1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:03,000 Speaker 1: Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray. 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:09,959 Speaker 1: It's ready. Are you welcome to stop? Mom? Never told you? 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:17,840 Speaker 1: From housetop works dot Com. Hey, and welcome to podcast. 4 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 1: This is Molly and I'm Kristen. Kristen. I watched a 5 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 1: movie recently called Away Wi Go. It features my Rudolph 6 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: and John Krasinski as this expecting couple that is traveling 7 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:30,440 Speaker 1: the country trying to find a place to raise their child. 8 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:34,840 Speaker 1: That sounds precious, is it is precious? And um. One 9 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:38,520 Speaker 1: of the places they visit UM is where Maggie Gillen Hall, 10 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,920 Speaker 1: a character that played by Maggie Jillan Hall lives. But 11 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:45,360 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna keep calling Maggie Gillen Hall um is living. 12 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 1: And she practices something called attachment parenting, which kind of 13 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:53,280 Speaker 1: freaks out this young couple that is about to have 14 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,720 Speaker 1: a baby. And by attachment parenting, I mean that she's 15 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,639 Speaker 1: breastfeeding in front of them, even though her kids look 16 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,960 Speaker 1: to be kind of big. Um. She refuses to use 17 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:04,680 Speaker 1: strollers because she doesn't want to push her baby away 18 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:07,479 Speaker 1: from her. She wants to um carry them very close 19 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:10,080 Speaker 1: to her everywhere. And UM. Then one of the things 20 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:13,640 Speaker 1: that really freaks out um John and Maia's characters is 21 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 1: that she has this giant bed that she her husband 22 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 1: and the two children sleep in. Two children, yes, and 23 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,840 Speaker 1: so um that is when they start to get a 24 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:28,000 Speaker 1: little bit, you know a little bit. I think you 25 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 1: see the fear in their eyes about this parenting situation. Now, 26 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,600 Speaker 1: it doesn't help that Maggie Joan Hall's character is really rude. 27 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 1: So I think that it almost paints the whole attachment 28 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 1: parenting movement is very holier than now. But um, I 29 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,400 Speaker 1: wanted to talk about just one aspect of this attachment 30 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,960 Speaker 1: parenting thing today, and that's the big family bed that 31 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,120 Speaker 1: the four of them share. Yeah, I think you're referring 32 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:51,880 Speaker 1: to co sleeping, which is one of the eight principles 33 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 1: major principles of attachment parenting, which uh is really attributed 34 00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 1: to a pediatrical a pediatrician named William Sears. So do 35 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,920 Speaker 1: you want me to throw out a few of those 36 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,960 Speaker 1: those eight principles so we get an idea of kind 37 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:10,920 Speaker 1: of what attachment parenting promotes. Yeah, lad on me, all right? So, uh, 38 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 1: of course you want to you want you need to 39 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:18,080 Speaker 1: breastfeed because that helps bond the infant to the mother. 40 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 1: You need to respond with sensitivity. Uh. For instance, instead 41 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,679 Speaker 1: of just punishing a child for a tantrum, you need 42 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:30,920 Speaker 1: to recognize the behavior and respond to the behavior appropriately 43 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,320 Speaker 1: rather than just um, you know, putting them in time 44 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:36,520 Speaker 1: out or putting the tantrum say things according to this theory, 45 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:37,720 Speaker 1: as you have to figure out what they're trying to 46 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 1: tell you with the tantrum. You also want to use 47 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:43,880 Speaker 1: a nurturing touch. They want they encourage you to have 48 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 1: most skin to skin contact with your child and that 49 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:52,640 Speaker 1: can also include things such as baby massage UM. Practicing 50 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 1: massage techniques for for your we one, taking a bath together, 51 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:02,640 Speaker 1: taking a bath together, positive discipline UM working out a 52 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:06,240 Speaker 1: solution basically with your child rather than spanking or uh 53 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:09,600 Speaker 1: I guess sending in the time out once again UM, 54 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:14,200 Speaker 1: and then you wear a baby trainers molly touch. My 55 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,760 Speaker 1: Parenting thinks that you need to engage personally one on 56 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:20,400 Speaker 1: one with your infant and child instead of just putting 57 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 1: them under a a mobile to ducting them. And you know. 58 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,840 Speaker 1: This theory also came about UM right before the rise 59 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:31,359 Speaker 1: of daycare, so