WEBVTT - 3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure

0:00:01.320 --> 0:00:04.320
<v Speaker 1>I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special

0:00:04.440 --> 0:00:06.520
<v Speaker 1>with all you tea lovers out there. And even if

0:00:06.519 --> 0:00:10.720
<v Speaker 1>you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling

0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:13.960
<v Speaker 1>sodas that are good for you, listen to this RADI

0:00:14.000 --> 0:00:17.959
<v Speaker 1>and I poured our hearts into creating June Sparkling Tea

0:00:18.239 --> 0:00:21.600
<v Speaker 1>with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your

0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:25.280
<v Speaker 1>body and with every sip you'll experience calmness of mind,

0:00:25.520 --> 0:00:29.280
<v Speaker 1>a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.

0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:33.879
<v Speaker 1>Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances

0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:37.320
<v Speaker 1>that act like superheroes for your body to help you

0:00:37.360 --> 0:00:40.800
<v Speaker 1>adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.

0:00:40.840 --> 0:00:44.320
<v Speaker 1>Our super five blend of these powerful ingredients include green Tea,

0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:49.520
<v Speaker 1>ushwagandha acirolla cherry and Lion's made mushroom and these may

0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:53.480
<v Speaker 1>help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine,

0:00:53.720 --> 0:00:58.480
<v Speaker 1>combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function.

0:00:58.840 --> 0:01:03.400
<v Speaker 1>Even better, you has zero sugar and only five calories

0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:06.679
<v Speaker 1>per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body

0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:10.640
<v Speaker 1>while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit

0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:15.600
<v Speaker 1>Drinkjuni dot com today to elevate your wellness journey and

0:01:15.760 --> 0:01:19.399
<v Speaker 1>use code on Purpose to receive fifteen percent off your

0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:24.080
<v Speaker 1>first order. That's drink j u ni dot com and

0:01:24.160 --> 0:01:27.800
<v Speaker 1>make sure you use the code on Purpose. So many

0:01:27.840 --> 0:01:32.360
<v Speaker 1>of our perceptions of ourselves are based on other ideas

0:01:32.440 --> 0:01:35.679
<v Speaker 1>that have made their way through time and lasted as

0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:40.840
<v Speaker 1>almost generational curses. We're judging ourselves and the people around

0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:44.679
<v Speaker 1>us based on standards that we didn't choose. The number

0:01:44.680 --> 0:01:47.000
<v Speaker 1>one health and wellness podcast.

0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:50.440
<v Speaker 2>Jay Setti, Ja Shetty zet.

0:01:52.800 --> 0:01:56.280
<v Speaker 1>Hey everyone, and welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host,

0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:59.800
<v Speaker 1>Jay Shetty, and I'm so grateful that you're here and

0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:03.560
<v Speaker 1>taking the time to spend the next thirty minutes with me. Now,

0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:07.000
<v Speaker 1>in a moment when time and attention are the most

0:02:07.160 --> 0:02:11.880
<v Speaker 1>valuable assets, you're choosing to come here to explore interesting questions,

0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:16.720
<v Speaker 1>learn new habits and practices, and dive deep. Isn't something

0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:20.280
<v Speaker 1>I ever take for granted. Now, if you're a long

0:02:20.360 --> 0:02:23.519
<v Speaker 1>time listening to this show, you probably know that we've

0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:26.760
<v Speaker 1>always followed a format of sorts where we dive into

0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:30.800
<v Speaker 1>a topic and then I offer you tips, hacks, solutions,

0:02:30.960 --> 0:02:35.359
<v Speaker 1>and suggestions of how best to navigate it. Recently, though,

0:02:35.760 --> 0:02:38.880
<v Speaker 1>I've been wanting to go a step deeper to question

0:02:39.040 --> 0:02:42.000
<v Speaker 1>the appearances of things some of us might take for granted.

0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:46.079
<v Speaker 1>My intention being to figure out what's really going on,

0:02:46.919 --> 0:02:50.080
<v Speaker 1>especially in the information age, when most of us are

0:02:50.080 --> 0:02:55.519
<v Speaker 1>bombarded all day with the same appearances. Now, think about it.

