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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: I saw this quote, and the quote said our history

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Speaker 2: becomes our reflex and my mind was like, and for me,

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Speaker 2: what that means is as someone who grew up in

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Speaker 2: a violent household, right where I was physically abused, verbally abused,

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Speaker 2: mentally abused, I knew that no matter how much I

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Speaker 2: didn't want to repeat that cycle, I had the propensity

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Speaker 2: to become what I experienced because it's in me. It's

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Speaker 2: sort of innate, right, It's like, this is my default

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Speaker 2: because I experience violence. If I don't do the work,

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Speaker 2: I may be a violent person because that's literally what

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Speaker 2: I witnessed. That's what's really in me, right, And so

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Speaker 2: if I don't equit myself with tools, I very well

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Speaker 2: may become the mother I always said I didn't want

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Speaker 2: to become.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot com. To access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 3: women like you.

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Speaker 2: We're your hosts.

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Speaker 3: Doctor Dominique Bussard, a college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 2: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 2: where black women can just be.

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Speaker 3: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

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Speaker 3: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

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Speaker 3: of California and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

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Speaker 3: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

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Speaker 3: That's d R D O M I N I q

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Speaker 3: U E B R O U S s r D

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Speaker 3: dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I

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Speaker 3: look forward to hearing from you. Our quote of the day,

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Speaker 3: intentional parenting is not about doing everything right. It's about

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Speaker 3: being purposeful in your actions and interactions with your children.

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Speaker 4: Author unknown. I'm gonna say that again for the folks

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Speaker 4: in the back. Intentional parenting is not about doing everything right.

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Speaker 4: It's about being purposeful in your actions and interactions with

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Speaker 4: your children.

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Speaker 5: All right, O, T.

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Speaker 2: Girl, I love it. I think it's a great quote.

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Speaker 2: I think it. I was gonna say it lets us

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Speaker 2: off the hook in a way as parents, but not

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Speaker 2: in a bad way, right. I feel like sometimes letting

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Speaker 2: someone off the hook has a negative connotation. But I

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Speaker 2: love the fact that it's not about doing everything right,

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Speaker 2: because y'all know we'd been making mistakes out here as parents.

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Speaker 2: But it's sobering and it's helpful to know that it's

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Speaker 2: about being purposeful in our actions and our interactions with

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Speaker 2: our children.

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Speaker 5: Versus just.

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Speaker 2: Doing what was done to us, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 2: and just following the generational cycles that we experience.

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Speaker 5: So I think it's cool.

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Speaker 2: I like it, and I love the fact that we

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Speaker 2: are in this age where conscious parenting and intentional parenting

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Speaker 2: and some people call it gentle parents team, which I

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Speaker 2: know can be a little triggering for some people. They're like,

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Speaker 2: these kids ain't gentle, how how much it's a parent

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Speaker 2: But I love the fact that this is a conversation

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Speaker 2: because a lot of us, based on what we saw

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Speaker 2: growing up based on what we experienced growing up. I know,

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Speaker 2: some of the elders, some of the old folks, they

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Speaker 2: would be like, what are y'all talking?

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Speaker 5: What are you talking about? Okay, spoider what they say,

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Speaker 5: spoiler ride, spoider child the.

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Speaker 4: Ride, bear the ride, spoil the child.

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Speaker 2: There you go, keep me honest. Down there you go, y'all,

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Speaker 2: y'all remember y'all know listen.

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Speaker 4: You know. One one thing that I see with the

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Speaker 4: majority of my friends and family who are parenting is

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Speaker 4: this intentionality to being different than how we were raised

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Speaker 4: in a good way, right, recognizing that, yeah, there are

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Speaker 4: some things that truly was not helpful for us when

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Speaker 4: we were growing up, and figuring out what are the

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Speaker 4: things that were helpful and how to actually implement them

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Speaker 4: without causing more trauma, which is very hard, Which is

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Speaker 4: why I always say kudos to those of you who

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Speaker 4: are doing it full time, because that it's a lot.

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Speaker 4: It really is a lot of work, and I don't

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Speaker 4: think that a lot of people truly understand how much

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Speaker 4: work goes into being a parent, but really the work

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Speaker 4: of being an intentional parent.

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Speaker 2: I would say an intentional and active parent, because anyone

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Speaker 2: can be a parent if you have a child, but

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Speaker 2: when you're active in your child's life and your intentional

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Speaker 2: it does take work, especially when you didn't see that

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Speaker 2: growing up. I think about me, don like you know,

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Speaker 2: we both had experience being parentified children and raising our

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Speaker 2: siblings to some degree, and me raising my four younger siblings.

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Speaker 2: Although it prepared me so much for motherhood, people used

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Speaker 2: to always tell me this, it is so different, Like

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Speaker 2: it is so different when you have your own and

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Speaker 2: when it's twenty four to seven.

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Speaker 5: It's not like I turned this off.

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Speaker 2: Like it's a mom, Like that is who I am

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Speaker 2: and to my daughter, and it's work. So what we're

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Speaker 2: gonna do, first, lady, We're going to jump into some

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Speaker 2: highlights of a few healthy and also some toxic parenting

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Speaker 2: behaviors that we witnessed growing up. Now, let me just

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Speaker 2: say I'm trying to think where I want to go

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Speaker 2: with this because I don't want to be petty, but

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Speaker 2: I'm just being honest. I'm being real, girl. I saw

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Speaker 2: so much toxicity when it came to parenting growing up.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I remember, and I think the world has

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Speaker 2: changed to like people. I think we can all agree

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Speaker 2: that people are more sensitive these days, right, So we

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Speaker 2: are calling out bad behavior. So I think about growing

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Speaker 2: up where a lot of people that I know, their

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Speaker 2: first bully was their parent, their mother or their father, right, Oh,

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Speaker 2: that was the person that would tease them about the

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Speaker 2: way they looked, tease them about the way they sounded,

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Speaker 2: or just make fun of them, right, talk about their

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Speaker 2: looks and or their their intellect or whatever it might be.

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Speaker 2: I think about name calling. I think about just some

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Speaker 2: of the foul shit that I heard parents say to

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Speaker 2: their kids growing up, Things that were said to me,

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Speaker 2: things that I've witnessed other people say you just like

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Speaker 2: your big head ass daddy, Like just stuff where it's like, yo,

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Speaker 2: why this is a child.

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Speaker 5: They're so impressionable, right, They're a sponge, you.

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Speaker 4: Know, right. And I think the hard part with a

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Speaker 4: lot of that is that parents didn't realize that it

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Speaker 4: was toxic behavior, right, or that it inappropriate. Because I

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Speaker 4: also want to be mindful of how often I use

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Speaker 4: the word toxic, because sometimes it's not necessarily toxic, it's inappropriate, right,

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Speaker 4: And I think that a lot of times certain behaviors

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Speaker 4: that our parents just like subconsciously or intinsually engaged in

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Speaker 4: was inappropriate, but wasn't intentionally meant to harm, right, And

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Speaker 4: so I think that that's something that we also have

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Speaker 4: to think about that when you become a parent, you

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Speaker 4: can reflect on the experience that you had as a

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Speaker 4: child and recognize the intent versus the impact, right, and

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Speaker 4: hopefully maybe do something different with your child. Also acknowledging

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Speaker 4: that your intent might not have the impact that you're

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Speaker 4: hoping it does.

