Speaker 1: Hey, viewers. Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is an explicit podcast about
Speaker 1: queer sex. Filter dirty words and unfiltered descriptions of sexual activities.
Speaker 1: If hearing about orgies, anonymous sex, kink, fetish, and more
Speaker 1: offends your sensibilities, you might want to skip this Viewer
Speaker 1: discretion is advised. It's definitely not for kids. Put your
Speaker 1: pussy up, put your put your pussy up, Put your
Speaker 1: pussy up, Put, put your pussy up. Welcome to Sniffy's
Speaker 1: Cruising Confessions. I'm gabelon Sadez and.
Speaker 2: I'm christtison Rosso. Each week we explore the sublime world
Speaker 2: of queer sex, cruising, and relationships.
Speaker 1: We talk to queer folks of all kinds. We'll ask
Speaker 1: some questions, swap sex stories, share intimate revelations, and provide
Speaker 1: practical advice that you can use at home. Jo put
Speaker 1: put yo pussy put Jo, put put your put put
Speaker 1: your put up.
Speaker 2: So Gabe, So, Chris, what is the best piece of
Speaker 2: advice you've been given about sex?
Speaker 1: Uh? Spit is not. Lube is a pretty crucial one. Yes,
Speaker 1: you learned that the hard way. And then I actually
Speaker 1: the first piece of advice that I actually followed was
Speaker 1: getting on PREP because it was late twenty twelve. I've
Speaker 1: talked about this on podcasts before, but I had no
Speaker 1: idea what PREP was. And I was working as a
Speaker 1: cameraman for a porn studio and one of the models
Speaker 1: told me he was married to an HIV positive man
Speaker 1: and was like, you should try it, especially if you've
Speaker 1: had connaist sex lately or you have an anxiety about
Speaker 1: getting a CHIV. And I did, Yeah, that sounds like
Speaker 1: really sound advice. How about you. Have you ever gotten
Speaker 1: any any advice you've taken with you?
Speaker 2: Yeah, never trust a fart.
Speaker 1: I hate you for bringing that back.
Speaker 2: I hate for those of you who don't know who
Speaker 2: may be joining us for the first time. On season one,
Speaker 2: first episode had a plan in come dump. We had
Speaker 2: our guest, Scott Carslake, and he said, after one of
Speaker 2: his sessions, you never trust a fart.
Speaker 1: I've had people come up to me in person and say,
Speaker 1: never trust a fart. But that was though a critical
Speaker 1: piece of it. That was our very first episode was Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was Yeah, that was actually really it was very good.
Speaker 1: I think we all know that when we are starting
Speaker 1: out our journeys as horny young queer's baby gays or
Speaker 1: even demon twinks. It can be hard to figure out
Speaker 1: how to navigate the world.
Speaker 2: But most of us into the queer world without any
Speaker 2: kind of expert guidance.
Speaker 1: Right, Sometimes you just wish someone would come along and
Speaker 1: tell you what you're doing wrong and help you understand
Speaker 1: how to make better decisions, or at least share their
Speaker 1: own fuck ups so you don't repeat them.
Speaker 2: Our guest today, comedian James Tom, is someone who is
Speaker 2: in a very new place on his own journey, but.
Speaker 1: That is not stopping him from dishing out loads of
Speaker 1: juicy advice on his substack Hello again, and sharing what
Speaker 1: he's learned in very funny stand up comedy sets all
Speaker 1: over the country.
Speaker 2: In today's episodes, we're going to weigh through all the messy,
Speaker 2: hilarious moments he's had since transitioning from lesbian NB to
Speaker 2: a trans gay guy.
Speaker 1: Please welcome to Sniffy's Crusin Confessions, James Tom.
Speaker 3: Yay hiye, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited, he resolutely yeah. I if you have
Speaker 1: your really psyched. So you've been a comedian for quite
Speaker 1: a while, but you're a few years into being a
Speaker 1: gay guy.
Speaker 3: That's true.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry and welcome.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's been an interesting transition.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't imagine. And you talk about this a lot.
Speaker 1: I saw you talk about it in your one man
Speaker 1: show list Lonely, and you talk about it in your
Speaker 1: stand up often. I'm wondering, what has it been like
Speaker 1: going through this transition in real time while processing it
Speaker 1: in front of audiences.
Speaker 3: Oh my god. Well, I've been saying on stage that
Speaker 3: I'm going through my early twenties twinkdum in my mid thirties.
Speaker 1: Yeah, which is.
Speaker 3: A little crazy. It's like, on one hand, it's good
Speaker 3: because my prefrontal cortex is fully formed.
Speaker 1: Yes, so you're making better rational thought.
Speaker 3: Better choices. But on the other hand, when I make
Speaker 3: bad choices, I only have myself to play. Well, I
Speaker 3: did just get into that man's car. But it's okay.
Speaker 3: I'm here today, I'm alive.
Speaker 1: I will say that's not the most dangerous thing we've
Speaker 1: heard on this.
Speaker 3: Podcast here, but from where I came from, Yeah, you
Speaker 3: really are not supposed to do things like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I would love for you to sort of explain the
Speaker 2: differences between your adolescens as like a lesbian and now
Speaker 2: your adolescence is like a tea boy.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, what does it look like? What are
Speaker 1: the difference is? How are they the same?
