Speaker 1: I ain't got no friends unless their last name is Ellis.
Speaker 2: That's a good one.
Speaker 3: He talking about me, y'all, dead Ass.
Speaker 4: I never seen him spend that much time with somebody
Speaker 4: that he liked like that.
Speaker 2: So consider yourself an anomaly family baby.
Speaker 4: At this point, over forty, I have not no problem
Speaker 4: letting anything go, and that is definitely friends included. Wow.
Speaker 5: It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight
Speaker 5: from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become
Speaker 5: Webby Award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.
Speaker 4: Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It
Speaker 4: was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable.
Speaker 1: Be raw, or but most apportly be us.
Speaker 4: But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,
Speaker 4: and through it all, one thing has never changed. This
Speaker 4: is ever after, because we got a lot to talk about.
Speaker 1: Story time.
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, I'm gonna take this back to college.
Speaker 2: College. Okay, it's getting farther and farther away for us.
Speaker 2: You know, they're right.
Speaker 5: I had a friend who he and I were able
Speaker 5: to rekindle our friendship. But at the time I was
Speaker 5: twenty two and I had just gotten into the NFL
Speaker 5: and it was me and my friends.
Speaker 1: It was four of us.
Speaker 5: We all went to the NFL at the same time
Speaker 5: Super Bowl was coming up. One of the guys, who
Speaker 5: I considered the friend, decided to have a super Bowl
Speaker 5: party and I wasn't invited. Didn't know why, but the
Speaker 5: other friends like, yo, why don't you call him? And
Speaker 5: that's why he wasn't invited. So I called him and
Speaker 5: he was just like, yeah, I just really don't fuck
Speaker 5: with you like that. And I was like, a word,
Speaker 5: since when? Because I remember used to come to my
Speaker 5: apartment your food. I remember when my wife used to cook.
Speaker 5: You used to come by, Like when did this happen?
Speaker 5: Like at what point did you stop.
Speaker 1: Fucking with me?
Speaker 5: And he was just like, well, over the time, you
Speaker 5: used to say things and do things that I didn't
Speaker 5: think was funny. So now that we're no longer in
Speaker 5: the same vicinity, we're no longer friends like that, so
Speaker 5: I don't have to invite you to my space.
Speaker 1: So I said, cool, like I get it.
Speaker 5: And we grew apart, and I realized in that moment,
Speaker 5: like it is okay to grow from people, right, rather
Speaker 5: than being upset about it and be like what's wrong
Speaker 5: with me? I was like, oh, all right, well we're
Speaker 5: not in the same space no more. We don't have
Speaker 5: to be in the same space because we were on
Speaker 5: the same team, but now we live in different states,
Speaker 5: we're on different teams.
Speaker 1: It's okay for us to not be friends.
Speaker 5: And over the last fifteen years us not being friends
Speaker 5: ended up with us actually getting closer and becoming friends
Speaker 5: older and hates. So what it taught me was just
Speaker 5: because you are friends with someone during that time, don't
Speaker 5: mean you have to stay with them forever.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 4: And you never at any point questioned at what point
Speaker 4: you became unfuck withable.
Speaker 5: To be honest, it wasn't. It wasn't like my decision.
Speaker 5: He made that decision, and I personally didn't care.
Speaker 2: And you didn't take it personally.
Speaker 5: No, I didn't take a personal If you don't fuck
Speaker 5: with me no more than then you don't fuck with me.
Speaker 1: I don't fuck with you.
Speaker 2: Hey, I can appreciate the honesty.
Speaker 1: Exactly, but I didn't.
Speaker 5: I didn't take it any personal, but kind of realized like, oh, shoot,
Speaker 5: like you don't have to stay friends.
Speaker 4: With people, all right? Karaoke time. Karaoke time, So if
Speaker 4: we're talking about letting go of friendships, you know, the
Speaker 4: first thing that came.
Speaker 2: To mind was the Frozen song, which one let it.
Speaker 5: Go, Let it Go, Yeah, let me tell you how
Speaker 5: stupid she is. I came up with a whole song
Speaker 5: that I was going to sing, and and she jumping
Speaker 5: here and singing that. But after hearing my song, I mean,
Speaker 5: my story, I do like that song.
Speaker 4: I mean at this point, yeah, I mean, we haven't
Speaker 4: listened to that song much. We don't have you that
Speaker 4: want to listen to it. And our boys. I took
Speaker 4: them to Disney on Ice one time, not knowing that
Speaker 4: primarily it's around the Disney princesses, and they literally looked
Speaker 4: at me. I had, like, at the time, three sets
Speaker 4: of eyes piercing through the side of my head, like why.
Speaker 2: Are we here?
Speaker 1: Because you had your son's there?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and everybody, How.
Speaker 4: Did I miss the memo that Disney on Ice is
Speaker 4: primarily about the princesses. But I mean that there's a
Speaker 4: song that kind of resonates I think.
Speaker 2: Through life it does, and the song I was going
Speaker 2: to choose, We'll go for it.
Speaker 1: Friends. How many of us have them?
Speaker 5: Friend period ones you can depend on many friends.
Speaker 1: That was my song and actually went well with this.
Speaker 4: It worked well together. It's a perfect marriage. I love
Speaker 4: that who sings that song again?
Speaker 1: I forget which one?
Speaker 2: Friends?
Speaker 5: Oh, that song is from like the seventies to eighties.
Speaker 5: You'll be knowing my dad used to sing that song
Speaker 5: back in the day. Remember when rat was hit. It
Speaker 5: was around that time. I don't know who?
Speaker 2: Say from driving?
Speaker 1: Is it Josh? What's the name of that ra who's
Speaker 1: saying that?
Speaker 3: It's who? DEI?
Speaker 6: Who? There?
Speaker 1: You go?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 1: I should have asked trouble anyway, trouble be known.
Speaker 2: Random facts, how many of us have them?
Speaker 1: Tribs?
Speaker 3: Let it go.
Speaker 1: Can depend on tribs.
Speaker 4: I like the remix.
Speaker 1: From now on, I'm gonna say for your triple.
Speaker 2: And we're never letting go, never letting us.
Speaker 4: All Right, y'all, let's take a quick break, pay some bills,
Speaker 4: and then we will get back into the meat of
Speaker 4: the show.
Speaker 6: Pose.
Speaker 1: All right, we're back with what has become my favorite
Speaker 1: segment of.
Speaker 5: The show, Opper, No Up, Trible, what.
Speaker 1: We got today for and Well?
Speaker 3: In the news. Recently, Jonathan Majors is back in the news.
Speaker 3: He has a feature film coming out called magazine Dreams,
Speaker 3: And it seems as though he had another little feature
Speaker 3: come out, some audio leaked by Rolling Stone of him
Speaker 3: seemingly allegedly admitting to strangling his ex girlfriend, and then
Speaker 3: a day later, maybe less than twenty four hours later,
Speaker 3: it was announced that he and Meghan Good are married.
Speaker 3: And so I want to know if you have op
Speaker 3: or no op about Megan's support of him. She got
Speaker 3: some backlash on the internet about being with somebody who
Speaker 3: has been accused of being.
Speaker 1: Abusive, about Meg or is about Jonathan Major? About him?
Speaker 3: Because I don't want to get into debating whether or
Speaker 3: not he is an abuser.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't know that. We don't know agree. Well,
Speaker 1: that's a reason to not have an op on that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because we don't know the facts.
Speaker 5: So I will be the first one saying I don't
Speaker 5: have an op on that because I don't know the facts.
Speaker 5: In this day and age, facts be changing and AI
Speaker 5: is real and people be changing a fact. So until
Speaker 5: I know for certain, I'm not gonna have an opinion
Speaker 5: on Jonathan Major's But I do have an opinion on
Speaker 5: Megan Good. I think people should just get over their
Speaker 5: fucking selves, right, Like Megan Good, met this man.
Speaker 1: When she met this man.
Speaker 5: And if you look at some of our heroes, right,
Speaker 5: you look at Maya Angelou, she was a prostitute.
Speaker 1: Malcolm X was a convicted feeling.
Speaker 5: And I'm not saying this to bash those two, but
Speaker 5: I'm saying these are people who if they were defined
Speaker 5: by their lowest moment, we wouldn't be celebrating them.
Speaker 1: So why do we do that to people? In this
Speaker 1: day and age?
Speaker 6: Right?
Speaker 5: Social media era loves to find someone's lowest moment, pull
Speaker 5: it up and keep them near at all times. And
Speaker 5: I'm just not doing that. And if they love each other,
Speaker 5: I love it for them.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was gonna say no OP for me because
Speaker 4: that's people business, because I don't know why they could
Speaker 4: tell me not about me and the vow in our business.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. At some point you just
Speaker 4: have to understand like it don't have nothing to do
Speaker 4: with you, and that's okay, and we don't have to
Speaker 4: address it.
Speaker 2: Next I'll pass torch to Matt.
Speaker 7: I got no op because I got a model in
Speaker 7: my life. They are to marry people.
Speaker 2: Business period, especially being married.
Speaker 7: Now you understand that part. That's why I did it.
Speaker 7: My whole life because when I get mind, stay out
Speaker 7: of mind, like AKA, now, stay out of mind.
Speaker 1: I like that. Ysh, no op, no op.
Speaker 3: I guess my only opinion is that people need somebody
Speaker 3: to love them.
Speaker 1: I think we all do.
Speaker 3: None of us were meant to be on earth by ourselves,
Speaker 3: and I don't think any of us can say that
Speaker 3: we've never caused harm to another human. So hopefully she is.
Speaker 3: And I, you know, I would like. I don't know her,
Speaker 3: so I don't. I can't say whether I can trust
Speaker 3: her opinion or not, so it's kind of giving no op.
Speaker 3: But I hope that she has a support system behind her,
Speaker 3: so that, you know, if she ever were to find
Speaker 3: herself in danger, she would have somewhere to go and
Speaker 3: somebody to lean on.
Speaker 5: I feel you in that you don't have no appa
Speaker 5: by her, But I respect that because we didn't have
Speaker 5: respect that the absolutely congrats making.
Speaker 1: Next facts, Congrass, congratulats.
Speaker 2: I love the love, if that's what it is, all right?
Speaker 3: Next in politics, politics is kind of a ship show
Speaker 3: these days. You know what's going on.
Speaker 4: Un your statement of the year.
Speaker 3: I think I'm gonna run for president next time.
Speaker 2: You probably, I mean you shaved your legs now, so
Speaker 2: you got.
Speaker 5: You just need a lot of money to win the president,
Speaker 5: like a couple of trillion dollars.
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure. But since the inauguration, uh, the current
Speaker 3: administration has done a lot to try to roll back
Speaker 3: DEI programs and race based programs and colleges, universities, schools,
Speaker 3: corporations are rolling back their de I programs. And I
Speaker 3: saw this video on one of my favorite Instagram accounts.
Speaker 3: It's called a Subway Takes comedian joy l Nicole Johnson.
Speaker 1: The take. Yeah, she's freaking.
Speaker 3: I've seen other comedy of hers. I would have to
Speaker 3: I would have to look back, but I want to know.
Speaker 3: I wonder if this is the same woman who is
Speaker 3: like in a relationship with somebody that's not black. So
Speaker 3: it's funny that if it was her, it's funny that
Speaker 3: she made this take for her take right, Her take
Speaker 3: was to bring segregation back. She said that she wants
Speaker 3: to know where she's not welcome. Don't be covert about it,
Speaker 3: be overt about it. Let's have white's only badthrooms neighborhoods.