also you wouldn't want an intermediate UM 60 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:34,040 Speaker 1: between you and your attachment or the attachment between you 61 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: and your baby. So I think this is a good 62 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: topic for stuff mom never told you, because I don't 63 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,040 Speaker 1: think that this is what our mothers would tell us 64 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,000 Speaker 1: about how to raise a child. I know that one 65 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 1: I was a baby, Um, I was asking my mom 66 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: about this. This was not the way that you know, 67 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,480 Speaker 1: she was taught to go about this. She was taught to, 68 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:51,760 Speaker 1: you know, discipline a kid who was having a tantrum, 69 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 1: to let them cry it out if they were trying 70 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 1: to get to sleep, instead of just coddling them. I 71 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 1: certainly didn't get any baby massages. I don't think that 72 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 1: you know of you remember your infantile memory pretty good? 73 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 1: Oh yes, I My mind's like a steel trap cry 74 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:09,080 Speaker 1: crystal clear. Um. Yeah. I think that we can attribute 75 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 1: a lot of that to Dr Richard Ferber, who was 76 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:16,240 Speaker 1: one of the most influential pediatricians, I would say in 77 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: the US. And he had a best selling book in 78 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:23,799 Speaker 1: nineteen five, kind of around when you and I were 79 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,799 Speaker 1: We're coming into this world, um, and it was called 80 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 1: Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, and he advised he advised 81 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:32,920 Speaker 1: parents to let babies cry for up to forty five 82 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:36,480 Speaker 1: minutes without responding and to train them to sleep on 83 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: their own. And that's kind of goes to the uh, 84 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,599 Speaker 1: the point you brought up about crying it out, because 85 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: he said, you know, if you let a child cry 86 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,480 Speaker 1: to the point that they throw up, and then once 87 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,520 Speaker 1: they throw up, you go and comfort them, you're just 88 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 1: teaching them that throwing up is a way to get 89 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: you know, get your attention and almost be rewarded in 90 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,920 Speaker 1: a way. So he was all about teaching a kid 91 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: to sleep by themselves in a cribs up it from 92 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:04,239 Speaker 1: you because this would create um an independent adult later 93 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:07,280 Speaker 1: down the road. And this really kind of rubbed a 94 00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:09,600 Speaker 1: lot of parents the wrong way because when you look 95 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:13,360 Speaker 1: at um the worldwide way that people sleep with their infants, 96 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: most cultures do practice sleeping in one big bed, probably 97 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,360 Speaker 1: because they don't have the space, they may not have 98 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 1: the money, um, you know, they just live in a 99 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:24,919 Speaker 1: very communal culture. So it's very um Western and particularly 100 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:27,599 Speaker 1: US centric to think that you put your baby down 101 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:30,480 Speaker 1: in a crib. And this this divide exists today. We're 102 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 1: reading these articles about people who say we're all going 103 00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 1: to sleep in one big bed because this is the 104 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 1: way it's done. And I think that it promotes a 105 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 1: better bond between me and my baby and the people 106 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,920 Speaker 1: who are just like, oh gosh, you're going to kill 107 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:46,000 Speaker 1: your child. Well, and and a big change happened with 108 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:49,960 Speaker 1: all of this when Richard Ferber went back and uh 109 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,919 Speaker 1: revised solve your child's sleep problems and said that co 110 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 1: sleeping it's not that bad. Yeah. I mean, he didn't 111 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,039 Speaker 1: come out and endorse it, right, he was sort of saying, 112 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:02,039 Speaker 1: you've got to measure, uh, what your kid needs. But 113 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:05,120 Speaker 1: it really has sparked kind of this renaissance, just even 114 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 1: his mild rebuke of what he'd said earlier. The renaissance 115 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 1: and people admitting that their family shares one bed when 116 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,799 Speaker 1: the baby is an infant. Yeah. According to an article 117 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,280 Speaker 1: will be found on the New York Times, um in 118 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:21,880 Speaker 1: two thousand, nearly appearance in the US left with their infants, 119 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 1: which was up from five point five in according to 120 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: a report and the Journal Infant and Child Development. But 121 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 