0:02:55.960 --> 0:02:58.160
<v Speaker 1>If you're someone who spends any time on social media,

0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:01.560
<v Speaker 1>and I'm guessing that includes more of you, no doubt,

0:03:01.600 --> 0:03:06.560
<v Speaker 1>you're overwhelmed with images and videos of beautiful people doing

0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:11.560
<v Speaker 1>things that are incredible. Their faces are flawless, their hairs

0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:15.359
<v Speaker 1>just right, everything's perfect, and usually they're on their way

0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:18.120
<v Speaker 1>to a party or a city that you feel like

0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:21.600
<v Speaker 1>you're missing out on. Now, with all those images bombarding

0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:24.799
<v Speaker 1>us on a daily basis, we may feel sure we

0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:29.079
<v Speaker 1>experience insecurity, Sure we may experience envy and jealousy, but

0:03:29.240 --> 0:03:33.040
<v Speaker 1>there is conditioning and wiring happening right there and then.

0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:36.600
<v Speaker 1>And for this reason is today's episode is posed in

0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:39.280
<v Speaker 1>the form of a question. I think so many of

0:03:39.400 --> 0:03:42.320
<v Speaker 1>us are dealing with challenges with self worth. We hear

0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:47.560
<v Speaker 1>so many insights on self confidence, self love, self care.

0:03:48.160 --> 0:03:51.080
<v Speaker 1>But it doesn't seem to be breaking through, and I

0:03:51.160 --> 0:03:54.440
<v Speaker 1>think that's partly because we don't even know how we're

0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:58.640
<v Speaker 1>being conditioned. So I want to start off by asking

0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:02.400
<v Speaker 1>you a question. And the question may seem broad and random,

0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:05.240
<v Speaker 1>but I promise you there's a reason, because we're going

0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:08.440
<v Speaker 1>to investigate it. So the question I want to focus

0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:12.280
<v Speaker 1>on today is who is the most beautiful woman in

0:04:12.400 --> 0:04:15.400
<v Speaker 1>the world. Now, when I first ask you that question,

0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:18.600
<v Speaker 1>either you'll come up with an actual name of someone

0:04:18.680 --> 0:04:22.000
<v Speaker 1>you know, or maybe it's a celebrity or a model

0:04:22.120 --> 0:04:24.720
<v Speaker 1>or a well known person. I'm sure we could have

0:04:24.800 --> 0:04:27.800
<v Speaker 1>gone down the lane of who's the most handsome man

0:04:27.920 --> 0:04:29.360
<v Speaker 1>or whatever it may be. But I want to stick

0:04:29.400 --> 0:04:33.080
<v Speaker 1>with this for a second because this question led me

0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:36.360
<v Speaker 1>to take an intensive dive into the ways we think

0:04:36.400 --> 0:04:44.599
<v Speaker 1>about beauty from all different angles historical, cultural, philosophical, even mathematical,

0:04:45.080 --> 0:04:47.720
<v Speaker 1>a quest that traces all the way back to the

0:04:47.800 --> 0:04:51.719
<v Speaker 1>ancient Greeks. Has the definition of beauty changed over time?

0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:54.839
<v Speaker 1>And how much is it influenced by where we grew

0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:57.280
<v Speaker 1>up and the era in which we came of age.

0:04:57.839 --> 0:05:02.120
<v Speaker 1>Are there certain constants or ground rules about beauty? Or

0:05:02.240 --> 0:05:05.480
<v Speaker 1>do the qualities that come together to create the most

0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:08.880
<v Speaker 1>beautiful woman in the world change from year to year,

0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:14.160
<v Speaker 1>decade to decade, And if beauty itself changes, how much

0:05:14.240 --> 0:05:17.760
<v Speaker 1>has to do with us, the innate preferences and biases

0:05:17.960 --> 0:05:20.600
<v Speaker 1>that each of us is born with, and how much

0:05:20.680 --> 0:05:23.719
<v Speaker 1>has to do with the big business of selling dreams,

0:05:24.040 --> 0:05:29.120
<v Speaker 1>whether it's beauty, fashion, makeup, music or film. The Greeks,

0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:32.680
<v Speaker 1>I want you to know were preoccupied with beauty, but

0:05:32.880 --> 0:05:36.080
<v Speaker 1>more than intrigued by beauty as a concept. They were

0:05:36.160 --> 0:05:41.080
<v Speaker 1>intent on figuring out, using logic, reason, and ideally measurement,

0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:46.320
<v Speaker 1>what made someone or something beautiful. To them. Beauty wasn't

0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:50.960
<v Speaker 1>subjective or a person, and the definition of beautiful didn't

0:05:51.080 --> 0:05:55.039
<v Speaker 1>vary depending on who you asked. For the Greeks, beauty

0:05:55.160 --> 0:05:58.920
<v Speaker 1>had to be rational. Among the top characteristics, according to

0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:06.120
<v Speaker 1>philosophers and mathematicians of that time, were order, symmetry and definiteness, meaning,

0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:09.520
<v Speaker 1>for example, that a sculptor creating a statue of a

