Speaker 1: I'm going to be very vague, yet very direct. My
Speaker 1: siblings are and I are suing my grandfather because a
Speaker 1: lot of things weren't done right. I don't think it's
Speaker 1: cool to have a Bodha sat that mindset or attitude.
Speaker 1: Before we start pointing fingers, we need to look within
Speaker 1: ourselves and say, wait a second, what have I done
Speaker 1: to cause a situation. It's not just mistakes and all
Speaker 1: that stuff, but always just feeling sorry for yourself. No
Speaker 1: one wants to be around that, and you're going to
Speaker 1: find yourself lonely if you don't fix that. What up, guys,
Speaker 1: Happy Monday. I hope you all are having an amazing day.
Speaker 1: I'm happy to be on the mic with you guys
Speaker 1: for today's episode of Cheeks and Chill, and I hope
Speaker 1: you guys had a chance to check out last week's
Speaker 1: episode on the Pie of Life, something I learned about
Speaker 1: in therapy and it's really helped me balance my life,
Speaker 1: so be sure to check it out anyway. On today's episode,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be talking about something I posted on TikTok.
Speaker 1: In the video, I talked about how I can't stand
Speaker 1: people who have a boba that mindset. That attitude. A
Speaker 1: lot of you guys watched it and responded to it,
Speaker 1: so I wanted to impact that a little bit on here.
Speaker 1: So let's get into it. This is Cheeky's and chill, okay,
Speaker 1: So let's start with a little bit of the backstory.
Speaker 2: You know what I can't stand approach to life mindset?
Speaker 2: You know someone that victimizes themselves, especially when they're the
Speaker 2: ones that caused the situation that they're.
Speaker 1: In the reason why I posted the video in the
Speaker 1: first place was because my siblings and I are going
Speaker 1: through a little something that we have not yet publicly
Speaker 1: talked about, and we have chosen for it to be
Speaker 1: that way. I'm gonna be very vague, yet very direct.
Speaker 1: My siblings are and I are suing my grandfather because
Speaker 1: a lot of things weren't done right since I can remember. Again,
Speaker 1: I can't get into detail because I'm gonna let the
Speaker 1: lawyers take care of that. But there has been a
Speaker 1: lot of lies and deception and just people and I'm
Speaker 1: not going to say names, but people really not taking
Speaker 1: accountability and not taking responsibility for their actions, not knowing
Speaker 1: how to apologize, how to accept that they didn't do
Speaker 1: a perfect job, and that's okay. We don't want perfection,
Speaker 1: we want honesty. Right. So I was thinking, and it
Speaker 1: had been sitting in my heart and in my mind
Speaker 1: for a while, and then then I thought, you know what,
Speaker 1: it's something that has been bugging me in general. It's
Speaker 1: something that bugs me in general. And when this all
Speaker 1: happened and then I saw certain things being said, I
Speaker 1: took a lot. And it still takes a lot for
Speaker 1: me to just stay quiet and stay centered and focus
Speaker 1: on God and know that he has our back and
Speaker 1: he knows the truth and everything is going to be okay.
Speaker 1: Because as a big sister, the first thing I want
Speaker 1: to do is go out there and defend my siblings
Speaker 1: and defend our truth. But I'm just trying to be
Speaker 1: chill now. So that's the reason I posted it. And
Speaker 1: I was thinking of someone specifically, which I'm not going
Speaker 1: to say their name, And I always say if the
Speaker 1: shoe fits, wear it. But it also does go with
Speaker 1: what I truly believe. I don't think it's cool to
Speaker 1: have a Bodhesita mindset or attitude. What does that mean exactly?
Speaker 1: That means oh, pore me, Oh, I I didn't do this,
Speaker 1: And the reason I did this was because this person
Speaker 1: did that. It's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop pointing
Speaker 1: fingers first of all, because when you point a finger,
Speaker 1: there are three fingers pointing back at you. So I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that the other person doesn't and shouldn't take accountability.
