that. Guys, please don't know. Just you know,
Speaker 1: get divorced if you're that unhappy. Number two being unemployed.
Speaker 1: The second biggest turn off for women unemployed. I mean
Speaker 1: a lot of people are unemployed right now, so that's true.
Speaker 1: This was a preda Listen, I'm one for two right now.
Speaker 1: I am unemployed, so I am hitting the deal breakers.
Speaker 1: It's one because I read through. I read through the
Speaker 1: list of deal breakers and I was like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: that one on that one and that one I knock off.
Speaker 1: You're about to be too. Three not the role n
Speaker 1: number three seven seven? Okay, what's number three? What's number three?
Speaker 1: Number three is lack of ambition? Do you have ambition?
Speaker 1: I don't think I have ambitions, So I think two
Speaker 1: out of three, I am ambitious about not doing anything
Speaker 1: and trying ambitious to see the world. You are in
Speaker 1: that way, Yeah, But I would say like ambition applies
Speaker 1: to like career oriented goals like that kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I feel like I feel
Speaker 1: like ambition can be like defined in many different ways.
Speaker 1: I think you have ambition, you just don't have ambition
Speaker 1: to like work a nine to five. But I don't
Speaker 1: necessarily that's a bad thing. Said, what's nixt ambition? Or
Speaker 1: does he ambition? Very hard working? He wakes up with
Speaker 1: the sun and goes to the gym right as soon
Speaker 1: as he wakes up. So he's super ambitious. He's very
Speaker 1: like scheduled and regimented. And what's his career. He's actually
Speaker 1: he's in sales. He works actually in like the selling
Speaker 1: of cleaning products right now, like these big machines that
Speaker 1: do all these for like grocery store chains and things
Speaker 1: like that. So he's doing very well right now with
Speaker 1: covid Um. But yeah, he's in sales since he's a
Speaker 1: qualified janitor. In the morning, so he wakes up at
Speaker 1: like five thirty and then I will not wake up
Speaker 1: at that time or a few So then he wakes up,
Speaker 1: feeds the dog, and then let's bring the dog back
Speaker 1: into bed and we sleep. Me and the dogs sleep
Speaker 1: together for like another hour, and then he wakes me
Speaker 1: up and then asked if I want to go to the
Speaker 1: the gym or not. And then some days I go
Speaker 1: and some days I just keeps there. So he's a
Speaker 1: good little morning routine. His dog, her name is Dixie.
Speaker 1: She's a bulldog. She's hilarious. She's so fat. You're going
Speaker 1: to be married by December. I'm telling together, you have
Speaker 1: a dog together. Number four Dean's gonna really love this one. Lateness.
Speaker 1: Lateness is the number four biggest deal breaker that women
Speaker 1: apparently have. This is what I'm talking about, Man, I've
Speaker 1: already knocked checked three of these four boxes here. Uh,
Speaker 1: number what's wrong with lateness? Sometimes you just show up?
Speaker 1: But like what is time? Time is an illusion anyways,
Speaker 1: It's like, so I just showed up exactly. Number five. Uh, canceling,
Speaker 1: Number five canceling. That's obvious one. You like you anytime
Speaker 1: you get plans canceled on you like half off. Uh.
Speaker 1: Number six sketchy online behavior, So be more like Nick,
Speaker 1: don't be like number six, don't be don't have sketchy
Speaker 1: online behavior. Yeah, what do you think constitutes online sketchy behavior?
Speaker 1: Like liking bikini photos all the time and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: I'm sure Sidney can give some examples of this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: um yeah, I would say liking photos, following like your
Speaker 1: friends and things like that before where you guys are
Speaker 1: relationship and like damning your friends things weird like that. Uh. Well,
Speaker 1: I got one the other day that was like Hi,
Speaker 1: it was a very well or not well written at all,
Speaker 1: but it was like, if you send me emojis, I
Speaker 1: give you nudes things like that. It seems like a
Speaker 1: fair trade off. Yeah, super fair, because I gotta pick
Speaker 1: the right emojis. But my friend actually was dating someone
Speaker 1: who claimed to be an Australian for months and then
Speaker 1: she found out later that he wasn't Australian at all.