Speaker 3: So what's your opinion on that, because it seems like
Speaker 3: what's happening right now, we're living in Project twenty twenty
Speaker 3: five apparently, and it seems as though that is kind
Speaker 3: of where we're getting back to. So what's your opinion.
Speaker 5: I do have an opinion on this because history, I
Speaker 5: understand what she's coming from with talking about bringing segregation back.
Speaker 5: Her overarching idea is the fact that black people did
Speaker 5: the best when black people lived amongst black people. Right So,
Speaker 5: for example, during reconstruction, before redlining and everything happened, black
Speaker 5: people had their own towns, you know, like to Pahoma, Rosewood,
Speaker 5: Seneca Falls. There was also right under where we live
Speaker 5: in New York City, in Central Park, there was a
Speaker 5: black community that lived on that land and what ended
Speaker 5: up path forgot the name of the community, God forgive me,
Speaker 5: but they that is Seneate Village, right there is Senate Village.
Speaker 1: Yes, it is Seneca Village.
Speaker 5: They decided that they were going to take that land
Speaker 5: from the black people who had lived on it, had churches, office, everything,
Speaker 5: and they were going to make themselves a park.
Speaker 1: So what they did was they changed.
Speaker 5: The laws and said, hey, the deeds that you have
Speaker 5: to this land no longer matter. Even though you had
Speaker 5: deans on the way, don't longer matter, We're going to
Speaker 5: run you off, rape your women, kill you drowned pretty much,
Speaker 5: they drowned the whole Seneca village just like Laate Lanaiir
Speaker 5: and then created what we know now as Central Park.
Speaker 7: Wait, is that the same history of Lakelander?
Speaker 1: Pretty much the same?
Speaker 5: And to me, that's why I think her take is
Speaker 5: so important because people have been saying so far, well,
Speaker 5: if black people don't like it here, why don't they leave?
Speaker 5: Or if other immigrants came, how come black people can't
Speaker 5: grow from here? And it's like, wait a minute, we
Speaker 5: did grow, and during reconstruction, every time we did grow,
Speaker 5: you burned down and killed everything we had, which proved
Speaker 5: that segregation was the best thing for black people because
Speaker 5: integration just allowed black kids to go to white schools,
Speaker 5: get treated poorly, but then learn history whitewashed. So now
Speaker 5: black students don't even know their own history. They can't
Speaker 5: circulate their own dollar within their own community because there
Speaker 5: were systems put in place that allowed other people to
Speaker 5: capitalize off of the genius of being black.
Speaker 1: So I understand where she's coming from.
Speaker 5: The only issue that she's going to have is people
Speaker 5: gonna say, well, segregation was never separate but equal. So
Speaker 5: if it's not equal, you want to have suppering to
Speaker 5: have less. So I would say, no, I don't want
Speaker 5: to have supper to have less. I just want to
Speaker 5: have my own. I want ownership. So my opinion is
Speaker 5: I agree with her. Black people need to focus on
Speaker 5: having ownership and circulating everything we have amongst each other.
Speaker 1: So that's my opinion on that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, speaking of the circulation of the dollar, here's my
Speaker 4: opinion on it. Her saying that she prefers to know, oh, yeah,
Speaker 4: who welcomes her. Yeah, so that way she can then
Speaker 4: support those businesses by choice. Is when you're not going
Speaker 4: to be supporting a business that you don't really know
Speaker 4: if they really fuck with you or not, and you're
Speaker 4: taking that chance, it's like, let me know who to
Speaker 4: support because they accept me. And that's the way initially
Speaker 4: we've been trying to back in the day keep the
Speaker 4: black dollar within the community. So that for me would
Speaker 4: be the important factor. Because I am proud to say
Speaker 4: that since this whole DEI situation you know, started what
Speaker 4: was at the end of January or whatever, I have
Speaker 4: not step foot in Target.
Speaker 1: And I can vouch for that because y'all know how
Speaker 1: you know it was a field trip.
Speaker 4: I haven't been to Target. I haven't been to Target,
Speaker 4: I haven't been to public. So I think they rolled
Speaker 4: it back to Kroger, like where I feel like I
Speaker 4: can make an impact. I've been trying to do that,
Speaker 4: So I prefer to know. I'm the committee of people
Speaker 4: who say, you know what, let me know where I'm
Speaker 4: welcome or not, so that way I can support accordingly.
Speaker 5: And let's be clear, we are definitely understanding that DEI
Speaker 5: programs didn't overtly.
Speaker 1: Help black people.
Speaker 3: I get that to right.
Speaker 2: We know that we know who's crying.
Speaker 5: I think it was of the DEI programs, only seven
Speaker 5: percent of the people who got got opportunities because the
Speaker 5: di were black black people, right, So we're not doing
Speaker 5: this because we're only representing black people, also representing women
Speaker 5: because a large part of the DEI programs were women.
Speaker 1: And my wife's a woman.
Speaker 5: So if you're saying that there was another there was
Speaker 5: a a Christian evangelist. I got his name, but he
Speaker 5: said whenever he walks into his office and he sees
Speaker 5: a black female doctor, the first thing he thinks is, oh,
Speaker 5: she must have had it easy to get here, because
Speaker 5: of DEI programs, and people started blacking on him, saying, like,
Speaker 5: it's actually the opposite. If you think about what the
Speaker 5: world is, that woman probably had.
Speaker 2: To go through ten it was that much harder.
Speaker 5: The standard for her to even get there is probably
Speaker 5: ten times harder than what you ever could imagine.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And the fact that they don't.
Speaker 5: Even see it that way is another reason why I
Speaker 5: agree with segregation, because I'm tired of having this conversation
Speaker 5: with white men.
Speaker 4: Right because you know, essentially it was probably just a quota,
Speaker 4: phil like, you got to have somebody in there at
Speaker 4: some point this you know that, so some kind of
Speaker 4: diversity I just But I also realized how much of
Speaker 4: a crocket was too when we were applying for independent
Speaker 4: schools for jacks like that. So when Jackson, you know,
Speaker 4: being the first child, we were trying to do our
Speaker 4: due diligence when it came time for school education, what
Speaker 4: are the possibilities? Knowing that the New York public City
Speaker 4: school system was just not it, we went through every
Speaker 4: avenue to get Jackson into some sort of program where
Speaker 4: you can get a good education. And we realized in
Speaker 4: this program called Early Steps, which was supposed to it.
Speaker 1: Was supposed to be the diversity program, yes.
Speaker 4: For people who you know, you're trying to get a
Speaker 4: diverse population of people into these independent schools, which is
Speaker 4: maybe one to two seats lass and.
Speaker 5: The person who did run Early Steps was looking for
Speaker 5: black and brown families and black and brown kids.
Speaker 1: But it wasn't.
Speaker 5: It wasn't until we went to the meetings for diversity
Speaker 5: that didn't only have Early Steps people with other people
Speaker 5: that we realized.
Speaker 1: What was happening.
Speaker 2: Right, So the diversity was not just black and brown individuals.
Speaker 2: Diversity was economic diversity, so geographic diversity.
Speaker 5: If you're a white person and you make a certain
Speaker 5: amount of money, you were considered diverse, so you could
Speaker 5: take up that spot right, or a minority right, Or
Speaker 5: if you're a white person and lived in the Bronx
Speaker 5: as opposed to Brooklyn, you could still have that spot
Speaker 5: in a school in Brooklyn because it was called geographic diversity.
Speaker 5: So pretty much what they did was they kept change
Speaker 5: what diverse was to not include people who like.
Speaker 4: Us, or to include us, but make the stakes that
Speaker 4: much lower for us to get the spot because we're
Speaker 4: now contending with people who have all of these other
Speaker 4: diversities or our minorities and whatever, you know, demographic they
Speaker 4: fell in and it went from that to you know,
Speaker 4: same sex households.
Speaker 2: There were so many different things. So it just made me.
Speaker 4: Realize too that a lot of these DEI things and
Speaker 4: a lot of these diversity programs, they're really not for
Speaker 4: us anyway.
Speaker 2: But I want to know where to spend my money.
Speaker 4: I've been trying to at least go to find and
Speaker 4: support more black owned businesses, ordering directly from their websites,
Speaker 4: things like that, you know, I think at least makes
Speaker 4: me feel like I'm putting my dollar back into my
Speaker 4: fellow person's pocket.
Speaker 1: I agree, Matt.
Speaker 7: I get where she was coming from, h with the thought,
Speaker 7: but implementation of this would be crazy in twenty twenty five,
Speaker 7: so I don't know how this would really work.
Speaker 1: I agree with that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it would look kind of crazy to see a
Speaker 2: colored on me.
Speaker 1: Could you imagine a color is only bathroom? Yeah?
Speaker 5: Could you imagine a white only restaurant? What you're gonna
Speaker 5: have mayonnaise? That's what she said, Oh she did.
Speaker 1: I'm just being honest. Like when you go.
Speaker 2: To get food, raisins in your potato.
Speaker 5: When you go to get food, where do you typically
Speaker 5: go think about anybody ethnic places. Right, you're gonna eat Black,
Speaker 5: You're gonna eat Mexican, you're gonna eat Asian. Do you
Speaker 5: ever Italian? But do you see anybody I'm gonna get
Speaker 5: that good old American cuisine.
Speaker 8: Nobody says that, let's go to I don't want a
Speaker 8: burger unless I'm feeling for burger fries.
Speaker 6: That's it.
Speaker 5: And that's the only thing I think White American cuisine
Speaker 5: consists of. That in an apple pie and chicken sela chick.
Speaker 1: I love chichicken.
Speaker 7: You walk in you.
Speaker 3: That's not's a white woman on the logo.
Speaker 1: I like that. Yeah, chicken salad chick.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it has like the smell when you're walking there,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, yeah, this is not.
Speaker 5: It tastes good, but because it's healthy, because a lot
Speaker 5: of ethnic food have too much salt sugar in it.
Speaker 1: If we being honest, true, you said the adobo.
Speaker 5: But I hope people understand why ethnic food is often
Speaker 5: too flavorful.
Speaker 1: Do they know why?
Speaker 7: Yes, they don't know why.
Speaker 2: They had to work with scraps to make it taste good.
Speaker 4: But a lot of salt and a lot of sugar
Speaker 4: and butter and things like that tossed it up a
Speaker 4: little hot so.
Speaker 6: And the cuts of meat aren't the best.
Speaker 4: Exactly, it's the feet and the tail and the tongue
Speaker 4: in the head.
Speaker 1: Is how much oxtail is like a delicate delicacy. Oxtail's delicacy.
Speaker 1: Chitlings is a delicacy.
Speaker 5: These were two things that black people pretty much was
Speaker 5: just like, I have to eat this because there's nothing
Speaker 5: else I could eat.
Speaker 6: When become a delicacy, Oh.
Speaker 5: It's not chitlins neither, it's chitterlings and chitterlings. Yes, it's
Speaker 5: not chipling's. We called the chitlings. They renamed it, called
Speaker 5: the chitterlings. And now it's the delicacy. And if you
Speaker 5: go to the supermarket and ask, it's a premium, you
Speaker 5: have to pay for it. I didn't know that because
Speaker 5: I don't eat ChIL lings or chitlings, but my dad
Speaker 5: told me same thing with oxtail.
Speaker 1: Ox still now was like what you said.
Speaker 4: Fourteen dollars seventeen sixteen outrageous, ridiculous.
Speaker 1: Which is nuts.
Speaker 6: Stop put it on we gotta go cook it.
Speaker 2: Stop putting it on pizza.
Speaker 7: Please, it's not enough.
Speaker 4: You could barely get enough. That's gonna be a fifty
Speaker 4: dollars pizza.
