Speaker 1: Ka Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes
Speaker 1: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
Speaker 1: of the Old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
Speaker 1: treats crackheads in the Ghetto Cutter the same as the
Speaker 1: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. The clearing House of
Speaker 1: Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
Speaker 1: with Ben Maller starts right now nine nine nine in
Speaker 1: the air every where, the podcast that does not Stop.
Speaker 1: A brand new addition of The Fifth Hour with Ben
Speaker 1: Maller and Danny g Radio. Because four hours a night
Speaker 1: during the week or not enough. Of course, Danny has
Speaker 1: his own show that he works on their The Coveno
Speaker 1: and Rich Show during the week. For him, no, you
Speaker 1: should have the Nervous Heart. Eight day is a week.
Speaker 1: This a spinoff of the Overnight Show, The Ben Malla
Speaker 1: Shall we thank you for supporting the program. Podcast numbers
Speaker 1: have been great, even during football season, all the distractions
Speaker 1: that we have Danny and we're back at it again
Speaker 1: here on this Saturday. After a interesting Benny versus The
Speaker 1: Penny on Friday, The Penny under the Weather, Dude, Penny
Speaker 1: and me both sick cannot play with them you know,
Speaker 1: we had a severe weather change here in southern California.
Speaker 1: We went from eighties six degrees and hot two fifty
Speaker 1: degrees and rainy, which for southern California, when it gets
Speaker 1: to fifty we put three layers of clothes on and
Speaker 1: freak out. Can't do it. You pull out the heating
Speaker 1: blankets and all that. Yeah, And the other thing is
Speaker 1: people start passing little flu like symptoms around in colds.
Speaker 1: As many vitamins as I pump into my body every
Speaker 1: day pre COVID, I would take a lot of vitamins.
Speaker 1: My body has been fighting something off the past couple
Speaker 1: of days. Got you all right, Well, we we commend
Speaker 1: you for being here. So you are putting your head down,
Speaker 1: and I am the MJ of the Fifth Hour. This
Speaker 1: is your food poisoning game. Is that with the Kobe
Speaker 1: Food Poisoning Game or whatever? Alright, so on on this
Speaker 1: edition to the fifth Hour, we've got flawed diamonds, garlic
Speaker 1: or bust canine, slammer and back scratcher. Back scratcher. So
Speaker 1: I will hold your hand. I'm gonna walk you through this,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna make this as enjoyable as possible. Not
Speaker 1: normally on Saturday. What we do here is the life
Speaker 1: of Mallard, the life of Danny G. We take you
Speaker 1: behind the microphone, behind the headsets, and what an exciting
Speaker 1: life we live. Big time radio people, network radio stars,
Speaker 1: living the dream and we we just have amazing lives, Danny.
Speaker 1: I mean, we're famous. Everywhere we go. People want our autographs,
Speaker 1: they give us free stuff, unless that doesn't actually happen,
Speaker 1: but you know we're here, we're living the dream. So,
Speaker 1: but some exciting news this week. You heard a little
Speaker 1: glimpse of it on the radio show, The Terrestrial Radio Show.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if you were listening paying close attention,
Speaker 1: maybe you missed it. We do a lot of content
Speaker 1: every night. Sometimes things fall through the cracks and you
Speaker 1: miss stuff. So this is an opportunity to look back
Speaker 1: and give some new information. And if you if you
Speaker 1: don't know where I'm going with this, and maybe you don't,
Speaker 1: your wheels are turning, You're like, what's going on here? Uh? So?
Speaker 1: Yours truly has been quoted in a book. A published
Speaker 1: piece of literature has included me say what who goo? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I know who goes book? How dare you, Danny? How
Speaker 1: dare I you? Know that I am a respected member
Speaker 1: of the community unless I'm not. But I want to
Speaker 1: thank listener Harvey from New York. You probably heard Harvey's called,
Speaker 1: but maybe not. Harvey has been a big fan of
Speaker 1: the show. He just he's never called the show before.
Speaker 1: But Harvey called into the program to spill the tea
Speaker 1: if you will. Harvey has spent a lifetime as a teacher,
Speaker 1: working at his schools around New York. The world of academia.
Speaker 1: He is semi retired now and he has turned to
Speaker 1: writing books. And it turns out that our friend Harvey
Speaker 1: is an undercover member of the Mallard Militia. Talk about
Speaker 1: broadening your horizons. Yeah, so there's many reasons for that.
Speaker 1: We won't get into it here. He's a bit of insomniac,
Speaker 1: otherwise you wouldn't be listening. He lives on the East Coast.
