Speaker 1: How how crazy different does it sound with the indizzel line.
Speaker 2: It's not. There's maybe one or two words that have
Speaker 2: caught it on, but like.
Speaker 1: Theory, yes yesterday, that's a tough one.
Speaker 3: No, honestly, you are not a nice person. You're not.
Speaker 3: And the fact that you crack yourself.
Speaker 1: All right, it's sauce on the side. And if you
Speaker 1: hear me sounding a little bit differently, it's because I
Speaker 1: got in bizil line and it's really tough to talk sometimes.
Speaker 1: Can I also just say so when I got these
Speaker 1: I came into the studio, I read the news, I
Speaker 1: did a whole show. Nobody noticed you two assholes as
Speaker 1: soon as I encountered you. I was at the gym
Speaker 1: with Andrew yesterday and he was like, you got a
Speaker 1: missil line. I said, what can you hear? What's going on?
Speaker 1: He's like yeah. And then when I saw Diamond, probably
Speaker 1: after ten seconds of talking to her, she goes, oh
Speaker 1: m G and his line. You two notice immediately these
Speaker 1: people that I'm in here with for five hours every day,
Speaker 1: they didn't notice crazy.
Speaker 3: Let you know who really cares about you.
Speaker 1: I love you guys, thanks, and I'm really excited about
Speaker 1: our guest today because I think he's pretty funny Jared Freed.
Speaker 1: If you don't follow him already online, you definitely should,
Speaker 1: at least on Instagram at Jared Freed. But I don't
Speaker 1: want to hype him up anymore. Then he needs to
Speaker 1: be hyped up. I just want him to come in
Speaker 1: and do his thing. Let's bring him in, all right,
Speaker 1: Jared Freed one of my favorite comedians online and just
Speaker 1: in general. I actually met you back in Boston. I
Speaker 1: know you don't remember me, but I totally remember.
Speaker 4: I do remember it. Wow, we were at a kiss
Speaker 4: one a way. Yeah, I remember.
Speaker 5: It was way back with pandemic days.
Speaker 1: Call TikTok before TikTok.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm one hundred years old. It's great to see you.
Speaker 5: It's great to see look at you in the big leagues.
Speaker 5: This is New York City, baby, I love it.
Speaker 3: It was great.
Speaker 1: Boston was awesome. You're originally from that area from.
Speaker 5: Outside of Boston, Okay, so I'm from Needham and uh,
Speaker 5: but I you know, I move here after college, so
Speaker 5: now you know, you know, it's weird to say sixteen
Speaker 5: years since moving to New York from I went to
Speaker 5: Penn State, so like, you know.
Speaker 1: I'm almost I do want to talk about that.
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm sorry, but you know, you go from you know,
Speaker 5: I'm almost as long in New York as I was
Speaker 5: in Needham. It's getting weird, you know. So yeah, it's
Speaker 5: it's great to be here with you.
Speaker 1: We'll brought you to New York straight out of college.
Speaker 5: I immediately I just wanted to be in New York.
Speaker 5: I think, like I didn't know what I wanted to do,
Speaker 5: but I knew that New York had entrepreneurial, hustling people
Speaker 5: and women, you know, so yeah.
Speaker 4: Those two things we're going to get to that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, right, Like I was like, okay, you got you know,
Speaker 5: people who want bigger, better things for themselves, people who
Speaker 5: are here to like.
Speaker 4: Go at it, and hot women. You know. So it's like,
Speaker 4: why wouldn't I want to be there? You know? So
Speaker 4: I moved after college.
Speaker 5: I was selling life insurance and annuities, and it just
Speaker 5: like I would never bash a profession because there's people
Speaker 5: that like sometimes when you say you left, you know,
Speaker 5: selling life insurance to do comedy, people like.
Speaker 4: You did it, you're co artists. And I'm like, no, no, no,
Speaker 4: I wish I liked it as much as some people.
Speaker 4: You know, I wish I was good at I wasn't
Speaker 4: very good at it, and I wasn't. It wasn't for me.
Speaker 5: And comedy, like I was writing funny emails to friends
Speaker 5: all day.
Speaker 4: And it was the time where like the group email
Speaker 4: was the thing, like.
Speaker 5: Right, you write the group email that like with all
Speaker 5: your pals, you know that were in the same position
Speaker 5: as you. And I would make fun of my friends
Speaker 5: and then someone will go off email to let me
Speaker 5: know that my email made their day. Was they're laughing
Speaker 5: at their desk. That was like a shot of adrenaline.
Speaker 5: That was like a drug. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 5: well how do I get that? You know, like how
Speaker 5: do I get the feeling of making my friend laugh
Speaker 5: in the middle of the day all the time? And
Speaker 5: so I started, you know, writing online and doing open mics.
Speaker 5: And you're in New York City. Every scene is here.
Speaker 5: There's a restaurant scene, there's a comedy scene, there's a
Speaker 5: radio scene, there's a there's a finance scene. You know,
Speaker 5: there's a it's all here, and all you have to
Speaker 5: do is look for it because it's in. You don't
Speaker 5: know it's here until you look seek it out, you know,
Speaker 5: Like so I knew comedy was here. I knew there
Speaker 5: were clubs, but then you go seek it out. I
Speaker 5: started taking you know, improv classes and sketch.
Speaker 1: Right, we were talking about taking improv classes.
Speaker 5: I did open mics every night, and you know, it
Speaker 5: became an obsession, Like I truly am obsessed with finding
Speaker 5: ways and finding new bits, seeing people, like making people laugh.
Speaker 5: And I started doing podcasting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have like a million podcasts.
Speaker 4: I never shut up. I have so many podcasts.
Speaker 5: Well, I started doing podcasts over a decade ago when
Speaker 5: it was like, you know, even then, people are going
Speaker 5: everyone has a podcast, and it's like, you know, but
Speaker 5: for me, I'm doing comedy and I'm seeing friends of
Speaker 5: mine get cast in things, and I'm seeing some and
Speaker 5: become writers, and like I you know, I was like,
Speaker 5: my skill set is yeahpen, you know, like that's my
Speaker 5: skill and gnawing on the bone of like the subjects
Speaker 5: that are stupid. I could talk to someone about appetizers
Speaker 5: for an.
Speaker 4: Hour and.
Speaker 5: Right I'm yelled at I've you know, these are all
Speaker 5: part of the you know, my the JCU, the Jared
Speaker 5: Cinematic universe, that's the thing. And I always thought like
Speaker 5: I'll do all these things and someone might come along
Speaker 5: and say, wow, look at all this funny stuff.
Speaker 4: Let's let's create a show around and let's do this, you.
Speaker 5: Know, And and that never really happened, but accept it
Speaker 5: happened with people like now we live in a direct
Speaker 5: to consumer marketplace as a comedian, and I was kind
Speaker 5: of early to that game of like, hey, I'm gonna
Speaker 5: make funny stuff. And but the reason was like hoping
Speaker 5: like NBC would come along. But now because of the Internet,
Speaker 5: like you can come right to my page and laugh
Speaker 5: with me every day.
Speaker 4: I I yell at the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: Okay, I tell you, you yelling at the Bachelor. You
Speaker 1: tweeting your little slides of like happy New Year to
Speaker 1: the person. Yes, those kill me. I have so many
Speaker 1: questions for you about all of this. But I if
Speaker 1: NBC did come along, now you're not gonna say no.
Speaker 4: Right, no, that's a thing, like let's talk.
Speaker 5: But you know this, this is the beauty of being
Speaker 5: a comedian in twenty twenty four. Is like what I
Speaker 5: love is that we're not we're not desperate. I have
Speaker 5: three podcasts.
Speaker 1: You know right now, just if people are.
Speaker 5: With so the UU podcast is a modern dating podcast.
Speaker 5: If you're out there dating, single, in a relationship. It
Speaker 5: is the podcast for rational dating talk. And I know
Speaker 5: you're going, well, you're you're a single, thirty nine year
Speaker 5: old guy. Yeah, I'm the guy you're dealing with.
Speaker 4: I speak.
Speaker 5: I am ten percent away from every I'm an average dude.
Speaker 4: That's the thing. I'm not special.