Speaker 1: Your mom made an oxtail all the day. She did
Speaker 1: pretty good.
Speaker 5: And if it was because we was having this debate,
Speaker 5: it's another debate. If you can make a Philly cheese
Speaker 5: steak right where it's like beef gravy, which cheese, why
Speaker 5: can't you put ox tail on pizza because it's it's
Speaker 5: beef and gravy and cheese.
Speaker 1: Whatis I think you got opinion on that? Can you
Speaker 1: put your eyebrows were up like this?
Speaker 6: Anything, man, you can do it.
Speaker 7: Yeah, if you know how to cook, you can make it.
Speaker 6: It's too expensive.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I'm saying about.
Speaker 4: Put it on.
Speaker 2: And I need the bone I need.
Speaker 7: I can't say that, but you know what.
Speaker 1: Where you need it.
Speaker 4: Ever after after dark, where you need it.
Speaker 3: And don't and don't thank you so much? Do I
Speaker 3: have an opinion.
Speaker 1: One that I.
Speaker 3: I think that as black people, we do a great
Speaker 3: job of like segregating ourselves, but it often comes at
Speaker 3: our own like safety. Like at college, if you went
Speaker 3: to a p w I we had. I went to
Speaker 3: Ohio State, one of the biggest p w i's in
Speaker 3: the country, and we have a small black community at
Speaker 3: Ohio State and you know, we had a community. It
Speaker 3: was us And that's because I can't tell you how
Speaker 3: many times I got called a nigger at Ohio State.
Speaker 3: These white people come from small towns in Ohio. They've
Speaker 3: never seen a black person. My first month at Ohio State,
Speaker 3: some white dude said, you're really pretty for a colored girl.
Speaker 3: And I said, is it nineteen six?
Speaker 1: Did I get in?
Speaker 3: The fucking shit?
Speaker 1: Said he was giving you a complimentary to it.
Speaker 3: And this was after I was watching him. I was
Speaker 3: at a party and I'm watching him talk to this
Speaker 3: girl and he's saying some of the most vile racist
Speaker 3: shit I've ever heard in my life. And so when
Speaker 3: he sat down next to me, I was like, let
Speaker 3: me move. But before I could get up, he said
Speaker 3: this thing to me, and I was like, this is insane.
Speaker 3: And so we often segregate ourselves out of safety because
Speaker 3: we don't want to be subject to that type of
Speaker 3: like violent behavior. Like I don't want somebody thinking and
Speaker 3: feeling like it's okay for them to tell me that
Speaker 3: they don't think that I belong in a place because
Speaker 3: they've assumed that because I'm black, I've had some type
Speaker 3: of thing that they didn't have. DEI programs benefit and
Speaker 3: just like affirmative action benefit of white women.
Speaker 1: The most, the most, the most.
Speaker 3: But the same people that don't want DEI programs for
Speaker 3: black people and people of color are the same people
Speaker 3: that don't want.
Speaker 1: White women white women.
Speaker 5: I've learned that to recently listening to a lot of
Speaker 5: people talk, like when I thought that they were upset
Speaker 5: because it was black people, and they're hearing a lot
Speaker 5: more white men talk about even their own white women.
Speaker 5: And even Elon Musk remember the whole thing with the planes,
Speaker 5: and they were saying that all the planes are going down.
Speaker 1: Because of the DEI hires.
Speaker 5: He was talking about a white woman. Yeah, And I
Speaker 5: was just like, dang, so y'all really much blame. Everything
Speaker 5: that happens in the world has nothing to do with
Speaker 5: white men. It's either colored people or white women. Like
Speaker 5: that's crazy, bro.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And I do think that when segregation was a thing,
Speaker 3: when it was just the norm, I think that black
Speaker 3: people we took more responsibility for our progress in the world.
Speaker 3: Of course, we couldn't do everything because we're just a
Speaker 3: small population, but we created universities, we had our own businesses,
Speaker 3: we had our own banks, we kept our dollars. We
Speaker 3: cared for our neighbors a lot more than we do now.
Speaker 3: And I think now because of integration and black people
Speaker 3: being moved to ghettos and black people being separated from
Speaker 3: each other, we have now even segregated ourselves within the
Speaker 3: black community where we feel like that there's those niggas
Speaker 3: and then there's us.
Speaker 4: You know, like I didn't even think about the community
Speaker 4: aspect of how that would have impacted Black people, Like
Speaker 4: it was way more community and looking after each other
Speaker 4: and supporting each other.
Speaker 2: Well, think when things were segregated.
Speaker 1: Think about mentally what it does to a group of people.
Speaker 5: If you over years had to watch that anytime a
Speaker 5: group of people did something on their own and they
Speaker 5: built it up, it was burned down and bombed and
Speaker 5: killed it.
Speaker 1: Start to tell people like, you know what, I'm not
Speaker 1: even doing that no more.
Speaker 5: I'm going to focus on just myself or I'll just
Speaker 5: do whatever they say we need to do, because I
Speaker 5: don't want to be a part of being a martyr
Speaker 5: or being murdered, you know what I'm saying. Like the Tosa,
Speaker 5: Oklahoma thing was happening all over the country. You know,
Speaker 5: it wasn't like it was a one time thing. Synical falls.
Speaker 5: It wasn't a one time thing. So I understand how
Speaker 5: over the course of generations black people during that time
Speaker 5: it was just like, you know what, I'd rather just
Speaker 5: form my safety do whatever it is they say I
Speaker 5: need to do.
Speaker 1: I understand them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think too. A really good example of this
Speaker 3: is the book The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lax. Have
Speaker 3: you ever heard of it?
Speaker 1: I have heard of it.
Speaker 3: So Henrietta Lax was a black woman who was from Virginia,
Speaker 3: and she got cancer in her early thirties and ended
Speaker 3: up passing away, and they used her her genes to
Speaker 3: create vaccines, vaccines because her sales kept multiplying in a
Speaker 3: way that they had never seen before, and so they
Speaker 3: were able to keep her cells and create like massive medicines, vaccines,
Speaker 3: all types of things. And they never knowledge her or
Speaker 3: her family or told them that this was even happening.
Speaker 3: But the way that this happened was that she grew
Speaker 3: up on a tobacco farm. Her family were all tobacco
Speaker 3: farmers in Virginia, and at some point they wanted to
Speaker 3: I guess, uh, make more money or become part of
Speaker 3: modern society, so they moved to Baltimore into some housing
Speaker 3: projects that were for people who worked at a factory
Speaker 3: in Baltimore, and probably working at the factory and living
Speaker 3: near the factory is probably how she contracted cancer in
Speaker 3: the first place. And her body, her literal body, was
Speaker 3: basically used to progress society, while her family was never acknowledged.
Speaker 3: She gave her life pretty much for the progress of society,
Speaker 3: and it took years and years, decades for people to
Speaker 3: even acknowledge. Yeah, Oper did the movie.
Speaker 2: Bo Yeah, that's why it sounds familiar.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I feel like that's a really good example
Speaker 3: of like sometimes we don't recognize it, but you're good
Speaker 3: where you're at. You know what I'm saying, Like, if
Speaker 3: we put our resources into what we have and who
Speaker 3: we have, into our families, our communities, we don't we
Speaker 3: don't have to ask for anything.
Speaker 5: I would say, we when we at, when we're not
Speaker 5: fucked with, Yeah, because we be good where we at
Speaker 5: until they come in and do some wild shit and
Speaker 5: change post.
Speaker 1: Right, because I mean, if we're being honest.
Speaker 5: Tosa, Oklahoma and events like that led to redlining, where
Speaker 5: it's like, let's put all of these black people in
Speaker 5: one area. We're gonna redline that it's a place that
Speaker 5: no one wants to live. It's where the insurance rates
Speaker 5: are higher and the insurance and property values they get
Speaker 5: for those properties or lower. It's another way to take
Speaker 5: from our community of people. So I do agree with that,
Speaker 5: as long as they're not fucking with us. We find
Speaker 5: by ourselves. But also, you got a nation build with
Speaker 5: people who are like minded, because not all skinfolk are kinfolk,
Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: That's a fact.
Speaker 3: I was also gonna say, I really love looking at
Speaker 3: babies on Instagram. And sometimes it'd be like a white
Speaker 3: baby that does something real cute, and I'll be like
Speaker 3: in the comments, like oh so adorable. And then I'll
Speaker 3: be like, I wonder if they're racist, you know what
Speaker 3: I'm saying. So I would want them to put in
Speaker 3: their Instagram bio like we hate. So I don't comment
Speaker 3: on the Yeah, yo.
Speaker 1: Truple is wild. But but I ain't gonna lie to
Speaker 1: you though I do.
Speaker 5: Maybe maybe I'm wrong for this, But I pull up
Speaker 5: at a light and I see a homeless dude, and
Speaker 5: if he's white, sometimes I'll be like, I wonder if
Speaker 5: he racist, Like if I help this dude out, you
Speaker 5: know what I'm saying, or even if I go to
Speaker 5: help him and he I don't want no money from you, nigga,
Speaker 5: Like now I got to get out and fuck you out,
Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying. Like sometimes I do be
Speaker 5: thinking that because I'd be concerned, like I don't want to.
Speaker 5: I don't want to try to do something for you
Speaker 5: then find out later you don't like my people.
Speaker 1: Nah, let me know what. Let's let's get it out there.
Speaker 1: You don't like black people.
Speaker 5: Cool because this black man doing got to help you,
Speaker 5: So I agree with you and that let me know
Speaker 5: where I'm not welcome.
Speaker 3: The last opera, no app we have recently. Keiki Palmer,
Speaker 3: who I love, is a legend. I feel like if
Speaker 3: I met Key Pop, we would be best friends.
Speaker 2: Like I can see it. I can see it than Yeah, she.
Speaker 1: Had us dying second we watched the movie. We watched
Speaker 1: the movie, and she had us.
Speaker 4: She had a line where she was just like one
Speaker 4: of those days with her and sister we watched the
Speaker 4: other one of these days.
Speaker 1: She had the line where she was just like, she said,
Speaker 1: you like you live in Beverly Hills. We both live
Speaker 1: in the hood.
Speaker 6: I was like, that.
Speaker 1: Does that's not.
Speaker 3: In the hood.
Speaker 4: It was the office.
Speaker 2: They were trying to get a job with home girl.
Speaker 1: She said, Hills, not Beverly.
Speaker 3: She had me dying, so she did like a quick
Speaker 3: draw question game about what her bff green and red flags.
Speaker 3: And I thought that was interesting.
Speaker 9: Let's careful, bitch.
Speaker 2: You could be honest but say it's sweet.
Speaker 3: So I'm sensitive.
Speaker 9: You need a private life. You ain't got to tell
Speaker 9: me everything. I wouldn't never pressure a friend to tell
Speaker 9: me everything. If I gave you money, it wasn't alone.
Speaker 9: I didn't expect to get it back, you know what
Speaker 9: I mean. I don't really give out money much, but
Speaker 9: if I did, I expected you to keep it. So
Speaker 9: you don't even need to pay me back, so.
Speaker 4: Can keep Palma video talking about friendships, red flags, green flags.
Speaker 5: Personally, I don't have an opinion on this. This is
Speaker 5: all her perspective. It's subjective, and that's what she considers
Speaker 5: red green flag.
Speaker 2: I don't have another people I'll say that.
Speaker 4: I mean, I guess my maybe opinion on it is
Speaker 4: that I agree with a lot of the ones. She said, like,
Speaker 4: there's certain ones that I'm like, Okay, that's definitely green.
Speaker 2: Flag.
Speaker 4: One that stood out to me, I think now at
Speaker 4: my old age is being slow to answer text messages.