0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:13.480
<v Speaker 1>Greek goddess should ensure that both her arms are the

0:06:13.600 --> 0:06:17.440
<v Speaker 1>right length, that her hands should match those arms, that

0:06:17.600 --> 0:06:21.040
<v Speaker 1>her head should balance on shoulders neither too big nor

0:06:21.160 --> 0:06:24.440
<v Speaker 1>too small, and that if she is pictured running or

0:06:24.520 --> 0:06:28.640
<v Speaker 1>simply lounging around, that her every muscle and movement be

0:06:28.800 --> 0:06:33.440
<v Speaker 1>portrayed in intricate detail. For the ancient Greek's beauty was

0:06:33.520 --> 0:06:37.680
<v Speaker 1>a function of math. Beauty was all about harmony and proportion.

0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:42.080
<v Speaker 1>One other thing stands out too. For Plato and other

0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:46.080
<v Speaker 1>Greek philosophers, beauty was also linked to a person's goodness

0:06:46.320 --> 0:06:49.480
<v Speaker 1>and morality, an idea that was later picked up in

0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:53.360
<v Speaker 1>fairy tales and Disney films. In other words, if you

0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:57.040
<v Speaker 1>were beautiful on the outside, you were probably beautiful on

0:06:57.160 --> 0:07:01.000
<v Speaker 1>the inside too, though it's hard to speculate which came first,

0:07:01.880 --> 0:07:05.080
<v Speaker 1>because they lived in ancient Greece and weren't inclined to

0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:09.039
<v Speaker 1>calling something beautiful. Without taking a shot at figuring out why,

0:07:09.840 --> 0:07:13.760
<v Speaker 1>Greek philosophers did everything in their power to determine if

0:07:13.840 --> 0:07:18.800
<v Speaker 1>beauty could be measured using mathematical formulas, which is how

0:07:18.920 --> 0:07:24.160
<v Speaker 1>mathematicians like Pythagoras produced a concept that many centuries later

0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:28.160
<v Speaker 1>would come to be dubbed the golden ratio. Ask him

0:07:28.440 --> 0:07:30.800
<v Speaker 1>who was the most beautiful woman in the world back then,

0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:34.720
<v Speaker 1>and odds were he would say Helen of Troy, a

0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:39.280
<v Speaker 1>woman largely credited with precipitating the Trojan War. Why did

0:07:39.320 --> 0:07:43.360
<v Speaker 1>they say that easy her face contained the same precise

0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:47.640
<v Speaker 1>mathematical theorems they kept seeing in objects belonging to the

0:07:47.840 --> 0:07:52.200
<v Speaker 1>natural world that were unanimously deemed to be beautiful, things

0:07:52.400 --> 0:07:57.080
<v Speaker 1>like nautilus shells, the leaves on trees, pine cones, and

0:07:57.240 --> 0:08:00.640
<v Speaker 1>pine cone seeds. It took a few centsies for this

0:08:00.840 --> 0:08:04.120
<v Speaker 1>theorem to be given a name, the golden ratio, though

0:08:04.160 --> 0:08:07.160
<v Speaker 1>looking back, it shows up in the face of Mona Lisa,

0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:10.280
<v Speaker 1>in the parthen and in Athens, and in the Great

0:08:10.320 --> 0:08:13.239
<v Speaker 1>Pyramid of Gizer, though no one can say for sure

0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:16.720
<v Speaker 1>if they were created with the golden ratio in mind.

0:08:17.520 --> 0:08:20.600
<v Speaker 1>But back to Helen of Troy, what role did the

0:08:20.640 --> 0:08:24.320
<v Speaker 1>golden ratio play in the fact she was widely considered

0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:27.280
<v Speaker 1>to be the most beautiful woman in the world. For

0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:30.920
<v Speaker 1>Pythagoras and other Greek mathematicians, the number three had a

0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:35.400
<v Speaker 1>special significance. By dividing the human face into three sections

0:08:35.640 --> 0:08:38.800
<v Speaker 1>or divisions, he and his colleagues could come that much

0:08:38.880 --> 0:08:43.720
<v Speaker 1>closer to defining the ingredients of extraordinary beauty. The first

0:08:43.840 --> 0:08:47.000
<v Speaker 1>measurement was from a woman's hairline down to the middle

0:08:47.040 --> 0:08:50.840
<v Speaker 1>of the eyes. The second measurement started from those same

0:08:50.960 --> 0:08:54.240
<v Speaker 1>eyes and ended at the bottom of the nose. The

0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:57.120
<v Speaker 1>third and final measurement was from the bottom of the