Speaker 1: Harvey found our show when he was in Florida. He
Speaker 1: spent part of the year in Florida, like all true
Speaker 1: New Yorkers. Uh, and so we found our show and
Speaker 1: he continued to listen, got back to New York, kept
Speaker 1: listening and whatnot. And so to get to the point,
Speaker 1: he's the other day in the mail room, which we
Speaker 1: don't really have a mill room. We have like the
Speaker 1: pony expressed, Danny. It's just they it's an odd setup.
Speaker 1: Ever since they moved out of the building they were
Speaker 1: in the floor they were in, they just kind of
Speaker 1: throw the mail down on the table. Who's who thought
Speaker 1: that was a good idea? By the way, did anyone
Speaker 1: say that's a good idea, Danny? Did anyone sent out
Speaker 1: a memo saying that's that's good. Here, that's a good circle.
Speaker 1: We'll just throw the tables of circle. So we just
Speaker 1: strow the mail down. You know, I get there late,
Speaker 1: so I'm sure the mail comes out in the morning
Speaker 1: or the early afternoon. By the time I get there,
Speaker 1: it's all picked through and all that stuff. But it
Speaker 1: is a federal crime to steal milk anyway, get to
Speaker 1: the point. So the point is the other day I
Speaker 1: got a package in the mail, postmark from New York.
Speaker 1: I saw the name on it, and I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, we'll get around opening this. And I took
Speaker 1: the package back to the home studio and I opened
Speaker 1: it up, got the scissors out, opened the package up
Speaker 1: and there was a baseball book. So I was ill,
Speaker 1: you know, that's very nice, I said. I was like,
Speaker 1: did the publisher send this? What's this all? I don't
Speaker 1: remember asking for a baseball book. And then Harvey, the
Speaker 1: listener and the author of the book, he wrote a
Speaker 1: very nice note inside the book. He's explained that he
Speaker 1: had been a fan of the show for a while
Speaker 1: and and he included me in the book and he
Speaker 1: wanted me to you know, he told me what pages
Speaker 1: I'm on, and I'm on a few pages of the
Speaker 1: book and all that was very nice note about how
Speaker 1: much was he enjoys the show, and he mentioned he
Speaker 1: was a fan and all that, and so that was
Speaker 1: really cool. And he wanted me to have a copy
Speaker 1: of the book because I was in the book, and
Speaker 1: so I was very excited. I flipped the pages too.
Speaker 1: I think it was page to thirty eight or something
Speaker 1: like that, and I see the musings of things I
Speaker 1: had said late at night, at three thirty in the
Speaker 1: morning about the Stros and jose Al Boo Bay and
Speaker 1: all those other schmucks, and there it was written in
Speaker 1: this big and this is like one of those kind
Speaker 1: of books, Danny, that you put on a coffee table
Speaker 1: or something like that. It's a big, big, book. I
Speaker 1: saw your mail on the circle table. Yeah, you saw
Speaker 1: how big a book that is. And so I want
Speaker 1: to thank Harvey and that is some p one dedication. Now,
Speaker 1: one of my goals here, and this is one of
Speaker 1: the Bucketts things, is to get get this done here,
Speaker 1: to have my name in a book. I also like
Speaker 1: to write a book. Someday maybe that will happen. That'd
Speaker 1: be kind of cool to be part of a project
Speaker 1: where you write the book, which is actually have somebody
Speaker 1: else write the book, but then you just tell them
Speaker 1: what the right and then the other thing would be
Speaker 1: pretty pretty cool, pretty neat. Would be uh like to
Speaker 1: dabble in some TV stuff again, think that would be
Speaker 1: kind of cool. But you know what would be even
Speaker 1: even cooler. And I don't even know if they do
Speaker 1: this anymore in the movies. You know when they do
Speaker 1: those transition scenes, Danny and they back in the old days,
Speaker 1: they would transition and they'd show like somebody in bed
Speaker 1: in their apartment, and then to kind of set the
Speaker 1: scene on what the date is and what the time is,
Speaker 1: they'd have a radio and they'd have like a morning
Speaker 1: show or something or an evening show. Explain, here's the
Speaker 1: time and the weather, and you know, they give the
Speaker 1: date or something like that, like the classic movie groundhog Day.
Speaker 1: The same radio announcer. Yeah, my radio friend from Boston,
Speaker 1: Jerry Callahan, who does a podcast. We've had him on here.
