Speaker 1: Previously on does this murder make me look a Trio
Speaker 1: Dead Bodies, Dandy Tush and Kinki Kelly.
Speaker 2: James, surely you must have a suspicion about the murderer's identity.
Speaker 1: You want another truth, I got nothing.
Speaker 3: There's not a trace of this will. I'm done with
Speaker 3: this shit.
Speaker 4: James looked in the shower to find TJ's limp body
Speaker 4: covered in blood.
Speaker 5: Step into my pentagram.
Speaker 1: Reginalds, whatever you're doing, stop it right now.
Speaker 4: Meanwhile, in the library, one of my guests decided to strike.
Speaker 4: They broke into my hidden safe, found my will, and
Speaker 4: burned it to a press. Ah, dear listener, the end
Speaker 4: is near, the phrase audience members of the Inheritance never
Speaker 4: once heard. Let's start with a flashback to the night
Speaker 4: of everyone's arrival. I was still alive and still gay
Speaker 4: good times. I stood with James in my bedroom and said,
Speaker 4: it's almost time.
Speaker 3: The trap is set.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 1: If I die tonight, you won't.
Speaker 4: But if I do, there will be a lot you'll
Speaker 4: need to figure out. I could tell you everything now,
Speaker 4: but I won't. If you solve my murder, you'll need
Speaker 4: to earn it, otherwise you'll be like everyone else. Wanting
Speaker 4: things handed to you. No, if you solve a mystery,
Speaker 4: it becomes yours and then you can write about it.
Speaker 3: You're looking for inspiration.
Speaker 1: Right, yes, but I don't want your death to be
Speaker 1: my inspiration.
Speaker 4: Too bad. The meuse strikes when she strikes. If all
Speaker 4: goes to plan, we'll catch my wannabe killer this weekend.
Speaker 4: Then we'll sit and write this whole mess down, every
Speaker 4: sticky detail. Of course, I'll take sixty five percent of
Speaker 4: all sales, but that's to haggle over later.
Speaker 1: What if you you're wrong. There's no guarantee you'll make
Speaker 1: it out of this.
Speaker 4: Then I'll have honored the oldest rule, and show business
Speaker 4: always leave them wanting more. Besides, life's but a walking shadow,
Speaker 4: a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon
Speaker 4: the stage and then has hurt no more. I know
Speaker 4: my films are a bit frivolous, but there's a place
Speaker 4: in this world for pure entertainment, don't you think? Oh,
Speaker 4: speaking of that, I have something for you. This book
Speaker 4: is one of my most prized possessions. I was going
Speaker 4: to give it to Wilmer, but he wouldn't understand its importance.
Speaker 4: That and I'm pretty sure he's illiterate. You're like a
Speaker 4: son to me anyway.
Speaker 1: Oh if you give him ouse a cookie?
Speaker 4: Classic Everything you need to be a great writer is
Speaker 4: in those pages.
Speaker 3: You just have to look here.
Speaker 1: Take the back entrance, will you sure? Thanks for being
Speaker 1: so kind to me, Bandy call me Jeremiah.
Speaker 3: Those closest to me do.
Speaker 4: It's my middle name. Now go see you on the
Speaker 4: flip side, kid, I'm coming.
Speaker 6: In a house on him.
Speaker 7: Lives a kay and his friends want him dead?
Speaker 8: Right?
Speaker 7: Why someone wants to kill him even though it's wrong?
Speaker 7: Since the world is matter wrong, Thanny is born, it's
Speaker 7: very closely listen with yourris see if you can guess
Speaker 7: switch one of these queens?
Speaker 3: Maybe is the killer? Who is the killer? Who did it?
Speaker 1: Who wanted?
Speaker 3: Who crept in his man?
Speaker 2: Who did.
Speaker 6: Was it?
Speaker 3: Was it?
Speaker 6: Me? Who could it be?
Speaker 1: Who did it? They're drugging like flies? Who didn't.
Speaker 7: These guys like guys?
Speaker 1: Who did it?
Speaker 6: Who was it?
Speaker 1: He?
Speaker 4: What me?
Speaker 7: Does this word make me?
Speaker 3: Look? Now?