Speaker 5: So when someone asks a dating question, I go, how
Speaker 5: would I feel in this scenario?
Speaker 4: And I tell you how I would feel.
Speaker 5: And my dad always used to say to me, however
Speaker 5: you feel, someone else feels. There's not you know, you're
Speaker 5: not special. This is just your feeling, is not. I'm
Speaker 5: not one hundred percent away from your boyfriend, the guy
Speaker 5: you're seeing, the guy you're texting, I'm not, but I'm not.
Speaker 5: I'm not one hundred percent on point with him, but
Speaker 5: I'm within ten percent.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: So.
Speaker 5: And that's the promise of the podcast, is that I
Speaker 5: am so. And my co host is Jordana and Abraham
Speaker 5: who started Betches the really yeah, the media company, the
Speaker 5: huge media company. So uh, we have this great banter
Speaker 5: on dating subjects. And again, like with TikTok and Instagram,
Speaker 5: a lot of the dating things you see the snippets,
Speaker 5: they're they're really to get you mad. They're not really
Speaker 5: good advice. It's not really thoughtful.
Speaker 1: It's bad.
Speaker 4: It's it's actually bad for it, dom Pam.
Speaker 5: You know that's not helping your problem because what a
Speaker 5: lot of people do with dating stuff and they want
Speaker 5: to get past your issue and onto their own.
Speaker 4: Of course, yeah, like me, I want to talk about me.
Speaker 1: Wait, so are you doing that when people know I am.
Speaker 5: Into your stuff? Like I care more about your stuff
Speaker 5: than my own. That's why I am single and thirty nine,
Speaker 5: you know, so it's not a joke to us, like
Speaker 5: the idea of like, oh, you know, the should I
Speaker 5: text them back? Some people go, you know, we'll disregard
Speaker 5: your feelings and anxieties about that. I would never do that.
Speaker 5: I think that that's a great topic of conversation. So
Speaker 5: the u A podcast Modern dating talked about in a
Speaker 5: rational way, tough conversations had in a very safe space.
Speaker 1: So when you say in a rational way, where have
Speaker 1: you seen it be talked about in irrational way?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 5: You see people have I have no rules for dating.
Speaker 5: I think if anyone's giving you a rule, they're trying
Speaker 5: to sell you a book. They're trying to sell something
Speaker 5: to you.
Speaker 3: I agree with.
Speaker 4: I think they're trying to fool you.
Speaker 1: I think rules are crazy. You can't fly the same
Speaker 1: rule to every single person.
Speaker 5: Thank That's why we again rational. So like when someone
Speaker 5: says you shouldn't text them back.
Speaker 1: At text, get out of here.
Speaker 4: Right, get out of here, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: It's harder to not communicate with somebody in twenty twenty
Speaker 1: four than it is to communicate with them because you
Speaker 1: have to got them on a zillion different platforms. You
Speaker 1: can find somebody, you can see what they're doing. Look
Speaker 1: up the last time they looked at a story, at
Speaker 1: your story, when they're posting what they're liking, Like, it's
Speaker 1: impossible not to reach out to someone.
Speaker 4: Listen. I totally agree.
Speaker 5: And here's the thing, Like, you know there's a there's
Speaker 5: a female yearn that I've come to find out via
Speaker 5: the podcast You want to Be Women want to be chased, Okay,
Speaker 5: they want to feel wanted.
Speaker 1: Only by someone they want, right, Yes, you don't want
Speaker 1: to be like chased in a in a dark alley
Speaker 1: type of way, chas or like the guy that just
Speaker 1: shows up outside your apartment, like get the fuck out
Speaker 1: of here?
Speaker 4: Who are you unless they're cute and you're like, okay,
Speaker 4: thank you for showing up.
Speaker 1: The difference between creepy and romantic very thin line.
Speaker 4: But here's the thing.
Speaker 5: It's the you know you want this, this person who
Speaker 5: sees you and plucks you out of obscurity. It's very
Speaker 5: rom commy. What I find with a lot of the
Speaker 5: women that write in is that they insert the word
Speaker 5: confused instead of turned off. Okay, and it's like, I'm
Speaker 5: so confused. No, you're turned off by this behavior and
Speaker 5: I need to let you know. And they're afraid to
Speaker 5: let this person out because maybe then they'll stop chasing me. Well,
Speaker 5: that's the thing. You have to be, you know, fearless.
Speaker 5: But that's easier said than done. I think like when
Speaker 5: it comes to dating, it's like these rules are put
Speaker 5: in place to protect your emotional state. So when you
Speaker 5: say I won't text back in three days, then at
Speaker 5: least when they didn't text you for three days, you go,
Speaker 5: that's it. They don't like me, goodbye, chop my head off.
Speaker 5: But right, right, right, women want their heads chopped off.
Speaker 5: They don't want and men love vague relationships. Ask a
Speaker 5: guy if he's in a relationship. If he's dating someone,
Speaker 5: it just sounds like he's coffee.
Speaker 4: He's like, oh.
Speaker 1: Right now, and be like, are you in a relationship?
Speaker 5: If I ran up to him are you in a relationship?
Speaker 5: How quickly would he say yes?
Speaker 4: You know, like I think he would.
Speaker 1: Say yes pretty quickly. But now I want to find out?
Speaker 5: Now we want to that's a good prank call. Show
Speaker 5: that boyfriends, you should do it well.
Speaker 4: I see the comedy shows. Hey, you know you see
Speaker 4: a group of guys and you're like, okay, So someone
Speaker 4: would be disappointed by this response, right?
Speaker 1: Is there someone who would be mad at me if
Speaker 1: I sent you a nude question?
Speaker 5: So that's the UO podcast talking about dating in a
Speaker 5: rational way. And then I do The Bachelor, which is
Speaker 5: a bacher's podcast, just going over the Bachelor. The Bachelor,
Speaker 5: we recap all the Bachelor episodes.
Speaker 1: I've seen some of yourself. Why why are you so
Speaker 1: obsessed with the Bachelor? Where did this begin?
Speaker 5: I think it's great? I think, well, here's the thing.
Speaker 5: The Bachelor's like professional wrestling. Okay, professional wrestling. We know
Speaker 5: that the outcome is scripted, but you got to take
Speaker 5: the bumps along the way. You can't fake jumping off
Speaker 5: the top rope and hitting the mat. The same way
Speaker 5: you can't fake first date, first kiss, asking someone out,
Speaker 5: dumping someone.
Speaker 4: Those are all things you see on The Bachelor.
Speaker 5: You can't fake jealousy, you can't fake a competition, and
Speaker 5: it's all.
Speaker 1: There and that is genuine. I have never watched it.
Speaker 4: I do you think it's genuine?
Speaker 5: I think, like, I think they're putting a Petri dish
Speaker 5: and then we That's what reality TV is like when
Speaker 5: people are like it's fake. It's like, what show are
Speaker 5: you watching that's not fake?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 5: You know, like, what do you think Bostin's Creek was?
Speaker 5: This was a real story, Like you know this.
Speaker 4: Is they're putting a Petri dish.
Speaker 5: And then the people are the variables, they're the you know,
Speaker 5: they're the things jump bouncing off of each other and
Speaker 5: we get to watch it's all fun and games. Though,
Speaker 5: Like I've met a lot of the contestants and they
Speaker 5: all say the same thing. They all go, You're in
Speaker 5: this bubble and you kind of like you fall into it.
Speaker 5: You can't believe that you're going along in this thing.
Speaker 1: But it is real, right because in real life, on
Speaker 1: what planet would you ever battle twenty five other dudes
Speaker 1: to go on one day with some girl even though
Speaker 1: I guess technically yeah, that all the time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, why would.
Speaker 1: You do that? That's crazy? Okay, So you've got that
Speaker 1: podcast about and then The Bachelor.
Speaker 5: The Bachelor and then the J Train podcast is like
Speaker 5: basically like Spice of Life. We give it email advice.
Speaker 5: We we give emailers advice. We do this thing called
Speaker 5: the Luxury Lounge where you're allowed to complain about anything
Speaker 5: you want and I'll complain with you.
Speaker 1: Oh that's like our burn book.