Speaker 1: But before we start pointing fingers, we need to look
Speaker 1: within ourselves and say, wait a second, what have I
Speaker 1: done to cause a situation? What can I do differently
Speaker 1: to have a better and a different outcome? Where can
Speaker 1: I apologize? You know, there is a lot of power
Speaker 1: in manning up, even if you're a woman like womaning
Speaker 1: up you know the way I said it on my
Speaker 1: TikTok and apologizing and saying you know what I asked up.
Speaker 1: I'm not perfect. You know I could have done things differently,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It could be in different situations.
Speaker 1: But stop trying to make people feel sorry for you,
Speaker 1: painting a picture of like it's the other person's fault. No, no, no, wit.
Speaker 1: There's always two sides, three sides to the story, Okay,
Speaker 1: your side, their side, and the truth. So it's taking
Speaker 1: accountability more than anything, and not wanting, first of all,
Speaker 1: not victimizing yourself. Yes, you can be a victim of
Speaker 1: a situation, but once you start victimizing yourself, that's very different.
Speaker 1: It's oh my god, poor me, this happened to me.
Speaker 1: And it keeps you stuck, It keeps you stagnant. It
Speaker 1: doesn't allow you to grow, it doesn't allow you to
Speaker 1: live a more peaceful life. There is so much freaking power, you, guys,
Speaker 1: in being vulnerable and in saying, dude, I'm messed up
Speaker 1: and I'm sorry for that, and I want to be
Speaker 1: different and that does not define who I am today.
Speaker 1: So that's why I posted it. I just felt that
Speaker 1: it could fit many people, and that's why I kept
Speaker 1: it general, because yes, it is like something I truly
Speaker 1: can't stand, and yes we are and we're going through
Speaker 1: something during that time, and I felt the need to
Speaker 1: say something without saying it directly to the person, if
Speaker 1: that makes sense. So I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say how it is. I'm straight up, and it's not
Speaker 1: because I'm scared if I haven't spoken up. It's because
Speaker 1: I'm respecting my sister in her position, and I don't
Speaker 1: want to make her position harder. My sister Jackie, who
Speaker 1: is now the CEO of Jenny Rivera enterprises and we
Speaker 1: all decided to just stay quiet. And I do see
Speaker 1: and I do hear a lot of things that pissed
Speaker 1: me off, and I'm gonna just maybe eventually, I don't
Speaker 1: know when, I don't know if it's even gonna happen,
Speaker 1: but take the reins as the eldest sister and speak
Speaker 1: the truth. But for now, I'm chilling. I'm leaving it
Speaker 1: in God's hands. And I truly, truly do believe that
Speaker 1: you should not. And it's not cute to have able
Speaker 1: to see that mentality, guys, absolutely not. You know, I
Speaker 1: was sitting and thinking to myself, where does this come from?
Speaker 1: Is it a maturity thing? Is it lack of confidence?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, I personally feel because I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna lie. Back in the days when I was younger,
Speaker 1: it was a little harder for me to take accountability.
Speaker 1: And I think it was because I didn't know who
Speaker 1: I was. I thought that I had to be quote
Speaker 1: unquote perfect, you know what I mean, in order for
Speaker 1: people to like me. Then it got to a point
Speaker 1: where it's like, I'm human. I make mistakes, I can
Speaker 1: say sorry, I can change no situation is going to
Speaker 1: define who I am today and who am going to
Speaker 1: be tomorrow and in my future. So once I understood
Speaker 1: that and I was like, Okay, I accept myself for
Speaker 1: who I am, flaws and all. Now I'm like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm cool with not being perfect. I'm okay with making
Speaker 1: mistakes and I admit to them because regardless dos a
Speaker 1: la la loos, everything comes to light. So I do
Speaker 1: think it is a part of not knowing who you are,
Speaker 1: not being confident in who you are, and maturity. But unfortunately,
Speaker 1: in my situation, my personal situation, which is what caused
Speaker 1: me to record this video in the first place, the
Speaker 1: person I'm kind of thinking about is older than I am.
