WEBVTT - Break the Cycle | Golden Hour 0:00:07.440 --> 0:00:11.000 Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks for 0:00:11.080 --> 0:00:14.040 joining us today. We're so excited to be back. It's 0:00:14.080 --> 0:00:18.480 another beautiful day with Susan and me chatting about God knows. 0:00:18.280 --> 0:00:21.880 What we love when we love getting together like this 0:00:22.000 --> 0:00:27.400 and hearing from everybody and talking about you know what 0:00:27.400 --> 0:00:32.440 what us us and Bachelor World and the questions that 0:00:32.479 --> 0:00:35.040 we get. I mean, today we're going to do more 0:00:35.080 --> 0:00:35.279 of it. 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:36.879 I love it. I love it. 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:39.839 I don't feel good though that people actually want to 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:40.720 hear us talk. 0:00:40.840 --> 0:00:43.400 Yes, yes, yes, and talking to Gary. I mean that 0:00:43.440 --> 0:00:46.559 episode was good. That was really good. So everybody make 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:50.159 sure you're still submitting because not only do we like 0:00:50.280 --> 0:00:53.360 doing it, so do our guest. I mean they get 0:00:53.400 --> 0:00:54.080 into it, right. 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:56.760 Yeah, I love it, and you know you know how. 0:00:57.000 --> 0:01:01.360 Go to bacheloration dot com slash Golden an Hour. That's 0:01:01.400 --> 0:01:01.920 all you have to do. 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:02.840 That's all you have to do. 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:06.400 You can send it all to us, your questions, your updates, 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:10.880 your request for dates with Susan or may all of it. 0:01:11.040 --> 0:01:12.560 We're still waiting all of it. 0:01:12.640 --> 0:01:15.400 You can also DM us by the way on Instagram 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:18.200 at Bachelor Happy Hour, so feel free to do that 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:18.720 as well. 0:01:19.200 --> 0:01:21.280 Sounds good to be. Okay, Kathy, you know what time 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:23.720 it is. Let's get into today's episode. 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:24.800 And what are you going to say? 0:01:24.800 --> 0:01:28.240 It's cocktail time? No, it's not question at the daytime. 0:01:28.840 --> 0:01:34.119 Question of the day. Have you ever had to break 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:38.000 out of a bad habit, whether it's biting your nails 0:01:38.120 --> 0:01:43.560 or repeating generational curses? And how did you do it? 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:46.600 Okay? What's the bad habit you've broken? Susan? Tell me, 0:01:46.760 --> 0:01:47.240 I don't know. 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:51.160 That I ever fully break them. I to do something 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:53.800 bad habit was I was addicted to potato chips and 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:57.400 I gave it up for lent last year and I succeeded. 0:01:57.760 --> 0:02:02.000 Oh but you've been eating potato chips. 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:02.800 It's a new year. 0:02:02.840 --> 0:02:05.800 It's a new lens, a new level. 0:02:05.960 --> 0:02:10.280 I never was a nail bier. Thing for me was 0:02:10.320 --> 0:02:12.440 smoking and it is still well. 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:15.280 Yeah, you fight it, you try, but you fight it. Okay. 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:18.720 Can I tell a horrible story, but you have to 0:02:18.720 --> 0:02:23.800 go to start today? You please, bachination, do not write 0:02:23.800 --> 0:02:27.399 in time. I'm a terrible mother. I have judgments. It's 0:02:27.400 --> 0:02:29.600 going to be everyone's going to judge me, but I'm 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:32.640 going to my son, my middle son, the one that 0:02:32.680 --> 0:02:36.519 you married. They just had their first anniversary, Kyle and can'd. 0:02:37.800 --> 0:02:39.360 Did you? I bet they loved that. 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:45.320 So when Kyle was a kid, he bit his nails 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:47.960 down to the quick. I'm just going to start by 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:51.000 telling you he still bites his nails down like. I 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:54.440 can't even look at his hands, it's so bad. So 0:02:54.520 --> 0:02:58.960 I decided, uh, because I was crazy, not really, but 0:02:59.120 --> 0:02:59.680 I did this. 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:05.600 Are you ready? I painted his nails, yes, with nail 0:03:05.600 --> 0:03:07.399 polish it burns right. 