WEBVTT - Victor's 0:00:01.120 --> 0:00:06.080 Attention Shoppers. Attention Shoppers Employees Only is an improvised comedy 0:00:06.160 --> 0:00:10.040 podcast about the fictional big box store. Any similarity to 0:00:10.200 --> 0:00:13.600 real stores or real people is completely. 0:00:13.160 --> 0:00:17.200 Cool, incidental, all right. 0:00:17.360 --> 0:00:19.760 So if a child is lost in the store, they 0:00:19.880 --> 0:00:23.919 probably just got separated from their parents. Don't assume that 0:00:23.960 --> 0:00:25.959 it has something to do with human trafficking. 0:00:26.079 --> 0:00:26.239 Oh. 0:00:26.320 --> 0:00:29.159 Also, if you see a blonde woman back here in 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:32.160 the back who's not in uniform, that's my wife. 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:33.880 Okay, you got a white. 0:00:33.720 --> 0:00:37.559 What kudos to you, Jerry. I'm surprised, but heck, if 0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:40.919 I had the money, i'd order somebody from Eastern Europe too. 0:00:42.320 --> 0:00:49.240 Stakes to bis nothing, we don't say everything. 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:58.560 Okay, she's not from Eastern Europe, definitely. 0:00:58.600 --> 0:00:59.760 She's actually from Georgia. 0:01:00.480 --> 0:01:03.080 Okay, so now we know why you have to make 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:04.200 one hundred k year. 0:01:04.560 --> 0:01:08.119 She's not after my money. Actually, she manages the Joeanne fabrics, 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:10.280 so she's doing fine for herself. 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:14.000 It's probably sending most of it back to her family 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:16.080 in Tbilisi, the capital of Georgia. 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:18.440 I meant I met Georgia, of the state she's from, making. 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:19.479 I have a. 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:20.600 Picture of her right here. 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:22.679 Look, this is Bethany, whoa who. 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:27.399 Hurt with you something? 0:01:27.800 --> 0:01:30.560 He looks like she should be dating an Argentinian soccer 0:01:30.600 --> 0:01:31.440 player or something. 0:01:31.520 --> 0:01:34.000 Jerry, what can I say? I got game? 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:36.960 You tell me not to be weird, but your wife 0:01:37.000 --> 0:01:40.560 is a full on smoke show. Absolutely smashed that at 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:41.200 the first off. 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:45.280 Don't talk about smashing my wife. Okay, I'm gonna draw 0:01:45.280 --> 0:01:47.400 the line there, and frankly, I'm starting to get a 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:51.320 little mad. So guys, let's please keep it professional, okay. 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:54.560 Jerry, I, for one, I'm just happy that you found love. Okay. Honestly, 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:58.240 I've been a certified bachelor for will I guess my 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:01.760 entire life. I'm still looking for missus right. I'm on 0:02:01.880 --> 0:02:07.120 all the dating apps, Tender Hinge, Bumble, Women behind Bars, 0:02:07.840 --> 0:02:14.160 Lady Farmers Only, Christian Mingle, Jade, Date, Coffee meets Bagel, 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:21.639 plenty of fish. That's one hold up getting a message. 0:02:21.880 --> 0:02:24.880 Oh my lord, Oh my lord, I have a match. 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:30.400 I got a match, y'all, and she messaged me names Darla. 0:02:30.680 --> 0:02:32.919 She wants to know if I'd like to get coffee 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:33.280 with her. 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:40.799 My wife is real by I was kind of hoping 0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:43.960 that there would be a government shut down, seeing as 0:02:43.960 --> 0:02:46.120 how all governments are just a form of mind control. 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:48.360 I was kind of looking forward to it all coming 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:49.679 to a screech and haul. 0:02:50.000 --> 0:02:53.480 Yeah, And I can't believe that Kevin curthy guy barely 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:56.919 stopped the government shut down and then Matt Gates got 0:02:57.000 --> 0:02:59.480 him voted out of the position of Speaker of the House. 0:02:59.520 --> 0:03:01.560 I mean, what's going on with the Republicans? 