Speaker 1: Attention Shoppers. Attention Shoppers Employees Only is an improvised comedy
Speaker 1: podcast about the fictional big box store. Any similarity to
Speaker 1: real stores or real people is completely.
Speaker 2: Cool, incidental, all right.
Speaker 3: So if a child is lost in the store, they
Speaker 3: probably just got separated from their parents. Don't assume that
Speaker 3: it has something to do with human trafficking.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 3: Also, if you see a blonde woman back here in
Speaker 3: the back who's not in uniform, that's my wife.
Speaker 2: Okay, you got a white.
Speaker 5: What kudos to you, Jerry. I'm surprised, but heck, if
Speaker 5: I had the money, i'd order somebody from Eastern Europe too.
Speaker 6: Stakes to bis nothing, we don't say everything.
Speaker 3: Okay, she's not from Eastern Europe, definitely.
Speaker 2: She's actually from Georgia.
Speaker 7: Okay, so now we know why you have to make
Speaker 7: one hundred k year.
Speaker 3: She's not after my money. Actually, she manages the Joeanne fabrics,
Speaker 3: so she's doing fine for herself.
Speaker 5: It's probably sending most of it back to her family
Speaker 5: in Tbilisi, the capital of Georgia.
Speaker 3: I meant I met Georgia, of the state she's from, making.
Speaker 2: I have a.
Speaker 3: Picture of her right here.
Speaker 7: Look, this is Bethany, whoa who.
Speaker 8: Hurt with you something?
Speaker 5: He looks like she should be dating an Argentinian soccer
Speaker 5: player or something.
Speaker 2: Jerry, what can I say? I got game?
Speaker 7: You tell me not to be weird, but your wife
Speaker 7: is a full on smoke show. Absolutely smashed that at
Speaker 7: the first off.
Speaker 3: Don't talk about smashing my wife. Okay, I'm gonna draw
Speaker 3: the line there, and frankly, I'm starting to get a
Speaker 3: little mad. So guys, let's please keep it professional, okay.
Speaker 5: Jerry, I, for one, I'm just happy that you found love. Okay. Honestly,
Speaker 5: I've been a certified bachelor for will I guess my
Speaker 5: entire life. I'm still looking for missus right. I'm on
Speaker 5: all the dating apps, Tender Hinge, Bumble, Women behind Bars,
Speaker 5: Lady Farmers Only, Christian Mingle, Jade, Date, Coffee meets Bagel,
Speaker 5: plenty of fish. That's one hold up getting a message.
Speaker 5: Oh my lord, Oh my lord, I have a match.
Speaker 5: I got a match, y'all, and she messaged me names Darla.
Speaker 5: She wants to know if I'd like to get coffee
Speaker 5: with her.
Speaker 6: My wife is real by I was kind of hoping
Speaker 6: that there would be a government shut down, seeing as
Speaker 6: how all governments are just a form of mind control.
Speaker 5: I was kind of looking forward to it all coming
Speaker 5: to a screech and haul.
Speaker 8: Yeah, And I can't believe that Kevin curthy guy barely
Speaker 8: stopped the government shut down and then Matt Gates got
Speaker 8: him voted out of the position of Speaker of the House.
Speaker 8: I mean, what's going on with the Republicans?
Speaker 9: You know?
Speaker 4: Listen, man, Kevin McCarthy managed to prevent a shutdown and
Speaker 4: he's still got fired. That just shows you what the
Speaker 4: government's about. Hey, hold on, we do not do our
Speaker 4: job here. This dude must have a humiliation fetish. He
Speaker 4: went through fifteen rounds of vote and to be confirmed,
Speaker 4: then had his job stripped away by his own party.
Speaker 4: The only way it could have been more humiliating is
Speaker 4: that Matt Gates find him while he was walking him
Speaker 4: on a dog leash and some high heels and the
Speaker 4: hot top of T shirt corn wax on his back
Speaker 4: talking about Shane.
Speaker 7: This is his own fault. When they elected him speaker,
Speaker 7: he let them put a clause in that anyone could
Speaker 7: initiate a vote to fire him. That's bad business. This
Speaker 7: guy is bad app business. When I got hired at Bywell,
Speaker 7: I put in a clause that they can't fire me,
Speaker 7: and I wrote it on the back of my application
Speaker 7: and permanent marker.