0:08:57.240 --> 0:09:01.040
<v Speaker 1>nose to the base of a woman's chin. Conclusion, the

0:09:01.200 --> 0:09:04.520
<v Speaker 1>most beautiful faces on the planet were two thirds as

0:09:04.640 --> 0:09:08.760
<v Speaker 1>wide as they were long. What's more, if all three

0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:12.560
<v Speaker 1>measurements were roughly equal, a woman's face was more likely

0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:16.640
<v Speaker 1>than not to be universally seen as beautiful. The color

0:09:16.720 --> 0:09:21.199
<v Speaker 1>of a beautiful woman's hair mattered, too, confirming Blonde hair

0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:25.280
<v Speaker 1>in ancient Greece was by far the preferred color. Rarely

0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:28.520
<v Speaker 1>do you see any illustrations or all paintings of dark

0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:34.000
<v Speaker 1>haired or red Greek gods, either female or male. Why Because,

0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:37.040
<v Speaker 1>as I mentioned earlier, beauty for the Greeks was also

0:09:37.160 --> 0:09:40.640
<v Speaker 1>connected to inner goodness and a kind of moral purity.

0:09:41.160 --> 0:09:45.560
<v Speaker 1>One's outward appearance the purest possible reflection of the virtue

0:09:45.679 --> 0:09:50.199
<v Speaker 1>contained inside great art and sculpture. In some ways, the

0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:54.120
<v Speaker 1>earliest form of media also played a powerful part in

0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:58.480
<v Speaker 1>how the definitions of female beauty evolved. Nearly two thousand

0:09:58.600 --> 0:10:02.000
<v Speaker 1>years after the end of the g Greek Empire, Renaissance,

0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:07.840
<v Speaker 1>artists like Bartercelly, Leonardo Rubens, and Raphael portrayed women as

0:10:07.920 --> 0:10:15.119
<v Speaker 1>a physical type cavacious, fleshy, maternal, and mysterious. This ideal, incidentally,

0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:19.520
<v Speaker 1>has endured for centuries and across all cultures. Today, female

0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:22.719
<v Speaker 1>beauty has no link to extreme thinness. Believe it or not,

0:10:23.200 --> 0:10:26.760
<v Speaker 1>That idea has been around since the nineteen sixties, but

0:10:26.960 --> 0:10:30.880
<v Speaker 1>shapeliness not to mention youth, since curviness and youth both

0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:34.680
<v Speaker 1>communicate to suitors that she's the right age and healthy

0:10:34.800 --> 0:10:38.520
<v Speaker 1>enough to conceive and raise children. In short, the media

0:10:38.600 --> 0:10:42.719
<v Speaker 1>can prioritize certain looks and figures all it weighs, but

0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:44.880
<v Speaker 1>at the end of the day, some things are hard

0:10:45.000 --> 0:10:49.400
<v Speaker 1>wired in us as animals and won't ever change. Evolution

0:10:49.600 --> 0:10:52.800
<v Speaker 1>it won't surprise you to learn always has the final say.

0:10:53.280 --> 0:10:56.280
<v Speaker 1>But I want to revisit the idea of symmetry and proportion,

0:10:56.640 --> 0:10:58.839
<v Speaker 1>and the idea that everything from the face to the

0:10:59.000 --> 0:11:02.559
<v Speaker 1>arms to the hands should exist in complete harmony. It's

0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:06.160
<v Speaker 1>easy to dismiss this concept as old fashioned and even dated,

0:11:06.600 --> 0:11:08.480
<v Speaker 1>but it still plays a part in how we look

0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:11.800
<v Speaker 1>at beauty today. In fact, the ancient Greeks are largely

0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:15.640
<v Speaker 1>responsible for the Western standards of beauty that appear in

0:11:15.720 --> 0:11:19.319
<v Speaker 1>our media today. Think of snow White or Cinderella or

0:11:19.480 --> 0:11:24.320
<v Speaker 1>Arielle in The Little Mermaid. Their beautiful appearance is inseparable

0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:28.880
<v Speaker 1>from their goodness and innocence, whereas the witches and ogres

0:11:28.960 --> 0:11:31.840
<v Speaker 1>and villains surrounding them who are eager to do them

0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:35.560
<v Speaker 1>harm are seen as the opposite of beautiful, as if

0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:39.520
<v Speaker 1>their evil dispositions have negatively affected the way they look.

0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:43.360
<v Speaker 1>Another factor that's been linked to beauty a woman's voice.