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Speaker 2: That is so true. A lot of times we won't

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Speaker 2: know that until the child gets older. I can't remember

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Speaker 2: what the quote said, but there was one quote that

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Speaker 2: said your child will probably be in therapy for you

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Speaker 2: at some point in life, and it made me so

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Speaker 2: sad because I was like, but I'm trying to be

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Speaker 2: so intentional and I'm trying to do things the right way,

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Speaker 2: but you never know how you're parenting, how it's going

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Speaker 2: to impact your child until they get older and they

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Speaker 2: reflect on those experiences. Yeah, Hey, lady, it's Terry here,

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Speaker 2: Dom and I want to take a moment to thank

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Speaker 2: you for choosing to listen to our podcast. We love

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Speaker 2: you for real, and we want to give you a

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Speaker 2: chance to learn more about what's important to us. So

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Speaker 2: tell us what you think about this.

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Speaker 4: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

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Speaker 4: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your business,

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Speaker 4: brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine joining

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Speaker 4: our monthly virtual video check ins where you can connect

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Speaker 4: with like minded black women like you and share your

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Speaker 4: ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now, I

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Speaker 4: want you to imagine a world where you're in the

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Speaker 4: exclusive Cultivating her Space sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout your

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Speaker 4: day and week, you are conversing with us about what's

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Speaker 4: happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and or

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Speaker 4: personal wins.

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Speaker 2: How does that sound? Hopefully this is up your alley, lady,

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Speaker 2: because we are taking things to the next level this year,

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Speaker 2: and we're doubling down on investing in our community.

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Speaker 5: That means you.

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Speaker 2: We want to meet you, connect with you, and create

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Speaker 2: communities of genuine women who love on black women and

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Speaker 2: push our culture and movement forward. We launched this podcast

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Speaker 2: in twenty nineteen, and to date, we have not missed

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Speaker 2: a week. We've been great stewards of our platform, all

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Speaker 2: while working full time and navigating our own ups and downs.

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Speaker 2: We release fresh new content every single Friday, light clock work,

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Speaker 2: and we have hundreds of valuable episodes and workshops that

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Speaker 2: can really help you up level your life. So if

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Speaker 2: you love our mission or you've got and value from us,

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Speaker 2: this community effort forward. Visit her spacepodcast dot com and

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Speaker 2: click Patreon. You can learn more about our goals and

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Speaker 2: exclusive offerings on Patreon, and we highly highly encourage you

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Speaker 2: to join the Sister Frontier so that you can get

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Speaker 2: someone on one time with us. We also have an

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Speaker 2: option for you to donate on a one time basis

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Speaker 2: if that meets your needs. Again herspacepodcast dot com and

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Speaker 2: you can click that link that says Patreon. All right, lady,

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Speaker 2: we'll hop right back into the conversation.

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Speaker 4: I also think about the positive things too, right, that

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Speaker 4: most of us got to where we are because there

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Speaker 4: were positive folks in our lives, whether those were our

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Speaker 4: parents or other caregivers. We got to where we are

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Speaker 4: because there were positive people.

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Speaker 5: In our lives at some point.

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Speaker 4: And oftentimes I wonder about, Okay, maybe I might not

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Speaker 4: be the best cook, but my mom made sure I

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Speaker 4: learned those skills right. So at a minimum, now I'm

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Speaker 4: a backup and just clarify that I am a good cook.

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Speaker 5: But I'm gonna just say.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna just say that maybe I'm not out here

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Speaker 4: cooking gourmet meals every day, but I learned the basic

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Speaker 4: skills of cooking so that I could survive. Right. I

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Speaker 4: know how to keep a clean home, whether I do

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Speaker 4: it myself or I pay somebody to do it. I

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Speaker 4: know how to keep a clean home because I was

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Speaker 4: taught how to wash dishes, how to clean a soul,

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Speaker 4: how to wash windows, how to do the laundry. I

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Speaker 4: was taught all of these basic life skilled Whether I

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Speaker 4: wanted to do them or not, I was taught them.

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Speaker 4: And I think, you know, as a kid, we think

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Speaker 4: about a lot of things that our parents make us do,

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Speaker 4: like chores, and we look at it with such disdain

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Speaker 4: and like, look, I don't want to Why am I

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Speaker 4: getting up on Saturday morning to clean the house. Because

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Speaker 4: you need to know how to keep a clean house,

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Speaker 4: because what are you going to do as an adult?

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Speaker 4: And so I think that there are lots of skills

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Speaker 4: that our parents taught us that we despise doing when

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Speaker 4: we were kids, but as an adult are.

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Speaker 5: Necessary for our survival.

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Speaker 4: Because when I work at people that don't know how

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Speaker 4: to do it, learn how to sort laundry. M Okay,

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Speaker 4: let's back up and let's have that conversation because.

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Speaker 2: You miss something back then not okay, I feel you though, No,

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Speaker 2: that's what you've domb. I think about just some confidence,

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Speaker 2: best practices, and just how to care for myself as

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Speaker 2: a woman, like being a clean woman who's you know,

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Speaker 2: who prioritizes personal hygienie and stuff like that. Those are

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Speaker 2: things that I kind of took for granted because my

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Speaker 2: mom was just very adamant about us being very clean people.

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Speaker 2: And I grew up and went to college and I

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Speaker 2: saw some women and I was like, okay, so you

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Speaker 2: didn't learn this right, Like everyone is coming from a

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Speaker 2: different place. And so yes, there are many healthy behaviors,

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Speaker 2: some toxics, some that are just inappropriate. There's a lot

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Speaker 2: going on there. But today we are talking about intentional

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Speaker 2: mothering or parenting, and we're going to dive into seven

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Speaker 2: practices to shift to help you shift into intentional mothering.

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Speaker 2: So shall we dive into number one time?

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Speaker 4: Let's do it. Let's do it all right?

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Speaker 5: All right?

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Speaker 2: So number one is cultivating mindfulness it with that for

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Speaker 2: a second, Yes, nice place to take a deep breath.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: So see, how would you define mindfulness in terms of mothering?

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Speaker 2: I would say for me, Dom, well, let me just

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Speaker 2: say one thing I realized growing up, there was a

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Speaker 2: lot of reacting. So there was a lot of just

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Speaker 2: very quick, I want to say, chaotic movements, so like

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Speaker 2: you did something you weren't supposed to do, bamn, you

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Speaker 2: get the back hand to the face. Like it was

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Speaker 2: just everything was very reactive. And so for me, mindfulness

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Speaker 2: means pausing, taking a moment, feeling your feelings. Actually this

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Speaker 2: happened today, this evening at bad time with my two

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Speaker 2: year old. She got this new baby doll. Her grandmother

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Speaker 2: bought her this new baby doll. And it's one of

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Speaker 2: those baby dolls with a soft body and a big

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Speaker 2: old head. So it's a cute little baby doll but

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Speaker 2: has a very hard head. And we're walking into the

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Speaker 2: bathroom and she drops the baby doll. She has a

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Speaker 2: baby dollar and she drops it and it falls like

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Speaker 2: right on my eye, and you know, I'm a human,

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Speaker 2: so you feel that shit and you're like what the fuck?