Speaker 4: There we go. You can you anything you want. All
Speaker 4: complaints welcome, safe space for complaints.
Speaker 1: It's one of your favorite complaints.
Speaker 4: You can think my engagement rings too big, like the
Speaker 4: actual rock is too big. I can't wear it out.
Speaker 5: I feel embarrassed, you know, And you go, yeah, that
Speaker 5: is a problem. I can understand that, you know, like
Speaker 5: I understand you gotta you got a big rock on
Speaker 5: your finger. You're you're afraid of what people think of you,
Speaker 5: you know, like the societal you know, stuff that goes
Speaker 5: with that.
Speaker 4: Oh, you know, must be richy, life must be easy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all of those things. Immediately, if I saw someone
Speaker 1: and if they were like, it's too big, it's really
Speaker 1: running out right.
Speaker 5: They can't tell anybody that come to luxury Lounge, right,
Speaker 5: it's the only place you can say that out loud,
Speaker 5: and someone me will go, you are right.
Speaker 1: Always everyone's bullshit everyone.
Speaker 4: Because I'm a complainer. I loved complain.
Speaker 5: And when someone goes there's bigger issues, I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 5: I don't think anyone's complaining not realizing that there's children starving,
Speaker 5: Like that's a crazy person. And you know it was
Speaker 5: birth from the pandemic because what people were doing is
Speaker 5: you weren't allowed to have any other problem other than
Speaker 5: my grandma's dying from COVID, like that was the only
Speaker 5: problem you were allowed to have.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, listen, we can't do this to ourselves.
Speaker 4: Come over here.
Speaker 5: I built the luxury lounge, my bare hands, leather bound books.
Speaker 5: We got a good couch, we got the fire roll RAR,
Speaker 5: and we got the piano going let's chalk it out.
Speaker 1: You know, now you either have to be somewhere. Someone
Speaker 1: called in or wrote in and you were just like,
Speaker 1: get the.
Speaker 5: Hell no, never, I will find you're a problem. To
Speaker 5: give me a complain that you think is frivolous.
Speaker 1: I'll agree with you, Okay. I worked with the guy
Speaker 1: one time who was complaining that he cut his finger
Speaker 1: on the lobster shell of the lobster at his giant
Speaker 1: lobster fiece that he had the night before his beach house.
Speaker 4: And so right, shut off. He's so right. If you're
Speaker 4: that rich, that means it's a catered affair.
Speaker 5: That means they should be cracking the lobster for you.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 5: And problem this is he's right because what catering company
Speaker 5: is like, we're gonna do thirty lobster's great. They should
Speaker 5: have someone going through doing a slight crack. And you
Speaker 5: know when they do the crack for you, they leave
Speaker 5: it on so that you can feel like you're the
Speaker 5: muscle bound warrior.
Speaker 4: He's missed out on that.
Speaker 5: Now he has to doubt himself as a man, and
Speaker 5: he cut himself. So this catering company not only didn't
Speaker 5: do the whole job, but they also made him doubt
Speaker 5: his manhood and his ability to provide.
Speaker 1: For his really are a problem, it's you you're the
Speaker 1: problem or.
Speaker 4: I'm the solution.
Speaker 5: So the J Train podcast we do that. We talk
Speaker 5: about like you know, current events pop culture. I play
Speaker 5: a game called am I Crazy?
Speaker 4: Dog? I let people go am I Crazy? For what's
Speaker 4: going on?
Speaker 5: Like you tell me this week if I'm if I'm
Speaker 5: looking back, Like there's like restaurant clubs.
Speaker 4: That are popping up now. Yeah, and you can't.
Speaker 5: Get into restaurants now because they're like actually private dining rooms.
Speaker 5: And I was taking, you know, just the idea of that,
Speaker 5: Like where's society going? And there's a guy that created
Speaker 5: Rezi who now is creating an app where you build
Speaker 5: points with restaurants to become like a preferred customer like
Speaker 5: you would with Delta. Do I want a society that
Speaker 5: has gotten rid of charm because charming people used to
Speaker 5: get preferential restaurant you know. Treatment there's a famous Seinfeld
Speaker 5: episode the Chinese restaurant where they're waiting to get in
Speaker 5: and they're waiting, they're waiting, this guy walks in, older man.
Speaker 4: He goes, he's like, you know, mister Chen, and like
Speaker 4: the guy working at the Chinese restaurant.
Speaker 5: Goes mister Bloomberg and he walks him right by George
Speaker 5: and Jerry and the gang, and then he goes, what
Speaker 5: are you talking? Wait a minute, we've been waiting. He goes,
Speaker 5: that's mister Bloomberg. And it's like, I understand that because
Speaker 5: mister Bloomberg has been coming there for years.
Speaker 4: It's nice to the wait staff.
Speaker 5: They like him and has made the effort to be
Speaker 5: charming with the wait staff. That's what got him preferential
Speaker 5: treatment over George and Jerry and Elaine. And it's like,
Speaker 5: now we're creating these apps to make it so you
Speaker 5: get the same treatment without having the ability to talk
Speaker 5: to people. And that's what dating apps are.
Speaker 1: So let me ask you this. Yeah, this is my
Speaker 1: theory on all of these things. Yeah, it's ruining evolution.
Speaker 4: I agree with you.
Speaker 5: I think, you know, maybe evolution is not having to
Speaker 5: talk to people. You know, I don't know what evolution
Speaker 5: is just evolving. We don't know what it is evolving
Speaker 5: to better or worse? Are we evolving into something that
Speaker 5: the nerds wanted?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 5: We are, well, the nerds are creating a more comfortable
Speaker 5: world for themselves. And I'm saying this in a very
Speaker 5: I hope the word nerd doesn't come off as offensive.
Speaker 4: I mean, well, I think we're all nerds for things,
Speaker 4: you know.
Speaker 5: So I would say people with low interpersonal skills are are.
Speaker 4: Mostly people who create tech.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and they're creating worlds where I because on a
Speaker 5: dating app you never get turned down. You ever notice
Speaker 5: that on a dating app, you swipe right, I like them,
Speaker 5: you swipe left, I don't like them. Okay, when you
Speaker 5: swipe left, goodbye, get out of my life. When you
Speaker 5: swipe right, sometimes right away, matchap yes, and you go well,
Speaker 5: then you go you go boom, look at me, let
Speaker 5: me see what I caught. Now if you swipe right,
Speaker 5: nothing happens. You go, well, I guess they haven't.
Speaker 4: Seen me yet. So you never get turned down. You
Speaker 4: never hear back from the person you swipe right that
Speaker 4: looked at your picture went so. So this is the
Speaker 4: This is what people.
Speaker 5: Who didn't want to go up to women because these
Speaker 5: apps were like these apps were created by men, men
Speaker 5: who were like, damn it, here's my problem.
Speaker 4: I gotta go up to women to be able to
Speaker 4: fuck you.
Speaker 1: Do you have to talk to them at least a lot.
Speaker 3: I have to talk to it.
Speaker 4: I gotta talk to them. I gotta talk it out.
Speaker 5: The pain is hearing someone look at me and go oh, so,
Speaker 5: how do I get rid of the And that's what
Speaker 5: dating apps did. And now when I look at these
Speaker 5: restaurant apps that are like, I want to get rid
Speaker 5: of the hey, what's your name? Or I want to
Speaker 5: get rid of going back to a restaurant over and
Speaker 5: over again and creating a relationship over time. And I
Speaker 5: am birthed. I am from salesman Jews. So there's like
Speaker 5: doctor Jews.
Speaker 4: And then there's a salesman Jewsky. I am from salesman Jews.
Speaker 4: So charm is kind of our secret sauce.
Speaker 1: Oh, they're taking it from you.
Speaker 5: I do feel that I'm being kicked out of society
Speaker 5: a little bit. I mean, there's a coffee shop near
Speaker 5: me in the West Village that I love. I love it,
Speaker 5: and it's called I love it so much I forgot
Speaker 5: its name Blackstone. I can't say enough nice things about
Speaker 5: this coffee shop. And on a beautiful day, if you're
Speaker 5: in the West Village, you will go there and be
Speaker 5: very happy.
