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Speaker 1: Take a deep breath in through your nose. Holds it.

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Speaker 2: Now, release slowly again, deep in, helle.

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Speaker 3: Hold release, repeating internally to yourself as you connect to

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Speaker 3: my voice. I am deeply well. I am deeply well.

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Speaker 3: I am deeply I'm Debbie Brown and this is the

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Speaker 3: Deeply Well Podcast. Welcome to Deeply Well, a soft place

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Speaker 3: to land in your journey. A podcast for those that

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Speaker 3: are curious, creative, and ready to expand in higher consciousness

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Speaker 3: and self care. This is where we heal, this is

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Speaker 3: where we transcend. Welcome back everyone, of course, I'm Debbie Brown.

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Speaker 3: This is deeply Well and something that we have been

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Speaker 3: exploring for quite a few episodes this season. Is this

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Speaker 3: idea of coming out of our internal worlds and coming

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Speaker 3: back into community and what does community look feel like?

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Speaker 1: What could it be? What has it been?

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Speaker 3: This is a moment in time where we should be

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Speaker 3: thinking about this always. We should be talking about this.

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Speaker 3: We should be really developing and understanding what our connection

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Speaker 3: to community is, what our philosophy of it is, and

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Speaker 3: how to really build it out. And the time is now,

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Speaker 3: this is the need. So we've been diving into that

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Speaker 3: and today we are going to really really go deep

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Speaker 3: with it. I am thrilled for this episode. We are

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Speaker 3: going to discuss what it means to lead with care

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Speaker 3: and to create spaces where everyone feels seen and supported,

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Speaker 3: and we're all doing our own work as we're doing

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Speaker 3: collective work. On this episode, I'm really excited to share

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Speaker 3: a brand new guest who I have just recently become

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Speaker 3: such an absolute fan of her work and such an admirer,

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Speaker 3: Nike Aria. Nike Aria is an inclusion consultant, educator and

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Speaker 3: host of the Catalyst podcast. Through her work, she helps leaders, educators,

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Speaker 3: and entrepreneurs design intentional and sustainable communities that feel safe, aligned,

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Speaker 3: and rooted in care without the pressure of perfection or performance.

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Speaker 3: With the background in education and strategy, Nike Bridge is

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Speaker 3: the gap between intention and action by guiding teams, programs,

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Speaker 3: and digital spaces to create structures that support collective care, accountability,

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Speaker 3: and long term sustainability. Her approach is practical, values led

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Speaker 3: and deeply grounded in building communities where everyone feels seen

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Speaker 3: and supported.

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Speaker 1: Nike Welcome to the show.

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Speaker 4: Thank you for having me girl.

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Speaker 3: I'm excited, So I'll tell you a little bit of

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Speaker 3: my background of your work. So one, you know, just

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Speaker 3: being in this space and really watching this space, I

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Speaker 3: mean profoundly grow over the last fifteen years. I am

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Speaker 3: always looking for really the nuanial ways that the industry

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Speaker 3: is changing, but more so that the consciousness of humanity

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Speaker 3: is changing and where it's going. And so we just

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Speaker 3: got out of this very necessary kind of incubation of inner.

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Speaker 1: Work the last half a decade, right. We needed to

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Speaker 1: be there.

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Speaker 3: We needed the isolation in my belief and my philosophy

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Speaker 3: of the pandemic. We needed the isolation of ourselves. We

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Speaker 3: needed to rip ourselves out of groups because a lot

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Speaker 3: of I felt the way that we were in groups

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Speaker 3: was dysfunctional and toxic and selfish and not rooted in

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Speaker 3: anything real for a long time, and so so many

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Speaker 3: of us, by the millions, were ripped out of those worlds,

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Speaker 3: in those spaces and called to go inward, and called

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Speaker 3: to be hermit, and called to get a little selfish

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Speaker 3: and get a little individualistic. But nothing is forever. It's

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Speaker 3: all cyclical. We needed that for what we needed it for.

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Speaker 3: And now it's time to kind of tie that in

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Speaker 3: a bow and integrate it and get back into the

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Speaker 3: world world and do the work of each other, do

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Speaker 3: the work of community, do the work of building, and so,

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Speaker 3: as fate would have it, you crossed my digital path,

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Speaker 3: and one day on my Explorer page.

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Speaker 1: I saw a post that you had put up about.

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Speaker 3: Community, and I thought, wow, this is a really powerful thought.

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Speaker 3: I'm so glad that this is being said aloud, and

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Speaker 3: I'm so glad that this is being created into something

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Speaker 3: that we don't even know yet. So I clicked on

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Speaker 3: that post, I read it. I was really inspired by it,

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Speaker 3: and then I kind of took in all of the

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Speaker 3: ways that you share your work after that, and I

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Speaker 3: spent time with it. The last couple of months, I've

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Speaker 3: been checking in on you, and I've been like, Wow,

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Speaker 3: this is powerful, powerful, powerful, And I think the way

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Speaker 3: that you share your philosophy and your depth of understanding

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Speaker 3: around something that the vast majority of the world has

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Speaker 3: little to absolutely no practicing, I think it's really incredible,

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Speaker 3: and I think it's very divinely timed and aligned.

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Speaker 1: So thank you for your work. I'm so glad you're

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Speaker 1: doing it.

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Speaker 4: Oh, thank you so much.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm so glad that people are resonating with it,

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Speaker 5: especially after talking about it for so long and feeling

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Speaker 5: like nobody's seeing it.

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Speaker 4: But girl, it takes time sometimes.

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Speaker 3: That is we have explored that on this show. Is

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Speaker 3: that is the sometimes the bane of my life. You know,

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Speaker 3: you see something so clearly and you get it, and

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Speaker 3: then life in the world and humanity has to catch up.

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Speaker 3: A few developmental things have to happen, some shifts have

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Speaker 3: to happen.

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Speaker 1: Before they're ready for what the work of your life is.

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Speaker 3: So, you know what I would really love to start in,

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Speaker 3: let's anchor this conversation first in.

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Speaker 1: You're in so community.

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Speaker 3: Community is as a does antiquity, It's as old as

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Speaker 3: the beginning of human time, right, but the need for it,

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Speaker 3: the way we craft it now, I think is probably

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Speaker 3: more dimensional than it's ever been, more necessary than it's

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Speaker 3: ever been. So how did this community become the work

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Speaker 3: of your life? And how did you know that this

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Speaker 3: was your path and your unique perspective.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's such a great, great question, I think. So,

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Speaker 5: I my parents are immigrants, They're from West Africa, where

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Speaker 5: community is really really important. But my family, like my

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Speaker 5: parents and my sister and I are the only family

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Speaker 5: in these states, so we had to be close knit.

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Speaker 5: But also my parents, who raised my sister to be

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Speaker 5: very independent with the values of community, right, so like

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Speaker 5: always rooting back home. We would go visit family every

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Speaker 5: summer extensively, we would always talk on the phone. When

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Speaker 5: webcam became a thing, we would always webcam with our

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Speaker 5: family and an extension of family, right like friends that

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Speaker 5: became family.

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Speaker 4: So I always knew the.

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Speaker 5: Importance of community and having somewhere to root back to,

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Speaker 5: even though it wasn't always there, like in the day

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Speaker 5: to day. But because it wasn't always there in the

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Speaker 5: day to day, I found myself like really craving that

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Speaker 5: and knowing that that is something that I wanted to create,

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Speaker 5: especially the older that I got. So I think that's

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Speaker 5: really what kind of shaped my understanding of community in

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Speaker 5: terms of knowing those values and seeing how even with

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Speaker 5: distance you could still have strong community bases. But when

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Speaker 5: there is distance, how can we create or be a

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Speaker 5: part of spaces so we can root back to those

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Speaker 5: communities because we do need it in our day to

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Speaker 5: day even if there's other stric constances that don't allow

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Speaker 5: us to have it.