Speaker 5: That's why we have to understand and learn what is
Speaker 5: written on the back of the constitution. There could be
Speaker 5: all kinds of awesome laws we have no idea about.
Speaker 7: That's what I'm saying. We don't know what's on there
Speaker 7: right like, and it's probably what the secret founders wanted
Speaker 7: the country to really be.
Speaker 5: Like exactly like, instead of thirteen original colonies, it should
Speaker 5: have been thirteen zones that lived in a state of
Speaker 5: perpetual war. Or perhaps they had forged and accord with
Speaker 5: the Atlanteans and we could have states right now out
Speaker 5: in the Atlantic Ocean.
Speaker 7: Hell yeah, and they're all out there with like beach
Speaker 7: shell bikinis, looking hot as hell, and they're just like
Speaker 7: going at it there. You know what I mean.
Speaker 8: You think it's water World meets Little Mermaid.
Speaker 7: No, it's way hotter than water World. I guess it's. Yeah,
Speaker 7: it's as hot as that first scene in Little Mermaid
Speaker 7: where Triton's like the live action one, no, no, no,
Speaker 7: the cartoon Triton's like, here are all my daughters and
Speaker 7: then this crab's like, I know what's up, and then
Speaker 7: you never see the daughters again. What's going on with
Speaker 7: all those daughters.
Speaker 5: It turns out that our founding fathers both had to
Speaker 5: throw off the yoke of King George the Third in Triton,
Speaker 5: the King of the.
Speaker 2: Sea Kevin McCarthy fifty eight.
Speaker 4: This means this might be the first time Matt Gates
Speaker 4: has screwed someone I could legally vote.
Speaker 5: It's a circular firing squad and they're just willing to
Speaker 5: kick a civil servant off to the curve. This is
Speaker 5: like when all those parents voted to remove me as
Speaker 5: the school crossing guard just because they quote didn't like
Speaker 5: my vibe unquote.
Speaker 8: I was one of the parents, and you helped a
Speaker 8: child one at a time cross the street. My children
Speaker 8: were a half hour late.
Speaker 5: Safety is my primary concern.
Speaker 8: And you don't hold the ninth grader by the hand
Speaker 8: crossing the street.
Speaker 5: You know, in retrospect, I can see how I lost
Speaker 5: the War of optics. Did you know you don't even
Speaker 5: have to be elected to the House of Representatives to
Speaker 5: be Speaker of the House of Representatives. What a country.
Speaker 5: Probably because they assumed they wouldn't need a rule for that,
Speaker 5: much like how the Golden crowd I visited assume they
Speaker 5: don't need a rule against people adding more food to
Speaker 5: the buffet. I still maintain that my cricket protein balls
Speaker 5: would have been a huge hit. It's all you can
Speaker 5: eat and all you can add.
Speaker 7: You just brought food in a left buffet.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I got a ziploc bag full of cricket protein
Speaker 5: balls that I added to the buffet somewhere between the
Speaker 5: chicken fingers and the soft serve machine. I also gave
Speaker 5: protein balls to the kids that I would bring across
Speaker 5: the street as a crossing guard, much to the parent's criticism.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they probably got you fired protein balls. The kids
Speaker 4: should never be said in the sentence.
Speaker 5: Needless to say, these protein balls will give you the
Speaker 5: power and self assurance that our friend Kevin McCarthy lacks.
Speaker 7: Do you know who would be a great speaker of
Speaker 7: the house Joe Rogan, because there's literally no one on
Speaker 7: the planet who's better at speaking, and if people were
Speaker 7: going to like vote the wrong way, he'd just be like,
Speaker 7: I guess you don't want to smoke blunts with Chappelle
Speaker 7: check may everybody wants to smoke blunts with Chappelle.
Speaker 5: It's all very complicated, but I can explain what happened
Speaker 5: with the help of some visual aids. Okay, so imagine
Speaker 5: this bottle of ketchup is Kevin McCarthy, in this lunchbox
Speaker 5: is the House of Representatives, and this jar of mayonnaise
Speaker 5: is Matt Gates. And this claw hammer is the motion
Speaker 5: of vacate. Okay, see, now that's a huge mess.
Speaker 7: Are we just smashing stuff in this room now? Because
Speaker 7: I'd love that?
Speaker 5: Well, now now that I realize I'm the one who's
Speaker 5: going to be cleaning it up, I regret my decisions. Ah,
Speaker 5: dang it, Timbo, that was the one chair that didn't wobble.