Speaker 4: You win.
Speaker 5: It's family run and you walk in and the dad
Speaker 5: there in the morning, and the two sons are there
Speaker 5: in the afternoon, and the dad looks at everyone, Hey, cousin, hey, baby, hey, hey,
Speaker 5: sonny hey, And he's got nicknames for everyone, and it's
Speaker 5: funny because you go, man, I'm warmed by the sons
Speaker 5: know me, the dad knows me. But they know everybody,
Speaker 5: and that takes hard work, That takes making eye contact,
Speaker 5: and like we've lost so much of that for sure.
Speaker 5: You know, order on the app so you don't have
Speaker 5: to talk to anyone. You come in there like like
Speaker 5: a robber, you.
Speaker 1: Know, take your ba and listen.
Speaker 4: I know those people out there that go, I like
Speaker 4: ordering on the app.
Speaker 5: I like that I don't have to wait. I like
Speaker 5: the efficiency. It's hard to find that center balance, you know.
Speaker 1: So when I say I think that these apps are
Speaker 1: ruining evolution, I'm saying strictly from a genetic standpoint, because
Speaker 1: the biggest and the baddest and the most confident used
Speaker 1: to go out meet people like them and breed, and
Speaker 1: that carried on those genes. They kept populating the gene
Speaker 1: pool right right now.
Speaker 5: Also, the dumbest two dummies would meet in the park too,
Speaker 5: you know, so maybe we're helping. We're mixing dumb with
Speaker 5: the even reasonable.
Speaker 1: But yeah, there's also the like, oh, people who never
Speaker 1: should have pro created are now meeting each other and
Speaker 1: they are procreating and those genes are also getting put
Speaker 1: out into the world, and I'm just like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: this is crazy.
Speaker 4: Right, it's hard because it's.
Speaker 1: Weird apparently now meeting people in real life.
Speaker 4: So it is.
Speaker 5: And you know, we did a mixer and even calling
Speaker 5: it a mixer makes it sound horrific, you know, mixer.
Speaker 4: There wasn't a punch bowl. It wasn't the.
Speaker 5: Eighties, okay, but the podcast we had our own like
Speaker 5: get together and it was wonderful. But and but it
Speaker 5: took a lot of strength for those people me included
Speaker 5: to show up, Like.
Speaker 3: Why for you?
Speaker 4: I was like a mixer. I was the one putting
Speaker 4: it together for you to go.
Speaker 5: I was like, oh, there's gonna be a pain, there's
Speaker 5: only gonna be losers and whatever. And I'm like, who
Speaker 5: would go? And then I'm going? And it was great
Speaker 5: and it was It felt so good to meet people
Speaker 5: in person. The issue was finding men to go. You know,
Speaker 5: men don't think they need help with dating. You know,
Speaker 5: men are not interested in dating talk talk and generally,
Speaker 5: I'm generally speaking, we have male fans, but I'm saying
Speaker 5: generally men are not listening to dating talk, not going
Speaker 5: over you know, the text that they're sending. That's why they,
Speaker 5: you know, look so stupid on dating app. And also
Speaker 5: men are not really like concern. They'll go what happen
Speaker 5: when it happens. So it's hard to find men to
Speaker 5: go to these events that are planned out.
Speaker 4: Because they go, I'm a guy, I'll go to the bar.
Speaker 5: I'll be fine, you know, Or they're texting someone that
Speaker 5: they've been texting with.
Speaker 4: That is that's how situationships occur, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, everybody has that, even if you're in a relationship.
Speaker 4: Right, Oh do you I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm not talking about me. I'm saying
Speaker 1: I hear about this man people I would never but
Speaker 1: for you, you say you're thirty nine single? Why why
Speaker 1: do you think that is?
Speaker 5: It's my fault, you know, it's I think you get
Speaker 5: past a certain age. You know, when you meet younger,
Speaker 5: you're growing up with someone, and then as you get older,
Speaker 5: you grow up on your own and you're fine on
Speaker 5: your own and you're happy in your life, and now
Speaker 5: you're looking for someone that fits a very specific, weirdly
Speaker 5: specific like set of parameters. Right, and and when I
Speaker 5: think when you're younger, it's like play dough. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 5: you can mess with someone, you become one ball with someone,
Speaker 5: and then as you get older, puzzle piece, it's more rigid, and.
Speaker 4: So your bullsh is just it's not even right, it's
Speaker 4: more just like, you know, I'm pretty good.
Speaker 5: You gotta be you gotta you gotta make me and
Speaker 5: my you gotta make my phone better. Yeah, like I got.
Speaker 5: And then as you get older, I think you're like
Speaker 5: I could sit at the bar with a martini on
Speaker 5: my own and I'm okay, and it's got to be
Speaker 5: such a perfect situation.
Speaker 4: And then you get a little.
Speaker 5: Too precious, you know, you get you get too into
Speaker 5: my perfect situation and you get too okay with like,
Speaker 5: so I get a lot of the blame, like when
Speaker 5: you get older and single, like and I think older
Speaker 5: single people will agree with this, like they go, oh,
Speaker 5: I like my life.
Speaker 4: People think, oh it's sad. No, no, no, I'm happy the.
Speaker 1: Happiest people I know. Right, you're not competing with another person,
Speaker 1: you're competing with Do I like spending time with you
Speaker 1: more than I like spending time with me? Right, which
Speaker 1: is a no for me for most.
Speaker 4: Part of which is hard.
Speaker 5: Fine as you get old, because you know, because I
Speaker 5: like spending time with me. I spend time with myself
Speaker 5: in weird ways, you know, like go on sitting at
Speaker 5: a bar having a martini doing the crossword.
Speaker 4: If I sat next to someone doing that, they'd be like, well,
Speaker 4: what do you should we talk? I'd be like, no, no, no,
Speaker 4: this is this is the playoff, is right?
Speaker 1: So you're happily single right now?
Speaker 4: Yeah, right now my life is very safe.
Speaker 5: And I think the only thing that could ruin my
Speaker 5: life is a woman.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people will agree, so like,
Speaker 1: and I.
Speaker 4: Mean that well also loving women and wanting.
Speaker 5: A relationship, and it's the other way to.
Speaker 4: Right, I guess for me and for a woman it
Speaker 4: would be a man.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, like the only thing that would ruin
Speaker 5: a single person's life is a relationship, you know, so to.
Speaker 4: Say it more PC.
Speaker 5: Because it would be let's say I get in a relationship,
Speaker 5: the work drives up.
Speaker 4: I have someone else looking at me going, so what
Speaker 4: are you gonna do? We have two kids?
Speaker 5: Right, And I go and I'm like, well I guess
Speaker 5: I'll you know, go and try to be funny again.
Speaker 4: They're like, well funny ain't funny enough.
Speaker 5: You know, that's right, like get you know, get real,
Speaker 5: Like I live in a Lala Listen. Things are okay,
Speaker 5: but I live in La La land.
Speaker 4: You know it's a great place to be. It's a
Speaker 4: great place.
Speaker 1: I love it wonderful here.
Speaker 4: So I I you know that weighs on me, and
Speaker 4: and that is hard.
Speaker 1: You're right. It does go from Plato when you're younger
Speaker 1: to like, oh, we'll grow up together. We can hold
Speaker 1: each other and it's gonna be great. So then you're
Speaker 1: in your thirties, late thirties, whatever, and it's more like
Speaker 1: a you have to find this exact thing, which I
Speaker 1: think a lot of that is about reading through the
Speaker 1: ick and the older you get, I think there's more
Speaker 1: ick immediately for you. What is instant.
Speaker 4: I I don't think there's ick for men.
Speaker 1: Okay, nothing, There's nothing that you would just look at
Speaker 1: a girl's Instagram page and be like, nah, man, I'm good.
Speaker 5: Well, because to me, the ick is everything's great and
Speaker 5: they do one thing and you don't want to fuck
Speaker 5: them ever?
Speaker 4: Is that what it is?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 4: And and that's the way it was explained to me.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And in that premise, there's nothing a woman could
Speaker 5: do that I'm attracted to that make me not want
Speaker 5: to fuck, right, But that's kind of a male intuition.