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Speaker 2: And I was just like okay, So I told her,

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Speaker 2: I said, wait a minute, and she started crying, and

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Speaker 2: I was also feeling my feels because I just got

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Speaker 2: hitting the goddamn mind like I hope I don't get

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Speaker 2: a bruise. And it looks like I'm just going through

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Speaker 2: all this and we're trying to do bath, you know,

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Speaker 2: brush your teeth and all that.

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Speaker 5: So I just told her, I.

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Speaker 2: Said, I need you to wait a minute. Mommy just

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Speaker 2: got hit and eye with the baby doll.

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Speaker 5: My eye hurts. I just need a moment, okay.

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Speaker 2: So I'm talking through it with her as I'm breathing,

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Speaker 2: as I'm helping myself to self regulate.

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Speaker 5: And so I think for me, mindfulness.

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Speaker 2: Allows me to slow down, become aware of how I feel,

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Speaker 2: gather myself before I just react, and I try to

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Speaker 2: do my best to respond versus reacting. And so yeah,

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Speaker 2: for me, it's taking deep breaths. And my baby is

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Speaker 2: I told you she's two. And I call it the

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Speaker 2: transformative twos because I do not receive the terrible twos.

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Speaker 2: I don't receive that. I'm not speaking that and so

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Speaker 2: and talking through how I feel. I think it's helpful.

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Speaker 2: It's helpful for me. It's also helpful for her as

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Speaker 2: far as like mirroring that behavior. I remember recently another example.

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Speaker 2: I've walked past her room, saw her drawing on her

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Speaker 2: baby doll's face. She knows she's not supposed to do that,

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Speaker 2: So I walk by and she looks up at me

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Speaker 2: and looks like a deer in headlights, and I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 2: she just gave it away what she here doing. So

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Speaker 2: I'm peeking over at her, and I'm like, okay, I

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Speaker 2: didn't raise my voice. I just spoke to her and

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Speaker 2: I told her we don't do that, we only write

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Speaker 2: on paper. And I just you know, spoke to her

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Speaker 2: through it, gave her a wipe, let her clean the

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Speaker 2: baby doll. So I think for me, it's all about

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Speaker 2: just being intentional right with the way that I'm responding,

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Speaker 2: but also being mindful of how I feel. Sometimes I

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Speaker 2: need to take a breath and walk away. So for me,

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Speaker 2: sometimes mindfulness means removing myself from the situation and not engaging.

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Speaker 5: That was my thing.

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Speaker 4: I No, I love that, And I think that those

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Speaker 4: examples are really good examples of when your children be

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Speaker 4: testing you. Co they gonna test you, and they never

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Speaker 4: stop testing you. Grown they could be grown, grown, and

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Speaker 4: you might feel like you're being tested. That's what it is,

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Speaker 4: and if you really are trying to be mindful, I

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Speaker 4: love what you said about not being reactionary when we

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Speaker 4: move into spaces of reacting instead of taking that time

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Speaker 4: to pause and really get clear on one, what just happened,

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Speaker 4: and then two, how do we want to respond in

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Speaker 4: a way that is not going to escalate the situation.

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Speaker 4: That takes a lot, like you have to be having

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Speaker 4: multiple thoughts at the same time in order to navigate

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Speaker 4: those situations. It takes a lot of flexibility, agility, and

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Speaker 4: nimbleness to be able to be mindful in that moment

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Speaker 4: when your child is testing your games okay period, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: they really will. And I think part of what helps

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Speaker 4: is the example that you gave right of taking those

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Speaker 4: deep breaths, like I think, and and modeling that for

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Speaker 4: your child. So saying to your child, mommy needs a moment,

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Speaker 4: Mommy was just hit, Mommy is hurt, Mommy needs a moment.

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Speaker 5: To collect herself.

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Speaker 4: And in that moment, you're collecting yourself, but you're also like,

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Speaker 4: how do I respond? Because what I really want to

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Speaker 4: do if this was somebody else, I might I might

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Speaker 4: have hit back. I might have popped off, but this

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Speaker 4: is my child, and I want my child to learn

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Speaker 4: how to respond without aggression. And so let me take

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Speaker 4: a moment to acknowledge that my eye has hurt, because shit,

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Speaker 4: it hurts. I hope it doesn't bruise. And we're also

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Speaker 4: in the middle of bad time. And if I derail

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Speaker 4: us too far from the routine, then that sets off

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Speaker 4: a whole another domino effect of negative behaviors. So how

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Speaker 4: fast can I collect myself? How fast can I affess

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Speaker 4: make sure that my eye really isn't there's no blood,

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Speaker 4: there's no broom, Take some deep breadths that I'm no

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Speaker 4: longer mad at this child for hitting me with the

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Speaker 4: doll and re engage in the bad time routine. That's

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Speaker 4: a lot, it is.

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Speaker 5: It is a lot.

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Speaker 2: But one of the things that we both touched on

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Speaker 2: dom we touched on mirroring good behavior. And it's a

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Speaker 2: great practice for me too, because your kids be watching us.

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Speaker 2: Our kids watch us, even when we don't think they

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Speaker 2: hear something. It's like it takes one time for them

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Speaker 2: to just repeat something and make it a part of

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Speaker 2: their practice. Like she just started saying ao, and I'm like,

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Speaker 2: who says that because we don't say that in my house.

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Speaker 5: Ao.

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Speaker 1: Ao.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, she heard one person, maybe you are on

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Speaker 2: the street, say it, and I'm like, damn, now, we

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Speaker 2: got to get that out of her. But one of

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Speaker 2: the things I want to share to Dom is when

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Speaker 2: it comes to the mirroring. So she gets really frustrated

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Speaker 2: with some of her baby dolls when she's trying to

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Speaker 2: put them down for a nap and put cover on them,

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Speaker 2: and so she gets really really just really frustrated physically

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Speaker 2: and visibly, and it's some trigger because.

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Speaker 5: It's like, why are you screaming? Why are you yelling.

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Speaker 2: So one of the things we've been doing is I'll

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Speaker 2: have her and I'll do this with her, put her

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Speaker 2: hand on her chest and say I'm okay, I'm calm,

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Speaker 2: I got this, and then.

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Speaker 5: We take deep breaths together.

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Speaker 2: So she repeats after me and says it, and it's

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Speaker 2: really helpful because it helps me to calm down. It

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Speaker 2: also helps her to calm down and self regulate. And

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Speaker 2: I'm sure as we continue to do that, she will

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Speaker 2: continue to do that without me as well, because she

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Speaker 2: does other things that are very similar to that. The

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Speaker 2: other thing I wanted to share because I have a

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Speaker 2: song that I created, and y'all don't judge me, don't

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Speaker 2: laugh at me. But I'm gonna just say the words

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Speaker 2: of the song. So the song goes like this, and

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Speaker 2: this has so helpful. I was doing this for a while.

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Speaker 2: Mommy has patience. Mommy has patience. I can take deep

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Speaker 2: breaths like ah, and then I take a deep breath,

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Speaker 2: and then she'll say her name is She'll do it.

