Speaker 1: Hey, it's me Michael Costa. The Daily Show is on
Speaker 1: break for the holidays, but in the meantime we put
Speaker 1: together some special highlights just for you. We'll be back
Speaker 1: in the new year on January seventh with all new episodes.
Speaker 2: Arizona State Legislator Randy Graff values our Second Amendment right
Speaker 2: to bear arms, and.
Speaker 3: I don't see why that right should be abridged. Well,
Speaker 3: you're doing just about anything.
Speaker 2: So he proposed a bill that would close up a bizarre
Speaker 2: loophole in Arizona.
Speaker 3: Law, Senate Bill twelve ten. There's a very simple measure
Speaker 3: that would change our Arizona statutes and a lot of
Speaker 3: the carrier of weapons into establishments at serve alcohol.
Speaker 2: You hurt him right. For some insane reason, bars in
Speaker 2: Arizona are currently gun free.
Speaker 4: Is there anything more terrifying than a room full of
Speaker 4: people without guns?
Speaker 3: I guess what would be more terrified would be a
Speaker 3: room full of people not allowed to have guns.
Speaker 4: I just got chills.
Speaker 2: Grafts bill to allow guns and bars has already passed
Speaker 2: the House, but even common sense ideas have their opponents,
Speaker 2: like Democratic Representative John Laredo.
Speaker 5: When people drink, we don't allow them to drive. Why, well,
Speaker 5: because their motor skills are inhibited and their judgment is inhibited.
Speaker 4: Drinking and driving is illegal because cars can crash and
Speaker 4: kill people. A gun is hardly a car.
Speaker 5: A gun is more dangerous than a car if you've
Speaker 5: got alcohol involved. So I'm just saying that guns and
Speaker 5: bars shouldn't be alone with alcohol.
Speaker 4: There's no need to shout.
Speaker 5: Okay a shouting at me?
Speaker 2: As a gun owning former marine, John Laredo is hardly
Speaker 2: qualified to evaluate gun laws, unlike Randy Graff, whose views
Speaker 2: are informed by his experience as a golf pro.
Speaker 3: For me, it's relatively simple. For many years I had
Speaker 3: to interpret the rules of golf, and the rules of
Speaker 3: golf book is sixty five pages or so long. We've
Speaker 3: got our Constitution here. I read that as my newest
Speaker 3: rule book.
Speaker 2: If the Arizona Legislature passes this bill, I'm sorry, Can
Speaker 2: we go back for a second here? Did he just
Speaker 2: compare the Constitution to a book of golf rules?
Speaker 6: Man?
Speaker 2: I love this guy.
Speaker 6: Anyway.
Speaker 5: The majority of the people that we've heard from are
Speaker 5: very opposed to this legislation, So aren't you just cow
Speaker 5: taling to the majority of Arizonians? I think any reasonable
Speaker 5: rational person couttwing to me, aren't you Look if you're
Speaker 5: so paranoid that you don't believe you can walk into
Speaker 5: a bar without a gun, then you probably shouldn't be
Speaker 5: there in the first place.
Speaker 4: What are you gonna do if a bear walks into
Speaker 4: a bar and you're unarmed, You're gonna get eaten by
Speaker 4: that bear.
Speaker 2: So how will this law affect those on the front lines?
Speaker 2: I spoke with Ernie Ross, who owns the Steelhorse Saloon,
Speaker 2: a local drinking establishment for motorcycle enthusiasts.
Speaker 7: Evidently, the person who is behind trying to push this
Speaker 7: bill has no experience in the bar business. Liquor and
Speaker 7: firearms don't mix.
Speaker 2: Alcohol causes conflicts, Firearms resolve conflicts. It's a no blinner.
Speaker 7: Logic tells you that alcohol and firearms don't mix.
Speaker 2: If yeah, if you're a pussy, If you're a pussy.
Speaker 2: Ernie and I had a delightful chat, a rational exchange
Speaker 2: of ideas.
