Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Now, hey there's Roy Chang. The Daily Show is off
Speaker 2: this week, but don't worry. We put together some of
Speaker 2: our favorite moments from the show in case you miss them.
Speaker 2: We'll be back with brand new shows on September tenth.
Speaker 2: Until then, enjoyed today's episode.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Daily Show.
Speaker 2: When a news story falls through the cracks, Lewis Black
Speaker 2: catches there for a segment week call back in Black.
Speaker 3: We are officially in the dog days of summer, which
Speaker 3: means I can finally bust out my slipping slide.
Speaker 1: It used to belong to the kid next door, but.
Speaker 3: It turns out a lot of kids stuff you can
Speaker 3: just walk up and take. But this summer it's so
Speaker 3: hot you can't even make it down the slide without
Speaker 3: your not sticking to the ny It's.
Speaker 4: Been one of the hottest summers on record across the US,
Speaker 4: less heat wave smashing records in the Northeast.
Speaker 5: Monday was the hottest day ever recorded on Earth.
Speaker 6: The previous record, which was that on Sunday, only lasted
Speaker 6: twenty four hours.
Speaker 3: This hot, really, really hot, the hottest day ever recorded
Speaker 3: on Earth.
Speaker 1: Suck on that, dinosaurs.
Speaker 3: We can destroy the planet ourselves. We don't need an
Speaker 3: asteroid like you pussies. Yes, this summer, the heat is
Speaker 3: kicking our ass more than usual. Last week it was
Speaker 3: so hot in New York that and I can't believe
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say this. I asked the hawk to a
Speaker 3: girl to hit me in the forehead. And this isn't
Speaker 3: just your class and heat wave that only kills some
Speaker 3: old people that no one cares about. The heat is
Speaker 3: so extreme it's causing shit that's never happened before.
Speaker 7: Blazing temperatures outdoors can wreak havoc inside airplane. These soda
Speaker 7: cans all exploded on Southwest flights due to extreme heat exposure.
Speaker 7: The problem is widespread. Southwest Airlines has reported about twenty
Speaker 7: employees have been injured by exploding soda cans this summer alone.
Speaker 1: What the hell it's.
Speaker 3: So hot that our soda cans are joining at Kaida.
Speaker 3: I don't want to die in a plane crash because
Speaker 3: of cherry coke. I want to die because the Boeing
Speaker 3: guys forgot to tighten the screw.
Speaker 1: This is a disaster.
Speaker 3: What happens if planes have to get rid of soda?
Speaker 3: What am I supposed to drink on a flight. Now whiskey?
Speaker 3: That another whiskey? What am I supposed to mix the
Speaker 3: whiskey with other whiskey?
Speaker 1: Now I haven't had enough. You've had enough. This is
Speaker 1: clearly a reckoning.
Speaker 3: But I'm sure Ewans will take this as a sign
Speaker 3: the climate change is a serious threat and not a
Speaker 3: chance for an idiotic photo op.
Speaker 5: At Death Valley National Park, they actually embrace the heat,
Speaker 5: encouraging tourists to take pictures in front of the park's
Speaker 5: thermometer right now hovering around one hundred and thirty degrees.
Speaker 1: You can definitely feel the heat on your skin. Honestly,
Speaker 1: it's definitely shocking.
Speaker 6: I don't know how anything can survive out here.
Speaker 3: Of course, nothing can survive in Death Valley.
Speaker 1: That's why they call it Death Valley. Guess what they
Speaker 1: sell it, Burger king. You idiot. Now, you think park.
Speaker 3: Rangers would be warning people about the deadly heat, but
Speaker 3: instead they're getting in on the fun.
Speaker 8: Park rangers have a tasty way to show you just
Speaker 8: how hot it is inside your car. So rangers at
Speaker 8: Sakuro National Park by Tucson made banana bread in.
Speaker 2: Some other things you can make inside your car cookies, eggs,
Speaker 2: and even stuffed bell peppers.
Speaker 1: Who stuffs the bell pepper?
Speaker 3: Yes, global warming means you can cook right in your car,
Speaker 3: which is great news for Minehue Restaurant, Lewis Flex, Hyundai, Sonata,
Speaker 3: Chimmy Chogas. The secret ingredient is wiper fluid. So yes,
Speaker 3: as we've known for a while, every year, the Earth
Speaker 3: is getting hotter and hotter, like me and.
Speaker 1: Paul Rudd, and that's why.
Speaker 3: We need every single government body working to fix the
Speaker 3: product problem. Instead of jerking us around with elementary school
Speaker 3: science projects.
Speaker 4: The National Weather Service put on a colorful display of
Speaker 4: the record setting heat wave hitting Las Vegas.