Speaker 7: Who the chair recognizes getting smashed on the floor my.
Speaker 5: Guy by Well, oh damn it, y'all. Jerry just gave
Speaker 5: me a paycheck again. I told him I don't believe
Speaker 5: in banks and would only like to be paid in
Speaker 5: cash or precious metals.
Speaker 2: Well, then you better go to Costco.
Speaker 4: They're selling gold now, like for real, Seriously, they have
Speaker 4: one house gold bars for sale and.
Speaker 2: They keep selling that one. Really.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's crazy. I'm glad I don't work at Costco.
Speaker 4: Instead of shoplifters. Now I'm gonna have to be dealing
Speaker 4: with George Clooney in his Ocean's eleven Gang are twelve
Speaker 4: or thirteen?
Speaker 2: Well, I guess if they do it, is it to
Speaker 2: be fourteen.
Speaker 5: It's hard to imagine the Ocean squad like a George
Speaker 5: Clooney and Brad Pitt trying to swag out in Vegas
Speaker 5: with some Kirkling signature brand gold bars.
Speaker 7: I hate that they put the logo on it. How
Speaker 7: are you supposed to show it to chicks and pretend
Speaker 7: you're an international treasure hunter.
Speaker 4: And you know it's gonna be at least one guy
Speaker 4: that's gonna be waiting for the samples. Like when the
Speaker 4: Gold Lady coming out, they not giving gold samples.
Speaker 2: Bro, how would you even sample gold? What are you
Speaker 2: gonna do? Lick it? Like everybody gets the liquor corner.
Speaker 5: To bite the edge like an old prospector.
Speaker 7: Man, I would love to be a treasure hunter, just
Speaker 7: going to like other countries and like taking their shit
Speaker 7: and be like, man, this is mine.
Speaker 8: That's just called being British.
Speaker 4: It does make owning gold a little less cool, Like
Speaker 4: rappers like to have gold and diamonds. But you know
Speaker 4: if you got it from the wrong place, they'll have
Speaker 4: something to say, like, bitch, you got Costco gold. Your
Speaker 4: diamonds are cloudy as hell. Where you get them?
Speaker 2: Diamonds from Walmart diamonds?
Speaker 4: Yeah, you got Target diamonds. Your point is ain't hitting man,
Speaker 4: Your diamond's cloudy. Your gold came from Costco, Your baby mama,
Speaker 4: ain't shit. I can't wait till the disc tracks come out. Man,
Speaker 4: I'm not getting no Costco gold. You won't see me
Speaker 4: with Costco go.
Speaker 5: It's a volume business, and I understand they're technically a competitor,
Speaker 5: but it's the best store to shop at if you're
Speaker 5: trying to supply an underground nuclear bunker. Also, I mean
Speaker 5: think about it. One hundred pack of toilet paper, ten
Speaker 5: gallon can of baked beans, a gold bar you can
Speaker 5: use to barter with gangs of mutant raiders from the outlands. Yeah,
Speaker 5: Costco is the one.
Speaker 4: Gold isn't the only investment opportunity Costco has either. Don't
Speaker 4: think that, Like I just diversify. I invest in crab legs.
Speaker 4: The price fluctuates frequently. I freeze them, I peel the
Speaker 4: sticker off, and I take them back, and I sell
Speaker 4: them back at a premium every Sunday.
Speaker 8: I think Costco has a good business model. Maybe we
Speaker 8: should be in membership only club as well.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 8: That way that lady who doesn't wear pants will stop
Speaker 8: coming in and making deep eye contact with me.
Speaker 7: Yeah, normally someone comes in without wearing pants. I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 7: you're just trying to get right to the point, but
Speaker 7: there's something else going on there.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean she wants you to look. That's her
Speaker 8: whole thing.
Speaker 4: You can't sell gold bars if we wanted to. Here,
Speaker 4: we can't keep people from stealing the goldfish, the crackers,
Speaker 4: and the actual fish.
Speaker 2: Like it's a lot of people.
Speaker 4: That come in and try to walk out with an
Speaker 4: actual goldfish in their mouth.
Speaker 8: I thought it was stupid that we started selling goldfish
Speaker 8: in the first place.
Speaker 7: I think our whole aquarium section is fucking wild. I'll
Speaker 7: be the first to say, we.