Speaker 1: He was faking an accent for some reason. So that's
Speaker 1: super sketchy. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, she found out through
Speaker 1: another friend who knew him from college. And then she
Speaker 1: was like, wait, he wasn't He didn't grow up in
Speaker 1: Australia and they're like, we grew up in New Jersey
Speaker 1: or wherever. Wabelievable what happened next? Um. I think she
Speaker 1: had confronted him about it, and the guy was basically like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, we had a good run. Like what, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh. I like that just owned up to it.
Speaker 1: I would have loved to have been a fly on
Speaker 1: the wall to see him go from an Australian accent
Speaker 1: to a Jersey accent. Just Jersey, you got me so amazing.
Speaker 1: I wonder if he was like doing a character trial
Speaker 1: or something and he was trying to play a role.
Speaker 1: I have no idea, but that's hilarious but also kind
Speaker 1: of messed up. Yeah, super messed up. What do you do?
Speaker 1: Like we said, Number seven, sloppy R bad hygiene. Number
Speaker 1: eight his roommate. That's an interesting one. I guess that's
Speaker 1: like also constitutes his friends. Like you know, if you
Speaker 1: have bad friends, maybe you make bad choices. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: makes sense always being around. I don't know. I like
Speaker 1: that one because I don't have a roommate or maybe
Speaker 1: like they live he lives with his parents or something
Speaker 1: like that. You know, yeah, I think even I was
Speaker 1: just reading the article. Yeah, one of the things is
Speaker 1: it's a turn off if his roommate is his mom. Yeah,
Speaker 1: probably nothing. You don't want to go to the parents
Speaker 1: basement to go hang out. But I mean that's like
Speaker 1: that just shows he's a good family man, just like
Speaker 1: he was saying, if he's in between, it's it's fine.
Speaker 1: But if it's like an end goal for him to
Speaker 1: live with his mom point not, Yes, I completely agree
Speaker 1: with that one. Number nine bad conversation skills. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: you have to be olds just like being a human
Speaker 1: in general and having conversation skills beyond dating. But yeah,
Speaker 1: you'd be amazed on how many people find it difficult
Speaker 1: to be human. Yeah, this is true. You're not wrong, Jared.
Speaker 1: Number ten smoking, which is something makes sense. Smoking just
Speaker 1: bad breath, not good and really bad for your health.
Speaker 1: You should stop it now. Uh. Number eleven, he doesn't
Speaker 1: pay for the first day. This is something that Deana
Speaker 1: and I have extensively about on this podcast. So sitting yes,
Speaker 1: I ask you, do you think guys should pay for
Speaker 1: the first day? And did Nick pay for the first date? Um? Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like we've talked about this before, Tu Dane.
Speaker 1: But um, so I'm a little more traditional, and I
Speaker 1: would like to feel it's a thing of a guy
Speaker 1: asked you about he plans a date, and then he
Speaker 1: asked he asked you to pay for it. That's a
Speaker 1: little strange. I would like for the guy to pay.
Speaker 1: I understand that circumstances are different for everyone. We're all
Speaker 1: in hard times right now, so maybe it's not the way,
Speaker 1: but I guess, at least for the first date, I
Speaker 1: would I would enjoy being paid for it. But and
Speaker 1: Nick did pay for first dates. Yes, But but here's
Speaker 1: the thing, uh, and I think this is kind of
Speaker 1: the reason for UH people thinking this way is the
Speaker 1: reason that people always think I should pay for the
Speaker 1: first date is because I would say nine times out
Speaker 1: of ten, it's the guy asking the girl on the
Speaker 1: first date. And yes, if you asked the person on
Speaker 1: the date, you should definitely pay for the date. But
Speaker 1: if the girl asked the guy on the date, the
Speaker 1: girl should pay for the date, or at the very
Speaker 1: least they should be splitting it. But it's like the
Speaker 1: person that asked to go on the date should be
Speaker 1: paying for the day. So like Nick is the one
Speaker 1: that showed interest to you, Sydney, so of course he's
Speaker 1: going to take you on a date and pay for
Speaker 1: it because you're giving him the time of day to
Speaker 1: hang out with him, and the least he can do
Speaker 1: is pay for your food. Yeah, I agree. And how
Speaker 1: do you guys feel about like the wallet grab that
Speaker 1: the girls do? Like, big fan? They pretend wallet crab?