Speaker 3: They're not the same. Okay, they're so different in a
Speaker 3: way that like I literally don't think people realize unless
Speaker 3: they've experienced both of them, which a lot of people have.
Speaker 3: Like as a young lesbian, I feel like I was
Speaker 3: so like heartbroken all the time, Okay, weeping, crying because
Speaker 3: I watched a sad lesbian movie and I wanted the
Speaker 3: women to end up together and they didn't, and I'm
Speaker 3: like personally affronted by that. I was very romantic. Every
Speaker 3: time I went out, I was like, oh my god, like,
Speaker 3: is this the time then I'm going to meet the
Speaker 3: woman who's the one? And now I don't give a
Speaker 3: fuck about that at all. Yeah, And I'm sure some
Speaker 3: of that is just being a teenager versus being like
Speaker 3: in your mid thirties. But I don't have like a
Speaker 3: strong romantic urge anymore. It's very easy for me to
Speaker 3: have a lot of casual sex. I don't know, I
Speaker 3: feel different, Like I felt I didn't feel like I
Speaker 3: was hot until I started identifying as a gay guy.
Speaker 3: Like I always felt like when I had to be
Speaker 3: like Bush. I was always like, oh, well, I'm so small,
Speaker 3: I'm like weak, I'm not very masculine, and I always
Speaker 3: felt really insecure about that. And then when I kind
Speaker 3: of came into the gay world, I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: I'm just literally a twink. Like I'm just literally, like
Speaker 3: exactly a twink. And suddenly everything makes a lot more sense.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, that's why my lesbian celebrity crushes were
Speaker 3: like Jane Fond and Professor McGonagall.
Speaker 1: OK.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're like, oh, I didn't want to have sex
Speaker 3: with those ancient women. I just really love them the
Speaker 3: way a gay guy loves women, and I've always loved women.
Speaker 3: I still love women. I'm very sexist, which is hard
Speaker 3: as a gay guy. I feel like I only like
Speaker 3: five guys and they're all from Lord of the Rings.
Speaker 1: They're the only safe ones to like exactly. So in
Speaker 1: terms of like kind of realizing these differences in perspective
Speaker 1: as you're transitioning, are there like a series of like
Speaker 1: aha moments where you're like, oh, it's this or are
Speaker 1: do you find yourself sort of like working through ideas
Speaker 1: and being like, Okay, it's this now, this is.
Speaker 3: Where I'm at kind of the common narrative of transition
Speaker 3: is like I feel like this inside and now I'm
Speaker 3: going to do AB and C to like change my
Speaker 3: outside to match my inside. But I feel like for me,
Speaker 3: I had to do a bunch of outside stuff in
Speaker 3: order to realize how I felt inside. Like I just
Speaker 3: for anybody who doesn't know my gender lore, I was
Speaker 3: like a non binary Dike style person for like seventeen years.
Speaker 3: I went to women's college. I was really in the
Speaker 3: lesbian world because that was all I knew and it
Speaker 3: was what I was choosing over and over again. Sort
Speaker 3: of at the end of my last relationship with a woman,
Speaker 3: which was a non monogamous relationship, I started hooking up
Speaker 3: with this a map non binary person, so like not
Speaker 3: exactly a gay guy, but I was like, okay, like
Speaker 3: this is fun, but like that person's kind of a
Speaker 3: lesbian too, and so am I So like it's fine,
Speaker 3: nothing has to change. And then when I broke up
Speaker 3: with that woman, I started really like moving more into
Speaker 3: the gay guye space. But it wasn't until I did
Speaker 3: my first trip to Fire Island. Oh yeah, So I
Speaker 3: went to Fire Island. I was non binary. I like
Speaker 3: hadn't had top surgery, yet I was still going by
Speaker 3: my old name. I was like, I have no idea
Speaker 3: what this is going to be. Like Frankly, I've never
Speaker 3: really been around like only gay guys. I've always had
Speaker 3: gay friends, but I've never been in a place where
Speaker 3: I was like the only one and everybody else was
Speaker 3: a gay guy. And I actually was like, I wonder
Speaker 3: if this is going to be really bad, and like
Speaker 3: if I'm going to feel insecure or I'm going to
Speaker 3: feel left out. And then what ended up happening was
Speaker 3: because I went with a great group, everybody just like
Speaker 3: treated me like I was one of them. And then
Speaker 3: there was one day where we were hosting a pool
Speaker 3: party at our house with the Fire Island cast, the
Speaker 3: Fire Island the movie cast, because the movie had just
Speaker 3: come out totally coincidentally at the same time, and there
Speaker 3: was this tall blonde twink in a Versace Spiedo.
Speaker 1: It's always a tall blonde twink and a Versace.
Speaker 3: Speedo, yes, exactly matching VERSACEI Spiedo and Versace sunglasses and
Speaker 3: he kept like putting his arm around me. And I'm racist,
Speaker 3: so I couldn't tell if he was a guy I
Speaker 3: knew or not. And I kind of thought like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 3: like this is this other blonde twink who I like
Speaker 3: have met on this trip. He was and he was
Speaker 3: a fully different guy. But I was like, yeah, like
Speaker 3: let me put my arm around him too. And then
Speaker 3: he was like come upstairs with me, and I was like,
Speaker 3: come upstairs, like, this is my house that I'm staying at.