Speaker 2: Don't sell turtles. How do they take over every tank?
Speaker 8: I mean, I found turtles in my lingerie section. You
Speaker 8: ever want to see turtles in lingerie?
Speaker 7: No, I do, but only in a very specific Reddit forum.
Speaker 7: And the turtles walk on two legs.
Speaker 2: Don't you desecrate the dinger turtles?
Speaker 7: Where the lady turtle? That's all I'm saying. Why are
Speaker 7: they all?
Speaker 2: He had one? It was Venus de Milo and it
Speaker 2: was very disturbing, right.
Speaker 7: And her color was like light blue or something.
Speaker 2: It was very disturbing.
Speaker 8: You don't like turtle titties.
Speaker 2: At at all, Like, how do they even work?
Speaker 7: That's what's so cool about them. They shouldn't work, but
Speaker 7: they do. Bye Bye, Victor. Victor, My dude, I just
Speaker 7: wanted to check in before you go on this date,
Speaker 7: like what's your strategy? Looking like you got this or
Speaker 7: you need some pointers.
Speaker 5: Honestly, Timbo, it's been so long since I met any one.
Speaker 5: I'm I'm actually a little nervous.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, that's okay. So what you need to do
Speaker 7: is you need to go in there and like nag her.
Speaker 7: You know what that means. Umm, Basically, you say really
Speaker 7: mean shit to her to make her feel bad about herself,
Speaker 7: and then she's like, then she has something to prove
Speaker 7: to you. You know, you want to go in there
Speaker 7: and be like, God, you're stupid. Okay, So here's neist
Speaker 7: watch here, check up.
Speaker 8: Gosh, anyone else find a cold in the store.
Speaker 7: No, it's so hot. I can't believe your skin is
Speaker 7: so weak that it makes you feel so cold. Also,
Speaker 7: that top doesn't go with those shoes.
Speaker 8: Nia, I'm wearing my uniform, you dummy. Are you trying
Speaker 8: to neg me? Are you trying to neg me?
Speaker 7: Victor? When she called me dumb, I was like, hold on,
Speaker 7: am I attracted?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 8: That's right, you have your date. First off, do not
Speaker 8: listen to Timbo Victor, listen to me. I'm a woman,
Speaker 8: I know how to date. So when you first go out,
Speaker 8: make sure you get some drinks, but you don't get
Speaker 8: too drunk, because then you're gonna start mouthing off about
Speaker 8: the NBA and how you could have played ball. You
Speaker 8: could have been balling harder than Steph Curry if you
Speaker 8: hadn't torn your rotator cuff. And Victor, whatever you do,
Speaker 8: do not piss all over her bathroom, all over the
Speaker 8: toilet seat. Women work too hard to do with your
Speaker 8: piss all over the bathroom.
Speaker 5: Okay, well yeah, these are very specific notes.
Speaker 8: But if she has kids, make sure you really watch them,
Speaker 8: you know, don't just say you're going to watch them
Speaker 8: and you're watching the sports and one of them sticks
Speaker 8: a corner in the nose and has to go to
Speaker 8: the er, like take her on a date, really treat.
Speaker 5: Her right, extremely specific advice. Thank you, niya, and don't worry.
Speaker 5: As a custodian, I'm i'm I'm well aware of the
Speaker 5: dangers that the bathroom can can reveal. Nagging and clean
Speaker 5: bathroom victim.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 4: Look, just come over here, my lock. I got a
Speaker 4: few things I can Okay, yeah, put that up to you. Yeah,
Speaker 4: you see it.
Speaker 5: So it is this sort of a sort of a
Speaker 5: distressed jacket. Now what does fu boo mean?
Speaker 2: Exactly?
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, see is for us, by us, So you
Speaker 4: can wear it, but like, don't get crazy. Don't think
Speaker 4: like you can say the N word or nothing like that.
Speaker 4: Hold on, look, check this out. Try this all right here?
Speaker 5: Look at this, lord, don't I don't think i've ever
Speaker 5: seen pants this skin Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's what it's about. Skinny jeans and fat shoes.
Speaker 4: It shows you got money right here, lord.
Speaker 5: Look at all these zippers to nowhere.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, those zippers are not real. You're just gonna
Speaker 4: touch your thigh every zimple you open. It's gonna be
Speaker 4: straight to them. But you can get kind of freaky
Speaker 4: with it too. So that's the thing. The access all right,
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, zipped you at the knee and she crept up.