Speaker 1: You big fan? Big fan of the fake grab? Okay, good,
Speaker 1: as long as I would say, even even do it
Speaker 1: now that you guys are like dating and like living together, etcetera,
Speaker 1: you still got to reach for the wallet even if
Speaker 1: you're paying for dinner all that kind of stuff. I
Speaker 1: think it still is always a nice one on a
Speaker 1: day one time and the girl didn't I was going
Speaker 1: to pay for it anyway. But also, here's the thing
Speaker 1: with guys paying for dates. If you go on so
Speaker 1: many first dates because you're not finding someone that you
Speaker 1: really quick with, then you're paying for like six seven dates.
Speaker 1: It adds up quickly. So I understand that maybe you
Speaker 1: don't if it if it's not going well, you split
Speaker 1: the check. Maybe if you know that there's gonna be
Speaker 1: no second date, you just split the check. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's a bad advice, who knows, But I remember
Speaker 1: one time I was on a day with a girl
Speaker 1: and she didn't she didn't do the wall crap, and
Speaker 1: she just left the check. I like, I purposefully just
Speaker 1: didn't immediately go after it for it, even though I
Speaker 1: knew I was gonna pay, just because I wanted to
Speaker 1: see her reaction, to see if she'd be like oh
Speaker 1: oh and nothing. And then so it sat there for
Speaker 1: like a good two to three seconds before I reached
Speaker 1: to go grab it, and she was like, oh, thank
Speaker 1: you as and then I was like, Okay, at least
Speaker 1: you said thank you. That's very sweet, But I'm a
Speaker 1: It just made me appreciate girls who just at least
Speaker 1: go for the like oh oh no, you sure, Oh okay,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Like I don't know that little
Speaker 1: gesture makes all the difference. Devils in the details, Jared,
Speaker 1: what's protocol for when you and actually go out to
Speaker 1: the dinner. Well, now it doesn't matter, like I mean,
Speaker 1: if we go out to a fancy dinner, I pay
Speaker 1: for it just because you know, we kind of like,
Speaker 1: you know, I'll pay for the date we try to.
Speaker 1: That's like our idea of spicing things up, I guess now.
Speaker 1: But but no, you know, most times now it's like
Speaker 1: which card should we put this on? Yeah? Which points
Speaker 1: do we want? Yeah? Yeah, how many frequent flyer miles
Speaker 1: do you have? Right? Put it on my card. I
Speaker 1: need to collect some points. Um. And then oh sorry,
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, so you guys still don't do
Speaker 1: you ever like split it? Like, let's say you guys
Speaker 1: go to like, uh, what do you like so much?
Speaker 1: Shake Shack? But I guess then it's just like twenty
Speaker 1: bucks you like it. It's just because when we we've
Speaker 1: talked about finances many many times, and before we even
Speaker 1: got married, and so you know, we we're very much
Speaker 1: on the same page about that, because you know, people
Speaker 1: who are together married have differences of opinions of separate
Speaker 1: bank accounts our money. You know, your money is my money.
Speaker 1: But also some people were like, well, no, my money
Speaker 1: is my money, and then we share some of that.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but Ashley and I have talked about
Speaker 1: that many many times. We're both on the same page.
