Speaker 1: As a parent, you don't really know the lengths you're
Speaker 1: willing to go to protect your children until someone puts
Speaker 1: you there. Absolutely, and I figured out after this experience
Speaker 1: that I will happily sit in jail but one of
Speaker 1: my kids. Period. Hey I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our
Speaker 1: boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one
Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We
Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's
Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk
Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead
Speaker 1: adds is the term that we say every day. So
Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,
Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about
Speaker 1: to take phillow talk to our whole level. Dead As
Speaker 1: starts right now. So, ladies and gentlemen, this is a warning.
Speaker 1: This story time is going to be long because they
Speaker 1: are very detailed points I need you guys to to
Speaker 1: remember and listen to when I tell this story. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna start by saying, you already know because of the
Speaker 1: last podcast Thursday morning had to va sectorm me. So
Speaker 1: there's a little sore in certain areas, in a bad
Speaker 1: mood for obvious reasons. Friday, going into Saturday, Kyle's has
Speaker 1: a fever, has a fever of stomach turn and he's
Speaker 1: having some abdominal pain. He's been having his pain for
Speaker 1: a couple of days, but at this point he's crippled
Speaker 1: over a stomach curtain, can barely walk. We decided we're
Speaker 1: gonna take him to the emergency room. So we take
Speaker 1: them to Emory Hospital. Go to Emory Hospital emergency room.
Speaker 1: Um took us, took they so took us about forty
Speaker 1: five minutes to be seen. Wasn't really that long. They
Speaker 1: triged him immediately once they asked about the abdominant pain.
Speaker 1: They put us in the room. Uh. Nurse came and
Speaker 1: checked them. Nurse practitioner came and checked them. She said,
Speaker 1: based on his abdominal pain and his fever. And I
Speaker 1: was in the room with Cairo. Because of COVID protocols,
Speaker 1: you're only allowed to have one parent in the waiting
Speaker 1: room at one time and one parent in the emergency
Speaker 1: room at one time, so because I'm big enough at
Speaker 1: the time, even though I just had av Seconomy to
Speaker 1: carry Cairo, because Kyro couldn't walk, I had to carry
Speaker 1: Cairo from the waiting room to the emergency room. And
Speaker 1: the doctor said he can barely walk. He couldn't stand
Speaker 1: up straight. The pain was severe and it kept coming back.
Speaker 1: She said, it may be a pendicitis. Because of the
Speaker 1: fever and because of the stomach pain, it could be
Speaker 1: a pendicitis. Um. The problem is at Emory Hospital, they
Speaker 1: don't have the technology for children to care for children.
Speaker 1: They said he should get a sonogram to rule out
Speaker 1: a pendicitis, so they wrote us up prescription. No, they
Speaker 1: gave him some IVY profile. UM. They put down all
Speaker 1: of the details from his vitals on in a folder
Speaker 1: and also sent them to the Children's Hospital of Atlanta,
Speaker 1: where they told us that's where we should go because
Speaker 1: they have the proper equipment to care for Cairo. They
Speaker 1: then asked me, do you want us to call an
Speaker 1: ambulance to get him over there? Um, you have you
Speaker 1: would have to wait for the ambulance to come, or
Speaker 1: you can drive from straight and get him there faster.
Speaker 1: So I said it ain't this must be serious. I said,
Speaker 1: I'm going to get in the car and drive my
Speaker 1: son to the hospital. Kay was already in the car
Speaker 1: waiting for inpatient, texting me every five minutes. So I said, hey,
Speaker 1: we gotta take them to the children's hospital so they
Speaker 1: can do a sonogram. They think he might have a pendicitist.
Speaker 1: Kay posed the car up. I carried Cairo into the car.
Speaker 1: We come home, get our stuff because we don't know
Speaker 1: how long we're gonna be there, and we go straight
Speaker 1: to the children's hospital. When we arrive at the Children's hospital,
Speaker 1: we go to register him through the emergency room. There
Speaker 1: was a young man, white boy with a bang. Remember this,
Speaker 1: who's there for registration? I was told in Emory. When
Speaker 1: you get there and let them know that the doctor called,
Speaker 1: they're gonna see Kyro immediately because he's dealing with possible appendicitis.
Speaker 1: I get to the front desk, I said, hey, I
Speaker 1: just came from Emery. Um they told me to ask
Speaker 1: for Before I could even finish the statement, the young
Speaker 1: man says, whatever doctor you spoke to is probably not
Speaker 1: even here anymore. You're gonna have to wait in line
Speaker 1: like everybody else, At which time I was a little
Speaker 1: offended and put off, but I said, you know what
Speaker 1: it is in an emergency room, everybody's here for an emergency.
Speaker 1: My emergency can't be any much more important than anyone else,
Speaker 1: and so let me just wait. It may take a
Speaker 1: couple of minutes. I said, fine, Kyra, not go over
Speaker 1: to the waiting room where we have to wait. I
Speaker 1: find I feel out all the paperwork, and there's at
Speaker 1: least twenty kids in the in the waiting room coughing, sneezing,
Speaker 1: flu like symptoms because it's cold and flu season, and
Speaker 1: there were two children vomiting. I'm like, I can't have
Speaker 1: Cairo sit in here. He's not in here for flu
Speaker 1: like symptoms. I also have the code at home for
Speaker 1: all you who don't know, the quota is immune compromise.
Speaker 1: Because he's not even one years old. He needed He
Speaker 1: has needed a nebulizer every couple of weeks because he's
Speaker 1: had breathing issues because during cold and flu season, his
Speaker 1: brother's coming from school brought him home. A virus col
Speaker 1: crew creup is a type of virus that can cause
Speaker 1: you to lose your breath while you're in your sleep,
Speaker 1: and you can pass away if you're an infant, so
Speaker 1: he's immune compromise. So I said, I can't have Cairo
Speaker 1: sit amongst all of these germs. So I sent Kyra
Speaker 1: in the car with K and I wait for his
Speaker 1: name to be called. After about twenty minutes, his name
Speaker 1: is called. I text K. K brings him right in.
Speaker 1: Now we meet with the nurse who is supposed to
Speaker 1: be the triage nurse. Meet with the nurse. The nurse
Speaker 1: sits down. She says how old is he? I say six.
Speaker 1: She takes his weight and his temperature. She says, what
Speaker 1: is he here for? I say, he's here for abdominant pain.
Speaker 1: We came from Emma Hospital. They said that he might
Speaker 1: have a pendicitist um, so they said we should come
Speaker 1: over here because they have all of the instruments for
Speaker 1: him to get his song the room. She says, okay,
Speaker 1: I have all of this paperwork here. Go have a
Speaker 1: seat in the waiting room, at which point I said,
Speaker 1: do you have any idea how long the weight is
Speaker 1: going to be? Because we were sent over here as
Speaker 1: an emergency. She says, it's a children's hospital. It is
Speaker 1: cold and flu season and means emergency. I really can't
Speaker 1: tell you. I said, fine, I'm gonna have my wife
Speaker 1: keep him in the car because there are you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of kids over there. Six She says, we
Speaker 1: prefer to have him sit in the lobby, at which
Speaker 1: point I said, that's not gonna happen. I have an
Speaker 1: immune compromise. Before I can finish my statement, she walks away.
Speaker 1: I go, okay, okay, just take him in the car.
Speaker 1: I'll wait in the waiting room while, you know, they
Speaker 1: figure out what when Cairo was gonna go. At this point,
Speaker 1: I sat in that waiting room for two hours. Two hours. Guys. Now,
Speaker 1: I sat there for twenty five minutes first while they
Speaker 1: waited to call us back so we can come in
Speaker 1: and they can ask me what was wrong. Then I
Speaker 1: waited another two hours and my son was not triashed.
Speaker 1: You have to understand how important that is. This is
Speaker 1: an emergency room, children's emergency room. We were sent from
Speaker 1: another hospital or possible appendicitis. Now we've waited two hours
Speaker 1: without my son being triash. No one has checked his vitals.
Speaker 1: At this point, Kay texted me and says, hey, Babe,
Speaker 1: how much don you think it's gonna be Cairo starting
Speaker 1: to wake up? Now? The medication they gave him from
Speaker 1: Emory seems to be wearing off. He says, he's starting
Speaker 1: to get back in pain. So now I'm like, let
Speaker 1: me figure out what's going on. I go back to
Speaker 1: the front desk where the young white boy was with
Speaker 1: the bang and I said, hey, um, I've been here
Speaker 1: for a little bit of a while. Do you know
Speaker 1: what the e t A is? He doesn't even look
Speaker 1: up at me. He says, there are four people who
Speaker 1: was here before you, who've been here longer than you.
Speaker 1: I said, I understand that, but I also seen people
Speaker 1: come after me who've already been seen and dismissed. I'm
Speaker 1: just wondering why we've had to wait. How he came
Speaker 1: from another hospital, he says, what we take patients depending
Speaker 1: on what's important, gunshot wounds, asthma. While I was in there,
Speaker 1: nobody came with a gunshot wound, so that's neither here.
Speaker 1: So I said, sir, how can you decide what's important
Speaker 1: or not if no one has triaged my son? He says,
Speaker 1: when the nurse spoke to him, she made a decision.
Speaker 1: I said, she asked three questions, and no one checks
Speaker 1: his vitals. He then starts to ignore me, so I
Speaker 1: was starting to get upset. I said, hey, do you
Speaker 1: have any children? Doesn't look up at man. He says no.
Speaker 1: At this time, one of the security guards, who is
Speaker 1: an off duty police officer, comes up and says, hey, sir, um,
Speaker 1: is everything okay? I said, no, everything's not okay. This
Speaker 1: young man is being extremely dismissive. He goes, well. The
Speaker 1: security guard goes, can you have a seat? I said, yes,
Speaker 1: I have a seat. But if I say I'll blow
Speaker 1: this motherfucker up, then he'll pay attention. He goes, you know,
Speaker 1: you can't say that. I said, that's my point. I
Speaker 1: can't say that, but it would get everybody to pay
Speaker 1: attention me while my son is in the car with
Speaker 1: abdominal paying for the past three hours, possible appendicitis, and
Speaker 1: no one has triashed him. He says, you know what,
Speaker 1: that's not right. I'm gonna find out what's going on.