Speaker 7: Is all right, you're calling me a pussy. So would
Speaker 7: you prefer me taking this bottle of beer I got
Speaker 7: in my hand and cracking it over your face, or
Speaker 7: you prefer me reaching to my back fling out my
Speaker 7: fire arm and putting a bullet between your eyes.
Speaker 2: Which do you prefer?
Speaker 8: I would say, if you hit me over the face
Speaker 8: with a beer bottle.
Speaker 2: Then then you're you're you're being a pussy. To prove
Speaker 2: to the pussies that guns and liquor do mix, I
Speaker 2: conducted a I conducted a scientific experiment.
Speaker 5: I'll be right back.
Speaker 2: I did find that a small amount of alcohol made
Speaker 2: me somewhat more aggressive. Yeah, but with the appropriate dosage,
Speaker 2: my behavior changed completely. You, oh, man, go ahead. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I headed back to the Steelhorse Saloon and had the
Speaker 2: time of my life, that is, until I reminded them
Speaker 2: that they're all a bunch of pussy's. If only I'd
Speaker 2: brought my gun.
Speaker 9: Earlier.
Speaker 8: Today, the Vice President was hospitalized after complaining of shortness
Speaker 8: of breath or at Helms are standing by at the
Speaker 8: George Washington University Hospital.
Speaker 2: Where there's.
Speaker 8: Uh, what can you tell us about the vice president's
Speaker 8: condition at this moment?
Speaker 5: John?
Speaker 2: The vice president is going to be just fine.
Speaker 6: Uh what.
Speaker 7: Happened? Dad?
Speaker 2: Well, as you know, the Vice President only speaks at
Speaker 2: conservative friendly audiences. American Enterprise Institute Opus Day the Whitington
Speaker 2: Oil in Jesus Society. This time he spoke at the
Speaker 2: Heritage Foundation. We are not quite sure how it happened,
Speaker 2: but he was somehow exposed to a small amount of
Speaker 2: descent and suffered a mild reaction.
Speaker 7: Descent.
Speaker 2: Yes, John, the vice president is extremely allergic to dissent.
Speaker 2: That's why he only speaks to friendly crowds. It's not
Speaker 2: that he doesn't want to hear the other side. It's
Speaker 2: that people who disagree with him actually disagree with him.
Speaker 2: You remember his near death experience after Katrina got as.
Speaker 3: I was talking to the mayor in those areas. One
Speaker 3: of the things you go.
Speaker 2: Going to figure out what to do with all of
Speaker 2: the breed. That one made his head swell up like
Speaker 2: a medicine ball. John. They actually had to stick Cheney
Speaker 2: in the neck with an epinephrine pen But this time
Speaker 2: it wasn't so bad. That's right, John. They think he
Speaker 2: was only exposed to a trace Himount. Apparently one of
Speaker 2: the bus boys at the luncheon voted for Nader in
Speaker 2: two thousand and four.
Speaker 1: Where's the Vice president right now?
Speaker 2: Ed At the moment, he's back resting comfortably in his
Speaker 2: sensory inundation chamber.
Speaker 1: Inundation.
Speaker 9: Sensory inundation.
Speaker 2: Yes, John, an ergonomically designed, fully catheterized, velvet lined sarcophagus
Speaker 2: that nurtures the Vice president on a constant stream of ideology,
Speaker 2: reinforcing audio and video. He's removed very infrequently for speeches
Speaker 2: and the occasional wipe down. They coat him with talk first,
Speaker 2: but he still builds up one heck of a snake.
Speaker 8: What's it starcomagust, what's it like to be inside that thing?
Speaker 2: I'll show you John. This is what Cheney sees while
Speaker 2: he's resting inside led the egle sort like she's never
Speaker 2: sort before.
Speaker 5: From Rocky Coast, the Golden Shore, Let the mine.
Speaker 2: Thank you ed.
Speaker 6: That helms everybody.
Speaker 8: In the last few years, America's so called culture war,
Speaker 8: it's been sadly overshadowed by our so called war war,
Speaker 8: but the saddle battles continue to be raged all across
Speaker 8: the country. At Helms reports on.