0:11:43.840 --> 0:11:47.360
<v Speaker 1>In the nineteen eighties, social scientists did a study hoping

0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:50.839
<v Speaker 1>to show a connection between women's voices and their levels

0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:53.280
<v Speaker 1>of beauty. They did this by having a team of

0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:56.720
<v Speaker 1>male volunteers speak on the phone with a group of women.

0:11:57.400 --> 0:12:01.079
<v Speaker 1>I should add this was voice only couldn't see the women,

0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:04.600
<v Speaker 1>nor the women see the men. After the male volunteers

0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:07.079
<v Speaker 1>were asked to assess the most beautiful voices with the

0:12:07.200 --> 0:12:11.719
<v Speaker 1>faces of the most beautiful women, the researchers conclude that

0:12:11.920 --> 0:12:15.760
<v Speaker 1>vocal attractiveness was indeed correlated to the beauty of the

0:12:15.800 --> 0:12:18.600
<v Speaker 1>women in question. I might also add that the more

0:12:18.679 --> 0:12:23.040
<v Speaker 1>youthful sounding voice, the more attractive it crame across. Once again,

0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:27.880
<v Speaker 1>blame evolution. Imagine you're visiting Ethiopia, where some tribes in

0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:31.240
<v Speaker 1>the south still make use of the centuries old practice

0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:35.320
<v Speaker 1>of lipplates. These discs are inserted into a woman's bottom

0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:38.560
<v Speaker 1>lip and are seen as signs of both beauty and status.

0:12:39.360 --> 0:12:44.080
<v Speaker 1>Scars or scarification, are also commonplace among such African ethnic groups.

0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:46.640
<v Speaker 1>An eye for a razor is used to make cuts

0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:49.440
<v Speaker 1>in the skin, and ash or clay or pastes are

0:12:49.480 --> 0:12:52.520
<v Speaker 1>then rubbed into the cuts, which creates bumps and patterns

0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:55.199
<v Speaker 1>on the skin that take anywhere from six months to

0:12:55.280 --> 0:12:58.480
<v Speaker 1>a year to heal. These two are widely considered great

0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:02.760
<v Speaker 1>emblems of beauty in New Zealand, especially among the Maori tribes.

0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:08.080
<v Speaker 1>Facial tattoos serve an almost identical beautifying purpose. They also

0:13:08.160 --> 0:13:11.520
<v Speaker 1>communicate to the world a woman's identity, her social status,

0:13:11.679 --> 0:13:15.840
<v Speaker 1>her heritage, and her own professional achievements. It's quite literally

0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:18.599
<v Speaker 1>like having your family tree and your place in it

0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:22.960
<v Speaker 1>seared onto your skin. How do you feel about unibrows?

0:13:23.360 --> 0:13:27.439
<v Speaker 1>The ancient Greeks loved them, probably because they were so symmetrical. Today,

0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:30.920
<v Speaker 1>in the Central Asian country of Tajikistan, a unibrow is

0:13:30.960 --> 0:13:34.400
<v Speaker 1>still considered a signature of great beauty, versus in the West,

0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:38.440
<v Speaker 1>where a unibrow is often considered well, not entirely desired

0:13:38.520 --> 0:13:43.120
<v Speaker 1>or welcome. Tajikistan, women who don't naturally have a unibrow

0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:46.679
<v Speaker 1>stretching over their eyes can even buy products to enhance

0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:49.679
<v Speaker 1>the brows they were born with. You can see that

0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:54.360
<v Speaker 1>different cultures value different things, and our conditioning means the

0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:56.959
<v Speaker 1>culture we were raised in, the culture we grew up in,

0:13:57.400 --> 0:14:02.199
<v Speaker 1>defines what we see as beautiful and attractive. But think

0:14:02.240 --> 0:14:05.600
<v Speaker 1>about this for a second. Consider, for example, the Japanese

0:14:05.679 --> 0:14:09.920
<v Speaker 1>concept known as wabi sabi, which emphasizes the beauty that

0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:14.280
<v Speaker 1>is found in imperfection. I absolutely love this idea. A

0:14:14.360 --> 0:14:19.720
<v Speaker 1>perfectly manicured back lawn is considered in Japan unacceptable and unnatural.

0:14:20.440 --> 0:14:23.960
<v Speaker 1>No back lawn has ever looked like that. Perfection, this

0:14:24.160 --> 0:14:28.360
<v Speaker 1>idea argues, may be symmetrical, but at the expense of

0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:31.680
<v Speaker 1>what we love and the objects and people we loved most,

0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:39.600
<v Speaker 1>namely their imperfection. Okay, I am so excited about this

0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:44.960
<v Speaker 1>because we've got the first ever merch drop for on Purpose.

