1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,920 Speaker 1: You buckle up, hold on tight. Here. It is a 2 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:08,559 Speaker 1: strong day. My husband's drinking is no longer a secret. 3 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley, My husband and I have been married 4 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:15,320 Speaker 1: for fifteen years and we have two children. My husband 5 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:19,640 Speaker 1: is a functioning alcoholic. He can work a full day 6 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:23,160 Speaker 1: without drinking, but as soon as he's off the clock, 7 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 1: he starts drinking. He drinks in private. He doesn't leave 8 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:30,160 Speaker 1: his alcohol out where I can see it, but I 9 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 1: can always smell it in his cup. This started shortly 10 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,400 Speaker 1: after we got married, and I allowed it and never 11 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 1: confronted him. I can always tell when he's been drinking 12 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:44,120 Speaker 1: by the changes in his behavior and how he treats 13 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:47,800 Speaker 1: me and the kids. Uh, it's gotten worse recently, and 14 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,280 Speaker 1: I brought it to his attention. I told him that 15 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,199 Speaker 1: I know exactly what he's up to. He says that 16 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:56,640 Speaker 1: he drinks too unwind every now and then. Well, a 17 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 1: few weeks ago, he left work early for a doctor's appointment, 18 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 1: and later that evening he came home in an uber 19 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:07,039 Speaker 1: and he was totally wasted. He could not stand up, 20 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,520 Speaker 1: and he was talking so much trash that I had 21 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: to tell the kids to leave the room. He called 22 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 1: me all kinds of names and told me that he 23 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:21,839 Speaker 1: was miserable in our marriage. The next day, I took 24 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,440 Speaker 1: the kids and left him. I've been staying with my 25 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,880 Speaker 1: mom for three weeks, and during that time I encouraged 26 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:30,560 Speaker 1: him to get some help. My husband is great when 27 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:34,399 Speaker 1: he's sober, but he needs some professional help with his drinking. 28 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 1: I have checked out, and I'm no longer trying to 29 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:40,360 Speaker 1: keep our marriage going. He visits me and the kids 30 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:42,840 Speaker 1: and we still do some things as a family, and 31 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:46,119 Speaker 1: he's always sober when we see him. He wants more, 32 00:01:46,319 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 1: but I don't. Neither of us can afford to live 33 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 1: on our own. What should I do? Well? I mean, 34 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:57,360 Speaker 1: the obvious thing is there's no kind of marriage. If 35 00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:00,520 Speaker 1: you're just staying together because you can't or to live 36 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 1: on your own, you can't afford to live apart, that's 37 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,720 Speaker 1: no marriage. I mean, what about real love and real 38 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,800 Speaker 1: relationship and a real marriage. I mean, you're absolutely right, 39 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:14,000 Speaker 1: as his wife and as his friend hopefully to encourage 40 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 1: him to get some help, because, um, that and the 41 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:20,360 Speaker 1: Lord himself, it seems, are the only things can that 42 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 1: can make this situation better and work this situation out. Um, 43 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,080 Speaker 1: you know, you've you've allowed it. You've been married for 44 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:30,639 Speaker 1: fifteen years, you've allowed it. He started drinking shortly after 45 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 1: you got married, and you say you did allow it 46 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:35,200 Speaker 1: and never confronted him about it. You can always tell 47 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:39,160 Speaker 1: when he's drinking because you you can smell it. This 48 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,959 Speaker 1: thing has blown up, it's blown out of proportion. Now 49 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,720 Speaker 1: he's stumbling drunk when he comes in. He can't even 50 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 1: drive home. At least he has a wherewithal to know that. Um, 51 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:52,120 Speaker 1: he shouldn't be driving when he's that wasted. So UM, 52 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 1: I encourage you to continue to encourage him to get 53 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:58,040 Speaker 1: some help. And if he doesn't get any help, Uh, 54 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,880 Speaker 1: it does look like this marriage is oh he uh 55 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:04,400 Speaker 1: and that's unfortunate because you guys have kids. But he 56 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:11,120 Speaker 1: says he's been miserable since the very beginning. What Steve, Yeah, 57 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:14,080 Speaker 1: he says he's been miserable since since the very beginning. 