Speaker 1: Check out this time lapse of.
Speaker 4: The extreme tents turning crazy into colored cream. This interesting
Speaker 4: experiment really puts in perspective just how hot it is
Speaker 4: out there.
Speaker 9: I feel like if you could just sort of freeze
Speaker 9: that and then you know, you make a little bit
Speaker 9: of art out of it, I think so too.
Speaker 5: Yes, Oh that's cool, but I mean really not cool.
Speaker 1: We're all gonna die.
Speaker 3: Thanks National Weather Surface, Now we all know what it
Speaker 3: would look like if a pack of Skittles got its period.
Speaker 1: So quick safety tip.
Speaker 3: Okay, if you're gonna leave your kid in a hot car,
Speaker 3: remember to grab the crayons first.
Speaker 1: It's hard to know whether to be.
Speaker 3: More worried about the record heat or the record stupidity.
Speaker 3: But at least when the earth finally explodes, we'll be
Speaker 3: eating delicious dashboard banana bread along the way.
Speaker 1: Ronnie, thank you.
Speaker 9: We all know I've got great opinions, but I'm not
Speaker 9: the only one. Studies show that other people also have opinions.
Speaker 9: So here with another installment of in my opinion is
Speaker 9: our good friend Charlemagne the God.
Speaker 1: Hey.
Speaker 6: Now, if you've been following the presidential election, you've probably
Speaker 6: heard the news that there's a DEI candidate in the race.
Speaker 6: That's right, that's right, those identity of says Democrats picked
Speaker 6: someone just because of their race.
Speaker 9: Enginder Tim Watz was a balancing choice for her.
Speaker 1: He's white, he's male.
Speaker 6: We do know that they wanted to get a white
Speaker 6: male in the ticket, so he's going to be that one.
Speaker 4: Here's a really important one.
Speaker 1: He's an old white dude. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes.
Speaker 6: Thanks to affirmative action, there is an old white guy
Speaker 6: on the Democratic ticket for the first time, for the
Speaker 6: first time in about seventeen days. Okay, I'm glad white
Speaker 6: men are finally getting that moment in the sun.
Speaker 1: Just to make sure to wear enough SPF.
Speaker 6: All right, now, you all know what's really going on.
Speaker 6: According to Republicans, Tim Walls isn't the DEI Higher because
Speaker 6: to them, every letter in DEI actually stands for the
Speaker 6: same thing, black, black, black, which means the real DEI
Speaker 6: candidate is Kamala Harris.
Speaker 1: She's a diversity higher. Of course she's a DEI higher.
Speaker 3: She was a DEI, an incompetent diversity higher.
Speaker 4: This woman, this disaster, whose early qualification was having a
Speaker 4: vagina and the right skin color.
Speaker 6: That's right, having dark skin in a vagina is an
Speaker 6: instant path to the Oval office.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 6: If you don't believe me, take it up with Ronald
Speaker 6: Reagan's black pussy. Listen, man, this argument is so stupid
Speaker 6: to me. If being a woman or a minority with
Speaker 6: the golden ticket to get in the head in politics,
Speaker 6: then President Andrew Yang would have already done universal basic
Speaker 6: income and President Kanye West would have already changed the
Speaker 6: national anthem.
Speaker 1: To gold digger.
Speaker 6: Okay, I mean, I've looked at pictures of the last
Speaker 6: forty six presidents, and it sure seems like there's one
Speaker 6: identity in particular that gives you.
Speaker 1: A leg up.
Speaker 6: I'm just saying Donald Trump would not have gotten the
Speaker 6: job if his first name was Donelle. All right, he'd
Speaker 6: be evicted himself. He'd be evicted himself from his own
Speaker 6: apartments before his career could begin. But for the sake
Speaker 6: of argument, let's suppose Kamala was given a chance because
Speaker 6: of her identity. She still had to do something with
Speaker 6: it on her own. And Kamala has done a great
Speaker 6: job as vice president. Remember that one big thing she
Speaker 6: did mean neither, Okay, And that's exactly what you want
Speaker 6: in a VP, someone who doesn't make the news. A
Speaker 6: VP is like a carbon monoxide detector. You want to
Speaker 6: have one, but if it makes any noise, something's going
Speaker 6: something's gone wrong. Okay, in fact, right, in fact, the
Speaker 6: last time I remember a vice president doing anything that
Speaker 6: made the news, it was.
Speaker 4: This vice president of Dick Cheney apparently broke the number
Speaker 4: one rule of hunting this weekend when he accidentally shot
Speaker 4: a friend in the face.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, accidentally, just like he accidentally invaded the
Speaker 6: wrong country after nine to eleven. Yeah, now that I
Speaker 6: think about it. Dick Cheney made the news a lot.