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:10.880 No, a color nail polish, and made him go to 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:12.079 school because. 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:19.560 Because that's a lot. Friend, what color pink? 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:20.200 No? 0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:21.040 I don't remember. 0:03:21.240 --> 0:03:23.000 I think I would think it was like, tell me, 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:23.880 why what did that? 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:27.600 Because I read somewhere it wasn't. It wasn't me being like, 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:31.160 you know, vicious, horrible mother, although I was I deemed 0:03:31.200 --> 0:03:34.280 to be. I read somewhere I just had nail posh. 0:03:34.280 --> 0:03:35.960 I don't remember what color was. I didn't go out 0:03:36.040 --> 0:03:38.440 and say, you know, what's the most garish color I 0:03:38.440 --> 0:03:41.040 can buy and stick it on his hands. But I 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:44.240 read somewhere that if you put nail posh on a 0:03:44.360 --> 0:03:47.400 kid's nails the taste, they won't bite their nails. So 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:51.800 I thought, okay, Well, I didn't think it through clearly and. 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:54.760 Eighteen. 0:03:57.400 --> 0:03:57.920 That's good. 0:03:58.440 --> 0:04:01.880 I'm joking. He was in second grade or third grade. 0:04:01.960 --> 0:04:02.480 Anyway. 0:04:02.680 --> 0:04:05.800 It was an awfully to this day, Kyle, if you're listening, 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:11.240 I still apologize. I hope you have forgiven me. You know, 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:12.640 his nails. I know it's awful. 0:04:12.680 --> 0:04:16.719 Please don't just say one thing could us clear? He's 0:04:16.760 --> 0:04:19.360 a boy in school, clear with words. 0:04:20.839 --> 0:04:23.880 It didn't work, That's what I'm telling you. He bit 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:26.800 it all off. I mean I probably poisoned. He poisoned 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:27.760 him anyway. 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:30.440 But there are things out there that you put on 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:31.880 and nail to help people. 0:04:32.160 --> 0:04:34.680 Yeah, well, whatever it is, trust and believe me, it 0:04:34.720 --> 0:04:37.320 did not work. He still chomps on his tail. I 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:40.880 can say for myself my worst habit. I know I'm embarrassed. 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:43.080 Please don't write mean things in I really have guilt 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:43.440 over it. 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:44.120 I really. 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:50.479 My worst habit is interrupting. I think that is my 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:54.080 worst habit I've had guys I've dated. I am so 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:57.599 now I'm so much more aware of it. What I 0:04:57.880 --> 0:05:00.760 try to do. And I know you and I interrupt 0:05:00.760 --> 0:05:04.480 each other on the podcast, but we've gotten better. I 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:12.200 really try to wait until the person stops talking, and 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:14.520 you know sometimes they're just taking a breath, but it's 0:05:14.640 --> 0:05:17.120 really hard to cure a bad happen. 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:19.159 It certainly Okay, what's your story? 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:24.119 And for me it was listening. I am now way 0:05:24.160 --> 0:05:27.200 more in tune because and then you know, when someone's 0:05:27.320 --> 0:05:31.320 talking and the thought comes to your head, they trigger something, 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:35.279 you want to blurt it out. Yes, I try to 0:05:35.440 --> 0:05:39.680 work on it every day. Slow your role. My fear 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:42.720 is and the reason I believe that I've learned out 0:05:42.720 --> 0:05:43.880 because I'm going to forget. 0:05:44.120 --> 0:05:47.120 That's why interrupt you. Yes, exactly, I'm gonna forget. 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:48.560 And how many times when you and I are on 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:51.360 the phone, you know, we'll have a four way call 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:55.000 going with Nancy and Joan and whoever is and then 0:05:55.360 --> 0:05:57.640 I won't say I'm not gonna interrupt, and then you'll say, 0:05:57.680 --> 0:05:59.680 someone say, okay, Kathy, what did you want to say? 0:05:59.839 --> 0:06:00.880 I don't remember. 