Speaker 1: Actually it's not just one person, it's a few people.
Speaker 1: They're older than I am, And I'm like, what the
Speaker 1: heck they have, in my personal opinion, something that they
Speaker 1: need to heal in their heart and in their mind,
Speaker 1: or something that's causing them not to see the truth
Speaker 1: of things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a grown
Speaker 1: ass man or a grown ass woman, doesn't matter your age,
Speaker 1: to say, you know what, I didn't do this right
Speaker 1: and for that I'm sorry. I admire people that can
Speaker 1: just face it. You take the power from the other
Speaker 1: person once you're just like, I apologize, I'm sorry, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like you take literally the power
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh shoot, the other person says like,
Speaker 1: oh wow, they admitted to it, or you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna forgive them because they've been honest,
Speaker 1: because they're apologizing, because they're admitting, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So I do think it's a little bit. It's a
Speaker 1: conjunction of things. I could be wrong. Again, this is
Speaker 1: just my opinion and my advice and my podcast, so
Speaker 1: I can talk about whatever I want, Thank goodness, but
Speaker 1: it is something that is not cute, especially in men.
Speaker 1: It's not cute to be like, oh, you know, everyone
Speaker 1: feels sorry for me. You know, I didn't do anything wrong,
Speaker 1: and these people are accusing me, and these people are
Speaker 1: saying things that no, no, no, have your balls in your
Speaker 1: hand and your body's in your hand, and face the truth,
Speaker 1: face the music. You know what I mean. It's okay.
Speaker 1: No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and it's
Speaker 1: going to be that way for the rest of our lives.
Speaker 1: That's just the way life works. You learn from every mistake.
Speaker 1: The gatta gaia. Each time you fall, you learn, you grow,
Speaker 1: you mature, You're supposed to anyways. And if you have
Speaker 1: it and you still have that poor me attitude, bobahesitam
Speaker 1: mentality added to whatever you want to call it, you
Speaker 1: really got to do some like inner work, you know,
Speaker 1: because it's just it's it's not it you guys, and
Speaker 1: it will keep you stuck. It will not allow you
Speaker 1: to grow. And what Chiggie's and Chill is all about
Speaker 1: is growing and expanding and evolving in every way. Perfection
Speaker 1: does not exist. And it's okay because I feel like
Speaker 1: being perfect would be boring. It wouldn't like bring any
Speaker 1: labor or sason to like life. So we need certain
Speaker 1: situations and certain things to spice things up a little bit.
Speaker 1: But what are you going to learn from that? You
Speaker 1: know what I mean? And I want to publicly think
Speaker 1: my mother for the way that I am because she
Speaker 1: was tough. She was a tough and a very strict mom.
Speaker 1: She was very direct with us and her lessons were hard,
Speaker 1: very hard, but they stuck. And that's one thing that
Speaker 1: when I went through the whole thing with my dad's
Speaker 1: actually molesting me in that whole situation. My mom believed
Speaker 1: me right away and said, you know what, Okay, I
Speaker 1: believe you. I don't question it. She took me to
Speaker 1: the doctor, she did everything she had to do as
Speaker 1: a mother to be there for me, put me into therapy,
Speaker 1: the whole thing. But I swear to you, in my
Speaker 1: little mind at twelve years old, I thought, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be able to get away with a
Speaker 1: lot of things because this happened to me. My mom
Speaker 1: was like, uh h, hell no, that happened to you,
Speaker 1: but I'm not going to feel sorry for you, and
Speaker 1: you should not feel sorry for yourself and get started.