Speaker 1: So no, we don't. We don't split the check in
Speaker 1: or anything like that. How about you and Kalen, Well
Speaker 1: don't you think that since well, Kaylin and I have
Speaker 1: a drant bank account, so whenever we go to dinner
Speaker 1: or anything anywhere, we always put it on the joint
Speaker 1: credit card that him. But let me ask you, this
Speaker 1: does the fact that uh because actually has got to
Speaker 1: make more money than you. Sorry, I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't want to put anyone on the spot. Kayla
Speaker 1: makes way more money than I make, so I can
Speaker 1: only assume that actually makes more money than you may
Speaker 1: actually next moment. So so why don't you just like
Speaker 1: be like, hey, let's just put a lot of money
Speaker 1: into my bank account and we'll split everything. I mean,
Speaker 1: as you know pretty much what we do. Oh okay, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean she has her own bank account and I
Speaker 1: have my own bank account, right, but like I just
Speaker 1: view like all the money in my account is hers
Speaker 1: as well. That's the way I just view it. So
Speaker 1: you're contributing to the unit versus like mine. Yeah, of course,
Speaker 1: we're exactly for the house future, like we're we're trying
Speaker 1: to plan ahead. So that's kind of like where our
Speaker 1: heads are at with that respect that I'm assuming you
Speaker 1: Nick haven't talked about that yet, Sydney. Yeah, no, I
Speaker 1: mean we definitely have separate bank accounts, but as far
Speaker 1: as like me being in here, he's already been taking
Speaker 1: care of the mortgage, so that's like his deal and
Speaker 1: he's fine with that. Um. Yeah, so I paid for
Speaker 1: things when I when he lets me essentially, and I
Speaker 1: pay for like all my own things like clothes and
Speaker 1: stuff like that. So Nick sounds like a gym. I
Speaker 1: like this. Yeah, we're gonna good West boy, get him
Speaker 1: on the podcast. I'm gonna talk to this guy. I
Speaker 1: It's funny because Nick by All is also a Midwest
Speaker 1: boy from not from Ohio. But every time you say Nick,
Speaker 1: I always think Nicol bay All. For some reason. Well,
Speaker 1: it's because we know, yeah, right, Number a twelve. Last one,
Speaker 1: he's pushy about sex. Mm hmm, yeah, I could see
Speaker 1: that being a big turn off totally. Okay, Well, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna run the numbers real quick on this. So there
Speaker 1: was twelve deal breakers. I hit one, two, three, four, five,
Speaker 1: I almost I hit half of them. Let's go, let's
Speaker 1: go through them really quickly. One you're not dishonest, so
Speaker 1: you didn't hit that one. Maybe just maybe just being unemployed.
Speaker 1: Not I am unemployed. I lack ambition, I'm often late,
Speaker 1: I sometimes cancel, I have bad hygiene, and I think
Speaker 1: that whoever asks for the first date should pay for
Speaker 1: the first date. Those are my those are my deal breakers.
Speaker 1: But I'm breaking the deal because of those things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of gray in there. Though you're sometimes late,
Speaker 1: you have ambition, I think. And plus you're self employed,
Speaker 1: my friend. Yeah, that's right. Just punched in the old
Speaker 1: card right now, while while zooming at each other another
Speaker 1: day at the office. Alright, fair, fair, fair, all right, cool,
Speaker 1: we have some emails we're gonna get to. Uh, and
Speaker 1: then yes, we have a couple of dating terms that
Speaker 1: I want everybody's opinion on once again. But before we
Speaker 1: do that, let's take a quick break. All right, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome back to our favorite segment, always here on help
Speaker 1: I suck at dating. It's your emails and we're gonna
Speaker 1: read a couple of emails. We've got Mark joining us
Speaker 1: from all the way around the world Los Angeles. Hopefully
Speaker 1: he's gonna want to chime in real quick, Mark, Are
Speaker 1: you there to read these emails for us? Always happy
Speaker 1: to read an email, diners. This one's from anonymous. For
Speaker 1: the past eight months, I've been hanging out with a
Speaker 1: guy who's twenty seven that I was previously friends with
Speaker 1: for three years. At first, we were friends with benefits,
Speaker 1: but quickly it turned into us hanging out every day
Speaker 1: and going on dates. I've even met his parents multiple times,
Speaker 1: going on vacation with him, his siblings, all their significant others.