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:01.960 You know? 0:03:02.360 --> 0:03:05.360 Listen, man, Kevin McCarthy managed to prevent a shutdown and 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:09.040 he's still got fired. That just shows you what the 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:11.880 government's about. Hey, hold on, we do not do our 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:14.760 job here. This dude must have a humiliation fetish. He 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:16.760 went through fifteen rounds of vote and to be confirmed, 0:03:16.800 --> 0:03:19.080 then had his job stripped away by his own party. 0:03:19.240 --> 0:03:21.280 The only way it could have been more humiliating is 0:03:21.280 --> 0:03:23.240 that Matt Gates find him while he was walking him 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:25.040 on a dog leash and some high heels and the 0:03:25.040 --> 0:03:27.239 hot top of T shirt corn wax on his back 0:03:27.320 --> 0:03:28.160 talking about Shane. 0:03:28.320 --> 0:03:31.079 This is his own fault. When they elected him speaker, 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:34.160 he let them put a clause in that anyone could 0:03:34.200 --> 0:03:37.800 initiate a vote to fire him. That's bad business. This 0:03:37.880 --> 0:03:40.840 guy is bad app business. When I got hired at Bywell, 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:43.680 I put in a clause that they can't fire me, 0:03:43.960 --> 0:03:45.960 and I wrote it on the back of my application 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:47.240 and permanent marker. 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:49.800 That's why we have to understand and learn what is 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:52.520 written on the back of the constitution. There could be 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:55.200 all kinds of awesome laws we have no idea about. 0:03:55.360 --> 0:03:57.920 That's what I'm saying. We don't know what's on there 0:03:58.040 --> 0:04:01.280 right like, and it's probably what the secret founders wanted 0:04:01.280 --> 0:04:02.560 the country to really be. 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:06.160 Like exactly like, instead of thirteen original colonies, it should 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:09.360 have been thirteen zones that lived in a state of 0:04:09.880 --> 0:04:14.080 perpetual war. Or perhaps they had forged and accord with 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:17.440 the Atlanteans and we could have states right now out 0:04:17.520 --> 0:04:18.840 in the Atlantic Ocean. 0:04:18.920 --> 0:04:21.640 Hell yeah, and they're all out there with like beach 0:04:21.680 --> 0:04:24.720 shell bikinis, looking hot as hell, and they're just like 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:27.039 going at it there. You know what I mean. 0:04:27.560 --> 0:04:30.320 You think it's water World meets Little Mermaid. 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:33.960 No, it's way hotter than water World. I guess it's. Yeah, 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:36.480 it's as hot as that first scene in Little Mermaid 0:04:36.520 --> 0:04:39.080 where Triton's like the live action one, no, no, no, 0:04:39.160 --> 0:04:43.120 the cartoon Triton's like, here are all my daughters and 0:04:43.160 --> 0:04:45.440 then this crab's like, I know what's up, and then 0:04:45.480 --> 0:04:47.920 you never see the daughters again. What's going on with 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:49.000 all those daughters. 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:51.240 It turns out that our founding fathers both had to 0:04:51.240 --> 0:04:53.880 throw off the yoke of King George the Third in Triton, 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:54.960 the King of the. 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:56.920 Sea Kevin McCarthy fifty eight. 0:04:57.000 --> 0:04:59.080 This means this might be the first time Matt Gates 0:04:59.120 --> 0:05:00.960 has screwed someone I could legally vote. 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:04.240 It's a circular firing squad and they're just willing to 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:07.120 kick a civil servant off to the curve. This is 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:10.520 like when all those parents voted to remove me as 0:05:10.520 --> 0:05:14.359 the school crossing guard just because they quote didn't like 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:16.080 my vibe unquote. 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:19.880 I was one of the parents, and you helped a 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:23.280 child one at a time cross the street. My children 0:05:23.320 --> 0:05:24.320 were a half hour late. 0:05:24.600 --> 0:05:26.600 Safety is my primary concern. 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:29.039 And you don't hold the ninth grader by the hand 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:30.200 crossing the street. 0:05:30.400 --> 0:05:32.800 You know, in retrospect, I can see how I lost 0:05:32.839 --> 0:05:35.720 the War of optics. Did you know you don't even 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:38.200 have to be elected to the House of Representatives to 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:42.200 be Speaker of the House of Representatives. What a country. 