0:06:01.040 --> 0:06:04.080 I don't remember, Or I'll say, excuse me, can I 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:07.040 get this out? Because I don't say that it's never 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:10.159 going to happen. But no, I remember as a child 0:06:10.279 --> 0:06:13.960 like I was a bedwetter for me too, were you? 0:06:14.160 --> 0:06:16.640 I absolutely was until I was about twelve or twelve 0:06:16.680 --> 0:06:17.360 probably twelve. 0:06:17.800 --> 0:06:21.119 I don't know that it was me that broke that habit, 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:22.440 or my mom beats the shit out of me. 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:27.200 No, that's not a habit. Wedding the bed was No, 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:30.320 it's not. That is not a habit. That is a habit. 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:34.400 It's not a habit, running late, running away. Listen to me. Wait, 0:06:34.440 --> 0:06:35.520 I'm going to interrupt. 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:37.839 It's going to teach me about habits. 0:06:39.839 --> 0:06:42.600 If you sit on your bed and say I think 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:45.760 i'll pee on my bed, that would be a bad habit. 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:49.960 If you are sleep dead, sleep and you pee, it's 0:06:49.960 --> 0:06:53.039 because your it's not a habit. Your body can't wake up, 0:06:53.400 --> 0:06:56.520 you don't have good maturity. So that's not a bad habit. 0:06:56.680 --> 0:06:58.920 So we must not have any bad habits. 0:06:58.960 --> 0:07:01.039 Can be interrupt. 0:07:02.560 --> 0:07:04.920 You people out there, what are your bad habits and 0:07:04.960 --> 0:07:06.000 how did you overcome them? 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:08.479 Yeah, please let us know what is a bad habit 0:07:08.560 --> 0:07:12.880 you have? And again, no comments about my son. He's fine, 0:07:12.880 --> 0:07:13.800 he's happily married. 0:07:14.000 --> 0:07:17.080 That was so cute though she didn't even think of clear. 0:07:17.280 --> 0:07:18.400 Why would she think of it? 0:07:18.960 --> 0:07:21.240 You know, I just started wearing nails myself a few 0:07:21.280 --> 0:07:24.640 years ago. I don't I made you get the nails 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:26.160 before because you're sep. 0:07:27.080 --> 0:07:28.440 Your hands look beautiful. 0:07:28.720 --> 0:07:29.160 Thank you. 0:07:37.000 --> 0:07:40.080 All Right, we're gonna get into our fan questions today. 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:41.880 I'm gonna read the first one. I can't wait. 0:07:41.880 --> 0:07:42.240 All right. 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:45.680 The first one is from Tanya. Hi, ladies, I need 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:49.760 some advice. My best friend is a serial dater and 0:07:49.840 --> 0:07:52.920 I really think it's wayne on her mental health. We're 0:07:52.960 --> 0:07:56.280 both twenty eight years old and she's never been single. 0:07:56.640 --> 0:07:59.160 I wouldn't be concerned if she just happened to find 0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:03.320 really great guy, but that's not the case. These relationships 0:08:03.520 --> 0:08:05.960 always end up sucking the life out of her and 0:08:06.000 --> 0:08:08.920 she just jumps into another one instead of healing from 0:08:08.920 --> 0:08:11.840 the last. How do I help her break out of this? 0:08:14.400 --> 0:08:17.840 You can't, I was gonna say, let's say in Unison 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:19.200 one more time. 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:21.560 You can't. 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:23.360 She's going to do it herself. 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:26.840 I mean, you could bring light to it and remind her. 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:29.800 I mean, Kathy, you yourself said to me about my 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:34.080 choices or things like that, take a break, take a 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:37.320 break and look at you. And as we both said, 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:40.720 that show The Golden Bachelor, when I went on there 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:43.360 because I was on all kinds of dating sites and such, 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:48.840 that show cured me, not forever. But wait, I stopped looking. 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:52.880 I stopped looking. I was okay with me and the 0:08:52.880 --> 0:08:54.880 beautiful new friendships I have. 