Speaker 1: I sit down and wait another twenty five minutes, calmly, patiently.
Speaker 1: I don't say anything to anybody. I'm just waiting. While
Speaker 1: I'm waiting, I noticed another young father comes in, another
Speaker 1: black father. He has his son. It's son. He's been
Speaker 1: waiting there for the past twenty minutes. Now I've been
Speaker 1: here almost three hours. He's been waiting for twenty minutes.
Speaker 1: He starts to get upset. He says, listen, are you
Speaker 1: guys understaffed? Because this doesn't make any sense. My child
Speaker 1: has autism. If he wakes up in an environment he's
Speaker 1: not familiar with seeing all these people, he's gonna have
Speaker 1: an episode. At that time, the triage nurse, the same
Speaker 1: triage nurse that told me to wait there, takes his
Speaker 1: son directly to get triashed. So I look at the
Speaker 1: security guard like, hey, you see what I'm saying. Something's
Speaker 1: not right here. I'm still waiting in their take people
Speaker 1: in the triage. He looks at me. He goes, you
Speaker 1: know what, so you're absolutely right. Let me go see
Speaker 1: what I can find out for you. He goes over
Speaker 1: to the young man behind the desk to try to
Speaker 1: find out some information. The young man completely ignores him.
Speaker 1: He then goes directly to the triage No. She says, hey,
Speaker 1: can I ask a question? Why haven't you called Ellis?
Speaker 1: She walks by him. Now he's starting to get a
Speaker 1: little bit upset. He waits outside of the triage area,
Speaker 1: waits for her to come out. She comes out. He goes,
Speaker 1: excuse me, ma'am, why haven't you called Ellis? She says,
Speaker 1: Is this is why you're calling me? He says yes.
Speaker 1: She says, verbatim, I didn't call his son because he
Speaker 1: didn't want to have his son wait in the waiting room.
Speaker 1: I heard that and I freaking lost it. I got up.
Speaker 1: I said this is bullshit. The minute I stood up,
Speaker 1: the security guards came right over to me and was
Speaker 1: trying to calm me down. I said, no, this is
Speaker 1: fucked up. And the words I use right now, I'm
Speaker 1: not the proudest, but this is what I said. I
Speaker 1: said that white bitch decided to deny my son care
Speaker 1: because I wouldn't listen to what she wanted. I had
Speaker 1: to take liberties as a parent. I have an immune
Speaker 1: compromised son at home. I can't have my son sitting
Speaker 1: in the waiting area with fourteen thousand kids coughing and sneezing.
Speaker 1: Then he goes home with another virus that he brings
Speaker 1: to his brothers. He says, sir, you're absolutely right, but
Speaker 1: I'm gonna need you to calm down. If you don't
Speaker 1: calm down, I'm gonna have to deal with you once
Speaker 1: He said that I felt triggered, so I took my
Speaker 1: hoodie off. I said, if you want to deal with me,
Speaker 1: be ready to fucking deal with me. At this point,
Speaker 1: he realized that I wasn't playing Prior to this, He
Speaker 1: told me to text my wife and told her to
Speaker 1: bring my wife inside because he was going to make
Speaker 1: sure that my son was seeing. By the time Kate
Speaker 1: comes inside, I'm surrounded by about six police officers and
Speaker 1: security guard. Kay says, Babe, what's going on? I repeated,
Speaker 1: this big white bitch decided that she was going to
Speaker 1: have our son wait in the car for three hours
Speaker 1: with possible appendicitis because we shows not to have him
Speaker 1: wait in the waiting room. And when I asked questions,
Speaker 1: the little white boy behind the desk with the fucking
Speaker 1: bang was completely dismissive. Once I started speaking out and
Speaker 1: everyone was listening to what was going off, other nurses
Speaker 1: came black nurses. Of course, the security people I was
Speaker 1: dealing with were all black. Extremely compassionate, extremely compassionate, listen
Speaker 1: to every word I had to say. I explained how
Speaker 1: wrong it was. I made it very clear if my
Speaker 1: son would have died with the pendicitist in the car.
Speaker 1: All I would have gotten was an apology from the hospital,
Speaker 1: and all of this could have been avoided if they
Speaker 1: would have just triaged my son. But when do you
Speaker 1: ever go to a hospital and not get triage for
Speaker 1: three hours because you were basically you don't want to
Speaker 1: sit in the lobby at this point, Now I've made
Speaker 1: a scene. They've asked me to step outside. Everyone's listened
Speaker 1: and out of nowhere. It's wait a minute, we have
Speaker 1: a room for Cairo, So ka goes. So we sat
Speaker 1: in the car for three hours, not triaged husband, causes
Speaker 1: a fit, and now you have a room for my son,
Speaker 1: I said, you know what? And at this point I
Speaker 1: had to make a decision because I didn't want anyone
Speaker 1: in there to touch my son. But I had to
Speaker 1: be honest. If Cairo was dealing with the pendicitist, if
Speaker 1: we went to another hospital, we would have had to
Speaker 1: wait to reregister him again and it would have been
Speaker 1: another couple of hours. I said, since you have a room,
Speaker 1: my son can go inside and me seen by a doctor.
Speaker 1: But that bitch ain't touching my son. Am I proud
Speaker 1: of calling her a bitch? No? But I'm gonna tell
Speaker 1: you like this in that moment, I felt so helpless.
Speaker 1: I really was waiting for someone to touch me because
Speaker 1: I wanted to unload all of this fury I had
Speaker 1: in this moment on whoever was going to stop my
Speaker 1: son from being seen. And I had a woman next
Speaker 1: to me and my wife, Cadine, who was ready to
Speaker 1: do the same thing. Yeah, I told her, and that
Speaker 1: moment she said, what do you want me to do?
Speaker 1: I said, Okay, take my wallet, take my phone because
Speaker 1: I'm probably gonna end up going to jail because I'm
Speaker 1: gonna kill every body in this motherfucker. Bro. After that three,
Speaker 1: I've been getting so round, get mad every time I'm
Speaker 1: hot right now thinking about it, just just it was crazy, y'all. Crazy.
Speaker 1: Don't push me because close to try again not to
Speaker 1: lose my head. They got to feel us some time
Speaker 1: to maybe wonder why they want to take usunder. They
Speaker 1: want to take us under, baby, bro, listen, John Q
Speaker 1: up in that bitch, and I promise you. It crossed
Speaker 1: my mind when I was in the car with Cairo
Speaker 1: and I was watching him kind of sleep for a
Speaker 1: little bit, and then he started to kind of whimper.
Speaker 1: I was like, mm hmmm, mm hmmm, we're about to
Speaker 1: unleash and come back bills and we'll get into a
Speaker 1: story time will gives you some more details about everything
Speaker 1: that happened, and we'll talk about this health care system
Speaker 1: and what is looking like or not. Okay, we're back guys. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm going to try to use levity and laugh during
Speaker 1: this situation, because ultimately Cairo was fine, but this was serious.
Speaker 1: This was extremely serious, and there were some other things
Speaker 1: that I saw during that night that I want to
Speaker 1: talk about that made me want to talk about this
Speaker 1: in this podcast. So just um to paggyback off of
Speaker 1: your story time, just from my perspective of course, me
Speaker 1: being Mama Beer being concerned, and then also not being
Speaker 1: in the room at the time with Devout while he
Speaker 1: was waiting with Cairo. At one point at the first hospital,
Speaker 1: I went in to bring Cairo's water bottle and he
Speaker 1: was literally screaming in tears um from pain. And then
Speaker 1: I had to go back to the car and I
Speaker 1: was just literally in tears in the car and just
Speaker 1: calling all of my prayer warrior friends to just pray
Speaker 1: over Arrow and the doctors and the nurses in that moment,
Speaker 1: because we just did not know what was happening and
Speaker 1: having on and off pain from the Thursday being sent
Speaker 1: home from school. You know, it just seems like something
Speaker 1: wasn't right. There was like a relationship between him getting
Speaker 1: the medication and the fever coming down and the pain
Speaker 1: going away, then it came back. So that's what was
Speaker 1: alarming to us, UM, and Tyros was a tough kid.
Speaker 1: He usually will be all right, he'll tough it out.
Speaker 1: But to see him in that excruciating pain and as
Speaker 1: a parent not being able to do anything about it
Speaker 1: was I think that even more triggering for you and
Speaker 1: I when Devout called me to finally come inside after
Speaker 1: having waiting for almost three and a half now four hours,
Speaker 1: because I was timing when the medication might have worn off. Um,
Speaker 1: I walked inside with Cayro on my back, and I
Speaker 1: walked into Devout pretty much handing me his keys, his everything,
Speaker 1: and it's just like, I'm going to jail because I can't.
Speaker 1: So I was like, wait a second, what's about to
Speaker 1: go down? Because I was ready to put Kyro down
Speaker 1: and be like, so, what's happening because I think you
Speaker 1: had told him, my wife is gonna come in here,
Speaker 1: and it's gonna be a big problem. No, I literally
Speaker 1: said to them, because I knew the nurse was a woman.
Speaker 1: I and I hate talking about this because I'm not
Speaker 1: a violent person and you should never resort to violence,
Speaker 1: but I just want to I want to speak honestly
Speaker 1: about how I felt different parents in the moment. I
Speaker 1: felt like someone use their position of power to endanger
Speaker 1: my son's life and hurt my son for three hours.
Speaker 1: He had to sit in the car in pain, and
Speaker 1: although he was medicated and it wasn't the same excruciating pain,
Speaker 1: he's in the car, writhing in pain, in and out
Speaker 1: of sleep, and my wife is sitting in there, and
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you chose to hurt a six year
Speaker 1: old boy because his parents decided they weren't going to
Speaker 1: put their son in any further danger by having them
Speaker 1: wait in the lobby. I would now, I would have
Speaker 1: been a little bit more understanding if I said, all
Speaker 1: three of us are gonna wait in the car and
Speaker 1: someone has to come get us, because that wasn't the case.