Speaker 4: Fuck first, ask questions later.
Speaker 1: You think that's how you find yourself in really bad situations.
Speaker 4: Of course you do. Yes. Yeah, I'm not saying this
Speaker 4: is smart.
Speaker 5: I'm just saying this is the men don't go on
Speaker 5: dates that their penis doesn't agree to.
Speaker 4: So your penis and you look at each other, you go, oh,
Speaker 4: should we go? Yes? You should?
Speaker 5: Now you go again. That's there's a positive way to
Speaker 5: look at it. If you're on a date with a
Speaker 5: guy he's attracted to you, there's no.
Speaker 1: There, it's just them not being attracted to you.
Speaker 5: Very few men say, well, i've been on four dates,
Speaker 5: and I'm not sure.
Speaker 4: A lot of women say that all the time.
Speaker 5: Well, we've been on four dates and I'm still trying
Speaker 5: to figure out if I'm into him or not.
Speaker 4: One woman's ick is another woman's husband. So it's just.
Speaker 1: So sad, which is the true. I know you're right,
Speaker 1: you're right because.
Speaker 5: Women will go I went around the country asking women
Speaker 5: their icks because I was doing.
Speaker 4: This bit yeah, and I had everything yelled at me.
Speaker 4: Go to my Instagram. I have videos for days of
Speaker 4: women yelling their cks me.
Speaker 1: I can name like twenty X off the top of
Speaker 1: my head, and I'm trying to think, now is it
Speaker 1: that I actually find it ichy? Or is it society
Speaker 1: would tell me a ticky? I think I find it ichy?
Speaker 4: Well, did it happen to you? Yeah, you were on
Speaker 4: a date?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: What was there?
Speaker 1: Commenting hateful things under celebrity Instagram pages? Right, you don't
Speaker 1: know them? What are you doing?
Speaker 5: That's a crazy person. I also think, I I you know,
Speaker 5: some woman could go I do that too, and that's yeah,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean, Like, I I think that's
Speaker 5: a I think, but I think that's also a thin
Speaker 5: line between I and turnoff.
Speaker 4: X turn into quarks very quickly.
Speaker 1: If you're attracted to someone, right, so you don't have
Speaker 1: any X. You have to have turnoffs then, right.
Speaker 4: I got turnoff?
Speaker 5: You know, ordering manes instead of appetizers, like I want
Speaker 5: to have everything.
Speaker 4: On the menu. If you're like, no, I do mine,
Speaker 4: you do yours?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 4: That would Oh?
Speaker 3: I hate that.
Speaker 1: That's the worst. People who don't share their food. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're not from the same same plan.
Speaker 4: You need to order a lot of everything.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yes, Okay, I like stuff like that, lack of
Speaker 5: understanding and empathy from my side of why again the
Speaker 5: luxury lounge.
Speaker 4: We'll bring it back to the big the luxury lounge.
Speaker 4: You can't see.
Speaker 5: Why I'm complaining. You can't see where I'm coming from.
Speaker 5: You can't understand why I'm so frustrated right now. I
Speaker 5: think that's a big thing in a relationship like.
Speaker 1: You would be a dream boyfriend then, because whatever she's
Speaker 1: complaining about, You're just gonna hear it, validate it, and
Speaker 1: move right on, even if it's crazy.
Speaker 5: Right, well, listen, I would find the nugget that I
Speaker 5: would agree with.
Speaker 1: When's the last time you were in a relationship.
Speaker 4: You know? Earlier?
Speaker 1: In your answer is just like what you said, I've.
Speaker 5: Been in stuff you know recently, and you know I
Speaker 5: was happy. It was just again in those situations, it
Speaker 5: was like this next step. There was something in my
Speaker 5: stomach that wasn't letting me get to the next level,
Speaker 5: and it felt really badly that it wasn't.
Speaker 1: Are you strictly apps like you use all the apps?
Speaker 4: I haven't been on the absence the summer really.
Speaker 1: Since the summer you made you were setting me up
Speaker 1: like it was ten years no, so because.
Speaker 5: I was getting more and more serious with someone and
Speaker 5: got off the apps and that was probably the last
Speaker 5: thing I was in and then that didn't work out,
Speaker 5: and then coming back to being single again, I was like,
Speaker 5: I don't need them.
Speaker 4: I'm out. I'm a social person.
Speaker 5: Like yeah, to me, the apps were created as a
Speaker 5: crutch for people who needed help being social.
Speaker 4: And again I'm saying.
Speaker 5: This as someone who did the apps for years, like
Speaker 5: I'm not I do understand how they help people.
Speaker 1: I just feel like the apps will be so difficult
Speaker 1: because you cannot tell if you have any chemistry with
Speaker 1: somebody through a phone. You got to meet them.
Speaker 4: Well, you can call that. You know.
Speaker 1: That's not that real.
Speaker 4: It can't it cannot be real.
Speaker 1: Oh shit, Like I'm so much better on text than
Speaker 1: I am in real life. It'll just be wildly disappointing
Speaker 1: for someone to show.
Speaker 4: But me, me, I think it's well, here's the problem
Speaker 4: is with dating apps.
Speaker 5: There's more, so you have more people, more disappointment, more highs,
Speaker 5: more lows.
Speaker 4: It's just more.
Speaker 5: There's only so long we can talk on this app
Speaker 5: before it's a little weird. We've hit an expiration in
Speaker 5: your and then you're sitting there going did we text
Speaker 5: well enough to make me want to leave the house
Speaker 5: on a Thursday night? Was this texting better than laying
Speaker 5: on my couch alone and watching the Bachelor? And watching
Speaker 5: the Bachelor? And you're never going to teach someone over
Speaker 5: a dating app, So like the minute you're like in
Speaker 5: mode of like, if you're about to write to someone, hey,
Speaker 5: you're not very talkative on here, you should unmatch them,
Speaker 5: You're not going to teach that person. So I think
Speaker 5: when we do dating app makeovers on the podcast. So
Speaker 5: what I found to be the difference between men and
Speaker 5: women and their dating profiles is that men look like
Speaker 5: they're trying to rush a fraternity.
Speaker 4: They're trying to impress other.
Speaker 5: Men and right the fish thing, and they're trying to
Speaker 5: like it looks like they're trying to get into a fraternity.
Speaker 4: They're trying to like impress other men.
Speaker 5: Women seem to make a profile where they kind of
Speaker 5: hide in their own profile where they're lesser than they are.
Speaker 5: So men try to be too much of them and
Speaker 5: women try to be lesser of them, because you know,
Speaker 5: I think that that's the fear. I think women would
Speaker 5: be done right by being more bold than themselves the profile.
Speaker 5: They'd be better serviced by making themselves more themselves on
Speaker 5: the app, so that you turn people away.
Speaker 1: Because I've always said that scare people immediately put it
Speaker 1: all out there.
Speaker 5: With dating, the hard part is the dating subjects. The
Speaker 5: losers take over the conversation. Yeah, the normal people aren't
Speaker 5: in the conversation. Those stories aren't as fun to tell.
Speaker 1: No, And I think that's actually what happens with social
Speaker 1: media in general.
Speaker 5: The losers take over. Yeah again, a world created by
Speaker 5: the nerds.
Speaker 1: They're rating supreme. It's true. They're gonna take over everything.
Speaker 1: We're just gonna be given robots, making store chairs, never
Speaker 1: going anywhere. That's right, So I'll leave We can leave
Speaker 1: it on this. Our girl Diamond is out in the
Speaker 1: dating world. She doesn't want to talk about. Just if
Speaker 1: you could hit her with one piece of advice for
Speaker 1: navigating the dating world, what would it be? She gets
Speaker 1: the ache more than anyone I've ever met. We talked
Speaker 1: about this.
Speaker 4: Are you on the apps?
Speaker 1: What app you want to come your phone?
Speaker 3: I guess I'm a hinger?
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, but what's wrong with it?
Speaker 3: I don't find these people interesting?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 3: Like, it's just like, give me something more than the
Speaker 3: fact that you make money in You can write a
Speaker 3: sentence like, give me something.
Speaker 4: What are your hinge prompts?
Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know, but I'm horrible at that too. Wow.