Speaker 1: Jerry worked at w e I for years. But Jerry,
Speaker 1: he and the guy that he was working with at
Speaker 1: the time, some some fans of the show, of their
Speaker 1: show worked in Hollywood and they got to be in
Speaker 1: a motion picture as the clock radio guys. And I
Speaker 1: was like, that's pretty cool. You know, I'd like to
Speaker 1: do that something. But this is very nice of Harvey.
Speaker 1: Get back to the story. Please, get back to the point.
Speaker 1: So Harvey wrote this book and it's got the Mallard
Speaker 1: Sali approve. I haven't read the whole thing. It's a
Speaker 1: massive book, but I want to thank Harvey. It's he
Speaker 1: said it was a labor of love. He said he
Speaker 1: spent fourteen years painting different parts of this book book.
Speaker 1: I know Robbie the Mariner fan, Robbie the Mariner fan
Speaker 1: and some other people have been messaging me and emailing
Speaker 1: me saying, hey, I want to buy the book. How
Speaker 1: can I help out? I want to help so I'll
Speaker 1: explain right now. You're probably gonna have to go back
Speaker 1: and play this on the podcast a couple of times.
Speaker 1: But the book is available on Amazon the name of
Speaker 1: the book, and I get no money from this. I
Speaker 1: have no skin in the game other than my name
Speaker 1: is in the book. So I'm not telling you to
Speaker 1: support the show. You gotta buy this. But Harvey is
Speaker 1: a fan of the show, and it'd be great to
Speaker 1: show him some love and prove to him how many
Speaker 1: people there are the silent majority in the Mallard militia.
Speaker 1: So the book name is Baseball's Bastards, Flawed Diamonds of
Speaker 1: our National Pastime. All right, so let me repeat that. Now.
Speaker 1: Remember there was a documentary made a couple of years
Speaker 1: ago about baseball Bastards or something like that. This is
Speaker 1: not that. This is a different thing. This is a book.
Speaker 1: It's called Baseball's Bastards, Flawed Diamonds of our National Pastime.
Speaker 1: And this is this book is about those I'm do
Speaker 1: it right off Amazon here. This book is about those
Speaker 1: who have bastardized the game, violators of baseball's integrity right
Speaker 1: in our wheelhouse here, right in my wheelhouse, Danny uh
Speaker 1: says Pete Rose shoelas Joe Jackson, racist and bigots, Dixie Walker,
Speaker 1: John Rocker, Ben chapman enis slaughter the cheaters uh, and
Speaker 1: he says gay Lord Perry signs Steelers such as the
Speaker 1: Houston Astros, the nineteen fifty one New York Giants, and
Speaker 1: steroid users, the bad Sportsman. And it goes through a
Speaker 1: Rod and Joe Torrey and Roberto Alamar, violent players, Ducky
Speaker 1: Medwick and Ty Cobb, Billy Martin, the owners like George
Speaker 1: Steinbrenner and Charlie o' finley, and some of the great
Speaker 1: characters here talks about off the field bastards and Scott
Speaker 1: Boris has mentioned fans, fans that have interfered with baseball,
Speaker 1: Jeffrey Mayor, Steve Bartman. It mentions umpires, and he goes
Speaker 1: from everything. This guy spent fourteen years writing his book,
Speaker 1: So if you're a baseball person, I mean this guy.
Speaker 1: And he's very thorough in the way he went through
Speaker 1: this as you can imagine, spending over a decade. So
Speaker 1: thank you, Harvey. I'm honored that I'm I'm in the book,
Speaker 1: and i my part. One of the parts in the
Speaker 1: book there is I'm talking about the Astros. So how appropriate,
Speaker 1: Danny that I would be written about in a book
Speaker 1: talking about jose Albouve and the ass Stros. Immediately I
Speaker 1: thought it must be quotes of you just seeing the Astros,
Speaker 1: which I love. And I also have a John Rocker
Speaker 1: story that I don't know if I've told the Rocker
Speaker 1: story on the podcast or recently on the podcast, but
Speaker 1: years ago, when John Rocker was an unknown picture for
Speaker 1: the Atlanta Braves. I was covering the Dodgers at the time,
Speaker 1: and I'm a young guy. I'm a single guy. I'm
Speaker 1: out there all the time. I know everyone at Dodgers Stay.
Speaker 1: I know everyone's name, they all know me, and I'm
Speaker 1: out there doing my thing at Dodgers datum. This guy
Speaker 1: who I knew was like all time agent. He was
Speaker 1: like an assistant to another agent. And this guy would
Speaker 1: become a friend of mine, and it was like it
Speaker 1: was like a Friday night, Dodgers are playing the Braves
Speaker 1: and the guy's like, hey, yeah, why don't you come out.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take some of the guys in the Braves
Speaker 1: out that are our clients, and We're gonna go out
Speaker 1: and have some drinks and go out and hit the
Speaker 1: hit the scene in Hollywood, and he's like, yeah, we'd
Speaker 1: love to have you join us and you can hang out.