58 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: And you're not willing, you don't want anymore either. Um, 59 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:20,360 Speaker 1: but the part about you can't afford to live on 60 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,519 Speaker 1: your own, you're gonna have to work that out, get 61 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:25,359 Speaker 1: a second job, do whatever you have to do, because 62 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 1: it looks like this marriage is doomed, especially if he 63 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:32,800 Speaker 1: doesn't get any help and change his behavior. Steve, let me, 64 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 1: let me, let me just read something to y'all. My 65 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:40,160 Speaker 1: husband and I have been made fifteen years. We have 66 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:45,120 Speaker 1: two children. My husband is a functioning alcoholic. He could 67 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 1: work a full day without drinking, but as soon as 68 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: he get off the clock, he stars drinking. Do that 69 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:55,920 Speaker 1: sound for me? I don't know what you're saying, Steve. 70 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,720 Speaker 1: I hope, I hope. I don't know what you're saying. 71 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:07,000 Speaker 1: Has got too key. No one we know wrote this letter, Steve. 72 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 1: I didn't ask you, do you know who wrote it? 73 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaker 1: I asked you that this part right here sound familiar 74 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:19,080 Speaker 1: to anybody other than me? No? Well to me, Well, 75 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:23,600 Speaker 1: it sounds familiar to me. What are you saying? Just 76 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:34,560 Speaker 1: say it anyway? He started. Here's another one. This started shortly. 77 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:44,480 Speaker 1: I'll say it again. This started shortly. Oh word everybody 78 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,200 Speaker 1: that that sounds like anybody? We know why because of 79 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: the word shortly, shortly. This letter is full of clue. 80 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,839 Speaker 1: It is not a mystery that we're trying to solve. 81 00:04:57,320 --> 00:04:59,320 Speaker 1: We're trying to help this lady. And this is what 82 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:03,000 Speaker 1: she said. I can always tell when he'd been drinking 83 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:09,679 Speaker 1: by the changes in his behavior. Who the hell came? Everybody? 84 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:16,880 Speaker 1: Everybody knows somebody when they start drinking. She's sitting up 85 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:20,200 Speaker 1: here like she'd a had a damn revolution or revelation. 86 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,000 Speaker 1: Comes in here talking about No, I can always tell 87 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:28,560 Speaker 1: when he's been drinking. Who can't. I'll be back, Uh yeah, 88 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:33,000 Speaker 1: with part two of your response. Today's subject is my 89 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:36,839 Speaker 1: husband's drinking is no longer a secret. Will be back 90 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,679 Speaker 1: at twenty three after the hour. Well, here's a dude 91 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:45,320 Speaker 1: who this woman claims as a functioning alcoholic. He drinks 92 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:49,800 Speaker 1: in private. Uh, he never leave alcohol out where they 93 00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:54,160 Speaker 1: could see it. This started uh shortly, know, this started 94 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:59,120 Speaker 1: after they gotten married, and uh, she never confronted him. 95 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,359 Speaker 1: She can waste telling when you've been drinking, because it 96 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,000 Speaker 1: changes any behavior and the way you treat me and 97 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,359 Speaker 1: the kid has gotten worse. Recently. I bought it to 98 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,440 Speaker 1: his attention. I told him I know exactly what he's 99 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,360 Speaker 1: up to. He says that he drinks unwine every now 100 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:16,520 Speaker 1: and then. Well, a few weeks ago, he left work 101 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:20,679 Speaker 1: early for a doctor's appointment. Later that evening, he came 102 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: home into uber and was totally wasted. This when you 103 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:28,960 Speaker 1: drunk when you leave your car, and you don't leave 104 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:34,599 