Speaker 4: When we last heard James, he barricaded himself in my
Speaker 4: study after his devilish rendezvous with Reginald.
Speaker 1: The gay killer has been staring into my gay eyes
Speaker 1: this entire time. It's gay Reginald.
Speaker 4: So he did what any writer turned amateur detective would do,
Speaker 4: scan through the secret audio footage to find out more information.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, what's the time stamp? Ah, everyone's first night
Speaker 1: in the house before we found Vandy's body. This is
Speaker 1: Reginald's bedroom.
Speaker 6: Can well sure it could be a doctor?
Speaker 3: No, something believable new.
Speaker 1: Let me see here later that night.
Speaker 4: I'm telling you, Henry, there's nothing on the street like
Speaker 4: this stuff.
Speaker 6: I can't afford it.
Speaker 3: Well, beget what you pay for.
Speaker 1: Weird, but no, let's go further back. Before everyone arrived.
Speaker 4: Reginald, have you finished the seating arrangements for dinner?
Speaker 9: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I threw as many bodies as I could between
Speaker 3: us and Kelly's gas Can I see?
Speaker 4: No, don't sit me next to Moon. I have to
Speaker 4: break bad news to her, very bad news.
Speaker 1: Vandy had to break bad news to Moon. Interesting. Okay,
Speaker 1: a little further back that afternoon, two.
Speaker 9: Boxes of Samoa's, three lemonades, seven tagalongs, and forty eight
Speaker 9: thin mints. I really appreciate your business, sir, swiping cookie
Speaker 9: contraband from the Girl Scouts of America warehouse and upselling
Speaker 9: it to older gays who are terrified of interacting with children.
Speaker 9: Is the only way I can put myself through. Bard say,
Speaker 9: you have a weird look on your face. Are you
Speaker 9: stroking out your.
Speaker 3: Skin? It's so Do you moisturizes? Nope? Should I you're
Speaker 3: naturally that mummam moist that do?
Speaker 6: Hey, mister, you're sort of shaking.
Speaker 9: And frothing at the mouth.
Speaker 1: Okay, Oh yes, house, Oh.
Speaker 3: Yes, I just hands free climax to my boy shirts,
Speaker 3: I mean my boxer's, uh, my thong. Has anyone ever
Speaker 3: painted you?
Speaker 1: Just my priest?
Speaker 3: How would you feel about me drawing you in the nude?
Speaker 1: Um?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 1: No, the computer died. This one room generator must be capote.
Speaker 4: James knew what he had to do.
Speaker 8: I'm breaking into Reginald's arts studio. But first, James tiptoed
Speaker 8: back to his bedroom, where he stashed the gun that
Speaker 8: Wilmer brought. He might need it if he planned to
Speaker 8: confront Reginald.
Speaker 3: Only the gun.
Speaker 1: It's gone, ooh, a paper clip.
Speaker 4: Meanwhile, in Henry's room, the interior designer tossed and turned.
Speaker 2: I haven't been this tense since I learned Max was
Speaker 2: turning Harry Potter into a television series, and Daniel Radcliffe
Speaker 2: wanted nothing to do with it. Oh, Vandy, why'd you
Speaker 2: have to be such a prick? There was enough room
Speaker 2: in the Hudson Valley for both of us. We could
Speaker 2: have been friends, or, if not friends, the kind of
Speaker 2: gay men who waved to each other in public, then
Speaker 2: hiss behind closed doors midnight time for daddy's medicine. If
Speaker 2: grandmother could see me now, she'd be so disappointed. She
Speaker 2: always warned me to stay away from needles. Sorry, mem
Speaker 2: I'm weak.
Speaker 3: Maybe I can stop.
Speaker 2: Maybe I can be happy without having to curb my
Speaker 2: appetite and fit into a Rondorf's speedo this summer.
Speaker 1: Put down the needle, Henry put it down.
Speaker 3: That's it. That's who am I kidding?
Speaker 4: Ah On the other side of my house, Weaponless and afraid,
Speaker 4: James picked the lock to Reginald Studio with a rainbow
Speaker 4: colored paper clip and snuck inside.
Speaker 1: Man, this place is weird. The paintings are all covered,
Speaker 1: which creepy and look a fire. Someone's been here recently.