Speaker 1: And he mentioned there were a couple of guys in
Speaker 1: the braves, but one of the guys that was gonna
Speaker 1: go was John rock I said, I couldn't go because
Speaker 1: I had to get up early. I had a morning
Speaker 1: show on Saturday that I had to do. I was
Speaker 1: doing like a seven to ten am morning show and
Speaker 1: the game was late, and these guys, you know, Danny,
Speaker 1: professional athletes do not go back to the hotel room
Speaker 1: at midnight. They're out until, you know, five, six, seven
Speaker 1: in the morning. And I'm like, I can't. I can't
Speaker 1: do it. So I was like I can't. You know,
Speaker 1: I wish I could, But at the time I didn't
Speaker 1: even think about it because I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: know who that guy is. He was a nold body.
Speaker 1: And then a couple of months later, this story came
Speaker 1: out in Sports Illustrated where John Rocker just totally ripped
Speaker 1: the ship out of New York and Mets fans and
Speaker 1: said all this like inflammatory crap about the seven train
Speaker 1: from Shay Stadium oras on the subway. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: like talking he was attacking gay people and foreigners and
Speaker 1: all this. It was like wild and and it was
Speaker 1: it was nuts. So and then it's like I flashed back.
Speaker 1: You ever had that, you have that epiphany, like, wait
Speaker 1: a minute, that's the guy that I you know, I
Speaker 1: didn't really know him, but I could have gone and
Speaker 1: hung out with him, been partying with him or whatever,
Speaker 1: and I didn't do it. And the funny the other
Speaker 1: funny part about that story, and may he rest in peace,
Speaker 1: Bobby Bowden. But we had Bobby Bowden, who at the
Speaker 1: time was a big freaking deal for Florida State for
Speaker 1: the seminars. So we had Bowden on the radio and
Speaker 1: at this time Danny, but there was no Twitter, there
Speaker 1: was no social media. We had a sports wire. That's
Speaker 1: how we got the story. And the story came across
Speaker 1: the sports wire that you know, bulletin bulletin sports illustrated story.
Speaker 1: Jeff Perlman, I think was the guy's name, and he
Speaker 1: wrote the story about John Rocker and all these quotes,
Speaker 1: and the Braves of course issued a statement and it
Speaker 1: was like a big deal at the time, but it
Speaker 1: wasn't as big a deal as it would have been
Speaker 1: now because there was no roller coaster of social media. Anyway,
Speaker 1: we had Bobby Bowden on and our boss is like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, he always said, whatever is going on in sports,
Speaker 1: just ask your guests, um, and so we asked Bobby
Speaker 1: Bowden what he thought of John Rocker's quotes, and Bowden
Speaker 1: in this thick Southern accent, we we read all the
Speaker 1: quotes from Rocker. And remember this is the nineties. It
Speaker 1: was like probably nineties seven something like that. I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe but a long time ago. And Bowden starts cracking up.
Speaker 1: He said that Boys in Trouble was it was larryous.
Speaker 1: It was. It was so funny. But but anyway, there
Speaker 1: it is so thank you our Fred Harvey. There flawed diamonds.
Speaker 1: If you have a diamond, you probably should just get
Speaker 1: some garlic. Danny's what you should do. Right. Yeah. By
Speaker 1: the way, I just found his book on Amazon right now. Uh,
Speaker 1: it looks like a picture holding two baseballs. They're on
Speaker 1: the front. Very cool. We're all gonna have to order
Speaker 1: a copy of that book. Ben. And when I see
Speaker 1: your name, I'm gonna get my highlighter out, walk around
Speaker 1: and tell people I know this guy. Well, of course
Speaker 1: you would if you want an autograph for a nominal fee,
Speaker 1: you can go on my only Fans account. Maybe I
Speaker 1: will sign an autograph for you, but yeah, I will
Speaker 1: only charge you five dollars exactly. I'll give you my
Speaker 1: moonshine recipe and how to make the perfect garlic pie.
Speaker 1: That's what I'll do amazing, you know, Ben, I'm probably
Speaker 1: gonna go get some garlic today. And this is a
Speaker 1: drastic measure because I like the flavor of garlic, but
Speaker 1: I do not like the texture. I've never put a
Speaker 1: cloth in my mouth the way you have. I've seen
Speaker 1: you do it. I remember a few years back you
Speaker 1: shoving one in your mouth live in the studio during
Speaker 1: a commercial break and all of us grossed out, like nasty.