Speaker 1: But this is where I get confused. After this long,
Speaker 1: he's never once expressed feelings for me. I don't know
Speaker 1: if he thinks I'm attractive, much less as feelings for me.
Speaker 1: I haven't asked because I'm scared of ruining the friendship
Speaker 1: if feelings aren't reciprocated. How do I navigate this? What
Speaker 1: do you think is going on? That's weird? I mean,
Speaker 1: I think that this guy just is in a good
Speaker 1: situation with you. You guys are friends. He obviously likes you.
Speaker 1: You guys hook up, but there's no commitment, so he
Speaker 1: can hang out with other girls as well. So I
Speaker 1: have a question. Has she said that she has feelings
Speaker 1: for him? Has she brought it up at all? It
Speaker 1: doesn't say whether she did or not. I'm going to
Speaker 1: guess that she does. She doesn't want to write the friendship,
Speaker 1: so she didn't. Really, she's not really approached it. But
Speaker 1: I feel like you're only hurting yourself in a situation
Speaker 1: and eventually would hurt your friendship more. The further you
Speaker 1: go on like this and you develop feelings and you
Speaker 1: don't say something. I think it's always better just to
Speaker 1: say it. But that's my and I bet you, I
Speaker 1: bet you. What would happen is if she were to
Speaker 1: say something and be like, yeah, so what's up? Like
Speaker 1: what are we? What are we? Are we boyfriend girlfriend?
Speaker 1: I bet you the guy I would be like, uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: were boyfriend girlfriend? You mean you've been doing all this
Speaker 1: stuff together right, Like yeah, exactly. Guys are clueless. If
Speaker 1: he's like introducing or to his parents taking it on vacation,
Speaker 1: all these types of things. It sounds like he already
Speaker 1: thinks that, but you just need to get him to
Speaker 1: communicate that with you. Is Yeah, it feels like almost
Speaker 1: an elephant in the room agreement. Uh yeah, I would.
Speaker 1: I would definitely address this with him. And what's what's
Speaker 1: what are you gonna lose? You can lose a friendship
Speaker 1: with a guy that you're in love with that isn't
Speaker 1: communicating that back to you, Like it's really, there's no
Speaker 1: friendship there. It sounds like you're going to live a
Speaker 1: healthier lifestyle if you just say how you actually feel. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's an easy one. You gotta get it out there.
Speaker 1: From Morgan, this is not so much a question as
Speaker 1: kind of a topic she's throwing out there. Recently, my
Speaker 1: friends and I were talking about the dumbest things we
Speaker 1: did because we were in love. My friend Ashley got
Speaker 1: a tattoo she had to cover up. My friend Katie
Speaker 1: moved to Connecticut from New York. I moved out of
Speaker 1: the country for six months because my boyfriend got a
Speaker 1: job in Japan. All the relationships ended. So we were wondering,
Speaker 1: what is the dumbest thing you guys ever did? Because
Speaker 1: you were in love. Can I just say, is moving
Speaker 1: from Connecticut to New York really dumbest thing you've ever done?
Speaker 1: It's like an hour away. Literally, it's like a train, right,
Speaker 1: I might be in the dumbest thing I've ever done currently,
Speaker 1: So yeah, I can go either way. You gotta take risks,
Speaker 1: right right? I agree? I agree with that, Jared. Do
Speaker 1: you know what the dumbest thing you have ever done?