Speaker 4: Dear listener, have you ever been inside an art studio
Speaker 4: in the middle of a storm with dozens of covered paintings?
Speaker 4: The art studio of a man you suspect is responsible
Speaker 4: for multiple homicides and may or may not be in
Speaker 4: direct contact with the devil. The last time James had
Speaker 4: been this scared was when Armie Hammer slid into his
Speaker 4: DMS for some reason.
Speaker 1: I'm dr on to this painting in the corner and
Speaker 1: when I saw earlier, let me uncover it. The missing
Speaker 1: girl scout cookies twink, Only he looks different, younger, definitely
Speaker 1: still over eighteen. Let's not get carried away. But no, impossible,
Speaker 1: It's only a painting. It can't What was that sounds
Speaker 1: like it's coming from. Is that a hidden door? This
Speaker 1: studio has another room? Here goes nothing, Dear God, I'm
Speaker 1: more anxious than when I watched Studdy Redmain in the Danish.
Speaker 4: Carp Without intending to James had stumbled inside.
Speaker 1: A laboratory or laboratory laboratory, man, I never know how
Speaker 1: I pronounced that word.
Speaker 4: Half mes lab, half a cultist, wet dreams, test tubes, pipets, microscopes, thermometers, funnels,
Speaker 4: more pipets, and candles along the floor in the shape
Speaker 4: of a pentagram. Oh, and a trunk in the corner.
Speaker 4: James moved with trepidation toward the trunk and lifted the lid.
Speaker 4: Inside was a shrunken man who looked more than one
Speaker 4: hundred years old. He was emaciated, and his skeleton wrists
Speaker 4: were handcuffed together. The man's eyes widened when he saw James.
Speaker 1: Wait, I recognize you. I mean you look completely different
Speaker 1: and on the verge of death. But you have the
Speaker 1: same eyes as that girl Scout Twink in the painting.
Speaker 6: It me.
Speaker 1: Twink, Canni Kenneth, it was your voice I heard on
Speaker 1: the recording. I will help you, I promise.
Speaker 4: But life isn't fair, dear listener, and not all prematurely
Speaker 4: ate twigs get a happy ending. Kenneth raised a shaky
Speaker 4: hand towards James, but before their fingers could touch, Kenneth's
Speaker 4: eyes closed and he slipped away.
Speaker 1: Wake up, old twig, way, God.
Speaker 3: You had to poke your nose where it didn't belong, didn't.
Speaker 1: You, Rechald You're here holding a gun and pointing it
Speaker 1: right at me.
Speaker 5: You bet you're gay round ass I am.
Speaker 3: There's a man in my life who's made all the difference.
Speaker 3: You may know him as Lucifer, or Beelzebub or Mephistopheles,
Speaker 3: not to be confused with mister Mustopheles from the long
Speaker 3: running musical and ill faded movie. Can't you're talking about Satan,
Speaker 3: the supreme being of evil? I'm his sex slave? What
Speaker 3: a hello? Low? Once Lola fucking gets bitch, I remember
Speaker 3: the day we met? Eighteen sixty nine? Who what a year?
Speaker 3: As in Ulysses S. Grant was our president, The World's
Speaker 3: Force Rodeo was held in Colorado and then disaster September
Speaker 3: twenty fourth, Black Friday, the.
Speaker 1: Sorry are you saying you're one hundred and fifty five
Speaker 1: years old?
Speaker 3: No, dummy, I was thirty when the story took place,
Speaker 3: so I'm saying I'm one hundred and eighty five years old.
Speaker 3: Will you keep up? Now? Back to eighteen sixty nine,
Speaker 3: two men j Fisk and James Gould took advantage to
Speaker 3: the president to gain insider information and manipulate the market.
Speaker 3: I was living in Manhattan and I built a name
Speaker 3: for myself on Wall Street.
Speaker 5: I lost everything and that fallout.
Speaker 3: One night, I climbed at the top of the Empire
Speaker 3: State Building. I was about to jump when a man
Speaker 3: came out of the shadows. What you do? When he said?
Speaker 3: I told him I was gonna take my own life.