Speaker 4: Yeah you see all right, you go all right, you're
Speaker 4: gonna be all right, You're gonna be all right.
Speaker 2: Check this out, Check this out. The these glasses, you
Speaker 2: got to put these on.
Speaker 5: Man.
Speaker 4: You gotta put your shades on. Man, don't take off
Speaker 4: of nobody.
Speaker 2: These are yeah, now I blacked them out. Put them on.
Speaker 4: Once you're sitting down like like like like, look where
Speaker 4: you're going by looking over them.
Speaker 5: I gotta say, I'm really only seeing really just the
Speaker 5: fluorescent lights are making it right.
Speaker 3: I wanted to come in and just say, before you
Speaker 3: go on your date, Victor, we believe in you and
Speaker 3: we know you can do this.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 5: Well, thank you, Jerry, thank you every much.
Speaker 3: Why I had Liz set up this two way microphone
Speaker 3: so we can listen in on your date and tell
Speaker 3: you exactly what to say so that it all goes perfectly.
Speaker 5: Hold on, am I some sort of joke to y'all?
Speaker 5: Are you sending me to this date with a two
Speaker 5: way microphone so you can do some sort of covert
Speaker 5: ops listening in on me? Jerry that is outrageous, so
Speaker 5: outrageous that it just might work. Well, got another one,
Speaker 5: just caught a woman with a dog in the store
Speaker 5: and had to kick him out. Well, Feller was wearing
Speaker 5: a don't pit me, I'm working jacket. Yeah, as if victory.
Speaker 2: That woman was blind.
Speaker 5: Oh so maybe she didn't know the dog was with her.
Speaker 2: This is a C and I dog man.
Speaker 7: Joe, did you surely just kick Biden's dog Commander out
Speaker 7: of the White House because he kept biting Secret Service members?
Speaker 7: That's like whatever the opposite of a service dog is.
Speaker 7: That's like an anti service dog, anti secret service dog.
Speaker 8: But let's be honest. All German shepherds are Republicans, all
Speaker 8: of them. Maltese though those are liberal bitches.
Speaker 7: It's kind of their own fault for naming that dog commander, Like,
Speaker 7: how do you expect him to know that you're in charge?
Speaker 7: His name is commander.
Speaker 5: You salute the rank, not the dog.
Speaker 4: So I don't know. Maybe Biden has one of those
Speaker 4: racist dogs. Are any of these secret Service members black?
Speaker 4: You know how people like the dog will bark at
Speaker 4: you and they'll be like, oh, he never does this,
Speaker 4: and I'm like yeah, because you're never around Black people.
Speaker 4: That's why he never does this. He's from that lineage
Speaker 4: of people that was down there during Jim Crow. He's
Speaker 4: a Boycott German Shepherd breed. Like do they trick that paperwork?
Speaker 4: Twenty three and meter this dog? Let's get his background.
Speaker 4: Let's see where this dog really came from.
Speaker 8: And we know how those German shepherds vote GOP GOP.
Speaker 7: Can can German severers vote. I think the dog's probably
Speaker 7: just angry, which I would be too. If someone had
Speaker 7: cut my nuts off, that anger would never fad. There's
Speaker 7: no statute of limitations on the ball's ectomy. You cut
Speaker 7: off my balls. I am biting everything with two legs
Speaker 7: until they take me down.
Speaker 8: Did you know there was a second dog that has
Speaker 8: left the White House for biding people? What the hell
Speaker 8: are these bidens doing with these dogs? Is Hunter giving
Speaker 8: them crack?
Speaker 7: I'm telling you it's the names right. The older dog
Speaker 7: was major, the younger dog is commander. So the younger
Speaker 7: dog outranks the older dog, which is very confused. We
Speaker 7: need a dog. We need General the dog, and General
Speaker 7: the dog shows up and they'll play down the law.
Speaker 7: And then we need President dog, and the President dog
Speaker 7: will keep the general dog in line.
Speaker 5: Well, it's all chemical really, like you're saying, it's hormonal,
Speaker 5: and some people give off a pheromone that dogs just
Speaker 5: instinctively dislike. They can't help it. I mean, I had
Speaker 5: a dog trying to buy me as I walk to
Speaker 5: work today. It's no one's fault. It's just that the dog.