Speaker 5: Hold on, you just said because I can't help the
Speaker 5: people that are coming to your hinge profile because you
Speaker 5: just said be interesting.
Speaker 4: And then I'm like, what are your hinge prompts? And
Speaker 4: you go, I'm bad at that. Yeah, you get to
Speaker 4: be interesting too.
Speaker 3: I love coffee in the jets.
Speaker 5: No, you gotta make them more interesting. Make your hinge
Speaker 5: prompts more. You make them weird, make them the most
Speaker 5: diamond they could ever be.
Speaker 4: It might not get you more matches.
Speaker 5: But it will get you better quality matches people that
Speaker 5: will make you more excited. Or if you're gonna but
Speaker 5: if you're gonna be on a app and not be
Speaker 5: happy to be there, my advice is don't be you know,
Speaker 5: don't come to the party and not dance and then
Speaker 5: blame the party.
Speaker 1: You people to her.
Speaker 3: You met with people and they're like, yeah, so how
Speaker 3: was your day, And I'm like it was great. I
Speaker 3: give you a little bit of something and you don't
Speaker 3: give me anything back, but.
Speaker 1: Gotta go.
Speaker 4: That's again more.
Speaker 5: That's the problem and the solution of dating apps is
Speaker 5: that you get a lot of people. A lot of
Speaker 5: people means you got to talk to everyone, which is annoying.
Speaker 5: It's exhausting, bog you down. So I think that's a
Speaker 5: big So take breaks to lead the apps if you're
Speaker 5: not happy on them. Also make your prompts sow you
Speaker 5: that it's weird.
Speaker 3: Can I help you with it? Sure?
Speaker 4: Read right now?
Speaker 3: You could do the whole Oh no, but I don't
Speaker 3: have it like your phone, you don't have any prompt saying, like,
Speaker 3: my prompts are very basic. Let's see typical Sunday Jim
Speaker 3: football and housewives.
Speaker 4: The repeat, you gotta go more specific.
Speaker 3: I'm convinced that coffee is all you need in life
Speaker 3: because it is. I go crazy.
Speaker 4: This is yeah, no, no, no, no, these are so vaine.
Speaker 5: But that could be anybody that's not you, that's not diamond,
Speaker 5: No it is no.
Speaker 4: But what kind of coffee do you? How do you
Speaker 4: take your coffee?
Speaker 3: It changes, which is why I can't guys ask me
Speaker 3: how I was time? Oh my god, it changes, and
Speaker 3: then I give them like the different things that well.
Speaker 4: When do you have your coffee? What specifically about coffee.
Speaker 3: Makes you keep coffee? If I could do an ivy
Speaker 3: drip of coffee, I would what type of coffee?
Speaker 5: And it changes all the time. Yeah, I would get
Speaker 5: away from coffee, damn, because when you go with changes,
Speaker 5: then like where Because here's the thing about hinge prompts
Speaker 5: is I want to look good too, so like I
Speaker 5: want to come in with something interesting.
Speaker 4: I want to be excited by your prompts. You know,
Speaker 4: it's it's a.
Speaker 5: Little bit of like hey, oh, like to me, if
Speaker 5: I saw an interesting question, coffee is big part of
Speaker 5: my life.
Speaker 4: How do you take it? Well, it changes what made today?
Speaker 4: Like what you get today?
Speaker 3: I had today? Actually do you see this?
Speaker 1: Do you see this?
Speaker 5: This is like right, So it's like, you know, that's
Speaker 5: a point where on the other side, I would go,
Speaker 5: I'm trying. I'm trying whatever I And how does coffee
Speaker 5: land get us into getting to know each other.
Speaker 3: We go on a coffee date? To me, that's super.
Speaker 5: Why But I also I don't know just but if
Speaker 5: I can't if someone was like, well I had tea today,
Speaker 5: well I don't want to go on a coffee day
Speaker 5: with someone who's like not giving me much back.
Speaker 4: It goes both ways.
Speaker 3: But if I'm like, oh I had t today, I
Speaker 3: switched it up a little bit. Okay, why we can
Speaker 3: have a conversation with that the Jets. Who doesn't want
Speaker 3: to clown me over being a Jets fan, Let's talk about.
Speaker 5: That's too argumentative. Sports gets too weird.
Speaker 1: I I.
Speaker 4: Very sever I just think like, you have to be
Speaker 4: happy to be on the app. You have to like
Speaker 4: be able to be impressed.
Speaker 3: And then.
Speaker 4: But not if the but that's kind of maybe the
Speaker 4: apps aren't the place for you.
Speaker 3: Well, neither is going out, So what do we.
Speaker 1: But I feel like this is this is what I
Speaker 1: see so much from from my friends anyway, It's not
Speaker 1: unique to her. Of course you have you've been doing
Speaker 1: this for a long time.
Speaker 5: But I think it's easy to like and fun to go, oh,
Speaker 5: these apps suck. Everyone sucks, And then and then someone goes, yeah,
Speaker 5: you're right, and oh we're all scratching each other's itch.
Speaker 5: And then it's harder to be positive and a little
Speaker 5: bit vulnerable on these things.
Speaker 4: And you know that's that's difficult.
Speaker 5: As someone who takes breaks from dating all the time,
Speaker 5: that's the best thing I can do, because I don't
Speaker 5: want to be like, listen someone if they're excited and
Speaker 5: I'm not, I'm like, fuck, I'm the turn in the
Speaker 5: punch bowl.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: I always I feel like being happy and being happy
Speaker 1: single and actually really being in love with yourself is
Speaker 1: the most attractive thing. And when that happens, everything just
Speaker 1: falls from the sky. And I think people think I'm
Speaker 1: crazy for saying that because it sounds so like.
Speaker 4: It's very relationship be yeah, like Paullyanna. No, no, no, No,
Speaker 4: that's so these are things that are said by people
Speaker 4: in relationship.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: I would have said it when I was single too.
Speaker 1: I swear, I swear, I swear it was good.
Speaker 2: I liked it.
Speaker 1: I liked being single. It was fun.
Speaker 2: But I get it.
Speaker 1: I just wanted you to help Diamond real quickly, see
Speaker 1: if there was a profile makeover that she could have.
Speaker 1: And I think that we found some things you can
Speaker 1: work on.
Speaker 3: Clearly, I can't be helped. That's what I'm fair enough.
Speaker 1: We try, Diamond. So what's up next for you? Where
Speaker 1: are you going?
Speaker 4: I'm on the road.
Speaker 5: I'm doing shows you here in the city. I do
Speaker 5: shows in the city all the time I do the
Speaker 5: comedy seller. I just did a big show at town Hall.
Speaker 3: But I.
Speaker 5: I'm on the road. I I'm doing a tour right now.
Speaker 5: Where I'm doing it's the whole show is a story
Speaker 5: about going to the beach with my family, Okay, And
Speaker 5: I would love for people to go out. It's a
Speaker 5: great show. I'm proud out of it. I'm in San Francisco, Pittsburgh, Columbus, Ohio,
Speaker 5: Ohio one and only La New Orleans.
Speaker 1: Are you at the Funny Bone in Ohio?
Speaker 4: Yes, Okay, Columbus Funny Bone. It's great.
Speaker 5: Dallas, Nashville, Westhampton Beach, Milwaukee, Uh, Atlantic City, Newark, New Jersey.
Speaker 1: So how long is this tour?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: How how packed are these?
Speaker 4: It feels like it never ends? So yeah, I'm I'm
Speaker 4: I'm on the road.
Speaker 5: Jared Free dot com and then the Uup podcast is
Speaker 5: every Wednesday and Sunday and Jared Freed on Instagram, The Wizard.
Speaker 4: Of Ha on TikTok.
Speaker 1: A lot of stuff. How do you keep track of this?
Speaker 4: I don't.
Speaker 1: Are you just twenty four or seven like buried in
Speaker 1: your phone?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I just need uh, it's it's a lot. I
Speaker 4: need a break. As you can see, I look tired.
Speaker 1: I'm like you tired.
Speaker 4: No, no, I'll take it.
Speaker 1: Okay, so Jared free dot com. They'll get all the
Speaker 1: information that they want. But also Instagram TikTok. Are you
Speaker 1: on Facebook with the book?