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:45.520 Probably because they assumed they wouldn't need a rule for that, 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:49.280 much like how the Golden crowd I visited assume they 0:05:49.320 --> 0:05:52.000 don't need a rule against people adding more food to 0:05:52.040 --> 0:05:55.320 the buffet. I still maintain that my cricket protein balls 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:57.040 would have been a huge hit. It's all you can 0:05:57.080 --> 0:05:58.359 eat and all you can add. 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:00.880 You just brought food in a left buffet. 0:06:01.160 --> 0:06:03.600 Yeah, I got a ziploc bag full of cricket protein 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:06.159 balls that I added to the buffet somewhere between the 0:06:06.360 --> 0:06:09.440 chicken fingers and the soft serve machine. I also gave 0:06:09.480 --> 0:06:11.719 protein balls to the kids that I would bring across 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:15.760 the street as a crossing guard, much to the parent's criticism. 0:06:16.000 --> 0:06:19.400 Yeah, they probably got you fired protein balls. The kids 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:22.320 should never be said in the sentence. 0:06:22.080 --> 0:06:24.200 Needless to say, these protein balls will give you the 0:06:24.279 --> 0:06:28.919 power and self assurance that our friend Kevin McCarthy lacks. 0:06:29.120 --> 0:06:30.880 Do you know who would be a great speaker of 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:34.279 the house Joe Rogan, because there's literally no one on 0:06:34.320 --> 0:06:36.840 the planet who's better at speaking, and if people were 0:06:36.839 --> 0:06:39.039 going to like vote the wrong way, he'd just be like, 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:41.760 I guess you don't want to smoke blunts with Chappelle 0:06:42.360 --> 0:06:47.240 check may everybody wants to smoke blunts with Chappelle. 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:49.880 It's all very complicated, but I can explain what happened 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:52.360 with the help of some visual aids. Okay, so imagine 0:06:52.360 --> 0:06:56.320 this bottle of ketchup is Kevin McCarthy, in this lunchbox 0:06:56.480 --> 0:06:59.360 is the House of Representatives, and this jar of mayonnaise 0:06:59.839 --> 0:07:03.160 is Matt Gates. And this claw hammer is the motion 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:07.120 of vacate. Okay, see, now that's a huge mess. 0:07:07.800 --> 0:07:09.960 Are we just smashing stuff in this room now? Because 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:10.560 I'd love that? 0:07:11.320 --> 0:07:13.520 Well, now now that I realize I'm the one who's 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:16.320 going to be cleaning it up, I regret my decisions. Ah, 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:20.880 dang it, Timbo, that was the one chair that didn't wobble. 0:07:21.360 --> 0:07:25.000 Who the chair recognizes getting smashed on the floor my. 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:31.120 Guy by Well, oh damn it, y'all. Jerry just gave 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:33.840 me a paycheck again. I told him I don't believe 0:07:33.880 --> 0:07:36.320 in banks and would only like to be paid in 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:38.360 cash or precious metals. 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:39.880 Well, then you better go to Costco. 0:07:40.360 --> 0:07:44.480 They're selling gold now, like for real, Seriously, they have 0:07:44.560 --> 0:07:46.240 one house gold bars for sale and. 0:07:46.200 --> 0:07:47.880 They keep selling that one. Really. 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:51.400 Yeah, that's crazy. I'm glad I don't work at Costco. 0:07:51.720 --> 0:07:53.760 Instead of shoplifters. Now I'm gonna have to be dealing 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:56.800 with George Clooney in his Ocean's eleven Gang are twelve 0:07:56.960 --> 0:07:57.560 or thirteen? 0:07:57.920 --> 0:07:59.200 Well, I guess if they do it, is it to 0:07:59.280 --> 0:07:59.880 be fourteen. 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:04.240 It's hard to imagine the Ocean squad like a George 0:08:04.240 --> 0:08:07.720 Clooney and Brad Pitt trying to swag out in Vegas 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:10.520 with some Kirkling signature brand gold bars. 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:12.360 I hate that they put the logo on it. How 0:08:12.400 --> 0:08:14.200 are you supposed to show it to chicks and pretend 0:08:14.200 --> 0:08:16.080 you're an international treasure hunter. 0:08:16.200 --> 0:08:18.040 And you know it's gonna be at least one guy 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:21.320 that's gonna be waiting for the samples. Like when the 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:24.160 Gold Lady coming out, they not giving gold samples. 