Speaker 3: You see, I've always been vain and back then I
Speaker 3: used to make my own moisturizer from honey, crushed almonds
Speaker 3: and pig fat, and pig fat don't come cheap. My friend,
Speaker 3: and this man told me that instead of jumping off
Speaker 3: the roof, I could sell him my soul. What do
Speaker 3: I get in return? I asked, anything you want? He said.
Speaker 3: My first request was to become successful and have people
Speaker 3: fear me, even though the reason for my success would
Speaker 3: be unclear. The man said no, because he'd already made
Speaker 3: that deal with Ryan Murphy. What about if I star
Speaker 3: in a television drama about politics while using my fame
Speaker 3: to take advantage of adolescence. The man said no to
Speaker 3: that too, since he'd made that deal with Kevin Spacey.
Speaker 3: Allegedly also, he asked, what is television? And finally I said,
Speaker 3: what a about eternal youth? That the man said that
Speaker 3: I can do? And he did. In exchange for my
Speaker 3: soul and my devotion, the devil granted me the ability
Speaker 3: to suck the life from a human being and digest it,
Speaker 3: keeping myself glowing a youthful leg every day. With spade,
Speaker 3: he fashioned a paintbrush from one of my ribs, and
Speaker 3: on the end he placed eyelashes from angry gay orphans.
Speaker 3: This became my paintbrush, and my own skin became my canvases.
Speaker 3: Little did I know there was another man on the
Speaker 3: roof that night, Oscar Wild. He overheard my deal with
Speaker 3: the devil and wrote a book about it, The Picture
Speaker 3: of Dorian.
Speaker 1: Gay Gray, The Picture of Dorian Gray Whatever.
Speaker 3: Over the years, I've lured hundreds of young men into
Speaker 3: my home. I've flayed every inch of my own body
Speaker 3: and stretched the pieces of my skin into canvases and
Speaker 3: used my pagan rush to paint them, and by doing so,
Speaker 3: ingest the spirits of these twinks. You see this curve
Speaker 3: below my ear. His name was Antonio. The toughness of
Speaker 3: my left nostril, that's Maurice. My creamy shoulders, those were
Speaker 3: chan Paul. I have capped myself young all these years,
Speaker 3: both World War, civil rights, gay rights, hell. I even
Speaker 3: survived the OC being canceled on Fox.
Speaker 1: How do you lure the twinks?
Speaker 3: Easy? I tell them, I want to my girl scout
Speaker 3: cookies and lock them up, draining them dry until there
Speaker 3: are pile of bones, which I then burned The fireplace,
Speaker 3: and now well, now it's your turn.
Speaker 1: Wait a second, what about Vandy and Tush and Kelly and.
Speaker 3: Oh no, I had nothing to do with them.
Speaker 1: Your room is linked to Kelly's. You were cheating on Vandy.
Speaker 1: You stole the gun to kill me.
Speaker 3: I stole it to protect myself, and thanks Satan, I
Speaker 3: did because now that you know my secret, it is
Speaker 3: time to meet your maker.
Speaker 5: Farewell, James.
Speaker 3: It's been hmmm cool getting to know you. What the
Speaker 3: hell this gun's full of blanks?
Speaker 4: Suddenly Wilmer appeared. Yes, kid, Wilmer.
Speaker 1: Reginald's the killer.
Speaker 6: I know.
Speaker 1: I heard you in the hallway.
Speaker 6: I've always known what kind of a monster my stepfather is.
Speaker 1: You knew he sucked the life out of twigs.
Speaker 6: Not specifically, but I got an overall creepy vibe.
Speaker 3: Reginald.
Speaker 6: That gun you just tried to kill James with it's fake,
Speaker 6: a prop from one of Daddy's movies. I was never
Speaker 6: actually going to kill my father. It was a last
Speaker 6: resort to scare him.
Speaker 3: Now he's gone, no matter, I'll have to silence you
Speaker 3: both another way.
Speaker 10: A big sharp knife, run James, Oh, get off me.
Speaker 1: Get off me. Why isn't anyone on me.
Speaker 4: Then, faster than Adele lost all that weight. Reginald had
Speaker 4: the knife press to James's neck.
Speaker 5: Don't worry, James, I'll bathe in your precious blood.
Speaker 3: Reginald, stop your next Wilma not if not, if I
Speaker 3: do this my painting, you get your hands off that.