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Speaker 3: When I tell you, like, I have so many paths

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Speaker 3: I want to take this journey of a conversation on that,

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Speaker 3: I'm like, where do I begin and how do I start,

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Speaker 3: because yeah, oh.

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Speaker 1: It's such a layered it's so laired to even think about.

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Speaker 3: Because I think we all have different definitions of what

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Speaker 3: community is and also have sometimes traumatizing experiences in community

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Speaker 3: and sometimes don't feel that we have enough to offer

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Speaker 3: community or enough to give communities. So what in your definition,

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Speaker 3: like what is healthy community? What is the community ecosystem?

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Speaker 3: What does that word mean?

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Speaker 4: Well to me?

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Speaker 5: Communities when you have shared values and you have a

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Speaker 5: shared mission, and that is so broad, right, Like I

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Speaker 5: like to say, it can be anyway or from like

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Speaker 5: a book club to like your corporate workplace. It really

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Speaker 5: can be a spectrum. It could be something that is

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Speaker 5: something you're getting paid for in the workplace, to like

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Speaker 5: something you're just wanting to do and seek out. But

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Speaker 5: I think healthier communities have shared values and shared mission.

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Speaker 5: So you're going to that place or that space because

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Speaker 5: you want to do you have a certain goal or intention.

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Speaker 5: But also everyone in that space has the same values

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Speaker 5: that are named too, because a lot of times we

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Speaker 5: can think that we have the same values, but no

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Speaker 5: one's naming it. And then something happens and then you realize, actually,

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Speaker 5: we don't have the same values at all. So I

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Speaker 5: always say that's the basis of community spaces, right, shared mission,

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Speaker 5: shared value, and then other things can come through depending

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Speaker 5: on what niche the communities in, how you want the

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Speaker 5: community to be, what you need from that community, and

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Speaker 5: also what capacity you have to give to community, because

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Speaker 5: a lot of times I think we also don't. We

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Speaker 5: don't realize that we have to take in consideration in

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Speaker 5: our own capacity when it comes to participating and contributing

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Speaker 5: to community spaces. A lot of times I see folks

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Speaker 5: say I want a community, and it's like great, but

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Speaker 5: what do you want to give.

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Speaker 4: To a community?

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Speaker 5: Because you want a community, but then if you have

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Speaker 5: little to give to it, it's not an aligned community.

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Speaker 4: You're ready starting from like off place.

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Speaker 5: So yeah, shared mission, shared value, and then after you

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Speaker 5: have that, that's when you can add other things and

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Speaker 5: really make it like a groovy, safe, beautiful space.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay, this is also.

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Speaker 3: Giving me language and letting me know.

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Speaker 6: That for.

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Speaker 3: The possibility and use of this episode, maybe I should

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Speaker 3: clarify what communities I want to talk about. Oh yeah, yes,

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Speaker 3: because I'm thinking right now, like as you're saying that,

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Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, we got because we like, a single

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Speaker 3: person can be a part of so many different communities

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Speaker 3: at the same time, and they could be filling different needs.

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Speaker 3: You have workplace community, you have hobby community like book

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Speaker 3: club or things. You have family community or second family,

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Speaker 3: desired family, creative family type of community. You have cultural community.

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Speaker 3: You know, if you're a parent, you have your school community.

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Speaker 3: Like there are so many communities, which also shows like

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Speaker 3: how many values one can hold, right exactly, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: and how many intersect and they intersect, and that also

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Speaker 3: sometimes can be so different because I can have shared

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Speaker 3: values with one community in this community and also have

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Speaker 3: values that might conflict with that community in another community.

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Speaker 4: Exactly. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: No, wonder we're all so confused about how to be

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Speaker 3: a healthy community.

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Speaker 4: No, Yeah, that's it.

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Speaker 5: And that's why sometimes when folks say, like, oh, I

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Speaker 5: don't have a community, I'm like, you don't community. You're

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Speaker 5: just not realizing, like your neighborhood is your community. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: Now it depends how involved you're in it or not,

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Speaker 5: but still to the core of it, you are part

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Speaker 5: of that cam. Yeah, your workplace is your community. Your

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Speaker 5: tennis club is your community. You going to your local

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Speaker 5: rec center is your community.

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Speaker 3: If you're in a sorority or a fraternity. Also, there's

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Speaker 3: the difference between what is paid community, like you're pain

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Speaker 3: to be a part of this community, so you're in

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Speaker 3: the community with other people that are paying to be

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Speaker 3: a part of it. There's online community, and then there's

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Speaker 3: like yeah those kind of like there's the community that

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Speaker 3: you could pay to participate in in different ways, like

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Speaker 3: you know, like a league or some kind of a sporting.

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Speaker 1: Community, and wow.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's kind of endless, which is interesting because

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Speaker 3: I think, yeah, we should be aware of that because

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Speaker 3: every anything we're walking into with more than ourselves as

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Speaker 3: being in community exactly.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, which is why we should practice it, because it's

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Speaker 5: anotherable that we are going to encounter community spaces.

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Speaker 3: I think, for like for the for kind of the

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Speaker 3: use of illustrating and teaching in this episode, I think

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Speaker 3: where I'd love to land is sitting in the idea

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Speaker 3: of maybe community as what we're building as like support

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Speaker 3: and resource and more than likely in a free dynamic

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Speaker 3: like the creation of groups of people that you interact

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Speaker 3: with maybe really regularly where you're relying on each other for.

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Speaker 1: Kind of more of an intimate way. Maybe, yeah, like

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Speaker 1: chosen community.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like chosen community. Like when we think of that

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Speaker 3: term like build your tribe or do you have a

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Speaker 3: tribe who's a part of that?

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Speaker 1: What would that look like? Like what do we call that?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it's just like chosen community space and

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Speaker 5: it could be digital, it could be in person, it

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Speaker 5: could still get complex, but yeah, chosen community where it's

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Speaker 5: like again, I think you still have shared values and

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Speaker 5: shared mission right, like the mission might it's with missions

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Speaker 5: sometimes they find that Folks think it has to be

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Speaker 5: an official thing, like we are striving to do this,

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Speaker 5: this and this, but shared mission can literally just be

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Speaker 5: we just want to have fun. Yeah, we're all agreeing

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Speaker 5: to have fun together.

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Speaker 6: There's turn up community, yeah exactly, and then the values

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Speaker 6: that go with that, like what does the fun mean

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Speaker 6: to each and every one of us because we all

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Speaker 6: have different definitions of fun.

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Speaker 5: But yeah, I would say that's called like chosen community

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Speaker 5: with the shared mission and values.

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Speaker 3: And I think right now, when I see a lot

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Speaker 3: of people talking about it, at least you know the

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Speaker 3: view I have from my algorithm on social it's really

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Speaker 3: it's people looking to create. Yeah, just who is who

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Speaker 3: is my circle?

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Speaker 6: Right?

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Speaker 3: And not even necessarily like who is my friend group,

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Speaker 3: but who is like my wider circle based on the

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Speaker 3: people that I've met in my unique life and I

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Speaker 3: know that I know I want to participate with and

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Speaker 3: I want to be able to rely on.

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Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, giving support and then also receiving support.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So how does one do that?

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Speaker 3: What is like the if someone right now says I

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Speaker 3: don't feel that I really have strong community, or I

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Speaker 3: may not be an aligned community for who I am

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Speaker 3: right now or where I'm going, how does one even

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Speaker 3: begin to think about being in community?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Honestly, there's so many.