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm all over the place. I'm all, I'm all,
Speaker 5: I'm everywhere. But I want people to come to my shows.
Speaker 5: I think the stand up show right now, Like I
Speaker 5: just just in Denver. I did six sold out shows.
Speaker 4: Wow, it was awesome. The the Oh and the special.
Speaker 4: It's on Netflix. Go you can watch thirty seven single.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's all about dating and body issues and breakups
Speaker 5: and your body issues.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I talk about body stuff all the time on sting.
Speaker 5: So yeah, I think people it's a it's relatable. It's
Speaker 5: highly relatable. So thirty seven single. It's on Netflix. If
Speaker 5: you look up my name, it comes up.
Speaker 1: But yeah, you've grown so much since I first met you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: in Boston it was awesome. Like I thought you were
Speaker 1: so funny when you came in.
Speaker 4: It was great.
Speaker 1: But I love seeing this for you. Congratulations.
Speaker 4: It's great to see you here. This is this is
Speaker 4: awesome for you. I love it.
Speaker 1: I have no complaints yet when I do, I will
Speaker 1: call the launch. It'll be great. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate it.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 1: Jared was awesome. I really liked him. He is very funny.
Speaker 1: He does like to talk a lot, which we appreciate
Speaker 1: on a podcast. Yes, it's very weird when they don't
Speaker 1: want to talk. And I think, Diamond, we might have
Speaker 1: helped to fix your profile. Sure he gave her advice
Speaker 1: and she was like, no, I hear what you're saying.
Speaker 2: I reject it, Diamond being stubborn never never, always babes always.
Speaker 1: I heard from you, though, Andrew, that you might have
Speaker 1: another addition to the burn book. I do, Okay.
Speaker 2: I know that this is probably past the season, but
Speaker 2: I don't care because I had to file an extension.
Speaker 2: If you know what I'm talking about, it's taxes.
Speaker 1: Oh, I had to do the same thing.
Speaker 2: I am sick and tired of these taxes. They know
Speaker 2: how much I owe. I have to get forty six
Speaker 2: thousand pieces of paper in order to send to somebody
Speaker 2: to file the taxes. They say you could do it online,
Speaker 2: but who understands any of the forms. No, I'm confused,
Speaker 2: I'm bewildered, and I am over it.
Speaker 1: It's a sick, sick game m from the government.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 1: They're like the mafia but worse. They're like, oh you
Speaker 1: got something. Some of that's for me, you know, because
Speaker 1: you live here.
Speaker 3: That's it.
Speaker 1: And if God forbid you're single and you make any
Speaker 1: type of money, oh, you're fucked.
Speaker 2: I got to pay the accountant, I have to pay
Speaker 2: the for my LLCs. I have to pay an annual
Speaker 2: report fee for by. It's just there's so many things
Speaker 2: that are happening, and I can't get all this paper in.
Speaker 1: Order, Like you literally have to pay money to pay money. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's crazy and.
Speaker 2: It doesn't Oh that's what I don't understand, Like I.
Speaker 1: Should just like right, why can't you just tell me?
Speaker 2: Or do you have a security number? It's stupid how
Speaker 2: much tax is happening.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I'm over it.
Speaker 1: I feel you too, And I'm like, this is super
Speaker 1: stressful and I feel like I'm gonna get in trouble
Speaker 1: for something and I'm not even trying to do anything wrong.
Speaker 1: Just if you know the answer, government, can you just
Speaker 1: tell me that's all?
Speaker 2: Is it coming after me with a lawsuit and like
Speaker 2: a threatening letter? Like my fear is always I'm getting
Speaker 2: sent to prison for doing my tax is wrong.
Speaker 3: I have.
Speaker 2: Not guilty.
Speaker 1: Okay, oh yeah, Andrew Love can talk. You can't talk.
Speaker 3: Here we go, Here we go. I r s.
Speaker 1: Why do I feel like Diamond is the type of
Speaker 1: person who had her taxes done in January?
Speaker 2: She probably did.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I get my taxes done every time that we're
Speaker 3: on our winter vacation. I hate I have that whole week.
Speaker 3: I stressed myself out early. And I know someone who
Speaker 3: was automatically or immediately denied because someone else filed with
Speaker 3: their social And that's like a huge fear of mine.
Speaker 3: I go as early as possible. I don't have time
Speaker 3: for that.
Speaker 1: And somebody sow your identity.
Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, let's talk about that. The government. No, No,
Speaker 3: that's who needs to be burned because I did right,
Speaker 3: But they're not. I'm talking about social Security. They need
Speaker 3: to be burned because they didn't take my allegation seriously.
Speaker 3: Like and I'm like, they're like.
Speaker 1: Oh, what's not an allegation you actually got your ship.
Speaker 3: They're calling it an allegation because the people never got
Speaker 3: away with actual money or like a car loan or
Speaker 3: anything like that. They were applying for things but they
Speaker 3: never got like the car, the house, the money from
Speaker 3: a personal loan, like they didn't they deceive anything, but
Speaker 3: they have my social So I'm like, that's a crime, babe, Like,
Speaker 3: come on, oh, the only thing that we could tell
Speaker 3: you is to follow police report. The police didn't give
Speaker 3: a fuck either.
Speaker 4: I mean, I want me to do.
Speaker 1: This is nonsense. Hey, I r s you're burned. Oh stop,
Speaker 1: Andrew always has wind.
Speaker 6: Everyone your noise again on three one two three, No, babes, no, no, no,
Speaker 6: it's kind.
Speaker 2: Can't you like the nuclear cloud?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: No, I feel like I hear like a blast of water,
Speaker 1: like putting the fire out.
Speaker 3: That's fine, out that.
Speaker 1: Growling that one. I'm here for it. Andrew is the best.
Speaker 1: Heye real quickly before we do to ask me anything,
Speaker 1: will you try to do your that is drastically improved.
Speaker 3: I feel like it gets worse every time I hear it.
Speaker 1: Well, I feel he can't do the buff. He can't
Speaker 1: do like a but he got Oh my god, diamond.
Speaker 1: And I realized this at a lunch one day, and
Speaker 1: I swear almost feed myself because at that time it
Speaker 1: was a boom.
Speaker 3: That I can't roll my arms. You can't shut up,
Speaker 3: sick burn. I hate you literally went to school in Miami.
Speaker 3: How do you not know how to roll.
Speaker 2: Your RT for like two years? Let's calm it down,
Speaker 2: all right? Well remember that?
Speaker 3: Remember that when you try to flex? Okay, remember that?
Speaker 2: Okay, bully, where did you live in La?
Speaker 3: I don't give a fuck about La. I have a
Speaker 3: hat that I like.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, I'm happy you like your hat.
Speaker 1: Here we go fight. It's my favorite part of Okay,
Speaker 1: what's the ask me anything?
Speaker 3: Macho seventy four fifty five said, what is your favorite
Speaker 3: memory as a child or an adult?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: You don't have a favorite memory?
Speaker 1: A favorite?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: There are so many? Yeah, come on, but there's like
Speaker 1: so much good stuff that happens, and I write it
Speaker 1: down all the time, like that one. My god, it's
Speaker 1: just one.
Speaker 3: Okay, what's your favorite? Guys?
Speaker 1: I remember?
Speaker 3: But I don't know. If I'm met, I should sit.
Speaker 1: Just helped down in a chair, like seriously.
Speaker 3: Going back up?
Speaker 1: He's back? Diamond? Is your favorite memory about the toys?
Speaker 3: R us?
Speaker 1: God about it?
Speaker 2: She's not gonna tell it?
Speaker 1: Can I tell her?
Speaker 3: For you?
Speaker 1: Get me? Can we just like put the pieces together?
Speaker 3: Sure? It was my birthday one yearthday, I'm not gonna
Speaker 3: say people can dig. And for some reason, people weren't
Speaker 3: going out that day, right, So my mom took me
Speaker 3: to Toys r US which was open, and I ran
Speaker 3: through the aisles and she let me get whatever I
Speaker 3: wanted and I got like, instead of a Barbie dream House,
Speaker 3: I got the high school.