Speaker 2: Like my solid core group of friends. They know my
Speaker 2: heart being the.
Speaker 4: Right place, y'all, but the way my attention span, the
Speaker 4: tabs opening my brain, all the things I have going
Speaker 4: on are set up. I don't need no harm, no foul,
Speaker 4: love you to death, but you're probably not gonna get
Speaker 4: an answer back from me for a minute, and then
Speaker 4: I'll send you a long ass voice note to catch
Speaker 4: up on all the things that we haven't caught up on.
Speaker 1: That's why I don't have any pain, yes, because mine
Speaker 1: is completely different.
Speaker 5: And it's like, I'm not gonna argue with you or
Speaker 5: her about what because for me, if we close and
Speaker 5: I text you, nigga text me the funk back, I
Speaker 5: could be, y'all know, I'd be like, y'all could be
Speaker 5: hanging from a cliff right now when I text.
Speaker 4: That's your favorite thing to say.
Speaker 1: And I text you and you don't.
Speaker 5: Get back to me. Now I'm dead, and so you
Speaker 5: call my friends. So but I get it you and
Speaker 5: I see you. I'm like, She'll send a four minute
Speaker 5: voice note to her friend and She's like, I ain't
Speaker 5: get back to Christina in three weeks, so I gotta
Speaker 5: I said, So why.
Speaker 1: Do you call her? And I ain't calling her?
Speaker 4: I'm like, because the requires me to be held up
Speaker 4: to do a back and forth for an extended period
Speaker 4: of time. So it's listen to my voice mode at
Speaker 4: your leisure, reply at your leisure, and then that's how
Speaker 4: we go. And it's the understanding that me and my
Speaker 4: little circle dot group of friends have that we all
Speaker 4: understand why.
Speaker 6: I'm thinking about what she got to say? Why she's
Speaker 6: saying this.
Speaker 4: You don't know what she gotta Literally, it's like you
Speaker 4: have to bank what you're listening to and then go
Speaker 4: back and you have to answer. That's why I got
Speaker 4: no pain, especially y'all to understand it.
Speaker 7: I don't don't worry. I'm the same page. I got
Speaker 7: no opinion here.
Speaker 6: I ain't got nothing either, Like why you even said this?
Speaker 6: That video?
Speaker 4: Round it out?
Speaker 3: I feel like Josh is judging me, but whatever, what's new?
Speaker 3: I feel like her her ran and green flags were
Speaker 3: pretty mature. I feel like a lot of people need
Speaker 3: to see that. Like the val if you're hanging from
Speaker 3: a cliff and your friend don't take you back. You
Speaker 3: better call nine one one.
Speaker 1: No, I'm a black man. I'm not calling nine one one.
Speaker 3: That's true.
Speaker 1: See what I'm saying. That's why I called Matt. And
Speaker 1: if Matt don't answer, then what you called you?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Right, the wrong spot. He's gonna be late.
Speaker 4: Do you do?
Speaker 7: Hold on?
Speaker 1: I'll be right back. What you mean, I'm hanging from a.
Speaker 2: Play the wrong person?
Speaker 1: I would not it, don't you know?
Speaker 5: Y'all know the first person I'm calling you, You nigga,
Speaker 5: you better answer the phone. You better not send me
Speaker 5: a voice thirty minutes later.
Speaker 4: They're ready, because i'd be tracking you on Life through
Speaker 4: sixty anyhow, So I noticed you were there.
Speaker 5: My wife's nuts, guys. She made me get Life through sixty.
Speaker 5: She made me put my phone number and stuff in there.
Speaker 5: Now everywhere I go, she'd be like, I see you.
Speaker 4: That's wild because you between him and Jackson. Yo, I
Speaker 4: promise you. So I was coming home from set one
Speaker 4: day and I was too busy running my mouth on
Speaker 4: the phone with my sister that I passed the exit
Speaker 4: for the house. I literally got a phone call as
Speaker 4: I was exiting the next exit, which was two minutes
Speaker 4: in like where are you going?
Speaker 2: Why are you going away from the house.
Speaker 4: I was like, wow, these guys are following me in
Speaker 4: my defense and it's literally Jackson and about at the
Speaker 4: same time, like where are you going? And my god,
Speaker 4: that just missed my exit.
Speaker 1: Jackson pointed it out to me. I know he did,
Speaker 1: and he seemed worried.
Speaker 2: Oh like he was just like he was like was
Speaker 2: he yeah?
Speaker 7: Was my mom just passed? Where she's going?
Speaker 1: And where's she going? And I was just like, I
Speaker 1: don't know. He's just like no, it's like she's really passing.
Speaker 5: So let me call because you know, sometimes people be
Speaker 5: doing stuff you know they got right. And then once
Speaker 5: I called you and I told you you was headed
Speaker 5: back here, I told him, but I will tell the truth.
Speaker 5: I made her get life three sixty, not the other
Speaker 5: way around. For that very reason, I'm a very protective
Speaker 5: person and I never want to not know where my
Speaker 5: wife is. And people be asking me like yo, where's Kadeen,
Speaker 5: And I'm just be like, oh, ship, where is Kadeen?
Speaker 5: And then I'm trying to get you and I can't,
Speaker 5: And then something happens to you and then they just like, devou,
Speaker 5: how did you not know, and I'm like, fuck, well
Speaker 5: it goes.
Speaker 2: The same way. I mean both ways.
Speaker 4: You and about Jackson Jackson on it too, his grandparents
Speaker 4: or his coach or whatever. So I to know where
Speaker 4: you're at, how fast you're driving, if your phone is charged,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna send the thing to say, charge your phone.
Speaker 1: That is her favorite thing to do. Charge your phone. Devour,
Speaker 1: slow down, devo, Look watch his speed. I'll be driving
Speaker 1: in my push.
Speaker 7: Life gives you the.
Speaker 4: I get on the same if you're driving it's your bicycle, like.
Speaker 1: Privacy, man, Yeah, but when it's your when it's your spouse,
Speaker 1: it's not no.
Speaker 8: No, it's just in general, like how fast I was,
Speaker 8: how fast year, how slow I was going?
Speaker 1: Nigga, hurry up get home.
Speaker 5: That is true though if I was trying to like
Speaker 5: creep my way into the crib and I was doing
Speaker 5: twenty five, it took you four hours to get home. Yeah, man,
Speaker 5: I just needed a break, decompressed, decompressing. But is we
Speaker 5: give each other that though, Like she'll be she'll be
Speaker 5: like she be like where you at? Like I just
Speaker 5: need a minute. And she was like all right, well
Speaker 5: I'll let the kids know because it dud be Jackson.
Speaker 5: Jackson be like, Dad, where are you said you're gonna
Speaker 5: be home five thirty it's five thirty six.
Speaker 6: Your junior parent.
Speaker 1: That is he a parent in training?
Speaker 5: Bro?
Speaker 1: He ready to go.
Speaker 2: Everybody.
Speaker 4: We just sent them away for overnight trip with my parents.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, Jackson, you're in charge. He's like, I know,
Speaker 4: I got that, and I was like, not just your
Speaker 4: Still He's like, I know grandma and grandpa to I'm like, yep,
Speaker 4: me and I'm.
Speaker 7: Popping too, Like I love you asked me and you
Speaker 7: got the address. She's like, yeah, Jackson, cat.
Speaker 5: Oh, ask Jackson what I tell him? By his grandmama.
Speaker 5: That's how I get him to practice. I'm like, you
Speaker 5: going with your grandmother? Yeah, you better walk outside, better
Speaker 5: pull out this, you better do this. So he's learning
Speaker 5: how to be with a woman as a grown up
Speaker 5: because now he's toilet in his mom and his grandmother.
Speaker 1: Now, so I could be like, yo, anything happened when
Speaker 1: you did? You gotta and you gotta see how he
Speaker 1: takes it.
Speaker 3: Bro.
Speaker 1: He does jiu jitsu. Now, he'd be doing grappling like
Speaker 1: he takes pride in it. And I love that for him.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying I love it for him.
Speaker 5: You know, he's gonna be a good boyfriend and then
Speaker 5: fiance and husband for somebody because he's used to taking
Speaker 5: care of his grandmother and his mom and his brothers
Speaker 5: and checking in on me, like we have some really
Speaker 5: good kids.
Speaker 2: What he wants he could live with us forever too.
Speaker 5: He cannot do that. He cannot do that. Jackson, You're
Speaker 5: probably gonna watch this. Look at me, Look at me
Speaker 5: right now, Look at your dad. You cannot live here forever.
Speaker 5: You don't want to trust me?
Speaker 1: Trust me. I lived with my mom for a little
Speaker 1: bit as an adult. It's not good.
Speaker 5: I lived with my dad. It's even worse. Imagine you
Speaker 5: come in the house at twenty plus and I ask
Speaker 5: you where you are?
Speaker 1: What were you doing? How you going to deal with that?
Speaker 1: Think about it.
Speaker 4: It's right, We'll we'll be tracking you on life through sixty. Okay, Well,
Speaker 4: onto the topic for today, guys.
Speaker 5: Were speaking of topics we can go back. I'm not
Speaker 5: gonna out the person who me and him had to
Speaker 5: back and forth.
Speaker 1: With as friendships.
Speaker 5: Okay, but I do also think it is a good
Speaker 5: example to show that, hey, you guys might have been
Speaker 5: friends in that moment. Then some years went by, y'all separated,
Speaker 5: y'all grow, things happen. But now you guys are both
Speaker 5: family men, both have wives, both have careers. Now we're
Speaker 5: starting to rekindle that friendship and it's just different phases
Speaker 5: of life. We weren't we didn't have synergies at that moment,
Speaker 5: so we weren't friends, and now we do have synergies,
Speaker 5: so we be come closer.
Speaker 4: Yeah. No, I think that was super mature of you.
Speaker 4: And that's that's the grown up Deval that I'm seeing
Speaker 4: now now, because the Devo maybe like ten fifteen years ago,
Speaker 4: would have been like, oh, we're not friends no more.
Speaker 2: We'll fuck you nigga, and I won't be your friend
Speaker 2: ever getting in life.
Speaker 1: Oh you mean that when it happened.
Speaker 2: When it happened.
Speaker 4: Yeah, But I'm like, if that, if I were holding
Speaker 4: you to who you were, then you would have never
Speaker 4: even entertained potentially even engaging with him ever again in life.
Speaker 5: In full transparency, That's exactly what I said, right, He
Speaker 5: told me that, he said I wish you well, and
Speaker 5: I said, fuck you, nigga, you gotta wish me nothing, nigga,
Speaker 5: like who you are telling me that, nah, get out
Speaker 5: of there.
Speaker 1: We don't got to be friends over that nigga, right,
Speaker 1: And that's how it was, right.
Speaker 5: And now being from New York too, was like cool
Speaker 5: that nigga and we wasn't friends, and we both had
Speaker 5: friends mutual friends that we would hang out with, and
Speaker 5: he and I just wouldn't be yeah.
Speaker 4: Like literally go to the same events together and everything
Speaker 4: and just be like all right, well it is it
Speaker 4: is what it is, yeah, cordial, but you keep it moving.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So with my particular group of friends, this is funny
Speaker 4: because you know the whole no new friends thing that
Speaker 4: Drake had put out when the phone came out, and
Speaker 4: people were like, oh, it's like a thing like no
Speaker 4: new friends in my forties. I'm actually welcoming the idea
Speaker 4: of new friendships gelling with people who I feel like, Wow,
Speaker 4: the synergy is just kind of naturally aligned and match.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, I meet a woman at.