Speaker 1: You swear by it. But look, it's crunch time, Ben.
Speaker 1: You know that next week, in the middle of the week,
Speaker 1: I leave for Hawaii. This is a big time And
Speaker 1: and congratulations, Danny. We're gonna miss you on the podcast
Speaker 1: for a few weeks. But I'm so happy for you,
Speaker 1: and I think this is this is great. We gotta
Speaker 1: get you healthy, though you don't want to be be sick.
Speaker 1: Everyone you're traveling party gets sick and you don't want
Speaker 1: your your your bride to be to be sick. That
Speaker 1: would be a nightmare. So you gotta do the garlic.
Speaker 1: You're gonna do it. I'm contemplating it yesterday. I was
Speaker 1: thinking to myself, I like, man, it's a drastic measure,
Speaker 1: but maybe I should go to the store get a guard.
Speaker 1: It's a garlic clove. Is that that's what it is.
Speaker 1: I've but you get ahead of garlic. But let me
Speaker 1: let me explain. Now there's a couple of ways to
Speaker 1: do this. Okay, this is the Mallard guard therapy. Now
Speaker 1: I should point out as disclaimer, I am not a doctor.
Speaker 1: I'm a doctor. I heard this from an old radio
Speaker 1: friend and old DJ years ago, and I have done
Speaker 1: it now. It's mainly what I did for laryngitis, but
Speaker 1: it also works for the flu. And the coal garlic
Speaker 1: is like it's nature's antibiotic, is what it is. It's
Speaker 1: it's insane, the powers of garlic. And back in the
Speaker 1: old country they would use garlic his medicine and it
Speaker 1: was gets sick, you take garlic or whatever. So there's
Speaker 1: two ways to do it. Now, if you have a sore,
Speaker 1: do you have a sore throat or your symptoms. No
Speaker 1: sore throat, so just a headache and a stuff he knows, alright,
Speaker 1: So what I would do. You're probably gonna the one
Speaker 1: raw garlic clove. Now this is no joke, Danny, okay.
Speaker 1: And and the way, if you really want to attack
Speaker 1: this thing, and I don't know that you'll be able
Speaker 1: to pull it off, because it's even tough for me.
Speaker 1: And I like garlic a lot, and I don't mind
Speaker 1: it and all that, but the burning sensation is insane.
Speaker 1: It's it's like they taste like Bernie. Yeah, it's really terrible.
Speaker 1: So like that time I went to the doctor first shot,
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly. But so you take one or two clothes
Speaker 1: of garlic whatever you can handle there on an empty stomach,
Speaker 1: so you don't want to have a full stomach here.
Speaker 1: You will feel like you are about to go to
Speaker 1: Dante's inferno. Uh. It is going to be unbelievably horrible
Speaker 1: for roughly ten minutes of your life. But that garlic,
Speaker 1: once it gets into your ally, will attack the illness
Speaker 1: and within within like two days, and probably even sooner
Speaker 1: than that, you'll start feeling much much much better. And
Speaker 1: now there's some people that will eat a little bit
Speaker 1: of garlic every few hours, but I I don't go
Speaker 1: that direction, usually on an empty stomach. I'm a faster anyway,
Speaker 1: and I'll eat a clove or two, usually one clove,
Speaker 1: and then let the garlic work. It's magic. Now, when
Speaker 1: I have laryngitis or my voice is going out a
Speaker 1: little bit, I'll use I'll use garlic as like a
Speaker 1: Jolly Roger. You could try that. That might work because
Speaker 1: you're getting the garlic juices. I usually do that right
Speaker 1: before bed, and then I let that work as I'm
Speaker 1: sleeping and all that, and then it in theory, it
Speaker 1: attacks the pungent powers of garlic, attack the infection wall
Speaker 1: while you sleep, and hopefully you're you're as soon to
Speaker 1: be wife there does not mind the smell of intense
Speaker 1: garlic you get away from me. And the the other
Speaker 1: problem with that, if you suck on the garlic like
Speaker 1: it's a Jolly Roger candy, your gums will get burned. Danny,
Speaker 1: Maybe you can suck on it and that'll make it better.
Speaker 1: Oh boy. Yeah, somehow, for some reason, I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm taking medical advice from Doc Mike right now. Well
Speaker 1: that's well, yeah, I'm an overnight radio guy on a
Speaker 1: podcast give me advice. I'm just saying it's worked for me.