Speaker 6: Watch your twinkard burn bitch.
Speaker 3: Wilmer No, no, no, no, my babe.
Speaker 1: He's getting older.
Speaker 4: As the painting burned, frown lines appeared around Reginald's mouth,
Speaker 4: crow's feet by his eyes. He was aging by the second.
Speaker 1: Quick Wilmer burn another one. I'm melting.
Speaker 5: I'm melting.
Speaker 4: Reginald's let go of James and clutched his own neck.
Speaker 4: Jowls had begun to form. His man breast billowed and
Speaker 4: sagged more.
Speaker 1: Wilmer burn it all.
Speaker 3: No, stop it, I'll do anything.
Speaker 1: Admit to the murders case. That's what you did.
Speaker 3: Fine, fine, just stop with the paintings. Is that? Yes?
Speaker 1: Yes, the power's back on. Oh my god, what is it?
Speaker 11: Boy?
Speaker 1: It's worse in the light.
Speaker 4: As will mc grabbed the weeping Reginald, James pulled out
Speaker 4: his cell phone. He had bars praise be.
Speaker 1: I'm in the Monroe Estate, and I just caught a murderer. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'll hold.
Speaker 4: Everyone slept peacefully that night, well everyone who wasn't dead,
Speaker 4: although being dead myself one does sleep well in the afterlife,
Speaker 4: so let me revise that statement. All of my guests
Speaker 4: slept peacefully that night, except Reginald, who was locked in
Speaker 4: the broom cupboard.
Speaker 3: And looked like a potato chip.
Speaker 4: James slept especially sound, knowing he'd stopped to kill her
Speaker 4: and avenged my death. He awoke the next morning to
Speaker 4: the cheerful sound of the piano coming from downstairs. He
Speaker 4: threw on a robe and found my HouseGuest drinking chock
Speaker 4: full of nuts instant coffee and listening to moons singing.
Speaker 12: Come on in here, Come on in here, alexander'sractime band,
Speaker 12: Come on in here, Come on in here. It's the
Speaker 12: best band in the land. James, you're awake. I am
Speaker 12: so overjoyed that Reginald is locked away. That I forced
Speaker 12: Polly to play something, didn't I Polly? You resisted, which
Speaker 12: you never do, but I wore you down.
Speaker 5: I'm trying to be respectful of the dead.
Speaker 12: Come on along, come on along, let me take you
Speaker 12: by the hand. Come up to the man, Pauline, How
Speaker 12: unlike you to make a mistake.
Speaker 11: You never hit a wrong note. I guess I'm tired mooney,
Speaker 11: and who could blame you?
Speaker 1: Shall?
Speaker 12: I do the chorus once more?
Speaker 3: Wad stop?
Speaker 1: Now that the storm is stopped, law enforcement will be
Speaker 1: here as soon as the roads are cleared. Reginald is
Speaker 1: locked away?
Speaker 3: Do we take a peek? I hear his face and body.
Speaker 1: You're all funny, Honestly, it's something you can't unsee. I
Speaker 1: suggest you don't. Oh, I've seen a lot of weird
Speaker 1: shit in my day. Wait, where's Henry? Has anyone seen him?
Speaker 1: Maybe he's still sleeping.
Speaker 4: Someone should check, and someone did.
Speaker 1: Henry, Henry, are you in there?
Speaker 5: Locked?
Speaker 3: But wait?
Speaker 1: My paper clip? Henry.
Speaker 4: James rushed to Henry's bed, where he found the interior
Speaker 4: decorator with a needle in his arm. His lips were
Speaker 4: tapped and blew.
Speaker 1: An overdose.
Speaker 3: Way over. What's that On the.
Speaker 4: Floor next to Henry's bed was a wand it wasn't real,
Speaker 4: of course, but James gently picked it up and placed
Speaker 4: it on Henry's chest.
Speaker 1: I hope you're at Hogwarts now, Henry, and I double
Speaker 1: hope you're not a hufflepuff.
Speaker 4: Once James collected himself, there was someone he had to
Speaker 4: speak with.
Speaker 1: Immediately, Reginald. We need to talk.
Speaker 3: Well, then come on in.