Speaker 4: An event, for example, or through another mutual friend, and
Speaker 4: I'm just like, yo, I really like you. Like one
Speaker 4: of my friends since I was thirteen years old, chares
Speaker 4: she Reese don't like nobody and I know that about her.
Speaker 4: So I'm like the fact that we're even still friends
Speaker 4: is like.
Speaker 1: Are very very strang You don't like nobody.
Speaker 2: I think that's the thing we have in common. We
Speaker 2: both don't really like people like that, but we like
Speaker 2: each other and we've grown.
Speaker 1: If y'all didn't know that, you know that now.
Speaker 5: Kadeen is not the most like, outspopoken, no friendly person
Speaker 5: when you meet her, she's not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just am an introvert and I like to
Speaker 2: kind of be the observant.
Speaker 4: I realize that's where Kaz gets it from, too, because
Speaker 4: Kaz is not immediate to like like people. He kind
Speaker 4: of sits back, kind of observes people from a distance. Yeah,
Speaker 4: And then it's just like I gotta feel alive. And
Speaker 4: if I don't feel a vibe, Yeah I don't feel
Speaker 4: the vibe, I'm like, eh, And I'm not going to
Speaker 4: force it, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: At least you can count on me to not be fake.
Speaker 2: I don't fuck with you. I don't fuck with you.
Speaker 2: And that's just what it is. But she Resa and
Speaker 2: I have been friends for years, so when she met
Speaker 2: this young lady that she's like, I really like her.
Speaker 4: Like I have a new friend.
Speaker 2: I was like, you got a new friend that thirty
Speaker 2: eight like what she's like?
Speaker 4: I think you actually would like her, And then now
Speaker 4: I'm hanging out with her and her friend, which sometimes
Speaker 4: is a faux pas within a friend group. It's like
Speaker 4: you cannot be friends outside of the direct contact of friends.
Speaker 4: So it's like for a mutual friend to now be
Speaker 4: hanging with the other friend or the new friend. That's
Speaker 4: like something that you don't do. But I've just been
Speaker 4: welcoming that in my forties because I do think that
Speaker 4: there's things to be learned.
Speaker 2: There's great energies and synergies that.
Speaker 4: Align that you kind of just organically let happen simultaneously.
Speaker 4: Though you have to understand when there's friendships that no
Speaker 4: longer serve you. Yeah, some friendships are seasonal, and I'm
Speaker 4: okay with moving on in that way, not because there
Speaker 4: has to be any animosity or malice or.
Speaker 2: There has to be a blow up or a big breakup.
Speaker 4: But you realize after a while, maybe sometimes this person
Speaker 4: is in this compartment of friends where if I see
Speaker 4: you in passing, it's cool, but we're not necessarily as
Speaker 4: close as we used to be because the interests may
Speaker 4: be different.
Speaker 5: I just think friendships go with whatever the movement of
Speaker 5: the moment. Right in college, we partied all the time.
Speaker 5: We was going to clubs, doing all stuff, playing ball.
Speaker 5: As I got older, I didn't party no more. I
Speaker 5: don't play ball no more. So the people I had
Speaker 5: synergies with that did that, they're no longer My friends
Speaker 5: like that because there's nothing for us to do right now.
Speaker 1: My friends are more in the creative space. My friends
Speaker 1: are either.
Speaker 5: Actors or directors, writers, producers, or they're into businesses.
Speaker 1: Like my friends are not just athletes anymore or just students.
Speaker 5: And also my friends are not only from Brooklyn anymore,
Speaker 5: which also happens. You know, you move to a different
Speaker 5: city or stay and you realize that your lifestyle change
Speaker 5: is because the community has changed. So I'm not against
Speaker 5: meeting new people. I honestly think that everyone should try
Speaker 5: to find a new friend or two every year, only
Speaker 5: because that change in perspective gives you growth as a person.
Speaker 5: When you sit back and say, I am who I am,
Speaker 5: I'm forty, I don't need no new friends. This is
Speaker 5: the way I am now, you've limited your ability to
Speaker 5: see the world from so many different angles. You know
Speaker 5: what I'm saying, like me and Matt got closed in
Speaker 5: the past three years, Matt moved here. We spend a
Speaker 5: lot of time down here coming up with plans that
Speaker 5: we want to do for the podcast and stuff, but
Speaker 5: also just different things that we work out every day now.
Speaker 1: Right, I have friends who are my age.
Speaker 5: She was like, I'm not working out with you your nuts,
Speaker 5: So of course my friendship with that person isn't as
Speaker 5: strong as it is with Matt because there's something that
Speaker 5: he and I have in alignment that we do consistently.
Speaker 5: And I think that's what people need to find with
Speaker 5: their friendships. If you're trying to grow and go to
Speaker 5: a different level, find a friend who's already doing that
Speaker 5: or doing something like that and do it together.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you like consistency in generalize. I love consistency,
Speaker 4: So I feel like if you have somebody that's locked
Speaker 4: into something that you are doing consistently, then that's going
Speaker 4: to actually.
Speaker 2: Work for you.
Speaker 5: That was the topic triple that I wanted to talk
Speaker 5: to you about about doing. I found a correlation between
Speaker 5: men who loved patterns and consistency they also love monogamy.
Speaker 5: And I want to do some research to figure out
Speaker 5: if that is a direct correlation or if it's a byproduct,
Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying. But most of my friends
Speaker 5: who love patterns, who love the consistency of doing something
Speaker 5: the same way every day, most of them are married
Speaker 5: and happy being married.
Speaker 1: My friends who hate patterns, hate structure, hate anything.
Speaker 5: They're all over the place with their lives. But they're
Speaker 5: also over the place with women. So I want to
Speaker 5: do a podcast and I don't forget. Yeah, but what
Speaker 5: are your thoughts?
Speaker 4: Well, first off, before we move on, I'm curious to
Speaker 4: know where we are now in life. Sometimes you go
Speaker 4: back home to Brooklyn. Yes, there's groups of friends even
Speaker 4: family that you're like, you know what, I don't know
Speaker 4: if it's the distance, I don't know, if it's my mindset.
Speaker 4: I don't know if it's where I am in life.
Speaker 4: But we just don't have the same things in common anymore. Right,
Speaker 4: Is it difficult now for you to like look at
Speaker 4: those friendships and those family ties and be like, damn,
Speaker 4: I'm on what I believe to be a betterment of life,
Speaker 4: trying to better myself, trying to elevate, trying to do more.
Speaker 4: And then you have people who are just okay, with
Speaker 4: being comfortable, which is fine with where they are. So
Speaker 4: how different has it been for you to navigate those
Speaker 4: kind of relationships, because I feel like I've seen some
Speaker 4: of that, yeah, where you struggle, whereas me, I'm cool
Speaker 4: being a loner because I like my solitude, right, But
Speaker 4: you crave social doors relationships like that.
Speaker 1: So I crave companionship and I crave a team environment
Speaker 1: because as an athlete, that's all I've been brought up in.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, When I started playing football, it was like everybody
Speaker 5: on a football team, we got a goal to make
Speaker 5: it to college. Then you get to college and you
Speaker 5: meet everybody's goals to make it to the NFL. Then
Speaker 5: you make it to the NFL, and everybody's goal there
Speaker 5: changes because some people like I want to be a
Speaker 5: Hall of Famer, some people like I want to win
Speaker 5: a championship.
Speaker 1: Some people like I just want money.
Speaker 5: Then you had people at me it was just like, man,
Speaker 5: I just want this opportunity to make money so I
Speaker 5: could do what I really want to do. And it
Speaker 5: was when I got to the NFL that I started
Speaker 5: to realize that my ideas of what life is looks
Speaker 5: very different than my people back home in Brooklyn, which
Speaker 5: doesn't only mean I have to give them grace. I
Speaker 5: have to give myself grace for wanting something different.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm say.
Speaker 5: Everybody don't want the same things. Take my brother for example,
Speaker 5: I'm like, Yo, do you want a Lambo.
Speaker 1: You don't want to Lambo? You don't want to do it.
Speaker 1: She was like, no, I don't. He's like, I want
Speaker 1: to take care of my family. I want to be comfortable.
Speaker 5: I want to help my community, But I don't aspire
Speaker 5: to have a Lamborghini. Like that's just not something that
Speaker 5: I aspire to. And I'm like, well, that's something I
Speaker 5: aspire to. So when it's four hours left at the
Speaker 5: end of the day, I'm focused on how I can
Speaker 5: get something else to make that money. Whereas my brother's like,
Speaker 5: I'm comfortable, my kids are good, my wife is good.
Speaker 5: And I learned to not judge him for that, but
Speaker 5: also ask him, don't judge me.
Speaker 4: For that because your fulfillment is directly tied to working
Speaker 4: for my purpose.
Speaker 5: Yeah, my fulfillment definitely comes to my purpose, which is working.
Speaker 1: Like what else as a man? What else am I
Speaker 1: supposed to do? Right?
Speaker 5: Like, I can't give life, I can't give birth, Like,
Speaker 5: my only purpose as a man is to protect, provide, build,
Speaker 5: curate for the people around me who are doing that.
Speaker 5: Because if I don't have that purpose, what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 5: I can't play video games all day. That's just not
Speaker 5: my thing. So I enjoy teams. I enjoy family environment
Speaker 5: where I can find out too, like what do you
Speaker 5: want to do? I help you with that, You help
Speaker 5: me what I want to do.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I just realized that too when you mentioned the
Speaker 4: team aspect of things. I wasn't into sports. Everything I did,
Speaker 4: extrahurcility was an individual thing.
Speaker 2: It was solo.
Speaker 4: It was whether it was the piano, whether it was pageants.
Speaker 4: The performance was based off of me solely.
Speaker 1: That is true.
Speaker 4: The most that I got was two years of cheerleading,
Speaker 4: which was not really like a team sport in my opinion,
Speaker 4: at least at the level I did it in high school.
Speaker 4: So that probably makes sense as to why I'm cool
Speaker 4: with being a loner.
Speaker 2: I'm cool with not.
Speaker 4: Having friends that are too close or too needy, or
Speaker 4: need too much of my time and attention.
Speaker 1: You know what that is to you. It was brought
Speaker 1: up that way, but even with your siblings, like you
Speaker 1: have a oh man.
Speaker 5: Well, well, myn is five years younger than you and
Speaker 5: Socari's ten years so you never had a moment in
Speaker 5: my life. I don't remember life without my brother, who's
Speaker 5: two years younger than me. So my whole life has
Speaker 5: always been about a teammate.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yes, Now, I guess my brother's just kind of
Speaker 4: would kind of fall into that category.
Speaker 2: But our relationship is so young.
Speaker 1: Girl, he's a boy.
Speaker 5: He's five years younger than you. It's not the same
Speaker 5: as me and Brian are boys who played the same sport.
Speaker 2: Who's true.
Speaker 4: As as a sibling group, we love our time together,
Speaker 4: but we also like our alone time. Yeah, yeah, so
Speaker 4: I just realized that correlation there. Yeah, it's just interesting
Speaker 4: because I realized how friendships in that capacity have affected
Speaker 4: you over the course of our time together.
Speaker 1: But y'all play sports, Josh, Matt.
Speaker 5: Y'all play sports, right, you think you're professionally, they're not professionally,
Speaker 5: But you played sports, Josh.
Speaker 4: But we know.
Speaker 5: But I mean, like, do y'all feel like the sport
Speaker 5: aspect made y'all more like I'm with camaraderie or you
Speaker 5: more like Nah, my personality is just like Matt's a looner.
Speaker 7: I was just gonna let him go first because I
Speaker 7: was going to say that I am absolutely a loner.
