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Speaker 1: Nephew's subject low vibrational loving. Dear Stephen Shirley. I am
Speaker 1: divorced and I'm dating again. I've gone to counseling to
Speaker 1: deal with the baggage that was part of the destruction
Speaker 1: of my marriage. So I consider myself healed and I'm
Speaker 1: ready to get into a healthy new relationship. But God
Speaker 1: really does have a sense of humor. I went on
Speaker 1: three horrible dates when I first got back on the
Speaker 1: dating scene. I decided to try online dating and I
Speaker 1: matched up with a guy that looks great on paper,
Speaker 1: but he has some issues with his finances. I don't
Speaker 1: mind meeting a man halfway with the bills, but if
Speaker 1: I got serious with this guy, I'd have to pay
Speaker 1: our bills and his child support. I can't fold a
Speaker 1: man for having baggage, but I also don't have to
Speaker 1: take on a fixer upper. I just don't think that
Speaker 1: God would put me through that again. Been there, done
Speaker 1: that with my ex husband. So what's with all the
Speaker 1: low vibrational loving with this new generation of men. I'm
Speaker 1: thirty four years old, and it's hard to meet a
Speaker 1: man in my age range that's successful, that's successful and
Speaker 1: ready to settle down. I've been on first dates and
Speaker 1: have had to pay for my meal, and the guys
Speaker 1: expect me to pursue them. I prefer a strong minded man.
Speaker 1: He doesn't have to be rich, but he needs to
Speaker 1: have a plan. I work with a few married men
Speaker 1: my age and they seem to be on the right path,
Speaker 1: so I know good black men are out there. Some
Speaker 1: women are accepting low vibrational loving and the bare minimum
Speaker 1: from a man, and that makes it hard for women
Speaker 1: with higher standards. I want to meet a man that
Speaker 1: is on my level, but if I can't, how do
Speaker 1: I help guide a man to greatness without belittling him
Speaker 1: or making him feel inadequate? Okay, that's a lot of
Speaker 1: work right there, I mean a lot. And it's not
Speaker 1: your responsibility to like fix a man, that's not your job.
Speaker 1: But you can encourage him, you can build him up,
Speaker 1: you can stroke his ego, that sort of thing.
Speaker 3: And it's perfectly fine.
Speaker 1: In having said all of that, for you to want
Speaker 1: what you want out of a man, that's okay too.
Speaker 1: It's great that you have higher standards. I mean, and
Speaker 1: I could tell you're a good woman because you care,
Speaker 1: You've gone to therapy, you've worked on yourself. You're willing
Speaker 1: to help your man and elevate him to greatness. All
Speaker 1: that is wonderful to you. And there are a lot
Speaker 1: of good men out there. But there also are a
Speaker 1: lot of use your term, low vibrational loving men and
Speaker 1: women in the world today. You know that low energy,
Speaker 1: that sad energy, self esteem energy going.
Speaker 3: Nowhere, just bad energy.
Speaker 1: Okay, But again, there are a lot of good men
Speaker 1: out there. If that's all you're running into, these kind
Speaker 1: of low vibrational kind of guys, then you're gonna have
Speaker 1: to do something different than what you've been doing. You
Speaker 1: got to change your circle, you know, go different places,
Speaker 1: try a new type of dating, app et cetera. The
Speaker 1: kind of man you want would not allow you to
Speaker 1: pay his child support, let alone dinner and his bills
Speaker 1: and all of that.
Speaker 3: I mean, I just say, don't give up. You said
Speaker 3: it in your letter.
Speaker 1: There are some good black men out there, so just
Speaker 1: be patient, Steve.
Speaker 2: Let me just go and get into it.
Speaker 4: You divorce and you're dating again, so you have some baggage,
Speaker 4: but you consider yourself healed after counseling. But then you say,
Speaker 4: but God does have a sense of humor. God ain't
Speaker 4: do this though. See God gives us all the power
Speaker 4: of choice. It is the choices that we make that
Speaker 4: put us in the predicaments or situations that we find
Speaker 4: ourself in. God didn't tell you to call either one
Speaker 4: of these men. God didn't tell you to pick one
Speaker 4: of them. You didn't even ask God. You went on
Speaker 4: the date app and you did what you wanted to do.
Speaker 2: This is you.
Speaker 4: God don't have a sense of humor, but he does
Speaker 4: want to have a relationship with you where.
Speaker 2: You confide in him about things.
Speaker 4: Now, you got over this divorce, which congratulations, and you
Speaker 4: went to therapy, so you didn't bring the baggage.
Speaker 2: Congratulations.