Speaker 2: The dog.
Speaker 7: Stop, make eye contact, Bye.
Speaker 3: Bye.
Speaker 8: I just got to take off these shoes. After I'm
Speaker 8: done here, I have to do the dog walking gig,
Speaker 8: and then on the weekends I drive for greb Hub
Speaker 8: And when I have time in between all those three jobs,
Speaker 8: I work on my ETSYT.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's like a hustle economy out there, like that
Speaker 7: that cop in Minneapolis who got recognized at a traffic
Speaker 7: stop because she also has an only Fans where she
Speaker 7: has sex with her husband, and.
Speaker 2: I give a whole new meaning to the phrase fuck
Speaker 2: the police.
Speaker 8: She'd better not be using that night stick on her
Speaker 8: only Fans page. That's government property, and my tax dollars
Speaker 8: shouldn't have to pay for your butt stuff.
Speaker 7: Do you think that happened, because like, okay, maybe first
Speaker 7: she was a stripper. They used to dress up as
Speaker 7: a cop, but then it turned out when she like
Speaker 7: put on the uniform. She was like, oh no, I'm
Speaker 7: actually qualified to be a cop.
Speaker 4: The stripper of the cop pipeline is very slam. Not
Speaker 4: a cop with a strip pipeline is a little bit
Speaker 4: more feasible.
Speaker 8: Okay, okay, I mean my batch the Red Party, I
Speaker 8: employed at least three stripper cops.
Speaker 7: It's really tricky where you don't know if someone in
Speaker 7: a uniform is a stripper or a cop. And pornography
Speaker 7: is only promoting unrealistic expectations because like the other night,
Speaker 7: a cop pulled me over and she was like, er,
Speaker 7: licensed registration please, And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, officer.
Speaker 7: Have I been a bad little boy? She was like,
Speaker 7: you were going seventy five and a forty five and
Speaker 7: I'm like, hmm, do I need to be punished? And
Speaker 7: then she just wrote me a ticket, but she was
Speaker 7: really giving off sexy cop vibes.
Speaker 5: You know, all you want to do is spend a
Speaker 5: few minutes engaging in some intimacy with yourself, just some whole,
Speaker 5: some marital intercourse. And now the police state has my
Speaker 5: credit card number, I mean your credit card number. If
Speaker 5: you were the hypothetical person in this made up story.
Speaker 7: I think you need to feel shame about this, Victor,
Speaker 7: and I don't see why we as a society can't
Speaker 7: celebrate her body and her ability to do her job.
Speaker 2: You know, I support her though.
Speaker 4: I mean, we finally got an officer that doesn't turn
Speaker 4: off a body can when she does, I'm dirty.
Speaker 2: That's refreshing.
Speaker 3: Bye, Okay, Victor. The mic is set up. We can
Speaker 3: hear everything you too are saying in the coffee shop.
Speaker 3: We believe in you, Victor. Just say you what we
Speaker 3: tell you to say.
Speaker 5: Copy.
Speaker 8: Yeah, Victor says something anything.
Speaker 5: Nobody's talking, So, Darla, how's your coffee? You know it's
Speaker 5: a natural laxative.
Speaker 8: Okay, maybe don't talk.
Speaker 9: Coffee's good, Victor?
Speaker 7: Thanks, Okay, you got a nick be like, Oh man,
Speaker 7: this is what you look like. You're hot. Your picture
Speaker 7: is garbage, but you're hot.
Speaker 5: You're awfully sweaty. You must be quite hot. Maybe it's
Speaker 5: just the atmosphere of the shop, but just glowing like.
Speaker 9: A horse, uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: Hey, Victor, is she looking for some new fall clothes?
Speaker 3: Because you could tell her about by Well's special with
Speaker 3: Women's Crew next sweaters twelve dollars.
Speaker 8: No one should wear those sweaters.
Speaker 4: No, don't, don't, don't.
Speaker 9: Don't.
Speaker 4: Just be honest with them, Victor, tell us something you
Speaker 4: really care about.
Speaker 5: Okay, you know, Darla, I recently had COVID.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's probably not the way to go.
Speaker 5: Bud, And having experienced the virus, I no longer think
Speaker 5: that it was created as a means to lower the
Speaker 5: population and instigate the Great Reset. I'm now convinced that
Speaker 5: the Deep state's real end game was the vaccine. They
Speaker 5: wanted to in plant hit so their quantum computers could
Speaker 5: monitor our conversations.