Speaker 7: I have probably maybe I have friends. I'm not gonna
Speaker 7: sit here and say I don't have friends, but I
Speaker 7: have selective friends. I don't sit down and I don't
Speaker 7: mingle with everybody.
Speaker 5: I feel you, Josh is in an eternity. So that's
Speaker 5: similar to sports, Like there was a camaraderie, y'all. You
Speaker 5: and your line had to do something together that no
Speaker 5: one knows went through, and that built something for you all.
Speaker 1: I see that.
Speaker 5: I see that because it makes sense because Josh is
Speaker 5: good with Remember you talked about people being fake. I
Speaker 5: don't think it's fake. Josh was a part of a
Speaker 5: line the same way I was a part of a team.
Speaker 5: And when you're a part of a line or part
Speaker 5: of a team, there's a job you have to do
Speaker 5: that you may not want to do.
Speaker 1: It's just part of the job.
Speaker 2: Or you have to tolerate people that you may not
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, have to tolerate in a
Speaker 2: personal setting.
Speaker 5: Right, but even not even in a personal setting, but
Speaker 5: even in a in a professional setting like you work
Speaker 5: for somebody.
Speaker 1: You work for somebody. I may not like my boss.
Speaker 1: I mean I like my co worker, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying.
Speaker 5: But I think being in a team environment, being in
Speaker 5: a fraternity made it so that I've watched Josh being
Speaker 5: on people he don't like. He don't like me A
Speaker 5: lot of the times, me and Josh be ready to
Speaker 5: fight like a lot, But you know what, We're gonna
Speaker 5: get this money to get You're gonna get this work.
Speaker 1: You'd be ready ready to fight you.
Speaker 6: This is new to me.
Speaker 5: You first, what's the first thing I said? I said,
Speaker 5: Josh wanna come in here and start moving it around?
Speaker 7: Yo, Josh gonna come in here and start moving stuff.
Speaker 7: First thing you do is you don't think we need
Speaker 7: this table.
Speaker 2: That's your friends, right.
Speaker 1: But it also is knowing like teammates.
Speaker 5: I said to Matt too, I said, y'all in the
Speaker 5: creative space where y'all see things I don't see, I
Speaker 5: gotta trust that they know what they're talking about.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: If I have a vision and I want to suit
Speaker 5: something that's different, it's different because it's like, let trust
Speaker 5: me on this. But there's certain things that I'll be like, nah,
Speaker 5: them two got it because I have no especially with
Speaker 5: lights and stuff.
Speaker 4: To be honest, you wouldn't be in a friendship and
Speaker 4: a partnership with anybody here if you didn't believe in
Speaker 4: what they could do.
Speaker 1: Facts. Oh, that is a point though. Friendships based on
Speaker 1: can you gain something from this friendship? You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, And.
Speaker 2: Then what is the term friend can be so loose?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 7: Is that my.
Speaker 2: Fendant, business friend and friends I don't.
Speaker 6: Know they have an ability to do something and tolerate
Speaker 6: them for that moment.
Speaker 2: That's where the associate component because done transaction.
Speaker 5: That's how people get issues though, because you feel like
Speaker 5: it's associate and you can do something, I'll tolerate you
Speaker 5: with that person may be like I really like it
Speaker 5: not knowing that Josh is like.
Speaker 4: That.
Speaker 8: It's not even that bad. It's just that there's just
Speaker 8: no equals. There's no commonality there besides the work.
Speaker 6: The task.
Speaker 5: For me, there's some people I can't stand and I
Speaker 5: gotta work with like serious and I work on a
Speaker 5: bunch of different sets.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: And what helps me is I know I'm only gonna
Speaker 5: be there for a finite period of time. You know
Speaker 5: what I'm saying, but that but you bringing that up
Speaker 5: does bring up the point of how do we define friends?
Speaker 4: I think friendship at the core of it has to
Speaker 4: make you feel something inside, like it has to be
Speaker 4: some sort of emotional tie or some sort of like
Speaker 4: spiritual tie, or like you have a tie without having
Speaker 4: something in the game, exactly like a feel good.
Speaker 7: I don't call everybody friend, I feel just because we
Speaker 7: we can hang out, we can chill. We don't do
Speaker 7: that that often.
Speaker 1: That's true.
Speaker 7: And even when I do share, there's certain stuff I
Speaker 7: would never share with you because.
Speaker 2: I know there's your one friend that I know that
Speaker 2: you like this with Coda, that's your big friend.
Speaker 7: Tell me I know, I know he will tell me me.
Speaker 1: Colde is definitely He's definitely gonna tell me me.
Speaker 5: Colda's best friend is me Me, Like Colda don't love
Speaker 5: nobody as much as he loved me Me.
Speaker 1: I notice it's his father, it's you.
Speaker 5: It's me me you because those that know its me me,
Speaker 5: Papa your because he goes to the We're.
Speaker 1: Going to give him exactly what he wants trans.
Speaker 3: With me.
Speaker 5: On everything because he know Daddy, I swear it's the
Speaker 5: minute I walk in the room.
Speaker 7: His eyes be like this, he's not joking.
Speaker 5: I'm serious because and I know why I always try
Speaker 5: to teach him lessons. He three, he don't want to
Speaker 5: hear no lessons. He's like, I want to watch Paul Patrol.
Speaker 5: He's trying to explain to me how this is not
Speaker 5: good for my behavior, and I don't care.
Speaker 1: I'll be trying to explain stuff to him.
Speaker 5: His eyes be welling up and I'd be like, you
Speaker 5: all right, He's like, yeah, you just want to watch
Speaker 5: Paul Patrol.
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm like, just go ahead. And that's why
Speaker 1: he don't fuck with me exactly.
Speaker 5: And I don't mind that though, he can fuck with y'all,
Speaker 5: because I'm gonna have to make sure that he's.
Speaker 4: I mean, he really fucked me when I came back
Speaker 4: from filming. I was going for like two weeks, and
Speaker 4: he was just like, oh, mom, so now he's like
Speaker 4: my shadow until I said he couldn't have chips for breakfast,
Speaker 4: and oh he was pissed about that exactly.
Speaker 1: Close his eyes to the deep breath, then turned around
Speaker 1: and walk the way. I was like, Wow, you got sah.
Speaker 4: I think I haven't seen in my life. You really
Speaker 4: just be like inhaling and exhaling. I aspire to be
Speaker 4: like that.
Speaker 1: Well, he aspires to me like you, because he don't
Speaker 1: like people unless it's transaction. Here is that from me?
Speaker 1: Trouble trible.
Speaker 3: I love friends so much. I love friends so much.
Speaker 3: Friends are my favorite thing ever. And I've been uh,
Speaker 3: you know, I'm from Cincinnati. I left Cincinnati to go
Speaker 3: to college in Columbus, which is also in Ohio. For
Speaker 3: those of you who don't know geography, there's a lot
Speaker 3: of y'all out there. But so I went to school
Speaker 3: in Columbus and then I left Ohio when I graduated,
Speaker 3: and I haven't been back. But my closest friends are
Speaker 3: still in Ohio. I have friends that I've been friends
Speaker 3: with since I was twelve thirteen that I just was
Speaker 3: on the phone for four hours with my friend that
Speaker 3: we've been friends for what twenty years now, on the
Speaker 3: phone for four hours talking about whatever came up. I
Speaker 3: also have moved to let's see, Chicago, La, Rhode Island,
Speaker 3: now Atlanta, four different cities. I have friends here that
Speaker 3: I went to college with who made friends who now
Speaker 3: I hang out with them. I make friends in every
Speaker 3: city that I live in because I freaking love friends
Speaker 3: so much.
Speaker 5: For you making me feel so I've never spoken on
Speaker 5: the phone with for four hours with anybody.
Speaker 1: In my life for this woman right here. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: feel like a bad friend.
Speaker 6: Bro, who don't do that? Bro, don't feel bad.
Speaker 2: I know my girlfriends don't feel no kind of way
Speaker 2: because we all be on the same page.
Speaker 1: Like you seem like a friend that check up on people. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I like to send cards in the mail. Never got
Speaker 3: one of those. I love friends, got something for you.
Speaker 3: When I was living in Rhode Island, I made some friends. Uh.
Speaker 3: One of another friend that I've known since seventh grade.
Speaker 3: She went to college in New York and so she
Speaker 3: has friends that live in New York. I met some
Speaker 3: of them at her wedding, and then while I was
Speaker 3: living in Rhode Island, we all went to see Beyonce
Speaker 3: and Boston together. And this group of friends has been
Speaker 3: like the best thing that has ever happened to me
Speaker 3: in the last They've been so supportive, so close, We
Speaker 3: support each other. They know how to get people together.
Speaker 3: They really care about friendship and community and caring and
Speaker 3: supporting each other. So that's I think that like friendship
Speaker 3: to me, like means all of that. Like my friends
Speaker 3: are low key like a part of my family, like
Speaker 3: my extended family. I like to see my friends. I
Speaker 3: will go see my like I have friends that some
Speaker 3: of my best friends have not been to visit me
Speaker 3: in several cities that I've lived in. I don't care
Speaker 3: about that, Like I'm not I'm not basing our friendship
Speaker 3: on visits.
Speaker 2: Yeah right, or who did what last?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Who did what last? It's not transactional for me. It's
Speaker 3: the bond that we share. It's how I know that
Speaker 3: I can depend on you. Like my best friend from college,
Speaker 3: she might not come visit me in every city or
Speaker 3: very like often. But if I call her and I say, hey,
Speaker 3: I need you to update my resume tonight, She'll be like,
Speaker 3: all right, I got you. And then we'll spend four
Speaker 3: hours on the phone talking about what our ambitions are,
Speaker 3: what we want to do with our lives. Yeah, what
Speaker 3: kind of And she believes in me more than anybody
Speaker 3: in the world.
Speaker 1: She don't believe you more than I do. I know
Speaker 1: that for a fact.
Speaker 2: I know that for a fact she do not believe
Speaker 2: like I wonder if triple could do us.
Speaker 1: And no freaking notes from trible. She don't call and
Speaker 1: chuck up.
Speaker 3: Boy, you know what, you know, I'll be thinking about it.
Speaker 3: But you know, some one thing that I do get
Speaker 3: hung up on, and this I guess this is relative
Speaker 3: because we're talking about friends in your forties. I'm not forty.
Speaker 3: Let's just make that clear.
Speaker 7: I don't worry.
Speaker 3: I'm ain't forty, but I've got damn I'm not.
Speaker 7: Close, y'all.
Speaker 6: I'm thirty three for but young too.
Speaker 3: Like something that I do kind of struggle with when
Speaker 3: it comes to friendships is that I'm single and childless,
Speaker 3: and so I really don't know a lot of my
Speaker 3: friends are married. A lot of my friends have kids,
Speaker 3: and I don't know what married people with kids be doing.
Speaker 3: So I'll be like, I don't want to call. You
Speaker 3: probably got your kids, right, you probably picking the kids
Speaker 3: from school.
Speaker 2: But I'm like, trouble won't even come by to say hot, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't be wanting to just I want to stop by.
Speaker 3: But I'm like, they got autum damn kids. Man, I
Speaker 3: don't know what they're not annoying, But y'all feel like
Speaker 3: y'all could be busy or you know, y'all got a
Speaker 3: lot of stuff going on.
Speaker 2: So I get it.
Speaker 3: I'm open to the invitation, though, y'all.
Speaker 5: I mean, we've always said it's open for anybody. But
Speaker 5: I do understand your perspective, Like you don't want to
Speaker 5: show up to somebody house. It's like could he not
Speaker 5: even hear? Then you feel dumb?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and be here, and he always asks where's Tribby?