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Speaker 5: Paths to it, I would say in terms of aligned community,

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Speaker 5: which I think a lot of folks over the past

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Speaker 5: five years have realized, like, ooh, the community spaces I'm

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Speaker 5: a part of casually the chosen community spaces I actually

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Speaker 5: don't resonate with, especially as things like political things come

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Speaker 5: up the world as we see it, we're realizing things.

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Speaker 3: Personal healing, healer growth.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, like what as those things come up, it's really

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Speaker 5: just understanding that. And this sounds so cheesy, right, but

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Speaker 5: like there's certain communities for certain seasons, and you're things

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Speaker 5: are always changing, Like you don't always have to stay

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Speaker 5: in the same community for the rest of your life

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Speaker 5: in order to prove to yourself or to others that, like,

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Speaker 5: I know what community is. Communities are allowed to change

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Speaker 5: and grow as we change and grow. And it's again,

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Speaker 5: it's inevitable. At a certain point.

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Speaker 4: I'm a scorporate rising, so I feel like everything's inevitable.

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Speaker 5: So I'm just like bring it on, like things are.

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Speaker 5: There's always going to be a cycle. Things aren't always

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Speaker 5: going to stay the same, which is okay. That's like

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Speaker 5: the beauty of life. So if you need to realign

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Speaker 5: your community, I think it's taking the shame out of it.

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Speaker 5: Of like, now I realize that the space I'm in,

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Speaker 5: the community space i'm in, is it in alignment with

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Speaker 5: my mission, my values. That's okay. I can find a

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Speaker 5: space that is. Or sometimes it's not even that you

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Speaker 5: need to completely leave that community, right, Sometimes it's like

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Speaker 5: I need to bring things in, maybe I need to

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Speaker 5: speak up more. Maybe my role in the community has changed,

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Speaker 5: and that's actually the shift that I need to do.

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Speaker 5: So I think it's really understanding and seeing instead of

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Speaker 5: like completely dismissing things, either by ignoring it and then

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Speaker 5: just continuing on or just by leaving it.

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Speaker 4: It's just really.

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Speaker 5: Seeing number one, what is my role in this community

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Speaker 5: space is a way that I can need to contribute

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Speaker 5: or I'm being called to contribute differently, and then if

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Speaker 5: that's the if it feels like no, that's not the case,

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Speaker 5: maybe it is time that I realign with a different

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Speaker 5: community space, or I just like figure things out and

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Speaker 5: another way.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, so it's I find being in community spaces it's

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Speaker 5: like relationships. Honestly, the way that you're in a relationship,

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Speaker 5: whether it's friendship, romantic, whatever the case may be, it's

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Speaker 5: more more likely you're like than in a community space.

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Speaker 4: It's just with like more people.

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Speaker 5: So it's very reflective, like how you are with your

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Speaker 5: personal relationships reflect through it, just like that for larger

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Speaker 5: community spaces.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so funny.

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Speaker 3: That's when like in those spaces, that's when you really

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Speaker 3: get to see like the roles we each play or

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Speaker 3: think that we play, you know, because you take on

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Speaker 3: that that character or that role even bigger in big groups.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, Like if you're the eldest daughter in community spaces,

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Speaker 5: it's like eldest daughter times one hundred, and then you

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Speaker 5: burn out because you're exhausted, yeah, because it's so many

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Speaker 5: more people. So yeah, it's also realizing that. But as

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Speaker 5: you heal that and your personal relationships, you'll see how

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Speaker 5: you'll heal it in community spaces.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, thank you for saying that. That's a

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Speaker 3: big one, because I think even, yeah, the way we

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Speaker 3: relate to community changes so much over time based on

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Speaker 3: how much inner work you're doing on yourself.

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Speaker 5: One hundred percent. Yeah, it's healing work. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 5: it ultimately did, because.

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Speaker 3: Even there's a lot of people who have i think,

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Speaker 3: pursued very isolated, individualistic lives, and when they start healing,

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Speaker 3: their capacity and their ability to tolerate the energies of

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Speaker 3: other people and not be triggered or not project onto

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Speaker 3: other people's certain identities because of unfinished business, and it

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Speaker 3: just opens up your world. Like the more inner healing.

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Speaker 1: You do, your possibility for.

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Speaker 3: The kinds of community you can be in and the

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Speaker 3: kinds of people you can be with changes exponentially.

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Speaker 5: Oh yes, one hundred percent. That's why sometimes I think

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Speaker 5: it is good to be independent at times, right, Like,

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Speaker 5: sometimes we do need to be independent, but all so

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Speaker 5: find the balance of even if you can't be independent

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Speaker 5: letting other people support you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, are you talking to me?

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Speaker 5: I'm talking to myself honestly, anything I pose, I'm like

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Speaker 5: calling myself out.

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Speaker 1: Deeply.

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Speaker 3: Well, it's so beautiful to just say it as it

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Speaker 3: is right and accept it and find what the path

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Speaker 3: is because I have been really gratefully and I think

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Speaker 3: that's that's what made me have like an instant admiration

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Speaker 3: respect for the work I saw from you, because it was.

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Speaker 1: Like, it's just really the way you.

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Speaker 3: Express things is just so important and powerful and really useful,

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Speaker 3: like incredibly useful, like very I can apply this immediately practically,

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Speaker 3: you know.

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Speaker 4: No, that's my goal.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I feel that intentionality because it is it's

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Speaker 3: you can read it and say, oh, I can do

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Speaker 3: this today, or I can switch this thought.

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Speaker 1: This can be a breakthrough thought.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 3: I've been having personally like a lot of fun creating

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Speaker 3: and redefining what community in my life looks like. And

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Speaker 3: I'm a profoundly independent person like also only child everyone

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Speaker 3: on the show knows that, and single mom, so profoundly

380
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Speaker 3: wired for independence, Like my favorite thing to do is

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Speaker 3: be alone with myself. And I'm also I'm a Jim

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Speaker 3: and I've always had a ton of friends, like a

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Speaker 3: ton of community and a lot of like just I

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Speaker 3: move through a lot of different kinds of worlds, and

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Speaker 3: so as I've been really thinking about community for myself

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Speaker 3: and my son the last couple of years, it's given

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Speaker 3: me a lot of like deep work to do and reckoning,

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Speaker 3: because you got to get really clear on your values,

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Speaker 3: on what matters to you, on what you know you're

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Speaker 3: willing to do long term, because like community isn't about like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I'll dabble in this for like a week, this will

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Speaker 3: be my tribe for the next six months. It's like

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Speaker 3: when you want to do it well. And this is

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Speaker 3: what I'm learning, you're looking to really set the foundations

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Speaker 3: of like not only how can I build my community

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Speaker 3: and it thrive, but how can it like stand the

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Speaker 3: test of time and really grow across decades so that

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Speaker 3: all that we're investing into each other, the time, the care,

399
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Speaker 3: the shared values, we all get to reap from it

400
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Speaker 3: over time as we change and grow, you know, hopefully

401
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Speaker 3: into old age.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, rooting back.

403
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Speaker 5: That's why I learned from my parents, like they still

404
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:48,440
Speaker 5: talk to people that they've known like forty fifty years

405
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Speaker 5: ago that they went to school with that, like they

406
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,399
Speaker 5: could call them up and they're like in Swizzerland and

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Speaker 5: they're like.

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Speaker 4: You could stay with me.

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Speaker 6: Yes.

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Speaker 5: And when I saw that, I was like, how do

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Speaker 5: you keep connected like that?

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Speaker 6: Right?

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Speaker 5: Especially in this day and age where there is an

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Speaker 5: excuse I hear from a lot of people of like, yeah,

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00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:08,440
Speaker 5: like if it's not in front of me, I just forget.