Speaker 6: Don't be like Dick Cheney. And this is yet another
Speaker 6: weird thing about Republicans. They always say that liberals are
Speaker 6: obsessed with race, but they're the ones who can't stop
Speaker 6: thinking about it. They had a blank slate to build
Speaker 6: a narrative around Kamala Harris, and they immediately went eighteen
Speaker 6: sixty on us because they got.
Speaker 1: Black on the brain.
Speaker 6: And Republicans aren't only saying Kamala is too black, they're
Speaker 6: also saying she's not black enough.
Speaker 4: Earlier in her career she identified as South Asian.
Speaker 1: Now she is.
Speaker 9: Considered an African American woman.
Speaker 1: Is she black? Is she Indian?
Speaker 4: Nobody knows Jamala's Indian, black heritage, or whatever it is
Speaker 4: she wants to be today.
Speaker 6: One year she's black, the next year she's of South
Speaker 6: Asian descent.
Speaker 3: She was Indian all the way, and then all of
Speaker 3: a sudden, she made a turn and she went she
Speaker 3: became a black.
Speaker 6: Just to be clear, I don't know if you noticed
Speaker 6: or not, but you can be both.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I don't.
Speaker 6: Want to break your brains, but two isn't even the
Speaker 6: most racist a person can be. Yeah, Bruno Mars is
Speaker 6: the most racist a person can be, and we know
Speaker 6: what's going on here. All of these attacks are the
Speaker 6: pink Kamala as just one big phony.
Speaker 8: Going to Georgia two days ago and putting on a
Speaker 8: fixed Southern accent when you were raised in Canada.
Speaker 6: Whoa, so wait, she's faking being black and she's Canadian.
Speaker 6: Well that's the worst thing you can call somebody.
Speaker 1: This year, Drake, And it's been a rough hair for Drake.
Speaker 6: And if I were a white Republican, I'd be a
Speaker 6: little worried about Democrats flipping this on me. If Republicans
Speaker 6: are appointing themselves the black police dims could become the
Speaker 6: white police, because not all whites or maga whites. You
Speaker 6: got kombucha whites, you got cargo short whites. You got
Speaker 6: Stanley Cup whites, both kinds of Stanley.
Speaker 1: Cup, hockey and beverage.
Speaker 6: You've even got whatever kind of white Jojo c Why
Speaker 6: is white people around the country watch that clip like
Speaker 6: she not like us?
Speaker 1: She not like us.
Speaker 6: But honestly, I'm not even mad at Republicans from bringing
Speaker 6: up Kamala's race. They've got a job to do and
Speaker 6: they're doing it. The only way they know how. The
Speaker 6: real bullshit is the media for hearing the Republican talking
Speaker 6: points and treating it like it's a real story.
Speaker 1: The vice president's racial identity has been in the news.
Speaker 4: Identity heritage is newly injected into the race.
Speaker 1: Why is foreign president Trump? Question? With vice president's racial identity.
Speaker 4: Talk about racial identity dominated the headlines.
Speaker 9: The claims about Vice President Harris's identity will probably make
Speaker 9: the most headlines.
Speaker 6: What do you mean these claims will make the most headlines, CNN, MSNBC, ABC.
Speaker 6: You're the ones who decide what the headlines are.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 6: These issues don't make headlines unless you put it in
Speaker 6: the headline. And none of these issues should be a headline.
Speaker 6: If a guy came up to me on the street
Speaker 6: saying the vice president is a chameleon, she can transform
Speaker 6: from Indian to black, I sent it. I'd be like, well,
Speaker 6: God bless you, sir. Here's two dollars.
Speaker 1: I gotta go.
Speaker 6: Okay, all right, media, if you need headlines, it's not
Speaker 6: like it's a shortage of important issues in this election.
Speaker 6: You got the immigration, you got the economy, you got
Speaker 6: reproductive rights. The best place to dispose of a road kill,
Speaker 6: bear cub. Those are things that we need to be
Speaker 6: talking about. Okay, are maybe spend some time looking at
Speaker 6: how the GOP is already planning on how to steal
Speaker 6: the election by having corrupt state officials refuse to certify
Speaker 6: the results, getting corrupt judges to back them up before
Speaker 6: the whole thing goes to the corrupt Supreme Court that's
Speaker 6: already annointing Donald trumpet King, so now they can overturn
Speaker 6: the results of the election to declare him the winner
Speaker 6: and exchange for new RV.
Speaker 1: But hey, man, what do I know? That's just my opinion.
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