Speaker 4: Then after you got yourself here, you quit talking to
Speaker 4: God because you fixed now. So you ain't ask him
Speaker 4: to help you find the man. You went out there
Speaker 4: to find one yourself. The Bible says when a man
Speaker 4: find that the wife, he finded the good thing. So
Speaker 4: now while you out there husband hunting, good luck, that
Speaker 4: ain't what you do.
Speaker 2: That ain't your job finding a husband, Lord have mercy,
Speaker 2: good luckily.
Speaker 4: Anyway, So you decided to dating app and you matched
Speaker 4: up with a guy that listened to this, that looks
Speaker 4: great on paper, but has some issue with his finances.
Speaker 2: Okay, so what paper we talking about?
Speaker 4: He looked good on the dating app paper, but on
Speaker 4: the credit app.
Speaker 2: We ain't gonna be able to rent this apartment.
Speaker 4: He ain't gonna ever get that car, We ain't gonna
Speaker 4: have nowhere to live, and we can't drive off nowhere.
Speaker 2: Well, let's see it.
Speaker 4: Why am I sitting here talking to him?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 4: You say I don't mind meeting the man halfway with
Speaker 4: the bills? See right there, stop all that. If you're
Speaker 4: gonna have high expectations, have them.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 4: I'm not saying you ain't supposed to chip in, because
Speaker 4: that's what the marriage is. It's chipping in. So I
Speaker 4: applaud you with your willingness to do that. But you
Speaker 4: want to meet hum halfway with the bills, But I'd
Speaker 4: have to pay our bills and his child support. Really
Speaker 4: that don't sound like fun to me anyway, But if
Speaker 4: I got serious with this guy, you'd have to pay
Speaker 4: the bills. I can't fought a man for having baggage.
Speaker 4: But I also don't have to take a fixer upper.
Speaker 2: No, you don't.
Speaker 4: But when I come back, I will get into this
Speaker 4: letter with you. And you said, I just don't think
Speaker 4: God will put me through that again. But see, you
Speaker 4: didn't ask God about this man, though, digit you picked
Speaker 4: him on your own.
Speaker 1: Hang on, Steve, we'll have part two of your response
Speaker 1: coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour. The
Speaker 1: today's Strawberry letter subject is low vibrational Loving.
Speaker 3: We'll get back into it right after this.
Speaker 1: You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show.
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Speaker 1: All right, Come on, Steve, Let's recap today's Strawberry letter.
Speaker 3: The subject low vibrational loving.
Speaker 4: This woman's divorce got on the Dayton scene, went to counseling,
Speaker 4: got herself fixed up. She says, she's healed no baggage
Speaker 4: from an ex husband, and so she started Dayton. Met
Speaker 4: a great guy that looked good on paper, but his
Speaker 4: finances was raggedy. So the paper she was looking at
Speaker 4: was the online Dayton app. Who gonna put some incriminating
Speaker 4: information on a Dayton app? Nobody? Everybody look good on
Speaker 4: date app? Good little guy, sharp, young, in shape, just
Speaker 4: like you like it. Yeah, but y'all got some issues
Speaker 4: with the finances. Now, you don't mind meeting the man halfway?
Speaker 4: I could applaud you for that, But if I got
Speaker 4: serious about this guy to have to pay our bills
Speaker 4: and his child support.
Speaker 2: Oh, so you got to take care of man. So
Speaker 2: you got to pay our bills.
Speaker 4: You went out husband hunting, and this is what happened
Speaker 4: when you go husband hunting once again. Like I said before,
Speaker 4: I know y'all think scriptures is an old fashioned and stuff,
Speaker 4: but this stuff being around for a long time and it's.
Speaker 2: Still hold true.
Speaker 4: The Bible says when a man finds that the wife,
Speaker 4: he finds it the good thing. It don't say when
Speaker 4: a woman go out to find a husband, she can
Speaker 4: find a good thing. You are not hunters. It is
Speaker 4: not what you do.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 2: It's okay to put yourself on these apps.
Speaker 4: It's okay to date, and it's okay to show them
Speaker 4: that you're available. But if you're out there hunting for one,
Speaker 4: that ain't what you do. You're uncomfortable hunting. You don't
Speaker 4: know how to hunt. Most hunters if you go to
Speaker 4: bass Pro Shop my favorite store in the world, when
Speaker 4: you go to bass Pro shops, they have a women's section.
Speaker 2: It ain't a big against the men's section, don't.
Speaker 4: Most hunters are men. Some went to women hunt, but
Speaker 4: most hunters are men. That's some women who are really
Speaker 4: really great hunters, but the vast majority of men sitting
Speaker 4: up in them trees, shooting deers and ducks, going bad
Speaker 4: hunting and wild bowl hunting.