Speaker 2: One last year, Massachusetts became the first state to allow
Speaker 2: gay marriage, and critics fear the worst.
Speaker 4: If gay marriage is legalized, Madam, then you're going to
Speaker 4: have to legalize polygamy.
Speaker 5: To redefine marriage is really to redefine it out of existence.
Speaker 2: A break down to the family, children being born out
Speaker 2: of wedlock, and communities and cultures indicate. Now just one
Speaker 2: year later, Massachusetts pro family activist Brian Camenkerk believes those
Speaker 2: fears have become reality.
Speaker 6: You know, the gay marriage issue is destructive on many levels.
Speaker 6: You have to deal with it in business, you have
Speaker 6: to deal with it in the public school ware, you
Speaker 6: have to deal with it in the public schools.
Speaker 4: So the quality of life has decreased. Yeah, holmlestness gone up.
Speaker 6: I can you know, crime rates, crime rates, air quality.
Speaker 6: I mean, let me put it this way. I could
Speaker 6: if I could sit here and I could probably you know,
Speaker 6: find some way of connecting the dots to gay marriage
Speaker 6: to all of these if I had enough time and
Speaker 6: I did some research.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Why take time to do the research when saying
Speaker 2: it is so much faster. Besides, the statistics are clear cut.
Speaker 2: Now that gay marriage is legal, Massachusetts ranks dead last
Speaker 2: in illiteracy, forty eighth in per capita poverty, and a
Speaker 2: pathetic forty ninth in total divorces. Somehow, Don and Robert,
Speaker 2: one of the states first married gay couples, don't see
Speaker 2: the problem. A lot of things that affect the state
Speaker 2: of Massachusetts far more profoundly than two people who love
Speaker 2: each other and getting married.
Speaker 4: Name one thing in Massachusetts that's not ruined? Well, I
Speaker 4: guess I.
Speaker 5: Look at the people way around.
Speaker 2: I mean, I can't think of anything that gay's marriage
Speaker 2: has actually caused other than letting people get married.
Speaker 4: Easy for them to say, How does legalized gay marriage
Speaker 4: affect your relationship with your God?
Speaker 6: That's such a ridiculous question I don't even want to answer.
Speaker 6: Are you like asking me serious questions or not?
Speaker 4: Of course? Okayah? Is it hard to stay interested in
Speaker 4: your wife with temptation out there?
Speaker 6: Margot? Mean, come on, what are.
Speaker 4: Some other gay activities you haven't indulged in?
Speaker 6: Indulged in? What do you mean.
Speaker 2: The damage isn't limited to straight marriages.
Speaker 4: Has legalized same sex marriages led to more homosexuals?
Speaker 9: I think that in the Broadway it has, of course,
Speaker 9: the Broadway has always had its share of homosexuals, But
Speaker 9: in a broader sense, just how gay has Massachusetts become?
Speaker 2: To find out, I'll be using this gay detection device.
Speaker 2: It's kind of a radar for gayness, or gay radar.
Speaker 2: It's called a hormometer. I calibrated the meter and began
Speaker 2: my investigation. Ugly, I hate it.
Speaker 4: I hate that stupid, I hate that stupid.
Speaker 2: Stupid, fabulous, fabulous, fabulous, fabulous, I hate it.
Speaker 4: I hate that.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, oh my god. That's okay. I think,
Speaker 2: what does the insidious infiltration of gayness mean for the state?
Speaker 6: You know, it's a little scary as to where this
Speaker 6: movement might be headed. Gay activists use a lot of
Speaker 6: the pr tactics and propaganda tactics that the Nazis used.
Speaker 4: That comparison is a bit extreme, don't you think. I mean,
Speaker 4: what did the Nazis do that was so bad?
Speaker 2: Perhaps? No comparison captures the perversity of what marriage means.
Speaker 5: To gaze a companion through thick and thin, a warm
Speaker 5: bed at night, yeah, yeah, someone to share your life with,
Speaker 5: someone to grow old with. Yeah, that's disgusting.