1: the article also points out that this might be people 122 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: might be lowballing this because a lot of parents tend 123 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,640 Speaker 1: to report where their child will start out the night 124 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:40,560 Speaker 1: rather than where they end up. Because a lot of 125 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,680 Speaker 1: parents might put the baby in the crib. Uh, and 126 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,880 Speaker 1: then in the middle of the night they'll have to 127 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,080 Speaker 1: go get the baby and wake up with it in 128 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 1: bed with them. Right, So the report what the child 129 00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:52,440 Speaker 1: should do as opposed to what the child actually do. 130 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:56,120 Speaker 1: In fact, they put Emperor cameras in some parents bedrooms, 131 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:59,200 Speaker 1: and only half of the people, um, who the cameras 132 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,680 Speaker 1: showed taking a baby into bed with them admitted that 133 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,760 Speaker 1: they had done that. So um, people may not realize 134 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,800 Speaker 1: that they are co sleepers, and in fact, that's a 135 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 1: whole category of co sleeping. There are people who decide 136 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,400 Speaker 1: before the baby is even born that their family will 137 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,640 Speaker 1: share one bed because of this attachment theory of parenting. 138 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 1: And then there are those who just kind of fall 139 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 1: into it as a pattern because um, you know, they 140 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,280 Speaker 1: pick up the baby for one reason or another and 141 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:27,240 Speaker 1: next thing, you know, the mornings here. Yeah, and then 142 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 1: they're also there's a third category called circumstantial co sleepers, 143 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 1: and that's kind of when the parent will end up 144 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 1: sleeping with the child on occasion if, for instance, the 145 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 1: child is very sick. So now the positives, as you've mentioned, 146 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 1: part of this attachment theory is that just being close 147 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:46,480 Speaker 1: skinned to skin with the mother um create sort of 148 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:49,440 Speaker 1: a healthy mindset in the child. There's not a ton 149 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,520 Speaker 1: of studies that backed this up. In fact, the whole 150 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 1: attachment theory of parenting can be kind of controversial because 151 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:58,240 Speaker 1: they based a lot of the studies on um apes, right, 152 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:03,160 Speaker 1: some sort of baboon monkey family. I mean, it doesn't matter, basically, 153 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,360 Speaker 1: it wasn't a human. But they started with this theory 154 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 1: saying these apes, for lack of a better word, really 155 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,160 Speaker 1: prefer being close to close, and then they kind of 156 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 1: transcribe this onto humans. So it's not clear whether really 157 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,720 Speaker 1: sleeping close to your baby does in fact do anything, 158 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:21,080 Speaker 1: but it does serve a very practical purpose if you're breastfeeding, sure, 159 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,920 Speaker 1: because that way you can the mother can kind of 160 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,679 Speaker 1: rest a little bit more while the child is feeding. 161 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 1: You don't necessarily have to get up out of bed 162 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,360 Speaker 1: if the if the baby starts crying, you can you 163 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:35,080 Speaker 1: can feed right then and there and take care of 164 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:39,080 Speaker 1: it um. But there's also one of the main reasons 165 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:42,920 Speaker 1: why co sleeping is so controversial is because there are 166 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:47,160 Speaker 1: some very severe risks associated with it, and this is 167 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:51,880 Speaker 1: one reason why the American Academy of Pediatrics discourages co sleeping, 168 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:55,400 Speaker 1: and that specifically because there is a correlation between co 169 00:08:55,600 --> 00:09:00,839 Speaker 1: sleeping and the possibility of SIDS or sudden infant destined drum. 170 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 1: Right now, some people say this is that this is 171 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 1: really only a risk if a parent is smoking, drinking 172 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 1: too much alcohol, or taking medication before they go to bed, 173 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:13,280 Speaker 1: basically anything that lowers your um awake factor, I guess 174 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,200 Speaker 1: is a way to call it. If you were really 175 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,719 Speaker 1: heavily in slumber because you took like some TAYL and 176 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:21,360 Speaker 1: l PM, then you might be more likely to roll 177 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:23,720 Speaker 1: over and suffocate the baby. But they're saying that if 178 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,640 Speaker 1: you're not under the influence, then you should be aware 179 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:28,839 Speaker 1: of your baby and not roll over on it. Now, 180 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 1: I have problems with this, Kristen. I mean, I'm not 181 