Speaker 2: Hey.
Speaker 1: Hey, because there was nobody in that toy store. And
Speaker 1: that was the best memory of your life. Amazing Diamond's birthday.
Speaker 1: Just gonna leave bright there.
Speaker 3: And on that and now we have another burn for you.
Speaker 1: Okay, maybe I'll cut that up.
Speaker 3: Well, well we'll see.
Speaker 1: Anyway, if people want to find you idiots, where will
Speaker 1: they find you? Andrew?
Speaker 2: Oh, so Diamond answered the question that was in you
Speaker 2: r ask me anything?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well for timing and everything, it worked out. Well,
Speaker 1: I'll think of one and I'll come back with the
Speaker 1: next the next one.
Speaker 2: So my I'm at Andrew Pug on Instagram.
Speaker 1: At Andrew Pug, I'm at Diamond since here on Instagram,
Speaker 1: I am at Baby Hot Sauce. Okay, I do have
Speaker 1: one memory, how about that? Okay, my mom went out
Speaker 1: of town and my dad. I went with my mom
Speaker 1: my dad was supposed to watch my tadpole who had
Speaker 1: was on his way to becoming a frog. Shut up, Andrew,
Speaker 1: and it came back and Swimmy was dead. Swimmy, Yeah,
Speaker 1: his name was Swimmy. I was little, okay, I was
Speaker 1: in like third grade. Swimmy was dead.
Speaker 3: First of all, No, go ahead, what why don't have
Speaker 3: a tadpole eighth grade? I mean if you were eight
Speaker 3: third grade, that's not little, that's adolescence.
Speaker 1: That's little eight year old.
Speaker 3: It's not little an eight year old. An eight year old?
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, would you trust an eight year old.
Speaker 3: Like do anything? Yes? Oh?
Speaker 1: Oh? Was an adolescent. I was eight years old. My
Speaker 1: little tadpole dead. So my dad decided he was gonna
Speaker 1: get me a bird to make up for the dead tadpole.
Speaker 4: Awesome.
Speaker 1: We went to a pet store. My mom was still
Speaker 1: traveling a lot for work. Got chummy. Chummy was amazing,
Speaker 1: best little bird I ever had. And my dad's solution,
Speaker 1: because he knew my mom didn't want me to have
Speaker 1: a bird, was it's cool. Just keep his cage on
Speaker 1: the other side of your bed. Your mom won't walk
Speaker 1: over there. I, being an adolescent, was like, yeah, that
Speaker 1: makes sense. No, problem. Put the little bird cage on
Speaker 1: the other side of my bed. My mom came home.
Speaker 1: She walked in my room. Within thirteen seconds, she said,
Speaker 1: what does that sound? Is there a bird in here?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: My god?
Speaker 1: She starts looking all over, just walks the other side
Speaker 1: of my bed. She said, are you kidding me? You
Speaker 1: have a bird? You didn't think I was gonna find
Speaker 1: it over here through my dad right under the bus.
Speaker 1: He got in so much trouble that was hilarious and
Speaker 1: I got a bird out of it.
Speaker 3: Good for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, chummy was the best.
Speaker 3: I like that.
Speaker 2: Her favorite memory is her dad being a menace.
Speaker 1: He is a menace. You think I'm a menace? Meet
Speaker 1: my father? I should have him on a podcast i'mon
Speaker 1: would really like that.
Speaker 3: Please.
Speaker 2: We had a hamster, No we didn't. We had a
Speaker 2: guinea po When did we ask.
Speaker 3: You for your as? I would love to hear it.
Speaker 1: And Sige's full of ideas today.
Speaker 2: No, they're all just roasting me. Hateful Herman. We got
Speaker 2: him for Christmas. We still have the video of us
Speaker 2: getting herman on Christmas. We never got a dog, and
Speaker 2: probably because what happened to herman, my sister would just well, first,
Speaker 2: of all, Herman was very noisy because they bite on
Speaker 2: the case. It's very annoying, and they're right.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Okay, I think.
Speaker 2: Maybe whatever we had herman, he was great. But then
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, Jackie like was in charge of it.
Speaker 2: I was young, and I'm gonna say young non adolescent.
Speaker 2: Jackie was an adolescent at eight, and that some means
Speaker 2: I was four. But Jackie would just keep was in
Speaker 2: charge of feeding and giving herman water. Jackie just didn't
Speaker 2: realize that, like, you can't just feed a pet, you
Speaker 2: need to get water too. So literally, herman got really
Speaker 2: sick one day and we were like, what's going on
Speaker 2: with Herman? And then Herman just passes away and we're like,
Speaker 2: what happened? Why is he in like rigor mortis? He
Speaker 2: just died. Jackie stopped giving him water because she thought
Speaker 2: the food was enough.
Speaker 1: She deed him to death. Yes, wait, hold on, was
Speaker 1: that your favorite childhood memory?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: No, I was just giving a.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: Andrew. So not only did we not ask you, you
Speaker 1: tossed in a story that was completely irrelevant.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, That's what I'm here for. I also
Speaker 2: jack Yeah.
Speaker 1: Shame, I bet if you bring us up today. She
Speaker 1: gets really sad about it.
Speaker 2: No, I mean, we all know that herman was like
Speaker 2: it was herman's We were just it was good her
Speaker 2: Why it was premeditated if you have the gates opened
Speaker 2: up for him and he went up the Rainbow bridge.
Speaker 3: The fact that you killed a hamster with your hands.
Speaker 4: I did not.
Speaker 2: That is an allegation, right, I heard that said that.
Speaker 1: I did, Nick Bestie, Yes, Nick Alfano, Yes alp on Instagram.
Speaker 2: He just one day started telling people I murdered his
Speaker 2: hamster when I didn't, and then he just keeps adding
Speaker 2: things to the story.
Speaker 1: That was like one of the first things he ever
Speaker 1: told me.
Speaker 2: Yes, he loves telling that story to people. I'm like,
Speaker 2: why are you telling people I killed the hamster. I
Speaker 2: never killed your hamster. It's like you did. I'm like
Speaker 2: your hamster. Because all hamsters have brutal ending of.
Speaker 4: Them, all of them.
Speaker 2: There is not one hamster that has died in a nice,
Speaker 2: calm way of natural causes. You have to ask Sam
Speaker 2: about her pet dying too. Hamster okay, traumatic Anyway, Chippy
Speaker 2: had these giant red masses growing all over him.
Speaker 1: Nick's hamster.
Speaker 2: Yes, Chippy Chippy, which like, okay, couldn't think of a
Speaker 2: better name. Whatever, freaking kid Anyway, all of a sudden,
Speaker 2: because hamsters my brutal ways, he walked downstairs, Chippy exploded everywhere.
Speaker 2: They were blood blisters, and he died. He died that way.
Speaker 2: He doesn't want to talk about that part.
Speaker 1: First of all, I now have so many more questions.
Speaker 2: It's actually extremely common cancers to die this.
Speaker 1: Way, to explode of blood blisters.
Speaker 2: So they get these giant growths on them that just
Speaker 2: are like filled with blood and then you just wait
Speaker 2: because you can't pop it because then they're gonna bleed out.
Speaker 2: So they literally have to die by it exploding. I'm
Speaker 2: sure someone's listening to this podcast and it's like, actually,
Speaker 2: I don't know what's going on there, but this is
Speaker 2: how his hamster and several other hamsters in our development died.
Speaker 1: Well, I heard you throw it at a ceiling fan.
Speaker 1: What that's how he told me it died.
Speaker 3: I thought he squeezed it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. See, there's too many stories.
Speaker 1: M The lady doth protest too much, No, he doth not. Okay,
Speaker 1: And on that note, let's really get out of here.
Speaker 1: Andrew Pug on Instagram Diamond since here on Instagram at
Speaker 1: Baby Hot Sauce because I'm not Shadow Band anymore.
Speaker 2: No protheth Promitheth will be back next week.
Speaker 1: Do you just make fun of me because of my
Speaker 1: A bythline? Wow, I'm just trying to get a star
Speaker 1: teeth Andrew Jesus, thanks a lot. Everybody say bye bye
Speaker 1: h