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Speaker 5: I just don't buy that necessarily because my parents are

417
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Speaker 5: still connected to so many different community members that are

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00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,920
Speaker 5: across oceans. So you really have to be intentional about it.

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Speaker 3: And it's the lost art because what you're describing, it's

420
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Speaker 3: like that was the way to keep in touch. You

421
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Speaker 3: were making actual phone calls and you were writing letters,

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Speaker 3: you know, or you were like sustaining a knowing of

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Speaker 3: a person because we knew so many less people, you know.

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Speaker 3: I think now like our population as human beings has

425
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Speaker 3: doubled since nineteen eighty that's actually insane. Yeah, like four

426
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Speaker 3: point five billion to nine billion on the planet and

427
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Speaker 3: the span of like forty five years is insane. But

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Speaker 3: then also the advancements because I think for my generation

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Speaker 3: and for your generation, it's really.

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Speaker 1: That wasn't fully.

431
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Speaker 3: Taught to all of us, and it wasn't as much

432
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Speaker 3: a necessity because we were learning this brand new thing.

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Speaker 1: Which is how to actually reach out to all the world.

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Speaker 3: Through social media, through the Internet, through and it's like

435
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 3: you really can't do both, Like you can't be pursuing

436
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 3: this like vast like surface level connection with everything and

437
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 3: root back and route deeply. Like I think this is

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Speaker 3: a pivotal moment where we have to choose. I know,

439
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 3: I want to choose community. I want to choose to

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Speaker 3: really learn it, to thrive in it, to give to it,

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Speaker 3: because I think for me, I've realized my whole adult

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Speaker 3: life was shaped without my consent to be all social

443
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 3: media and to be these kind of wider but not

444
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 3: deeper connections. So I think that is what a lot

445
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,640
Speaker 3: of people are coming out of and saying, oh wait,

446
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 3: I have a choice. This is how we've all been

447
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,479
Speaker 3: conditioned to be. And if you didn't have a strong

448
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:10,000
Speaker 3: network of like family behind you, you're just like, yeah,

449
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:12,959
Speaker 3: a thousand followers on social media. That means I have

450
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:16,359
Speaker 3: a thousand friends, or I have a community because I

451
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:19,479
Speaker 3: have millions of people that follow me or that I

452
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 3: interact with. But we're learning something that is not old

453
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,960
Speaker 3: it was just a generation before us, but we're needing

454
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:30,680
Speaker 3: to relearn it now.

455
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:31,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true.

456
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 5: We remember, Yeah, and we remember because I think a

457
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 5: lot of folks do have the capacity for it. But yeah,

458
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 5: it's the digital age is so interesting, and digital communities

459
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 5: can be really impactful as well. But I'm because I

460
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,120
Speaker 5: primarily work with digital communities right now.

461
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:54,040
Speaker 4: It's using all the things.

462
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 5: That in person communities, but just modifying it for the

463
00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:00,840
Speaker 5: digital space. So it has to be and it can

464
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:06,199
Speaker 5: be surface level. But I think also right now, folks

465
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:10,640
Speaker 5: are kind of like you mentioned earlier, folks have had

466
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:14,640
Speaker 5: bad experiences in community spaces. They've been hurt in community

467
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 5: spaces or hurt by others, and so being surface level

468
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,440
Speaker 5: kind of gives like the illusion of like, yeah, we're

469
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 5: in community, but I'm.

470
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:25,359
Speaker 1: Protected, Like I don't have to get deep.

471
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 4: I don't.

472
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:31,840
Speaker 5: I want the aesthetic of community and I want to say,

473
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,359
Speaker 5: look at my community, but I actually don't want to

474
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 5: engage in like the emotional vulnerability that comes with community.

475
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 3: Let's talk about that, because I think you're hitting on

476
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 3: something so incredibly real for so many people listening, this

477
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 3: false idea of safety by surrounding yourself with people that

478
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 3: you don't know well but you feel connected to, and

479
00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 3: especially if you've been following each other, you feel like

480
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 3: you've known each other over time, but not actually like

481
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,720
Speaker 3: not actually in your real life in a way that's

482
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 3: like meaningful or useful to either.

483
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, because there's such a difference between an audience and

484
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 5: a community, and we'll see that a lot of folks

485
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 5: will speak to their audience and say we're a community

486
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 5: because you know these things about me, and then as

487
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:29,760
Speaker 5: the audience member or the community member, you're like, yeah,

488
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 5: I am a part of your community because I know

489
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 5: your favorite color, and I know your dog's name, and

490
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 5: I know your favorite food. But in actuality, like you

491
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 5: don't know. And so that's when these get a little messy,

492
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:47,720
Speaker 5: blurred lines like that parasocial dinamic. Yeah, and you feel

493
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 5: like you have this emotional connection an actuality, it's not

494
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 5: an in death emotional connection.

495
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

496
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 1: Yeah.

497
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 3: And a lot of projection, a lot of projection and

498
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:03,480
Speaker 3: outsourcing of feeling. Talk about that what you were saying

499
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 3: a minute ago.

500
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 1: I think let's illustrate this.

501
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 3: Even more, like this idea of having community but at

502
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 3: a safe distance, right where you're self protecting. I think

503
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 3: so many people do that and don't even know that's.

504
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 1: What they're doing. Oh yeah, what is that? What's that dynamic?

505
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,080
Speaker 1: How does that show up? What does it look like?

506
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 5: I mean, I feel like it can look like, you know,

507
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 5: the surface level connections, like knowing specific things about community

508
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 5: members in a community space, but not having or not

509
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 5: investing in the relationships so that if something like a misunderstanding, misagreement,

510
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:54,720
Speaker 5: or conflict happens, it could sustain that situation. That's kind

511
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,800
Speaker 5: of when you could tell because it's so easy to

512
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 5: kick you with someone right, right.

513
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,440
Speaker 4: It's so easy to have the good time misery.

514
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's so easy to celebrate other people like their joy.

515
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 5: But if there's conflict that happens, or someone happens to

516
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 5: be depressed and they're not showing up as much, or

517
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:18,840
Speaker 5: there's a misunderstanding, if you haven't invested in the relationship,

518
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:22,239
Speaker 5: then it's actually hard to go over those hurdles with

519
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:22,720
Speaker 5: each other.

520
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

521
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,120
Speaker 5: So I think you know a lot of folks they

522
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 5: want to engage in like the feel good dope, mean

523
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 5: feeling conversations and interactions, but they don't really think about Okay,

524
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 5: how about when it doesn't feel good? Because it's inevitable

525
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,160
Speaker 5: that's not going to feel good. We're human, We're not

526
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 5: always feeling good all the time. That would be that's

527
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 5: just what it makes sense. We're supposed to experience a

528
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 5: range of emotions. So as an individual, since I'm supposed

529
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 5: to experience a range of emotions, if I'm in community

530
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 5: with someone, I am going to expect that we are

531
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 5: also going to go through a range of emotion. Yeah,

532
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,880
Speaker 5: I'm gonna witness you being happy, which is probably how

533
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:08,160
Speaker 5: we're connect about. Also witness you being sad, angry. Confuse,

534
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 5: we might engage in a situation where there's a misunderstanding,

535
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:17,680
Speaker 5: there's a conflict. If I find out a lot of

536
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,640
Speaker 5: people get to that point and it's like gonna drop it.

537
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 5: I don't need to engage in this way. I don't

538
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 5: need to get hurt rather than working through it and

539
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 5: practicing that conflict resolution.

540
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, building skills and all of it requires practice.

541
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, it requires practice. We're not going to do it

542
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 5: perfectly for the first time, but if we don't do

543
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:40,800
Speaker 5: it at all, then we'll never know how to do it.