Speaker 1: I'm coming too. Chuck stop, Reginald.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Ah, look away, Jack. I can't bear
Speaker 3: for you to see me like this.
Speaker 1: You look like a prolapsed anus Reginald. I just found
Speaker 1: Henry upstairs, dead with a needle in his arm. I've
Speaker 1: seen him with needles before, and I've seen you selling
Speaker 1: him stuff that first night when we were looking for Vandy.
Speaker 3: Oh fine, fine, I don't have the energy to lie
Speaker 3: in my quest for eternal youth and to maintain my
Speaker 3: unnatural beauty. I've developed a whole host of concoctions. You
Speaker 3: saw my laboratory.
Speaker 1: Is that how you pronounce it?
Speaker 3: Well, Henry's been using my crowning achievement, cometh pic. It's
Speaker 3: essentially ozembic for weight loss plus meth rat poison and
Speaker 3: a little bit of sweet and low. But I didn't
Speaker 3: kill my best customer, at least not on purpose.
Speaker 1: I guess that makes sense sort of. Henry was never hungry,
Speaker 1: stomach always hurt, and now he's dead. Reginald. You owe
Speaker 1: us some answers now.
Speaker 4: Moments later, my remaining guests resembled around Reginald, who was
Speaker 4: tied to the back of a chair in the living room.
Speaker 6: Damn, it's hard to look at you, Reginald. You make
Speaker 6: Jimmy Carter look like Sean Mendes.
Speaker 1: Explain yourself. You killed Vandy so you'd inherit this estate.
Speaker 1: Why do the others have to die?
Speaker 11: And how did you do it?
Speaker 3: First of all, I owe you nothing, and second, I
Speaker 3: didn't kill them.
Speaker 6: No one believes you.
Speaker 3: I don't care tell the cops I did it. I
Speaker 3: won't argue there's no point in living when I look
Speaker 3: like the inside of a Durian fruit. I'll take the blame.
Speaker 3: But I only killed the twinks. Is it weird?
Speaker 12: I sort of believe him.
Speaker 1: Yes, Reginald, you killed them, TJ Kelly Tush, just tell
Speaker 1: us why.
Speaker 3: I can't tell you why because I didn't do it.
Speaker 1: Tell us why you killed Vandy? Then? Because of the house.
Speaker 1: He found out you were fucking Jack and you thought
Speaker 1: he'd divorced you idiots.
Speaker 3: You think Vandy would leave this place to me. He's
Speaker 3: more likely to leave it to that fucking bird. I
Speaker 3: have no idea what Vandy put in his will. Besides,
Speaker 3: he was always changing his mind.
Speaker 12: Have you found the will, James, No, I'm.
Speaker 1: Sure it's in his safe. I wish, more than anything
Speaker 1: I knew where it was.
Speaker 3: Are you sure that you are.
Speaker 4: If you want to find us?
Speaker 1: Ju see.
Speaker 6: Gay Gus did Leah so longer reveal how to find
Speaker 6: Vandy's safe through a legally allowed parody of Cinderella's grave
Speaker 6: from into the woods.
Speaker 12: She's always one step ahead of me.
Speaker 1: The face of God. Do you think Leah is singing about.
Speaker 3: Bandy? He's not my God.
Speaker 1: My God is the devil? Open your eyes?
Speaker 3: What does she mean?
Speaker 4: There were a lot of pictures in this house, proper
Speaker 4: portraits and such.
Speaker 3: Most of them are of Vanny.
Speaker 4: His eyes are closed, and pretty much all of them.
Speaker 6: Daddy always wished his eyes were blue. He tried colored
Speaker 6: contexts once, but ended up looking like Kesha. He hated
Speaker 6: his eyes, That's why he always closed them, and he
Speaker 6: did refer to himself as the god of horror Flix
Speaker 6: more than once.
Speaker 12: Leah sang open your eyes. Maybe there's a painting of
Speaker 12: Vandy with his eyes, you know, not closed.
Speaker 1: And maybe the safe with the will is hidden behind
Speaker 1: that portrait. But there are loads in this house of portraits.
Speaker 1: I mean, should we.