0:08:24.160 --> 0:08:26.480 Bro, how would you even sample gold? What are you 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:29.400 gonna do? Lick it? Like everybody gets the liquor corner. 0:08:29.440 --> 0:08:31.640 To bite the edge like an old prospector. 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:34.480 Man, I would love to be a treasure hunter, just 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:36.839 going to like other countries and like taking their shit 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:38.160 and be like, man, this is mine. 0:08:38.200 --> 0:08:41.679 That's just called being British. 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:44.880 It does make owning gold a little less cool, Like 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:48.000 rappers like to have gold and diamonds. But you know 0:08:48.080 --> 0:08:49.880 if you got it from the wrong place, they'll have 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:53.120 something to say, like, bitch, you got Costco gold. Your 0:08:53.160 --> 0:08:55.760 diamonds are cloudy as hell. Where you get them? 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:57.800 Diamonds from Walmart diamonds? 0:08:57.880 --> 0:09:02.120 Yeah, you got Target diamonds. Your point is ain't hitting man, 0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:06.240 Your diamond's cloudy. Your gold came from Costco, Your baby mama, 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:10.280 ain't shit. I can't wait till the disc tracks come out. Man, 0:09:10.640 --> 0:09:12.800 I'm not getting no Costco gold. You won't see me 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:13.680 with Costco go. 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:17.640 It's a volume business, and I understand they're technically a competitor, 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:20.520 but it's the best store to shop at if you're 0:09:20.840 --> 0:09:24.640 trying to supply an underground nuclear bunker. Also, I mean 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:27.600 think about it. One hundred pack of toilet paper, ten 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:30.760 gallon can of baked beans, a gold bar you can 0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:35.400 use to barter with gangs of mutant raiders from the outlands. Yeah, 0:09:35.559 --> 0:09:36.720 Costco is the one. 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:40.679 Gold isn't the only investment opportunity Costco has either. Don't 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:44.520 think that, Like I just diversify. I invest in crab legs. 0:09:44.559 --> 0:09:49.800 The price fluctuates frequently. I freeze them, I peel the 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:52.080 sticker off, and I take them back, and I sell 0:09:52.120 --> 0:09:54.040 them back at a premium every Sunday. 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:57.480 I think Costco has a good business model. Maybe we 0:09:57.559 --> 0:09:59.959 should be in membership only club as well. 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:00.360 Well. 0:10:00.679 --> 0:10:03.600 That way that lady who doesn't wear pants will stop 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:06.120 coming in and making deep eye contact with me. 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:10.199 Yeah, normally someone comes in without wearing pants. I'm like, Okay, 0:10:10.240 --> 0:10:11.920 you're just trying to get right to the point, but 0:10:12.400 --> 0:10:13.880 there's something else going on there. 0:10:14.000 --> 0:10:16.880 Yeah, I mean she wants you to look. That's her 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:17.400 whole thing. 0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:20.160 You can't sell gold bars if we wanted to. Here, 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:23.839 we can't keep people from stealing the goldfish, the crackers, 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:25.200 and the actual fish. 0:10:25.360 --> 0:10:26.679 Like it's a lot of people. 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:28.320 That come in and try to walk out with an 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:30.079 actual goldfish in their mouth. 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:32.880 I thought it was stupid that we started selling goldfish 0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:33.760 in the first place. 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:37.600 I think our whole aquarium section is fucking wild. I'll 0:10:37.600 --> 0:10:39.160 be the first to say, we. 0:10:39.160 --> 0:10:42.400 Don't sell turtles. How do they take over every tank? 0:10:42.760 --> 0:10:46.960 I mean, I found turtles in my lingerie section. You 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:48.679 ever want to see turtles in lingerie? 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:52.559 No, I do, but only in a very specific Reddit forum. 