Speaker 1: And I went in there purposely like any old regular civilian,
Speaker 1: you know that, saying we didn't go in there saying,
Speaker 1: you know, my my husband's an actor. Or Devot wasn't
Speaker 1: pulling any car. It's like, you know, you know, a
Speaker 1: following of people that know he went, went in there
Speaker 1: and prepared to wait like every other person, every other parent,
Speaker 1: and that even though we were sent from another hospital,
Speaker 1: and part of me once I said, you know what,
Speaker 1: none of this would have happened if I would have
Speaker 1: let them just take Cairo in an ambulance. But we
Speaker 1: were trying to think quicker on our feet and get
Speaker 1: in there faster, because if he would have came in
Speaker 1: an ambulance, they wouldn't have had him wait there. They
Speaker 1: would have triaged him in the ambulance and took him
Speaker 1: right to a room. But when they gave us the
Speaker 1: option to potentially take him and then still be seen
Speaker 1: immediately they told us, asked for this doctor, and you
Speaker 1: will be seen. They pretty much less we called there
Speaker 1: waiting for you. So I was under the impression that
Speaker 1: we were going to go right into a room. And
Speaker 1: when the young man dismissed me at the front desk,
Speaker 1: even still we waited three hours. We didn't cause a fuss,
Speaker 1: we didn't we didn't bring up anything. We just waited.
Speaker 1: And I felt in that moment that she just used
Speaker 1: whatever little power she had to punish Cairo absolutely for
Speaker 1: a decision that we made. Absolutely. And it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: in that moment too, you try try to see other
Speaker 1: than a race situation, right, you try, and you try
Speaker 1: to give people the benefit of the down. And he said,
Speaker 1: you know what, I know. My mom has been a
Speaker 1: nursing for years. My sister was an e our nurse,
Speaker 1: so I get that things get crazy in there and
Speaker 1: they sometimes have to make difficult decisions. But I felt
Speaker 1: like she was just being vindictive in that moment. I
Speaker 1: felt she was just like, Oh, well, these mothercker's ain't
Speaker 1: gonna listen to me, so I'm gonna show them today.
Speaker 1: That's what it felt like. It was very much giving, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna show these nicks today, Like y'all, y'all gonna
Speaker 1: listen to me. I told you to wait in the
Speaker 1: waiting room. You're gonna wait in your car, all right,
Speaker 1: So I got something for you. That's what it felt like.
Speaker 1: And that's when I was ready to pop off. But
Speaker 1: but that, but babe, that's what she said. She literally
Speaker 1: said to him in a condescenating manner. I didn't call
Speaker 1: his name because he didn't want to wait in the
Speaker 1: waiting room. That's what she said. She didn't think I
Speaker 1: could hear. She had a mask on. She was speaking
Speaker 1: to him, but I was listening keenly because I had
Speaker 1: nothing else to do. I was there for three hours,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to know what the issue was. And
Speaker 1: then on top of that, remember he was taking the
Speaker 1: pain medication and it was no pain up until the
Speaker 1: sixth hour. There was now going on the fourth hour,
Speaker 1: and he started to feel more pain. And this moment,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking it's getting worse. It's getting worse. Has his
Speaker 1: appendix rub shirt, has it become so inflamed that now
Speaker 1: he may need surgery. And I'm thinking those three hours
Speaker 1: he's spent in the car put my son's life in danger,
Speaker 1: could have been and I wanted to put my hands
Speaker 1: on her. And I'm not a violent person at all, right,
Speaker 1: but that's how I felt. So when I took my
Speaker 1: hoodie off and then the officers are like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have to deal with you, I was ready for them
Speaker 1: to deal with me. And I said, well, you know what,
Speaker 1: y'all gonna deal with me, but that bitch is gonna
Speaker 1: have to deal with my wife. Yeah, because I came
Speaker 1: in and you came in fury right after that, right
Speaker 1: after Kyro on my back. Um, and it's crazy how
Speaker 1: I saw a develop in that moment. It was rage,
Speaker 1: it was fury. I was ready to put Kyro down
Speaker 1: and pop off and do whatever had to be done
Speaker 1: in that moment. And then when this black nurse came
Speaker 1: over to me and whispered, he says, we have a
Speaker 1: room for him, We have a room for him. It
Speaker 1: was like an instant switch because then I went back
Speaker 1: into Mama Bear and I was like, wait, he can
Speaker 1: get seen now. So it was too part from me
Speaker 1: was like, great, he can get seen now, let me
Speaker 1: take him straight back. But it was also all of
Speaker 1: a sudden I found a room after we were waiting
Speaker 1: here for almost four hours. Now, all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: there's a room for us. Okay, that's convenient. But I
Speaker 1: took Kyro in the back because at this point, now
Speaker 1: Cayro that naturally is in pain, but he's also scared,
Speaker 1: and he's just like what's going on. I'm saying that
Speaker 1: I'm fine, don't have to say we can go home.
Speaker 1: I'm fine. Yeah, And we knew he wasn't. He was
Speaker 1: just trying to be a big boy and was at
Speaker 1: this point in tears and I felt and it wasn't
Speaker 1: even it wasn't even tears, like more anger. I was
Speaker 1: afraid and I felt so bad. I felt like in
Speaker 1: that moment, I couldn't protect my son. For three hours,
Speaker 1: I sat here, docile and waiting while this woman was
Speaker 1: being vindictive about punishing my son, and I did nothing.
Speaker 1: I felt guilty as a father. I felt like I
Speaker 1: let you down as a husband. I feel like I
Speaker 1: let Kyro down as a dad. And at that point,
Speaker 1: I was so upset that I was ready to just
Speaker 1: let it all out on the line and not care
Speaker 1: what happened. To prove a point that you think you
Speaker 1: can prove a point with my child, I'm about to
Speaker 1: prove a point. And that's that's just where I was
Speaker 1: in the moment. And then it started to all like
Speaker 1: everything that was happening was in playback. Right before me
Speaker 1: and Cairo signed up, there was another young lady that
Speaker 1: was there with her eight month old daughter, black woman.
Speaker 1: They were her eight month old daughter and her sister,
Speaker 1: and they were there right before we were. Their daughter
Speaker 1: was coughing a lot, and she was not triaged. They
Speaker 1: then asked, you know, I saw her right before I
Speaker 1: got up to ask. She got up to say hey.
Speaker 1: She was very kind to She said, hey, I just
Speaker 1: want to know. She asked, the same young man with
Speaker 1: the bang at the fucking counter, what's the e t A?
Speaker 1: Because you know we've been here for a while and
Speaker 1: I'm running out of formula. You know, my my daughter
Speaker 1: was getting a little rested. I have no formula and
Speaker 1: I don't want to have to leave him Mr Coole.
Speaker 1: The young man says to her, Well, you're just gonna
Speaker 1: have to wait, because if you leave and come back,
Speaker 1: you have to start all over again, and if you
Speaker 1: go somewhere else, it's going to be the same thing.
Speaker 1: No compassion. No, didn't offer a resolution. We're in it
Speaker 1: Ldren's hospital. Hey, No, it was just you gotta sit
Speaker 1: down and wait. So I watched this young lady take
Speaker 1: her baby and have to make a decision. Am I
Speaker 1: gonna go get formula? Or am I gonna go get
Speaker 1: seen by a nurse? After waiting here for three hours,
Speaker 1: and they chose to leave. Now, this is my thing.
Speaker 1: That young lady was sitting there with her daughter, coughing
Speaker 1: and hacking very similar to how Dakoda was coughing and
Speaker 1: hacking in here one day and we were able to
Speaker 1: take the coda to a doctor found out Dakota had
Speaker 1: crew croup is a virus that causes inflammation in your
Speaker 1: past your ear passage, and at that age they don't
Speaker 1: have the ability to fight it like us. So he
Speaker 1: had to then get a nebulized to clear his ear
Speaker 1: passage because the smaller to get, the closer he gets
Speaker 1: to suffocating in his sleep. What if that young lady
Speaker 1: went home and something happened to her baby because no
Speaker 1: one showed her compassion. And this goes back to the
Speaker 1: old saying when a black woman tells you she's in pain,
Speaker 1: you gotta listen. Like and and I. I sat here
Speaker 1: in this emergency room, children's emergency room, and watch all
Speaker 1: these other people get seen me in and out, get
Speaker 1: seeing me in and out. But that young woman had
Speaker 1: to wait and chose to leave. And I had to
Speaker 1: cause a freaking scene in order to get my son
Speaker 1: to be seen at the Children's Hospital of Atlanta. And
Speaker 1: the reason why I'm saying this is because Kadena and
Speaker 1: I are not taking as lightly. And we're not taking
Speaker 1: as lightly because we want any money. I don't want
Speaker 1: anything from them. I want consequences to be handed down
Speaker 1: to the people in that emergency room, and I want
Speaker 1: protocols to be put in place to protect people who
Speaker 1: look like us, Because everybody like Kadena and I don't
Speaker 1: have the finances and the resources to have grandparents at
Speaker 1: home to watch the other kids, to wait in the
Speaker 1: emergency room for three hours. They don't have the resources
Speaker 1: to call a private physician to come to the house
Speaker 1: and look at the baby. Some people just have to
Speaker 1: go to the emergency room. And if you're not met
Speaker 1: with empathy and compassion in the emergency room, that's how
Speaker 1: people lose loved ones in the emergency room. Just like
Speaker 1: it would have been as simple as this, right people
Speaker 1: saying well, what would have been an easy thing, easy fixed?
Speaker 1: For all you people who are nurses who are saying, well,
Speaker 1: things get crazy in the emergency room, it would have
Speaker 1: been this simple. Mr Ellis, you said he might have appendicitis.