Speaker 1: your car voluntarily. Some people after go, hey, hey you 105 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:39,599 Speaker 1: can't drive. We're calling you a uber, and let's thank 106 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 1: God for stuff like that. He couldn't stand up. He 107 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,480 Speaker 1: was talking so much trash. I had to tell the 108 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 1: kids to lead the room. He called me all kinds 109 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,560 Speaker 1: of names. See, when you get drunk, it come out. 110 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,039 Speaker 1: And finally he told me, this is what I was 111 00:06:55,160 --> 00:07:00,680 Speaker 1: thinking the drinking was about. He was miserable in our marriage. Yeah, 112 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:04,680 Speaker 1: that's what he said, miserable. But let me share something 113 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 1: with you, old lady. You've been miserable too, if you 114 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 1: honestly think about it, and I'll show you why. I 115 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,040 Speaker 1: know you've been miserable because the next day you took 116 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,680 Speaker 1: the kids and you left. Okay, you through, that's how 117 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,160 Speaker 1: you feel you're gonna. I've been staying with my mom 118 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 1: for three weeks, and during that time, I've encouraged him 119 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 1: to get some help, and he needs help. My husband 120 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,360 Speaker 1: is great when he's sober, but he needs some professional 121 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 1: help with his drinking. I've checked out, and I no 122 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,640 Speaker 1: longer trying to keep our marriage going. That's cause you've 123 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 1: been through for a long time. This was just the 124 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,040 Speaker 1: tip of the iceberg. This was just distraw that broke 125 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:41,920 Speaker 1: the camel's back. You got sick of it. This was 126 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 1: the last time. See, you've been miserable too, so don't 127 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:49,240 Speaker 1: wear this's just cause this drunk dude and came in 128 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,600 Speaker 1: here and had a revelation in front of you and 129 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:56,200 Speaker 1: a kid. I've been miserable. Let the marriage you would soberly. 130 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:59,920 Speaker 1: You went, well, I'll be damned, I have to and 131 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: me and the kids is over mama's house. Now you're 132 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 1: gonna have to go on the nect like a girl. 133 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 1: Now he the one got to move. You go back 134 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 1: to the house. Let him move with it for a 135 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 1: long time. Yeah, he visits me and the kids. We 136 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,960 Speaker 1: still do some things together the family, and he's always 137 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:20,119 Speaker 1: sober when we've seen. He wants more, but I don't. 138 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 1: Neither of us can afford to live on our own. 139 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 1: What should I do? Well, you feel to be roommates 140 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:31,520 Speaker 1: with alcoholic that's pretty much it. You ain't got the 141 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,680 Speaker 1: money to go nowhere, He ain't got enough money to 142 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:38,600 Speaker 1: put you out. Something you feel to live with alcoholic 143 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 1: as a roommate. Text tell the kids quick calling him daddy, 144 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:49,080 Speaker 1: started calling him Jerome. Yeah, let's tell the kids and 145 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:53,200 Speaker 1: hit your daddy no more. He's a roommate. Uh, don't 146 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,760 Speaker 1: do nothing together as a family no more. When he 147 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,000 Speaker 1: come in the room, y'all cut the TV off and leave. 148 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 1: But he's sober when they see him when they go 149 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,600 Speaker 1: out on family out, and he's gonna get drunk less 150 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,640 Speaker 1: he gets some help, Yeah, he definitely needs and if 151 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: he wants more, he's gonna drink when he gets off work, 152 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,520 Speaker 1: and you're gonna have another episode. My suggestion to you 153 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,440 Speaker 1: is follow your heart. He has to get help before 154 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:19,600 Speaker 1: he can come back. He probably a great guy, like 155 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:22,880 Speaker 1: you say. But after he gets help and completes the 156 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:26,640 Speaker 1: program twelve step that every Wednesday probably had to go 157 