0:10:53.400 --> 0:10:56.160 And the turtles walk on two legs. 0:10:56.760 --> 0:10:58.840 Don't you desecrate the dinger turtles? 0:10:58.960 --> 0:11:01.360 Where the lady turtle? That's all I'm saying. Why are 0:11:01.360 --> 0:11:01.640 they all? 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:03.760 He had one? It was Venus de Milo and it 0:11:03.840 --> 0:11:05.280 was very disturbing, right. 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:07.360 And her color was like light blue or something. 0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:08.840 It was very disturbing. 0:11:09.200 --> 0:11:10.920 You don't like turtle titties. 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:12.600 At at all, Like, how do they even work? 0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:15.840 That's what's so cool about them. They shouldn't work, but 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:26.320 they do. Bye Bye, Victor. Victor, My dude, I just 0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:28.240 wanted to check in before you go on this date, 0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:31.560 like what's your strategy? Looking like you got this or 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:32.800 you need some pointers. 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:37.280 Honestly, Timbo, it's been so long since I met any one. 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:40.400 I'm I'm actually a little nervous. 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:42.920 Yeah, yeah, that's okay. So what you need to do 0:11:43.280 --> 0:11:45.160 is you need to go in there and like nag her. 0:11:45.200 --> 0:11:50.160 You know what that means. Umm, Basically, you say really 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:53.120 mean shit to her to make her feel bad about herself, 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:55.360 and then she's like, then she has something to prove 0:11:55.400 --> 0:11:57.080 to you. You know, you want to go in there 0:11:57.120 --> 0:11:59.840 and be like, God, you're stupid. Okay, So here's neist 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:01.559 watch here, check up. 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:04.360 Gosh, anyone else find a cold in the store. 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:09.320 No, it's so hot. I can't believe your skin is 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:11.960 so weak that it makes you feel so cold. Also, 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:14.160 that top doesn't go with those shoes. 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:18.079 Nia, I'm wearing my uniform, you dummy. Are you trying 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:19.760 to neg me? Are you trying to neg me? 0:12:20.080 --> 0:12:23.520 Victor? When she called me dumb, I was like, hold on, 0:12:23.960 --> 0:12:24.840 am I attracted? 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:25.440 Oh? 0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:27.800 That's right, you have your date. First off, do not 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:30.600 listen to Timbo Victor, listen to me. I'm a woman, 0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:33.680 I know how to date. So when you first go out, 0:12:33.880 --> 0:12:36.240 make sure you get some drinks, but you don't get 0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:39.080 too drunk, because then you're gonna start mouthing off about 0:12:39.120 --> 0:12:42.800 the NBA and how you could have played ball. You 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:46.000 could have been balling harder than Steph Curry if you 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:50.439 hadn't torn your rotator cuff. And Victor, whatever you do, 0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:52.560 do not piss all over her bathroom, all over the 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:55.640 toilet seat. Women work too hard to do with your 0:12:55.720 --> 0:12:56.880 piss all over the bathroom. 0:12:56.920 --> 0:12:59.960 Okay, well yeah, these are very specific notes. 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:02.920 But if she has kids, make sure you really watch them, 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:06.080 you know, don't just say you're going to watch them 0:13:06.160 --> 0:13:08.520 and you're watching the sports and one of them sticks 0:13:08.520 --> 0:13:10.760 a corner in the nose and has to go to 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:14.319 the er, like take her on a date, really treat. 0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:19.760 Her right, extremely specific advice. Thank you, niya, and don't worry. 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:22.440 As a custodian, I'm i'm I'm well aware of the 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:29.040 dangers that the bathroom can can reveal. Nagging and clean 0:13:29.360 --> 0:13:30.160 bathroom victim. 