Speaker 3: What are you talking about? He takes my hand, we
Speaker 3: go upstairs. As we're going up the stairs, he goes
Speaker 3: they're hooking up up there, and I was like, oh, okay. Sure.
Speaker 3: He leads me like Alice through the looking glass into
Speaker 3: the master suite of this house. This guy is on
Speaker 3: the bed naked with a cochring on. I come in.
Speaker 3: He like kind of starts and like covers himself and
Speaker 3: I was like, oh god, like I've ruined everything. This
Speaker 3: is not like he was not expecting to see me.
Speaker 3: He doesn't want to see me here. And then this
Speaker 3: guy was like, oh, like this is what we're doing
Speaker 3: in here? And I was like no, I know, and
Speaker 3: he was like are you okay with that? And I
Speaker 3: was like, yeah, I'm okay with it if you're okay
Speaker 3: with it. And he's sort of just laid back and
Speaker 3: the versace Twink went onto the bed and started making
Speaker 3: out with him, And in that moment, I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: I have human agency here. No one is going to
Speaker 3: say come up here right now, Like I have to
Speaker 3: choose either I get onto this bed yeah, or I
Speaker 3: leave yeah. And I got onto the bed and had
Speaker 3: like weird rotating group sex with a bunch of people
Speaker 3: who were in this room, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: this is so it was so like natural for me. Again,
Speaker 3: I was a lesbian style person for seventeen years. I
Speaker 3: never had a threesome. I never had group sex. I
Speaker 3: was offered a couple of times, and I always sort
Speaker 3: of was like, oh, that sounds complicated. Oh it sounds
Speaker 3: kind of emotionally hard, Like I don't know if.
Speaker 1: I can do all that, and you're like, I love complicated. No.
Speaker 3: And then in this moment it was so easy for
Speaker 3: me that I was like, uh oh, like maybe this
Speaker 3: was always true and maybe that's why it felt difficult
Speaker 3: for me before, and this actually feels so easy. And
Speaker 3: then after that I sort of like, Okay, I kind
Speaker 3: of think that's that. I mean, it took me a
Speaker 3: while after that, but I was like, Okay, I have
Speaker 3: to change my name. I have to like get top surgery.
Speaker 3: Not I have to, but like it set me on
Speaker 3: the course to like realizing that that was the kind
Speaker 3: of stuff I wanted when I had just never kind
Speaker 3: of let myself go there before.
Speaker 1: Really, it just takes a little a light threesome and
Speaker 1: then you can figure.
Speaker 3: Out just a little threesome.
Speaker 1: It like it was a larger group.
Speaker 3: It was kind of three at a time, but people
Speaker 3: would like trade in them out, you know, people would
Speaker 3: tag out. They'd be like, all right, I'm done, and
Speaker 3: you yeah, because you're not a quitter, No, I have stamina. Well, also,
Speaker 3: as a as a former lesbian, lesbian sex famously takes
Speaker 3: at least four hours, four hours with a buffer hour
Speaker 3: to cry afterwards about like what you've discovered about each
Speaker 3: other gay guy sex. You're actually kind of trying as
Speaker 3: hard as you can not to discover anything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3: Bless you find out something like that.
Speaker 1: Your life still lower. Exactly.
Speaker 3: No, don't tell me your name.
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course. And I do love that you shared
Speaker 1: this story because I think your latest substack that I
Speaker 1: read was sort of about these kind of like walls
Speaker 1: that you you had separated and erected between your communities. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I didn't I didn't think about that word.
Speaker 3: Listen. Everything is always separating and erecting in my life.
Speaker 1: But but you were talking about how like you were, like, Okay,
Speaker 1: among my gay friends, I feel like the slutty gay twink.
Speaker 1: And then I go over to hang out with my
Speaker 1: trans friends in Cherry Grove and I'm the mayor, I'm
Speaker 1: the elder.
Speaker 3: I have to like button up a little great.
Speaker 1: So, like what was keeping those walls up for you
Speaker 1: and sort of what helped you collapse them?
Speaker 3: I mean, I think I'm still learning how to collapse
Speaker 3: them and how to consolidate all of these different things.
Speaker 3: I was talking specifically in this substack about parties like
Speaker 3: Doll Invasion and like Tea for T Takeover on Fire Island,
Speaker 3: and those parties are born out of trans people being
Speaker 3: excluded from those spaces. So the result is that those
Speaker 3: parties become almost like a separatist movement where it's like, okay,
Speaker 3: like you know, we haven't been allowed here before, so
Speaker 3: now here we are all together and we're going to
Speaker 3: like take up space together. But at the end of
Speaker 3: the day, a lot of like trans cultures and gay
Speaker 3: cultures are pretty different. I mean Doll Invasion in particular,
Speaker 3: they released a whole statement about like this party is
Speaker 3: for everyone, but like they did that because people naturally separate.
Speaker 3: It's like a big project for like the whole LGBTQ
Speaker 3: community to kind of learn how to communicate with each
Speaker 3: other and how to like share the same spaces in
Speaker 3: both directions. But obviously the gay guys with money should
Speaker 3: be the ones who should probably open some.
Speaker 1: Doors, put the burden on them for most things.