Speaker 1: For all of you who don't know what appendicitis is,
Speaker 1: UH is when the appendix becomes inflamed. If the appendix
Speaker 1: becomes too inflamed and it ruptures all of the bio
Speaker 1: and everything that's in your body then unloads and creates
Speaker 1: an infection in the entire in your entire stomach, in
Speaker 1: your entire system, and can cause you to die. That's
Speaker 1: what appendicitis is. So when they talk about we take
Speaker 1: people based on what's more important. Apendicitis is up there,
Speaker 1: Consider that we're being sent from another hospital who saw
Speaker 1: it as an emergency. It's like, come on, guys, there's
Speaker 1: no gunshot victims in here, there's no stab wounds. It's
Speaker 1: a children's hospital exactly. So for my thing, it was
Speaker 1: it was as simple as you're saying, okay, you came
Speaker 1: here with the pendicitis. Let me check his temperature, his
Speaker 1: fevers down, she did that. Let me take his vitals.
Speaker 1: Let me see where's where's his heart rate, you know,
Speaker 1: because sometimes your heart rate is connected directly corrected to infection.
Speaker 1: Things are going on in your body. Things can happen differently.
Speaker 1: When they take all of your vinyls, take all of
Speaker 1: his vitals, which would have took five minutes. Check his abdomen,
Speaker 1: see if the pain has subsided or if it's intensified.
Speaker 1: If it's intensified, that means we're getting closer to inflammation
Speaker 1: and a rupture. If it's subsided, even with the medication,
Speaker 1: which we found out afterwards, then you know it's not
Speaker 1: a pendicitis. That would have took them five minutes. And
Speaker 1: at that point they would have say, hey, Mr Ellis,
Speaker 1: it's clear that he doesn't have a pendicitis. His fever
Speaker 1: didn't come back. Do you mind waiting while we tend
Speaker 1: to other people who may have some more serious issues
Speaker 1: and figure out what's wrong with him. And at that
Speaker 1: point I would have said, sure, at least I know
Speaker 1: my son's not in the car possibly dying. But no
Speaker 1: one had the care or its core health care for
Speaker 1: a reason, right, no one had the empathy just say
Speaker 1: let me make sure that this young man is okay.
Speaker 1: And it was as simple as when we finally got
Speaker 1: into the room. Now. So now I'm in the room
Speaker 1: with Cairo, trying to calm Cairo down and just saying
Speaker 1: to him, you know, babe, I want you to be
Speaker 1: honest about how you feel. Do you feel any pain,
Speaker 1: does your stomach hurt? Show me where? Because I didn't
Speaker 1: want Cairo to then just say he was okay for
Speaker 1: the sake of saying he's okay, because he was more
Speaker 1: concerned about you. So I said, listen, dad, he's gonna
Speaker 1: be fine. I said, I'm going to text him right now.
Speaker 1: As I said, do you want to call him? He said,
Speaker 1: you can text him. I text you, and I said,
Speaker 1: what did I say? Said? Baby? Please? Cairo's okay, and
Speaker 1: he needs you back here. Please just try to calm
Speaker 1: down and so you can come back, because at this
Speaker 1: point I didn't think Deval was even going to be
Speaker 1: allowed back into the room with us, after making threats
Speaker 1: and saying the things I said, Yeah, you know, they
Speaker 1: were saying that, you know, they shouldn't let you back
Speaker 1: in the hospital. But they did let me back in
Speaker 1: the hospital because clearly we were in the right exactly,
Speaker 1: and I think the security guard he knew that off
Speaker 1: duty cop. And then they sent the nurse home. Yes,
Speaker 1: So when the doctor came in, it was as simple
Speaker 1: as her literally pressing on his abdomen to say, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is not appendicitis. If it were, he would feel
Speaker 1: that I'm pressing down. He couldn't stand he, you know,
Speaker 1: But we realized at this point the motrain was still
Speaker 1: in place, his fever wasn't coming back. He ended up
Speaker 1: being diagnosed with a really bad case of gas d
Speaker 1: What she said presents itself in different ways. So if
Speaker 1: you have gash room tornus, or stomach flu or a
Speaker 1: stomach bug, you can get fever, you get nausea, you
Speaker 1: can get diarrhea. You could also get intense stomach pain
Speaker 1: and cramping as it is trying to get the virus
Speaker 1: out of your body. And what happened was since Cairo
Speaker 1: wasn't eating because he felt sick and the cramping was coming,
Speaker 1: it was causing him to throw up, and it was
Speaker 1: throwing up nothing but bile and mucus, which causes more
Speaker 1: pain and more inflammation in his esophagus because there's nothing
Speaker 1: but bio. So she was just like the pain he
Speaker 1: felt was severe. It wasn't as severe as appendicitis pain,
Speaker 1: but him as a six year old wouldn't know that.
Speaker 1: So when he feels the intense cramping and he's hunched over,
Speaker 1: it was more than what he could articulate as a
Speaker 1: six Exactly. That was the thing for us. We know
Speaker 1: an ache versus cramp versus a dull pain versus a
Speaker 1: sharp pain. For him, he just saying it hurts. And
Speaker 1: then as a parent, you're just like ship like, I
Speaker 1: don't even know what kind of pain it is, what
Speaker 1: pain has known that. It was just that he was
Speaker 1: kept saying, you felt nause is and that was his symptom,
Speaker 1: was the cramping and the naja. He was doing a
Speaker 1: lot of vomiting and stuff like that. So um, once
Speaker 1: the doctor you know, cleared him, he was good, gave
Speaker 1: him some anti nasea medication, gave him something for the cramping.
Speaker 1: I demanded to see the nurse on duty, whoever the
Speaker 1: manager or that the head nurse chief nurse on duty
Speaker 1: was and um, we explained to her what happened. Um.
Speaker 1: At this point they were changing shifts too, so she
Speaker 1: was kind of coming into the story. UM. And of
Speaker 1: course we don't expect for them not to stick together. Um.
Speaker 1: The nurse pretty much was saying that the triage nurse
Speaker 1: was not in the wrong because she was just following
Speaker 1: protocol and Cairo was not as deemed severe as an
Speaker 1: issue when she first um saw him, so therefore she
Speaker 1: felt like he was able to wait, which we know
Speaker 1: was just bullshit in the end, because again Devout heard
Speaker 1: with his own ears the reason why Cairo was pushed
Speaker 1: on the waiting list further down. Additionally, they don't know
Speaker 1: that they're dealing with a family as filled with healthcare professionals.
Speaker 1: Can's mom has been the director of nursing at a
Speaker 1: hospital for over twenty five years. Sister is now an
Speaker 1: e er nurse. So when we went back, we went
Speaker 1: back with the proper terms to use to ask for
Speaker 1: the right people to get things done. And we want
Speaker 1: to explain this to people so you know, if you
Speaker 1: ever find yourself in a position like this, the first
Speaker 1: thing you do is ask for the house supervisor. When
Speaker 1: you ask for the house supervisor in the hospital, the
Speaker 1: house supervisor has to listen to your case. Because one
Speaker 1: thing hospitals don't want, especially children hospitals, is bad pruins ultimately,
Speaker 1: so when you ask for the house supervisor and the
Speaker 1: patient representative, they have to sit down and listen to
Speaker 1: your case and ship rolls downhill. When you start asking
Speaker 1: for those people, they have to do a thorough investigation,
Speaker 1: and once they do a thorough investigation, they're they're going
Speaker 1: to have to be some disciplinary action if they find
Speaker 1: wrong doing done. When you don't know who to ask for,
Speaker 1: which a lot of times people in these positions don't
Speaker 1: know who to ask for, right, so they ask for
Speaker 1: another nurse, they ask for security, so they'll speak to security,
Speaker 1: which can't do any thing, or they'll speak to another
Speaker 1: nurse who's also on the job, who is going to
Speaker 1: look out for the nurses there, because sometimes these nurses
Speaker 1: don't know the stresses that have gone on, so they
Speaker 1: just try to appease people, which is not a bad
Speaker 1: thing if you're a nurse, and if you're a good nurse,
Speaker 1: all you care about is the patient and what I
Speaker 1: will say about them. All the nurses that followed cared
Speaker 1: more about Cairo than the situation, which is all we
Speaker 1: wanted anyway. All they asked from the beginning was is
Speaker 1: Cairo okay? That's the minute they came in. The nurse
Speaker 1: that came in afterwards, when we asked to speak to
Speaker 1: the nurses supervisor, the first thing she said when she
Speaker 1: came in the room, Hey, guys, sorry about anything. How
Speaker 1: is Cairo? That's all we wanted anyway, for some care
Speaker 1: and compassion. But if you find yourself in a position
Speaker 1: in the hospital where you feel like you were treated poorly,
Speaker 1: asked for the house supervisor supervisor and asked for the
Speaker 1: patient representative. They will listen to you and they make
Speaker 1: sure things get done, because what hospitals don't want is
Speaker 1: for the state to get a report, because that's how
Speaker 1: hospitals get citations and they get shut down. And the
Speaker 1: hospital is a business like anything else. They don't want
Speaker 1: citations and they don't want bad pr Yeah. So this
Speaker 1: experience that our local children's hospital is indicative of a
Speaker 1: larger issue in the health care system. Is the lack
Speaker 1: of care in the health care system for people. Um
Speaker 1: that's attendant that it is intended to serve. So in August,
Speaker 1: a company called well Star Health Systems announced that it
Speaker 1: would be closing the Atlanta Medical Center on November one.
Speaker 1: So what does this do now? It leaves the city
Speaker 1: with just one operating level one trauma center one or
Speaker 1: entire city of the City of Atlanta has one. Right,
Speaker 1: So representatives for the City of Atlanta fear that disclosure
Speaker 1: will disproportionate, oh my goodness, sorry, disproportionately affect the city's
Speaker 1: low income residents and create a literal life or death
Speaker 1: situation for an already vulnerable population. Which this is a
Speaker 1: perfect example of what happened because we we got out lucky.
Speaker 1: What if Cairo had appendicitis? And his appendix was inflamed, right,
Speaker 1: knock on wood, right, But what if that were the case.
Speaker 1: We get over there, we get dismissed, not once, but twice,
Speaker 1: and then we get punished for not having our son
Speaker 1: in the waiting room and Cairo's appendix ruptures in the car.