Speaker 4: Check and check? They did, Moon, Polly, Jacques, and James
Speaker 4: searched the house while Wilmer watched over Reginald. Eventually, James
Speaker 4: found an oil painting of me in my study.
Speaker 3: I had a.
Speaker 4: Commissioned from my sixtieth birthday with my sweet Dash and
Speaker 4: Jessica in my lap rip and in this painting my
Speaker 4: eyes were wide open.
Speaker 1: Everyone I found it. Stand back.
Speaker 11: It swings open like a door or.
Speaker 1: A swing and look there safe.
Speaker 3: It's locked. Damn it.
Speaker 12: How are we supposed to figure out the code? There
Speaker 12: must be thousands of combinations. We don't know how many
Speaker 12: numbers are.
Speaker 1: Of course, the code is probably miss thank you, laya salaga,
Speaker 1: thank you wherever you are.
Speaker 4: James entered the code, twisted the knob, and been the
Speaker 4: safe where he expected to see my will, Only it's empty.
Speaker 11: Well that was anti climactic.
Speaker 12: I don't believe there's James, don't be sad.
Speaker 5: Reginald did it?
Speaker 4: We got him?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess you're right.
Speaker 4: As the others returned to the living room, James lingered
Speaker 4: a moment longer at the safe.
Speaker 1: An empty safe. It seems so unlike Bandy.
Speaker 4: Unless James turned and noticed the fireplace in my study.
Speaker 1: Why is there a small pile of ashes at the
Speaker 1: base but no fire in the hearth? Hmm, maybe I
Speaker 1: should investigate. No, don't go there, James, Reginald is responsible.
Speaker 1: Bandy would be proud of you.
Speaker 4: And so, with a heavy heart, James decided to visit
Speaker 4: my body one last time before it was taken away.
Speaker 4: He went to my bedroom and like that things got interesting.
Speaker 1: Wilmer, I didn't think anyone was in Dandy's bedroom, anyone alive,
Speaker 1: at least who's with Reginald.
Speaker 6: Moon is singing to him, which I'd argue is its
Speaker 6: own form of torture. I hate seeing them like this.
Speaker 6: Tush Kelly, that random less but mostly daddy. He wasn't
Speaker 6: Father of the Year, but he was still my pop.
Speaker 6: It's stupid, but I came to tell him I helped
Speaker 6: catch his killer. He didn't think much of me in life,
Speaker 6: but I'm glad I honored his death in some way.
Speaker 1: He cared a lot about his legacy, what he left
Speaker 1: behind in the world.
Speaker 3: So his movies, sure, but.
Speaker 1: You you're his legacy, he really thinks.
Speaker 3: So I know.
Speaker 6: So, oh, Kelly, even in death, he finds a way.
Speaker 4: Wilma went to keep Moon and Jacques company as they
Speaker 4: chaperone Reginald. As James reached the bottom of the stairs,
Speaker 4: he noticed Polly in the foyer, bags packed and placed
Speaker 4: by the entrance, going somewhere.
Speaker 11: I'm not staying in this hell hole a moment longer
Speaker 11: than I have to. As soon as the cops come,
Speaker 11: I'm out. I plan on taking a long vacation in Mexico.
Speaker 11: Flush this out of my system.
Speaker 1: Nice luggage, thanks, Moon.
Speaker 11: And I are on the road so much. I splurged
Speaker 11: on fancy bags.
Speaker 13: Totally worth it.
Speaker 1: Oh they're monogrammed.
Speaker 11: Yeah mm for Mooney, peb for me, Polly Barker.
Speaker 3: Cute.
Speaker 1: I'm heading back to my cabin for a shower and
Speaker 1: some fresh clothes. If I don't see you before you go,
Speaker 1: it's been nice meeting you. Kind of you too, James,
Speaker 1: You too.
Speaker 4: James trudged through the snow on my property back to
Speaker 4: his cabin. He sunk to the ground with each step.
Speaker 4: Before he knew it, his pants were soaked, and not
Speaker 4: in a fun way. Once inside his cabin, the silence
Speaker 4: overwhelmed him. The weekend hit James on at once, the murders,
Speaker 4: my death.
Speaker 1: Everything Well, I'm probably out of a job, Reginald will
Speaker 1: probably go to jail, and Wilmer will probably sell the house.