Speaker 2: Mostly men.
Speaker 4: Okay, So here we go now, I don't think God
Speaker 4: would put me through that again because you don't want
Speaker 4: to have a fixer up.
Speaker 2: But you picked this guy, not God.
Speaker 4: Remember, you didn't go to God for this. You was
Speaker 4: going to God to get over your husband. Then after
Speaker 4: that you got healed, you went out there and start
Speaker 4: making decisions on your own. So now you want to
Speaker 4: know why God would send you through this and what's
Speaker 4: up with all this low vibrational love in this new general.
Speaker 4: I'm thirty four years older, and it's hard to meet
Speaker 4: a man in my age range that's successful and ready
Speaker 4: to settle.
Speaker 2: Down right here. It is hard to find a thirty
Speaker 2: four year old man that's successful. That's a true statement.
Speaker 4: They are out there, but all the way successful at
Speaker 4: thirty four. I was nowhere near very successful at thirty four,
Speaker 4: but I was on my way. I had a plan.
Speaker 4: You may not want to fix her upper, but most
Speaker 4: men at this level are just a few decisions away
Speaker 4: from becoming successful.
Speaker 2: They need a woman. Most men do.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 4: I'm not saying you can't be successful without a woman,
Speaker 4: because there's a lot of men in the music business
Speaker 4: and the pro athletes and sign the contract and you
Speaker 4: can be successful. Hard to be great without a woman,
Speaker 4: though most great men in history have had women by
Speaker 4: their side, it's just hard to be great without a man.
Speaker 4: I ain't got time to explain it to you.
Speaker 2: Just take my word for it.
Speaker 4: But now anyway, thirty four years old, it is hard
Speaker 4: to find a man and it's successful and ready to
Speaker 4: settle down because just like you all have a biological
Speaker 4: clock that's ticking it around thirty, you want to start
Speaker 4: having kids and make it all that. We got a
Speaker 4: financial clock and we don't really get it to ticket
Speaker 4: until our late twenties and thirties, after we'd have messed
Speaker 4: up all of our twenties partying, hanging out, running around,
Speaker 4: trying to figure it out. So, yes, it's hard, but
Speaker 4: they are out there. What you need to find is
Speaker 4: a thirty four year old man that's headed somewhere. He
Speaker 4: might not be there, but he's headed somewhere. Then you
Speaker 4: want to attach yourself to that wagon. He may not
Speaker 4: be a fixer upper, but he needs some fixing just
Speaker 4: like you do.
Speaker 3: I like that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, everybody needs fixing. Like Marjorie is everything that I'm not.
Speaker 4: She's that so she helps me be a better version
Speaker 4: of me because.
Speaker 2: She's for I'm not, and I needed that.
Speaker 4: We're seventeen years in now, see, and that's comes from
Speaker 4: getting somebody. And when she met me, I was successful.
Speaker 4: I was broken up pretty bad. They had done a
Speaker 4: number on me, but she came along and came in
Speaker 4: there and got in the trenches.
Speaker 2: Whoremen made the work.
Speaker 4: I've been on first dates and had to pay for
Speaker 4: my meal, and the guys expect me to pursue him.
Speaker 4: I prefer strong minded man that he don't have to
Speaker 4: be rich. That's good, but he needs to have a plan.
Speaker 4: That's exactly what I said to you. Well, now you
Speaker 4: know that. What is you picking these other men? You
Speaker 4: see what I'm saying. You can't know this? And then
Speaker 4: overlook this. Now the dude that needs you to pay
Speaker 4: his bills and his child support?
Speaker 2: What plan he got?
Speaker 4: He just told it to you. I need you to
Speaker 4: pay these bills and his child's support. You can't hit
Speaker 4: yourself to that wagon. I worked with a few married
Speaker 4: men and my age, and they seem to be on
Speaker 4: the right path. So I knew good blinking black men
Speaker 4: out that day are Some women are accepting of low income,
Speaker 4: vibrational bare minimum from a man, and that makes it
Speaker 4: hard for women with the higher standards.
Speaker 2: Know it, don't know it?
Speaker 4: Don't You just got to stay away from those types
Speaker 4: of men. It's easy to find out. I ask some
Speaker 4: questions anyway. I want to meet a man that's on
Speaker 4: my level. But if I can't, how do I help
Speaker 4: guide a man to greatness without belittling him or making
Speaker 4: him feel inadequate?
Speaker 2: That's an easy question for me to ask. You know
Speaker 2: how you do that?
Speaker 4: You don't belittle him and you don't make him feel inadequate.
Speaker 2: Tadah, all right.
Speaker 1: Post your comments on today's Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 3: Thank you, Steve.
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