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:58.480 And that's because you had the life lesson, Susan. That's 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:03.480 the point here, the point I think this girl, Tanya, 0:09:03.600 --> 0:09:06.320 your friend, it's about her. 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:08.080 It's not even about the guys. 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:10.760 The guys could be the most fabulous men on the earth, 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:15.520 it's not about them. It really is about her. For 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:19.120 whatever reason, she can't be alone, is afraid to be alone. 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:23.160 Isn't a complete person finds her completeness in a man 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:26.840 instead of finding her completeness in herself and then looking 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:30.160 for a man to compliment her. You know, it's her 0:09:30.240 --> 0:09:33.800 problem to figure out. So maybe my suggestion would be, 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:37.520 maybe you could have those kinds of conversations with her. 0:09:37.600 --> 0:09:39.800 You know what's wrong? Why do you not feel complete? 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:41.680 Maybe you need to look at that. 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:46.600 Ask And Tanya's saying she really thinks it's weighing on 0:09:46.920 --> 0:09:50.600 her mental health, the girlfriend's mental health. Yeah, and that's 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:53.720 all you have to bring up. Like I'm noticing, this 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:57.120 is ruining you, it's stressing you out. Take time for 0:09:57.240 --> 0:10:02.000 you and Tanya, I'll say, and she'll just say five 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:06.360 words and it'll be done body being better back. 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:09.280 Wait, I was going to say, if these guys they're 0:10:09.280 --> 0:10:11.080 twenty eight. Unfortunately, I was going to say, could she 0:10:11.120 --> 0:10:12.920 send some of her surplus my way? 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:15.240 I want to know how she gets one really quick 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:16.560 right after the other one. 0:10:16.679 --> 0:10:20.160 Yeah, Tanya, you're a good friend. Let us know what happens. 0:10:20.200 --> 0:10:23.439 Have the conversation with her. Yes, but in the end, 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:26.640 she has to want to stop being a serial dater 0:10:26.920 --> 0:10:29.559 and figure out what's going on in her own life. 0:10:29.840 --> 0:10:33.840 Yes she does, but thank you and let us know. Yeah, 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:36.480 we can't take her leftover scouts, she's too young. 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:38.120 Okay. 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:41.320 The next one I got the and Susan, I'm freaking out. 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:41.880 Lol. 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:45.640 The other day I was in a tiff with my boyfriend. 0:10:45.960 --> 0:10:49.960 Suddenly I caught myself using the same tactics that my 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:53.360 mom used to use on me when I was a teenager. 0:10:53.960 --> 0:10:56.520 I love my mom and I think she's great, but 0:10:56.720 --> 0:10:59.440 this made me realize that I'm doing a lot of 0:10:59.480 --> 0:11:04.480 the things I once resented her for. I said, I'm 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:10.960 just gonna go during that tip and flashback to when 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:13.280 I was a kid and she would say that to me. 0:11:13.559 --> 0:11:15.960 It made me sick to my stomach. How do I 0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:18.800 avoid becoming just like my mom. When it comes to 0:11:18.880 --> 0:11:23.400 the negative qualities I observed of her, they might not 0:11:23.520 --> 0:11:26.440 be negative, girlfriend, that might just be a life lesson. 0:11:26.800 --> 0:11:29.600 I gave me joy the day my daughter called me 0:11:29.720 --> 0:11:32.720 up and said, Mom, thank you, thank you. When I 0:11:32.760 --> 0:11:36.360 hear her doing the same things, I will tell you 0:11:36.679 --> 0:11:39.000 I did not want to be like my mother. 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:43.120 Because my mother was not the nicest person on the planet. 