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Speaker 2: Baby Z has patience, and she'll do the same thing.

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Speaker 2: And I'm telling you it's silly, isn't my saying? You

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Speaker 2: might be laughing as you listen to this, but it

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Speaker 2: be working.

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Speaker 4: Did you working?

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Speaker 5: That's so helpful?

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Speaker 4: Tom?

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Speaker 2: And I see and she she repeats after it. And

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Speaker 2: the last thing I promise is apologizing. I think taking

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Speaker 2: responsibility and apologizing. I often say, like if I dropped something,

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Speaker 2: often say mommy made a mistake, so that she knows,

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Speaker 2: like mommy's human, it's okay for mommy to make mistakes.

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Speaker 2: And if I do something like we were walking or something,

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Speaker 2: I may have bumped her and I said, oh, I apologize,

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Speaker 2: and she looked up and laught, but letting her know

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Speaker 2: like it's okay. For mommy to apologize and take responsibility.

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Speaker 2: I'm not above apologizing because I'm wrong sometimes and I

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Speaker 2: do make mistakes.

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Speaker 5: So that's all I want to say.

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Speaker 4: I think that that's beautiful. I think that with the

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Speaker 4: particularly with the songs, that's how I could learn. And

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Speaker 4: if you use us, Because as you were singing it,

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Speaker 4: I was like, I know this melody, Like this melody

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Speaker 4: is like a part of like four or five different

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Speaker 4: nursing rhymes. Like I know, I know this. Can't call

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Speaker 4: it right now, It's gonna come for me later, but

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Speaker 4: I know four or five nursing rhymes with that melody,

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Speaker 4: and that is what helps kids learn. And so if

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Speaker 4: you make a song out of something, because if we

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Speaker 4: think about all the kids TV shows, every kid TV

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Speaker 4: show has music because that's how the kids are learning

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Speaker 4: the new skills. So you make a song out of it,

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Speaker 4: and now it's fun and they're taking it in.

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Speaker 5: I love that. I love that.

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Speaker 4: So then this brings us to our second practice, which

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Speaker 4: is prioritizing self care. Now, lady, y'all know that I

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Speaker 4: am a big proponent of self care, and I talk

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Speaker 4: often about how there's layers to it, right, and I

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Speaker 4: recognize that for moms, self care often have has to

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Speaker 4: look a little different than it looks for the rest

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Speaker 4: of us. Right. So I'm not saying that moms can't

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Speaker 4: go out there and get that massage or to take

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Speaker 4: that bubble bas but realistically, what we know is that

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Speaker 4: moms have to prepare and do a lot, take a

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Speaker 4: few more extra steps in order to make that happen.

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Speaker 4: And so I think prioritizing self care for moms really

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Speaker 4: comes down to the daily pass that you do to

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Speaker 4: make sure you're good. And so for me, when I

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Speaker 4: think about what those daily have are, like what I've

436
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:51,399
Speaker 4: told moms before is look at what time you're waking

437
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:55,360
Speaker 4: up in the morning, right, look at what time you're

438
00:25:55,400 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 4: going to sleep at night. Maybe maybe you wake up

439
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 4: a little bit earlier so you can get from time

440
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,639
Speaker 4: to yourself, right, and whether that time to yourself is

441
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:14,879
Speaker 4: exercising or meditating or taking that starting your day with

442
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:19,119
Speaker 4: that bubble bath, right, But look at your own schedule

443
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:24,119
Speaker 4: and see where you can fit in some time to yourself.

444
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,439
Speaker 4: For some people it might not be depending on what

445
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,399
Speaker 4: your work life balance is, it might not be in

446
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:35,720
Speaker 4: the morning or at night. Maybe you have a few

447
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,920
Speaker 4: hours in the middle of your day before you have

448
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 4: to get the kids home from school or daycare. Well,

449
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 4: that's where you take the time for yourself, and it's

450
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:50,479
Speaker 4: something that you do on a daily basis, And it

451
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:55,440
Speaker 4: could only be five minutes, but those five minutes could

452
00:26:55,520 --> 00:27:02,720
Speaker 4: make all the difference between you having the capacity to

453
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:07,360
Speaker 4: flow down and be mindful or being reactive.

454
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:11,879
Speaker 2: A to the men dim And speaking of those extra

455
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,120
Speaker 2: steps that mamas have to take, let me just say

456
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 2: I'm a firm believer that many of us have heard

457
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 2: this right, put your mask on first. I believe that mothers, especially,

458
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 2: we need to put our masks on first because it's

459
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 2: not easy and it often requires sacrifice, but it can

460
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,439
Speaker 2: pay dividends when it comes to our self care practice

461
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 2: and what it looks like. So for me, these days,

462
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,080
Speaker 2: I sacrifice my sleep in the morning, so I go

463
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:37,680
Speaker 2: work out at six am with my trainer three days

464
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 2: a week.

465
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 5: I typically take baths.

466
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,439
Speaker 2: You know, I was gonna say by myself, obviously, but

467
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:47,399
Speaker 2: I take baths after bedtime and sometimes I even believe

468
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 2: that setting boundaries can be an active self care. And

469
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 2: this may sound mean to some mom's out there, but

470
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,159
Speaker 2: let me give you an example. So ever since my

471
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:56,240
Speaker 2: daughter was very young. I started this. Now I breasted

472
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 2: my baby for fifteen months. I've given her all of me.

473
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 2: So sometimes mommy has a snack and it's mommy snack,

474
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 2: and so I'll be eating my snack that She'll be

475
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 2: looking at bat me with her beautiful big eyes, and

476
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:09,399
Speaker 2: I'm looking like, yes, baby, mommy has a snack. This

477
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 2: is mommy snack. And so if you want a snack,

478
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:13,159
Speaker 2: I'll give her one of her snacks. But I'll say,

479
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:14,800
Speaker 2: if you want a snack, you can have this snack.

480
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 5: But this is for me.

481
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,159
Speaker 2: And it feels really good setting that boundary for me

482
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:22,920
Speaker 2: because it allows me to one have something for myself.

483
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,640
Speaker 2: And I'm telling you those small moments it may seem

484
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:27,439
Speaker 2: very small, like oh, you eating that snickers, you're not

485
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:30,399
Speaker 2: gonna share, but having something for yourself sometimes, even if

486
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 2: it's just the snickers, it really does. It really does

487
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 2: do something for you. It really can do right. And

488
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 2: even when I think about the morning routine that I

489
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,960
Speaker 2: have right going to the gym today was actually a

490
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:43,880
Speaker 2: really great day for me. I meditated in the morning

491
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 2: and because I was able to prioritize myself first. Now

492
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 2: at the end of the day when she testing me

493
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:51,520
Speaker 2: and she's being a toddler, she's doing her thing, or

494
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 2: other things in life pop up that try to irritate

495
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 2: me or trigger me.

496
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 5: I am more at ease. I ate really well.

497
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 2: I was drinking my water today all it's mine my business,

498
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 2: like I was doing all that. And so now at

499
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 2: the end of the day, after a long, ast day

500
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:09,240
Speaker 2: of work and mothering and now Domini recording the podcast,

501
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 2: I have a bit more energy to get My cup

502
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 2: is overflowing, so I have something to pour into the podcast,

503
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 2: into our community because I've already sold into myself.