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:30.400 Man. 0:13:30.480 --> 0:13:32.599 Look, just come over here, my lock. I got a 0:13:32.640 --> 0:13:37.800 few things I can Okay, yeah, put that up to you. Yeah, 0:13:37.920 --> 0:13:38.439 you see it. 0:13:38.559 --> 0:13:40.400 So it is this sort of a sort of a 0:13:40.480 --> 0:13:43.079 distressed jacket. Now what does fu boo mean? 0:13:43.160 --> 0:13:43.640 Exactly? 0:13:44.280 --> 0:13:48.440 Yeah, no, see is for us, by us, So you 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:51.520 can wear it, but like, don't get crazy. Don't think 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:53.280 like you can say the N word or nothing like that. 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:55.400 Hold on, look, check this out. Try this all right here? 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:58.800 Look at this, lord, don't I don't think i've ever 0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:01.040 seen pants this skin Yeah. 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:05.360 Yeah, yeah, that's what it's about. Skinny jeans and fat shoes. 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:08.839 It shows you got money right here, lord. 0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:10.360 Look at all these zippers to nowhere. 0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:13.840 Oh yeah, those zippers are not real. You're just gonna 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:16.160 touch your thigh every zimple you open. It's gonna be 0:14:16.200 --> 0:14:19.680 straight to them. But you can get kind of freaky 0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:22.960 with it too. So that's the thing. The access all right, 0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:27.000 Yeah yeah, zipped you at the knee and she crept up. 0:14:27.160 --> 0:14:30.760 Yeah you see all right, you go all right, you're 0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:32.960 gonna be all right, You're gonna be all right. 0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:35.160 Check this out, Check this out. The these glasses, you 0:14:35.160 --> 0:14:35.880 got to put these on. 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:36.120 Man. 0:14:36.160 --> 0:14:38.400 You gotta put your shades on. Man, don't take off 0:14:38.400 --> 0:14:39.000 of nobody. 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:44.400 These are yeah, now I blacked them out. Put them on. 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:47.480 Once you're sitting down like like like like, look where 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:49.360 you're going by looking over them. 0:14:49.800 --> 0:14:52.600 I gotta say, I'm really only seeing really just the 0:14:52.640 --> 0:14:54.160 fluorescent lights are making it right. 0:14:54.760 --> 0:14:57.480 I wanted to come in and just say, before you 0:14:57.480 --> 0:15:01.640 go on your date, Victor, we believe in you and 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:02.920 we know you can do this. 0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:03.520 Well. 0:15:03.880 --> 0:15:07.600 Well, thank you, Jerry, thank you every much. 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:11.080 Why I had Liz set up this two way microphone 0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:13.520 so we can listen in on your date and tell 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:17.200 you exactly what to say so that it all goes perfectly. 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:20.480 Hold on, am I some sort of joke to y'all? 0:15:20.720 --> 0:15:23.160 Are you sending me to this date with a two 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:25.960 way microphone so you can do some sort of covert 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:30.520 ops listening in on me? Jerry that is outrageous, so 0:15:30.720 --> 0:15:38.880 outrageous that it just might work. Well, got another one, 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:41.920 just caught a woman with a dog in the store 0:15:42.000 --> 0:15:44.480 and had to kick him out. Well, Feller was wearing 0:15:44.520 --> 0:15:48.760 a don't pit me, I'm working jacket. Yeah, as if victory. 0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:50.280 That woman was blind. 0:15:50.480 --> 0:15:53.400 Oh so maybe she didn't know the dog was with her. 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:55.160 This is a C and I dog man. 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:58.480 Joe, did you surely just kick Biden's dog Commander out 0:15:58.560 --> 0:16:01.360 of the White House because he kept biting Secret Service members? 0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:03.800 That's like whatever the opposite of a service dog is. 0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:07.840 That's like an anti service dog, anti secret service dog. 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:13.200 But let's be honest. All German shepherds are Republicans, all 0:16:13.280 --> 0:16:16.240 of them. Maltese though those are liberal bitches. 