0:14:45.360 --> 0:14:49.000
<v Speaker 1>It's finally here and for world Mental health. Today we're

0:14:49.120 --> 0:14:53.640
<v Speaker 1>doing an exclusive limited edition drop with all the proceeds

0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:58.040
<v Speaker 1>going to the National Alliance on Mental Illness NAMI. So

0:14:58.160 --> 0:15:00.600
<v Speaker 1>now you can wear your on purpose merch, listen to

0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:03.760
<v Speaker 1>the podcast and know that you two are having an impact.

0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:05.920
<v Speaker 1>I want to thank you so much in advance. I

0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:08.680
<v Speaker 1>can't wait to see all of your pictures wearing the merch,

0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:12.440
<v Speaker 1>their sweatshirts, a hat, t shirts. Check it out on

0:15:12.520 --> 0:15:19.400
<v Speaker 1>our website jshetdyshop dot com. That's Jshettishop dot com. And remember,

0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:23.920
<v Speaker 1>one hundred percent of the proceeds go to NAMI. Let's

0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:27.040
<v Speaker 1>return now to the beauty standards of the West, which,

0:15:27.080 --> 0:15:29.680
<v Speaker 1>as we see, seemed to change every decode or so

0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:33.040
<v Speaker 1>until the nineteen twenties. As we've seen in other cultures

0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:35.960
<v Speaker 1>around the world, great beauty was marked by a full

0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:39.760
<v Speaker 1>face and a curvey, voluptuous body. Then the Flapper showed

0:15:39.840 --> 0:15:42.720
<v Speaker 1>up a woman skinny as a boy, with short, bobbed

0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:46.920
<v Speaker 1>hair and an androgynous appearance. She was followed by Greta

0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:50.840
<v Speaker 1>garbo lean, strong and enigmatic a woman a few words.

0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:55.480
<v Speaker 1>Two decades later, in the nineteen fifties, beauty standards changed again,

0:15:55.960 --> 0:15:59.000
<v Speaker 1>with the media serving up two female options, the Go

0:15:59.240 --> 0:16:02.960
<v Speaker 1>next Door, embodied by Doris Day and Debbie Reynolds, and

0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:07.200
<v Speaker 1>another kind of girl represented by Marilyn Monroe. In the

0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:11.680
<v Speaker 1>nineteen sixties, beauty standards changed again with the arrival of Twiggy,

0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:15.080
<v Speaker 1>an English supermodel weighing ninety one pounds who became a

0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:19.320
<v Speaker 1>cultural icon in London, introducing or should I say reintroducing

0:16:19.720 --> 0:16:23.720
<v Speaker 1>the world to the concept of androgyny. In the nineteen seventies,

0:16:23.800 --> 0:16:27.240
<v Speaker 1>the pendulum swung back again with the TV show Charlie's

0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:31.240
<v Speaker 1>Angels and Farah Fawcett posters plastering the bedroom walls of

0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:35.080
<v Speaker 1>every teenage boy in America. Suddenly it seemed good health

0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:38.240
<v Speaker 1>and athleticism was in vogue, though this look was soon

0:16:38.400 --> 0:16:41.320
<v Speaker 1>swapped out by the pale, skinny women who began to

0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:45.760
<v Speaker 1>appear in fashion magazines in the nineteen nineties. Now I

0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:48.200
<v Speaker 1>have no judgment over which is more attractive or not.

0:16:48.560 --> 0:16:52.400
<v Speaker 1>It's what's interesting is how it's being presented to us. Now,

0:16:53.120 --> 0:16:56.760
<v Speaker 1>as I've walked you through this journey of history of culture,

0:16:57.440 --> 0:16:59.840
<v Speaker 1>we can just see that when we try to on

0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:02.360
<v Speaker 1>so Who's the most beautiful woman in the world, It

0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:07.280
<v Speaker 1>almost feels like it changes every decade, and today it

0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:11.320
<v Speaker 1>may change every week, and what becomes interesting is that

0:17:11.680 --> 0:17:16.680
<v Speaker 1>our bubble becomes our truth. So if you go online

0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:18.680
<v Speaker 1>and ask who's the most beautiful woman in the world,

0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:22.439
<v Speaker 1>and AI will come up with its own semi scientific assessments,

0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:25.960
<v Speaker 1>And among the names that come up, you'll see Jody

0:17:26.040 --> 0:17:32.119
<v Speaker 1>Cromer's Zendea, Bella Hadid, Beyonce, Simone Bars, Janelle Monet, Aaronana Grande,

0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:36.320
<v Speaker 1>Taylor Swift, Margot Robbie. But what's really interesting about all

0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:39.159
<v Speaker 1>of this, we would say, well, they're all beautiful in

0:17:39.240 --> 0:17:42.680
<v Speaker 1>different ways. So the question that we really have to ask,

0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:44.800
<v Speaker 1>as opposed to who's the most beautiful woman in the world,

0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:49.359
<v Speaker 1>what do we count as our beauty and what do

0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:53.400
<v Speaker 1>we believe to be beautiful about ourselves? Are we choosing

0:17:53.600 --> 0:17:57.080
<v Speaker 1>the same things that society, culture, and history changes and

0:17:57.160 --> 0:18:01.879
<v Speaker 1>updates like fashion every so often to be our definition.