544
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:41,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

545
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, and that's why we can't pull away. Yeah,

546
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 3: we shouldn't pull outside of if you are in a

547
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 3: situation that is abusive, toxic.

548
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:54,960
Speaker 1: Unhealthy, absolutely pull away.

549
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, But if it is friction, or if it's just

550
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 3: kind of like poke you and your identity and poking

551
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,640
Speaker 3: you and your ego, it's like we have to build

552
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 3: our capacity to like stay in it and work through it.

553
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 6: Yeah.

554
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 5: It's like that quote that I've been seeing on social media,

555
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 5: like the price of community is annoyance or irritation.

556
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 4: It really is that.

557
00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 5: You're gonna get irritated. Like it's not always going to

558
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 5: be feel good. We're always on the same page. You

559
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 5: might not always even like the person in your community space,

560
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 5: but you might love them.

561
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, just let's talk about that.

562
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 3: Let's talk about that, because I think that is so

563
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 3: important and now more than ever, we should not be

564
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:40,880
Speaker 3: throwing people away. You know, like we like, you don't

565
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 3: have to like someone all the time. We do that

566
00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 3: all the time. We get through that regularly in our

567
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 3: lives when we have to. But then for some reason,

568
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:52,400
Speaker 3: I think in community we can feel like I don't

569
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:54,719
Speaker 3: like this about this person, or I don't like how

570
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 3: something came down, so now they are completely vilified or canceled,

571
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 3: or now they're my actual enemy or I'm going to

572
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 3: do whatever kind of things like ignore or talk about

573
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 3: or you know, reject.

574
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 1: But what does that look like to be in community?

575
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,879
Speaker 3: Like when things aren't going your way or when you're

576
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,239
Speaker 3: not always liking everyone you're surrounded by.

577
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:22,719
Speaker 5: Honestly, I think different. There's different experiences with this because

578
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:27,480
Speaker 5: also in community spaces, some folks are used to being centered. Yeah,

579
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,719
Speaker 5: so they probably have the most difficulty with that. If

580
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:35,799
Speaker 5: you're constantly and consistently centered in community spaces, then when

581
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:40,600
Speaker 5: there is something like that, you're probably resistant to working

582
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 5: through it. Versus someone who's usually not centered and kind

583
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,359
Speaker 5: of decentered, you're kind of used to it. You're like, yeah,

584
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:48,640
Speaker 5: I have to be a community with this person that

585
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 5: I probably don't like, but it's not like a harmful situation.

586
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 5: But yeah, I don't like them, but I'm not centered

587
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:56,880
Speaker 5: in this situation. And I think a lot more people

588
00:34:56,960 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 5: need to decenter themselves and think about what is for

589
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 5: the good of the community.

590
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:02,479
Speaker 2: Yeah.

591
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,279
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I think about it because I have an

592
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:10,560
Speaker 5: education background. I got my master's in special education. And

593
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:14,399
Speaker 5: when like you're thinking about a classroom, right, not all

594
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:17,359
Speaker 5: the kids are going to like each other very rarely, dude,

595
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:21,759
Speaker 5: they all like each other. If there is harm, you're

596
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 5: going to disrupt the harm right and you're going to

597
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 5: do resolution within the harm. But even then, still you

598
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,080
Speaker 5: might have folks not like each other or kids like

599
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:33,879
Speaker 5: not like each other. But as a teacher, the most

600
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:36,920
Speaker 5: important thing that I have for that classroom is for

601
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:39,080
Speaker 5: it to be a safe classroom where the kids are

602
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 5: learning and they're all respectful to each other and they're

603
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:44,759
Speaker 5: able to thrive. So I'm going to think about the

604
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:47,879
Speaker 5: whole classroom and what's best for.

605
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 1: The whole class Yeah.

606
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:53,879
Speaker 5: A kid might not like another kid, but that's not

607
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:56,960
Speaker 5: like my main concern. As long as they both feel

608
00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 5: like they belong and they're able to thrive. They don't

609
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 5: have to both like each other to feel those things

610
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 5: because I have to take in consideration the whole classroom. Now,

611
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:09,439
Speaker 5: everything that I'm talking about with that, adults need that too.

612
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,840
Speaker 5: We've just kind of discarded at need as an adults.

613
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:14,719
Speaker 5: As soon as you turn eighteen, folks are like, we

614
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:17,799
Speaker 5: don't care about that, But it's just as important to

615
00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:21,360
Speaker 5: feel that sense of belonging. You don't have to like

616
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 5: everyone in your community space. You just need the share

617
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:28,040
Speaker 5: values you need that respect and you need to think

618
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 5: about the community as a whole.

619
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:36,799
Speaker 3: That is such an incredible example, that classroom example that.

620
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 1: I think shines.

621
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:44,120
Speaker 3: Through like so brightly because it especially for anyone that

622
00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 3: if you remember your youth enough, or if you're a teacher,

623
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 3: but definitely like as a parent now of an elementary

624
00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:53,239
Speaker 3: age kid, it's like, yeah, like sometimes the kids are

625
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:55,600
Speaker 3: in conflict and they don't like each other, their identities

626
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:59,920
Speaker 3: are shifting, emotions are high, but there is this shared belonging.

627
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 3: There's this shared belief. No one or couple of people

628
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 3: feel completely ostracized. Like everyone has the space to be

629
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:13,040
Speaker 3: in their personhood and yeah, you can just okay, well

630
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,319
Speaker 3: I know those two don't like each other, so I'll

631
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:17,720
Speaker 3: put one on this side, one on this side. Yeah,

632
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,399
Speaker 3: they don't hate each other. It's not a battle. They're

633
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:22,920
Speaker 3: not causing harm to each other. There's no need to

634
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:27,040
Speaker 3: like create real divide. It's just I can trust that

635
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 3: you'll find things to do over here.

636
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:33,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, and striving to be equitable. Right, like driving again,

637
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,439
Speaker 5: but putting one on the one side and then one

638
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,040
Speaker 5: on the other, versus like putting one in the hallway.

639
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 5: That's when like one is getting centered over the other end.

640
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:43,359
Speaker 5: Of course, you're not going to feel like a sense

641
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 5: of belonging. So just because someone doesn't like someone else

642
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 5: doesn't mean they have to ostracize them the gimunity spaces, right,

643
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 5: It just means that maybe you have to go in

644
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:57,960
Speaker 5: different spaces, different niches within the community space. And I

645
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:01,839
Speaker 5: think sometimes we confuse I like, just did I've been

646
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:05,040
Speaker 5: thinking about this a lot recently, but we can kind

647
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:08,719
Speaker 5: of confuse like punishing people in terms of like, oh,

648
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:12,480
Speaker 5: I'm just I'm protecting my piece and I'm protecting the

649
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:17,200
Speaker 5: community speace piece. But honestly, we end up just punishing

650
00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 5: others when we don't like them or we feel like

651
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:24,239
Speaker 5: there's a misunderstanding or something's uncomfortable. So I always just

652
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:28,080
Speaker 5: say like, yeah, really, center like the community, not the individuals.

653
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:30,319
Speaker 5: The individuals make up the community. You would not have

654
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 5: the community without the individuals, so their safety should be

655
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 5: in consideration.

656
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 6: Yeah.

657
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:38,520
Speaker 1: Ah, that's so important to hear. That is so important

658
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:38,839
Speaker 1: to hear.

659
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,040
Speaker 3: I want to read a couple of your posts that

660
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:44,319
Speaker 3: I've saved that I really loved.

661
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I'm so curious.