Speaker 1: Now I'll have no excuse not to write, which is
Speaker 1: what Mandy would have wanted. But where do I even begin?
Speaker 1: Why do I want to be a writer? Kind of
Speaker 1: masochistic idiot?
Speaker 5: Am I?
Speaker 1: Oh? I almost forgot? He's present If you Give a
Speaker 1: Mouse a Cookie? What did you tell me?
Speaker 3: Vanby?
Speaker 4: Everything you need to be a great writer is in
Speaker 4: those pages.
Speaker 3: You just have to look.
Speaker 1: If only that were actually true.
Speaker 4: James studied the cover of If You Give a Mouse
Speaker 4: a Cookie, uncertain how a book for children could possibly
Speaker 4: help him write, least of all about this, until he
Speaker 4: opened it and started to read.
Speaker 5: Where's some of the words.
Speaker 1: Circled carry Russell and Matthew Reese. This isn't just a book,
Speaker 1: It's a code.
Speaker 4: Rock next time on?
Speaker 1: Does this murder make me look gay?
Speaker 4: Or back?
Speaker 3: Poor Teddy?
Speaker 1: That's horrible?
Speaker 3: Oh choking a dick?
Speaker 12: Wilmer, Holy shit, I'm hard as a rock.
Speaker 1: Stop got them?
Speaker 3: Twinks? No, they don't count.
Speaker 1: This is America, twinks always count.
Speaker 13: Does this murder make me look gay? Stars? Michael Ury
Speaker 13: as James Wilson, Douglas Sills as Reginald Divine, Robin de
Speaker 13: Jesus as Wilmer Munroe, Sienne Jackson as Jacques Saint Cox,
Speaker 13: Sean Patrick Doyle as Madame Moon, Brad Oscar as Tush
Speaker 13: Von Munch, Nathan Lee Graham as Henry Jacobs, Frankie Grande
Speaker 13: as Kelly Raymore, and Flanagan, Seth Rudetsky as Polly Barker,
Speaker 13: Leah Delaria as tj featuring Kate McKinnon as Angela Lansferry
Speaker 13: with Leah Salonga as herself, and Jonathan Freeman as Vandy
Speaker 13: Jeremiah Munroe the Third Additional performances by Ryan Steele, Mallory Portnoy,
Speaker 13: Emily Lynn Nacho, Tam Bonting. Written and directed by Ted Mallower.
Speaker 13: Executive producer Ted Mallower executive producers for Ninth Planet Audio
Speaker 13: Elizabeth Baquitt and Jimmy Miller. Hank Woodard served as story editor.
Speaker 13: Original score composed by Peter Lherman. Original score produced and
Speaker 13: mixed by Alex bonanoff theme song performed by Ted Mallower.
Speaker 13: Written by Ted Mallower and Peter Lerman piano accompaniment for
Speaker 13: Madam Moon by Jacob Yates. Casting by Adam Caldwell, Karen
Speaker 13: Cassel and Rachel Hoffman at Telsey and Company. Audio post
Speaker 13: production by One Thousand Birds principal recording, dialogue, editing, sound
Speaker 13: design and mixing by Torren Geller, Andrew Tracy and Haley Livingston.
Speaker 13: Audio post executive producers Gwen Frailing and Kiera McKnight. Production
Speaker 13: coordinators Hannah Dickinson, Gillian Langanelli, Isabella Danzy and Rose kelso Key.
Speaker 13: Art by Ben Wiseman. Production accounting by Dill pret singh
Speaker 13: Special thanks to Jordan Serf, Daniella Fetterman, Morgan Gould, Eric Harper,
Speaker 13: Aaron Jenkin, Chelsea Krepps, Will O'Donnell, Don Saltzman, Michael Stearns,
Speaker 13: and Josh Pultz. Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay?
Speaker 13: Is a production of Ninth Planet Audio in association with
Speaker 13: iHeart Podcasts. This podcast was recorded under a SAG after
Speaker 13: a collective bargaining agreement.
Speaker 1: Has done a overlanding rentro. I don't know, I know no.
Speaker 5: Ninth Planet Audio cap gon.
Speaker 13: We're overlanding, You're over landing over