Speaker 1: Is dumbest thing? I mean, all the dumb things I've
Speaker 1: done are just bad things. I mean obviously, Well, the
Speaker 1: first one comes to mind is just not being honest
Speaker 1: with my feelings towards Ashley. That was pretty stupid there
Speaker 1: For a while. I was kind of like the guy
Speaker 1: in the previous email where it's just like we're I mean, granted,
Speaker 1: we weren't hooking up. We were strictly platonic friends for
Speaker 1: a couple of years, but just you know, always kind
Speaker 1: of yeah, not admitting that I was confused about my
Speaker 1: feelings was probably one of the dumbest things I've I've
Speaker 1: ever done, because it's okay to to not be certain
Speaker 1: about how you feel towards things and still address, you know,
Speaker 1: the situation, and at least try so that was pretty
Speaker 1: stupid because then once I tried, I was like, oh no,
Speaker 1: this is right, this feels good, this is this is
Speaker 1: what I want. So that was pretty stupid of me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I agree. You've got to give
Speaker 1: it a better answer than that. It's gonna be like
Speaker 1: some stupid thing like that. You're like an action I took. Um, Yeah,
Speaker 1: what is the stupidest thing I've ever done. I'm basically
Speaker 1: just telling it one more time because I need to
Speaker 1: figure out exactly what the supid got. Nothing said, do
Speaker 1: you got anything on this one? I remember I was
Speaker 1: dating a guy and he had just moved into his apartment,
Speaker 1: and for whatever reason, I thought it'd be fine for
Speaker 1: us to share a twin air mattress for like multiple nights.
Speaker 1: So I was like, yeah, this is totally I'm cool
Speaker 1: with this. We were sharing an air mattress that was
Speaker 1: like so tiny. So that was pretty dumb. Pretty dumb. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've done some other things, but they probably aren't PG,
Speaker 1: so come on, let's hear him. We're ast Okay, well
Speaker 1: one time this is you probably have to cut this out.
Speaker 1: But I was on a day with a guy and
Speaker 1: we were going to hook up, and I realized I
Speaker 1: wasn't um cleaned if you I had was in between waxes,
Speaker 1: and so I took it upon myself to go into
Speaker 1: the bathroom preparing myself. In like thirty seconds, I was
Speaker 1: in there to hook up with this guy. That's that's like,
Speaker 1: that's that's thoughtful, I guess, right. But also it was
Speaker 1: his bathroom, it was not my home. So yeah, I
Speaker 1: think that we need to maybe, uh, the big thing
Speaker 1: that we need to address is the stigma that you
Speaker 1: always got to be cleaned down there. You don't always
Speaker 1: have to be. For me, it was more for me,
Speaker 1: like not I had never been in that state because
Speaker 1: I had never been in never waxed before, so it
Speaker 1: was a four thing for me mostly, And I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know how to approach this. I've had too
Speaker 1: many drink. Steven know how I feel about it, and
Speaker 1: so I'm just gonna get rid of it. Yeah, that's hilarious.
Speaker 1: I'm sure he is. I'm sure he has no idea,
Speaker 1: but well now he does. I hope he listened to
Speaker 1: this podcast. Who knows, maybe he maybe he's a fan
Speaker 1: of the Stuck Army or the question is who isn't
Speaker 1: a fan of the stuck Army scenday, Now, come on,
Speaker 1: that's true. The dumbest thing I still can't think of anything, Like, God,
Speaker 1: I wish I had a good story for this one,
Speaker 1: But how about this, Like Dean, you and me will
Speaker 1: think about a story and we'll tell it on next
Speaker 1: week's podcast about the dumbest thing that we've done for love. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to. I want to think of something now though,
Speaker 1: because I'm sure I've just got hunt Like it's the
Speaker 1: paradox of choice where I've just got so many dumb
Speaker 1: stories to share. I don't know which one to share,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? The thing, Uh, Well, it's
Speaker 1: funny because when last week on help Ice Second Dating,
Speaker 1: we talked a little bit about, uh the Colton and
Speaker 1: Cassie situation and how that escalated into a restraining order,
Speaker 1: And the only thing I could ever think of was
Speaker 1: how I could kind of empathize because when I was
Speaker 1: in college, I broke up with my girlfriend, and I
Speaker 1: broke up and I like just went through extreme lengths to, like,
Speaker 1: I guess, either try to win her back and then
Speaker 1: after not being able to win her back, to like
Speaker 1: move on. So I would like I like sent her
Speaker 1: like a shoe box with like my favorite stuff to
Speaker 1: animal in it, and like cute pictures of us and
Speaker 1: like a poem Like I don't know, it's like a
Speaker 1: poem or something like that. Uh, I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's like necessarily as extreme as moving to
Speaker 1: Japan for six months, but that's like the one thing
Speaker 1: that comes to mind where I was like that was
Speaker 1: because I think that was the breakup that I took
Speaker 1: the hardest too, So uh, I don't know if that's
Speaker 1: just the first thing that comes to mind. And then
Speaker 1: when I realized that we weren't gonna get back together,
Speaker 1: I like went to I like went on Facebook and
Speaker 1: like saw all of our mutual friends and messages, like
Speaker 1: all of the ones that I was friends with first individually,
Speaker 1: and I was like, hey, unfriend of this person on Facebook,
Speaker 1: Like we're no longer going to be friends with her.