Speaker 3: But I feel like there's like a lot of cultural
Speaker 3: separation between us. So like I'm in this moment right
Speaker 3: now where I'm trying to learn like how to navigate
Speaker 3: those spaces and how I can feel like I can
Speaker 3: just be myself without having to like become some different
Speaker 3: persona depending on who I'm around.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I'd love to hear more about like the
Speaker 2: code switching, right, because there are like in gay guy culture,
Speaker 2: there are so many different cliques. Do you have the
Speaker 2: same thing in tboy culture?
Speaker 3: Well, there's just totally different lenses on just gender and
Speaker 3: race alone, just the two small subjects. I don't know
Speaker 3: if either of you has ever considered gender and race.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but gay guys in particular have an extremely
Speaker 3: clear race and desire hierarchy that I'm sure you guys
Speaker 3: have talked about a billion times. That's like white masculine
Speaker 3: guys on top, and then everybody else sort of as
Speaker 3: a foil off of whatever that is. I will say
Speaker 3: lesbians don't do that as clearly as gay guys do,
Speaker 3: and trans people also try not to do that as clearly. Obviously,
Speaker 3: white supremacy is real and that's pervasive among everybody, but
Speaker 3: it's so obvious with gay guys and it's like a pyramid.
Speaker 3: So like among trans people and among like Dike culture people,
Speaker 3: I'm considered very masculine and I have always felt like
Speaker 3: I've had to live up to that and almost like
Speaker 3: butchop to be around those people, whereas in gay guye
Speaker 3: culture it sounds a little counterintuitive, but I almost think
Speaker 3: this is literally just because I'm trans, I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: I can be feminine here. This is a thing that exists.
Speaker 3: There's like a twink is real. It is expected that
Speaker 3: I might be kind of a fem it, that I
Speaker 3: might be small, that I might be smooth, which like
Speaker 3: that's not my choice that's just like my natural body.
Speaker 3: But I found kind of a niche there. And something
Speaker 3: that I'm really interested in is I know from having
Speaker 3: conversations with others CIS gay men, that sometimes Asian men
Speaker 3: are de sexualized in gay spaces. I've had sometimes that
Speaker 3: the like assumption put on me that I must also
Speaker 3: like have that experience, and I actually don't think I
Speaker 3: do in a weird way, and I think it's because
Speaker 3: I'm trans. I kind of like am just outside of
Speaker 3: that conversation and a lot of the things that like
Speaker 3: stereotypically gay guys de sexualize about Asian men, like quote
Speaker 3: unquote like having a small deck, or like being like
Speaker 3: smooth and hairless, or being like e femineate, which are
Speaker 3: all stereotypes obviously, like they kind of don't apply to
Speaker 3: me because I'm just like different from that. It's sort
Speaker 3: of like, well, yeah, of course I'm sort of a
Speaker 3: I'm small, I'm smooth, I have a small dick quote
Speaker 3: unquote compared to you, I guess compared to others not
Speaker 3: so much. But anyway, yeah, I almost feel like I
Speaker 3: come from more of a legacy of like being like
Speaker 3: a hyper sexualized Asian woman that I still think carries
Speaker 3: over into my gay guy life. Weirdly, everybody's kind of
Speaker 3: always wanted to have sex with me, and it just
Speaker 3: has kind of changed, like where I'm standing and who's
Speaker 3: around me at any given time.
Speaker 1: Please welcome to the pod The Fable, James Tom.
Speaker 3: You don't have to say that everybody knows. Something that
Speaker 3: I think is really interesting is rice queens are into me. Like.
Speaker 3: It's very common, especially if I'm somewhere like San Francisco,
Speaker 3: to like have some white guy hit me up and
Speaker 3: I look at his stuff and he's like totally married
Speaker 3: to a little Asian twink and then a fucked up.
Speaker 3: It can be affirming sometimes because I'm like, you're red,
Speaker 3: I am exactly like. Something I'm curious about you guys,
Speaker 3: is I watched your episode with Santos. Oh, yes, the
Speaker 3: last time you had a trans guy on here, and
Speaker 3: you were saying at the top of the episode that
Speaker 3: you've hooked up with trans guys but you haven't, and
Speaker 3: I am curious to know if that has changed.
Speaker 1: It seemed dramatically Okay, okay, she's chasing, but no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm kidding.
Speaker 3: I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Speaker 1: That's so funny because that is literally what stopped them
Speaker 1: for I don't want to feel I'm fetishizing as people
Speaker 1: want to get fucked.
Speaker 3: They definitely do. Sure, we're also really easy, But I
Speaker 3: was curious, Chris, since you're a non binary, do you
Speaker 3: think that that made you feel more cautious?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I mean, and also like being black and totally like
Speaker 2: those sexual experiences of being fetishized, Like I am hyper
Speaker 2: conscious of it because I do not want to inflict
Speaker 2: that same sort of that pain on someone else, because like,
Speaker 2: it's not great, especially when you're just runn to get laid.
Speaker 1: When we come back after this brief break, we're gonna
Speaker 1: get more advice from the one and only James Tom
Speaker 1: don't go anywhere all right now. In this act, we're
Speaker 1: going to put Dreams' skills as an unlicensed advice columnist
Speaker 1: to the test.