Speaker 1: Don't You should never take medical advice from someone on
Speaker 1: the radio who's not a doctor and all that stuff.
Speaker 1: But if you're if you're desperate, desperate times, call for
Speaker 1: desperate measures. You're not gonna die from this or unless
Speaker 1: you choke on the garlic. Uh so, just be careful
Speaker 1: and uh, you know, they've they've found studies have found
Speaker 1: that the garlic does act as a natural antibiotic against
Speaker 1: against illness. I'm going to decapitate a goat. You know,
Speaker 1: good luck. I'll give you an update. I'll tell you
Speaker 1: how it works next week. Getting on the Big Bird. Huh,
Speaker 1: that's cool. Hawaii is I think there's two hours behind
Speaker 1: California time now, I believe. I think so. I believe
Speaker 1: so after the time change. Yeah, And it was eighty
Speaker 1: degrees there yesterday. That's awesome. Yeah, I think it's pretty
Speaker 1: much eighty degrees every day there, I think, right, I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't know. I mean every time I've
Speaker 1: been there, like I go to Kawaii, I've been in
Speaker 1: a few years. But we actually had looked at the
Speaker 1: extended forecast. It showed the first few days that we
Speaker 1: would be there raining non stop. Good luck man with that.
Speaker 1: And you gotta get up early, to Danny, to enjoy Hawaii, right,
Speaker 1: you gotta get up early because they that place shuts
Speaker 1: down after dark. It's there's nothing going on there. Now Honolulu,
Speaker 1: there is stuff going on. There is a very unglamorous
Speaker 1: part of the whole of Honolulu where there's a lot
Speaker 1: of a lot of drugs and prostitute shian and it's
Speaker 1: pretty crazy over there. But anyway, that's that's where I'm
Speaker 1: going to honeymoon take away. We're getting married, and that
Speaker 1: we're going to see the drugs horse. That's what we're
Speaker 1: doing right now here we go a bunch of hookers,
Speaker 1: all right. Next up we have the Canine Slammer. So
Speaker 1: an interesting week. As you referenced Danny earlier in the podcast.
Speaker 1: In southern California, we have a little rain, not normal
Speaker 1: weather they made they made movies in the past. I said,
Speaker 1: it never rains in l A, right, that was it
Speaker 1: was it. Steve Martin r it never rains in l
Speaker 1: A and all that famous Tony Tony Tony song, It
Speaker 1: never rains in southern California. There you go, and the
Speaker 1: rain is supposed to be a good thing. Although I
Speaker 1: believe we get our water from northern California, so it
Speaker 1: never needs to really rain in Southern California. It just
Speaker 1: needs to rain in northern California because we take our
Speaker 1: water from the people in northern California. But anyway, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, rain whatever, not the end of the world.
Speaker 1: Traffic snarls. People don't know how to drive, uh, And
Speaker 1: boy did I experienced that. For example, I was driving
Speaker 1: into the hallowed hallways of Fox Sports Radio where legends
Speaker 1: like Andrew Siciliano and Rich Herrero used to work. And
Speaker 1: it was an obstacle. Course, It's like a slipping slide
Speaker 1: on the highway. They're that one oh one freeway in Hollywood,
Speaker 1: not designed for the rain. They're not not good at all.