Speaker 4: Is she okay? Always you'll come by, he'll have a drink.
Speaker 5: But I got a question, though, Have y'all ever realized
Speaker 5: something about yourself is why friendships don't work? I know,
Speaker 5: I realized I realized why my friendships don't work is
Speaker 5: because I always intermingle friendships with production, right, Like I
Speaker 5: want all my friends to do well. So I noticed
Speaker 5: that when I don't see my friends doing what I
Speaker 5: think they need to do to be productive, I turn
Speaker 5: into coach mentor and I start doing it.
Speaker 1: And I noticed a lot of my friends don't like that.
Speaker 6: Don't we know it?
Speaker 1: They don't like it.
Speaker 5: They just be like they'd be like, y'all, don't need
Speaker 5: you to tell me that, and I'll just be like, yeah,
Speaker 5: but you're not where you need to be in life,
Speaker 5: and I realize that everybody doesn't have the same drive.
Speaker 5: So I've learned to kind of, like in the past couple,
Speaker 5: I've learned to kind of just let people do what
Speaker 5: they want to do.
Speaker 1: But you know what happens.
Speaker 5: It frustrates me because then I'll be like, you ain't
Speaker 5: doing your nigga, you lazy, And then I don't want
Speaker 5: to be friends with you no more like you on
Speaker 5: a video game every night, Like that's not mine.
Speaker 1: And that's why I lose friends a lot.
Speaker 5: Like my motivation and my drive often I can't compartmentalize,
Speaker 5: and I feel like I'm always telling people what to
Speaker 5: do and I don't want to be that person. But
Speaker 5: then I also feel like I can't be around you
Speaker 5: if you only want to just play video games.
Speaker 1: All day, you know what I'm saying. That's what I've
Speaker 1: realized about myself.
Speaker 4: It's hard for me to compe I lost a good
Speaker 4: friend a couple of years back, and I'm still kind
Speaker 4: of unsure of as to why we're no longer friends
Speaker 4: because I don't think anything from my perspective, catastrophic happened
Speaker 4: where I was like, oh, I can understand why things
Speaker 4: fell apart. The only thing that I can deduce, and
Speaker 4: this is only based off of what other friends and
Speaker 4: people who know me family members has told me, is
Speaker 4: that maybe my life was on the direction that hers
Speaker 4: wasn't on, and or maybe she aspired to have that
Speaker 4: and because it wasn't aligning, she made have felt away
Speaker 4: and just tried to remove herself.
Speaker 6: Hip.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we've had somebody tell us like, I had to
Speaker 5: remove myself from being around y'all because I wasn't happy
Speaker 5: in my life you're talking about. Yeah, I didn't want
Speaker 5: to bring the unhappiness to y'all. So she literally removed herself.
Speaker 5: This ain't the friend, this is somebody else. Removed herself
Speaker 5: from us completely, stop texting talking.
Speaker 1: We had adventures stuf together. She just didn't show up right,
Speaker 1: and we was like what happened?
Speaker 5: And she was just like, I wasn't happy what my
Speaker 5: life was and I found myself not being able to
Speaker 5: be happy for y'all, So I just removed myself.
Speaker 2: Right, which we kind of respected. But then you know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: But yeah, so this other friendship of mine, like for
Speaker 4: a long time, I struggled with it because I was like, man,
Speaker 4: like we were such good friends for so long, and
Speaker 4: then all of a sudden, it's just like you're just
Speaker 4: you just remove yourself.
Speaker 2: And then I came to realize that it's not it
Speaker 2: wasn't just me.
Speaker 4: It was like other friends and other family members that
Speaker 4: she withheld herself from or started to draw back from.
Speaker 2: That's when I felt like, Okay, at least I know
Speaker 2: it wasn't me.
Speaker 1: People go through things.
Speaker 4: Yeah, people go through stuff, and that's okay, And I
Speaker 4: kind of rather you. I know that you have you
Speaker 4: feel some kind of way versus being like that wolf
Speaker 4: and she closed around.
Speaker 1: Let me know who the ops are, let me know. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel it.
Speaker 2: For that for sure.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think for me, I lose friends because they're punks.
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. You can't say nothing to them,
Speaker 3: you know, and they'd be like, you're a bully man.
Speaker 3: I'm not honest exactly. And I am the youngest child,
Speaker 3: so I did have to learn how to like buck
Speaker 3: up on people. I'm very naturally just very sensitive, and
Speaker 3: so sometimes I be bucking on people that I'm close to,
Speaker 3: you know, like my friend, my best friend from college
Speaker 3: has lived in Columbus her whole life and She used
Speaker 3: to get lost when we were driving places. She used
Speaker 3: to get lost, and I used to dull off on her.
Speaker 3: I don't think she's dumb at all, but I used
Speaker 3: to be like, what why are you lost? Like this
Speaker 3: makes no sense? Now we be late and I would
Speaker 3: just be going off, and she's one of the people
Speaker 3: that just be like, were so dumb? Like shut up? Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's her favorite. That's her favorite thing to say, dumb ass.
Speaker 3: She calls everybody she'd be lost to call you a
Speaker 3: dumb exactly exactly, But that's what it is for me,
Speaker 3: Like yeah, so, but I don't know, I haven't had
Speaker 3: that many friendship fall all else because I'm amazing, like
Speaker 3: so clearly.
Speaker 1: Because you hear the triple.
Speaker 2: No more, no more.
Speaker 5: Matter of fact, Yes, as of earlier today, she's fully shaved,
Speaker 5: ball smooth everywhere.
Speaker 4: We're talking about he legs, y'all, her legs.
Speaker 1: Everywhere. Down me down, let me see Josh.
Speaker 8: I know Josh has lost some friends, not that many
Speaker 8: he knows of, Yeah, probably they don't. They don't matter though.
Speaker 8: The ones that tell me that I lost there the
Speaker 8: ones that matter. The only friends that I've lost, our
Speaker 8: friends that I don't do nothing for you know, And
Speaker 8: the answer they weren't friends anyway. If you got to
Speaker 8: do something for them, You're like, Yo, why are you
Speaker 8: taking somebody else pics? Why you ain't take mine?
Speaker 6: Like seriously, are you serious? That serious your job?
Speaker 3: Like or like or like the friends in my city?
Speaker 6: And you wouldn't hit me. Yeah, but knowing I only
Speaker 6: come to your city if I'm going.
Speaker 1: To go to work.
Speaker 4: You know what they should You should tell them, Josh,
Speaker 4: my name is Abraham because I'm not Lincoln. That's what
Speaker 4: I tell people when they say in Atlanta, well call
Speaker 4: me Abraham baby.
Speaker 6: I hope that's an over forty joke.
Speaker 1: That is an over forty joke.
Speaker 3: I can love that.
Speaker 1: Abraham because I'm not a Lincoln. That's not on the
Speaker 1: get it.
Speaker 6: At first, I was like, where's the punch one? Everybody?
Speaker 3: It was a it was a thinker.
Speaker 4: It was a thinker.
Speaker 9: I got it.
Speaker 1: I got it. It was terrible.
Speaker 4: All right, let's look up with these bills, y'all. Well,
Speaker 4: take a quick break, and we're gonna come back after
Speaker 4: these messages. All right, we're back for listening letters. I'm
Speaker 4: gonna go ahead and dive in. I guess i'll write
Speaker 4: it okay cool? Hello Davalan Kadein. First off, let me
Speaker 4: just say, y'all are goals. Your content is fire. I'm
Speaker 4: out here taking notes every time.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 4: Now, let me get into this because my love life
Speaker 4: feels like an episode of love and hip hop mixed
Speaker 4: with cops. Let me put on my seatbelt. Here's the tea.
Speaker 4: I'm thirty, and the stunning woman I've been talking to,
Speaker 4: also thirty for three years has me on cloud nine.
Speaker 4: What started as friends with benefit situation has blossomed into
Speaker 4: a full on butterflies, hard eyes and dreams of matching
Speaker 4: pajamas during the holidays. She sets my soul on fire.
Speaker 4: I'm talking milk like butter in the sun type levels.
Speaker 4: But of course life won't let me be create great
Speaker 4: because there's one problem. Her ex, this man refuses to
Speaker 4: move on like a bad Netflix series that keeps getting renewed.
Speaker 4: He calls her NonStop, shows up unannounced like he's delivering
Speaker 4: Amazon packages, and thanks, living four blocks away gives him
Speaker 4: VIP access to her life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 4: I've even answered her phone a couple of times, and
Speaker 4: let's just say his energy screams I peaked in high
Speaker 4: school the funniest part. Every time he sees me, he
Speaker 4: turns into road runner and sprints off. I'm over here, like, bro,
Speaker 4: what are we doing? Let me be clear.
Speaker 2: I love this woman.
Speaker 4: She got me writing poetry in my head and considering
Speaker 4: singing Usher songs in the rain. But this ex is
Speaker 4: testing my patience and my ability to stay out of jail.
Speaker 4: So here's where I need your wisdom. One, do I
Speaker 4: respectfully tell this man to let go and ride off
Speaker 4: into the sunset. Two go full wwe SmackDown and handle
Speaker 4: quote unquote it the hard way. Three keep calm, let
Speaker 4: love do its thing, and just trust that this mess
Speaker 4: will blow over. I don't want to lose her, but
Speaker 4: also don't want to be the dude who lets an
Speaker 4: ex derail something special. Y'all are the real MVPs when
Speaker 4: it comes to love advice. Some I'm all ears, help
Speaker 4: a brother out before I turn into the next style
Speaker 4: of Perry movie. Respectfully but barely holding it together. It's
Speaker 4: given number two babies, this is my thing.
Speaker 5: You remember when dudes was damn and it wasn't even
Speaker 5: damn at the it was, And what I kind of
Speaker 5: I say, Yo, this is not kadeen, No more.
Speaker 1: This is the vow I live here, pull up, we
Speaker 1: can handle this. Remember that.
Speaker 5: Remember that, Remember that there was no more conversation that
Speaker 5: I said, pull up, pull up, and we can handle that.
Speaker 1: And that was the end all of those messages. And
Speaker 1: I will say this, right, most.
Speaker 5: People will be like, no, Deval is her responsibility as
Speaker 5: a woman to tell that man, no, it's not. Once
Speaker 5: she's told him that she's moved on. She said her
Speaker 5: last thing she needed to say. I say this all
Speaker 5: the time, right, it's a man's man's responsibility to protect
Speaker 5: and provide. If this dude is showing up to her
Speaker 5: place of residence or their place of residence, that is
Speaker 5: a fear factor.
Speaker 1: That's something that's not appropriate. That's weird. So dude, show us.
Speaker 5: To this doorstep again, and it's going to have to
Speaker 5: be dealt with in a way that's going to make
Speaker 5: my girl and myself feel safe. If you can't allow
Speaker 5: us a chance to feel safety, then I got to
Speaker 5: deal with it my way. That's that's how I would
Speaker 5: deal with it. And it's not about threatening, but it's
Speaker 5: letting him understand, like, it's not acceptable to show up
Speaker 5: to somebody's doorstep.
Speaker 4: Bro, that's not cool, and he said every time he
Speaker 4: sees him, he like runs away, like what are you
Speaker 4: playing some kind of game?
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: You guys are grown what it is like.
Speaker 1: And the thing is with with our situation.
Speaker 5: We was in our twenties, and I didn't even try
Speaker 5: to do that to be a tough guy, but it
Speaker 5: was to let them know, like I'm serious about this woman.
Speaker 5: And the minute I let them know that I was serious,
Speaker 5: that's when they stopped.