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna ask who in the queer community do
Speaker 2: you think is most in need of advice and what
Speaker 2: would that advice be.
Speaker 3: I get a lot of advice questions from other trans
Speaker 3: guys asking me how do you navigate the CIS gay world.
Speaker 3: I almost never get questions from gay guys that are
Speaker 3: like how do you like respectfully hook up with trans
Speaker 3: man or with FTMS? Which I think is interesting that
Speaker 3: there's one demographic of people that cares a lot about
Speaker 3: doing something right and one demographic of people that seem
Speaker 3: not to care at all. I feel like gay guys
Speaker 3: should be asking me questions.
Speaker 1: What are the questions you think they should be asking?
Speaker 3: The thing that comes to mind is the least sexy
Speaker 3: question I can think of, but it's what they should
Speaker 3: be thinking about, which is like, how do I interact
Speaker 3: with a pussy in like a healthy way? And I
Speaker 3: don't even mean like mentally and emotionally healthy, I mean
Speaker 3: like literal, like hard tech, you know, germs and safety.
Speaker 3: Literally that literally like you know what I literally never
Speaker 3: thought about as a lesbian. I never thought I hope
Speaker 3: this girl washed her hands. But with every single man
Speaker 3: I encounter, I'm like, wait, wait, like I almost I
Speaker 3: need to get better at this because I need to
Speaker 3: get better at asserting my needs. But I almost want
Speaker 3: to ask guys to wash their hands as soon as
Speaker 3: they come into my house, just because I don't know
Speaker 3: where they've been.
Speaker 1: If I can share this story, please, okay? So I
Speaker 1: love this we wered he from Tessa's birthday and we
Speaker 1: hooked up afterwards.
Speaker 3: We did, and I.
Speaker 1: Remember we got into your partment. You were like, please
Speaker 1: wash your hands.
Speaker 3: Oh I did say it because I know you totally.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, you know where these hands are been. You
Speaker 1: go to the bathroom and I washed my hands in
Speaker 1: the kitchen, and then we kind of like started making out,
Speaker 1: and then there was a moment where you stopped me
Speaker 1: were like, please wash your hands, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna be like I already did you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. I'm like, I'm in your house. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, yes, I should do this again.
Speaker 3: Like, well, you didn't have to wash your hands twice.
Speaker 1: No, but it's really funny.
Speaker 3: I was really nice of you.
Speaker 1: Though, no I would obviously, I don't need to be
Speaker 1: told something twice. I'll do it. But you're not the
Speaker 1: first transuit I've hooked up with. It's like, hey, can
Speaker 1: you just wash your hands? And I'm like, I know,
Speaker 1: gay men are disgusting. I'm really sorry. I'm happy to
Speaker 1: do it.
Speaker 3: That night, it was because I knew we had all
Speaker 3: been out at the bar.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, touching.
Speaker 3: I actually did know exactly where you had been, and
Speaker 3: it was at karaoke, which is like the least hand
Speaker 3: sanitizing activity. But I realized and because I had a
Speaker 3: kind of opposite experience where I had to learn a
Speaker 3: bunch of stuff about like contraceptives and STIs because as
Speaker 3: like a lesbian quote unquote, I kind of tuned out
Speaker 3: all of those lessons because I was like, Oh, I'm
Speaker 3: not gonna get pregnant, Like I'm not going to do
Speaker 3: any of the stuff. I don't have to worry. I
Speaker 3: started hooking up with gay man, I was like, Oh,
Speaker 3: this is actually really real, And likewise, it's kind of
Speaker 3: the same for gay guys, where like a lot of
Speaker 3: the time they don't know, like guys don't know that
Speaker 3: I can get pregnant and they think that I can't
Speaker 3: because of like testosterone, which is not true, or like
Speaker 3: they don't know, you know, you can't put something in
Speaker 3: a vagina that you just put in a bot, correct,
Speaker 3: But they don't know that because they've just like never
Speaker 3: thought about that before. And so that changes, you know,
Speaker 3: a like orgy situation where you have to all of
Speaker 3: a sudden be like, hey, like where has that been
Speaker 3: before it goes into me? Because they don't know, So
Speaker 3: I think that gay guys could do to learn some
Speaker 3: stuff like that first and then kind of the etiquette. Yeah,
Speaker 3: of course the etiquette stuff comes sort of after.
Speaker 1: Maybe this is a public call for more gay guy to.
Speaker 3: Wash their hands.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was gonna say to submit questions your substack,
Speaker 1: but it has been answered, and the question is wash your.
Speaker 3: Well, you should be washing your hands with each other too.
Speaker 3: It's not just for trans guys or trans people. You
Speaker 3: actually should do that in general.
Speaker 1: They're like dox exists, but like a lot.
Speaker 3: Of things like doxy you know, have never been tested
Speaker 3: on quote unquote women, so like because the medical industry
Speaker 3: shuts out literally half the world and then obviously to
Speaker 3: say nothing of the nuances of like trans people's identities.
Speaker 3: But it means that like people like me, we don't
Speaker 3: actually know how those medications work. Like I'm on doxy too,
Speaker 3: but it's kind of just in good faith, like it's
Speaker 3: almost just to make myself feel better because literally the
Speaker 3: doctor was like, well, I think this is not going
Speaker 3: to be as effective for you, but if you want
Speaker 3: to do it, you can.