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:20.520 It's kind of their own fault for naming that dog commander, Like, 0:16:20.800 --> 0:16:23.320 how do you expect him to know that you're in charge? 0:16:23.560 --> 0:16:24.800 His name is commander. 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:27.360 You salute the rank, not the dog. 0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:29.640 So I don't know. Maybe Biden has one of those 0:16:29.760 --> 0:16:32.760 racist dogs. Are any of these secret Service members black? 0:16:32.840 --> 0:16:35.080 You know how people like the dog will bark at 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:37.520 you and they'll be like, oh, he never does this, 0:16:37.680 --> 0:16:39.960 and I'm like yeah, because you're never around Black people. 0:16:40.000 --> 0:16:42.520 That's why he never does this. He's from that lineage 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:45.200 of people that was down there during Jim Crow. He's 0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:48.720 a Boycott German Shepherd breed. Like do they trick that paperwork? 0:16:48.920 --> 0:16:51.480 Twenty three and meter this dog? Let's get his background. 0:16:51.560 --> 0:16:53.360 Let's see where this dog really came from. 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:59.120 And we know how those German shepherds vote GOP GOP. 0:16:59.000 --> 0:17:03.160 Can can German severers vote. I think the dog's probably 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:05.520 just angry, which I would be too. If someone had 0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:08.359 cut my nuts off, that anger would never fad. There's 0:17:08.400 --> 0:17:11.880 no statute of limitations on the ball's ectomy. You cut 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:14.919 off my balls. I am biting everything with two legs 0:17:15.119 --> 0:17:16.560 until they take me down. 0:17:16.800 --> 0:17:19.360 Did you know there was a second dog that has 0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:22.280 left the White House for biding people? What the hell 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:25.400 are these bidens doing with these dogs? Is Hunter giving 0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:26.000 them crack? 0:17:26.240 --> 0:17:29.320 I'm telling you it's the names right. The older dog 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:33.679 was major, the younger dog is commander. So the younger 0:17:33.720 --> 0:17:36.600 dog outranks the older dog, which is very confused. We 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:39.800 need a dog. We need General the dog, and General 0:17:39.840 --> 0:17:41.760 the dog shows up and they'll play down the law. 0:17:41.840 --> 0:17:45.480 And then we need President dog, and the President dog 0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:47.280 will keep the general dog in line. 0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:51.440 Well, it's all chemical really, like you're saying, it's hormonal, 0:17:51.680 --> 0:17:55.399 and some people give off a pheromone that dogs just 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:59.159 instinctively dislike. They can't help it. I mean, I had 0:17:59.160 --> 0:18:01.240 a dog trying to buy me as I walk to 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:04.640 work today. It's no one's fault. It's just that the dog. 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:06.000 The dog. 0:18:07.800 --> 0:18:16.800 Stop, make eye contact, Bye. 0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:21.720 Bye. 0:18:24.840 --> 0:18:28.040 I just got to take off these shoes. After I'm 0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:30.840 done here, I have to do the dog walking gig, 0:18:30.880 --> 0:18:33.560 and then on the weekends I drive for greb Hub 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:36.439 And when I have time in between all those three jobs, 0:18:36.480 --> 0:18:37.640 I work on my ETSYT. 0:18:37.920 --> 0:18:41.080 Yeah, it's like a hustle economy out there, like that 0:18:41.080 --> 0:18:43.800 that cop in Minneapolis who got recognized at a traffic 0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:45.720 stop because she also has an only Fans where she 0:18:45.760 --> 0:18:47.480 has sex with her husband, and. 0:18:47.359 --> 0:18:49.440 I give a whole new meaning to the phrase fuck 0:18:49.480 --> 0:18:50.080 the police. 0:18:50.160 --> 0:18:53.000 She'd better not be using that night stick on her 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:56.679 only Fans page. That's government property, and my tax dollars 0:18:56.720 --> 0:18:59.040 shouldn't have to pay for your butt stuff. 0:18:59.119 --> 0:19:02.560 Do you think that happened, because like, okay, maybe first 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:04.359 she was a stripper. They used to dress up as 0:19:04.400 --> 0:19:06.639 a cop, but then it turned out when she like 0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:09.400 put on the uniform. She was like, oh no, I'm 0:19:09.440 --> 0:19:11.080 actually qualified to be a cop. 0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:14.200