Speaker 4: Because you're right, because I did say things were very serious,
Speaker 4: that it wasn't gonna go anywhere or whatever, and you know,
Speaker 4: people want to try.
Speaker 5: Sometimes it takes to like, yo, you know where she lived, Well,
Speaker 5: I'm here, pull up. We can have a conversation if
Speaker 5: you want, right and then it was no more back
Speaker 5: and forth. But sometimes it's like then she got somebody
Speaker 5: who was serious, not even like I want to fight him,
Speaker 5: but it's like, damn, she really do got somebody serious.
Speaker 1: Because I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 5: Say we get divorced. Who's gonna stop me from popping
Speaker 5: up at the house. I'm just being honest. Nobody start
Speaker 5: like you nobo, you here still, And it's what's today Thursday,
Speaker 5: I'll be there six o'clock. What you make it for dinner? Okay,
Speaker 5: I got a new boyfriend, and I know that I
Speaker 5: asked what you make it for dinner?
Speaker 4: Well, as you saw on the clip, we not never
Speaker 4: gonna be together, right because y'all saw the clip, we
Speaker 4: had to run back from that live show, so that
Speaker 4: speaking about that is just like whatever. But if we're talking.
Speaker 1: Hypothetically, nobody stopping me.
Speaker 5: Now, if the dude says, listen, bro, like you want
Speaker 5: Gadeena no longer together and I'm looking to get married
Speaker 5: and this is where i want to take my future
Speaker 5: of my life, I will respect that because if we're
Speaker 5: not together, there has to be a reason why we're
Speaker 5: not together. So if we agree to not be together
Speaker 5: and someone else is taking on that responsibility as a
Speaker 5: mature man, an emotionally her man, I'm gonna be like,
Speaker 5: you know what you got it?
Speaker 1: Touch my kids and you fucking die. That's what I would.
Speaker 2: You'd be happy to hand over the American Express?
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I would definitely give him the bill. Oh
Speaker 5: you said you got k you got all the KYD?
Speaker 1: He take this too. That's that's my perspective on it.
Speaker 2: So I love it all right, Well hope you'll hope
Speaker 2: y'all figure it out.
Speaker 4: Bro circle back with us and let us know. If
Speaker 4: you had to press Homie, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 4: if you had to tell Homie pull up so we
Speaker 4: can have a man to man conversation. I would love
Speaker 4: to know.
Speaker 1: If you need back up. Josh said. He willing to
Speaker 1: go wherever you live if you need back up. He goes.
Speaker 1: Josh said, let him know you got matter of fact,
Speaker 1: his number is three. I ain't helping you.
Speaker 6: I don't know you. Good luck though, good luck though.
Speaker 4: Come on, because he's talking about melt melt, a light
Speaker 4: butter on a baked potato and whatnot.
Speaker 1: Put something on him. She puts something on him. That's
Speaker 1: why that man is still outside that whatever you.
Speaker 4: Congratulations, that means like the poo Nani is ninety Okay,
Speaker 4: clearly I love that you need help, So you want
Speaker 4: to be featured as a listener, y'all.
Speaker 2: We have a new email address. Okay, it's the ls
Speaker 2: advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's t h E E L L I S A
Speaker 1: d V I c E at Gmail.
Speaker 4: He was smooth with that for the first time.
Speaker 5: Smooth because the movie is that dress you got on,
Speaker 5: you like, it's a little Maxi looking we got buttons.
Speaker 5: I never seen a Maxi dress buttons.
Speaker 2: And doing a little something, doing doing a little something.
Speaker 5: You know, we're still here, you know, my bad Matt,
Speaker 5: Matt here, Matt be here all the time.
Speaker 1: I walked close to her and I'd be like, I'm
Speaker 1: all like, bro, I'm just gonna touch a little booty.
Speaker 1: I guess there's a little body man Like, now I'm
Speaker 1: gonna touch my white body.
Speaker 2: Now that part, Hey, when you got one, you get
Speaker 2: it all right, y'all.
Speaker 4: Moment of truth time. So we were talking about friendships,
Speaker 4: which I think initially started as friendships over forty but
Speaker 4: seen as though you guys aren't technically in your forties
Speaker 4: zone you're approaching or whatever, you can talk about friendships
Speaker 4: over time. Yeah, So what would be your moment of
Speaker 4: truth when it comes to those friendships?
Speaker 1: Give people grace? Friendships aren't lifelong sentences.
Speaker 5: If you've outgrown someone or someone else has outgrown you,
Speaker 5: it's okay to be like, you know what, We're not
Speaker 5: in the same alignment right now, So let me get
Speaker 5: focused on myself and if I meet someone else along
Speaker 5: the way. That's in alignment. That can be a friend
Speaker 5: in this part of my life.
Speaker 1: That's cool.
Speaker 5: But holding on to friends and being upset because friends
Speaker 5: have changed and stuff, and that's just middle school stuff.
Speaker 5: You see that in time between eleven and thirteen, people
Speaker 5: be real protective over friends. But nah, man, let people grow,
Speaker 5: grow yourself and then try to be better every day.
Speaker 3: I like that.
Speaker 4: I think for me, I'm taking an introspective look at
Speaker 4: being a friend, right, And I guess my moment of
Speaker 4: truth would be kind of understand where you may be
Speaker 4: of value as a friend but also have shortcomings, right.
Speaker 4: I think a lot of times when friendships fall apart
Speaker 4: or people move on, you're very quick to say, well,
Speaker 4: this person didn't do that, and that friend didn't do that,
Speaker 4: and because you didn't call me last and because I
Speaker 4: planned the last you know, friend outing or whatever it is.
Speaker 4: We tend to look at why the other person might
Speaker 4: have faltered in the relationship and not realize like, maybe
Speaker 4: I played a part in this friendship no longer being
Speaker 4: what it used to be, and then realizing okay, maybe
Speaker 4: that's okay, or maybe I do owe this person some
Speaker 4: sort of apology or explanation or at least some kind
Speaker 4: of closure, because I think closure doesn't always manifest itself
Speaker 4: as a need within romantic relationships, but it can also
Speaker 4: be within friendship. Sometimes you want to say, you know what,
Speaker 4: this friendship is no longer serving me in this capacity.
Speaker 4: I'm in a different place in life. I have different goals,
Speaker 4: my interests are different, and that's okay. I wish you well,
Speaker 4: you know, and you can move on. Agree with that
Speaker 4: woman of truth, guys.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my moment of truth is everybody needs friends, and
Speaker 3: except me, I don't need no more friends.
Speaker 2: You patience, I need.
Speaker 7: A wife, friends want everybody.
Speaker 3: I'm so so tired, I'm so so I'm tired of
Speaker 3: my own company.
Speaker 6: This is not a dating pot, Yes it is.
Speaker 3: That's the only reason I agreed to get on camera.
Speaker 3: I'm like, hey, this is a good this is better
Speaker 3: than tender right here.
Speaker 4: Keep histro and you guys just know that we did
Speaker 4: a couple of episodes in one day. That's why Triple
Speaker 4: is wearing the same outfit. She doesn't love this outfit
Speaker 4: so much. Again, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 8: Yeah, she has some real friends told her to change
Speaker 8: your clothes, but she ain't got no friends.
Speaker 3: I don't have a wife at home. I gotta do
Speaker 3: everything myself.
Speaker 4: Wife would have remembered, you're shooting three athletes today.
Speaker 3: Exactly, she said. She would have said, hey, why you
Speaker 3: got these other three shirts hanging up? Do you need
Speaker 3: to take them with you? And I would have been like, yeah, thanks.
Speaker 1: I need you guys to stop reducing wifehood to pack
Speaker 1: in your laundry. Okay, enough is enough? All right, women
Speaker 1: have done way more to be reduced to pack and laundry.
Speaker 1: I'm not accepting.
Speaker 3: I've been with enough you organized women to know that's
Speaker 3: not true. You know a lot of these women, they
Speaker 3: out here living foul. I don't want, y'all.
Speaker 4: I don't want.
Speaker 3: I don't want.
Speaker 1: Anyway.
Speaker 3: That's my moment in truth.
Speaker 8: It my moment of truth is friendships are like flowers.
Speaker 8: Some blossom in season and some don't. Well, you find
Speaker 8: a good friendship, make sure you nurture it. Come on,
Speaker 8: I have some really good friends. Matt is a really
Speaker 8: good friend, and I try it. I see in Brooklyn anyway.
Speaker 1: That is a fact you're not going to see.
Speaker 8: But if you need, if you need to call Matt.
Speaker 8: And you were standing island and you blew to your
Speaker 8: tires out and you got to tow your card. Say
Speaker 8: at one o'clock in the morning, he got in the morning,
Speaker 8: two o'clock in the morning, he got drift from Brooklyn
Speaker 8: to damned New Jersey is going to do it. So
Speaker 8: once you have a good friend, please don't take advantage
Speaker 8: of that friendship and nurture that friendship.
Speaker 2: Oh, you guys are having a moment over there.
Speaker 1: I love that we're not having a moment.
Speaker 6: I'm talking to the people.
Speaker 7: Was his moment of truth?
Speaker 6: Is the moment of truth, But it ain't a moment
Speaker 6: between us.
Speaker 5: I'm glad Josh knows that because if Josh ever called
Speaker 5: me to in the morning, it'd be like this, And
Speaker 5: I'll be honest with you.
Speaker 6: If I called you and I said, Bro, I need you,
Speaker 6: I know you'll be there.
Speaker 1: So you already know that. Bro, if you called me
Speaker 1: to in the morning, I would know that this emergency
Speaker 1: and I'd be like, you're with the the second.
Speaker 7: Second call, second ring or the first.
Speaker 5: This is my honest truth, Bro, When people in the morning,
Speaker 5: I always know it must be something and that I'm always.
Speaker 7: Picking especially at that time of night.
Speaker 3: Yes, I want to be like, who did.
Speaker 1: That's exactly how I feel that.
Speaker 2: I understand. I understand.
Speaker 7: Oh my gosh, mine was CHURCHI your friendships that you
Speaker 7: do have the ones you value, charge them, put put
Speaker 7: you all into them, value, value those people.
Speaker 1: I like.
Speaker 7: Also like what you said give people grace, like friendships
Speaker 7: are not forever. People grow apart. Some friendships are for
Speaker 7: a season, some some or not.
Speaker 2: It'll end yea and life be life and sometimes y'all.
Speaker 4: The exhil.
Speaker 6: Oh, my god.
Speaker 4: Be sure to find us, y'all on Patreon because we
Speaker 4: cut up even more patre okay, you can see exclusive
Speaker 4: after show footage as well as more exclusive Ellis ever
Speaker 4: After content, and you can find us on social media
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Speaker 2: On Instagram Ellis ever After. You can find me at Kadeen.
Speaker 5: I am and I Am deval And if you're listening
Speaker 5: on Apple Podcast, be sure to rate reviews subscribe all right.
Speaker 7: You can follow me Underscore Matt Ellis I thought he
Speaker 7: was gonna follow.
Speaker 6: You can follow me at Joshua Dwayne as j O
Speaker 6: s h u A Underscore d w A I.
Speaker 3: N and I'm at Trips The Cool on Everything t
Speaker 3: ri ibb Z The Cool Cool baby, And.
Speaker 1: As we always do with the we love y'all dead ass.
Speaker 2: We're gonna keep the dead ass if you still keep
Speaker 2: a new real baby. Ellis ever a.
Speaker 3: God. Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted
Speaker 3: by Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,
Speaker 3: Production by Joshua Duane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by
Speaker 3: Lashawan Rothe
Speaker 7: Talks Bad to Gospa Talk