Speaker 1: If I'm not with her, you guys can't be friends
Speaker 1: with her like that kind of thing. And looking back
Speaker 1: on that, like that's really embarrassing and obviously very very
Speaker 1: stupid of me to do, but uh that's those are
Speaker 1: like the cringe eest cringe eest relationships things I think
Speaker 1: I've ever done, in my opinion, and that was me.
Speaker 1: That was nineteen year old Dean twenty mid to late twenties.
Speaker 1: I've definitely done some cringe e stuff even like I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to think of something more recent, but
Speaker 1: they're all it's all so bad that it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: it's hard to definitely. One time pulled a or Noah
Speaker 1: from notebook line where we were I was kind of
Speaker 1: like rekindling things why I act a little bit and uh,
Speaker 1: like I was convinced, you know, that we should be together,
Speaker 1: and she was with a different guy, and I'm pretty
Speaker 1: sure I had said something along the lines of picture
Speaker 1: your life thirty years from now, forty years from now,
Speaker 1: and I'm pretty much said something very close to if
Speaker 1: it's with this guy, go, that's pretty like twenty year
Speaker 1: old Jared not knowing what else to say. That is
Speaker 1: pretty pretty, pretty pretty cringe worthy. There was time where
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like writing like love letters
Speaker 1: with like song lyrics. I was like basically making mix tapes. Uh,
Speaker 1: And in the moment it felt so right, but even
Speaker 1: in like after a day of hindsight, I was like,
Speaker 1: what am I doing this is the dumbest thing in
Speaker 1: the world. Some of the most cringeest stuff I've ever
Speaker 1: done is like the A O. Well away messages or
Speaker 1: my Space where you had like a quote or a
Speaker 1: line or something. Oh my god, the dumbness that I
Speaker 1: would put up there, so stupid and cringe I could.
Speaker 1: I wish I had a book of every away message
Speaker 1: I had and like the romantic quotes and oh so bad.
Speaker 1: You should make a you know how Alan has his
Speaker 1: uninspirational calendar. You should make a calendar with A O.
Speaker 1: L aw A messages. Oh yeah, that's like back in
Speaker 1: the nineties. Yeah, it would be like this, I promise you.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'll do it. Before we say anything
Speaker 1: else more or too embarrassing, I think we should probably
Speaker 1: say goodbye. Um, Sydney, thank you so much for joining
Speaker 1: us as always and co hosting with us on this
Speaker 1: Strich's episode of Help by Second Dating. Uh, we're stuck
Speaker 1: to see and hear more from you in Nick. Maybe
Speaker 1: next time we get you to go host, we can
Speaker 1: have Nick co host too. That would in the other room.
Speaker 1: So let's bring him on. Let's bring him on. I
Speaker 1: absolutely would love that. Jared, thank you as always. Thank
Speaker 1: you too, Anonymous and Morgan for emailing us and hopefully,
Speaker 1: uh we were able to at least provide some insight
Speaker 1: or I mean, I don't think our stories were as
Speaker 1: bad as any of Morgan's friends, but it is what
Speaker 1: it is, um and hopefully we were able to not
Speaker 1: gout some deal breakers for people that are still sitting
Speaker 1: on the fence and need to make a decision, they
Speaker 1: can use those deal breakers to make that decision. So
Speaker 1: thanks again for listening. Be sure to tune in next
Speaker 1: week where maybe we will suck just a little bit less.
Speaker 1: Follow help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to podcast