0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:47.400 And so I just answer the simple answer to her is, 0:11:47.640 --> 0:11:50.800 how do you avoid becoming just like your mom? Well, 0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:53.240 like Susan said, maybe some of her qualities are good. 0:11:53.320 --> 0:11:57.520 If the qualities are negative and you really think they're negative, 0:11:58.000 --> 0:12:02.640 think before you speak, you speak, think before you act. 0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:05.959 You know, we've took this how many times in our life. 0:12:06.360 --> 0:12:08.880 If you all would just stop and. 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:11.959 Think for xaty, I still try. I mean, I still 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:14.560 do it. I get it. Yeah, you just pause. 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:18.520 Yes, but I will agree with Susan my daughter, since she, 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:22.319 or my youngest granddaughter, is almost two years old, I 0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:25.199 have become much smarter in my daughter's eyes over the 0:12:25.280 --> 0:12:28.199 last two ye Yes, so amazing. They say that your 0:12:28.240 --> 0:12:31.880 IQ diminishes. Not in my daughter's eyes. Mind is just escalated. 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:34.679 Year two years ago, I got smart. I don't want 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:35.240 to say about that. 0:12:35.600 --> 0:12:38.280 And you know I noticed that she said she resented 0:12:38.280 --> 0:12:40.800 her mom because of that. Well, maybe you were doing 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:45.120 things that you needed to be reprimanded for or talked 0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:49.560 to about and you didn't like it, just like your boyfriend, 0:12:49.800 --> 0:12:53.720 you found yourself saying because he did something that wasn't 0:12:53.760 --> 0:12:54.600 okay with you. 0:12:54.880 --> 0:12:59.560 And like Susan said, maybe maybe mama knew exactly what 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:03.840 she was say And rethink this one, baby, rethink it, 0:13:03.960 --> 0:13:04.480 rethink it. 0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:05.120 Let us know. 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:08.680 And by the way, if the boyfriend is not worth keeping, 0:13:09.160 --> 0:13:12.040 don't try to drag out a thing that ain't worth 0:13:12.120 --> 0:13:13.520 keeping showing. 0:13:13.280 --> 0:13:15.559 The door jingle to it. 0:13:15.880 --> 0:13:19.440 I say, here, here's a better jingle. Here's your hat, 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:27.559 what's your hurry? Yeah, that was when I said that 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:29.960 in the last one. I'm full of these little piffy 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:33.800 quotes today. All right, let's go on. Let us know 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:34.520 how it goes though. 0:13:34.520 --> 0:13:34.840 All right. 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:38.280 Question three is from anonymous lady. And by the way, 0:13:38.440 --> 0:13:41.120 let me just take a minute here. Yeah, don't feel 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:45.160 listeners that you have to say your name, because any 0:13:45.240 --> 0:13:48.199 question you're asking somebody else has the same question, So 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:51.880 feel free write in anonymous will be happy to answer. 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:53.520 You make up the name if you want to. We don't. 0:13:54.360 --> 0:13:57.760 We've had people say to us I am so glad 0:13:57.840 --> 0:14:01.000 on episodes such and such that they ask that question. 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:04.679 That's something I really wanted to know but never would ask. Yeah, 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:06.800 so you help other people there you go? 0:14:07.360 --> 0:14:07.760 All right? 0:14:07.920 --> 0:14:12.880 So Anonymous asks ladies, I need you to talk some 0:14:13.040 --> 0:14:15.640 sentence to me. Well, Anonymous, you have come to the 0:14:15.720 --> 0:14:19.240 right place. We are good at talking. Why do I 0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:22.800 keep Why do I keep going back to my ex? 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:25.880 The sex isn't that great. I live in a big 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:30.320 city and I'm young with no responsibilities, and yet I 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:33.640 keep going back to him. Why do you think I'm 0:14:33.640 --> 0:14:37.080 always falling back into his arms? He's just as guilty 0:14:37.080 --> 0:14:40.320 in terms of keeping that door open, but honestly, he's 0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:43.960 not always the one initiating. What can I do to 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:46.880 finally put an end to this? Thank you? 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:47.480 Well? 