662
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:50,000
Speaker 3: I mean there were so many and I was going

663
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:54,280
Speaker 3: through like I have. I am like such a natural

664
00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 3: pinterester even without like doing too much on there. But like,

665
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 3: you know how, on the back of your Instagram you

666
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 3: can save all these different files, like you can have categories.

667
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 4: I didn't know that.

668
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:10,239
Speaker 1: What Oh my god, what, oh my god.

669
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 3: I mean I have like one hundred and five folders

670
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 3: back there, honestly.

671
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:14,920
Speaker 4: Wow.

672
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:17,840
Speaker 3: So I'll actually show you as I'm finding you. So

673
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:20,359
Speaker 3: if you go into your saved on the back end,

674
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:25,440
Speaker 3: you can create all these different like categories that you

675
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:26,319
Speaker 3: save stuff in.

676
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:29,360
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, see, okay, I have like a ton of different.

677
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:30,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, because I have been saving, but I don't know

678
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:31,799
Speaker 5: where they've been going.

679
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:34,600
Speaker 3: So you can categorize them or just go in the

680
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:37,440
Speaker 3: back end and see all of them at once. So

681
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:39,840
Speaker 3: I've saved yours and a bunch of different folders, but

682
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:40,759
Speaker 3: I pulled some.

683
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 1: Today that I was like, oh, I love this.

684
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:45,439
Speaker 3: So one of the ones that I'm going to read

685
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 3: and everyone her Instagram is nike Oria and I K

686
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,920
Speaker 3: E A U R e A. It'll be linked in

687
00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:56,760
Speaker 3: the show notes of this episode. You can get it easily.

688
00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:59,319
Speaker 3: But one of the posts you put up said when

689
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:03,880
Speaker 3: people say they want accountability in community spaces, What do

690
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 3: they actually mean? Because sometimes what people call accountability is

691
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 3: actually punishment. In community spaces, we often pursue punishment or

692
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 3: being punished instead of accountability because of how we've been

693
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 3: socialized to respond to harm. Accountability includes consequences, but not

694
00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 3: all consequences are punishment. Punishment focuses on blame, It isolates

695
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 3: shames and instantly ends connection. Consequence is different. It's about

696
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:45,240
Speaker 3: the natural outcomes of choices and actions. Consequence can sound

697
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 3: like I no longer feel safe collaborating right now, or

698
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:54,480
Speaker 3: this behavior doesn't align with our agreements, And then you

699
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:59,280
Speaker 3: have repair, which asks how can trust be rebuilt within

700
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 3: this situation or what are the best next steps with

701
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 3: everyone and the community and consideration. Accountability isn't punishment. It's

702
00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:14,000
Speaker 3: an invitation to take responsibility and reflect on your actions

703
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 3: and how they impact others. Accountability is care and practice.

704
00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 3: It centers curiosity, integrity, and repair.

705
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:23,960
Speaker 4: Wow.

706
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:27,359
Speaker 1: I mean that's a really big teaching that you.

707
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:33,920
Speaker 3: Offered in twenty slides, you know, like that's a really

708
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:41,800
Speaker 3: fundamentally like this is so foundational for so many people.

709
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:44,760
Speaker 3: And I think, and I'm not saying this with any judgment,

710
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,320
Speaker 3: there are things we all may have known that society

711
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:51,600
Speaker 3: may have pushed you away from in the last decade

712
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 3: based on how society on the bigger stage has been

713
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:58,680
Speaker 3: moving through what accountability and consequence does and doesn't look like.

714
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,600
Speaker 3: I think that's always kind of what's happening in the

715
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:06,399
Speaker 3: world in the zeitgeist. But when we talk about that's

716
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:12,360
Speaker 3: such a profound difference that people don't get punishment versus accountability. Yeah,

717
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:15,279
Speaker 3: you expressed it, I mean really powerfully there. But what

718
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:18,920
Speaker 3: were what was some of your background inspiration for creating

719
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 3: that teaching and understanding in that.

720
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:27,400
Speaker 5: Honestly, I'm a reality reality TV connoisseurs or watch a

721
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:32,440
Speaker 5: lot of TV and a trend I've noticed with reality

722
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:35,320
Speaker 5: TV because I watch it because the human behavior is

723
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:39,239
Speaker 5: so interesting and community spaces on the reality TV. But

724
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 5: the inspiration was really hearing accountability over the last two

725
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 5: years being talked about on reality TV shows, like folks

726
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:53,400
Speaker 5: saying I'm taking accountability and them not taking accountability, just

727
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 5: saying they're taking out accountability not practicing it.

728
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 3: You know, people have different definitions for all the same

729
00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:00,480
Speaker 3: words that use this.

730
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, so wild, which is so important to define your

731
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:07,359
Speaker 5: words because folks will just make up their own interpretations.

732
00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:12,439
Speaker 5: But also the flip side of that is people demanding

733
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,759
Speaker 5: other folks to take accountability when really they just mean

734
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:18,360
Speaker 5: I want to punish you, because you can't make someone

735
00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 5: take accountability. It's something that the person needs to want

736
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:29,240
Speaker 5: to do. So it really came from that, like folks

737
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:32,480
Speaker 5: wanting to take accountability but maybe not knowing how to

738
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:36,200
Speaker 5: practice doing that. But then also the reverse of like

739
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 5: folks telling other people to take accountability when really just

740
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,280
Speaker 5: mean you hurt me, I want you to feel punished.

741
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 5: I'm going to use accountability because it sounds nicer. Yeah,

742
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:49,520
Speaker 5: but I think you know, accountability again, is practice. We

743
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:52,680
Speaker 5: have to practice doing it. It's a reflective practice, and

744
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 5: it's also something that has to come from you actually

745
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:59,279
Speaker 5: wanting to do it, Like you can't fake accountability otherwise

746
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 5: that's not aut ability, that's.

747
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:02,640
Speaker 4: Just saying sorry.

748
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:05,720
Speaker 5: And then I do have a client who's so great

749
00:44:05,719 --> 00:44:08,439
Speaker 5: at what they do what they do somatic work, where

750
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:11,360
Speaker 5: they said, because I found out a lot of folks

751
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:16,239
Speaker 5: in community spaces, the thing that they're fearful of is

752
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 5: giving folks chances after chance after chance and still getting hurt.

753
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:25,960
Speaker 5: And something that they said was folks, pretending to take

754
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 5: accountability or apologizing with no change behavior is just manipulation. Yes,

755
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:36,799
Speaker 5: so you will. You can't force someone to take accountability.

756
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:41,719
Speaker 5: You can't force them to genuinely apologize and then practice

757
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:46,839
Speaker 5: those things. But I feel like folks feel like they can.

758
00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:49,560
Speaker 5: But really what they're just looking for is to punish

759
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:51,760
Speaker 5: others for the harm that they felt.

760
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:54,440
Speaker 1: How does someone begin to take accountability.

761
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 5: I think it starts by reflecting on your actions and

762
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:05,800
Speaker 5: actually acknowledging or deciding for yourself. Actually not acknowledging, deciding

763
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:13,560
Speaker 5: for yourself if you if you want to acknowledge the

764
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:16,839
Speaker 5: impact that you may have had on someone else. And

765
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 5: we might think, oh, that person should take accountability, but

766
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:23,520
Speaker 5: it really has to be something that comes from or within.

767
00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 1: That's the only way behavior changes.

768
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:31,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's only way behavior changes. And I'm no longer

769
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:35,319
Speaker 5: interested in being community spaces with folks who know what

770
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 5: to say, but there don't know what to do.

771
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:41,720
Speaker 4: It's easy to know what to say.

772
00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm eighty percent of people that I see

773
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 3: on social media giving advice do not live.

774
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:53,880
Speaker 4: All the things that they say, yes.