504
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 4: Yeah.

505
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 5: I love that.

506
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 4: And so now let's look at practice number three. Always

507
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:41,960
Speaker 4: be learning always always. I think that there is something

508
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 4: that I usually say is like I like to learn

509
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:45,120
Speaker 4: something new every day.

510
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 5: It could be.

511
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:53,719
Speaker 4: Something major or it could be something small. But I

512
00:29:53,720 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 4: think for moms what is helpful is recognizing that times changed.

513
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 4: I was hanging out with some of my homegirls this weekend,

514
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 4: and one of them has a ten year old and

515
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 4: then an almost one year old, and she was sharing

516
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:18,840
Speaker 4: how the differences between some of the technology and some

517
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 4: of the resources that are available for her almost one

518
00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 4: year old. That weren't anywhere on anybody's radar when her

519
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 4: ten year old was born, and so to me, I

520
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 4: think it's important for us to always be in a

521
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 4: space of learning and having that willingness to recognize that

522
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 4: there might be an easier or different way of doing

523
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 4: something that we've always done that could make our life

524
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 4: a little bit more enjoyable.

525
00:30:59,040 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 5: I was just thinking about you.

526
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,480
Speaker 2: I can only imagine the difference in parenting because of

527
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 2: what we have access to now, and just because of

528
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 2: how times have changed so much in the past nine years.

529
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 2: So raising a ten year old and then a one

530
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 2: year old, wow, just yeah, I can only imagine. I

531
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:18,400
Speaker 2: will say I saw this quote, and the quote said

532
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:22,040
Speaker 2: our history becomes our reflex and my mind was like,

533
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 2: and for me, what that means is, as someone who

534
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 2: grew up in a violent household, right where I was

535
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 2: physically abused, verbally abused, mentally abused, I knew that no

536
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:34,760
Speaker 2: matter how much I didn't want to repeat that cycle,

537
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:38,720
Speaker 2: I had the propensity to become what I experienced because

538
00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 2: it's in me. It's sort of innate, right, It's like,

539
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:45,000
Speaker 2: this is my default because I experienced violence. If I

540
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 2: don't do the work I may be a violent person

541
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:50,880
Speaker 2: because that's literally what I witnessed, that's what's really in me, right,

542
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 2: And so if I don't equit myself with tools, I

543
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 2: very well may become the mother I always said I

544
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 2: didn't want to become. And so when we're in those moments,

545
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,600
Speaker 2: it's easy to pull from what we know, right, what's

546
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 2: on our proverbial shelf, and what's familiar to us. And

547
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 2: if you think about it, right, let's say you're at home,

548
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,120
Speaker 2: you're like trying to eat healthy, but you got cookies

549
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 2: and cakes at the crib and it's late at night,

550
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 2: and you're like, Oh, I'm trying to eat healthy, but

551
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 2: what's easy, what's available? I'm gonna go to the stuff

552
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 2: that they're I'm not going to go to the grocery

553
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 2: store the middle the night and go buy a salad

554
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 2: and do all that.

555
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 5: I'm gonna just go with what I know.

556
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:28,720
Speaker 2: And so I have found that, in addition to me

557
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 2: saying oh I don't want to be like my mom,

558
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:31,560
Speaker 2: I don't want to do the things that my mom did,

559
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:32,120
Speaker 2: I don't want to.

560
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 5: Do the things that I witnessed. That's not enough.

561
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:39,240
Speaker 2: We have to replace what we've experienced, replace what we've

562
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 2: witnessed with tools and see if they work. And so

563
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 2: right now I'm reading a book called Oh Crap A

564
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 2: top weight. It's called Oh Crap, I Have a Toddler

565
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 2: by Jamie Glowaki, and so far it's really good. There

566
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 2: are some tips in some perspectives that I probably share

567
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 2: living in the episode about what I've learned so far.

568
00:32:57,920 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 2: But that has been so essential to me, don because

569
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 2: a lot of times people that have grown up in

570
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 2: dysfunction on the music households, they'll simply say, I don't

571
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 2: want to become that, but then there's nothing else that

572
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:09,400
Speaker 2: we do after that to ensure that.

573
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:11,560
Speaker 5: We don't become what we don't want to become.

574
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 4: Right, And I think it's also important too to ask questions. Right,

575
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:20,280
Speaker 4: That's how you continue that, That's how you're constantly learning,

576
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:25,800
Speaker 4: is you ask questions. If you don't know, as someone,

577
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 4: be mindful of your sources and recognize that sometimes it's

578
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 4: more helpful to as you're trying to learn how to

579
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:45,080
Speaker 4: navigate a situation, to generate information from multiple people with

580
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 4: multiple experiences. Right, So, if you're trying to navigate potty

581
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 4: training a toddler, which I know is a hard thing

582
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 4: for parents to do. Maybe it's you're asking someone who

583
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:07,960
Speaker 4: is like a grandparent or a great grandparent, so you're

584
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:12,480
Speaker 4: getting some generational with them. Maybe you're asking someone who

585
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 4: is another you know, maybe a couple of decades older.

586
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:22,760
Speaker 4: But then maybe you're also asking moms at your child's daycare.

587
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 4: So you're pulling your resources to help to give you

588
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:34,359
Speaker 4: as much of a knowledge base as possible to help

589
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:38,720
Speaker 4: you in your decision making. And that's how you always

590
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,480
Speaker 4: like you can constantly be learning.

591
00:34:42,239 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 5: That is so key down.

592
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 2: I think community is so important, especially when it comes

593
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:49,680
Speaker 2: to this periodhood journey, because sometimes parents can be ghetto, y'all.

594
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,080
Speaker 5: Okay, it could be ghetto out here.

595
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 2: In these parents are streets so down that takes us

596
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:57,400
Speaker 2: to practice number four, which this is one of my

597
00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 2: favorite job. Add affirmations to your daily routine. And we've

598
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 2: done episodes about affirmations, and I just believe that affirmations

599
00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:07,640
Speaker 2: are so important because we hear so much in our

600
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:10,719
Speaker 2: daily life, whether it's media social media that we're not

601
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 2: good enough, right, you got to buy this thing, or

602
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 2: tweak this thing, or snatch this waste just some there's

603
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,479
Speaker 2: always something telling us that we need to do something

604
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 2: to be good enough. And so I truly believe that

605
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,800
Speaker 2: us stating affirmations for ourselves but also for our children

606
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:27,960
Speaker 2: can really help to reprogram our mind and give us

607
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:32,440
Speaker 2: something fresh and positive that we can lean on throughout

608
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 2: the day, so that that internal dialogue can be a

609
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:39,720
Speaker 2: bit more positive. And so, as someone who was verbally

610
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,239
Speaker 2: abused when I was younger, I experienced firsthand what it's

611
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 2: like to be far removed from my trauma and my abuser,

612
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:49,320
Speaker 2: right being three thousand miles away from where I'm from,

613
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 2: but still being haunted by the things that were said

614
00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:54,799
Speaker 2: about me right when I was younger. So whether you

615
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,040
Speaker 2: heard you know, you're dumb, you're other stupid, whatever it

616
00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 2: might be, those things tend to stick with us. I

617
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 2: saw another quote online that said, the way we talk

618
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 2: to our children becomes their inner voice. I'm gonna say that,

619
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,239
Speaker 2: moll time for the people in the back. The way

620
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:13,920
Speaker 2: we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. And

621
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:15,760
Speaker 2: I am a living witness that that is the truth.