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: a mother, but I have to say that I do 182 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,360 Speaker 1: all sorts of weird stuff, and in sleep, I wake 183 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,200 Speaker 1: up in totally different positions than when I started. So 184 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,800 Speaker 1: will a baby stop that? I don't know. I mean, 185 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:45,120 Speaker 1: if I have a baby, is it better to be 186 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,600 Speaker 1: constantly worried because I might roll over on it or 187 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,040 Speaker 1: constantly worried because it might be dead in its crib? 188 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm like like you, I have no baby, 189 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:56,960 Speaker 1: no baby of my own to sleep with. But I 190 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,240 Speaker 1: will say that, um, I I did have a cat 191 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,720 Speaker 1: rest in peace, um who would sleep with me. And 192 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: I don't remember ever rolling over on him. I do 193 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:11,400 Speaker 1: remember throwing him off the vent sometimes when he would 194 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,680 Speaker 1: try to wake me up in the morning by pawing 195 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,920 Speaker 1: at my face. But I don't think I ever. I 196 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,839 Speaker 1: was always very aware of where of wear my little 197 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 1: my little Kevin was. Oh Kevin, here is an adorable 198 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:27,839 Speaker 1: cat and missing. Um. Sorry, now I'm just overwhelmed with 199 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 1: thoughts of Kevin. I've got to get back on topic. 200 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: So what you're saying is that it's possible that if 201 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,920 Speaker 1: I have this baby next to me, I'll be more aware. Sure, 202 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,800 Speaker 1: I mean, it's a war, it's a warm little baby. 203 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,800 Speaker 1: Let's you're her seemed probably, I mean, Molly, I do 204 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 1: have faith that if you if you put a baby 205 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 1: beside you, you know, a little, warm, little warm bundle 206 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:48,199 Speaker 1: of joy, would probably be a little more aware that 207 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,880 Speaker 1: it was there, especially because that's one of the tips 208 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,160 Speaker 1: that pediatricians give if you are going to go sleep, 209 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,440 Speaker 1: is to put the baby next to the mother because 210 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 1: they think that you're gonna have some hyper sensitive maternal 211 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: awareness while you sleep, So I'll be hypersensitive, Kristen. But 212 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:05,040 Speaker 1: will I get any sleep? Surveys saying no, And in 213 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:08,160 Speaker 1: fact they say that, um, well, I think that all mothers, 214 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 1: whether the baby sleeping in the room or out of 215 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,560 Speaker 1: the room, are pretty sleep deprived. But they're saying that, 216 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:15,880 Speaker 1: you know, if your baby is sleeping in the bed 217 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 1: with you, they have more instances of nighttime waking than 218 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,000 Speaker 1: babies who are sleeping in their own cribs. So if 219 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,320 Speaker 1: your goal is to have a child who sleeps through 220 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,200 Speaker 1: the night on their own, then it seems like co 221 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:29,320 Speaker 1: sleeping puts them at a disadvantage. However, one proponent of 222 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,320 Speaker 1: co sleeping did say that it's likely that those babies 223 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,240 Speaker 1: are waking up in the other room. They're not probably 224 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,320 Speaker 1: sleeping through the night. Um that, it's just you don't 225 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,280 Speaker 1: know that they wake up, so I don't know. That 226 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,720 Speaker 1: seems like ha six and one half dozen. The other 227 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 1: to me is do you want to wake up every 228 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,800 Speaker 1: time your kid wakes up or do you want to 229 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,560 Speaker 1: be able to have a kid that wakes up and 230 00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:50,240 Speaker 1: goes back to sleep on its own. Yeah. One of 231 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:54,320 Speaker 1: the one of the essays that we read about co sleeping, Um, 232 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:57,200 Speaker 1: the mother compared it to sleeping with a with a 233 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,679 Speaker 1: washing machine, because you know, I mean, you're going to 234 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,840 Speaker 1: be aware of all of its little movements. Um. And 235 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:06,640 Speaker 1: there was a survey in Parents magazine that said that 236 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:10,599 Speaker 1: for six month olds, UM, six of the crib sleepers 237 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,520 Speaker 1: the parents reported that they were sleeping through the night, 238 00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:15,760 Speaker 1: compared with only for of the co sleepers. But like 239 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 1: you said, that could just be attributed to awareness, Like you, 240 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,960 Speaker 1: weon't if you're child's in the crib, you're not going 241 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,319 Speaker 1: to know every single time it wakes up, all right, Christen. 