Speaker 1: But I was able to navigate the highways and the
Speaker 1: byways there get to the north Woods from Sherman Oaks
Speaker 1: and and back. And but there were problems on the
Speaker 1: homestead are beloved. Bella decided to turn the Mallard Mansion
Speaker 1: into a gigantic I'm exaggerating here, ship house. She turned
Speaker 1: it into her own personal honey truck. Uh, some kind
Speaker 1: of odd science glitch. Danny as Bella, who is a
Speaker 1: You've you've just met Bella a few times, you've seen
Speaker 1: her over the years. She's she's got a lot of fur,
Speaker 1: but she's pretty small, right. Her superpower is that she
Speaker 1: has the ships, she has the ability to ship and
Speaker 1: pissed pretty consistently for hours at a time. M h
Speaker 1: m hm. And I'm not a hand to God, I'm
Speaker 1: not I'm not lying here. It's fascinating. And after a
Speaker 1: week of constant poop in the air everywhere, my wife
Speaker 1: reached critical mass. And so you know, everyone's got their
Speaker 1: their breaking point, their waterloo moment and where you just
Speaker 1: can't take it. It's like I I can't take it,
Speaker 1: so no more like pop bye the sailor man back
Speaker 1: in the day. So it turns out that that moment
Speaker 1: was reached in a fury of urine and feces. What
Speaker 1: a week, What a week? So the moment of truth
Speaker 1: here where we crossed the rubicon a Bella had pissed
Speaker 1: one too many times then because of the rain, one
Speaker 1: too many times. So my wife was cleaning out the
Speaker 1: yellow spray of urine that has that had and all
Speaker 1: over one of the the upstairs of the house, and
Speaker 1: our dear old dog decided that while my wife was
Speaker 1: cleaning up the urine, she thought that was a good
Speaker 1: time to piss again right next to where she was
Speaker 1: cleaning up. So, now, mind you, Danny, I don't know
Speaker 1: anything about this. Like I'm out, I'm running an errand
Speaker 1: I'm I'm doing my thing. I get a call or
Speaker 1: text actually from from my wife. She says, Hey, just
Speaker 1: to give your heads up on this. When you come back,
Speaker 1: Bella is gonna be in the in the cage and
Speaker 1: the Who's gal She's going to the Google and uh
Speaker 1: awarden was locking up your kid. Yeah, we had a
Speaker 1: show trial. We had a show trial. Bella was convicted
Speaker 1: on all charges. She was sentenced to one full day
Speaker 1: in the Canine Slammer. And I'm told you she did
Speaker 1: not enjoy her time in the in the Gray Bar
Speaker 1: hotel there and but she she was the opposite of
Speaker 1: a model prisoner, Danny. She she barked and and powdered
Speaker 1: and moped pretty much the whole time, pretty much the
Speaker 1: whole time. Turns out she's got a very weak bark.
Speaker 1: But to her credit, she thought she was ferocious sounding.
Speaker 1: She thought she was like the king of the jungle,
Speaker 1: and she thought she can intimidate human beings to let
Speaker 1: her out of the canine Slammer best laid plans of mice,
Speaker 1: man and shit sus So it didn't work. So now
Speaker 1: we are considering drastic measures, Danny, drastic measures. That's why
Speaker 1: you have a shotgun on the table there. Well, that's
Speaker 1: we named the shotgun the bella Killer. No. Uh so,
Speaker 1: my wife, she looked up on the internet. She's now
Speaker 1: considering one of two options. We're gonna possibly go to
Speaker 1: a veterinarian. There's allegedly this pill that you can give
Speaker 1: old dogs and will help them control their bladder. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll see if that actually is the thing. I'm I'm skeptical.
Speaker 1: It sounds like bullshit to me. The other thing sounds
Speaker 1: like bullshit too, is my My wife found these doggie
Speaker 1: diapers that you can get and uh yeah, that's doesn't
Speaker 1: that sound kind of crazy to put a diaper on
Speaker 1: a dog, you know, you really need doggie depends or
Speaker 1: something like that. But we don't know what else to do.
Speaker 1: If anybody has any suggestions that you can contact me
Speaker 1: real fifth hour at Ben Maller dot com or Ben
Speaker 1: Maller Show. What I get about the wrong email is
Speaker 1: Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. The Real fifth
Speaker 1: Hour at gmail dot com. Spell it all out, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: no numbers in that and then also Ben Mallers Show
Speaker 1: at Gmail if you want to send that in. So
Speaker 1: it turns out, you know, you can't teach an old
Speaker 1: dog new tricks, but an old dog can forget tricks
Speaker 1: like how to be potty trained. So there is there
Speaker 1: is that, There is that little nugget for you. And
Speaker 1: I know, I mean, she's so swee many years how
Speaker 1: many years old? Well, we've had her for probably seven
Speaker 1: or eight, but we got her and she was already
Speaker 1: around for probably that long. So she's probably closing in
Speaker 1: on fifteen, I would say, which in dog years is
Speaker 1: pretty She's a small dog, so I she's got a
Speaker 1: long time left. But you never know, You never know,
Speaker 1: all right. The back scratcher, the backscratcher. You scratch our back,
Speaker 1: We scratch your back. It is our weekly tip of
Speaker 1: the on air light to you, the loyal P one
Speaker 1: supporter of the Fifth Hour podcast with me and Danny
Speaker 1: g And these are actual reews. We don't make these up.
Speaker 1: We don't pull these out of thin air. These are
Speaker 1: actual reaws. If we get no reviews, we don't read
Speaker 1: any reviews. Sometimes we get a bunch, sometimes we get none.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we it only a one or two. You never know.