622
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:17,560
Speaker 2: Because a lot of times when we hear that negative

623
00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:19,759
Speaker 2: self talk, we have to ask ourselves where did that

624
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:20,280
Speaker 2: come from?

625
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:22,160
Speaker 5: Who did that come from?

626
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:24,680
Speaker 2: Because a lot of times we weren't born saying negative

627
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 2: things about ourselves, So it came from somewhere right. And

628
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:30,319
Speaker 2: so ever since my daughter was in my stomach, I've

629
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 2: been reciting affirmations to her. When I rock her to

630
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:35,879
Speaker 2: bed at night, I'm stating affirmations and she repeats them.

631
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,680
Speaker 2: Now when we're in the bathroom brushing her teeth, I

632
00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:41,719
Speaker 2: state affirmations. We say them in the mirror together, and

633
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,960
Speaker 2: I also try to focus on non physical affirmation. So

634
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,839
Speaker 2: we'll do the I'm beautiful, I love my hair, I

635
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:52,680
Speaker 2: love my brown skin. We also say I'm rich, I'm wealthy,

636
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 2: I'm healthy, I'm smart, I'm strong, I'm kind, I'm a

637
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:59,360
Speaker 2: critical thinker. We say all these things in the mirror,

638
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:01,400
Speaker 2: and I truly will leaves it. I mean, we know

639
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:06,360
Speaker 2: words or energy and filling our babies theirs their heads

640
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:10,279
Speaker 2: with this positive affirmations that will then become their internal dialogue,

641
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:13,240
Speaker 2: that will become their default. So when some some shorty

642
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 2: comes up to them when they growing up, they're like,

643
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 2: oh you.

644
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:16,480
Speaker 5: Fine, It's like, oh yeah, I already know that.

645
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:18,839
Speaker 2: My mom and my dad even telling me that since

646
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:20,200
Speaker 2: I was you know what I mean, Like, I know

647
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:22,960
Speaker 2: that bout myself so it's it's really important.

648
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 4: I mean, what else do I need to say? You?

649
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 4: You covered this like for real, like, And the one

650
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:33,800
Speaker 4: thing I will add is going back to that songe

651
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:41,320
Speaker 4: right of using affirmation in the form of stone also helped.

652
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:46,960
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna say I So Snoop Dogg shout out

653
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 2: to Uncle Snoop. Snoop Dogg has this amazing I don't

654
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 2: know what it's called, but we we got to put

655
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,719
Speaker 2: in the show notes these amazing affirmations.

656
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:55,360
Speaker 5: So we listened to Gracie's.

657
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:58,960
Speaker 2: Corner's Corners the Truth, right, we got to get them

658
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:02,000
Speaker 2: on the podcast, and Gracie's Corner on Pandora on the

659
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 2: way to daycare, and so Snoop Dogg his Children's mix

660
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 2: comes on and he has an affirmation song and she's

661
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:11,280
Speaker 2: repeating them in the back of the car, like today

662
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:12,879
Speaker 2: It's going to be a great day, and all these

663
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:13,800
Speaker 2: positive affirmations.

664
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:15,200
Speaker 5: So I just wanted to say that real quick, shout

665
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:15,840
Speaker 5: out to Uncle.

666
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:20,319
Speaker 4: Sleep Yes, yes, I love it, like and you get

667
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:23,879
Speaker 4: it in a song and then they keep repeating it. Right,

668
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 4: But then also for ourselves too, we need some music

669
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:34,840
Speaker 4: that is powerful and uplifting and positive and pouring into

670
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:41,279
Speaker 4: us as well. So then that takes us to our

671
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:48,239
Speaker 4: fifth practice, create an ever evolving parenting guide.

672
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:51,480
Speaker 1: So what does that look like?

673
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 4: That means and I'm highlight that word ever evolving. It's

674
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 4: a guide for how you want to engage your child

675
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:10,839
Speaker 4: or your children, recognizing that things will change as your

676
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 4: child developed, as society changes. And so your parenting guy,

677
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:28,239
Speaker 4: you know, one child. I think back to when I

678
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:31,839
Speaker 4: was growing up and I came up in the era

679
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 4: where people had beepers. Let me just say, the college

680
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 4: kids don't know what beepers are. So my mind was brown,

681
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:48,080
Speaker 4: but I had a beeper. And but by the time

682
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:52,840
Speaker 4: some of my younger siblings became of age to where

683
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,359
Speaker 4: they would be allowed to have a beeper, beepers weren't

684
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:59,600
Speaker 4: a thing anymore. Cell phones were the thing to have.

685
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:06,480
Speaker 4: And so your parenting guide is going to constantly evolve

686
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:15,239
Speaker 4: based on like I said, development, societal times. And if

687
00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:20,040
Speaker 4: you have multiple children, you cannot parent each child the

688
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 4: exact same way because each child is different. And so

689
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:32,319
Speaker 4: one child, you may have one child where all you

690
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 4: have to do is slightly raise your voice and they're

691
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 4: automatically responding, and that next child does not batten out

692
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:50,319
Speaker 4: to your slightly raised voice. That child is the one

693
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 4: who's really trying to test your gangster and wants you

694
00:40:54,120 --> 00:41:00,160
Speaker 4: to come out of pocket before they engage you. And

695
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 4: so you have to figure out how to navigate your

696
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:12,240
Speaker 4: different children while you are still being intentional and mindful.

697
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 2: Dom you hit the nail on the head with that,

698
00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:17,399
Speaker 2: because I was definitely going to speak to the fact

699
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:19,920
Speaker 2: that you cannot parent one child the way you parent

700
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:22,920
Speaker 2: all the children. Definitely learn that with my siblings. Everyone's

701
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:25,560
Speaker 2: so unique, right, Human beings are just so unique, and

702
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 2: so there are different approaches. I am still working on

703
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 2: my every evolving parenting guide, but I think, like you said,

704
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 2: it does change as the times change. Also as we change,

705
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:37,840
Speaker 2: we may gain a new perspective as we're always learning,

706
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:39,920
Speaker 2: and then we're like, oh wait, I used to do

707
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 2: this one thing. I don't want to do that anymore.

708
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:43,320
Speaker 2: So I would say, when I think about the parenting

709
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:45,919
Speaker 2: guy that I'm building, it's going to include some best

710
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 2: practices for this phase in my daughter's life. So thinking

711
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,120
Speaker 2: about what's my philosophy on discipline?

712
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:51,719
Speaker 5: Right?