242 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:26,800 Speaker 1: So we're a few minutes into this podcast, this discussion 243 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:28,560 Speaker 1: of co sleeping, and I think that there's a big 244 00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:32,199 Speaker 1: elephant in the room. Sex. Yeah, how do you nurture 245 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:36,080 Speaker 1: your marital relationship when there is a baby there? We 246 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:39,360 Speaker 1: read one essay from Parenting Magazine where the mother described 247 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:43,680 Speaker 1: building this tower of pillows to separate the baby from 248 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 1: her and her husband while they were engaging insects, and Molly, 249 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,680 Speaker 1: I'm I don't mean, I'm not calling this woman a 250 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 1: bad mother, but I am saying that a tower of 251 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 1: pillows that could easily topple and fall on top of 252 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 1: your little little infant while you're doing the deed does 253 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 1: not sound like the best plan of action. I don't 254 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,200 Speaker 1: think so either. Um, but again we're not judging her. 255 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 1: But the thing is is that you do see these 256 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,720 Speaker 1: articles where people say, you know, we just go ahead 257 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 1: and have sex right there. That's what Maggie Jillen Hall 258 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:12,600 Speaker 1: says in that movie that I was talking about earlier. 259 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,559 Speaker 1: Why would we want to hide our love from our children? 260 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 1: And they do have these studies, I take them with 261 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,839 Speaker 1: a grain of salt because the guy who wrote about 262 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 1: them is really into co sleeping. That says the kids 263 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,880 Speaker 1: who do co sleep. Um, you know, with a madly 264 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:31,280 Speaker 1: in love couple have um healthier sexuality and healthier views 265 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 1: on sexuality later on down the road. Is that true? 266 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 1: I don't know, but it does seem that there are 267 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,600 Speaker 1: cultures around the world where you probably see your parents 268 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,560 Speaker 1: having sex. And it's very western of us to be 269 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:44,480 Speaker 1: kind of like creeped out by that. But nevertheless, if 270 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 1: parents are you know, parents do want to maintain his 271 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:51,320 Speaker 1: sex life, but they are slightly uncomfortable with doing it 272 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,480 Speaker 1: while they have a baby there, And it might just 273 00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:55,920 Speaker 1: be hard to really, you know, get in the mood 274 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,600 Speaker 1: if you had a baby there. I don't know, I've 275 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 1: never personally been in that and that situation, but it 276 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:03,400 Speaker 1: seems like it would be a factor for a co 277 00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:08,280 Speaker 1: sleeping couple. Um. So, going back to that parenting magazine essay, 278 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:12,080 Speaker 1: her solution was to, UM take sex out of the 279 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:15,640 Speaker 1: bed and out of nighttime. UM, reserve the bed and 280 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,760 Speaker 1: the night for sleeping only, and then just get a 281 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,440 Speaker 1: little creative. Yeah, I have sex all over the house 282 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,360 Speaker 1: instead of just in the bed. Because other cultures, what 283 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,280 Speaker 1: they keep what all these articles keep going back to 284 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,080 Speaker 1: the other culture see a bed as a social place, 285 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:32,840 Speaker 1: whereas we Americans, we prudish Americans, see only as a 286 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:36,800 Speaker 1: sexual place. Is that so prudish? I don't know it is, 287 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:40,720 Speaker 1: and it isn't. But Molly, to dial dial down the 288 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 1: mood that we have now elevated in our mom's deep studio. Uh, 289 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,880 Speaker 1: let's bring it back to SIDS. So yeah, nothing dampens 290 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 1: the mood quite like SIDS. Because actually, when I when 291 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:53,840 Speaker 1: I mentioned to um, uh my sister m who is 292 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,000 Speaker 1: a mother, that we were going to talk about co 293 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:57,960 Speaker 1: sleeping today, that was the first thing that came to 294 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,360 Speaker 1: her mind was SIDS. She's like, you get welln people 295 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 1: are going to be concerned about SIDS, UM because I 296 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,120 Speaker 1: think a lot of this is attributed to a study 297 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:11,520 Speaker 1: that ended in two thousand four that tracked mortality patterns 298 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 1: infant mortality patterns in the US over a twenty year period, 299 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:21,200 Speaker 1: and it showed that accidental suffocation and strangulation in bed 300 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:26,040 Speaker 1: and co sleeping arrangements UM had quadrupled over the two 301 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:29,400 