Speaker 1: It's like a box of chocolate. You never know what
Speaker 1: you're gonna get. As Tom Hanks said in that famous
Speaker 1: Force line back in the day. And if you would
Speaker 1: like to review this podcast, that would help us out.
Speaker 1: It's absolutely free. It's an active kindness. It's absolutely free, Danny.
Speaker 1: You have put it right in the description box on
Speaker 1: this podcast. It's very simple, very simple, just a couple
Speaker 1: of clicks. You you write a few things. You don't
Speaker 1: even really have to write anything, but it's nice if
Speaker 1: you do. And you can give us five stars right there,
Speaker 1: very simple. Click on the description link says rate reviews, subscribe.
Speaker 1: You click right there, scroll down a little bit. You
Speaker 1: see the big overall rating for the podcast. Underneath that
Speaker 1: it says write a review. Click on that and it
Speaker 1: will sign you up with a user name. And this
Speaker 1: week we spin the wheel, the wheel of podcast reviews,
Speaker 1: the backscratcher segment. Do we have five reviews? Do we
Speaker 1: have no reviews? Or one review? Do do I've none?
Speaker 1: Or do do do do I've none? Or one? One review?
Speaker 1: And Danny g you should feel honored because that is
Speaker 1: the right answer. Congratulations. You know when come on down,
Speaker 1: Danny J Wait, do I get a free head of garlic? Yes? Yes,
Speaker 1: you you get not of that. You get to go
Speaker 1: to the home of garlic in central or northern California
Speaker 1: where they used to have the garlic Festival back in
Speaker 1: the day. They're Gilroy Beautiful. Gil Roight smells like garlic.
Speaker 1: When you go to Gilroy. They've got stores that sell garlic.
Speaker 1: It's a beautiful thing. If you love garlic, that's the
Speaker 1: place to go. Should be on your bucket list. Gilroy, California.
Speaker 1: I used to go every year. I don't think they
Speaker 1: have the Garlic Festival anymore, do they because they had
Speaker 1: that shooting years ago and then COVID. I don't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you're right they paused it because of the
Speaker 1: shooting and because of COVID. But my mom took me
Speaker 1: there when I was a little kid. It's the first
Speaker 1: time I had ever eaten garlic pizza. I love garlic,
Speaker 1: said garlic ice cream. There an even garlic you name
Speaker 1: it garlic pancakes. Yeah, they put garlic and everything's awesome.
Speaker 1: The only problem with that is it's always like the
Speaker 1: hottest part of the year in Gilroy, late July August,
Speaker 1: and it's steaming hot and it's it's brutal alright. But
Speaker 1: as far as the backscratch of the review, here, this
Speaker 1: is from Mike in p B which I think means
Speaker 1: specific beach because he says, a great show from Baha
Speaker 1: of the Canadian rockies. The podcast echoes through the airwaves.
Speaker 1: So that is from Mike, and that's a great hack
Speaker 1: Saw reference the guy that I interned four back in
Speaker 1: the day that taught me about radio, the Grand Puba
Speaker 1: of San Diego Radio, Lee hack Saw. Hamilton's so so
Speaker 1: very cool, very cool. So thank you, Mike, and we'd
Speaker 1: love to get more than one review next week. That
Speaker 1: would be awesome. And I'll be here. I know Danny
Speaker 1: wait till you hear who's in for Danny g oh Man.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna I'm not gonna reveal it. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna reveal its rise, big big name massively. The boss
Speaker 1: emailed me and he said, I need your approval on
Speaker 1: your filling and you signed off on this, which is
Speaker 1: very big because a lot of people in radio get
Speaker 1: get nervous when somebody fills in for them. They don't
Speaker 1: want to get wally pipped. They don't want to get
Speaker 1: Tom Brady uh. And you were very welcoming and very
Speaker 1: kind of you to do that. I don't know how
Speaker 1: we got this guy costs a lot of money, big
Speaker 1: gun uh and then throwing his weight around and all that.
Speaker 1: But we have a we have another podcast on Sunday
Speaker 1: at the mail back. Then we're not even done the weekends.
Speaker 1: Get to tomorrow. We got another one of these things.
Speaker 1: Let's go alright, have a great rest of your Saturday
Speaker 1: or whenever you end up actually downloading and listening to
Speaker 1: this podcast. You think about a podcast, you listen to
Speaker 1: whatever you want. You don't have to listen today on Saturday.
Speaker 1: You can listen on Sunday or Monday, or Tuesday or Wednesday,
Speaker 1: I don't care. Listen whenever. And well, we'll talk to
Speaker 1: you next time. Have a great rest of your day later.
Speaker 1: Skater Bopolation