713
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:55,200
Speaker 2: And am I aligned on this philosophy with my partner,

714
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 2: my in laws, her caregivers, right, are we all speaking

715
00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 2: the same language, because that is so important that it's

716
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 2: so important. Also thinking about consequences, right, what are some

717
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:09,160
Speaker 2: of the consequences going to be for behaviors at this

718
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 2: particular age and stage. Right when it comes to children,

719
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 2: consistency is key. Consistency is key adult, to everybody, everybody else,

720
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 2: it will stop child everybody. Consistency is key for everybody.

721
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 2: You already know because once you let them slive. But

722
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,799
Speaker 2: one thing, that one time. They don't think you can

723
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 2: do it all the time. And in the book I

724
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:33,360
Speaker 2: mentioned earlier, one of the things they introduced was this

725
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:36,399
Speaker 2: parenting philosophy and I'm like, okay, I can dig this,

726
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:38,120
Speaker 2: like I resonate with this. And so they say, from

727
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 2: zero to six years old this is for governing. Right,

728
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:46,840
Speaker 2: from six to twelve you have gardening, and from twelve

729
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 2: to eighteen you have guiding.

730
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 5: And I thought this really resonated with me.

731
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:52,719
Speaker 2: They talked about how sometimes people mix it up and

732
00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:54,759
Speaker 2: you think that from zero to six you can guide them,

733
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:56,839
Speaker 2: when it's like no, no, no, they need a lot more.

734
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 2: They need some governance in this stage and age. They

735
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,680
Speaker 2: don't know they're new blank slates in the world. They

736
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 2: need some governing, right yep. And then gardening and guiding.

737
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:08,280
Speaker 2: So I was like, okay, so I'm still reading the book,

738
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 2: but learning what that looks like for me and my

739
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:14,840
Speaker 2: life and you know, my partner and my daughter and

740
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:16,160
Speaker 2: like her stage and age.

741
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 5: So it's interesting.

742
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 2: It's a lot of work, y'all, but it's it's definitely

743
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:22,439
Speaker 2: important because one of the things that I also try

744
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:24,880
Speaker 2: to do dom is I try to parent turn away.

745
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 2: I try my best to respond to her even when

746
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:32,880
Speaker 2: we're one on one in a way that one if

747
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:35,919
Speaker 2: she remembers it when she's older, she can look back

748
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:38,040
Speaker 2: on that moment and observe it, and I want it.

749
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:39,840
Speaker 5: I want her to be like my mom did a

750
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:40,799
Speaker 5: good job, you know what I mean.

751
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:42,600
Speaker 2: I try to do it as if a camera is

752
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:46,120
Speaker 2: watching me, because I take those those moments are important

753
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 2: and I try my best to just really do a

754
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 2: good job.

755
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:52,520
Speaker 4: You know. No, that's real, and I think, you know,

756
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:57,720
Speaker 4: I love that that approach of recognizing that at different

757
00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 4: stages you have to show up in a different right.

758
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:05,720
Speaker 4: And so that to me, that governing really makes sense

759
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:10,879
Speaker 4: for that age because, like you said, we laying down

760
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:15,600
Speaker 4: the law because you don't know any other way. But

761
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:19,640
Speaker 4: laying down the law does not require you being overly

762
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 4: aggressive or punitive. Laying down the law is helping them

763
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:33,240
Speaker 4: understand this is how things run. Gardening makes sense because

764
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:38,360
Speaker 4: now we're moving into this stage of I'm planting the

765
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 4: seeds because of the seed, and you're always planting seeds,

766
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 4: but there's a stronger emphasis on planting the seeds because

767
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 4: they're a're absorbing more. And then once they hit that

768
00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:57,960
Speaker 4: teenage stage, you're guiding because they are forming their own

769
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:06,440
Speaker 4: opinions and they've taken the seeds that you planted, comparing

770
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:10,360
Speaker 4: that with what's going on around them and trying to

771
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:13,160
Speaker 4: figure it out. And so your role is to guide.

772
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:16,800
Speaker 4: And so your parenting guide is also going to change

773
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 4: at each of those stages, because how you show up

774
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 4: for your two year old is not exactly going to

775
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:32,640
Speaker 4: be the same way that you show up when she's sixteen.

776
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:40,399
Speaker 4: And so then that takes us to practice number six.

777
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:52,239
Speaker 4: Hold space for connection and quality times. You know that

778
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:56,239
Speaker 4: is so important. I mean, all these practices are important,

779
00:45:57,239 --> 00:46:05,319
Speaker 4: and I can't trust enough the need for connection and

780
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:09,319
Speaker 4: quality time with your kids, and I want to be

781
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:14,840
Speaker 4: clear that it does not take a lot of money

782
00:46:16,719 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 4: to connect and have quality time with your kids. Quality

783
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:27,920
Speaker 4: time doesn't even require you to leave the house. Remember,

784
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 4: growing up, I didn't think of it as quality time

785
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:35,720
Speaker 4: at the time, but when I look back on it,

786
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 4: it was for us. Quality time put time for connection

787
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:46,520
Speaker 4: for the whole family. With dinner, we had to all

788
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 4: sit at that same table and eat at the same

789
00:46:50,120 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 4: time until we got to be teenagers and our schedules

790
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:58,440
Speaker 4: got all over the place. But in those formative years

791
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:04,640
Speaker 4: we all sat down at the table. And now sometimes

792
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:07,800
Speaker 4: the discussion got a little a little out of hand.

793
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 4: Sometimes we were watching usually as we were watching the news,

794
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 4: and then watching like Will of Fortune or whatever came

795
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 4: on after the news, So sometimes we're not like we're

796
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 4: watching the news and discussing what we see on the news.

797
00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:28,120
Speaker 4: But that was important time for us to connect. And

798
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:31,360
Speaker 4: I think, you know, one of the things that I

799
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:34,279
Speaker 4: was always grateful for in my relationship with my mom

800
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 4: growing up was that I could always go to her

801
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 4: and talk to her about whatever was on my mind.

802
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 4: And he made faith for that. And so I think

803
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:52,359
Speaker 4: that as kids, you know, as you form your relationship

804
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:58,319
Speaker 4: with your kids, making that time bad time when they're

805
00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 4: really little, right, That is time to connect. That is

806
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:07,920
Speaker 4: quality time. Even though on the outside it might feel

807
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:11,719
Speaker 4: like I'm doing this, this is just part of our

808
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:20,920
Speaker 4: regular routine that can become valuable time to really form

809
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:28,719
Speaker 4: those lasting bonds with your kids. Your kids play sports,

810
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:32,440
Speaker 4: you hell, the car rides to pool in the morning.

811
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:36,239
Speaker 4: I know sometimes as parents, you're like thinking about all

812
00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:37,600
Speaker 4: the stuff you got to do when you get to

813
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:40,520
Speaker 4: work and you're trying to listen to the Grown Croaks radio.

814
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:46,919
Speaker 4: But maybe while the kids are in the car, that

815
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:50,680
Speaker 4: could be a great time to engage with them. That

816
00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:55,120
Speaker 4: might be you know, depending on your schedules, that ten

817
00:48:55,160 --> 00:48:58,319
Speaker 4: minute drive to school might be your only time to

818
00:48:58,400 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 4: connect and it might be valuable time to your kids.

819
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 4: So don't sleep on those small moments throughout your day

820
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:17,880
Speaker 4: to day that could really prove to be long lasing

821
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:21,000
Speaker 4: connection points for you and your child.