Speaker 1: And what was it like with prep because I know
Speaker 1: that we didn't get studies, including a fab people regarding
Speaker 1: PREP until after it is tested on sis men.
Speaker 3: And there's only certain versions of PREP that I can take.
Speaker 3: Some of them don't work, or not that they don't work,
Speaker 3: but they just have literally not been tested on half
Speaker 3: the people in the world.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because like why not, well we know why not
Speaker 2: we should name it.
Speaker 3: It's because nobody cares about women. Do you care about women,
Speaker 3: gay guys, women who aren't Celine Dion, Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say women who don't have like multi platinum.
Speaker 1: What do you think new or younger trans guys should
Speaker 1: know about hookay with gay men? And what advice would
Speaker 1: you give to the gay men that aren't asking for
Speaker 1: it but need it about hooking up for transmen?
Speaker 3: For trans guys who want to hook up with gay guys,
Speaker 3: you have to know that consent what works really differently
Speaker 3: in the sexual community, and you just have to be
Speaker 3: prepared for that, Like somebody is going to do something
Speaker 3: that you're not that into, and you have to be
Speaker 3: ready to say, like, actually I'm not into that, and
Speaker 3: then they'll stop. Hopefully. You have to have really good
Speaker 3: street smarts and awareness. I use apps mostly. We didn't
Speaker 3: really talk about this, but I don't actually really cruise
Speaker 3: irl yet because I have a deep fear of rejection
Speaker 3: and so I'm like not really ready to like put
Speaker 3: my my body on the line in that way. Whereas
Speaker 3: on the apps, particularly being trans, you know, I can
Speaker 3: tell you like this is the deal, and then you
Speaker 3: already know before we meet up. But so on apps,
Speaker 3: you have to be able to tell when somebody is weird.
Speaker 3: You have to be able to weed out like who's
Speaker 3: an okay person to meet up with in real life
Speaker 3: and who is weird and who you can't really trust.
Speaker 3: For me, this is like hyperbolic, and it's like kind
Speaker 3: of feeding into like a like lesbian fear of men.
Speaker 3: But you kind of have to treat everybody like they
Speaker 3: could kill you, because they could make sure that you
Speaker 3: only meet up with people who you're like ninety percent
Speaker 3: sure what they're going to be. Like, Yeah, you have
Speaker 3: to learn how to assert yourself. You can find the
Speaker 3: freedom in asserting yourself and you can be as clear
Speaker 3: as like I'm into this, this and this, I'm not
Speaker 3: into this, this and this, and everybody will just take
Speaker 3: it as a fact, and you should feel entitled to
Speaker 3: do that. I think Santo said something about entitlement sexual
Speaker 3: entitlement as well. This is rude, but it's like they
Speaker 3: don't care about you, so you don't have to care
Speaker 3: about them either, accurate, Like it's not like, you know,
Speaker 3: when you have sex with a woman or really any
Speaker 3: marginalized person, including men.
Speaker 1: You're like, I know, I hear the comments.
Speaker 3: All right, you have to see their humanity, you have
Speaker 3: to care about them. You have to be like and
Speaker 3: this includes trans people of all kinds, includes a menunt
Speaker 3: of color, et cetera, et cetera. Like you have to
Speaker 3: be like, this is like a real person, but in
Speaker 3: the gay guy world, you have to understand that person
Speaker 3: is not always thinking that you're a real person. Like
Speaker 3: a lot of their time, they're they're just trying to
Speaker 3: get their rocks off. So you can feel free to like,
Speaker 3: you know, not to dehumanize anyone, but to be like, look,
Speaker 3: this is what we're here to do. It can feel
Speaker 3: kind of transactional, but that's okay. That's what it is
Speaker 3: for gay guys who want to hook up with trans guys.
Speaker 3: And number one, wash your hands. Every trans person and
Speaker 3: every trans guy is going to be different. People are
Speaker 3: going to feel differently about all kinds of things. They're
Speaker 3: going to feel differently about the things they want to
Speaker 3: do and the things they're not okay with. They're going
Speaker 3: to feel differently about the things they call the parts
Speaker 3: of their body. Like I say pussy all the time,
Speaker 3: and I actually didn't start saying pussy until I started
Speaker 3: being a gay guy. I like actually never even considered
Speaker 3: that before as a lesbian. As a gay guy, I
Speaker 3: was like, oh, now I have a pussy, like exactly exactly,
Speaker 3: and interrogate that. But no, it's okay, you don't have
Speaker 3: to you want have to be into that. Gay guys
Speaker 3: think of pussy as an ass when they should be
Speaker 3: thinking of it as a dick and an ass and
Speaker 3: an ass in the womb. We all start out the same.
Speaker 3: All of our junk is the same stuff, and then
Speaker 3: it kind of formulates one way or the other, but
Speaker 3: it's all the same stuff in a different configuration. So
Speaker 3: it's kind of like, what feels too good to you
Speaker 3: will probably feel good to me on a different scale.
Speaker 3: You should know that the it, which I say specifically
Speaker 3: to be like anatomically clear here, it's got like like
Speaker 3: thousands more nerve endings or something than like a penis.
Speaker 3: So you should know, like we're way more sensitive than
Speaker 3: you and like you gotta chill out if you don't
Speaker 3: like teeth. I don't like teeth, so I don't know what.