Speaker 1: Then what do we get? You know what we get?
Speaker 1: We get an apology from the hospital, and then we
Speaker 1: get a hashtag and then we start this. Now we
Speaker 1: have to change the protocols. So we were lucky that
Speaker 1: Cairo didn't have appendiconist, But just imagine how many people
Speaker 1: come to the hospital with life and death situations and
Speaker 1: have to make a decision, just like the young lady
Speaker 1: had to make a decision. Am I gonna wait for
Speaker 1: three hours or get formula for my eight months old
Speaker 1: child who's coughing and hacking? And she chose to leave.
Speaker 1: First of all, prayers up for that young lady and
Speaker 1: her family help. Everything is well with her daughter. But
Speaker 1: people should not have to make those decisions living in America.
Speaker 1: It's just not fair. In Atlanta at the children that
Speaker 1: was the I think the most mind blown apart for me,
Speaker 1: this is the children's hospital. This is just not like
Speaker 1: you know, everyone's there are adults who can just kind
Speaker 1: of manage themselves and kind of just know, you know,
Speaker 1: how to express how they feel and know how to
Speaker 1: deal with pain to a certain extent. This is all
Speaker 1: happening in the children's hospital. So the strain that's in
Speaker 1: the strain that situations like this put on the health
Speaker 1: care system is literally a trickle down effect going from
Speaker 1: providers to patients, making it hard to be seen, heard,
Speaker 1: and most importantly cared for in your most vulnerable moments,
Speaker 1: which was definitely what we experienced in this moment, and
Speaker 1: we just felt like we had to speak up about it.
Speaker 1: Devin and I went back to the hospital when we
Speaker 1: kind of had some sleep, just a clear conscience. We
Speaker 1: wanted to also get um, you know, first and last
Speaker 1: names of some of the security guards who we dealt with,
Speaker 1: and also give a shout out to those who work, yes,
Speaker 1: who not vulnerable, who who did show empathy, right and
Speaker 1: and we're compassionate. The entire security team. Oh, they were
Speaker 1: great because they could have handled it differently, right. And
Speaker 1: this is another another reason why it's important to have
Speaker 1: people like you who looked like you. They're because they
Speaker 1: see you as human. I felt the humanized in that moment,
Speaker 1: I felt like she didn't care. I was just another
Speaker 1: number to just another patient. And the way she dismissed me,
Speaker 1: and and the way the young man behind the desk
Speaker 1: dismissed me was almost like, we see young black people
Speaker 1: in here all the time. Just go wait, just go wait,
Speaker 1: just go wait. But it wasn't until the black nurses
Speaker 1: came and the security team. For example, these were off
Speaker 1: duty police officers. And you hear so many times about
Speaker 1: how police officers don't come ready to de escalate the situation.
Speaker 1: But this, this man, and I'm not going to say
Speaker 1: his name around upon the podcast, but this this man
Speaker 1: had children and chose not to do what he should
Speaker 1: have or could have done in that moment, which was
Speaker 1: arrest me, right, he chose to listen and I and
Speaker 1: being seen and feeling feeling feeling like I was seeing
Speaker 1: and being heard allowed me to calm down a little
Speaker 1: bit in the moment, to give a clear and concise,
Speaker 1: uh version of what happened so that people can have
Speaker 1: a better understanding. Yeah, because the last thing you want
Speaker 1: to just be is that what they want to see
Speaker 1: the typical erratic, Yeah, exactly, who is just being irrational?
Speaker 1: And just flying off the handle. This didn't all happen
Speaker 1: for no reason. This happened after almost four hours of
Speaker 1: being dismissed and being put on the back burner, So
Speaker 1: that was important. And I remember looking at this particular
Speaker 1: security guard and he looked me in the eye and
Speaker 1: he said, ms ellis your husband's gonna be okay? Just
Speaker 1: focus on your son. And that was just like okay,
Speaker 1: So at least I felt like, having just met this
Speaker 1: man in this situation a couple of minutes ago, I
Speaker 1: felt enough ease, and I felt definitely a special person,
Speaker 1: like all right, I kind of trust you to make
Speaker 1: sure that my husband's okay. And he's an example as
Speaker 1: to why people say, why do black people continue to
Speaker 1: join the police force? Why are they first responded in
Speaker 1: our areas? Why should be in our neighborhood. This is
Speaker 1: a perfect example we can relate to each other. He
Speaker 1: saw me, he saw himself and me and treated me
Speaker 1: like a human. That's it. And if the nurse saw
Speaker 1: me and viewed me the same way, none of this
Speaker 1: would have ever happened. Oh absolutely not. And without saying it,
Speaker 1: because no one actually said it, but the security team
Speaker 1: and some of those nurses who came, they were kind
Speaker 1: of rallying around me. It's almost like they saw this before. No,
Speaker 1: they definitely said to me. No, they verbatim. You know,
Speaker 1: a few of them said to me, bro, this is
Speaker 1: happening all this happens all the time. That's literally what
Speaker 1: they said to me. This happens all the time. So
Speaker 1: this isn't about Cairo. This is about the protocols in
Speaker 1: place and how they're very dismissive to disenfranchise people who
Speaker 1: go to these hospitals because hospitals are big business. Not
Speaker 1: to mention, like we know Sakari isn't ther nurse. A
Speaker 1: large part of the staff is overworked and tired, right,
Speaker 1: So we're not going to sit here and make it
Speaker 1: seem like they're not human as well. They are human.
Speaker 1: And even said she said, you know, one of the
Speaker 1: reasons why I didn't want to work in peds is
Speaker 1: because you have to deal with parents a lot like
Speaker 1: Pdr Short we have pediatrics, but she said, a lot
Speaker 1: of times we just like are so stressed that we
Speaker 1: don't want to have to deal with like two parents
Speaker 1: screaming at you because there because of their child, which
Speaker 1: is not easy. It's not it's not easy. So we
Speaker 1: get that, like I completely get that having family in
Speaker 1: the health care system who are workers. So we we
Speaker 1: came to the hospital with the level of compassion and
Speaker 1: empathy for healthcare workers because we have family who spent
Speaker 1: their entire life dedicated to the health care systems. Why
Speaker 1: we understood the weight. We understood protocol because it's the
Speaker 1: hierarchy of who gets treated for what. Absolutely, but that
Speaker 1: wasn't our case. That wasn't our case. We were being
Speaker 1: punished because we didn't want to listen. And here's another
Speaker 1: thing that we were told. You know how many parents,
Speaker 1: and this is something that parents need to understand when
Speaker 1: you go to the hospital. You know how many people
Speaker 1: get tested for COVID upon entry to the emergency room
Speaker 1: and test negative. Then when they leave, they test positive.
Speaker 1: We're still in the pandemic. People. So if I, as
Speaker 1: a parent, want to choose to not have my child
Speaker 1: in a crowded space, I reserved the right to do that.
Speaker 1: And you can't punish me and my child for doing
Speaker 1: what's best for not only him, but for everybody in
Speaker 1: the room. Because it was crowded. Yes, there were people
Speaker 1: not sitting, there were people standing at that point, you
Speaker 1: went like you were sitting on the floor. When you
Speaker 1: sent me a photo where you were, I was like, bro,
Speaker 1: it's it's overwhelming. And I can understand if we were
Speaker 1: trying to be divers or we were trying to pull
Speaker 1: cards or throw names out there and be like, YO,
Speaker 1: call us when his name, I come to the car
Speaker 1: and get us or text me or call me. When
Speaker 1: that wasn't the case. It really was like, okay, on
Speaker 1: Cairo's behalf, it's father is going to sit here and
Speaker 1: wait and they can check the tapes. I sat in
Speaker 1: that corner with all the people coughing for two hours.
Speaker 1: Another family came in with two kids who was sick
Speaker 1: and coughing, and there was no seats, and I gave
Speaker 1: them my seat. It was that crowded. I was compliant.
Speaker 1: You know how they always say to black people, why
Speaker 1: don't you just comply? I was complying for three hours
Speaker 1: and my son. This is why sometimes black people get
Speaker 1: pissed when you say why don't you just comply? Because
Speaker 1: I complied with everything and was still treated like less
Speaker 1: than human. And my son, who's six, who can't defend himself,
Speaker 1: was treated that way. And I can't find no levity
Speaker 1: because I get fucking piss thinking about this. It's not
Speaker 1: like there really is, and I feel bad for people
Speaker 1: who don't know how to speak up for themselves, right,
Speaker 1: I didn't care about who was videotaping me, who saw me,
Speaker 1: who was like, oh, that's the that's devout from the
Speaker 1: elyssis exactly like this, So that's that I didn't care
Speaker 1: at that point. I don't. I know they're probably gonna
Speaker 1: video out there of me taking my shirt off and
Speaker 1: spats it on everybody in there, because there was a
Speaker 1: lot of people in there, and I don't care. I
Speaker 1: needed my son to be seen and make sure he
Speaker 1: was okay, and we just we wanted to have this
Speaker 1: podcast to be able to give you some insight into
Speaker 1: what's happening so you don't feel like it just it
Speaker 1: was just you. But also who to aske for, Like
Speaker 1: our family has been in the healthier his system, so
Speaker 1: knowing to ask for the house supervisor and for patient
Speaker 1: experience is something that we know. So we just want
Speaker 1: to share this information. If you have an issue at
Speaker 1: the hospital, don't just go home and say, oh, this
Speaker 1: happens all the time. It's okay, because it's not okay,
Speaker 1: don't act tell security. Security can't report it to anybody.
Speaker 1: Can follow report, but that's not going to go anywhere.