Speaker 1: decades that that the study included. Yeah, I think that 302 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:33,440 Speaker 1: they have UM really lowered SIDS rates all over the 303 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 1: world by teaching parents to put the baby on their 304 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:40,040 Speaker 1: back back to sleep, and that if there are still 305 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,520 Speaker 1: these high numbers of SIDS, then it must be due 306 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:46,120 Speaker 1: to the fact that you know, these these children have 307 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:49,640 Speaker 1: sleeping patterns unlike what the pediatricians are telling them to do. Yeah. So, 308 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 1: And this was according to a Slate article on this study, 309 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:55,200 Speaker 1: and it thays in cases of sudden unexpected infant desks 310 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 1: attributed to suffocation or strangulation, more than half occurred in 311 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:02,040 Speaker 1: co sleeping circumstances is or the sleeping certain and where 312 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,880 Speaker 1: the sleeping surface was noted, more than of deaths occurred 313 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:08,120 Speaker 1: in an adult bed, a sofa or a couch. So 314 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,680 Speaker 1: I think that's the number one thing that pediatrician to 315 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,520 Speaker 1: do urge parents um to be mindful of if they 316 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:17,400 Speaker 1: do end up in co sleeping arrangements, is to really 317 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:21,480 Speaker 1: be careful about how how you um, what kind of 318 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:24,680 Speaker 1: surface the child is sleeping on, how they're sleeping, the 319 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,920 Speaker 1: position on the bed that they're sleeping, because you know 320 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,400 Speaker 1: it is there are possibilities that they could happen. So 321 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,640 Speaker 1: let's go over that. Let's go over um, how you 322 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 1: can safely co sleep if that's what you choose to 323 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,200 Speaker 1: do so. According to the New York Times article about 324 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 1: co sleeping, the first thing that you want to do 325 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,960 Speaker 1: to make to set up a safe co sleeping environment 326 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 1: is to make sure that a little baby can't roll 327 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,600 Speaker 1: off and fall on the ground in the middle of 328 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,680 Speaker 1: the night. Wouldn't be fun. So you're gonna want to 329 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,520 Speaker 1: push the bed against flush against a wall, or set 330 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,560 Speaker 1: up a padded guardrail on one side of the wall, 331 00:16:55,600 --> 00:17:00,440 Speaker 1: and then place the baby um between the mod or 332 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 1: and whatever barrier you have set up, which at first 333 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,199 Speaker 1: sounded pretty dangerous to me because it seems like the 334 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,760 Speaker 1: baby could just keep hitting the guardrail or fall down 335 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,800 Speaker 1: if the guardrail is not adequately put up. But maybe 336 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,399 Speaker 1: maybe the messages is to really make sure that barrier 337 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:17,439 Speaker 1: is good. But yeah, because this this article also points 338 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,480 Speaker 1: out that that's a better position for the baby than 339 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,920 Speaker 1: sleeping in between its two parents, because I guess then 340 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,560 Speaker 1: you might you run the risk of making a baby sandwich. 341 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,400 Speaker 1: Oh is it wrong that the first thing I thought 342 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,320 Speaker 1: was that that sounded kind of delicious? Um it is. 343 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,280 Speaker 1: Now the second tip is to get a really big bed. 344 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,600 Speaker 1: Some of these articles are saying, instead of using the 345 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,680 Speaker 1: money to buy a crib that you may never use, 346 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,119 Speaker 1: use the money to upgrade your bed so that you 347 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,520 Speaker 1: have enough room to spread out and don't feel like, 348 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 1: you know, you're right on top of your baby, right, 349 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,720 Speaker 1: get a get a king size queen or king size bed. 350 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,320 Speaker 1: And then you can also get something called a co 351 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:57,560 Speaker 1: sleep bass and nut, which is basically a little carrier 352 00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,480 Speaker 1: four that you put in your bed. Yeah, or your baby. 353 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,480 Speaker 1: It's still in arms reach, but it's still in a bassinet, 354 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:06,480 Speaker 1: but it's not walled off from you. It's like a 355 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:10,240 Speaker 1: bed add on and uh and of course, you, like 356 00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:12,719 Speaker 1: you mentioned earlier, you want to make sure that you 357 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:17,480 Speaker 1: aren't drunk or intoxicated in any way or on any 358 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:22,200 Speaker 1: kind of uh debilitating medications, and you aren't extremely tired, 359 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,640 Speaker 1: and you aren't wearing any dangling jewelry or anything with 360 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,480 Speaker 1: like you wouldn't want to wear a robe to bed 361 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,879 Speaker 1: because the robe tie could end up getting wrapped around 362 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:34,640 Speaker 1: your baby's little neck. And then here's a tip from 363 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:39,080 Speaker 1: doctor Sears. You cannot really co sleep if you're extremely obese. 