Speaker 1: Then when I was like, oh shoot, I thought I
Speaker 1: was gonna have like special treatment, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: because I was going through so much. But she was like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're going to school, You're gonna bring me good grades,
Speaker 1: and if you don't, I'm gonna whoop your ass. You know,
Speaker 1: so mind you times are different, you guys. Spanking was
Speaker 1: still okay back in the days. So anyways, my mom
Speaker 1: was very like, no, I'm not gonna allow you to
Speaker 1: feel sorry for yourself and victimize yourself. Yes, you are
Speaker 1: a victim of sexual abuse, but you are not going
Speaker 1: to victimize yourself. You are going to take this and
Speaker 1: learn from it and help other people. And that's what
Speaker 1: was instilled in my mind, and I till this day
Speaker 1: think like that. I'm like, Okay, I got a separation,
Speaker 1: I was divorced. Everything, anything and everything that I've been through.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what lesson? Literally? I asked myself, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: what is God trying to teach me from this? What
Speaker 1: lesson am I to learn from this pain? How am
Speaker 1: I going to turn this pain into growth, maturity, into
Speaker 1: making myself a better version of myself to keep myself
Speaker 1: from feeling this pain again. So I've always had that mentality,
Speaker 1: and you know, and I thank my mom for it,
Speaker 1: you know, And I think for sure that's where it
Speaker 1: comes from. When it comes to me, I don't like
Speaker 1: to sit there and mope and just say oh my
Speaker 1: God and not do anything. Like I'm like, no, what
Speaker 1: can I change? How can I make this situation better?
Speaker 1: How can I learn from this? There is always something
Speaker 1: to learn from every situation, even if it's painful. I
Speaker 1: always say pain is a pastor promotion. Pain is supposed
Speaker 1: to make us grow in every single way, and growing
Speaker 1: isn't necessarily comfortable. It's actually uncomfortable. Change is uncomfortable, but
Speaker 1: it's necessary in order to make us a better version
Speaker 1: of ourselves. Going back to the TikTok, there was a
Speaker 1: comment on my post of a girl saying, you know
Speaker 1: what she admitted here. This is a prime example of
Speaker 1: someone taking accountability and saying, you know what, I do
Speaker 1: this a lot to myself. How can I stop doing it?
Speaker 1: What advice do you have for me? So I hope
Speaker 1: she listens to my podcast. My advice to the specific
Speaker 1: girl who, honestly, I commend random applause to you for
Speaker 1: doing it publicly because you left a comment publicly that
Speaker 1: you do this, and it's okay, we all, I've been there,
Speaker 1: I get it. I understand. It's first of all, recognizing it,
Speaker 1: which that's a first step. And you're doing that, recognizing it,
Speaker 1: admitting to it, taking accountability, okay. And I think it's
Speaker 1: important to know who you are and what you bring
Speaker 1: to the world, what you bring to the table, being
Speaker 1: okay with that, accepting your flaws and doing anything and
Speaker 1: everything that you can to change those things. How can
Speaker 1: you do that? Okay? Going to therapy, healing things, you know,
Speaker 1: especially healing healing is so important for the process of
Speaker 1: growing and becoming our best selves. That is one of
Speaker 1: the most important things to do, so that you don't
Speaker 1: throw yourself a little pity party and it's like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, a pitty party of one, Like, no, that's
Speaker 1: not cute, you guys, that's not in an attractive thing.
Speaker 1: And feeling sorry for yourself is just admitting apologizing if
Speaker 1: you need to apologize, and healing, taking accountability, taking responsibility
Speaker 1: for whatever mistake you make, and being okay with knowing
Speaker 1: that you're human and you're gonna make mistakes. You're not perfect,
Speaker 1: and you have to allow yourself through that mistake to
Speaker 1: grow and to learn, because that's what life is all about,
Speaker 1: is going through certain situations and scenarios in order for
Speaker 1: you to grow, to learn, to mature, and that's going
Speaker 1: to make you your best self. That's my advice to you,
Speaker 1: and I hope you listen to this podcast because I've
Speaker 1: been meaning to respond to that comment, but I thought
Speaker 1: that this would be the best way to go about
Speaker 1: it because I wanted people to really truly understand where
Speaker 1: that whole TikTok boese that mentality attitude came from. Because
Speaker 1: it's just I don't know. I really admire someone that
Speaker 1: can come and just in your face say, dude, I
Speaker 1: really screwed up. I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't
Speaker 1: have done that. I didn't do things right. My bad.