Speaker 1: You have to ask for the house SUPERVI and also
Speaker 1: the Emergency Medical Treatment and Active labor act Um. It
Speaker 1: says that every patient entering the emergency department has the
Speaker 1: right to be seen and evaluated if they have an emergency,
Speaker 1: so they have to see you. It doesn't matter about insurance,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter about anything. You have to be seen. Additionally,
Speaker 1: insures that physicians cannot ask the patient for any proof
Speaker 1: of insurance or form of payment until after they're stabilized
Speaker 1: and treated, because they sure us, I'll roll up in
Speaker 1: there for a co parent insurance the minute we got
Speaker 1: the room. As soon as we got through, and that
Speaker 1: was the next person that came in was homegirl with
Speaker 1: the car to take the information in the paments, which
Speaker 1: is crazy because we had to wait three hours to
Speaker 1: be seen. But the minute we got into a room,
Speaker 1: they came in and asked for our insurance. Now they
Speaker 1: she did go to take the payment and she said, wait,
Speaker 1: I can't take the payment because his name was still
Speaker 1: read doctor and be seen. But they had all of
Speaker 1: those things in place like it was instantly in the
Speaker 1: room banget insurance information. But we come in there to
Speaker 1: be treated. I got a wait three hours to be triaged.
Speaker 1: That shows you that there's something wrong with the protocol.
Speaker 1: Insurance companies are required to cover emergency care regardless of
Speaker 1: the diagnosis, and emergency care is covered based on the
Speaker 1: person symptoms rather than their final diagnosis, which is important
Speaker 1: because Sakari made this very clear. This is why it's
Speaker 1: good to speak to medical professionals. When Cairo reached the
Speaker 1: Children's Hospital of Atlanta, his simp his symptoms had subsided
Speaker 1: because he was medicated at Emory, not because it went away,
Speaker 1: but that he was medicated in emery and they gave
Speaker 1: him the medication to ease the pain so that he
Speaker 1: could make it to the Children's Hospital of Atlanta. Which
Speaker 1: is why I was so adamant about him being triaged,
Speaker 1: because I wanted someone to see him, and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to just take him back home and he wake
Speaker 1: up in the morning in more pain and it'd be
Speaker 1: too late. So they can't look at your child and say, well,
Speaker 1: based on the way he looks now, he's not in pain. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because he was medicated right. I think that might have
Speaker 1: also to been what the triagnur saw. She's like, oh, no, fever.
Speaker 1: Oh it's kind of like as she was checking him,
Speaker 1: but it's like, but she didn't check him though, she
Speaker 1: didn't take all of his vitals. You have to take no,
Speaker 1: I meant the nurse when we first got to the room.
Speaker 1: When we first got to the room, the nurse came
Speaker 1: in was just like, okay, so Fever's down, bloo pressures
Speaker 1: down and he was like at this point kind of
Speaker 1: like in and out of sleep because he was after
Speaker 1: we got in the room, he was still under the tria.
Speaker 1: Just the nurse that I have the biggest issue, which
Speaker 1: that's the one that said that we we didn't wait
Speaker 1: so she didn't want to take his well absolutely, she
Speaker 1: didn't take any of his vitals. She did take his
Speaker 1: temperature as he sat in the chair, and she got
Speaker 1: his weight and then she just dismissed us and said
Speaker 1: we had to wait. Right. Hospital way times are based
Speaker 1: on several factors, but non urgent needs are not one
Speaker 1: of them. The CDC states that of emergency room victim
Speaker 1: sorry visits our medical emergencies. So again understanding to that
Speaker 1: there is a hierarchy, right, someone comes in bleeding profusely,
Speaker 1: or you know, someone can't breathe or having a heart attack,
Speaker 1: that kind of pain, chest pain. There are certain things
Speaker 1: that take precedence over other things as but in our case,
Speaker 1: because we were transferred from another hospital and clearly everyone
Speaker 1: in there in that moment was really just kind of
Speaker 1: sitting there, coughing, sneezing, in and out of sleep, we
Speaker 1: felt like that was the ground for us to be
Speaker 1: seen in a timely manner to at least rule out
Speaker 1: the appendicitis. So yeah, it was important for Deval and I.
Speaker 1: Once everything kind of calmed down, we Cairo was stabilized.
Speaker 1: The next day we went out. We were coming back
Speaker 1: home and we're passing the children's hospital, so we wanted
Speaker 1: to stop in to make sure that we had everything
Speaker 1: in place. Because what I'm gonna do is write a letter.
Speaker 1: One thing about me. I'm going to write a letter
Speaker 1: and we'll be back up there again to see the
Speaker 1: house supervisor. And we're going to come back, put our
Speaker 1: suits on, nice dress on call our attorney, and we're
Speaker 1: gonna go speak to the house supervisor. You want to
Speaker 1: play these games, we can play the same game in
Speaker 1: the State of Georgia. We'll hear about it. That's one
Speaker 1: thing that my mom, being an administrator for over thirty
Speaker 1: years in a nursing home facility, one thing they don't
Speaker 1: want you to do is called the state. They don't
Speaker 1: want you to call this state, and then when the
Speaker 1: state has to launch an investigation, then things really get
Speaker 1: out of control. And I think Cairo's worth it. I
Speaker 1: think every child, every child, regardless of what who, what
Speaker 1: they look like, every child is worth it. And it's funny.
Speaker 1: When I was talking to one of my friends who
Speaker 1: I usually call whenever I need a prayer moment and stuff, Christina,
Speaker 1: she said, after we found out everything's okay, and I
Speaker 1: tell her the story, she said, maybe maybe I were
Speaker 1: just meant to go through that to just be the
Speaker 1: voice for people are the voiceless. Maybe we were meant
Speaker 1: to be in that situation to just say something. And
Speaker 1: that's why it was important for us to even have
Speaker 1: this podcast because she's like, you know, thankfully Kiro is okay.
Speaker 1: Thankfully Cairo is okay. But you know the the initial
Speaker 1: emergency room you went to, you had a good experience there, Well, say,
Speaker 1: Emory was great, Um, but think about how many children
Speaker 1: are dealing with these kind of situations and parents who
Speaker 1: are your straighted, you know, because of this lack of
Speaker 1: empathy and compassion in a children's hospital. Rh Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's take a break, tak all right, y'all stay with us,
Speaker 1: all right, we're back listen to letters. Hopefully this will
Speaker 1: give us a little change of pace chow because the
Speaker 1: way we only hear sweating and it ain't the lights
Speaker 1: just get it every time we tell this story, and
Speaker 1: we've told this story several times since it's happened. And
Speaker 1: it's okay because I need this to still be fresh
Speaker 1: in my mind as I'm in the process of writing
Speaker 1: this very detailed letter about what happened. UM, so I
Speaker 1: could just send that out to everyone that needs to
Speaker 1: know about it, um at that hospital. But let's change
Speaker 1: the pace and um tap into y'all's letters. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been writing it on Cantina develop herself. I love
Speaker 1: y'all and look up to you so much. Thank you. Sis.
Speaker 1: I'm a twenty seven year old married woman. I've been
Speaker 1: married for two years now. I just needed advice. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure what to do in my marriage. I'm the
Speaker 1: main breadwinner. I work three jobs. I take care of
Speaker 1: my household and make sure everything is okay. I am
Speaker 1: an esthetician just starting her business, and my business is
Speaker 1: not starting off the way I wanted to. I don't
Speaker 1: have the finances to finance everything I need in my
Speaker 1: business because I have to make sure all three kids
Speaker 1: have everything they need. Right, and she's married. How do
Speaker 1: I not grow resentment towards my husband and continue to
Speaker 1: push forward with my business even when I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm in failure and a bad mom, have really bad
Speaker 1: depression and anxiety, and I feel like in this situation
Speaker 1: it consumes me even more. But what's he doing? Like
Speaker 1: I didn't give me anything? He doesn't have a job.
Speaker 1: She says, she's the main breadwinners. She has three jobs. Right,
Speaker 1: she has three jobs? Is it that he has one?
Speaker 1: Is he a stay at home dad? Um? I think
Speaker 1: if he was a stay at home dad, she would
Speaker 1: have said, my husband doesn't work, doesn't work. But I
Speaker 1: think she said the main breadwinner, which means he doesn't
Speaker 1: make he does make some money. Got you and she
Speaker 1: feels like she's pulling the weight of everything. Well, I
Speaker 1: already know off the bad just as a woman. Um
Speaker 1: that the trying to find the balance between being mom
Speaker 1: having three kids, you know, and then also trying to
Speaker 1: balance a job and starting a business like that in itself,
Speaker 1: it's a whole lot um and it's hard if you
Speaker 1: don't have the support. It's really hard. It's difficult being
Speaker 1: a woman because when you're the main breadwinner, right if
Speaker 1: you're if your dreams and aspirations for yourself are higher
Speaker 1: than your partner. Right, what if he does have a
Speaker 1: good job, but that's just not enough for her. She
Speaker 1: wants more, She's going after more, but she's still also
Speaker 1: a mom and a wife. It's hard to not grow resentment,
Speaker 1: you know. And you know, when they talk about finding
Speaker 1: someone that's evenly yoked, people think that's all about relation,
Speaker 1: all about religion. It's not all about religion. You have
Speaker 1: to find someone who has the same dreams and aspirations
Speaker 1: as you have, right if you want different things in life.
Speaker 1: What if he's a simple man and he's just like,
Speaker 1: we don't need to have three jobs. We're good with
Speaker 1: we are you known? You can you really fault him
Speaker 1: for for being comfortable where he is? But can you
Speaker 1: fault her for it? Sounds like two people who may
Speaker 1: because She didn't say he was a bad father. She
Speaker 1: didn't say he was a good beat. She didn't say
Speaker 1: he wasn't non existent. It sounds to me like she
Speaker 1: wants to start another business and she wants more support financial.
Speaker 1: It makes sense, Yeah, more supportant. He's just not there
Speaker 1: for yeah, she says, because how do I not go
Speaker 1: resentment towards my husband? Continue to push forward in her business.
Speaker 1: So it seems like she's just trying to do more,
Speaker 1: trying to make ends meet. Um, and I mean, let's
Speaker 1: be for real, in this day and age, just because
Speaker 1: you have two people in the household doesn't necessarily mean
Speaker 1: that you're making ends meet with It's difficult, difficult, not absolutely,
Speaker 1: it's difficult. I mean mom and dad of just working
Speaker 1: one job at piece. I don't think I've ever just
Speaker 1: seen that. I know my parents at some point my
Speaker 1: mom was working two jobs. My dad was working two jobs.