364 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,880 Speaker 1: And this is a direct quote. Obc itself may cause 365 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,040 Speaker 1: sleep apne and the mother in addition to the smothering 366 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,920 Speaker 1: danger of pendulous breasts and large fat rolls. I mean, 367 00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 1: that was not very sensitive of doctor Sears in my opinion, 368 00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:53,919 Speaker 1: but that's what the doctor says, doctor's orders. And he 369 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,840 Speaker 1: also notes that just because you're co sleeping with a 370 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 1: baby in a bed doesn't mean you should go sleep 371 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:01,720 Speaker 1: on a couch because that is a dangerous place for 372 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,520 Speaker 1: a kid to sort of roll off and get trapped 373 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 1: in cushions and whatnot. And also not on any water 374 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:10,879 Speaker 1: beds or other kind of squishy um surfaces that that 375 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:14,359 Speaker 1: would be more dangerous for the baby. And it's not 376 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,879 Speaker 1: just putting the baby in bed with any person like 377 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,639 Speaker 1: they say that a babysitter really shouldn't be in the 378 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 1: bed with the baby because apparently, only card to doctor sears, 379 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,040 Speaker 1: the mother is the one that has this heightened sensitivity 380 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,160 Speaker 1: to where the baby is at all times. Well, yeah, 381 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,439 Speaker 1: because is it, since this is all part of attachment 382 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,920 Speaker 1: parenting not attachment sitting, when you want to make sure 383 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:36,040 Speaker 1: that you're you know, you're you're nurturing the bond between 384 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,800 Speaker 1: mother and father and child. Well, I mean that's where 385 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,760 Speaker 1: this whole theory sometimes gets controversial, as you know, do 386 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,439 Speaker 1: you want an overattached kid? That's sort of why some 387 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,680 Speaker 1: of these parents who do this fell judged. Is you know, 388 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:49,400 Speaker 1: if you have a kid who can't even be left 389 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,639 Speaker 1: alone with a babysitter, then do you just have an 390 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,720 Speaker 1: overly needy kid? I mean, you can go back and 391 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,760 Speaker 1: forth and make the argument a million different ways, which 392 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,520 Speaker 1: I hope our listeners will do when they weigh in 393 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,320 Speaker 1: on this. But there are some people who say, you know, 394 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:02,800 Speaker 1: are you only attaching your baby to one thing and 395 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,879 Speaker 1: making them overly need for the rest of their lives? 396 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,159 Speaker 1: Or if you did have you know, a baby who 397 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,040 Speaker 1: could sleep on its own or sleep with a babysitter 398 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:11,720 Speaker 1: or sleep with its brother on vacation. Do you have 399 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,280 Speaker 1: a baby that's more adaptable to the world. Yeah, and 400 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,520 Speaker 1: um to top everything off, according to that Parenting magazine survey, 401 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 1: only twenty of the pediatricians approved of the respondents co 402 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:28,399 Speaker 1: sleeping arrangements. So obviously this is a co sleeping as 403 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,439 Speaker 1: a choice. You know, that's up to every parent, but 404 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,879 Speaker 1: be prepared for pediatricians to probably encourage you not to 405 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:38,800 Speaker 1: do that. Right, But are pediatricians just too western? Are 406 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:41,600 Speaker 1: we too western? Kristen? Maybe they are too western. Let's 407 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,720 Speaker 1: have our listeners weigh in on the topic. If you 408 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,880 Speaker 1: have a post sleeping story, if you think it's better 409 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:49,280 Speaker 1: to let kids cry it out and become independent, or 410 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:52,360 Speaker 1: if you think they become more independent by feeling really 411 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:56,760 Speaker 1: close to you, let us know. All right, So why 412 00:20:56,760 --> 00:21:02,200 Speaker 1: don't we do a little bit of listener ma'mally okay? 413 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,960 Speaker 1: I have some emails that are from our A Wire 414 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:11,760 Speaker 1: Women Attracted to Vampires podcast and a lot of our 415 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,680 Speaker 1: male dealt with two big omissions that we made. One 416 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:18,119 Speaker 1: is about and Rice and one is about the true 417 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,720 Speaker 1: uh influence of Buffy. So why don't you start with 418 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,080 Speaker 1: the ann Rice stuff. Kristen. Okay um, this is from 419 00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:28,240 Speaker 1: Becky and she says, I think your Wire Women tract 420 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 1: to the Vampires podcasts, maybe remiss and not mentioning the 421 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:36,199 Speaker 1: huge influence and Rice's books on the modern vampire genre. 