0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:08.240
<v Speaker 1>When I first saw Radi, I genuinely was very attracted

0:18:08.240 --> 0:18:10.040
<v Speaker 1>to her. I thought she was beautiful from the moment

0:18:10.119 --> 0:18:14.480
<v Speaker 1>I saw her, and I still believe she's absolutely beautiful

0:18:14.520 --> 0:18:17.879
<v Speaker 1>and gorgeous today. But so much of what I've learned

0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:22.560
<v Speaker 1>today is learning to love her for all the nuances,

0:18:22.680 --> 0:18:26.200
<v Speaker 1>the subtleties that I never knew before, the quirks, the

0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:30.080
<v Speaker 1>curious parts of her, the parts of her that you

0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:33.880
<v Speaker 1>know that surprised me. And so I want to talk

0:18:33.920 --> 0:18:37.320
<v Speaker 1>to you about what it really means to build self

0:18:37.400 --> 0:18:41.879
<v Speaker 1>love and self worth. The first is understanding the parts

0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:46.480
<v Speaker 1>of yourself you don't like and recognizing whether you don't

0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:49.880
<v Speaker 1>like them because you don't like them, or you don't

0:18:50.000 --> 0:18:52.439
<v Speaker 1>like them because someone else told you not to like them,

0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:57.480
<v Speaker 1>because someone in history, culture art somehow got through to

0:18:57.560 --> 0:19:00.560
<v Speaker 1>you from all of these decades ago, and you're carrying

0:19:00.640 --> 0:19:04.760
<v Speaker 1>around an old idea about the way you feel about yourself.

0:19:05.520 --> 0:19:09.000
<v Speaker 1>So many of our perceptions of ourselves are based on

0:19:09.720 --> 0:19:12.520
<v Speaker 1>other ideas, like the ones I've shared today, that have

0:19:12.720 --> 0:19:17.320
<v Speaker 1>made their way through time and lasted as almost generational curses.

0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:21.879
<v Speaker 1>We're judging ourselves and the people around us based on

0:19:22.040 --> 0:19:26.600
<v Speaker 1>standards that we didn't choose, values that we didn't create,

0:19:27.320 --> 0:19:31.560
<v Speaker 1>and symbols that we didn't select. The second thing I'll

0:19:31.600 --> 0:19:35.400
<v Speaker 1>say to you is find out what makes you feel confident.

0:19:36.000 --> 0:19:38.680
<v Speaker 1>It may be developing a new skill. I think what

0:19:38.760 --> 0:19:42.040
<v Speaker 1>people don't realize is that until you develop skills, the

0:19:42.160 --> 0:19:46.960
<v Speaker 1>skill of communication, the skill of knowing how to present yourself,

0:19:47.440 --> 0:19:50.040
<v Speaker 1>preparing to have the skill of knowing how to introduce

0:19:50.160 --> 0:19:54.040
<v Speaker 1>yourself in a room. Without those skills, no matter what

0:19:54.160 --> 0:19:58.040
<v Speaker 1>you do, it's very hard to feel confident. Because you

0:19:58.080 --> 0:19:59.919
<v Speaker 1>could dress however you want, you could show up how

0:20:00.000 --> 0:20:02.280
<v Speaker 1>however you want, you could be invited to something incredible,

0:20:02.800 --> 0:20:06.000
<v Speaker 1>and you'll still feel like an impostor you'll still feel

0:20:06.119 --> 0:20:08.240
<v Speaker 1>out of your depths or out of your comfort zone

0:20:08.720 --> 0:20:11.879
<v Speaker 1>without a set of skills. Identify the skills that you

0:20:12.000 --> 0:20:15.080
<v Speaker 1>haven't invested in, Skills that you've missed out on, Skills

0:20:15.119 --> 0:20:18.240
<v Speaker 1>that you haven't prioritized that can make a big difference

0:20:18.760 --> 0:20:21.480
<v Speaker 1>in how you feel about yourself. The other thing I

0:20:21.560 --> 0:20:24.600
<v Speaker 1>want you to do is take a look at how

0:20:24.760 --> 0:20:29.439
<v Speaker 1>this is an ever evolving, ever changing conversation and notice

0:20:29.480 --> 0:20:32.960
<v Speaker 1>how through times you've seen updates and how you've seen

0:20:33.520 --> 0:20:36.000
<v Speaker 1>updates and upgrades on what is seen as beautiful, and

0:20:36.080 --> 0:20:38.679
<v Speaker 1>how it keeps changing and keeps you on your toes.