Speaker 1: Like it's just it's just a thing that has to happen. Well, finish,
Speaker 1: You're fine, No, I was. Parents worked in healthcare, so
Speaker 1: it's it's a little bit more commonplace for people in
Speaker 1: healthcare to have two jobs because you can have your
Speaker 1: per deem job, then you also have your hourly job.
Speaker 1: My mom, for example, only worked one jobs. You worked
Speaker 1: for the city, So there are also a lot of
Speaker 1: people who worked there nine to five, and that's what
Speaker 1: they that's my job, you know, having another job to them,
Speaker 1: it's not even possible because I worked for the city.
Speaker 1: I working on the five that have good benefits. Um.
Speaker 1: I think this is a conversation that should have happened
Speaker 1: earlier about where what they wanted out of life? Right,
Speaker 1: because now now they seven, they have three kids, which
Speaker 1: means they've been together since they were young. Right, So
Speaker 1: let's just say they had three kids, and they had
Speaker 1: their kids back to the children back to back to back.
Speaker 1: That means the children have to be at least a
Speaker 1: year to year and a couple of months apart. So
Speaker 1: I mean she started getting pregnant around three. She didn't
Speaker 1: know who she was. If he's young, he didn't know.
Speaker 1: But now she's reaching closer to thirty, she may say,
Speaker 1: you know what I want more out of life? Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: a lot of ship happens. So sometimes when you have
Speaker 1: children too, like you ever hear people say like my
Speaker 1: children are having children ignited like this driving me, But
Speaker 1: I just want to do more for them, and I
Speaker 1: want to give them more opportunities. And sometimes that happens
Speaker 1: to people. And and like you said, her husband may
Speaker 1: be like, well, we're good, you know, right so, And
Speaker 1: I think that's the conversation that continuously has to happen
Speaker 1: throughout the marriage. Right when your your your dreams change,
Speaker 1: your goals change, you don't have to just sit in
Speaker 1: and be like, Dame, my goals change. I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: it on my own. Continue to speak to your partner
Speaker 1: about it. Codeina and I have often gone through these
Speaker 1: modes where between the two of us, I'm the constant dreamer,
Speaker 1: right um. I always called Codeine the Amex killer. That's
Speaker 1: that's her nick. And everybody knows that I make so
Speaker 1: much jokes about how much money could Dean Spence. Let
Speaker 1: me tell you something. If I didn't make a lot
Speaker 1: of money, Inde Maker didn't make a lot of money
Speaker 1: and we lived in the apartment, you know what, code
Speaker 1: would be fine, because she was fine when we moved
Speaker 1: back to the apartment. She never complained. Some people are
Speaker 1: just happy in their space, in their moment with that
Speaker 1: person they loved, and that could be him the same
Speaker 1: way it was Codeine. I always wanted more and then
Speaker 1: wanting more. Sometimes Codina and I used to have this argument.
Speaker 1: I just like, I'm the only one pushing. I'm the
Speaker 1: only one going. I'm the only one going. I remember
Speaker 1: one time Kay said something to me that kind of
Speaker 1: shocked me, but it made me realize that she was right.
Speaker 1: Remember when we were having an argument and I said,
Speaker 1: I brought you this ring, I brought you this house
Speaker 1: to do this, and those alders and stuff, and you
Speaker 1: said that I asked for none of this ship right,
Speaker 1: it was the house of Michigan. Like, I bought this
Speaker 1: house in Michigan for us. That could be our starter
Speaker 1: hole and we could have a life in Michigan. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I never said in Michigan in order to ask for
Speaker 1: a house. I thought this was just a text rite
Speaker 1: off situation. And I was like, I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but I still bought it. But I had to realize that, dang.
Speaker 1: I never even had the conversation with my wife about
Speaker 1: what she wanted out of life and told her what
Speaker 1: I wanted to see if we were on the same page.
Speaker 1: As I continue to express to k over time and overtime,
Speaker 1: what I wanted for my life and what I wanted
Speaker 1: for us. She then was like okay. She literally said
Speaker 1: about you could be the richest man in the world,
Speaker 1: and you know what you're gonna want to do? Get more.
Speaker 1: She was just like that. I mean, not for nothing.
Speaker 1: I was appreciative in the moment. I was just like, great,
Speaker 1: Like I love this house. Like, oh, you know, we
Speaker 1: were we were technically, I guess, playing house because we
Speaker 1: weren't quite engage your marriage yet, so you know, we
Speaker 1: were shacking up, but we were shacking up in a
Speaker 1: cute little house. Yeah, yeah, you know. So um, because
Speaker 1: I didn't I didn't want to make it ever seem
Speaker 1: like I was ungrateful for the things that she were
Speaker 1: provided for me. But you did have your own vision
Speaker 1: of what you wanted to have for your future wife
Speaker 1: and future family. And it sounds to me like she
Speaker 1: has her own vision working three jobs and she's starting
Speaker 1: a business, and it sounds to me like she's an
Speaker 1: entrepreneur and she's looking for more purpose and she wants
Speaker 1: more things. And her husband's probably like, we're good, We're good.
Speaker 1: And I could also see if you don't have a
Speaker 1: conversation and you start a business, right, just this doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be a woman or a man, but this
Speaker 1: is a spouse. We don't have a conversation about starting businesses.
Speaker 1: And I just started another business, and now I started
Speaker 1: this business and I don't have the finances to see
Speaker 1: the business through because anytime you start a business, it
Speaker 1: takes three years for that business to make it into
Speaker 1: the black. Typically you'll spend the first three years just
Speaker 1: investing in the business. So now you're putting all your
Speaker 1: money into the business. You looking at your partner like,
Speaker 1: why ain't you help me? Your partner can look at
Speaker 1: you and be like, I ain't start this business. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to make sure that everything we have now
Speaker 1: is on point, and you want to spend more money
Speaker 1: starting another business. The resentment can go both ways. That's true.
Speaker 1: That's why the conversation needs to happen. It's it's interesting
Speaker 1: that you said that because it made me also think
Speaker 1: of another situation with another couple that I know where
Speaker 1: it was like, you know, the woman was like the
Speaker 1: business mindset. She's like, Okay, great, I'm just gonna do
Speaker 1: this and this is my new business venture. And it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, her husband just had to be along with it,
Speaker 1: like it just had to go along with the flow,
Speaker 1: and he was kind of like, I know that you're
Speaker 1: not even equipped to be able to do this. Why
Speaker 1: are you starting this business when you know you're not
Speaker 1: you know, you don't have the time for it, or
Speaker 1: you're already stressed out. So he might be saying to
Speaker 1: her sister like, I know you want to start this business,
Speaker 1: but can you can you realistically give it a ten
Speaker 1: percent right now in this moment? So he might be
Speaker 1: hands off and be like, yo, you're about to dig
Speaker 1: this whole. I'm gonna let you dig it by yourself,
Speaker 1: you know. So there are a lot of different ways
Speaker 1: that this can go. I wish I had his perspective
Speaker 1: as well to to kind of give a better, um,
Speaker 1: you know, advice to you. But she did ask how
Speaker 1: do I push forward and not grow resentment? You know
Speaker 1: how you don't grow resentment towards people? Have conversations. To
Speaker 1: conversations bring forth clarity. You don't have resentment when you know.
Speaker 1: Resentment comes from not knowing why didn't wonder why why
Speaker 1: didn't this person support me? But well, when you get clarity,
Speaker 1: now you have clarity and you know, and at that
Speaker 1: point you can make a decision, and if you make
Speaker 1: a decision to stay, even though the person is clear
Speaker 1: as to why they don't want to support, you can't
Speaker 1: have resentment towards that person. Need to resentment towards yourself
Speaker 1: because you've made the decision to stay. Have conversations consistently,
Speaker 1: and stop thinking that you're ever going to reach a
Speaker 1: point in your marriage when you're not going to have conversations.
Speaker 1: If there's anything Cadine and I can tell you about marriage,
Speaker 1: part of the reason why we have dead As podcasts
Speaker 1: is that the marriage isn't never ending conversation. That's what
Speaker 1: it is. Because as you evolve and he evolved in
Speaker 1: Young Lady or twenty seven, when you're thirty five, your
Speaker 1: minds is going to be completely different than you were
Speaker 1: when you were twenty seven. As your kids grow, your
Speaker 1: mindset are gonna is gonna change. So continue to have
Speaker 1: the conversations and speak to each other. Just continue to
Speaker 1: talk and be honest and upfront in real time. Good
Speaker 1: lexes number two Dear de valin Codeine, I hope you
Speaker 1: all see this and respond because your girl needs some help.
Speaker 1: I'm married to my high school sweetheart of fifteen years.
Speaker 1: Congratulations been married for a year and a half, but
Speaker 1: we've hit a cross roads for years. He has a
Speaker 1: rusted to me that he is interested in being with
Speaker 1: other women for experiences, and has suggested three sums or
Speaker 1: bringing and bringing in a girlfriend. I'm not against it,
Speaker 1: but I get mad jealous From New York. I get
Speaker 1: mad jealous when he attempts to go and do things
Speaker 1: we have talked about. We are grown now thirty one
Speaker 1: with two kids, and there are some things I would
Speaker 1: like to experience as well as I've only been with
Speaker 1: my husband, But I don't want to disgrace our marriage.
Speaker 1: We have been discussing separation, but we have both but
Speaker 1: we both feel that we just need to continue to
Speaker 1: be open and honest with each other right and that
Speaker 1: we can overcome whatever. At times, I feel like I
Speaker 1: would just let him roam and be free and happy
Speaker 1: because I love him that much. Do you think there's
Speaker 1: a way to keep our relationship happy and successful as
Speaker 1: long as we are truthful or are we headed down
Speaker 1: a bad road? Signed the laws? Sweetheart? This is what
Speaker 1: I feel. One thing that we've been there before, definitely,
Speaker 1: there's this is one thing that I think triggered me
Speaker 1: to realize what's going wrong right? She says, I don't
Speaker 1: mind trying these experiences, and I have experiences. I want
Speaker 1: to try my own, but I don't want to disgrace
Speaker 1: our marriage, which means she's thinking about who other people.