Speaker 1: Because when you say it out loud, you're not only
Speaker 1: asking the person and for forgiveness, but you're also forgiving
Speaker 1: yourself and giving yourself that grace and that compassion that
Speaker 1: it just you won't fall. When you say it out
Speaker 1: loud and you yourself bring it to light, it's very
Speaker 1: hard for you to go back to do the same thing.
Speaker 1: And that's what it's about. It's like, hey, let me
Speaker 1: bring this out to the world and out loud, and
Speaker 1: not to the world, but to the person, like not
Speaker 1: keeping it within yourself, but actually telling not like going
Speaker 1: on a podcast or like on TikTok and saying it
Speaker 1: the way I did. But I'm saying, like, you know,
Speaker 1: like going to the person or saying hey, admitting out loud,
Speaker 1: hey I messed up. That just like allows you or
Speaker 1: helps you not to make the same mistake. You get me.
Speaker 1: And just to be honest, when I say that's not cute,
Speaker 1: I really mean it. That whole like pity party and
Speaker 1: oh my god, and you know I don't have this,
Speaker 1: and it's like always complaining and being negative is just
Speaker 1: no one wants to be around that. It could be
Speaker 1: somewhat contagious and you could be like in a great
Speaker 1: mood and then you all of a sudden are around
Speaker 1: this person who's just like, oh, you know, my goodness,
Speaker 1: and this always happens to me and this and this
Speaker 1: and that and blah blah blah. It's just like, dude,
Speaker 1: that's another thing. It's not just mistakes and all that stuff,
Speaker 1: because I was like my personal situation, but like yeah,
Speaker 1: like always just feeling sorry for yourself and always just
Speaker 1: pointing out how everything is going wrong and complaining in
Speaker 1: your life. Like that's also abbot to see that mentality,
Speaker 1: Like no one wants to be around that, and you're
Speaker 1: going to find yourself lonely if you don't fix that.
Speaker 1: Like it's it's about being positive. And I know that
Speaker 1: sounds like so cliche, like oh, optimistic and all this stuff,
Speaker 1: but it's way better than complaining and being negative, for sure.
Speaker 1: I'd rather be optimistic all day long than pessimistic, for sure.
Speaker 1: So that's another thing to take into consideration. I don't
Speaker 1: want to live my life by myself, you know. I
Speaker 1: want to have solid, good friends, And that's also in
Speaker 1: your hands and being more of a positive person, not
Speaker 1: just for yourself but for those around you. And if
Speaker 1: you find yourself doing this, take the device I just
Speaker 1: gave homegirl from TikTok where she left her comment. Or
Speaker 1: if you have friends or family members that do this
Speaker 1: all the time and it's affecting you, because it will
Speaker 1: first it'll annoy you and you'll be like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: this is so annoying. Why they're always saying that? And
Speaker 1: then it's just gonna start really affecting you mentally emotionally.
Speaker 1: So I think you just got to like, don't stay
Speaker 1: in front of people. I always say, like, pull someone
Speaker 1: to the side, write them a letter. I love writing letters,
Speaker 1: So write them a letter or tell them personally privately, hey,
Speaker 1: like this is not okay. You're now starting to affect me,
Speaker 1: and you really need to heal yourself, Like you really
Speaker 1: need to do something to heal whatever's going on and
Speaker 1: is making you feel this way, whatever it is, tell
Speaker 1: them what I'm telling you, Like, that's not cute, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean like, you're gonna push me away
Speaker 1: if you continue doing this, if you continue feeling sorry
Speaker 1: for yourself and being negative and pointing out everything that's
Speaker 1: going wrong in your life. And that's one thing I
Speaker 1: always say you, guys, Yes we can have a bad day,
Speaker 1: and believe me, I have them where I'm irritated or
Speaker 1: I'm annoyed, or I'm overwhelmed, and I do my best
Speaker 1: to say, hey, at least to have a roof over
Speaker 1: my head, at least I have running water, like point
Speaker 1: out the good things. You know, no one wants to
Speaker 1: be around someone that's constantly pointing out the bad things.