Speaker 1: That couldn't imagine my teeth.
Speaker 3: They should know. The vachina is not like the ass
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be as prepared. I mean not
Speaker 3: that you shouldn't prep but like bottoming anally is is
Speaker 3: a whole project. Yeah, like you have to plan ahead
Speaker 3: of time. Yeah, exactly. For vagina is not really like that,
Speaker 3: so you don't really have to be as like oh no.
Speaker 1: Like a there was a guy who was looking up
Speaker 1: with who called it pussy privilege.
Speaker 3: No, it is. It is friendical privileges. I can eat
Speaker 3: a cheeseburger and then go bottom afterwards, like that's nothing
Speaker 3: to me, and I have a poor gastro intestinal system. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you just have to You have to be willing to
Speaker 3: ask questions and also try to mirror people's language. Especially
Speaker 3: with trans people. You need to like listen to like
Speaker 3: what we call our bodies and then just say it back,
Speaker 3: like don't make an assumption either ask or like wait
Speaker 3: and then say it back.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And I think I mean this will be different for
Speaker 3: other people too, but for me personally, I prefer to
Speaker 3: be treated literally like any other gay guy. Like one
Speaker 3: time I hooked up with this older guy. We were
Speaker 3: like making out and then he like took me by
Speaker 3: the shoulders and like held me back and like looked
Speaker 3: in my eyes and was like, I just want to
Speaker 3: tell you you're safe with me. And I was like,
Speaker 3: this is crazy, and you feel like also, nothing about
Speaker 3: this is safe. You're like a strange man that I'm
Speaker 3: meeting up with to like hook up on a bench
Speaker 3: outside of the pool because you're too like nervous to
Speaker 3: bring me inside your house. Like I have a splinter
Speaker 3: in my ass. It's not safe. Like don't act like
Speaker 3: you're being like mister good guy right now by like
Speaker 3: having sex with me like charitably, because I was like,
Speaker 3: you wouldn't do this to any other guy, Like be
Speaker 3: like you're safe with me. I could be getting a
Speaker 3: UTI right now, Like you don't know.
Speaker 1: I feel like there was a point where like white
Speaker 1: ally ship kind of jumped to the shark where like
Speaker 1: people people took it beyond what communities of color were
Speaker 1: asking and they were like I need to act like
Speaker 1: an ally all the time.
Speaker 3: I'm wearing a safety pin on my jack right.
Speaker 1: Just talk to people like their people, like everybody is different.
Speaker 1: Just talk to people like their fucking people like it's crazy.
Speaker 3: I had one time where I was hooking up with
Speaker 3: a guy and he was first of all, we were
Speaker 3: already having sex, so it was a little late for this,
Speaker 3: but he was being like you, what do you call
Speaker 3: your whole? And I was like, you're literally in it,
Speaker 3: so I don't know why you need to know. And
Speaker 3: I literally was like pussy and he was like a
Speaker 3: boy pussy And I was like, Okay, I'm seeing now
Speaker 3: that you feel uncomfortable, right, I don't feel uncomfortable with myself.
Speaker 3: You feel uncomfortable and you're showing me now.
Speaker 1: I feel like the first like ten to fifteen minutes
Speaker 1: of sex, when you haven't hooked up with somebody before,
Speaker 1: it's like what's their pace, what's their energy? What are
Speaker 1: they saying? And it's like you can kind of figure
Speaker 1: out the answers to these questions in the first ten
Speaker 1: to fifteen minutes if you're communicating exactly. So it's it's
Speaker 1: just wild to me that people will be like balls
Speaker 1: deep and then be like, wait, we haven't talked.
Speaker 3: How do I respect you, it's too late. I'm degraded,
Speaker 3: I'm debased. Let's not get into it.
Speaker 1: All right. Before we wrap things up, we do have
Speaker 1: some rapid fire questions. If you're down, all right, these
Speaker 1: are going to be invasive. You can pass or answer
Speaker 1: to your level of comfort. Great, Well, we're gonna go
Speaker 1: real quick, all right, you gonna kick us off. Yeah,
Speaker 1: describe your Sniffy's profile big is.
Speaker 3: Full on dick pic, because I want people to know
Speaker 3: immediately what they're getting into, so to speak.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, what is the last message you received
Speaker 1: on Sniffy's. You can paraphrase it or read it out
Speaker 1: loud to us if you like.
Speaker 3: Let's get my phone from off the floor. Yeah, it's
Speaker 3: it's a dick pick and it's the kind of dick
Speaker 3: pic I don't like, which is when the guy is
Speaker 3: sitting on the toilet. Oh, I really hate that, Like,
Speaker 3: why would you? It's not a good ms.
Speaker 1: It's giving I was taking a ship and yeah you should.
Speaker 3: See literally stand up like what are you doing?
Speaker 1: Okay? Now, describe the last person you fucked in three words.
Speaker 3: A golden retrieve for her husband's.
Speaker 1: Where was the last place you hooked up with someone?
Speaker 3: It was in a shower in the Pines. Yeah, indoors
Speaker 3: or outdoor indoors.
Speaker 1: The wow. I feel like indoor showers are rarer in
Speaker 1: the Pines than the.