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:32,439 Speaker 1: on in I'm Jerome, I'm an alcoholic And you're just 158 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,880 Speaker 1: gonna have to go and say that because they make 159 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,600 Speaker 1: you say that at the meetings. I ain't never been 160 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 1: to the meetings before. I've seen it on to you 161 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,599 Speaker 1: in movies like I had to go into. I was 162 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: in the group one time that was, you know, with 163 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:47,240 Speaker 1: physical disadvantages. I was in the group one time when 164 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 1: you had to stand up and admit your flaw. No, 165 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,440 Speaker 1: I've had to do that before. And what did you 166 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 1: stand up? Steve and I have big limps. I've had 167 00:09:56,800 --> 00:10:02,040 Speaker 1: to say that bignonymous. Yeah, then but the ladies standing 168 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,720 Speaker 1: next to me, how I'm claid, I have a huge nose. 169 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:08,440 Speaker 1: And I looked at her and I wait, damn, man, 170 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,480 Speaker 1: you should have been in this class where you being. 171 00:10:11,559 --> 00:10:13,719 Speaker 1: I don't know how you deal with that? Can you 172 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 1: see anybody on your right or left with your other group? 173 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 1: Is there? The problem is? You know I was looking 174 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,480 Speaker 1: at getting into him, you know what I'm saying. I 175 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 1: just try to stay abreast to these type of help 176 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 1: groups cases. People out there listening to strang bearing letter 177 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 1: that need help. You know, they got they got class 178 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 1: with high I'm harold and I'm ugly. That class hasn't 179 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,920 Speaker 1: waiting list. Though. You can't just go get in that 180 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:49,440 Speaker 1: one to get in that yeah, why do you get 181 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,040 Speaker 1: help for that though? I mean from being ugly? You 182 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,240 Speaker 1: know what you do. You can't get help for being ugly? 183 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:57,640 Speaker 1: You have you heard you learn coping how to deal 184 00:10:57,679 --> 00:10:59,880 Speaker 1: with it? Like you know, don't don't stay in the 185 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:05,040 Speaker 1: you're alone than a second because a lot of times second, 186 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 1: just do your hair and get on. Don't you brush 187 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,720 Speaker 1: your teeth in the mirror and stuff, and I don't. 188 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:14,240 Speaker 1: I'll be in my calls and brushing my teeth because 189 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:15,960 Speaker 1: I know, not staying there and look at it, because 190 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,760 Speaker 1: I'm gonna see something wrong. Because if you start yourself 191 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,560 Speaker 1: long enough, you know, one of your eyes ain't the 192 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 1: same size of the double one? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, you 193 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,679 Speaker 1: just kept it to Yeah, one of my lips is 194 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 1: bigger than the other one. Which one top or bottom? 195 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 1: The bottom? Bottom easily to bottom. That thing got some 196 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:41,120 Speaker 1: candy bottom. Look around like walking around with five sugar 197 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:46,680 Speaker 1: on your face. That you're crazy trying to tell you? 198 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:49,240 Speaker 1: Why know, when we try on shoes, sometimes one of 199 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,800 Speaker 1: our like our left foot can be larger than our 200 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:55,960 Speaker 1: right buttter vice versa. Sometimes that is the case, you know, 201 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,720 Speaker 1: so maybe there's some truth to what you're saying, some validity. 202 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:04,079 Speaker 1: I'm about to go to to what braws too? One 203 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 1: bigger than that? Yeah? Yeah, again, it definitely can happen. 204 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:17,080 Speaker 1: It's you think you all right, Well, listen, we gotta go. 205 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:20,320 Speaker 1: Thank you for that, Steve. You know I'm here for you. Yeah, 206 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:23,400 Speaker 1: I see. You can email us or instagram. What's your 207 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 1: thoughts on today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM, or 208 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 1: you can go to My Girl Shirley. You're listening to 209 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:30,720 Speaker 1: the Steve Harvey Morning Show.