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:50.240 Can I just answer this real quickly? What you can do. 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:55.760 What you can do real quickly is not go back, 0:14:56.120 --> 0:14:59.040 tie your hands behind your back, put tape across your mouth, 0:14:59.440 --> 0:15:00.600 disconnect your phone. 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:05.240 Don't do it. It's you know. People are that easy. 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:09.080 It's that easy. People are go ahead. 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:11.800 I'm sorry, Kathy, No I'm just gonna say, people just 0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:15.240 interrupted Kathy, but practicing all right, I'm. 0:15:15.120 --> 0:15:18.240 Just gonna say, people look for like magical things. Why 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:19.240 do you keep going back? 0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:20.040 Hell? Have I know? 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:23.680 You're in a secure it's comforteds you know the devil 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:25.440 you know is better than the devil you don't know. 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:29.720 There's another pithy quote. Whatever it is, it's not healthy, 0:15:29.920 --> 0:15:32.560 So why do you keep doing it? You got me 0:15:32.960 --> 0:15:33.840 stop doing it? 0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:37.000 Also, Well, first of all, the sex isn't great. I 0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:41.080 don't know why, but I'm just saying, sometimes you have 0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:43.800 great sex with somebody and they're not in your life, 0:15:43.840 --> 0:15:47.520 you're not together anymore, but you visit that because it's comfortable. 0:15:47.680 --> 0:15:50.280 You know it that I can understand. That could be 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:56.520 an excuse if you will. But here nothing's good. Sometimes 0:15:56.560 --> 0:15:59.520 people just don't want to be alone. But my main 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:02.400 thing that hits me why she shouldn't go back is 0:16:02.480 --> 0:16:05.640 because you're not open for someone else. 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:08.160 Yeah right, Yeah, you. 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:11.160 Have to close the door to be able to receive 0:16:11.400 --> 0:16:13.760 again and let somebody else in. 0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:17.440 But you know what's interesting is she's the one she said, 0:16:17.480 --> 0:16:20.760 He's not always the one initiating. But the question is 0:16:20.880 --> 0:16:23.720 very simple. You ask why do I keep going back 0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:28.680 to my ex because you think something is better than nothing. 0:16:29.120 --> 0:16:33.080 And as Susan Jess said, something is not always better 0:16:33.120 --> 0:16:37.760 than nothing. And sometimes you have to be alone for 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:41.160 a spell so that you have time to open your 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:44.400 heart and mind for something new. I think it's some 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:46.640 insecurity here. You're afraid to be alone. 0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:48.920 I've been there, I've done it. 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:51.200 I mean, I get nobody. I don't like being alone. 0:16:51.280 --> 0:16:52.440 We all would like. 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:56.320 To have that person to share conversation with, dinner with 0:16:56.360 --> 0:16:59.680 a glass of wine, with all those things. But sometimes 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:02.200 you have to be alone and let your mind just 0:17:02.240 --> 0:17:04.800 be silent and you're you know, so that you are 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:06.720 open to meeting that next person. 0:17:07.640 --> 0:17:16.720 Right, so you know what. 0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:20.600 I again, Sometimes your brain, your mind, your body, you 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:23.800 have to be silent and alone with your thoughts so 0:17:23.880 --> 0:17:26.639 that you can figure out how you got to where 0:17:26.680 --> 0:17:29.840 you got and how you want to plan your steps 0:17:29.880 --> 0:17:31.119 to get to where you want to be. 0:17:31.280 --> 0:17:33.399 I mean, it's just that simple. Sometimes it is. 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:36.480 But we wish you luck and keep trying. You'll get there. 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:38.639 Yeah. Well no, don't keep trying. 