Speaker 3: Okay, everyone, that was a good try, But it looks
Speaker 3: like Victor started talking crazy stuff and the date is
Speaker 3: probably over somehow.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to go hells and shut this off. Here.
Speaker 10: By deep states, I assume you mean the lizard people
Speaker 10: who I'm referring to as the archons, and they're not
Speaker 10: just monitoring our brainwave patterns. The batteries of their starships
Speaker 10: are actually fueled by our neuro activity. They're literally draining
Speaker 10: our intellect to power their technology. So if you've been
Speaker 10: feeling tired lately, that's gotta be it.
Speaker 5: Well, Darling, that is an interesting theory.
Speaker 10: Excuse me, Victor, I actually have to go take a tink.
Speaker 5: Oh uh, bathrooms right back there.
Speaker 9: The coffee exactly. This one's number two. I lied the
Speaker 9: first time.
Speaker 2: Wow, Victors, she's perfect.
Speaker 4: You or.
Speaker 5: Just wow, that is definitely gonna be a pass from me. No, y'all,
Speaker 5: did you hear that bologney about the lizard people? The
Speaker 5: batteries of their spaceships are fueled by our brain's neural activity. No. No,
Speaker 5: they are cultivating our population so that they can dine
Speaker 5: upon the flesh of our young. I mean, where is
Speaker 5: she getting this stuff?
Speaker 7: Victor? Is it the Jerry situation? She is way harder
Speaker 7: than you. You need to lock this down now.
Speaker 5: Also, I gotta say she didn't bring up how I
Speaker 5: look in my foboo jacket once. Anyway, there's a few
Speaker 5: other fine damsels in this coffee shop. Perhaps I can
Speaker 5: come see who else is available. Hello there, miss, the
Speaker 5: name is Victor. I've been glancing at the screenplay you're
Speaker 5: writing over your shoulder. I have a couple notes. Would
Speaker 5: you care to exchange your dresses?
Speaker 9: Victor? Is this in front of yours?
Speaker 5: I think it's best if perhaps some uh go uh
Speaker 5: coffee's doing a number on my inards.
Speaker 2: As well.
Speaker 9: Okay, yeah, I'm up for a walk.
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm gonna walk very quickly.
Speaker 9: Have you seen these legs. I'm basically a daddy long legs.
Speaker 9: That's what he's to Carmen Jim.
Speaker 5: Really keeping up with me, y'all.
Speaker 9: Let love win.
Speaker 7: She's got spider legs, just like on your vision for.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna be able to outrun them.
Speaker 3: I was gonna turn off the mic, but now I
Speaker 3: want to see where this goes, saying help, I'm being tackled.
Speaker 9: Oops, I fell. Now that I've got you in my clutches.
Speaker 9: It we do like a little role player. I'm a
Speaker 9: priangmantis and you're my husband.
Speaker 5: Huh oh lord, they kill after they mate, it's all happy.
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, boy, this for a freeway embankment. This
Speaker 5: is very comfortable.
Speaker 2: Wow, that's a really tight grip.
Speaker 9: I've actually steen here over night.
Speaker 7: What a woman?
Speaker 9: Oh my pillow is still here?
Speaker 2: Bye? Well.
Speaker 11: Employees Only is produced by Imagine Audio and Pretty Fast
Speaker 11: for iHeartMedia.
Speaker 8: Produced by Timothy Furnara. The associate producer is Wesley Hayes.
Speaker 11: It is executive produced by Ron Howard Brian Grazerkarra Welker,
Speaker 11: Nathan Cloke and Jared Logan. Editing by Timothy Furnara, Mixing
Speaker 11: by j Palizi, Casting by Sherry Henderson. Original music composed.
Speaker 8: By Alloy Tras.
Speaker 11: Liz is played by Kara klink Rich is played by
Speaker 11: Kurt Roneller.
Speaker 8: Victor is played by Ross Bryant. Marcia is played by
Speaker 8: Madison Shepherd. Arnold is played by James Odomier. Nia is
Speaker 8: played by Keisha Zler.
Speaker 11: Shilah is played by Suba Argiwaal, and Darry is played
Speaker 11: by Jared Logan.
Speaker 1: Bye Well