822
00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:27,040
Speaker 2: Oh dam you on a girl. Those were such great examples. Oh,

823
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 2: I think about eating dinner as a family. That was

824
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:30,880
Speaker 2: like such a big I don't know, I people do

825
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:32,839
Speaker 2: people shall do that these days?

826
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:36,239
Speaker 5: I don't know. Yeah, I feel like we don't do

827
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 5: it the way that we used to.

828
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:40,319
Speaker 2: But one of the things I've always been a fan

829
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:43,399
Speaker 2: of are like mother child dates and father child dates.

830
00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:45,000
Speaker 2: So we used to have like a mother daughter day

831
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:46,919
Speaker 2: where my sister and I would like go do stuff

832
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:48,760
Speaker 2: with my mom. Or we'd have like a father daughter

833
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:50,920
Speaker 2: date where we go on dates with my dad and

834
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:53,120
Speaker 2: he'd like get us flowers and stuff like that. Those

835
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 2: were some very special moments that I cherish and always remember.

836
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 2: I remember I used to do that for my siblings

837
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:01,480
Speaker 2: when they were younger as well. And I also think

838
00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 2: that asking about your child's day is so important. Like

839
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 2: I asked my little one about her day, and she

840
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:08,960
Speaker 2: loves to tell me about how she went piety and

841
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:11,400
Speaker 2: she ate strawberries and stuff like that, and it just

842
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:15,200
Speaker 2: gets them in the habit of debriefing, debriefing and sharing

843
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:17,080
Speaker 2: about their day what came up for them that day.

844
00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:20,279
Speaker 2: I would also say that in my experience working with

845
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:24,680
Speaker 2: young people, young people are often underestimated and feel unseen

846
00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:29,240
Speaker 2: by adults. Having worked with young people and children for years,

847
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:32,440
Speaker 2: what I often hear is like a common point of

848
00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:36,200
Speaker 2: feedback is that one they just don't feel like they're heard,

849
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:39,240
Speaker 2: they don't feel like they have space to share. Adults

850
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:41,880
Speaker 2: either try to always preach to them. And the thing

851
00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 2: about kids, kids are smart as hell. They have real feelings, emotions,

852
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:48,359
Speaker 2: and perspectives, and we should hold space for that and

853
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:50,719
Speaker 2: just let them talk, let them just listen and let

854
00:50:50,719 --> 00:50:53,640
Speaker 2: them talk, and try our best not to get angry

855
00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:55,880
Speaker 2: or upset, because I remember when I was younger, my

856
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:57,520
Speaker 2: mom used to always tell us like, oh, you can

857
00:50:57,560 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 2: come to tell me anything, and then we would come

858
00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:00,759
Speaker 2: and tell ourselff snap on us.

859
00:51:00,719 --> 00:51:03,200
Speaker 5: And we'd be like, well, damn you said we could

860
00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 5: tell you anything. But we were trying to be open.

861
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:08,560
Speaker 2: And I've learned with my siblings, woo child. I done

862
00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:10,440
Speaker 2: told them over the years that they could tell me anything,

863
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:12,080
Speaker 2: and they didn't told me anything.

864
00:51:12,440 --> 00:51:13,640
Speaker 5: And I've held space for them.

865
00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:15,920
Speaker 2: And I appreciate the fact that I feel so honored

866
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:18,080
Speaker 2: that I'm the first person that they come to these

867
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:20,440
Speaker 2: days when they have something really big in their life

868
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:22,759
Speaker 2: that they want to share, you know, with someone. And

869
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 2: sometimes I'm not always happy about it, but they know

870
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 2: that there's a safe space. I'm gonna keep it real,

871
00:51:27,200 --> 00:51:29,080
Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep it a buck, and I'm gona, you know,

872
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:31,080
Speaker 2: let them know what it is. But I also hold

873
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:33,480
Speaker 2: space in a loving way, so they know that this

874
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 2: is safe and you can come to me and I'm

875
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:37,359
Speaker 2: going to be honest with you, you know, So that's

876
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:40,600
Speaker 2: really important. Now we're gonna go a quick recap, and

877
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:42,640
Speaker 2: I know you might be like, wait, what about number seven.

878
00:51:42,719 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 2: We're going to tell you about number seven and just

879
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:46,480
Speaker 2: a bit now I'm anything else to add to number six?

880
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:47,480
Speaker 5: Or should we do our recap.

881
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:49,200
Speaker 4: Let's do a recap.

882
00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:51,920
Speaker 2: Let's do recap, all right? So practice number one is

883
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:57,520
Speaker 2: cultivating mindfulness. Practice number two is prioritizing self care. Practice

884
00:51:57,600 --> 00:52:02,839
Speaker 2: number three always be learning. Practice number four add affirmations

885
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:07,040
Speaker 2: to your daily routine. Practice number five creating every evolving

886
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:12,759
Speaker 2: parenting guide. Practice number six hold space for connection and

887
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:17,200
Speaker 2: quality time. And for practice number seven. Well, lady, we

888
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:18,960
Speaker 2: know you got your own tips. We know you have

889
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:21,400
Speaker 2: some best practices that you might want to share. So

890
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:26,279
Speaker 2: go to our Instagram at her Space podcast and scroll down.

891
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:28,680
Speaker 2: Depending on when you watch this or listen to this episode,

892
00:52:28,719 --> 00:52:32,240
Speaker 2: scroll down to the red square and look at the caption.

893
00:52:32,320 --> 00:52:33,400
Speaker 5: It'll tell you what to do.

894
00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:37,440
Speaker 2: And drop your number seven on the caption so we

895
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:39,799
Speaker 2: can all share together. You can read the comments of

896
00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:42,919
Speaker 2: other amazing black women from around the globe and see

897
00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:46,160
Speaker 2: what they're saying for Practice Number seven and Domina are

898
00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:48,000
Speaker 2: going to hop off and we're gonna go record the

899
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:49,880
Speaker 2: after show. So if you want to watch us on

900
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:53,040
Speaker 2: video or tune into the after show, visit Herspace podcast

901
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:57,120
Speaker 2: dot com, click on Patreon, become a sister friend, and

902
00:52:57,160 --> 00:52:59,720
Speaker 2: you can chat with us daily in our Slack channel

903
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 2: and watch the after show. So deuces, we'll catch you

904
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 2: in the after show.

905
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:12,080
Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

906
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:18,080
Speaker 3: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

907
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:21,319
Speaker 3: mental health, but is by no means meant to be

908
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:25,640
Speaker 3: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

909
00:53:25,680 --> 00:53:29,719
Speaker 3: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is

910
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:33,080
Speaker 3: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy

911
00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:39,040
Speaker 3: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

912
00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:41,279
Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

913
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:45,760
Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website at Herspace podcast dot

914
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:48,360
Speaker 2: com and be sure to click the Patreon tab to

915
00:53:48,400 --> 00:53:52,360
Speaker 2: get access to video content bonuses in our weekly after

916
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 2: show and before we meet again, repeat after me, I

917
00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:58,800
Speaker 2: am worthy of what I desire.

918
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:00,120
Speaker 5: Period It