Speaker 1: That's the problem with both her and her husband may
Speaker 1: be thinking about other people when deciding what to do
Speaker 1: within their marriage, and that's a recipe for disaster. You
Speaker 1: guys have to come to terms of what you need
Speaker 1: and what you want, and you have to walk that
Speaker 1: walk together period. What other people may think or believe
Speaker 1: about your marriage does not matter. It doesn't I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna sit here and say because we're not gonna judge
Speaker 1: what you'all trying to do neither. Because we've been in
Speaker 1: situations like this, we're just like, damn, like I think
Speaker 1: I want more, Like we've been together since we were
Speaker 1: eighteen years old, Like I haven't had experiences. He hasn't
Speaker 1: had experienced it, So I get it. But it's like,
Speaker 1: who you advertising this too? For them to even feel like, damn,
Speaker 1: this is a disgraceful marriage on y'all have to agree
Speaker 1: on this, and the truth of the matter is having
Speaker 1: those open conversations with each other may allow y'all to
Speaker 1: create a safe space to find out how to try
Speaker 1: things together without including other people. That's what Cadine and
Speaker 1: I did. After a while, after while, after while, you like, well,
Speaker 1: I want to try this, I want to try that.
Speaker 1: How can I do this without my wife knowing? Because
Speaker 1: I don't want her to feel bad? Well, she may say,
Speaker 1: You may say, how can I do this without telling
Speaker 1: my husband? Because I don't want him to feel bad.
Speaker 1: When if y'all speak together, you can say, all right,
Speaker 1: well you like this and I like that, Well why
Speaker 1: don't we try using this? Why don't we try doing that?
Speaker 1: And then you find ways to have those experiences without
Speaker 1: really having those experiences, and it gets to be kind
Speaker 1: of fun. Like they recently had a conversation about just
Speaker 1: like sexual fantasies and things that we might have tried,
Speaker 1: you know, either when we were younger, things that we
Speaker 1: want to try now, or like different things that we've
Speaker 1: seen in like the Latest Point episode that were like
Speaker 1: oh ship, like you know, um, And we found ways
Speaker 1: of like how can we be creative and kind of
Speaker 1: invent those those experiences for each other? And we found
Speaker 1: some ways and I'm just okay, this is different, but
Speaker 1: it's it's been fun trying to figure things out on
Speaker 1: the road to shooting blanks. So it's about to be
Speaker 1: on the poppy, y'all. So yeah, I hope y'all listen
Speaker 1: to the podcast about the vasectomy. So ya, we we
Speaker 1: talked a lot about sex in that episode. So just
Speaker 1: take some of the cues from that episode and apply
Speaker 1: it here, because listen to me, man, when you can
Speaker 1: get on the same sexual path as your partner, nobody
Speaker 1: else's ideas matter now, Codeina and I and I need
Speaker 1: to say this because people really don't know. We don't
Speaker 1: believe in an open marriage. For us, we believe in monogamy.
Speaker 1: We believe in monogamy, so you can still be with
Speaker 1: somebody you've been with since you're a teenager and still
Speaker 1: enjoy a healthy sex life with that person without including
Speaker 1: other people. But for those who do believe in an
Speaker 1: open marriage or polygamy, if it works for you, it
Speaker 1: works for you. Like out, y'all, stop saying other people
Speaker 1: we're worried about disgracing our marriage to other that ship
Speaker 1: don't matter. None of them people you're worried about is
Speaker 1: ever gonna step in and just be like you know what,
Speaker 1: y'all having issues. You know what I'm saying, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take care of these bills for y'all. I'm gonna take
Speaker 1: care of your kids. You know what. I'm going ahead like,
Speaker 1: there ain't nobody gonna step in and say that. You
Speaker 1: know what, I'm gonna find a way to make you happy. Yeah.
Speaker 1: All they're gonna do is talk anyway, period. So speak
Speaker 1: to each other, find out what's good for each other,
Speaker 1: and stop thinking about other people. The only way you
Speaker 1: can disgrace your marriage is if you're dishonest with each other.
Speaker 1: That's the only way you can really disgrace your marriage.
Speaker 1: Keep having those open on his healthy conversations, like you said,
Speaker 1: and you're asking your question here, do you think there's
Speaker 1: a way to keep our relationship happy and successful as
Speaker 1: long as we're always truthful? Yes? Yes, yes, And the
Speaker 1: conversations are gonna be tough at times, is but they're
Speaker 1: worth it. Now. And here's the thing, because this this
Speaker 1: last question, or are we headed down a bad road?
Speaker 1: People always ask about their headed down the bad road
Speaker 1: when it comes time to including other people. We do
Speaker 1: know some couples who have successfully added other people to
Speaker 1: their relationship. And they live a happy, happy marriage. And
Speaker 1: we know some people who try to remain monogamous and
Speaker 1: a fucking miserable and their kids are miserable, and their
Speaker 1: in laws are miserable because everybody's miserable because they're they're
Speaker 1: trying to live the way everybody wants them to live
Speaker 1: and that's not working. But then we do have other
Speaker 1: couples they're like, yeah, we do this, we do that,
Speaker 1: we we go to these parties, we do this, and
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I don't know how, because I can't
Speaker 1: do it. But they are happy, and they have kids,
Speaker 1: and they're they're very successful. They're successful financially, and they
Speaker 1: haven't had any issues where some of the monogamous couples
Speaker 1: we know, I found out later on that, oh I
Speaker 1: thought I was monogamous, but I wasn't. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, And you know what I'm talking about people
Speaker 1: walking around claiming that monogamy is the best and thinking that,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm in a monogamous relationship, not knowing that yeah,
Speaker 1: you maybe, but your partner may not be because y'all
Speaker 1: just trying to hold up appearances for other people. You
Speaker 1: can't do that with your marriage. You have to do
Speaker 1: was right for you. Do this right for you. As
Speaker 1: far as the elysis, we love monogamy. So whatever you decide,
Speaker 1: make sure you love what you decide a little truthfully.
Speaker 1: And it may take a little bit to get there,
Speaker 1: but you'll get there all right, y'all. If you want
Speaker 1: to be featured as one of our listener letters, be
Speaker 1: sure to email us at dead as Advice at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. That's d E A d A as as
Speaker 1: A d V I C E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Al Right, moment of truth time, John U up in
Speaker 1: this bitch I literally thought about that movie in the
Speaker 1: car too. I was like that I would literally come
Speaker 1: in here and like at this whole place under manners
Speaker 1: quick and I wouldn't care about any of the questions
Speaker 1: anything to protect my my family a matter of fact,
Speaker 1: that's my my moment of truth. A moment of truth
Speaker 1: is that you, as a man, have a responsibility to
Speaker 1: protect your family by any means necessary, and anybody who's
Speaker 1: gonna step in the way of that, I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: to deal with the rath. That's just my moment of truth.
Speaker 1: Make sure that you advocate for your children and your wife.
Speaker 1: Um as intelligently as possible, because even once they feel
Speaker 1: the wrath, you have to eloquently articulate why you gave
Speaker 1: somebody the wrath. So don't just be out here just
Speaker 1: trying to gun, bust and throw hands doing some other stuff.
Speaker 1: Be able to articulate your perspective so that people can
Speaker 1: understand where you're coming from. That's the only way you
Speaker 1: can get empathy and compassion. Additionally, if you work in
Speaker 1: if you work as a first responder or anyone dealing
Speaker 1: with people that they're worse and a heightened sense of urgency,
Speaker 1: please take that job seriously, but take it with empathy
Speaker 1: and compassion, because that's what we all require as people. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: I think my moment of truth is having experienced all
Speaker 1: of this, doing a little bit of research sometimes and
Speaker 1: knowing ahead of time, even before an emergency situation, know
Speaker 1: the protocols with hospital no the hierarchy of who needs
Speaker 1: to be contacted if something does go awry. Um, we've
Speaker 1: talked a lot about that, even just on our pregnancy episodes.
Speaker 1: Like you know, being an advocate and doing your research
Speaker 1: and knowing the resources. The same thing applies in a
Speaker 1: children's hospital. The same thing applies in a regular emergency
Speaker 1: room where they're adults. Just knowing who can potentially be
Speaker 1: your advocate in those moments at the hospital, Knowing who
Speaker 1: you can make a complaint to UM. No if it's
Speaker 1: going to be falling on deaf ears, making sure that
Speaker 1: you're documenting times, names, first and last names of people
Speaker 1: who you are having these interactions with UM. Because if
Speaker 1: it does come to a situation like ours, where we
Speaker 1: are planning to and are in the process of taking
Speaker 1: it up into higher levels, you want to, like the
Speaker 1: vow said articulately, articulately explain verbally but also on paper
Speaker 1: what your experience looked like, and knowing who to send
Speaker 1: these complaints too, so something can be done and don't
Speaker 1: feel like the systems ever too big. All complaints don't
Speaker 1: fall on deaf ears. So if you're at home feeling
Speaker 1: like something happened to you and take my mom, gonna
Speaker 1: say nothing because no one's gonna care. That's not true.
Speaker 1: People care. Yeah, shout out one more time to the
Speaker 1: security team over it the Children's Healthcare Center of Atlantigency.
Speaker 1: They were great. All right, y'all be sure to follow
Speaker 1: us on social media dead ask the podcast we have
Speaker 1: our own page, which is growing beautifully. Thank you all
Speaker 1: so much. I wasn't sure how much people would tune
Speaker 1: into the actual podcast page, but I love to see
Speaker 1: y'all there, and of course tune into Cadeine I Am
Speaker 1: and I Am Devout, And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review, and subscribe. Dead as dead
Speaker 1: Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network
Speaker 1: and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast
Speaker 1: on social media at dead as the Podcast and never
Speaker 1: miss a Thing