422 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,120 Speaker 1: There's a lead between Buffy and Twilight, and the an 423 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,680 Speaker 1: Rice books fall in that gap. Not modern and ironic 424 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 1: like Buffy, not superstylised and oddly squeaky clean like the 425 00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:50,240 Speaker 1: Twilight Gang. Her vampires were Gothic, weird, sexy, and living 426 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:53,480 Speaker 1: in modern times. It was all groundbreaking, a revelation. Up 427 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,639 Speaker 1: until that point. The old Bella would go see character 428 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 1: was always thought about vampires. To think of them still 429 00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 1: living among us was an amazing thought as a youth 430 00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,840 Speaker 1: in the eighties. All her vampire lest stop books or 431 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:07,159 Speaker 1: almost required reading among us. I think too, especially in 432 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:11,040 Speaker 1: case of the interview with the Vampire movie, that her 433 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,720 Speaker 1: vampires were attractive for a reason you might not have 434 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:19,280 Speaker 1: mentioned sexual ambiguity and androgeny, attractive to women and men, 435 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,959 Speaker 1: and dangerous yet oddly safe as they weren't often super 436 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,639 Speaker 1: masculine and violent. But probably gets some mail about the 437 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,760 Speaker 1: Lost Voice from some other gen xers like me. That 438 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:33,200 Speaker 1: was another huge impact in the modern vampire revolution. Okay, 439 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,399 Speaker 1: now our next emails from Annie, and Annie is one 440 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,280 Speaker 1: of the many people who wrote in to talk about 441 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:42,160 Speaker 1: um maybe some mischaracterization of Buffy as feminist that we made, 442 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,679 Speaker 1: So she writes, I have to say sadly that I 443 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,879 Speaker 1: disagree with your take on that show. Buffy for the 444 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,760 Speaker 1: first three seasons basically lived her Angel. In season one, 445 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,439 Speaker 1: she was just just worried about the status of her 446 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:54,320 Speaker 1: relationship with him, as she was at just drawing the Master. 447 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,680 Speaker 1: When Angel turned evil in season two, she had the 448 00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,080 Speaker 1: opportunity to kill him several times, but held back because 449 00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:01,359 Speaker 1: she still loved him and was unable to accept that 450 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 1: the Angels she knew was gone. Her failure to suck 451 00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:05,560 Speaker 1: it up and do your job allowed Angel treaks some 452 00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:09,480 Speaker 1: serious damage on the Sunnydale population. What's so great about Buffy, though, 453 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,800 Speaker 1: is that she evolves. She starts off as self absorbed, 454 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,119 Speaker 1: em bloy crazy, more concerned about dating and driving and 455 00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:16,679 Speaker 1: surviving high school than she is about her destiny. By 456 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 1: the end of the last season, she's embraced her destiny 457 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:20,400 Speaker 1: and actually figures out a way to share her power 458 00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:23,280 Speaker 1: with other women. It's no longer about her relationship with 459 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:25,399 Speaker 1: Angel or Spike. It is about her relationship with her 460 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,960 Speaker 1: own female power and her relationship to other females. The 461 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,280 Speaker 1: fact that Buffy isn't perfect is to me part of 462 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,080 Speaker 1: what makes her so special and feminist culture. She's hard 463 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,600 Speaker 1: to define in any way. She's complex and she fills 464 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:37,320 Speaker 1: many roles, and I think that makes her a pretty 465 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:41,119 Speaker 1: cool role model. All right, So, if you have something 466 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:45,600 Speaker 1: to say about vampires, co sleeping, or just life, email 467 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,960 Speaker 1: us at mom stuff at how stuffworks dot com. If 468 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 1: you want to read what we're writing about, check our 469 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:54,240 Speaker 1: blog how to stuff at how stuffwork dot com or 470 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,280 Speaker 1: one of the many articles that we've written over at 471 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:03,199 Speaker 1: you Guessed at how stuffworks dot com. For more on 472 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,760 Speaker 1: this and thousands of other topics, is it how stuff 473 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:10,040 Speaker 1: works dot com. Want more how staff works, check out 474 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,639 Speaker 1: our blogs on the house stuff works dot com home page. 475 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,000 Speaker 1: Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve camera. 476 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:21,520 Speaker 1: It's ready, are you