0:17:38.840 --> 0:17:41.399 Uh uh you avoid going back? 0:17:41.560 --> 0:17:45.520 No, don't keep trying, sad, just stop, just stop, that's right, 0:17:45.840 --> 0:17:46.400 Just do it. 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:47.480 Just do it. 0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:51.280 Show them the door. That's right, show them the door 0:17:51.359 --> 0:17:55.000 and move on. All right, all right, we're ready. We've 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:56.720 given all this great advice. I think we should play 0:17:56.760 --> 0:17:57.080 a game. 0:17:57.480 --> 0:17:58.159 Of course you do. 0:17:58.600 --> 0:17:59.840 I love games. 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:04.440 We love This one is called deal Breakers Friendship Edition, 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:07.920 because as everyone knows, Susan and I are very good friends. 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:11.000 We're going to read hypotheticals and then we're going to 0:18:11.119 --> 0:18:14.040 say if we think it's a deal breaker. And I'm 0:18:14.040 --> 0:18:17.800 going to start with the first one, which is near 0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:23.040 and dear to us. Your friend shares a deep secret 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:27.600 of yours with someone else after promising to keep it private. 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:32.920 Guilty, guilty, Susan. I'm just and I don't do it 0:18:33.000 --> 0:18:35.640 immediate on purpose. It just ends up coming out. 0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:38.360 She never does it on purpose. But we've all learned 0:18:38.640 --> 0:18:43.800 since you're working, and we've also learned we have things 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:46.400 we tell Susan and things we don't because. 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:50.960 I asked them to. As you are about to say, please, please, no, 0:18:51.160 --> 0:18:51.720 don't tell me. 0:18:51.960 --> 0:18:54.480 Don't tell her because somebody else will call you and 0:18:54.520 --> 0:18:58.679 say such and such, and I'll say, where did you 0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:03.399 hear that, Susan. Next focus is a deal It's not 0:19:03.520 --> 0:19:06.560 with you? Because you're a dear friend. But if is 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:09.200 it a deal breaker for you your friendship? 0:19:09.320 --> 0:19:11.720 No, it's not. You're disappointed and you talk to them 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:14.280 and hope it doesn't happen again. I don't think it's 0:19:14.320 --> 0:19:15.080 a deal breaker. 0:19:15.680 --> 0:19:18.800 I mean it's I got to say, like, if there 0:19:18.800 --> 0:19:22.680 are other things about that person I'm you know, I love, 0:19:23.080 --> 0:19:24.960 that could be that that could be the straw that 0:19:25.000 --> 0:19:25.920 broke the Campbell's back. 0:19:26.520 --> 0:19:31.679 True. Okay, they lie to you about something small, but 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:34.520 you only find out much later. 0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:39.240 I mean something small, I'm not what happens. 0:19:39.359 --> 0:19:42.840 And when you find out later that seed was planet, 0:19:43.160 --> 0:19:48.199 and then they trust things, you'll second guess whether to 0:19:48.280 --> 0:19:53.520 trust something but small, I mean, why lot if it's small. 0:19:54.000 --> 0:19:56.600 Because it was just inconsequential they I mean they probably 0:19:56.640 --> 0:19:58.800 didn't realize. I mean, if it's that small, I wouldn't. 0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:02.280 I'm sure I've loved but it wasn't a lie. It 0:20:02.359 --> 0:20:04.200 wasn't it ultimately turned out to be a lie. 0:20:04.680 --> 0:20:06.840 I'm sure I lied, but it wasn't a lie. I'm 0:20:06.880 --> 0:20:10.240 saying I didn't give me an example of what you're thinking. 0:20:11.520 --> 0:20:14.960 Uh, you said to me, Kathy, what did what did 0:20:14.960 --> 0:20:16.720 you do last night? And I'm just like, Oh, I 0:20:17.200 --> 0:20:19.639 stayed home, I was home most of the night, you 0:20:19.680 --> 0:20:22.879 know whatever, and I just I didn't think about it. 0:20:22.920 --> 0:20:25.240 My neighbor popular for a glass half an hour. 0:20:25.600 --> 0:20:29.160 Well, it turns it's just not giving them all the information. 0:20:30.359 --> 0:20:34.040 But I wouldn't call that lie. Well right, I don't know. 0:20:34.080 --> 0:20:34.879 I don't like that one. 0:20:35.040 --> 0:20:36.080 All right, let's move along. 0:20:36.119 --> 0:20:40.720 Then you find out they've been secretly hanging out with 0:20:40.880 --> 0:20:42.760 someone who openly dislikes you. 0:20:43.800 --> 0:20:44.560 That's their life. 0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:50.560 You find out they're secretly hanging out with somebody that 0:20:50.680 --> 0:20:51.440