Speaker 3: It was a nice shower, Okay. Yeah. I feel like
Speaker 3: everything in the Pines was designed for you to be
Speaker 3: able to have sex in or on it.
Speaker 1: Oh for sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So you know, the showers always have like handrails
Speaker 3: and stuff.
Speaker 1: It's very nice. Okay.
Speaker 2: Now before we let you go, it's time to hear
Speaker 2: a brand new cruising investment from one of our listeners.
Speaker 3: It's amazing.
Speaker 1: Are you out for hearing one more sexy story?
Speaker 3: Absolutely?
Speaker 1: The park was hot today.
Speaker 4: Okay, last weekend. It was Sunday. I was beyond thirsty,
Speaker 4: and I had not gotten laid in like a month,
Speaker 4: and I was sitting really down on myself. So I
Speaker 4: went to the park.
Speaker 1: In my town, and there is this.
Speaker 4: Really cruisy outdoor trails area that a lot of days
Speaker 4: go there to cruise because they have these really intricate
Speaker 4: winding pathways that lead into these very secluded areas. Anyway,
Speaker 4: I had never cruised there, I'd walked around. So I
Speaker 4: went down there all in this particular day, and I
Speaker 4: noticed that there was cloud cover coming in. It was
Speaker 4: about to start raining. I heard thunder and at that
Speaker 4: point I was ready to leave. Just as I was
Speaker 4: about leave and heads back from my car, I run
Speaker 4: into this hot daddy and we start chatting. I noticed
Speaker 4: that he's like on his phone and I asked him.
Speaker 4: I say, hey, so, how's the service out here?
Speaker 1: How's the Wi Fi? Are you? He's like, yeah, we're great,
Speaker 1: and I.
Speaker 4: Was like wanting to connect it to my WiFi. So anyway,
Speaker 4: he and I made our way down this hill into
Speaker 4: this like very secluded area and yeah, I've never done
Speaker 4: anything like this. Before the thunder starts crackling, I see lightning.
Speaker 4: Before you know it, we start making out, like right
Speaker 4: as the rain starts rushing down, and it's just like
Speaker 4: really intense. It's like freaking Madonna erotica. Just why I
Speaker 4: love shit, right, So we get to a more secluded
Speaker 4: area and before you know it, the clothes are coming off.
Speaker 4: We are blowing each other. We start beating off and
Speaker 4: I tell him, oh fuck, I'm gonna come, and he
Speaker 4: gets down his knees and swallows my load.
Speaker 1: For a second. He comes up for air just.
Speaker 4: So some of it get on his chest and then
Speaker 4: he finishes swallowing the rest of my load. Yeah, that
Speaker 4: was it.
Speaker 3: So this is how you know gay guys have no
Speaker 3: sense of consequence because I heard that story and I
Speaker 3: heard lightning strike.
Speaker 1: Risk right, Yeah, I.
Speaker 3: Was like, you're under a tree during a storm, yea,
Speaker 3: getting your dick sucked. You're going to be the one
Speaker 3: who gets struck by lightning because the other guy's down here,
Speaker 3: and then he's going to get electrocuted through the current
Speaker 3: passing through your Penis's okay, that's what that means. You
Speaker 3: think of should not be in a park during a thunderstort.
Speaker 1: But it was a hot story. Though it was.
Speaker 3: Really hot and like the rain thing is so like
Speaker 3: romantic sy for sure.
Speaker 1: To me, the highlight was how's the connection out here?
Speaker 1: Do you? That was crazy? I can't believe it worked.
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, it's very simple. The words that are
Speaker 3: said before a hookup are mostly accessories. You're right, And
Speaker 3: I feel like a lot of gay hookups is about
Speaker 3: sort of being like, I'm just gonna pretend I don't
Speaker 3: hear that.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, we use ball gags for a reason sometimes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you want to hear your own cruising confession on
Speaker 1: an upcoming episode of this podcast. I promise we will
Speaker 1: not judge you or pick up lines too harshally. You
Speaker 1: can call her Cruising Confessions hotline at three zero two
Speaker 1: two one nine three eight nine eight. I'm going to
Speaker 1: repeat it one more time three zero two two one
Speaker 1: nine three eight nine. A well, James, we are actually
Speaker 1: at the end of the episode now, but before we
Speaker 1: let you go, I'm wondering what's coming up for you.
Speaker 1: Where can folks find you online? And read your substock.
Speaker 3: You can find me just about everywhere online, including substack
Speaker 3: at James tom XO. That's James t O m XO.
Speaker 3: And if you connect with me on socials you'll be
Speaker 3: able to see where I'm performing next.
Speaker 1: Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is directed by Adam Barron, produced by
Speaker 1: Amanda Helper and Cameron Femino, and executive produced by Eli Market.
Speaker 2: Cruising Imfessions is presented by Snippy's, the ultimate map based
Speaker 2: cruising platform.
Speaker 1: We're gay by a curious feedpol Ready to bruise.
Speaker 2: Check out the map at snippies dot com and fall
Speaker 2: snippees at snippis app.
Speaker 1: Cruisers are a community. Do your part in keeping us safe.
Speaker 1: Learn more about protecting your sexual health at healthy sexuals
Speaker 1: dot com. Put job, put put job, put put your
Speaker 1: puts up.