775
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:56,920
Speaker 3: And behave completely different Like sometimes you're like, did you

776
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:59,920
Speaker 3: read the book you wrote, because you have some great

777
00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:02,959
Speaker 3: tips and examples inside that book, but I don't see

778
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 3: you practicing this.

779
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:07,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, the number one thing I tell folks when, like,

780
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:10,600
Speaker 5: when I work with folks with like community engagement, like

781
00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 5: they want to see their community be more engage, I

782
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 5: say that you have to show them how you want

783
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:18,160
Speaker 5: them to engage. You can't just tell folks like I

784
00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:20,680
Speaker 5: want this, this is what I want my community space

785
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:22,839
Speaker 5: to be like, and I'm hosting the space or I'm

786
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:24,919
Speaker 5: the leader of the space, and then you're not doing

787
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:25,720
Speaker 5: any of those things.

788
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 4: If you want more folks to.

789
00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 5: Comment on your post, maybe you should comment on a

790
00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 5: couple of posts, right. If you want more folks to

791
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:39,640
Speaker 5: have conversations without shame and guilt, you should have conversations

792
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:42,759
Speaker 5: without shame and guilt. It's really hard to attract the

793
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:45,919
Speaker 5: community you want if you're not in practice with those

794
00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 5: values that you say you want to share with them deeply.

795
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:58,799
Speaker 3: Well, I want to read another post that you have.

796
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:00,759
Speaker 1: I have to more actually that.

797
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:02,760
Speaker 3: I want to read because I just think they're amazing.

798
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:07,520
Speaker 3: Another one says old Wounds and New Spaces why past

799
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:11,400
Speaker 3: harm can shape how we show up in community. Sometimes

800
00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:14,440
Speaker 3: we carry old wounds into new spaces, even when the

801
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:18,279
Speaker 3: space hasn't harmed us. It can look like assuming you'll

802
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 3: be left out before it happens, expecting conflict where there

803
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 3: isn't any, seeing feedback as attack, or with drawing to

804
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:30,480
Speaker 3: protect yourself, testing the space to see if it will

805
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:36,160
Speaker 3: hurt you, sabotaging your own belonging. Creating or joining new

806
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:40,920
Speaker 3: communities doesn't erase past experiences, but it can create new

807
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 3: opportunities and experiences in the present. A community supports healing

808
00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:49,160
Speaker 3: when it is clear about what it expects, when it

809
00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 3: names harm instead of letting it slide, and when it

810
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:56,680
Speaker 3: chooses repair over avoidance. But it's also important that we

811
00:47:56,760 --> 00:48:01,160
Speaker 3: reflect as members, share our needs and give things a chance.

812
00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:05,840
Speaker 3: We support healing when we name our needs, pause before

813
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:09,440
Speaker 3: assuming the worst, and allow care to reach us even

814
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:13,800
Speaker 3: when it feels unfamiliar. Old wounds do not heal overnight,

815
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:17,080
Speaker 3: but with practice, community can become a place where we

816
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:20,319
Speaker 3: learn that belonging in care are possible again in the

817
00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:21,360
Speaker 3: aligned spaces.

818
00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 5: Wow yeah, no yeah projection. I always feel so bad

819
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:30,400
Speaker 5: when I see someone project their pass and kind of

820
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:35,960
Speaker 5: self sabotage and new communities things yeah, and I've seen

821
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:38,600
Speaker 5: it so many times when a part of community is

822
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:43,480
Speaker 5: I've been or I've helped manage or consult on because

823
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:50,040
Speaker 5: it's really just coming from hurt and womb. But I

824
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:55,479
Speaker 5: think also knowing that you may project things can help

825
00:48:55,520 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 5: you work through them. So really my intention with that

826
00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 5: post is like reminding folks that you know you won't

827
00:49:01,719 --> 00:49:04,480
Speaker 5: be perfect, like it's inevitable that you might project something

828
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:09,239
Speaker 5: old into something new, but also being gentle with yourself

829
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 5: and honest with yourself that when you might be doing

830
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:14,719
Speaker 5: that and actually self sabotaging.

831
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 3: For people that would consider themselves maybe empathic previously people pleasers, caretakers, overgivers.

832
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:28,600
Speaker 3: Give me some explanation to this, and I'm just going

833
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:31,320
Speaker 3: to read the first slide. Community care is in everyone

834
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:36,000
Speaker 3: doing everything, it's everyone doing something. Sometimes there's a fear

835
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,720
Speaker 3: of being in community after you've done your healing work

836
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:41,680
Speaker 3: because you don't want to take care of everyone, or

837
00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:43,640
Speaker 3: you don't want to feel like you're the one that's

838
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:46,760
Speaker 3: going to show up and now take on a whole load.

839
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:49,560
Speaker 3: So like what does that look like? Like how do

840
00:49:49,640 --> 00:49:54,319
Speaker 3: you how do you give what you have? How do

841
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:58,120
Speaker 3: you show up in reciprocity? But also not lose yourself

842
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:00,120
Speaker 3: and overgiving and community.

843
00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:03,320
Speaker 5: I think it's really being honest with yourself and others

844
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:09,080
Speaker 5: about your capacity. And sometimes capacity doesn't mean like everything

845
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:11,719
Speaker 5: that you have to give you could still you get

846
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:14,960
Speaker 5: to determine your capacity, Like I might have high capacity

847
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:17,600
Speaker 5: for something, but maybe I don't want to give high capacity.

848
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:19,719
Speaker 5: I want to give medium capacity. And I need to

849
00:50:19,719 --> 00:50:22,880
Speaker 5: be honest with myself and my community members.

850
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:25,120
Speaker 4: If that's the case.

851
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:28,840
Speaker 5: So I think a part of community work too, and

852
00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:32,600
Speaker 5: even that post is boundaries, to holding to our boundaries

853
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:35,440
Speaker 5: but also being clear about our boundaries and sharing it.

854
00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 5: And I found that a lot of people, especially align

855
00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:43,440
Speaker 5: community spaces, they'll be receptive to that and they'll be understanding.

856
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:45,799
Speaker 5: Sometimes you just kind of have to state it and

857
00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:49,640
Speaker 5: remind folks of your capacity. Yeah, and then holding to

858
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:50,360
Speaker 5: those boundaries.

859
00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:51,240
Speaker 4: It's so easy.

860
00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 5: I actually I had a conversation with someone a couple

861
00:50:54,680 --> 00:50:58,800
Speaker 5: months ago that I'm just going to hold onto for

862
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:04,759
Speaker 5: a while, because they were talking about how they in

863
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 5: the community spaces, they're in their relationships that they're in.

864
00:51:09,480 --> 00:51:14,560
Speaker 5: Usually when they say no to something, the person keeps asking, asking, asking,

865
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:17,759
Speaker 5: and they just give in right and They're like, it's

866
00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:20,360
Speaker 5: just easier to give in instead of saying no. So

867
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:24,040
Speaker 5: many times, like, I feel uncomfortable saying no. And I

868
00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:28,239
Speaker 5: told them, I said you, they should feel uncomfortable for

869
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:33,200
Speaker 5: continuously asking you. You shouldn't fee uncomfortable for saying no.

870
00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:36,279
Speaker 5: But inevitably you might feel uncomfortable.

871
00:51:36,440 --> 00:51:36,600
Speaker 6: Right.

872
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:39,120
Speaker 4: So the thing is folks are going to ask.

873
00:51:39,719 --> 00:51:39,919
Speaker 2: Yeah.