0:20:39.080 --> 0:20:43.440
<v Speaker 1>It supports industries, It builds industries, It allows for industries

0:20:43.520 --> 0:20:48.080
<v Speaker 1>to actually exist. Just because we believe we're not beautiful enough,

0:20:48.119 --> 0:20:51.240
<v Speaker 1>we're not fit enough, we're not strong enough. And start

0:20:51.280 --> 0:20:56.040
<v Speaker 1>writing down your own definition. Start writing down your own description,

0:20:56.880 --> 0:21:01.680
<v Speaker 1>start writing down your own perception, and start disconnecting from

0:21:01.760 --> 0:21:05.879
<v Speaker 1>the others. If you need to unfollow, unsubscribe on social media,

0:21:06.240 --> 0:21:08.840
<v Speaker 1>if you need to change your algorithm, if you need

0:21:08.960 --> 0:21:12.080
<v Speaker 1>to just switch off from social media in order to

0:21:12.160 --> 0:21:15.040
<v Speaker 1>create your own views of beauty, to create your own

0:21:15.119 --> 0:21:19.119
<v Speaker 1>ideals of attraction, that may be the best thing you

0:21:19.240 --> 0:21:22.280
<v Speaker 1>ever do, because otherwise you'll be chasing something that was

0:21:22.400 --> 0:21:25.960
<v Speaker 1>defined decades ago. So many of us are pursuing a

0:21:26.080 --> 0:21:29.000
<v Speaker 1>version of ourself that we don't even know will like,

0:21:29.640 --> 0:21:32.640
<v Speaker 1>but we believe because others may like it, that hopefully

0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:35.760
<v Speaker 1>we will too. And the truth is, when we try

0:21:35.880 --> 0:21:38.680
<v Speaker 1>to become who we think other people will like, even

0:21:38.720 --> 0:21:42.359
<v Speaker 1>if someone likes us, we may not like ourselfs. And

0:21:42.480 --> 0:21:46.440
<v Speaker 1>liking yourself is worth so much more than however many

0:21:46.720 --> 0:21:50.159
<v Speaker 1>likes you receive on a post on social media. I

0:21:50.240 --> 0:21:52.040
<v Speaker 1>want to thank you for listening today. I hope that

0:21:52.119 --> 0:21:55.680
<v Speaker 1>it's been an education. I hope it's been enlightening. I

0:21:55.720 --> 0:21:59.359
<v Speaker 1>hope that it's giving you insight into recognizing that when

0:21:59.359 --> 0:22:01.200
<v Speaker 1>you try and answer these questions, when you try and

0:22:01.320 --> 0:22:04.720
<v Speaker 1>chase a version of beauty, you could chase any definition

0:22:04.880 --> 0:22:09.159
<v Speaker 1>for any decade and you'd still be behind. Thank you

0:22:09.280 --> 0:22:12.080
<v Speaker 1>so much for listening. Remember I'm forever in your corner

0:22:12.640 --> 0:22:14.960
<v Speaker 1>and I'm always rooting for you. I'll see you soon.

0:22:15.320 --> 0:22:18.399
<v Speaker 1>If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my conversation with

0:22:18.520 --> 0:22:22.480
<v Speaker 1>Megan Trainer on breaking generational trauma and how to be

0:22:22.680 --> 0:22:24.560
<v Speaker 1>confident from the inside out.

0:22:24.720 --> 0:22:27.359
<v Speaker 2>My therapist told me stand in the mirror naked for

0:22:27.560 --> 0:22:29.400
<v Speaker 2>five minutes. It was already tough for me to love

0:22:29.440 --> 0:22:32.120
<v Speaker 2>my body, but after the C section scarf with all

0:22:32.240 --> 0:22:34.480
<v Speaker 2>the stretch marks, now I'm looking at myself like I've

0:22:34.520 --> 0:22:37.000
<v Speaker 2>been hacked. But day three, when I did it, I

0:22:37.119 --> 0:22:38.800
<v Speaker 2>was like, you know what, her thighs are cute