Speaker 1: It's okay for you to say, hey, I'm feeling this,
Speaker 1: but don't let that moment turn into two days, three
Speaker 1: days a week, a month, like, no, we got to
Speaker 1: stop it. It's in our hands. It's a choice to say,
Speaker 1: I choose to be happy, I choose to heal, I
Speaker 1: choose to be better. I choose to forgive myself, I
Speaker 1: choose to forgive that person. It's all about what you
Speaker 1: choose on a daily basis that's going to make the
Speaker 1: biggest difference. So just to wrap everything up, because I
Speaker 1: know I went here, there and everywhere, but take accountability,
Speaker 1: Take responsibility for your actions, for your mistakes. Know that
Speaker 1: no one is perfect. Allow yourself to be human. You
Speaker 1: are human, but also allow yourself to be a spiritual
Speaker 1: person and mature enough to apologize if need be. And also,
Speaker 1: instead of looking at all the negative things and looking
Speaker 1: at all the things that you don't have, start focusing
Speaker 1: on what you do have, on the good things in
Speaker 1: your life, and that will definitely help you set the
Speaker 1: tone for your day, for your life, and for you
Speaker 1: not to have a bob to see that mentality, because
Speaker 1: that's not gonna get you anywhere. It's going to keep
Speaker 1: you stuck. And no one is trying to be stuck.
Speaker 1: That's not the goal here. The goal is to keep going,
Speaker 1: to keep moving, to move forward, to be better, to grow,
Speaker 1: you know. So anyways, guys, I hope that this episode
Speaker 1: has helped you and will help you, or you can
Speaker 1: help someone else. If you know someone that is kind
Speaker 1: of like this, it's okay. I've been there before. I
Speaker 1: know I recognize it, So it's okay. If you have
Speaker 1: a friend a family member that is doing this right now,
Speaker 1: send them this episode so that they can listen to
Speaker 1: it and Hopefully that can spark something in them to
Speaker 1: make a difference, to change so that they're also happier,
Speaker 1: because at the end of the day, you're so much
Speaker 1: happier when you take accountability. Accountability, it'll take you far, guys.
Speaker 1: So with that being said, you know I always leave
Speaker 1: you guys with a quote. I actually have two, guys. Okay,
Speaker 1: So the quotes are, you can't mope around feeling sorry
Speaker 1: for yourself and expect good things to happen. It doesn't
Speaker 1: work like that. The next one is don't feel sorry
Speaker 1: for yourself. Only assholes do that, all right, guys. So
Speaker 1: I hope you guys found this episode empowering. Just know
Speaker 1: that I appreciate you, that I love you, and that
Speaker 1: all I want is for you to become your best self.
Speaker 1: That is all okay, And before I let you go,
Speaker 1: be sure to tune in for next week's episode of
Speaker 1: Cheeks and Chill because it's a good one. We sit
Speaker 1: down with one of my good friends, DJ Lechro. Don't
Speaker 1: miss that one, Okay. I love you guys. Do you
Speaker 1: need advice on love, relationships, health emails? I'm so excited
Speaker 1: to share with you that my cheekys and Chill podcast
Speaker 1: will have an extra episode drop each week. I'll be
Speaker 1: answering all your questions. Leave me a voice message person
Speaker 1: Ade Monday. All you have to do is go to
Speaker 1: speak pipe dot com, slash Cheeky's and Chill Podcasts and
Speaker 1: record your questions. I can't wait to hear from you.
Speaker 1: This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Micaeldura podcast Network.
Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at Michael Gura Podcasts and follow
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