874
00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:44,279
Speaker 5: Certain people have been socialized to understand the more that

875
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 5: they ask and the more that they push others, that

876
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:55,280
Speaker 5: they will get what they want. I made a commitment

877
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:58,520
Speaker 5: to myself to no longer betray myself in the name

878
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:01,359
Speaker 5: of someone else. And that also means when it comes

879
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:05,640
Speaker 5: to my boundaries and capacity. Again, it's not easy. It's

880
00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 5: actually quite difficult, and again you might feel bad about it. However,

881
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:15,080
Speaker 5: I find if you could just route back to I

882
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 5: need to take care of my own self and my

883
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:20,960
Speaker 5: well being and I have named my capacity.

884
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:23,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I've.

885
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 5: Been honest about it too, and I've been clear about it.

886
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:29,160
Speaker 5: If someone is continuously walking over that, that means they

887
00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:31,279
Speaker 5: don't have the same shared values and they're not meant

888
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:32,880
Speaker 5: to be in your community space.

889
00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 1: So good, Yeah, yeah, so good.

890
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:41,920
Speaker 3: And I think too, and that's where we all to

891
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:43,280
Speaker 3: do this well together.

892
00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:45,360
Speaker 1: That's where we all have to land.

893
00:52:45,640 --> 00:52:48,960
Speaker 3: Is also that community is us practicing being who we

894
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:49,600
Speaker 3: say we are.

895
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, it.

896
00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:55,720
Speaker 3: Really is, like it's so important to come out of

897
00:52:56,960 --> 00:53:03,799
Speaker 3: isolation and be in practice with relationship, you know. And

898
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:05,759
Speaker 3: we're not going to do it perfectly, and we're not

899
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:07,400
Speaker 3: going to get it right all of the time. And

900
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:10,799
Speaker 3: sometimes you're going to make yourself cringe. Sometimes you're going

901
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:14,760
Speaker 3: to notice what your own limitations are. Either way, it's

902
00:53:14,840 --> 00:53:18,000
Speaker 3: just helping you can continue to refine who and what

903
00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:22,160
Speaker 3: you are, what your values are, what you allow and

904
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:26,040
Speaker 3: like what you give you know, how you're in reciprocity

905
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:28,600
Speaker 3: with the rest of the world as well.

906
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:34,239
Speaker 5: And being open to maybe acknowledging when you aren't when

907
00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:39,440
Speaker 5: when you when you're not practicing who you say, Like

908
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:43,120
Speaker 5: when you do get that feedback and folks are saying, actually,

909
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:46,080
Speaker 5: you think you're coming across this way, but you're actually

910
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:48,520
Speaker 5: not in saying, oh, maybe this is the time to

911
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,480
Speaker 5: self reflect, and I think it is knowing yourself deeply

912
00:53:51,640 --> 00:53:54,360
Speaker 5: as well. Right, But again, sometimes we change and we

913
00:53:54,360 --> 00:53:56,960
Speaker 5: don't even realize how we change, and we have other

914
00:53:56,960 --> 00:54:00,160
Speaker 5: people reflect it back to us and being that's the

915
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:03,120
Speaker 5: the beauty of community, as well as being able to

916
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:06,719
Speaker 5: do that not always having to rely on ourselves for

917
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 5: our perception of self.

918
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:10,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

919
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:11,399
Speaker 1: I love that.

920
00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:17,720
Speaker 3: Not always relying on yourself for your perception of self. Wow,

921
00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:21,200
Speaker 3: I love that so much. I would love to take

922
00:54:21,239 --> 00:54:23,680
Speaker 3: this moment. At the end of every episode, I invite

923
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:27,000
Speaker 3: each guest to give what we like to call soul work,

924
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:31,480
Speaker 3: so it is an opportunity to do something that helps

925
00:54:31,480 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 3: to further integrate all the thoughts that were explored in

926
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:37,040
Speaker 3: this episode. Can look like a practice, it can be

927
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:41,280
Speaker 3: a prompt, it can be a quote that anything uniquely

928
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:44,680
Speaker 3: from you to be soul work for this episode.

929
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:49,840
Speaker 5: Honestly, I feel like my lifetime soul work is unlearning perfectionism.

930
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:55,799
Speaker 5: So I would always encourage everyone to navigate their relationship

931
00:54:55,840 --> 00:55:00,040
Speaker 5: with perfectionism. Get to know the relationship, get into I

932
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:03,920
Speaker 5: met with perfectionism and what means to you and why,

933
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:07,120
Speaker 5: as a human being, you don't need to be perfect.

934
00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:08,240
Speaker 4: It's not your job.

935
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 5: And in fact, your messy human self is what we

936
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:19,239
Speaker 5: need more of to practice being who we authentically are.

937
00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:22,920
Speaker 2: I love that.

938
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:27,000
Speaker 3: Nike, thank you so much for joining on this episode.

939
00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:30,680
Speaker 3: Just so much love to you and your path. I

940
00:55:30,719 --> 00:55:33,400
Speaker 3: know your work is going to continue to explode and

941
00:55:33,520 --> 00:55:38,360
Speaker 3: inform and help and teach so many of us. Thank

942
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:42,400
Speaker 3: you for doing what you are doing. And just please girl,

943
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:46,279
Speaker 3: keep going, keep going. We need you, We need everything

944
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:49,239
Speaker 3: that you uniquely bring to this planet right now.

945
00:55:49,280 --> 00:55:51,480
Speaker 4: Thank you for joining We thank you so much for

946
00:55:51,480 --> 00:55:52,040
Speaker 4: having me.

947
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:55,200
Speaker 1: Honored join us.

948
00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:58,600
Speaker 3: Next episode we'll be back, rate and review this episode.

949
00:55:58,680 --> 00:56:04,160
Speaker 3: Share with a friend, really, share this episode with another

950
00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:07,520
Speaker 3: person that could benefit from it, that you could talk

951
00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:12,160
Speaker 3: to about it, that you can expand this dialogue, because

952
00:56:12,239 --> 00:56:17,759
Speaker 3: we all have to have to have to come into

953
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:21,360
Speaker 3: healthier community with each other. We all deserve it, but

954
00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:24,120
Speaker 3: we all need it to So catch you next week.

955
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:32,120
Speaker 3: No I'm mistays. The content presented on Deeply Wells serves

956
00:56:32,160 --> 00:56:36,080
Speaker 3: solely for educational and informational purposes. It should not be

957
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:40,640
Speaker 3: considered a replacement for personalized medical or mental health guidance

958
00:56:40,960 --> 00:56:45,560
Speaker 3: and does not constitute a provider patient relationship. As always,

959
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:48,920
Speaker 3: it is advisable to consult with your healthcare provider or

960
00:56:48,920 --> 00:56:53,200
Speaker 3: health team for any specific concerns or questions that you

961
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:57,400
Speaker 3: may have. Connect with me on social at Debbie Brown

962
00:56:57,560 --> 00:57:00,640
Speaker 3: that's Twitter and Instagram, or you can go to my website,

963
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:02,239
Speaker 3: Debbie Brown dot com.

964
00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:03,359
Speaker 1: And if you're listening to the.

965
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:07,600
Speaker 3: Show on Apple Podcasts, don't forget. Please rate, review, and

966
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:10,400
Speaker 3: subscribe and send this episode to a friend.

967
00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:11,839
Speaker 1: Deeply Well is a.

968
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:15,360
Speaker 3: Production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Network. It's produced

969
00:57:15,360 --> 00:57:20,320
Speaker 3: by Jacqueise Thomas, Samantha Timmins, and me Debbie Brown. The

970
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:25,560
Speaker 3: Beautiful Soundbath You heard That's by Jarrelen Glass from Crystal Cadence.

971
00:57:26,200 --> 00:57:30,240
Speaker 3: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app or

972
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:33,960
Speaker 3: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

973
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:00,120
Speaker 6: M